#also not really vacation shes kind of here on her self discovery journey post the events of my comic.

[darksouls2yuri]

alola vacation ✨️🏳️‍⚧️🌺

[eatmymakeup-blog]

My Depression and Anxiety Story

I’ve been drafting this for so long and I don’t know if this will ever be finished. (Spoiler alert: It wont be finished) A post from my friend who’s struggling with her own depression is what pushed me to finally publish this. 

I’m going to start with my own story.

I was (oh wait I still am) a fat kid. No one bullied me at school but I was always quiet and reserved. I wasn’t the studious type. When I get home from school I just open the TV or call my friends on our landline phone. I’d copy homework from my classmates in the morning. I also changed best friends every year until I met my forever best friends when I was in Grade 7. High School was the same, I still didn’t study. Thinking about it now, maybe even if I wasn’t bullied, I was quiet, shy and didn’t have the motivation to study because I was (oh shoot I still am) fat. I was my own bully. 

After High School, I didn’t want to go to school anymore. I told my Mom that I wanted to rest for a year before I go to College. She was okay with it. I spent my 18th birthday in the States. When we got back to the Philippines, I learned that my Mom and Dad were fighting. I didn’t go to my best friend’s 18th birthday because of that. One of the reasons too was because I wasn’t in school. I was ashamed, I self-pitied, because everyone I know are talking about school and I don’t have anything to share. I was depressed but I didn’t know what to call what I was feeling yet.

When I got to College, I made a lot of friends. I pushed myself to talk to people and not be scared. I was a Dean’s lister. I fell in love and got my heart broken. My Mom and Dad got separated. I started smoking. 2008 was my first documented depression. 

While writing, it looks like I didn’t have a good time. I didn’t, I had a great time! I met new people, learned from them because they’re very different from the people I knew from High School. They’re still my friends until now. 

I graduated. I was supposed to be a Cum Laude, but my grades were a 0.01 short. I didn’t want to blame my parents separation, but sometimes I do. I always feel that they were the reason why I didn’t push harder, but in reality it was still myself. It’s still my own fault. 

After graduation, I told my Mom that I wanted to rest for a year again. She didn’t agree to me this time. She said that I should start working at our family business. So I did. At first I didn’t care about anything in the office. My mom gives me work, I do it. But then I only go to work 1-2 times a week. Maybe after a year or two (I’m not really sure) my Mom decided to put me in the Accounting Department. That’s the time where I really struggled, I didn’t want that job. I still worked there and went to work every day just because I felt guilty about not doing anything on my first few years. I was still struggling because I didn’t like what I was doing. I would always be stressed out because of that.

A few more months, I was asked to help my sister-in-law with her job. So I was doing my job, and a quarter of hers. This made me more exhausted.

2017. I had no idea what happened. We went on a cruise for 7 days. I was supposed to be happy. It’s a free vacation! In the moment, I can tell that I was. But the times when we were back on the ship at night, all these thoughts of jumping off the ship intruding my mind. What would happen if I jump? I asked myself. I was irritated the whole time. I felt that my boyfriend and my Mom weren’t listening to whatever I say. 

And then we came back home. I was so different than before. I was feeling down without any reason. Before that, I was a people pleaser, I loved helping other people and making them happy. I chat with my two friends every day, one I met online and one is my High School best friend. I told them on different days that I can’t chat with them anymore. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was feeling overwhelmed with my own sadness, and I can’t deal with theirs anymore. They understood.

I kept myself isolated. I don’t go out anymore. I don’t talk to my High School best friends even online. I reply to other people, only when I need to. 

One time, my sister-in-law went to Europe for a month and that month I had to do all her work. So then I’m working two jobs for a month (probably more). The reason why I didn’t go full crazy was because my boyfriend was there to help me out. I’d joke about wanting to die. But in reality, I didn’t want to live anymore, I was just all work, then go home, then work then go home. We’d stay at the office until 1-2am. I didn’t even have the time to shave my legs or cut my nails. I was so exhausted. At that time, I thought that that’s going to be my life forever.

All through out the years I’ve documented my depression phase (on my other blogs). I’m can’t call myself clinically depressed, because I haven’t had the guts to go to therapy, and I’m also stubborn minded. I have this belief that the only one who can fix myself, is myself (more on this later). My depression was on and off. I’d get up then go back down again. I even developed social anxiety. I was anxious to meet new people. One time my Mom hired an intern and she let him inside my office. My boyfriend wasn’t there, and my Mom closed the door. I literally couldn’t breathe. I gathered all my courage to stand up and go outside so I can smoke. 

There’s a social media site that starts with the letter P. I’d always rant there about my life and my depression and one person asked me if I have privacy at home. And that’s when I thought about it. I’m an introvert. I’m with my family and boyfriend every day from Mondays to Fridays and on the weekends I’m with my friends. My job bugs me. My room was a mess. I didn’t have time to myself. I’ve been trying to please other people but when did I ever please myself? I continued my isolation for over a year, I tried to focus on me. Only me. 

