#also it definitely is ooc for atlas (in control) to kill anyone or anything

[schnee-gheist]

The Show of a Lifetime - 2/?

[kob131]

https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBYcritics/comments/dl1jsm/cj_black0s_rewrite/

So who wants to see another shitty rewrite?

Okay, let's start with the big change of v6 first, Adam's ending. I'm scratching him dying here as I have bigger plans for him for Atlas. But what I change exactly is what occurs in his battle against Yang & Blake upon Yang entering the fray & how it would alter things.

Instead of Yang barely reacting to finally coming face to face with the man that ran through & broke her, there's an actual mental reaction here, but it's not fear...but absolute rage. Her fear of Adam is gone, but in its place is an inferno of hatred towards the man before her.

So Yang didn’t learn her lesson from her dad about controlling her anger and we don’t have the payoff for the numerous times Yangs temper fucked her over.

He broke the show IN THE EXACT SAME WAY he bitches the creators do...and this is suppose to be better. *slow claps*.

She no longer panics or fears the thought of him, but trembles at the thought of doing even worse to him than he committed to her & Blake, & with him here now & attacking Blake once again, Yang slips & goes full berserker on Adam.

So now Yang’s being sadistic. Out of fucking nowhere as she hasn’t even displayed this kind of behavior before this and the build up is about her being SCARED. So we have an OOC moment serving nothing for the character, in fact COMPRIMISING her character as Yang never showed this aspect of herself and it paints her in a negative light. For...what? ‘My self insert survives’? 

Cool, tell me about how Blake and Yang fight the patriarchy next since we’re doing cringy fanfiction bullshit.

But though she is fighting with incredible ferocity, speed & timing, she's not thinking or planning at all.

‘timing’

‘not thinking or planning at all.’

So CJ bitches the show retconned Aura by being technical about the word ‘passive’ and yet technically you need to THINK or PLAN to have good timing like that.

She's acting like a wild unhinged animal & both Adam & Blake notices this as Adam uses it to his advantage to slowly start tipping the fight in his favor as he blocks Yang's hits & sends the power right back to her.

Again, acting like the thing she was suppose to have GOTTEN OVER. In fact, worse because Yang never acted like an animal and now she is? When her build up was suppose to be about keeping her cool?

Hm, I believe the man you parrot Vexed Viewer has something for this. What was it...? Oh yeah- Stupid for the sake of the plot.

All the while, Blake is trying desperately to get Yang to stop & listen to her & calm down, but nothing gets through to Yang which eventually results in Blake barely managing to move Yang out of a fatal attack & then finally get through to her as she takes her hand & tells her to please stop & calm down as she doesn't want to lose anyone that she cares about, especially to Adam & that she'll always be here for Yang & will always have her back until the end no matter what & even starts crying.

Still fucking stupid while also being technically as shippy as the original fight so far. You know, that thing you screech about all the time.

Also why isn’t Blake helping Yang? All she did was try to calm Yang down and not try to fight with her? You never said that Yang was fighting in a way that prevented Blake from helping and she knows that Adam won’t stop so playing disruption to disable Adam is the logical choice.

And also- Why is Adam allowing this to happen? Critics bitch the villains do stupid shit and yet you CJ, someone who groups himself in with them, seem to be ignoring that. There was talking in the original but A. This would take more time than anything else in the fight to say and B. it was still bitched out.

Hearing & seeing this finally gets through to Yang as she sends a few shots at the feet of an approaching Adam & now with a clear mind, thanks Blake & tells her she'll always be there for her too from here on out. And from there the fight continues as it does in the show & the 2 win in the end.

So instead of the struggle coming from Adam’s own power and skill, along with displaying how far Yang had come from her last encounter with Adam by showing her more defensive style in the fight and ending with Adam’s own anger and rashness getting the better of him- We get something that you could uber pandering to Bumbleby shippers while proclaiming ‘POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!’.

