#also known as: I wrote this instead of an essay

[nnnn99999]

Okay storytime because I am in my feels (again) and I want to yap. Throwback to my school days because why not?

In early 2017, I somehow ended up participating in a play for our annual cultural function at school. This was pretty out of character for me. First because I am a huge introvert, I don't like socializing and I especially don't like being the centre of attention. Second because at the time I was swamped with studies so I didn't want to direct my time and energy elsewhere. Third because I was the only girl in that group and I barely knew any of the guys. Sure, I had been classmates with a lot of them for years but there was just one guy I could call a friend. Because he was the only one I had had actual conversations with.

So how did I end up agreeing to be in that play? Well, over a dozen boys from my class came up with a script together and included a mother figure in it. Then, these boys collectively decided that I was the most motherly in the entire class so I would be perfect to play the role. I don't even think I had any competition in this most motherly contest lol. So they sent the most talkative guy in the group as their representative to convince me. This guy somehow managed to talk me into agreeing.

Since there were a lot of drama groups wanting to participate in the function, the school held an audition(?) to select the best ones. My group ended up losing. We barely didn't make it because the others had more interesting scripts. Everyone liked ours a lot, they just liked the others a bit more. The boys were really upset because they had put in so much effort. I didn't care as much because I had joined only a few days before the audition. I barely had time to understand the script and not mess up my part. Anyway, I thought that would be the end of it but the principal had other plans.

For years, the opening act of the function was a group song. But that year the principal wanted to change things up. He wanted the opening act to be something like a live music video to a patriotic song (I really don't know how else to describe it, it was not a musical because nobody was singing, it was just acting out scenes with the song playing in the background). Additionally, the principal apparently liked my group so much that he decided that the entire group had to participate in this opening act. (Sometimes I wonder if he came up with this idea just to include our group in the function.) This is how I randomly became a part of an even bigger project. Because of the concept, we ended up having a huge cast with students from different grades. There were very few girls because it was a male heavy concept. I ended up as the oldest among the girls and the only one from my grade.

Rehearsals were chaotic. We were pressed for time as it was a very last minute decision. There were too many people to keep track of, especially because a lot of the boys tried to sneak away at every opportunity. We were figuring out the scenes to include without any proper direction because the principal only gave us a vague idea of what he wanted and we had to run through whatever we came up with and make changes on the spot. We had so little time to decide on the scenes because we had to put more time to rehearse. The concept required a lot of people to move in sync and the movements were not easy either. Despite all the chaos, it was pretty fun overall.

I actually ended up being more involved in this than I initially expected. Suddenly, I was responsible for keeping the rest of the girls in check all the time. I was also on the brainstorming team, coming up with ideas and adjusting the scenes for better flow. During rehearsals, I was always making suggestions to make everything more visually pleasing. I'm pretty sure I also screamed at people to get their shit together at one point. Yeah, I became pretty invested in it very quickly.

Coming to my role in this act, you could never guess it. I played the mother of a newborn child (a very creepy looking doll, thankfully I could cover it up with swaddling clothes). Because a group of over 40 people, including the teacher who was helping and supervising us, agreed that I was the most motherly across all the grades participating in the act. What about my appearance or mannerisms seemed so motherly to them, I don't really undetstand.

The show ended up being a success. It was very challenging to prepare a show of that scale in such a short amount of time but the end result was pretty great. It was a fun experience overall.

Fun fact: I became a fan of bts because of this whole thing. This is how it went down. All the people participating in the function had to come in on a holiday to rehearse. Everyone who used the school bus was there by 7:30 am, including me. The others didn't even start coming before 10 am. This actually happened for students of grade 6 and upwards, the younger ones had their parents drop them off pretty early. So basically nobody had a full team to rehearse with and had to find a way to pass time for 2-3 hours.

All the girls ended up huddled together in one corner of the field because somehow nobody had friends. I was still the oldest in this group and the only one from my grade. The conversation started with discussions on what everyone was performing and then somehow ended up on a passionate discussion about kpop. I don't even remember what was talked about in that conversation. Mostly because it was my first time hearing about it. At the time, kpop was a very unfamiliar concept in my country and only a dozen people in the entire school knew of its existence. Also, the dozen people were actually 2 friend groups. Anyway, I was intrigued enough to keep it in the back of my mind.

Months after this discussion, around mid 2017, I randomly remembered it and decided to check out what kpop was. I tried a few songs from different groups, didn't really like any of them. Decided that kpop was actually pretty cool but not my thing. Then around the end of 2017, it was probably november by this point, I was bored and randomly decided to check out bts because why not. I hadn't tried out bts in my previous attempt to get into kpop. I ended up really liking bts. In fact, I liked them enough to go on a music video marathon. Then I saw a live performances and I liked them even more. Then I wanted to know their names and somehow I found myself deep in the bts rabbit hole.

I didn't have anyone to talk to about bts because there was only one girl in my class who knew bts and that too because she watched kdramas. Naturally, I ended up yapping to my sister despite her being not interested at all. After years of yapping, she ended up becoming a fan too. To the point of looking up bts content on her own. I remember her being shocked about shipping culture when she first found out. Good times. I still yap to her about bts all the time, only difference is she actually knows what I'm talking about now. She is nowhere near as deep as I am though. I have consumed most of their content already, it's kinda hard for her to catch up to me anytime soon.

[ilovejoo]

｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

physical touch; enhypen

word count: 1.6k warnings: n/a? gn!reader a/n: wrote this instead of my essay bc enha + physical touch = <3

masterlist!

heeseung

patting your head, ruffling your hair, etc

he thinks you're adorable. whenever you guys make eye contact, he can't help but smile before ruffling your hair and looking away. whenever he walks by you, he gives you a pat on the head to make his presence known. when you guys are laying in bed together, he will lazily run his hands in your hair in his sleepy stage- eyes closed, both relaxed. you groan every time he does this, saying he's messing your hair up, but you secretly love it.

running his thumb over yours when you hold hands

the pad of his thumb caresses over your hand every time you guys are holding hands. the strokes bring you somewhat of a comfort, and it's a sweet way you guys are interacting really subtly. he does this because he loves the feeling of having you with him, the feeling of your hand in his. no words, just love expressed through small gestures of physical contact.

rests his head in your lap

though he's the oldest in enhypen, he's the youngest in his family, which i feel exposes itself through your relationship. he lies in your lap and looks at you with the cutest smile that makes you fold. he'll fall asleep here, he'll go on his phone here, he'll tell you all the gossip while you stroke his hair here: your lap is his favorite place to be.

jay

back hugs

hes obsessed with protecting every bit of you, meaning that he loves making you feel safe covered in his arms. when you sit on his lap, his arms are tightly around your body. when you're standing around, something (jay) snakes around you and keeps you company from behind, asking questions about what you're doing. when you're cooking at the counter, he will stand behind you, bending so close that you feel the warmth of his breath on your neck (AHH)

forehead kisses

a quick kiss before he leaves for all his schedules of the day, a kiss when he wakes up and sees you looking all cute in the corner, a kiss as a greeting when he sees you sitting alone: he loves forehead kisses. he does it almost like a traditional type of thing: it's not a normal day without a forehead kiss from jay.

rubbing your thigh

omfg. his hand is always on your thigh when you guys sit next to one another. it just rests there all the time, occasionally rubbing it from time to time, sometimes drumming a little beat with his fingers. he also rests his hand on your thigh worried when he notices that you're nervous and your leg is bouncing uncontrollably. it does calm you down, but on the other hand, it can also make you flustered.

jake

massaging your shoulders

he always wants you to be comfortable & is actually happy to get rid of the knots in your back, shoulders, etc.. after a stressful day, he pulls you in by the wrist and brings you to sit in front of him so he can start messaging you. even though you should be the one relaxing, he ends up relaxing even more, feeling his hands all over you and your skin (🤭). he definitely watches youtube tutorials on how to give better massages just for you.

hanging his arm around you at all times

whether you guys are sitting together or standing together, jake's arm is always around you. it's almost like you were made right to fit into the space between his side and his outstretched arm. he either hangs his arm around your shoulder or hooks it on your waist. his hand rubs on you whom he's holding; this shared warmth gives him comfort, and he loves having you right by his side.

biting you (lovingly)

like that one ending fairy where he acts like a dog, he follows through and tends to bite you at random times during the day. you guys are resting on the couch? he bites your shoulder. you're trying to feed him a cookie? he bites the cookie and also bites your finger. does he growl when he does it? sometimes. it's just cuteness aggression, according to him.

