#also she's an aro lesbian to me if anyone cares. btw. and she uses she/they

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling my best friend I basically want to spend the rest of my life with her?

(This is long, I'm sorry, I'm incapable of shortly summarizing things)

Ok. So. I (26NB/FTM) am not in love with my best friend (25F), I'm ace and either aro or demiromantic (honestly not sure anymore). But I do love her as much as I can love anyone, probably. To the extent that I would want to be in a committed relationship (qpr I guess) with her and genuinely want to spend the rest of my life with her.

The thing is, she's neither aro nor ace and has only recently (last year) started overcoming fears and anxiety enough that she's gone on dates and wants to try having a relationship. It wasn't easy for her to get to this point and her anxiety is still a major thing she deals with, especially now trying to have a relationship. I know she doesn't love me romantically (not that I would particularly want her to) bc I'm firmly in the friend category and she's said that she can't fall in love with friends (though, again, I don't… want her to be in love me? Since I'm not in love with her either).

I want her to have these experiences. We're both still young and while I just don't need or want anything in that regard, I know it's different for her and in a way it's her finally being able to be herself, live for herself and do what she wants (she had a rough childhood and was basically the one raising her little brother). So, I really do want her to have these experiences and I'm not really jealous either bc I know I'm still more important to her ("bros before hoes" and all that, even if the hoes are guys lol). Though I have to admit it's recently been getting harder being genuinely happy for her when things go well with dates and I suppose I'm a little worried how things will be a few years down the line.

But we're very close. We've been friends for 8 years and best friends for almost as long. We tell each other everything. She's the most important person in my life and I'm the most important person in hers. We get mistaken for a couple constantly, at this point I'm pretty sure everyone in our families has at some point thought we're together. My mum basically treats her like a daughter; she's spent the last 3 Christmases with my family. Besides her brother, I'm the only person she truly cares about who she doesn't get anxious about. The reason I'm going to be moving back home after uni is because she still lives in the area; if she lived somewhere else I'd move there (that's not me being one-sidedly codependent btw, she would absolutely do the same). The jokes about how we need to die at the same time bc neither of us would want to live on alone are really only partly jokes.

Now, here's (finally) where I might be an asshole: When we were in school our friend group consisted of four guys, me and her. All the guys had a crush on her, though some she only found out about later. My best friend, at the time, identified as a lesbian (it's bi probably now). The guys knew that. Now this one guy she only found out about last year at a class reunion (I wasn't there) and he was being all weird about how he'd seen all the times they went to the movies together as dates etc. She thought they were jokingly calling those 'dates', we all did. Again, he knew she identified as gay and never actually said anything about being in love with her. He was also giving off incel-y vibes when she talked with him at the class reunion, so there's that.

We talked about that and well, I kinda admitted that there'd been a moment yeaaaaars ago (like 5?6?) where I felt myself fall in love with her and mentally went 'nope, nope, nope, not doing that (falling in love my best friend) again' and then… it didn't happen. Don't know how that worked. Either way, she made me promise if I ever did actually fall in love with her, that I would tell her. We were laughing about it but I know she was serious about that.

I don't plan on telling her though. I meaaaan I'm not in love with her, technically, which yes, I know, she would probably mean this too. But I know that, at least at this point in time, she doesn't want the same things I want and I want her to have these experiences of dating guys and being in a (allo) relationship etc. I don't want our relationship right now to change either and I know she would try to be considerate and I don't need or want that. I don't want her to overthink what she can or can't tell me, I don't mind hearing her talk about the guys she's dating and I want her to still come to me with everything. I know how she works, I've been basically managing her anxiety for years (genuinely do not mind that before anyone comes talking to me about boundaries) and I know I'm one of the few people in her life who try to let her come to her own conclusions/decisions instead of telling her what they think is right and/or what she should do (she's very easily influenced unfortunately and while I do tell her my opinions if she asks for them, I always try to let her come to her own conclusions first). I don't want her to lose all that. I don't want her to suddenly be anxious about me either, that is genuinely the last thing I would ever want.

TLDR: My best friend made me promise her that I would tell her if I fell in love with her, which I'm technically not, but I do want to spend the rest of my life with her & would want to be in a (queerplatonic) committed relationship with her. I don't want to tell her bc I know it's not what she wants, at least right now, and I want her to make her own experiences and I don't want our relationship to change with this.

AITA for not telling her I would want to be in a (queerplatonic) relationship with her?

What are these acronyms?

