#also it wouldnt hurt that he could realize his feelings through his overreactions

[vikingpoteto]

anyway fic concept: Kenshi can deal with Johnny while they're fighting, arguing, bickering, etc. but as they become friends Johnny starts flirting with him, as you do with your friends, not seriously (yet) and Kenshi DOES NOT know how to handle with that. Johnny casually comments on how handsome he is or delivers a joking pick up line and Kenshi becomes a stuttering mess. someone should write this and tag me in it.

[the-sunshine-dims]

birds for birthdays

okay so its logan’s birthday still for me so have this birthday fic! 

words: 1807

ao3 link

Summary: Patton, roman, Virgil, and Janus, have a plan for Logan's birthday, and their plan, Logan doesn't even consider, instead thinking they just forgot his birthday, and Remus, whos not included in the plan gives Logan a bird.

contents and warnings: miscommunications, hurt Logan, slight hurt/comfort, possible pre-intrulogical, birds, repressing emotions, being overwhelmed,

if i missed anything again please tell me its late so i wouldnt be surprised if i missed something

____

Okay so patton and the others had a plan, and they were excited it was coming out how they wanted it to so far, 

distract Logan away from the commons and kitchen

Get logans gifts ready

Make sure it’s a total surprise for Logan

Of course they sadly had to exclude remus because it wasn’t an overreaction when they say he would immediately tell logan, he wouldn’t really mean to, but anything he thought about he would blurt out so sadly they had to hide it from remus too, though when Logan came down to be surprised he wasn’t gonna be excluded from that, he couldn't really ruin a surprise while the surprise is being revealed.

Patton smiled proudly at the three sides who had been getting ready in the living room, he was ecstatic he had even gotten Janus to help out.

___

Logan sighed as he tried to work, he knew technically they didn’t have birthdays, but it never stopped Patton from trying to celebrate perceived birthdays and, as he had told everyone before, this was one of the perceived birthdays, logan's first appearance on vine, and while he knew stuff was honestly kind of stressing because thomas got a new boyfriend and everyone was still healing from POF,

But.. he noticed quickly that he was looking forward to the birthday, as loud as it was going to be, but then as The day progressed no one even came to his room to even tell him happy birthday.

-which was fine. But still, it hurt, he was sure this was the date Patton made a celebration last year.. but no one seemed to even notice or care.

And as he tried to focus on literally anything productive and failed he realized with dimming hope that they had forgotten.. he couldn’t blame them, of course he couldn’t, he understand how hectic everything’s been and he wasn’t as selfish as to be mad, they had more important stuff to worry about then his ‘birthday’, afterall technically while they did sometimes have days they celebrated as such they weren't born and there was no way to tell when they formed so he didn't have a true birthday.

And After all, Logan didn’t have feelings so they probably assumed he wouldn’t mind if they didn’t forget and just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

He sighed again, louder, and slammed his head against the arms that were resting on his desk, this really shouldn’t bother him this much, it was fine.

He took a moment and just gave up on working, surely they wouldn’t mind if he just.. took a small break, just a short one, to rest up and just.. get his emotions in check before he had to go out of his room to get the papers he forgot on the counter, he groaned, why had he forgotten them on the counter? That was a dumb thing to do.

He took another moment and just decided that he can take a break day, the others really couldn’t blame him for needing one since they had taken a couple after the recent video, so he just decided to hell with it and after loosening his already looser than normal tie he just stood up and went over to rest on his bed, maybe he could read a book? He had recently gotten a promising looking book, so maybe that would be a good thing to do with his time.

He didn’t know why he still seemed to be.. disappointed? Was that the emotion? After a second he decided he didn’t care, but he was still confused, why would he be affected? It was fine.

He groaned before startling as he heard a loud repetitive banging on his door, and after a moment he quickly got up and fixed his hair and tie before going to the door and opening it slightly, revealing a grinning remus with hands behind his back, which was slightly worrying knowing remus, and also confusing because if he had both his hands behind his back how did he knock- but, of course Logan wasn’t gonna be rude and instead just offered a small polite smile before asking “do you need anything?” 

Remus frowned at that, “no I don’t need anything- but! I wanted to congratulate the birthday boy~” he told him, and while there was definitely some underlying crude massage Logan didn't get he could tell Remus was trying hard to make sure it stayed underlying and wasn't blatant so he wouldn’t end up making Logan uncomfortable.

