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jezfletcher · 5 years ago

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The Oscars 2020

The last two years (2018 and 2019), I've managed to watch every single Oscars feature film, partially at least due to being in the US in the lead up to the Oscars, so being able to capture those last few films that seem to be nowhere else in the world besides a few bespoke cinemas in New York or Los Angeles.

This year, however, I knew well ahead of time that I wouldn't be able to do this, and as a result, my completist tendencies were broken enough to make me not even bother seeing all the films I could see. In fact, this year, I missed 7 films, 3 of which I couldn't find by any legitimate means, and 4 of which I could have seen but just went "eh...". Missing from the former category are the foreing films Corpus Christi and Les Misérables, plus Richard Jewell, which infuriatingly comes out in cinemas here in Australia on Thursday. The films I actively decided to skip were Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (I'd subjected myself to the first one, which was enough for me), the "live action" remake of The Lion King, Frozen II (only up for Best Song), and Breakthrough, an evangelical Christian film again only up for Best Song. I feel comfortable with my choices here.

I also, as usual, watched the short films, which I'll talk about at the end. This time, I watched all the Live Action and Animated films, and 3/5 of the short documentaries. The other two I couldn't find before the Oscars.

I'll probably be a bit briefer in my write-ups of some of these films than I usually am, mostly due to time pressure. But some which deserve it (both good and bad), I'll give the regular treatment to. Anyway, let's get started:

1. Knives Out

Topping my Oscars list this year is Knives Out, which was an absolute delight of a film. Often times, I enjoy finding the hidden treasures in the Oscars list: films like Away From Her, First Reformed, On Body & Soul or The Broken Circle Breakdown. But this year I have to give Best Film to one of the actual Best Film nominees. Because this was just a brilliant piece of filmmaking. At times, it delivers the best whodunnit story of the past decade, at others it feels like it's lampooning every whodunnit since Agatha Christie, but it's done with such joy and love with every frame that I couldn't help but watch this with a permanent grin on my face. It's an excellent cast they've assembled here, and you could talk about the pitch perfect performance from anyone, but you have to single out Ana de Armas as MArta Cabrera, the suspect who throws up when she tells a lie (I mean, what a concept), and Daniel Craig as the "southern gentleman" detective Benoit Blanc (I will watch a hundred movies revolving around him solving cases, please make this a franchise). What's more, the film kept me guessing right up to the end, thanks to a whip-smart script from writer-director Rian Johnson, one of the most inventive and exciting directors working at the moment. I wasn't exactly sure, before I started this writeup, what would actually end up at #1 this year, but seeing Knives Out at the top of the list I realise it should have been obvious.

2. Little Women

Another truly wonderful film this year was Greta Gerwig's Little Women. I'd seen Gillian Armstrong's adaptation from 1994, and loved it, but this is better. Taking the smart choice to tell the tale in non-linear time, it manages to cleverly pull together contrasts between the youth and early adulthood of the characters, and play on our sympathies in new and revelatory ways. In many respects, this film makes you see the story in a different light to any adaptation that's come before it, and it's a rare thing to be able to do that with such a canonical text; the result is honestly very moving in a way I'd not found from this story before. The performances throughout are excellent, of course, Saoirse Ronan is always very strong, of course, but I also loved the support, especially from Florence Pugh and Emma Watson, who is genuinely putting her early-years-of-Harry-Potter far behind her. Timothée Chalamet honestly always feels like he's playing the same character to me, but somehow it continues to be charming on screen. All up, an excellent, affecting film. Oh, and can we just mention how hard done by Gerwig can feel for not getting a Best Director nod? Hmm?

3. The Lighthouse

Thirdly, we have The Lighthouse, a nightmarish comic horror, which is completely predicated on being compelled by Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson. And I'm only human, so of course this worked for me. The two leads are brilliant here: Dafoe's lighthouse supervisor is a thrilling antagonist, with enough mystery to engage you. Pattinson's newcomer is unsettled in a way that mirrors the audience, especially as the film progresses. It's shot in stark, wonderful black-and-white, with a cinematic style that dovetails perfectly with the desolation and destruction of the film, while the 1:1 aspect ratio adds to the overall sense of claustrophobia. It's a quite singular film, one of the most original and interesting pieces of cinema I've seen in many years.

4. For Sama

Topping the documentary stakes this year is For Sama, a film set during the siege of Aleppo, from the point of view of a mother narrating the early life of her young daughter, born as the regime forces encircle, and ultimately recapture the city. It's quite a brilliant, emotional and affecting piece of filmmaking; one, I must admit, that I had to pause half way through to get myself together again. There are scenes here that are stark and harsh, such as the parents exiting the city for Turkey, avoiding the encircling army via back roads, all with Sama strapped inside a baby carrier on her father's chest. It was a beautiful exposition of life under siege, because it brought to the fore that shared human experience. It was an extremely powerful film, and one which I truly hopes ends up taking out the award in its category.

5. Pain & Glory

Next up we have a truly excellent film from Pedro Almodóvar, his best in many many years. Helming the performances is Antonio Banderas as an aging director dealing with a lack of creativity and a degredation in his health. Reconnecting with the actor with whom he most famously collaborated, he takes up heroin, and reminisces about his early life as a young boy, and the discovery of his sexuality. It's such a rich film, without an easy narrative. It's a film that, like life, shows the many turns and dead-ends that lead us to the present. Like I said, I think this is one of Almodóvar's best, and for a director with such a rich oeuvre, that's no small thing.