sunghoon

tracing shapes on your skin

he loves tracing shapes all over you, like your hands, the bottom of your wrists, your back.. it gives him something to do with his hands instead of just sitting there awkwardly staring into space. he'll write messages like "ily", hearts, smiley faces.. OR he'll draw little sad faces on purpose just so you ask him "what's wrong :(" and he can tell u everything all pouty.

drying your hair for you

after you shower, sometimes you lack the energy to fully dry your hair, and instead you just go to sleep. sunghoon always points out that you can catch a cold; when you shrug in response, he rolls his eyes, brings out a towel and a hairdryer, and motions for you to sit in front of him. he makes sure the hot air isn't burning you, his hands aren't pulling on your hair and hurting you, and makes sure you're comfortable.

squeezing your hand

he squeezes your hand as a reminder that he is still there, which he is literally always holding every second of the day. when in stressful situations, he squeezes your hand either to comfort you or gain comfort himself. he learns a teeny bit of morse code: two short squeezes followed by one short, one long, and two short, which is then followed by one long, one short, and two long. "ily."

sunoo

playfully hitting you, leaning into you whenever he laughs

he's always right next to you, especially in a group setting. you better be prepared for a night full of playful arm slapping, head leaning- all the physical touch coming. sunoo is always laughing, and whenever he laughs, he does something with his hands, whether this is pointing at whoever made a joke, slapping the person next to him, or completely falling onto someone. when you guys are together, his hands always land on you. you don't mind at all: watching his eyes sparkle as he leans into when he laughs- heaven.

intertwining pinkies

rather than just holding hands, you two opt for a different type of constant contact: interlocking pinkies. it's just a cute way for you guys to always be connected, like a forever pinky promise that you guys will always be together. he loves swinging your arm around as well while walking when you guys are together.

leaning on your shoulder

he always leans on your shoulder on the couch, in long (or even short) car rides, on a park bench... basically every chance he gets. sometimes he falls asleep, and other times, he just enjoys the contact and your presence. he gets extra happy when you lean on him back.

jungwon

playing with your clothes or accessories

even in moments of silence, he always wants to be connected with you. when you guys are on your phones handling your separate business, one of his hands will always be playing with something of yours. when you guys are walking, you'll feel a little rustle on your arm: it's him playing with your sleeve. he messes with the ends of your shirt, like making little folds in it over and over, twisting it into little flower-shaped twists. if you wear jewelry he's definitely running his hands over the chains and twirling them constantly.

wiping your tears

like that clip of him wiping away sunoo's tears, he wipes your tears away whenever you cry. he hates seeing you sad, and his way of making your tears go away is literally making your tears go away. his thumb comes and swipes all of your tears away, or sometimes he will kiss them off your face like a cutie. he succeeds though- it does make you feel better.

wiping crumbs off your lips, taking off a stray eyelash, etc

it never fails to give you butterflies. the close proximity of his face, his focused expression, his fingers on your cheek: he probably doesn't know the effect he has on you, because in his eyes he's just doing something nice for you, taking care of you by removing something on your face.

niki

tangling limbs with you

oh man. you and him become one. one body. you guys share limbs atp. i've talked about this before but he sleeps with his leges and arms wrapped around you. his weight is always on yours, even if you complain about it: it's your personal weighted blanket. when you guys are sitting next to each other, he LINKS LEGS. LMFAO. he even intertwines fingers and makes you use your free hand to get things for the both of you.

the tightest hugs ever

he gives the kind of hugs that feel like he's trying to suffocate you. you always tell him that you aren't going anywhere, but he'll spin you around and toss you from side to side during every hug. he always laughs as you complain that you're getting dizzy, and he'll pretend to let go and move on before quickly sucking you back up in his arms.

playing footsies

he will make an effort to create a foot war the second he realizes your foot is in front of his. he kicks your foot and gets all giggly when you kick his back. it doesn't even have to be under the table; even when you guys are sitting next to each other with your feet outstretched, he will suddenly attack your toes. he also unties your shoelaces all the time. odd? but cute.

---

here's my masterlist!

taglist! send an ask to be added: @jaysbiceps

[idontliekmondays]

excerpts from a daily mail article released shortly after her arrest

When members of the Geneva High School role playing club asked 16-year-old Lindsay Souvannarath to choose a character they were expecting an elf, a sorceress or perhaps a female warrior.

But the shy, clean-cut teenager opted for a rather more unsettling choice, presenting them with a detailed pencil drawing of her chosen persona - the 'Nightmare Nazi'.

The trench coat, jackboots and gas mask were unmistakably those of an SS soldier; the skeletal hands clutching a vast dagger more akin to dark fantasy art.

Former classmates at Geneva High recall Lindsay Souvannarath as a shy, withdrawn youngster, who had few friends and instead sought out after-school groups and writing clubs to express her creative side.

But she was also prone to bouts of anger and violence - allegedly stabbing another student with a pencil in one outburst and occasionally letting slip an alarming infatuation with the Third Reich.

'On first impressions I didn't think there was anything too strange about her,' he told Daily Mail Online.

'She could be funny and intelligent but most of the time she was quiet and not very warm or outgoing.

'One year her character was a sort of Wonder Woman-type heroine, then all of sudden she tells the group she wants to be a Nazi ghost.

'You choose your species and come up with a back story. Hers was that her character was a guest from a crazy, dark Nazi universe.

'It's supposed to be a game in a medieval, fantasy setting but she would just argue if she didn't get her way.

'So we went on our quest with a robot, a couple of elves, wizards and this weird Nazi.

'Aside from the character's background he didn't do anything racist or too alarming. We didn't know about her interests at that time so we just got on with it.

Ms Szigeti recalled how Souvannarath began to idolize black-death metal bands in her mid-teens.

She became particularly infatuated with Varg Vikernes, a white supremacist musician convicted in 1994 of killing a rival guitarist and burning down three churches in Norway, describing him as 'cute' and writing essays about him.

'Her work was always dark and full of violence, there were soldiers and Nazis and all this weird stuff,' Sabrina said.

'She acted normal on the surface. She was never physically violent but she would get aggressive and upset if you criticized her.

'Everyone was uncomfortable but we just avoided trying to start a fight with her. 'If you asked her straight up 'are you a Nazi?' she would argue that she wasn't.

As far back as 2007 - when she was just 15 - she allegedly wrote 'free speech is dead' in one forum, adding: 'That's why we need people like David Duke to bring it to life again.'

In another warped entry, writing that same year under the pseudonym Snoopyfemme she wrote: 'They use sex in commercials all the time to sell products. Why don't they ever use violence?

'Wouldn't you love to see a bunch of guys tearing each other apart with machine guns to get a bowl of Cheerios?

'Sure, it might traumatize our children, but in my opinion, children aren't being traumatized enough.

'The only reason for Americans to breed is to create more soldiers to fight for freedom. We need to weed out the weaklings early on. Survival of the fittest, man.'

'She was very odd to the point among a lot of our classmates that no-one was surprised by her arrest.

'She was a very lonely person - but she isolated herself. 'From what I remember she was even suspended for stabbing someone with a pencil in middle school.'

'She was known for putting spells on people. She would do it by saying weird things and then putting on a curse - obviously we did not take her seriously.

'She would break out into laughter in the middle of class for absolutely no reason.

'When we saw that Lindsay did something like this, nobody was surprised. She was the one most likely.'

source

[ghostsandfools]

Detailed Algebralien Society

Guys… I’m REALLLYYYYYY bored……. And I’ve been thinking about Algebraliens a lot, so I wrote this detailed analysis of how I think their society works. But it’s like, LONG. Like it’s REALLY long, so not click read more if you aren’t prepared to read an essay length post of ideas about number people

Okay, I think Math is like their version of Science if that makes any sense. The laws of their world are defined by math the same way science defines ours. I think maybe math textbooks would be kind of like religious texts to them too, like there are different ways tot think about math and it’s principles (so basically when Two said they didn’t like math it was kind of like a metaphor for them renouncing religion in a way…)

And then obviously there’s the equations themselves. To me addition just seems like fusion from Steven Universe, where they become one being.

Multiplication is like cloning. I think the algebraliens would reproduce like normal humans and multiplication is more of just a way to clone themself. So like, if you did 7 x 4 instead of getting 28 you would just get 4 identical 7s.

