#also izzy is trans and has ibs because i said so

[fromthemouthofkings]

Okay, so for obvious reasons I've seen a lot of modern ofmd au's go for the restaurant au thing, and i love it, but what I'm thinking about (heavily inspired by my love of Leverage) is an art thief au

Stede, the well-off son of a wealthy business owner, has just realized that he is very gay, actually, and so he leaves his ruler-straight Old Money life and fucks off to become a Gentleman Thief. He’s read a bunch of stories about cat burglars and has a whole scrapbook of newspaper clippings covering the Gardiner Museum Heist, the Pink Panthers, and, of course, the famous thief Blackbeard, and he definitely wants to fuck him be just like him.

He hires the crew:

Jim is a trained assassin who prefers knives to guns.

Olu used to be a fence for gems and jewelry at Jackie's polyam thief bar, and now he's just trying to keep Jim alive despite their chronic tendency to hand him all their brain cells and go “yolo."

Lucius is a former pickpocket turned artist/forger.

Pete claims to have been on the famous thief Blackbeard’s crew and may have actually been a low-level goon hired for a few jobs.

Frenchie is a hacker who used to work on the other side (whilst being constantly microagressioned by the snobby military/CEO types/etc) and therefore knows all the ins. He also creates edm music and is active on conspiracy theory boards and is afraid of cats because he believes that they are aliens in disguise studying humanity.

John’s mother does costuming for a theater and he’s consequently very good at makeup and disguises.

Roach went to culinary school and also went through EMT training before turning to crime.

The Swede stole something really valuable from his home country (an orange-shaped gem-encrusted statue known as “The Swedish Faberge Egg”), but due to a lot of bumbling, he was nearly caught like ten times between stealing it and fleeing the country. He gained a reputation because most thieves only heard about the high-profile robbery and not the bumbling, so he is considered something of a legend, known only as “The Swede.” (Stede hires him fully believing the hype.)

And Buttons is a seasoned thief who seems to be able to summon seagulls at will and still longs to make sweet love to the sea and also is known for biting people in fights, which is how he’s escaped law enforcement for so long (he will neither confirm nor deny the rumor that he’s some kind of selkie). He’s also good with safes and locks.

Ed is a famously skilled and ruthless thief who is known for pulling off a huge variety of different jobs. Robbed a casino, stolen art from the Louvre, hit seven banks at once, auctioned off secret government research--you name it, he’s done it. (The truth is, he gets bored.) Just the rumor that he’s planning a heist causes museums to pull all of their displays. His methods tend towards the quick, violent, and brutally effective, and he's tired and disillusioned with them, but he feels stuck maintaining the Blackbeard persona for fear of rivals or law enforcement catching up with him. When he hears that Stede is trying to be a real life Gentleman Thief, like in the movies, he is intrigued.

Izzy, meanwhile, is the actual perpetrator of much of the violence that Blackbeard is credited with. Together, Izzy and Ed are the backbone of the Blackbeard legend: Edward comes up with the brilliant, daring, creative plans, and Izzy carries them out with deadly efficiency. They’ve also been on-again off-again romantic partners/fuckbuddies for years. They live in each other’s pockets, and know each other inside and out, and are able, when pressed, to work together seamlessly. They also make each other miserable a lot of the time, and enable each other’s worst tendencies, and Izzy is hanging all of his identity and self-worth off a job that Ed doesn’t even like anymore.

Ed swoops in and saves Stede from a disastrous robbery, during which all of Ed's crew get arrested besides Izzy, Fang, and Ivan. He decides to stick around and teach Stede how to be a real thief (and maybe kill him to steal his identity. Or maybe fuck him. He hasn’t decided yet).

Izzy is certain that Stede is going to get them all killed.

Also, Mary started painting in earnest after Stede left, but she hasn't heard anything from him, and he hasn't kept up with her at all, so they're both very surprised to meet again at a gallery where Mary is showing some of her work and which Stede is attempting to rob.

[our-flag-means-death-ao3feed]

paint your face like you're the mona lisa

by FromTheMouthofKings

The son of a wealthy business man, Stede Bonnet always does what he is Supposed to do and buries himself in books and daydreams to keep the unhappiness at bay--that is, he did, right up until he realized he was gay. He left his wife, children, and Old Money lifestyle behind and fucked off to become a real-life Gentleman Thief.

Ed is a seasoned and highly-skilled thief who's become famous for a job that he doesn't even like anymore. Izzy, his on-again/off-again partner, meanwhile, is the actual perpetrator of much of Blackbeard's famed violence.

When Ed impetuously saves Stede and his crew from a robbery gone wrong, Ed and Izzy are jolted out of their accustomed binary orbit and forced to consider what they really want out of life and what they want from each other. At the same time, Stede is enthusiastically learning how to show off his own true colors, whether that be in the realm of crime or in the field of love.

Izzy is certain that Stede is going to get them all killed. If he doesn't murder him, first.

Words: 2506, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Stede Bonnet, Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Israel Hands

Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet/Israel Hands

Additional Tags: the crew of the Revenge - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Thieves, Art Thief AU, Established Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Israel Hands, Eventual Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet/Israel Hands, Past Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Israel Hands, Minor Jim/Olu and Pete/Lucius/Fang, More tags to be added, Team as Family, Well they're trying, Ed and Izzy love each other and they're bad for each other, Trans Israel Hands, also Izzy has IBS because I said so

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/40973499