#also in this universe steve experiences other people's emotions as physical sensations except for Robin bc they're so in tune

[grandwretch]

a snippet from something empath steve that I'm never going to finish

Later, while Steve cleaned the snot and tears from his face, Robin watched him soberly from the toilet. She sat sideways, cross-legged on the closed seat, balanced precariously and stared up at him. Steve ignored her gaze, rubbing at his face until it stung.

"So," she said, eventually. Her words were careful, as if any poorly chosen phrase could send Steve into another spiral. "Can I ask... why Eddie?"

It was a question with many interpretations. Why care fixate Eddie, when so many people Steve had grown up with had died in the last week? Why sob yourself to sleep over someone you had barely known? What was it about Eddie that haunted Steve far beyond the vague ache of failure? Why was Steve's grief for one man strong enough to block out the pain and suffering of an entire town in mourning?

"Did I ever tell you why I fell in love with Nancy?" he said, instead of answering any of those questions.

Robin hesitated, then shook her head.

"The thing about emotions is that they don't make sense. I know I compared it to noise, before, but it's not-- It's not like a song. It's not even like a bunch of different songs played at once. It's more like being in a room with twenty radios, and all of them might change channels at any time. They all have their own rhythms, their own triggers-- And I can figure it out, sure, but it takes time and effort and sometimes I just... can't be bothered."

"Does my radio at least play something good?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow. She was trying to distract him, tease him away from her own question-- An automatic response after seeing the pained look on his face. God, Steve loved her.

"We have the same radio," he said, waving his hand. Which was true, mostly. Sometimes, during the worst spirals he would feel a little pressure from Robin, but outside of that her emotions were felt just like his own-- in his own heart, not against his skin. "Not the point."

Robin grinned.

"Nance's mind is one of the steadiest I've ever felt. I was, like, addicted to it. Even when we were going through the worst shit we've ever been through, she was like a rock, and I-- I loved that. I needed that. And then..." Steve swallowed, his gaze flitting back to the mirror above the sink. He still looked ill, pale and gaunt. "I realized she wasn't, really. I thought she was the rock, and instead, it's just walls. I never... I never really figured out how to get past them. Probably never will."

"Steve..." Robin began, a frown starting to form on her face, but Steve cut her off with a shake of his head.

"No, 'cause, see-- Eddie was steady, too, right? So I thought, oh, good, more walls, don't want anything to do with that, and then--" Steve closed his eyes, letting himself remember the way Eddie's emotions had felt butting up against Steve's, the way the warmth had enveloped him even as he shivered through the shock and cold.

"Eddie was steady the way the ocean is steady. He was so alive," Steve continued, choking on the word, "and so warm, always moving but you could-- You could just float along on his train of thought. He was always just there, all around, pressing in. He never hid his emotions, but it didn't hurt. No static. It was like the tides coming in. I don't... I don't think I've ever felt that safe in someone's emotions, before. And I guess... I guess I'm having trouble processing that I might never feel it again."