#also live transcription???? that would NEVER have been an option with my first phone

[uncanny-tranny]

Definitely don't knock your device's accessibility options. I was looking through my phone's accessibility settings last night, and wow, it feels like technology has really advanced since I first got a smartphone.

I've even found a setting that raises certain sounds I apparently have trouble hearing, and it feels like I'm experiencing the music I love with a completely different perspective. It's honestly wild because my first smartphone had like... mono audio, and that was as close as you could get to accessibility

[innuendostudios]

I was invited to give a talk on GamerGate over Zoom in early 2021. I've long been frustrated that there isn't a good timeline of GG and its origins on YouTube. When people ask "what the hell was GG anyway?" they often get referred to my or Dan Olson's videos on the subject, but both of them were made while GG was ongoing, and presumed a degree of familiarity on the part of the audience. There was just too much to say about what was already happening to spend time getting the audience up to speed, and it was safe to assume our audiences had enough context to follow along. But time moves fast on the internet, and many people who now care about such things weren't there while it was happening, and are lacking the necessary context to follow the better videos. For a long time, I've only been able to direct them to RationalWiki's timeline, which is excellent but so exhaustively comprehensive that it's likely to scare off first-timers.

I realize an hourlong lecture isn't necessarily helping matters, but the first 20-or-so minutes of this video are my attempt at streamlining the timeline such that people can be up to speed on the most important stuff fairly quickly. The rest is talking about what it all meant, how it prefigured the Alt-Right, and using it to better understand digital radicalization.

This video was made with the help of Magdalen Rose, who edited the slides to the audio while I was laid up with a back injury. Go sub to her channel! And please back me on Patreon.

Transcript below the cut.

FUCKING VIDEO GAMES? FUCKING VIDEO GAMES. THEY MADE DOZENS OF PEOPLE MISERABLE FOR YEARS OVER VIDEO GAMES! NOT EVEN FUCKING VIDEO GAMES, FUCKING ARTICLES ABOUT FUCKING VIDEO GAMES. THIS IS WHAT PASSES FOR LEGITIMATE GRIEVANCE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT??

Hi! My name is Ian Danskin. I’m a video essayist and media artist. I run the YouTube channel Innuendo Studios, please like share and subscribe.

I’m here to talk to you about GamerGate, and I needed to get all that out of the way. I’m going to talk about what GamerGate was and how it prefigured The Alt-Right, and there are gonna be moments where you’re nodding along with me, going, “yeah, yeah I get it,” and then the sun’s gonna break through a crack in the wall and you’ll suddenly remember that all this is happening because some folks - mostly ladies - said some stuff - provably true stuff, I might add - about video games and a bunch of guys didn’t like it, and you’re gonna want to rip your hair out. By the end of this, you will have a better understanding of what happened, but it will never not be bullshit.

Also, oh my god, content warning. Racism, sexism, antisemitism, homophobia, transphobia, rape threats, threats of violence, domestic abuse - I’m not going to depict or describe at length any of the worst stuff, but it’s all in the mix. So if at any point you need to switch me off or mute me, you have my blessing.

Brace yourselves.

Some quick prehistory:

In 2012, feminist media critic Anita Sarkeesian ran a Kickstarter campaign for a YouTube series on sexist tropes in video games. And, partway through the campaign, 4chan found it and said “let’s ruin her life.” And a lot of the male general gaming public joined in. And by “ruin her life” I’m not talking 150 angry tweets including dozens of rape and death threats per week, though that was a thing. I’m talking bomb threats. I’m talking canceled speaking engagements because someone threatened to shoot up a school. I’m talking FBI investigation. The harassers faced no meaningful repercussions.

And in 2013, Zoe Quinn released Depression Quest, a free text game about living with depression. They received harassment off and on for the next year, most pointedly from an incel forum called Wizardchan that doxxed their phone number and made harassing phone calls telling them to kill themself. The harassers faced no meaningful repercussions.

(Also, quick note: Zoe Quinn is nonbinary and has come out since the events in question. When I call Zoe’s harassment misogynist, understand I am not calling Zoe a woman, but they were attacked by people who hate women because that’s how they were perceived. Had they been out at the time things probably would’ve gone down similarly, but on top of misogyny I’d be talking about nonbinary erasure and transphobia.)

Okay. Our story begins in August 2014. The August that never ended.

Depression Quest, after a prolonged period on Greenlight, finally releases on Steam as a free download with the option to pay what you want. In the days that follow, Zoe’s ex-boyfriend, Eron Gjoni, writes a nearly 10,000-word blog called The Zoe Post, in which he claims Quinn had been a shitty and unfaithful partner. (For reference, 10,000 words is long enough that the Hugos would consider it a novelette.) This is posted to forums on Penny Arcade and Something Awful, both of which immediately take it down, finding it, at best, a lot of toxic hearsay and, at worse, an invitation to harassment. So Gjoni workshops the post, adds a bunch of edgelord humor (and I am using the word “humor” very generously), and reposts it to three different subforums on 4chan.

We’re not going to litigate whether Zoe Quinn was a good partner. I don’t know or care. I don’t think anyone on this call is trying to date them so I’m not sure that’s our business. What is known is that the relationship lasted five months, and, after it ended, Gjoni began stalking Quinn. Gjoni has, in fact, laid out how he stalked Quinn in meticulous detail to interviewers and why he feels it was justified. It’s also been corroborated by a friend that Quinn briefly considered taking him back at a games conference in San Francisco, but he became violent during sex and Quinn left the apartment in the middle of the night with visible bruises.

Off of the abusive ex-boyfriend’s post, 4chan decides it’s going to make Zoe Quinn one of their next targets, and starts a private IRC channel to plan the campaign. The channel is called #BurgersAndFries, a reference to Gjoni claiming Quinn had cheated on him with five guys. A couple sentences in The Zoe Post - which Gjoni would later claim were a typo - imply that one of the five guys was games journalist Nathan Grayson and that Quinn had slept with him in exchange for a good review of Depression Quest. Given the anger that they’d seen drummed up against women in games with the previous Anita Sarkeesian hate mob, #BurgersAndFries decides to focus on this breach of “ethics in games journalism” as a cover story, many of them howling with laughter at the thought that male gamers would probably buy it. This way, destroying Quinn’s life and career and turning their community against them would appear an unfortunate byproduct of a legitimate consumer revolt; criticism of the harassment could even be framed as a distraction from the bigger issue. Gjoni himself is in the IRC channel telling them that this was the best hand to play.

The stated aim of many on #BurgersAndFries was to convince Quinn to commit suicide.

Two regulars in the IRC, YouTubers MundaneMatt and Internet Aristocrat, make videos about The Zoe Post. Incidentally, both these men had already made a lot of money off videos about Anita Sarkeesian. Matt’s is swiftly taken down with a DMCA claim, and he says that Quinn filed the claim themself. (For the record, in those days, YouTube didn’t tell you who filed DMCA claims against you.) Members of the IRC also reach out to YouTuber TotalBiscuit, who had been critical of Sarkeesian and dismissive of her harassment, and he tweets the story to his 350,000 followers, saying a game developer trading sex for a good review might not prove true, but was certainly plausible.

This is where GamerGate begins to get public traction.

Zoe Quinn is very swiftly doxxed, with their phone number, home address, nudes, and names and numbers of their family collected. Gjoni himself leaks their birth name. The Zoe Post, and the movement against Quinn - now dubbed “The Quinnspiracy” - make it to The Escapist and Reddit, which mods will have little luck removing. The Quinnspiracy declares war on any site that does take their threads down, most vehemently NeoGAF. People who defend Zoe against the harassment start getting doxxed themselves - Fez developer Phil Fish is doxxed so thoroughly, hackers get access to the root folder of his website.

In what I’m going to call This Should Have Been The End, Part 1, Stephen Totilo, Editor-in-Chief at Kotaku where Nathan Grayson worked, in response to pressure not just from The Quinnspiracy but an increasing number of angry gamers buying The Quinnspiracy’s narrative, publishes a story. In it he verifies that Quinn and Grayson did date for several months, and that not only is there no review of Depression Quest anywhere on Kotaku, not by Grayson nor anyone else, but that Grayson did not write a single word about Quinn the entire time they were dating.

In response, The Quinnspiracy declares war on Kotaku. r/KotakuinAction is formed, which will become the primary site of organization outside of chanboards. The fact that their entire “movement” is based on a review that does not exist changes next to nothing.

Some people start to see The Quinnspiracy as potentially profitable. The Fine Young Capitalists get involved, a group ostensibly working to get women into video games but who have a Byzantine plan to do so wherein they crowdfund the budget and the woman who wins a competition gets to storyboard a game, but another company will make and she will get 8% of the profits, the rest going to a charity chosen by the top donor. 4chan becomes the top donor. They like TFYC because the head of the company has a vendetta against Zoe Quinn, who had previously called them out for their transphobic submission policy, and he falsely accused Quinn of having once doxxed him. 4chan feels backing an ostensibly feminist effort will be good PR, but can’t resist selecting a colon cancer charity because, they say, feminism is cancer and they want to be the cure to butthurt. They also get to design a character for the game, and so they create Vivian James, who will become the GamerGate mascot.

Manosphere YouTubers Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini launch a Patreon campaign for their antifeminist documentary The Sarkeesian Effect and come to The Quinnspiracy looking for $15,000 a month for an indefinite period to make it, which they get.

In what will prove genuinely awful timing, Anita Sarkeesian releases the second episode of Tropes vs. Women in Video Games, and, despite not being a games journalist and having nothing to do with Quinn or Grayson, she is immediately roped into the narrative about how feminists are ruining games culture and becomes the second major target of harassment. Both she and Quinn soon have to leave their houses after having receiving dozens and dozens of death threats that include their home addresses.

After being courted by members of the IRC channel, Firefly star Adam Baldwin tweets a link to one of the Quinnspiracy videos and coins the hashtag #GamerGate. This is swiftly adopted by all involved.

In response to all this, Leigh Alexander writes a piece for Gamasutra arguing that the identity that these men are flocking to the “ethics in games journalism” narrative to defend no longer matters as a marketing demographic. Gaming and games culture is so large and so varied, and the “core gamer” audience of 18-34 white bros growing smaller and septic, that there was no reason, neither morally nor financially, to treat them as the primary audience anymore. Love of gaming is eternal, but, she declared, “gamers,” as an identity, “are over.” Eight more articles contextualizing GamerGate alongside misogyny and the gatekeeping of games culture come out across several websites in the following days. GamerGate frames these as a clear sign of [deep sigh] collusion to oppress gamers, proving that ethics in games journalism is, indeed, broken, and Leigh Alexander becomes the third major target of harassment. These become known as the “gamers are dead” articles - a phrase not one of them uses - and they make “get Leigh Alexander fired from Gamasutra” one of their primary goals.

Something I need you to understand is that it has, at this point, been two weeks.

Highlights from the next little bit: Alex Macris, a higher up at The Escapist’s parent company, expresses support for GamerGate; he will go on to write the first positive coverage at a major publication and cement The Escapist as GamerGate-friendly. Mike Cernovich, aka “Based Lawyer,” gets GamerGate’s attention by mocking Anita Sarkeesian; he will go on to hire a private investigator to stalk Zoe Quinn. GamerGate launches Operation Disrespectful Nod, an email campaign pressuring companies to pull advertising from websites that have criticized them. They leverage their POC members, getting them, any time someone points out the rampant racism and antisemitism among GamerGaters, to say “I am a person of color and I am #NotYourShield”; most of these “POC members” are fake accounts left over from a previous, racist disinformation campaign. Milo Yiannapoulos gets involved, writing positive coverage of GG despite having mocked gamers for precisely this behavior in the past, and gets so much traffic it pulls Breitbart News out of obscurity and makes it a significant player in modern conservative news media.

[Hey! Ian from the future here. This talk mostly addresses how GamerGate prefigured the Alt-Right strategically and philosophically, but if you want a more explicit, material connection: Breitbart News took its newfound notoriety to become, as its Executive Chair phrased it in 2016, "a platform for the Alt-Right." That Executive Chair was Steve Bannon, who threw the website's weight behind The Future President Who Shall Not Be Named, and, upon getting his attention, would then go on to become his campaign strategist and work in his Administration. So, if you're wondering how one of the central figures of the Alt-Right ended up in the White House, the answer is literally "GamerGate." Back to you, Ian from the past!]

In what I’m calling This Should Have Been The End, Part 2, Zoe Quinn announces that they have been lurking the #BurgersAndFries IRC channel since the beginning and releases dozens of screenshots showing harassment being planned and the selection of “ethics in games journalism” as a cover. #BurgersAndFries has a meltdown, everyone turns on each other, and the channel is abandoned. And they then start another IRC and things proceed.

It goes on like this. I’m not gonna cover everything. This is just the first month. It should be clear by now that this thing is kind of unkillable. And I worry I haven’t made it obvious that this is not just a chanboard and an IRC. Thousands of regular, every day gamers were buying the story and joining in. They were angry, and no amount of evidence that their anger was unfounded was going to change that. You could not mention or even allude to GamerGate and not get flooded with dozens, even hundreds of furious replies. These replies always included the hashtag so everyone monitoring it could join in, so all attempts at real conversation devolved into a hundred forking threads where some people expected you to talk to them while others hurled insults and slurs. And always the possibility that, if any one of them didn’t like what you said, you’d be the next target.

To combat this, some progressives offered up the hashtag #GameEthics to the people getting swept up in GamerGate, saying, “look, we get that you’re angry, and if you want to talk about ethics in games journalism, we can totally do that, but using your hashtag is literally putting us in danger; they calling the police on people saying there’s a hostage situation at their home addresses so they get sent armed SWAT teams, and if you’ll just use this other hashtag we can have the conversation you say you want to have in safety.” And I will ever stop being salty about what happened.

They refused. They wouldn’t cede any ground to what they saw as their opposition. It was so important to have the conversation on their terms that not only did they refuse to use #GameEthics, they spammed it with furry porn so no one could use it.

A few major events on the timeline before we move on: Christina Hoff Sommers, the Republican Party’s resident “feminist,” comes out criticizing Anita Sarkeesian and becomes a major GG figurehead, earning the title Based Mom. Zoe Quinn gets a restraining order against Eron Gjoni, which he repeatedly violates, to no consequence; GG will later crowdfund his legal fees. There’s this listserv called GameJournoPros where game journalists would talk about their jobs, and many are discussing their concerns over GamerGate, so Milo Yiannopoulos leaks it and this is framed as further “proof of collusion.” 4chan finally starts enforcing its “no dox” rules and shuts GamerGate threads down, so they migrate to 8chan, a site famous for hosting like a lot of child porn. Indie game developer Brianna Wu makes a passing joke about GamerGate on Twitter and they decide, seemingly on a whim, to make her one of the biggest targets in the entire movement; she soon has to leave her home as well. GamerGate gets endorsements from WikiLeaks, Infowars, white nationalist sites Stormfront and The Daily Stormer, and professional rapist RooshV. And hundreds of people get doxxed; an 8chan subforum called Baphomet is created primarily to host dox of GamerGate’s critics.

But by November, GamerGate popularity was cresting, as more and more mainstream media covered it negatively. Their last, big spike in popularity came when Anita Sarkeesian went on The Colbert Report and Stephen made fun of the movement. Their numbers never recovered after that.

Which is not to say GamerGate ended. It slowed down. The period of confusion where the mainstream world couldn’t tell whether it was a legitimate movement or not passed. But, again, most harassers faced no meaningful repercussions. Gamers who bought the lie about “ethics in games journalism” stayed mad that no one had ever taken them seriously, and harassers continued to grief their targets for years. The full timeline of GamerGate is an constant cycle of lies, harassment, operations, grift, and doxxing. Dead-enders are to this day still using the hashtag. And remember how Anita had nothing to do with ethics in games journalism or Zoe Quinn, and they just roped her in because they’d enjoyed harassing her before so why not? Every one of GamerGate’s targets knows that they may get dragged into some future harassment campaign just because. It’s already happened to several of them. They’re marked.

(sigh) Let’s take a breath.

Now that we know what GamerGate was, let’s talk about why it worked.

In the thick of GamerGate, I started compiling a list of tactics I saw them using. I wanted to make a video essay that was one part discussion of antifeminist backlash, and one part list of techniques these people use so we can better recognize and anticipate their behavior. That first part became six parts and the second part went on a back burner. It would eventually become my series, The Alt-Right Playbook. GamerGate is illustrative because most of what would become The Alt-Right Playbook was in use.

Two foundational principles of The Alt-Right Playbook are Control the Conversation and Never Play Defense. Make sure people are talking about what you want them to talk about, and take an aggressive posture so you look dominant even when you’re not making sense. For instance: once Zoe leaked the IRC chatlogs, a reasonable person could tell the average gater, “the originators of GamerGate were planning harassment from the very beginning.” But the gater would say, “you’re cherry-picking; not everyone was a harasser.”

Now, this is a bad argument - that’s not how you use “cherry-picking” - and it’s being framed as an accusation - you’re not just wrong, you’re dishonest - which makes you wanna defend yourself. But, if you do - if you tell them why that argument is crap - you’ve let the conversation move from “did the IRC plan harassment?” - a question of fact - to “are the harassers representative of the movement?” - a question of ethics. Like, yes, they are, but only within a certain moral framework. An ethics question has no provable answer, especially if people are willing to make a lot of terrible arguments. It is their goal to move any question with a definitive answer to a question of philosophy, to turn an argument they can’t win into an argument nobody can win.

The trick is to treat the question you asked like it’s already been answered and bait you into addressing the next question. By arguing about whether you’re cherry-picking, you’re accepting the premise that whether you’re cherry-picking is even relevant. Any time this happens, it’s good to pause and ask, “what did we just skip over?” Because that will tell you a lot.

What you skipped over is their admission that, yes, the IRC did plan harassment, but that’s only on them if most of the movement was in on it. Which is a load of crap - the rest of the IRC saw it happening, let it happen, it’s not like anybody warned Zoe, and shit, I’m having the cherry-picking argument! They got me! You see how tempting it is? But presumably the reason you brought the harassment up is because you want them to do something about it. At the very least, leave the movement, but ideally try and stop it. They don’t, strictly speaking, need to feel personally responsible to do that. And you might be thinking, well, maybe if I can get them take responsibility then they’ll do something, but you’d be falling for a different technique I call I Hate Mondays.

This is where people will acknowledge a terrible thing is happening, maybe even agree it’s bad, but they don’t believe anything can be done about it. They also don’t believe you believe anything can be done about it. Mondays suck, but they come around every week. This is never stated outright, but it’s why you’re arguing past each other. To them, the only reason to talk about the bad thing is to assign blame. Whose turn is it to get shit on for the unsolvable problem? Their argument about cherry-picking amounts to “1-2-3 not it.” And they are furious with you for trying to make them responsible for harassment they didn’t participate in.

The unspoken argument is that harassment is part of being on the internet. Every public figure deals with it. This ignores any concept of scale - why does one person get harassed more than another? - but you can’t argue with someone who views it as a binary: harassment either happens or it doesn’t, and, if it does, it’s a fact of life, and, if it happens to everyone, it’s not gendered. And this is not a strongly-held belief they’ve come to after years of soul-searching - this is what they’ve just decided they believe. They want to participate in GamerGate despite knowing its purpose, and this is what would need to be true for that to be ok.

