#also patton is a manifestation if thomas' paternal side

[spideriot]

i cant form a cohesive mini essay right now but theres something so special and warm about the fact that the omly person who eas kind of thomas' anixety was his morality... idk what that implies but it means so much to me

[luckycheesefoodie321]

HEY idk if this has been thought of Sanders Sides fandom...

But do you think “sides” manifest one by one like in Inside Out???

And if so, wouldn’t that probably mean Patton is the oldest side?? The heart, raw feelings of childhood...that’s all Patty boy...Hence his paternal mentality but also his childlike personality...

Childlike bc he’s been there from the very beginning...his whole room is rooted in memories and nostalgia...would make sense that he’s accumulated it all in his time with Thomas...

he’s also “dad” bc he’s the original and he saw each side “born” and that’s why he’s thus far never felt any real animosity towards any of them, including Deceit...he knows why the exist and what they were like in their early days of manifestation...

This makes me wonder if Roman and Logan were born roughly the same time...as you perceive more of your world, certain rules start to settle in and concrete ideas form a sense of logic...but in order to form these ideas, one needs to see the patterns around them and find the rhyme to reason...Roman would’ve been right there with Logan pondering the world in all its mysteries, but from different perspectives...which then builds the foundation for their often butting of heads...

Virgil was obviously the last of the main 4 to manifest...one isn’t born with “anxiety” per se...like Fear in Inside Out, he was a learned aspect of Riley, born from prior experiences and in that way, Logan and Roman’s combined worldview accompanied by Patton’s reactions to it would’ve spawned a need for some degree of alertness about the world, and thus Virgil was born...then came middle/high school and he gained more significance in the mind space...

Deceit would’ve started with white lies, but humans natural inclination to lying would’ve allowed him to gain power quite quickly...

Hmmmmm idk if this has been done before but yeah imma end on that vague note! @thatsthat24 @thejoanglebook

[ilovereadingandilovebreathing]

Play It Again, Virgil

So, as promised, here is the companion piece to “Play It Again, Patton” (aka the other bout of angst Coldplay caused me.)

As I said on my other post, this one is a different situation from the other; they’re just companions in the Coldplay inspiration and Virgil/Patton angst department. This one took a different less painful course than I expected, but I think this one is my favorite of the pair. 

The placement of this one is immediately after the filming of “Accepting Anxiety” because that whole ordeal would be chocked full of emotions for Virgil.

Summary: Today’s been a big day for Virgil. The other Sides AND Thomas were in his room, he revealed his name, and the others were all so kind to him. It’s sparked something in him that he never wants to lose, so where else to go to hold on to an emotion than their resident powerhouse of emotions?

Word Count: 1,172

Characters: Virgil and Patton (platonic/paternal), some Logan, and a smidge of Roman

Genre: (Kind of?) Hurt/Comfort, (I guess?) Angst, and (some) Fluff

Warnings: None, again, unless “Fix You” and/or “Yellow” by Coldplay are/is a no-go for you (which is completely fair because wow). 

Tags: @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @ssides

“Honestly, thank you for all of the good stuff that you do provide. You can be a good guy.”

Virgil sinks out of Thomas’s sight and materializes into his corner of the Mind Space, that small grin still playing with his lips as he sprawls across his bed. This…there’s this sensation, and it feels good. Like, really good. It’s warm and also kind of fuzzy, like static or a fleece blanket, and the feeling is burrowed in the pit of his stomach and the middle of his chest. It’s strange, and the force and unfamiliarity of it almost make him feel a little queasy, but…he likes it. 

And he doesn’t understand it. So, seeing as he and Logan are still on civil terms after a video (for a change), Virgil ambles toward the Logical Side’s room.

“Hey Logan?” Virgil asks, peeking his head around the door frame.

“Yes, Anx-Virgil.” Logan corrects himself, smiling apologetically. “Is something the matter?”

“No, no not at all. Things are great, actually, but I was wondering….I have this weird warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach. Am I sick? Did being away for an extended period of time screw something up?”

“In your stomach, you say…” Logan reiterates thoughtfully. “Warm…fuzzy…is this only in your stomach?”

“Well, my chest, too, but that’s it.”

“I believe it could be a few different things, but considering the breakthroughs being had recently, I’d say it’s….a sense of belonging and acceptance, a physical manifestation of your sense of feeling at home here.”

“Wow,” Virgil is wide-eyed. 

A sense of belonging…of home…so this is what that feels like.

“That’s…I like it. A lot.” He wants this feeling to remain for as long as possible, and he knows just where, or who, to go to make that sensation stay. “Thanks, Logan.” Virgil waves as he turns and pads down the hall toward Patton’s room.