6. Parasite

Eveyone in the world seems to have been absolutely blown away by this film, in a way that I was not. That's not to say that this isn't a good film, because here it sits at #6 in my list of Oscar movies. But this feels like another entry in what's a really strong cinematic tradition coming out of South Korea at the moment. It doesn't help that I find Bong Joon-ho one of the less subtle directors from the country (for example, I deplored Snowpiercer, admittedly, a much, much worse film than this one). But even compare this film against another Korean film from last year, Lee Chang-dong's Burning, and this feels like an almost cartoonish portrayal of similar themes. I know, this writeup talks mostly about not-this-film, but I'm probably mostly talking about how much better Korean cinema is than this one example. Anyway, when Parasite inevitably wins Best Internation Feature this year, it will hopefully get more people interesting in the excellent cinema coming out of this country. And that's nothing but a good thing.

7. The Two Popes

I honestly found this film to be thoroughly engaging and amusing, and found myself rapt in the machinations of the elections of Pope Benedict and Pope Francis, as well as the theological debates between the two when Benedict was considering his resignation. It helps that the pairing of Jonathan Pryce and Anthony Hopkins is perfect, with each an ample match for the other. And the script sparkles with a cleverness that often wrings a wry smile from your lips. I very much enjoyed it—and while it feels like the kind of film which just rounds out the numbers come Oscars time, I hope that it will have the longevity it deserves.

8. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Another charmingly unassuming film, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood follows the story of an investigative reporter, known for being hard on his subjects, who gets assigned the task of interviewing beloved children's entertainer Mr Rogers. In this latter role, Tom Hanks is brilliant: so warmhearted and human that you get a sense of Mr Rogers both on and off screen (subtly different but no less magical in either). It's perhaps fair though that Best Supporting Actor is this film's only nod. Otherwise, it's fairly straightforward, but no less affecting for it.

9. Harriet

I was really pleasantly surprised by this film: a biopic of abolitionist Harriet Tubman from Kasi Lemmons, which has been received in fairly lukewarm terms by critics more generally. It follows something of a standard biopic format, but it always manages to ensure the story ticks along. I was thoroughly engaged throughout the film, and always enjoyed wherever the film was taking me. At least part of the appeal comes from the strong central performance from Cynthia Erivo (an O away from an EGOT, I'll point out), who presents the strength of Tubman with a human realness. A much better film than you've probably heard, if you've heard about it at all.

10. Marriage Story

Another very affecting film, that explicates the trauma that divorce can be, even when undertaken in the most amicable situation imaginable. It's the kind of film which feels a bit like an emotional workout. There are good performances throughout, especially, I feel from Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver in the leads, and weirdly, less so from Laura Dern, who actually gets a nod for Best Supporting Actress here (she was better in Little Women). She’s the short priced favourite to actually win it though, so good for her I guess.

11. 1917

Apparently the front-runner to take out Best Picture, this is indeed a good film, and a technically excellent one. It tells the tale of an impossible mission of two young men sent from the trenches into enemy territory, and does so in a carefully edited way to make it look like one continuous take. As a result, it gains a senss of immediacy and power that other films lack (especially ones which rely on rapid fire cuts to capture the madness of a battle). It's honestly one of the best war films I've seen in, well, probably ever. It's not a genre I generally like all that much, but the fact that this managed to find itself so high on this list is a testament to its quality.

12. Klaus

I found this an utterly charming animated film. It's from a new studio, created from ex-Disney animators whose goal apparently is to see if they could capture what traditional animation would have become had the big studios not all switched to computer animation instead. The answer is that it is quite beautiful, in particular the way they integrate the characters and the scenery. The film itself tells an alternative origin story of Santa Claus, and a redemptive tale of a rich playboy sent to prove his worth in the world (which doesn't work out exactly as you might expect). It's honestly just a lovely piece of film making. It perhaps feels like it's from a different age, and that's both to its advantage and disadvantage. But there's certainly something worthwhile in it. I'll honestly look forward to what Serio Pablos does next.

13. Toy Story 4

Hot on the heels of Klaus is Toy Story 4. You know the deal by now. Just when you think there's a nice easy place for ending the Toy Story franchise, they come up with another way to extend it, and it fits perfectly. Where 3 explored the themes of what happens to toys when their children grow up, 4 explores what happens when toys get lost or forgotten altogether. It also amusingly touches on the whole concept of toys becoming alive—what is a toy, and what is garbage becomes a key question of the film. It's also beautifully animated, with a level of detail which is exquisite—and yet it still feels like it's suitably within the style of the franchise overall. A good film. I feel like Toy Story as a whole could finish here happily. But I've felt that since the first film, and I've always been proven wrong. So, Toy Story 5, have at me.

14. American Factory

An interesting film, about a Chinese corporation which opens a factory in the midwest USA, thereby bringing back the vaunted manufacturing jobs to working class America. The conflict comes from the cultural disconnects between the expectation of the corporation and the workers, especially as there are moves to unionise the workforce. There's a lot to unpack here, especially when you consider the incentives that were given to the corporation to open where they were. But it's not overly political either—rather, it is, but it's presented in such a way as to appear neutral; letting you the audience make up your own mind. The fact that this is the first film produced by the Obama's production company is not lost on me.

15. Ad Astra

I'm honestly surprised this is as high as it is, because in many ways this is a bad film. There's some truly shockingly poor science and plot points in this, and the emotional connection of the film is weak. But what I honestly loved, and which I kept coming back to, is the world building. As we move out through the solar system, we see the wilder and less civilised reaches of space come through piece by piece. From the genteel comfort of a Virgin Galactic flight to the moon, to the rough and rugged outpost of Mars, to the isolation of a solo flight to Neptune. There's something so believable and meditative about it. But, like I said, the brilliance of this doesn't eradicate the bad parts, and if you don't particularly enjoy what I did in this film, it's easy to focus on jumping between spaceships through Neptune's rings using a door as a shield. I mean, jeez.

16. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

I really, really wish that Tarantino would realise what he's really good at as a filmmaker. And it's not violence or shots of women's feet, like he thinks it is. He is truly excellent in managing to extract tension and drama from otherwise benign and potentially overextended conversational set pieces. It's most infuriating in this film, because in so many ways, this film is excellent: one of his best, right up until the last sequence, when you feel as though Tarantino lost the will to resist his natural urges. It's such a shame, because it could have been the moment when you feel like Tarantino has matured as a film maker. But no, let's have a flamethrower, yeah?

17. I Lost My Body

An interesting animated film about a young man in Paris finding his own path in the world, juxtaposed with the bizarre counter story of a dismembered hand searching for its body again. It's beautifully animated, and actualyl quite emotional when it gets to its conclusion. Not the best animated film this year, but another that shows the interesting places animated film can go.

18. Rocketman

Another fairly straight forward biopic, but I feel one which does its job admirably. It's honestly a fairly intriguing story, and one which director Dexter Fletcher tells admirably. Especially good is the integration of the music into the picture, which is often something that feels janky, or else cops out by ensuring that all music is diegetic. Anyway, I thought a pretty good film all up.

19. The Edge of Democracy

Another good documentary, this one explicating the fight for democracy in Brazil, in particular the threat of corruption tainting otherwise socially responsible politicians, and the rise of the far-right in recent years. There are a lot of parallels to be seen in this film and other western democracies, and the story of Brazil is told to be both personal and universal.

20. Jojo Rabbit

I was honestly more disappointed in this than anything else, because the premise is wack, and I trusted Taika Waititi to pull it off. But it's tonally very odd, in a way that is obviously intentional, but which often means that its impact is blunted. I really wanted to be pummelled between the extremes of the humour and the horrors of the end of the Nazi regime, and this film feels like it pulls its punches at every turn, possibly because each element numbs the other. It's not all that funny, nor is it that emotionally impactful as a result, as much as it probably wants to think it's both. Anyway, it's a shame, because I wanted more from this.

21. The Irishman

Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of Martin Scorsese. But I can appreciate his craft, and there's certainly something to be said for a film like this, which is genuinely very much the kind of picture he was making in his heyday. It's also a fine moment to get Pacino and De Niro back together, as well as a technical achievement in their de-aging, which is seamlessly done. But what you'll find I'm not talking about is the plot, or the characters. They're fine, but they don't grip me on a human level, and while it's kind of fun to watch the endless stream of gangsters arrive and depart, they leave very minimal impact. That's generally my problem with it, I guess. Epic in scope, but no space for real human connection.

22. Judy

A reasonable biopic, documenting the latter period of Judy Garland's life, leading up to her last marriage and death. It's a sympathetic portrait, in particular when engaging with Garland's early years (told in flashbacks). The main draw, of course, and the sole nomination it receives here, is Renée Zellweger in the lead, who can be quite challenging as an actress to me, but who here completely disappears into the role of Garland. The rest is only so good, but it's a fair nomination for Best Actress.

23. Ford v Ferrari

This film honestly has some things going for it, and I'm going to probably malign it unfairly for being too much of a banal historical drama in the way that biopics often can be. Partly, the choice of story is poor, because there's a true sense that Henry Ford Jr the Fourth or whoever he is, is a really nasty piece of work, and for too long in the story he is at least the force behind the protagonists, if not the protagonist himself. That really put me off to some extent, and managed to completely detach me from any true emotion in the story. Otherwise, it's a fairly straightforward, stock-standard success-against-the-odds underdog story. There's a place for that, but not a place near the top of my list.

24. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Eh, the discourse has already covered this for me hasn't it? This was a disappointing end to the Star Wars trilogy, especially after Rian Johnson had managed to inject something meaningful into the previous episode. But, there's still at least the spectacle to be had, and there's always something intrinsically enjoyable about spending time in this universe, even when it's done as blandly as this.

25. How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

I'm honestly not a huge fan of this franchise, although I have a soft spot for this particular film now, as it's the first film I've managed to watch all the way through with my son Hal (he is now an avowed fan of all things Toothless). This particular outing sees the village grappling with the question of what is truly best for the dragons themselves, especially as Toothless starts to find himself enamoured of a female Night Fury. It's perhaps an interesting place to take the film, thematically, but as with all of these films, what happens in between the big strokes of the idea is largely interchangeable.

26. Honeyland

It's probably actually a bit surprising that this is so low, because this is a very much acclaimed documentary, about a woman who lives off the land in North Macedonia, in particular using traditional techniques for gathering wild honey. The conflict arises when a nearby family tries to modernise the process, thereby damaging the natural hives on which the woman relies. There's things to enjoy about it, but aside from the obvious thematic elements, I found the film rather dour and tired. It's one of those films which has merit for merely showing that there are stories everywhere in life. But that wasn't enough for me this time around.

27. Joker

I was quite ambivalent about this film when I first saw it, but my ambivalence has turned one way rather than the other as time has passed, so it finds itself down towards the bottom of this list. Firstly, the good: Joaquin Phoenix is always a compelling presence on screen, and even when his characters are inscrutable as Arthur Fleck, there's something engaging about watching him doing his thing. But thematically, this film is a mess, especially in its engagement with violence, and its questions about the underlying discontent in the populace at large. You could read this as an indictment of the masses' willingness to be spurred to evil through a charismatic leader and bit of misinformation. But I'm more inclined to believe that director Todd Phillips just doesn't really know what he's doing, and so the film is unintentionally ambiguous on this. I haven't even gotten into the fact that plot-wise, it, shall we say, "borrows liberally" from Scorsese's The King of Comedy (actually, one of his best, despite my lukewarm Scorsese appreciation above). So yeah, in the end, the more I thought on this film, the less I liked it. Betting wise, you'd be a fool to go against Phoenix to take home the award though.

28. Bombshell

I was quite surprised at how much I didn't like this film, because I feel as though there was the potential for this to be a wonderfully astute indictment of a whole world. But instead, this took the very disappointing route of taking down Roger Ailes and not what he represents. There's a sense at the end of the film that everyone can dust off their hands and say "good job, sexism is solved forever". And this is not something that they engage with in this film—that is to say, they don't examine the fact that this is a potential interpretation. In fact, at the end of the film, the tone is more celebratory because "yeah, we won! The good guys won!". It makes the film feel overall very shallow or hollow.

29. Missing Link

Lowest of the Best Animated feature films, is this very underwhelming stop-motion number. Animation-wise, it's quite nicely done, and technically very strong. But the plot and the characterisations are very bland. Zach Galafianakis's sasquatch is annoying to the point of tears, and the other characters are stereotypes. There's not enough that's interesting in the film. That's the problem. I do feel a little bit bad for the film, because this was also an amazing box-office bomb. And it feels more like it just "wasn't for me" than it feels like it deserved to fail spectacularly. But, to be honest, I do think it has itself to blame for both.

30. Avengers: Endgame

A perennial entry towards the bottom of my Oscars list is the latest Marvel film, in particular the Avengers films. The problem with all of the Avengers films is that they cannot at all give enough screen time to any character to warrant their inclusion in the film, and as a result the whole film feels pointless. This is never more obvious than in Endgame, where they're attempting to both wrap up an entire era of the Marvel enterprise, and include all of the characters they've introduced to this point. I really, really, don't get the appeal, and I honestly think this is one of the messiest examples of the Avengers films. I would have thought the time travel aspect would have given me something to enjoy at least. But, no.

31. The Cave

Bottom of the list this year is a very surprising entry, but one which ultimately I felt I could justify being this low. It's another film from Syria, again telling of doctors working in a beseiged region of the country, this time Ghouta, as the forces of Bashar al-Assad bomb and attack. But this film was honestly, so unbelievably dull. It very much has the philosophy of "point a camera at something and see what happens", but very much misses out on constructing anything interesting from the resulting footage. There's a sense of, yes, claustrophobia and anxiety as the bombs come ever closer. But there's almost no narrative thrust. There's no human connection. There's not enough focus on any character to feel like you're connecting with them. I was unsurprised after this film, when I discovered that its director also directed Last Men in Aleppo, a documentary short I watched a couple of years ago, which also managed to turn what should have been an excellent idea into something boring. I think it's extremely telling that when there are two films covering such similar ground in the same year (as For Sama above does), one can be so emotionally devastating and one can be so dull.

Anyway, that's it for the features. As always, I also attempted to watch the short films. I didn't manage to see all of them this year, as two of the documentary shorts (St. Louis Superman and Learning To Skateboard In A War Zone (If You’re A Girl)) weren't available before the Oscars telecast. But the rest I'll present in order here from favourite to least favourite. But as always, all of these are excellent, and all (maybe apart from the bottom) worthy of your time:

1. Une Soeur (A Sister) (Live Action) 2. In the Absence (Documentary) 3. Hair Love (Animated) 4. Sister (Animated) 5. Brotherhood (Live Action) 6. Life Overtakes Me (Documentary) 7. Nefta Football Club (Live Action) 8. Memorable (Animated) 9. The Neighbors' Window (Live Action) 10. Saria (Live Action) 11. Daughter (Animated) 12. Walk Run Cha-Cha (Documentary) 13. Kitbull (Animated)

And, last, but not least, is my annual Oscars ballot. How would I vote if I could, and the only things I could vote for are the nominees? Read on:

Best Picture: Little Women Best Actor: Antonio Banderas (Pain and Glory) Best Actress: Cynthis Erivo (Harriet) Best Supporting Actor: Tom Hanks (A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood) Best Supporting Actress: Florence Pugh (Little Women) Best Animated Feature: Klaus Best Cinematography: The Lighthouse Best Costume Design: Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood Best Director: Sam Mendes (1917) Best Documentary Feature: For Sama Best Documentary Short: In the Absence Best Film Editing: Parasite Best International Feature: Pain and Glory Best Makeup & Hairstyling: Judy Best Original Score: Little Women Best Orignal Song: "(I'm Gonna) Love Me Again" from Rocketman Best Production Design: Parasite Best Animated Short: Hair Love Best Live Action Short: A Sister Best Sound Editing: Ford v Ferrari Best Sound Mixing: 1917 Best Visual Effects: The Irishman Best Adapted Screenplay: Little Women Best Original Screenplay: Knives Out

And we're done. See you again next year.

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elizabeth-shibboleth · 6 years ago

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11 Deep Questions

11 Deep Questions: Yahoo! Answers - the Jewish version.

(I dug this out of my very old blogger archives; it’s from 2009! But with today’s rising antisemitism and grotesque/bizarre political climate, it’s definitely time for a replay. Enjoy!)’

Every time I'm feeling good about the world we live in, I always ruin it by eventually setting myself up a reality check.

That reality check almost invariably comes from Yahoo fucking Answers.

For those unfamiliar, Yahoo Answers is quite simply the largest collective of ignorance ever assembled in the history of mankind.

People post stupid questions and get stupid answers, and well, that’s it. It is both hugely comical and deeply sad at the same time... like a clown's funeral, or libertarians.

I recently decided to see what the Yahoo Answers braintrust had been pondering about us Jews. Because apparently I was in the mood to be super, super depressed...

But there’s good news! Now you too can get in on the action (not just the depression, but also the baffling despair/abject horror!) because I am going to share a few particularly *headdesk*-worthy examples with you. If only we, the human race, could harness the kind of raw, intellectual prowess displayed here. Imagine it: like the great European “brain drain” - except coming exclusively from the state of Alabama. So, shall we?

1. “Are the Jews to blame for the global financial crisis?”

Ooh! A perfect first example, because Jews+Conspiracy+Money = a captivated audience of mouth breathers - such as the Yahoo Answers variety. They spend hours at time, furtively watching video after online video, mentally masturbating to a narrator's impassioned/incoherent rants. Soon, their worst fear will be realized: They don’t know fucking anything about the federal reserve. (Sure sounds spooky, though, doesn't it?)

Answer:

Recently, some institutions created this subprime bad debt to inflate their balance sheets so their Jewish owners could boast higher profit figures. The Jewish financiers at Lehman Brothers, Goldman Sachs, Bear Sterns et al then walked away with huge bonuses the past few years on the back of profits generated through these worthless assets (which had been given falsely high credit ratings by Jew-owned credit agencies).

Ah. Damn. We were going strong until the phrase "Jew-owned." This whole paragraph reminds me of the mountain climber game from The Price is Right... this guy was just slowly and precariously climbing up the rhetoric cliff, until he finally fell off by using "Jew-owned" as venomously as possible.

2. Is it true that jew's are all tight with money?

Ye's. Ye's we are. Very generous with the unnecessary punctuation, though.

3. Can Orthodox Jews catch swine flu?

Is it sad that this one is possibly the most reasonable question on the entire list?

4. Why is it generally considered derogatory to call someone a "Jew" that is not Jewish?

Our questioner goes on to elaborate: “I have found that people don't get offended if you call them an "Arab" or a "Swede". Anyone have any thoughts?”

Mmm hmm, yes. I have a thought. As a result of both ancient and modern historical connotations, "Jew" used as a pejorative isn't just shortening the name of the religion. It would not be akin to you calling someone an ‘Arab’...more like calling someone an ‘Arab Terrorist’, which is racist as fuck because you’re linking a negative character trait (being a terrorist) with ethnosocial group/religion/race. The “Arab” in this example is unnecessary information; superfluous in almost any context, and it’s only there because you deem it relevant. That’s far more insidious than your standard 14 year old jackass screaming “Jew fag towelhead darkie tits" for an hour straight into his XBox Live headset, because nobody in that scenario thinks his epithets are necessary, not even him.

But all of this is beside the point, because this person is asking about calling someone a “Jew” WHO IS NOT EVEN JEWISH. This is essentially some dickcheese asking permission to call people Jews or to use the word Jew as a catchall pejorative under the guise of innocent bewilderment. This guy and the guys who “accidentally” grab women in crowded spaces? Best friends.

5. Where can I learn Jew Jitsu?

At your neighborhood dojew. I recommend training with Cobra L'Kaiim.

6. As Israel was created because Jews were prosecuted shouldn't we create a homosexual country for the gays?

We have. It's called "France.”

7. Is it true that no jewish went to work on 911.?

We're off to a roaring start. Whenever "Jews" or “Jewish people" becomes just "jewish," you can’t help but get that feeling something's up. I'm not sure where this rumor came from, but there are at least 50 questions on Yahoo Answers about it.

It reminds me of the South Park episode where Cartman proposes a theory about who was behind 9/11:

"9 out of 11? Exactly the score Kyle got on his spelling test 12 days after 9/11! Who has the most to gain from 9/11? Kyle! Who was nowhere to be found the morning the towers fell?! Kyle!"

Now that I think about it, there’s an alarmingly distinct parallel between the people of Yahoo Answers and Cartman.

8. Is it true that the Jewish people read backwards ??? ...? if u are a jewish do u even understand what you are reading ?? [sic]

.taht ekil emosewa tsuj er'eW ؟ yas I nac tahW

9. Do Eastern European Jews really have tails?

OK, you've got my attention.

And here is the response which was voted best answer:

Your question is a bit too open ended. I am assuming you are not referring to the coccyx but Jews with birth abnormalities that resemble a tail. Statistically speaking more Jews have been born with this defect recently.

I think I'd be a lot more inclined to pick apart that answer (which, by the way, is inaccurate in about 900 different ways) if both my Bubbe and I didn't each have a small calcium build-up on our scalps.

10. Is it true what i heard about baby jewish boys? does they get their fore-arms cut off when they are babies?

...and the reason behind our ineptitude at sports has just been revealed.

11. What does it mean to be acidic jew?

A Jew with a pH less than seven. Duh.

Mazel Tov, everybody.

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itsworn · 6 years ago

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2006 Dodge Magnum SRT8: Power Lifting

Covertly chasing the title of the World’s Strongest Street Magnum

I grew up in NYC — a great city, but arguably the worst place in the world to be a gearhead. From high school on, I had to satisfy my hunger for horsepower with everything I could learn from books, magazines, and later, the internet, along with occasional road trips to a car show or the track. The upside of all that armchair enthusiasm was that when I relocated to Los Angeles three years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted in a project car — powerful, American, rear-wheel drive, all that for sure — but there were a few more X-factors I was looking for too.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been drawn to oddballs — the obscure comic book character that only appeared a handful of times, the underground metal band with only one EP. My taste in cars is no different, so it had to be something a little off the beaten path. I also wanted something that would spark gas station conversations with other gearheads, while remaining largely invisible to civilians. And it had to function as a daily driver and family car.

This is what 763 lb-ft of “rear wheel” torque does to 275/40R20 radial tires when Max Nichols rolls on the boost.

I’d loved the Magnum SRT8s since they first came out — that a mean-looking modern American V-8 wagon even existed was truly cool. The Magnum ticked all the boxes on my mandatory requirements list — with the added bonus of being based on a popular platform with lots of aftermarket support.

My concern was whether I could find a clean, low-mileage Magnum with no major issues after all these years. Poking around online, I stumbled across a well-cared-for example in my preferred color (black) with only 19,000 miles on the clock in Austin, Minnesota. After a couple phone calls with the owner, I took a leap of faith and soon the car was on a trailer headed to me in L.A. When it arrived, I was thrilled. The wagon looked even better than the photos I’d seen and was a blast to drive.

To all the world, this black Magnum SRT8 looks perfectly stock. We can tell you from experience, however, that this Magnum is far from original in terms of performance.

I started out doing all the things you do when you’re just dipping your toe in making a car your own — Mopar CAI, Corsa Xtreme cat-back and a DiabloSport 91 Octane tune. That was fun … for a while. A mechanic friend put me in touch with “Viper Dan” Cragin at Specialty Performance in Alhambra, California. Dan and I hatched a plan to wake things up a little. A Mopar transmission-programing upgrade and AMG blue-top solenoids made for some more lively shifting and a Wavetrac LSD with a 3.55:1 ring-and-pinion allowed for proper burnouts and a little more out-of-the-hole grunt.

The car remained in that state for a while, serving as my daily driver and providing a lot of smiles per gallon. My twin daughters have always liked calling cars by name, so the Magnum clearly needed one. My wife suggested Magnus — after Magnús ver Magnússon from the old World’s Strongest Man TV show — based on the similarity to Magnum and connotation with power. It stuck and that’s what my family calls the car to this day.

The striking Hemi Orange engine coloration continues from the factory coil pack covers to the 2.9L Whipple Screw-style supercharger that kicks out 812 rwhp. The underhood area is neatly appointed and stops traffic at the local Cars & Coffee when Max pops the hood.

I’d heard that if I wanted to make serious modern Mopar power in SoCal, Adam Montague at SpankinTime Motorsports was the guy to see. I drove from L.A. to his shop in San Bernardino to sit down with him and formulate a plan — the first of many such trips I’d make over the next couple years. We decided to go with a 2.9L Whipple twin-screw supercharger sitting on a custom-built 393 stroker with a Crower custom-grind blower cam, CNC-ported heads, a BBK 95mm throttle body and Driveshaft Shop 1,400hp axles.

This setup proved to be good for 717 rwhp and 673 torque on 91-octane pump gasoline with 12-psi boost. I ran 11.49 seconds at 124 mph at Famoso Raceway on street-legal drag radials — that’s a pretty solid effort for a full-weight family wagon and a lot better than the mid 13s the car ran from the factory.

Max’s Magnum isn’t just for the track. Whether he’s driving his twin daughters to their soccer games or headed for the track, everything he needs fits within the confines of this cool and very fast wagon.

Next, SpankinTime installed a Southern Hotrod War Viking NAG1 transmission, a ProTorque 3,000-stall converter, Fore Innovations fuel system, Black Ops 1,300cc injectors, and an E85 tune. Also added were a custom SpankinTime icebox for the supercharger, a Driveshaft Shop two-piece driveshaft, and a set of Race Star wheels wrapped in Hoosier rubber. This setup really tied things together. It dyno’d at 786 hp and 717 lb-ft of torque, and I ran 10.63 seconds at 133 mph on 15-psi boost.

To allow for more boost, Adam custom fabricated a stand-alone eight-rib belt setup, which runs the blower up to 17 psi. We also upgraded to the 102mm Whipple throttle body and added JBA mid-pipes to the otherwise stock exhaust. Following these most recent upgrades, the car dyno’d at 812 hp and 763 lb-ft of torque and ran a 10.27 at 137 mph at Famoso — driving there and back.

The factory suspension is great for Max’s daily drive, but to get the next level of performance, he has some plans in the works to drive this Dodge into the 9-second quarter-mile club.

What’s next? The car runs 10.2s on stock suspension, so it’s hard not to wonder if some help in that department might get it into the 9s. We’re going to add some Lakewood drag shocks soon and possibly a 15-inch rear brake conversion with a bigger tire down the road. We’ll see.

The exterior remains completely stock, as I dig the stealth-mode approach. Understanding that the car came with a 425hp rating from the factory, I think it can still be considered a sleeper. I’ve chosen to keep it as quiet as possible to continue the stealth theme. There’s a nice, low rumble when driving down the road and you can hear the cam, but I’m too old for a look-at-me obnoxiously loud vehicle.

Max retained the factory Magnum wheels, 9 inches wide and 20 inches tall for street driving.

I wanted the engine bay to feel like hidden treasure underhood, thus the Hemi Orange blower, the custom-painted coil-pack covers, and the Billet Technology billet accents. I’m particularly fond of the old-school hot rod lettering. It was hand-painted by sign painter Lorenzo Rams at Workhorse Sign Co. in Hawthorne, California. The quote is from Flannery O’Connor’s 1952 novel, Wise Blood, which was adapted into a film directed by John Huston in 1979. It’s the same line used by the band Ministry for their song, “Jesus Built My Hot Rod.”

This car is my true daily driver. I drive it to meetings, to pick the kids up from school, wherever. My now 8-year-old twins love it and have been known to say “Boost, daddy. Boost!” and I’ll give them a little taste to make them laugh. I like to joke that it’s for when you need groceries right now, and rest assured that my kids are never late for soccer practice! —Max Nichols

When you’re making big power, the transmission can become the weakest link in the chain. The Southern Hotrod War Viking NAG1 five-speed transmission is a favorite with the fastest late-model Mopars today.

2006 Dodge Magnum SRT8 Max Nichols, Pacific Palisades, CA

ENGINE Type: 393-cid Chrysler Hemi V-8 Bore x stroke: 4.070-inch (bore) x 3.7950-inch (stroke) Block: factory 6.1L block Rotating assembly: 2618 forgef CP Carrillo pistons, forged Molnar turbo connecting rods, forged Molnar crankshaft Compression: 9.5:1 Cylinder heads: modified factory 6.1L SRT8 Magnum cylinder heads, CNC-ported Camshaft: Crower custom blower camshaft, 0.585-inch lift, 226-degree intake duration, 228 degrees on exhaust side Induction: 2.9L Whipple twin-screw supercharger painted Hemi Orange, 102mm Whipple throttle body, SpankinTime custom 8-rib stand-alone belt system with 3.125-inch pull to generate 17 psi of boost, Fleetrunner eight-rib belt and Spankin’ Time custom intake icebox, Fore Innovations full return-style fuel system running E85 fuel, Five-O-Motorsports Black Ops fuel injectors Oiling system: Melling high-volume oil pump Exhaust: stock exhaust manifolds, JBA mid-pipes, Corsa 4-inch polished tips Ignition: factory stock ignition Cooling: factory original cooling system with Moroso aluminum coolant tank Engine/vehicle built by: Adam Montague, SpankinTime Motorsports, San Bernardino, CA,

The interior is very much as delivered with the factory gauges, console, and seating.

DRIVETRAIN Transmission: Southern Hotrod War Viking NAG five-speed automatic, one-piece Driveshaft Shop custom two-speed unit Shifter: steering wheel-mounted AMG paddle shifters Rearend: 2006 Dodge 215mm differential, 3.55:1 gearing, Wave Trac Posi, Driveshaft Shop 1,400hp axles

CHASSIS Suspension: factory original, front and rear Steering: stock power steering box Brakes: stock Chrysler Brembo disc brakes Paint: factory Black

WHEELS & TIRES Wheels: 20×9 SRT8 Chrysler wheels (street); 17×4.5 (front) and 17×9.5 (rear) Race Star Drag Stars (track) Tires: 255/45ZR20 (front) and 275/40R20 (rear) Nitto NT555 G2 (street); 27.5×4.5/17 Hoosier front-runners and 28×10-17 Hoosier bias-ply slicks (track)

Jutting from the back of the steering wheel and within easy reach are a pair of paddle shifters that ensure perfect shifts at exactly the right moment.

With the Hoosier bias-ply slicks in place, the quarter-mile times drop quickly. Note that the Race Star Drag Stars wheels fit neatly around the factory Brembo brakes.

Key to picking the Whipple supercharger was generating big power and keeping everything underhood. This looks like a factory installation — it’s just that clean.

This custom SpankinTime icebox keeps intake pressures cool, which is critical to making the huge power generated by this supercharged 393-cid Mopar powerplant.

Everything about this installation is well-thought-out, including proper fuel flow, oil pressure, and state of electronic engine tune

This custom bracket, built by Adam Montague of SpankinTime Motorsports, keeps the eight-rib serpentine beltdrive in perfect alignment to retain boost pressures even at high rpm. The engine currently sees 17 psi of boost.

Not visible to the naked eye are the Fore Innovations full return-style fuel system and the 1,300cc Black Ops fuel injectors.

Not only is Max the driver, he’s also the pit crew. Here he bolts up the Hoosier front runners in prep for a serious drag run.

With its racing shoes in place, the Black Magnum looks more the part of a serious muscle car than its usual daily driver role.

The Magnum exhaust is made up of factory exhaust manifolds with JBA mid-pipes. The only visible exhaust components are these Corsa 4-inch exhaust tips. This car is amazingly quiet at idle.

Black license plates are all the rage in California these days, a throwback to 1969, the last year they were issued until now. The classic plate on a black Magnum is a nice touch.

This is the side of the Magnum most stop light competitors will generally see. Max wanted his Dodge to retain the stealth appearance — that is until his “Magnús ver Magnússon” side comes out.

It takes merely the flick of a toe to send the factory radials up in smoke when you’re packin’ this kind of power.

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Image copyright DC Thomson & Co Ltd

Image caption An illustration from 1977’s The Nine Lives of Kitty Foster, which features in a new exhibition on girls’ comics in Dundee

Perceptions that comics and graphic novels are just about city-wrecking scraps between superheroes and super villains are being challenged by a growing number of women in Scotland interested in the genre.

Among these women are a university masters degree graduate and artists and writers from across Scotland.

In their own words they tell of why they are passionate about comics and how they are so much more than stories about caped crusaders.

Tanya Roberts: Comic and graphic novel artist

Image copyright Tanya Roberts

Image caption Artist Tanya Roberts and examples of her artwork

Edinburgh-born artist Roberts has illustrated comics based on Star Wars spin-off Clone Wars, as well as Toy Story and Strawberry Shortcake.

Among her current projects is creating a graphic novel called Abeyance, with her husband.

She believes that now is a good time for female artists, writers and readers, but also for comics generally, irrespective of gender.

“There are a few good reasons for it,” she says.

‘Emotional connections’

“Comics, the characters that are within them and the worlds that they create are now people’s playgrounds.

“People can write about them, dress up like them even create alternative universes or fan art for them.

“All of this of course is then posted to various online social media type things and perpetuate people’s interest in that particular fandom. That, in turn, sells more comics.

Image copyright Tanya Roberts

Image caption Art from Roberts’ graphic novel Abeyance

“I think the differences in attracting a male/female readership is subtlety small. Because I go to conventions and sell my material to people I get feedback and notice who is buying my artwork.

“Females seem to appreciate character relationships and that emotional connection between them a bit more. I know I do, as a female reader, get inspired when there’s great characters in the story with interesting relationships to others.”

Roberts believes there to be a healthy female audience for comics.

She says: “Girls don’t only seem to cosplay as their favourite characters they also buy comics too.

“I always get excited talking to people who are inspired by comics and even more so to learn that they have taken their passion even further, that it in turn has inspired them to create something, like fan art, fiction or even their own original stuff.

“To which I say to them: see you next year at the stall next to mine selling your own comic.”

Louise Quirion: Comic book exhibition curator

Image copyright Louise Quirion

Image caption Louise Quirion giving a tour of a new exhibition on comics in Dundee

French-born Louise Quirion is a graduate of University of Dundee’s MLitt course in Comics and Graphic Novels.

She is also the curator of Girls in Print, an exhibition running until 21 October in the university’s Tower Building Foyer.

The exhibition includes more than 30 original artworks from a number of Dundee publisher DC Thomson’s titles such as The Topper, Bunty and Twinkle.

“When I began looking into this area, I was amazed at the range of stories covered by girls’ comics,” says Quirion.

Image copyright DC Thomson & Co Ltd

Image caption An illustration from 1977’s Spellbound comic story Beware the Mystery Dolls

“As well as school and ballet stories, there are also sports stories, historical dramas, science-fiction and tales of the supernatural.

“This exhibition is a great opportunity to discover or re-discover the high school stories of the Four Marys or the space adventures of the Supercats, while appreciating rarely seen original art.”

To show how comics have evolved today, the exhibition also features work by current female comics artists such as Kate Charlesworth, Tanya Roberts and Gillian Hatcher.

‘Marketing strategy’

During her research for the display, Quirion became interested by how publishers in the UK target readers with gender-specific titles, which is a different approach to other parts of Europe.

She says: “I find it fascinating because France and UK are geographically very close, and yet their comic cultures are based on very different ideas.

Image copyright Maria Stoian

Image caption Modern works also feature in the Girls in Print

“I feel like this separation girls/boys is mostly a marketing strategy. They are still using it in Japan and it works great there.”

But she adds: “Everyone reads comics in France, whatever their gender or age is, so the best strategy is more to appeal to everyone.

“I know American comics are pretty popular right now, but I encourage anyone that likes comics to also read other things.”

Team Girl Comic: Scottish-based collective of comic book creators

Image copyright Clare Forrest

Image caption Artwork by TGC artist Clare Forrest

TGC was set up to as a support network for women cartoonists across Scotland, and features in Louise Quirion’s Girls in Print exhibition in Dundee.

Gill Hatcher, editor and founder of the group, says: “The number of women and girls in Scotland both attending comic events and making comics has exploded in recent years.

“When TGC began in 2009 we were a very small tight-knit group, but the number of people getting in touch and asking to join keeps on growing.

“There are a lot more opportunities for young people to learn the craft of writing and drawing comics, and lots more channels for them to get their work out to a wider audience.

“And gradually, as more women have got involved in the Scottish comics scene, the more it has opened up to new creators who might have previously felt intimidated or unwelcome.”

Image copyright Cover of That Girl Comic

Image caption Ren Wednesday’s cover art for TGC’s anthology That Girl Comic

Hatcher says the subjects women want to tackle through comic stories and art are wide-ranging.

She says: “Our contributors write about all sorts of subject matters, often highly personal and touching on politics, identity and feminism.

Image copyright Gill Hatcher

Image caption An illustration by Gill Hatcher

“There’s often a lot of humour in the stories we tell too.”

Hatcher adds: “Our latest anthology, That Girl Comic, featured our artists’ different takes on the theme ‘growing up’ and we ended up with a great mixture of childhood memories, teenage angst and present-day reflections, as well as some more surreal and whimsical interpretations.”

Vicky Stonebridge: Artist and comic book fan

Image copyright Vicky Stonebridge/Northings

Image caption Vicky Stonebridge and an example of her comic book illustrations

Stonebridge, a painter, craftworker and co-organiser of the Highlands’ popular but now defunct HiEx comic convention, is based in Lochcarron in Wester Ross.

Growing up in the Highlands, she recalls pouring over a comic her dad bought her when she was three or four.

“It wasn’t the Dandy and Beano I later came to love, but a ‘boys’ comic with sci-fi, action and crazy perilous monster stories in it. I loved it,” she says.

“I was an early reader, but didn’t really get what was going on, there was a giant rat man who was mugging people and being generally menacing.”

‘Geek culture’

Stonebridge’s interest in comics was reignited later at art college when a friend showed her a copy of the British sci-fi and fantasy adventure comic, 2000AD.

She says: “It blew me away. I was the only other person I knew who read it, it was for a long time the only comic I knew.

“I even wrote part of my dissertation about it. I loved the escapism, the action, satire, punk attitude, fantasy and adventure. I was never a girly girl so stories of ballerinas and public school girls were never going to cut it with me.”

Image copyright Vicky Stonebridge

Image caption Stonebridge fell in love with sci-fi and fantasy art at a young age

She adds: “My love of sci-fi went along similar lines, with a teacher taking a book off me when I was seven as it was ‘too old for me’.

“I still remember vividly the aliens, mutants and space paradoxes that excited me, and the feeling of resentment at being told it wasn’t for me.

“This is why I enjoy working with young people and encouraging their interests in comics, geek culture , genre fiction and art, because I think it is important to support them in their journey of discovery in order to foster creativity and imagination instead of closing doors.”

‘Always evil’

Stonebridge says a big challenge with comics is challenging the way female characters can be portrayed in the illustrations.

“There are lots more examples of strong female characters in comic books and film adaptations coming to the fore,” she says.

“2000AD always had some strong women, but often these were sidekicks to the main male character.

“The character Psi Judge Anderson is an interesting character, some writers and artists have given her real depth, and yet there still persists other artists who still portray her as a pouting doll with ridiculous breasts.

“A more consistent 2000AD female character was Aimee Nixon. She switched sides and her allegiances were muddy, but she was always fierce and kick-ass.”

Stonebridge adds: “As I’ve become middle aged myself I crave to see older women characters, as all these idealised slim attractive comic women just don’t resonate.

“I love to see diversity in comics, characters who reflect the real world. There are always gnarly old men characters, but where are the women – apart from being super villains of course, because everyone knows that older women are always evil.”

All images are copyrighted.