#also its funny how Lucifer makes my skin crawl and hes the only one I havent gotten the UR+ card of TTWF 2022 first part lol

[killerpancakeburger]

I wanted Satan but I'm not even mad cos this one is the prettiest Beel card in my opinion 💕

[mammons-tax-returns]

How would Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Satan, Asmo, Barbatos, Solomon, and Diavolo react to a male MC who wears skirts (because *chants* men in skirts, it’s masculine af) on the daily? bonus if the MC wears black nail polish!

REACTING TO MC THAT WEARS SKIRTS

LOVE THIS PROMPT 🙏

During this I imagined 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻TANGO DANCER SOLOMON and thats going into my art idea list

masterlist

✖️MALE MC✖️

Not unlike all the other boys, Lucifer is willing to risk it all as soon as he sees it.

His favorite cut of skirt is the classic a-line ones, both modest and not.

A CLOSE second goes to wrap skirts.

This is a SFW blog so I will not be going into any detail at this time ✨

Literally loses his breath everytime he sees MC, and it surprises him.

If MC isn’t already wearing the RAD skirt, he’s already offering to get him a set. Almost too eagerly?

When MC decides to not wear a skirt one day, he tries not to make it too obvious, but he’s simply curious as to why is all. Maybe a tad bit let down.

MC insisted one time that Lucifer painted his nails for him, and...

“Well, normally Asmo is the one doing that for all of us...”

“But Lucifer 🥺”

“Alright... Fine. But I’ll have to continue my paperwork in between each layer.

It’s just kinda cute to think that he would spend an incredibly unnecessary amount of time on each nail, trying to perfectly lay down the polish. Occasionally, his tongue will poke out because of his concentration.

There’s some slip ups here and there, but mentioning them will only get him flustered.

I don’t use this word lightlySIMP SIMP SIMP

He thinks he loves MC in every skirt imaginable just as equally as the last (which, he actually might) but deep down he can’t deny that a mini skirt just hits different.

The first time he saw MC wearing a mini skirt, mammon’s initial reaction was to cover him up before anyone could see him.

However, he failed to realize that he was actually the last of the brothers to see him, since he woke up late.

But that’s just what being the avatar of greed does to you. You just want to keep what’s yours, no matter what.

But considering his jacket isn’t as big as Lucifer’s or Solomon’s, he ended up just holding it up against MC’s lower half and stood in front of him.

It took the coaxing of MC and the snark comments of his siblings to make Mammon finally allow MC to walk around freely.

Looking back on it, Mammon most certainly understands why even Asmo had called him clingy.

But even now, he can’t help but hold MC a little bit closer in public when so many demons are staring at him! It just feels wrong to allow them to do that.

Cut him some slack, he thinks MC looks amazing, and he trusts him, but they’re literally in hell surrounded by demons. He just wants to keep his boy safe <33

Levi doesn’t even realize what MC’s wearing at first.

In fact, he doesn’t realize even after their first FEW encounters.

He only notices because while Mammon was ranting to him and Satan about money, he brings up MC and his “stupid and cute but also dumb skirts”

Levi is baffled that he’s the only one that hasn’t noticed it. So, the next time he walks by MC’s room, he contemplates stopping by to talk. Right... Socialize. That.

While Levi is stuck in his thoughts, MC opens the door, presumably ready to go out to a party with Mammon and Asmo.

*fish man short circuits*

MC looks...! S-so cute....!

- thinks the third born otaku.

Because I’m big on fashion, I can kind of picture an exact skirt I feel would apply to him. Let your mind run free but I imagine a semi-sheer maxi skirt with water-like embellishments uwu

But don’t get me wrong, Levi literally loves seeing MC in skirts so anything will get him like 😳 yall know how he is

Actually starts to get more interested in feminine fashion because of MC. And one day, he purchases a long black skirt from Akuzon.

He saw a popular cosplayer wearing one, and so he makes that his excuse.

No one even realizes the change except for Asmo, who gushes over the new look, even if it barely changed. MC also notices, but only compliments him/brings it up when they’re alone so Levi doesn’t overheat.

I was this close to typing “Satan is a man of beauty and FASHION” can you believe that

OKAY ENOUGH SATAN SLANDER

Satan... He can recognize when someone else looks ridiculous.

But he knows for a FACT. That MC very likely pulls off a skirt better than anyone he’s seen before.

Call him biased, but he sincerely loves it on MC specifically.

He likes the puffier skirts because they’re ADORBS, but for a more casual look, there’s this one asymmetrical skirt in particular that makes MC look so handsome to him.

He has no idea why men don’t wear skirts more often! Surely MC isn’t the only one that can do it!

Oh. Right. Gender norms 😪🤚🏼

Satan feels his anger crawl up his skin when he watches MC get ridiculed. And just for something he simply enjoys wearing! The nerve of demons.

He advances to “de-escalate” the situation in the most “avatar of wrath” way possible, but when he sees MC’s slumped shoulders walking away from him, he feels more inclined to follow and comfort him.

Satan gives an icy glare to the irrelevant demons, taking note of their faces, and goes after MC.

He doesn’t immediately bring up the situation, instead opting to go out on a spontaneous date to a nice café or a shopping district. Anything to distract from the situation subtly.

If his plan works out, splendid. Anything to make light of situation without even addressing it for even a day is good.

If the shopping and food doesn’t quite bring MC’s smile to his eyes, Satan will just have to be forward with his feelings for once.

“MC. I’m not entirely sure how I can get it through to you, but you shouldn’t be worrying about what some moronic, low-level demons think of you or your clothes. Much less what they say. Just be you, and make them suffer ten times worse.”

MC relishes in his words, even if the last bit sounded more like a threat than anything.

The last thing Satan would ever do is let MC even hesitate wearing an outfit that he would have had no trouble throwing on any other day because of someone else.

Asmo screams (in a happy way)

“No, Mammon! You’re wrong. MC is NOT my personal dress-up doll! He’s my model.”

Trying to break the stigma around Asmo’s “shallow” personality, let’s get the obvious things out of the way.

He and MC shop together pretty much every other day. It’s almost concerning. And nail appointments are, of course, regular.

NOW THAT THAT’S OVER,

Yes yes, Asmo loves the skirts and wonderfully glossy black nails, but there’s still such a massive divide between him and MC. Not physically, or even relationship-wise.

He’s never met someone like MC, who is so fashion-heavy and just the right amount of self-centered.

He thinks its the fact that they’re a human and demon. But he’s seen firsthand that the line between what makes a demon so different from a human is very thin. Solomon is an example of that.

But he realizes it’s just MC. He’s simply dressing for himself and himself only.

Asmo loves himself, there’s no doubt. And it’s nice to go out and dress fancy for others. He couldn’t dream of another lifestyle.

But he has to admit that what MC is doing is working for him. He comes off as a charming sort of man when he ignores the negative comments made about his clothes.

He knows that people in both Devildom and the human realm are a little sensitive when it comes to men in skirts. And the fact that MC continues to wear them is beautiful in and of itself.

This got kind of deep out of nowhere and i apologize but Asmo deserves to be seen for more than he’s constantly portrayed as 😞

Diavolo isn’t really thrown off that much by it at first, but as time passes, he starts to understand the appeal of skirt-wearing MC.

PENCIL SKIRT LOVER 🚨🔊PENCIL SKIRT LOVER🚨🚨🚨🔊🔊🔔🗯

Barbatos has to remind him that it’s rude to stare, but he finds it almost entertaining how whipped they BOTH are for MC.