It sounds so boring, but through that, I met myself. 

On the first few months. I felt numb. I didn’t feel anything. Why can’t I feel? I didn’t give a fuck about anyone, I didn’t even give a fuck about myself. I didn’t clean, I was too lazy to get up, I was stress-eating.

But then I felt like I was at the end, I was so down that there was no where to go but up. 

I love this quote from my favorite movie, Fight Club. “Marla’s Philosophy of life, she told me, is that she can die at any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn’t.” It may sound a bit negative for some people. I’d always refer to that quote when I feel like I want to die. But this time, I reacted to it differently. I told myself, that I’m not scared to die anymore so I shouldn’t be afraid to live my life. To explore new things... or old things that I loved. 

Music. I started listening to music. My love for music came back. I listened to Hip-hop again. I love all genres but listening to Hip-hop makes me have this attitude that makes me feel strong. When I listen to Hip-hop, in my brain I’m like “whatever, fuck you all”. Also, I’m exploring OPM. There’s a ton of good bands right now.

TV Series and movies. Netflix is life. By watching tv shows and movies, I learned a lot. I’ll make a blog series about what I learn in every show or movie I watch. 

Buddhism. I’ve also gone through this path. I want to know how to have peace of mind. I’ve been studying Buddhism but it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God anymore. I just love their main goal. Basically, their main teaching is to be kind. And wow, just wow. That’s all you need, right? 

Astrology. The day of my birthday last year, my niece was here and she read my birth chart, it was scary accurate so I researched more about it and I’m slowly studying it at the moment. I also love it because I discovered more things about myself, that I know already but was just in the back of my head.

Hobbies. I asked myself a question, “What do I love doing?” I love arts and crafts and creating things, so I started buying materials for cross-stitching. I actually finished a piece last year. I haven’t framed it yet. 

Do what you love, everything is an investment, you may not earn money but you’ll earn skills, discipline, etc.

Organizing. Tidying Up With Marie Kondo and Minimalism. This was just recent. I might make a separate post for this but this really helped me. Organizing made my life better but the lesson I learned from them will be with me forever. Tidying Up with Marie Kondo focuses on what sparks joy. You do it with things, but you can also apply it in your life. On the otherhand, Minimalism teaches us gratitude and contentment.

Self-discovery. I discovered (and still discovering) who I really am, who I want to be and what makes me happy. All of us are different, what makes me happy might not make you happy. Learn from yourself. Love yourself. Ask yourself what makes you happy. Ask yourself what makes you sad. Ask yourself what can you do to survive this. The only person who knows how to make you happy, is yourself. I still believe that we’re not meant to be 100% happy all the time, because if we’re happy all the time, what is the point of living? See, that’s what we think about when we’re sad too, because we think that we’re going to be sad forever. Because you can’t feel joy if you don’t experience sadness (lol Inside Out reference, watch it!) Just believe that there will always be better days. This post isn’t to give advice, I didn’t post this because I want you to do this or that. It will always be a personal journey. No one knows if this will be my last depressive phase, so this post is also for myself. A reminder, that I was once okay. 

“Happiness in a meaningful life is really about the full array of emotions, and finding them in the right place” Embrace the sadness, embrace the happiness. Keep learning. Keep loving yourself.

Don’t be scared to share your story or reactions on my ask box. Let’s learn from each other. Let’s inspire each other. 

PS. If you know who I am, please respect my privacy, I don’t want people to know who wrote this. :) I’d love to express my real self more, in the future.

[aion-rsa]

What We Do in the Shadows Season 3 Episode 4 Review: The Casino

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This What We Do in the Shadows review contains spoilers.

What We Do in the Shadows Season 3 Episode 4

A coastal resort destination like Atlantic City might not seem the wisest place for a vampire to vacation, but it pays off in “The Casino.” The Staten Island vampires may be shirking their duties on the Vampiric Council, but What We Do in the Shadows  season 3 episode 4 benefits from the change in scenery. This is especially shattering for Nandor (Kayvan Novak), who learns during this episode that the world is not only round, but also not held up on the shoulders of four mighty elephants.

The fang gang, plus energy vampire Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) and familiar-turned-bodyguard Guillermo (Harvey Guillén), are invited out by their favorite neighbor, and Laszlo’s (Matt Berry) best human friend, Shaun (Anthony Atamanuik). He and his, also human, wife Charmaine (Marissa Jaret Winokur) are celebrating their wedding anniversary and put together an 11-person junket. Shaun was inspired by Ocean’s Eleven, which gets laughs all around from Laszlo.

