#also that “better than blitzo” guy is such a hunk

[cucarachachavez]

I still can't over the fact that the "Better Than Blitzo" Guy is voiced by Abe Goldfarb, who voices Professor Kukui in Pokémon the Series. On a semi-related note, I hope Ash comes back in the future.

[himbowithapen]

Monsterfucktober - Day 17, Imps (Helluva Boss)

“Sir, I know he’s hot and all, but isn’t it against company police—not to mention Hell policy—to bring a live human back with us? Especially if you’re not going to kill him?”

            “Shut the fuck up Moxxie, look at this hunk. He’s cool.”

Blitzo, with a silent ‘o’ flipped Moxxie off and led the human into his office. “Now, tell me, which prince of Hell did you suck off to get a bod that sinful. Ho boy!” The door slammed behind them, and Moxxie put it out of his mind. This was classic Blitz; no rule left unbroken. Unless it was wholly unethical—and even then he’d only give a shit half the time—Blitz would be absolutely down for it. A human was a bit out of the range he’d chalked his boss up as finding attractive, but equally he never liked meeting expectations.

            “I’m heading home.” he said to Loona, Blitz’s daughter and company receptionist. It wasn’t like they were going to do business anytime soon, not with Blitz fucking a target.

            “Kay.” Loona didn’t look up from her phone. Moxxie was expecting some kind of comment on his weight, but no. The second he left, he went for the grocery shop on the double. There was something he needed, badly.

“Do you have this with that one flavour?” Moxxie was waving a can of soup in front of the store employee, who sighed as their eyes failed to match speed with his flailing.

            “Try reductions, then if it’s not there try ‘treats from the other circles’. Have a Hellish day.” Their voice was monotone and lifeless, like they’d been well land truly crushed by the infernal punishment that was working in the service industry.

            “Could you come with me?” asked Moxxie, not noticing how badly the attendant wanted to be left alone.

            “No.”

            “Alright. Pardon my intrusion, thank you.” He left the can on a shelf—the wrong shelf—and went straight for reductions.

“No. No. That’s a used dildo. That’s a well used dildo.” Moxxie swept around the shelves, crammed from top to bottom with recalls and damaged goods. “What kind of store sells ‘live horny tentacle in a can?!’” He heard the distant sound of two or more of Hell’s residents having an orgy in another aisle. “Oh, yeah. Pride ring.”

            He went straight for ‘treats from other circles’, double-crossing his fingers that he could find at least one more can of Millie’s favourite. “Come on, come on.” Just as he turned the corner, he caught a glimpse of it: the Lust stall, in all its glory, with one can still on the shelf. But, just on the other side of the aisle was someone else, also looking in the same space. Moxxie started walking, so did the sinner. He sped up, so did they. He broke into a sprint, and the four-armed, fluffy, spidery-looking guy did the exact same thing. Their hands grabbed the can at the same time, fingers interlocked around it.

“Hey, what’s the big idea?! This is my can!” he sneered, trying to pull it from Moxxie’s grasp.

“I think you’ll find this is my can. I came here specifically for it, and I’m not leaving without it.” He could feel his fingers slipping, but he wasn’t going to let up for even a moment.

            “Awwww, that’s cute.” His other set of arms grabbed Moxxie by the throat and lifted him off the floor. Still, Moxxie kept his grip on the can. “Let it go, short-stack. I got a million better things to do than strangle you.”

            Between gasps for air, Moxxie managed a strained sentence. “My wife is sick.” He drew his gun with his free hand and pointed it dead in the sinner’s chest. “You don’t want to know,” he gasped, “what I’ll do for my wife.”

            The spider glared at him. Moxxie glared back, unwavering despite his lack of air. Then the spider let go with all four arms. “Eh, like I need it. Supposed to be going straight anyway.”

            Coughing and spluttering, Moxxie put his gun away. “Thank you. Have a Hellish day.” He paid for it without further delay, then rushed home.

“Millie, I’m home!” He called out. The only response he got was a cough. He put the can down on the kitchen counter and went to see his wife.

            “Oh hey hunny bunny.” said Millie, giving him a weak smile as he squeezed her hand. She was doing better than before, but still, he hated to see her in pain.

            “Are you hungry? Have you been drinking? Do you—“

            “I’m fine, really sweetie. I’m just glad you’re home.” She opened her arms, and Moxxie lay down with her. Despite being bedridden, she held him in her embrace. “How was killin’ without me?”

            Moxxie laughed nervously. “Funny story: Blitz took a liking to the client, and instead of killing him, well…”

            She gasped. “He didn’t?!”

            “Yeah! He did! Right in the office!”

            “He showed mercy to him from the office?”

            “What? No. He’s fucking the target in the office.”

            Her mouth was agape, eyes wide. She made a noise that showed she was searching for something to say, but she was struggling. Moxxie thought it was cute, despite the circumstances. “But they’re so smooth and uninteresting!” Moxxie gave her a confused look. “Well, you know. Their whatsits. They’re smooth and boring.”

            “You’ve seen a human penis?”

            She shrugged. “I got curious. If it makes you feel better, he was already dead, and it looked disgusting.”

            “That does make me feel better. Thank you Millie.”

            “You weren’t jealous, were ya Mox?” Her tail circled around his leg, and Moxxie felt his insides melt.

            “Maybe just a little bit.” It coiled over his thigh, and a giddy smile crossed his lips.

