#also nothing can stop my from writing about domestic as fuck MArecal

[lilyharvord]

Can Mare sing, in your opinion?

For my opinion on the above comment finish this fic. (((: Also, nothing can stop me from imagining that Lavenders Blue is a lullaby that survived everything. I am unashamed to have used it. Also no editing. ((: 

LAVENDERS BLUE 

“He won’t sleep.” Cal grimaces as he paced the space at the foot of our bed. His anxiety is driving me up a wall. Shade will sleep when he wants to, I almost hiss. But I bite my tongue. Cal’s just as tired as me, possibly more. He just got back from the States this morning and he flew an overnight flight here. And he stayed up all day helping me prepare our gifts for the holiday party we’re attending tomorrow. He had also been the one to get up and hold Shade when he started screaming half an hour ago. He’s trying, he’s trying really, really hard to be present in this moment. He feels bad that you’ve been doing this alone for the past two weeks, I tell myself as I sigh through my nose. Propping myself up on my elbows, and then rolling into a sitting position, I hold my arms out and say, “Give him to me.” 

For a moment, he looks offended at my request, but then relinquishes his face falling. He slides Shade into my arms, and I accept the weight of my son carefully. He squirms in my arms immediately and starts whining again. At least he’d stopped doing that when Cal picked him up. 

Stay relaxed, that had been my mother’s advice from the moment I’d held my son for the first time. He’d been a small baby, but he had lungs like an ox and when he was upset, he did not hesitate to let everyone know. Sounds like someone we all know, Gisa had teased when I mentioned it the first time. 

Moving him gently from side to side, I try to establish the same rhythm that he liked from a few nights ago. He quiets quickly, and opens his eyes, the watery honey irises sparkling in the light of the night lamp. Letting out a hiccup, he watches my face carefully. 

“You’re being a pain tonight, you know that?” I ask him with a yawn. I almost forget that Cal is there for a moment, and I feel bad. He’s been gone on and off for the past few months, and I know he’s miserable about it. He had begged the People Court for time off during my pregnancy, and they had given him the full seven months, as long as he was prepared to accept their requests for his time after Shade was born. He’d agreed, not realizing that they would punish him for choosing this over helping them build the future in the States. I didn’t want to say it, but I was pretty sure Anabel was still pulling some strings. She still hated my guts, and wanted nothing to do with me. However, she was willing to redraw the battle lines, especially with her getting time with great grandson being at stake.  

“But your dad did a damn good job getting you to shut up a few minutes ago.” I sneak a mischievous smile in Cal’s direction, and he gives me a weak one in response. It’s not much, and it doesn’t soothe his ego in the slightest. My smile falls quickly and I glance down at Shade who has started to suck on his knuckles to the rhythm of my rocking. I glance back at Cal, who is watching the two of us with a strangely detached expression. He feels like he’s missing everything, my mind hisses. He already told you today that he feels like Shade’s grown so much in the past two weeks. He’s terrified he’s going to have to leave tomorrow and not be able to come back for another two weeks. He’s worrying that when he does come back his son wont be a baby anymore, and you’ll be bitter with him for missing everything. 

I pause my rocking, and scooting over delicately so that I don’t move Shade from the perfect little crook I have in my arm, I say to Cal, “Come sit with me.” 

He tenses for a moment, and I can see the war behind his eyes. But the part of him that I love wins. The part that I knew would win from the moment I told him about the bundle of cells multiplying and dividing exponentially inside of me. He pushes the blankets back and slides underneath them with me. The bed immediately feels warmer, and I sigh in relief before leaning over to lay my head on his shoulder. Shade squirms a little bit at the shift and protests with a weak cry. 

“Dont be a brat,” I say back to him. Cal actually cracks a smile at that, and I close my eyes for a moment with a sigh before saying, “I missed you. I miss you every time you leave.” 

“I missed you too.” He whispers, but the worlds sound so dejected and lost. He has always wanted kids, as many as I was willing to give. Shade had been a surprise. Even with all the pills, and all the careful planning, nature had decided it would be much more entertaining to throw a wrench into the mix. We had planned to have kids a few more years from now. When Cal wasn’t needed as much in the States, when my own duties lessened just slightly. It’s a game of balance, my mom had warned me. 

I open my eyes again, and crane my neck to glance up at him. He watching Shade though, probably measuring every new inch he’s grown, and wondering how many more inches he’ll grow when he leaves again. 

“Alright, come here,” I say to him, and roll slightly to start sliding Shade back into his arms. He goes to protest, saying, “He was perfectly happy with you, why--”

Shade settles in though, soothed by Cal’s warmth, and begins cooing softly to himself. I smirk up at Cal and say, “He’s just as happy with you.” 

He tries to hide it, but I can see the pride rolling off of him in waves. With subtle movements, I maneuver his arms to the position I had Shade in. Then, I poke him until he gets the right rhythm that I established. “Look at that, you’re a natural.” I say with a yawn. He smiles to himself sheepishly, and continues the gentle rocking. I watch Shade them, taking the time to memorize that face. he was still pretty small, but he was getting bigger. Sara already predicted that when he was done growing he would be as tall as Cal. Good, I had practically cried. I didn’t want any of my children sharing the unfortunate burden of my height. Reaching out a hand to him, I smile and say, “He’s starting to look more and more like you.” 

“I was going to say he’s starting to look more like you.” Cal argues, and we shoot mocking glares at each other before chuckling. I sigh again, and watch our son grab at my finger and squeeze tightly while looking up at Cal. I pull my finger away in response, wanting Cal to get his full attention. Shade fusses immediately, and I groan to myself before offering my finger again and humming softly. 

He hiccups before focusing all his attention on me. I smile at him, and hum a little louder, trying to remember the lullaby my mother had sang to him one night. 

“Lavender’s blue, dilly dilly, Lavender’s green. When I am king dilly dilly you shall be queen.”

“Who told you so dilly dilly who told you so? My own heart dilly dilly, that told me so.” 

“Call up your men dilly dilly set them to work. Some to the plow dilly dilly, some to the fork.” 

“Some to make hay dilly dilly, some to cut corn. While you and I dilly dilly keep ourselves warm.” 

“Lavenders green dilly dilly, lavenders blue. If you love me dilly dilly, I will love you.” 

Shade yawns about halfway through before closing his eyes and drifting off. Smiling I hum the next few refrains to him, watching for when his little eyelids flutter with sleep. He’s out with seconds, and I sigh in relief before letting my head rest completely against Cal’s shoulder. 

“I didn’t know you could sing.” He whispers, and I laugh softly to myself before saying, “I can barely hold a tune. I’m just lucky that lullaby is easy.” 

He’s quiet again for a long time before laying his head on mine and whispering, “It was very nice.” 

I chuckle to myself before yawning and saying, “Go put him back in the cradle and then come back to bed. I wasn’t kidding about missing you.”