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iam93percentstardust · 4 years ago

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Hey, I hope you're had a very pleasant birthday and birthday month! If the prompte are still open: Can you do Stony with Tony finally and sorta randomly confessing his love to Steve and Steve only then realizing that what he feels for Tony is romantic love as well?

Hello! Sure thing! Quick note: there’s a change between present and past tense for a flashback, for anyone who doesn’t like that kind of thing

As always, everything I write is also on ao3

“I love you,” Tony says, and Steve doesn’t quite know what to do about that.

He won’t say that he’s thought about it before because he hasn’t. But he won’t say that he’s never thought about it either—because he has, occasionally, glanced at Tony’s ass outlined by his perfectly tailored pants and appreciated the sight, and he has, once or twice, wondered what Tony’s warm, sparkling eyes would look like when hazy with pleasure. But a quick, glancing thought that he immediately moves on from is not the same as being attracted enough to Tony to think about asking him out or anything past that.

And now that he’s faced with that question, he doesn’t know what to say. Is he supposed to thank Tony? Is he supposed to acknowledge his feelings and say that he doesn’t feel the same way? Is he just supposed to ignore what Tony said? This is why he has so much trouble with his dates—he never knows how to act in a way that isn’t awkward. No wonder Natasha recently declared him hopeless after he came back from his last date covered in her sticky drink because he accidentally called her a dame.

“I love you,” Tony says and Steve doesn’t know what to do about that, but as it turns out, he doesn’t have to do anything, because Tony nods immediately afterward, says, “Good talk,” and turns and walks away like he wasn’t expecting an answer—or at least, not one that he would like.

Steve doesn’t know what to do about that either.

“Do you think I’m in love with Tony?” he asks Natasha later that day when they’re relaxing on the couch while some mindless sitcom plays in the background.

Natasha blinks at him and then caps the nail polish she was using and puts it on the coffee table. “Do you think you’re in love with Tony?” she asks carefully.

He frowns at her. “That’s not what I asked.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure I should just tell you what to think.”

He sighs and takes another sip from his Coke, only to realize that it’s empty. Yeah, that describes his life pretty well. “I’m gonna get another one,” he says, standing up. “Do you want something?”

She shakes her head. It’s not until he’s in the kitchen, grabbing another Coke from the fridge, before she asks, “What brought this on?”

Steve thinks about the vulnerable look on Tony’s face as he said those three words. He probably wouldn’t like it if Steve told Natasha what they’d discussed. Or, well, he’d probably act like it was fine but he’d secretly feel hurt and might put the workshop into blackout mode again. Steve hates it when the workshop is in blackout mode. He doesn’t like that he can’t get to Tony when he’s feeling so terrible that he has to shut himself away. He wants to be there to support him, and he hates it when he’s the one who makes Tony feel like he has to close off the workshop.

“Nothing,” he tells Natasha.

She gets up to come into the kitchen, where she eyes him for a moment and then declares, “Tony finally told you, didn’t he?”

How does she always know?

“How do you always know?”

She smiles enigmatically. “I always know,” she says in that mysterious tone.

Steve glares at her. “Tony told you, didn’t he?”

“Maybe he did and maybe he didn’t.”

“One of these days, you’re going to have to admit that you two are friends.”

“Hmm,” she agrees. “But not today.” She hesitates, watching as Steve starts preparing a ham sandwich. “So Tony told you he loves you and you said?”

“Nothing,” Steve says with a shrug. “JARVIS, do you think it would be a good idea if I took this to Tony?”

“Sir has not expressed an explicit desire to keep you out of the workshop but I believe he would not appreciate you down there at the moment.”

Steve sighs. “Great. Could you send U up here to bring this sandwich down?”

“Of course, Captain Rogers.”

With that taken care of, Steve turns back to Natasha, following her back out to the living room. “I didn’t say anything because Tony didn’t give me the chance. He just took off.”

Natasha is quiet, studying him for a long moment. He knows what she’s thinking, since it’s probably the same thing he thought: that Tony was too afraid to hear the answer to give Steve the chance to respond. Eventually, she asks, “So how do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know,” Steve says honestly. “I can’t say I’ve ever thought about Tony like that before but—we act kinda coupley, don’t we?”

Before Natasha can respond, the previously bright sky outside goes dark. There’s a bright lightning bolt right outside the window, followed by the crash of thunder and then a loud rushing sound. It dissipates after a moment, the sky lightening again.

“Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff,” JARVIS says, “Thor has returned to the tower.”

The Steve and Tony story goes something like this: instead of going on his planned road trip, Steve returned to the tower the day after the Chitauri invasion to offer his apologies to Tony about what he said on the helicarrier. Somehow—and he’s not sure how, even to this day—he found himself getting wrapped up in the tower repairs with a room of his own on one of the lower floors. And by the time those were done, Tony had apparently also redone some of the apartments near the penthouse as a headquarters for the Avengers. Steve hadn’t been lacking for options after the battle (the Army, in particular, wanted him back) but he’d moved into the tower permanently instead.

He and Tony had clashed a few times in those early days but once Bruce came back from wrapping up his affairs in India and Natasha and Clint left SHIELD to join them, they settled into a bit of a truce.

And over the semi-regular movie nights and the training spars and the late-night conversations after they both couldn’t sleep, that truce became a friendship and before Steve quite realized it, Tony had become one of his best friends. Slowly, Steve found himself being pulled out of the shell he’d withdrawn into after waking in this new century. Tony dragged him to lunch at new and exciting places, places that Steve could never have even dreamed of when he was growing up. They planned missions and training days together. Steve had even gotten adept enough at handling the press with Tony to feel confident accepting interview requests with him.

He hadn’t realized though that Tony had taken it as something more serious though. And now that he does know, he’s not sure what to do about it.

He eventually goes to Bruce, since Pepper is busy dealing with a business merger and Colonel Rhodes is out of town in some undisclosed location (though Steve is certain that Tony knows where). Bruce’s lab isn’t quite the wonderland of light and holograms that Tony’s is, but it’s still impressive to someone who grew up with nothing. Tony makes sure that Bruce has all the latest equipment so the lab is a gleaming marvel of sleek instruments with silver and white colors everywhere. It doesn’t look like the most soothing environment but the speakers pipe out some sort of piano music that Steve vaguely recognizes and there’s a teapot on one counter, keeping whatever Bruce is drinking warm.

Bruce is currently examining something under a microscope. Steve can make out what looks like a purple smear on the slide from where he’s standing in the doorway, but that’s it. Bruce doesn’t seem to have noticed him yet, even though JARVIS announced him, so he waits patiently until Bruce has rolled away from the microscope.

“Bruce, you got a second?” he asks quietly.

“Hey, when did you get here?” Bruce asks, offering him a tired smile. He waves Steve over to the teapot and offers him a cup.

“Just a couple minutes ago. I didn’t mind waiting,” Steve assures him. “What’s the blend?”

“Lavender and chocolate.”

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind a cup.” Bruce hands him the steaming mug. Steve has to add the sugar himself (only Tony knows how he prefers his tea).

“What brings you to my lab? Tony’s downstairs today,” Bruce says, fixing a cup of his own.

“I’m not looking for Tony. Not yet anyway,” Steve corrects. “I did want to talk about him though.” He hesitates and then decides to take the plunge. “Has Tony ever said anything to you about—ah—”

“About his feelings?” Bruce asks knowledgeably. “It’s come up a few times.”

Steve takes that to mean that it’s come up fairly frequently. Tony does like to overshare sometimes and trying to figure out what he’ll overshare about and what he’ll clam up about is about as accurate as trying to make one of Clint’s trick shots. “He told me today,” he begins carefully. “But he didn’t let me say anything.”

“Well, he wouldn’t,” Bruce says, like that’s perfectly reasonable and not absolutely surprising to Steve. He must see the confusion in Steve’s face because he adds, “He only just figured it out a few days ago himself, even though he’s been talking about you for months. I don’t think he was expecting you to feel the same way as him right after he realized it.”

“But why would he say it then?”

Bruce takes off his glasses, holding them in front of him as he thinks. “Tony—he’s got a weird relationship with love. He told me once that he thought he’d lost the chance to tell Pepper he loved her, first in Afghanistan and then with the palladium poisoning.”

“His parents,” Steve realizes. “He didn’t get to tell them either.”

“Exactly,” Bruce says, pointing at him with the glasses. “He doesn’t like to wait. So even though he knows you don’t feel the same way, he felt it was important to tell you.”

“What, in case I die tomorrow?”

“Or if he does.” Bruce must catch the stricken expression on Steve’s face as he smiles gently. “It’s not just about getting the feeling off his chest for Tony. It’s about making sure that you know you’re loved too.”

“Oh,” Steve says softly.

Normally, he would go down to the workshop to think about something that’s puzzling him but he doesn’t want to bother Tony right now. Instead, he goes to his second-favorite room in the entire tower: the library. The library was designed specifically by Tony for Steve after he mentioned how much he liked the tablet Tony had given him but how he missed paper books too. He hadn’t been angling for a library out of the conversation but Tony, generous to a fault, had immediately gotten to work on one.

It’s a beautiful room, completely incongruous with the sleek modern style of the rest of the tower, but perfect despite that. It takes up an entire two floors of the tower with balconies, a spiral staircase, and several sliding ladders for Clint to reenact a scene from some movie that Steve hasn’t gotten around to watching yet. Tony had done the room in dark wood with enough windows to make it feel light and airy instead of cramped. There are little nooks hidden among the shelves and a few window seats for anyone who wants to gaze out over the New York skyline while they read.

It’s perfect, made all the more so because Tony designed it for him.

“Steve, you should have realized how Tony felt sooner,” he mutters to himself as he settles on one of the cushy armchairs with his sketchbook. But how could he have? According to Bruce, Tony hadn’t even known how he felt until a few days ago.

He sketches as he thinks, no subject in mind until he looks down to find that he’s roughly sketched out Tony at his workbench, arguing with DUM-E over something silly. Steve smiles fondly down at the drawing, rubbing his thumb over the curve of Tony’s cheek. He remembers this argument. It had been a couple weeks ago. Tony had asked DUM-E to bring him a wrench and instead, DUM-E had brought him two screwdrivers, three hammers, and a level before finally bringing the wrench. It had made Steve laugh, which had just encouraged DUM-E. Tony had acted frustrated but he knows Tony well enough to know that Tony had been secretly proud about DUM-E’s personality, both for DUM-E and for himself. After all, as Tony said, any monkey could design an AI. It took skill to design one with character.

In his sketch, he’s drawn something of that conflict in Tony’s face—the frustration in the downward turn of his mouth but the pride in the twinkle in his eyes—and it only makes him more beautiful.

“Beautiful,” Steve repeats, awed at the thought. Tony is beautiful, when he’s tinkering, when he’s flying, even when he’s going toe-to-toe with Steve over something stupid (usually Tony’s self-sacrificial tendencies).

He flips through the book, taking in each drawing: Natasha, Tony, Clint, Thor, Tony, Bruce, Tony, Tony, Tony. “Yeah,” he murmurs, looking back down at the drawing he just finished again. He thinks he’s got it figured out.

He stands, tucking his sketchbook under his arm. “JARVIS, do you think Tony would mind talking to me now? I’ve got something important to tell him.”

JARVIS is quiet for a moment, then says, “Sir would be happy to see you.”

He makes his way downstairs, thinking about what he’s going to say, but as soon as he sees Tony—wonderful, beautiful, perfect Tony—playing with one of those incredible holograms he designed, the words fly from his mind and he blurts out, “I’m not in love with you.”

And then he winces. Yeah, okay, so he’s a bit of a disaster.

Tony looks hurt for a moment, but it’s quickly covered up with dramatic offense. Before Tony can make one of his infamous quips that’ll just make light of the situation, Steve crosses the workshop and pulls Tony’s hands into his, rubbing them gently with his thumbs.

“I’m not in love with you,” he repeats. “But I think I could be soon. I’m not where you’re at yet—my brain isn’t nearly as quick as yours, Tony, of course you’re a step ahead of me here too. But Tony, you’re on almost every single page of my sketchbook. We go on what we might as well call dates together. We talk for hours. I know you almost as well as I know myself. I’m not in love with you yet but I think I’m only a couple dates away from it, so you should take me out, and we’ll see how fast I can catch up.”

Tony is smiling by the end of his little speech. “How are you always so good at that?” he asks.

“I was born like this,” Steve says seriously, only to crack a grin when Tony laughs.

“No you weren’t,” Tony argues. “You were born small and spiteful.”

“And full of good speeches. But no one wanted to listen to a little guy like me so I had to bottle them up to use on you.” He pauses and looks down at Tony. “Um, not to pressure you, but does a date sound good?”

Tony thinks about it for a moment. “Depends. Where are you going to take me?”

“Oh, am I taking you? You’re the billionaire, shouldn’t you be treating me?”

Tony’s eyes darken as he purrs, “Only if you’re very nice.”

Steve shivers. He hadn’t really thought about how it would feel to have the full Tony Stark Seduction TechniqueTM turned on him, but he’s thinking about it now and it is absolutely delightful. “What if I’m not nice at all?” he whispers, hands tightening on Tony’s.

Tony’s smile turns downright filthy and he leans up to brush a kiss over Steve’s cheek. “Hmm, I’ll think of something,” he murmurs into Steve’s ear.

He’s not going to act like a caveman and take Tony to bed. He’s not. He’s going to—“Sal’s!” he blurts out, immediately regretting it when Tony takes a step away, brow wrinkling confusedly. It’s really cute. Steve wants to kiss it away.

“What?”

“Sal’s,” Steve says again. “Best burgers in Brooklyn. I want to take you there.”

Tony smiles again. “Sounds like a date.”

#alle writes #stevetony #alle answers #if you like please consider reblogging #Anonymous

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balillee · 3 years ago

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i know very little about music itself, but if i could compose, i would very much be interested in composing a full dream smp soundtrack. i'm horny as fuck for leitmotifs (sue toby fox and noelle stevenson for that one) so like i can just imagine the leitmotifs and the instruments and the sounds i would use for different characters

so c!tommy i would definitely use a lot of wind instruments. maybe for his usual theme it would be quite calm and subdued but the minute he goes full Big Man Mode(tm) it starts to swell because he's naturally a character who overpowers a scene. i say wind instruments specifically because if used correctly they can sound both so free and almost lighthearted and fun but also so distant and cold depending on what instrument you use. just imagine this theme that you recognise being played loudly and boldly being a broken, off-key flute that played in the background of exile that gets more and more unstable as time goes on until it's so broken there's nothing but tense silence and wind when he's up on the tower and running away to techno's place. think of the contrast between the usual feelings of adventure you get from the typical hyrule field theme in most zelda games in comparison to the broken, melodic piano that plays sporadically in breath of the wild as you traverse this massive, post-apocalyptic medieval world that you vaguely recognise. think that but slightly more emotionally traumatising.

c!wilbur would obviously be an acoustic guitar, but i imagine that his theme would often be overpowered by things like battle horns or string instruments as if the real c!wilbur is hiding under all of his projects so it's something rarely heard. imagine this guy who's theme is connected to the safe, calm and melodic tones of a guitar, only to ask 'are we the bad guys?' to the sound of a guitar string snapping followed by a haunted silence. echoes of a guitar that once soothed others rattle around the walls of a dark cavern. when c!wilbur goes to push the button, his theme morphs into something frantic as if the person playing is trying to play the theme as fast as possible just to get to the end, they keep messing up or missing parts or missing key changes because they just want to get it over with. ghostbur would likely also have the same theme but perhaps with a gentle ukulele.

c!techno would have a lot of string instruments. violin, viola, cello, the works. give the man a band, why don't we. string instruments can be empowering in the time of war, overpowering the other themes as he leads everyone else into battle only to become reckless, passionate and angry when tubbo gets elected president. then, when techno sides with dream in the community house, it becomes sinister and almost terrifying to listen to knowing the context of who dream's character is by that point in the story and the weight it has that c!techno has chosen to side with him. perhaps it could be techno's most recognisable instrument playing dream's theme to signify techno just being a cog in dream's plan or enacting his will through ignorance.

c!dream could do with a lot of unnatural, synth sounds. maybe at first they're kind of playful and friendly until all of a sudden they start slowing down and becoming more powerful. his theme can definitely change from something fun to something to be terrified of. a long synth plays in the background of exile because no matter where tommy goes, dream is always there behind him until it starts driving him mad. it cuts off abruptly after the camp is blown up. when he's in prison that same synth plays but it's echoing around the lava bubbles and the sounds of machinery like it's desperately trying to get out. then, when he escapes prison and chases tommy down it swells into a theme we haven't heard for a long time, something to be truly afraid of.

perhaps c!tubbo and c!ranboo could have themes that sound similarly to cat and mellohi, because they're just as important and the discs kind of symbolise all that tommy values in his world, his friends most of all. c!tubbo's theme could be more spritely and lively, something ready to explore and to do and just to exist. maybe it has almost a mechanical sound to it which reflects his more methodical, logical and at times stoic nature. when he's acting as president it becomes nearly lifeless but post-exile that lifelessness becomes a little more desperate. some notes are a little more drawn out, some are missed, it's a little off tempo in places like the song itself is falling apart. in snowchester the song is stable but it's a lot slower. tubbo is slowing down in life now that dream's in prison and he can focus on making himself and his family safe by any means necessary.

c!ranboo's theme could definitely use again a lot of synth to get the dream tie-in, but also a lot of natural noises. if you've never listened to it, listen to the utopia soundtrack by composer christobal tapia de veer to get what i'm vaguely on about. made out of vaguely recognisable noises, and can increase and decrease in intensity. panic room scenes amplified by the sounds of the ocean and of intense synth and all these natural noises getting louder and louder and louder until!... silence. and then the calming piano, reminiscent of a lullaby, playing his theme slowly. except it too, is emotionally traumatising.

#esclaposhitpost #dream smp #dsmp

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 5 years ago

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Thanks for doing my other request!! I loved it! So this time can i request some falling in love headcanons for Azul, Lilia and Malleus? What kind of s!o is it gonna take to get them interested? And will they ignore their feelings or embrace it? Some confession headcanons as well please! Thanks a lot:)

[This requester is referring to these jealousy headcanons!]

I hope you enjoy this set of headcanons as well.

***Warning: some spoilers for Azul’s backstory, Unique Magic, and relationship with the twins.***

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Lilia Vanrouge...

...hopes for a S/O that will keep him guessing, and is willing to both give and receive love.

Lilia-chan is pretty old (but don’t point that out to him, he’ll get grumpy!), so it stands to reason that he wants someone that is able to keep him entertained and keep up with his shenanigans.

He’s great at taking care of others (look at how Silver and Malleus turned out), so he’d be all for a S/O that likes to be pampered and taken care of.

He expects his S/O to be someone that is okay with touch! Lilia loves to cuddle, poke, prod, and spook people, after all.

If there’s one thing he knows from his many years, it’s that a relationship is give and take! Lilia wants to be hugged back, and surprised with random acts of physical affection.

It’s not a requirement, but a big plus if his partner can somehow stomach his cooking (or at the very least is able to keep it down).

Lilia is a “go with the flow” type, so if he happens to fall in love, then he will happily embrace it, but he’s also fine if he never finds love. Whatever the world throws at him, he takes in stride.

When he confesses, it will be during a private cuddle session.

Depending on the size difference, Lilia may either be on his crush, or his crush may be on him. Either way, he will be close to them.

He will make a vague comment about how they can stay like this forever if they wanted to before going in for the full confession. He’s surprisingly smooth for an ancient being!

Azul Ashengrotto...

...doesn’t quite know it yet, but in the depths of his heart (yes, he still has one), he wishes for a S/O that is kind and will love him unconditionally.

He’s not the type to fall easily. He has his hands full with running the Mostro Lounge, assisting clients with their troubles, and keeping the twins (mostly Floyd) in line.

Azul has had a pretty tough childhood--and a lot of trust issues, to boot.

Because of the nature of his powers, he has come to think that everything in life, including relationships, are business deals, and that the idea of someone who would give their everything to someone else without expecting anything in return is just silly.

Even his closest “friends”, the twins, outright tell him if he stops being interesting, they will betray him and fight him for his position of being the dorm leader, so Azul feels like he can never fully “trust” anyone and leave himself vulnerable to them.

He’s also still very sensitive about his octopus form and fears being bullied about it again!

Even if he does start to catch feelings, Azul will deny it to himself and bury his growing fondness under soul-crushing piles of paperwork.

But like the waves lapping against stone, Azul’s defenses will wear away over time. His ideal partner’s kindness and open mindedness will really get his ice cold heart to melt.

He’ll struggle with addressing his newfound feelings, and it will take a good deal of egging on from Jade and Floyd before he works up the courage to confess.

Azul will invite his chosen partner to the Mostro Lounge after hours--he will have a fancy meal and a romantic ambiance prepared. The twins are in the background playing Kiss the Girl instrumental music.

He will try and stall for as long as he can throughout the meal, but at the end he whips out a contract and hands over a pen, asking for a signature if they enjoyed the evening and want to have many more like it in the future with him.

Yes, Azul really did play the “do you like me? check off yes or no below” move.

Malleus Draconia...

...wants someone quiet, demure, and introverted.

Malleus is pretty introverted himself, so he would like a partner that has a similar vibe.

He’s sick of being painted as the bad guy, so he’s always had this fantasy in his head of being the one to whisk a princess off her feet instead of some prince or knight that wants to pick a needless fight with him.

Malleus thinks it would be lovely to fall in love, and he readily embraces the idea. In fact, he really idolizes the concept and dreams of the day when he can meet his soul mate (yes, he believes in the concept of a soul mate).

He’s a huge romantic, to be honest...!

Malleus totally daydreams about his future with his S/O, be it their wedding day or married life. He wants everything to be perfect, so he has a little notebook where he writes down his ideas.

When he confesses, he doesn’t want to scare away his potential partner or rip them away from their friends, so he lurks around and waits for the right moment to try and talk to them.

He’ll invite them to go on a walk with him during the night--why the night, you ask? Because it’s more romantic.

Malleus will confess under the moonlight, his voice a sweet whisper. He will wax poetics, waiting with bated breath for his dream to come true when his chosen one says “yes”.

#Malleus Draconia #Azul Ashengrotto #Lilia Vanrouge #twst #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland requests #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland scenarios #curiouser and curiouser

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srbachchan · 4 years ago

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DAY 4531

Covid ward, Hospi �� July 31, 2020 Fri 10:41 PM

So the site that had been mentioned somewhat briskly but with reserve has been through some tests at the ‘back end’ .. which to ignorant me means the tech team that does all the work in designing the property to make it a viable attractive and have the ease of practicality , has done its job and continues to work each hour to make sure all that shall be up for viewing, works efficiently ..

I do not know how this can be initiated, but those that have been given the work will of course eventually bring it up at the time of the launch and explain all the workings to the Ef of course, but in general also, to all that shall wish to use it.

So just as a vague example what the team informs me is that most of what the visitor needs to know shall be in an easy access mode. The visitor shall not have to go separately to say, the social media platforms - all of them shall be on site once you tune in. Information regarding activities past and present shall be available at the press of a single button. I do not wish to take names just yet , that would not be prudent or ethical, but maybe some of the platforms that are being used to convey, may have to take a back seat or no seat at all.

The whole idea of the concept has been in discussion for long, and the central thought that comes through in each of these discussions is how can we make accessibility to the Ef, to the fan , a lot easier a lot more rapid and a lot more gregarious. Most of this of course cannot be spoken or revealed just yet but I do feel that there shall, hopefully, be a dedicated and lasting connect with all that connects with me - not just the present, but also the past - not just me but also of the family ; in particular Babuji.

For a man of his eminence, as has been said so often, he never did receive his due. It was his modesty and reserve that kept him away from immodestly blowing the horn of his achievements. His autobiography though has kept the feel of his self in great detail .. in great honesty ..

Those that have read his prose speak volumes on its literary value and how some feel it has the superiority over his poetic works. This needs to be brought about. This needs to be put across in voice, in audio books, in the compositions of his works in music and recitation - by me ! Not just his poetry, but to be able to bring chapters of his prose that he has most creatively linked to his verse.

