#also realistically tumblr is for the weird opinions i just have to keep reminding myself i'm allowed to have them

[lookninjas]

As I continue my Terry Hall deep dive, I find myself utterly amazed by this Rolling Stone review of Fun Boy Three’s Waiting, which might miss the point more than any other review has ever missed the point.  He even quotes “The More I See (The Less I Believe)” at the very beginning of the review, which is directly about unwillingness to close one’s eyes to injustice, and then... complains that the songs take a dim view of the world?  Like? 

(Sidenote:  Waiting is a brilliant album, and I’m highly obsessed with it, but if you are sensitive to discussion of child sexual abuse, please be careful about listening, because “Well Fancy That” is harrowing.  Brilliantly written, but absolutely harrowing.)

[sebastianshaw]

Someone at one of the boards I write at wanted to know if we had any advice or pointers about RP, and I got to thinking. I’ve been RPing fifteen years so it’s definitely a thing I have thoughts and opinions and tips on. I don’t mean to posit myself as the all-knowing expert whose standards you have to meet, but these are some things I think are genuinely helpful for a RPers to keep in mind no matter how long they’ve been writing. But also, just my opinions! SHARE THE SPOTLIGHT This is the biggest, first and foremost. RP is a two-way street, and I think the bulk of RP sins all trace back to people not understanding this and thinking that their character is the “main” character and everyone else is just an NPC in their story. This takes a ton of variations, with commonly seen ones being insisting that other characters act OOC for their sake (your character should fall in love with mine despite the fact they just met, your character should bully mine so I can be the victim in a hurt/comfort drama even if that’s totally unlike them to do that, your official-head-of-something character should bend the rules for mine because they’re just that special, etc.), needing to be the center of attention (the character who ALWAYS limps into the room having just suffered some terrible tragedy and needing immediate help, the character who always saves the day in such a way that the others weren’t even needed, etc.), or the character whose writer just can’t stop reminding everyone at all times how tragic/beautiful/powerful/helpless/witty/skilled/etc they are. This can go in opposite directions---the helpless character who always needs to be saved vs the all-powerful character who saves the day every time all on their own---but it comes from the same mentality, that their character is the star and everyone must revolve around them. This isn’t to say you can’t have RP arcs that “star” your character and are devoted to their story/development, or that your character can never be the hero, or never need to be saved, or any of that. That’s NOT what I’m saying. I’m talking about the person who does it EVERY time, often to the detriment of the story, derailing the plot, or showing up someone else’s cool moment to get the attention back on their own muse. If you’re gonna do that, just write your own fiction. DON’T DO PASSIVE STARTERS Something I see repeatedly in RP, whether it’s at a board or on Tumblr or on Discord, are starters where the character is just...sitting there. They’re studying in their room, or chilling at a coffee house, or just standing around at a party, or overlooking the ocean from a beachside balcony, or brooding silently in the corner... ...and not making any move to interact with anyone around them. It’s on the shoulders of the person replying to have their character make the first move and find some reason to walk up to them and engage with them. A starter is meant to begin an interaction, so if the second person is starting that interaction, why even bother with the starter you made? Starters where your character is just passively waiting for someone are not usually good starters, and that’s a big reason, in my opinion, why people usually don’t reply to a starter, because they’re stuck looking for a reason WHY their character would just walk up to this person and begin an interaction. My solution to this is, if it’s a planned starter, talk to the person you’re starting it for and try to work something out. For instance, the party starter. Ask them “hey, could it be a costume party?” and ask if their character might be dressed as a character from a show/movie/book that your character really likes---that gives your guy a reason to walk up to theirs and begin a conversation about that thing, and there’s your first post right there! A much more active starter! If it’s an open, it can be a little more difficult, but still doable. For instance, one open I did, I had my girl walk in and speak to whatever person was nearest; she was carrying a basket of Halloween decorations and asking if they’d help her decorate the place. I did not specify who it was, so whoever replied could decide if it was their character or not, but it was “active” in that she gave my partner something to respond and react to, rather than if she had just, say, quietly come in by herself without greeting anyone or doing anything. Obviously this might not work with characters who are shy or antisocial, but if you’re the one who decided to play that kind of character, it’s up to YOU to find ways to get them engaged; it’s not fair to make everyone else do it for you. For instance. Shaw is NOT a friendly person like Laynia, but I had him immediately address another person in one open by creating a situation where he’d have reason to do so, and would be stuck interacting with them. MAKE YOUR CHARACTER REALISTICALLY APPROACHABLE. This often goes hand in hand with passive starters; not only will the character not be engaging anyone around them, they will in fact be in situations giving signals that actively DISCOURAGE engagement. For instance, if someone is sitting in their bedroom, it’s entirely weird for anyone to come in that ISN’T their sibling or roommate. In a Discord college RP, one guy wrote his character going home and walking into his house and had that be an open...no one played any of his family members, so I’m not sure what he expected, that someone from school would just be waiting inside his house? There are also lots of situations where people are around, but realistically are not going