Which Logan did appreciate, he.. really didn’t think he would be able to handle a lot of crude stuff right now, which he was kinda disappointed in himself for since that was a lot of the stuff remus spouted unless remus worked 100% to make sure he didnt end up accidentally saying something like that , but regardless, he was happy at least someone knew it was his side appointed birthday, he knew it didn’t matter but still, it made him feel better and as Remus quickly brought the sloppily wrapped present from behind his back his heart dropped as a thought entered his head.

Was remus the only one who remembered?

Remus and Logan weren’t that close, they were all still getting used to each other, so the idea that Remus, who wasn’t close to Logan, was the only one who remembered his ‘birthday’ was saddening, the people who were supposed to be his friends.. they forgot, they didn’t care.

He schooled his expression and made sure remus couldn’t tell the thoughts going through his head, so he just allowed himself to smile as Remus loudly encouraged him to open up the gift, and after a moment or two he began to, he was happy if at least one person cared enough- he heard a small chirp from the box and he froze and turned to remus “..did you give me a bird?” 

Remus grinned minically and motioned for him to keep opening it, which he did and he found an adolescent crow or raven, he couldn’t tell yet, but it was definitely a bird, it was surprising it looked pretty normal- he put his finger near it and it’s face opened up like a demogorgon, okay that made since, not normal, but he smiled as he gingerly picked the thing up, it looked like it was old enough to be away from the parents which was good, after a moment he looked to remus “thank you remus.”

Remus seemed happy as he came to the conclusion that Logan indeed in fact like the gifted bird, “no problem dork!” He said happily before continuing “also if you need anything for the bird just tell me,” 

Logan nodded and after deciding screw it he just opened the door up more and went “would you wanna hang out with me and the bird for a bit?” 

Remus perked up and nodded eagerly, and Logan smiled softly before heading fully into his room and setting the box down, the chick along with it, after a second of checking Over his shoulder to make remus came in he closed the door and gathered some books from his shelf about birds, specifically ravens and crows and just birds of the like before sitting down on the floor leaning his back against his bed.

Remus happily chatted as he sat down on the bed, above his shoulder, occasionally asking Logan questions that didn’t relate at all to the topic at hand as Logan researched what the raven or crow would need, especially at this young stage.

It was maybe an hour or so later, Logan has accepted that the others had just not cared enough to remember and while it.. hurt.. he just decided it wasn’t worth it to be upset about it, after all he now had a bird to take care of and possibly a new friend, so everything was fine.

Then he heard Patton calling for him saying that someone got hurt and they needed his help and just hearing that they needed his help and someone might be hurt and on reflex he got up, quickly pulling Remus up as well before practically running down stairs because what if they were really hurt.

And then suddenly as he practically flung himself down the stairs with remus following he heard a loud “surprise!” From a bunch of voices and then there was confetti everywhere and he just froze, slowly processing everything and slowly becoming overwhelmed from the fact they hadn’t forgotten and he was wrong and also the loud sudden sounds were adding to him becoming overwhelmed.

And after a full moment of silence he realized he should respond so he just went “oh-“ and then he noticed that there were tears falling down his cheeks and he just saw everyone begin to panic and even Remus seemed extremely confused and concerned and after a moment logan just quietly goes “they didn’t forget..” to himself.

Which they seemed to of heard because he hears patton make a heartbroken noise and remus, deciding that he’s going to try and help his new friend out, just kinda goes in front of him to be in between him and the others and kind of hesitantly opens his arms, which, Logan happily collapsed into, much to remus’s surprised, no matter who it was logan wanted the support and after another silence the others approached and Logan just kind of hid away.

Causing even Janus to look sympathetic before Patton kinda just went “you.. thought we forgot?” Sadly and when Logan nodded Patton made another hurt noise “oh lo, I’m so sorry I should’ve.. I should’ve realized that not addressing it made it seem like we forgot, I’m so sorry.” Patton said genuinely.

Logan just went “it’s fine” quietly and Patton shook his head.

“No, it’s not fine, we should’ve actually made sure not to make you think we forgot, we should've made sure that you knew we care enough to remember, i should’ve.” he paused before deciding that while its good to admit mistakes it wouldn't make the birthday any better so after a second he continued “so what about this, let’s watch a movie, whichever movie you want, and it’ll be quieter and we can give you our gifts, hows that sound?” Patton asked, his tone a tad hopeful.

Logan nodded, pulling himself away from remus’s hug, though still holding on slightly to remus, having decided this was his emotional support side now, and after a second everyone walked logan to the couch where he picked out a movie and and after a bit turned off the lights for the person to come in with the cake.