Or maybe they’re just fucking with you! Maybe you can’t tell. Maybe they can’t tell, either. I call this one The Card Says Moops, where people say whatever they feel will score points in an argument and are so irony-poisoned they have no idea whether they actually believe it. A very useful trick if the thing you appear to believe is unconscionable. You can’t take what people like that say at face value; you can only intuit their beliefs from their actions. They say they believe this one minute and that another, but their behavior is always in accordance with that, not this.

In the negative space, their belief is, “The harassment of these women is okay. My anger about video games is more important. I may not be harassing them myself, but they do kind of deserve it.” They will never say this out loud in a serious conversation, though many will say it in an anonymous or irreverent space where they can later deny they meant it. But, whatever they say they believe, this is the worldview they are operating under.

Obscuring this means flipping through a lot of contradictory arguments. The harassment is being faked, or it’s not being faked but it’s being exaggerated, or it’s not being exaggerated but the target is provoking it to get attention, which means GamerGate harassers simultaneously don’t exist, exist in small numbers, and exist in such large numbers someone can build a career out of relying on them! It can be kind of fun to take all these arguments made in isolation and try to string together an actual position. Like, GamerGate would argue that Nathan Grayson having previously mentioned Zoe Quinn in an article about a canceled reality show counts as positive coverage, and since Grayson reached out to Quinn for comment it’s reasonable to assume they started dating before the article was published (which is earlier than they claim), and positive coverage did lead to greater popularity for Depression Quest. But if you untangle that, it’s like… okay, you’re saying Zoe Quinn slept with a journalist in exchange for four nonconsecutive sentences that said no more than “Zoe Quinn exists and made a game,” and the price of those four sentences was to date the journalist for months, all to get rich off a game that didn’t cost any money. That’s your movement?

And some, if cornered, would say, “yes, we believe women are just that shitty, that one would fuck a guy for months if it made them the tiniest bit more famous.” But they won’t lead with that. Because they know it won’t convince the normies, even the ones who want to be convinced. So they use a process I call The Ship of Theseus to, piece by piece, turn that sentence into “slept with a journalist in exchange for a good review” and argue that each part of the sentence is technically accurate. It’s trying to lie without lying. And, provided all the pieces of this sentence are discussed separately, and only in the context of how they justify this sentence, you can trick yourself into believing this sentence is mostly true.

So, like, why? This is clearly motivated reasoning; what’s the motivation? What was this going to accomplish?

The answer is nothing. Nothing, by design. GamerGate’s “official” channels - the subreddit and the handful of forums that didn’t shut them down - were rigidly opposed to any action more organized than an email campaign. They had a tiny handful of tangible demands - they wanted gaming websites to post public ethics policies and had a list of people they wanted fired - but their larger aim was the sea change in how games journalism operated, which nothing they were asking for could possibly give them. The kind of anger that convinces you this is a true statement is not going to be addressed by a few paragraphs about ethics and Leigh Alexander getting a new job. They wanted gaming sites to stop catering to women and “SJWs” - who were a sizable and growing source of traffic - and to get out of the pockets of companies that advertised on their websites - which was their primary source of income. So all Kotaku had to do to make them happy was solve capitalism!

Meanwhile, the unofficial channels, like 8chan and Baphomet, were planning op after op to get private information, spread lies with fake accounts, get disinformation trending, make people quit jobs, cancel gigs, and flee their homes. Concrete goals with clear results. All you had to do to feel productive was go rogue. In my video,

How to Radicalize a Normie, I describe how the Alt-Right encourages lone wolf behavior by whipping people up into a rage and then refusing to give them anything to do, while surrounding them with examples of people taking matters into their own hands. The same mechanism is in play here: the public-facing channels don’t condone harassment but also refuse to fight it, the private channels commit it under cover of anonymity, and there is a free flow of traffic between them for when the official channels’ impotence becomes unbearable.

What I hope I’m illustrating is how these techniques play off of each other, how they create a closed ecosystem that rational thought cannot enter. There’s a phrase we use on the internet that got thrown around a lot at the time:

you can’t logic someone out of a position they didn’t logic themselves into.

Now, there are a few other big topics I think are relevant here, so I want to go through them one by one.

MEMEIFICATION

So a lot of interactions with GamerGate would involve a very insular knowledge base.

Like, you’d say something benign but progressive on Twitter.

A gater would show up in your mentions and say something aggressive and false.

You’d correct them. But then they’d come back and hit you with -

ah shit, sorry, this is a Loss meme.

If I were in front of a classroom I’d ask, show of hands, how many of you got that? I had to ask Twitter recently, does Gen Z know about Loss?!

If you don’t know what Loss is I’m not sure I can explain it to you. It’s this old, bad webcomic that was parodied so, so, so many times

that it was reduced to its barest essentials, to the point where any four panels with shapes in this arrangement is a Loss meme. For those of you in the know, you will recognize this anywhere, but have you ever tried to explain to someone who wasn’t in the know why this is really fuckin’ funny?

So, now… by the same process that this is a comics joke,

this is a rape joke.

I’m not gonna show the original image, but, once upon a time, someone made an animated GIF of the character Piccolo from Dragon Ball Z graphically raping Vegeta. 4chan loved it so much that it got posted daily, became known as the “daily dose,” until mods started deleting every incident of it. So they uploaded slightly edited version of it. Then they started uploading other images that had been edited with Piccolo’s color scheme. It got so abstracted that eventually any collection of purple and green pixels would be recognized as Piccolo Dick.

Apropos of nothing, GamerGate is a movement that insists it is not sexist in nature and it does not condone threats of rape against the women they don’t like. And this is their logo. This is their mascot.

If you’re familiar with the Daily Dose, the idea that GamerGate would never support Eron Gjoni if they believed he was a sexual abuser is so blatantly insincere it’s insulting… but imagine trying to explain to someone who’s not on 4chan how this sweater is a rape joke. Imagine having to explain it to a journalist. Imagine having to explain it to the judge enforcing your abuser’s restraining order.

Reactionaries use meme culture not just because they’re terminally online but also because it makes their behavior seem either benign or just confusing to outsiders. They find it hilarious that they can be really explicit and still fly under the radar. The Alt-Right did this with Pepe the Frog, the OK sign, even the milk glass emoji for a hot minute. The more inexplicable the meme, the better. You get the point where Stephen Miller is flashing Nazi signs from the White House and the Presidential re-eletion campaign is releasing 88 ads of exactly 14 words and there’s still a debate about whether the administration is racist. Because journalists aren’t going to get their heads around that. You tell them “1488 is a Nazi number,” it’s gonna seem a lot more plausible that you’re making shit up.

MOVE FAST AND BREAK THINGS

Online movements like GamerGate move at a speed and mutation rate too high for the mainstream world to keep up. And not just that they don’t understand the memes - they don’t understand the infrastructure.

In an attempt to cover GamerGate evenhandedly, George Wiedman of Super Bunnyhop interviewed a lawyer who specializes in journalistic ethics. He meant well; I really wish he hadn’t. You can see him trying to fit something like GamerGate into terms this silver-haired man who works in copyright law can understand. At one point he asks if it’s okay to fund the creative project of a potential journalistic source, to which the guy understandably says “no.”

What he’s alluding to here is the harassment of Jenn Frank. A few weeks into GamerGate, Jenn Frank writes a piece in The Guardian about sexism in tech that mentions Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn. In another case of “here’s a strongly-held belief I just decided I have,” GamerGate says this is a breach of journalistic ethics because Frank backs Quinn on Patreon. They harass her so intensely she not only has to quit her job at The Guardian, for several months she quits journalism entirely.

Off the bat, calling a public figure central to a major event in the field a “journalistic source” is flatly wrong-headed. Quinn was not interviewed or even contacted for the article, they were in no way a “source”; they were a subject. But I want to talk about this phrase, “fund a creative project.” Patreon is functionally a subscription; it’s a way of buying things. It’s technically accurate that Frank is funding Quinn’s creative project, but only in the sense that you are funding Bob Dylan’s creative project if you listen to his music. And saying Frank therefore can’t write about Quinn is like saying a music journalist can’t cover a Bob Dylan concert if they’ve ever bought his albums.

And we could talk about the ways that Patreon, as compared with other funding models, can create a greater sense of intimacy, and we also could comment that, well, that’s how an increasing number of people consume media now, so that perspective should be present in journalism. But maybe it means we should cover that perspective differently? I don’t know. It’s an interesting subject. But none of that’s going on in this conversation because this guy doesn’t know what Patreon is. It was only a year old at this point. Patreon’s been a primary source of my income for 5 years and my parents still don’t know what it is. (I think they think I’m a freelancer?) This guy hears “funding a creative project” and he’s thinking an investor, someone who makes a profit off the source’s success.

The language of straight society hasn’t caught up with what’s happening, and that works in GamerGate’s favor.

In the years since GamerGate we have dozens of stories of people trying to explain Twitter harassment to a legal system that’s never heard of Twitter. People trying to explain death threats to cops whose only relationship to the internet is checking email, confusedly asking, “Why don’t you just not go online?” Like, yeah, release your text game about depression at GameStop for the PS3 and get it reviewed in the Boston Globe, problem solved.

You see this in the slowness of mainstream journalists to condemn the harassment - hell, even games journalists at first. Because what if it is a legitimate movement? What if the harassers are just a fringe element? What if there was misconduct? The people in a position to stop GamerGate don’t have to be convinced of their legitimacy, they just have to hesitate. They just have to be unsure. Remember how much happened in just the first two weeks, how it took only a month to become unkillable.

It’s the same hesitance that makes mainstream media, online platforms, and law enforcement underestimate The Alt-Right. They’re terrified of condemning a group as white nationalist terrorists because they’re confused, and what if they’re wrong? Or, in most cases, not even afraid they’re wrong, but afraid of the PR disaster if too much of the world thinks they’re wrong.

ACCOUNTABILITY AND CONTROL

A thing I’ve talked about in The Alt-Right Playbook is how these decentralized, ostensibly leaderless movements insulate themselves from responsibility. Harassment is never the movement’s fault because they never told anyone to harass and you can’t prove the harassers are legitimate members of the movement. The Alt-Right does this too - one of their catchphrases is “I disavow.” Since there are no formalized rules for membership, they can redraw boundaries on the fly; they can take credit for any successes and deny responsibility for any wrongdoing. Public membership is granted or revoked based on a person’s moment-to-moment utility.

It’s almost like… they’re cherry-picking.

The flipside of this is a lack of control. Since they never officially tell anyone to do anything but write emails, they have no means of stopping anyone from behaving counterproductively. The harassment of Jenn Frank was the first time GamerGate’s originators thought, “maybe we should ease off just to avoid bad publicity,” and they found they couldn’t. GamerGate had gotten too big, and too many people were clearly there for precisely this reason.

They also couldn’t control the infighting. When your goal is to harass women and you have all these contradictory justifications for why, you end up with a lot of competing beliefs. And, you know what? Angry white men who like harassing people don’t form healthy relationships! Several prominent members of GamerGate - including Internet Aristocrat - got driven out by factionalism; they were doxxed by their own people! Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini parted ways hating each other, with Aurini releasing chatlogs of him gaslighting Owen about accepting an endorsement from Roosh, and they released two competing edits of The Sarkeesian Effect.

I say this because it’s useful to know that these are alliances of convenience. If you know where the sore spots are, you can apply pressure to them.

LEADERS WITHOUT LEADERSHIP

One way movements like GamerGate deflect responsibility is by declaring, “We are a leaderless movement! We have no means to stop harassment.”

Which… any anarchist will tell you collective action is entirely possible without leaders. But they’ll also tell you, absent a system of distributing power equitably, you’re gonna have leaders, just not ones you elected.

A few months into GamerGate, Randi Lee Harper created the ggautoblocker. Here’s what it did: it took five prominent GamerGate figures - Adam Baldwin, Mike Cernovich, Christina Hoff Sommers, Milo Yiannopoulos, and Nick Monroe, formerly known as [sigh] PressFartToContinue - and generated a block list of everyone who followed at least two of them on Twitter. Now, this became something of an arms race; once GamerGate found out about it they made secondary accounts that followed different people, and more and more prominent figures appeared and had to get added to the list. But, when it first launched, the list generated from just these five people comprised an estimated 90-95% of GamerGate.

Hate to break it to you, guys, but if 90+ percent of your movement is following at least two of the same five people, those are your leaders. The attention economy has produced them. Power pools when left on its own.

This is another case where you have to ignore what people claim and look at what they do. The Alt-Right loves to say “we disavow Richard Spencer” and “Andrew Anglin doesn’t speak for us.”

But no matter what they say, pay attention to whom they’re taking cues from.

AD CAMPAIGN

George Lakoff has observed that one way the Left fails in opposition to the Right is that most liberal politicians and campaigners have degrees in things like law and political science, where conservative campaigners more often have degrees in advertising and communications. Liberals and leftists may have a better product to sell, but conservatives know how to sell products.

GamerGate less resembles a boots-on-the-ground political movement than an ad campaign. First they decide what their messaging strategy is going to be. Then the media arm starts publicizing it. They seek out celebrity endorsements. They get their own hashtag and mascot. They donate to charity and literally call it “public relations.” You can even see the move from The Quinnspiracy to GamerGate as a rebranding effort - when one name got too closely associated with harassment, they started insisting GamerGate was an entirely separate movement from The Quinnspiracy. I learned that trick from Stringer Bell’s economics class.

Now, we could stand to learn a thing or two from this. But I also wouldn’t want us to adopt this strategy whole hog; you should view moves like these as red flags. If you’re hesitating to condemn a movement because what if it’s legitimate, take a look at whether they’re selling ideology like it’s Pepsi.

PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING

One reason to insist you’re a consumer revolt rather than a harassment campaign is most people who want to harass need someone to give them permission, and need someone to tell them it’s normal.

Bob Altemeyer has this survey he uses to study authoritarianism. He divides respondents into people with low, average, and high authoritarian sentiments, and then tells them what the survey has measured and asks, “what score do you think is best to have: low, average, or high?”

People with low authoritarian sentiments say it’s best to be low. People with average authoritarian sentiments also say it’s best to be low. But people with high authoritarian sentiments? They say it’s best to be average. Altemeyer finds, across all his research, that reactionaries want to aggress, but only if it is socially acceptable. They want to know they are the in-group and be told who the out-group is. They don’t particularly care who the out-group is, Altemeyer finds they’ll aggress against any group an authority figure points to, even, if they don’t notice it, a group that contains them. They just have to believe the in-group is the norm.

This is why they have to believe games journalism is corrupt because of a handful of feminist media critics with outsized influence. Legitimate failures of journalism cannot be systemic problems rooted in how digital media is funded and consumed; there cannot be a legitimate market for social justice-y media. It has to be manipulation by the few. Because, if these things are common, then, even if you don’t like them, they’re normal. They’re part of the in-group. Reactionary politics is rebellion against things they dislike getting normalized, because they know, if they are normalized, they will have to accept them. Because the thing they care about most is being normal.

This is why the echo chamber, this is why Fox News, this is why the Far Right insists they are the “silent majority.” This is why they artificially inflate their numbers. This is why they insist facts are “biased.” They have to maintain the image that what are, in material terms, fringe beliefs are, in fact, held by the majority. This is why getting mocked by Stephen Colbert was such a blow to GamerGate. It makes it harder to believe the world at large agrees with them.

This is why, if you’re trying to change the world for the better, it’s pointless to ask their permission. Because, if you change the world around them, they will adapt even faster than you will.

THE ARGUMENT ISN’T SUPPOSED TO END

Casey Explosion has this really great Twitter thread comparing the Alt-Right to Scary Terry from Rick and Morty. His catchphrase is “you can run but you can’t hide, bitch.” And Rick and Morty finally escape him by hiding. And Morty’s all, “but he said we can’t hide,” and Rick is like, “why are we taking his word on this? if we could hide, he certainly wouldn’t tell us.”

The reason to argue with a GamerGater is on the implied agreement that, if you can convince them they’re part of a hate mob, they will leave. But look at the incentives here: they want to be in GamerGate, and you want them not to be. But they’re already in GamerGate. They’re not waiting on the outcome of this argument to participate. They’ve already got what they want; they don’t need to convince you GamerGate isn’t a hate mob.

This is why all their logic and rationalizations are shit, because they don’t need to be good. They’re not trying to win an argument. They’re trying to keep the argument going.

This has been a precept of conservative political strategy for decades. “You haven’t convinced us climate change is real and man-made, you need to do more studies.” They’re not pausing the use of fossil fuels until the results come in. “You haven’t convinced us there are no WMDs in Iraq, you need to collect more evidence.” They’re not suspending the war until you get back to them. “You haven’t convinced us that Reaganomic tax policy causes recessions, let’s just do it for another forty years and see what happens.” And when the proof comes in, they send us out for more, and we keep going.

The biggest indicator you can’t win a debate with a reactionary is they keep telling you you can. The biggest indicator protest and deplatforming works is they keep telling you in plays into their hands. The biggest indicator that you shouldn’t compromise with Republicans is they keep saying doing otherwise is stooping to their level. They’re not going to walk into the room and say, “Hi, my one weakness is reasoned argument, let’s pick a time and place to hash this out.”

And we fall for it because we’re trying to be decent people. Because we want to believe the truth always wins. We want to bargain in good faith, and they are weaponizing our good faith against us. Always dangling the carrot that the reason they’re like this is no one’s given them the right argument not to be. It’s all just a misunderstanding, and, really, it’s on us for not trying hard enough.

But they have no motivation to agree with us. Most of the people asking for debates have staked their careers on disagreeing with us. Conceding any point to the Left could cost them their livelihood.

WHY GAMES?

Let’s close with the big question: why games? And, honestly, the short answer is:

why not games?

Games culture has always presented itself as a hobby for young, white, middle class boys. It’s always been bigger and more diverse than that, but that’s how it was marketed, and that’s who most felt they belonged. As gaming grows bigger, there is suddenly room for those marginal voices that have always been there to make themselves heard. And, as gaming becomes more mainstream, it’s having its first brushes with serious critical analysis.

This makes the people who have long felt gaming was theirs and theirs alone anxious and a little angry. They’ve invested a lot of their identity in it and they don’t want it to change.

And what the Far Right sees in a sizable collection of aggrieved young men is an untapped market. This is why sites like Stormfront and Breitbart flocked to them. These are not liberals they have to convert, these people are, up til now, not politically engaged. The Right can be their first entry to politics.

The world was changing. Nerd properties were exploding into popular culture in tandem with media representation diversifying. And we were living with the first Black President. Any time an out-group looks like it might join the in-group, there is a self-protective backlash from the existing in-group. This had been brewing for a while, and, honestly, if it hadn’t boiled over in games, it would have boiled over somewhere else.

And, in the years since GamerGate, it has. The Far Right has tapped the comics, Star Wars, and sci-fi fandoms; they tried to get in with the furry community but failed spectacularly. They’re all over YouTube and, frankly, the atheist community was already in their pocket. Basically, if you’re in community with a bunch of young white guys who think they own the place, you might wanna have some talks with them sooner than later.