to speak to you. Having your character studying in the library, sitting on the subway, or at a table in a restaurant are all common starter types I’ve seen...and all of them are situations where it’s extremely unlikely someone would engage you, unless it was an absolute emergency or they completely lacked any understanding of social norms. And if that’s the case for the character you planned it with, go ahead, you’re good. But if it’s not, or it’s an open, ask yourself---”If someone else made this open, how could my character realistically respond to it?” And if you have a hard time, change things to make it easier for the other player and their muse. This also applies to muses who are hard to approach regardless of the situation. People who are shy, or antisocial, or just for whatever reason do NOT want to engage with others. Those characters are great and I’m not saying not to play them, I play lots of people like that. But you shouldn’t expect other people to have to PRY an interaction out of them, and I see people do that---they write their cool loner or shy wallflower brooding in the corner, and if someone actually DOES walk up and talk to them, the character keeps pushing them away. It relies entirely on the other character just having to be that desperate to talk to them for some reason. And again, some characters will be, like I write a Squirrel Girl at another board who definitely WOULD pull someone out of their corner and into the party...but don’t RELY on other people doing that. Instead, try to find ways to make your character have to be engaged, instead of other people making them. See my Shaw example again. Shaw doesn’t normally like to talk to anyone unless he’s giving an order or has something to gain, but I found a reason he would for him. To use another example, there’s a very grumpy guarded girl that I write at another board, she doesn’t trust people or like them to begin with, and I put her on a subway car, aka one of the examples I gave about places where people realistically aren’t going to talk to you. No one talks to each other on subway cars except mentally ill people or beggars, unless you already know each other. So, how did I make it work? Well, I started the thread with just her and a few other people in the car. One of these people was a large man acting in an extremely threatening manner, pacing the car and muttering hostile things and occasionally shouting at the other passengers. It was in NYC, that shit happens. She kept her head down and ignored it, as most people would do, but when he singled her out and began to get her face, she confronted him back and stood her ground. I got things just to the boiling point, then had the subway doors open to let a new passenger in. Whoever stepped in would be walking immediately into a conflict, in a closed-off situation they couldn’t get out of once the doors shut again, and they would have to react to it in some way. If their character was the type to get involved immediately, great. If their character was the type not to, that’s also fine, because I could have the big scary guy turn his attention to them, basically dragging them into it. Either way, my open created a situation to REACT to, instead of just hoping the other person would do it, and it created a situation where interaction could realistically occur, even though it was in a setting when normally it would not. Btw speaking of that---”my muse bumps into yours on the street/in the hall/etc” is rarely a good idea for this reason. What do you think people normally do when they bump into each other? They say sorry, maybe help the other person pick up something they dropped, and go on their way. It’d be very odd if I bumped into someone and they tried to make an entire conversation out of it. Likewise it’d just be completely bizarre to, say, join someone you DON’T KNOW at their cafe table, etc. You can make these work but, as with the subway situation, you MUST get more creative to make a reason why it would work. “YES, AND” OR “NO, BUT” Okay, you got your interaction started, how do you keep it going? Well, there’s this rule in improv theatre for how to keep a scene going, and it’s that all your responses to your acting partners should be “yes, and” or “no, but” What this means is, whatever reply your character makes, it has to give the other character some hook to continue the interaction. Here are some examples. BAD Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Yes. GOOD Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Yes, and can we grab some pizza on the way? Joe doesn’t just agree to do the thing, he gives Sally something to reply to and keep the conversation going. And he could do this even if he DIDN’T want to go to the skating rink! BAD: Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No. Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No, but I was thinking, do you like the aquarium, how about that? Basically, whether he’s responding yes or no, he’s not closing the conversation. Of course, you do not ACTUALLY have to use the phrases “yes, and” or “no, but” just do stuff that will give the other person something to answer. Here are more good examples: Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Yes, I loved skating as a kid, but I haven’t been able to do it in years, so I might make a fool of myself! Promise not to laugh? Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Yeah, that would be great! It’ll be my first time. Do you skate a lot? Can you help me? Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Hell yeah, I’m the skatemaster! Prepare to eat my rink-dust! Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No, I hurt my ankle last Saturday, it’s a...long story.  Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No, and listen, Sally? I think you’ve really misinterpreted our relationship. We’re co-workers, and I think that’s what we should stay.  Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: No, I’m sorry, my mom is sick and there’s just...so much shit going on. I don’t know what I’m going to do if this keeps up.  Sally: Do you want to go to the skating rink? Joe: Are you serious?! That’s what you’re thinking of at a time like this?! I can’t believe you! Some of these are positive, negative, angry, happy, sad, competitive, but they all keep the conversation going better than a “closed” response does.