I know what I said about multiplication sounds basically the exact same to division but I don’t think division splits you into two equal clones. I think it splits your personality in half. So like, when 14 divided by 2 each of the 7s got separate parts of their personality, yknow?

That just leaves subtraction… Subtraction actually seems kind of dark- I think it would be kind of like division, except it just takes parts of you away. So, division takes part of your personality and puts it into each of your factors, meanwhile subtraction just deteriorates your memories and personality until you can hardly function anymore. So like dementia basically-

Besides that, I think other types of equations are possible but the algebraliens haven’t figured out how to do them yet. So like, tetration and stuff is mentioned in their religious math textbooks but they don’t actually know how to do all that

When it comes to genetics I don’t think it lines up perfectly with how math actually works. So like, random example, if 6 and 9 had a kid it probably wouldnt be 15 because then numbers would just keep getting bigger and bigger. Instead, I think genetics would determine a number’s color and whether they’re even or odd. So, since 6 is even and 9 is odd, their kid would probably be an odd number that’s some shade of blue or white, but which number it is isn’t guaranteed.

Along with that, I think they’d differentiate by last names. Since there can be multiple of the same number, you’d be able to tell them apart by their color and last name. There are probably 100s of each number running around, but it doesn’t get confusing because of the last name thing. Along with that, when a number multiplies or divides each of their duplicates takes on their last name, and when numbers add together the sum gets both of their last names.

Algebraliens are known for their ability to travel through space. The equation playground is on Earth. So far we know that 4, X, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 14 live on Earth. 2 and 1 both came from space (ooooo, they’re totally exes with history together but I’ll make a post about that some other timeeeee) and we know 15 lives on some other planet because when 6 and 9 went to visit them they had to drive through space (9 is such a skilled driver ^^). I also don’t know if 3 lives on Earth because I forgor :]

This raises the question of what the algebraliens home planet is like or if they even have one. 15’s cabin MAY be located on their original planet, or maybe 15 lives on some completely different unrelated planet then the one they’re actually from. The lore is really blurry about this stuff :c

What we DO know is that the algebraliens are scattered across multiple planets (and maybe moons? Since 1 is so tied to the moon, and they crashed or Earth with the moon).

Since their math based religion is such an integral part of their lives, maybe they have some sacred land somewhere that we’re yet to see? Maybe??? I don’t know????

it’s like 1 AM right now and this is just me word vomiting all my dumb ideas about algebraliens-

If anyone actually took the time to read all this maybe you can share some of your own ideas and we can talk about number aliens together please 👉👈

[cobrakaisb]

meet me in the pouring rain

summary: mark's working over time to make things up to you, because when sparks fly, they fly. (part two of life in a glass house)

word count: 886

all he could hear were your words, “i asked you not to waste my time mark,” repeating in his head like a mantra. he couldn’t go one second without hearing them. lifting weights with the team, he was thinking about you; eating at the dining hall, his thoughts were centered around you. 

it was a slap to the face, honestly. he worked so hard to gain your trust, establish a friendship with you, and then blew it in the span of one night. he blew it and he hadn’t even known it. until days later, and it was affecting everything. 

his game was off. he was spending more time than usual in the penalty box, and that’s saying something since he’s already in there an excessive amount of time. his social life was also taking a hit. suddenly, he didn’t even want to think about partying, drinking, or seeing any girls. all he wanted was you. 

he missed your study sessions, your ranting about books, ones he’s never even heard of, and your sarcastic remarks. he missed seeing your encouraging smile when he started to understand the material from english class. he missed sitting side by side on his bed, legs barely touching, as you ripped apart his latest composition. he missed watching you chew on the cap of the red, ballpoint, bic pen as you made small corrections to his revised essays. but most importantly, he missed you. 

after this revelation, mark made it his personal mission to talk to you again. he tried catching you after class, but you were either ignoring him or didn’t hear him. he wanted to believe it was the latter, but he knew there was a higher probability that the former was true. 

then, he tried finding you after your weekly book club meetings. he knew it met on thursdays, because you very adamant about keeping thursdays free, and he knew meetings occurred in a room in the student union. he just, for the life of him, could not find out which room. so that idea went down the drain. 

a week later, he saw you in the stands at yost arena. you were sitting with some friends, your group barely paying any attention to the ice or the people on it. but his eyes found you, and they kept coming back to you. “dude, get your head in the game,” ethan said, speeding by him. all he could think about was how you’d comment on the high school musical reference. 

thankfully, they won that game, and mark was sure that you’d stick around. he was so sure, that he rushed to shower and change back into his suit. imagine his surprise when he walks out of the locker room and can’t find you. he’d lost you again.

the next day, on his run, mark stopped in front of your dorm building. ever since you stopped talking to him, he changed his route, praying for a chance to run into you. it seemed that luck was on his side because you were fumbling around for your id to unlock the door when he slowed to a stop in front of your dorm room. 

“mark? you’re soaked, what are you doing?” you asked, looking at him for the first time in weeks. and that’s all that mattered at the moment, the fact that your eyes were meeting his. and was it raining? it was raining, he realized as he felt the cold water deep into his bones. 

“i ran to clear my head, and i somehow ended up here,” he answered. mark wanted you to respond, but you didn’t say anything. instead, you just stared at him. “look, y/n, the letter thing wasn’t my fault. i had no idea you even wrote me a letter until after you stopped talking to me. i was complaining about it to the guys, and they told me what happened. i really had no idea,” he explained.

“why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner?” you asked, arms crossed as the rain soaked your hair and all other aspects of your outfit. 

“i tried, but you were kind of ignoring me,” mark answered. “is that it?” you replied, after a couple beats of silence. 

“yeah, my pride is telling me that’s it. my pride just wants me to walk away and pretend like nine of this ever happened, but my heart says just forget about your pride, you idiot. you love this girl. and even if you’re gonna catch pneumonia, your ass is gonna stand out here in the rain, until you can convince her to forgive you.” 

“and why should i? forgive you?” she finally asked, giving him a curious look. “because i love you. and you look really hot standing out here in the rain, so i have to kiss you,” mark answered, with zero hesitation. at that moment, y/n smiled, a small one, but it was a smile, nonetheless. 

“oh you have to?” she asked, in that smartass tone that would usually have mark going mental, but with her it was fine. “i have to,” he agreed as her arms wrapped around the back of his neck, one hand digging into his hair. “then you better kiss me you stupid idiot,” she mumbled right as their lips collided.

[seri-tonin]

BSD Chapter 119 Analysis

Bookmarks, dimensions, minkowski spaces... what the fuck does it all mean?? This chapter dumped a whole lot of information on us without really answering any of our questions, so this is my attempt to hopefully break some of it down for you and explain my theories on it.

Everything under the cut cause I wrote a whole ass essay

The Tiger is a Bookmark?

This chapter started off strong by giving us what's probably one of the more confusing concepts in the series (which is saying a lot...). Fyodor finally gave some hints as to the true nature of the tiger, but he did it in the most cryptic way possible.

I have a few theories in mind for what he could've meant by this. My immediate thought ties back to the fact that the tiger is considered to be a "guide" to the book. It's something we've known for awhile, but from the beginning we've assumed that that means it's a guide to finding the book itself. However, comparing the tiger to a bookmark - something that helps you know where you are in a book - makes me think that the tiger might be a guide in the sense that it can navigate between the different worlds that we know exist within the book, such as the Beast universe.

The second theory that I came up with is that maybe the tiger functions as some sort of anchor. A bookmark holds your place in a book, so the tiger "holds" the world and keeps it where it's at. (This is honestly the weakest theory of the three but I figured I'd include it anyways)

And my friend (shout-out to @musical-ghostie) came up with the third theory, that Fyodor's breaking the fourth wall right now. When he refers to the tiger as the bookmark, he could be talking about the fact that he's the protagonist, the one we experience the story through, or (similar to my first theory) the audience's guide to this world. This would also explain why Fyodor was so disgusted by the fact that it's Atsushi who has the tiger ability. Atsushi, who's selfish and pathetic and nothing like how you'd imagine a typical protagonist to be (this is not a diss at all on Atsushi's character by the way, I love the fact that he's written like this). I'm particularly attached to this interpretation, because it would fit so well with my "Asagiri is a character and god and the creator of the book" theory, but I'm not gonna get into that here (maybe it'll get it's own post sometime).