Anyway, if you want to know more about any of this stuff, RationalWiki’s timeline on GamerGate is pretty thorough. You can also watch my or Dan Olson’s videos on the subject. I’ll be putting the audio of this talk on YouTube and will put as many resources as I can in the show notes. The channel, again, is Innuendo Studios.

Sorry this was such a bummer.

Thank you for your time.

[dr-aphelion-flight]

Chapter 1 | Captain's Log

This chapter's log has been written by Emily from the perspective of her character, Meredith Elise Mitchell. Due to her thorough notetaking throughout the game, the entries are taken directly from her in-game journal.

The planet we are currently stationed at is Nauliac, a planet entirely filled with water. People live on large ships. We are on a ship called Tsavaye. 

Tsavaye has gravitational pull that prevents us from swimming away from the area. Like the moon?

Culture is similar to Earth pirates. (note to self: ask somebody more knowledgeable about what Earth pirates were actually like. I do not believe my romance novels were an accurate reference.) 

Currently ruled by a monarchy. There is a civil war going on between revolutionaries and monarchists, causing a strain on resources. The locals are too focused on the war to assist us with our broken communications system or the situation we find ourselves in.

When going out onto Tsavaye, remember to wear: 1) Helmet, to provide oxygen. 2) The outfit of neutrality provided by the local leader. Should hopefully (?) keep you out of conflict.

Mr. Sameda is now allowing us to buy 'gacha' at the shop. These seem to be items that he has taken from our personal luggage. I will keep track of all the items I obtain.

Stylophone

Apron

Camera (Mr. Kjærsgaard had a bad reaction when I mentioned this camera, but he did not claim it as his own. After 24 hours of waiting for the rightful owner, I gave it to Mx. Rios.)

Coffee

Music box

Pen

Mask designs (Returned to Mr. Koyasu)

Circus flier

First aid kit

A bent spoon

A hat identical to Nicat's

Alien plush

Heels

A book of Grimm's fairytales (Originally belonged to Mx. Rios - we now share it in our room.)

Shoes

Hummus (disposed of for safety reasons)

Journal (belongs to Mr. Uchibori, but he has bad memories associated with it and has asked me to keep it.)

Saxophone

A charitable donation from Mr. Kjærsgaard.

The LGBTQ pride flag! (placed in my dorm room with Mx. Rios to celebrate their pride and to show my allyship.)

A post card.

Soy milk, which Mr. Sameda threw at me.

A Mr. Sameda costume.

A notebook

A picture of a child named Lin Manuel Miranda

More soy milk

An old photograph (returned to Mr. Yang)

A transcript of a phone call (returned to Ms. Nagata)

A suspension notice for Mr. Koyasu

Sigmund Freud novel (Has notes in it from Ea. Ea has insisted I give it to her to destroy.)

A class photograph.

Old home video of Mx. Rios's family (returned)

- A fan letter to Mr. Kjærsgaard (returned)

A garden gnome

A seashell

An old picture of Ea.

A car accident report.

A… killing game participation ribbon?

Envelope of grocery money.

An empty capsule.

An audio recording of bullying.

A diary entry from Mallory.

A book about serial killers.

[At this point, Meredith has almost run out of space on the page. There is just just enough room for her to write 'CONT LATER.]

Mr. Yang received a romance novel from the gacha, and was kind enough to lend it to me on the condition that I provide a summary for him.

The Clown I Loved

FMC Lillian Finebaum, MMC Michael Rook. Childhood friends, Lillian's uncle was partners at a law firm with Michael's father.

Five years ago, Lillian accidentally caused the death of Michael's father. Michael tried to prosecute her in court for this, but she was acquitted. They have not spoken since.

Lillian moved away to become a clown.

""secondary MMC"" is a man named Elliott, who is also a clown, but he is never presented as a valid love option. He is in love with her, she does not love him back. He is an inventor who has his patent ideas stolen and is now broke.

Lilian's uncle died, now she and her cousin Barry have ownership of the law firm. Michael comes to town to get her to sell, she would like to sell so she could help Elliott, but Barry is holding out.

Family drama ensues, and Lilian and Michael start to fall in love.

She returns home with him, and goes to fancy dinner parties. She does a clowning performance at one of them, despite Michael's disapproval, and entertains the crowd.

They break up due to more drama - Lilian believes that Michael will never "forgive her" for accidentally killing his father.

But they make back up again, and they live HEA.

discussion points for Mr. Yang:

childhood love interests in books: why do they disappoint? show vs tell, being informed that they have a deep connection vs getting to see it 

the failure of a love triangle. if there is to be one, then both candidates must be viable

lack of utilization of the clown theming. being a clown hardly mattered!

strong internal narration style. very easy to relate to lilian, when you ignore the shortcomings.

don't act ungrateful! even if the book was bad... it was a wonder to read, in a situation like this. remember to be gracious and thankful.

Ms. Haidar is hosting a formal dinner party tonight.

Find a nice dress that won't take up space, won't make you an inconvenience. Something that looks nice without drawing attention or stealing the spotlight.

Apologize for being unable to help with setting up the party at some point, but don't lead too strongly. Don't try to make things about your own failing.

… try to enjoy seeing people dance, perhaps.

Don't let yourself get wrapped up in your own delusions of romance and wonder. I feel awful, that I forgot such a basic thing - that wearing formal outfits would cause us to forgo our outfits of neutrality. How foolish can I be? I should have remembered my own advice. I should have kept us all safe. If I had done my job right, Ms. Haidar's dinner party wouldn't have been ruined.

When the royal guard invaded the party to try and arrest us for being dissidents, I allowed myself to be arrested. I thought this would be the best idea, but it clearly was not. Everybody else fought back. Nicat insisted I try and free myself, and that I should not do such a thing again.

In the future, weigh options carefully. Do not give yourself up for arrest immediately, but…

Be sure to thank Ms. Haidar, Nicat, Mr. Koyasu, and Mx. Rios tomorrow morning. They all did a wonderful job organizing the party, even if it did end on a scare. Assure them that you'd love to go to another party.

(thank Nicat for the dance)

"Motive"

Mr. Sameda has said that, if a murder does not occur in 1 week, he will blow up the Earth's moon. He then blew up an asteroid.

Ask people smarter then yourself for more information. Perhaps you are misunderstanding? Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all?

[Pasted into her journal is a foreign piece of paper, reading:]

August 25th, 1972 Dear Diary,

My first diary entry as a teenager! I don't feel much different yet, but surely I'll start to feel more mature soon.

Today was amazing. I woke up super early - even before Merry - because I was so excited! Mom made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, just for me.

Then Merry woke up and wished me happy birthday, and I told her "right back at you!", but she insisted that it wasn't actually her birthday yet. Today is kinda weird for us, isn't it? She's 11 and I'm 13, but this is the only day of the year that will be true. Come tomorrow, she'll be 12, and balance will be restored.

She said that because it was my birthday, I could decide whatever we wanted to do today before our party, but… wait, hold on, I just realized something writing this.

Am I being weird, or is that kinda weird? What Merry said? I never thought about it until today, but for some reason her saying that made me realize… she's always letting me pick. Not just today.

Maybe that's the sign of maturity I've been waiting for, realizing that. And it's not like I mind, but… I kinda worry about her, sometimes. I think-

I do not know how Mr. Sameda managed to obtain this. I am selfish. I am happy to see my sisters handwriting, even though it means her privacy has been breached terribly. 

I wish I knew what she was going to say. I wish I could ask. I hope she is safe.

I ought to go do something more productive. I am no use like this.

Mr. Aubeleilles has told me that if I allow people to be rude to me, I am inherently allowing them to be rude to others - showing that such behavior is okay, and encouraging them to do it again. I will need to think about this.

He is also an art thief. He told me that concerningly casually.

Plan something nice for Nicat. He is already doing far too much for you - think of a way to repay him.

CONT - There are a worrying about of items in this gacha. Mr. Sameda did not just take these from our luggage - many of these he must have obtained prior. Many people seem to think of the gacha as a game, to get items they can taunt other people with… that is why I must keep buying. So that items can be returned to their rightful owners with dignity. Here is a continued list of items I have obtained:

Parkour book

A Ronald Reagan themed bat

An odd blue doll

Fishnet gloves

A can-opener

A "baptism-to-go" ???

A worried looking fox

An empty soda can

Handwritten coupons for a free haircut from Mr. Yang (he has confirmed their authenticity, and has allowed me to keep them.)

More soy milk.

ETHICS - Something that is bad because it is illegal. MORALS - Something that is bad because you personally believe it is bad.

EX: On this ship, killing somebody would be "ethical", but it may not be "moral".

All of this is a bit too confusing for me, but Ea was very kind in explaining it. I will try to understand.

Mr. Koyasu and Mx. Lukashevich are dead.

Explosion heard at 10:40PM. We all rushed to the source - the fighting pit in Tsavaye - but there was a whirlpool. Many of us struggled to make it through.

When it all subsided, the body of Mx. Lukashevich lay there, and Mr. Koyasu was buried beneath the rubble. We could only make out his hand.

Mr. Torres confirmed that both of them were dead.

Mr. Koyasu's hand is scorched.

Mx. Lukashevich has many broken bones. Their helmet is broken. She looks peaceful. (Ask others for their thoughts. Perhaps you are just being foolish?)

Explosive instructions are in the room, as well as a pile of TNT.

There are two sets of footprints leading into the pit.

The library has been searched through. Some of the books are stacked neatly, some are stacked haphazardly.

There is a white button up on Mr. Koyasu's bed, as well as motivational post-it notes.

The handwriting on this does not match Nicats, Mr. Koyasu's, or what I remember Ea's handwriting looking like. Nor does it match any of the other handwritten things I have received from the gacha.

There are parts missing from the submarine's. The workers were too distracted to notice anything.

Please remember this. If you ever feel as though you should take a break. You cannot. If you allow yourself to be remiss in your duties, you could miss something just as important. You must always be alert.

There are three plates of slop at the Deadlights Diner.

There is a book called Psychology of Consciousness next to one of the plates.

Mr. Koyasu is not dead. Mr. Minami is.

Mr. Minami masterminded this whole idea. He wanted to prevent the explosion of the moon. He enlisted Mx. Lukashevich and Mr. Koyasu for help.

Mr. Koyasu created the plans for the bomb, and Mr. Minami created the actual bomb itself, which killed himself and Mx. Lukashevich.

Before that, though, he and Mr. Koyasu swapped places. Mr. Koyasu wore Mr. Minami's clothing and mask, and Mr. Minami made his hand look as if it were Mr. Koyasu's.

The purpose of this was to test Mr. Sameda, to see if he would be able to figure it out. To see if they could outsmart him. The notes were from Mr. Minami, giving Mr. Koyasu advice on how to act like him.

I was the one who kept pushing those notes. I knew they couldn't be from Mr. Koyasu. I knew it, and so I kept asking everybody for their handwriting, even though I knew it was circumstantial. I was the one who had the sample of Mr. Koyasu's handwriting. When he wrote in my journal, I was the first to realize he had to be Mr. Koyasu and not Mr. Minami. I was the first to recognize that writing.

Is it my fault? Nobody was being evil, after all. Everybody who participated agreed to be involved. They all did this for the greater good. Lives sacrificed for lives saved. Should I have figured it out sooner? Should I have kept their cover?

I don't understand. I don't understand why Mr. Minami and Mr. Koyasu would do this. I don't understand why they'd try to go against Mr. Sameda, when he clearly is willing to harm us.

He did. He did not kill Mr. Koyasu, but it was a near thing. We are now departing Nauliac to try and find better medical care.

Why play these games? The rules have changed now, because of this. Mr. Sameda now states he is willing to kill us if we "slight him".

TO DO:

Organize a memorial for Mr. Minami and Mx. Lukashevich.

Ask Nicat for advice.

Ask Mr. Koyasu if he'd like breakfast in bed.

Ask Mr. Torres to teach you first aid.

[secretsofthedarkestkind-arch]

Elena starter for @storieswrittcn​ (this may or may not have gotten away from me, Remember you said you like novella. I also took part of the ramble part one but altered it also)

We are outsiders Living inside a broken world We are outsiders And I know sometimes it can hurt But it gets better yeah we'll make it through We'll stay golden when we're black and blue We are outsiders But we're not hiding anymore This is who we really are

It had been fifteen years since she’d seen either of her brothers face to face. Fifteen years since Lee had spoken to the eldest. Fifteen years since she had thought of Mystic Falls, thought of all the ghosts that lurked within the town's shadows. Lee Salvatore had made it a habit to push anything regarding her brothers, that town, or their past to the deepest recesses of her mind. She had built life after life without them, embracing the warped gift of eternity. She hadn’t truly looked back after she’d transitioned. Finally able to become who she really was without the suffocating opinions of the church, her community, or her family.

It wasn’t an easy journey. Slow in it’s progression. Lee’s aunt had always told her she was a soul gifted before it’s proper time; her sexuality, the way she was born, her passion and skill when it came to art, her desire to see the world. None of it fit in the 1800’s. But as times changed pieces of Lee started to belong. Each change brought new opportunities, allowing Lee to start to put herself together. 

She was still an outsider, still judged--but what else would you expect living in a broken world? What didn’t fit into the neat little boxes of people’s minds, what didn’t fit the societal norm, was still given so much hate. The only difference was now there were those who fought for equality, unafraid to use their voices to promote change. Those people gave Lee hope, gave her strength. Finding those people throughout the last 145 years had shaped her.

Lee Salvatore was still an outsider, but she was also so much more. She was an artist, one with more alias’ than she could count on both hands. She was a college graduate, several degrees tucked away in a safe. She was a traveler, passports filled with stamps and a mind filled with memories she had never imagined to have. But most of all, Lee was finally able to look in the mirror and accept the person she saw; the youngest Salvatore was who she truly was. She held no more self hate. No more whispers of ghosts past haunted her. She was an outsider, but she wasn’t hiding who she really was anymore.

While Lee had taken the road of self discovery, her brothers’ hadn’t. They’d been living in a siblings quarrel, at least Damon was. Stefan suffered at every turn at their brothers hand whenever they fell into each other's orbit or Damon specifically sought him out. Lee was drugged into it whenever Damon crossed too many lines, risking their exposure to the world. 

Stefan had called her no more than seven hours ago asking for her help. There was a trail of bodies leading straight to town, ‘animal attacks’ that couldn’t be explained were catching the eye of news outlets. She hadn’t even known Stefan was back in Mystic Falls. When Lee asked him why he couldn’t just leave, he explained there was something holding him in Mystic Falls that didn’t allow him to--something that could finally give him a sense of belonging--and refused to believe the attacks were Damon. All he wanted was for Lee to be there with him, help keep the spotlight off their kind. The vampire might loathe her brothers, wanting nothing more for them to be miserable, but she wasn’t going to allow Damon to out them. 

Which is why Lee was driving down the main strip on her motorcycle. The town was busy; teens scattered across the storefronts trying to enjoy their last hours of summer vacation. She came to a stop at one of the only stoplights in town, rolling her shoulders dreading whatever was to come when she reached the boarding house. The youngest Salvatore felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand, a shiver going down her spine, every nerve ending coming to life in a way she hadn’t experienced in years. Lee let her head turn to the right, following the pull of whatever was happening.

‘What…” The lithe form of a brunette teen who was walking beside another girl was at the center of her focus. “Turn around.” Lee knew the brunette couldn’t hear her words. Her plea was answered as she turned, eyes almost searching. Those eyes, that’s what did it. “Who are you?” A horn from behind her snapped Lee out of her trance, for a nanosecond the two locked eyes. The vampire’s eyes hidden behind her aviators. The next Lee was pulling off, possibly faster than she should have been. Now she had the true answer of why Stefan refused to leave. 

----

Lee placed a few notebooks, her sketchbook, and a few pens into her satchel--the one she’d had since she was a teen; a gift from her aunt she’d never been able to part with. She glanced up at the ceiling hearing Stefan’s footsteps on the roof. A sigh left her lips, why had she agreed to this? She was roughly 160 years old and able to enroll herself in a Small Town America High School. It was ridiculous; a complete stalker move. There had to be other ways for Stefan to get to know this girl, if that’s even what he was truly hoping to do. For how Stef had explained the situation, Lee could tell he was only doing this because of Katherine.

Subconsciously her thumb started to play with the band of her daylight ring. She was thankful for the chance of life Katherine Pierce had given her but there was so much Lee wished was different. Shaking her head to break out of her thoughts she moved toward her closet to get dressed. Lee scanned through her options, To be me or be who society thinks I should be? It was a debate she hadn’t had in a long time. To make this work she couldn’t disturb the waters between her and her brothers too much. A short laugh left her lips, that was a joke. The three couldn’t be in the same room without starting something. As it was right now, it was just two of them. With that thought in mind Lee grabbed an outfit that would be her. 

Guys white wash skinny jeans that weren’t too tight to show her tuck, a grey and white hooded baseball tee that had a pocket on the left chest, her grey vans, and her black leather jacket she’s had since the 90’s. She finished the look with a black watch. One more look in the mirror and she was pocketing her phone with one hand and slipped her satchel over her shoulder with the other.

She knew Stefan would already be off. His stalker-like tendencies being on overdrive since the ‘animal attack’ last night after Lee had arrived. She ignored Zack who was in his office and headed to the garage, she wasn’t going to run to the school. There wasn’t anything wrong with arriving in style.

-------

Stefan met her in the parking lot. Lee took her helmet off and ran her fingers through her hair, glancing at her brother, her own sunglasses covering her eyes. “Why do you always insist on dressing like that?” He asked, judgement clear in his voice. 

“This is me Stefan. You know that. Let it go. You asked for my help so take me as I am or I get on this bike and leave.” She told him. Lee wasn’t going to put up with his judgement. The world had given her enough of that. Plus her brother had already had his fair share of giving her judgement when they were younger. “I hope you know what you’re doing.” Lee stated, “This is definitely traveling into creeper status.” Stefan didn’t answer, just turned to walk through the crowd of students covering the lawn reconnecting after a summer away. She moved into step beside him, she knew they stood out; leather jackets, both well built and confident in their strides, the aurora of not giving a fuck rolling off them both. 

They finally found their way to the admissions office, standing shoulder to shoulder. Stefan handed over the file that was supposed to hold all they needed but Lee knew was missing more than a few things. She wondered which of the two would compel the woman. Stefan could but where all he drank was Bambi and Co blood who knew how long it would last. Lee sighs, she’s ready to make the move when something behind them stops her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, her nerves firing up again, and she felt that pull to turn around. She also could feel a warm buzz in the air, a witch.

“Hold up. Who’s this?” The first female says, the witch.

The secretary’s voice brings her back to what’s in front of her, saying exactly what she knew was coming. “Your records are incomplete. You’re both missing immunization records and we do insist on transcripts.” Lee glances at Stefan out of the corner of her eye. The last transcripts she had were college one's back in the 1980’s. She hadn’t done high school since the late 70’s and that was only to get into Yale. Their art programs the top in the country. 

