#also sorry there isnt a cut :( i wrote this on the mobile app

[scientifthicc]

From Studying To Snowstorms

to @notsoscarylemonblueberry. i’m your secret santa! i made a tyrus fic, and i hope it doesn’t suck and i hope you like it :)). i had a lot of fun writing this.

“You don’t think it’s gonna snow too bad, right?” TJ asked, turning away from the window to Cyrus.

Cyrus shrugged. “I dunno, but there’s not much we can do about it.”

TJ had come over earlier that afternoon for a study session. They both had a history test tomorrow, on Monday (being in the same class), and since TJ was a natural when it came to history, Cyrus asked him to help out a little — history was not his best subject. What they hadn’t considered, though, was the weather and the light flurry of snow that had started right before TJ arrived, and they decided to take a short break to make sure the weather wasn't too bad yet.

TJ padded back over to where they were sitting. ”Ready?” he asked.

”Ready as I'll ever be,” he mumbled, just loud enough for TJ to overhear.

At that, TJ chuckled, unable to stop himself from smiling at Cyrus fondly. He didn’t understand how Cyrus always managed to be so cute even when, no, especially when, he was disgruntled.

Realizing he had been staring for a little too long, TJ awkwardly cleared his throat and turned to the history textbook they were reading.

“So, uh,” TJ started, beginning to explain the part they had just read in somewhat simpler terms. “Napoleon was exiled for the second time when he came back to rule France for 100 days, and after finally being defeated at the Battle of Waterloo, the Congress of Vienna—“ TJ was talking quickly, easily excited about history — and especially the French Revolution.

“Wait, what?” Cyrus said, blinking. “I’m already lost.” Cyrus shook his head, leaning back in his seat and running his hands through his hair. “Why does the French Revolution have to be so confusing?”

“Well technically, this is right after the revolu—“ TJ was cut off by a couch pillow that was flung towards his face.

“Oh shut up, TJ,” Cyrus said, grinning.

TJ and Cyrus didn’t move for at least an hour from their studying, only remembering the outside world when the house phone suddenly rang, making them both jump, and Cyrus stood up to answer it. Cyrus’s parents had gone out for the day, and it seemed that they were calling to check up on him. They told him that they wouldn’t be home until tomorrow and would be staying at a nearby hotel, because it was too dangerous at this point to drive home in the snow.

“The snow?” Cyrus asked. He had pretty much forgotten all about it at that point, and when he turned to glance outside, he was completely taken aback. “Oh wow... you’re right. Thanks for telling me Mom.” After confirming to his parents that TJ was still at the house, he bid them goodbye and walked back to the living room, where TJ still sat, now flipping and reading random pages in the textbook.

Cyrus smiled widely at the sight of TJ being such a history nerd. “You should look outside, TJ,” he started, beckoning with his hand. “The snow’s gotten pretty bad.”

Stretching, TJ stood up, following Cyrus to the window (and standing really close to him). “You’re right. There is a lot of snow.” He turned to Cyrus with a mysterious glimmer in his eyes.

Cyrus squinted his eyes. “What are you suggesting?”

——————

12 minutes later, they were outside in the snow, disturbing the brilliant white blanket that covered the ground. TJ had suggested they go outside (even though it was still snowing), and although Cyrus was reluctant at first, given how bad the weather was and the fact that it was already about 6 pm and dark, TJ managed to persuade Cyrus to get in the snow.

“Fine,” Cyrus had said. “But if I get sick, it’s all your fault,” he threatened.

“I’ll get you muffin if I do, Underdog,” he had responded, ruffling his hair.

Now outside, they weren’t doing much more than making a mess of the snow, and Cyrus was complaining about being cold. Then, while Cyrus was facing away from TJ, a snowball hit his back when he least expected it. Slowly, Cyrus turned around. “What was that?” he said slowly.

“What was what?” TJ said, looking around innocently, with his hands behind his back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Smirking, TJ suddenly produced one from behind his back and catapulted it at him.

