#also its fonna be full of typos which uh wow embarrassing
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My plans fell through so I haven't so much as put my glasses on much less gotten out of bed today.
#tbd#sky speaks#im honestly filling space bc sadly there is atag vent coming#please do not feel obligatedto read ir#things are jusr weird#also its fonna be full of typos which uh wow embarrassing#im not doing good#i mean obviousy ive spent the last 2 days in a depressive slump which has only been slightly mitigated by burying myself in ficrional shit#a lot of which tbh has been super self indulgent fic reading???#and i want to be happy that i have rhat escape which forces my mind away from dark thoughts and other shit#but i also have always been a person who has been proud of my willpowr#and rhe ability to get up and push through fucking anything#ive survives abuse in almost everycorner of my life ive survived starvation and winter nights sleeping outside#ive pushed through everything life has thrown at me and gotten rhis far#but now im being stopped by something as simple asbeing fucking lonely? fuck that#not lonely as in 'oh i want you with me' its nothing that specific just-#i dont even know#human interaction feels hollow even the interaction that usually makes me very happy doesnt feel right anymore#last semester i was doing so well and im so confused as to what happened between rhen and now to bring me to this point#i was working out often and my grades were awesome and keeping up with my workload was easy#and now somehow everything is going from bad to worse and the WORST part is theres a part of me thav doesnt care???#theres a big part of me thats like whatever itll be easier to drop out and take the financial strain over this#because right now i cant even tell myself its ok to take a day and do literally nothing with it even thought?? it isually is??#thinking about how ive spent the day is just making me nauseated because oh my god i have 2 scripts and a fully finished comic due tomorrow#and a paper due wednesday and another paper and comic due monday of next week and i need to learn a whole program#and i have 4 minicomics to finish that have to be?? diary comics and GOD the last thing i want to do is draw out how my life has been#and yet i spent my day lazing in bed reading about fictional men getting emotional support from rhe people around them that i dont have#and then crying lets not forget the crying#that awful dry sob shaking and making no noise crying wow ive never done that before and lemme tell you it fucking sucks lmao#which i mean at least itll make good writing ref later but god i dont like it. idk what to do but saying this feels a little better at least
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