Thoughts of the past make her miss her chance, Stefan is taking his sunglasses off, “Please look again,” Lee adjusts her satchel hoping Stefan can do this right. “I’m sure everything you need for both of us is there.” Lee chews the inside of her lower lip, her free hand moving to remove her sunglasses just in case. 

The secretary looks back down, “Well you’re right.” Lee tucks her sunglasses into the collar of her shirt as the woman looks back up at her brother. “So it is.” Stefan-1, Humanity-0.

“Thank you,” Stefan, ever the polite one, says. As they turn to go, Lee glances over at her brother’s schedule. Seems they have all but one class together--Lee has art and Stefan a creative writing course. That works.

“You’re welcome,’ The secretary says, her eyes landing on the two teens in the hall. “Ahh! Miss Bennett, Miss Gilbert I’m glad you’re here. Do you think you could show our two newest students around?” She stands up from behind her desk to walk around to the siblings. “This is Lee and Stefan Salvatore. I think they both have a few classes with you both.” Lee takes in who she now know as a Bennett witch, why the magic felt warm. She gives the teen a charming smile before the pull is to much, her head being forced to turn to the brunette beside her. The vampire takes her in, all she can see is someone new. Lee doesn’t see Katherine when she looks at her. “Hi,” The charming smile turning into a much softer one. “I’m Lee.” She offers her hand to the girl.

[utterlyinevitable]

hey i know you fell asleep but thank you for the bed time story 🥺🥺🥺

always here to send you fever dream fics on wa 💕 i know it’s not the m fluff you wanted but i did say TBC 👀

transcript under the cut ❤

Post-Bakery Bedtime Story

Mason gets back to the warehouse still dazed and confused as to why the bit at the bakery affected him so much. He doesn’t know why but his feet take him to the library instead of to his room. Nate is sat on his favorite chair by the large window with a tome, Felix is lying on the floor tossing a ball up and down.

“Ah you’re back. The detective make it to work okay?” Felix said with a wink that fell flat when he looked at his friends sullen face. 

Mason shrugged “assume so” 

Nate perked up at the uncertainty in his voice. “Assume so? What do you mean? Did something happen?” 

“I don’t fucking know” m said with such terrifying venom. 

Felix pulled a face and stealthily bolted out of the room. He was not going to stick around for hurricane Mason. Nah ah ah

Nate closed his book and studied the now pacing vampire. Masons hands shoved deep in his pockets and not a cigarette in sight. Not even the faint smell of tobacco that’s synonymous with him tainted his scent and the air. Nate knows it’s because of the detective he stopped smoking. Whether Mason realizes it or not.

“What did you say?” Nate asked knowingly. He wasn’t fully sure Mason said something to upset the detective but 100 years together and his ironclad intuition give him the lead.

“The truth”

“Which is?” 

“It’s not my fault that vile cupcake was sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong” 

“Mason.” Nate all but scolded, speaking volumes with his tone and causing Mason to stop pacing for a moment.

“I think I fucked up” he muttered. All his thoughts culminating to this conclusion.

Nate said nothing. Just waiting for Mason to elaborated on his revelation.

“Lia stomped away. I think she was upset...” But nothing came. Nate watched as Mason’s brows knitted further together and his frown cemented among his freckled features. Whatever happened took it’s toll. 

So Nate asked, “Did you apologize?” 

“Why would I? I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true” 

“If shes upset, you apologize. That’s the right thing to do” 

“Well I damn well didn’t get the chance! She ran right to the station”

“What did you say” Nate basically growled. 

“That all we’re doing is sleeping together. The only ‘seeing’” - he did air quotes with his fingers - “happening is of one another naked”

“Mason...”

He gave Nate a scowl at the sad and patronizing use of his given name.

Time passed silently as the two collected their thoughts. Mason still unsure why he cares so much and Nate afraid for both of them.

Nate breaks the tension. “Is that all that’s going on?”  

“Why would-“ Mason begins to retort, a natural reaction to challenge him. He takes a breath and a pause and then sighs “I hope so.”

Nate nods slowly as he mulls the confession over. He knows exactly why the closed off vampire feels this way and battles whether to break the news to Mason or not. 

Instead he chooses a gentler approach; 

“You care about her. As do we all.”

And then Nate leaves Mason to his own devices

***

That evening Nate volunteered to check up on the detective instead of just simply patrolling, unseen. 

“Oh. Hey” she gave a half hearted smile when he enters her office 

“I’m here to escort you home, if you’ll have me” 

“Thanks. Just need a few more minutes to finish this” 

“Of course.” Nate takes his seat at the table in the corner like usual and gazes around the room trying to assess Mason’s emotional damage. The beat of her heart isn’t consistent with anger. But her demeanor implies somethings amiss

On the walk home he asks “How was your day?”

“Fine” 

“Anything eventful happen?” 

“No. Thankfully.” She takes a pause and kicks a rock. “Actually...” 

Nate perks up, thinking how lucky it is that she’s the one to bring it up and be able to talk about masons mishap. Nate did spend most of the afternoon batting around the implications of the situation on the team, and then the implications of his intervention. 

But then she says, “Verda knows.” 

Nates brows furrowed. Lia notices.  

“About you guys,” she clarifies. Before Nate can respond she quickly adds “his partner eric came by. He’s a supernatural too apparently.” She huffs in disbelief. “and he wants me to convince verda everything’s okay so he can tell him”

NaTe doesn’t really know what to say. The agency needs to know of course. But he also knew Eric is supernatural after their encounter at the carnival - he got the sense. 

Nate wasn’t prepared to have this kind of conversation this evening. 

“How do you feel about that?” he simply asked. 

“I’m glad he knows. That I’ll have somebody to talk to about all this weirdness. But what if he doesn’t come around? What happens if Eric can’t ever tell him, you know? What kind of relationship is that to keep such a big part of your life from the one you love?”

They talk more about this and soon enough they’re at her apartment

And Nate decides to do something out of character. He decides to confront her with his preferred knowledge; “Were you crying earlier?”

She’s taken aback. It’d been hours and she put on a ton of concealer. Damn vampire senses. 

“It doesn’t matter.” There was a fragile finality to her words.  

“Your feelings matter. WhAtever it is”

“It’s stupid.” She shook her head to reaffirm. “My heart got away from me for a moment. It won’t happen again” 

Nate WISHES he could play Cupid. All they needed was a push in the right direction. But they needed to figure this out on their own.

“For what it’s worth, in all my years, listening to your heart is the greatest strength” 

Nate didn’t miss the near inaudible scoff that escaped her

 * * *

So she doesn’t see ub for 4ish days. They’re around. They patrol frequently but no ones come around to say hi and she’s thankful. More time to focus of wtf her heart is trying to tell her and how to deal with verda

She ends up going to the warehouse to pick up Nate. They’ve been texting about the verda situation. Dressed up and ready for the dinner she saunters through the halls and finds him waiting for her in the living room. 

“Damn Lia! You look stunning!” Felix chimes as he takes a look at her in her black dress and matching suede thigh high boots and make up. Very different from the smart dressed detective he sees daily. 

“Thanks” she blushes. She turns to Nate “you ready?” 

“Let me grab my coat” he exits to his room

“Is this a date?” Felix asks innocently enough 

“More like an intervention. Nates good with people and will be able to help verda understand” 

“Makes sense” he agrees. Then nudges her with his elbow “Mason would be the worst option huh” 

“Probably” 

Luckily Nate is back before Felix could read more into the situation and her noncommittal tone. 

“Ready!” He calls and smiles after making sure everything is in order. 

Just as lia is about to meet him in the hallway she nearly collides with Mason entering the room. 

“Hey,” she mumbles politely as she sidesteps him

Mason doesn’t say anything too shocked by her close presence. 

She thinks she hears him grunt and tries to hide her eye roll

As Nate and Lia make their way out of the warehouse mason watches her every movement. Every step. Every sway of her hips and brush of her air in the wind she creates. 

“Feel like groveling yet?” Felix whispers besides him pulling Mason out of the trance. 

“Fuck off”

Masons chest tightens. And he realizes he misses her. Not just her body and her touch but her presence. Her companionship.

Shit

He needs to apologize.

Later that evening, more like in the dead of night, Masons on the roof after patrolling a little earlier than normal but he needed the reprieve at the time. Needed the solitude and distraction patrolling provided. 

Now he’s tuned into nature and so at ease

Until he hears an irregular sound coming from floors below

Not irregular, not really. Not foreign, no. But a familiar thumping

No it couldn’t be.

He’s imagining things

He lights up another cigarette to make it go away

But it persists. It’s still there when he’s done

So he goes downstairs to get a beer to numb the pain. But he takes the route past the room that’s been empty nearly every single night since they moved in.

and it’s there

The steady, calm drum of her heartbeat

And he doesn’t need that beer anymore

He goes into his room two doors down and rests his eyes and body to the sound of her

* * *

The next morning she’s in the smaller, functional kitchen at the table eating an omelet she made along with some coffee. She has a full day of combat training and needs the calories.

Mason waited until he was sure she was relaxed and not distracted to enter. Tbh he’s never been in this room before. No need when human food smells worse than garbage.

He plops himself on the edge of the table opposite her. She doesn’t look up from what she’s reading on her phone. He doesn’t say anything either.

Eventually she takes in a very long very deep breath shuts her eyes puts her phone and fork down exhales and looks at him. Masking her features as best she can in close Proximity

Her left eyebrow raises, silently questioning

He doesn’t know what to say

He didn’t think this far ahead

She has his mind in complete disarray. Everything on his mind in his thoughts is her her her

But she won’t crack first. He can see that. He can feel how cold she is

“Look -“ is all he manages to choke out before she interrupts

“Save it.”

His mouth slams shut at the indifferent hostility

She continues, “what you said was out of line and frankly embarrassing.” 

He gives a tilt of his head in agreement. 

“I don’t need the entire town knowing my business.”

Instinct told him to make a sex joke, but he knew better than to break out the comfortable banter right now. Had enough awareness to see they weren’t back on good terms -- were they ever? 

Lia continued, “I also shouldnt have stormed out. So sorry for overreacting.”

Eventually she allowed for Mason to speak more than one word, “sorry For saying it”

She gave a tight smile. Forced and lacking all the things he’s come to look forward in that toothy grin of hers. 

She pushed her chair out and stood. Mason followed, standing three steps from her. He waited for the hug that she was bound to give him. She must be just as touch starved as he is he hopes.

But instead she picks up her dishes and puts them in the washer and walks out.

-TBC-

_____________

A/N: if you’re not ayla and you’re reading this, thank you for making it this far. and sorry it’s shit. this is just a thing i wrote over whatsapp at midnight because my friend asked for a fluffy m fic 😅

[dailyaudiobible]

04/22/2021 DAB Transcript

Joshua 24:1-33, Luke 21:1-28, Psalms 89:38-52, Proverbs 13:20-23

Today is the 22nd day of April welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it's always great to be here with you. Always great to see everybody coming in around the Global Campfire just settling in as we take our next step forward. We have been reading in the Old Testament from the book of Joshua for a little bit. Today we will conclude the book of Joshua and move into some brand-new territory tomorrow as we begin the book of Judges but let's finish the book of Joshua strong. We’re reading from the New Living translation this week. Joshua chapter 24.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the gospel of Luke today we saw this very very brief story just a very very brief couple lines. Jesus is in the temple complex and this is all before His disciples are admiring the temple and all the buildings of downtown Jerusalem. And this is where Jesus is like, “this is all coming down. Like, there won’t be any stone left unturned. The whole thing is coming down.” And of course, this is referring to what will happen in the future within the next 50 years. Jerusalem will be destroyed by the Romans. We’ve talked about this. They were looking for a Messiah. Jesus came. They got rid of Him and then they decide to take matters into their own hands later and rose up and revolted against Rome and were…were crushed in that process. So, we’ve talked about that. But just before all of that Jesus is in the temple, and there's this…well…there’s a collection box. So, the offering is being given and they’re just watching people put money into the collection box to care for the temple. And it's here that we learn something really interesting about the way God looks at things because they're watching people give plenty of money and then they watch a poor widow give 2 minas…2 small…like pennies…2 small kinda…kinda coins, the smallest amount of currency. Jesus comments on that, that the poor woman who put the two tiny little coins, like really hardly any money at all, that…that she had given more than everybody else because everyone else had given out of their surplus. They still had plenty in their own control, but she had given all that she had to God. In other words, she put all of her trust about her existence in the future, including the next day in God's hands. And, so, as Jesus comments on this this tells us how God is looking at things. It's not like, “o, you can stroke the million-dollar check because you're so wealthy and God's so impressed with that that somehow you’ve gotta have high honor when stroking that million-dollar check is way more than almost any of us could do. If that's your surplus, if you worth a hundred million dollars and you give a million dollars, certainly that's more than almost anybody else could give but the person who gives two cents and that's all that they have and they are completely and utterly dependent upon God from that point forward. God sees that.” So, it's not about how much you can accumulate it’s about how much you're willing to trust God with what you have. And that brings out quite a bit of clarity when Jesus is like, “it's very difficult for rich person enter the kingdom of heaven”, right? Because a rich person has a lot under their control, and they feel a lot of control about what they have. So, if they give a bunch of money that's a bunch of money, that's great and it's a blessing to the kingdom and everything but they still have a surplus that's way way way more…like everything is…nothing has changed. Like they’re still in control, when entering into the kingdom is the profound awareness of complete and utter surrender, and dependence on God for the next breath and everything else. And, so, that's definitely some things to think about from the gospel of Luke today.

Then in the book of Joshua, we concluded the book of Joshua today. And, so, we will be turning into the book of Judges tomorrow and that is sort of the story that comes next and it's a very very different story than the one we've been reading. So. we’ll get to that tomorrow. But we remember when we said goodbye to Moses, and we took a minute just to honor that. Like we traveled a long way with Moses, went through a lot of stuff and bore witness to the wandering in the wilderness and the message of the wilderness and just the story of the wilderness. And then Joshua led the people across into the promised land and settled the promised land and now we’re saying goodbye to Joshua. He was 110 years old and Joshua did similar things to what his mentor Moses had done. He gathered all the people together to…to essentially give them a final charge. He reminded them of where they came from and how they had gotten to where they are and who God was and then he said something that is very very famous, “as for me and my house we will serve the Lord.” And that was sort of the…the apex of what he was trying to say, the pinnacle of what he was trying to stress to the people, and they responded in kind, that they would serve the Lord as well, that they would remain in the covenant that the Lord had made with them and that they would honor and serve God. Then Joshua said something just profound, profound enough that it echoes all the way into our laps. “You are a witness to your own decision. You have chosen to serve the Lord.” And the people responded, “we are witnesses to what we have said.” Can we just make that immediate? We are witnesses to our own decision. We have chosen to serve the Lord. Our lives are the witness to whether or not we are honoring that covenant. That right there cuts to the chase. Like it…it…it cuts to the bone, like gets to the bedrock after the same fashion that…that Jesus would speak and answer questions with questions and speak into situations that are the bedrock of what's really going on. If we, if our lives, if the weight of our lives in this world, the influence, the impact of our lives in this world does not serve as a witness to our decision than all we have is words. And we have learned from the Scriptures plenty, but we also already know this, talk is cheap. It can say anything. But how you live, that's what you believe. And, so, Joshua is bringing that front and center to the children of Israel who are now settled in the promised land, a story that we have been chasing since the book of Genesis basically this whole year. Now they are settled in the promised land and their leader Joshua is bringing things front and center. This is what he wants to stress before he becomes history. It's that important. And, so, let's take it from Joshua, let's take it from the Scriptures as that important. You are a witness to your own decision. You have chosen to serve the Lord.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit come into that declaration. This has been our declaration all along but maybe we’ve never thought that our lives are a witness for or against us, that our lives are a witness for or against You, that often what we say and how we actually live are different. And that should not be. And, so, as we leave the book of Joshua and begin to turn the page into the story that comes next, we will certainly learn plenty. But we’re right here right now being a witness to our own decision. And may we hold it with the gravity and the honor that it deserves. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base. Also, if you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, that's also home base, they kinda are built on the same platform so they go to the same place. And stay connected.

So, check out the Community section, either place. This is where the different links to social media, the different channels that we’re a part of are. Be good to follow Daily Audio Bible, at least on whatever…wherever you are, if there's announcements or things going on. Good to stay connected that way. So, check that out. The Community section’s also where the Prayer Wall lives. And that is an invaluable resource. It's never off. It's always on. We can always pray for each other there. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com, there's a link on the homepage or you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner if you're using the app or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement there are a number of numbers that you can use. Well, first of all you can just press the Hotline button, the little red button at the top in the app and share from within the app no matter where you're at in the world or there are some phone numbers. If you're in the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number. If you are in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078. And if you are in Australia or that part of the world 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to call.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi fellow DABbers this is Rosanna and I'm from Johnson City TN and this is April 15th, and I just heard the prayer request from Alec and Tyrone. Alec has a wife named Jesse who has terminal cancer and she's out of treatment options and Tyrone has a wife who is an unbeliever. And, so, I just want to pray for both of these gentlemen. Dear heavenly Father we come to You and we petition to You on behalf of Alec. Lord Jesus You are the giver of good gifts and You bring healing to our bodies. You still do that today and I pray that You would be with Jesse. I pray that You would supernaturally touch her body and I pray that this cancer would fall away from her body in the name of Jesus. I pray that You would bring a full healing, a supernatural healing that brings glory to Your name. I pray for Tyrone. I pray for his wife. I pray that You can open her eyes, open her heart, open her ears so that she can see Your great love for her, and she can see the fact that You are still pursuing her. And I pray that she would strengthen their marriage and that You would just overcome her with Your love and help her to see You. And God, I thank You for the Daily Audio Bible. I thank You for the fact that it helps so many people to know about You and Your…and Your word and Your love for us. And I also pray for my own mother who has terminal cancer and she's in the exact same position as Jesse. I pray that You would supernaturally heal her and touch her body and bring a complete healing. We love You Jesus. We know You're in control.