This theory is also backed up by this panel where Fyodor describes the tiger as the "emotional hearth" of the world, which would make sense if he was referring to the fact that Atsushi, as the protagonist, is the main aspect of the story that keeps the audience emotionally invested - because we're the most connected to his emotions specifically.

Ame-no-gozen and Minkowski Space

Shout-out to Bungou Stray Dogs for being the only series that I love enough that I'm willing to research an advanced physics concept just to be able to understand the story a bit better.

In this chapter, Fyodor gives us this explanation on how the divine being functions the way it does:

That's... pretty confusing, isn't it? So, I did a little bit of research into what a Minkowski space is, and here's my understanding: it's essentially a theoretical plane where time functions the same as space. Basically, the divine being is able to go wherever it wants in time, forward and backwards, instead of being stuck only ever going forward in time at the same consistent rate like the rest of us. (Disclaimer: I have never taken a physics class in my life, so my interpretation of what a Minkowski space is could be way off. Feel free to tell me in the notes if you know!!)

That said, I don't think the extent of ame-no-gozen's power is just being able to freely move through space and time, but I think it's also able to manipulate the (metaphorical) shape that space and time take. Fyodor even specifically refers to it as manipulating space in this panel:

He only refers to space in this panel, but I think it's safe to assume that the being has the same power over time, since it's able to interact with time in the same way that it interacts with space.

Parallels to Chapter 4

I'm sure we all recognized the reference to Akutagawa's iconic "Fear death. Fear slaughter" speech he gives when he's first introduced. This of course made me go back and reread chapter four, where he gives the original speech, and I noticed another parallel that I hadn't thought of immediately.

In chapter four, Akutagawa tells Atsushi in no uncertain terms that it is his fault that his colleagues, Junichiro and Naomi, are presumably dead. He explains to him that they were targeted because of the fact that Atsushi possesses the power of the tiger, and therefore he was the one who brought suffering to them.

Now some of what Fyodor said in the newest chapter is starting to sound really familiar... In this chapter, Fyodor tells Atsushi almost the exact same thing. That his friends are presumably dead and it's his fault, because he has the power of the tiger and could've prevented it.

I would be willing to chalk this up to just both being villains targeting Atsushi's insecurities and not really a parallel, if it weren't for the fact that chapter four gets much more explicitly referenced later in this chapter with the whole "fear death, fear slaughter" thing. Chapter four being referenced multiple times makes me believe it's intentional. I have a feeling that either Atsushi or Akutagawa (or both) will soon have a moment that really displays how much they've grown since their first meeting in chapter four, which is why it's being referenced now.

Other Thoughts + Conclusion

I'm sure if you're reading this, you were probably hoping I'd have something to say about Akutagawa's appearance, but honestly I can't say I have anything that hasn't been said by someone else already. Currently I'm leaning towards the theory that he's still under Bram's influence to some extent. Although, I also like the possibility that's been pointed out that maybe he does actually recognize Atsushi, but is just being dramatic and metaphorical and trying to tell him that he's not acting like the Atsushi he's come to know. I don't think this one is super likely, but it would be in-character for Akutagawa for sure.

Uhh but yeah, I think that's all the thoughts I have right now, but I'd love it if anyone wants to discuss some of this with me! Thank you so much for reading all this if you got this far, I hope it makes enough sense...

[bloodofsancho]

Theories & Speculations about Canto 7: Lightning Round

So, I've had a much longer, more essay formatted post sitting in my drafts on here for a while, and even longer on my main blog where I imported it from. But seeing as Canto 7 is just on the horizon and my real life obligations haven't gotten any lighter, I've decided that instead of writing a Big Long Theory Post about Canto 7, I would instead summarize my main thoughts/beliefs/speculations into bullet points on a single post. This still ended up being really long though. Anyway, without further ado:

Project Moon's interpretation of Don Quixote seems inspired in part by the musical Man of La Mancha. While I've seen many consider it an adaptation of Don Quixote, it's...not really. It's loosely based off of it. In the musical, it follows Miguel de Cervantes and his unnamed servant who have been imprisoned by the Spanish Inquisition and put on a play for the prisoners where Cervantes plays Don Quixote and his servant plays Sancho Panza. A female prisoner/prostitute named is chosen to play Dulcinea. She is a principal character in the play.

In the book, Dulcinea is little more than a figment of Quixote's imagination. Aldonza is only mentioned in one sentence at the end of the first chapter. She's also a slaughterhouse worker and not a prostitute.

I have absolutely no idea which interpretation Project Moon will go with. But I find it interesting that Don Quixote hasn't mentioned Dulcinea at all, while in the book she probably comes up every other sentence.

Dulcinea = Carmen?

I think the likely villain candidatesfor this Canto are either Sanson Carrasco or "Avellaneda".

Sanson Carrasco, also known as the "Knight of Mirrors" or "Knight of the White Moon" is a guy from Don Quixote's town who along with the barber and priest (make note of that btw) takes it upon himself to cure Don Quixote of his presumed madness. He's kind of a smartass. He decides the best way to cure Don Quixote of his mental illness is to defeat him as the Knight of Mirrors but ends up getting beaten by Don Quixote, and he's not happy about this and swears revenge. Later he appears as the Knight of the White Moon, and defeats Don Quixote in a duel.

In Man of La Mancha, a prisoner known as "the Duke" is chosen to play Sanson Carrasco in the play, who pretty much does the same thing as he does in the book except he's much more cynical in the play.

The other candidate, Avellaneda, would be a very interesting and very Project Moon choice for an antagonist. Alonso Fernandez de Avellaneda was the pseudonym used by an author who wrote a fake sequel to the first part of Don Quixote, which Miguel de Cervantes didn't intend on writing an official sequel to until he saw Avellaneda's work and he hated it so much it spurred him into writing an actual sequel. The existence of the fake sequel is mocked and referenced in the second part of Don Quixote, and considering the events of Canto 6 I think that's worth keeping in mind.

Now onto actual speculation and called shots for Canto 7 since I've laid this groundwork:

I think that the plot of Canto 7, at least initially, may draw heavy inspiration from Man of La Mancha. I think the Bloodfiends from La Mancha Land are possibly taking humans captive through some kind of method (attracting them to the fair maybe?) and torturing them as entertainment. Through some kind of means, the Bloodfiends have also gotten a Golden Bough, but I'm unsure how or why they would use it. Maybe someone can provide some ideas.

Humans going missing and ending up at some kind of vampire torture fair is exactly the kind of case Moses would take on. It remains to be seen if she will be there in person, or if she'll communicate with Dante through a walkie talkie or radio. At the end of the teaser, she sounded like she was talking through a radio (assuming that was in fact Moses).

Sancho is either a Fixer who Don Quixote became friends with in between establishing her human form and joining Limbus Company, or he (assuming that the blue text from the teaser is Sancho) is a Bloodfiend. Maybe both? His text from the teaser seems to be encouraging Don Quixote's delusions.

I initially thought that the Bloodfiend from the teaser could be Dulcinea (or Marcela or Dorotea)* but a user pointed out to me that she's holding large scissors so she's probably the Barber. However, this morning I looked back at the MOTWE story cutscenes with Cassetti and he refers to the Barber with he/him pronouns. I don't know if this means anything, or if it's an oversight or retcon from Project Moon.

I think there's a strong possibility that, following the Man of La Mancha line of thought, Don Quixote's true Bloodfiend identity is Miguel de Cervantes. A lot of people seem to agree with this. However, I haven't seen anyone really make any shots as to why she would seal herself away, and I think I have a plausible answer:

Being a member of the elder generation of Bloodfiends from before the White Nights and Dark Days, Cervantes is primarily nonviolent and doesn't want much to do with humans. After the White Nights and Dark Days spawned a new generation of Bloodfiends who were significantly more prone to violence, violent attacks on humans increased and this alerted even more people to the existence of Bloodfiends---especially people who would like to hunt and kill them. This put the lives of Cervantes' Kindred at grave risk, and not wanting to fight or kill humans, she sealed herself away and invented a human persona---and possibly her Kindred as well, hence how Sancho could also both be a Fixer and a Bloodfiend.

She might have invented Don Quixote with the express purpose of creating a human self who had a strong sense of justice and right the wrongs of the City. Maybe she became a Bloodfiend to start with in order to escape the injustice of the City.

This would line up extremely well thematically with both the novel and Man of La Mancha. Sancho supporting Don Quixote's dreams (or her human persona in general) could support this idea if we assume he is a Bloodfiend.

