#also lol this was meant to be small but ended up from drabble to novel ha!

[cannibalcreepers]

(cause Tumblr is a bitch and wont let me answer, I’m posting the answer here instead)   Sorry for the long wait for this, but hopefully you still crave the Brain UwU hehehhe We'll do a fun drabble, though I made it at the viewpoint of the reader >83c Enjoy ------

He was always such an insufferable prick, rude beyond words and drove you to such anger at times you were close to just smothering his annoyingly smug face when the rest of the clan were asleep at night but with how quick Pluto was to arrive to this shitty man's defense, it wasn't worth the risk.

So you just took the usual verbal abuse and waited for your time to strike, usually you muttered under your breath a response but never said it with you chest in case he decided to just sick Pluto or worse, Lizard onto you, and that was a man you didn't want to get in a physical altercation with.

But there was situation where you got Big Brain alone, away from his walkie talkies and  earshot of the other clan members, the first time you were made to wash him in the bathtub you were supervised by Big Mama, scrutinized by both about how gentle you had to be and when to really scrub into his back, it was frustrating to say the least. Though now, as months had past, you were trusted enough to handle him alone, even Brain felt comfortable enough to have you lift and handle his body, even more comfortable enough to take a cheeky grab at your ass, waist or chest.

The first time he grabbed at your chest you almost dropped the man, wishing you had with how he mocked you and did his wheezy laugh, but now when he reached to grab a fist full of cheek you pinch him back in the shoulder and the deathly quietness made your chest tighten as you pulled him into the warm water but you had to stay brave.

It was the first defiance you had shown and  the man didn't know what to do, all he did was simply stare at you in silence, though silence was a welcome compared to his salty remarks. But like always, silence never lasted when Brain was around and he started to grumble about your washing abilities, snapping about your weak arms and how you could dig in better, calling you pathetic and even a worm!

That was it, you were at your wit ends at these criticisms so you snapped back "Worm? Only worm is you with your flabby, hairless body, covered in so much slime no wonder I need to bathe you two times a day"

Usually you didn't like to attack someone's looks, but he truly was almost a hairless thing, the only strands was the frail, strands of long hair on his head and crotch, which you knew not to look at unless you wanted awkward, perverted comments.

The snap got him again to go quiet, but this time he was glowering at you, his hands turning into curled fists as the realization he was starting to lose his intimidation over you and oh boy you were not going to stop now.

"On top of that! You pale cretin, I'm washing  you fine enough! Or I could just scrub you until you skin peels off? Would you rather be washed nicely or shall I find some barb wire and rip all the flesh from your clammy ass body?"

Oh if his big head could explode, it probably would with being berated, even if that berating was rather weak, you were being a bit nice compared to how he would consistently call you a fucking idiot or just plain pathetic.

You could see he was seething, possibly plotting your death as he couldn't exactly do anything at the time with being trapped in the large tub and at your mercy, but him not snapping back was something you didn't expect, usually he would just retort with an insult but instead he was just glared and hunched up.

It only became obvious why he was just taking the verbal abuse when you noticed the man was hiding a stiffy, god him being turned on by you berating him was a bit of a shock to you.

What a dirty perverted man, was your go to thought, but truthfully no one had ever really stood up to Big Brain, sure he's been threatened with violence in his life but never just verbal attacks that were non-threatening and he was getting turned on by it.

Now that it was obvious, Big Brain couldn't let himself be ashamed, he had to take hold of the situation again, to grab what he can and with a slimy smirk, he snatched your wrist roughly and wheezed in what you assumed was an attempt to be a "sexy" tone, any other time you'd gag, but the lonely part of your brain was going to fall for this man's weak ass wooing.

"Since you want to get mouthy with me, may as well use it while it's still flapping about" He wheezed, your cheeks turning red as he yanked at your arm to pull you against the rim of the bathtub, forcing  you to be closer to him. It was just his rudeness that was making him seem repulsive, but compared to any other member of the clan he was the cleanest and you were least likely to receive any bodily harm from having relations with him.

It wasn't the first time you thought about it and it wouldn't surprise you if he thought of you many times sexually as well, but you didn't want to just give up control and do what this man just wanted,

When he let your arm go you reached down into the water, ignoring Big Brains staring and smug smirk at thinking he was winning, only to bypass his body and pull the plug of the water, hearing his wheezing disappointed sigh as he was fully expect you were just going to pull him out. To his surprise though, as the soapy water was disappearing, you has removed your clothing quickly, kicking of the underwear with the pants and top to step into the tub and straddle the man's naked body.

It was easy in this position to not accidently harm him, especially when it came to his head that was being supported by a bunch of coach foam and towels, and it gave you more the power as you towered over him, which he hadn't quite realized just yet, much to distracted at your bare body already greedily smoothing his hands along your skin, his wheezing becoming heavier from the excitement, which ended shortly as he had to collect himself, not wanting you to feel like you had to upper hand, sneering as he squeezed your chest a bit roughly.