Nice standards you have CJ ‘Hypocrite’ Black.

However, just when Adam's about to make that final struggle, Atlas personnel arrive on the scene(also on the Mech's location) to provide backup & arrest everyone. However upon seeing Adam, they all immediately panic & try to apprehend the dangerous terrorist but in their rush, provide Adam with a hostage & enough time to escape into the woods & later outside of Argus which is later swarmed by Grimm, better helping his escape. Now having been defeated twice (both in mission & combat) by Blake & her friends, Adam is utterly spouting with rage & hate...so much so that he's sensed by Cinder.

So Yang and Blake do nothing to stop him. Congrats *slow claps.*

Also, Adam is by your own admission spouting with rage and hate...THE SHIT GRIMM ARE ATTRACTED TO. How the FUCK are the Grimm of things helping him escape and not giving everyone a living trail to follow as they logically rush after him? What, did you ACTUALLY retcon the Grimm or just ignore it for your plot?

Also how the hell would Cinder sense him? She’d be in an airship and he’d be on the ground. Unless Adam just so happens to be seen out of all the shit on the ground by Cinder (while displaying CLEAR mental instability)- She’d miss him. 

Seeing the woman who pulled him into all this in the first place, Adam lashes out at Cinder. But with him being tired, without aura & injured, the maiden easily swats him away. She brings up how the 2 are planning on following Ruby to Atlas to kill her & this piques Adam's interest as he asks to accompany them as he explains he too wants to kill someone in RWBY & with him knowing a guy in Atlas who could help them make all their goals easier, it's a win-win.

So Adam just cares solely about Blake here. He’s perfectly fine with teaming up with a human that YOU BELIEVE he hates with a passion. 

Effectively, you MADE Adam the same thing you say he was turned into.

So stealing an airship from Argus & using Neo & Adam to act as soldiers delivering the dangerous criminal Adam Taurus to face justice in Atlas, the 3 make their way into the kingdom. As part of the plan, once Adam gets transferred to other soldiers, he quickly disposes of them & escapes as he then reveals their newest ally, leader of the WF Atlas branch...Banesaw.

Who immediately shoots him dead hearing about how he tried to blow up his own men and would be IMMENSELY disgusted with the man for his own personal vendetta endangering his cause...even though Adam wouldn’t care since you NEVER built him up as returning to the WF and the show definitively displayed that part of him was over now.

Also, how the fuck wouldn’t they just see through this shit?

With this loyal & powerful man of Adam Taurus who now leads the most dangerous branch of the WF on their side along with Watts & Tyrian eventually coming into contact with the Atlas branch & Cinder & deciding to work together, team CABN (pronounced Cain or Cabin) is ready...

Where Watts and Tyrian kill everyone because Cinder is a traitor out for her own ends (hence why she AVOIDED them in the actual show) and Adam’s long since dead because to think that a leader of the WF wouldn’t have heard about Haven is to make me believe he’s an idiot. 

Also can’t fit into Volume 7 because you can’t cut anything due to everything being important to the build up of the plot.

Also left out Watts and Tyrian out of the team name. You added them in despite not FITTING IN.

Also you didn’t build up Banesaw so by your standards with Blake’s parents and Illa, he’s a retcon.

Also if this branch is so dangerous why wasn’t THE HIGH LEADER OF THE WHITE FANG STATIONED THERE? You know, Sienna being stationed in Mistral would imply that’s the most fortified place there is for the WF to protect their leader?

Gee, it’s almost like CJ Black doesn’t CARE about good writing and is just pissy his fanfiction didn’t become real.

‘B-but this is from 9 months ago-’

And as previous posts about him will show- CJ hasn’t changed.

NO ONE doing these rewrites care about good writing. Because THAT’D require actually paying attention to the damn show thus seeing what stuff built up to. Not, you know, making up delusions about the show to fit their narrative.

Mark my words, his RWBY0 rewrite will tank and burn.