Meanwhile, the Bloodfiends are more concerned with getting their Second Kindred back once they realize who she is. This would align well with the Barber and Sanson, assuming that Sanson is a Bloodfiend and not a Bloodfiend hunter.

I realize that this is kind of a slapdash post, but I was really running out of time and on top of being both sick today and having two papers due on Sunday, I needed to get this out before Canto 7. I realize that this doesn't touch on many aspects, like the associations with Carmilla, other characters like Dorotea, Marcela, Cardenio, the priest, etc but I decided for the sake of time that I would talk about them if/when they appear in Canto 7. Regardless, I would like to hear everyone's thoughts if they have any!

[misscammiedawn]

In re-reading Umineko for our latest ramble I've come to really appreciate the care and love Ryukishi put into the topic of complicated grief.

Consider this an end-coda of the two big essays (other one here) and a way of tying their themes together.

This is a short one, I promise, but I'll put it under readmore for spoilers sake.

Basically I want to talk about imagination, processing and the stories we tell ourselves to cope.

When we look at the game boards of each chapter as being authored works in universe we get a lot of information about the authors of the works.

Chapters 1 and 2 are Beatrice/Yasu, penning these elaborate revenge fantasies that haven't happened yet as both a twisted love letter to Battler, who stoked her passion for murder mysteries, and a way of coping with her pain and loss. No matter how boisterous and sinister Beatrice imagines herself to be, we do see in Chapter 7 that when she is given the family gold she is quite shy and meek and reserved and remains that way when the family discover her about to enact her revenge plot.

Beatrice as an alter/part of Sayu's dissociative system is a coping mechanism but in the end she was not capable of those acts in reality. She was able to take her scheming further because of the power she had from the gold and control over the island and its servants but when faced with the act of killing she was just a traumatized kid, unable to commit cruelty. She was as capable of murder as Maria's evil witch persona would be.

The writing was just a fantasy. A projection of her desire to retaliate.

It's also kind of brilliant as only she and Genji know that Shannon/Kanon are treated as two separate individuals by everyone on the island and have 2 separate master keys to compensate. An element of the mystery that could only be known by the mastermind.

Chapters 3-6 are written by an amnesiac Battler. The "forgeries" only began after the messages containing the first two chapters had been discovered and the news started speaking about the Rokkenjima tragedy. This likely triggers "Tohya", the name Battler had taken on, and causes the traumatic events of the island to replay in his head over and over. Every attempt to write it was an attempt to make sense of the scattered remnants hidden behind his own dissociative barriers.

He kept scratching at the itches and trying to make sense of it in a way that was, frankly, exploitative. Especially when he wrote about an unrelated person who died in the typhoon the game takes place in and placed her on the island as The Worst Girl Imaginable.

Sometimes "Umineko is about how shitty true crime as a genre is" can be the correct take.

But in this case he, like Ange, is trying to make sense of the past and turn the events over and over again. We wrote about this concept extensively in our (Dawn's) Ange essay.

The point is, where Beatrice was writing fantasies of the future to cope, Battler-Tohya (via Ikuko) was writing unclear recollections to unearth the traumatic memories that he couldn't quite reach. Inconsistencies like this are typical in recovering traumatic memories.

We experience it in our own life, when we date a memory by the sporting event that was happening about that time but the inciting incident of the memories was tied in the birth of someone who is older than that. When one tries to turn over facts, emotions and painful memories decades in the future it all gets mixed up and doesn't quite match reality. The Ange post has more to say on that.

Eva's journal may well have been written by Eva to hurt Ange. We do not know how much of it is true but when Kyrie monologues about how she intends to abandon her daughter and never loved her as anything more than a solvent to keep her marriage together, you can feel Eva's pen on the page, taunting the child who survived instead of her George.

Which brings us the final chapter and the theme of the game and why I wanted to write this little end-cap.

From our other essay:

Chapter 8 represents the idea of writing your own past with love and with kindness.

If Beatrice's mysteries in Chapter 1-2 are a wounded person enacting a revenge fantasy about the future, why not write a healing fantasy about the past?

Turning over the events over and over will not change the present and can serve to retraumatize a person by allowing the events of the past to intrude on the present.

The start of Chapter 8 even describes the 1998 Ange as such:

Stuck in trauma time, Ange is unable to grow beyond the tragedy of her entire family dying at once. Battler has all the answers and so he writes a version of the story that is pointedly impossible.

The previous chapter featuring Beatrice II's funeral was based on a "miracle fragment" where Lion had not been raised as Shannon. This was revealed to be the fantasies of Yasu after discovering their identity as Lion. An impossible version of the world that was a "what-if" fantasy.

Chapter 8 tells a similar story but it's not a "what if" in the sense that it would require a different world to function. It is the idea baked into Ange's power as the Witch of Resurrections. With imagination and with love it is possible to simply keep lost loved ones alive by writing about them. To process pain by writing a kinder reality because it is not changing the world to believe the best in people, it is simply choosing, as Maria put it, to not accept current misfortune and to choose to live in happiness.

Umineko says we have the choice to paint our outlook on the world.

Hence why Ange abandons her fortune and goes on to write stories about Sakotarou, keeping Maria and her imagination alive and delighting children.

All the way back when we first read Umineko we said that it was Anime House of Leaves.

Turns out both books have the same outcome from different angles.

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.”

And acceptance is the only road to healing. We have to close the catbox.

Fantasy and imagination can be an escape, but they can also be a prison that locks a person in their worst experiences. If you truly can't let go. Maybe you can spin the chess board and write yourself a happy ending.

[flightfoot]

Hey, do you have any good recommendations for Lukadrigaminette or Julerose fics? Mostly canon-compliant. No fantasy or western AUs, but stuff like Adrien never going to school is fine.

Yeah sure, I've got some stuff for you!

The Quartet's Duet by timeandspace_lord

In which Kagami and Luka attempt to get two idiots to fall in love. Instead, four idiots realize they were already in love. Based a lot on Determination and Wishmaker specifically. ~~~ It was only a matter of time, he told himself. Sooner or later they’d stumble into the same secret he had and realize they were made for each other. And if they needed a helping hand to get there, a conductor for the symphony of their lives together, he was more than happy to take on that role. Kagami nodded firmly. She’d known that Marinette was Adrien’s true target from the beginning, but it had taken longer for her to get over her own jealousy and realize that the other girl was also the correct target. Now that she no longer had blinders on, it was obvious the two were meant to be together. If she could help them realize it, so much the better.

---

Hold Me By Both Hands by @angelofthequeers

“I know he said never to take you back,” Plagg mutters. “But he’d change his tune if he knew.” He looks Adrien straight in the eye and, more serious than Adrien’s ever seen him before, says, “There’s someone you gotta meet. He’s been looking for that book for ages.” How differently might the events of season 2 have gone if Adrien had also known of Master Fu from the start?

Honestly, I think this is one of the best ML fics EVER, and I've read a LOT of ML fics. It's a re-imagining of seasons 2 and 3, with Lila sticking around the whole time, lots of discussion and growth of all the major players in the fic, and some truly amazing character arcs. It features what I consider the BEST Chloe redemption arc to date, with looking at where she started in the early seasons and having her actually figure out reasons why she wants to be better, and what that looks like. If you've watched The Good Place, it's like that.

I wrote a 26,000 word essay analyzing the various subplots in the fic, that's how intricate it is.

---

holding onto the memory of you by @fruitdragon1a

For MLB Femslash February 24! Day 10: Juleka/Rose 'hold', 'dress' Juleka and Rose are on the métro when something happens to Rose.

---

You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess by @mexicancat-girl

With Team Miraculous now full-time holders, Ladybug has them patrolling in pairs like her and Chat Noir. New partners Pigella and Purple Tigress get along phenomenally, their easy banter and similar wavelengths making working with each other a joy in and out of combat. But sometimes Tigress is surprised just how close she is with her partner. Sometimes she tries not to feel too guilty thinking about it.

There’s some nice Julerose here! I love them kinda getting into a lovesquare with each other, though it’s not as much of a problem as it is in canon since it’s reciprocal in every relationship and they’re both down for a poly. It’s fun, and I love the “Luka attempting to woo some of his love interests” plot going on in the background XD.

---

Everything I need by @coffeebanana

When Ladybug asks Pigella to care for her injured teammate, she wants to refuse. She's not the best person for the job, and she's not sure if Purple Tigress even likes her. But Ladybug insists, so Pigella fights through her fear and tends to Tigress' injury. It doesn't make things any easier that Tigress keeps reminding her of Juleka.

