#also one time i went to ''''france'''' and it was just a gaping white void and a baguette so other countries may not in fact always exist

[evilkitten3]

we have a good reason to be afraid ok if you look at a map in america too long it might feel threatened and shoot you

"everything you want is on the other side of fear" but it's about usamericans finally bringing themselves to look at a world map

[kkruml]

STAY chapter 10

Well this only took...26?... days to write.

Thank you to @missclairebelle and @sassenachwaffles for getting me back on this train.

And to everyone who asked about, read, reblogged, and cheered on this story. There was more I wanted to write for this chapter but I am sending it off into the universe so I can let it go and push forward to what happens next. I hope you all enjoy.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

AO3

Previously

“I missed ye is all.” He closed his eyes and lost himself in the feel of her fingers against his scalp, the steady rise and fall of her chest, the softness of her breast beneath his cheek. As euphoria was threatening to overcome him, he sighed heavily and shifted his body to stand. Her fingers tightened into his hair and held him close, and without hesitation he sank back down against her.

“Are you not staying?” Behind a light tone, he heard the disappointment.

“I have to go- my sister is in labor with my first nephew- she’d skin me alive if I wasna there.”

Her breathing hitched for a moment but she cleared her throat and softened her grip, “Congratulations. You should get going then, you said it’s a fair drive to get… home.”

“I’m sorry I haventa leave ye, Sassenach,” his voice was low as it hummed against her stomach. His arms tightened around her as he placed a soft kiss just below her navel. “Ye could come wi’ me, ye ken.”

He felt her heartbeat quicken as he waited. Her voice was tight as she asked, “To Lallybroch?”

A coy grin played at his lips as he watched her face crinkle. “Aye.”

Claire

The car slowly came to a stop. After two deep breaths from beside her before she heard the engine cut. Her eyes slowly trailed up his hand, searching for the tender, unguarded dip of his wrist where his pulse settled. Instead, she found his grip still firm on the gear shift, fingers clenched and skin white against his knuckles. The long lean muscles of his forearm were taut, his shoulders square and unflinching. His eyes were focused on a point far in the distance. The tension between his shoulder blades could have been cut with a knife, the reverberating pulse filling the space between them.

She slowly turned her gaze to the house in front of them- old stone molded by time and softened by the memories within it. Large fingers slowly laced with hers and tightened.

“Well then….” He shifted in his seat as he turned to face her. “Welcome to Lallybroch.”

The grounds were an enchanting backdrop to the old, well loved home. Jamie’s hooded gaze told of both pain and memories here, but now was no time to ask questions, so she smiled and rubbed her thumb against his and exhaled.

His grasp on her hand held steady as he led her through the dimly-lit entryway and into the empty house. “Where is everyone?”

“The hospital,” his voice was tired. “Jenny and Ian will bring the wee bairn home tomorrow. I wanted a bit of time here in the quiet… with you.”

Her heart constricted at his words and she pulled back on his hand, forcing him backwards until he was facing her. In a time now when she had no family, walking into the very heart of Jamie’s own stole her breath and quickened the beat of her heart. She wanted to tell him, show him how grateful she was that he wanted her here. That she wanted to be a part of his world, yet the thought of family pierced her heart in the gaping wound left by her parents. Those words were buried at the base of her throat, unable to find air.

Her eyes searched his; finding a mix of exhaustion and need, she raised their hands to her mouth and gently laid a kiss on his skin. He nodded silently, a hint of a smile pulling at his lips. Together, the sound of creaky floorboards followed them down the hallway towards his room.

Jamie

“I dinna think I’ve ever done that in this room before, Sassenach.” His voice was thick as his breathing steadied. A light layer of sweat on her skin glistened against the soft glow of light. The pulsating effects of their efforts coursed through his body; his eyes fixed on her face and he watched as her lashes fluttered open.

“Oh, come now Jamie,” her voice had a playful tone as he felt her smile against his skin. “If these walls could talk, I’m sure they could write a story.”

