#also if you know me irl and saw me post this on my Snapchat story no you didn’t

[lesbianworlock]

I have something controversial to say and I won’t expand upon it further but

If Jimin from bts was trans we would have world peace

[boba-beom]

Angel,

There are 3 hours left for your birthday and I’m saddened I couldn’t celebrate it with you sooner! (Will let you know why privately)

I had something special prepared for you but I would like to tell you a few words!

01-20-22 was the first day we talked! You wanna what it was about? It was about how our birthday were exactly one month apart!

During this time I was new to tumblr I was new to discord and wanted a place to fit in! You made my time to the new environment really easy for me!

We became friends in no time! I know there’s distance between us but I gained a close friend, someone I trust and can go to whenever I need to. Someone who has shown me endless amount of love, and support. That distance becomes just distance when you look at the bond we’ve created!

You are someone so special and important and the people around you, my self included are so happy to have someone as sweet, loving, kind, smart, funny person like you!

I definitely consider you one of my online bestfriends because you truly know things about me that my irl friends don’t know!

I love and miss our late night talks whether it was late night for me or late night for you! We need to voice call asappppp!

I think it goes without saying but you truly get how I feel like no one else does! I think it confirmed that we are a different kind when we were losing our mind because of that one taehyun laugh followed by his “진짜” you remember that angel? How we both literally lost it at one word. Only taehyun will do that for you only taehyun hahah.

This might sound cheesy and you know what I’m okay with that but you are the Beomgyu to my Yeonjun! Quite literally 🥺💗

I hope we get to meet each other soon and go to all the food places so we can do our little asmr mukbang! Not only for that but to finally be able to see you and I just know we will spend hours talking and talking(I hope your sister is okay with that hahah). I don’t think there has ever been a dull moment or conversation that I’ve had with you!

I mean we can go from crying about how life is shitty to talking about how we’d want redacted to redact redact redact lol(based on true story I don’t know if you remember when we called on ig that one time you were in the ph)

I just wanna hype you up a bit but girlllll YOU ARE GORGEOUS!! STUNNING!!!!! I think I’ve shared this a few times but I when I first joined and saw your photos I was like she’s soooo gorgeous and your style!! YOUR STYLE!!!! I am in love with ! (Send your girl some pointers hahaha) I think you have such pretty eyes and I love your hair!!!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL OKAYYY!!

I have to take some time to also mention how you are so down to help anyone who needs it! I know you were there for me helping me when I was going to post my very first fic! Not to mention you were instantly willing to help with my theme which so many people loved and complimented! You are always there for me during hard times even to just listen!

I love that we have matching pfp 🥺 do you remember what started it? It was when the tribute stage performance for weverse con came out and we were obsessed with the with the burgundy silk shirts and the fans and beomgyu long hair! We were in the nsfw section just sending a bunch of “🦋🐱🦋🐱🦋🐱🦋🐱” then we both changed our pfp and it was accidentally matching so we’ve been matching since then! I think it’s really cute and special 🥺

I would just lastly like to say how much you mean to me to me and that no matter where life takes us you will always have a special place in my heart and mind! I love love love love you so much! I hope you had a great day and I can’t wait till I hear all about it 🥺💗 I miss you Lots Angel!

I am always here for you!

I hope you have the happiest of birthdays! 🥳

HappySmilesDay 💗

Oh p.s. I got me cake yesterday and I sang hbd to you before I ate it but my dumbass took the video on Snapchat and forgot to save it! 😩

Angie 🥹 thank you isn’t enough to show how grateful I am to have you in my life. you’re like a hidden gem I didn’t know that I would eventually keep along with me from day to day. I do remember bonding over our birthdays and it all stemmed from there!

you and I both know so well that I will always be there for you and anyone if they need 🫶🏼 wasn’t called smiles for no reason (I’m sorry lmao that was cheesy). I also find it so amusing just how easily we relate together. I’ve enjoyed every single interaction, moment, call, voice note, squealing about taehyun’s laugh and his ‘진짜‘, and all of the above.