---

Ink, Skin, and Hearts by EpicNerd

For Rose and Juleka, the topic of soulmates is surprisingly a difficult one.

---

I hope these catch your fancy (especially Hold Me By Both Hands, that fic is a must-read).

[jennyboom21]

Last week, the New York Times ran a nearly 5,000-word piece about Taylor Swift in its opinion section. The thoughtful essay, by editor Anna Marks, specifically considers the superstar’s creative output by asking the question: What if, as so many of the references in them suggest, some of Swift’s songs are about being in love with women?

Marks is only about the millionth person to suggest that Swift might be dropping clues that she is gay in her work, a theory known as “Gaylor”: Here’s a 2022 feature about the fan theory that ran in Jezebel; here’s an explainer from later that year in Vox that gets into it, which, oh, also references a Vox deep dive from the height of the COVID-19 pandemic on “the queering of Taylor Swift”; here’s a Rolling Stone piece pegged to the release of Midnights; here’s a piece that ran in Slate after the re-release of Red that explored similar theories. I could go on and on. You get it. The Times is not exactly breaking new ground here.

Marks’ piece does stand out in a few ways: It’s very long. It’s in the New York Times, the “paper of record,” and that apparently confers some vague special responsibility to every word it publishes. It does not report on what the fans are saying but instead identifies Marks herself as the fan with the corkboard and red string. If it’s even a conspiracy theory at all, the piece openly muses about its subject: “There are some queer people who would say that … she has already come out, at least to us.”

The opinion piece has “prompted a fair amount of outrage online,” writes Danielle Cohen in the Cut, “where even those of us who enjoy the occasional Gaylor theories found these assertions—and the fact that they were made in an esteemed national newspaper—a few steps too far.” Among the outraged are Swift’s “associates”: “Because of her massive success, in this moment there is a Taylor-shaped hole in people’s ethics,” a “person close to the situation” told a CNN reporter, noting that, were Swift a man, this article “wouldn’t have been allowed to be written.”

Leaving aside that this very same author wrote a piece about Harry Styles’ potential queerness, it’s true enough that Swift isn’t a man. But she’s a cultural phenomenon. Her songs were streamed over 26 billion times last year on Spotify alone. Her celebrity is everywhere you look right now. It has made her a billionaire, and boosted the economy to boot.

[purplesaline]

Ran a DnD game for the first time in forever last night. I've only done it a few times before, and never with 5e so a steep learning curve on my part. Everyone had a blast though and I'm really proud of myself for adapting the campaign to better engage the players.

There was a frog race as part of the first encounter and the book had a single roll determine whether someone's frog won or lost, which I found boring. I had a bunch of resin frogs in various costumes already so I painted one for each player and instead of a single roll I made a "course" four squares long. A successful roll moved the frog forward one space, a failed roll kept them stationary, a natural 20 moved them 2 spaces forward, and a failure by more than 5 moved them back one space. I had 7 players so four spaces was plenty long but if you have fewer players and want to try this you can make the course longer.

It was quite exciting! And there was tension! 3 frogs crossed at the same time so the winning pot was split between three players.

We're playing Strixhaven, Curriculum of Chaos, and part of the encounters is class exams. Which, again, the adventure has a single roll for the multiple choice portion and a second roll for the essay portion. Meh.

So I wrote a multiple choice exam. 6 questions long. The players can either choose an answer if they think they know it (and I gave them a chance to study for it over the supper break, and oh you should have seen them! They were studying like it was a real life test. 3 adults and 4 kids under 16. It was so cute), or they can roll a skill check for the question. I read out each question and they wrote down their answers then went over the correct answers and if they got 3 or more right they passed the multiple choice section.

For the essay portion I just had them do the single roll, but a couple who failed the roll asked if they could turn in an actual short essay instead and I said absolutely! If they want to do that I'll give them a passing grade for that portion. Going forward I'm letting them know their next exam topic ahead of time so they can study and write a short essay between games if they want to do that.

They really enjoyed doing the exam encounter! There was a good mix of choosing answers and rolling when they weren't sure. Some people wound up studying stuff that didn't show up on the test at all and missed all the stuff that did, so they did a lot of rolling (the die rolls act like info they would have learned in class so the characters would have known more than the players)

Next session there's a game where the characters can shoot spheres from a magic object into buckets, whoever gets the most in a minute wins. I'm going to have the players toss nerf rival ammo into buckets instead of just doing a die roll.

I also made a physical Bag of Tricks with coloured pompoms so instead of rolling a die to see what animal they pull out they just pull a coloured pompom out and the different colours will be associated with different creatures.

Just little ways to make the game more immersive. I'm not good at doing voices or engaging roleplay (way too self-conscious and one day I'll get over that but I've had other priorities lol), so I wanted to come up with other ways to immerse folks in the world and keep them engaged. Everyone had a blast so I definitely nailed it for this audience at least!

[relaxxattack]

when should quadrant holidays be held?

let's decide together which of the four seasons each quadrant should correlate to! there's interesting reasoning for most possible combinations, so it's going to be down to a vote; i'll put some of those proposed reasonings below! feel free to add on your own propaganda/reasoning in reblogs, i want a lot of opinions

facts to consider:

the filial pail drone was introduced on Aug 11th

bees and termites, the species who troll's biology is heavily modeled after, have their drone seasons in spring and summer; this could be a reason to have the concupiscent quadrants celebrated in the warmer months

combining the two above facts together, if the warmer seasons are the concupiscent holidays, Aug 11th could be considered the "deadline" for contribution

fall is considered by many a "cuffing season"

summer is considered the steamiest time of year

in tarot, each card suite is associated with an element: heart = fire, club = water, diamond = earth, and spade = air

also in tarot, each card suite is already linked to a season: "Spring which is card suit 'Hearts' (cups), followed by Summer which is card suit 'Spades' (swords), followed by Fall which is card suit 'Diamonds' (coins/pentacles), and the final suit 'Clubs' (wands/staffs), is Winter." this however is known to differ across decks and beliefs. (i just wrote the first answer that popped up).

"pitch is celebrated in summer because that's the most evil and wretched season" -- sootpologist

"pale is winter! cuddle up w ur moirail type holiday" -- cosmicanchorite

"ash in the spring, a beautiful, balanced, yet often chaotic time of the year" -- sylph8141

the pity quadrants are represented by the color red and the indication of "warm" feelings, implying that maybe they should take up the warm months instead of the concupiscent quadrants.

the opposite of the previous fact is true for the hate quadrants, considering they are defined by darkness and "cold" feelings.

maybe solstices should be for concupiscent quadrants, and equinoxes should be for conciliatory ones. or the other way around!

terezi, when flirting with karkat flushways, asked to see him during fall

okay, feel free to write your own essays below arguing about this stuff, i've gone on with contradictory facts long enough. it's time for the actual poll. please think about it before you pick! :D

VOTE HERE (TOO MANY OPTIONS FOR A TUMBLR POLL SORRY)

(i'll see if once the vote is narrowed down enough, i can do a tumblr poll for just the top few!)

[evenaturtleduck]

@a-dash-in-the-middle wanted to know what I thought of The Queer Bible and my conclusion is that structurally it was a lot like the book it was named after--lots of voices speaking from different angles in different tones with different and occasionally contradictory priorities. 

Which I think is how it should be. 

I very much appreciated that the editor didn't try to force everyone into a unified party line, and that each essay was allowed to be a reflection of the person who wrote it--for example, Paula Akban's footnoted essay (footnotes my beloved) on how the Black Women's Movement in the UK cut the legs out from under Black lesbians is right next to Tan France's celebration of the first UK Queer Eye and the value of this so-called shallow end of gay culture, which is so clearly in his voice that I could hear him in my head. Many of the essays on individuals are eulogies haunted by AIDS, while some (like Gus Kenworthy on Adam Rippon) are joyful stories of "Here's how I met my best friend." Some are by celebrities about celebrities, and some are by writers and artists about other artists and writers. The essays were mostly focused on US/UK/Australian topics, but extremely diverse within that scope. Also there are multiple essays by or about members of the trans community in the UK, which feels important right now. 

It's also entirely devoid of the kind of "this media/celebrity is problematic/isn't queer enough or in the right ways" kind of discourse that social media is known for. Instead it's all these writers pointing at things like Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Rocky Horror earnestly explaining, "do you have any idea how much this meant to me?" or giving historical context why someone like George Michael or Susan Sontag wouldn't come out in the way that people today wish they would have but are still a significant part of their history.