Just when you think that’s about as far as that joke goes: ding-a-ding-ding, Nadja’s (Natasia Demetriou) got the voice of the Rat Pack, and wants their cash. She apparently knew Ol’ Blue Eyes and the gang around the time they were making the original Ocean’s Eleven, but the Rat Pack tribute act are barely recognizable to her since they are merely a tribute act. What’s more surprising is Nadja doesn’t ring any bells for them when she thrusts her best side forward. This is one of the funniest of the visual gags, so watch for it. She and Laszlo begin the journey excited by the possibilities of the “Mecca of the Depraved” and America’s “premiere playground of hedonistic debauchery.” Each sees a particularly seedy byproduct of Sin City by the Atlantic.

Laszlo sees the shadier side of his friend Shawn, who turns out to be a degenerate gambler who loses his entire savings at the casino. Rather than making the money back in some kind of Ocean’s Twelve heist, which we are vaguely led to believe, the vampires do something unexpected. They steal the scam from a different movie: Let’s Do It Again (1975). To paraphrase The Simpsons’ Abe Simpson talking about a sting he stole from The Sting II: the film stars Bill Cosby, so no one will ever admit seeing it. Without giving too much away, it involves boxing, betting and hypnosis. Also unexpectedly, the idea comes from Guillermo.

The vampires make an almost feeble effort to reach out to Guillermo. As Colin says, companies he works at do it all the time. They treat their employees like family so they are more motivated to ignore their real families. The restaurant scene where the vampires try to feign interest in Guillermo’s interests is short of agonizing. He squirms deliciously under questioning which gets more and more intrusive, inappropriate and embarrassing. His best retort comes after Nadja asks if he has a “chubby” girlfriend he’s hiding somewhere. Guillermo wants to know why she’d have to be chubby.

Read more

TV

What We Do in the Shadows Season 3 Episode 3 Review: Gail

By Tony Sokol

TV

What We Do in the Shadows Season 3 Episode 2 Review: The Cloak of Duplication

By Tony Sokol

Vampires need to travel with the dirt of their ancestral lands. Much is made of this as Nadja, Laszlo and Nandor are packing it up, and spreading it out on the beds in their hotels. This tradition, or curse, goes back to Bram Stoker’s Dracula, who had boxes of earth dragged in from Transylvania to Whitby Abbey. It cost a fortune then, as procured by the vampire genre’s original familiar Jonathan Harker, and it runs into a small fortune in “The Casino,” as Guillermo is sent on a journey to the four corners of a round world on a quest to claim the dirt of each of master’s birth lands. Adding to the joke is the idea Guillermo could just have taken a ride to the house on Staten Island in a fraction of the time. This is never mentioned, as it would never occur to any of the vampires, which only enhances the inherent absentmindedness of the immortal characters.

The three bloodsucking vampires experience a harrowing close call when they are deprived of their dirt. They lose the powers of transformation and hypnotic influence, leaving poor Nadja to her natural charms, which boil down to baseless threats uttered from various prone positions. It’s almost sad and pathetic, but it seems to work for her. Hopefully this is a one-off problem and she doesn’t come to find being pitiful is one of her superpowers.

Colin only watches the 24-hour advertorial channel which explains the features of the luxury hotel on a constant loop. This is mildly annoying to the vampires around him, and must provide sustenance, but Colin really seems to be enjoying the show. This works when he’s so involved in the in-house mini-program he doesn’t notice his roommates’ native soil being vacuumed away by the cleaning crew. But it makes you wonder if, as Colin approaches his hundredth birthday, he needs to get out more.

The problem with energy vampires, as a comedic concept, is finding new ways to make boring things interesting. And here we see it played out from the innermost being of the character. Colin is interested in boring things. He doesn’t even achieve a level of ennui, the suggestion every improv comic dreads when asking the audience for an emotion to play. On one hand, you might think Colin has achieved a level of Zen which is rare and possibly enviable. On the other hand, Buddha appreciated a good joke. He’s always grinning. Colin is barely able to register a smirk.

What We do in the Shadow works best when it is at its most ridiculous, combined with the most mundane. Nandor’s obsession with the Big Bang Theory slot machine is a good example of this. He appreciates how the show captures the energy and feel of the game, and identifies with Sheldon, who he pegs for the leader of the TV show’s group, because he is the tall one. The education he gets from Colin, on the big bang reality of the creation of the universe, is actually quite emotional. The former warrior is on a path to some kind of self-discovery this season, he continually slides into periods of morose reflection.

The vampires are growing in season 3, and the exercise and location shots work wonders for them. It is interesting to watch them interact with humans they call friends, and even go out of their way to do a good deed. The best thing about that is something we only hear in the fade, as Shaun drops the whole bundle on 12. “The Casino” is a sure bet for What We Do in the Shadows, and kibitzers on the line.

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What We Do in the Shadows‘ “The Casino” aired Sept. 16 at 10:00 p.m. on FX.

The post What We Do in the Shadows Season 3 Episode 4 Review: The Casino appeared first on Den of Geek.

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Euro Hundreds of thousands Lotto

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