“Oh, it is on!” Cyrus exclaimed, making a snowball as quickly as he could and launching it.

They didn’t last very long, hurling snowballs back and forth, because of how bad it was starting to get outside. Instead of improving, the snow was coming down steadily harder.

Laughing, Cyrus stumbled towards TJ. “I suggest we go inside now. It’s slightly too cold.”

TJ sighed. “I’m tired now.” He rested his head on Cyrus’s shoulder, causing Cyrus’s breath to hitch.

Even though Cyrus was internally freaking out, he managed to keep a calm exterior and responded, “Y-yeah. Me too.”

Once they were inside, TJ shook off his boots. “I vote for hot chocolate. If you have any, of course.” He shrugged off his coat, shooting Cyrus a look that said “you better have hot chocolate.”

Cyrus laughed. “Of course we do,” he said, rolling his eyes. “But before we do that, I think you should call your parents and tell them you’re staying over. Assuming you’re staying the night of course. Because it’s snowing, not because I want you to. Wait! Not that I don’t want you to! I do! I mean— uh— I just—” Cyrus cut himself off before he made it worse, blushing furiously. God, if only I would think before I speak, Cyrus thought to himself.

“Shit, you’re right,” TJ said, completely forgetting he needed to talk to his parents. “I— I’ll go do that now.” Stumbling backwards out of the room, TJ was slightly freaking out inside. Sleep over? With just the two of them? It’s not that he minded being just them two, it’s just that there were too many possibilities. What if he fucked up somehow? He had never slept over at Cyrus’s house before. Too many things could go wrong. He didn’t know how he could keep his already obvious crush a secret if he was around Cyrus for that long.

Taking a breath, TJ decided to try and put that all out of his mind and just call his parents so he could hang out with Cyrus and enjoy it to the fullest.

TJ walked back into the kitchen to see two mugs on the counter, both filled with rich hot chocolate, a million mini marshmallows sitting on the top, and a candy cane in each winter-themed mug. Cyrus picked up the mug that was decorated with kittens in Santa hats and handed it to TJ.

“That has got to be the best mug I’ve ever seen,” TJ grinned. “How’d you know I would love it?’

Cyrus shrugged. “I had a feeling.”

“Wow. You know me so well.” Before TJ could even think about stopping himself, he pulled Cyrus into a hug. Too late, he realized what a risky decision he had made and mentally punched himself. What if Cyrus was uncomfortable with hugs?

Cyrus froze momentarily, not expecting the hug. But then he melted into it, appreciating the hug.

Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom.

Both of their hearts were beating hard enough to burst out of their ribcages.

Suddenly realizing the hug was quickly becoming a long one, they pulled away at the same time, staring at each other awkwardly and furiously blushing.

Finally breaking the silence, Cyrus suggested they move to the living room to watch a movie. TJ agreed, but then paused. “Wait. Shouldn’t we, uh, change our clothes?” Both of them had forgotten that they were still wearing wet clothes from being outside.

Cyrus nodded. “Might as well put on PJs, since we’ll be in for the night.”

“Oh uh... I don’t have any pyjamas though.”

“You can borrow some! I have a ton that I don’t use because my relatives give me gifts that are 4 sizes too big. They never seem to remember that I’m never gonna grow that big.”

TJ chuckled. “You’re short, but you’re still cute.”

Cyrus’s choked slightly.

TJ’s eyes widened, suddenly realizing what he just said. Not knowing what to do, he tried unsuccessfully to play it off as joke by laughing. Wow. I really am a fucking idiot, aren’t I, he thought to himself.

“Let’s, uh, go upstairs.”

“Y-yeah,” TJ chuckled nervously, following him up the stairs (and bringing their hot chocolates).

After changing (Cyrus was right about the clothes. They were even big on TJ.), they headed back downstairs, Cyrus clutching blankets to stay warm (their heater didn’t work above a certain temperature, and it became cold easily). TJ carried some pillows so they could get comfortable.

Once they were huddled closely together under the blanket, they spent about 20 minutes deciding on a movie. Apparently neither of them could come up with anything, so they chose a random movie that had just started playing.