Poets often write from a vision of the world .. a vision that they could have experienced themselves .. a vision that the world could be dictating and whether he agrees with it or not .. a vision that has deep philosophic value .. a vision that makes you sit up and think ‘ why did I not ever think so’ .. a vision that opens the value of the usage of words .. a vision that could become uncomfortable because of its reality and truth .. a vision that decades later still find meaning in whenever you encounter it ..

How did a man of his background his lower middle class life, have the capacity to think so deep .. how did a man who excelled in his rendition of the Hindi work, encompass in the simplest usage the elements of the emotion he conveyed which touched all .. how did a man of his Hindi eminence, become a Professor in the English Department of the Allahabad University, an institution that was and still is renowned for its educational and academic merit .. how did a man of such exemplary qualification translate important Russian works .. how did a man of his eminence write the Bhagwat Gita, in the language and graph and tone of the Ramayan - the Jan Geeta .. how did a man of his eminence join the UOTC - the University Officers Training Core - a subsidiary of the armed forces, initiated by the British during the Raj ..

‘मैं क़लम और बंदूक़ चलता हूँ दोनो ; दुनिया में ऐसे बंदे कम पाए जाते हैं !’

How did a man of his eminence design the music of most of his recitations , so closely identifiable even now. The tune of his famous ‘Madushala’ his own creation , as also many other prominent works of his , still bring so much nostalgia and awe when we sit down with my music partners to put his words to instrumentation melody. They are all being done. Many have already been recorded by me and wait for the right platform for them to be made public. To put them not just in audio form but to give it a visual ; hopefully with my personal participation.

On the more personal front , activities of a ‘day in the life of’ shall have tons of footage of activities on set on recording on dubbing on KBC or events where stage shows were conducted .. on events where I was asked to speak .. the recordings of those speeches ..

.. and remember there are other family personalities that shall be in their presence on the site ..

.. already remixes of my own songs have been done, where the orchestration has been souped up and so has the singing - hopefully.

The moments I spend on a piano keyboard .. I do not know how to play, but the music partners have connected the piano via some computer technology to a lap top where every time I just randomly spend time on the key board it records automatically and transmits to the music partners who could pick up a note or two and make something of it .. not necessarily of great music value but at times a mood title is created and makes for gentle listening pleasure.

AND .. here is where I shall ask and request my devoted dedicated Ef to make contributions. Many do even now every day. In paintings and photo shopped designs. In their opinion in verse. In their thoughts. I shall welcome all .. and if found creatively expedient, shall not hesitate to render them in my voice and to expose it to the entire world - much like what we did during the promotions of ‘Badla’ ..

There is so much to say and disclose, but at the right time. The time now is to repair. If God willing I do survive this Covid, a lot will be asked of you, and I know that the contribution shall be so forthcoming that I shall never have to fear the lack of content.

I am blessed to have my Ef .. of who they are .. and what they have meant to me all these years ..

My gratitude and my love ❤️

Amitabh Bachchan

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yeochikin · 4 years ago

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what is music to you? | k. hongjoong

a/n: when i’m telling you that i’m almost crying as i work this fic, i’m really almost crying. this is one of the softest fics i ever worked on dfjhd also hehe this was requested by @closer-stars, love u bb. dont scream at me later hehe mwaH 😘✨💖

word count: 2.1k!

main focus: hongjoong x fem. reader

warning(s): do ignore any inaccuracies if there are any, and please forgive me for any mistakes in this as this has not been proofread!

“joong?” your soft voice called out into the studio room as your head peeked into the room.

further into the room, sat a blue haired boy, almost resembling a blueberry, on the couch situated in the middle of the room. his back was hunched over the coffee table in front of him as your ears could pick up the faint sounds of the tip of a pen scratching against a paper’s surface in a hasty manner along with his low mumbles and humming. no doubt he is either jotting down a newly found lyric that popped into his mind while working on the many buttons and instruments of his many equipment that were provided for him. or, he was merely polishing some of the lyrics he was satisfied with.

either way, he was clearly in his own world once again.

a low chortle rumbled out of your lips at the sight of the ever so busy man in front of you who had failed to recognise your presence in the room. but then again, you are just literally standing with your head peeking into the room instead of actually walking in. and walked in was what you did, gently closing the door behind you. upon walking further into the room, your eyes caught sight of the earphones plugged into his ears before your lips parted into a small ‘o’ out of realisation. it was no wonder he seemed so engrossed in his work.

placing the boxed lunch you had made for him earlier during the day, it had seemed that the sudden placement was what made hongjoong halt his writing, half lidded eyes staring at the food then finally widening once he dragged his tired eyes away from it, wondering who suddenly came into the room. pulling his earphones out of his ears, the corner of hongjoong’s lips stretched out into a wide beam as he got up on his feet, bounding his way over you with his arms outstretched to pull you into a tight embrace. you couldn’t help but to release the light chuckle at his realisation, encircling your own arms around his torso. your eyes closed momentarily as soon as the scent of his cologne that made you intoxicated every single time wafted into your nose, a sigh of contentedness leaving both of your lips.

“when did you get here?” you heard your blue haired lover ask you, though his voice a little muffled with how he buried his face against your hair, feeling him relax in your hold as your fingers ran up and down along his back out of habit.

“mm, only a few minutes ago. though i called you earlier, but i guess you didn’t hear me the first time.” you replied, pulling away just enough for the two of you to examine each other’s faces.

hongjoong simply gave you a sheepish smile of his, a clear act of his as if silently saying that he didn’t mean to do so. of course, you had to understand. this is what he loved doing, the one thing that managed to ignite the burning flame of passion inside of him. of course, at times, you had to remind him that it was okay to take it easy at times. too much passion in you could only make you burn out so easily later on.

“i’m sorry, my muse. but i just stumbled upon a new song today and i couldn’t help but to feel inspired by it.” your lover said, gently holding your hand into his as if it was the most fragile thing in the world, then guided you to sit down on the couch where he was previously sitting on.

settling yourself down next to him, you watched hongjoong’s hands swiftly reached out for his notebook in front of him and opened up the page where his pen was idly sitting on, fingers itching to reach out for the object and continue his work in the first place. motioning for you to come take a closer look, the both of you looked down on the open notebook to hear what your lover had already come up with his brilliant mind. shoulder leaning against shoulder, you listened to every word that hongjoong uttered with intent eyes, even to the point of listening to him sing a certain verse to show you what he meant with a certain tone.

sometimes, the question of how the both of you ended up together would linger in your minds. you two seemed so different. two people with different background stories and lives. but at the end of the day of wondering such a question, the both of you had your answer almost every time of asking said question.

music was the one thing that kept the both of you close.

to you, music was the one thing in your life that made your body to express itself in such a vague yet at the same time, filled with millions of words in them. the way music would fill itself in a dance studio you had for yourself for a day, or even in your own living room of your shared apartment, you let your body and mind lose itself to the beat of the song playing in your ears. from a joyful and upbeat songs playing in your playlist to the unspoken and filled with hidden meanings behind the lyrics was all expressed by the way you let music take its place in controlling you. you would be too deep in your emotions to even notice the tears that would cascade down your cheeks, visioning yourself in every second a beat would be played out. you resonate when you hear music, every bone in your body would be filled with excitement when the right frequency is struck. your skin would feel a burning tingle of wanting to move to the beat.

to you, music is also the one thing that keeps the bond between you and hongjoong close, having no signs of snapping anytime soon, or even later in the future. it was the way hongjoong’s hands on your frame as he took you in his arms while the both of you moved along the beat of a song, no matter what sort of song it was blaring through the speakers of a dance studio or your home speaker. and with such familiar music that played out from his group, the way he would openly teach you the choreography would make his chest swell with happiness and pride at how willing you were to learn their dances.

now, to hongjoong, he would answer the same. however, his own perspective would sound completely different from your own, yet at the same time, still similar.

to hongjoong, music was the one thing to make him express the words he couldn’t fully express and show towards his loved ones, especially to you. hongjoong believes that music is a type of voice that could speak to people in such different ways, and that it could help him express in a way he didn’t know would even exist. every time he spent his time listening to a song playing through his earphones, he felt as if his body was being carried out by the instrumentals while the words being expressed were enough to ignite the fire of inspiration in him to immediately get up on his feet to produce his very own song, whether it was a cover in his own style or his mixtape where the closest ones were able to have a privilege of the only ones being able to listen to it.

to hongjoong, music was the one thing that kept the both of you filled with inspiration. it was the way the both of you would sit next to each other as you helped him in writing a song that made him feel that he was filled with so much love, being surrounded by the passion he grew to love from a young age with the person who has the same view of what music truly meant to them in their lives. the way you would even take the extra mile in staying up with him in order to help him whenever he was facing a creator’s block from time to time by suggesting your own words, would make his eyes filled with adoration at the passionate ton laced in your voice as you spoke while you pointed out whether an instrumental sounded off or the lyric behind it would mean something else.

simply put, music was the one tying the both of you down in a relationship filled with inspiration and creativity, whether it was a song filling the room from your speakers or a simple dance routine being taught by one another, music was just as important as love in your relationship that you two shared.

“y/n?” hongjoong’s voice managed to make you snap back into reality, immediately looking up at his face to let him know that he has you in full attention as you sat straight in your seat.

“do you want to listen to the piece that i’ve been working on lately?” he asked, a shy simper playing over his lips.

your eyes widened ever so slightly. no matter how many times he had asked if you wanted to listen to a snippet of his creations, it never fails to make you feel a little flattered that you would be the first one to have a listen to it. hongjoong, once he saw your reaction, laughed lightly and motioned you to give him a little moment to get up from his place then walked over to his computer.

it was quiet for a bit, save for the few clicks, though it wasn’t anything uncomfortable. the silence the both of you shared during these certain moments were always filled with comfort instead. while he was busy, you distracted yourself by looking around the room, noting how there were a few crumpled up papers in his mini dustbin just next to his worktable until you heard footsteps coming up to where you were sitting.

suddenly, you heard it. the beat of the song he was so busy working on the past few days played in your ears. you let your shoulders slump in relaxation once the gentle notes of a piano mixed in with a violin dance in your ears, your fingers tapping against your knee to the beat.

an outstretched hand made its way into your line of vision, making you look up at the blue haired boy in question. his lips twitched up as his eyebrow quirked up, silently asking you to take his hand. without even objecting to his request, you took the offer and stood up from your seat. a soft gasp was emitted from your lips when you were pulled against hongjoong almost instantly. the both of you stared into each other’s eyes, both filled with the familiar adoration and fondness swirling in your irises before hongjoong lifted his hand that was not holding yours, to lightly graze his knuckles against the side of your face, you responding almost immediately to his touch by leaning against his hand. you reached your other hand to rest itself on his shoulder, now starting to sway side by side to the song playing in the background subconsciously.

though there wasn’t any voice singing along to the song, it was enough to let the both of you succumb into your own little world. nothing mattered at the moment, all you could focus on was each other. as the music seemed to pick up, hongjoong moved back ever so slightly and twirled you around, watching as the way your eyes twinkled with such giddiness in them along with the gentle titter you let out that reminded of him during the time when he first shared this moment with you a couple of years ago.

the song was nearing its end, and the both of you found yourselves just absentmindedly swaying to the last few beats, hongjoong leaning in to rest his forehead against your own. your eyes fluttered shut, and a small beam played over the both of your lips. you could feel his arm tugging you close against his chest as he called out your name softly, voice barely above a whisper. you merely hummed in response.

“thank you for being the source of my inspiration, my muse.”

and with those words said, his hand that was on your waist reached up to lightly tip your face up to meet with his by gingerly grabbing onto your chin with his thumb and index finger. slowly leaning in, hongjoong whispered those three words against your lips, finally pressing a kiss on your lips. you reached a hand up to rest itself on top of his nape as you moved your lips together as if it was a dance that only the two of you could share.

music was different in how the both of you would resonate with it. but no matter how different it was, the both of you knew that it would never cease to bring the both of you close.

#ateez #ateez writing #ateez drabbles #ateez fanfic #ateez blurbs #ateez au #ateez imagines #ateez oneshot #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez x reader #ateez hongjoong #kim hongjoong #kim hongjoong scenarios #hongjoong #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #colly's writings

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iffeelscouldkill · 4 years ago

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say what we wanna do, make it all come true (chapter 1)

A/N: It is! My fic for the Fiction Podcast Big Bang @podcastbigbang! I am a bit terrified to be posting this after working on it for so long! Also this is in the running for the Longest TSCOSI Fic I’ve Written So Far (not sure if it’s the longest because I don’t remember where my wordcount is up to for Adjusting, but like... it’s long, guys). This is Chapter 1 of 3, and the remaining chapters will be posted weekly!

You can read this on AO3 where the formatting is honestly much better, but here it is on Tumblr anyway. Also, please check out the FANTASTIC artwork made for this fic by the wonderful @bluereadingdolphin and @demonic-kitkats, who are my artists for this fic and their artwork is so good, you guys, I’m in love and they did such a phenomenal job with the honestly pretty vague info they got from me 😂

bluereadingdolphin’s piece

demonic-kitkat’s piece (from Chapter 2!)

Please give them all the love!

Content warnings: There is a relatively brief physical altercation described in this chapter, but it isn’t graphic or bloody.

Also, I play a little fast and loose with POV in this; the first section is told from Sana’s perspective, the rest from Arkady’s.

---

“Hello and welcome back to Radio Indie, Folk and Techno, also known as RIFT, where we play all the bands that matter outside of the mainstream! I’m Piper Tanaka, and I’m your co-host for this programme! I’m joined as usual by the lovely Kestrel Colvin, with Reina Sakamachi in the booth! Now – where were we?”

“You were introducing our guests for this next section,” Kestrel replied in a slightly despairing tone.

“Right! Indie fans, I am joined today by two members of the fabulous up-and-coming indie band Rumor! With me in the studio are frontwoman and lead guitarist Sana Tripathi—”

“Hey! It’s a pleasure to be here.”

“—and bad girl bassist Arkady Patel.”

“Bad girl?” Arkady repeated, sounding halfway between taken aback and annoyed. Kestrel just shook her head.

“Ignore her. She’s got a thing for a certain… aesthetic.”

Next to Arkady, Sana was doing an incredibly poor job of hiding her laughter. “It’s the combat boots,” she whispered to Arkady.

“These are practical,” Arkady told her in a tone that suggested they’d had this conversation a few times. Sana said nothing, but straightened back up with a smirk.

“Sana — or should I call you ‘Captain’?” Piper began playfully. Sana grimaced.

“In hindsight, it was a poor choice to share that nickname in an interview.”

“You know, I think it suits you,” said Piper. “There’s something commanding about your aura. Sana, you and the band — which I understand you and Arkady originally started as a duo a few years ago—”

“That’s right,” Sana confirmed.

“You’ve always had a dedicated and loyal following, even from your early days — and we’re proud to have been playing your music here on this station for almost as long — but I think it’s fair to say the past few months have seen that rocket to a whole new level,” Piper said. “You got signed to a record label belonging to the mysterious but notoriously discerning Red Gregor, are working on your second album, and played a major gig at the CUI stadium just a few weeks ago. And we are definitely going to talk later about what went down at that gig, which is already the stuff of online legend — but first I want to backtrack a little, because I think the moment that everything started happening for you was when you added a new member to your band. In the middle of a gig, if the rumours are true. Can you tell us how that happened?”

Sana and Arkady exchanged a sidelong glance, and Arkady gave Sana a tiny nod. Sana took a deep breath, and began to tell the story.

---

“Jeeter, for the last time, put the keytar away,” Arkady said irritably as she and Sana entered the draughty, abandoned warehouse that the band was using as their current rehearsal space. The acoustics were pretty weird, probably due to all the broken windows, but it was otherwise hard to beat a free place to rehearse — especially a free place with no asshole neighbours who would yell at them to turn it down and threaten to call the cops.

Admittedly, it was in kind of a rough area, but Arkady had only needed to knock someone unconscious with her bass once.

In retaliation, Brian played another bright riff on his beloved instrument, accompanied by some jazzy keyboard chords from Krejjh. The two had been jamming together before Arkady and Sana arrived. “Dude, c’mon, can’t you hear how good this sounds?” Brian wheedled. “How many other indie bands do you know that have a keytar?”

“None. For good reason,” Arkady said, unzipping her case and slinging her bass around her neck. Sana, unpacking the sound equipment, smiled in fond amusement at their well-worn argument.

“It would give us such a great edge! Totally unique. And Krejjh and I have so many ideas that would sound great with both instruments—”

“Okay, Jeeter,” Arkady interrupted him, twiddling one of her tuning pegs. “You can play the keytar. Just as soon as you find us someone else who can play the drums.” She stooped to plug her bass into the portable amplifier that Sana had just unpacked. “Or are you planning to grow an extra pair of hands so you can play both at once?”

“Oooh! No, I should have an extra pair of hands!” Krejjh immediately (and predictably) enthused. “Then I’d sound four times as awesome! Four hands, all rockin’ out!”

“I think you mean ‘twice as awesome’,” Sana told them, as Brian reluctantly put away his keytar and picked up his neglected drumsticks.

“With me, twice the hands equals four times the awesome,” Krejjh replied with irrefutable logic. Brian laughed and held up a hand.

“Dude, high five.”

Sana waited for the two of them to finish their congratulatory high-five before she called the band to order. “Okay, guys — remember that we’re only a few days out from our gig at the IGR Corp function, so we need to have our crowd-pleasers up to standard.”

Arkady immediately wrinkled her nose. “Ugh, corporates. Why are we taking money from them again?”

“Because we need to pay for rent and food,” Sana said, bluntly. “And they’re giving us a lot for it. I know none of us love playing corporate gigs—”

“Understatement.”

“—but we are living a hand to mouth existence at this point, and if I can guarantee our survival as a band by relieving some corporates of their excess funds, then I’m going to do just that,” Sana continued. She waited a beat, and then added, “Also, we’re gonna let them get really drunk and then start playing our best anti-capitalist anthems, and see how long it takes for them to notice.”

Arkady broke into a shit-eating grin. “That’s more like it.” Krejjh cheered, and Brian did a little run-down on his drumkit, hitting each of the drums in turn.

“All right, let’s start with ‘Fear for the Storm’? One, two, three, four…” Sana started strumming the intro on her guitar, joined after a few beats by Krejjh’s melody on the keyboard.

“So long, can’t dodge the dawn, red light shines on and on and on and on and on…”

---

Arkady had been on edge ever since the band set foot in the agonisingly hipster office complex — excuse me, ‘headquarters’ — belonging to IGR Corp.

It wasn’t just the fact that these guys were extremely corporate corporates, or that the whole place radiated an almost aggressively minimalist aesthetic, or that the walls were covered in bullshit, chipper slogans that were all fancy ways of saying, ‘Work should be your existence – if isn’t, you’re dead to us’ — although those things sure as hell didn’t help, reminding her of the absolute worst parts of every soul-sucking corporate job she’d worked before Sana mercifully re-entered her life and suggested they form a band.

No, there was just this weird vibe, like everyone was super on edge and trying to hide it — the higher-ups were stone-faced, muttering into earpieces or barking orders at underlings, who scurried, terrified, to carry out their wishes. And everyone else, from the tech types in plain white T-shirts and jeans to the smartly-dressed sales reps in suits, looked like they were there on pain of death. Wasn’t this supposed to be a party?

The atmosphere didn’t go unnoticed by the other band members. “Kind of a weird feel to this place,” Jeeter remarked as he unpacked his drumkit on the raised platform at the front of the ‘rec center’ where they would be performing. Normally, setting up was a noisy, clumsy affair, with the band elbowing each other, tripping over wires, and getting in each other’s way in the tiny space they were afforded in bars and nightclubs. Here, the platform that would be their makeshift stage was huge and extremely visible — but everyone was completely ignoring them. There was also very little background noise for a room packed with people, and the band found themselves speaking in hushed murmurs, almost tiptoeing around. “You’d think there would be a bit more… chatter?”

“Maybe the alcohol just isn’t flowing yet,” Sana speculated, but she sounded uneasy as she looked out over the tense crowd. Even Krejjh, with their signature hot pink, heart-shaped sunglasses perched on top of their dyed-lavender hair, dressed in a clashing, flamboyant jumble of clothes and accessories, seemed subdued.

Arkady plugged in her bass with a burst of static, and deliberately played a loud riff. Brian startled and dropped his drumstick, but not a single member of the sea of blandly-dressed IGR Corp employees flinched.

Weird.

The sound equipment was all set up, sound check performed and instruments tuned by half past, but the set wasn’t due to start until o’clock. Normally, Arkady would be making a beeline for the bar, but she didn’t really feel like rubbing shoulders with any of these weird drones. She found herself reflexively checking the exits, mentally charting their fastest route out of there in case something really fucked up started going down. Sana half-jokingly called it paranoia; Arkady called it long, hard experience.

It was on one of her scans of the room that she noticed the woman with the septum piercing. Arkady chalked it up to professional interest — as a kid, she’d picked up some extra money working as an assistant in a tattoo and piercing shop, The Landing. She’d first met Sana there when the other woman came in on several occasions to have work done on an amazingly intricate floral sleeve tattoo — her own design. Later, Sana had led a campaign to save The Landing from being shut down over a bunch of bullshit health code violations so that the billionaire Cresswin family — who owned the property — could sell it off to a shitty corporation.

The campaign hadn’t worked, and there was now a high rise office block where Arkady’s home from home had once stood. But Arkady had never forgotten Sana.

Anyway, it was definitely the woman’s piercing and not anything else about her appearance that caught Arkady’s attention first. But then she noticed that there was something off about her body language and the way she was moving — something that Arkady recognised. She wasn’t scurrying about in a panic or affecting bored disinterest; her eyes were flickering around the room, carefully monitoring the comings and goings of the other employees while seeming not to do so. There were little devices studded around the room that Arkady had clocked as security cameras the moment they entered (it was the kind of thing she made a habit of noticing), and she saw the woman glancing up at them.

She was dressed like an employee – white blouse, dark rinse blue jeans – so why was she acting like she was casing the joint? Of course, Arkady reasoned, the outfit could easily have been chosen to blend in. It didn’t necessarily mean she worked there.

“Seen something interesting, ‘Kady?” Sana asked playfully. Arkady didn’t startle, but it was a near thing; she’d been so focused on watching this woman.

Unfortunately, Sana saw where she’d been looking. “You know, we’ve still got close to half an hour before we start our first set,” she said. “You can go and mingle.”

“I’m not here to socialise,” Arkady said witheringly. “Least of all with corporate drones.” She tore her eyes away from the woman to meet Sana’s amused look.

“I’m just saying, you seemed pretty absorbed there…” Sana said, and Arkady rolled her eyes, determined not to respond to her best friend’s teasing. She glanced back at the spot where the woman had been standing and found it empty.

A second later, Arkady had found her again, weaving through the crowd with her head ducked down. She was taking an odd route across the room that Arkady realised must have been calculated to avoid the security cameras. Occasionally she disappeared, behind people or objects (like a huge, obviously fake ficus plant), but it wasn’t hard for Arkady to spot her again. Clearly there was some kind of purpose to what she was doing, but the woman wasn’t a professional.

There was an elevator against the far wall, and as Arkady watched, the doors opened and a small group of people in suits – latecomers to the party – walked out of it. The woman mingled with them briefly, and then disappeared inside the elevator. The doors closed.

Well, that had been a way to kill five minutes, but now Arkady was stuck with nothing to do again. Krejjh and Jeeter had pulled out a pack of cards, and were playing one of their weird games on top of Krejjh’s keyboard. Arkady turned to Sana, about to make another comment about how much this place creeped her out, when she caught sight of the other person moving across the room.

Judging by the expensive suit, they were a higher-up, and were taking none of the precautions the woman had when making their way across the room, which suggested that they were confident about being allowed to do whatever it was they were doing. And to Arkady, it looked an awful lot like they were following the woman she’d seen. Based on the way the suit jacket fell, she’d also bet even money that they were armed.