"You think I want your scabby ass sitting on my body? That i’d desire you at all?" He was attempting to be cruel, pinching and grabbing at your body roughly to prove some point that he didn't like you but with how he couldn't stop staring, it wasn't as convincing and you just responded with a huff of amusement and leaned down to press your lips against his own.

It definitely shut him up, he had leaned back so far he was sporting double chins but how he wanted it, wanted you to never stop despite his mind screaming at how you didn't want him, that you were just using him, but he wanted this moment and bit back his tongue as you moved yourself over his hardened prick, his body tensing as it pressed up against you, watching as you reached down to give it a few gentle strokes and slowly sank onto it, enveloping it completely with your warmth. He let out a grunt, trying so hard not to make noises and show it was affecting him but this being his first sexual encounter he was having a difficult time masking his reaction.

You on the other hand, were lavishing in being able to mold this cruel man so easily and with just fucking him? Had you known it was this easy you would have done so earlier, but you couldn’t get too over your head and ruin a good time, for now you just rode him gently, spoiling yourself with the pleasure. To be honest with yourself, he was pretty well endowed, you had unfortunately seen some of the other clan men’s dicks and though some were monstrous or average, others were laughably small that explained that man’s behaviour.

For Big Brain thought, he was rather average, if not just a little shorter but it was a pleasurable fit, a size that slid in without any pain on your end, feeling the slight stretching that made your body shiver, he was the size you didn’t want to exchange, so it was no surprise, with him never being with another, that he was such a sour, salty, sad man.

He was indeed inexperienced, only ever having his hand as a partner, but he had seen magazines and read books when it came to sex and tried to show he had some knowledge, thrusting his hips up as much as he physically could, clamping his hands on your hips and latching his mouth over a nipple to bite and lick, it was sloppy but still your body ached for the attention and even though his grip was tight and teeth biting stung, he was trying to be gentle and not yank or pull at your arms and legs.

He was drowning himself in the heat of your body though, groaning at how your felt so hot and tight around his cock, it sliding up and down feeling the ridges and shape of your insides, definitely better than his soapy fingers any day and though he had been cruel to you in the past, he thought to himself he was going to ease back on it a bit just to get more of your body and lips against his own, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop.

Even if you could go on for a bit longer, Brain was not lasting any longer as the pleasure was rising in his body for to long and had to release itself, that being the release inside you as he clamped his teeth while cuming deep, pressing you close against his wet body as he filled your insides with more heat, it was definitely a feeling you wouldn’t forget for a good while and crave again, a man as sour as he was shouldn’t be able to make your body feel like it was floating, what was you were wanting more but knew it was not fair to push Brain’s body anymore than it already was. You kept yourself propped up by using the sides of the bathtub, easing your breathing and waiting for Brain to calm as well. There were no words exchanged as you didn’t want to ruin the moment by bringing out Brain’s worse after such a pleasurable time.

Eventually you would need to get off him and get him out of the tub, not wanting either Pluto or Big Mama to check up on why you two were taking so long, but a grossly devious look in Big Brains expression showed he wasn’t quite done with you yet for the day and you knew you had just opened a door to some wild times with this man.

[tiredcowpoke]

                                   MOBILE MASTERLIST 

      - BLOG FAQ 

Masterlist Update: Sep 3rd, 2022.

Note: Reader-inserts with the title “reader” are gender neutral.

ONESHOTS 

Plagued - Arthur Morgan/Reader - “You and Arthur recall a hunting trip during your first night at Clemens Point.”

Holding Up - Arthur Morgan/Reader - “You had pitched the idea to go hunting—alone. Bringing back some of the bigger game up near Roanoke Ridge meant it would be a little more than a day trip, but selling pelts and bringing back food to the camp may have been worth it. Nature always put your mind at rest, anyway. However, as the days continued to pass, the concerns about your whereabouts turned out to be the thing that probably saved your life.”

Price of Travel - Arthur Morgan/OC [Fem!Reader] - discontinued multi-part - ““Finding Francis Sinclair was supposed to be simple. She just had to gather what he had found and return back to the correct time, but Francis was suddenly a baby and his notes were about as understandable as child’s drawings. She wouldn’t have even found that out if it hadn’t been for a somewhat familiar looking cowboy.”

Chased - Arthur Morgan/Charlotte Balfour - “On my third playthrough of RDR2 I had a scenario where law was chasing Arthur but I lost them heading toward Charlotte’s final mission. I had thought of Arthur ending up using Willard’s Rest as a hideout without telling Charlotte, even though he’s glad for her company.”

Thaw - John Marston/Reader - Request for “How long have you been standing there?”

Broken Glass - John Marston & Arthur Morgan - Request: Can you do “Lucky shot” from your prompt list with John Marston?

An Early Morning - NSFT - Arthur Morgan/Reader - “A week of tension and self-esteem issues finally comes to a head one early morning for you and Arthur.”

Night Watch - Arthur Morgan/Reader - “Well if you want to maybe a little something with „I can‘t sleep.“/„Can i stay with you?“ and “You’re basically a marshmallow. Perfect for cuddling.” with arthur? :3″

Couldn’t Leave Well Enough Alone - Arthur Morgan/Fem!Reader - Anonymous requested for a female reader getting jumped outside of camp by some O’Driscolls followed by an intervention by Arthur.

