#also pls appreciate me writing (sort of) smut as a fully sex repulsed person lmao

[ambrosykim]

your loving arms are the true delight

pairing: ambrose kim x f!button (alex wiseman) words; rating: 2,5k; mature (non-explicit sex at the end) summary: alex and ambrose's first time getting intimate a few months into dating a/n: i've been writing this for so long and it's sg really close to my heart so enjoy the nerds being super grossly in love while exploring alex's asexuality

"so, what are your plans then?" nick leans against the doorframe as alex is putting her shoes on.

"oh, i've been meaning to show ambrose this small restaurant--"

"the one with the squid ink pasta?! i thought we agreed on keeping that a family secret!" nick is looking at her as if alex just set one of his ovens on fire - which, for the record, she has done. but only once and he keeps bringing it up even though it's been years.

alex raises her brows in response to her brother, but still says "well, i'm showing it to him anyways. you're not the boss of me," ending the sentence with a mental picture of her sticking her tongue out even if she feels too formal in her outfit to actually do it.

nick rolls his eyes.

"fine, i may just not want the place to get ruined for me by knowing that ambrose kim has set foot in there before," at alex opening her mouth, nick continues. "and i know, 'i need to grow up' i'm trying, okay? it's hard enough to accept that ambrose kim is dating my baby sister."

at this alex once again raises a lone eyebrow and mentally responds to her brother. "-and yes, i know, you're not a baby anymore and i love seeing you happy but it might take me a bit more time to accept ambrose kim as the source of that happiness." as a response alex only leans in to hug nick, who in turn uncrosses his arms to embrace her back.

their moment is interrupted by two sharp knocks on the front door.

he's here.

"speaking of the devil," nick has a slight smirk on his face. "don't let me keep you from your beau." alex gives a slightly annoyed huff at this, but quickly regains her previous cheeriness.

it's hard to be annoyed when a fancily dressed ambrose kim is on the other side of the door, waiting for her. as she's about to open the door, she calls back a quick "don't wait up!" to nick. to this, nick only answers with a wiggle of his eyebrows and an "ooh la la!" which alex quickly tunes out in favour of being able to properly kiss her boyfriend in greeting.

even though it's becoming one of her favourite pastimes, sometimes it still feels odd to be leaning down to kiss rosy- ambrose. despite him reassuring her that the height difference doesn't bother him, alex sometimes still feels overly conscious of the half foot that she's got on ambrose. still, the height difference allows for easy access to his forehead for forehead kisses, which she's getting more and more fascinated with, even though - or especially because - he always grumbles about it, but still allows it.

—

nick's comment only resurfaces in alex's thoughts upon entering ambrose's house after their pleasant restaurant date.

it really was lovely, after their meals they shared some tiramisu and talked about their most cherished books. after a while it evolved into alex ranting about her favourite character, to which ambrose only attentively listened to without any complaints - in fact, he seemed very taken by her enthusiasm. he really is an ideal date, alex must say.

after closing the door, ambrose turns to her.

"would you care for some tea? i've recently bought some strawberry tea and i wanted to get your opinion on it."

"that would be great, thank you," alex is still toeing off her shoes, so she misses the way ambrose softly nods at her as he makes his way into his kitchen.

she suspects that he mainly keeps tea at home for her enjoyment, since she knows ambrose prefers coffee. a bit after they started dating, an electric kettle suddenly appeared in his kitchen which he was very nonchalant about, but alex assumes he most likely bought it for her, since she’s been spending a considerable time at his house in the past months.

it's become a habit to have tea after their dates, which alex absolutely adores.

they sit on his couch - a dreadful cream colour, devoid of personality - and usually read together or play cards. lately ambrose has been teaching her to build a house of cards, but she's not very good at it, usually letting it fall apart with her exhaling laughter.

today, however, alex is suddenly preoccupied with overthinking what nick said - or implied more like - to her, his way of singing out 'ooh la la' ringing in her head.