            “You know I only got eyes for you, MoxMox.” She kissed his cheek and he felt his body weaken. He’d missed sex, and it felt like a gift to be back when Millie felt in the mood again. But he wasn’t ready to just yet, first he had the can.

��           “I got you something, it’s a supr—“

            “A SURPRISE?!” She sprang out of bed and onto her feet. The covers flew down to the foot of the bed, and Moxxie fell off. When he looked up at her, Millie’s eyes were wild and excited. Nothing made him happier than that look on her face. “What is it? I gotta know right now!” She looked like she could almost jump around in bed; as much as the thought made Moxxie’s loins tingle, he wanted to make sure she didn’t strain herself while still healing.

            He got up, laughing as he fended off hugs and nails eager to dig into his back. “I’ll go grab it. But, in case you’re disappointed: just know I nearly shot a guy over this.”

            “Disappointed?” Her smile shrank. “Mox, why would I ever be disappointed in you?”

            He wasn’t so sure himself. The words just slipped out, and they weren’t ones he used regularly. “I– I don’t know.” He sank down. “I think; it’s just been hard without you. Obviously I’m glad you’re resting, and it’s working. But I felt like I let Blitz down today. Right now he’s in the middle of intercourse with a target, who I didn’t shoot because I hesitated. He’s breaking one of Hell’s most integral rules and it’s all my fault.”

            Millie put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulders. “Sweetie, Blitz has fucked plenty of humans. I walked in on him once fucking some politician on your desk.”

            “Really? So he’s done it already? That’s relieving. I guess I feel a little better.” He leaned back into her and put his hands around hers. “Thank you honey, I—he fucked a politician where.”

            “Don’t you worry. Come here, let Millie take care of you.” Her legs went around his waist, locking in front of him, and her forked tail brushed against his cheek, then between his lips.

            Moxxie’s eyes nearly rolled back. “Anything you say, dear.” She leaned back onto the bed, and he followed her down. His head found a space between her legs; her thighs were like pillows, and he savoured every moment rested between them before she pulled them out from under him.

            He rolled onto his front and watched as she got out of bed and opened their wardrobe; specifically, the wardrobe dedicated to sex toys. She revealed a big, red dildo, which she held against her waist and posed in front of him with. “How ya fancy this in your glory hole of a butt, possum?”

            His cheeks turned red. Every since that incident on the beach, Millie had taken to calling him that in private. Initially, he felt degraded by it, and not in the best way, but it was what Millie would say after that made it all worthwhile.

            She walked behind him, dildo attached to a strap she’d put on, then pulled his trousers down. She spat on the tip of the dildo, then pressed it through his ass hole. He felt the tip press against his g-spot, and that’s when she said the magic words. “Play dead.” He gave up all struggle to hold himself up while she fucked him, instead going limp on the bed while she pushed further and further into him. She knew him like no one else; start it off dry, then lube up when he’s earned it. The dildo went further in, and further, until most of the shaft was buried between his cheeks.

            He felt it adjust and press against his front as Millie leaned over him. He felt her breath on his neck, her nose against his ear. “Don’t you ever think you’re a disappointment to anyone. You got that Mox?”

            Moxxie felt blissful, so much that he paid little attention to what he said. “Yes Millie, I’m sorry.”

            “No apologising!” She pulled back on her hips and the dildo left him hollow, all the way up to the tip, which clung to his insides. Moxxie yelped, biting down on his lip and clawing at the bed. Millie’s sweet voice was filled with the assertiveness that turned him on so much. He hadn’t heard it from her since she started feeling sick. “That’s not very dead of you, is it possum?”

            “No. It’s not. I’m a bad possum” He was panting, eager to please but already out of his wits with pleasure.

            “Shut up!” She spanked him, and Moxxie’s eyes went wide. The sound echoed around the room. “You’re a bad nuthin’, got it hunny bunny? You insult yourself again and I’ll throw the lube out.”

            He tried turning to face her, but only managed to get halfway. He grinned giddily. “Don’t tempt me.” The dildo went in, straight to the base, and he lost his breath before collapsing again on the bed.

            Her pace became steady, pulling in and out of him while she murmured reassuring words into his ear. “You’re the best husband a lady could hope for, and you do a wonderful job for B. Now repeat it.”

            “I’m a good husband—“ Another spank.

            “The best!”

            “I—I’m the best husband!” he called out, half speaking, half moaning. The dildo pulled all the way out, and when it went back in, he felt something cold and wet around it. His grip on the bed loosened, and his head fell against the mattress.

            “Good possum. I love hearing ya knowing your worth.” She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Moxxie almost didn’t feel it; she’d pushed the dildo so far in that the base was threatening to join the party.

            “I’m a good possum.” His breaths were hot, and his vision was blurry. “I’m a good possum.”

            Millie pulled out, and Moxxie heard a thud behind him. Instinctively, he turned to check on Millie, but she was standing right there, holding onto the bedside table. The strap-on, however, had dropped to the floor. Millie looked out of breath. “Sorry MoxMox, I’m still tired. Not sure I can finish you off.” She stepped forward and fell onto the bed next to him.

            He took her in his arms. “You were amazing. I feel a lot better thanks to you.” He kissed her forehead, and she smiled. “Do youuu want your present now?”

            Their tails intertwined and she held him close. “It can wait, I just want my possum.”

            “Really? Because I really did nearly kill a guy for it. Kind of a big deal; stand off in the supermarket.”

            She shushed him. “Cuddles.”

            He nodded and pulled the covers over them. “Cuddles.”