It's April 16th Friday my name is Ted from California. All week since the weekend I've been going through a lot of anxiety spiritual battles depression. Something triggered it. I'm not sure. I'm hurting right now, and I just need a lot of prayer and I'm trusting in God to pull me out of this and to make it better and I just want to tell pastor Brian that without this this app and everyone else in the DAB community I would be lost for sure. And, so, I just ask for your prayers and your support. I love you and I thank you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Good afternoon today is Friday April 16th, 2021 my name is Shondra Brooks and I'm calling from Maryland and I wanted to leave a two-part message. The first being a song, a simple song that's always in my heart and just as a reminder for everyone who hears this call and sings. And the song is somebody's prayed for me, you put them on my mind, you held…I'm sorry…you put me on their mind, they took the time and prayed for me. I'm so glad they prayed. I'm so glad they prayed. I'm so glad they prayed for me. As simple as it is it means so much and it's a major representation of Daily Audio Bible and I'm grateful for Brian and Jill and everyone who even works in the background because truly just the opening message when I first started listening in 2014, I just felt like crying because I was like wow, you know, someone will be able to hear me, and they'll be able to…and pray with me and for me. And it is appreciated. I also wanted to say I am so grateful and thankful for this. I haven't even gotten to the 1st of April as far as the podcast, but God is so faithful and so awesome that the parts that I hear, they directly coincide with where I am and my life and what I need to hear to encourage myself. And in saying all that just to keep it short and sweet, I love you guys. I'm constantly praying for those whose prayers come through and everyone just continue to be faithful even if you feel…feel…feel…feel fearful to call in. God knows your heart. He knows what you stand in need of even…

Good morning family I’m Honeybee from Louisiana. I called in in August expressing my frustration over 20 years of eye surgeries, over 20 eye surgeries but now I'm in a very desperate place for a miracle. I had a macular hole appear the left eye in August and in February there was bleeding in my eye, in the right eye, and the doctor went in and he said there were two blood tumors, and he couldn't remove them. He did laser them and remove the blood and put it a gas bubble, all that fun stuff, but it's been two months and he said the eyes full of blood, the pressure is so low that the muscles are starting to lose their shape and what happens is the I caves in and this is the first time in 20 years I said I don't want to have a surgery. I just want to keep my eye. I've lost my sight in my right eye. I can't see it all for the last two months, but he said you will lose your eye if we do not do this surgery. And then he said if we do it you still might lose the eye. So, please pray for me. I need…I'm discouraged, and I need a miracle. I need God to remove these tumors and restore the pressure and restore the site and I appreciate your prayers. Thank you, my family. I love you.

This is Steve from Branson Mo and I just want to lift up two fellow DABbers in prayer. The first one called in a few weeks ago and I've been praying for you daily since. Your name is Jermaine and you're in upstate New York and you're incarcerated. And I just want to let you know that I've been there. I understand what you're going through. I'm thinking of you and I'm praying for you. And the second one is a man who didn't…didn't give a name. He just called in and said that he was not worth anything to anyone and I am praying for you too. I've had those feelings and continue to have those feelings. And Father I lift up these two gentlemen to You in the name of Jesus. Touch their lives. Heal them emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. Father, touch their lives and make them whole. Give them self-worth in the name of Jesus. Amen.

[makistar2018]

John Fogerty on the Taylor Swift Imbroglio: ‘I Know Exactly How It Feels’

The veteran rocker had deja vu in hearing of Swift's battles with her former label, recalling his struggle to win his Creedence publishing.

By CHRIS WILLMAN July 8, 2019

When we think of public battles between major recording artists and their current or former label heads, we think… well, as of late June 2019, we’ve thought Taylor Swift and Big Machine. But for more than four decades prior to that, everyone’s first go-to was John Fogerty versus Fantasy Records chief Saul Zaentz. There’s plenty about these two situations that is different — the Creedence Clearwater Revival singer/songwriter was going to battle over his publishing, not his master recordings — but there’s also enough in common that music biz aficionados with long memories couldn’t help but hear echoes of Fogerty’s decades-old struggles in Swift’s fresh laments about not being able to own her own work.

Variety wanted to see if Fogerty himself is tracking the parallels. Getting him on the phone from a tour date in Norway, we weren’t disappointed. An edited transcript of our conversation about Swift follows.

Have you followed Swift’s career or her recent travails?

I remember first riding with a 15-year-old Taylor Swift in an elevator in Detroit, and I’ve loved her and her songwriting and her records ever since. She’s a great role model for my daughter and kids in general, and she’s always projected that she’s strong and not going to get knocked down by a slight wind. When I first heard this news, I felt really empty inside, just really sad, because I know exactly how it feels, you know. It was almost personal, almost like she was a member of the family, because we’ve followed her career pretty closely. She’s a wonderful artist and she deserves to be able to continue that without having a heart full of sad feelings. I didn’t really even think of myself at all, at first. And then after about a few minutes had gone by, I just thought to myself, “Somewhere, Saul Zaentz is laughing.

”I sure recognize this situation. Because I’ve had that happen to me in a very similar way. What I fought for was my publishing – the ownership of the songs I had written. Because I was in a band, and there were four of us, and we hardly ever got along in the later years, the idea of us trying to get together and get our masters back (was unthinkable). So I was fighting for my songs, but it’s kind of the same thing. I’m appalled that she really wasn’t offered the chance to buy them, because her money would have been just as good as the next guy’s money.

Her lawyer (Don Passman) said that she was not given a chance to buy it. And I believe that statement. I don’t believe the cover-up PR spin doctors on the other side trying to say that Taylor turned down the opportunity, because there’s probably nothing more on this earth that she would want more than those masters. As in my case, it’s not so much about the money as it is about owning your children. After such a long period of having so much of the benefit go to somebody else, in the back of your mind you think that you’re finally going to be given the chance to own what you created. It’s only right. In my case, I’ve waited 50 years already. I’ve got about another five years to go of just waiting it out. 

So you have it calculated down to the moment when your publishing rights will revert to you?

Yeah, by law … My songs seemed to fall under an earlier copyright law, which was changed somewhere around 1973, I think. That’s why you hear people now being quoted talking about 35 years for their masters, but before 1970, that law was not in place. The publishing law was that the first publisher would own the publishing for 28 years, with an option —  their option — to renew one time. So you add those two together and that’s 56 years. So here we are. [Laughs.]

And Taylor may have to wait a long time for her masters. In this world of social media, maybe things can be more immediate than they were for me. As you probably know, at one point my frustration and sadness was so great that I stopped playing those songs for quite some time — about 25 years. By the way, I don’t recommend that to anyone. [Laughs.] It’s a horrible career move. It’s terrible. But that is indeed what I did. I still don’t have my songs back. So I can’t say that that strategy was a good one.

This feels like war, in a way, where each side thinks of the other as the instigator. You hear rumblings from the Big Machine or Scooter Braun camps that any future negotiation over the masters just became more unlikely because she went so public with this. Does that strike a chord with your situation?

In the court case that I had against Saul about the slandering case, my lawyer asked him when he was on the stand, “Isn’t it true, Mr. Zaentz, that you have a vendetta against John Fogerty?” And before it came out of my lawyer’s mouth, Saul had screamed at the top of his lungs, “It’s an answer to a vendetta!” You could see steam and smoke coming out of his ears. [Zaentz died in 2014.]

In a situation like this, the label and artist each tend to feel like they are responsible for the other’s success and deserve payback for it. Did Taylor make Big Machine, or did Big Machine make Taylor? You were in a similar situation, as very much the artistic figurehead and key success story of your label.

I had two meetings at Bill Graham’s house with Saul, and Saul said a few things that were a little not in reality. One of the things he said at some point was, “Well, we discovered Creedence.” They were a tiny little jazz label. Saul, before he managed to purchase the label with some financial backers, was the sales representative at Fantasy, and so we knew him through that. But there was absolutely zero artistic input or anything like that. Other than Vince Guaraldi and “Cast Your Fate to the Wind” in the middle 60s, they had never had a hit record until “Susie Q,” which, while I didn’t write it, sold about a half million records. And then even at that point, all of us were at a very small level of show biz. And if it hadn’t been for someone kind of turning everything on its end and starting to write some great songs and make some great records out of them…

As everyone with a brain knows, it is the artist. All the lawyers and the PR men and the rest can stand around and take credit for what’s going on. But without the artist, nobody’s going anywhere. And that’s true in Taylor’s case too, obviously, even though she was quite young… Think of all the numbers of people on the planet, and there are just a precious few who are gifted enough as artists to create things that get the public excited enough to want to spend money, especially in the numbers that Taylor has enjoyed for the last 15 years. People like managers and label execs and all that seem to take that part for granted when they’re making these sort of statements. If they only could have a little bit of humility and realize how rare somebody like Taylor Swift is in the universe. And she’s quite young, still. Twenty-five years from now, she’ll utilize even more of what she’s got.

Would you have any advice for her, based on your experience in being part of a public struggle like this?

Boy. Well, as I already mentioned, I wouldn’t stop singing the songs. That’s something I did, and I don’t advise that. That really harmed my career. That’s something I learned. But I did it for me, you know. That was a point of self-pride and dignity, I guess, and that’s why I did that. I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt.

But I would say that she seems, especially in this world of social media, I’m quite certain that 99% of her fans are on her side. The main thing is to have a support group. It’s horrible to have to do this alone. Especially because the name-calling starts, and when people run out of the truth, they start trying to attack your character. I think my advice would be to keep doing what you’re doing. I think her fans want her to stick up for herself, because she always has. … I’m sure she could have raised the money to have this happen. It sounds pretty spiteful that Scott (Borchetta) wanted to sell the label to her only real enemy, as far as I know. He was the manager of Kanye, and Kanye did some pretty dreadful things publicly to Taylor.

Her side has said the only deal she was offered to get her masters back was to basically…

“Give us more!” [Laughs.] I remember early on, way back, Saul Zaentz offered to get us into this offshore tax plan, and he sat at his desk and said, “Well, I’m going to get you into this plan, and in return you guys will sign a 10-year contract.” I took that back to the guys in Creedence and I said, “Uh, I don’t think this is a very good plan. He wants us to sign for 10 years so that we can have a small percentage of ourselves.”

When you stopped doing your old Creedence material for all those years, was that a matter of pride, or was it because you did think it would force their hand and finally get them to give you back your publishing?

I think it was more of a feeling that they’ve done this horrible thing to me, and gee, if nothing changes, then why would I keep doing the same thing? In other words, if you go in to negotiate with somebody, but you keep giving them everything that they want, well, there’s no pressure on them to do anything to change. It became very much a point of valor. Plus I felt that if I was out there screaming “Proud Mary,” I just thought I would probably end up in a bar somewhere, having a gig playing for 10 people, and being a complete screaming alcoholic and insane and living a horrible life. I didn’t really know a way out, but it seemed to me if I kept performing those songs in front of people, and hating myself more and more for doing it, that there would never be a positive end to that.

She would likely never do anything as radical as you did in excising old songs from the setlist, but it might influence how many she includes, if this isn’t resolved and she’s not enjoying the thought of singing them live.

Yeah, you’re very angry inside. It’s like somebody twisting the knife every day. That’s probably why I felt so empty when I first heard the news. And I’m not smart enough to know what her way out is. It would be great if people kind of outside of her circle maybe decided to help. I went to Bill Graham. I thought that he would be a fair witness, like in the old “Stranger in a Strange Land” book — a person that would be respected by both sides and could figure out the answer. But sadly, that didn’t work out either.

Good people think, “Wow, these two neighbors are just screaming at each other every single day. The rest of us should get together and figure out a way to mediate.” Perhaps her lawyer can get some people to actually get in there and mediate and try to actually find a solution for the right reason — because it’s the right thing to do. [Laughs.] I’ve just said something so blazingly unknown to the music business, but it’s the way us normal people think.

Variety

[empressxmachina]

--Also on Wattpad--

Mouse Trap, pt. 3

“I can see you just fine.”

“Oh… Oh, my god,” Lauren breathed in her own panic and filth, slid down her wall with her back to it, toppled in a puddle of regurgitated food, sweat, fear, and tears.

If she was indeed in one of his spaces as it had appeared, then it was sensible that he could see her whenever he desired. Knowing how or, worse, why, however, was another story that she wasn’t sure that she wanted to read. As exciting as the technology seemed, was she as safe as this overbearing onlooker tried to claim?

With every new action and word, Lauren’s confidence waned.

The enhanced zoom on the screen was then stretched further out, revealing the entire plaza that held Lauren and later, eventually, the whole block in which it was contained. Everything not within a certain radius from the center was smudged into a blur, almost as if he rubbed it all out for himself, giving all that was untouched a tilt-shift feel. Her form, now more antlike than ever, was illuminated in a bolder, verdant glow to differentiate her from everything else, which proved immediately useful.

Mesa Metro was, in her eyes, the miniature megapolis she had only envisioned it was to him up and over yonder.

The snapshot then became a living map of sorts, changing to a silent video with a snail trail in Lauren’s same green hue following her as she exited the area, taking some insectile public transit as far as she could go before walking the rest of the way. The rest of the days between then and now was spent with her glow spiraling in the same place as where she currently was: home, never leaving, never having expected a response.

With as much surveillance as she had for her things and how dystopian Mesa Metro could be at times, she never felt more out in the open than she did now. Luckily for her, there seemed to be no footage of her inside the house. Still, how much had he already learned of her domicile with her glasses and watch just sitting there?

Did his omnipresence include space within walls, too, or various altitudes of places, or other angles than the locked bird’s-eye – more like a midday sun’s eye – view? What were the chances he already figured out her house’s floor plan and her place in it?

“I haven’t gotten to probe your existence from end to end to know for sure, yet,” a new message started, somehow still legible from her further distance away, “but much is already clear.”

“Y-Yet?” Lauren echoed, audibly coughing from her own confusion. Whether he meant that he hadn’t finished or hadn’t started, she could only wonder... and hope he’d reconsider both options.

But she didn’t have to, for long.

“One could say I’m already halfway deep in prodding, managing this conversation and all,” the transcriptions continued. “So, why stop now?”

Lauren’s heart sank, her wishes vanishing like his words every few seconds. ‘Halfway?’ In only some minutes!? She was officially stuck in quicksand with not enough calmness to get herself out. The remaining semblances of peace she could imagine were all in the after, nothing in the now. With that crater from a pen’s cap still fresh in memory, multiple visions of ends of days once again flashed in her head, ranging from elongated and cataclysmic to subtle and swift, all of his doing, surely, and it was all her fault.

“Well… with you not having manipulated your new ‘update’ for some time, now, perhaps you’ve seen enough of it.” Truer words had never been spoken. Lauren had seen enough of a lot. “Though with that research I appear to have interrupted, I would’ve guessed otherwise, believing you’d want as much as you could get.” That statement did nothing to relieve Lauren, either, proving he could go and had gone further into her data – her existence, even – on top of reading her psyche unfortunately well.

How deep would he go? How far could he go?

The dictating carried on. “You’ve fawned over me with your tiny files up to moments ago, and you’ll continue to do so. But in this now, despite all that…”

The ellipsis lingered, and Lauren waited for a judgment to be dealt unto her. Whatever she was to get, she deserved. She couldn’t say the same for Mesa Metro and all past it if it came to it, despite their flaws; she prayed she’d be forgiven when it was all over. That end wouldn’t be today, it seemed, as the foul stench of a new purpose – extreme subjugation or maybe just her upchuck – began to waft over her.

“…I grow tired of this single-handing for what should be a two-way affair, so I shall leave you to satiate.”

Before she could say or think anything else about this whole encounter, the disembodied domineered, shutting down his presentation, sucking every visual and word into a simulation centered on the screen. For uncomfortably long, it left a frozen void in which Lauren could only stare at her drained, draining self as she pushed off the wall and crept toward it.

Just as it started, it was nothing again.

Time went as slowly as her computer was dark, and she hated having to think for herself again. There were too many new variables now, and none of them made any sense.

��What… the fuck… was that?” Lauren interrogated herself, running a hand through her stringy hair, slumping in her chair. “Was… Was that shit real? Any of it?” With the pains in her body and the wetness on her clothes, there surely was no denying something bizarre went down just now. But saying that this was the first time she had ever gone delirious and malnourished in her own home would be a lie.

It was late. Lauren hadn’t gotten proper meals, exercise, sleep, or sunlight for days. The lack of lights on her computer showed that it wasn’t merely on standby or sleep mode but was entirely shut down, probably from inactivity. Her glasses and watch mirrored that, fading to a dim lime on the now dormant network connection. Her phone had died. Her room was a mess. She was a mess.  

Her present was a repeated past and a probable future. Nightmares as daydreams were a constant for her. While there was no way of denying the astral projection and municipal annihilation from days ago with her data and the outside news, she couldn’t think of any sane reason why a higher being like that – he – should waste effort on someone – something? – like her. Directly her.

She didn’t deserve the attention. She never did before, so why now?

Lauren could feel the essence of sleep attempt to overtake her, pulling her toward another haggard hibernation at her desk, despite her bed being within reach. On instinct, she began to pull her hoodie’s hood over her head and retract her arms out her sleeves to make a makeshift cushion that’d hopefully bolster her and any nearby gear and tools on her eventual fall out of consciousness.

A crick in her neck was eminent in a couple of hours as her figure faltered down… but the Fates decided to bring it in early with some sun.

Just as her eyes were to close, the computer suddenly awakened, shining its near-blinding light across Lauren’s scleras. She jerked back into action, seeing her lock screen come into focus.

“S-See?” she argued through a yawn. “It was just an update, after all. No need to worry.”

With no intention of continuing research further into the morning, Lauren decided to just play it safe, checking that the update didn’t set any progress back. If it had, she’d have to make a journey into one of her several external drives or servers and make a new surface-level copy. Going from program to program – note-takers, stimulators, other data aggregators – all appeared to be well, softening Lauren’s heart for a quick retiring to bed.

Her last stop was her blueprinting software, where she had a deconstructed view of the materials and layers used to construct her space-warping lenses and its logging watch supplement. So much technology stuffed within such a narrow space. Companies tried to do less with less success, yet here Lauren was, literally going out of the box, out of this world.

It was a marvel to see in action, and it was even more marvelous that it worked. Lauren knew she had prowess – she wouldn’t be freelancing, otherwise – but she was also her harshest critic. The collections of her own comments on her own works badgering how and why she did things in a particular way (and how they somehow managed to work) probably weren’t right for her mental state, but they pushed her to work harder with each new design.

The text and links in her margins and other documents linked externally were worthy of their own analyses and bibliographies. They all followed a just-as-intricate organizational system, too, categorizing thoughts by time, purpose, solution, and the like, along with graphic dividers like color, font, and size. With how frequently Lauren looked at her green sheen and its related script during testing and active use, she vehemently didn’t use them to jab at her own processes.

So, despite her tiredness, it was clear to see the lone flag of that scheme, amidst the waterfall of colorful banners and bubbles, slightly bolder and more massive than the rest.

“What?” Lauren questioned, scratching her scalp with uncertainty. Doing so showed her that she required a shampoo session, finding filth collecting under her nails, but that was an issue for another time. “Did… Did I make this?”

Hovering the mouse cursor over that flag, she found its author listed as not her name or alias but instead “<null>,” leading to several possibilities, all discomforting. A) it was her own comment, and self-referencing was apparently terrible, now, B) an invalid character was put in the wrong place, which could have its own map of reasons, or C) an unauthorized entity had gotten access to the system. Nothing in the background showed any signs of a virus, and nothing in the foreground gave any clue as to which cause was the true one. So, with bated breath, Lauren clicked twice and dove in.

The window hung for a period, a loading circle replacing the pointer and her anxieties with doubts of security again. She knew that doing anything when not at 100 percent or at least sixty percent had such a high probability of something going wrong or something important going missed. But she couldn’t back out now, not with her computer likely to lock up. Luckily, all stayed free and open, and that flag dimmed from being accessed. Though, from the looks of it, there was no reason why its reference should’ve frozen her system as it did.

It was a PDF with just a handful of pages, and two of them were blank.

The bookends were empty, and the inner layers didn’t have much to them, either. In fact, one of the pages was an exact copy of a print that Lauren had already made. Her materials list as diagrams was reposted as the second page. The page after that was similar, except that about half of the items were deleted. But the last page was a puzzle: an almost literal puzzle.