And honestly now he kind of understood why he was so sad when he thought they forgot.

[makingausernameisthehardest-blog]

Thoughts

I never really do this. Writing down my thoughts and how I’m feeling. I’ve only done it once before and it was helpful but i never went back to do it again. I’ve always been the type to just bottle everything up and try not to annoy people with my problems when they have there own to worry about. I rather just deal with it myself. But what im writing isnt just about me its also about my ex, my current girlfriend, as well as her ex. 

I was in a relationship with my ex for almost 5 years. Within those years I stupidly loved her and let her get away with much more than i should’ve. I should’ve realized from the start that it was going to be a lot of shit but i was blinded by just wanting to be in a relationship and being happy. We started talking on facebook and I knew she had a boyfriend but I still spoke to her. We only spoke for 9 days before getting into a relationship. She told me she had broken up with her boyfriend which i later found out wasn’t even true. Not even two months into our relationship she broke up with me the first time. Her reasoning was because she needed to figure some things out when it came to our relationship and how she was feeling, meanwhile she said we could still act like a couple and shit but just without the label. Like the idiot i was i went along with it. The real reasoning was that she just wanted the chance to choose between me and our friend Josue whom she already had a past with. After about a month of that bullshit we officially got back together. Not long after that I was hanging out with my friend Allyson who Tati had gotten jealous of just because she was a female friend, We were coming back from ice skating in queens and Josue texted me saying that he and Tati had kissed. I was obviously infuriated and contacted her to ask her what was going on and i got both sides of  the story. I wasn’t surprised to find out that both gave different stories. I don’t remember his but I do remember that her reasoning was that he took her back and said he wouldnt give it back unless she kissed him so she did. I had responded asking what if he had asked her for more, what should she have done then. She obviously said she wouldnt have done it but at the end of the day idk if i believed her or not. The point was that she pretty much cheated on me. My friend was very pissed off telling me i shouldnt forgive her and a lot of other things about her that were actually true but i was too blinded by my stupidity. I let her get away with a lot. She would always only be hanging out with guy friends and allowing them to flirt with her because of how much she loved the attention she was getting. I remember i had a list of guys that i gave her once that all started flirting with her because she tried to make it seem like i was overreacting when i would get upset. Meanwhile throughout the relationship i had about 2 close female friends. One ws Allyson and the other was my current girlfriend Aliana. Neither of them ever tried anything with me, not even flirt with me but she still didnt like them and tried to make it seem like i was wrong for not ending my friendship with them. Another thing was that I would ALWAYS pick her up from school. I would ditch my friends to be with her. Instead of going to my boxing training or playing baseball with my best friends i would go out of my way to pick her up but she would rarely do the same for me even when she had the chances to. I didnt care about that but i did care that whenver she would go hangout with her guy friend she would be travel all over the place to go meet up with them but never did the same for me. Why did i stay with this girl for so long??? cause im stupid.  Another guy that she allowed to go overboard was this guy named Jeremy. I had already graduated highschool so this had to be at least a year or two into the relationship. By now she had broken up with me at least twice for the same reason as before. Being confused about her feelings. Meanwhile i know the reason reason was so she could go explore with other guys. But back to Jeremy. She met him at my old high schools dance, i had expressed that i didnt really want her to go but I’m not controlling so i let her go anyway because i decided to trust her. Ended up meeting the guy who would flirt with her A LOT and she would just let it go. At the dance she mentioned how he would put his hands on sides/waist and how she felt some type of way but never actually mentioned telling him to stop or anything. He was very rude and disrespectful as well but since he would also flirt with her she would let it go for the attention. I would tell her how i dont like the guy and how i would like it if she stopped talking to him but she would talk to him behind my back anyway. On to the next guy. Im writing this thinking god damn ho stupid was i to just let this keep happening instead of just breaking up with her.  There was this guy named David, boy did i hate him. lol. He was her ex who was part of the group that was going to spread her nudes and also harassed her. For some reason she wanted to get back in contact with him. At first she was seeking out an apology for what had happen all those years ago and she got it. She also told me she wasnt seeking out a friendship with him but just talk about what happened and shit. But come to find out they were actually talking on a daily basis and he was flirting with her pretty heavily. She would have never told me but i found the text one day while i was on her phone. At not point during the conversation did she tell him to stop or say it was inappropriate but she just let it keep going. He also had a girlfriend and when i told her that she should tell her she would always come up with some excuse as to why she shouldn’t. She never actually ended the friendship but she would tell me that they dont talk anymore until i would look at her phone and see that they had been texting. Not only had they been texting but she had attempted to hangout with him on more than one occasion but it never happened. For all i know they did hangout and for all i know something probably happened because i know hes the type to try something and shes not the type to stop him.  