Sure enough, the suit called the elevator, and disappeared into it a second later. Arkady swore under her breath.

It was none of her goddamn business whether a person she didn’t even know might be in danger, Arkady told herself. She was here to play music, not to get in the middle of whatever might be going down at this godawful corporation. Which again, was none of her business anyway.

Her resolve lasted all of ten seconds.

“I’m going to get a drink,” she told Sana, and placed her bass onto its stand.

“Oooh! Bring me a cocktail – no, a mocktail!” Krejjh said. Sana just looked at her quizzically.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Arkady nodded briefly. “I’ll be right back,” she said, and jumped down off the platform.

She wasn’t under any illusions that Sana wouldn’t notice where she was going, and just hoped that her best friend would trust her to be back in time for the set. She slipped through the crowd, following the same path that the woman had taken to avoid the watchful eyes of the security cameras.

This worked right up until she entered the elevator, where sure enough, a security camera was embedded into the top corner. How had this woman planned to avoid getting caught?

Arkady pulled out her smartphone, and began to quickly and expertly worm her way into the closed network that IGR Corp was using for its security systems. After just a few moments, she’d managed to identify the IP address that the lift camera was using, and wow, whoever had set up this system was either incredibly lazy or was trying to lay out a welcome mat for hackers. They hadn’t bothered to change the default access password.

Arkady wound back the last few minutes of recorded video, and watched as the woman with the septum piercing pressed the button for the top floor. Arkady did the same, and as the elevator moved upwards, she introduced a glitch that would cause the security camera to loop footage of an empty elevator instead of showing who was actually inside. Then she worked to edit out the archive footage of the woman riding up in the elevator, and of herself getting in.

If it turned out that there was nothing weird going on here after all, well, she’d had some fun exploiting the corporates’ shitty security system.

But Arkady was pretty sure there was something weird going on.

The elevator came to a silent stop, and Arkady silently thanked the deities she didn’t really believe in for the fact that this place was too hipster to have an elevator that made a noise when it arrived at the right floor. The doors slid open, and Arkady immediately spotted another security camera on exiting the elevator. God, these corporates were paranoid. But apparently not paranoid enough to pay their security person to do their job properly.

Annoyingly, the security cameras for this floor seemed to be on a separate network, and Arkady started another hack as she crept down the corridor, straining her ears for the sounds of a confrontation. Further down, she saw an office door swinging open, as if someone had gone through it in a hurry. Arkady approached it, being careful to stay out of sight of the doorway. Closer to, she could hear a voice coming from inside – the suit’s, if she had to guess.

“…sure CEO Golding-Frederick will be very interested to hear just what you’re doing in her office, Ms. Liu.”

“Seiders, I can explain,” the woman – Liu – replied, her voice high with tension. “Project ADVANCE – it’s not what we’ve been told. The company is using it to-”

“What the company may or may not be doing with Project ADVANCE is not your concern,” Seiders said smoothly, over her, “and is a long way above your pay grade. But I’d be very interested to learn where you got your information from.”

“Do you know what’s going on at this company?” Liu demanded, outraged. “And that’s – you have no problems with what they’re doing?”

The closed network for the top floor of the building was much less of a pushover than the elevator, and Arkady kept half of her attention on the conversation inside the room as she worked to find a flaw in the system. Finally, she made it in, and began trying different password combinations for the camera in the hallway.

“It’s not my job to ask questions, Ms. Liu,” Seiders had been saying. “Neither is it yours. And if you value your job – not to mention the safety and security of your loved ones – you’ll step away from that computer, and go back downstairs to the party.”

“Are you threatening me? Are you threatening my family?” Liu demanded. “No, I’m not going to stay silent about this. Someone has to take a stand against what this company is doing. And if anything happens to me, that’ll only raise more questions.”

“We’re very good at making those questions go away,” said Seiders, and Arkady heard Liu suck in a breath. She moved so that she could see inside the room and shit, that was a gun. Arkady rapidly began calculating her angle of attack. “Didn’t you ever wonder what happened to Connors from Engineering?”

“That’s not – you can’t just make a person disappear,” Liu said, desperately. “I – I have insurance! Documents that I’ve sent to a friend of mine. If I don’t check in with them in two hours, they’re going to send them to a journalist contact, and it’ll be all over the press in the morning.”

Arkady could hear the lie in her voice so clearly, and she knew Seiders could, too. “If you had enough evidence to be worth a damn, you wouldn’t have broken into this office,” they replied. “I’m going to ask you one last time. Step away from the-”

Arkady slammed into the room, deliberately making as much noise as she could to draw Seiders’ attention. She took two, three steps towards them and grabbed their gun hand, forcing it down and towards the floor. She managed to hook one arm around their throat, pulling back and applying pressure. Seiders choked, struggling and jerking against Arkady’s grip. With the hand that was holding their gun hand, Arkady twisted and pulled their fingers open, causing the weapon to drop to the floor.

“Liu, grab the gun!” Arkady ordered. She saw the other woman yank something out of the computer that looked like a flash drive, stowing it inside her blouse. She dove for the gun at the same time that Seiders managed to thrust an elbow back, driving it into Arkady’s midsection.

All the air left Arkady’s lungs and as she struggled to draw a breath in, Seiders took advantage of her loosened grip to twist free. They grappled with Liu for the gun, but Liu succeeded in kicking it away, where it spun underneath a nearby cabinet. Then Arkady was on Seiders again, jumping onto their back and choking them.

She heard the sound of running footsteps, and someone else burst into the room. Arkady didn’t get a chance to see who it was before Seiders slammed their head back, knocking into Arkady’s and making bright white lights explode across her vision. She dropped to the floor and staggered, trying to clear her head.

She heard an oof and a thud, and blinked rapidly, sure that she would open her eyes to see Seiders bearing down on Liu – or worse, standing over her unconscious body.

Instead, she was greeted with the sight of Seiders crumpling like a sack of potatoes as Sana flexed her fist, having delivered a powerful uppercut that knocked them out cold.

Silence reigned for a few seconds, broken only by Liu’s sharp, panicked breaths. Rubbing her head, Arkady said, “Hey, Sana.”

“The next time you decide to go off on a rescue mission,” Sana said, wryly, “you could at least tell me where you’re going.” She frowned as she took in Arkady’s dishevelled state. “Is your head all right?”

“I’ll be fine,” said Arkady. She was more concerned with Liu, who looked like she might be on the verge of a panic attack. “Hey, uh, it’s okay. We took care of them.”

“Who-” Liu managed, taking deep breaths in and out, clearly trying to steady her breathing. “Who are you?”

Sana smiled at her, warm and reassuring. “My name is Sana Tripathi, and this is Arkady Patel. We’re-”

There was a noise that sounded not unlike a herd of elephants storming down the corridor, and Arkady closed her eyes. She had a bad feeling she knew what was about to happen. Sure enough, in the next second Krejjh and Jeeter clattered through the door in all their clashing multicoloured glory: Jeeter in his signature loud paid shirt and those stupid khakis, and Krejjh with their… everything. Most of the clattering was coming from Krejjh’s many bangles.

“Cap’n Tripathi!” Krejjh said. “We’re here to assist you with – oh my god, are they dead?” They stared at the unconscious form of Seiders on the floor.

“They’re not dead, they’re just unconscious,” Arkady said, irritated. “Did you two really take off without anyone to watch the equipment?”

Sana turned back to Liu like nothing had happened. “We’re the band,” she finished succinctly. “I’m the guitarist and lead singer, Arkady here plays the bass, and Krejjh and Brian are our keyboardist and drummer.” She indicated each of them in turn. Jeeter waved, and Krejjh saluted for some reason. “And who are you?”

Liu blinked at her. “You… you just saved my life, and you don’t even know who I am?” she said. “Why would you do that?”

“For one thing, because you’d probably be dead if we hadn’t,” Arkady said. “You’re welcome for that, by the way.” She pulled out the phone to finish the hack on the security cameras that she’d started before she entered the room.

“I – no, I know that. I’m not ungrateful,” Liu said, sounding a little stung. “I’m just a little… in shock. My name is Violet Liu,” she added to Sana. “I, uh, work in IGR Corp’s neuroresearch division.”

“Good to meet you, Violet Liu,” Sana said, sounding like they were old friends catching up at the bar instead of total strangers talking to each other over an unconscious body. “’Kady, are you erasing the security footage?”

Arkady nodded.

“Good; Brian and I will carry our friend here,” Sana indicated Seiders with her foot, “into the hallway. I think I noticed a closet there we can hide them in.”

“Uh… are you guys really the band?” Liu asked, as Sana and Jeeter – who was much stronger than he looked – bent down to pick up Seiders. “You seem very…” She struggled to find the right words. “…good at this.”

“We have some unorthodox skillsets,” Sana said, beaming and dimpling at her. “We don’t normally make a habit of rescuing people in the middle of a gig, but Arkady has a soft spot for damsels in distress.”

Arkady fumbled her phone, and nearly dropped it. “Sana,” she hissed, mortified. Sana, who was already partway out of the door, winked and disappeared into the hallway.

After a moment, Arkady realised that she and Liu were the only ones in the room, Krejjh evidently having decided to go along and supervise, or something. She refocused her attention on the hack she was carrying out; she’d managed to hack the hallway security camera, and was erasing the footage from that, but she still needed to do the one in the office.

“Uh…” Liu awkwardly broke the silence. “Is there anything that you need me to…”

“Is anyone likely to be monitoring the security cameras in real-time?” Arkady asked her. The question came out sounding a little harsher than she’d intended, but it was hard to be diplomatic when she was focused on trying to break into a security system. Also, it was a little annoying that Liu apparently hadn’t thought about security cameras beyond the ones on the ground floor.

“N-no, the system is all automated,” Liu replied. Well, that was something, at least. “I, uh, I do have a virus that I was planning to use on the security system that would corrupt the footage. I just needed to find an access point.”

Fine, so there had been a plan of sorts. “This is quicker,” Arkady told her. “And the way I’m doing it, it won’t be so obvious that someone has tampered with the footage.”

“Thank you for that,” Liu said, quietly. “And thank you for – I mean, you don’t even know me, but you came up here to help me. Why?”

Arkady shrugged, keeping her shoulders hunched and avoiding Liu’s gaze. “You looked like you were in trouble,” she said shortly. And that was the office camera done. Arkady resisted the urge to change the password to something rude, and withdrew from the network. “And I don’t like corporations. What were you trying to do, blow the whistle on them or something?”

“Um, I-”

Before she could explain, Sana poked her head back into the room. “Arkady, are you done? Because I don’t think we should be hanging around up here.”

“I’m done,” Arkady said with a nod, pocketing her phone. The two of them joined Sana, Krejjh and Jeeter in the hallway.

“We need a plan to get Violet back downstairs and out of the building without her being seen,” Sana said quickly. “’Kady, do you think you two can make it out in fifteen minutes?”

Arkady huffed. “I can hack the security cams, but I can’t actually make us invisible,” she pointed out. “People are gonna notice us. If we waited until you guys started the set, then we might have a better chance, while everyone’s attention is on the band.”

“Listen – it’s not that I don’t really appreciate the help,” Liu cut in. Her face was set, like she was preparing to go to the gallows. “But none of this needs to be your problem. It’s my mess, and I can get myself out of it. You guys should go and start your set.”

“Oh, pshaw!” said Krejjh. “We’re not just gonna leave you to the bears!”

Jeeter smiled. “To the wolves,” he corrected Krejjh.

“Are y’sure? Because bears can be pretty terrifying.”

“We’re not about to abandon you now,” Sana said to Liu, gently. “Between the five of us, I’m sure we can figure out a pretty good plan.”

“Can’t we just pretend to be loading something into the truck?” Jeeter suggested. “And Violet can help us? We could give her a band jacket – make her look like she’s with us-”

“It’s too bad you don’t play!” Krejjh said to Violet. “We could add you into the set. The ultimate entourage!”

“Uh…” Violet said (at the same time as Arkady said, “Camouflage.”) “I mean, I do play something? But you guys already have a drummer.”

“Wait, you’re a drummer?” Jeeter said delightedly, as Krejjh straightened up so fast that Arkady thought they’d pull a muscle. Even Sana looked interested. “Are you good?”

“Have you ever played with a band before?” added Sana.

Liu smiled and shrugged awkwardly. “Well, drums aren’t really a solo instrument, so yeah. I used to jam with some friends in high school, and played some underground rock concerts in college. I was never really with a band – we just sort of used to form collectives based on who was around and wanted to play. It was fun, though.”

She’d avoided answering the question about how good she was, Arkady noticed, which probably meant she was good and was being modest about it. Goddamn it.

“So if, hypothetically speaking,” Sana said, “you joined a set without having rehearsed any of the music beforehand, would you be able to figure out a drum part?”

“Okay, hold on,” said Arkady, before Violet could respond. “Don’t you think IGR Corp is going to notice that one of their employees has just… joined the band?”

“We’ll swear up and down that it isn’t her,” Jeeter said. “And even if someone figures it out, what are they gonna do about it in front of everyone?”

“But wait, what about you?” Liu asked Jeeter. “Wouldn’t I be putting you out of a role in the band?”

“Nah,” Jeeter said happily. “I brought my keytar!”

“Oh my god,” Arkady groaned. She could tell when she was fighting a losing battle, but it didn’t stop her from making one last, token protest. “This is going to sound really goddamn weird.”

Sana grinned at her. “Well, you wanted to annoy some corporates,” she pointed out. “What better way to do it?”

---

The problem was, the new line-up didn’t sound weird at all.

It sounded good.

Liu, hastily disguised with an old band jacket and a spare pare of Krejjh’s sunglasses, fitted in with their set like she’d been rehearsing with them for weeks – months even. They did a quick sound check, Jeeter looking far too delighted as he amped up his keytar. Sana gave her usual cheerful introduction into the microphone, introducing the band as Renegade, the name they adopted for corporate gigs (Arkady was even more glad of it now, since it would make them harder to track down later). After a lukewarm reception from the assembled employees (none of whom seemed to notice, or care, that the band had grown an extra member), they launched into their first number, a reimagined cover of ‘What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor’.

It started off with Sana singing alone, before Krejjh joined in, their voices singing in close harmony, and then Arkady and finally Jeeter, the harmonies becoming increasingly layered as they went. The addition of the keytar made the song sound futuristic, almost the kind of thing you could imagine crews of space explorers singing together as they made their way into the unknown.

Liu picked up the beat easily, and as the song unfolded Arkady suddenly realised she could hear a fifth strand to the harmony, weaving in and out of the other voices, soft but distinctive: Liu was singing.

They moved on from the conventional crowd-pleasing openers to a more eclectic mix of songs, including some punk and anarchist numbers. Each time, Arkady was sure that the choice was going to throw Liu off, but she adapted smoothly to each one, altering her style to fit the vibe of the song. In one of the louder, heavier songs she even threw in an impromptu drum solo that had Krejjh whooping at the keyboard and Sana laughing as she riffed on her guitar.

Sana threw Arkady a look as the song ended, and there was a light in her eyes that Arkady knew far, far too well. It was the same light that Arkady had seen when Sana tracked her down at her latest deadbeat job and persuaded her to quit and start playing music with her; the same light that she’d had when they met Brian and Krejjh a year later and Sana had decided to turn their duo into a band.

Sana wanted Liu to join Rumor. And Arkady couldn’t even think of a good argument against it, apart from the fact that they barely knew anything about the woman other than that she could play the drums. And that she was a corporate, which Arkady thought was important not to lose sight of, even if Liu wasn’t on the greatest terms with her employer any more.

Speaking of which. Arkady was on high alert throughout the whole set, constantly scanning the crowd for signs of trouble, anyone who might be looking too closely at Liu or showed signs of moving towards the elevator. As they’d been setting up, Liu had told them that Seiders was middle management: someone who outranked her, but not someone who held a position of particular influence within the company or had the ear of the CEO. Someone who had ambitions above their station. It didn’t mean no-one would notice them missing, of course; but it meant that they might be someone who, for instance, would go after a rogue employee without notifying their superior, hoping to reap all of the credit.

The band moved into their final number, ‘Landers Never Stand Down’ – one of Sana and Arkady’s early compositions, whose lyrics Sana had written as a tribute to The Landing, and her and Arkady’s shared history. Normally, Arkady would object to wasting it on a corporate audience, but tonight, it felt like the right kind of ‘fuck you’.

“Landers never stand down,

Landers never bow,

Landers never stand down,

We don’t know how…”

They wound up the song in their usual fashion, repeating the chorus and getting fiercer and more defiant with each repetition, before ending in a final blaze of guitar chords.

“Thank you, everyone, you’ve been a wonder to perform for!” Sana said into the microphone as the chords faded away. She said the same thing at the end of every gig, but it had never felt more like a colossal understatement. “We’ve been Renegade, and we hope you have a great night!”

There was a small scattering of applause. Sana beamed out into the audience again, and then turned away from the microphone, sliding the power to ‘off’. “Well, that was-”

“Attention, all IGR Corp employees,” came a voice over the loudspeaker system. Sana froze, and Liu, who’d been leaning over to say something to Krejjh, paled visibly. “Please stay where you are. We will be carrying out a routine attendance check. Please do not exit the building.”

“Attendance check?” Arkady repeated.

“It’s a standard employee procedure,” Liu explained. “To make sure everyone’s… accounted for at corporate functions. Supposedly they’re optional, but it looks really bad if you’re not there and you don’t have a reason.”

“Do we think there’s a chance this is linked to…” Sana gestured towards the elevator. Liu shrugged helplessly.

“It could be, but even if it’s not, they’re gonna discover that Seiders is missing pretty quickly. And that I’m… unaccounted for.”

“Don’t worry,” said Jeeter, reassuringly. “We’ll figure out a way to get you out before that happens.”

“Dashing escapes are our speciality!” Krejjh contributed. This was true; the band hadn’t always played at the most above-the-board venues, and there’d been more than a few times they’d needed to get the hell out of Dodge before things got ugly. Well, uglier.

Sana nodded. “For now, just keep packing down, like nothing’s wrong,” she said.

As Krejjh packed down their keyboard and Jeeter helped Liu to disassemble the drumkit, Arkady said to Sana, “I’ll go with Liu, and we can sneak out a back entrance-”

Sana shook her head. “It’ll be more suspicious if we’re not seen leaving as a group.”

“We’ll just say we’re going to the bathroom,” Arkady said. “We’re allowed to do that, aren’t we?”

Sana started to reply, but then stopped, squinting at something on the other side of the room. Arkady tried to follow her gaze, but couldn’t see what she was looking at. “What is it?”

“I thought I saw…” Sana shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s try the front way first, and if they won’t let us leave, we’ll get creative.”

Unsurprisingly, when they carried the first load of equipment over to the rec room entrance, two stoic-looking IGR employees blocked their path, bouncer-style. Arkady eyed one of them, pretty sure she could take her in a one-to-one fight.

“Sorry, we can’t let you leave while an attendance check is ongoing,” said the employee, with a bland detachment. “Company policy.”

“It should only take about an hour,” the other added. “You can enjoy the free refreshments while you wait.”

An hour? Even if they hadn’t had a very pressing reason to get the hell out of there, Arkady would have been looking for the nearest fire escape to break out of. They were just supposed to cool their heels at IGR headquarters for an hour?

“Can we not at least load our equipment into the van in the meantime?” Sana asked reasonably. “This is a very heavy amplifier…” She made a show of struggling with the amp she’d been lifting with ease a few seconds ago, and Arkady suppressed a snort.

One of the corporates had opened their mouth, looking like they were about to object, when a friendly voice spoke from behind them. “Is there a problem here?”

They all turned to look at the person who’d spoken, and Arkady carefully masked her surprise: the tall, dark-skinned man dressed in an expensive-looking suit jacket, T-shirt and jeans combination was none other than Red Gregor, a close friend of Campbell’s. They’d met him once or twice, but what was he doing here?

“Who are you?” asked Corporate One, audibly unimpressed.

“Theodore Gregor; I’m the band’s executive producer,” Gregor introduced himself smoothly, handing Corporate Two a business card. Their eyes widened at whatever was written on it. “My clients have another engagement to get to tonight, so you can understand why it’s very important they be allowed to leave promptly. Additionally, their contract stipulates that they’re only obliged to perform for your company until-” he made a show of checking a gold watch, “-nine-thirty P.M., after which time we’ll need to bill you for every additional half-hour. Will your supervisors be signing off on the additional expenses?”

Corporates One and Two were visibly thrown by the torrent of information. Krejjh made a noise that was hastily stifled, while Arkady did her best to look bored and important.

“I… no, let me just contact my superior to get you the all-clear,” said Corporate One, reluctantly. “Johnson will help you to load your equipment into your…” She eyed the band’s battered van, visibly out of place in the parking lot full of sleek cars. “…vehicle.”

“Great!” Sana said brightly, handing the amplifier to Corporate Two, who took it and staggered slightly. As Corporate One spoke into a walkie-talkie, Sana and Red Gregor strode quickly ahead, the rest of the band trailing behind. Arkady lengthened her steps to catch up with them so that she could hear their quiet exchange.

“…doing here? Did Campbell send you?” Sana was asking Red Gregor.

“In a manner of speaking,” Red Gregor said. “He talks about you so much, I wanted to come and hear what all the fuss was about. Love the new line-up – you guys sound completely different to when I last heard you play.”

“It’s kind of a new thing,” Sana admitted. “New as of… today. I can fill you in, it’s just a long story.”

“I can’t wait to hear it,” Red Gregor said, and Arkady remembered that she’d liked him, the couple of times that they’d met. She could see why he and Campbell were good friends. “But let’s focus on getting you out of here. I’m guessing you need an exit?”

“And fast,” Sana agreed.

“Well, fast’s your speciality,” Red Gregor said with a grin. Sana smiled back at him, and Arkady wondered if Red was basing this off stories from Campbell, or if he and Sana knew each other better than Arkady had realised. It was a strange thought to have in the middle of everything.

Sana unlocked the van and slid open the back door. While Krejjh, Jeeter and Liu loaded their items into the trunk, overseen by Corporate Two, Red Gregor pretended to help Arkady and Sana with their instruments.

“So what now?” Arkady asked Sana. “I think I can probably take Johnson.”

“Arkady, you’ve already been in one fight today,” Sana said, disapproving.

“What’s your point?”

“I have a more bloodless suggestion,” Red Gregor said. “You’ve got a few pieces of equipment left in the venue, right? I’ll go back inside with Johnson to ‘collect’ them, say we’re going to check their supervisor has given you the go-ahead, and you guys make a break for it. I’ll bring the equipment in my car and meet you at the dive bar, half a mile down the road.”

“Are you sure you’ll be able to get away? What happens when they realise we’re gone?” Sana asked.

“I’ll come up with something,” Red Gregor assured her. “Just focus on getting yourselves out of here.”

He walked over to Johnson, who was slightly bemusedly watching Jeeter and Liu (who were clearly stalling for time) rearrange pieces of the drumkit in the trunk, and took him by the arm, steering him back towards the building and talking rapidly all the while.

“As soon as they’re out of sight, everyone needs to get in the van quickly,” Sana instructed. “And hang onto something. Okay? Now!”

Krejjh slammed the trunk of the van shut and everyone piled into the back without a word of protest. Arkady jumped into the front as Sana slid into the driver’s seat, reversing out of the parking space like a shot and executing an alarming hairpin turn to get them onto the road. Liu cried out in alarm, not used to Sana’s driving, and Arkady hung grimly onto the handle on the inside of her door.

“Everyone okay back there?” Sana asked, peering into the rearview mirror.

Arkady looked back to see Jeeter and Krejjh scrambling to put on their seatbelts, each of them having thrown an arm over Liu to keep her in place. “Oops, sorry, I forgot we don’t have a seatbelt for the middle!” Sana said cheerfully as they thudded over a speedbump. Liu closed her eyes. “There’s normally only four of us.”

“It’s not far to where we’re going, right, Captain?” asked Jeeter.

“Just a half mile down the road,” said Sana. “Red Gregor’s going to meet us there with the rest of the equipment, as soon as he can get away.”