The second page was copied again; however, the missing items that Lauren knew were replaced with a new set in a similar style. They were all recognizable in some way, reasonably findable from a store or online, but a combination that she had never considered. Both as a group by itself and in totality with everything else, the question was how they all fit together.

Its creator, quickly made visible to not be herself, clearly knew what they were doing with the additional subtitle in the footer of the page: ‘to satiate.’ At the realization, a chill ran down Lauren’s spine.

It hadn’t been a dream.

There were no instructions, just visuals, and as the genius she was, Lauren knew what they all were meant to be, stating their purpose with a wheeze,

“An earpiece.” An optimized headset with a mic and speaker from which she felt a disgusting aura of déjà vu.

This was his earpiece: the one that put her in this debacle in the first place.

If her intuitions were right, then the construction wouldn’t be complicated. Maybe time-consuming, sure, based on the glasses and watch being the bases for it, but not hard. They would make things harder if she went through with making them, though. But did she really have a choice?

She was just a circuit in his machine, instructed to make new circuits for new machines for her circuitry in his machine to interact with the said machine and its circuits. It was laid out in front of her, like her monitor’s light across her face, including what would probably be an everlasting truth:

Her death would be heard.

[ts1989fanatic]

John Fogerty on the Taylor Swift Imbroglio: ‘I Know Exactly How It Feels’

The veteran rocker had deja vu in hearing of Swift's battles with her former label, recalling his struggle to win his Creedence publishing.

By CHRIS WILLMAN

When we think of public battles between major recording artists and their current or former label heads, we think… well, as of late June 2019, we’ve thought Taylor Swift and Big Machine. But for more than four decades prior to that, everyone’s first go-to was John Fogerty versus Fantasy Records chief Saul Zaentz. There’s plenty about these two situations that is different — the Creedence Clearwater Revival singer/songwriter was going to battle over his publishing, not his master recordings — but there’s also enough in common that music biz aficionados with long memories couldn’t help but hear echoes of Fogerty’s decades-old struggles in Swift’s fresh laments about not being able to own her own work.

Variety wanted to see if Fogerty himself is tracking the parallels. Getting him on the phone from a tour date in Norway, we weren’t disappointed. An edited transcript of our conversation about Swift follows.

Have you followed Swift’s career or her recent travails?

I remember first riding with a 15-year-old Taylor Swift in an elevator in Detroit, and I’ve loved her and her songwriting and her records ever since. She’s a great role model for my daughter and kids in general, and she’s always projected that she’s strong and not going to get knocked down by a slight wind. When I first heard this news, I felt really empty inside, just really sad, because I know exactly how it feels, you know. It was almost personal, almost like she was a member of the family, because we’ve followed her career pretty closely. She’s a wonderful artist and she deserves to be able to continue that without having a heart full of sad feelings. I didn’t really even think of myself at all, at first. And then after about a few minutes had gone by, I just thought to myself, “Somewhere, Saul Zaentz is laughing.”

I sure recognize this situation. Because I’ve had that happen to me in a very similar way. What I fought for was my publishing – the ownership of the songs I had written. Because I was in a band, and there were four of us, and we hardly ever got along in the later years, the idea of us trying to get together and get our masters back (was unthinkable). So I was fighting for my songs, but it’s kind of the same thing. I’m appalled that she really wasn’t offered the chance to buy them, because her money would have been just as good as the next guy’s money.

Her lawyer (Don Passman) said that she was not given a chance to buy it. And I believe that statement. I don’t believe the cover-up PR spin doctors on the other side trying to say that Taylor turned down the opportunity, because there’s probably nothing more on this earth that she would want more than those masters. As in my case, it’s not so much about the money as it is about owning your children. After such a long period of having so much of the benefit go to somebody else, in the back of your mind you think that you’re finally going to be given the chance to own what you created. It’s only right. In my case, I’ve waited 50 years already. I’ve got about another five years to go of just waiting it out.

So you have it calculated down to the moment when your publishing rights will revert to you?

Yeah, by law … My songs seemed to fall under an earlier copyright law, which was changed somewhere around 1973, I think. That’s why you hear people now being quoted talking about 35 years for their masters, but before 1970, that law was not in place. The publishing law was that the first publisher would own the publishing for 28 years, with an option — their option — to renew one time. So you add those two together and that’s 56 years. So here we are. [Laughs.]

And Taylor may have to wait a long time for her masters. In this world of social media, maybe things can be more immediate than they were for me. As you probably know, at one point my frustration and sadness was so great that I stopped playing those songs for quite some time — about 25 years. By the way, I don’t recommend that to anyone. [Laughs.] It’s a horrible career move. It’s terrible. But that is indeed what I did. I still don’t have my songs back. So I can’t say that that strategy was a good one.

This feels like war, in a way, where each side thinks of the other as the instigator. You hear rumblings from the Big Machine or Scooter Braun camps that any future negotiation over the masters just became more unlikely because she went so public with this. Does that strike a chord with your situation?

In the court case that I had against Saul about the slandering case, my lawyer asked him when he was on the stand, “Isn’t it true, Mr. Zaentz, that you have a vendetta against John Fogerty?” And before it came out of my lawyer’s mouth, Saul had screamed at the top of his lungs, “It’s an answer to a vendetta!” You could see steam and smoke coming out of his ears. [Zaentz died in 2014.]

In a situation like this, the label and artist each tend to feel like they are responsible for the other’s success and deserve payback for it. Did Taylor make Big Machine, or did Big Machine make Taylor? You were in a similar situation, as very much the artistic figurehead and key success story of your label.

I had two meetings at Bill Graham’s house with Saul, and Saul said a few things that were a little not in reality. One of the things he said at some point was, “Well, we discovered Creedence.” They were a tiny little jazz label. Saul, before he managed to purchase the label with some financial backers, was the sales representative at Fantasy, and so we knew him through that. But there was absolutely zero artistic input or anything like that. Other than Vince Guaraldi and “Cast Your Fate to the Wind” in the middle 60s, they had never had a hit record until “Susie Q,” which, while I didn’t write it, sold about a half million records. And then even at that point, all of us were at a very small level of show biz. And if it hadn’t been for someone kind of turning everything on its end and starting to write some great songs and make some great records out of them…

As everyone with a brain knows, it is the artist. All the lawyers and the PR men and the rest can stand around and take credit for what’s going on. But without the artist, nobody’s going anywhere. And that’s true in Taylor’s case too, obviously, even though she was quite young… Think of all the numbers of people on the planet, and there are just a precious few who are gifted enough as artists to create things that get the public excited enough to want to spend money, especially in the numbers that Taylor has enjoyed for the last 15 years. People like managers and label execs and all that seem to take that part for granted when they’re making these sort of statements. If they only could have a little bit of humility and realize how rare somebody like Taylor Swift is in the universe. And she’s quite young, still. Twenty-five years from now, she’ll utilize even more of what she’s got.

Would you have any advice for her, based on your experience in being part of a public struggle like this?

Boy. Well, as I already mentioned, I wouldn’t stop singing the songs. That’s something I did, and I don’t advise that. That really harmed my career. That’s something I learned. But I did it for me, you know. That was a point of self-pride and dignity, I guess, and that’s why I did that. I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt.

But I would say that she seems, especially in this world of social media, I’m quite certain that 99% of her fans are on her side. The main thing is to have a support group. It’s horrible to have to do this alone. Especially because the name-calling starts, and when people run out of the truth, they start trying to attack your character. I think my advice would be to keep doing what you’re doing. I think her fans want her to stick up for herself, because she always has. … I’m sure she could have raised the money to have this happen. It sounds pretty spiteful that Scott (Borchetta) wanted to sell the label to her only real enemy, as far as I know. He was the manager of Kanye, and Kanye did some pretty dreadful things publicly to Taylor.

Her side has said the only deal she was offered to get her masters back was to basically…

“Give us more!” [Laughs.] I remember early on, way back, Saul Zaentz offered to get us into this offshore tax plan, and he sat at his desk and said, “Well, I’m going to get you into this plan, and in return you guys will sign a 10-year contract.” I took that back to the guys in Creedence and I said, “Uh, I don’t think this is a very good plan. He wants us to sign for 10 years so that we can have a small percentage of ourselves.”

When you stopped doing your old Creedence material for all those years, was that a matter of pride, or was it because you did think it would force their hand and finally get them to give you back your publishing?

I think it was more of a feeling that they’ve done this horrible thing to me, and gee, if nothing changes, then why would I keep doing the same thing? In other words, if you go in to negotiate with somebody, but you keep giving them everything that they want, well, there’s no pressure on them to do anything to change. It became very much a point of valor. Plus I felt that if I was out there screaming “Proud Mary,” I just thought I would probably end up in a bar somewhere, having a gig playing for 10 people, and being a complete screaming alcoholic and insane and living a horrible life. I didn’t really know a way out, but it seemed to me if I kept performing those songs in front of people, and hating myself more and more for doing it, that there would never be a positive end to that.

She would likely never do anything as radical as you did in excising old songs from the setlist, but it might influence how many she includes, if this isn’t resolved and she’s not enjoying the thought of singing them live.

Yeah, you’re very angry inside. It’s like somebody twisting the knife every day. That’s probably why I felt so empty when I first heard the news. And I’m not smart enough to know what her way out is. It would be great if people kind of outside of her circle maybe decided to help. I went to Bill Graham. I thought that he would be a fair witness, like in the old “Stranger in a Strange Land” book — a person that would be respected by both sides and could figure out the answer. But sadly, that didn’t work out either.

Good people think, “Wow, these two neighbors are just screaming at each other every single day. The rest of us should get together and figure out a way to mediate.” Perhaps her lawyer can get some people to actually get in there and mediate and try to actually find a solution for the right reason — because it’s the right thing to do. [Laughs.] I’ve just said something so blazingly unknown to the music business, but it’s the way us normal people think.

[loretranscripts]

Lore Episode 29: The Big Chill (Transcript) - 7th March 2016

tw: graphic violence

Disclaimer: This transcript is entirely non-profit and fan-made. All credit for this content goes to Aaron Mahnke, creator of Lore podcast. It is by a fan, for fans, and meant to make the content of the podcast more accessible to all. Also, there may be mistakes, despite rigorous re-reading on my part. Feel free to point them out, but please be nice!

Some places are more frightening than others. It’s hard to nail down a specific reason why, but even so, I can’t think of a single person who might disagree. Some places just have a way of getting under your skin. For some it’s the basement, for others it’s the local graveyard. I even know people who are afraid of certain colours. Fear, it seems, is a landmine that can be triggered by almost anything, and while history might be full of hauntingly tragic stories that span a variety of settings and climates, the most chilling ones – literally – are those that take place in the harsh environment of winter: the incident at Dyatlov Pass; the tragedy of the Donner party; even the sinking of the Titanic in 1912 took place in the freezing waters of the north Atlantic. Winter, it seems, is well equipped to end lives and create fear, and when I think of dangerous winters, I think of Maine, that area of New England on the northern frontier. If you love horror, you might equate Maine with Stephen King, but even though he’s tried hard over the last few decades to make us believe in Derry and Castle Rock and Salem’s Lot, the state has enough danger on its own. Maine is also home to nearly 3500 miles of coastline, more than even California, and that’s where the real action happens. The Maine coastline is littered with thousands of small islands, jagged rocks, ancient lighthouses and even older legends, and all in the cold north, where the sea is cruel and the weather can be deadly. It’s often there, in the places that are isolated and exposed, that odd things happen, things that seem born of the circumstances and climate, things that leave their mark on the people there – things that would never happen on the mainland. And if the stories are to be believed, that’s a good thing. I’m Aaron Mahnke, and this is Lore.

The coastline of Maine isn’t as neat and tidy as other states’. Don’t picture sandy beaches and warm waves that you can walk through; this is the cold north, the water is always chilly and the land tends to emerge from the waves as large, jagged rocks. Go ahead and pull up a map of Maine on your phone, I’ll wait. You’ll see what I mean right away – this place is dangerous, and because of that, ships have had a long history of difficulty when it comes to navigating the coast of Maine. Part of that is because of all the islands - they’re everywhere. According to the most recent count, there are over 4,600 of them, scattered along the coastal waters like fragments of a broken bottle. One such fragment is Seguin Island. It’s only three miles from the mainland, but it’s easy to understand how harsh winter weather could isolate anyone living there very quickly, and when you’re the keeper of the lighthouse there, that isolation comes with the job. The legend that’s been passed down for decades there is the story of a keeper from the mid-1800s. According to the tale, the keeper was newly married and, after moving to the island with his bride, they both began to struggle with the gulf between their lives there and the people on the coast. So, to give his wife something to do with her time – and maybe to get a bit of entertainment out of it for himself – the keeper ordered a piano for her. They say it was delivered during the autumn, just as the winter chill was creeping in. In the story, it had to be hoisted up the rock face, but that’s probably not true; Seguin is more like a green hill pretruding from the water than anything else but, hey, it adds to the drama, right? And that’s what these old stories provide –plenty of drama. When the piano arrived the keeper’s wife was elated, but buyer’s remorse quickly set in. You see, the piano only came with the sheet music for one song. With winter quickly rolling in from the north, shipping in more music was impossible, so she settled in and made the best of it. The legend says that she played that song non-stop, over and over, all throughout the winter. Somehow she was immune to the monotony of it all, but her husband, the man who had only been hoping for distraction and entertainment, took it hard. They say it drove him insane. In the end, the keeper took an axe and destroyed the piano, hacking it into nothing more than a pile of wood and wire, and then, still deranged from the repetitive tune, he turned the axe on his wife, nearly chopping her head off in the process. The tragic story always ends with the keeper’s suicide, but most know it all to be fiction. At least, that’s the general opinion, but even today, there are some who claim that if you happen to find yourself on a boat in the waters between the island and the mainland, you can still hear the sound of piano music drifting across the waves.

Boon island is near the southern tip of Maine’s long coastline. It’s not a big island by any stretch of the imagination, perhaps 400 square yards in total, but there’s been a lighthouse there since 1811 due to the many shipwrecks that have plagued the island for as long as Europeans have sailed in those waters. The most well-known shipwreck on Boon Island occurred there in the winter of 1710 when the Nottingham Galley, a ship captained by John Deane, wrecked there on the rocks. All 14 crew members survived, but the ship was lost, stranding them without help or supplies in the cold winter. As the unfortunate sailors died, one by one, the survivors were forced to eat the dead or face starvation, and they did this for days, until fishermen finally discovered and rescued them. But that’s not the most memorable story from Boon Island, that honour falls to the tale of Katherine Bright, the wife of a former lighthouse keeper there in the 19th century. According to those who believe the story, the couple had only been on the island for a few months when Katherine’s husband slipped while trying to tie off their boat. He fell and hit his head on the rocks and then slid unconsciously into the water, where he drowned. At first, Katherine tried to take on the duties of keeping the light running herself, but after nearly a week, fishermen in York on the mainland watched the light flicker out and stay dark. When they travelled to the island to investigate, they found Katherine sitting on the tower’s stairs. She was cradling her dead husband’s corpse in her arms. Legend has it that Katherine was brought back to York along with her husband’s body, but it was too late for her. Just like the lighthouse they had left behind, she was now cold and dark. Some flames, it seems, can’t be relit.

There’s been a lighthouse on the shore of Rockland, Maine, for nearly 200 years. It’s on an oddly-shaped hill, with two large depressions in the face of the rock that were said to remind the locals of an owl. So, when the light was built there in 1825 it was, of course, named Owls Head. Give any building long enough, mix in some tragedy and unexplainable phenomenon, and you can almost guarantee a few legends will be born. Owls Head is no exception. One of the oldest stories is a well-documented one from 1850. It tells of a horrible winter storm that ripped through the Penobscot Bay area on December 22nd of that year. At least five ships were driven aground by the harsh waves and chill wind. It was a destructive and fierce storm, and it would have been and understatement to say that it wasn’t a wise idea to be out that night – on land or at sea. A small ship had been anchored at Jameson Point that night. The captain had done the smart thing and gone ashore to weather the storm inside, but he left some people behind on the ship. Three, actually: first mate, Richard Ingraham, a sailor named Roger Elliot, and Lydia Dyer, a passenger. While those three poor souls tried to sleep that night on the schooner, the storm pushed the ship so hard that the cables snapped, setting the ship adrift across the bay. Now, it’s not exactly a straight shot south-east to get to Owls Head, it’s a path shaped more like a backwards “C” to get around the rocky coast, but the ship somehow managed to do it anyway. It passed the breakwater, drifted east and south, and finally rounded the rocky peninsula where Owls Head Light is perched, all before smashing against the rocks south of the light.

The three passengers survived the impact and, as the ship began to take on water, they scrambled up to the top deck – better the biting wind than the freezing water, they assumed – and then they waited, huddled there under a pile of blankets against the storm, just waiting for help. When the ship began to  actually break apart in the waves, though, Elliot, the sailor, was the only one to make an escape from the wreckage. I can’t imagine how cold he must have been with the freezing wind and ocean spray lashing at him from the darkness, but standing on the rocks with his feet still ankle-deep in the waves, he happened to look up and see the lighthouse on the hill. If he was going to find help, that was his best option, so he began to climb. He was practically dead by the time he reached the lighthouse, but when he knocked, no one answered. A moment later, the keeper of the light rode up the path on a sleigh, having been out for supplies, and realised at once that Elliot needed help. He took him in, gave him hot rum and put him into a warm bed, but not before Elliot managed to whisper something about the others.

The keeper immediately called for help and gathered a group of about a dozen men. Together, they all travelled down to the shore, where they began to look for the wreck of the ship and the people who may still be alive onboard. When they found the remains of the schooner, the men began to carefully climb across the wreckage, looking for signs of the other passengers. It was treacherous work – the wood was encrusted in ice and each step swayed dangerously with the waves. When they finally found them, they were still on the portion of the deck where Elliot had left them, but they seemed to shiver whenever the light of the lantern washed over them. Climbing closer, the men discovered why: Ingraham and Dyer were both encased in a thick layer of ice, completely covering their bodies. They were frozen. Not taking any chances, the men somehow managed to pry the couple free from the deck of the ship and the entire block was transported back up the hill to the lighthouse. All that night, they worked fast and carefully. They placed the block in a tub of water and then slowly chipped away at the ice, and as it melted, they moved the limbs of each person in an attempt to get their blood flowing again, and somehow, against all logic and medical odds, it worked. It took them a very long time to recover, but Ingraham and Dyer soon opened their eyes. Ingraham was the first to speak, and it was said that he croaked the words “what is all this? Where are we?” Roger Elliot didn’t survive the aftermath of the shipwreck. Maybe it was the trauma of climbing up the hill to the lighthouse, soaked to the bone and exposed to the freezing winds of the storm. Perhaps it was an injury he sustained in the shipwreck itself, or on the climb to the lighthouse. Dyer and Ingraham faired better, though. They eventually recovered and even married each other. They settled down and raised a family together in the area, all thanks to the man who died to bring them help when all seemed lost.