Like Asmo, he actually loves bringing him out to shop!

The only difference between the two experiences is that Diavolo has no fucking idea what he’s doing when he picks out clothes for him.

Which leads to some pretty funny/terrible clothing combinations.

No, Diavolo, MC will not be wearing a flannel top with a camouflage hi-low skirt. Put those plaid socks away.

He’s confused and even a little sad when MC continues to turn down his ideas, but he figures that he should turn this into a learning opportunity.

So he lets MC grab whatever he wants, and patiently waits for him to finish up in the fitting rooms.

The store clerk is shitting her pants at the sight of the literal future ruler of Devildom hyping MC up with the energy of a puppy retriever.

Barbatos does an amazing job pretending like this doesn’t affect him.

He’s a classy man, he just internally loses it when he sees MC in any fancy skirt, really. From silky gold ruffles to a victorian-esc vibe, he’s obsessed.

So when Diavolo makes arrangements for an event/ball, Barbatos makes sure to, at the very least, offer to help MC get ready at the castle. He may not be the most fashion-centric but being able to spend time with MC in an extravagant get up is enough to make a demon butler interested.

Most of the time he’s disappointed because in between the seven brothers, he’d be lucky to be able to see MC at all because of how jealous they can all get.

I can imagine that even Diavolo doesn’t get to hear what Barbatos has to say about MC and his ability to make him weak at the knees.

But all it takes is Diavolo prompting, “MC’s outfit tonight... It was a sight for sore eyes, correct?”

Then, Barbatos lets a compliment or two slip out.

I can also imagine MC wearing a slightly short snd flowy skirt, and some rather disgusting demons waiting for it to get picked up by the wind, only for Barbatos to already be there, discreetly holding the fabric down and shooting them an intensely calm smile

Barbatos will always be one step ahead of creeps.

👀..

sneaky boy is sneaky.. especially with the constant glances he gives MC.

Solomon’s favorite type of skirt to see on MC is DEFINITELY pleated. No other option.

Unlike Lucifer, if MC isn’t wearing a skirt, he makes it clear that he wishes he would’ve.

It’s in a playful manner, though! Don’t worry.

“No skirt today? Bummer. That’s fine though, I can’t expect myself to feel attracted any less.”

I imagine MC wearing a flowy skirt to some sort of event at the demon lord’s castle, and he uses his magic to make it temporarily sparkle or shine.

This mf flashy and wants EVERYONE to know that MC is dancing with HIM and no one else.

But if you ask him about it, what? What’re you talking about? Lights?? Emitting from your skirt??? While we were dancing ?¿ Crazy talk. I would never do such a thing.,.

As childish as it is, he loves to see the way it flows when MC twirls or turns.

Not in a weird way, either. It’s just beautiful to him.

So, not to be cheesy (which he WITHOUT A DOUBT is.) but he’ll occasionally just spin MC by his hand throughout the day, then catch/dip him by the waist.

[senseandaccountability]

Hey, did you get a chance to watch season 6 of Lucifer? What did you think of the finale?

This is going to be salty (sorry) so I put it under a cut for people who prefer joyous things in the feed.

I didn’t like the final season.

To be brief: It felt like a story where the writers knew how they wanted it to end, and therefore the plot ruled over the characters. It wasn't a main plot I enjoyed at all, and it was told in a way that made it difficult for me to appreciate even the small bits I liked. (Ella reveal. Ghost Dan.) I thought it suffered from a jarring tonal shift and when it comes to several overarching themes, I felt it negated/trivialized previous seasons. In many ways it also managed to be both cheesy and cruel, often at the same time. I had the impression it was a compilation of (unfortunately rather boring) fandom wishes and tropes more than authentic storytelling.

To be anything but brief:

I dislike the season in part because it undid a lot of great things about Lucifer as a character.

By the end of 5B Lucifer had come full circle. I think that season finale is great. The Lucifer vs Michael fight was so well done thematically - he fought himself, and unlike the first fight in 5A when he wants to hurt his twin he had now reached a state of personal growth, of compassion. Not even when Michael kills Chloe does he deserve death because everyone deserves a second chance. And then the funny and pitch perfect “Oh, my me”. Ambiguous enough about the details to fuel the fandom, clear enough about the themes and the lore to offer closure. (No, Deckerstar didn’t have a date or much of a snog but I can fill in the blanks there though I am aware that many fans were disappointed by the lack of on-screen love.)

Excellent way to end the show.

Except they didn’t. S6, I feel, tried to tell the same story all over again, only not as well or even coherent.

Over the seasons it’s been pretty clear that while Lucifer can be caring, he mostly cares about the handful of people in his life. S6 even touches upon this, has him trying to care for random people in their hell loops. But S5 already did this, but better, with Michael. The family dinner with God was excellent, it showed broken people all around and had Lucifer, the self-centered drama queen of the family realizing that he’s not the only one that’s been hurt. It showed the best and worst of them all. Sparing Michael, considering Michael worthy of redemption, was peak growth for Lucifer as a character because in that moment he also considers himself worthy of the same thing. That’s when he truly forgives himself. I thought. And then season 6 shows Michael as a prisoner in Hell, just once, never to be mentioned again. Is that a second chance? Is that redemption? Is that really the symbolism they were going for or just a spiteful and stupid little addition because LOL SOME PEOPLE DESERVE HELL. (Do they? Says who? The show doesn’t answer that because the show that focuses on the neutral character the Devil and the totally untarnished place Hell doesn’t much care about such divisive matters, but more about that soon.) I dislike the season, in parts because I wasn't satisfied with the moral/quasi-theological backdrop. The system is wrong, Lucifer concluded by the end of 5B. Season 6 has him return to the system, as an Afterlife Coach of the Damned. Is that really the best they could do?

I mourn all the cool possibilities of what Lucifer, the advocate for free will and defender of desire, could have done with hell as a concept. Blown it apart, closed it, tossed the keys to someone else and rode off in the sunset. At the very least he could have altered it so that it’s no longer solitary confinement but a collective of doomed souls trying together to achieve redemption but hey, never mind me, I’m a bleeding-heart socialist and I don’t believe in revenge and I don’t believe in God but if I did, God would forgive. Otherwise, what the hell is the point?

I parsed through the season with my husband, a real-life minister who doesn't think anyone deserves hell and who gets to suffer my long-ass questions about the theological themes of popular culture a little bit too often. Because we both felt slightly insulted after watching. "Is this bullshit what they offer me?" my husband asked me as the timey wimey time travel plot unfolded. But timey wimey bullshit aside, we concluded that the real reason we were both so annoyed and frustrated with the season is because it highlighted how flat the background lore really is. I mean, I guess they wanted to be yay, neutral and non-divisive themes galore! It’s good to be good, folks! If you’re not, well, I guess you might have your spine broken by the Devil or sent to a never-ending hell loop but let’s not talk about religion! The main issue, for me, with the whole system of heaven and hell and earth on the show is that for every equation, there’s a part missing. The show has borrowed the character from the comics verse but left the entire lore and its internal logic behind. It borrows a bit of moral philosophy, but cuts away the troublesome bits otherwise Lucifer can’t both be on a redemptive path and happily slaughter people in fits of vengeance; it uses Heaven and Hell and vaguely also the concept of sin but never answers any questions about it, apart from the central message of course: it’s up to you. In fact, the show discourages questions about the lore because it has no answers. It doesn’t care. The ending of the show brushes off the much needed systematic changes of heaven and hell like it’s just another joke. (Want to know a show that has compassionate writing about morality while managing to be very funny? The Good Place. And you know what, morality should be serious. I’m a softie and again, a bleeding-heart, but it’s important to be a good person and it’s important to get a chance for redemption. It matters. It’s not just a minor detail.)