“What was he doing at the gig? Did Campbell tell him where we were?”

“I think so. He said that he wanted to come and hear us play,” Arkady said, watching buildings blur past on either side of them. “I guess it was lucky he did.”

“We would’ve figured something out,” Krejjh said confidently.

“Uh, who’s Campbell?” Liu asked, cautiously opening her eyes again.

“He’s our… manager? Kinda?” Krejjh replied. “He doesn’t tell us what to do or anything, but he has a lot of contacts, so he gets us most of our gigs.”

“Contacts in the music industry? Or contacts in like… events venues, bars and clubs?”

“Yes,” Krejjh said helpfully.

“He just has a lot of contacts,” Jeeter said with a smile. Arkady smirked at Liu’s look of consternation.

“Tonight’s gig did not come through Campbell,” said Sana, spotting the dive bar Red Gregor had specified and indicating to turn off the road. “We got it through an agency, Fowleys. I guess that’ll teach us not to go outside Campbell’s network.”

“Hey, it worked out!” Krejjh said. “We got a new drummer out of the deal.”

“Well, for tonight, at least,” Sana said, now reversing into a parking space. “I gotta say, Violet, the way you fitted in with our sound? That was amazing. Our set sounded better than I could’ve imagined.”

Liu blushed. “They were great songs,” she demurred, as the van came to a stop.

“Too bad it was wasted on IGR Corp,” Arkady remarked, undoing her seat belt as they all climbed out of the van.

They got a table in the corner of the dive bar, which was pretty full and made it easy to blend in. As Sana went to get them all drinks, Krejjh and Jeeter started up some kind of nonsensical word game. Arkady and Liu glanced at each other occasionally, but otherwise sat in awkward silence.

Finally, Arkady asked something that had been on her mind since she intervened in the confrontation between Liu and Seiders, though it had taken a back seat to more pressing concerns. “What was it you were trying to get from that computer, anyway?”

“Sorry?” Liu asked, looking away from Krejjh and Jeeter, where she’d been listening in on the game with a slightly baffled expression.

“In the CEO’s office,” Arkady clarified. “I saw you take a flash drive out of the computer. What were you trying to get?”

“Oh,” Liu said, drawing out the little drive from inside her blouse. “Yeah, I was… trying to copy some files onto it. I’m not sure how much I got, though – I had to pull it out before the transfer was complete, and I think they’re encrypted.”

“What kind of files are they?” Arkady asked, thinking that she could probably break the encryption in an afternoon. Maybe less.

Liu hesitated, and Arkady narrowed her eyes. “You’re not still trying to protect your company, are you? In case you don’t remember-”

“No, no,” Liu said quickly. “I just – I’m not sure if it would be safe to tell you. Safe for you,” she added. “Right now, you have plausible deniability if anyone questions you. You genuinely don’t know what’s on this flash drive. So maybe it would be better to keep it that way.”

Arkady was a little bit pacified by that, but still – “Considering I’ve already aided and abetted you, I think that ship has sailed,” she pointed out. “No-one is going to believe I did it without having any idea what you were up to. Which I’m fine with,” she added, as a guilt-stricken look crossed Liu’s face. “I made a choice to help you, and so did the others. But I may as well know what the stakes are.”

“Yeah, that’s… fair,” admitted Liu. Next to her, Krejjh was doing a fairly poor job of pretending not to listen in. “They’re blueprints. My company – the company – has been developing… do you know what IGR Corp does? What kind of a company it is?”

“Some kind of a tech company?” Arkady said. She vaguely remembered Sana saying something about that when they got the gig. She hadn’t really been paying attention to the details.

Liu nodded. “Smart technology – specifically, smart home technology. We produce – I mean, they produce things like smart security systems, smart doorbells, systems that can detect when someone has a medical emergency. Systems that are designed to help keep people safe.”

Arkady had to work to keep from grimacing. She wasn’t sure that being monitored by a computer 24/7 fitted everyone’s definition of ‘safety’, but maybe Liu had never had cause to doubt that the people with power had her best interests at heart. Lucky her.

“But then,” Liu went on, her voice bitter, “I found out that the latest product we were developing – the one that was supposed to make everyone’s lives so much easier, so much better – is being created as a surveillance device. To eavesdrop on people and send their data back to the company. And I know that a lot of smart devices have audio capabilities, but – this was hardwired in. Impossible to disable. And this weird, secretive new division of the company has been set up to process the data.”

“What are they gonna do with it?” Arkady asked.

“Who knows,” Liu said. “They could be collecting it for the government, but – I think it’s more likely they’re just planning to sell it on to the highest bidder.”

Arkady’s eyes narrowed, and she wished that Sana had brought the drinks already so that she’d have something to down.

“You know,” Liu said, her voice suddenly much softer. “I, uh. I still haven’t thanked you properly for, uh, well-”

“O-kay!” came Sana’s voice, loudly, as she finally arrived at their table carrying a small tray laden with glasses. “Sorry for the delay, guys, there was a heck of a crowd up at the bar. Also, the bartender was really interested in talking to me while he pulled these drinks.” She made a wry expression, her dimple deepening in one cheek. “Cheer up, ‘Kady, I’ve got your favourite-” She slid a pint glass of raspberry ale in front of Arkady.

“Thanks,” Arkady mumbled, not looking at Liu.

Red Gregor arrived not long after, having apparently evaded IGR Corp by pretending that he was going outside to look for the band, and then driving off with the equipment before anyone realised what was happening. Sana passed him a drink from the tray; no-one asked how she already knew his preferred drink order.

“So look,” said Arkady, after they’d done some small talk and toasted to a successful getaway (Sana’s idea, of course). “Not that we didn’t appreciate the save earlier – you had pretty good timing – but why’d you go to all the trouble of coming to an IGR Corp function just to hear us play? How did you even get in?”

“I know a lot of people,” Red Gregor said mysteriously, with a fluid shrug. “As for why I came – you probably don’t know this, but I’ve been getting into the music biz lately.”

Arkady tried to remember what ‘biz’ Red Gregor had been in before, and couldn’t. He was one of those people who seemed to do a bit of everything.

“That’s awesome!” said Krejjh, looking delighted. “Are you going to start a band? Or manage one?”

Red Gregor smiled. “Actually, neither. I’m starting a record label,” he said. “And I want to sign you guys to it.”

Liu choked on her drink; Jeeter said, “Wow, really?” and even Sana looked taken aback. Clearly this hadn’t been the answer she was expecting.

“Us?” she said, as if Gregor could have meant anyone else. “As in…” She gestured around the table, including Liu.

Red Gregor nodded. “Look, your new sound is like nothing I’ve ever heard from a band before,” he said. “Campbell has always spoken highly of you guys, and I really liked your originals the last time I heard you perform. But with this new line-up? I think you could become really big. If that’s something that you want, of course.”

Sana sat back in her chair, looking thoughtful, while Krejjh looked practically ready to vibrate out of theirs with excitement. “That would be a pretty big step for us,” she said. “Not that we wouldn’t love – more exposure, better opportunities-”

“Gigs in legal venues?” put in Jeeter.

“More above-the-board performances,” agreed Sana. “But we’ve only played once with this new line-up. We don’t know for sure if we can replicate that – and I mean, we’d be asking Violet to just drop everything and join us full-time-”

Red Gregor held up his hands. “Like I said, it’s completely up to you,” he said. “I’m not here to pressure you into something you’re not ready for. But don’t underestimate yourselves. I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t have faith in you guys.”

Sana looked around the table, taking in the mixture of expressions, ranging from Krejjh’s eagerness to Liu’s uncertainty to Arkady’s… Arkady didn’t know what her face was doing. “We’ll have to put it to a vote,” she said, predictably. “And if any of you need more time to think this over-”

“I’m in!” Krejjh said instantly. “We rocked tonight! I want to keep on rocking that hard. And we should totally record an album.”

Jeeter smiled fondly. “I’m on board with anything that will let me keep playing the keytar,” he admitted. “And I thought we sounded pretty awesome, as well.”

Sana looked at Liu. “Violet, you’re the one who this would be the biggest change for,” she said. “The rest of us are already playing in a band full-time. Well, with the odd side gig,” she added, because yeah, they did not yet make enough money from performing to cover the bills. “You barely know us, and you’re not under any obligation to stick around – or to switch careers.”

Liu gave a slightly broken laugh. “Well, I don’t really think I can go back to my old one,” she said. “That option evaporated as soon as one of my colleagues pulled a gun on me. Not… sure I’ve really had time to process that yet.”

Sana nodded. “If it’s too soon-”

“But no amount of processing is going to make my situation any different,” Liu went on. “I could try to get another job in my field, but… IGR Corp is a pretty well-known company. Word’s going to get around that I’m untrustworthy, especially if they put it about that I tried to steal corporate secrets.”

“They can’t do that,” Sana said immediately. “I used to do some union work; whistleblowing is a protected activity, and it’s against the law for them to blacklist you – to make it more difficult for you to obtain future employment.”

Liu smiled slightly. “I don’t think IGR Corp are too concerned with breaking the law,” she pointed out. “I appreciate it, but… this isn’t my first experience with a hostile work environment.”

Okay, so maybe Arkady should take back her earlier thought about Liu never having had cause to distrust the people in power.

“Besides, I haven’t even blown the whistle on them yet – I’m not sure if the information I have is worth anything,” Liu said, a little grimly. “And anyway… I think it’s time for a clean slate. So, if you’ll have me… I’m in.”

Which just left Arkady. She could see how pleased Sana was that Liu was willing to join the band full-time, even though she was trying to hide it. Krejjh and Jeeter, too, were excited – and not just at the prospect of getting better gigs and earning more money (though that was a very appealing prospect).

The fact was, Red Gregor was right – they’d sounded like a completely new band during their performance. Arkady had always liked their stuff (of course she did; she’d even co-written some of it) but the new sound gave it a flair she hadn’t even realised it had been missing. As much as she couldn’t help thinking of the dozens of ways this could go wrong, she wanted them to keep sounding like that. She wanted to see what else they could do.

“‘Kady?” asked Sana.

Arkady took a deep breath. “Sure. Let’s do this.”

#TSCOSI #Podcast Big Bang 2021 #The Strange Case of Starship Iris #Vikady #Arkady Patel #Violet Liu #Brian Jeeter #Krejjh #Red Gregor #who turned into a surprisingly key character for this fic which is fun #I'm kind of inventing his personality from wholecloth but I like him #the background Sana/Campbell/Red Gregor sort of came out of nowhere and I just went with it #love me some OT3 vibes!

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sweetestlamb · 4 years ago

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Make Me Crescendo

Summary: Song-ah ponders if there is truly any space left in Joon Young's life for her. Joon Young shows her exactly where her place is.

Author's Note: I didn't expect to enjoy this show as much as I do honestly, I love the dynamic and chemistry between the leads. Most of the other characters could choke for all I care, but I love Song-ah and Joonie, they are goals and they deserve to just run away and be happy. Anyway, I was inspired so this happened. (Please don't leave comments asking about when I'll write more, I'll do it when I can and when I'm inspired for all of my stories. If you are going to leave a comment, you can tell me what you liked or what I could do better, appreciate that more!) Happy reading, please ignore all my lame music puns! 😂😈

Music filters through the doors as she watches on her heart thumping erratically, a metronome expelling the staccatos of her fear. The gaggle of female students outside the door white noise in the background, their coos and awes stabbing her paper thin heart that is wavering in her chest.

They sound so good together!

Omg, don't they look perfect?

I think they would be a much better couple!

Taking a step back her violin bangs into the wall suddenly alerting them to her presence, her eyes dart wildly like a cornered animal as they look at her with pity and sneering apologetic eyes as if saying: you brought this on yourself, how could you ever think you could have him?

With a wet gasp, she scurries off avoiding their looks clutching her hands tightly as she bursts through the doors. The cool Spring air whips her hair around her face temporarily blocking her face from onlookers, the moisture on her cheeks causes strands to stick before she pushes them back.

Seeing them play in such perfect harmony has only cemented the doubts that already fill her mind, how can see ever measure how to Jung-kyung? A woman that he has not only loved for years but who also plays her instrument far better than she ever will? If she is meant to be a replacement, she stands no chance; they are worlds apart maybe it's time she accepted that.

I'll cherish our moments today, it was an honor.

She knows what she has to do, her heart whines but she blinks away her tears. He deserves better.

His missed calls and messages taunt her as she peers down despondently at her phone, she hasn't been able to bring herself to sever their bond. Every time she starts to type out a message to set him free, his smile flashes in her mind and she's rendered comatose. Instead flinging the cursed object far away and punishing her fingers as shrill notes screech from her violin.

Avoiding him isn't as simple as she'd hoped with everyone knowing about their ill-fated relationship and constantly inquiring about his whereabouts, it becomes sickening obvious that most "friends" who approach her with their shrieking calls of "unnie" could care less about her and are instead hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

As soon as they realized he was absent and had no plans of suddenly materializing, they bombarded her with excuses of why they needed to take their leave, immediately. She vaguely wondered if they cared at all about how little they made her feel, their treatment further emphasizing how insignificant others viewed her.

She was always disposable to others. She didn't even have a best friend to turn to for advice, someone else who has decided that she simply wasn't worth the trouble of staying and fighting.

Nobody had ever deigned her worthy of fighting for.

With a forlorn sigh, she grips her purse tighter better climbing the stairs to the school entrance. She only has one class to get through today, before she could escape to her room and ruminate on how to inform Joon-young that she couldn't do this anymore.

Arriving a few minutes early to class, she takes her seat closer to her front away from the gossiping girls who had been waving her over. She had no desire to listen to their backhanded comments on her lack of talent or unbelievable relationship, their words only added fuel to the vicious thoughts already cycling in her brain.

Pretending not to hear them beckoning her over, she looks at the professor with more focus than she's currently capable of, turning a blind eye to her surroundings.

Time crawls by like molasses poured from a jar, before the professor dismisses the class causing students to bolt from their seats, she being one of the first. He typically waits for her after this class and she has very little time to flee without him catching her, ignoring the calls of her name once more she takes her leave, violin thumping a dull pain on her back.

Cracking the door open she peeks outside, a sliver of her head breaching the opening, a sigh of relief falling from her lips when she meets a vacant spot. Stepping out further she glances around, but he is nowhere to be seen, the hallways empty besides students trekking to their next classes.

Her chest aches traitorously but she internally berates herself, this is good I don't want to see him, her heart ripples at the lie, refusing to engage in this façade that she's forcing. Clutching at her chest she takes one trembling step, then another before finding her resolve and racing to the door.

So close, almost there, come on.

Hand reaching for the handle, she twists it pushing it open seconds away from freedom.

"Song-ah!" Her skin prickles from his deep baritone, his tone wrapping her in a honeyed cocoon. She hesitates, fingers twitching on the cold smooth metal.

"Song-ah, wait!" The desperation in his voice halts her escape, unable to abandon him when his voice reveals so much about how he's feeling. She loathes the mere concept of being someone who hurts him.

Reinforcing her now wavering resolve she slowly spins around, their eyes meeting in a clash, his own shining brightly as he peers into her soul. Her breath hitches as she watches him step closer to her, suddenly there isn't enough oxygen in the room, her lungs wheeze at the atmospheric change.

His beautiful hands gradually elevate, millimeters from her skin, as he begs for permission with his smoldering dark eyes.

She almost accepts defeat, before Jung-kyung's smug sour face flashes in her mind. Dousing her with icy cold realization, they just aren't meant to be.

She draws away from his searching fingers, stepping just out of his reach.

Hurt blazes across his handsome face, hardening in his eyes.

"Why have you been ignoring my calls and messages?"

He goes straight for the jugular, not pussyfooting around the elephant in the room.

"I've been busy practicing." She responds weakly, recoiling under his hard glint.

He steps forward once more, instinctively she retreats, the demure mouse to his assertive cat.

He sighs, stepping back his shoulder sagging in disappointment.

"What's wrong? Why won't you even let me come close to you? Why are you ignoring me?"

This is the moment, the one she's been yearning and waiting for, the perfect opportunity to put this sham to an end. Her mouth opens and closes as she pushes herself to be courageous for once, do the right thing and put both of them out of their misery.

You look better with her. I don't deserve you. I'm not good enough. Not strong enough. Leave. Leave me.

Please.

But, she can't. Can't get her mouth to say any of those truths. Fear and heartbreak render her immobile and cowardice takes center stage instead, ready for its solo.

"I...I...." He looks at her with warm eyes, pleading with her to finish her sentence, hope settled in the lines of his skin.

"I have to go."

"Song-ah!"

Her breath doesn't return until she's shaking on her seat at the bus stop. He hadn't chased her. Maybe he had just learned that she wasn't worthy the trouble.

Her days lapse by as she moves through life resembling a zombie, obsessively looking at her phone only to feel her heart fracture each time no notifications await her hungry eyes.

She goes to class as normal, no longer having to avoid her classmates as they have moved on to something more entertaining than her relationship. Their piteous looks make her skin crawl, her fight with Joon-young the talk of the town. Now they can freely gossip about her and how they knew it would never last, the pure glee on their faces is grotesque.

She sees him in passing in the hallway but he keeps his distance, never maintaining eye contact for too long. She's getting exactly what she wanted. Yet she feels sick to her stomach, her skin clammy and cool.

The irony isn't lost on her, how appropriate that this would be the one thing she's able to do successfully. Ruin her own life and sabotage her own happiness.

There are nights when her control falters and she stares at the illuminated screen of her phone, writing a message only to erase it with a sigh before crashing into her mattress. Her limps are heavy and uncoordinated as she flails upon the surface.

"Why does this have to be so hard?" Her question goes unanswered in the stillness of the night, as she ultimately falls into a fitful slumber.

Finally pulling herself together after days of quiet anguish, she goes back to her mission to find an accompanist.

She closes her phone as she says her final good byes to the team leader, thanking her for allowing her to use the rehearsal room in the Kyungoo building.

The winds blows the wispy ends of her skirt, dragging the material across the smooth skin of her knee. Subconsciously she tugs at the material, its a bit shorter than her usual ensemble she'd ordered it online not expecting it to hit inches above her knee. It seemed longer in the photos.

A voice shouting her name drags her from her self-conscious inklings, as she spins around to see her potential accompanist.

A welcoming smile tugs her lips up, dimples sinking into her skin with familiarity.

Raising her hand in a small wave, bowing while calling out, "Hello! Nice to meet you, I'm Chae Song-ah, chae not choi, like the vegetable." Explaining before the inevitable questioning and confusion can sour their interaction with awkwardness.

The sheepish grin informs her that she did the right thing, a hand is extended into her space and she grasps it in her own.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Park Min-jae." His warm smiles immediately puts her at ease. Together they enter the building amicable conversation flowing easily.

Hours pass as the music ricochets around the room, her bow light in her hands as she drags it across the strings, flabbergasted as harmonious sounds permeate the air. His fingers move in a flurry across black and white keys, shoulders bouncing in rhythmically as the song nears it end. Their last notes swirling around each other in a perfect crescendo.

"Wow, that was fun! You did great!" He breaks the silence, and his words leave her breathless.

She's been prepared for insults and sharpened words, his praise disorient her.

His wide grin leaves little room for argument so she merely nods, not quite believing him.

He starts to gather his belongings before turning to her, "I have to head out but I mean it, I think we sounded pretty good together. What do you think? Was I good enough for you?"

His innocent question plummets her into a sea of memories, his face at the forefront of her thoughts.

Shaking herself free she quietly replies, "Yes, it was good. You were good."

He lifts an eyebrow but says nothing else at her words.

"Okay, I'm free this weekend. Give me a call if you want to practice some more."

She nods finally collecting her own belongings, then turning off the lights and exiting the room.

The air is charged as the walk side by side and it's doesn't make sense until she turns the corner. Park Min-jae's excited voice never falters as she stands still, eyes locked on the new arrival.

Joon-young stands before her, eyes scouring her face before darting to the unknown man standing beside her. She watches his Adam's apple bob distractedly, as his eyes darken minutely.

"And I think we should..." Park Min-jae's voice peters off as he notices her unmoving figure before noticing that there is someone new.

All three of them stand there wordlessly before park Min-jae cracks the uncomfortable silence.

"Hi, I'm Park Min-jae. A friend of Song-ah, nice to meet you." The and you are? lingers in the air.

Her brain stutters at the possibilities and she rushes to provide an answer.

"Oh! This is Joon-young, he's just a fri-"

"Her boyfriend." He extends a hand but his eyes never leave her face, she feels as if she's being challenged and she doesn't know how to respond.

"Nice to meet you! I didn't know you had a boyfriend, you should have let me know before flashing those pretty dimples at me." Park Min-jae's teasing smile unsettles her causing her to shift under his gaze, unbeknownst to her Joon-young's grip tightens ever so slightly in their handshake.

Suddenly her potential accompanist winces and jumps, apologetic look on his face before he retracts his hand to put them up in acquiesce.

"Sorry."

Joon-young looks at him, the seconds dragging before he nods looking away from again. Eyes for her only.

"Um..so I'll talk to you later? It was nice to meet you." Park Min-jae bows once more, glancing between them both before shaking his head and all but running away.

She feels pinned under his look and rubs her own arm simply to have something else to focus on. Feigning distraction, she looks at the ground; heart clattering frantically at his sudden appearance.

Mumbling under her breathe she finally speaks, "What are you doing here?"

She's completely unprepared for his hands to slide into hers with ease, her fingers curling around his before her brain can register what is occurring.

"Come with me." The please is unsaid but loud as a high C and she nods, helplessly following his lead as he drags her back into the rehearsal room.

The click of the door closing is harsh in the quiet of the room, as he stops in the center of the room. Large hand still wrapped around her own, his warmth drift into her brittle bones.

"Who was that?"

Glancing up at him from under dark lashes she swallows, "Park Min-jae, a pianist. I wanted to see if we could play together. My teacher recommended him."

Humming in response he stares her dead in her eyes, it takes every fiber of her being to maintain the contact.

"Why were you going to tell him I was just a friend?"

Sputtering, she chokes on nothing pulling her hand away to cover her mouth as small coughs escape.

Concern flashes on his face before it's driven away with anger.

She quivers under his hard stare, "I thought....I didn't know...we haven't spoken in days."

Pressing forward he invades her space, jaw tight.

"Do you think it's that easy?"

Mouth falling open in a perfect o, she looks at him in confusion. Lost at his meaning and wondering what is going through his mind, it's difficult to read his body language.

"What?"

"Do you think our relationship is that... trivial? Do you think a few days without conversing is all it takes to end it?"

Anger and hurt color the words as they fall from his lips and land like daggers in her stomach.

But he's not finished, not by a long shot.

"You can't just push me away and replace me with someone else!"

His cry echoes around the room and she stands in shock, contemplating picking her jaw up off the ground. When he says nothing more, simply pushes out harsh breaths and squeezes his fists by his side she finds her voice.

"What are you talking about? I'm not doing...that."

"Then what are you doing? You don't answer my calls or call me for days and now you're here with someone else, who flirts with you right in my face." She collapses guiltily. "How can you not have time for me? I'm your boyfriend, why can't you make space for me?"

Is there any room for me?

Like a wave, all her emotions and pain and insecurities and fears come surging out, his question the blow that broke the dam.

"You're the one who has no space for me. I saw you two that day, you looked like you fit. Two musical prodigies, it made sense. More sense than you and I. I can't do it, I can't pretend that I don't see everyone looking at us. Nobody understands why you'd want me. You should be with someone like her, she's from a good family and she plays the violin better than I'll ever--"

His hands latch onto her shaking shoulders, pushing her backwards until her violin collides with a click into the piano.

She whimpers as he gazes down at her, frustration streaming off him in waves.

"You don't understand how I could want you? I'll explain it, in detail. Listen closely because I don’t want to ever need to this again"

She gulps.

He swaggers closer, arms reaching over her shoulders to rest on the smooth surface of the piano. Brushing against her shoulder before gently gripping the straps of her violin, he removes them before placing the instrument carefully on the ground. Taking the weight from her shoulders.