About 16 minutes into the movie, when they were just starting to get into it, the power shut off. Both of them were surprised, as they hadn’t realized how bad the weather had gotten, how much it was snowing, and how hard the wind was blowing. Now that his focus was pulled away from the movie, he realized they were really close. Like, so close their sides were pressed up against each other.

“Well,” Cyrus said, turning in TJ’s direction, even though he couldn’t see him.

“Just our luck,” TJ chuckled. “What should we do now?”

Cyrus thought to himself. “Okay. I know this totally sounds like a cliche sleepover thing to do, but hear me out.” He could practically hear TJ rolling his eyes. “What about... truth or dare?”

TJ considered this for a moment. “What do I have to lose?” Well, a lot of things actually. For example, Cyrus. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind.

“Ok.... I’ll start then. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you...” he paused, thinking. “I dare you to call Andi and tell her you have a crush on her!”

“Oh my god, Cyrus,” TJ shook his head. “You’re crazy, but I’ll do it.”

TJ called Andi, but when he told her, all she said was, “Sure. And tell Cyrus I said hi.” This was most likely because Cyrus was collapsing in laughter in the background at TJ’s embarrasement, which sort of ruined the dare.

They went back and forth like this for a while, with TJ choosing mostly dares and Cyrus choosing mostly truths.

“Ugh,” Cyrus said. “You have to choose truth at some point!” He threw his arms up exasperatedly.

“Fine. Truth.” TJ’s heart pounded. He wasn’t a fan of truths, because anything and any truth could come out.

Cyrus looked surprised that he had chosen truth. “Let me think. What about... oh! I have one. Since your first dare was about a crush, I’ll bring the topic back over there. Do you have a crush on Andi?”

TJ snorted. “A crush on Andi? You can’t be serious. Why would I have a crush on Andi?” TJ was wheezing. “I guess I’ll ask the same thing. Do you have a crush on Andi?”

“Funny story,” he responded. “But, no.”

TJ raised his eyebrows. “Funny story?”

“Uh... it seems we’ve abandoned truth or dare,” Cyrus said hastily, trying to change the topic.

“Cyrus, I promise you can trust me.” TJ looked into his eyes (as much as he could in the dark, anyways), and Cyrus knew he really could trust him just by hearing his voice.

Cyrus sighed, his hands shaking slightly. Was this really how he would come out to TJ? Mustering the confidence to spit it out, Cyrus finally spoke. “Well its a funny story because it wasn’t Andi I liked, but her uh, her... her boyfriend,” he finally whispered. “In fact, I don’t.. I don’t like girls at all.” He wrung his hands, anxiously awaiting TJ’s response.

“Oh. That’s chill man,” TJ tried to reply smoothly, but his voice cracked. He couldn’t believe Cyrus, the boy he was crushing on, was gay. Did he have a chance after all?

Wait. He just said he liked Andi’s boyfriend. “So do you still like Jonah?” His heart pounded, and he prayed that he didn’t get his hopes up for nothing.

“Pfft!” Cyrus scoffed at that. “That ended a while ago. I finally realized that I was idolizing him instead of seeing him for his true self. I eventually realized the stress of trying to be good enough for him wasn’t worth it and wasn’t good for either of us, and we finally became good, real friends. We’re definitely better off like that.”

“Oh, ok,” TJ responded calmly, but his heart soared. “So, Underdog, what about now?”

“Hm?”

“Do you have a crush on anyone now?”

Cyrus’s breath hitched. “Uh, y-yes.”

“Really? Who?” TJ asked, leaning in slightly look at him better in the dark.

“Hey, this is truth or dare! One question at a time,” he said, not able to look into TJ’s eyes as he got closer, but not able to lean away either. “Truth or dare?”

“Okay, fine. I choose truth.” TJ said, deciding to play along.

“Do you have a crush on anyone?” Cyrus was pretty much dying to know at this point.