Which brings me to the damn therapy theme. I know a lot of people like it and I have also liked it a lot in previous seasons. I have. It’s been quirky. (Also highly unprofessional, but hey.) But as the key to your afterlife/redemption/second chance it’s just not good enough.

It is so very, very individualistic that it makes my skin crawl. It’s the ultimate American solution to systemic injustices and suffering - hey, it’s up to you, man. You decide if you deserve hell. You decide if you deserve Heaven. You make the difference! You can do it! Live the afterlife dream, achieve all your goals, get a hell loop that no longer loops but… stays in one static place where at least you’re moderately happy. Navel-gazing into your soul is certainly one way to get some insights into your mistakes. But it’s not redemption. Redemption is an active choice to be a better person. You don’t have to earn redemption or deserve it. And redemption isn’t the same as forgiveness either. Redemption is the opposite to pointless, everlasting punishment. It’s hopeful and it’s ugly and it’s full of purpose and the chance to be better and add something good to the world. Even Lucifer doesn’t get to do that on the show. He deals only with the already doomed. The here and now on Earth fades into the distance as Deckerstar, too, gets their happily ever after in Hell. You’ll get pie in the sky when you die. Or you get to shag on a throne in Hell. Either way, life on Earth doesn’t matter. (Here the show lean into some really dodgy Christian themes, I’d argue, but hey, it’s not about religion! It’s just a fun romp about a reformed bad boy!)

“Hell is just revenge porn for fundamentalists and other people who believe in eye for an eye. I just want there to be a level of collective forgiveness and hope, you know?” I told my husband whilst chugging down beer. As you do when you watch crap that makes no sense. “A level of hey, I’ve got this, I forgive you, you can do better. Go and do better. And then the actual opportunity to do so, even if it's just reliving your life as a ghost again and again until you figure out what went wrong.” “Honey,” my husband said. “I hate to tell you this since you’re an atheist but that level you’re talking about? That’s Jesus.” Well, screw that.

I really don’t want to need Jesus to make sense of a story. I just want decent bloody storytelling.

[kathyprior4200]

Inside Alastor’s Head

“Use the princess to convince Lucifer to hand over Hell to me. Get to know Charlie and her family, see how this so called Happy Hotel works. I can’t wait to see her face when she realizes it’s actually the Hazbin Hotel. Has a better ring to it, anyway. May as well speed up the process by bringing in Niffty and making grumpy Husk join in. It’ll be everything Charlie’s dreamed of…and when it all blows up in her face, I’ll be enjoying my popcorn.”

 “So Charlie likes music and dancing, too? How marvelous! These hotel residents can enjoy my singing and illusion magic. (They won’t know what’s coming next.)”

 “Who, me? Evil? Why would you think that? It’s totally unlike me to broadcast my massacre of demon citizens who stand in my way. (Except it is.) Man, seeing them running and sacred…reminds me of game I used to hunt when I was alive.”

 "Charlie will surely be heart-broken when her plans to redeem sinners falls apart. Maybe if I threaten to capture or kill her, Lucifer will hand over the crown to me. Lucifer makes a deal with me, in exchange for Charlie's safety, I get his powers and rule all of Hell! Hmm, might have to plan things out some more..."

 “The demon princess wants to redeem sinners. Ha! Probably the silliest claim I’ve ever heard. A nice refresher from the usual grim news on the Picture Show. Her singing was a nice bonus. Oh, the good old days of being on the air…basking in the attention and glory. I told jokes, advertised shows, announced fun events. I even got to report on murders for the news, probably my favorite part. Soooo close to being able to advertise Jambalaya. Several other announcers got the part, so I wore a disguise, snuck in one day and sliced their heads off. Still loved the expressions on their faces. Here in Hell, I have no opponents in the radio business. ”

 “Those overlords look scary and cocky, but they’ve heard the tales of me…they’re scared deep down, for good reason. Sir Pentious didn’t stand a chance when I summoned black tentacles to wrap around him and his ship. Along with my powers, I have shadowy spirits to do my bidding. That’s why you can sometimes see them when I attack. You don’t need brute force and insults to win someone over. All it takes sometimes is some illusions, a little help from the Loa…and just smiling all the way through.”

 “My microphone cane surly comes in handy. It’s what allows me to project events in front of me and broadcast them on the radio. It has a life of its own, but I’m in control, of course. All part of the magic deal with the Loa.”

 “I enjoyed watching the picture show and going to the circus when I was a boy. Watching the animals and the performers was lots of fun. I may have burned down the circus tent after being rejected from a comedian role. But it was only an accident: my fingers slipped when I was getting cigarettes for father. Whenever I got sad, my mother told me “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” Her motto still rings true to this day.”

 “I enjoyed hunting deer in my human life, yet I also feel some connection to the animal. They’re majestic, agile, and are free to travel pretty much anywhere. Though they’re often attacked by hunting dogs…or in my case, police dogs. The beasts mauled me just before I died. It was back in 1933. Thus, for my so called evil deeds, I arrived down here in Hell. And I gotta say, it’s quite a fun place to be!”

  “Sex and romance don’t interest me. Don’t get me wrong; Charlie is a charming demon belle, and Vaggie is adorable and feisty…but they’re just a means to an end. Maybe I’m too self-absorbed to want to deal with being judged by others. More fun, less responsibilities when you’re on your own. Though, I’ll admit, I did meet a lovely lady in my human life, but, certain circumstances led to a tragic end. Don’t get me started on Angel’s disturbing sexual remarks. That gross stuff makes my skin crawl. (Heh, that stuff bothers me but seeing the blood of my victims does not. Go figure.)”

 “When I smile and touch people, I’m in control. It’s the quickest and obvious way to show my dominance. Frowning shows doubt, weakness, and I can’t afford to appear weak. When other’s try to touch me, it’s always unexpected. I can never tell what it will feel like on me. My space, my rules. Touch me too much, and I hate it. Like when he…my father…did things to me…in front of mom. Abuse, molest, he did it to both of us when the drinks were in his system. You can see why I was shocked and overjoyed when I finally stabbed the life out of him. I also really didn’t want to murder my mother and the love of my life…but they were going to tell the authorities what I did…so there was no choice. I fled into the woods in the hours before dawn, the police hot on my tail. Saw the faces of deer before I got shot in the head. The dogs came upon me and…nothing.”

 “I got my love of cooking from my mum. One of her favorite things to make was jambalaya. A tasty cuisine of rice, chicken, sausage, shrimp, a whole bundle of things. She added so much spice to it (and accidentally burned herself making it), it almost killed her. I thought it was fabulous, the heat invigorating to my taste buds. The secret spices she used by accident? Ghost peppers and Wasabi. It reminds me of home in New Orleans…a world of music, daily life, and alas, racism. People who didn’t know me at the radio station, white people and sometimes black people, badmouthing me for my mixed Creole heritage. Once I perfected my shooting with my rifle, well…they got what they deserved in the dead of night.”

 “Ah, I loved the stock market crash of 1929! There were so many orphans, so many kids in distress! Perhaps it made me feel better to know that there were those who had it worse than me. I’ve had my share of bad luck, it was about time for others to experience some of their own.”