His warm breath caresses her skin before he cups her face, hands tender on her hot cheeks. Air catches in her throat as she shyly looks up at him.

Almost instantly he smiles in return, dimples greeting her as his smile warms her to her core.

"I like how you make me smile, whenever I see you my heart feels at ease and I feel like everything will be okay. I like how you smile at me, you look prettiest when smiling at me."

Her cheeks flush from his compliments and she turns away embarrassed only to feel his sure fingers on the point of her chin, dragging her back into the penetrating line of his eyes; refusing to let her push him away again.

"I like how hard you work to be better, I like how you never stoop to others level you're kind to everyone despite how they treat you. I like your dimples, I always want to touch then. I like how you listen to me and want to hear about my life. I like that you don't treat me like I'm breakable and you tell me when you don't like something."

Then the air crackles as his hands smooth down her skin before settling on her neck, tugging her closer, she reaches out to grab his waist for balance.

"I like kissing you, I like how your lips feel on mine. I like how you open up for me. I like the little sounds you make."

Like a manifestation, a small shocked gasps tumbles from her lips and his eyes meander down to look at them in response. His own cheeks are scorching, red and flushed too but he doesn't seem like he has any intentions of stopping. Fearlessly pushing past his comfort zones.

Pulling her against his body now, his fingers twisted in the dark material of his button down shirt, he gazes at her adoration pouring from his eyes.

"I like you Song-ah. I like you so much. I don't want anyone else, there's space for you. In my heart there's so much space just for you."

He brushes her hair out of her face, his face open and vulnerable.

"Do you want it?"

Do you want me?

She looks at him as he awaits her answer and wonders what she ever did to deserve this? It seems too good to be true, she has never won anything in her life coming in last at everything that has counted. So how can this be true, how can she possibly deserve something has precious and valuable as his heart?

Smiling in defeat she nods at him, "I want you."

His joy is contagious as he grabs her, strong arms wrapping her in a warm embrace. She returns the hug, face smashed into the soft cotton of his shirt.

Slowly they draw away from each other, smiles not fading and then she catches his incessant gaze on her lips.

"Can I?"

Blushing she bites her lip nervously, tingling under his close appraisal. At the merest nod of her head he's on her, his lips crashing into her own as his hands tighten on their new location on her hips.

Tilting onto the tips of her toes she presses back, moaning as his tongue teases the seams of her closed mouth, her arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.

His taste explodes on her buds as his slick muscle swipes around her moist cavern, he delicately sucks on her tongue enticing her to join him in his explorations. She trips as she attempts to press even closer to him, breaking their deep embrace.

Embarrassed at her lack of grace and coordination she opens her mouth, apology on the tip of her tongue. Before his next move steals her breath.

Easy as pie, he grips tightens on her waist as he hoists her up until she's sitting on the edge of the grand piano.

Her blush is now painful as it rages on her exhausted cheeks.

He smiles at her, disarming her before he steps forward her new position bringing their lips in perfect proximity.

"You looks pretty when you blush too." He teases and she slaps his chest in reprimand but he catches the appendages, trapping them between their body as he descends on her mouth again.

Kisses deeper and slower this time, largo as their tongues roll and plunder. His hands stroke her hair, his fingers traipsing across the soft skin of neck. He suddenly grabs her hips dragging her across the smooth surface until their groins collide and she gasps loudly at the hardness that jabs into her.

They both bolt back, frenzied eyes meeting as they take in this moment.

She's never gone this far before, never even kissed anyone. He is the owner of so many of her first, it's terrifying.

Looking down she sees his straining erection, a long line tenting the satin smoothness of his dress paints. Blushing she forces her eyes from the tempting sight, to look at his face. Momentarily frozen under his look, first time seeing them set ablaze with desire. All for her.

"Are you okay?" His voice rumbles making her skin pebble with anticipation.

Is she okay? She can't quite answer such a big question, her head spinning from everything that has happened. She feels like her skin is going to burst apart and he's the only thing keeping her together, both her destruction and her resurrection.

Wrapping her legs around his waist she boldly yanks him back into her orbit, kissing the question off his mouth. He stills for a moment before responding, devouring her mouth as she opens up for him, slick noises loud to her ears.

Her lips are raw and tender as they kiss making up for all their time apart, then she feels her world tilting as he presses her back onto the piano, lips still swallowing her own until her back meets the cool material and their lips disengage.

He looks at her, her body spread across the instrument like an offering. She feels naked under his gaze.

Then his eyes shift to her skirt, high on her thigh from her sprawled position and she starts to sit up but he's faster to react, catching the edge of her skirt and fingering the material that trails across her thigh.

After thick moments of silence, he gazes up at her slowly drawing her skirt up her thighs, the cool air rushes across her hot skin and she gasps and squirms under his steady hands.

He stops at her movement glancing at her, she bites her lip, opening her legs ever so slightly and that's all the answer that he needs. Tugging the material slowly, slowly, adagio up her skin pushing it over her hips and his groan causes wetness to pool between her legs, she looks away in shame.

He fingers at her stark white panties, she jumps at his first touch on the skin above her undergarment. Peering down to watch his eyes locked on her in awe, his long fingers running across her skin before he stops to tug at the cute little bow on the top of her underwear.

Eyes never leaving hers, he drags the thin material down pausing to give her a chance to stop him, one word from her and this will all come to an end she has no doubts.

Tacet.

He pulls the material down, down before dragging it off her feet and folding it neatly in a square before placing it on a chair to the side.

"Beautiful."

His eyes are smoldering on her skin as she eagerly awaiting his next move, equal parts excitement and anxiety.

Clutching her eyes shut she grips futilely for purchase, before he knocks the breath from her lungs with his first slow drag on her opening, his tongue swiping through the moisture dripping from her. A gasp is punched from her chest, as he licks at her again, deeper the second time almost slurping at her and she cries out from the foreign sensation, pleasure ravaging her body.

"Ah! Joon-young ah!"

He surges at her cry and subsequent proclamation of his name, nimble fingers soon joining his tongue and pushing knuckle deep into her wet bud playing her as expertly as his beloved piano, her whines and whimpers serving as music to his ears.

Using two fingers he pries her lips open, exposing her further to his hungry eyes and mouth. His tongue stiffen into a point he jabs into her drenched hole, collecting her sweet nectar as he swipes across her walls.

She pants loudly, grabbing his hair in warning as she feels a ball tightening in the pits of her stomach, another first as he thrusts into her over and over, her skin puckering up in anticipation.

"Please, I, I...."

As her body nears its crescendo, release blinding her as pleasure flashes blinding white, suddenly he pulls away, she whines from the emptiness crying out for him.

When she opens her eyes in a weak glare, she finds him bent over the piano his bangs sweaty as they stick to his forehead. Gathering herself she sits up, eyes widening in surprise and arousal when she sees his erection jutting from his own fly and his fist wrapped around the rigid ruddy flesh.

He'd been touching himself while tasting her. That had been enough to hurl him dangerously close to the edge. Something like pride bubbles in her chest.

Clamoring off the piano, her heels clicks when she lands on the floor and that catches his attention.

He looks up at her with dazed eyes, looking younger with his bangs skewed and messy, his lips shiny with her condensation.

Taking the lead she grasps his hands tugging him until he snaps out of his stupor, within two steps they reach the piano bench and he looks at it and then her, puzzled before she gently presses his shoulders and seats him on the bench.

It's his turn to gasp as she climbs into his lap, her face scarlet red as his erection brushes against her sacred flower.

"Are you sure?" He asks, using every last bit of control to keep his hips still even as his body aches to plunge into her wet hole, mere inches away the heat wafting off all too tempting.

"Yes." She watches as he grips himself by the base, rubbing the head through her juices and her head falls back from the sensation and then his tip is at her entrance and she holds her breath.

He reaches up to hold her face, forcing her to meet his eye, "Breathe." He commands and as she inhales he slides into her, breaching her tight opening with one long smooth thrust upwards.

Her arms tighten around the wide stretch of his shoulders as gravity drags her further down his impressive length, pain and pleasure warring for dominance.

"Just a minute." She pleads and instantly he stops, rubbing soothing circles on her back as she loosens around him. When she can breathe again, she lifts herself up before sliding back down pleasure knocking pain back on its ass.

Immediately she needs more, lifting up again before slamming down onto his hard cock, wet sounds echoing off the walls and at first he is motionless, simply letting himself be used by her. But then he grips her tight cheeks, using them as leverage as he plants his feet and viciously pistons into her, her shriek deafening in this room made for acoustics.

They crash into each other, as they chase their release, his fingers easily unbuttoning her shirt and pushing it off her skin before catching her pebbled nipples through the thin lace of her bra. Her soft breasts jiggle as she bounces in his lap, his hard length driving into her, over and over and over.

At a particularly brutal thrust of his hips, she loses her precarious balance and falls back, instantly he grips her waist slowing her descent and lessening the blow, her back crashes into the piano keys and jarring dissonance filling the air.

They both glance at each other before smiling, recalling their last mishap with the piano after their first kiss.

Her sprawled position on the piano opens her wider and without pause he thrusts up into her again, tugging her back to meet his movement.

Light flashes behind her eyelids as he fucks into her, the piano crying out underneath their onslaught. She's too close to care and his frenzied thrusts make it clear he's not far behind.

He pries her eyes open once more, before kissing her. The gentle press of his lips in complete opposition to the hard hits of his hips.

"Please, come." He whispers, begging her and simultaneously informing her of his plans.

She feels every molecule in her body burst apart as she vibrates on the piano, walls tightening around his length as he struggles to thrust through the vicelike grip she has on him before a hot stream fills her up, sticky and leaking, and he melts under her his head falling onto her belly.

It feels..... weird. Not nearly as sexy as it's depicted in videos. But a piece of her is giddy to be so full of him, her blush permanently stained on her cheek at this point.

Gently he drags himself out of her, she shudders as she feels his release leaking out without him there to keep it in. When she glances down pearly white substance is smeared across the keys of the piano.

She immediately feels filthy, complete disbelief at what exactly they'd done and where they'd done it. She covers her face in shame.

Something brushes against her sensitive skin and her eyes pop openly only to shriek as she watches in horror as Joon-young, cleans up the mess between her legs and the piano keys with a handkerchief.

Her handkerchief to be exact.

Grinning bashfully at her he shrugs, shoulders now light as his hair flops on his face.

"I'll wash it later."

Too embarrassed to answer she merely stands up, small smile tugging at her lips as she picks up her neatly folder panty before stepping back into it.

"Do you see now?" Do you see how much I want you? How much space there is, just for you?"

She's fighting losing battle. The irony isn't lost on her, the one time she loses it's the best thing that's ever happened to her.

In the hallway Jung-kyung pounds her fist into the wall, arriving minutes ago to practice with Joon-young for her recital only to hear the loud crashes of a piano keys. She'd been worried about him, was he angry because she was late? Missing her terribly?

She'd rushed to open the door only to stop frozen as she heard moans following the clash of the piano, soft feminine moans followed by a voice she knew all too well. Jealous and rage consumed her at the thought of that...nobody touching her Joon-young.

Taking as deep breath she turns around walking away, she will not give up on him but staying right now is impossible she can't bear the thought of seeing him glowing from being with someone else. This was probably how he felt watching her all these years.

She will be patient and wait for him.

They are destined and his time with Song-ah is fleeting, she knows he wants her. There isn't space for anyone else.

#do you like brahms?#do you like smut #lee young joon #chae song ah #joon young x song ah #piano smut #smut in c major #sourface is delusional #lucky handkerchiefs #cheesy music analogies and terms #I have no regrets

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uglypastels · 4 years ago

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To the Beat - Headcanons

(a/n) right, so here are just some headcanons/vague ideas of how i imagined the band play their songs. Either at the specific concert or in general in the future once they had grown more comfortable on stage and a bigger fanbase etc.

Also, I have no idea if this makes sense but I had all these ideas in my head that i needed to get out and on to “paper”, so i thought then why not just share it :)

Read part 1 here <---> part 2 here

If you want any other hc about the band :) just send an ask. cause this might be my new favorite au and i would love to do some further world building lmao.

The Band setlist

headcanons below cut

MR BRIGHTSIDE (The Killers)

So, Harrison starts playing on the guitar, and then the drums follow after a few beats just like in the original. Harrison sings the first verse, but Harry comes in with the harmonies in the lines like “gotta gotta be down” and “How did I end up like this?”

Then I feel like there could be more harmonies in the pre-chorus, but the chorus itself is sung by Haz, with Tom and Harry doing like matching back up vocals (ooohs and stuff like that).

The second verse is sung by Harry, with harmonies done by Haz. Then at the line with the pre-echo of “(it was only a kiss) It was only a kiss” Tom is the one to say it. -

(sidenote, i feel, like if they performed it more, he would get more confidence into and would start improvising shit that would totally not match the song and harry would either go along with it or just ignore him. Either way, funny shit.)

Harry would sing most of the second pre-chorus, but the other two would join him in the last line “and taking control”. Then Harrison sings the final chorus. And Tom would do the echoes the song ends on (the repeated “I never”s)

THE INVISIBLE MAN (Queen)

Harrison sings most of it, but like, really close to the microphone, so he doesn’t have to sing it very loudly.

You just know Harry is having the time of his life during this song with the bass. Especially after the intro and there is that part of just bass and drums. Tom and Harry love it.

(also Tom does the adlibs through the verses and he shouts something randoms, but not through the mic, just into the void lol we love our adlib king)

Then during the chorus, Tom and Harry whisper-sing “I’m the invisible man”

So the bridge is a bit more aggressive so Harry would sing that, headbanging like crazy when given the time.

The guitar solo… honestly, I don’t know what to say about that without becoming a puddle. K byeee.

Basically they would go all out and be super extra, making Freddie Mercuy proud.

YOU OUGHTA KNOW (Alanis Morissette)

So, this is Tom’s song. It starts off with a snare drum and he sings softly, but angry just like Alanis. And the rhythm just fits considering he would also have to drum. Then the second part of the verse, he gets louder.

Haz and Harry do the pre-chorus in harmonies, with Tom shouting out the No in “To be open wide, no” Then the last two lines are for Harry (“ ‘til you died, until you died, but you’re still alive!”) and he shouts them out to transition into the chorus which he also sings.

Then then the second verse is also sung by Tom. It basically follows the same formula as the first part.

After the second chorus, there is that kind of echo which Haz sings. The bridge is Tom’s part again. Harry sings the last two choruses again but then the last “you, you, you oughta know” is sung much softer for the DRAMA.

ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRL (Jet)

The cough. You know that one of them would do the cough. But never at the right moment though.

This is another song that Harry loves to perform because its super bass… based, so he grabs at at the attention and gets super extra at the intro. Tom would just be vibing at the beat really. Then the guitar riff comes in and everyone just *swoons* and Harry comes in with the WhOO!

Harrison also goes all out, playing to the audience, but then for every line he would lean into the microphone, really close and then jump off it to the back, just to come back in at the next line. I don’t know how to describe but.. That. And he would change his tone where it fits so in the second line of “say you look so fine, that I really wanna make you mine” he would end it all husky probably. And he would most definitely try to spot someone hot in the crowd and sing the next line to them with a wink (Now you don't need the money/When you look like that, do ya honey?) and his voice would go all deep and oof yeah. Just sex all around for him, really.

Harry would finish off the pre-chorus and shout his way through the chorus like the energetic weirdo that he is (how he still has a voice at the end of it all is large mystery).

Then the drum stops for Tom to catch a moment, not that he really needs it, and he says the “Are you gonna be my girl?” and then I die basically.

And then after the second chorus, the guitar starts and Tom stands up to clap, letting the audience to follow. And (hopefully) they continue with it through the rest of the song.

BREAK MY HEART (Dua Lipa, cover version of HEY LIFE)

The song would either start with a bass actually or a guitar that is a bit higher than the one in the playlist i set. They wouldn’t play it as metal-y. Harrison sings, holding on to that mic Harry is living his life with the bass.

Then they all sing the first half of the pre-chorus in harmonies and it sounds amazing. The other half is for Harrison.

The first few lines of the chorus “I would've stayed at home/'Cause I was doin' better alone/But when you said, "Hello"/I know that was the end of it all” is like an acapella monotone singing… I don’t know music terms okay, deal it with <3 but then they repeat it with the instruments and harmonies.

It all kind of repeats itself in the same formula, I think. Then there’s a bit of a solo at the end of the second??? chorus so that would go to Harrison. And the bridge they’d sing together again. And there are some like background lines?? That would probably be Harry :) why did I make him the loud chaotic one?? I have no idea but try and tell me that I’m wrong. He’d go through like 6 bottles of water cause ya boy’s gotta STAY HYDRATED

MISS YOU (The Rolling Stones)

Right, so like in the fic, audience participation in the best way possible. They teach the crowd what to sing and how to sing it. So the ooohs and yadda yadda at the intro and through the rest of the song. It has a fucking great beat too so everyone is just VIBING to it and it’s a party. Harrison is doing his best with his cursive™ singing lol. No one really understands what he’s saying but we’re here for it. Then Harry signs towards the crowd to sing and its loud and amazing and the connection!!

Then later on tom and harry to the back up vocals again and it just sounds like two little angels.

There is a part where it’s kind of slam poetry lol, about walking in central park or something (idk the song that well oops) anyway, that part is Harry’s.

The saxophone solos are obviously changed into a guitar solo, or a bass, or drum, whichever guy is quicker each show. Then the crowd joins in again cause they can’t help it and that little ooooh/aaaah will be stuck in everyones head for the rest of the week (just like it happened to me after i went to the Rolling Stones concert, people were still singing it in the train on the way home and that is exactly the vibe we are going for here)

WILDFLOWER (5 Seconds of Summer)

So it’s been established that these boys do nothing but exude sex through their entire performance and this song is no exception. They start of very sweet with the wild-wildflower but from their, straight into the sin bin. Harrison is singing

(ngl i did base him a lot on Luke Hemmings in this fic so I just had to put in a 5SOS song- even though calum sings it but do not ruin this for me OKAY)

In the meantime, Tom is clapping along, getting the crowd to do it, though he has to make sure the people actually stay in rhythm so it doesn’t fuck up the song. Then in the pre-chorus its Tom and Harry as back-up, still for Harrison to take the lead. Until the last sentence where its Harry coming in with the “I know where tonight is going!”

But here’s the thing. The song goes “You're the only one who makes me- Every time we-” and then there’s the added “Tell you what I like” which Tom is SUPPOSED to sing, but as we have established, he’s a little shit and he loves to mess around, so he would shout out weird stuff out when he got the chance, but if he couldn’t think of it, then he’d at least take it to the stage to finish Haz’ sentence. So when he sings “You’re the only one who makes me-” Tom nicely finished is it and shouts “HARD”

Also I think Harry would be bopping around with his bass to the drum, cause how can you not.

SEVEN NATION ARMY (The White Stripes)

Right so here is Harrison, aka our cursive singing king, thriving. The first part of the song doesn’t even use guitar so he’s just at the microphone chilling, most definitely brushing his fingers through his hair, maybe rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. Does he need to do it? No, but who minds it? Exactly, nobody.

But then when the guitar does finally start he is oFFFFF. Putting so much into it.

Tom also most definitely goes far and beyond drumming to this. it’s a simple beat but he just drums with all his body. At the begining of every verse, where its just the bass drum, you can see him step on that fucking pedal.

and then he adds on the other drum (idk terms, let me be) but he moves his head to each beat and he hits it fucking hard okay, so MUSCLE uhum uhum, yeah.

And there’s another classic bassline in here so Harry is thriving like any time he gets to shine <3

CALIFORNICATION (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

So this was a slower song to kind of level all the songs that had been super energetic.

It’s simply the moment where all of them can relax a bit. maybe some of the audience will turn on their flashlights. Not that the song really needs that, but its fun, so why not.

Harrison is at it again with the cursive, tho not as much here. He also plays around at the end of the verses, lengthening the notes and stuff. idk, making it fancy

They put in more distinct harmonies at the chorus “Dream of Californication”

then there are the back up Ooooh’s in the other verses. love those.

they might cut the song short, stopping before the last verse, just where its the soft guitar plating and they faded out and its time for another break :)

CHELSEA DAGGER (The Fratellis)

So they don’t actually play this song. It was something that came accidentally. They probably don’t even know the name of the song. But its just one of those things that everyone kinda knows. So during a break one of the 3 is fucking around on their instrument and the other two join in, still clueless, and suddenly its the crowd that does the dudududud’s and there ya go, Chelsea Dagger. Just a little quickie to get everyone pumped up again after a slower song.

SEX ON FIRE (Kings of Leon)

Harrison’s cursive singing strikes again, but at this point we’re all living for it. It’s also the song where he’s a bit louder and gets up there together with Harry’s voice lol.

Then Tom sings the chorus, since this is all my self indulgence and I want him to sing the words “your sex is on fire” over and over again. sue me.

But like, he tenses up when he sings, getting it in that right emotional range, and he’s still drumming and it’s all very very hot.

maybe the light technicians set the lights on red or orange <3

MISS ALISSA (Eagles of Death Metal)

Here’s my idea: they all had a veto on picking one song each for the set list and the rest had to be voted on together

(Harrison’s would be ---- and Tom’s would be You Oughta Know, cause he angsty like that sometimes).

Harry picked this song simply because its fucking fast and it was a struggle for the other two lol. It’s basically just drums and guitar so Harry is singing and clapping, with his bass on his back, while tom is basically dying from this repeated beat, playing it nonstop for 3 minutes straight while his fucking brother is jumping around on stage.

And the ‘you aint dancing’ at the end is definitely directed at Tom.

To which Tom would nicely respond with flipping his brother off :)

RUBY (Kaiser Chief)

My sweet baby angels they start with the tadata’s together

And Harry sings the verse and the chorus, with Tom and Haz doing the back up vocals.

Cause he sings the most of this song, he sometimes slacks with the bass, just letting it go all together, to hold on to the mic (or taking it with him and dancing around the stage during the chorus)

and during the bridge he could very well bend down to sing to the audience directly

so the people *swoon* once again

and he would be deep in eye contact with someone for that bridge, just for the chorus to start again and he’d jump up and be all bouncy again. we love variety

in short, this concert would not be good for my heart

STAR GIRL (McFly)

The only real reason why the chose this song is cause they’re 12 year old boys and the lines of the second verse made them laugh (there’s nothing on Earth that can save us, when i fell in love with Uranus) and i mean, who can blame them. But its also just a really fun song that the crowd can easily join into as well - gotta love the whoohoo-oooo’s .

And speaking of, after the bridge and trumpet/in this case guitar solo, there’s a few counts of silence. You can bet that the audience misses it by like half a beat which the boys enjoy immensely. Sometimes they would even go out of their way to make the pause even longer to mess with people.

But basically, the do end up loving this song, especially Tom and Harry. they have possibly argued about who sings which part, so they end up just switching through shows (tho Harry gets to do the bridge, since he has the loudest voice<3)

COME TOGETHER (The Beatles)

They specifically chose this song to finish the show off with.

cause it really brings everyone together.

they might sing it a bit differently though, maybe more like Aerosmith

(they tried Gary Clark Jr.’s version but they felt like they couldn’t do it as big as he did it)

they definitely fool the crowd to when to sing Come Together or not, very anticlamactic and all but it won’t make anyone love them any less.

but once they do sing it, Chilssss

and they do each a verse, so first Harrison, then Harry, and finally Tom. and they all finish their own verse very dramatic in their own little ways.