[longinglook]

I may or may not have spent my entire Sunday binge watching all of I told sunset about you and Gaya sa pelikula and now I have so many thoughts and feelings that I need to write about them so here we go! Under a read more (if tumblr allows me to) because it’s 2k words hehe

First of all, I knew next to nothing about both shows before starting them. I had seen a couple of gifs here and there, but really had no idea what I was in for.

I started with I told sunset about you, which has 3 episodes out of 5 out. All I knew is that it was going to be beautiful and possibly sad, and it was. Everything about this show is so high quality, from the audio to the dialogue to the locations to the acting, just wow. The production is better than a lot of movies I’ve seen, and every technical aspect is perfect. I am really loving the plot so far as well, I find the childhood friendship to stubborn rivalry to grown up friendship again very relatable. I think it’s a very common experience for a lot of non straight folks to develop an extremely close bond with a same sex friend when you’re too young to realize what you’re actually feeling for them until you’re a lot older and suddely the jealousy and possessivenes all make sense.

I love the recurring themes sprinkled throughout the episodes, starting from the chinese vocabulary that expresses the core thoughts of the two main characters: rival, intimacy, secret, male protagonist, as promised. They could easily be the episode titles, or the names of imaginary sections the show could be divided into. It’s a great way to integrate metaphors and deeper meaning into the plot.

That’s how most of the communication goes in this show, deep emotions are never conveyed through words because words are scary and loud and they can’t be taken back once they’re out there. The plot advances though stares and gestures and touch and gorgeous shots of the landscape. The pace is slow with hour-long episodes that could each be a movie of their own. This worried me a bit before starting, and I have to admit that at times I struggled to stay focused, especially during scenes that set the mood but don’t do much plot-wise. This is just a personal preference, though, and in no way I see it as a flaw. 

The dancing around each other the main characters do, sometimes literal, is frustrating but it determines an emotional build up that’s just starting to reach its peak. This is one of those shows that has me screaming if only they talked to each other, but the silences and unspoken words are so well directed and acted that it works. I struggle a lot with keeping in mind that they’re still in high school, they’re very young and I can’t expect them to act rationally just yet. 

I was really worried about Teh possibly going the insufferable Theory-of-love-khai way, and I am still not 100% sold on him. When he started helping Oh-aew again it felt like he was just doing it to make himself feel better about the whole thing. It was frustrating to see him so possessive and jealous while also so deeply in denial about his own feelings, to the point where he had me rooting for Bas instead. He was getting better, but then he fled at the end of episode 3 and now I have no clue what’s going to happen next. About this, I really have no idea if they’re going for a happy ending or a sad one. I’m really hoping it will be good, because so far there has been barely any emotional payoff for all the repressed longing and misunderstanding the show has put us through.

I do like their dynamic a lot though, I have a weak spot for childhood friends reconnecting and an ever weaker spot for informal mentor/mentee relationships. Oh-aew asking Teh to tutor him until he passes the admission exam was an almost exact mirror of Yuri on ice Yuri begging Victor to be his coach until he retires and I loved that a lot.

Now on to the one issue I have with this show: it feels too much like an art film. It reminds me of Moonlight and Call me by your name, in the way that I wasn’t able to connect with those movies because they are too perfect. They are so beautiful and carefully crafted that I can’t fully immerse myself in them. There’s a filter that stops me from relating to the characters and constantly reminds me that this is not reality. It’s pretty, it’s extremely well done, but it feels like art. It has some quirks, some scenes that feel too artificial. One scene in particular, the one where Teh buries his head in the paper Oh-aew wrote with his coconut scented pen to sniff it, which is a direct parallel to Call me by your name, bothered me in particular. Just as it felt over-the-top and purposefully weird in the movie, so it feels in the show. It’s a way of showcasing how a confused teen deals with attraction he barely understands, it’s raw and animalistic in a way, but it’s so quirky that all it accomplishes is to remind me that I’m watching an lgbt show. It makes me wonder if a scene like this would make sense in a straight relationship because here it seems to highlight how different and primal his attraction is. If I had to pinpoint it, I’d say that I have a problem with media showcasing queerness though peculiar, purposefully awkward scenes like these instead of normal kissing and cuddling.