So I doubt every essay will resonate with every reader, but probably everyone will find at least one that does, and it will definitely get them out of their particular bubble of queer culture to see a much bigger picture. Overall, it's a very joyful book, because the focus is on people and stories that were significant to the writers and helped them become the people they are today, and they all seem pretty happy to be themselves ❤️

Also there are illustrations and they are wonderful.

[cetaitlaverite]

Can we hear you talk about fred and rosies first kiss scene?

absolutely you can!! under the cut because it got long 😩❤️

so even though there were a few moments before this where freddie and rosie might have kissed, their first kiss was only ever going to happen with the piano. i toyed with the idea initially of it being in rosie’s plane - a fun fact is that there was a whole other scene originally that i wrote for freddie telling rosie that she loves him for the first time, which also took place in the pilot’s seat of rosie’s plane, but which did not make the cut - but music is so much more central to their connection than planes or pilothood or anything like that so i redirected to music instead.

so yes!! the piano!! i knew from quite early on that their first kiss would be while they were sitting side by side at the piano. first kisses hold so much weight in my fics and even though this is my quickest burn yet it was still important to me that it happens in a setting which suits the characters. every one of my couples’ first kiss is symbolic in some way!! for freddie and rosie, their connection first blossoms because of music: rosie first properly falls in love with freddie when he hears her play the piano, freddie starts to play the piano again because of the hope she feels after meeting rosie, a big step in their relationship is when they dance together for the first time, etc etc etc. it’s in the title too!! music is so central to these two that the scene needed to revolve around it in some way - music always opens them up to each other and makes them so much more vulnerable.

enough rambling about setting (you probably really did not expect this much detail 🤣 but a lot of thought goes into my scenes!!) so the song freddie plays is called ‘meine freuden’ which means ‘my joys’ in german (freddie will later call her daughters this as a term of endearment). it’s also from a book of music rosie gave her for christmas. all of this binds them together - there was no way they weren’t going to kiss in this scene because i wrote it into the fabric hahahah

the dialogue they exchange right before they kiss is some of my favourite all time freddie x rosie dialogue: “i like the way you look at me” from freddie and, in response, “sometimes i find it hard to believe that you exist” from rosie. this is the crutch of what first draws them to each other - and it’s mentioned again in a very important chapter later!! freddie immediately feels seen by rosie, even when they first meet. you may have noticed that a lot of her narrative was fixed on his eyes. she goes through her life feeling loved, yes, but not ever massively feeling seen and rosie sees her immediately. when she tells him she likes the way he looks at her this means a whole lot to her.

and rosie saying that he finds it hard to believe that freddie exists plays on how completely other she is than every other girl he’s dated in the past, or even the ones he’s known. there’s an otherworldly quality to her in his eyes - his narrative will sometimes refer back to how she seemed untouchable to him when they first met. so this confession draws on a sort of escapism she offers him; the world she creates for him when they’re together is unique to her and to them as a couple and it is so prominent in what he loves about spending time with her.

this has been an essay - i’m so sorry!!! but thank you for asking!!! this is most certainly a lot more than you bargained for in asking this but as i say i put a lot of thought into the details so it’s nice to get to mention it sometimes!! ❤️

[bitterwaters]

Lacquer Brands

so one day I went to a fugue and wrote a 2000 word essay on nail polish brands

We got four tiers of nail polish brands: overpriced luxury bullshit, drugstore, boutique, and indie. 

Overpriced Luxury Bullshit

Don’t buy these! Just don’t! You’re paying for name, not quality. Chanel charges $32 for an 11 ml creme, the second cheapest polish type there is. That’s ludicrous. Every review I’ve seen of a “high-brand” from a real swatcher has been negative. Fuck ‘em all.

Drugstore

This is every other mainstream brand, whether it’s from CVS, Walmart, or Ulta. Wide range of price and quality. In general, you’ll probably get what you pay for. Sally Hensen Insta-Dry is classic and Acceptably Okay; if you don’t have the patience for a full manicure, just slap some of that on. Look for brands that are 3-free or 5-free--that means that won’t have a few nasty chemicals. Anything over 5 is fake and doesn’t matter.

My preferred drugstore brands:

Zoya: Jellies, glitters, shimmers. Tends to have a very thin formula--leave the cap off for a few minutes to thicken it up.

Orly: Cremes! The absolute best, well-pigmented, buttery smooth cremes. Persistent Memory is my perfect dark red. The bottles are generously sized, they have a nice paddle brush, and I love the big rubberized cap. They’re just really pleasant!

OPI: I only use their matte top coat but I use a lot of it. It’s the best! Get their matte top coat! I’ve seen recs to use their polishes over Essie’s, but I’ve never tried either.

Boutique

Now we’re getting into the Good Shit. There’s a price jump here, but there’s also a huge jump in quality. These are small- to medium-sized online-only businesses with semi-industrial production and ample stock. They’re big enough to ship within a few days. They use a LOT more pigment and glitter than drugstore brands, and have far more variety in finishes.

You might see them on Amazon or Etsy--skip it and go order from their sites instead. Shipping costs the same and you can save up reward points.

Charmed Lacquer: Brand new, recently announced, will open in a week or two. Started by a streamer named Janixa. I’m not familiar, but her followers seem excited enough to check it out.

Cirque Colors: CONTROVERSY! I like Cirque. I have a ton of their polishes. A little pricey, but they have frequent small sales and are high-quality. Best known for the jellies and some really stunning magnetics like Mood Ring and Black Swan (which have since been rampantly duped). So why the controversy?

Mystery bags: idk people get het up about ‘em. I kind of feel like if you gamble on a bunch of polishes you don’t choose, you risk pruglies.

Coronation: This is a purple polish with a red-green shift shimmer pigment called, I shit you not, Unicorn Pee. UP was made unavailable for public sale years ago (the suspicion is that it’s now used in some currency). Cirque keeps finding stashes and re-releasing Coronation. There have been complaints that it’s not the same shade as the original, that it’s over-priced ($18.50 is a LOT for a polish), and the FOMO marketing. It always sells out fast. I have a bottle. It’s okay.

Jaritos: The current teapot tempest. Cirque just put out a Jarito-themed line of jellies that’s FOURTEEN FUCKIN FIFTY a bottle. Their regular jellies are two bucks less because JELLIES ARE CHEAP. They have less pigment than other finishes. Cirque has also been caught editing pics from swatchers. Some of the Jaritos shades are outright dupes of existing Cirque colors--but when Cirque reposted swatcher pics that compared them, they changed things to make them look different. Little shady!

I still got Mxcn Cola

Holo Taco: I don’t go to this school. It seems fine. Owned by a YouTuber with a pretty big following, Simply Nailogical. The brand has devoted followers, but I’ve never been real impressed. I feel like I can get everything they do somewhere else for a buck or two cheaper. Lots of limited-time bundles.

ILNP: MY LOVE! Shimmers, glitters, holos. Their formulas are just fantastic. If you follow lacquer reddits you’ll see a TON of posts featuring Flower Child and Fairy Dust; they aren’t for me but I see why people love them. They’re really good with shimmers--Flicker glows like a candle in a dark window. I also like their flakie toppers and magnetics. You really can’t go wrong with anything from ILNP. 

One of the rare lacquer companies that doesn’t do FOMO. They never remove anything from their line-up. New collections get a 10% discount for a week at release, and they have an annual Black Friday sale.

KBShimmer: They’re pretty good! They don’t get as much love as I think they deserve--probably because they aren’t quite as flashy and highly-marketed as other brands. They also aren’t as heavily pigmented/glittered. Still pretty good though! I really love All Fired Up. They have big 15 ml bottles for only $12, no matter what finish. KBShimmer is a great place to start if you’re just dipping your toe beyond drugstore brands. Pick up their polish thinner (suitable for every brand except Orly) and glitter smoothing top coat. 

Lights Lacquer: Don’t. They have some nice shades, though they tend to be as subdued as drugstore polishes. I was really disappointed by their cremes--the formula isn’t at all self-leveling. That’s just weird in this day and age. And then I found out that black swatchers refuse to work with them because the owner has been openly racist. Her non-apologies did not improve relations. Skip it.