 “I sometimes kill people at random, when I’m especially mad. It’s sort of like a game: the more you kill, the more dominant you’ll appear. I’m not fond of killing innocent children or chasing people, I mostly prefer to catch people off guard. To slaughter them behind the curtain, if you will. I would never rape or eat another person…such uncouth, disgusting behavior. Chasing my victims takes too long. Best to go at my own pace and decide their fate for them. But no worries; for women and innocent strangers, I make their deaths as painless as I can. Gotta keep being a gentlemen in some aspects.”

  “Voodoo had been practiced by my ancestors, way back in Africa. I read about the Loas and many of them were just like me: well-dressed, powerful, lovers of food, wine, the good life. From what was passed down to me, I was able to communicate with them. They granted me their powers to use in my afterlife…but only if I was willing to suffer an “early, gruesome death,” along with the loss of a potential lady partner… you know the rest. I know some of the symbols and they provide me with visualization of the spells I want to conjure.”

 “Singing, swing music, the radio, dancing, and dad jokes…those hobbies brought light to my otherwise mundane, grim human life. Even if other people don’t find those jokes funny, I always get a kick out of them. They’re so simple…a basic for any comedian. Though I do wish I knew how to tap dance. Maybe my magic can help me out...”

[legion1993]

Chained By Sweet Hungover Rhythms

Pairing: Dean x Female Reader

Prompts: “It’s 8:30, i have a hangover and you’re annoying me.” (Dialogue Prompt) Chained To The Rhythm by Katy Perry (Song Prompt) 

this is dedicated to the wonderful person who put this lovely idea together and inspired me to write this lovely piece @thing-you-do-with-that-thing may you enjoy this as much as i did writing it 

Plot: Based in Season 11 ep 9 we find a distracted Dean who with his brother Sam decides to investigate the murder of a preacher they think it could be connected to Amara but Dean goes into the morgue to look at the body and runs into our reader who he had hooked up with 3 years prior... what starts as something innocent soon discovers as something that was ready to be more but didnt cause they had their memories erased and only now do they get them back and thus also getting eachother back... But how long will that last?????? 

A/N: this is written specifically for week 1 of the Supernatural Hiatus Writing Challenge 2017 this contains a few of my own twists to the in between points of this episode so bare with me for this crazy adventure... hope you guys enjoy it if so give it a love tap and a few comments would be most appreciated... :)

Never once had either of you thought things would end, but that night it did for a Jinn hunt gone wrong 2 lovers seperated for they were so sure it could have been more..

“Dean don’t the floor its rigged to blow... i know you came all this way to save me but save yourself, save your brother get out of here...” Dean looked around and got knocked over by a jinn hitting him on the head your name falling from his lips in a slow breath; shortly after that you screamed Dean’s name as that same jinn knocked you over the head as well, then everything to them felt as though their bodies were being dragged off...

they both woke in the hospital a few days later with no memory of who eachother was nor what happened. they were released only hours later after a few tests and talking to the doctors but still felt like they were missing something, they felt like something had been torn away from them.

no one expected this to last no one had wanted them to do this hunt, they exited the hospital only to discover there wasnt any shortage of space for they bumped into eachother exiting the hospital you got knocked off your balance but apoligizing to eachother Dean strode off with his brother Sam towards the impala and you towards a taxi which would take you to the nearest bus depot.

over time the reader & Dean have emerced themselves in hunting full time no questions comments concerns or anything, they were trying to find someway to fill the void the emptiness within their own hearts, the void that was created when the jinn wiped their memories of eachother.

for together they were stronger, but you seperate them you kill their strength and you show them what its like to be truly weakened by your own emotions.

It is said some lives are linked across time and space. Connected by an ancient calling that echoes throughout the ages. something that is older than fate herself. you and Dean had always been connected by Destiny. for it would be another 3 years before you would see eachother again.

----------3 YEARS LATER----------

amara is slaughtering preachers in search of a way to get in touch with her wayword brother God, Sam and Dean meet with crowley who didnt believe Dean at first when he told him about how if Amara were to unleash her full power that not even crowley the king of hell would be safe.

crowley then tells the boys that there may be a way for Sam to meet with Lucifer, but that they would need to neutralize Lucifer`s power. Upon their discovery of that knowledge, Crowley continues to tell the boys that the only way to neutralize lucifers power is the need for certain spell work; which would come from the book of the damned, which they learn is in the book of the damned, which they find out is with Rowena.

the boys work with Rowena and Crowley to get everything ready while Dean catches wind of the murders being done by amara decides to leave Sam and rowena in the bunker to set up the spell while dean goes to investigate. Meanwhile, you are rolling into town the same time as Dean you both end up at the police station not acknowledging eachother at first until the sherif turns to acknowledge you noticing your badge he says, "well agent your partner is already inside the morgue come let me show you where it is.."

at this point you were very confused, you had no idea what kind of idiot boy scout you were dealing with but you were sure going to kick them in the ass if they screwed this up for you. you followed the sherif who let you into the morgue and you wlked in behind him, stopping slightly as you caught sight of the other 'badge' you immediately cleared your throat and gave him a small smile as he extended his hand to you, "agent dean macoy..."

you took his hand, "agent 'your first and last name' so your my new partner... from headquarters i assume... funny they didnt tell me you were coming in on this..." you said with a snarky attitude kinda not getting a good vibe from this guy. as he chuckled and began to show you the otopsy report you as the radio in there was going it was playing your favorite song,

"Turn it up, it's your favorite song Dance, dance, dance to the distortion Come on, turn it up, keep it on repeat Stumbling around like a wasted zombie Yeah, we think we're free Drink, this one is on me We're all chained to the rhythm To the rhythm To the rhythm"

you sang loud enough that your 'partner' could hear you, he then smiled and looked at you, "you know this song is like totally easy to strip to right?" you turned to him and chuckled, "whats the title if your a fan of this song for your own twisted reasons?" agent macoy chuckled and you could tell he liked your sass, "Chained to the rhythm by katy perry... im not an idiot i wasnt born yesterday sweetheart.. would you like to get a beer after work partner?"

you agreed and walked out of the station together and started talking you both discovered your interests were the same, you also discovered you were both staying at the same motel across town. you guys drove back playing leap frog on the road, upon their arrival back at the motel to discover that their rooms were beside eachother.

with a swift chuckle out of Dean he got out of his sweet looking 1967 Chevy Impala, coming to your drivers door and smiling as he opened the door helping you out of the car. you smiled as your hands lingered, your eyes locked onto eachother with the look of lust swelling across the seas making your heart beat faster in your chest.

Dean cleared his throat and walked you to your room and kissed your hand and smiled, "such nice soft hands for a hunter... how long you been in the life?" you smiled and sighed, "that is a story better left for the bar... meet by ur nice impala when we are cleaned up and done?" you say as you lean over and kiss his cheek the stubble off his chin tickling you.

"absolutely sweetheart..." dean smiled at you one more time before you both entered your rooms at the same time. you were relieved to remove your fed outfit, and now to find your perfect outfit to go to the bar in with Dean. you loved the way his name sounded but you wondered if that fed name was his actual name or his fake name.

considering he is a hunter too it wouldnt surprise you if that wasnt his real name so you called Garth and decided to check in, "your name whats the word on those church murders is it something heavenly or hellish???" you chuckled and smiled, "calm down Garth i met up with another hunter when i went to talk to the sherif. he has these green eyes that make my heart soar... we are actually going to grab some beers for some relax after our win at the police station."

