#also realizing I'm much more of a misandrist then I thought. hm.

[myopicry]

Helloooo long time no see!

Read the post you reblogged about men always thinking that they're always right and objective, and honestly I think it might be (partially) bc if they DIDN'T act or think this way, then they'd have to analyse their own thoughts and behaviour in relation to the patriarchal society (even the most mysoginistic man knows he lives in a patriarchy imo).

They'll have to put so many things about themselves into question as well as the system they're part of, and that's something which I believe is harder to do when you're in a position of privilege in said system. Sure, they might have no problem recognising their privilege in terms of "men are better than women har har har I am part of the superior sexe", but not in the "negative" way.

I feel like it could tie into the "not all men!!" thing which sometimes gets obnoxious these days. There's a defensiveness and wanting to not go TOO in depth in analysis because of what that'll inevitably lead to. There's a need to retain positive thoughts about this particular aspect of society because of the part they play in that aspect.

I'd probably have more things to say but I just woke up lol. (keep in mind I have not proof read this so apologies in advance) Hope to hear from you soon!

~🪼

lolol ironically I am answering this as I just woke up time zones are funny

the thing is I kind of get it, why men are so reluctant to think about this kind of stuff. it is a bit challenging on anyone to upend their entire comfortable worldview for something more truthful because it does come with having to confront all the ways you've been wrong and have wronged in the past (literally my experience of peaking and desisting lmao) so, to me it definitely makes sense that the last thing men want to do is truly confront their privileges and their place in the world in relation to women, because they're probably going to find themselves on reflection quite guilty for many, many transgressions and things that probably conflict with their moral character and self-view. that being said, imo it's more than a bit cowardly that men won't ever really take this step to truly reflect.

it's not even misogynistic men either, I've talked in depth with a few self-proclaimed progressive men (back when I thought I still needed to actually talk to men lmao) and even if they were "feminists" or were trying to be a different, more respectful of women, person, they would never really interrogate their own treatment of other people, ESPECIALLY women* and make a meaningful effort to change that would require them to put themselves in a vulnerable or lower position than they felt used to. I've seen women reflect and change so much, I think when you're born and raised in a world that tells you all your perceived flaws and works to put you down into a handful of easily digestible roles there's not as insurmountable of a mental hurdle to overcome. still not an excuse for men! if anything, if they're supposed to be so much smarter and reasonable, I'd think they'd jump at the opportunity to become enlightened or whatever.

*god I wish I could do spoiler text on tumblr uhh just look away from this page break dear readers if you don't want some personal blog moments about how men are shitty. nothing explicit just general implied yuck and discussion of sexual harassment.

wow I have no idea why I'm so willing to lay my boring shitty backstory all out on tumblr but here it is!

but essentially of the two men (self-described as progressive or feminist) I knew pretty well, like talking about childhood trauma and personal deep topics, both at some point ended up pushing my boundaries and contributing to I guess the worst mental states I've been in as a young adult. the first time I was too much of a clueless teenager driven by zero self esteem, very untreated anxiety, terrible self deprecation skills, and also zero social awareness coming off of the pandemic, so I ended up in a relationship I didn't really enjoy at all because I wasn't attracted to him romantically or sexually but stayed in out of aforementioned self-loathing and the "obligation" of it all to fit in with my straight girl friends (did not help that I recently realized I had a crush on one of them and really wanted to push down that feeling) and the cultural norms I saw around me and my family. the second time I was lost in the gender juice, dissociated from my body to the max, and IDed as aroace lmao but was also very lonely (and once again was developing feelings for a straight girl holy shit I'm writing this and maybe I should stop knowing so many straight girls lmao) but luckily I was older and cut that shit out (not fast enough to not have experiences and time to regret and have boundaries violated ugh) anyway this guy told me his sad backstory about being a sexually harassing little shit in middle school but also had a really bad home life and high school experience and even after I kept giving him (not to brag) amazing advice to get his shit together and see women as people, he kept avoiding actually doing the work. In hindsight, I think the only reason he even listened to me talk and told me all this was because he believes in the "queer identity culture" stuff (bisexual + he/they lmao) and since I didn't label myself as a woman + was attempting to pass he must have "not considered me a woman" enough to immediately write off. yet he still assumed he could push my boundaries unlike how he would treat other men. curious.

anyway, tldr!! yeah men are shit and even progressive men are their own kind of self-blinded shit. they're fine as acquaintances, even some could be okay as friends, but I guess I've learned to not expect much out of them. maybe this is cynical, but it becomes much easier when you look for their value first, before leading with the natural empathy to befriend on an equal level. always keep the upper hand. this might not make a lot of sense I should write a separate post about it hmmm anyway

anon thank you for visiting again!! I'm sorry for the wall of text followed by the wall of text but I assume you keep coming back because you actually enjoy walls of text, so I hope you get something out of this set of walls of text!! and more walls of text to come! I've been in a very "sorting through the archives of my life and coming to terms with everything leading up to now" and it's been great for a lot of self-reflecting writing ideas. unlike men, I hope after truly confronting the events of my life and breaking it down, I will change and be aware of my (many, many) faults and become a much better person for it.