-

“Hey, Pat?” Virgil asks, knocking on Patton’s door a few minutes later. “Can I come in?”

“Of course, kiddo!” Patton chirps, briefly looking up from his adult coloring book to flash him a smile and beckon him in. “What’s up?”

“I…just wanted to hang out with you.” He knows if he mentions the home and belonging thing, Patton will flip out and hug all over him. With all of the stimulation today, he isn’t sure if he can handle that just yet.

“That’s just fine!” Patton beckons to the empty side of his bed, moving a few colored pencils out of the way so Virgil can stretch out. “How’s a little music?” Patton grabs a palm-sized remote and aims it toward the docking station on his bedside table.

“Anything is fine. Whatever you want, Pat.” Virgil sighs as he leans against Patton’s boundless abundance of pillows, allowing the beat of Capital Cities’s “Safe and Sound”  to fill the air around him.

They let time pass like this, Virgil staring at Patton’s ceiling, reveling in this new feeling, and Patton happily adding color to intricate mandalas. Eventually, the much slower pace and sadder instrumentals of “Fix You” are filling the room, and it isn’t until the chorus that Patton’s ears register the difference.

“Whoopsie daisy!” Patton grabs the remote and moves to change the song. “Don’t know how that Debbie Downer snuck into my playlist. Must’ve accidentally added it with “Something Like This-”

Patton suddenly realizes that his bed is shaking, and he looks up, shocked to find Virgil huddled into himself, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Virge, kiddo, what’s the matter?“ Patton asks, moving to sit in front of the other side. “Do I need to change the song?”

Wordlessly, Virgil leans over and rests his head on Patton’s thigh, still curled into himself as he continues to cry; he shakes his head when Patton once again asks about switching to another track.  

“I-I-it’s h-happy a-a-and s-ad c-crying, P-P-Pat.” Virgil barely manages to choke out as the emotions continue to pour out of him. It’s a cathartic kind of crying, as Virgil envisions, and even realizes the possible reality of, a life where the other Sides and Thomas really do care about him and want to help him, to “fix” him. The verses remind him of his past, present, and still likely future struggles with himself, but the chorus brings him the hope of this new life of support and companionship. After the emotional video he barely got through today, the timing of this song is too much to contain.

Leaving the song to play on, Patton considers the lyrics, suddenly realizing what their significance could be to Virgil in the aftermath of “Accepting Anxiety.” Patton runs his fingers through Virgil’s hair, occasionally straying to rub his back as his charge lets his feelings wash out of him.

Eventually, “Fix You” fades out, and Patton switches off the music dock, taking in a deep, but shaky, breath before softly singing, “Your skin, your skin and bones, turn in to something…beautiful…You know….you know, I love you so.” Patton sniffles as a few tears sneak from the corners of his eyes. “I do, kiddo.” Patton whispers, a small smile on his lips as Virgil looks up at him from beneath his bangs, the eye-shadow and actual bruises melting together through Virgil’s tears. “You’ve grown so much since we first became aware of you, and….I’m so proud of you, kiddo. I really…really am.” This time, Patton is actually crying, and now he’s drawing his dark, strange son into his embrace as he whispers, “I love you so much, Virgil” into the other Side’s shoulder. “So, so much.”

Virgil takes in a deep, steadying breath and murmurs, “I love you, too, Pat.” Squeezing the other side before letting go, that small, shy smile back on his lips, he shakily chuckles, “I wouldn’t have worked so hard on my eye shadow for the video if I’d known I’d just cry it off afterward.”

“It’s okay, kiddo.” Patton grabs a tissue from the box on his desk. “It looks kinda cool, Halloween-y.” He smiles as Virgil gently rubs the black eye shadow from beneath his eyes, trying not to stare at the actual purple-black bruises already underneath the dark make up.  His heart clenches in pain for his beloved companion, but there’s also a twinge of hope that maybe things will change for Virgil, now. Maybe he can feel more at ease and sleep more, letting those dark patches of skin fade. Only time would tell, but that wouldn’t keep Patton from hoping now.

Squeezing Virgil’s hand, Patton looks back to his coloring book and hits play on his speakers, skipping to the next track which happens to be ���Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Getting an idea, Patton suddenly leaps off of the bed, doing a horrible interpretive dance and horrendously inaccurate air guitar solos that leave a still emotionally charged Virgil in hysterical tears. The noise draws Logan and Roman into the room, as well, and before long, all four are laughing and singing together, that warm and fuzzy feeling alive and well within all of them.

Play It Again, Patton

All of my Sanders Sides fanfics