Later stories from inside Owls Head lighthouse have been equally chilling. Although there are no other tragic events on record there, it’s clear from the first-hand accounts of those who have made Owls Head their home that something otherworldly has taken up residence there. The Andrews family was one of the first to report any sort of unusual activity on the property. I can’t find a record of their first names, but the keeper and his wife lived there along with her elderly father. According to their story, one night the couple was outside and looked up to see a light swirling in her father’s window. When they climbed the stairs, they found the older man shaking in his bed from fright. Some think he might have seen the old sailor, a common figure witnessed by many over the years. When John Norton was keeper in 1980, he claimed to have seen the same apparition. He had been sleeping, but when a noise woke him up, he opened his eyes to see the figure of an old sea captain standing over his bed, just… staring at him. The old sailor has been blamed for mysterious footprints that tend to appear in the snow, footprints that could be found on the walk toward the house. The prints never seem to have an origin point, and always end abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk. Others have claimed to feel cold spots in the house, while some have gone on record to swear that brass fixtures inside the lighthouse, fixtures that were usually tarnished and dark, would be found mysteriously polished. None of the keepers have been able to figure out who was doing the cleaning for them, though. There have been other stories as well, tales of a white lady who has been frequently seen in the kitchen, of doors slamming without anyone in the room, and of silverware that has been heard to rattle in the drawers. Despite this, though, most have said that they felt at peace with her there – more at peace, at least, than they are with the old, bearded sailor.

In the mid-1980s, Andy Germann and his wife, Denise, lived there while tending the light. They moved in and settled into life on the harsh coast of Maine. Andy divided his time between tending the light and a series of renovations to the old lighthouse, which left the yard outside rather chaotic and full of construction materials. One night after climbing into bed, the couple heard the sound of some of the building supplies outside falling over in the wind. Andy pulled on his pants and shoes and left the room to go take care of the mess before the wind made it worse. Denise watched him leave, and then rolled back over to sleep with the lamp still on. A short while later, she felt him climb back into bed. The mattress moved, as did the covers, and so she asked out loud how it had gone, if there had been any trouble or anything unusual, but Andy didn’t reply, so Denise rolled over. When she did, she found that Andy’s spot in bed was still empty. Well, almost. In the spot where he normally slept beside her, there was a deep depression in the sheets, as if an invisible body were laying right there beside her. Of course, it was just the dent where Andy had been sleeping moments before. At least, that’s what she told herself, but thinking back on it later, Denise admits that she has doubts. There were moments when she was laying there, staring at the impression in the sheets, that she could have sworn the shape was moving. Maybe she was too level-headed to get upset, or perhaps she was too tired to care. Whatever the reason, Denise simply told whoever it was to leave her alone, and then rolled over and fell back asleep. At breakfast the next morning, she wanted to tell Andy about the experience, thinking he would laugh it off and help her to explain it away, but before she could, he told her his own story. It turns out Andy had an unusual experience of his own the previous night. He explained how, as he had exited the room and stepped out into the dimly lit hallway, he saw what he could only describe as a faint cloud hovering close to the floor, and this cloud, he said, had been moving. According to Andy, when he walked down the hall, it moved right up to his feet and then passed on through him. That’s when Denise asked Andy where the cloud had been going. “Into the bedroom,” he told her. “Why?”

You don’t have to travel to a lighthouse to bump into tales of the unexplained or otherworldly. You can hear them from just about anyone you meet, from the neighbour down the street to your real estate agent, but lighthouses seem to have a reputation for the tragic, and maybe that’s understandable – these are, after all, houses built to help save lives in a dangerous setting. It might be safe to say that the well for these stories runs deeper than many place – but are they true? Like a lot of stories, it seems to depend on who you talk to. Keepers across the decades have had a mixed bag of experiences. Some see odd things, and some don’t. Maybe some people just connect to the stories more than others and go looking for hints and signs where there are none. One recent family described their time there as “normal”. They never saw ghosts, never watched objects move, and felt right at home the whole time they were there. Another family, though, acknowledged that something unusual seemed to be going on in the lighthouse. They would find lightbulbs partially unscrewed and the thermostat would constantly readjust itself – perhaps whatever it is that’s haunting the lighthouse is just very environmentally conscious. It’s easy to laugh off most of these stories, but we’ve never lived there, we’ve never heard or felt something that can’t be explained away, and like most samples of data, there’s always the outlier. Another family who lived at the lighthouse in the late 1980s claimed to have experienced their fair share of unusual activity, though. One night, while Gerard and Debby Graham were asleep, their three-year-old daughter, Claire, quietly opened her eyes and sat up in bed. She stared into the darkness for a moment, as if carefully listening to something, and then climbed out of her bed and left the room. Her little bare feet patted on the cold floor of the hallway as she made her way down towards her parents’ room. Inside, she slowly approached the side of their bed, and then tapped her father on the arm to wake him. When he did wake up, he asked Claire what was the matter. The little girl replied that she was supposed to tell him something. “Tell me what?” he father asked. “There’s a fog rolling in,” Claire replied, somehow sounding like someone infinitely older. “Sound the horn”. When he asked her who had told her this, the little girl looked at him seriously. “My friend,” she told him, “the old man with the beard.”

[Closing statements]

[qkantyjk-blog]

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[signutai]

Surprised kiss and Eyelashes/Glasses for the kiss prompts !!

[their-destinys-writer]

Misadventures in Reporting #3

About the series: Misadventures in Reporting is a series of short stories about the adventures of a normal reporter living in an abnormal world.

Rating: PG-13 for mild cursing and violence

Word count: 2,576

Also in: Wattpad

Support this series in Ko-fi or Patreon (Posted on early access in the latter)

#3 - Teleman’s Mark

“I don’t even know where to begin with you.”

Melinda gulped under the scrutiny of Mr. Sullivan. Boy, was she in so much trouble. But nobody told her doing the right thing would be cheap. The reporter took a deep breath, weighing her options. Apologize? Defend herself? Wait for the boss to say his piece? Perhaps the third option. She was in enough trouble as it was.

“How many times have I told you not to push the deadline?” Mr. Sullivan hissed, almost barring his yellowish teeth.

Wait, am I supposed to answer that?

“A million times I’ve told you,” he continued. With every word he spoke, the desk between them felt smaller and smaller. Had he always looked so large behind it? “And yet, you give me one of the most important reports, if not the most important report in months with and hour to spare for printing. We had to cut the last two paragraphs because we didn’t have time to look through the whole thing!”

The woman winced. She had hoped only one paragraph would have to be cut. But alas, most of it got through without major changes.

“And now,” Mr. Sullivan raised his voice, “now we got a Porsche in the redaction floor, thanks to your little stunt. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Melinda’s mouth opened, but it suddenly went dry, so she closed it back up. Was she willing to put next month’s rent at risk just for ‘doing the right thing’? Was it worth sacrificing several months of electricity or water for being right? Was she right?

“I didn’t think he’d take it so bad,” she managed to say at last.

“The guy held up a damn crane with his mind,” the aging man deadpanned. “What did you think he was going to do? Throw confetti?”

The woman’s gaze darted to the surface of the desk. It wasn’t until that moment that shame started to invade her. How could she be so thoughtless? Over three-hundred people worked in this newspaper. Her article would reflect on the company, and thus, her coworkers. Someone could have gotten hurt.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Sullivan,” she said quietly. “It won’t happen again.”

The man snarled a sound of disgust, giving her an exasperated look.

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t fire you right now,” he hissed.

A loud thudding resounded from Melinda’s insides. Her heart was drumming hard against her chest. She could feel a drop of sweat trickling down the side of her face, despite the cold air conditioning.

The article broke my career, she concluded.

“I don’t know,” she admitted.

“Tsk.” Mr. Sullivan shook his head. “You really are dense.”

Well that’s uncalled for, Melinda thought, rising her gaze to his once again. His expression still seemed exasperated, but now he was looking outside his office.

“Mr. Sullivan, I—”

“You can’t get fired because you proved your point,” he interrupted. Melinda frowned. “Three years here, and you still can’t put your deduction skills to use under pressure. So, let’s try this again: give me one good reason I shouldn’t fire you this instant.”

It was like a light flicked on in Melinda’s brain. He wasn’t firing her, he was testing her. Why does he have to be so mean about it, though?

“Because,” she started, still hesitant to respond back, but determined to keep her job. “Because if our—my­—allegations were false, the proper response would’ve been to call a press conference denying the claims. Throwing a car through our building dampers his own reputation, and it’s an attempt against freedom of press. It’s a threat against not only us, but anyone who dares talk ill of him.” The woman smirked. “Not very superheroic, if you ask me.”

“Exactly.” Mr. Sullivan slammed his fist against the desk, startling Melinda. “That piece of shit is trying to shut us up. This isn’t like that Cronus guy. That was self-defense. Teleman just made a declaration of war against us and the free press. We can’t back out now. So,” the man slammed his hands together and rose from his chair, “I’m gonna need everything you got from this story. Notes, sounds, transcriptions, anything you can share by today. The earlier the better. We need to write tomorrow’s editorial piece.”

“Yessir!” Melinda blurted, jumping to her feet.

“What are you, a soldier?” Mr. Sullivan chuckled. “Just get to it, Martínez. Go, get!”

“Y-yes, Mr. Sullivan.”

Without needing to be told again, she scampered out of the office and headed straight to her desk. As she approached it, she realized it wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Where hers and several others had been there was yellow tape and half of the Porsche she saw from outside.

A shudder went up her spine, as she realized Teleman’s target had not been as random as she initially thought.

---

“It was horrible,” Melinda complained.

Thanks to a certain superhero, two thirds of employees had been relegated to simple tasks that day. For security reasons. This created one of those rare opportunities where the journalist’s group of friends from the Latest News Division got to eat lunch together. As they made the line to order their food, Melinda took the opportunity to answer the constant what-happened-with-Sullivan question.

“You’re blowing it waaay out of proportion,” Kevin, the photographer, muttered as he tinkered with his new phone.

“I thought I was gonna self-combust,” she whined, slumping her head back. “Why does he have to be so mean about it? I was already planning my life as a homeless bum living on storm drains.”

“You know how it is,” Will, another reporter like her, chuckled. “That old man would rather torture you to death than be direct.”

“Who cares, anyway,” Beatriz, a graphic designer, drawled. “You didn’t get fired. That’s what matters.”

“At the cost of my sanity!” Melinda argued. “I’ve never been so scared to lose a job in my life.”

“Eh, you would’ve gotten a new one in a week,” Kevin commented, without looking up from the screen.

“No way,” the reporter in question argued. “Nobody would’ve wanted to hire the woman who made a superhero angry enough to throw a car through a building. My career would’ve been finished.”

“Nah, you’d be fine. Hey, Will,” the photographer suddenly called, raising his phone. “Look pretty for me, will ya?”

“Man, you know I don’ like it when people take pictures of me,” the reporter complained.

“C’mon, I wanna test the resolution on this thing,” Kevin insisted.

“Why me?”

“Hm, you’re right, you can’t smile. Melinda, smile for me.”

“Dude, I’m having a mental breakdown,” the journalist huffed.

“Why?” Kevin whined. “You’re still working. You kept your job. Why are you so upset?”

“Have you been ignoring me this whole time?”

“Not…ignoring,” Kevin shrugged. “Just listened to half of what you said.”

Melinda groaned, but Beatriz waved her hand dismissively.

“Mija, you gotta chill about this whole thing,” she said. “But honestly, Kevin’s right. You’re worrying too much. You kept your job, that’s what matters. Who knows, you may actually get promoted for this.”

“If Teleman doesn’t kill one of us first.”

“Occupational hazard,” Will shrugged, joining the conversation again after ordering. “Who’s next?”

Melinda offered herself and stepped up to order her lunch.

“Will that be all?” the young woman asked, and the reporter agreed. “That will be twelve-fifteen.”

“Here,” she said, handing her credit card.

“You buy your morning coffee here too, don’t you?” the cashier suddenly said, as she made the transaction.

“Closest good coffee to work,” Melinda responded automatically, her mind still wandering back to that morning.

“You work nearby?” the young, blonde woman asked as she took her time ripping the receipt from the card reader.

“Yeah,” Melinda shrugged, taking the piece of paper. “Thank you!”

She turned around to her friends, who were all giving her a look of incredulity.

“What?”

The other three looked at each other, as if debating who would be the one to speak up.

“Imma look for a table,” Will pipped up, quickly deserting the group.

Melinda frowned, and stared at the other two, who now looked defeated. With a shrug, they turned to the cashier and made their orders, while the reporter rolled her eyes and waited for hers and Will’s food. After a few minutes, all four sat at a round table with their meals.

“Is anybody gonna say it?” Beatriz said.

“Say what?” Melinda frowned.

“For a journalist, you can be very unobservant,” Will muttered loud enough for the rest to hear.

“Not unobservant,” Kevin chimed in. “Just oblivious to the language of love.”

“Here we go again,” Melinda sighed. “You guys really think I’m thinking about romance when a Porsche destroyed my desk?”

At last, Kevin’s eyes were pried away from his phone. Will and Beatriz followed suit.

“I thought it was random,” Beatriz said. Kevin and Will exchanged stares, while Melinda shook her head.

“I don’t think it was,” Melinda said, as she started poking around her salad. “My desk wasn’t the only one next to a window, yet it was the only one made into pieces. If I had gotten to work earlier, who knows what would’ve happened to me.”

As she bit into a cherry tomato, she could feel the awkward silence shared between the other three people on the table. In all honesty, Melinda felt proud of finally getting through to them on the seriousness of the matter. Although she appreciated them trying to cheer her up and distract her, talking about it felt like the thing she truly needed at that moment.

“But he didn’t get you,” Will cut through the silence. “And that’s what matters. That you’re safe and alive. And I know the newspaper will work hard to keep it that way. Even tactless Sullivan. He doesn’t show it, but he cares about us.”

“He actually has a point,” Kevin said, eyes back on his phone. “Sullivan just sucks at showing other emotions other than uncaffeinated-angry.”

“Regardless,” Beatriz jumped in, “in any case, we’re here for you. And if you don’t feel safe in your apartment, you know abuela has no problem with you staying over.”

“Thanks, Bea,” Melinda said.

“So how’s this,” Kevin said, now raising his phone, “in case anyone of us gets fired, or murdered by a harassing superhero, we’ll take a selfie to remember the good times. Before everything turns to shit.”

“Oh yeah, that way we have a picture to mark exes on our faces as we die one by one” Will deadpanned.

“Psh, we’d all be dead in a horror movie,” Beatriz stated, waving a hand.

“Guys, I’m trynna make a cute moment, don’t ruin it for me.”

“Fine,” the reporter rolled his eyes good naturedly.

Without needing anymore prompting, the group moved their chairs and huddled together in the hopes of fitting in the frame. Kevin extended his arm, with the front camera of his phone activated for a selfie.

After taking the photo and replacing their seats, Kevin spoke up.

“By the way, the cashier’s name is Katie—”

“Oh my God, stop!”

---

The sun had almost completely set when Melinda walked by the sidewalk leading to her apartment building. It had been a long and exhausting day, despite spending most of it in the office. She hadn’t realized how emotionally draining being the targeted reporter could be.

But she chose this path. And she was sticking to it, as long as she had the support of her boss and the company.

She started going up the steps to the front door of the building, when she couldn’t help but feel watched. Melinda stopped mid-step. Her arms swung as she turned on her heels, hand holding tight to the pepper spray on her keychain. Her eyes shifted from side to side, looking for whatever was giving her that gut feeling.

Yet she saw nothing. Slowly, she lowered her arms back to the sides, and started back to the entrance of the building. She carefully started unlocking the door.

SMACK

Melinda’s face slammed against the iron door, and a hand pressed against the back of her neck kept her pressed to it. She tried pushing back, but whoever was attacking grabbed her flailing hands and held them tight.

“You’re Melinda Martínez, aren’t you?” a voice whispered into her ear, sending a chill down her spine.

“Who wants to know?” she dared quip.

There was a pause. Ever so slowly, Melinda’s feet started leaving the ground, yet she was not being pushed up from her neck. In fact, she felt more like she was…

Floating.

Teleman.

“I guess you could say I’m somewhat of a critic of your work.”

“H-Hey, listen man,” Melinda started desperately, “I was just doing my job.”

“Isn’t your job reporting on both sides?”

“You’re a hard source to find!” she pleaded. “I tried, really. But even with your version, I still had to write what was published. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to take you down or anything, it’s just my job.”

“Your job sounds very… convenient for me.”

Melinda frowned. Was he being sarcastic? Was he threatening her? Was he going to kill her? Or worse…

“I was wondering how long it would take for the information to get out,” he continued, the air of his breath threatening her neck. “It took, what, five months?”

“Victims of sexual assault are not usually very talkative when they know the other person has more power,” Melinda dared shoot back.

“You people have the strangest rules. Perhaps next time I should be a little more explicit.”

“We people?” Melinda breathed. “What the hell are you even talking about? You sound like…” she swallowed. “Like you wanted to get caught.”

“My business is none of yours,” Teleman hissed. “But I have to say, I’m starting to enjoy some of the perks of this job.”

“I thought you were a superhero. One of the good guys,” she said quietly.

“I am,” he whispered back. “Just like one of those who likes to prance around using names of old Greek gods.”

With those last words, Melinda was suddenly dropped to the ground. The jolt of it made her stumble to her side and collapse against the wall. She turned just in time to see a blur of blue shoot up into the sky.

With her heart still running at a hundred miles, Melinda unlocked the door and ran all the way up the stairs to the third floor. Once in front of her apartment, she hastened to unlock it, almost dropping her keys.

After opening it, Melinda jumped into her living room and closed both locks on her door. At last, she slammed her back to it, panting from the run.

Melinda clapped a hand on her mouth, just as tears started spilling out. She knew being a journalist had the potential to be dangerous. She had heard stories of reporters disappearing in Central America and seen videos of others being decapitated by terrorists on the other side of the world. But in a city, the job dangers were reduced to rude politicians and snobby CEOs.

This was not supposed to happen to her. Much less by someone who was supposed to protect them. Covering superheroes was supposed to be fun, every journalist’s dream.

And yet, as she slid to the ground silently sobbing, speaking the truth on superheroes was starting to feel more like a nightmare.

[startwreck]

WizardWorld Chicago 2018

“I’ll never fly to a con.”

That was my self-imposed rule. See, I live in the Northeast US, so there are lots of major cities within driving/busing distance, and thus lots of cons, and other fandom-adjacent events, happen within a reasonable distance of me. (I realize this is a privilege, and one I’m quite grateful for.) Anyway, when I got into the X-Files fandom a couple of years ago, I was interested in meeting Phile Phriends / Tumblr Pals in real life, and in participating in fandom or fandom-adjacent events, which I have done (and have spent money on), but I told myself that there was no need to ever fly anywhere just for a con: the cost of airfare is too much of an investment, the talent’s schedules can change, and besides, there are a disproportionate amount of options that I don’t have to make the investment to fly to. So I thought.