ANOTHER ONE. This is a short one though. There was a guy named Robert (had to choose a guy with the same damn name as me too lol) she met him in college i dont remember which school. But they were friends and i was cool with it because it seemed like he wasnt trying anything with her. Come to find out “he kissed her” i put quotations cause its just more like they kissed. She didn’t tell me until two weeks later. For some reason I wasn’t even mad, i wasn’t hurt or anything. I didnt care. I guess after everything that happened up to that point I wasn’t surprised anymore and just didnt care. Last Two! Since I’m bringing up another breakup I realized I forgot to mention that before this she broke up with me i think one or two more times. I forget but again it was for the same reason. I know I broke up with her once for that reason too but it was more because she was a crappy girlfriend but i still got back with her like an idiot anyway. But back to this guy. His name was Matthew. She told me they were just friends but I thought there was more to it and i was right. Not long after they became friends she broke up with me. Only a few days later I saw on her Instagram pictures of him at her house and of them always hanging out and i couldnt believe that it just happened a few days after we broke up so i went snooping. I wasnt proud of myself but i knew her facebook password and decided to go through her messages. i knew she would never tell me the truth but i had to find out for myself. Found out they had been flirting i think a week before she had even broke up with me so i pretty much got cheated on for the 3rd time to my knowledge. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other instances where she cheated on me. During that time we were broken up for about 1 month i believe. I spoke to only 1 person about it. The other was my best friend Aliana who had been there for me more than anyone. She helped a lot because i was having a hard time dealing with it all. She was the only one i really felt comfortable talking about my feelings with. I was so used bottling everything up but she was able to get me to open up. I felt myself catching feelings for her but i was still too focused on my ex that i never dared to try anything. I wish i wouldve stood single and eventually gone after her at that time.  My dumbass still got back with her even after that. She realized i was a better guy then him and came running back and i fell for it again. I dont know why. Not long after I broke up with her because i couldnt trust her and i was tired of all the bullshit. This time we were broken up for about 2 months. I spoke to my friend jess about it mostly. I didn’t tell aliana at first because i felt stupid for going through the same shit all over again. My ex actually went to her instead for some reason asking for advice. She went to MY best friend for advice. Ali only told her that she needs to give me space and time. During those 2 months I was sad about the breakup but i also knew it was better off, but for some reason I ended up going back to her again.  The last guy. His name was Jaylen. They became friends at her school TCI. He had a girlfriend who he didnt really claim. He referred to her as the girl he’s fucking. He would say he doesnt want to be with her but he doesnt want to hurt her. Eventually she told her that he liked her and not long after that she wanted break up with me. She did the same thing as always, she would distance herself and then say we need to talk. I saw it coming. Before she told me the fake reasoning i asked her if it was because of him and she promised that it wasnt. The next day she came clean and told me it was because she developed feelings for him. I was mostly upset about the fact that she lied. She told me they werent going to peruse anything but not long after there were a bunch of pictures of him on her IG. For a while i didnt tell anyone the complete story because again I felt incredibly stupid. I spoke to jess and ali again. Ali had been close to breaking up her boyfriend at the time as well. She was there for me just as i was for her. We would hangout a lot and talk about it all and sometimes just have fun. At one point my ex tried to pop back into my life again apologizing and saying she won't do it again. The same shit again and I almost fell for it again but this time I didn't. I thought about it and made sure I remembered why we were broken up in the first place. How shitty of a girlfriend she was and how I couldn't trust her. She wanted to meet up to talk about this and I agreed to. Her reasoning different than mine. When we met up she tried to kiss me even though I made it clear in the text that it wasn't going to happen. We went to a park in her area and spoke for a while. I told her how I couldn't trust her anymore because she broke it. After everything that happened I finally woke the fuck up and I told her I don't know what the future holds but right now there isn't going to an us. That's how it finally ended. Now I didn't write this because all of this still bothers me or I still care about her or anything because I don't. I wrote this because I never actually gave myself the chance to completely talk about all the bullshit she did in the relationship not that I haven't had someone to talk to it about with. I just kept it all inside. I'm sure I missed a few things but I decided to focus on the big ones. At first this was also going to be about my girlfriend too but I'm going to make a separate post since this one is already super long lol.