[byfulcrums]

ROTTMNT sexuality Headcanons!

All of the turtles are LGBTQ+. Leo's gay and asexual, Donnie's aroace and bi, Mikey's aroace and straight (projecting, but I'm a lesbian) and Raph is pan. Also, April is an asexual lesbian.

• Leo was the first one who came to terms with his sexuality. He knew since he was a kid that he didn't like women. He realized because of how he never felt the “butterflies” around them. Before, when he read books or watched stuff and saw the falling in love cliché, he thought that the only reason why he couldn't relate to that was because he never met anyone else besides his fam. Then, he sneaked out and saw a human boy. Poor guy was so in love he almost fell and let the humans discover him. His true gay awakening.

• Mikey at first thought he was pan, because he didn't really care about gender. Then he realized he didn't care at all. He didn't mind it. In fact, he was actually happy to discover his sexuality. The only problem he has is that most of the people who are around his age he meets fall in love with him. I mean, that guy's a sweetheart, who wouldn't love him? He always panics because he doesn't want to hurt their feelings. After a while, he decided to use Doctor Delicate Touch on them (instead of spinning around the love confession, he'd just say “yeah no i'm aro”).

• Raph only figured it out recently. At first he thought he was bi because he was attracted to both genders. Then, after a long talk with April, he came to realize that he wasn't bi, he was pan. April had to explain the term to him because he didn't understand it. Why would you be attracted to pans??? April sometimes laughs at him because of that. With love, of course. He has yet to have a serious relationship with someone because the very few partners he had either left him, or they fell apart. If it was because of the second one, then they definitely stayed friends.

• Like Mikey, Donnie thought for the first seventeen years of his life that he was pan. He only came to realize he was aroace about a year after the movie. He doesn't deal with the “oh no everyone falls in love with me” problem because he scares most people away (he does that on purpose. Whenever he realizes someone is staring at him in a non-platonic way, he scares them off. It's hilarious to watch). He thought he was in love with April when they first met because almost all of the TV shows he saw had a straight relationship as the main cast. Then, he realized that he only thought that because she was the only girl he knew and he didn't know how romantic love felt like. They love eachother like siblings btw.

• April has always known she was a lesbian. It started when she was like five, when all of her friends were crushing on this boy who was like, the hottest guy in kindergarten for the kids (the hottest guy turned out to be the teacher after he came out as trans. Idk why I added that). They would come to her like “omg he talked to me!! Isn't he amazing?” and she would be like “uhh no??”. Anyways, she started crushing on the girl all the boys were in love with. It was complicated. They dated for like a month before she moved out (plot twist: the girl was Sunita, who was trying to experience a human life for a while).

[transmasc-wizard]

gonna ramble about Gender and how the fuck it goes on in the GFS cast now. did anyone ask? no. am i doing it anyway? yeah, cause im thinking about Gender and now i wanna talk about it

taglist @the-gay-lady-of-ravenclaw-tower @stormharbors, @citywillow (eyyy it worked this time), @timelybees

feel free to ignore lmao it's not super plot-relevant, but its... kinda? probably? character relevant. if ur curious it's under the cut, in order of narrators

so Angel's gender is lesbian. like, they very much say "fuck gender". their gender is "i like girls". that's established in the 2nd scene of the entire book. she uses she/they and i tend to just... pick a pronoun for each scene and stick to it? when i'm rambling about them on tumblr i switch it up because i dont Care but in-story, i stick to one per scene. But yeah angel doesn't really... have a gender in a normal acceptable cis girl way, in Modern Earth Terms she'd probably (?) use 'agender'. although i feel like them using she/they means people would assume she's, like, a demigirl, and that's cool! in my head she is simply genderqueer/nonbinary and is only specifically agender if i'm *pressed* to choose.

Bea's a cis girl, she/her, nothing Schmancy, she's a cool ally (transphobia doesn't really. exist systemically in GFS but like she's nice about everything).

Hope's genderfluid/multigender, she/he/they. he's kind of just chilling and one of the only characters who will switch pronouns mid scene, because their gender actually switches. Her relationship with her gender is pretty much just "meh. it changes. i dont care" although the one thing is when he's a guy, he's not okay with fem terms at all. (masc terms when female and gendered terms when agender are fine though.) I don't know or care what their AGAB is, btw.