When DD & GA were announced for WizardWorld Chicago, I had already committed to plans for the con weekend. I was a little bummed, but thought that it was probably for the best that I already had plans, because otherwise, I would have been very tempted to fly to it. Then, just a few weeks prior to the con, after hanging up the phone call in which my last weekend in August plans were postponed, I saw a note from Kristin @kateyes224 alluding to her intention to go to the con. She informed me that @sunflowerseedsandscience, who I had been hoping to meet earlier in the summer, would also be flying in for the occasion. I took this influx of information as a sign that I should get myself to Chicago for that weekend. I justified the cost by using airline and hotel points to subside the expense. I was going to fly to a con. The next few weeks were a whirlwind of madness at work, so I was very grateful to have the aforementioned pals, plus Carrie @carrie11 who would be joining us for her first con, in my pocket to countdown to the weekend with.

I flew to Chicago on the morning Friday, August 24, laughing internally at the absurdity of the situation all the way. I made my way to Rosemont, my eyes going wide when I caught my first glimpse of the convention center, and settled myself into the hotel room before heading downtown on the train to meet Carrie. There was a food truck festival right by the L station that I emerged from, and I realized that all I had consumed only an iced coffee so far in the day, so I remedied that. Carrie was nice enough to indulge in my desire to be a tourist, since I hadn’t been to Chicago proper in years. I had never made it to the Willis Sears Tower, so we did that, and she took some fun pics of Puppet Mulder. I think this is my fav:

We then did a bit of walking -- Grant Park, Lake Shore Drive path, Millenium Park, and the Chicago River, before the rest of the crew arrived and it was finally pizza time! Soon after Carrie and I secured a table at Giordano’s, Kristin, @sunflowerseedsandscience, and Amanda @all-these-ghosts arrived. I greeted them on the patio and had an epic reunion hug with Kristin in which we made a total scene and squeezed each other so tight while squealing that I choked on some of her hair. The five us then had a wonderful dinner that I don’t remember much about except that the pizza was amazing, the company was even better, and I’m pretty sure I was just still in awe that this was all happening. After dinner, we went to grab drinks down the street. There was Shiner Bock on the menu, so Puppet Mulder joined us and confused many of the staff. Amanda especially was tickled by Puppet Mulder, while I was fangirling over her (she wrote Then The Bomb, people!!!) Truly, the con could have been cancelled and the trip still would have been worth it for just hanging out with this crew:

Saturday morning, Kristin procured Starbucks and we all readied ourselves to be presentable for photo ops in the late morning. We met Carrie, Clarice @contrivedcoincidences6, and @albanyparkavenue in the lobby and headed to the convention center. The security line coming from the hotels was long but moved fast. At this point, I had only pre-purchased a dual photo op (and Saturday ticket) but while we were in line I accidentally-but-it-was-bound-to-happen-anyway purchased GA & DD autographs on the ticketing app on my phone. Oops! Once we got in and procured our wristbands, it was already time for those of us with dual photo ops to get in line, so we did. In the midst of a lot of line waiting, Kristin perfected Puppet Mulder’s hair (we decided on Season 4 / Paper Hearts classic floops aka Backstreet Bangs). Puppet Mulder also made friends with a tiny Supergirl, which Carrie captured in a couple pics, and my day was made. Soon, it was go time. I was to go first so that Kristin could do last looks on Puppet Mulder’s hair immediately before the photo. As we approached the final holding area, I situated Puppet Mulder on my right arm and was prepared to pose him in an arms-spread position using the armrods in my left hand (we had been practicing in line.) When it was my turn, I approached, and I was told by those in line behind me that Gillian gave an exasperated “Ohhhhhhhhh boy” while I announced “Puppet Mulder is here!” in an attempt to preemptively stave off any questions about who he was and prevent myself from having to make any awkward hand gestures like I did in Montreal. As we were getting in position I asked, “Can he get in between you? I don’t know that I want to be in it” since I didn’t really care about my face being in it, but also didn’t want to crouch down without warning and confuse everyone. But David insisted, “Ah, no, you gotta be in it!” to which I conceded “I do? Ok.” and stayed put. With that, the photo was taken, I said thanks, and moved out of the way. As the rest of the crew emerged from the Tunnel of Love Anxiety, we went around the corner to retrieve our photos, and I think everyone in the group was pleased with the results! I was pleasantly surprised by mine (even if Gillian is doing her nervous hands.)

I even bought a photo protector sheet after being called out by DD in Montreal for not treating our photo with the utmost respect and bending it a bit. After this ordeal, we realized that we needed drinks and to regroup, so we acquired alcohol (beer is a reasonable lunch, right?) and found a path of floor outside the main hall to make our own. We were joined by some more pals including @dahlia-ships, @observeroftheuniverse, and @perplexistan.

After this recovery period, it was time for Gillian’s autograph session. I had the pleasure of being behind Natalie for this and got to listen to Natalie give the most eloquent, heartfelt litany of thanks to one of her favs. Also, somehow margaritas came up and Natalie and I were like “Yesss we just drank before this!” so clearly my 20 seconds were much less profound, but here’s the rough transcript after that:

Me: Thanks for putting up with us. GA: This was one of my favorite photos of the day. Me: Aww, really?! GA: Yeah, it’s between this one and maybe one other. Me: Oh, what was that? GA: Someone had an alien. Me: Oh yeah, the big blow up thing? [Had spotted this in front of us in the photo op line.] GA: Yeah. Me: *nods* Thanks!

When I emerged from her booth and realized she inscribed “My favorite photo of the day” on the photo, I was both heart-eyed and in awe. See, I am a terrible multi-tasker and thus continually in awe of Gillian’s ability to have a conversation while simultaneously making a non-robotic inscription. Like, yeah, she’s pretty good at acting and contributes to humanitarian causes, but I’d like to give her an award for speaking and writing at the same time. Was this talent born from some crazy avant-garde theatre warm-up? Is this some kind of Mom superpower? Really what I’m asking is: Is there hope for me yet to learn this skill?

Anyway, after the crew got their Gillian autographs, some more drinks were procured, and then we decided to go wait in line for the panel (which was actually a solid 9 minute walk from the main hall.) At this point, I started bothering Kristin to come get a DD autograph with me before the panel, because I’m a bad influence like that. She was unprepared with what she would have him sign though, so we started brainstorming, and landed on possibly The X-Files: Earth Children Are Weird picture book that I had brought a copy of so that Kristin could do a dramatic reading. Since that was back in the hotel room, a few of us darted back to grab it (and to grab our leftover deep dish, which my growling stomach was very grateful for.) We brought the remaining pizza to the line-sitters, and at around 4pm, I successfully convinced Kristin to come grab a DD autograph with me. Shayla @thatredhead00 joined us and her tale of a DD interaction earlier in the day made me howl with laughter. We made friends with a couple of local guys in line, and I connected with a woman I recognized from a previous event, which was funny. Anyway, DD made it back from his afternoon break, the signing session began, and soon enough, Kristin went first with the picture book, and I globbed on to her convo. Here’s the rough transcript:

DD: [signing on the title page] What am I signing? K: The X-Files picture book! DD: [Turns to the front cover] Aww, it’s cute! [Genuinely, high-pitched] DD: What happens in it? K: They go camping in the woods. Me: And Scully’s parents are aliens. Me: Whoops, I gave away the twist ending. DD: Yeah, you ruined it for me. Me: Yeah, it was gonna take you so long to read… Me: Thanks so much!

For those keeping score at home, this brings my record of accidentally-but-lovingly making fun of DD to his face at con autograph sessions to an even 2-0. Interestingly enough, I’ve been to two of his book signings and complimented him (well, his writing) at both of those. Not sure what gives.

Anyway, we decided that we needed more drinks before the panel so grabbed those and then made the journey back to where that was. Our pals were already seated, and the question line had already started forming, so Kristin and Shayla hopped in that while I took a seat with the crew. The panel was perfectly fine in person. Per usual, a few cringey questions (thanks Natalie for letting me squeeze your arm through these), but also a few great questions and responses. Kristin got to ask her question (and, as predicted, Gillian couldn’t remember specifics, and the morgue scene in “Ghouli” was David’s answer, but it was still nice to hear it.) Other highlights included a thoughtful question and response from Gillian on how the show might have been different if written from a more feminist perspective. Also, there was a fleeting moment when I thought the tell-all book was going to be spoiled, plus the infamous “Who tops?” question. All in all, not bad at all, though this was the first panel I’ve attended with just the two of them, so I admittedly don’t have any equal comparison points. Soon enough, it was over, and it was time to drink (more!) with Philes. All of the aforementioned crew from the day joined, plus Amanda, @datanullyx, @redscully, @xfilesgeekery, and @anicepieceofash.  We started in the hotel bar but, in the interest of cost savings, eventually procured liquor and ordered (more) pizza and moved to our hotel room. There were lots of hugs and snuggles, lots of loudly wondering “What is my life?”, platonic handholding, one human/puppet makeout session, an impressive demonstration of Kristin’s ability to sleep through anything, and some amazing cheesecake brownies . As the evening got late, Puppet Mulder even changed into his red Speedo (and put on his to-scale legs.) Needless to say, it was a night both wonderful and strange. Here’s some of the crew at the after-after party:

I feel so lucky to have gotten to spend time with everyone I met or re-met this weekend, and if I start calling out the specifics of why you’re all so great, I’ll make myself cry, so I’m going to stop here. If you’ve read all of this rambling (whether you were present or not), I’m very impressed. Thanks to everyone who shared in this weekend with me from both near and far, and thanks to Gillian and David for giving us an excuse to meetup.

I said I’d never fly to a con, but I’m so glad I did.

Author's note: I always hate writing these because a) it means it’s over, and b) I can never fully capture the awesomeness that is meeting up with fandom friends. Also, I have a shit memory, but jotted down notes about stuff right after it happened on Saturday, so hopefully I’m not misconstruing anything too terribly. If you were present, feel free to correct me!

[say-alittleprayer]

From the beginning to the end

I’ve always been an average student. Yet, in God’s kindness, I’ve been able to get into otherwise unlikely academic courses, not once but twice.

ONE:

My score for O Levels was average. It wasn’t good enough for a diploma in Psychology & Community Services at Polytechnic; I was a point short. But still, God provided and I was able to enter it based on other merits. Side note: I actually went into Psychology with an interest in Speech Therapy. 

I went through the effort to submit an application, prepared and went for an interview only to forgo the opportunity and instead enrolled myself into Junior College. I remember deciding not to go ahead with it mainly because it was the ‘risky’ option. Junior College was what seemed to be a more traditional option – an option that would increase one’s chances of entering university.

Almost three months into Junior College, I changed my mind. I realised how it was not going to work out for me; If I had stayed any longer, I am almost certain that I would have failed in my first year. My parents were extremely supportive of my decision and so, we rang up the Polytechnic. They told me that there weren’t any spots left but they were willing to make an exception because they had previously offered me a spot.  

TWO:

My score/GPA for my diploma was average. It wasn’t good enough for the more prestigious local universities. Even if it was, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue with Psychology. I was also considering Social Work and Nursing at that time.

I started knowing more about therapy related jobs during my diploma internship. And I was a lot more interested in what the therapists were doing. I learned about Occupational Therapy and a dear sister-in-christ made arrangements for me to do an observational attachment.

I looked it up and thought maybe but the chances were quite low. There was a diploma course available but it was only for those who went to Junior College and who had completed their A levels. There was no degree available at that time and so, my only option was to study Occupational Therapy overseas. But there was no way my parents could afford the hefty insane marked up international student costs.

And that’s how the idea of applying for a scholarship came about. Never in my life did I see myself as a scholar. As I’ve said earlier, I’ve always been an average student. But there were no alternatives except to work and save up in order to fund myself, which would take many years. The requirements of the scholarship included a diploma with merit or equivalent. I tried for the scholarship with my average GPA; I didn’t obtain a diploma with merit.

In God’s kindness, I was offered the interview. An admin staff then sent out a mass email to all the interviewees asking for a copy of our academic transcripts and other relevant documents. Lo and behold, I clicked reply to all and sent everyone all my important documents. *slow clap* A kind acquaintance who studied in the same Polytechnic replied to my email and told me about this embarrassing mistake. Oh, can you imagine the horror.

On the day of my interview, I found out that I was the last one for the day. Everyone before me went in for what seems to be a really long time. The girl before me went in and some time had passed. I needed to use the bathroom and I thought there’ll be time for that but just as I was about done, one of the staff came in and told me it was my turn. What timing! I washed my hands and wanted to wipe them off with paper towels but there was none. And then I remember thinking to myself that the hand dryer would take too long. And also, it would seem unprofessional to walk in with hand prints on my dress. So, I decided not to dry my hands and not shake hands with those on the panel. Side note: Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure they would have been understanding if I took a little longer. I think I was just in a panic mode at that time.

During the interview, everything seemed to go smoothly until one of the interviewers stopped me midway and said something along the lines of: “I think I have to stop you there. We have to respect the differences between Physiotherapy and Occupational Therapy.” Yet another horror.

After the interview, I walked out and the staff who called me in said: “wow, that was quick”. My interview only took at most 15 minutes. I went home and I think I cried telling my family what happened – the interview was a traumatizing experience. Side note: Now that I think about it, maybe the interview only took 15 minutes because I was the last person for the day.

The next morning, I received a call and yes, God has once again showed me his loving kindness. Yes, I was shocked. Yes, I squealed a little. Yes, I cried happy tears :’) but only after the phone call ended. I was holding back during the phone call; I pretended to be composed when in fact, all I was thinking was: How can this be true? Is this real? Side note: Now that I think about it, why did I pretend when it was indeed a happy news to be celebrated.

So yes, a year after the happy news, I packed my luggage and started my four year journey in Perth.

FOUR YEARS:

Four years on, it’s time I pack my bags and return to my island home that is Singapore. It has been an incredible four years and I’ve grown to love Perth more and more and very much. I am eternally grateful for the blessed opportunity to study overseas. I definitely learned more than what I thought I came for.

I’ve always been quite lukewarm with my relationship with God. It’s there but not quite - you could classify it as non-existent before I moved to Perth. My god was more of a feeling. Yet, the true and living God was gracious and in His kindness, I’ve been enjoying huge and wonderful privileges. There were challenges and lessons learned but my journey from the beginning to the end has mostly been smooth sailing.

From an older post I wrote (and I decided to put it here because still relevant):

I chose to study in Perth partly because it is quiet and peaceful city, which I thought I could maybe make good use of to draw closer to God. However, some part of me also felt that I might drift away from Him because … lazy… lazy to find a church… lazy to go to church… (and got no parents hehe) (add on: I was thinking if I have been going to church only because my parents were and maybe it was just part of my routine). But I am so thankful I found UCI (UniChurch International). It didn’t take me long to settle down in the church, where I really feel encouraged to keep growing and learning His word. I also feel very encouraged by the love and care the brothers and sisters have for one another, and I have learned so much from everyone.

All of these, to Him I owe. And so, I pray that I will never forget but instead, always remember in my heart who God is – how great and holy is he, how loving, gracious and kind is he. I pray that I will always remember all that he has done for me – all that was mentioned before and more importantly, that God sent his Son, Jesus Christ, into the world who died in our place, took our punishment and brought forgiveness. Thank God that Jesus did not stay dead. God raised Jesus to life again as the ruler of the world. Jesus has conquered death, now gives new life and will return to judge.

Oh how great it is to have such an awesome God! Thank God for how He has revealed himself to me through his Son and his precious word.

Four years on, it is difficult to say goodbye to what has been one of my greatest experience by far. But I thank God for all these and to Him be the glory. 

I have also been extremely blessed by all the wonderful people I’ve met throughout my four years in Perth. Thank you to all my dear friends, classmates, brothers and sisters in Christ xx

[linguisticdiscrimination-blog]

Original Video

This is an original video discussing linguistic discrimination. Below is a transcript of the video. Follow the link for the full video.

https://vimeo.com/304064051

Kiernan: Hello, this is my friend Aliyah. She is a friend of mine with a varied, multi-cultural background so I thought it would be interesting and topical for this project to interview her on her experience with linguistics, discrimination and just kind of get some first-hand experience with the subject matter of my presentation. So, if you don’t mind what is your cultural background?

Aliyah: Uhm, my mother is Jamaican, and my dad is African American, but I grew up around most of my family, well my Jamaican family so I would say I grew up Jamaican-American, but I have definitely had traditional black American influences throughout my whole life.

K: Interesting, interesting and would you say you have ever experienced linguistic discrimination, which would be uh discriminating against someone for the way they speak, maybe an accent or a speech impairment anything like that. Would you say you have experienced that firsthand?

A: Firsthand, yeah I’ve definitely had, well the one thing that sticks out most in my mind is that I have had some cousins from my dad’s side of the family that I really had never met before, I was meeting them for the first time deep in Detroit and they were commenting on the way that I talk and this one girl she really was asking me to like teach her how to sound so white, like she thought it was crazy that I learned to speak so white proficiently and she really wanted me to teach her so that, I guess she had been facing some discrimination in some way or she felt that the way that she spoke was limiting her and that’s kind of crazy

K: So, because you spoke outside of the traditional African American Vernacular English you were viewed as different in the African American society.

A: Definitely even with my own close friends. Like other black girls generally sometimes don’t even view me as black as them because I don’t sound like them, I don’t talk like them. Even if they don’t know anything about my Jamaican heritage it still happens.

K: So, do other members of your family, perhaps on the Jamaican side, experience discrimination, perhaps due to accented speech?

A: Absolutely, my grandmother goes out of her way if we are at the store or she is on the phone she goes out of the way to make sure her accent is almost gone if she can help it and it is still something she actively works on every time she talks and she has been living in this country for almost thirty years now and its still something she makes a conscious and deliberate effort to do is to curb her accent for fear of judgement and not being taken seriously, not being taken, just not being treated like another woman in America

K: Like an American

A: Yeah! Not being treated like an American when she really tries and she has to go out of her way to remember and remind herself that this is not her country but she wants to be here but she makes a conscious effort to curb her accent so that people will continue to talk to her if they cant understand her, so they don’t just hang up on her or walk away because she sounds different which has happened before.

K: As a result of your cultural background would you say you judge others based on the way they speak, or their, be it an accent or a speech impairment?

A: No, the way that you speak is just something that is a byproduct of where you are and the people that you were around when you were just learning to talk. I don’t think that’s anything that’s used as a basis to truly figure out who someone is or use to judge them on anything. Its just a coincidence of who was around them when they were learning to talk.

K: Finally how would you say your experience as a umm multicultural resident of the united states has shaped your opinion on accent reduction which is when someone who speaks with an accent or speaks outside of the standard dialect umm seeks professional help to reduce their accent essentially and communicate in a way that more closely resembles the standard dialect, does it ever, do you ever feel your opinion for them, for someone who is a nontraditional American English speaker, would it be influenced if you found out they tried to reduce their accent?

A: Yeah as long, I feel like accent reduction can be a very good thing, an option, a positive option to avoid facing linguistic discrimination, but if its only done out of pressure, if it’s the only way to be happy in this country I don’t think people should be pressured to do it, but if its genuine I think it can also be a positive option

K: So, it more depends on their reasoning for choosing it as a treatment option. It can be positive or negative just depending on, you know, why they choose to do it

A: And the circumstances around what’s pushing it because it should be their own choice bottom line regardless of what choice it should be their choice and not external pressure

K: Thank you for your time, your interview was very enlightening

A: You’re welcome, thank you for having me!