“I do. And you know him, too,” said TJ, feeling a little more confident now that he knew Cyrus liked boys too and because he felt the darkness was protecting him.

Know him? Cyrus pushed the possibility that it could be himself out of his mind so he wouldn’t be disappointed. “Who?”

“It’s truth or dare!” He reminded Cyrus, giving him a cheeky grin.

Cyrus scowled, giving up. “I’ll describe mine a little if you describe yours.”

“Fine. He’s shorter than me, with deep brown eyes I could get lost in forever. I can tell him anything and everything, even things I’m ashamed of telling everyone else. He’s brought out the best in me and inspired me to want to become a better person. He’s everything I could ever hope for and more, and I never want to lose him.”

Cyrus was speechless. Could it be? Could it really be him? He knew he was TJ’s closest friend (the description matched, too); he heard the words from TJ himself. But he never could imagine that in a million years TJ could his feelings, and he had to make sure.

“TJ?” Cyrus asked, so quietly that TJ had to lean in close to hear him.

“Yeah?”

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Cyrus breathed out, heart pounding at how close TJ was. “Is it me?”

“Yes, Cyrus. It’s you.” TJ’s eyes flickered down to Cyrus’s lips, now inches apart from his, and Cyrus’s breath hitched, his heart soaring again for the second time.

Cyrus leaned in.

They both closed the distance at the same time, their eyes fluttering closed. The rest of the world seized to exist. Everything was perfect, like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly, and nothing had ever felt more right in their lives.

This was how it was supposed to feel.

TJ brought his hand up to caress Cyrus’s cheek, deepening the kiss, and when they broke apart, they pressed their foreheads against each others, looking into one another’s eyes and smiling warmly.

“It’s always been you.”

[herkiss-theriot]

Lol I know absolutely no one asked but here I am, arbitrarily ranking Kid Krow songs because this is a music blog now apparently and it’s my favorite album so far this year. Feel free to shoot me an ask for any elaboration or other opinions lol. Sorry for the long post. I would add a keep reading but I’m on mobile and the mobile app is somehow worse than the website. I’m also not tagging this so if this gets notes it’s not my fault. Also I’m editing the post em to say that I think this whole album is amazing and it pains me not giving every album a 10/10 bc they’re all so good

Comfort Crowd - 11/10

One of the best album intros I’ve heard compared to other albums I like. It means a lot to me and is overall a really easy song to listen to in basically any mood but is a great pick me up I think it also has one of my favorite lines on the album “you say through a sigh that I said that line already”

Wish You Were Sober - 8/10

A fun song to listen, has some solid lines. Not very relatable in my experiences but that’s also not the point lol. Favorite line(s): “knees weak, but you talk pretty fly, wow” “gettin’ good start saying gotta bounce”

Maniac - 8/10

One word titles are always fun but also -2 for some ableist language. Ik that’s not always at the top of Woke Cultures to do list but it’s a real problem and provides for some cringe vernacular choices sometimes. Overall it’s a pretty good song and is definitely one of the best on the album that’s playable even outside of the album/to people who arent into Conan. Conan apparently describes it as an “upbeat bedroom pop banger” according to genius which I guess, yeah, but what a way to describe a song. Favorite line: “we had magic, but you made it tragic”

(Online Love) - 9/10

First interlude if the album which is very exciting. Very cool idea to say that he thinks this love could be more if it were in person which translates well into current scenarios. Has a really cool guitar pattern and a nice ending. -1 bc it’s 30 seconds long favorite line: “I can’t help but imagine what maybe could’ve happened if we weren’t just an online love”

Checkmate - 10/10

Ik this was released pre-Kid Krow but god it’s one of his best songs and I’m so glad it made it on the album. It’s just got such a good energy about it and I always love chess analogies. And Ik Kid Krow Isnt a concept album by any means but I love the story arc going on of finally catching on. Favorite line(s) “cry me a river till you drown in the lake” “holding your hand but in the other one, baby I’m holding a loaded gun”

(I wrote parts for the cut that always bleeds and fight or flight and then accidentally deleted them so rip me sorry if they’re a lil short/less in depth)