Corey's a trans guy, he/him. he's Really Fucking Attached to his gender. Being a guy is important to him. Important note: corey grew up/is in an abusive as fuck environment, and while he doesn't face shit for being trans in a "trans is bad" way, his mother just... doesn't want to spend money on making him happier. So his 'transition' is very much "oliver cuts my hair at the kitchen sink, i burn my dresses, i borrow clothes from my fellow odd little gender gremlins, you call me 'corey' and 'he' or i stab you". also magic HRT & magic top surgery are Things in this world and they're Things he gets. eventually. at some point.

Oliver's my little genderqueer gremlin. he mostly uses 'he' because gender is a scam anyway and he forgets that Most People see 'he' as a gendered word, but they're cool with 'they' too. he and angel kinda have the same gender, though his sometimes fluxes to more masculine while hers doesn't. oliver is the one most likely to be called 'bad' enby rep because he uses 'they' in, like, 3 scenes per book, but... he doesn't fucking care, bud. see above 'gender is a scam'. call him a man, a boy, a void, he, they, sir, ma'am, mx, even she if you really wanna, just don't call them a woman (girl's fine tho) and we're good. his gender is lazy. he wouldn't date someone only attracted to women (e.g. angel, a lesbian) but other than that... anything goes.

Rowan's gender.... oh boy. she's afab and uses she/her which is enough to make everyone assume she's a girl, and they're right. she's a girl. the thing is. the back of her mind says 'i'm more than one, my gender is girl but it's ALSO something else'. she's bigender, definitely. she/it/they. she doesn't use it till the very last book and it's basically a "corey and tasya only" privilge to know she uses 'it' but she does. (they publically switch to she/they.) It's partially because rowan's aro-allo & kinda loveless and feels like that affects their abilities to be a Proper Girl, and partially because just ever since it was little rowan felt like it just Had more than one gender. she's always been that way. basically rowan is a bigender girl/xenogender person and i love her and she's not she/her, it's she/it/they but... that's a thing they don't acknowledge for themself till the Very Very end.

was there a point to this post??? yes. characterization. also the fact that i have One binary dude in my cast... interesting.

but basically short version: angel's gender is No with a side of 'vaguely fem perhaps, in the lesbian sense', bea's is girl, Hope's is Yes, corey's is boy, oliver's is Meh, and rowan's is 'girl but also no but also yes but also xenogender but also the fucking VOID'.

have a nice day drink water and if you read this whole post... wow. thanks

[maxdark158]

HEAR ME OUT - I’VE GOT AN AU IDEA

Okay, so I have too much on my plate with Demon in Gotham, the sequel, and my and @slytherinsheashire ‘s baby so I can’t write this au out as a story but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head so if any of you write this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tag me

Daminette endgame (through really can work with any ship in the maribat fandom)

So I know in most Daminette AUs we hate on Adrien because of his flaws in canon (which I am not against)

BUUUUT au where there was no love interest for Adrien/Chat Noir and Ladybug/Marinette to begin with, so they were Best Friends, and still are when Damian comes in

Like he is protective because That's My BFF but he's reasonable and not in love with her

He also actually has her back with Lila. He can't stand up stand up to her (because abusive father) but he hangs out with Marinette whenever he can and they make fun of Lila together when she can't hear them and he is passive-aggressive with her a lot

He likes Damian but by Rule of Best Friends he does threaten him if he hurts his BFF

Alya is still a jerk but Adrien is passive (agreste)sive with her too about fact-checking

Also, Alya totally thinks Mari liked Adrien and doesn’t listen to Mari saying no

CN completely hates Lila btw because not only is she lying about Red Best Friend but she's bullying Pink Best Friend and while Adrien has to be nice CN doesn't!

A mental image: Adrien telling Lila she looks pretty, "today," before running off before she picks up on the insult

He also as CN takes his job more seriously and only banters on patrol and such. He didn't at first but LB took him aside and explained why she was annoyed and he stopped – because that’s what you do when your BFF asks you to!!

When the reveal happens Adrien is like, "you are my mega ultra best friend now"

Because I don't really ship Adrien with anyone but Mari I HC that in this au he's aro ace. If you ship him with someone he can just not be interested in Mari (gaydrien is also an option) but the rest of this will continue as if he is aro ace, change as needed if you write differently

He and Mari are the closest two BFFs can be but she and Damian are the ones with romantic feelings and such

Adrien is actually the one who suggests giving the Fox to Damian when Alya shows no signs on improving

He’s just the bestest of best friends and he never feels like Mari owes him anything and he gives terrible dating advice and they’re just! Best Friends!!