His breath caught in his chest, and she froze. Lifting her head to search his face, her smile faded. “You look haunted, Jamie.”

He let out the remaining breath in his lungs, closing his eyes briefly before settling them on the curve of her cheek, just shy of meeting her gaze. The deep clear blue she’d swam in just moments ago faded to a story gray. Two fingers drummed against her skin as he looked around the room, seeing shadows of ghosts long gone. “I came back here after it happened…These walls have witnessed the worst days of my life.”

“I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to-”

“Och, dinna fash, lass,” he muttered. Still feeling the tingling of her lips against his, his hand outlined her side from hip to shoulder, finding comfort in the dips and curves of her skin.

She leaned into his touch and purred as he let his hand linger.

The image of her that first night fluttered into his mind. White chucks and a coy smile lit her face as she leaned against the brick wall in the alleyway. Wide whisky eyes staring into the dark corners of his soul broke down the first wall of many- tilting his world from a faded grey to incandescent shades of sunrise. He had wanted to kiss her then, touch her, feel her and know her to be real.  “Given the way we met-in that bar… I wouldha guessed the same thing.”

“Mmm,” her voice vibrated softly against his side, but she gave the gift of silence for him to finish.

“Lots of bad dreams, ye ken. Lots of howlin’ in the night. Scared Jenny somethin’ fierce. But she never wavered.” At the mention of his sister, he felt the beat of his heart steady and a small curl of a smile play at his lips.

“Couldna stay here forever though, Jenny and Ian were newlyweds, and I could tell they dinna ken what to do to help. In truth, neither did I… So I went away.”

“Where on earth did you go?”

“France. Visited a cousin. Got rip roarin’ drunk in Paris- got myself kicked out of more than a few pubs, picked fights with strangers for no reason, and generally raised hell just to feel somethin’ other than loss.”

Her hand traced circles against his ribs in a hypnotic rhythm that lulled him as he felt her warm breath against his skin. “I know what it feels like to need something… anything other than nothingness.”

His arm tightened around her as his nose nuzzled into her hair, the familiar scent of lavender filling his nostrils.

“I had a close call one night, walkin’ home, half-gone wi’ drink…” his throat tightened as the memory seeped back into his mind. “I stumbled from the pavement onto the roadway and heard the deafening sound of a car horn behind me, followed by screeching tires.”

Her hand stilled against his skin, the tips of her fingers pressing firm into his side as she gasped.

“Same sounds, same fear. But that time… I was alone. There was no one to save- except me.” His voice dropped to a whisper, “I wanted to forget my loss, the pain of it all. But I dinna want Jenny to ever feel that hopelessness… no’ about me.”

A warm tear slowly trickled down his chest as he felt her lashes blink hard against his skin.

Despite the calm in his voice, he felt bile rising in his throat as he clenched his teeth together, “I was so reckless I also got myself killed… and damned Jenny in the process.”

“So I left, came back to Scotland. I couldna bear comin’ back to Lallybroch- decided I needed to start over… in Edinburgh. Music helped fill the void enough to go through the motions each day. But I resolved no’ to feel anything deeply again- bad or good.”

“And you haven’t been home since.” He heard a trace of longing and sadness lingering under her composed tone. “Is it painful to be home now?”

“Doesna pain me as much as I thought it might, bein’ here.” Fatigue crept into his voice as he sighed, “I have you here, Claire.”

A soft smile crept across her lips as she brushed them against his chest in a light kiss.

“Now come here, let me show ye how ye heal me.”

Claire

She woke to an empty bed. Her hand grazed his pillow, the faint heat left by his head was evidence that he hadn’t been gone long. Grabbing a fresh set of clothes, she tiptoed to the bathroom in search of a hot shower.

She had hastily packed the nearest clean clothes she could find the night before, and she sighed in relief as she pulled out clean knickers and her favorite sweatshirt.