Should Have Seen It From the Start - Arthur Morgan/Fem!Reader - Anon requested an Arthur/fem!Reader where he tries to set her up with a “good man” in town and things don’t go as expected.

Some Dime Novel Fate - Arthur Morgan/Reader - “Your writing is really good! If you can, once you’re feeling alright, could you write an arthur x reader where the reader comes back from a job badly injured and Arthur flips while Grimshaw takes care of her/them? ♥️”

From That Night - Arthur Morgan/Fem!Reader - “could i request the reader finding out she’s pregnant and trying to tell arthur x also i’ve binge read all your fics here and on AO3!! i love them all so much you’re such an amazing writer xx”

Nearly Gone - Arthur Morgan/Fem!Reader - “Hi! Can you please make an arthur/reader where the reader gets taken by the nite folk? She’s nearly dead when he finds her and he’s just v worried? Previously established relationship if you can“

If We’re Dying - Hosea Matthews/Reader - platonic - “After many years, a familiar face appears in a crowd.”

Always Fleeting - Arthur Morgan/Reader - “Wow I’ve read all your stuff on ao3 so first of all thank you for sharing the talent and cowboy thirst! I’m a sucker for anything with the enemies to lovers trope. I’m thinking of the reader being Brontes right hand but meeting Arthur under different circumstances so that when the rivalry is revealed it adds more tension. I’ve tried writing some shitty drabbles on this but I’m actually terrible at writing lol”

Something Small - Arthur Morgan/Reader - “Arthur has a surprise for the reader, as much as they may not know why.”

The Ease of a Storm - Arthur Morgan/Reader - “A thunderstorm rolls in while you and Arthur are in the wilderness.”

Sober Thoughts - Arthur Morgan/Reader - “Anon sent: Hey dear! If nothing similar has ever been requested, I would like to propose to you a reader who has not made any friends or real connections ever since joining the gang - after having their family disown them - making them rather cautious around people. One night being drunk they confess their feelings to Arthur, having rambled about their fear of being lonely. I had a heating discussion about something similar and would love to see someone’s take on that. Have a great day and thanks for listening.”

SERIES

Value of Mercy - Discontinued - “Louise Winters had been picked up by the Van der Linde Gang at a fairly young age, forging trust and relationships with them until a botched job puts her out on her own with a good handful of money. After realizing that she was on her own and the law lingering ever so closer as the weeks bled into months, she started to realize that nobody was coming back for her. So, money in hand and a growing rage, she set out east. However, as the months passed into years, she wakes one day to find herself face to face with a past she had thought been laid to rest.” - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Paths - Discontinued - interconnected one-shots of a growing relationship between Charlotte and Arthur. - [1] [2] [3]

Rise and Falls - Discontinued - “Ida O’Donnell, no more than a petty thief, realizes that her life really comes in a series of firsts, and some unfortunate seconds and thirds.” - [1] [2] [3] [4]

Wedded Woes - Complete - Arthur Morgan/Fem!Reader - “Trelawny talked up a big game at a scenic boarding house and, playing some newly weds, you and Arthur are paying the price for it.” - chapter masterlist

Blank Spots - Current Project - Arthur Morgan/Fem!Reader - “After waking up at the base of a steep incline and nearly freezing to death, you stumble upon a group of strangers who swear up and down that they know you.” - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] (18+ chapter) [26] [27] [28]

Modern/Professors AU - Hiatus - Arthur Morgan/Reader - You used to be a former student of Arthur’s back when he was just starting out as a fine arts professor, who ended up being your most hated professor. However, a couple years later, you end up being taken on in a seasonal position at your old university as a history professor, sharing an office with that very same Dr. Morgan. - Of Lines  - Of Waters - Of Milestones [1] - ???

Regarding the Sinclairs - Current Project - You had always assumed the stories of time travel in your family were just that. Stories. At worst, maybe an inside joke. However, your world starts to shift when your grandfather leaves his home to you in his will. The old Sinclair house, one that has been passed down for generations. Taking up the task of moving into and upgrading the home, a man dressed like he just stepped out of a western arrives, unconscious, on your porch with a letter in his hand. - [1] [2] [3] [4]

[artificialqueens]

26 times it was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight Ch.1 (Alaskatox) - Chykopon

A/N: i know i have to update Girl, Get a Grip! but i felt the urge to think the plot over, because i wasn’t satisfied with what i wrote this far. This story had been a good exercise to gather ideas, since it’s more like a collection of small ficlets… well it is actually a collection of small ficlets (more like drabbles) based on a challenge i started in 2009: The Alphabet Challenge. Which - you can guess it from the title - asked author to write a collection of 26 short ficlets, each one based on a different alphabet letter. So here it is! Ficlets are not in a chronological order, is more like a bit of brainstorming about all the hcs i have about Alaskatox and some plotbunnies i didn’t want to develop that much. I cut the story in half, since i thought that 26 ficlets in a row would be a bit too much, lol

A/N2: the title is a quote from Lolita, by Nabokov. I have a love-hate relationship with this novel, so i thought it would fit perfectly with an Alskatox fic, kek. A huuuuuge thanks goes to Vixen, who offered to beta-read this piece, and i would always be grateful for that!