Harrison barely understandable, but very dramatic

Harry basically screams it out

and Tom is just SEX™

and then they finish the show off with extended solo’s and I cry again

idk if i should tag people, since no one asked for this, but i’m doing it

@definitely-not-black-cat @artemisiaarm @nerdyhockeygirl @miraclesoflove @justasmisunderstoodasloki @thefridgeismybestie @m19friend @creative-happenings @parker-holland-osterfield @fanficparker @fanficscuziranout @peterparkoure @xxtomxo @happywolves81 @spiderrrling @captainbuckyy @tra-gicx @qxeen-of-hearts @varshavisuu @kangaroobunny @petersunderoos96 @the-lost-fairy-tale @nerd-domland @sleepybesson @rissa067 @the-queen-procrastinator @scarletteclipze @screeching-student-unknown @duskholland @tomhollanders2013 @miraclesoflove @playinonaloop @captainpeggy40 @queenoflostspirits @roses-hxlland @hereiamhereigo @sunnydays0803 @averyfosterthoughts @moorehollandplz @beiroviski @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @peterparkerbabyyy @multifandomlover21 @lmaotshollandd @badbitchydecisions @tikapollak @starkeybabie @awesomehritz @madzleigh01 @oh-what a beautiful-parker @taciturnspidey @quaksonhehe @mountainsforwords @harryfobter @peepeeparkerr @viagracex @ethereal-beauty-p @perspectiveparker @slytherin-chaser @worldoftom @moonysoftt @peeterparkr @wazzupmrstark @saintlavrents @peachybloomss @blissfulparker @spidey-reids-2003 @fallinfortom @chloecreatesfictions @londonspidey @hollandcreep @inlovewithmobtom @hypnotized-so-mesmerized

#tom holland #harrison osterfield #harry holland #band!au #fanfic #fanfiction #tom holland fanfiction #harrison osterfield fanfiction #harry holland fanfiction #drummer!tom #guitarist!harrison #bassist!harry #headcanon #this could have just been the fic #but instead i went out of my way and wrote 17k #including like 8k smut #fml

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dontletthishappentoyou · 4 years ago

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Shows Bonding - I had mild concerns in the first season that were absolutely addressed in the second. Overall, this was what I was looking for. I realized that I’ve been mostly doing cartoons for the past couple years, and it was nice to have some live action stuff that pulled off what it was going for with its characters as well as this one.

Community - Going into this one not knowing if it’ll have the things I like or the things I dislike about Dan Harmon. Turns out it has both, but right now I’m mostly enjoying it for the same kinds of reasons people enjoy Friends or all those other shows that let lonely people vicariously feel that they have friends, or a community. Ratched - What the heck was this? Somebody read and watched One Flew Over the Kuckoos Nest and thought “Nurse Ratched needs a spin-off seiries.” And then they actually clearly put a ton of effort into it? It kinda worked. I kind of wish I had known what to expect a little bit. Basically, what you should expect is kind of out there historical fiction that addresses things like coming to terms with your sexuality in the age of inhumane conversion therapy, mistreatment of the mentally ill, and also petty drama with the coersion and manipulation you might expect from a spy movie and a sitcom at the same time. It works if you’re ready for that. Russian Doll - Bingeable. I wouldn’t watch a second season, but enjoyed it for what it was. I’ve been super into digging into characters lately, and this hit that spot. I found it by just searching for ‘sadcoms’ and this was exactly what I’d hope for. After Life - Ricky Gervais. Very very Ricky Gervais. To the extent that the whole time I was kind of cringing hoping, but not confident, that some of his character’s flaws would be addressed by the end of the series. Most of them were, which I guess is fine. It kind of felt like watching someone figure out how to do something you consider simple. The character arc was a mediocre version of some stuff addressed in Bojack. If you really need more Bojack and can’t find anything good, go for it with this, but meh. She-Ra - Here’s the winner for things I’ve watched this past year. The plot does get convoluted, but I might do an actual video essay about its portrayal of a psudo-leftist utopia, although the political issues it addresses are very limited, since it obviously doesn’t really get into economics or anything like that. But heteronormativiy is out the window, body types are what they are and are portrayed as unquestionably lovable, acceptance is the default, while still refusing to tolerate intolerance and imperialism. It’s interesting to pair it with a series like Ratchet that addresses homophobia directly, but I don’t think it’s failure to recognize the challenges that these people have in the real world is a downside at all. It just exists to show what things would be like without any of that. The antagonist team is generally portrayed as imperialist, stuff you’d safely call evil, while still humanizing its individual members, often delving deep into the manipulation that led them to become a part of the Horde. Which of course gets back to character. Zuko tier stuff here. Not just with the obvious one. At first I kind of disliked the main characters arc, but watched a bunch of videos about it and actually kind of figured out that some of it is largely related to my own personal failures as a person in some of my ineffective attempts to avoid negative attributes. Anyway, there’s nothing I’ve watched that I’d recommend more highly than this in a long time. Movies The Irishman - I didn’t finish this one. It had a pretentious feeling to it that made me feel like I should take the intellectual respnosibility for enjoying it myself or else risk admitting a failure of sophistocation. But it is way to telly over showy and I felt comfortable just not participating in that after the first hour went by without anything I’d clearly identify as the inciting incident. Marriage Story - Watched this with Ivy on Valentines day. Wouldn’t recommend it in that context, but once again, dug into character. Made me freak out about custody, but I’m assuming it won’t have that effect on most people. People said the acting was good, and I completely see what they mean. If I hadn’t been occasionally paying attention and having that in mind, I’m not sure I would have noticed, but that did make it extremely engaging. Room - I really enjoyed the structure of this one. It felt like halfway through it could have been the end and we would have successfully surpassed a hero’s journey or whatever, but that would have ignored the emotional consequences of the kind of issues that the story addressed, so it kept going, introduced a whole new set of characters an hour in, and I don’t think there would have been any other way it would have worked for me. Definitely something I’d recommend. Music Red Velvet - I’ve been listening to this alongside BTS and Black Pink in my dive into K-Pop. With prog and indie, you get CDs, download stuff, listen one way or another, you get your friends to listen to it, then you go to concerts to get closer to the music, witness the viruosity in the case of prog, or connect more humanly with indie. With ska and electronica, you have friends who vaguely like the genre, you go to concerts because they’ll be crazy and fun. But I’ve been kind of exploring how different musics interact with culture over the last few years. Classical, traditional Celtic, folk, and now K-Pop. Y’all have seen the culture around K-Pop. People get deep into it in a different way. I can recognize Petrucci’s solo style, with the rapid picking in the middle register fast stuff, I know Mike Portnoy used a double pedal on a single bass drum in LTE but not DT, I’ve heard people talk about the different distortion pedals Steven Wilson uses, but when people get into Kpop, they know what year RM had different hair colors, what kind of family he comes from, they might have memorized a couple interviews with him, and it’s just taken a bit farther than boy band fandom was taken even in the 90s. I definitely used to see all that as extremely shallow, believing that music should be about the music, but I don’t feel so fundamentalist with my approach to how music ‘should’ interact with culture these days, so I’m seeing if I can get into it. Of course I’m failing a little bit. I mention Red Velvet specifically here because that’s the band who’s music I’ve gotten into most. I just listen to it in the background. I don’t know the names. I’ve been trying with BTS a little bit, but it’s tough when I don’t emotionally connect with the band. I’m trying to see if Red Velvet’s breaking of that barrier with their mildly complex harmony, occasional counterpoint, and diverse instrumentation and style can kind of be a gateway into that culture and I can stop listen to BTS thinking “they have seven dudes, why don’t they utilize their potential for awesome vocal harmonies?" and start listening to it on its own merits. 100 gecs - Nice. It has a playful tone to it. I can imagine doing similar things if instead of having Garage Band, I had been given and taught to use some more intricate production software. Often it sounds like they do the kinds of things people do when they discover new instruments and want to try it out and push it to its limits with no hesitation that people trained might have with more critical ears, but then it’s refined a bit and comes across as authentic and energetic with just a bit of the punk spirit to it, but adjusted to the modern zeitgeist. Other than that, music consumption hasn’t been as prominent in my life as it has and I’d like to get more of that going. I’ve been introducing kids to a variety of things, but that kind of gets me listening to stuff all over the place that I’m already very familiar with and have set associations with.

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hey-hamlet-bmc · 6 years ago

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Be More Chill August 1st Previews Things

• The cardigan! It’s here! It looks the same as the original! Jeremy’s shirt is also red blue and yellow, but we saw it in some bts videos. Also: WILL DOESN’T WEAR HIS GLASSES THE WHOLE TIME which is an odd sight to see.

• Madeline didn’t tell Jake about pool. Chloe is complaining at the beginning of More Than Survive about Madeline not being French, essentially what she originally said about it during Be More Chill Pt. 1.

• Because of that, Jake’s line is different too. He says “She’s definitely French” while gesturing to his uh...area.

• When Jeremy holds the backpacks together, Michael gets this giddy look on his face and says “My mothers would be thrilled.” He also has not one but TWO rainbow patches. The rectangle one on his arm and a more rainbow shaped one on his shoulderblade.

• Brooke occasionally hums the tune to Do You Wanna Ride/Hang and is always playing with a straw.

• Mr. Reyes doesn’t work at Hobby Lobby anymore. He’s a teacher as well as a cafeteria worker now.

• Jeremy watching Christine sing I Love Play Rehearsal is the purest part of the musical.

• I’ve not heard anyone else mention this, and my friend said it didnt happen in the performance he saw, but when Jake is telling Christine about all the pressure he’s under to be the best, he just paused and dabs before continuing.

• Rich draws a dick on the urinal before using it.

• Mr. Reyes is in the bathroom when Rich enters and thinks he’s talking to him when he calls Jeremy tall-ass.

• There’s a new rappy part of the SQUIP Song where Rich tells Jeremy the ‘shit’ like thinking about washing his hands after peeing doesn’t matter when you have a SQUIP.

• Two-Player Game takes place on Jeremy’s bed, not bean bags. Which makes sense to me because the bean bags were at Jeremy’s house, not Michael’s, where everyone writes/draws them. This gets rid of the issue altogether.

• Two-Player Game just kinda seems a little less chummy now? They don’t mess around as much, I don’t think.

• The end of the song has a really cool graphic in place of the odd running-dance in the original. The journey to the mall is depicted by pixelated zombies as Jeremy and Michael fight past them á la Apocalypse of the Damned.

• I haven’t mentioned how Jason Williams’s costumes are so different so now’s the time. As Mr. Heere, he’s himself, but Mr. Reyes has glasses and a wig, and the Scary Stockboy has really exaggerated sideburns so the Wolverine comment is even more ridiculous.

• After Jeremy takes the SQUIP, Michael goes to Spencer’s like normal, but not for Crystal Pepsi. It’s Ghostbusters Ecto Cooler (which he says tastes like ghosts) and it’s apparently making a comeback right now IRL.

• Jake carries a huge jug of water around the mall AND his feelings about his parents come out a lot more.

• The SQUIP wears all whites instead of all darks.

• The SQUIP’s modes are different. Keanu Reeves, Lara Croft, and sexy anime female with cat ears and tail. So take that how you will.

• In the clothing store (I think it’s Forever 21?) Gerard and George’s mall characters bicker in the background over shirts.

• Chloe breaks a hanger in half when Jeremy says Madeline is French.

• Stephanie’s mall character is onstage the shortest amount of time but it’s okay because she steals the show with her incredibly slow electric scooter.

• Michael is in More Than Survive (Reprise) for a moment. He waves to an ignorant Jeremy in a classroom and eventually gives up trying to get his attention.

• I feel like I’m forgetting something from A Guy I’d Kinda Be Into but it’s more or less the same.

• Upgrade is very different! The end specifically, to split it into the new song. Upgrade no longer ends act one, but instead comes right before the new addition I’m sure most everyone has heard already, Loser Geek Whatever. The part Jeremy originally sang at the end after Michael shows up is what’s changed—the SQUIP and the ensemble now sing it, and Michael shows up afterward.

• Loser Geek Whatever is really good. It gives Jeremy more of a reason for what he’s doing and makes it harder to demonize him. It’s basically him convincing himself that he deserves the upgrade, despite being worried he may fail Michael.

• Jeremy’s hairstyle changes in act 2. It’s more flat Will Roland than messy bed head. He goes from Wirt from Over the Garden Wall to Jared Kleinman.

• Halloween is great! Some of the idle dialogue is different though.

• Also, Chloe doesn’t tell Jeremy Brooke is waiting upstairs. They just leave in the background during the song.

• Do You Wanna Hang is so...Chloe. She twerks in front of Jeremy.

• The SQUIP faceplants on the bed after Jeremy drinks from Chloe’s (baby bottle) flask.

• Michael in the Bathroom is like, exactly the same. Incredibly powerful, of course, but I think changing it would have made a lot of people angry. The way Jeremy calls Michael a loser right before the song reminds me of how Will portrayed Jared during Dear Evan Hansen’s Good For You. He’s not as angry as Will Connolly, but sounds almost heartbroken, as if Jeremy really is upset he ‘has’ to do this to Michael.

• Will Roland’s laugh is really taken for granted when Jeremy and Christine chat.

• You see Rich argue with his (female sounding) SQUIP, and see him grab a can of gasoline.

• The SMARTPHONE HOUR!! Jenna’s got a lot of vocalized parts added the day I saw the show that were just AMAZING (Tiffany Mann is phenomenal and I’m lucky to have heard her voice in person)

• Chloe has a retainer that she just THROWS off stage.

• Brooke throws a fake banana twice as hard and twice as far. She just yeets it.

• The stage lights up in flames when they sing about the fire.

• The ensemble does that weird flossing dance in sync and it looks ridiculous.

• Gerard cartwheels and George does a really high jump split.

• THE SCREEN IN THE BACK SHOWS A SELFIE OF JENNA WITH THE HOUSE FIRE.

• The Pitiful Children starts about Christine, not how Jeremy was always a loser. The whole conversation about “that is to say you’ve had experience with the opposite sex” doesn’t happen. Instead of Jenna, Jeremy sees Christine troubled in the hallway. He talks to her and she tells him she knows about SQUIPs. A kid from her theatre camp got one and is now in a mental hospital, like the guy Michael found out about. That’s what leads to her walking away from him angrily saying she doesn’t need a pill to help her figure herself out.

• Then Jenna shows up and it’s basically the same from there.

• Jeremy’s clothes are all dark and emo chic when he argues with his dad.

• “Do you love him?” “........Wut?”

• Michael wasn’t burning his possessions.

• The fact that Christine knew about SQUIPs and turned Jeremy down just makes the part when you find out she drank from the beaker during the play so much more heartbreaking tbh.

• Jenna’s “I know what everyone’s doing” little spiel is to the tune of The Smartphone Hour instead of just kinda spoken, which is nice!

• Jake really does just pour the Mountain Dew Red out and Michael and Jeremy just sit there watching, individually.

• Rich is still bi! He asks if Michael is single after Jeremy says they aren’t dating.

• Michael RUNS to Jeremy’s hospital bed.

• Rich’s lisp is so good...so pure.

• During Voices in My Head, Michael is by Rich’s bed and hurts him twice while dancing.

• Christine’s SQUIP is Ruth Bader Ginsberg, the real old lady on the Supreme Court.

• Jeremy and Christine still end up going on their lunch date. This makes less sense than it did originally. Before, she says no to him on Halloween and ends up saying yes at the hospital anyway, but now, along with her rejection on Halloween, she is angry at Jeremy for using a SQUIP to talk to her, which to me makes it less acceptable for her to agree to go out with him. It would have been fine I think if they left it vague enough so it could be interpreted as platonically or romantically going out for lunch, but the two of them make out pretty hard during the instrumental.

• Overall: 100/10, would recommend.

#that took a while!#be more chill #bmc #michael mell #jeremy heere #boyf riends #rich goranski #jake dillinger #christine canigula #chloe valentine #brooke lohst #jenna rolan #squip #bmc spoilers #be more chill spoilers #bmc nyc

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whisperingrockandroll · 6 years ago

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21 questions for me

Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people you want to get to know better.

Reminder to those tagged: You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to 🖤 You also don't have to do these specific questions! Just write down whatever questions you'd like to answer! This whole page you're about to read was written mostly from scratch in a notepad, so don't worry about formating.

Tagged by: @AimForrest (thanks!)

Nicknames: DoctorBleed, Thomas Bleed, Anderson Steel, Doc

Zodiac: Scorpio

Height: 5'8

Weight: 180lbs. Water weight can be a bitch sometimes.

Hogwarts House: Slytherin. I'm an edgy boy and I want it all.

Do You Get Asks: Yes! But not as much as I'd like. They make great fuel for new posts.

Favorite Animal: Wolves, even though that's a "basic bitch" answer. Also, mountain lions because they're cats the size of dogs. Good boys! But above all else, monkeys are my favorite. If I had a spirit animal, it would be the monkey. Ook, ook!

Amount of Sleep: Too much or too little, at fluctuating times. Don't be a shut-in, kids.

Lucky Number: 21, the same amount of questions I'm asked here! Nah, I'm joking. According to this wrinkled fortune cookie paper, my lucky numbers are 16, 11, 22, 56, 19 and 45. Those are all neat, but 7 is pretty universally lucky!

What are you wearing: Underwear ;-) seriously though I'm built like a brick shithouse so don't bother getting a boner.

Dream Trip: going to Japan with my IRL friend who speaks Japanese translating everything for me. Party like weebs! Also being respectful to the locals.

Instruments: I have a guitar I don't know how to play and I know enough about music theory to fake my way on a piano.

Languages: English, very minor amounts of Spanish.

Favorite Songs: Flacuates wildly. "Mr. Bad Guy" from Freddie Mercury's solo album is an all-time banger, though. Right now, I'm really into Coheed and Cambria. Their newest concept album blew me away and it was the first one since "Burning Star IV" that I really, really enjoyed as an experience.

Favorite Video Games: Psychonauts is high on the list, obviously. The first two Max Payne games are tied for my favorite games of all time because the great gameplay mixed with the fantastic writing. Postal 2 is an abysmal, glitchy and infinitely stupid game but the amount of freedom, the brilliantly crafted sandbox world and the sheer fun of setting people on fire with your pee and kick heads away is enough to save it. The Saints Row and GTA series are also up there.

Favorite Shows: Most of the only television I watch is Adult Swim. I have an entire list of my favorite shows from them but if I had to reccomend only two from that column: "Infomercials" and "Joe Pera Talks With You" are so damn unique you won't see anything else like them anywhere. Hop on it!

Random Fact: Years before I had a comic, I'd draw characters and cut them out so I could place them on pre-drawn backgrounds and act out little plays with them. Today, that kind of hackish convenience inspires my comic style!

Aesthetics: Vaporwave when I need to sleep, general Gothic/Spooky/Halloween because it's cool. Is there an aesthetic name for "beautiful big city at night while it's snowing really hard?" because that's also my shit.

Random Interests: I really like Yugioh. I got into it again after years of ignoring it because of a Gameboy game, and then I got even more into it with Duel Links, now I'm collecting cards IRL. Also Medabots was really fucking cool. Bring back Medabots! You did it with Beyblade and Bakagun! Come on, I want children fighting robots with machine guns and rockets!!

Hangups/Weaknesses: I have a general anxiety disorder and I forget to take my medication. This list is also really hard to fill out.

Final Thoughts: These questions were too vague and I don't feel like I really got to give a good portrait of myself, but I hope it was interesting anyway!

I won't tag anybody... yet. But if you wanna take this challenge because you saw me do it, go ahead and say I tagged you!

#Meta #Memes

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livmoose · 6 years ago

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Va, Tosca!

I’ve been fascinated by ‘Tosca’ since three years ago, when I first heard it in Kiev opera. What motivated me to dig deeper was the stubborn anti-Puccini bias of music critics that started with the opera’s (nay, it's antecedent play’s) premiere and didn’t really cease by this day. Which I cannot understand at all: ‘Tosca’ is literally one of the most popular operas in the world, outperformed only by such eminent names as Verdi’s ‘La Traviata’, Mozart’s ‘Die Zauberflöte’, Puccini’s own ‘La Boheme’ and Bizet’s ‘Carmen’. So what gives?

‘Tosca’, original poster, 1899

The premise of this 3-act opera by Giacomo Puccini is rather simple: a villain wants a girl who loves a boy who loves her back and also helps revolutionaries. And also it’s a tragedy, like in a Shakespearean Everybody Dies kind of tragedy. You can pretty much guess the plot from there.

What I personally like about this opera is the combination of lightning-fast plot (the action takes place within several hours on June 17-18, 1800), finely developed character portraits, and music that explains and foreshadows everything you need to know.

Naturally, I don’t take the vague criticisms of ‘Tosca’ all that well.

Ha più forte sapore [bits of history and background]

Puccini’s opera is based on a 1887 5-act play ‘La Tosca’ by Victorien Sardou.

Puccini had seen La Tosca at least twice, in Milan and Turin. On 7 May 1889 he wrote to his publisher, Giulio Ricordi, begging him to get Sardou’s permission for the work to be made into an opera: ‘I see in this Tosca the opera I need, with no overblown proportions, no elaborate spectacle, nor will it call for the usual excessive amount of music.’

M.J. Philips-Matz ‘Puccini: A Biography’

I found this quote, and it instantly clicked: it’s exactly why I like ‘Tosca’.

In contrast to Sardou’s initial work, Puccini’s opera is much more succinct and direct. It has almost zero overblown dialogues and soliloquies that don’t promote the plot or develop characters (well, maybe there is this one lyric soprano-tenor duetto ‘Amaro sol per te m’era il morire’ [‘Only for you did death taste bitter for me’] in act III that’s a bit too long for my taste, but even this slow moment is essential because it gives the audience an opportunity to breathe as the final shockwave looms closer). But the rest of it is actually interesting to see and hear.

For me, ‘Tosca’ is one of the very few operas that are targeted at people who are not fifteen and overly dramatic adult audiences who don’t need same things repeated at them all the time and who can catch what is happening without seeing each and every small detail. Puccini squeezed Sardou’s acts II, III and IV into a single second act, and it works. We as an audience don’t need to see the whole scene at Cavaradossi’s house to understand what happened there. We can use our imagination to paint the rest of the picture.

Looks like the critics do not agree with me on this one.

Perché, perché, Signore [criticisms galore]

The infuriating part about the critical landscape of ‘Tosca’ is that the critics don’t seem to agree on a single point of reproof. Some complain that the opera is too wordy; others, conversely, are not satisfied with the plot rushness (the view that both librettists of ‘Tosca’, Illica and Giacosa shared). Critics called the opera ‘three hours of noise’ that lacks style and cohesion. Julian Budden [opera scholar] faulted the ‘inept handling of the political element’ while commending ‘a triumph of pure theatre’. Burton Fisher [opera writer] described the sensuous love duet ‘Qual’occhio’ as ‘an almost erotic lyricism’ and ‘pornophony’.

Is it just me, or do the critics dislike ‘Tosca’ precisely for the nuances I love about it: coherence of the plot, acute and restrained drama, absence of excessive political speculations (it was not meant to be goddamn ‘Les Miserables’) and, well, musical puns? More on that later.

Not to say ‘Tosca’ didn’t receive its share of praise. Charles Osborne [music critic] believed the plot of ‘Tosca’ was taut and effective while the characters had enough opportunities to shine both in terms of dramatic development and musical elaborateness. Some also praised the richness of Puccini’s score:

[Puccini] finds in his palette all colours, all shades; in his hands, the instrumental texture becomes completely supple, the gradations of sonority are innumerable, the blend unfailingly grateful to the ear.

Ippolito Valetta [music critic] ‘Rassegna Musicale’ in ‘Nuova Antologia’

The aspect of criticism that I did find explainable was based on ‘disconcerting vulgarities’ as put by Gabriel Fauré [composer]. To be honest, the opera really does not lack in violence: Tosca undergoes sexual assault, is broken by the need to defend her chastity with murder and by the death of a beloved, and finally commits suicide. For the public back in 1900 such developments truly could be regarded as a bit too much.

For modern audiences, however, the events are nothing to be shied away from. The opera aged exceedingly well, not losing a bit of its attractiveness in romantic and dramatic sense. Even more so, the criticism that ‘Tosca’ still receives today makes little sense. Joseph Kerman’s [musicologist] remark on ‘Tosca’ as a ‘shabby little shocker’ from the middle of the century, well after the actual real-life shock of two world wars and the brusque shift of public morale, was way off the mark. Thomas Beecham [conductor] bitingly responded that anything Kerman said about Puccini could ‘safely be ignored’ (it almost makes one thing something personal’s involved).