Overall, I can’t wait to see how this show ends and I still think it’s one of the best bls to air in 2020, if not ever. It’s refreshing to see something with a big budget used well! So far my rating is 8/10, which I know is a lot lower than what everyone else seems to think but it’s still very much subject to change! Just hoping they won’t pull a Make our days count, but I doubt they’ll go there.

And now Gaya sa pelikula. Wow. Again, I knew next to nothing about this show before watching, and I was coming from a 3 hour I told sunset about you binge watch, so the bar was pretty high.

And boy, did this show deliver. I was blown away by the depth and the humor of it. It feels like the writers had fun taking all sorts of common tropes and stereotypes just to show everyone how well they can be evolved and made complex. Two strangers who somehow find themselves sharing an apartment sounds like the start of so many fanfictions out there, but it’s so well executed and interesting that you don’t even stop to think about how weak the premises for their meeting are. It doesn’t matter and it’s not even that far-fetched, either. The sister and the neighbor are also two characters that start off as extra stereotyped, but in just a few scenes they unveil an incredible depth and backstory. It blew me away.

Each character is so realistic. Everything they do and say makes sense, they all have their reasons and their past and they react accordingly, it’s so coherent. It’s impressive how everything takes place inside the house and you barely realize it because things happen and the plot moves anyways, and the way information about external events and people is conveyed is so seamless that you don’t even notice it. In only 7 episodes (so far) they have managed to give everyone a complex background and personality through the use of objects and small details and wow don’t get me started on the music.

The soundtrack is SO GOOD. I never really pay attention to music in shows but it plays a very important role here in my opinion and, well, it’s exactly the kind of music I like listening to and ahhh I just spent 4 hours playing the first kiss song on loop so I might be biased. Right from the start in episode 1, when Karl gives in to Vlad’s music and starts dancing to it, it’s established that it’s an important element to the mood of each scene. I love how the dancing I talked about for I told sunset about you comes back here, but while I saw it as a hesitant dancing around each other there, here it’s the opposite, it’s freeing and it’s about accepting yourself. And the end of episode 6 highlights this, with the beautiful quote “You are entitled to a love that lets you dance without fear and shame.” It made me cry a looooot.

I think the development of their relationship is masterfully done. It doesn’t happen too quickly nor too slowly. Karl goes through some needed shocks that act as his wake up call. When I’m watching bl shows I care the most about them feeling real and relatable. I don’t want to feel like they were written by a straight person trying to guess what it’s like to be gay. Now I didn’t look anything up about the Gaya sa pelikula writers, but I’d be very surprised if they were straight. I can relate to both Karl and Vlad for different aspects of their stories and their worries and thoughts. There was one part in particular that hit so close that I had to take a few breaks because it hurt too much. I am a lesbian, I’ve had relationship with a girl that lasted over a year, I am out to some friends but not all. I never came out to my parents, who are both very open minded and friends with a lot of gay people and would love me just as much if I told them, and yet I can’t. It’s not just that, I am terrified by the idea of them already knowing or being able to guess. When Karl freaked out over his uncle guessing, it hit me so hard because I’ve felt the same way so many times.

Episode 7 was amazing. I hate badly written drama the most, and 99% of shows can’t come up with any good reason for drama but they have to put it in there anyways and it sucks. This was the complete opposite, I adored it and I say this as a lover of fluff. It feels right, I think it’s an issue that would come up between two people like them. They are both right and the only thing that could happen there is what actually went down. I definitely think things will be fixed by the end and I am looking forward to it, but I am very glad this issue was included because it’s so important and so true to many lgbt people’s lives.

Another aspect I absolutely adored are the multiple references to lgbt theory and language, and Vlad has some of the best lines I’ve ever heard coming from a bl. When he tells Karl not to be afraid of the word, when he explains that “you don’t look gay” isn’t a compliment, when he scolds his sister for not acknowledging the things she used to say to him by covering them up with her ally act, those are all such important and educative moments that I hope everyone listens to. I love that Vlad is not correcting some ignorant bad guy, but it’s his accepting and loving friends and family that make the mistakes, because sometimes being supportive your own way isn’t enough if you’re not actively learning from the ones you want to support.