Aftersex. That was Matthew’s favorite part in having a relationship with Justin. Not that he disliked the actual having sex part, not at all. But every time, as he fell exhausted on Justin’s chest after pulling out, he would feel the lanky man’s long and thin fingers tenderly stroking his hair, Justin’s drawling voice filling the room as he hummed with content.

Justin caringly rubbed his back, all while kissing his forehead, and Matt answered all those loving gestures, wrapping his arms around Lasky’s shoulders.

“Hey”, Justin giggled, feeling Matt’s nose funnily poking his abdomen, “what’s that?” he chuckled. And Matthew kissed his chest in response, and then his neck, and his jaw line, just to end up on his lips. One, two, three kisses. As if they were 20 years younger and they were still teenagers handling their first awkward, but still lovingly sweet, sex experience.

Matthew was jealous of those moments, in which Justin – who was never too clingy, nor fond enough of people to open up with them – revealed the most inner and genuine side of his personality: his bratty – because he wanted all of Matt’s attention just for himself – but still tender and caring attitude, the way he gingerly looked at Matthew’s eyes with all the affection he could, and how he always caressed him just to have the chance to extend their usual after hug.

“I’m showing you how much I love you”, Matthew joked, searching for Justin’s hand on the bed, finding it and intertwining their fingers.

“But it tickles!” Justin lamented giggling, “and it doesn’t even make sense!”

Matt laughed, “Sorry ‘bout it”.

Oh, yeah, Matthew loved aftersex.

Justin chuckled as he leaned closer, just to poke Matt’s forehead with his own nose, receiving a puzzled look from the other, “Showing how much I love you too”.

He loved it just as much as he loved Justin.

Black. Pitch black, actually. That time they were touring and nothing was really settled between them and the power in the dressing room went out.

There was that unresolved sexual tension which neither of them could no longer ignore, and while they were actually having sex like more of a friends with benefits thing, they had never talked about all the romantic implications of what they were doing. There was something unspoken between them, something along the line of we both care for each other but we don’t know how to label that yet, and even though Justin was kind of pushy towards the subject – to the point he would bring it up every time they had the chance to talk face-to-face without the emotional outburst that often came after sex – Matthew continued to avoid the problem as it, in some crooked way, was fine for him as it was.

But that was the main reason they both were in the storage room, trying to figure out how they could actually handle the urge to touch and feel each other, while performing on the stage, when the lights went out. And Matt, taking advantage of the situation, had gently pushed Justin against the wall, kissing him deeply.

They were so caught up in their little unscheduled rendez-vous that they didn’t even notice the light come back, nor that someone has opened the door. They only actually stopped their too involved make-out session when a known voice called for their attention with a loud cough.

Justin blushed and Matthew rose his glance to the ceiling, because he didn’t really want to match Roy’s bewildered look.

“Told ya!” came Danny’s voice from behind Bianca’s back.

Car accident. Something Matthew had been really afraid of since he had been the person involved in one of them. He had tried to forget for so long, and although he couldn’t really remember what actually happened when he almost died, he was still sure he would never get rid of the memories of that uncomfortable feeling of life slowly slipping away from his body. With the frightening sensation growing inside him every time the subject was brought up by someone, he almost fainted when the Brians called him to say that Justin was caught in a car accident.

Laurie had driven so fast to the hospital that Matt – when he came to his senses – thought that if police have noticed them, she would have ended up with her driving license revoked.

His heart skipped a bit, and he almost felt as if he was having an actual heart attack, stepping into the emergency room, half of his makeup still on his face and barefoot because he had kicked off his heels somewhere before fleeing from the club with the growing fear he would never see Justin again.

I didn’t say I loved him this morning, was the first (ir)rational thought that came to his mind, when he couldn’t find him through all the hospital beds.

“Matthew!”

“Hey!”

But when he turned around following the known voices which called for him, he felt as if he could be the one actually dying that night. Of happiness. Because Justin was sitting on a chair smiling towards him as if nothing happened, a doctor fixing some stitching points to his forehead.

Matt didn’t remember precisely what he did, but with barely two steps he was there with him, hugging him so tightly Justin was coughing “I can’t breath!” he joked, and Matthew really wanted to punch him, because he had been so fucking worried and afraid of losing him he swore to himself he would never again entrust him to Trixie and Katya. He would punch them both later.

And as they tried to explain that it was really nothing – they actually hit a parked car at a low speed, because Katya wasn’t quite used to his brand new car – Matthew simply burst into tears of relief.

He cried for an entire hour, his voice quivering through tears at how fucking much – Matthew always cursed a lot, but that night he cursed even more – he loved him, while Justin was rubbing his back, even though he was the one who was literally hurt.