Garth chuckled on the other end and you smiled as you zipped up your favorite mini jean skirt and put on your jet black tank top, "oooo your name gots a date your name gots a date... i want a full report on it within the fortnight..."

that made you laugh as you tried to do up your leather boot, "of course Garth i gotta go ill call you tomorrow.." you hung up the phone and laughed grabbing your holister and tucking it under your right boot and tucking ur gun in there and then you grabbed your brand new leather jacket (cause your other one had been shredded by a werewolf a while back).

you made sure you had your phone but left your pager in the room and obviously had your ID and your wallet you werent sure where this night was going but it was looking good so far. you made sure your room key was in your wallet and then you exited the motel room. you looked up to see Dean, looking ravenously hot leaning on the hood of his sleak black 1967 Impala.

"well well well she cleans up good for a huntress... perfect to match my hunter... wouldnt you agree..." Dean said as he strode towards you, making you smile, "Dean when i checked in with my friend he mentioned to me that i should have started dating years ago... not saying you know i dont actually know if this is a date or not but he said he wants a full report within a fortnight..."

Dean laughs as he opens the passenger door to his 1967 Impala and lets you inside. the leather interior cool against ur skin but u didnt care, things at that moment just seemed to feel normal like it had all happened before. Dean closed the door when you were safely inside and he crawled in on his side. he stuck the key in the ignition and your face lit up happily as the engine purred to life, you smiled as led zepplin or metalica or whoever it was blasted thru the radio you didnt know why but it made you all warm and fuzzy inside.

like something out of a dream or a movie, something that made your heart skip a few beats till he reached and took your hand in his and your heart stopped slightly as you turned slightly to look in his eyes, "this is gonna sound crazy but i feel like i already knew you before today... i'm sorry if that sounds crazy but its just how im feeling."

Dean tightened his hold on your hand for the fear he had in his stomach was far too great, "no no no 'your name' dont ever think anything sounds crazy for infact i feel the same way... but why would we both be feeling like this i mean it cant possibly be the fact that... no no no there wasnt anyone with me on that hunt and plus i think i would remember...."

you looked at his now very confused, confused as to what he was talking about you took a sigh and you smiled lightly, "remember what dean?? whats going on???" you asked now slightly worried that dean might have... "yourname dont walk out on me please i dont want to loose you after i say what i am going to i fear i might..."

you reached out and touched his cheek lightly feeling his stubble run across your palm, "im not going anywhere dean i promise.." Dean breathed in and sighed, "about 3 years ago to this day i woke up in a hospital and my brother said i had been attacked by a jinn with no major injuries but he also mentioned someone else had been found where i had been found too but why would he mention that to me if not for me to question eventually he ignored me on it and everyday since ive had to live with the feeling like im missing something."

at that moment it occured to you that a similar thing had happened to you about 3 years to date, "it doesnt sound horrible actually something similar happened to me about 3 years ago too except i dont know what happened doctor said that i came in with brusing and a small concussion and a sprained shoulder but was also knocked out from the time i was brought in till 2 days later and that i wasnt the only one brought in too... same sitchuation what the hell is going on???"

Dean at that moment had an idea, he knew it was gonna be a long shot but it was their best chance possibly at finding out more about what this all means and what actually happened... dean then turned to the window and turned off the car as a smile crossed his face. he got out of the car and came over to your side and smiled as he twirled you closing the door and walking with you into his motel room, "just relax 'yourname' im not gonna get freaky but we are gonna get some answers... Castiel if you got your ears on get your feathery ass down here we need answers and we need them now"

at that moment a small woosh, suddenly a man in a trenchcoat was standing across from you and dean. now dean who now got up and sighed, "cas we need help something happened to us and made us not able to remember all the details we need to know what happened and whether or not we are connected by something..."

"actually you are... Dean Winchester meet YourFirstandLastname and vise versa your story is one hella complex thing you already knew eachother but 3 years ago you were on a hunt together you had slept together and chased this cluster of jinn across america agreeing to meet in the middle for the final 2 but when you arrived together you were a couple and it had taken you guys 1 year and 7 months of working as a couple to get that far but along the way... well why dont i show you that very same day...."

Castiel came to you and dean and touched your foreheads showing you everything from that same 24 hours:

Dean stopping at a little jewelry store and getting an engagement ring,

you both showing up at the abandoned mental hospital where the jinn had set up shop,

Dean following your every move as you did his and you both killing the first jinn only before Dean getting hit really hard and passing out slightly and you getting taken by the second jinn,

dean getting up and scowering the entire facility but finding you tied to a chair in what he presumed to be the morgue but the floor had been booby trapped and dean getting clunked on the head,

saying your name as he passed out and then you screaming his name before you got clunked on the head and passed out both of you waking up in the same hospital, both of you walking out of the hospital and back to present day...

once Cas took his fingers off yours and Dean’s foreheads you both shook your heads from the sudden return of your memories and then Cas smiled,

"your parents were destined to have both of you exactly at the precise moments you were conceived and born because you are soulmates... your destined to be together written in the stars type thing. you both were destined for a greater purpose and for that i leave you to get back to your original states."

Castiel disappeared shortly after his statement, you got up and stood at the mirror in the bathroom sighing as you splashed some cool water across your facial features you looked at dean through the mirror. you smiled lightly as your head felt like it was about to explode, your memories changing and you started to giggle,

"after all this time i thought i was alone, i never imagined that coming here would not only let me figure out this case but allow me to find my soulmate. let alone finding out it is the famous Dean Winchester, Garth Fitzgerald talks about you all the time."

you said as you strode back to him slowly but hearing him chuckle was what made you look up at him, "Garth that’s your friend, Garth really why him why Garth... is that who wants you to report in..." you giggle as you trip over his napsack, landing in his lap, his arms tightening around you, "yourname i know that this has been just crazy, its been very crazy and we have been seperated for 3 years but right now we need to make things official they should have already been official but you need to accept my question now..."

you felt dean reach into the pocket of his leather jacket and then move himself out from beneath you, you watched him kneel on the ground in  front of you,

"yourname i know that getting our memories back filled in alot of blanks but right now its just about us. so one very important question still needing to be answered, yourname will you become a Winchester and marry me in the process???"

you nodded as he slid the ring on your finger, "yes Dean although me becoming a Winchester means my family line is officially dead, oh well we were all ready a dead line, together we start something new cause we are all chained to the rhythm and we can turn it up cause its our favorite song and we will dance dance dance to the distortion..."

you kissed him pinning him to the bed between the giggles, laughing, beers, shirts flying, everything flying around the room the feeling of sensation and pleasure fill the bed your lives and the room.

-----THE NEXT MORNING-----

you woke up to your ringtone, "It is my desire Break down the walls to connect, inspire Ay, up in your high place, liars Time is ticking for the empire The truth they feed is feeble As so many times before They greed over the people They stumbling and fumbling And we're about to riot They woke up, they woke up the lions (Woo!)"

Dean stirred beside you and tightened his grip on your waist as you reached for your phone and groaned at the call display, "Garth, its 8:30 i’m hungover and you're annoying me with this call because..." Garth cleared his throat on the other end as you felt dean bury his face into the back of your neck as he groaned kissing your neck now sort of conscious his stubble drafting cross your neck, "well yourname how did the evening go..."

dean picked up on the fact that it was Garth you were talking to and he nodded for you to put this on speaker, "Garth you best have a good reason for disturbing me and my gorgeous fiance at this obscenely obnoxious hour of the morning." Dean kissed your lips softly as Garth gasped, "dean my man hows it going??? & yourname you didn’t tell me you were with Dean Winchester, nor the fact that you knew him i mean both of you... but how?????"

you smile as dean buries his lips into the crook of your neck and you giggle, "Garth, that`s a long story which i will tell you when we next do a meeting, but i plea you to spread word around amongst the hunters that Dean Winchester is getting married and formal invites will follow..."

you smiled as a light moan slipped from your lips and Garth cleared his throat, "well well well so whens the wedding????" dean then sighed, "bye Garth we will speak to you when we do..." dean then closed the call and hung up you only smiled and laughed it was the most amazing night ever.