He also recognizes his dad as abusive and is trying to better himself while being under his father’s thumb. He’s essentially counting down the days to freedom at this point

Gabriel is Adrien-phobic, sexuality included. Adrien hasn’t come out to him and he never plans to

A quick list of episode fixes in random order--

Stoneheart – is the same up until they ‘fall in love’ CN is just super excited to have someone as awesome as LB as a friend. Mari doesn’t fall in love but she is a bit awkward with her new BFF at first

Stormy Weather – Alya, Manon, and Marinette all went to the park to bring Adrien a snack in stormy weather because he complained about his diet

CN banters, doesn’t flirt, stops bantering around Copycat when LB asks if he can focus on work when there is an akuma

Horrificator – Adrien was anti kiss no matter who the actress was. Nino, realizing he was making his bro uncomfortable, forgoes the kiss completely, despite Alya suddenly pushing for it once Marinette was volunteered as the lead girl

Animan – Adrien asked Mari if she had a crush on anyone first, because he didn’t want to put her in a situation where she was accidentally leading Nino on. All four of them end up going to the zoo together as planned but Mari locked Alya and Nino in the cage because Alya was annoying her about a ‘crush’ on Adrien

Dark Cupid – LB was venting about Alya trying to get her to confess her nonexistent crush and CN was ranting about ppl sending him letters without even knowing him or his sexuality. He teared up in his rant (when mentioning his father probs) and she hugged him and he saw Dark Cupid and shielded her. She kissed his cheek to break the spell

Prime Queen – Chamack was pushy with them being a couple but they both outright denied it and declared themselves best friends and only that. Mari, resident Bi, came out as lesbian as LB to throw ppl off her trail and make pushy shippers stop. CN hesitated about coming out as ace and, in private, told him he didn’t have to

Volpina – Adrien realized Lila was flirting and shut her down right away, saying he wasn’t interested. Marinette happened to be in the library at the time and she and Tikki saw her steal the book. As LB she confronted Lila about stealing and asked for it back. LB calmly and politely told her not to lie – Lila still gets akumatized. Because Adrien shut Lila down pre-superhero lie CN isn’t suspicious, LB is

Collector – When LB says Gabriel is HM, CN takes a moment to breathe before getting ready to fight. After the akuma he asks if HM can akumatize himself, and they both decide to start tracking akuma when they can

Gamer – lucky charm scene still happens, no romantic connotations to anything. Same with Befana

Bubbler – LB changes the music because Adrien looked so uncomfortable – not out of jealousy. Adrien sees her stitched name in the fabric and asks her privately. This is what starts him on the road of growing independent from his father’s abuse and lack of care

Rogercop – Adrien doesn’t even call his father. He doesn’t want him there and he wouldn’t come anyway, so he doesn’t try. However, he does use the ‘gotta call my father’ excuse to try and help Plagg out of the bracelet

Simon Says – Adrien accepts the hug from his father bug tells Plagg that it would have been warmer to hug a statue after, and he almost wishes his father hadn’t tainted the memory of hugs as a child. The ‘she looks like you’ scene still happens but it’s platonic. Adrien is bouncing and excited in all the Ladrien scenes because BEST FRIEND! RIGHT THERE!!!

Gigantian – the girls don’t do the date thing and are just doing each others’ hair for fun. Alya keeps insisting that Mari do something about her ‘crush’ but the other girls take Marinette’s side and she quits arguing while she’s ahead. Adrien wanders off which is how the akuma glances off Gorilla, then Mari pretends to be sick in the bathroom while going out to become LB

Glaciator – Marinette is upset because her BFF can’t go but she doesn’t get mad so no akuma

Gorilla – Marinette doesn’t really like the commercial because it doesn’t really fit the pun-loving dork that is her BFF but she still manages to be late to the pool then runs around with her BFF in her PJs which she isn’t embarrassed about. She gets mad on Adrien’s behalf when ppl call her his gf

Captain Hardrock – Mari gets a bit of a crush on Luka, Adrien 100% teases her and gives her bad dating advice

Syren – Adrien is upset that he’s out of the loop, but LB told him that she CAN’T tell him and it isn’t her choice to so he doesn’t throw a fit. He does detransform to talk out his feelings with Plagg but he doesn’t threaten to remove the ring or anything

Troublemaker, she has photos of all her classmates on her wall (she actually has the most of Juleka as proof of her picture curse being broken) and she has all her classmates’ schedules because class pres