Besides, some modern scholars share my perception of ‘Tosca’s treatment:

Scholarly presses and journals still deeming [Puccini’s] operas too popular to be worthy of serious study continue to shoot themselves in their collective foot.

Deborah Burton ‘Tosca’s Rome: The Play and the Opera in Historical Perspective (review)’

By Burton, Puccini was often simply ‘snubbed by the musicological establishment’. The fun part? Puccini put on his Scarpia persona to cynically and kind of affectionately if you ask me describe ‘Tosca’ as ‘zibaldone’ [‘hodgepodge’]. He referred to it as ‘a vile opera’ and ‘quella putana di Roma’ [‘that Roman whore’]. If this isn’t love.

Già, mi dicon venal [quick glance at the initial play]

Similar criticism of abundance of violence was applied to Sardou’s play. Tosca’s behavior was deemed ‘unchaste’, and the brutality disturbed both critics and theatre fans. Jules Favre [statesman] even called it ‘cette pièce vulgaire, sans intrigue, sans caractères, sans moeurs’ [‘vulgar piece, without intrigue, without characters, without morals’].

The most offensive part of the play was, apparently, Cavaradossi’s torture. Even off-stage, his screams prodded the critics to warn women against seeing ‘La Tosca’ as the play could ‘inflict irreparable injury on persons yet unborn’.

Despite this, the play was an immediate success. It toured around the world, and even the harshest critics couldn’t ignore its dramatic effect:

As to the play itself, I will only add that it is offensive in its morals, corrupt in its teaching, and revolting in its brutality, and yet everyone who admires acting is bound to see it.

Cecil Howard [theatre critic] ‘La Tosca’, ‘The Theatre’

So. Let’s see what threw people in such a dismay, shall we.

Io de’ sospiri [plot and why it’s good]

Sylvester Feodosiyevich Shchedrin ‘New Rome. Castel Sant’Angelo’, oil on canvas, 1823

It all starts with Roman ex-consul Angelotti escaping the clutches of tyrannical justice. The fugitive runs into Mario Cavaradossi, painter and Bonapartist who agrees to help him. Two men are interrupted by Mario’s passionate lover and Roman opera celebrity, Floria Tosca. After a fit of jealousy she leaves the church, and Cavaradossi leads Angelotti away from the city to hide in his villa. Right afterwards, Baron Scarpia, chief of police and the embodiment of tyranny emerges on stage and, when Tosca returns, devises to use her jealousy to lead him to Mario and Angelotti.

Second act is all about torturing Cavaradossi (off-stage) and Tosca’s gradual breakdown. Scarpia demands the location of Angelotti, which she surrenders to save Mario from suffering. Then Scarpia tries to force Tosca to give herself to him, which she agrees in exchange for her lover’s life - only to stab unsuspecting Scarpia with a knife.

The rest of the main cast dies during the third act. Mario’s ‘staged’ execution appears to be not so fake as Scarpia promised. Tosca, inconsolable and heartbroken, jumps to her death as the soldiers, who discovered Scarpia’s body, corner her on the ramparts of Castel Sant’Angelo.

The plot pretty much follows Sardou’s play, although the action was tightened (mostly by avoiding obvious plot turns) and the list of characters sharply compressed.

Sardou’s act III features a scene that is not present in Puccini’s opera: Cavaradossi’s villa, the painter, Angelotti, and later Tosca and Scarpia. One of the things I liked about the opera is that it doesn’t have this scene. It’s excessive and basically tells nothing that audience couldn’t have picked up from the unobtrusive operatic dialogue in act II. Puccini - Sardou 1:0.

Obviously, Mario’s execution was not fake. In the play, Spoletta reveals this fact to Tosca. In the opera, he at first misunderstands Scarpia’s order (hilariously so, as he nearly confesses the whole thing to Tosca), which allows the audience to guess their scheme. 2:0 for subtlety.

In act II, Scarpia questions Mario with the backdrop of Tosca’s cantata performance off-stage, in the depths of Palazzo Farnese. 3:0, this whole piece is just gorgeous.

Puccini wanted ‘La Tosca’s plot stripped of everything excessive (which is, lamentably, a rare practice for operatic genre):

[Puccini] cut Tosca to the bone, leaving three strong characters trapped in an airless, violent, tightly wound melodrama that had little room for lyricism.

M.J. Philips-Matz ‘Puccini: A Biography’

Ignoring criticisms, Puccini also persevered in his clear vision of how the ending should be - by the way, nearly the single thing he and Sardou agreed upon. A good thing undoubtedly; I’d hate for this to happen:

Puccini’s librettists also disliked the suicide, and an alternate ending for the opera was (briefly) considered: rather than leap, Tosca would go mad, collapse, and die on the body of her lover (presumably of Sudden Operatic Death Syndrome).

Susan Vandiver Nicassio ‘Ten Things You Didn’t Know about Tosca’

Pure gold of a remark. Thank you, Susan.

‘Tosca’ is a very tight, succinct work, beautifully paced. I like how the acts are structured and developed. Act I, the longest one, was clearly meant to be expositional. Also, it’s the melodramatic one, with inclusion of comedic motifs that significantly lighten the mood (think the character of the Sacristan and continuous good-hearted mocking of Tosca by her lover).

Act II is unexpectedly macabre: there’s not a trace of the lightheartedness of act I. A real drama ensues, with torture, violence and grim ending (Tosca murders Scarpia in cold blood, which I, as a cynic, viciously enjoy every time). This act is also shorter while it still has enough room for Scarpia’s intricate manipulation and blooming deconstruction of Tosca. The characters are well-developed and nicely motivated (at least in part Sardou’s merit).

Act III is the shortest (just over 20 minutes), and it’s a full-on tragedy. The final plot twist was hardly intended as one. This act is an emotional roller-coaster. Combining hope and death, it is based on fragmented pieces, which makes the whole thing feel real, not operatic. The opera ends strong and loud, and it’s perfect that way. The audience is left with the sense of tragedy that is not undermined by unnecessary lyricism of long pre-death arias (like in Verdi’s ‘La Traviata’, I absolutely hate the last act). With the rush of events, the delay at this point would be unendurable.

‘Tosca’ is chaotic in its final scene, just as it should be. Tosca the character makes the (suicide) decision in a blink of an eye, and I absolutely love the impression that she makes it out of egotistical motives: she is to be captured by the soldiers - not because Mario is dead. This is the kind of nuance that defines the difference between real living people and operatic character embryos. When the opera ends, I always find myself speechless and anguished not irritated at how annoyingly long it takes for the characters to die (looking at you, Verdi).

E lucevan le stelle [characters breakdown]

Palazzo Farnese, 2018. Now French Embassy in Rome

First and strongest impression about the characters of ‘Tosca’: gosh, they are not dumb! So it is possible.

One of the major appeals of ‘Tosca’ is that the characters feel like real people instead of archetypal damsel in distress, knight in shining armor and flat cardboard villain. Although Scarpia bends a bit in that direction, being completely satisfied with his villainous villainy, he acknowledges it, giving off the air of a ‘connoisseur of evil’ instead. William Ashbrook [musicologist] recognized Puccini as a portraitist who honed lifelike characters. Even the smaller characters like the Sacristan (‘an avaricious hypocrite’), Angelotti (exhausted but proud-spirited escapee) and Spoletta (when Scarpia says ‘jump’ he asks how high a perfect minion) are miniature studies of human nature. ‘Tosca’, in his opinion, is a portrait gallery of real-life people.

Floria Tosca [soprano]

For some unfathomable reason, ‘Tosca’ is defined as a melodrama, which is totally different from how it feels with its darkness and the fact that everybody of significance dies in the end. Wiki says melodrama is ‘a dramatic work in which the plot, which is typically sensational and designed to appeal strongly to the emotions’ - basically, plot over characters. Instead, [scenic] tragedy (defined by Google) is ‘a play dealing with tragic events and having an unhappy ending, especially one concerning the downfall of the main character’.

The latter is literally the plot of ‘Tosca’, especially as the title character undergoes a whole set of the most traumatic experiences (concessions to conscience, attempted rape, murder in defense, witnessing torture and execution of a loved one) in a span of just several hours. This set of experiences naturally draws a basis for her downfall (literally): under stress and with no opportunity to think thoroughly, it is not surprising that Tosca commits suicide.

She is strong-willed and passionate, pure-hearted (which is probably why she doesn’t see through Scarpia’s schemes) but not stupid, loyal but also jealous. More out of habit, if we to believe Julian Budden [opera scholar]:

[Cavaradossi, act I, scene 5] Mia gelosa! [My jealous [Tosca]!]

[Tosca] Si, lo sento, ti tormento, senza posa. [Yes, I feel it, I torment you unceasingly.]

All in all, she is a harmonious character in dire circumstances, and it’s a true delight to observe how Tosca, despite how broken and devastated she is, finds the power to oppose her offender. This is the real plot twist (character twist?) of the opera - and I assume the reason that ‘Vissi d’arte’, Tosca’s major aria (an emotional plea of a character who is about to betray her very self) is so well-known and recognized.

Mario Cavaradossi [tenor]

In comparison with Tosca, Cavaradossi is a deceptive character. At first glance he might appear rather flat: nothing more than a loyal lover and a proud revolutionary. Upon closer inspection, however, the audience discovers liveliness and realism many male operatic characters severely lack: he jokes with Tosca instead of oh-so-common sickeningly sweet sighs of love. He knows her flaw of being prone to jealousy - but doesn’t take it too close to heart. He listens to her without interruption as she tells him about Scarpia’s advances (for sure, I was waiting for a hateful scene where he would scream ‘how could you’ at his lover and bang his head against a wall). And he actually knows how to appreciate that she willingly sacrificed her purity for his sake (and he sings an aria about it, too: ‘O dolci mani’ [‘Oh, sweet hands’]).

Besides the believable romance with Tosca, Cavaradossi has excellent dynamics with Scarpia. As the news of Napoleon’s victory arrive, Mario - once tortured - cannot resist the urge to relish in how stars turned for his nemesis:

[Cavaradossi, act II, scene 4] Vittoria! Vittoria! L’alba vindice appar che fa gli empi tremar! Libertà sorge, crollan tirannidi! [Victory! Victory! The avenging dawn now rises to make the wicked tremble! And liberty returns, the scourge of tyrants!]

Tosca tries to stop his prideful speech, aware of how this flows right into Scarpia’s intention to lock revolutionary Cavaradossi up. But Mario is lost in his surging emotions and forgets both himself and his lover at this moment - truly a detail each of us can relate to.

And also Cavaradossi seems to know that his death is not going to be faked - a twist that no one but pure-hearted Tosca is fooled by. He doesn’t believe in Scarpia’s generosity for a moment, and so he doesn’t even try to pretend he is surprised but ironically ridicules the mere idea of a magnanimous villain:

[Cavaradossi, act III, scene 3] Scarpia che cede? La prima sua grazia è questa… [Scarpia yields? This is his first act of clemency…]

Unbelieving but relieved by Tosca’s appearance and intoxicated by her hopeful rambling, Mario chooses to spend his last moments languishing in her presence: he doesn’t want to spoil this time for neither of them. Beniamino Gigli [opera singer, performed as Cavaradossi] wrote in his autobiography that ‘[Mario] is certain that these are their last moments together on earth, and that he is about to die’.

This interpretation of the character is common among the opera singers:

Unlike Floria, Cavaradossi knows that Scarpia never yields, though he pretends to believe in order to delay the pain for Tosca.

Tito Gobbi [opera singer and director]

However, instead of displaying understandable despair, Cavaradossi falls back to his original optimistic self and starts to subtly mock Tosca’s attempts to teach him how to die theatrically. She replies with ‘non ridere’ [‘you mustn’t laugh’], and he softly reassures her. They’re just so sweet together without the usual operatic mawkishness.

(I suspect Tosca is not entirely convinced of their unscathed escape from the clutches of now-dead Scarpia, as well. No wonder she feels uncomfortable at the prolonged preparations.)

Baron Scarpia [baritone]

The villain of this story was actually the first among the main cast to catch my attention. Scarpia is just so explicitly entertaining in his sardonic wickedness. Still, I can see how he could be interpreted as the least 3-dimensional of the three.

Scarpia is a clever interrogator and a talented manipulator. He knows where to hit and when to push to get the answers he needs. Pressing Tosca more and more, he breaks through her defenses until she is frustrated and annoyed to the point of losing her self-control:

[Scarpia, act II, scene 4] L’Attavanti non era dunque alla villa? [So, the Attavanti was not at the villa?]

[Tosca] No, egli era solo. [No, he was alone.]

[Scarpia] Solo? Ne siete ben sicura? [Alone? Are you quite sure?]

[Tosca] Nulla sfugge ai gelosi. Solo! Solo! [Nothing escapes a jealous eye. Alone. Alone!]

[Scarpia] Davver? [Indeed!]

[Tosca] Solo, sì! [Yes. Alone!]

[Scarpia] Quanto fuoco! Par che abbiate paura di tradirvi. [You protest too much! Perhaps you fear you may betray yourself.]

Tosca, with her passionate, fiery temperament, explodes - Scarpia knows about this peculiarity all too well and is able to use her outburst as a clue in his investigation. He continues the pressure all through act II: Mario is tortured, and Tosca is forced to listen to his agony. She eventually crumbles, unable to persevere in keeping Mario’s secret:

[Tosca, act II, scene 4] Nel pozzo… nel giardino… [In the well… in the garden…]

This confession is so succinct, just like the rest of the dialogue in this opera. Tosca doesn’t say ‘wait, I’ll tell you everything’, doesn’t try to play for time; she just betrays the whole thing in two short phrases, without specifying what she means. There’s no need: they’re on the same page.

And then Scarpia goes one step beyond and acknowledges his villainous ways, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but makes him a bit more caricature. Delightfully so, but still. While Tosca nurtures released Cavaradossi to conscience, Baron cunningly waits for the opportune moment, and strikes, ordering Spoletta to bring in Angelotti. He gloats at Cavaradossi, smugness dripping off of him: see, she betrayed your trust! Mario, tortured, exhausted, half-conscious, falls for it, throwing Tosca’s hands away:

[Scarpia, act II, scene 4] Nel pozzo… del giardino. Va, Spoletta. [In the well… In the garden. Get him, Spoletta.]

[Cavaradossi] Ah! M’hai tradito! [Ah, you have betrayed me!]

Cavaradossi picks this up from the dialogue between Scarpia and Spoletta - again, no one clarifies anything. Like you do in real life. Subtlety y’all.

Now that the villain has Cavaradossi locked up and preparations for his execution in progress, he is one step away from getting what he wanted from the start. Tosca consents to sleep with him but still cannot conceal her hatred, unavoidable ‘you can have my body but not my heart’ trope, which doesn’t stop his lust in the least - on the contrary, inflames him more:

[Scarpia, act II, scene 5] Che importa? Spasimi d’ira, spasimi d’amore! [What does it matter? Spasms of wrath or spasms of passion…]

Naturally, when Scarpia is finally killed by Tosca, the audience is bound to feel satisfaction and not regret. Even Floria, the established virtuous character, has no shame as she recognizes Scarpia as the ultimate threat:

[Tosca, act II, scene 5] Ti soffoca il sangue? Muori dannato! Muori! Muori! Muori! È morto! Or gli perdono! E avanti a lui tremava tutta Roma! [Is your blood choking you? Die accursed! Die! Die! Die! He is dead! And now I pardon him! All Rome trembled before him!]

But Scarpia is a disillusioned aristocrat rather than a one-dimensional villain. What lets him gain more flesh is his motivations - get rid of the rebels (for power rather than ideological considerations) and get the girl (personal gain), - his backstory and notoriety among the revolutionaries, working relationships with other characters and the fact that he continues to live through his actions (arguably the main theme of the opera). Even when dead, Scarpia continues to serve as a villain of the story: Mario dies, and Tosca shouts her curses at him:

[Tosca, act III, scene 4] O Scarpia, avanti a Dio! [Oh, Scarpia, [we meet] before God!]

This gives weight to the character as Baron doesn’t disappear as soon as he dies. His life and death both have consequences. His actions have lasting power - a feature that fictional villains far too commonly neglect.

Even though Scarpia possesses some cartoonish features, he is far from being as simple as Wile E. Coyote. Meep meep.

Vissi d’arte [finally, let’s talk music]

Riccardo Manci ‘Mario Cavaradossi singing ‘E lucevan le stelle’, inspired by the tenor Giancarlo Monsalve’, 2014

William Ashbrook described Puccini’s music as ‘telegraphic’ and ‘highly charged’. The reason behind such an impression is the combination of several major leitmotifs that interact, evolve and explain the story. Fugitive motif, love of Tosca and Mario, Scarpia’s theme, torture motif, Tosca’s theme and Cavaradossi’s farewell to life are used as a patchwork that tells the story. These leitmotifs - what Edward Greenfield [music critic] calls ‘Grand Tune’ concept - are memorable and unique, as well as quite distinct from their musical surroundings:

Puccini does not develop or modify his motifs, nor weave them into the music symphonically, but uses them to refer to characters, objects and ideas, and as reminders within the narrative.

Burton Fisher ‘Tosca: Opera Study Guide and Libretto’

Torture motif is one succinct example of how a single simple melody is used to pump up the mood. It first appears as a foreshadowing with Scarpia’s forming intention as he learns Cavaradossi was taken into custody:

[Scarpia, act II, scene 2] Meno male! [Not bad, not bad!]

It grows more and more pronounced as Cavaradossi is questioned - threatening but not quite powerful yet. On the backdrop, Tosca’s cantata also gains volume and solemnity - pure delight mixed with anticipation of terror:

[Scarpia, act II, scene 3] Questo è luogo di lagrime! Badate! Or basta! Rispondete! [Beware! This is a place for tears! Enough now. Answer me!]

And the theme finally loses its careful insinuative tone and thunders at full volume when Scarpia orders Mario into the torture chamber, right before Tosca’s eyes:

[Scarpia, act II, scene 4] Mario Cavaradossi, qual testimone il Giudice vi aspetta. [Mario Cavaradossi, the judge awaits your testimony.]

The melody elaborates with Mario’s torture heard from off-stage, reaching its breaking point as Tosca breaks and reveals Angelotti’s hiding. It repeats again after Mario is released - slow and woeful, intertwined with Tosca’s and Mario’s love theme that is now devoid of its previous light hopefulness.

Statue of Michael the Archangel, Castel Sant'Angelo, 2018

I love how music acts as a separate character in the opera. It talks to the characters, responds to them, inquires and leads the conversation. In act I, while Cavaradossi sings about his love to Tosca, the Sacristan reprovingly grumbles about obscene youth on the background. Besides, here lies the great benefit of veristic [realistic] opera that allows the characters to have duologues - Mario and Floria sing their lines separately in a conversational form rather than a boring duet.

Music gives the opportunities of quieter moments, to talk in phrases but also in gestures. During act II, Tosca uses gestures a number of times to answer Scarpia: a nod of the head, a wave; subtle yet expressive. They nearly don’t talk while Scarpia writes her a letter of safe passage. This quiet scene also allows Tosca’s character to unfold, her decision to feel earned. She sees the knife, she hesitates a moment; then she grabs it and hides behind her back: the decision is made. No words necessary; the score allows the characters to be silent while it tells and develops their story.

And it also allows the characters to talk all at once, without listening to each other. By the middle of Act II, as they learn about the battle of Marengo, Mario starts to shout about victory, Tosca tries to shut him up, and Scarpia reels about hanging the revolutionary. They clamor; chaos ensues, and music supports the flurry of eddying noises by playing disparate motifs. The best part about this scene is that it delivers the message loud and clear, on both levels of plot and emotions.

Talking about Puccini’s score, it’s impossible to ignore the musical cohesion and integrity: each of the three main characters has their theme and their own designated aria that allows them to shine. Moreover, as each of their arias happen once per act, I enjoy the interpretation of their dominance: Scarpia in act I, Tosca in act II, Cavaradossi in act III.

Act I. Scarpia’s ‘Te Deum’: lust, menace, church bells

The theme of the villain is played out in contrasts that reflect his character: cunning and smart - but ruthless and just on this side of crazy. Scarpia is also a figure of power, both literally and figuratively, and he is foreshadowed in the score long before the actual appearance of the character on stage. As Baron is first mentioned in the conversation of Angelotti and Cavaradossi, his dark theme abruptly breaks through the much less strident music:

[Angelotti, act I, scene 6] Tutto ella ha osato onde sottrarmi a Scarpia scellerato! [She has dared all to save me from that scoundrel Scarpia!]

Immediately, this menacing ascending theme is associated with the villain. Later, as he enters the stage, no one calls him by his name, yet the audience immediately recognizes him as Scarpia as he is accompanied by that same simple motif.

The appearance of Baron sobers and darkens the mood instantly, his leitmotif invading other themes unscrupulously. Establishing yet another contrast, his conversation with Tosca is escorted by the tolling of bells that lasts till the end of act I. Scarpia raves about his poison spreading through Tosca’s thoughts, and his unnerving, acrid soliloquy transforms into the solemn Adagio religioso in ‘Te Deum’.

This superposition of profane lust of a ferocious man and sacred sublimity of the Catholic chant is what makes the audience shudder. The final ‘Te aeternum Patrem omnis terra veneratur’ [‘Everlasting Father, all the earth worships thee’] should be the solemn virtuous hymn to God but instead the act ends with Scarpia’s theme reiterated in thunderous chords - an ominous admonition of impending threat. Brilliant. Act I definitely belongs to Scarpia.

Act II. Tosca’s ‘Vissi d’arte’: plea of a broken soul

Second act is all about tempo. The action rushes forward non-stop. Scarpia gives Tosca less and less time to think, to estimate her situation, pushing her to her into the abyss (count how many falling jokes I make through this post). However, he misjudges Tosca’s limits and pushes her just a bit too far.

The point of no return for Tosca is her aria where she asks God why she has to endure all this suffering.

[Tosca, act II, scene 5] Vissi d’arte, vissi d’amore, non feci mai male ad anima viva! […] Nell’ora del dolore perché, perché, Signore, perché me ne rimuneri cosi? [I lived for art, I lived for love: never did I harm a living creature! [...] In this hour of pain, why, why, oh Lord, why dost Thou repay me thus?]

The score is lyrical, slow and wailing as Tosca mourns her faith. The aria ends with a low sob that is nearly spoken with raw emotion instead of sang. (Fun fact: while today the opera is probably most well-known for this aria, Puccini didn’t really like it and wanted to cut it out of the opera altogether; in all honesty, it does lack the musical potency of ‘Te Deum’ and ‘E lucevan le stelle’ even though it’s a palatable piece that delivers the idea of character deconstruction rather well.)

Tosca is left completely broken. Modern sopranos commonly fall to their knees while performing this aria, and there’s a good reason: when Tosca finally finds the power to stand up, she is a different woman. For me, this is when the main plot twist happens: usually, heroines in operas are meek and hesitant instead of decisive and offensive. Tosca breaks the pattern and shoves the knife through her offender’s ribcage. She owns act II.

Act III. Cavaradossi’s ‘E lucevan le stelle’: I die in despair

This aria is so renown even people who dislike opera have heard it at some point. It starts with a subtle, tender clarinet solo (possibly the most well-known operatic clarinet theme of all times). The melody is forced up but then sags, losing its power. It’s the pace of destiny, dragging and sorrowful, measuring what little time Cavaradossi has left. This is Andante lento composed in minor key and slow tempo - something that Mosco Carner [musicologist and conductor] calls ‘Puccinian lament, reserved for a character in an extreme situation - death or suicide’. Perfect to denote present anguished dolor.

Mario meditatively recites the first two lines, which feels like an improvisation. The audience witnesses an extremely intimate although fragmentary memory that ends in a grieving ‘muoio disperato’ [‘I die in despair’]:

Puccini insisted on the inclusion of these words, and later stated that admirers of the aria had treble cause to be grateful to him: for composing the music, for having the lyrics written, and ‘for declining expert advice to throw the result in the waste-paper basket’.

William Ashbrook ‘The Operas of Puccini’

Bravo, maestro!