Freshly showered and in need of caffeine, she deposited her things in Jamie’s room and headed down the hallway towards the stairs- and hopefully the kitchen.

Passing the last door on the left before the stairwell, a brief movement caught her eye and she stopped. Behind a partially open door she caught the unmistakable curve of Jamie’s shoulders, with a small ball of blankets carefully secured in his arms.

A brief flicker of Jamie with a child… her own… flitted through her mind as she stepped light-footed towards the bannister as not to disturb them.

Jamie

“He’s a braw lad, Jenny,” he said with a note of pride in his voice as he settled into the chair beside the bed. “Ye sure he’s Ian’s?”

“Och yer lucky this one has me worn out or I’d thump yer heid, ye daft fool.” Her lips pulled into a smile as she leaned back against the pillow.  “So ye brought someone here, then?”

“Aye.” His muscles tightened as he sat up straight in his chair. He blinked hard, his eyes tracing the lines of his hands, firmly clasped together in his lap. “I did.”

Claire.

She was here, with him.

The thoughts flushed his cheeks red and he felt the heat spread to the tips of his ears. Feeling her gaze on him, he cleared his throat to maintain his composure.

Her eyes tracked his movements as she lifted one eyebrow, “Dinna think I’d see ye here wi’ another lass.”

“Another lass?” The warning in his voice was thinly veiled.

She wasn’t just another pretty face.

“Aye. Ye heard me fine, I reckon.” Holding the bairn comfortably against her chest, she watched his face as it contorted in thought. “no’ so soon or…ever, really.”

So soon?

He never expected to heal, not truly.  

But he had- because of Claire.

Hearing his heart pulsing in his ears, he countered, “Look Janet. Claire is… different. I’ll thank ye to give her proper respect.”

Matching his bravado, she squared her shoulders and leaned forward, “All I’m tryin’ to say brother… is that I’m glad ye seem to have found some light through the darkness.”

Sorcha.

His breath caught at the thought.

Could Jenny really see Claire-truly see her the way he did?

That she was truly different?

A bridge between both the life inside of him and the possibilities of the future that had been beyond his grasp.

He opened his mouth, but no words formulated. He paused for a moment before closing it and settled on a decidedly Fraser grunt before holding his hands out to her. “Let me hold the wee bairn.”

Claire

Tiptoeing up the stairs, she heard a voice from behind a doorway call her name. The voice wasn’t Jamie’s, but a higher pitched tone but no less sturdy. Looking at the door to Jamie’s room for a final moment, she squared her shoulders and turned, pressing her hand softly against the partially opened door.

She was greeted by a petite woman, perhaps a year or two older than herself, with a familiar face. Straight nose, catlike eyes that matched her brother but instead of fiery curls, her hair was straight and raven black. She was striking.

“Ye must be Claire, I reckon.” Her Highland lilt was strong as her eyes traveled up and down her form. “Jamie said he brought a lass here last night. Didna much believe him but here ye are- clear as day.”

“Yes, I’m Claire. You must be Jenny,” she fought to keep the nerves out of her voice. Her eyes flickered to the bundle in her arms, “I do believe congratulations are in order. The new babe looks to be quite perfect.”

“Och, weel,” her voice softened at the mention, her hand caressing his head. “The bairn gave up quite a fight, but wee Jamie is here now.”

The image of Jamie as a baby, with wisps of fuzzy red hair against alabaster skin, crept into her mind. She took a tentative step closer, seeing a small hand poke out from under the blanket. “He’s beautiful.”

“Come here, have a seat Claire,” she patted the chair next to the bed, “no need to stand around on ceremony.”

With a few quick steps forward, Claire lowered herself into the chair and arched her neck to see wee Jamie’s face.

With one eyebrow arched and both eyes focused on her face, Jenny asked, “So what is it ye do Claire?”

A smile played across her lips at the question. “I’m just finishing the surgical residency program in Edinburgh.”