Reverser – Nathaniel actually apologizes. Like that’s my only change tbh. I ship them but the writers should have included an apology scene, that’s on them (I fully believe Nathaniel apologized but the writers didn’t care enough to include it so f them)

Frozer – they all go to the rink as friends. Adrien invited Kagami for fun and they’re both trying to help Mari with Luka. Kagaminette friendship from that episode onward

Catalyst and Mayura – Alya’s headstrong-ness and Nino’s willingness to do what she says is what brings them down, to show their flaws beforehand. Chloe’s redemption isn’t thrown away like in canon so she has gotten better. CN recognizes his father’s voice but doesn’t react to it because he doesn’t want to expose himself. After Hero’s Day, he tells LB he knows who HM is and accidentally spills his identity – but she doesn't care at the moment because her BFF needs a hug. He doesn’t know LB’s identity but she knows his

Timebreaker, Evillustrator, Mr. Pidgeon, Darkblade, Princess Fragrance, The Mime, Pixelator, Guitar Villain, Reflecta, Kung Food, The Puppeteer, Antibug, Riposte, Robostus, Dark Owl, Sapotis, Gorilla, Frightningale, Zombizou, Queen Wasp, Maledictator, Anansi, Style Queen, and Despair Bear are the same just no lovesquare romance

Chameleon – Adrien doesn’t say the bull about the High Road, because he reconizes Lila is hurting Marinette. “But look at it this way – Ladybug calmly asked her to stop lying. I calmly asked her to stop lying. She gets akumatized no matter what. I think exposing her would just get us more trouble. We should stand up for ourselves, of course, but let the others realize for themselves that she’s a liar. Or at least wait until Hawkmoth is defeated before you expose her. Then she won’t get any superpowers out of it.”

At some point after that Mari says smth that LB said and he realizes who she is but that’s up to the writer to decide because then Damian Wayne enters the scene!

So Mari knows who HM is but she doesn’t know where to begin with that information so she asks Tikki for help. Tikki says one of her previous LBs are still alive and Mari contacts Hippolyta with magic

Hippolyta contacts Wonder Woman and WW realizes this may be better suited to someone who knows humans better so she passes the message along to Bruce

Bruce sighs and rubs his temple. He decides to send Damian

BTW time is actually passing through these episodes so everyone is about a month-ish apart so Mari is 15 almost 16 and Adrien is 16 now

Bruce sends Damian to help them with the final takedown of HM and Mayura

Now, some funny convos with BFF Adrienette

oooOOOooo

Alya: Marinette is being such a jerk to Lila!

Adrien: Huh. Marinette is almost never a jerk unless it's someone like Chloe.

Alya: W-Well she clearly changed!

Adrien: If you say so. I'm assuming you saw this yourself?

Later

Adrien: UGH! Alya has like become Lila's most loyal follower I swear, this is so annoying

Marinette, patting his back: you're being a brave soldier, facing that every day

Adrien: I just wish she'd stop putting her hands on me. I'm literally wearing the aromantic and asexual flags! I'm not interested!

Marinette; I think Kim noticed. He was looking at the situation and went to talk to Miss Bustier.

Adrien: Oh thank the kwami. Enough about me though. Tell me about this cutie from Gotham you like?

oooOOOooo

Adrien: UGHH I have to take Lila to this gala AGAIN!!

Marinette; I'm going too, Damian invited me.

Adrien: THANK THE KWAMI I'll ditch Lila as soon as possible. Your boyfriend is fully willing to roast without his dad disowning him, right?

Marinette: one, we aren't dating yet, and two, yes

Adrien: YES!! Also, Mari don't kid you two will date soon I know these things

oooOOOooo

Adrien's love advice is almost always, "just tell him you love him," because he doesn't understand how nerve-wracking it is. Or he steals a confession scene idea from an anime or fanfic, depends on the situation

Marinette: How should I confess to Damian??

Adrien: Just do it?? Walk right up to him and say you love him. Easy peasy!

Marinette: you do not understand how much I Can Not do that

Adrien: ... alright, plan B is you start working at a coffee shop-

[johanna-swann]

Help. Confused potentially bi here.

Hey and hello to all the bi/pan/omni non-binaries, girls and guys. I wanted to ask how you realized you were attracted to more than one gender?

I'm 21 year old girl/woman and am very much questioning my sexuality. This is very difficult for me, because I have absolutely no experience. I have never in my life had a boyfriend or girlfriend, I never kissed anyone or even went on a date. So I can't say "I tried this and it was great" or "I kissed a girl once, but nah, not my thing". I'm the ultimate virgin, so to say.