Detox. It was what brought them together. Not literally, but when Justin first moved to LA, he knew Detox was what doing drag meant in West Hollywood, and he looked at her with admiration and a little bit of envy, feeling himself captured in those sensual shows, where both Matthew and Detox’s attractiveness and charm would emerge.

Justin had time to figure out that there was much of Matt’s personality in Detox’s character, once he had the opportunity to know him inside and outside Drag Race, and he found himself a little more envious, but also a little more attracted to him. Detox was always selling sex, polished beauty, and funny sensuality, and Matt on the other hand was all of those things with a bit more dorkiness.

“I think I fell in love with Detox first”, Justin admitted one morning, while they were having breakfast. Matthew had just lit his cigarette, and he had stopped, hand frozen in mid-air, giving him a perplexed look.

“She made me question my sexuality”, Justin joked as if he was talking about someone else who wasn’t there at that exact moment, and Matt smirked.

Justin knew they were almost, but not completely, the same person; washing off all that make-up, Detox disappeared and Matthew always emerged, with all of his odd charm and quirkiness, and while they were both strong, because Detox was really Matt’s fiercest demonstration of what he had survived and fought in his life, Matt would give himself the space to be also the emotive and kind person he actually was.

That one guy who would cry watching dramas on tv, and would spoon into Justin’s back in his sleep, and lean on Justin’s shoulder when he felt discomfort growing in his heart.

Detox was the hot drag queen who would make out with her fans while on stage, leaving them with the lustful desire to get in her pants, while Matthew was that hot and tender guy, kissing the bare back of Justin’s neck with affection every time he got home.

“But I like Matthew the most.”

Exes. Something that gave both of them scars from the past, unhealed wounds they would not quickly recover from, even though years had passed and they were supposed to have forgotten everything. One night they talked a lot, while in England outside the club in which they had performed, already out of drag, Matthew had finally decided to address the elephant in the room.

“It’s all Aaron’s fault, isn’t it?”

But even though Justin pondered for a long time how he should answer the question, in the end he simply shook his head. He knew what Matthew was implying in that sentence, he knew he was talking about all his fucked-up trust issues, and he knew he asked because Matt cared the most.

“It was mine too, we were toxic for each other.”

It seemed like a sufficient answer for Matthew because he never asked again. One night it was Justin that was the one asking, making himself space on the couch beside him, it was Justin who chose to take a step further and open up about that subject, with a bittersweet smile on his lips, and the urge to feel Matt’s hand rubbing his back, hugging him and tenderly stroking his hair.

On the other hand, Justin never spoke about Matthew’s past, nor did he push to have an answer. Somehow, he always felt as if it was something Matt had the right to keep to himself, because through Justin’s point of view it seemed like he was so over it, he didn’t actually need help. Lasky would understand he was so fucking wrong few months later… with Matthew having a mental break-down because he was now fully aware of how serious their relationship had grown, and how he was not prepared for that.

They got into an argument, not like one of the ones Justin and Aaron used to have; it was mostly Matthew crying and sobbing,sliding down the kitchen counter as tears suffocated the words coming from his mouth:

“I’m so fucking scared!” 

And Justin gulped, overwhelmed by the sense of responsibility for another human being, something he was feeling for the first time in his entire life. He wasn’t a guy to promise something he wasn’t sure of, because sometimes life was a cunt; he couldn’t promise he would be there forever.

He simply couldn’t.

It would be a lie, something which would hurt Matt even more, so he simply sat beside him on the floor, grabbing him by the shoulders, while Matthew buried his face on his chest.

“I ain’t your ex,” and that was true, because the difference this time around was that Justin knew how it felt to invest your whole life in someone else, just to find yourself dumped and with no reason to live. He had the luck to end what he and Aaron had started, because he had more than one pebble in his shoe and the chance to talk all that shit out, Matt didn’t.

“But as long as life gives me the chance to be here, I will.”

The day after, Matthew decided it was time to really ask for help and began therapy.

Friends. It was how it all started. Matthew and Justin knew each other from their first attempt to become big in LA, with the difference that Matt actually achieved his target, and Justin hadn’t. At the beginning they weren’t really… friends, but Drag Race brought them closer in some crooked way.

Justin didn’t know exactly how, since it was that time in his life when Aaron was always on his mind, and he was just so fucked-up he couldn’t bring himself to act naturally and comfortable towards another, but it seemed like Matthew was the one offering him a hand to free himself from the darkness he was diving in.

“I know you have a heart, we know!” Matt had said once during Untucked, and that was the time Lasky realized he really cared.

There had been all that Rolaskatox thing, which really tried Justin’s capability to handle stress, but at the same time gave him the chance to know better both Michael and Matt and he found himself more involved with those two than he had really expected. Then, filming ended and Justin didn’t really know what to do. It was Matthew who reached out to him, and Justin at some point took advantage of how a good person Matt was; he became so used to how Matthew was always the one comforting him inside and outside of Drag Race’s set, that their friendship slowly transformed in one of those twisted relationships based on the one-way need of someone who was fucking afraid to be left alone and confront his own problems. Matt got along with it, until both of them realized how wrong it was.