The Cut That Always Bleeds - 8/10

It’s overall a great song and is really emotional but -2 bc I ugly cry to this song and get asked if I’m okay a lot lol favorite lines: “I don’t love you anymore” a pretty line that I adore”

“Can’t life another minute bleeding from my back cause I don’t have another one for you to stab”

Fight or Flight - 11/10

What a song. There’s not a lot I can say other than that it’s literally one of the greatest songs I’ve ever heard. It’s got some of the most genius song writing that I’ve heard on an album in a while. Also when I was learning to drive with my Nana i had a playlist that would go from Comfort Crowd to Fight or Flight which is an experience I recommend everyone have at least once in their life. My only criticism of this song is that it’s perception of cheating is a lil Disney-channel-esque” which maybe doesn’t make sense and also I’m fairly certain that he writes from personal experience and who am I to say he can’t write what he wants lmao.Favorite line(s) “id rather lie than tell you I’m in love with you” (one of my favorite lines EVER) “they also didn’t know that our lover loved us both.

Affluenza - 7/10

A fun song but is kind of a lot in my opinion and seems vaguely out of touch. However I do agree with the overall sentiment of eating the rich (also if you’re a trinkets fan I think this is a good song for an Elodie playlist or maybe even Tabitha depending on the perspective.) although I will say it’s a really good take on the idea of affluenza as a concept. favorite line “give me none of your affluenza”

(Can We Be Friends) - 6/10

Ik it’s an interlude so it’s kind of the point but definitely a skip most of the time even though I think the line “if anybody fucks with you I’ll knock their teeth out” gods hard. I just think one minute is a really weird time frame for a song. Sub one minute is just short enough to want more and 1:30 and perfectly acceptable for a song but one minute is v awkward

Heather - 10/10

Not amount elaboration would ever be able to perfectly encapsulates how gorgeous the idea of this song is. This idea that you wish you wish you could be someone else because you feel that this other person is otherworldly and is more deserving of the person you love. That feeling is gut wrenching. Favorite line “why would you ever kiss me, I’m not even half as pretty”

Little League - 5/10

I’m so sorry it’s just such a skip. I don’t know why but I can’t listen to this song. It reminds me of a big time rush song for some reason which isn’t a bad thing but every time I try to listen to it I think about how I think it’s a btr copy 😭 also when I do listen to it makes me cry a lot and yearning for a youth that I let waste away and I hate feeling actual feelings so minus points for that. Favorite line “when we were younger we wore our hearts out on our sleeve, why did we ever have to leave? Little league” I think it’s my favorite bc it can be interpreted in a couple of ways and I’m too tired to get into it rn

The Story - 10/10

Simple. Beautiful. One of the first Conan songs I heard. My friend was a huge Conan fan and so I listened to a couple songs like generation why and crush culture but she saw him in concert b4 kid Krow was released and took a video of The Story and I absolutely fell in love. The first time I heard it I sobbed. This idea of paralleling a bunch of failed loves and friendships in order to justify why you think yours will work is so cool and I love it a lot. Favorite line “I’m afraid that’s just the way the world works but I think that it could work for you and me.

[drowning-in-salt-water]

