#also im NOT KIDDING about the nonfiction like i’ve gotten in trouble for ‘making stuff up’

[creacherkeeper]

so i’m planning on doing a monster of the week one shot about a southern werewolf family because i was explaining to my friends how like. just Looking At The Facts it’s really stupid my moms side of the family like. ARENT actually werewolves??? and just thought it might be something tumblr would enjoy

some Facts about my family:

we all have ridiculously good senses of smell (for example we can tell what family members came to visit hours ago even if they weren’t wearing perfume/cologne)

we all have very bulky strong jaws and incredible bite force (one of my cousins went to the dentist and snapped the bite force measuring tool in half)

despite our great jaws we tend to have weird teeth. i had to get 4 baby teeth and 4 adult teeth removed when i was a kid because they were way way too big for my mouth. braces were painful and took forever because my teeth were so strong. my braces cracked off several times

all the older members of my family are Haunted By Things They Won’t Talk About. there’s big parts of their lives and childhoods they totally avoid

many of us struggle with insomnia

very strong value of Family Is Most Important/Family Sticks Together, even though my family members are frequently erratic or violent. my aunt was immediately accepted back into the family after trying to break into my grandmothers house and almost murdered my mother. she attacked several people, and left huge claw marks on my mother’s arm that she still has the scars from. i was not there to witness this because i was left a few doors down with a baseball bat

my cousins are all pretty tall and bulky. they also grow facial hair very quickly and easily. one cousin was so huge, mature looking, and grew a beard so young, that my aunt had to carry around his birth certificate to get child’s prices at restaurants. his nickname was “werewolf child”

i grew up with biting as a very common and accepted form of affection. literally didn’t know it was weird until i left the family. if you’re feeling loving and someone’s within reach you just grab them and bite their hand or arm or shoulder. leaving marks meant you were really happy

my cousins put away a ridiculous amount of food. my aunt could feed them a full huge meal, leave to spend time with her sisters, and less than two hours later they would call her asking if she would come home and cook because they were starving. one cousin can eat an entire pan crust large pizza in less than five minutes (despite eating so much, and frequently junk food or heavy meat, theyre all on the scale from thin to muscular. none of them are really overweight)

lots of paranormal stuff tends to happen around us. almost every member of my family has had one or more ghost encounters (frequently unexplainable things happening in front of multiple people who all see it while none of them have consumed alcohol or drugs. this has ranged from seeing people in their house, seeing people float/fly, seeing things move when no one touches them, hearing objects talk, and seeing black shapes in the corners of the room, even one time seeing a black orb fly out of their stomach the night before they had a miscarriage). i have been present and witnessed a good handful of paranormal things myself

like!!!! i’m just saying !!!! if we were a fictional family it would be SO OBVIOUS we were werewolves. and kids this is just ONE of the many reasons i can’t take nonfiction classes. no one ever “understands my metaphors” when i’m just writing about my real actual goddamn life