“Impressive,” Jenny’s tone alerted an odd sense of curiosity as she met Claire’s eyes. “Do ye plan to stay in Scotland, then?”

Hearing the real question being asked, a flicker of Jamie’s smile flashed through her mind. “I really hope to. I’ve lived many places but haven’t really felt like I belonged anywhere. I hope to change that.”

“Claire, please…” Jenny’s face went slack, abandoning her composed façade. Her voice cut through the air and hit Claire in the chest. “Dinna break his heart, it’s barely put back together.”

Claire swallowed hard, hearing the depth of her plea. Jenny had seen him at his worst and was begging her not to send him back to that dark place.

“I don’t plan to, Jenny,” her voice started softly but found its strength as she finished, “I- I love Jamie- truly. I want the best for him just like you. I just hope that includes me.”

Jenny’s face softened for a moment before settling back into a confident and contented smile. They sat quietly in companionable silence, but she could feel the start of a friendship forming, tentative and fragile but founded in a mutual hope and love for a stubborn, red-headed Highlander.

After a full day of touring the grounds and going pint for pint with Ian in the cellar, Jamie and Claire stumbled up the stairs towards his bedroom. The palpable tension between them amplified throughout the night with subtle brushes of skin and stolen glances before finally shattering between them- the heat of his skin burning into hers.

With the door firmly closed behind her, his hands searched her clothing, pulling at the base of her blouse in search of skin. His lips were on her skin, furiously nipping and sucking her flesh from her collarbone to the curve of her chin. Her breath was heavy in his ear as her fingers fumbled with his belt, greedy in their conquest.  Her feet stumbled against his and her weight pushed them back onto the bed. A deep rumble escaped from his chest as his eyes pierced hers, dark with need. His hands cupped her face and drew her mouth to his, the feel of his tongue hot and wet against hers.

As her fingers freed him of his belt and worked on the zipper to his pants, she heard the faint buzz of her phone against the wood side table. She paused and exhaled sharply.

“Dinna get that… not now.” His words spilled into her mouth between breaths and she pressed herself into him, her knees pulling up to her sides to straddle him.

She lifted herself just high enough to free herself of her blouse when the phone buzzed again.

“For fuck’s sake…” he growled as he sat up to meet her, his lips hungry against the swell of her breasts as her chest heaved against her bra. “Who could need to talk… right now?”

She moaned at the sensation of his stubble against her skin. His hands dug into her hips and lifted her slightly as he twisted to lay on top of her. A final buzz of the phone forced a snarl from his lips as he grabbed the phone to silence it. His face froze as he saw the name on the screen.

“Jamie…” Eyes wide, she looked from his face to the phone and back again. “Who is it?”

Without a word he turned the phone, so she could see: Uncle Lamb.

In one swift moment she sat up and grabbed it, fumbling with the screen before finally accepting the call.

Jamie

The next few moments were a blur. The heat between them had cooled as the tone of her voice shifted- now alert and focused.

Boston. Family estate matters. Uncle Lamb needs me.

She moved around the room with a ruthless efficiency, fingers expertly folding and tucking her belongings into her suitcase. Whirling around with a final scan of the room, her eyes stopped when they reached him, still seated quietly on the bed- eyes cast downward.

“I’m sorry Jamie... I have to go.”

“There’s nothin’ to be sorry about, lass,” he said quietly, but he mustered a small smile as he met her gaze, “I’ll drive ye to the airport, see ye safe.”

She stepped forward, her knees grazing his as she stood in front of him. His hands slowly found her waist and pulled her down to straddle him. Gone was the passion of moments ago, now he held her there as a silent beacon, an anchor to tether them together for a moment longer. “Just promise me ye’ll come back, aye?”

A crease formed between her eyebrows; she nodded as she lowered her head to kiss him, soft, tender.

“And…” he whispered against her lips as his voice lowered, “promise me we’re no’ done with this.”