SO BaSicaLLy,  I was going through my drafts and deleting a bunch of stuff that held zero potential. (And I mean ZERO potential) and then I saw this one and I was like eh, imma trash it as well, because it didnt really fit the feeling I was going for writing style wise, but then freaking Ellie Goulding’s Dead in the Water started playing on my Pandora *LISTEN TO IT WHILE U READ IT MAYBE YOULL FEEL MY FLOW* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFzQ7KAVq1w    and I was like fuck it lets just take the conecept and build a mock-scenario. I know, I know, they have like 100 mock break up scenarios, but it honestly isnt my fault, there are just so. many ways to write a break up and i love writng angst so if you think this is a lot, willow, you should see my drafts. Its honestly tragic. Anyway, this wasnt anything serious and honestly it doesnt fit into the books writing theme/character arcs but what the hell I revised and edited it while listening to ellie’s trash voice so why not post it away. (Am I right?) And just so you have an idea of when this was originally written time frame wise, I had to change all the Dominic’s to Pierson’s. (Yeah, its BP, Before Pierson) Hit me up on snap we should talk tomorrow after escuela. *I didnt proofread any of that so sorry for everything I spelled/wrote wrong lolz*  ALSO A HEADS UP: I am so FREAKING PISSED because for some reason tumblr is RETARDED AND WONT ITALICIZE AND IT LOOSES SO MUCH MEANING UGH. ANYWAY, if you leave the mobile app it works (I think) so don't read it her use this link -> * https://drowning-in-salt-water.tumblr.com/post/161234113208/so-basically-i-was-going-through-my-drafts-and * it’ll italicize, (maybe) but on mobile/dashboard it DoESNt!!!! Jeez that is so aggrevating!  Also, try to listen to the goulding song I linked above while reading. Okay? Okay. Peace out  Betrayal was the worst poison. It didn’t lick skin like fire did, it wasn’t as fast as a bullet; No, she could feel every moment of agony as it slowly ate away at her. An ever burning reminder that even Legacies fell victim to the incurable poison that was heartbreak. As if a thousand bolts of lightning were coursing through her– tearing apart her insides. Valerie had the ability to show none of this, because he did not deserve to see her pain. But she let him see, let him know, because she deserved to have this conversation; this moment of closure. The eye of the storm, the crest before the heartbreak. With as much dignity as she could muster through her shock, she started, her honest words setting the tract for an equally honest conversation. “It hurts.” She whispered quietly, unsure as to whether she wanted him to hear her or not. “If I had known it would hurt this much, I would’ve never chosen to love you.” She had said it. Finally, after months stolen kisses and nonverbal acts of devotion, the words were spoken out loud, laid bare. Her confession echoed off the walls of the empty hallway. It mixed with their labored breathing and broken promises. He said nothing for a moment, and she couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he was. Standing with his jaw flexing and his body tense beneath the hard muscle and soft skin. So miserable and defeated but beautiful all the same. If she were an artist she would paint this memory, if she were a photographer she would take a picture to hold onto. “I love you too.” He spoke finally, somehow his voice was far stronger than his posture, and he found it in him to continue, “don’t lie to yourself, you know we never had a choice. And even if we did, I would still pick you, every time, no matter the pain.” His ocher eyes shone with passion, and her breath hitched, just slightly, but enough that he knew she understood what he said was the truth.   Valerie said nothing, the both of them staring at each other with burning eyes, from tears or anger neither knew. Instead they let the silence between them speak: It’s over, their silence said. Whatever love they felt may have been real but it was only a feeling. The world was real, and reality was cruel. Perhaps love was supposed to make it bearable, but this time it couldn’t. They remained silent. They loved each other. And still they make no move to speak. Love was not enough. The world was far too powerful for a feeling to change it. And Valerie knew this. She felt her love for him even as she felt her loathing. Perhaps love and hate could exist next to each other. Her face did not change, her eyes still locked with his. A single tear rolled down the arch of her cheekbone, and Pierson winced as though he could feel her regret cutting through the silence, cutting through him. But still, the tear traveled lower, resting on the point of her chin. It will hurt to let you go, her tear said as it fell from her face. It will hurt to stop missing you and it will hurt to hate you. It will hurt to exist in the same world as you but not with you. It will hurt. They remained silent. Even as Valerie left with her head held high and her shoulders pulled back. She would leave with her dignity. This was only goodbye, it was now a part of her past, he was now a part of her past. And she couldn’t help but think that if this was goodbye, how many hellos did she still have ahead of her? All the while Pierson watched in agony. Thinking of ways to fix something that was missing all its parts. A million words stuck in his throat. And they were still there, crawling their way up, suffocating him. Those words remained, even though he knew she was long gone.

This lovely excerpt came from my asshole bcs its honestly a piece of shit wHoOPs`