I dislike the currently popular hysterical sobbing at the end of the aria that can be heard from modern tenors (e.g, in staging of ‘Tosca’ at La Scala). It sounds as a ‘hoquet tragique’ [‘tragic hiccup’] that jumps out too much and is slightly out of character - such rendering is more appropriate for Tosca’s character not Cavaradossi’s.

Still, this is arguably the most beautiful, heart-wrenching lyrical aria I’ve ever heard; I’m literally still not over it, after 3 whole years of listening to it, sometimes on repeat. Also, Placido Domingo is the best Cavaradossi, shut up I’m not wrong (1976 film starring him and Raina Kabaivanska is wildly enjoyable).

As a bonus, act III (specifically its beginning and ending) deserve an honorable mention. Despite where the plot says the most dramatic moment of the plot is, for me, it’s the beginning of act III. Here’s the pinnacle of the opera: the contrast between the serene aria of a shepherd boy accompanied by the love motif - and the grim, heavy, shuddering theme of Cavaradossi’s farewell that the orchestra splashes on you as if it is a bucket of ice cold water. The music swells - you wait for the volume to stop growing, but instead it just tears through your eardrums.

The timpani are impossibly good for this piece. Intruding the peaceful, pastoral Roman morning full of hopeful dreams and the colors of sunrise, they suddenly throw the audience into the pit of pure unadulterated horror. Trembling and vibrating on low frequencies, they gift you with the feeling of earth opening under your feet, sucking you into the dark depths you’ll never get out of to see light - say farewell to life.

Similarly, the ending is extremely powerful. The drums start slowly at first, setting the rhythm. Before Cavaradossi’s execution, the orchestra is subtle and insinuating; it accrues and thickens in its vicious predictions. After the shots, as Tosca discovers Mario’s death, the tempo breaks through the roof. The music is desperately, deafeningly loud, it screams of tragedy. And, well, I am aware of the plot of the opera by now, but I’m caught off guard every time. I blame this on music. It just so perfectly reflects the mood of the events; it’s pure gorgeousness that gets to my very core every time.

There’s another point of criticism I need to mention in regard to the final theme that ends the opera: against logic, it is Cavaradossi’s farewell instead of more fitting love theme or, even more appropriately, Scarpia’s motif. This I cannot disagree with as, plot-wise, using this theme would provide the dramatic closure for the opera. However, given my love for theme of farewell, I cannot find the heart to dislike Puccini’s choice after all. Act III is largely focused on Cavaradossi, and the finale acknowledges this.

...Undoubtedly, Puccini was a genius. It’s not easy to comprehend the mastery with which he weaved a handful of simple motifs into a powerful story I cannot stop listening to. But also, there’s this:

Puccini’s sense of humor was often of the schoolboy variety, and he found risqué musical puns irresistible. In Act II of the opera, after Spoletta has assured Scarpia that ‘everything is ready’ for the execution of Cavaradossi, the Chief of Police turns to Tosca and softly asks, ‘Ebbene?’—’Well?’ She says nothing, and the score tells us that she indicates her submission by nodding her head. But at her silent reply the orchestra, anticipating the two-note theme of the ‘execution’ motif, plays the two-note phrase, A and C, or in Italian solfeggio, La and Do. The syllables, in addition to being musical symbols, also happen to be words in Italian: the words ‘La do’ mean ‘I'm giving it,’ and it is the usual way for women to say, I'm ready to give ‘it’ (to you).

Susan Vandiver Nicassio ‘Ten Things You Didn’t Know about Tosca’

It is quite possible there’s more of such minutiae. I’m not sure how to feel about a piece that simultaneously cracks me up and throws me into a pit of despair. But I definitely like it - that much I know.

Castel Sant’Angelo, 2018

Recondita armonia [some fun trivia]

The tone of the dialogue was elevated quite a bit. Get this: comforting Cavaradossi after he was tortured, Tosca says ‘Ma il giusto Iddio lo punirá’ [‘But a just God will punish [Scarpia]’]. The initial line was ‘Ma il sozzo sbirro lo pagherà’ [‘But the filthy cop will pay for it’]. Far less distinguished, my dear.

Puccini visited Rome specifically to mimic the early morning bells. Kudos for authenticity. Also, initially, the composer spent an ungodly amount of money to cast the bells he needed for the performance of ‘Tosca’. The orchestras till today have difficulties satisfying the composer’s vision.

Sarah Bernhardt, an actress who became the prototype for Tosca in Sardou’s play, while performing in Rio de Janeiro in 1905, injured her leg in the final scene when jumping from the rampart. As a result of poor treatment, she lost her leg ten years later. Gory.

Two of the most famous opera singers chose this opera as their farewell: Maria Callas as Tosca gave her last performance in 1965, and Luciano Pavarotti as Mario Cavaradossi in 2004.

In one of the performances with Placido Domingo as Mario Cavaradossi, his son was featured as a shepherd boy.

Before Puccini got to write ‘Tosca’, Giuseppe Verdi expressed his interest. He didn’t like the ending though and wanted it changed - I think we’ve barely avoided another ‘La Traviata’ there, oof.

Oscar Wilde saw ‘La Tosca’ and believed the torture scene was great as it showed how far people can go (no wonder; he was working on ‘Salome’ that evoked indignant discontent of the critics in a similar fashion). George Bernard Shaw also saw the play and, while disliking it utterly, still predicted it would be great as an opera.

In Sardou’s play, Cavaradossi gained a reputation of a Bonapartist in large part because of his mustache. That’s the conclusion I’ve made after seeing these two quotes: ‘Even his mustache was suspect’ and ‘Tosca’s confessor told her it marked him as a revolutionary’. This is gold.

#opera #puccini #tosca #IMHO #why criticism #lots of rambling #greatest opera ever #i don't understand why critics abuse it

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maybeformepersonally · 6 years ago

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look I’m not saying you should write the boyband au but I am saying you should write some headcannons for the boyband au

okay so i don’t see daniel howell being part of a boyband, ever, no matter what teen magazines like to imply with their shiny cringy wowza edits, so i’m going with rock band instead. probably alternative rock with some interesting experimental twists thrown in, a little bit edgy but overall just really good bops with a wholesome message and a fresh, innovative sound.

now that’s been established, let’sa go:

1. phil is the lead singer because that man has a voice, but they all sing. phil learnt to play guitar when he was a kid, following in the footsteps of his cool older brother who he wanted to be like (with good reason, because martyn is awesome). he and martyn went to the same teacher, and it was with him that they also started to learn other instruments.

2. phil and martyn are close growing up, not in small part due to their shared love for music, and they played together all the time, making up melodies and later on whole songs. they started a band with some friends when they were teens, which broke up when a couple of them went off to uni. their second band broke off when martyn left for uni, but he missed it terribly, and so did phil. after a lot of contemplation and soul-searching they decide to go after a career in music. martyn changes his major, and when the time comes for phil, he chooses the royal northern college of music in manchester, and for the first time gets formal vocal training as well as a general musical background and the opportunity to perfect his guitar and cello skills.

3. dan’s love for music started with his dream of playing the piano. his parents sent him to private classes after he begged them for long enough that they realised he was serious about it, but they still told him he had to pay for it with his own pocket money, which he did. this was important to him. his teacher was a young, upbeat, classically trained student who was a bit disorganised, but every bit as passionate about her craft as dan would grow to be. she loved dan’s dedication, and was always patient and encouraging, and she was his main supporter when he decided to move to manchester to pursue music professionally (his parents were skeptical at first). he dabbled with other instruments, and later on would play some of them occasionally, but the piano would always be his first and everlasting love. dan is quick to love but he’s steadfast, and he’d be fortunate enough to choose well, every time.

4. dan and phil meet, of course, on the internet. phil creates a youtube channel at first because it was the best way to share his music with his brother and other friends, and soon learns he can use it as a sort of sounding board, since complete strangers can listen and comment, and there’s a small but active community of UK-based music creators there. he makes a few casual friends there, mostly people he won’t see again, or that he’ll talk to once or twice a year at most. the exception is one stunningly pretty boy from reading with the face of an angel and the piano skills of someone who made a deal with the devil, (and soft looking lips that phil can’t quite take his eyes off, and the most adorable dimples, and surprisingly defined collarbones that phil wanted to bite, but that was neither here nor there). phil notices his username because dan’s commented on several of phil’s videos, always positively, and some of his comments were really insightful. phil was not prepared, when he clicked on his username, to find the man behind the comments, but he was glad to. he binged the few videos dan had uploaded in under an hour then went back to rewatch and leave comments on them. the last comment he wrote offered an msn contact and an open and very enthusiastic offer to chat.

5. dan had a mini freak out when his youtube crush commented on every single one of his shitty videos, but despite his own insecurities, dan would not let this opportunity pass him by, so he contacted phil as requested. he was a tightly-wound bundle of nerves during that whole first chat (which lasted a lot longer than he would have thought), but he was also grinning from ear to ear the whole time. he may have screamed into his pillow after they finally called it a night, at almost 3 in the morning, too keyed up to actually go to sleep, but if so then no one could prove it.

6. dan and phil kept talking on msn for a while, as well as through other social media platforms (phil was the only person to consistently reach out when he was being dramatic and vague on twitter), then moved on to skype, and eventually, they met up in real life. they bonded over their love for music and even had a little improv session at phil’s house when dan went to visit. phil made up ridiculous lyrics for the songs and dan could not take his eyes off him the entire time, it was unfair how perfect he was, he thought. then phil started singing about meeting a boy named dan on the internet, and the things he sang were so sweet and flattering that it gave dan the final push he needed to dare to close the small distance and kiss him.

7. dan has to return home after only three days, but they have their next visit planned already, and they’re connected through the internet. they talk all the time, in fact, and dan starts filming and uploading more songs just so that phil gets to hear him play. dan starts writing more, inspired by these new feelings, and soon they’re collabing through skype, weaving melodies together, their styles jarringly different but surprisingly complementary.

8. dan gets to meet martyn on his fourth visit to phil’s. martyn had heard a lot about him, of course, since his little brother could not seem to shut up about him for longer than a few minutes (if that), and he’s seen dan’s videos (again, urged by phil), so when he finally got to meet the younger boy, he suggested they all jam together. martyn had never seen phil so happy as he was while playing with his two favourite people.

9. it becomes a thing. a tradition of sorts, that when they are all in the same place, they’ll improv together. dan and phil have been writing songs together, and phil and martyn never quite stopped doing so as well, but when all three of them play together they mostly ignore those in favour of trying out new sounds. by the time they start talking band names, they have more than enough songs for an album.

10. they amass an internet following, and soon enough local bars are too small for the crowds they attract, so they move on to other venues. dan and phil move in together, and somehow they’re still stuck on the honeymoon stage two years into their relationship, which is mostly cute except when martyn walks in on them furiously making out in the studio, or the tour bus, or their dressing room, or once at a hotel lobby’s bathroom. he teases them mercilessly about it.

11. their fanbase keeps growing steadily, and before they know it they’re releasing their third album, and one of their singles unexpectedly makes it to the top of the charts. suddenly, they’re getting invited to more interviews than they can actually go on, their album sales skyrocket, and they have to modify their tour plans to accommodate their newfound fame. it’s exhausting but exhilarating, for a few months it feels like they barely have time to breathe, much less compose new music, but somehow they still write a few new songs. it feels like everything is falling into place.

12. martyn meets and promptly falls in love with cornelia, a swedish singer who was booked to open for them on the european leg of their first world tour. she’s invited to travel with them the rest of the way, and phil finally gets to have his revenge for every time martyn poked fun at him for staring at dan too much, or for not being able to stop touching dan (innocent touches only, when martyn was around. but it’s true: phil doesn’t seem able to keep his hands to himself when dan is around, he’s always sitting close enough that their sides are touching, poking his dimple when he smiles, nudging his shoulder to call his attention, pretending to bite him when he teases phil, pushing him playfully when he makes fun of him.) and okay, phil is smitten, and it shows, but martyn is just as bad with cornelia, and soon enough dan joins in the gentle teasing.

13. cornelia becomes a fixture in their lives, part of the family, and she is warmly welcomed into the fold. dan has been an unofficial lester for a long time by this point, and now she becomes one as well.

14. cornelia sometimes features in a song or two, but she has her own thing going and isn’t actually interested in joining their band (they asked). she and phil harmonise beautifully, and whatever songs they release with her are always their most popular.

15. cornelia likes to take pictures of them and upload them to her social media accounts, which works out great for everyone involved because sometimes they can’t be bothered to post stuff themselves, and the band’s manager is insistent that they be more active on social media. This way she gets to gently poke fun at their boys, help them keep their manager off their backs, and do a public service to their fanbase, who can never have enough content.

16. this is one such picture.

#filisaceaf #phan au #band au #am i writing now #idek man #under a cut because it got long #if anyone wants to write this story or use these headcanons for anything you're more than welcome to!#please tag me if you do or send me an ask i'd love to see it

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garywonghc · 6 years ago

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Why Should I Meditate?

by Venerable Matthieu Ricard

Take an honest look at yourself. Where are you in your life? What have your priorities been up till now and what do you intend to do with the time you have left? We are a mixture of light and shadow, of good qualities and defects. Are we really the best we can be? Must we remain as we are now? If not, what can we do to improve ourselves? These are questions worth asking, particularly if we have come to the conclusion that change is both desirable and possible.

In our modern world, we are consumed from morning till night with endless activity. We do not have much time or energy left over to consider the basic causes of our happiness or suffering. We imagine, more or less consciously, that if we undertake more activities we will have more intense experiences and therefore our sense of dissatisfaction will fade away. But the truth is that many of us continue to feel let down and frustrated by our contemporary lifestyle.

The aim of meditation is to transform the mind. It does not have to be associated with any particular religion. Every one of us has a mind and every one of us can work on it.

IS CHANGE POSSIBLE?

The real question is not whether change is desirable; it is whether it is possible to change. Some people might think they can’t change because their afflictive emotions are so intimately associated with their minds that it is impossible to get rid of them without destroying a part of themselves.

It is true that in general a person’s character doesn’t change very much over the course of their life. If we could study the same group of people every few years, we would rarely find that the angry people had become patient, that the disturbed people had found inner peace, or that the pretentious people had learned humility. But as rare as such changes might be, some people do change, which shows that change is possible. The point is that our negative character traits tend to persist if we do nothing at all to change the status quo. No change occurs if we just let our habitual tendencies and automatic patterns of thought perpetuate and even reinforce themselves, thought after thought, day after day, year after year. But those tendencies and patterns can be challenged.

Aggression, greed, jealousy, and the other mental poisons are unquestionably part of us, but are they an intrinsic, inalienable part? Not necessarily. For example, a glass of water might contain cyanide that could kill us on the spot. But the same water could instead be mixed with healing medicine. In either case, H2O, the chemical formula of the water itself, remains unchanged; in itself, it was never either poisonous or medicinal. The different states of the water are temporary and dependent on changing circumstances. In a similar way, our emotions, moods, and bad character traits are just temporary and circumstantial elements of our nature.

A FUNDAMENTAL ASPECT OF CONSCIOUSNESS

This temporary and circumstantial quality becomes clear to us when we realise that the primary quality of consciousness is simply knowing. Like the water in the above example, knowing or awareness is neither good nor bad in itself. If we look behind the turbulent stream of transient thoughts and emotions that pass through our minds day and night, this fundamental aspect of consciousness is always there. Awareness makes it possible for us to perceive phenomena of every kind. Buddhism describes this basic cognitive quality of the mind as luminous because it illuminates both the external world through perceptions and the inner world of sensation, emotion, reasoning, memory, hope, and fear.

Although this cognitive faculty underlies every mental event, it is not itself affected by any of these events. A ray of light may shine on a face disfigured by hatred or on a smiling face; it may shine on a jewel or on a garbage heap; but the light itself is neither mean nor loving, neither dirty nor clean. Understanding that the essential nature of consciousness is neutral shows us that it is possible to change our mental universe. We can transform the content of our thoughts and experiences. The neutral and luminous background of our consciousness provides us with the space we need to observe mental events rather than being at their mercy. We then also have the space we need to create the conditions necessary to transform these mental events.

WISHING IS NOT ENOUGH

We have no choice about what we already are, but we can wish to change ourselves. Such an aspiration gives the mind a sense of direction. But just wishing is not enough. We have to find a way of putting that wish into action.

We don’t find anything strange about spending years learning to walk, read and write, or acquire professional skills. We spend hours doing physical exercises to get our bodies into shape. Sometimes we expend tremendous physical energy pedalling a stationary bike. To sustain such tasks requires a minimum of interest or enthusiasm. This interest comes from believing that these efforts are going to benefit us in the long run.

Working with the mind follows the same logic. How could it be subject to change without the least effort, just from wishing alone? That makes no more sense than expecting to learn to play a Mozart sonata by just occasionally doodling around on the piano.

We expend a lot of effort to improve the external conditions of our lives, but in the end it is always the mind that creates our experience of the world and translates this experience into either well-being or suffering.

If we transform our way of perceiving things, we transform the quality of our lives. It is this kind of transformation that is brought about by the form of mind training known as meditation.

WHAT IS MEDITATION?

Meditation is a practice that makes it possible to cultivate and develop certain basic positive human qualities in the same way as other forms of training make it possible to play a musical instrument or acquire any other skill.

Among several Asian words that translate as “meditation” in English are bhavana from Sanskrit, which means “to cultivate,” and its Tibetan equivalent, gom, meaning “to become familiar with.” Meditation helps us to familiarise ourselves with a clear and accurate way of seeing things and to cultivate wholesome qualities that remain dormant within us unless we make an effort to draw them out.

So let us begin by asking ourselves, “What do I really want out of life? Am I content to just keep improvising from day to day? Am I going to ignore the vague sense of discontent that I always feel deep down when, at the same time, I am longing for well-being and fulfilment?” We have become accustomed to thinking that our shortcomings are inevitable and that we have to put up with the setbacks they have brought us throughout our lives. We take the dysfunctional aspects of ourselves for granted, not realising that it is possible to break out of the vicious cycle of exhausting behaviour patterns.

From a Buddhist point of view, the traditional texts say every being has the potential for enlightenment just as surely as every sesame seed contains oil. Despite this, to use another traditional comparison, we wander about in confusion like a beggar who is simultaneously rich and poor because he does not know he has a treasure buried under the floor of his hut. The goal of the Buddhist path is to come into possession of this overlooked wealth of ours, which can imbue our lives with the most profound meaning.

TRAINING THE MIND

The object of meditation is the mind. For the moment, it is simultaneously confused, agitated, rebellious, and subject to innumerable conditioned and automatic patterns. The goal of meditation is not to shut down the mind or anaesthetise it, but to make it free, lucid, and balanced.

According to Buddhism, the mind is not an entity but rather a dynamic stream of experiences, a succession of moments of consciousness. These experiences are often marked by confusion and suffering, but we can also live them in a spacious state of clarity and inner freedom.

We all well know, as the contemporary Tibetan master Jigme Khyentse Rinpoche reminds us, that “we don’t need to train our minds to improve our ability to get upset or jealous. We don’t need an anger accelerator or a pride amplifier.” By contrast, training the mind is crucial if we want to refine and sharpen our attention; develop emotional balance, inner peace, and wisdom; and cultivate dedication to the welfare of others. We have within ourselves the potential to develop these qualities, but they will not develop by themselves or just because we want them to. They require training. And all training requires perseverance and enthusiasm, as I have already said. We won’t learn to ski by practising one or two minutes a month.

REFINING ATTENTION AND MINDFULNESS

Galileo discovered the rings of Saturn after devising a telescope that was sufficiently bright and powerful and setting it up on a stable support. His discovery would not have been possible if his instrument had been inadequate or if he had held it in a trembling hand. Similarly, if we want to observe the subtlest mechanisms of our mental functioning and have an effect on them, we absolutely must refine our powers of looking inward. In order to do that, our attention has to be highly sharpened so that it becomes stable and clear. We will then be able to observe how the mind functions and perceives the world, and we will be able to understand the way thoughts multiply by association. Finally, we will be able to continue to refine the mind’s perception until we reach the point where we are able to see the most fundamental state of our consciousness, a perfectly lucid and awakened state that is always present, even in the absence of the ordinary chain of thoughts.

WHAT MEDITATION IS NOT

Sometimes practitioners of meditation are accused of being too focused on themselves, of wallowing in egocentric introspection and failing to be concerned with others. But we cannot regard as selfish a process whose goal is to root out the obsession with self and to cultivate altruism. This would be like blaming an aspiring doctor for spending years studying medicine before beginning to practice.

There are a fair number of clichés in circulation about meditation. Let me point out right away that meditation is not an attempt to create a blank mind by blocking out thoughts — which is impossible anyway. Nor is it engaging the mind in endless cogitation in an attempt to analyse the past or anticipate the future. Neither is it a simple process of relaxation in which inner conflicts are temporarily suspended in a vague, amorphous state of consciousness. There is not much point in resting in a state of inner bewilderment. There is indeed an element of relaxation in meditation, but it is connected with the relief that comes from letting go of hopes and fears, of attachments and the whims of the ego that never stop feeding our inner conflicts.

MASTERY THAT SETS US FREE

The way we deal with thoughts in meditation is not to block them or feed them indefinitely, but to let them arise and dissolve by themselves in the field of mindfulness. In this way, they do not take over our minds. Beyond that, meditation consists of cultivating a way of being that is not subject to the patterns of habitual thinking. It often begins with analysis and then continues with contemplation and inner transformation. To be free is to be the master of ourselves. It is not a matter of doing whatever comes into our heads, but rather of freeing ourselves from the constraints and afflictions that dominate and obscure our minds. It is a matter of taking our life into our own hands rather than abandoning it to the tendencies created by habit and mental confusion. Instead of letting go of the helm and just allowing the boat to drift wherever the wind blows, freedom means setting a course toward a chosen destination — the destination that we know to be the most desirable for ourselves and others.

THE HEART OF REALITY

Meditation is not, as some people think, a means of escaping reality. On the contrary, its object is to make us see reality as it is, right in the midst of our experience, to unmask the deep causes of our suffering, and to dispel mental confusion. We develop a kind of understanding that comes from a clearer view of reality. To reach this understanding, we meditate, for example, on the interdependence of all phenomena, on their transitory character, and on the nonexistence of the ego perceived as a solid and independent entity.

Meditations on these themes are based on the experience of generations of meditators who have devoted their lives to observing the automatic, mechanical patterns of thought and the nature of consciousness. They then taught empirical methods for developing mental clarity, alertness, inner freedom, altruistic love, and compassion. However, we cannot merely rely on their words to free ourselves from suffering. We must discover for ourselves the value of the methods these wise people taught and confirm for ourselves the conclusions they reached. This is not purely an intellectual process. Long study of our own experience is needed to rediscover their answers and integrate them into ourselves on a deep level. This process requires determination, enthusiasm, and perseverance. It requires what Shantideva calls “joy in virtuous ways.”

Thus we begin by observing and understanding how thoughts multiply by association with each other and create a whole world of emotions, of joy and suffering. Then we penetrate the screen of thoughts and glimpse the fundamental component of consciousness: the primal cognitive faculty from which all thoughts arise.

LIBERATING MONKEY MIND

To accomplish this task, we must begin by calming our turbulent mind. Our mind behaves like a captive monkey who, in his agitation, becomes more and more entangled in his bonds.

Out of the vortex of our thoughts, first emotions arise, and then moods and behaviours, and finally habits and traits of character. What arises spontaneously does not necessarily produce good results, any more than throwing seeds into the wind produces good harvests. So we have to behave like good farmers who prepare their fields before sowing their seeds. For us, this means the most important task is to attain freedom through mastering our mind.

If we consider that the potential benefit of meditation is to give us a new experience of the world each moment of our lives, then it doesn’t seem excessive to spend at least twenty minutes a day getting to know our mind better and training it toward this kind of openness. The fruition of meditation could be described as an optimal way of being, or as genuine happiness. This true and lasting happiness is a profound sense of having realised to the utmost the potential we have within us for wisdom and accomplishment. Working toward this kind of fulfilment is an adventure worth embarking on.

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