This is a 10/10 for me right now. I can’t find anything I don’t like about it. It never feels boring, it never feels overdone, it never feels cheap or unoriginal. It went straight to the top of my favorite bls.

And now I can’t help but compare the two a bit, because yes they are two different shows but right now the relationships they portray have reached the same point: there has been a climax and now the one who is more confused about his sexuality is panicking and taking a step back. It’s a coincidence that I watched both shows on the same day when their last aired episodes end in such a similar way, but it really leads me to compare the two. I don’t want to put them one against each other or say which one did it better because that’s not the point of this, they are both two amazing and important shows who are excelling in what they’re doing. 

Gaya sa pelikula is down to earth, it’s explicit and it’s straight to the point in explaining what’s going on inside each character’s head. It feels like watching real people deal with real struggles. I told sunset about you is a lot more subtle and quiet, and since we don’t really have a clear insight in the characters’ heads sometimes it’s hard to completely understand what’s going on with them. It’s a completely different way of narrating, and while Gaya sa pelikula makes me feel like I’m a part of the events, I told sunset about you feels like I’m just spectating from an outside perspective. They are different choices, but one of them ends up feeling a lot more emotional to me than the other.

To wrap it up, I highly recommend both shows and I can’t wait to see how they’ll end! They are both among the best shows of the year, both free of all those annoyingly stereotyped characters and plot points that most bls tend to overuse.

[laraslandlockedblues]

Ok actually I know the tags on my gif post I just did said I wasn’t sure when I’d be back, but I’m feeling strangely articulate tonight so here we go. Long-winded under the cut.

TL;DR - Real life is (and will continue to be) a busy bitch, a writer’s ego is a fragile thing, and my Lightning Struck series (Cullen/Evelyn) can now be considered on indefinite hiatus.

Hi! Yes, I’m alive and well and I really do appreciate the messages asking if I was all right and checking on me. You’re all too sweet and kind, and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you. Keep that in mind as this ramble continues, please.

This has been a weird year already, and it’s only March. Normally I’d be like “IT’S ALREADY MARCH?!” but no, this year...It’s only March. That’s how I’ve been feeling.

January started off with a weird mood for me. Over the holidays I had the usual  family stress and blahness that comes with adulthood, but a few fandom things happened too that put me into a rather...difficult headspace, shall we say. For one thing, I will say I’ve noticed I’m not the only one who’s pointed out that it feels like the fandom is dying. And it is. Which is sad. I feel like I only just got here - I’ve played DA for years but I only really started to interact with its fandom in late 2017, so for me it was still all fresh and new and exciting. Seeing that die down, compounded with the Tumblr wank, especially, was really disappointing.

As a creator, too, it was hard not to take that personally. It was hard not to take people moving on to other fandoms and interests and things as an indictment on my work. Rational brain knew that that was the problem, rational me knew that we were all just moving on because other things were catching our interest. It’s natural. But dumb, idiot writer brain was struggling with the fact that I was feeling like I was screaming into the void.

What bothered me more was that I even cared. I never once wanted to care about that. I always preach writing for oneself, and that’s why I write. But I hated  the fact that for a time I’d gotten so much feedback that I noticed its absence when it died down a little. And that’s not anyone’s fault, I’m not begging for comments or feedback, seriously. Again, rational me was shrugging and still wanted to write for me because it was fun and I enjoy it, but the fragile writer ego we all carry around inside us took a hit and began to doubt.

It stopped being fun. Especially because it wasn’t necessarily a total lack of feedback - it was, for me, a lack of feedback on what I was actually, currently working on. Over the holidays for some reason I began to get comments on WIPs that I hadn’t updated in ages - asking me for updates. Now, everyone has their own opinion on those sorts of comments, so this is only my own, and take it with a grain of salt and everything I just mentioned above.

It sucked. It absolutely, 100% sucked. Seeing the email notification that I got a comment would bring me so much joy - only to open it to see that it was a comment on something I hadn’t written for in a long time asking me when I’d feel like providing more content for that fic again. I began to feel like fic was a transaction and I was piling up debts. I started to feel like I owed fandom and readers what they wanted, instead of doing this for the reason I started in the first place - for myself.

