#also obviously sll this is deeply political the class race and gender divides. especially thru colonialism. are deeply entrenched in the

[deathlonging]

i LOVE what our share of night is doing with the body (and by extension autonomy) and the fear of the body. the way the initiates are encouraged to be "androgynes," rosario's friends who undergo a sex change, the way as young ppl they're encouraged to sleep w each other and bleed into each other as much as possible in an attempt to have the cult be one writhing synchronized mass of the same approach the same faiths the same goals. and then of course it's all nuclear families when they're done; it isn't rosario and juan's coupling that's so contested but their desire to build a life for themselves--its expected for them to fall into the roles society demands of them to keep the peace and hence keep the violence intact but they not only want juan to live to thirty-- heretofore unprecedented, a privilege that cannot be disconnected from his race and gender--but also want several years with their son before they begin to discuss his potential. they aren't even asking for freedom they're asking for time. and even that is so contentious, not only due to the possessive nature of a cult but also the fear of the unknown body, the desire to clutch whatever the medium has created to their chest and turn it transparent for their purposes, an impossible task. and this is without even getting started on juans chronic illness and how its exacerbated by his role as medium, which ironically is what's kept him alive thus far when no one else would've lavished such attention on him. the double bind of being owned, the curse of dependence. the way the book reiterates over and over how despite his size juan cannot fight. until, of course, the fight with eddie. and then one of the thesis statements is dropped in gaspar's section: nonconformity is only possible for those who are not slaves everyone else has to fight......when everything you do is a means of study, of exploitation. body horror fr