as ambrose approaches with two mugs of steaming tea - both strawberry, as he has been expanding his tea drinking horizons since starting to date alex - alex snaps out of her trance of overthinking. she takes the mug, cradling it in her hands while ambrose sits down next to her.

noticing alex's motionless state, he starts to gather their books, as if to settle in for a night of quiet reading, but alex knows that he's giving her time to start talking. despite being usually chatty, ambrose knows how hard serious conversations are for her, and he feels that alex is thinking over something heavy. when he has their books - alex keeps a book at ambrose's for nights such as this - he hands the right one to alex.

after taking it - while her focus is still seemingly on the cover of the book - alex starts speaking.

"you know i want to have sex with you, right?" flicking her eyes up at her boyfriend she realises he's staring at her with a blank look. though she hasn't figured out all his expressions yet in their three months of dating, she can feel his shock rippling through the air. "i mean... eventually, you know? not right now but," as she continues speaking, he slowly puts his book down on the coffee table to join their mugs of tea, turning his body towards alex.

when she still doesn't get a reply, she continues. "-but, like soon? i guess? i don't know how soon after starting to date is normal... and you know i haven't had sex before so i'm like, kind of nervous about it. not that i don't trust you, you know i do, i just-" ambrose puts one hand on alex's knee, which immediately shuts her up. she looks up from where she's still staring at the book in her hand, only watching as he plucks it from her grasp and joins their hands together.

"alex, please breathe. i hope you know i'm not expecting anything from you. not now, or ever." despite ambrose keeping his expression neutral, alex can feel the warmth radiating from him.

"i know, i just... don't want you to feel like i'm not attracted to you, or that i'm waiting for you to seduce me or something."

at this, ambrose raises a single eyebrow, as if him 'seducing' anyone - even alex - is ridiculous. to be fair, alex has to keep herself from laughing at the mental image of ambrose throwing himself at her while clad in lingerie. as if reading her mind, ambrose's eyes narrow in alex's direction, but she knows he's determined to continue the conversation. getting over the mental image of ambrose in lingerie, alex continues. "because i am. attracted to you, that is. you know that i've got difficulties with the whole sexual attraction thing, and after a comment nick made, i'm just overthinking everything." she gestures at her head, as if to indicate where exactly her overthinking is happening at the moment.

"plus, i just like having a plan for everything, so maybe let's come up with one for the time we end up having sex?" alex's big eyes bore straight into ambrose's own, and he nods.

"that sounds perfect. i would like to know what you'd be comfortable with doing and what i could do to make it enjoyable for you."

still sitting turned towards each other, alex suddenly tries to hide her face by looking over her shoulder. as ambrose reaches over to cradle her head while gently turning it to face him, he sees tears welling up in alex's eyes.

"i'm sorry. what you said was just so perfect and i just-" ambrose wipes the tears off her face with his thumbs and leans up to slowly kiss alex's forehead.

"we will have a detailed discussion later, about what you're fine with and what i should avoid doing," as he says that, he continues to hold alex's face in his hands, looking deeply into her eyes.

alex opens her mouth, to which ambrose lowly chuckles before speaking.

"i know, you like to have a plan for everything, which is why, in this conversation, we will also include a detailed schedule for our first time, all right?" to this, alex only nods, while letting out a watery chuckle that sounds eerily similar to a sob.

"thank you. weird how the tables turned in this conversation huh? look at you, doing most of the talking," and with that, alex is back to being her usual self, only the subtle shining of tears in her eyes indicating that the past few minutes actually happened.

while glad that his girlfriend is seemingly returning to herself, ambrose stares into her eyes, as if looking for a confirmation that she really is all right. after finding what he’s looking for in alex’s gaze, he nods to himself, finishing his inspection with a peck to her cheek.

her eyes crinkling with joy at this, she chases his mouth to capture it in a proper kiss which he eagerly responds to, while not letting it become anything more. with that, she reaches to get their reading off the coffee table. she hands ambrose one of the books as she settles down on the couch, leaning into the side of her boyfriend for an evening of quiet relaxation, shelving this conversation for later.