-------- 1 year later---------

THE DAY HAD ARRIVED, the flowers everywhere, the bunker dun up in loads of twinkle lights, the hustle and bustle of Charlie and others rushing round, getting everything ready but mostly the annoyance of Sam and Charlie having you and Dean trapped away from eachother.

Charlie having you stuck in your old room & Sam having stuck Dean in what was soon to be your shared room but there was something that made today seem like something out of a dream.

thru text tho you and dean were able to exchange i love you's and chit chat while you both were prodded and poked and dressed and such by Charlie and Sam. everyone was having fun but as the music started you started to get nervous...

you and dean were allowed to call only once both of you were ready, "Dean i don`t know if its just me but now wearing this dress and these stupid heels, i suddenly am nervous to do this in front of all these people..."

"don`t stress sweetheart just think we will be legal after this.. trust me we have been chained into the same rhythm for a long time and today is my favorite day cause today i get tied to the woman who has made me a better man... i`ll see you out there babe..." Dean said as Sam and Charlie both entered your quarters and announced it was time and took your phones away hanging them up...

you breathed in and smiled as you heard the intro to your favorite song and you started to sing along, "Are we crazy? Living our lives through a lens Trapped in our white picket fence Like ornaments..."

as you were led from your room down the hall which now had a red carpet and still yet you continued to sing but once you entered the main hall you were stopped by Sam who had volunteered to walk you down the aisle even tho technically he was also the best man but he was the closest person to do the job and you wouldn`t have it another way.

you walked over to Sam who hugged you and congratulated you before linking your arm in his and the chorus started and everyone rose as Castiel said, "all rise for the entry of the bride..." at which point you started down the aisle with Sam and as soon as you locked eyes with dean you were sure you would fall but you knew that wouldn't happen as long as you lived with these fantastic people.

it was here finally as Sam placed your hand in deans and took his place beside his brother you smiled as you and dean approached Cas who smiled,

      "ladies gentlemen friends family it gives me the extreme honor of marrying Dean Winchester and YourFirst&LastName, these 2 people have been through so much being hunters, this life is never easy but when things get tough the tough stay strong for it is the strength of family and friends that gets us through this rough life. now as dean and yourname have opted for saying the short and sweet versions of their vows i would like to invite them to do so now..."

dean straightened up and smiled,

      "yourname i know we have been through so much but now we never have to be alone again you have a home with me and Sam and everyone here we know how this life is especially for someone who had no one else who searched for so long we know that nothing is easy, but everything comes with a price, you paid that price when you started hunting you killed the thing that took your family from you.. but it was your courage and thrill of the hunt that brought you to me, now we never have to be apart again. i love you yourname and i`m happy your mine..."

you smiled and sniffled slightly as you sighed,

       "Dean your right you always are no matter what anyone says, i know we shouldn`t have taken our time together the first time for granted but loosing you and yet still ever worse loosing my memory of you has made me a better person a stronger hunter and as you said the huntress to your hunter. i`m proud to on this day become your wife and i only regret not stabbing that stupid memory stealing jinn when i had the chance... i know i`ve said it before but i wasn`t kidding you make me happy you are not useless you are my superman and i wouldn`t want anyone else... i love you dean and i cant wait to see where life will take us..."

Cas cleared his throat as Charlie and Sam handed off the rings which were immediately placed allowing Cas to continue,        

"and so by the power vested within me by the laws of heaven and earth i hereby finally pronounce you husband and wife, dean you may kiss your bride"  

Dean was familiar with that part he wrapped his arms around your waist and dipped you kissing you passionately earning claps awes and ooos from the crowd as the song finished,

"It goes on, and on, and on 'Cause we're all chained to the rhythm"

[kathyprior4200]

Inside Alastor’s Head (sensitive content warning)

Part 1

 “Use the princess to convince Lucifer to hand over Hell to me. Get to know Charlie and her family, see how this so called Happy Hotel works. I can’t wait to see her face when she realizes it’s actually the Hazbin Hotel. Has a better ring to it, anyway. May as well speed up the process by bringing in Niffty and making grumpy Husk join in. It’ll be everything Charlie’s dreamed of…and when it all blows up in her face, I’ll be enjoying my popcorn.”

 “So Charlie likes music and dancing, too? How marvelous! These hotel residents can enjoy my singing and illusion magic. (They won’t know what’s coming next.)”

 “Who, me? Evil? Why would you think that? It’s totally unlike me to broadcast my massacre of demon citizens who stand in my way. (Except it is.) Man, seeing them running and sacred…reminds me of game I used to hunt when I was alive.”

 “The demon princess wants to redeem sinners. Ha! Probably the silliest claim I’ve ever heard. A nice refresher from the usual grim news on the Picture Show. Her singing was a nice bonus. Oh, the good old days of being on the air…basking in the attention and glory. I told jokes, advertised shows, announced fun events. I even got to report on murders for the news, probably my favorite part. Soooo close to being able to advertise Jambalaya. Several other announcers got the part, so I wore a disguise, snuck in one day and sliced their heads off. Still loved the expressions on their faces. Here in Hell, I have no opponents in the radio business. ”

 “Those overlords look scary and cocky, but they’ve heard the tales of me…they’re scared deep down, for good reason. Sir Pentious didn’t stand a chance when I summoned black tentacles to wrap around him and his ship. Along with my powers, I have shadowy spirits to do my bidding. That’s why you can sometimes see them when I attack. You don’t need brute force and insults to win someone over. All it takes sometimes is some illusions, a little help from the Loa…and just smiling all the way through.”

 “My microphone cane surly comes in handy. It’s what allows me to project events in front of me and broadcast them on the radio. It has a life of its own, but I’m in control, of course. All part of the magic deal with the Loa.”

 “I enjoyed watching the picture show and going to the circus when I was a boy. Watching the animals and the performers was lots of fun. I may have burned down the circus tent after being rejected from a comedian role. But it was only an accident: my fingers slipped when I was getting cigarettes for father. Whenever I got sad, my mother told me “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” Her motto still rings true to this day.”

 “I enjoyed hunting deer in my human life, yet I also feel some connection to the animal. They’re majestic, agile, and are free to travel pretty much anywhere. Though they’re often attacked by hunting dogs…or in my case, police dogs. The beasts mauled me just before I died. It was back in 1933. Thus, for my so called evil deeds, I arrived down here in Hell. And I gotta say, it’s quite a fun place to be!”

  “Sex and romance don’t interest me. Don’t get me wrong; Charlie is a charming demon belle, and Vaggie is adorable and feisty…but they’re just a means to an end. Maybe I’m too self-absorbed to want to deal with being judged by others. More fun, less responsibilities when you’re on your own. Though, I’ll admit, I did meet a lovely lady in my human life, but, certain circumstances led to a tragic end. Don’t get me started on Angel’s disturbing sexual remarks. That gross stuff makes my skin crawl. (Heh, that stuff bothers me but seeing the blood of my victims does not. Go figure.)”