They argued. Not that much, but it was sufficient to make Justin realize that at some point along the road he had fucked things up and his life was totally deranged. It was then, when Matthew yelled at him in his living room, that Justin understood he really need to do something to stop complain and take the lead of his own life, with no more always relying on others.

“Fuck, you are more than this, Justin!”, he understood that Matthew really cared and he wasn’t doing anything to make him understand how much he cared too.

And even though they were already doing what friends were supposed to do, like hanging out together, going clubbing, spending time out, Justin felt as if it was all a delusional try for both of them to convince themselves they weren’t alone in this world. Yeah, Matt had Laurie, and his sister and his brother, and Michael, who was supposed to be Justin’s friend too, and Justin on the other hand had Jerick, and his brothers, and yeah, Aaron too, but something was missing and they both knew that. It was as if their relationship had started with a weak foundation, because neither of them chose to take the usual path to become friends and ended up being more companions in misfortune, as their past traumas were all too similar.

After filming All Stars 2, Justin had time to think things over, and the support Matthew gave him during all that AS2-information-leak-gate made thoughts clearer in his head; he went to Matt’s home one day, biting his lips on the entrance door he chose his words wisely.

“I’m sorry.”

Initially, Matt didn’t understand, and he gave Justin a puzzled look, and when Lasky spoke again, “I’m here to help,” Matthew understood – because in the end, despite all their bizarre failed attempts at being friends in their usual way, he knew Justin too damn well – he knew how that sentence sounded like an amendment for all the things he had did wrong. Matthew let him enter the house, and things started to take a step in the right direction.

Golden Girls. They chose to do that thing of being friends by the manual, starting with spending more time together like they were supposed to. Sharing thoughts, doing something funny together, and, yeah, opening up a bit with each other too; nothing really changed in the practical way they were acting with one another, but both of them were now aware of their mutual presence and the fact that they both cared for each other to the point they felt the urge to give mutual help when one of them was in need. 

They became closer without even realizing it, building up a bizarre day-by-day routine, where three times a week they would have breakfast or lunch together, and every Tuesday, when they weren’t busy touring, recording or performing, they would hang out with Justin’s brother, Cory.

Matthew got to know a lot of things about Justin, for example how he couldn’t watch tv without an abundant bowl of milk and Count Chocula cereal, or how he would always start fumbling and looking around when someone brought up subjects he wasn’t comfortable talking about, or how he loved to look at his old photo album when he felt  down, because it was full of his cat’s photos, but he would never bring home a new pet because he thought that Cerrone should be the only one. 

And on the other hand, Justin got to know lots about Matthew too: how close he was with his sister, Heather, how he was always so worried about Michael being there in Orlando. Or the fact that he fell in love too easily with the usual bad guy that he shouldn’t get involved with, that he would call him two times a week for three hours or more, or how he always leaned on Justin’s shoulder lowering his face towards the plaid blanket they always shared when they were watching romcoms on tv, because he wouldn’t let himself be caught with his eyes watering as the movie played with cliché-d romantic lines and overdramatic scenes.

Justin didn’t know how it actually happened, but they grew addicted to one another’s presence to the point they really missed each other when they were apart.

One day, Lasky returned from one of his touring, beaten and wasted with a craving need to sleep for 12 hours or more, instead of driving home straight away, he paid Matthew a visit, because he felt as if he didn’t see him quickly, he wouldn’t even be able to fall asleep in the first place. Justin had been thinking a lot that day, he pondered a lot while in Australia, about how he had grown attached to Matt without even being aware of it, and he was sure Matt did the same, because once they were both on the couch as usual, the room was filled with nothing but than complete silence.

It was quite odd, because they would always talk, even though Justin thought that Golden Girls was sacred and no one should interrupt an episode with an uncalled for commentary. There was something bothering him in that bizarre behavior, to the point he felt the urge to ask what the problem was as quickly as possible, but when he opened his  mouth to speak, he felt the new and quite amusing feeling of Matthew’s lips on his own.

And he suddenly understood what was going on, and that Matthew somehow shared what Justin had been thinking during his whole Aussie tour. Embracing the new awareness of being sexually attracted to someone he now called his best friend, Justin rose his hands to Matthew’s head, brushing his hair all while returning the kiss, and deepening it while pulling Matt down on the couch along with him, they made out for about two hours, Betty White’s voice filling the room alongside the sound of their kisses.

Hey Qween! They had been in a stable relationship for almost three months, when Johnny McGovern called Matthew for the first episode of the upcoming season.

He and Justin were facing what they would call a crisis, not that things were going bad between them, quite the opposite actually, but when they first started dating seriously, both of them agreed on keeping their relationship private.

Justin had learnt from the past that serving fans with facts from his personal life wasn’t a good thing to do, while Matt on the other hand had always been reserved towards specific things from his own life.

Not that they were hiding it: when they were together, they would indulge in more lovey-dovey gestures like brushing hands or a tender caress on the arm, but neither of them were sharing photos of them together on social network, nor had they been seen doing something unmistakable onstagewhich could lead their fans to think that they were actually fucking.