—

in the end, after some thorough discussion, they came up with a plan they were both comfortable with. ambrose made sure to talk through exactly what touch alex would be fine with, even though they agreed that he would be physically removed for most of their first time.

alex has never done anything like this before and she is nervous. she is currently laying on the bed against the headboard, still talking to ambrose who’s just coming in from the other room.

even though she's gotten used to ambrose's attention being focused on her, this is something entirely new, and she knows he’s noticed her slight tension. she can feel his gaze on her as she gets comfy on the bed, while he sits in the chair that’s been brought in for him from the kitchen.

she proposed to let him on the bed with her but ambrose insisted that the chair would offer him a better view - to which alex blushed a deep pink, and ambrose only answered by clearing his throat.

now, she's leaning against the headboard - which is firm under her head, grounding her - with most of her clothes gone.

ambrose was meticulous in removing her clothes, while also not making her feel overwhelmed in the process. he made sure she was comfortable with his actions by dizzying her with kisses, which made her both more eager and more compliant with him. still, he didn’t overdo it, and was very precise in which part of her body he touched.

(god, alex loves him so much.)

after she has been properly riled up through the slow undressing and kissing process - which took around half an hour not that she was timing it - she is now laying against the headboard in only her bralette and an unbuttoned shirt, making eye contact with ambrose.

he's sitting with his arms crossed, only dressed in his black joggers - and looking very enticing if alex can say so herself.

maintaining eye contact, she slowly moves her hands down her body, stopping at her center. she doesn't know what to do with her other hand, so she slides that over her breast, more out of comfort than any stimulation.

she's hyperaware of her lover's intense stare, and though he hasn't changed his position since sitting down, alex knows he's affected just by how hard he’s clutching his crossed arms. still, today is not about his pleasure, but about getting to know alex and her comfort levels with intimacy and sex, and he knows that. his eyes suddenly jump from alex's own, to where she just started touching herself.

she still feels a bit nervous, but just looking at ambrose and his lips pressed together from concentration - and from how much he's affected by her - helps. shifting her focus to his arms - still crossed, muscles bulging from how hard he's holding himself back - she feels herself getting more and more wet. she's also just as affected by him as he is by her, her quiet breathy whimpers filling the silence of the room.

just then – maybe after hearing her - with eyes flicking to hers, ambrose stands up and makes his way to the foot of the bed.

he does so as slowly as he can, giving alex time to adjust to his proximity. as he sinks down to the bed, alex nudges him with her leg, giving him permission to touch her. he slowly snakes his hands onto her calves, tightly holding on, his eyes still boring into hers.

alex flits her gaze down to concentrate on where his hands are grabbing her skin, looking intently at his hands – she’s always loved his hands, strong and sturdy - as she continues rubbing herself, getting close. she's nearly willing him to move closer, but he's keeping a respectful distance, though he slowly starts stroking her legs.

she could come by only the way he looks at her. it's as if he wants to devour her whole, yet still so full of tender love.

as she's getting close, she detaches her hands from her body to make grabby hands to her boyfriend, who complies with a slight smirk on his face, coming to cage her thighs with his muscular ones, careful to not put his weight on her. he gently but firmly grabs alex's face, kissing her deeply but still keeping his eyes open, as if not wanting to miss a single moment of what's happening.

as he envelops alex with his frame – keeping a small distance between their bodies - she reaches down to continue rubbing herself where she left off. as a response, ambrose grips her waist with one hand and slowly holds her breast with the other, swiping his thumb over her nipple, making alex's voice hitch as she comes.

at this, ambrose detaches his mouth from alex's, wanting to be able to watch his partner come. afterwards, alex reaches up to kiss him, conveying all her love towards him, smiling into the kiss.

as ambrose lays down next to her, she turns to him, snuggling in close to him.

ambrose huffs a small laugh but accepts his fate, knowing that he can’t escape from alex’s need from cuddles.