I know that Rylen is niche. I know that fics that have very little to do with canon are niche. I know that Abby isn’t always super likable. I know that John is off-putting because he’s such a morally ambiguous OC who has nothing to do with DA and makes really shit decisions. I know all of that, and I’ve never expected any of those fics to get any sort of response, so the fact that they’ve gotten the response that they have still blows my mind and makes me insanely, insanely happy. And so I hated that I felt ungrateful, and that I was doubting my work, and that writing and fandom was beginning to feel like a labor and not something I loved.

The more I noticed I was struggling with working on updates, the more I started to think a break might be in order. When some RL stuff finally cropped up, the fact that I was sort of forced into a break was a blessing in disguise, to be honest. I leaned into the skid and let myself step back to reevaluate why I do this and what I want to get out of it. I fell into a new fandom and worked on random pieces of writing for it, which I threw into the voids of ao3 on a second account and only shared for myself and a few friends who were also falling into that fandom with me. I rediscovered the joy of writing and not caring what response I get. I reignited my love of crafting a story a certain way because I wanted to and not because I thought it was where anyone else thought it should go.

I remembered why I love writing in the first place - for myself.

And with that, I finally began to let go of some things, and let myself mull over decisions I’d been putting off or avoiding. I shrugged off the stress of expectation and “owing” anyone my time or effort, and I’m finally back to enjoying myself and my writing, free of doubt.

With that, I have some news, good and bad. The bad news first - my Cullen muse has left the building. I have waited, and hoped, and tried, but at some point he walked out the door and he hasn’t made an appearance since. That isn’t to say that I don’t still love his character or content about him, but personally, I can no longer write his POV or romance. The ability to do so has eluded me for months now, but I’ve accepted this sad truth at long last. Unless he’s trading banter with Rylen or Abby, his muse is no longer whispering in my ear. And that makes me sad, and for all I know he’ll reemerge some day, ready to help me write again. For now, though, that isn’t possible. Which does, unfortunately, mean that my Cullen/Evelyn WIPs are currently either abandoned or on an indefinite hiatus (I’ve tagged them appropriately on ao3 if you’re curious). If I do manage to return to them, I expect to only focus on Moments Passed and Miss Grey. As for what I’ll do about Beautiful Disaster...I’m not quite certain yet.

It did also mean that I was able to let go of something that had bothered me for a while as well. I’m almost positive no one noticed since it’s been kind of off radar for a while, but - my fic What Are the Odds has been orphaned. I’m still proud of it as a fic, but it came with a lot of baggage and my Cullen/Evelyn pairing was just ever so slightly OOC to the point that comments on it made me cringe. I’m a firm believer in not deleting, and so off to the fandom as an orphaned work it went, to be enjoyed without me having to be aware of it at all.

Now, the good news is - I do 100% still plan on writing Abby/Rylen. Their muses are still there and whispering to me, and I definitely want to continue working on the WIPs I have for them. At the moment After Rain might be slow to update (need to figure out how I’m navigating some canon plot to get me from point A to B to C to D and on). But I plan on trying to finish it as well as the others that I have for them. Abby/Ry live on, because I absolutely love them so much, and the idea of writing for them is back to bringing me joy.

I cannot make guarantees on update speed for the foreseeable future, possibly for the rest of the year. Currently RL continues to be a shitshow, as I was reminded today, and writing more than a sentence here or there has been difficult. In a few months I will also be moving, and once at my new destination I actually have a Big Project (a writing one I hope to be able to share here, if people are still around/Tumblr is still a thing) that I intend to make my full time focus. My goal has always been to be a writer, and while fanfic has been an amazing way to explore my writing style/storytelling/character voice, I have plans to get published. I’ll have a better opportunity to put those plans into realistic action later this year, which I’m actually really, insanely excited about.

If you have made it this far, THANK YOU. I love this fandom, and I’ve met so many wonderful, lovely, supportive, talented people in it and I have missed you all dearly during my time away. In no way was this a call out post directed at anyone in particular, and in no way was this a “woe is me, please give me attention” cry for help. I’ve just had a lot of thoughts and feelings during this break, and I actually wanted to sort of vocalize them because: 1) wow I already feel better after doing so, and 2) to let other writers know it’s 100% valid to need to take a break or occasionally get in your head about needing validation/feedback/wonder why we do this when it just feels like screaming into a fathomless void. It’s natural and normal and totally human, and if you’re feeling that way, find someone supportive to help you through and take a step back. Everything will be waiting there for you when you’re ready for it. And remember - do it for yourself because it’s something you enjoy.

xx