#also no one worry I'm okay! hard episodes are part of bipolar—this is my normal!

[queerprayers]

I've emerged from a depressive episode and some busy weeks to about 50 new asks so I just wanted to update y'all and share some thoughts! I'm so grateful that so many of you have reached out and I'm gonna work hard this week to answer as many as I can while I have free time and am more stable. Please don't let this discourage you from sending new asks, though—I'll add you to the list, just know it might be a bit. I also want you to know that if you sent a prayer request, I did read it and you've been in my prayers, I just haven't publicly acknowledged it. Here are some recent assorted thoughts that I'm just now putting into words:

I don't tend to post about current events on this blog, partially because it often takes me a while to put thoughts into words and I don't want to publish hasty opinions and unthought-out reactions, and partially because I don't want to be a news source. There are better (and faster) writers and more qualified people out there than me to do that work. I trust and hope that all of you are reading/learning, praying, and doing justice work without me posting about every issue that affects us. If you don't see me address a topic, it's not because I'm unaware of it, don't have an opinion on it, or am not praying and working.

That said, I am working on a resource/reading list regarding abortion, because it's something I've thought and learned about a lot recently, and it's a topic that I've changed my opinion on multiple times. Obviously, the Roe v. Wade decision in the US has brought this topic back into local discussion, and I think other people could also benefit from the research I've done. (Spoiler alert: I have a very complicated relationship with abortion itself but an uncomplicated opinion on the laws themselves/state regulation.)

As I work up the courage/energy to work on my lengthy Google Doc of unanswered asks, I know that I will not always understand the situation and cannot always be knowledgeable or politic or correct but by God I will be earnest and honest and put in work and pray that Love is present as I put my thoughts into the world. I've been having a lot of feelings about how people bare their souls in my inbox and the fact that I could affect them in so many ways, including causing real harm.

I had a pretty life-changing moment recently and I think being forgiven, truly forgiven, is one of the most holy experiences there is. Not the "they're not mad at you anymore and you're polite to each other" forgiveness—the "you messed up, and it won't affect our future because you are forgiven, and you get another chance because I love you, and I love you because you are human" kind of forgiveness. I haven't processed the gift I've been given yet.

Helping lead worship the morning after a relapse is like… I belong here, no matter what I've done or been through. Even if my voice breaks while chanting. That this body you have broken may rejoice.

Summer is nearing its midpoint (at least in this hemisphere) and the woods here are full of life. My petcare work means I'm often with dogs out there. I'm finding grace—I hope you have somewhere like that.

Okay, that's all for now.

<3 Johanna