#also sorry i forgot to respond to this i have been playing a gacha game

[lilyvines]

big fan of how some fic writers just casually drop dnf in there. like someone will be fucking bleeding out on the floor and they'll just drop in a "george's boyfriend" and I'll do a double take fdsjlslljk;;lfasfsal

especially if it isn't tagged!! it gives me psychic damage every time im like 'huh?? in my sbi-centric fic??'

[autobee23]

Hello! I read your rant, i am sorry for butting in. But i think you are not problem here? Like cleary those people are not good friends to you . Friends don't bully and are mean to each other. If it happens (by accident) you can tell them it upset you and they will stop.

I also think that friends would explain to each other about things they like, for example, one of my best friends loves dark souls but i can't play games. So she often tells me about dark souls, explain to me the bosses, game mechanics and stuff. She never bullied me for getting something wrong or off, do you know what i mean?

Of course group chats can be chaotic too and quite draining. I do not handle them well either i get overwhelmed.

Again, i think the problem is then being mean to you and group chats being overwhelming as well. Don't blame yourself over it. Its not your fault, just do what its best for you. It may be hard, but your mental health is important.

Its not your fault ok? You are interesting, you are valid.

Stay safe!

Hello anon!

No it’s not a problem to me, very rarely do I get asks these days so it’s always a nice surprise to see one. Ah yes, that group really was mean spirited, it happen a long while back when Discord wasn’t a big thing as it is now ( wow I’m showing my age here ) and I didn’t really last that long in there because I realized that when the mods were leaving because how toxic it was, so did I. It was a Fire Emblem base group and the fandom is pretty huge, but these type of people were hardcore veterans and really didn’t like the new installments at the time and here was me who first played a “modern” Fire Emblem, so you can see where the trouble is. It wasn’t meant to be and I was a bit sad I had to leave it because it was my first attempt to try and socialize online without my actual friends and it backfired really hard on me, one day when I’m comfortable I might try again, but right now I’m just fine where I am of just posting things that’s on my brain.

I actually do like it when my friends explain the things they like to me, like I have one friend who gets into many things when she’s bored and ask me if I heard it when I say no she explains it to me since that’s just our thing sometimes, we talk about the things we like and engage into it, however in the group chat we are in together, it has about 14 people in there, but only like…8 talk in there ( most of them are my friends their own friends in there and I’m horrible at saying ‘no’ so they kind of taken it as a green light to invite the person and then the said person never speaks again after being in there for a week ), but since the pandemic last year it’s been pretty quiet since they’re in other group chats with others to talk about whatever video games that came out, the hugest thing to happen in there was Genshin Impact and I told them nicely that I couldn’t get into another gacha game plus I really can’t physically play the game, so they respected that and I guess that’s why it’s been quiet because they are really into Genshin Impact, so it’s like ‘sorry you can’t play this game with us, so we’ll just talk about it almost all the time’. I listen to them talk about other things, but sometimes it feels like when I try to talk in there, they mostly don’t respond back ever or change the subject completely. I have brought it up to them many times, but it’s not really working which I don’t like because they’re nice people, really they are! But I guess since I don’t play many of the games they do or have the nostalgia for a long running series, I’m just kind of…Brushed off? Like I use to go into Discord call almost every night in that chat, but these days it’s once in a blue moon.

I also think I get frustrated when I can’t do these silly rants, they tend to think it’s like my core personality, when it’s not, sometimes I just wanna rant about bad RNG in the gacha games I play and I’ll feel better, but I don’t do it often because again they just change the subject or brush me off, this happen last year but a character that many of us wanted and almost everyone in my chat got this character on the first day of the banner, but I didn’t at the time and I just ranted a little about how RNG was a big butt, but one of my friends took it a little personally about how she felt bad that I didn’t get the character when she did pretty early so two of my friends basically told me that was kind of uncalled for that I did that—to ruin someone else’s fun I guess is the word? And it hurt a lot because I never intended to do that, so it was kind of an eye opener to me and since then it hasn’t felt the same for me since. We also talk about role playing, but like with video games they have other chats that they talk about their OCs or characters they RP as, and so whenever I wanna talk about my characters I stopped myself because nothing will come out of it. It’s the lack of interaction and I hate to say it, but bias towards my friend who I mention early, because ( I hate comparing ) if I’m feeling down in the dumps whenever I bring it up, it’s not much of a big deal, but if my friend is? It gets pretty active, so it just makes me self doubt a lot if they really see me as a friend or just someone I happen to be a friend if that makes sense.

Sorry for going off course , but yeah I get what you mean because I don’t understand many game mechanic things myself. I’m a millennial that didn’t grow up with video games till I was 11 years old, and even then I have small handful of game series I play.

Yeah in high school their was this group I was in and it had over 10 people in it and I just hated it so much that I didn’t hang out with them much or when I do, I just stay quiet and hope lunch ends lmao.

Thanks anon, I know it’s not me, but I can’t help myself but wonder if I’m just not an interesting person—I’ve had this doubt for as long as I can remember. Goodness I’m sorry for the long post, I hope I didn’t bore you with my self pity…I might talk with some close friends of mine on the next step since I’m obviously not happy in this group chat, that I forgot to mention whoops, that I made 4 years ago…It’s lost it’s spunk for a while now, but thank you again for being nice to me! I very rarely rant, so again thank you.