All of their friends knew it, but understanding their desire to keep it private, no one ever mentioned either of them having a boyfriend or being involved in a romantic relationship, and things had went smooth for a good 90 days, until…

What they were calling a “crisis” was the fact that one of Lasky’s thunderfucked-up fans had  caught them kissing outside one of the club they went to for a show, and although it was somehow their fault to have let their guard down, a respectful supporter would understand that taking a photo of them in that situation wasn’t a good idea, but sometimes Justin’s fans weren’t what he would call good thinkers, and in less than two days the photo was spreading throughout social networks.

When Johnny called, Matt knew what he wanted to talk about on the web show, and they both thought that given the situation, it would be a good thing to actually admit they were dating, before people started to intrude their personal life to have a confirmation.

When the episode was recorded and when it aired too, Justin was in the UK, so he ended up watching it on the bed of his hotel room, still in drag before filming one of his Aftershow videos.

”So, are you and Alaska Thunderfuck dating right now?

“I knew you were gonna come for that!”, Justin chuckled at Detox’s reaction, while munching on his soy bun. “But yeah, there’s no reason to keep hiding it,” there was a bit of sarcasm in Matt’s voice, he was clearly referring to all those fans who wouldn’t stop prying in their personal stuff, “I love her, and she’s the best thing that happened in my life”.

Justin smiled blushing lightly, he really wanted to call Matthew right now.

Ireland. It was the first time they actually fucked. After the make-out session they had had on Matthew’s couch a week before, they kind of avoided the subject; they even stopped talking for about three days, before Justin decided it would be a good thing to at least try to act normal, since they were going to leave for Dublin together in less than seven days.

Things went smoothly before the trip, mostly because they didn’t really mention what happened and they avoided hanging out, because they both knew that it would be fucking awkward to speak face-to-face, but not on the plane, or once they arrived at the hotel did they actually interact with each other.

It was quite odd for Aaron, Willam and Brian, who were used to Justin and Matthew being quite clingy to each other backstage, so Sharon took the chance to investigate about it, when  he was smoking outside the hotel and Justin reached for him to ask for a cigarette.

“You smoke only when you’re nervous…”

“Mmh—,” Justin mumbled, clearly trying to avoid the question which would surely follow.

But Aaron was a totally straight-forward bitch, especially when it came to Lasky.

“Are you and Matthew fucking?”

Justin gulped. But after a moment, he realized there wasn’t someone who knew him better than Aaron, and telling him his thoughts on the awkward situation was easier than had originally thought.

“Well, you should fuck.”

“But we’re friends! And I usually fuck things up…”

Aaron smiled, brushing his shoulder, “I don’t think so, that was the old Justin, you’re a grown man, and you can handle this,” Lasky didn’t seem too convinced, but then Aaron spoke again: “Do you like him?”

Justin fidgeted for a moment, “I think… yeah… maybe.”

“And do you think he likes you too?”

“Actually, he kissed me first.”

Aaron opened his mouth in a surprised “o” motion, while inhaling from his cigarette,

“Then, you totally should fuck him, or talk to him. Maybe it’s better if you just talk, or talk and after that, have sex.” Ok, so Aaron wasn’t a good life advisor, but what he had said made Justin think enough to realize that that situation was quickly becoming unbearable for him, and if he wanted his relationship with Matthew back the way it was before the accident, they really should talk it out. He knocked on Matt’s hotel door, but when he opened, words died in Justin’s throat.

The discourse he had prepared in his mind faded, and he realized how fucking much he felt attracted to Matthew the exact moment he looked Justin in the eyes. Matt probably felt the same, since he pulled him by the shirt, dragging him inside the room before pinning him to the wall and fuck the shit out of him.

They would have that talk two months later.

Joint. Justin had read lots of stories about people who fucked too rough to the point they popped a hip while having sex, but he didn’t really believe that something like that was possible. The hell were you doing to dislocate a fucking joint during sex?! But he had changed his mind after that one time when they were too high and fucking on the couch of Matt’s hotel room during one of their tour. If they hadn’t smoked weed a few minutes before, they would have heard the knocking on the door, and they would have remembered they hadn’t locked it, but they were too caught up in that rough petting session to realize what was happening around them until they noticed Jerick staring at them by the entrance, alerted only when he spoke. “Oh my god!”

They both jolted apart, but when Justin tried to lift Matthew off his body, he actually pushed him off the couch with too much strength.

“Fuck!” Matthew always cursed, so both Jerick and Justin didn’t mind him at first: Jinkx because he was too shocked to even think rationally, and the latter because he was too stoned to quickly think of a credible excuse.

But when Matt whined louder, the two glanced at him, realising he was laying on the floor, grabbing his right shoulder almost in tears, “Shit! It fucking hurts! Justin, what the fuck!”

Lasky understood how serious it was when all the other tour members popped up in the entrance of Matt’s door, looking at Matthew wearing only his boxers while crying in pain on the floor.

“I don’t know what the fuck were you doing, but I think he popped his shoulder, just saying,” Roy said, a bewildered look on his face.