 “When I smile and touch people, I’m in control. It’s the quickest and obvious way to show my dominance. Frowning shows doubt, weakness, and I can’t afford to appear weak. When other’s try to touch me, it’s always unexpected. I can never tell what it will feel like on me. My space, my rules. Touch me too much, and I hate it. Like when he…my father…did things to me…in front of mom. Abuse, molest, he did it to both of us when the drinks were in his system. You can see why I was shocked and overjoyed when I finally stabbed the life out of him. I fled into the woods in the hours before dawn, the police hot on my tail. Saw the faces of deer before I got shot in the head. The dogs came upon me and…nothing.”

 “I got my love of cooking from my mum. One of her favorite things to make was jambalaya. A tasty cuisine of rice, chicken, sausage, shrimp, a whole bundle of things. She added so much spice to it (and accidentally burned herself making it), it almost killed her. I thought it was fabulous, the heat invigorating to my taste buds. The secret spices she used by accident? Ghost peppers and Wasabi. It reminds me of home in New Orleans…a world of music, daily life, and alas, racism. People who didn’t know me at the radio station, white people and sometimes black people, badmouthing me for my mixed Creole heritage. Once I perfected my shooting with my rifle, well…they got what they deserved in the dead of night.”

 “Ah, I loved the stock market crash of 1929! There were so many orphans, so many kids in distress! Perhaps it made me feel better to know that there were those who had it worse than me. I’ve had my share of bad luck, it was about time for others to experience some of their own.”

 “I sometimes kill people at random, when I’m especially mad. It’s sort of like a game: the more you kill, the more dominant you’ll appear. I’m not fond of killing innocent children or chasing people, I mostly prefer to catch people off guard. To slaughter them behind the curtain, if you will. I would never rape or eat another person…such uncouth, disgusting behavior. Chasing my victims takes too long. Best to go at my own pace and decide their fate for them. But no worries; for women and innocent strangers, I make their deaths as painless as I can. Gotta keep being a gentlemen in some aspects.”

  “Voodoo had been practiced by my ancestors, way back in Africa. I read about the Loas and many of them were just like me: well-dressed, powerful, lovers of food, wine, the good life. From what was passed down to me, I was able to communicate with them. They granted me their powers to use in my afterlife…but only if I was willing to suffer an “early, gruesome death,” along with the loss of a potential lady partner… you know the rest. I know some of the symbols and they provide me with visualization of the spells I want to conjure.”

 “Singing, swing music, the radio, dancing, and dad jokes…those hobbies brought light to my otherwise mundane, grim human life. Even if other people don’t find those jokes funny, I always get a kick out of them. They’re so simple…a basic for any comedian. Though I do wish I knew how to tap dance. Maybe my magic can help me out...”

  Part 2 (Sensitive Content Warning)

 “Hello mortal humans, wherever you may live. For those who may not know me, I’m Alastor, the Radio Demon from Hell. Thank you for tuning in to 66.6FM, the only radio station in Hell and the only one I can talk into in your world.

 You may be thinking, demons aren’t real. Hell and Heaven aren’t real. He’s probably just using a low radio voice for effect. Well in a way I am, (laughs). But I can assure you…I’m very much real, though not really alive anymore. You see, with the help of some imps from Immediate Murder Professionals, my shadow has access to portals from Hell to Earth. He is Rotsala, and he can travel through radios like I can. He’s been lurking everywhere; in your car radios, those alarm clock radios you have in your homes. And recently, (with Vox’s help), he’s figured out how to access online podcasts, if that’s what they’re called. Thanks to him, I’ve gotten updates on your modern world. It’s very strange and very wild…I’ll never really understand it. Mostly because I’m from the early 1900s and I’ve been in Hell for decades.

 Now, if you remember from last time, I discussed my thoughts on the Hazbin Hotel in Hell and Charlie. About how she was a lovely friend and you she would be of great use to me to take her father’s place on the throne. And you got a glimpse of my love of cooking, sewing, singing dancing, along with the obvious killing and eating people part. I could talk for hours about myself, but not this time. On this broadcast, I’m here to talk about all of you.”

 “No, no, no, don’t try and turn the radio off. I have it stuck on full volume, so much that even covering your ears won’t do. You probably already know that I constantly smile to show my dominance and power. Frowning indicates weakness. But…I have learned there are a few exceptions when it comes to showing other emotions. I am…actually upset. Very rarely do you find me in this state. So unless you want my shadow to rip you apart from your insides, I suggest you listen very, very, carefully.”

 “First, let’s discuss this global pandemic that you all are dealing with right now. You refer to it as the corona virus or Covid 19. It seems that everywhere, people are dying right and left as this virus rapidly spreads. Jobs are being lost, entertainment sites shut down, people stuck in their homes for months, wondering if they’ll make it through all this.”

 “I’ll admit, this pandemic is just as entertaining as the Stock Market Crash of 1929. So many orphans, so many hungry people waiting in line for food, or not being able to be with their loved ones. Mostly it’s fun to watch because I’m already dead and I like watching others suffer. (sighs)”

  “But yes, it’s also a mixed bag. When I took a peek at modern New Orleans I was frankly stunned like a deer in the headlights. (audience laughter). How utterly lifeless it was! Bands not playing live anymore, restaurants closed. Even more shocking, Mardi Gras was cancelled! I grew up with the parades and the laughter and music in my previous life. To have all that taken away…I might as well have died sooner. It really is a shame how we take everyday life for granted…we’re not concerned about death or loss until it hits us right in the face. Trust me, I’ve been there. Back when the 1918 Spanish Flu killed my mother. Back when I cried at her gravestone even with a large smile on my face. That day that I lost all sense of humanity and became the demon I was destined to be.”

 “But what of you folks? You wear facemasks every day, you wash your hands, you pray every day that somehow, you and your families and friends and loved ones will get through it in several years. Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t. One good thing about the pandemic: the enforcement of the six foot rule. Social distancing is essential, and I think it should be mandatory in Hell! I hate being tainted and touched, that’s why I wear my gloves all the time. If only Angel Dust had that rule drilled into his head, it would make my afterlife so much easier. I always wash my hands before and after cooking, and especially after getting my victims blood all over them. You should too. Pure common sense. You can never be too clean and careful no matter where you are.  But enough about that.”

  “Hell is being more overpopulated than usual, and now I can see why. Thousands of people dying and being sent down here…I bet that stuffy hothead Stolas is having a party now that he’s not lonely anymore. You all are careless fools. You huddle close together during protests or pool parties or fight each other in grocery stores. All you think about is yourselves, hording toilet paper and food and not thinking of those who might actually need it more than you.”

  “That drama gets old fast, even for me.”

 “Many believe they have their rights taken away just because they can’t go to the Picture Shows anymore. Well let me tell you this: nurses, teachers, policemen, caregivers…they’re all risking their lives on the front line trying to heal others and slow down the spread of the virus. They witness deaths all the time and for every person they don’t manage to save, they feel guilt that will weight them down for weeks, months or even years. And the majority of you laze around, too absorbed in your own worlds to take notice.”

 “Want something to do to cure your agonizing boredom? Well, sadly, killing and cannibalism isn’t recommended as you would put your health at risk. But you can try new recipes at home. Learn how to make classic foods, especially good Creole dishes like Jambalaya. If you can make it better than me and my mother, I’d be impressed but we all know that’s not going to happen. Sing along to some songs. Listen to the radio. Watch some classic musicals.”