I think I had a crush on a guy from our orchestra once. I was 13, he was a year older and a drummer, that's all I knew about him. But I never acted on it and being my usal, self-doubting self, I always thought: "You probably don't really like him. You're a young teenage girl, he's a popular boy. You're just feeling what society expects you to feel." I was also very secretive about this "crush". My friends and I were the nerds of our class. We watched Harry Potter movies together and talked about biology lessons, boys were never ever a topic for us. We were focused on school and orchestra and swimming. I didn't have any friends outside that group, so this maybe-or-maybe-not-crush came and went without me ever talking or doing anything about it.

What happened next is a bit of dramatic teenager feelings. I was struggling with depression for a long time. I dropped out of orchestra and swimming and even school, eventually. I was so scared to disappoint people for no reason. Like, I would forget to do German homework. And I got myself so worked up over it! I deadass COULDN'T get myself to go to school, because I had forgot homework and my brain was reacting as if it was the end of everything. One day missing school turned into weeks and months and I was too scared to tell my parents, so I hid in the local library during the time I was supposed to be in school. Long story short (I am now realizing how long this post will turn out to be), I lived rather isolated from other people my age the following 5 years.

I also questioned myself about my depression. There was no rational explanation. I was a good student before it started. My family was always supportive. My friends too. I had everything I physically needed. I thought I didn't deserve help, I didn't even think I was allowed to feel the pain. Pain about what exactly?

By now, I have more or less left mental illness behind. It took a lot of time, but I sort of respect myself now? I'm back in school (graduating 5 years "too late" is weird, but I've accepted myself a little more). My family is still very supportive, I'm still in touch with my "nerd friends" (totally not my achievement, I had ignored all their messages over several weeks at times, but they are so awesome and loyal, I have no words). But I have also found a new bff. We met when I tried switching schools to overcome my depression. That didn't work out, but I'm so happy I tried. And thank the gods for that blasted Sherlock Holmes book. I had borrowed it from her and when I dropped out of school again, it was still at my house. And my weird little brain who thought it was perfectly fine to lie to my parents, leave school and ignore my friends said: "This isn't your book. It's L's book. Books are important. Books are portable treasures. You can't keep this." (Morals. Pffft. So weird.) I messaged her and wrote something along the lines of: "Hey, listen. I know you might be a little irritated about me just leaving school without saying good bye. But that book of yours. Well. I still have it and maybe I could, you know, drop by and give it back?" I don't remember how, but from that moment on, L was my best friend.

How is all of this relevant to my sexual orientation? Good question, good question. As I already said, I had a lot going on during that time and I simply couldn't have cared less about romantic relationships. I believe in the concept of love and falling in love, but I just haven't fallen for anyone yet. I also never felt sexual attraction as in "damn, I wanna kiss him/her/them right now", but when I read sex scenes or see them on tv, I kind of feel like I want that too, some day? (Tbh, I'm a sucker for smut fics sometimes. Like reading 24 smutty oneshots in a row. I do that sometimes.)

So I don't think I'm ace or aro. Also very sure about my identity, btw. I love being a girl. Dresses, red lipstick, hell yeah. #girlpower. But due to me missing out on so much during those said 5 years and I think even before, I felt... different. Like I didn't belong. Now that of course could be caused by my parents' divorce, my mum's second divorce or the many times we moved around in my childhood. But the point is that I always felt amiss and when my bff L came out to me as lesbian I thought: Maybe that's it. Maybe I feel so weird all the time because of this. I might be lgbtq+.

The last two years or something like that I started to notice how beautiful women are. Not sexy or hot, but I see a girl and think "wow, she's so beautiful". I mean, I know when someone is hot, I'm not blind. And I had this weird obsession with actress Katie McGrath for example, but why? Was it her role (Morgana) that I just felt so connected with? Was it her beauty? I rarely can ever imagine myself kissing anyone, man or woman. Not because I wouldn't like it, I think I would. But I can't really connect this wish to be loved, to be kissed, to have a special someone to a specific person and all of this leaves me so confused.

I again find myself second guessing. Am I bisexual? Or do I just admire strong beautiful women because I wanna be like them? Do I want an explanation for my I-don't-belong feelings so badly that I just cling to this idea of me finding happiness amongst the lgbtq+ community? I have no idea. Does anyone else have any ideas? Advice? Because if you do, please. I'ld love to hear it.