“Fuck you, Roy! Fuck you Justin! Call a fucking ambulance!”

At the hospital, they all lied saying they were doing rehearsal and Matthew fell off the stage, but Justin knew that after that they wouldn’t be having stoned sex for a while.

Katya. Brian had become quite a good friend for Justin, mostly because they shared lots of time together during work, but Lasky thought that in his own quirky and odd way, Brian was somehow a good life-advisor. Especially because he was one hell of an observant bitch to the point Justin didn’t really have to speak out loud about what was happening, because Katya already knew.

“So, what’s happening between you and Detox?”

Justin pretended not to have heard him while still dedragging, but he could feel Brian’s glance on him and after a while he thought it was so fucking unbearable he actually chose to answer that question to preserve his mental health, “There’s this elephant in the room, none of us want to address and it’s become a bit uncomfortable.”

He had been quite vague, but he knew from Katya’s look that he understood what he was talking about. He and Matt had been friends with benefits for a while then, Roy and Danny had caught them when they were in Ft. Lauderdale making out in a locker room during a black-out, but they hadn’t really talked about the huge issue implied in what they were doing.

Justin had tried many times to bring up the subject, or at least to have a clear idea of what they were supposed to label their relationship, like… were they actually in a romantic relationship?

“Oh, yeah, I know, you’re like in that situation where you’re doing all those things a normal couple do, but at the same time you’re not actually dating, uh-uh.”

Justin thought for a moment that Brian had being doing the wrong job, and he should really take a degree in psychology, but thinking it about it twice he realized that maybe he understood the problem so well because his life was so fucked up that Brian had probably found himself in that situation too many times already.

“Well, the question is: do you want something more from this?”

Justin blinked a few times. He was always complaining and over-thinking about it, but he actually hadn’t asked himself the true question, which was actually stirring throughout the conversation. Did he want a romantic relationship with Matthew?

“Thanks,” Justin simply said, with a feeble smile upon his face.

“You’re welcome, bitch.”

Loneliness. Matthew realized he was so fucking in love with Justin, when one night, coming home from his last performance at the club, he found himself quite uncomfortable in the lonely emptiness and silence of his apartment. Laurie had moved out a month before, but he felt as if even her presence wouldn’t make him at ease. The thing was: he missed Justin.

He missed him like he never had before, and in that exact moment he would have sold his soul to Satan just to spend less than an hour with him. But Justin was in Canada, and it was 4 in the morning, and the awareness of not being able to reach for him made Matthew feel like shit.

That was what he had actually feared from the beginning: being so involved with someone, to the point he would suffer that fucking pain above his chest without them.

But this time was different, because his phone buzzed the exact moment he put it on the kitchen counter, and opening the new delivered text, he found himself smiling: “Miss you, baby ♡ my phone’s dead, but Jerick lent me his, see you soon in two days! J.”

The loneliness faded as he realized that they were not only sharing time together, but feelings. Matthew smiled, kissing his phone.

Moving in. Everything was going fine between them, but somehow Matthew felt as if something was missing. They were always together, they kept some time to themselves without the other one, especially when their duties didn’t overlap, and it helped things to go smoothly, but still, Matt thought that there was something unclear in how their relationship worked.

They never talked about what their plans for the future were. Yeah, it had always been kind of implied that they both wanted to share a future together, but Matt found himself thinking a simple implication wasn’t enough.

He knew that the reason they never brought up the subject was that they were still recovering from their past, mainly because Justin had already been through all that, and he probably wasn’t ready to replay it a second time. But going through therapy, Matt learnt that sometimes he should take care of himself, and not always postpone his own needs in favor of others. Not that he was going to push Justin to do something about it, but talking would be a good start.

Justin had probably sensed it, because one morning, while they were having breakfast together as usual, he said something Matthew wasn’t expecting

“We should live together.”

Coffee almost dribbled from Matt’s mouth, when he tried to process what Justin had just said. “ I already have a bunch of your clothes in my wardrobe, and your toothbrush has been sitting in my bathroom for a week now��� and you’re always here.”

Matthew knew what he was implying – once again – and he didn’t expect Justin to simply speak out loud what he meant – because Justin wasn’t like that, and he had always been afraid to be outspoken about what he was thinking; sure, he had improved since they started their relationship, but he still had a lot of work to do – but Matt understood what he was saying through the lines.

Yeah, Matt’s apartment was larger – it was meant for at least three people – and he would feel better if they chose to live there, because it would make a great reassurance of their actual situation and what they were planning for the future, but Matt also understood that Justin’s trust issues weren’t completely healed even though he had grown really fond of Matthew, and meeting half way would be an important step to make that relationship work.

“I’m moving in next week.”

A/N3: at first i wanted to develop a bit more the issues within Detox’s car accident and his ex-boyfriend, but because it’s real people we are talking about, i didn’t feel comfortable, so… i hope it’s not a problem to have left everything implied and not outspoken.

For any other thoughs, let me know here or on my personal tumblr: @chykopon

If you want to know about the Alphabet Challenge, message me and i will gladly translate and like the rules page (: