#also im experimenting with different styles to try not to use dialogue as a crutch

[cameronsactivities]

Anderperry Week 2023, Day 7

(wild card day!!)

Carpe Diem

The bell above the door dinged as Neil walked into the bookstore. It was one of the last places in the city where he could retain his anonymity after he’d gained some fame as an actor. He loved how it was always quiet, without being silently sterile. The small coffee shop in the corner kept the store smelling like freshly-ground coffee beans and steeping tea. Neil bought a drink, letting the steam fog up his glasses while he perused the books. 

He swore he saw a familiar name out of the corner of his eye. In disbelief, he picked up the book. He wasn’t mistaken. In a neat, serif font, the name “Todd Anderson” was printed right there. Neil opened the book, a poetry anthology. He read the dedication five or six times, confirming that it was undoubtedly the Todd Anderson he was thinking of. “To the Dead Poets Society,” it read. 

Memories of nights crowded in a tiny cave, desk sets tossed off bridges, and promises made in youthful spirit came back to Neil. Memories of kisses in the darkness, hands interlaced beneath covers, and whispers exchanged in chilly air. 

But Neil and Todd were driven apart by career, as Neil moved to Hollywood and Todd stayed in New England. Their excuses held more weight than they thought they did, and suddenly, Neil had realized that he hadn’t called Todd in more than a month. 

Neil never found love again since then, almost five years ago. He gingerly placed the book back onto the display stand and quickly walked out of the bookstore, leaving his tea behind and wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. 

Neil’s own face stared down at him disapprovingly from a movie poster. The balance of success and sacrifice had been wobbling out of control behind Neil’s back for so long, and it was just starting to catch up to him. 

***

“Excuse me, are you Neil Perry?”

Neil sighed, and as humble as he was, he was not in the mood to greet a fan. But as he looked up, he saw a set of blue eyes that he was well-acquainted with, and blond hair that would only appear golden when the sunlight filtered through it. 

“Todd?” Neil took off his baseball cap.

“Hi.”

Five years worth of silence stretched between them, and their awkward departure five years ago went unmentioned. 

“It’s such a coincidence, seeing you here,” Neil said. 

“I switched publishers two years ago, and now I live in LA.”

“Oh.” The silence seemed to push them further away from each other. 

“I should get going,” Todd said. 

“Please,” Neil said, then cleared his throat to make it sound less like a beg. “Please, have a cup of coffee with me. It’s on me.”

From that moment onwards, autumn passed by like a blur. They started quite clunkily, like an old car engine refusing to start, but after a few conversations, they were cruising down the freeway with the wind in their hair like vintage movie stars. The embers of a quieted love were fanned back to life, and the fire was roaring bigger than ever. 

One evening, they booked a reservation at a fancy dinner restaurant, but upon seeing that the prices were absurd, even for Los Angeles, Neil and Todd ordered drinks and left a big tip. They chose to eat grocery store canned soup instead. 

They spent their weekends in museums or movie theaters, and their nights dancing to old songs on Neil’s record player. Sometime in September, Todd moved into Neil’s apartment, and they became roommates again, except they didn’t bother with having two beds this time. Neil’s coworkers wondered why he had started bringing delicious, homemade meals instead of the same sandwich every day.

But as the temperatures dropped and the last qualities of summertime ebbed away, the days of blissful kisses and pretending to hate pumpkin spice lattes came to an end. Neil and Todd laid in bed, huddled together for warmth, as they kept putting off switching their quilt for a warmer duvet. 

“Todd,” Neil said, biting back tears. “There’s something really important I need to tell you, and I’m so sorry for not telling you earlier; that was really selfish of me.”

“What is it?” Todd answered gently.

“Before I say it, I need you to know that I won’t be mad or sad if you leave me because of it.”

Todd stayed silent, as if he were afraid to make a promise.

Neil exhaled shakily, wiping away a tear that had formed. “I have this thing, I found out about it a year ago. It’s a– It’s a heart disease. An arrhythmia.” 

“Neil–”

“No, Todd,” Neil sniffed. “One of the symptoms is sudden death.” 

“No.”

“What do you mean? I can’t just say ‘no’ to a disease.”

“No,” Todd repeated, and they both smiled weakly at the memory that surfaced. “We’ve had five years robbed from us. We can’t afford to lose any more.”

“But what about you? Is it worth it for you to be with someone who’s going to die? I can’t do that to you, I–”

“Neil,” Todd said. “Neil. Neil.” He broke out into a light chuckle. “Neil, carpe diem.”

He smiled back bittersweetly. “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.”

[i-just-want-to-destroy]

the last chapter for walking study in demonology was CRAZYYY im so happy you updated. im so curious about what your thought process in writing it and if youre willing to share?? you dont have to if you dont want to btw! but in any case thank u so muchhh

hey thank you! appreciate it

okay super long answer below

honestly this one was difficult. idk if its bc its been a while since i write fics from scratch so i might have forgotten how difficult the whole thing is, but this one was tough. ch 8 wasnt from scratch tho cos i had the drafts since like 2022 or smthg lol

ik the formatting is non conventional in ch 8 and i was aware that itd be hard to read for some people. but i do think abt the readers often when i write.. mainly not what the readers want in terms of storyline (altho ofc i consider this too sometimes lol) but what the reading experience will be like for them.

i.e consider if id written the chapter in a linear, traditional way and narrated the confrontation between 1-A and LoV (or even other wackier “Villains” like godzilla and invading aliens or whatever). the truth is, although def easier to read, that version will be very boring.

(i know bc i tried and scrapped those versions.)

(im sure a better writer can write it interestingly but i am not a better writer.)

the thing w writing these traditional fight scenes is tht im sure — im 1000% positive in fact — that the readers have read it before. there r literally thousands and thousands of bnha fics out there with great fight scenes, on top of the actual manga, where youve read these characters fight their assorted villains. why would i make you read that again, esp when i know i cant do it better? i already know the readers r just gonna skim the chapter if thats the case. ive been a reader, ik what fic fatigue is like — esp with bnha when everythings been rehashed infinity times in infinity different ways.

same thing also applies with even the “metaness” of the fic itself.

i dont want the fic to come off like its talking down to readers, whom i believe alrdy have the instinctual knowledge of what the fic is trying to do. im willing to bet tht the readers have read something similar to this before, like multiverses n time loop n meta stuff, also cosmic horror. i still end up narrating some things even though often i feel im being too explanatory. i jst feel like the readers will know what im talking abt by virtue of their familiarity to the tropes involved.

therefore the least i can do is serve it in an interesting way, aka the fuckass formatting. like although the tropes im doing r done so many times before, at the very least i cld let the readers hopefully have fun by piecing it together puzzle-style with the fragmented formats — so its more of an experience thing rather than jst a lore dump. i dont like lore dumps, they can be condescending.

demonology def doesnt succeed in avoiding that however. in fact its fallen to that exact trap. ch 4 and 6, those r very lore-dumpy. i tried to make it fun w the humor dialogue style but its not perfect. i know tht by ch 8 that tricks alrdy old, and the readers have all the puzzle pieces at this point anyway so itd be even more repetitive than it alrdy is. even so i still feel im being too explanatory esp with the emotional arcs but thats a skill issue on my part

overall i feel demon can be more oblique and “elegant” in its mechanics.

but anyway, it IS crack… it was never meant to promise intelligence, least of all eloquence lmfao. its never meant to be taken seriously.

of course, at this point u can tell that i actually am taking it pretty seriously LOL. i never meant to write meta fiction. i have some gripes w it, namely that i feel meta fiction is used by weaker writers as a storytelling crutch n it can come off as lazy — demon is guilty of this too. but now that i end up writing meta fiction, i might as well fucking commit and try to push it as crazy as i can. if its not gonna be good, at least it can be interesting, or weird.

blah blah im yapping. point is, ik the end product might look very “random” and pastiche as if i was jst doing whatever i wanted … which, true … but it went thru a lot of trials and errors until this final version. you would not believe the amount of time ive rewritten this chapter, due to all those ^ considerations.

however i always knew i was going to start ch8 with the classic mary sue “fanfiction” — that segment was written a long time ago like in 2022/2023?? and mostly stayed unedited since, unlike the rest of the fic which i stripped and repainted and restripped again lol

ok thanks for reading abt my wack anime crack fic writing process that, again, shld not be taken seriously. i will admit however that i do put a lot of effort n heart into it so i cannot pretend i am aloof and disaffected. id be lying if i say its been easy. i consider it a miracle i updated at all. i keep saying its not meant to be taken serious but if i managed to make it even a little bit meaningful, id be very happy.

ah also. bnha ending actually forced me to scrap a lot of things too. but it kinda ends up for the better, maybe.