Mooncat: CONTROVERSY! I have over a dozen Mooncat polishes and do love most of them, but it's getting harder to recommend the brand. They specialize in intense shimmer/glitter/holo/flakie/magnetics--all the fancy stuff. They have a few unique polishes that I haven’t seen duped elsewhere. Their formula can be gloopy, especially their flakies; easily fixed by a few drops of thinner. Why controversy?

they’re fukkin expensive bro. Like $15 a bottle. I do feel that you get what you pay for--it’s good stuff. I’ve never been disappointed by a Mooncat. But part of what you’re paying for is brand aesthetic.

they’re fukkin annoying bro. Their site, marketing, and even customer service emails are all lower-case dramatic gothy stuff. Never “nails,” always “claws.”

Their bottles keep shattering. This has happened occasionally in the past, then become more frequent starting in April. Seems like there was some supply change that thinned the glass. Mooncat was also filling about 14 ml instead of the promised 12 ml. Temperature and air pressure changes during shipping started to cause a lot of bottles to break. One person ended up in urgent care to get her hand stitched. Mooncat has promised to make changes and has been quick to refund/replace broken bottles, but there’s still a lot of ill-will simmering in the community. I think we’re past the tipping point--I’m no longer seeing broken bottle posts, just love for their new Power Puff Girls collab--but if you like something, I would wish list and wait another month. That should be enough time to make sure the bottles are safe and the weather has cooled.

Indies

Every single indie nail polish company is one or two people working out of their basement. That is not a joke. They hand-makes every small batch, fill the bottles, pack, and ship by themselves. That’s in addition to designing and testing polishes, and just living their lives. 

That means that if you order from an indie, expect to wait. Most list a turn-around time of up to a month (they usually say 7-21 business days--people read three weeks but it’s a month). That’s padded to give them safety--nearly all will ship within a week, maybe two. But if they get hit with life stuff or a ton of orders, it really can take a while. My longest order took over a month arrive. It was entirely worth it.

Indies tend to have a big focus on fancy finishes. The biggest trend right now is sheer lacquers that are loaded with aurora shimmer. They’re color-shifty and glowy, and a lot of fun. That’s starting to stagnate a bit--every base color/shimmer combination has been done, so a lot of dupes are emerging--but it’s also starting to evolve. I’m seeing more and more shimmers that also have holo, flakes, or reflective glitter. I’m betting we’ll get some thermal shimmers as fall rolls in and temperatures drop.

Indies have some phenomenal variety and creativity. They’re doing the coolest stuff with the most love. Many also rely heavily on FOMO, and some are just plain not open much of the time. Instead, they have monthly or seasonal release windows. They usually drop a new collection and may retire old ones.

How do you keep track? The Reddit Laquerists (sic) Nail Polish Release Calendar. You can also subscribe to brand newsletters--most give a small coupon on your first order. A lot are on Instagram and Facebook.

There are at least two dozen indie brands, and it’s hard to know where to start. I highly recommend Lyn B. Designs. I love her lacquers, absolutely flawless formula. She has big bottles, fast turn-around, and lots of variety. Get her top coat! It’s the best. But most importantly, she has a 50% off code for ALL products every time she launches a new collection. You can get top-quality lacquers for $6 each, and the big top coat refill for $12.50. No brand of any size can match that value. You can either follow her on Facebook for the code or check the calendar on launch day.

Others I like, in no particular order:

Bee’s Knees, Dam, Polished for Days, Great Lakes Lacquers for fantastic shimmers and reflectives. Garden Path and Rogue Lacquers have great flakies. Lurid Lacquer is pretty new, and she’s doing some really interesting things with intense shimmers and color-shifty chromes. Sassy Sauce keeps a small, tidy line-up, but it’s all quality and creative stuff. She’ll also have some nice thermals once October hits--she doesn’t ship them during summer, which I respect. 

Cupcake is kind of a workhorse brand like KBShimmer: nothing too spectacular, but everything is solid and reasonably priced. Likewise, Glisten & Glow isn't too exciting but IS cheap and high-quality. Emily de Molly is Just Good. Drunk Fairy has really nice jellies and cremes. Wildflower Lacquers is closed for rebranding, back 09/06; I don’t have any from her yet but I gotta give props for big bottles, a fan brush, and surviving in Oklahoma. 

Death Valley Nails is a little pricey but they’re doing the weirdest, most absolutely unique shit out there. They’re making polish out of rocks and wildflowers. One looks like the sink after your boyfriend shaves. It’s great.

Clionadh gets some hype but IMO they’re overpriced and overrated. They definitely up the saturation on swatch pics. I’m unimpressed by Femme Fatale’s formula and teeny 9 ml size. Shleee polishes don’t self level at all. Stella Chroma still sells Harry Potter themed polishes and I'm very over that.

But really, the best way to check out indie brands is…

Indie Preorders

There are two big indie collabs every month that work on a pre-order basis: Polish Pickup and Hella Handmade Creations. They open for a week each month and feature unique, one-time only products from a ton of indie brands. They can cause major FOMO. If you feel that might not be healthy for you, stay away! But if you’re okay with the possibility that you may never be able to replace a bottle you finish off, you’ll find some great stuff. They’re an excellent way to explore new brands, and creators get to be a little experimental. PPU has fun monthly themes; HHC doesn’t have a general theme, but many creators do a series of fandom-themed designed. Indie polish creators tend to be pretty nerdy.

If you want to try non-US brands, go to Color4Nails.They’re a stockist that carries several brands, drugstore, boutique, and indie. They also have monthly pre-orders for a few Brazilian brands like Phoenix Indie Polish and Penelope Luz. I find the Brazilian brands to be a little pricey, with smallish bottles and fairly thin consistency, but they’re doing some interesting stuff. I’m pretty consistently impressed with Phoenix; PL less so.

[sofipitch]

1, 2, 6, 8!

1. Faves of the year:

Metal from Heaven by August Clarke: Group of lesbians who normally rob trains now have to pretend to be a part of the aristocracy. Also being a radium girl gives you radium powers. This one is dark and gritty and definitely self-indulgent. It also has "weird prose" of which I am an enjoyer but milage may vary

She Who Became the Sun and He Who Drowned the World by Shelley Parker Chan: Incredibly character driven story, like you can read the backcover premises but that likely won't be what sticks. Every character is so desperate to prove themselves, and vary if they are just desperate or full of self loathing. If you like a character driven story choose this

Bloom by Delilah Dawson: Hannibal but lesbians and cottagecore aesthetics as the glue trap instead of whatever it is in that show. What gets me is a mom wrote this for her daughter. Pulpy and fun, food descriptions that made me go home and bake bread

Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson: Multiverse has been beaten to death in the movie world but this one manages to be fresh and interesting, mostly concerned with the idea of nature vs nurture, what makes us who we are, etc. In this universe multiverse travel is possible but only if the version of you in that universe is dead. So what does it say about you if you are dead in most of them?

2. Flops of the year:

I collected all of Nightmare magazine's Women/Queers/POC Destroy Horror special editions and finally read my last one, Women Destroy Horror. I think if you are making a point that women deserve a seat at the genre writing table, maybe put forward some better stories. (This does not apply to the Joyce Carole Oates story which was up there for most disgusting thing I've read this year, she can stay). Every essay I can't even call analysis, it basically just lists things, again maybe have something interesting to say other than "lists of famous female horror authors" and "list of famous female horror protags"

Virtue by Marquis de Sade: I found this at a used bookstore and wanted to see what the hype was around this guy, worst book of his to choose like nothing happens, not even anything really all that scandalous. Dangerous Liaisons but bad

6. Dead Dove Do Not Eat: Fluids by May Leitz, this is the best extreme horror I've read, that genre is often poorly written and known for revealing a lot about it's authors by what characters they most often brutalize. But this one is truly refreshing, about the abusive relationships that can form when you've been isolated to made to feel unlovable. But I read this at the same time as a friend and this was too much for her, she also didn't like that one of narrators are straight up unlikeable, so enter with caution

8: Blorbo of the year: I think Esek from These Burning Stars by Bethany Jacobs would do numbers, evil woman with a systematic brutality and glee at the suffering of others. She is truly fun and you know the author had fun. You get these glimpses of some insecurity or something beneath the mask, but I think it does a good job of showing that but not wanting to use it as a way to make her palatable to the audience, only used to make her real. If you like her it will be due to moral corruption. This book is by no means perfect, but it does have interesting characters. I both get and don't get why it doesn't have a huge fandom, I think its flaws can be found in other popular media too (think Dune)