“Or for the online folk, watch the Hazbin Hotel! Make art and stories about me torturing my enemies. Laugh at all those who ship me with other characters because we know that I’m not interested in sex and romance. But to be heard…those who attack other people in the fandom over tying me down with Charlie and Angel and whoever else…stop it. Enough is enough. Respect other people’s fan works and let them indulge in their crazy imaginations. I belong to no one and I will befriend and flirt with others however I see fit. “Some asexuals and aromantics can still fall in love and enjoy sex.” Yes, that’s true, but my standards are different. Back to the virus…there are some people that deserve to get sick from it. The whole world could get infected and die but I’ll still be thriving in Hell…provided that I don’t get killed.”

 “I don’t really care about any of you. I’m just here to bring you the harsh truth. Doctors and essential workers are trying their hardest to make sure you all and enjoy your mundane lives. There’s no need to glorify them as heroes either. Just treat them with respect and move on. Patience is a virtue…I know that many of you need to go back to work, but putting others and the community at risk will just create an ongoing vicious cycle of misery. But if you want to expose yourself in the name of “making America great again” or wherever else you are, then be my guest. I’m always up for more prey to hunt down here.”

 “Now, onto the second topic: protests. Believe it or not, I, too, was saddened and shocked by the death of African American mortal George Floyd. He’s up in Heaven, not with me, so don’t fret.”

 “Yes, I’m entertained by the violence, cars setting on fire, the screams and yells, very thrilling! But to be honest, sometimes I feel safer in Hell in comparison to what’s going on in your world…and that’s saying something.”

 “All the riots going on, protesters being sprayed with teargas, being hit with batons. Looting, shooting, all of this madness going on. Charlie says that inside every demon is a rainbow, but I say inside every demon is a lost cause. Perhaps we’re both right. Though they’re may be some good inside everyone, we’re all imperfect lost causes. We’re subject to sin, violence, discrimination, and endless chaos. We are failures. It’s inevitable. There was no hope for me, and now there’s no hope for any of you.”

 “Police brutality needs to end. They are supposed to protect you folk, not use power to push everyone back for no reason. The rioters who looted stores, set cars on fire and put others in danger like that, need to take full responsibility for their actions. They don’t need to unleash their pain and rage onto the city and others. Killing and chaos is my job, no theirs.”

  “Racism, sexism, homophobia, they’ve been around since mankind became civilized. Black Lives do Matter. Those who have been downtrodden, beaten up, pushed to the side like dirt, need to have their voices heard. Otherwise, those in power will keep using and abusing their power and authority until there’s nobody left.”

 “Just take those white police and your president for example. The policeman arresting George Floyd and pressed a knee onto his neck for no apparent reason, other than he was a person of color who so happened to be caught doing something wrong, at least to them. He kept saying “I can’t breathe” and no one stepped in to stop the situation. The policeman was arrested but that’s a mere slap on the wrist in comparison to a life lost. The cops involved need to experience the same fate.”

 “And don’t even get me started on this Trump. A narcissist who sees himself as America’s God and has a cult of brainwashed voters and supporters. One who throws tantrums whenever someone disagrees with him. He sees women as sex objects and minority groups as tools and trash to be disposed of. Tear-gasing innocent protesters while holding a Bible posing for pictures. Satan himself would be shaking his head at this. Life on Earth was Hell for me and apparently it’s gotten even worse.”

 “And not to mention Trump boastfully claiming that he’d unleash vicious dogs and military force on protesters. Only a few people would see that he inadvertently made a reference to when African Americans and ethnically diverse people were attacked by police dogs when protesting and trying to make their lives better. As a biracial French Creole who was mauled to death by dogs, I’m offended and appalled.”  

 “Oh but I’m just a fictional character who can love or hate anybody. I bet I love Trump and Angel and world suffering and sex just because I’m a crazy furry demon. Right? Right?”

 *intense static and screeches*

 “GROW UP. WAKE UP. IF YOU THINK ANY OF THOSE THOUGHTS, THERE’S A SPECIAL CIRCLE IN HELL FOR YOU.”

 (deep breath) “Apologies.”

  “All Lives Matter? Wrong. A pathetic way to derail from the main problem and include white people so they can play the victim. The truth is, no lives matter except my own. Second to my life is my mom, Charlie and her friends. (Except Angel). Charlie’s project of rehabilitating sinners will eventually come to an end when humanity suffers a Greater Depression and all fall down into Hell. I have all of eternity to witness the end.”

  “Onto the last topic. You know that I secretly desire to take over Hell and spread chaos to Earth and Heaven, yes? If Charlie behaves, she’ll get to rule by my side along with Husk, Niffty, Mimzy and Rosie. Will that happen? Who knows? You’ll have to stay tuned for the next episode, if it even comes. (laughs). You’ll never know what happens next, just that everyone enjoyed my jambalaya at the hotel.”

 “Oh dear, did I strike a sensitive nerve? Did that hurt your insides and your mind more than our previous topics? You’re even more pathetic than I thought.”

 “But have you ever considered any underlying reasons as to why I enjoy spreading chaos and destruction? I may not be God but I do have god-like powers.”

 “The obvious answer? Sheer absolute boredom! I’m always seeking new forms of entertainment to enjoy. And what better way to do that then to watch sinners scream and tremble at my presence? Of course, I would always like my friends to smile and have fun with me, singing dancing, making deals, or whatever.”

 “But let’s say I was God? Why send Exterminators to reap Hell of demons every year. To curb overpopulation, yes, but to also remind demons of their place. God and the angels and the chosen reside in “paradise.” Only those who are fully “good” and devoted to helping others and believing in God can enter. It’s the perfect fear tactic: remind demons that they are lost causes who deserve to suffer and potentially met their end.”

 “Perhaps I do want to help Charlie with the hotel. Not just for entertainment but to introduce her to the way real life works. Seeing others fail will happen no matter what and that will be a pleasing sight. Demons reside in Hell due to the lives they’ve lived before. There’s no undoing what is done. Even if she does manage to redeem a sinner or two, there will always be those who try to claw their way up and then tumble back down to failure. I am a deal-maker, perhaps the most untrustworthy one in Hell. I want to test others, see how powerful and smart they really are.”

 “This all ties in to a larger lesson that is bigger than any of us can comprehend. With the pleasures of drugs, sex, killings and sin, comes the cost of knowing you are seen as outcasts deserving of death by those in the heavens. Whether it’s Angels, Exterminators, Overlords or people in politics and management, the elite have always used power, fear, rules, and any means necessary to keep people in line in the name of “order” and “God’s will.”  Lucifer would explain this better than me as he has centuries of experience. I’m willing to bet that Charlie will learn this the hard way, sending off sinners to “paradise,” only to find that she and her parents are stuck down here forever. Earth is between Heaven and Hell; it is full of good and evil, the sins and freedoms of Hell but also the passiveness and illusions and sheep mentality of Heaven. It’s all too easy to blame others and deny what’s going on around you. Go to Heaven for an enlightened life and forget about the criminals, the homeless, and the misfits below your feet.”

 “Let me tell you what my name means. It means “tormentor,” “avenger.” I’m a seeker of entertainment who loves to torment others to boast my status. But I am also one of vengeance. Retaliation against anyone who takes advantage of others. Those in Heaven, Vox, Valentino, Lucifer, my father, all of those who treated me like dirt for who I was… my magic is there to benefit myself…but it is all used to teach others a deeper lesson in mortality and what one believes.”

 “And me being an anti-hero could somehow lead to my redemption? Ha! No. As long as more episodes don’t come on the air, then I will continue my rampages and broadcasts in Hell. And if anyone lays a hand on me, my mother, or Charlie and my friends, then they will wish they had met their fate from the virus instead.”

 “Agree or disagree with me. I don’t care. Thank you for listening and as always, stay tuned.”