lmao the fact that we can go on and on, talking about whatever but it’s okay, yappers will be yappers and that’s us 🤭 no matter what it is we just manage to hold it out well!

thank you for the compliments and plenty of your kind words 🥹 I have so much love for you, I hope you always know that! and I can’t wait for the day we meet! I’m sure it will bring us closer than we already are 🫶🏼

I have so much more to say but it can wait for another special day 🤭 I love you so much and you are always going to be the yeonjun to my beomgyu 🤍 I miss you lots and I hope you’re always taking care of yourself!

take your time with everything and I love you a hundred times over!!! thank you for the cute beomjun pictures and the cake is super cute 😭 you’re so precious, Angel!

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

so since I’ve been talking about The Music Man a lot recently, it is time for the story of The Time It Traumatized Me In Eighth Grade And As A Result Caused A Middle School-Wide Disciplinary Incident [but I do still love this musical because it was not the musical’s fault]

so. the time and place is my school (pre-K through 12th grade) in the first half of 2016, when the middle schoolers were presenting The Music Man, Jr. As an eighth-grade performing arts nerd, I of course signed up (my school was small enough that anyone who signed up automatically was part of the cast) and after auditions, I managed to get Marian Paroo. hooray!!!

other relevant backstory: in the fall of 2014, my now-IRL best friend transferred to my school. we were pals at first but when we realized that we were each other’s biggest intellectual competition, we became frenemies, but shortly before second semester of eighth grade we’d finally gotten over ourselves and become friends.

so, there was this one girl in our class who was super-popular, and she happened to hard ship me and my now IRL-best friend, but neither of us was interested in dating anyone, much less each other. the problem: she’d also gotten most of our class to ship us.

so fast-forward to the Valentine’s Day dance. it’s the last song of the night, and some kid not from our grade asks the two of us to dance with each other. not assuming anything (which was a huge mistake), the two of us decided to dance with each other as friends. unfortunately, the super-popular girl filmed us dancing together and used that as more ammo to ship us.

the main point of that story is that I probably should have seen what was coming next, but I didn’t because I tend to think the best of people.

so fast-forward again, this time to mid-April. by now, dress rehearsals are starting, and that means no slouching on the acting, which meant that my Harold Hill (a seventh-grade boy, and by the way, I should mention that I skipped a grade and my birthday is in late April [if you’re reading this right after I posted it, my birthday is today, actually], so we are the same age) and I had to act every last cringey lovey-dovey bit of “Till There Was You”.

now, this super-popular girl was apparently hellbent on shipping me with every remotely realistic boy, and without my knowledge, she stood in the wings and took several awkward photos of the scene. and then she edited them, drew a lot of hearts, tried to insinuate that we either were dating or should date, and then spread them all over Snapchat.

now here’s the thing: I didn’t find out about this for several days. for one thing, I didn’t have Snapchat (and I still don’t) and for another, even if I had Snapchat, my parents had literally confiscated my smartphone (which they had given me) in the sixth grade and only allowed me to even use it on very special occasions. I wasn’t even allowed to take it to school. and no, I couldn’t use it at home either, particularly because they’d hidden it and I didn’t know where it was and couldn’t very well snoop. but I digress.

anyway, the reason I found out about this was because six days before opening night, there was a birthday party for one of the girls in the class. everyone was invited to lunch at the girl’s parents’ restaurant and then afterwards, the girls got to go to her house for a sleepover. (yes I was allowed to go, although that was almost revoked due to an unrelated incident that happened right before about which I will not go into detail; no I was not allowed to take my phone.)

during the party, my now IRL best friend pulled me aside, whipped out his phone, and said, “Hey, I really think you should see this. (super-popular girl) took these and sent them to the entire grade on Snapchat.” And then he showed me every single one. And I about died of mortification right there.

Three days later, there was another dress rehearsal, and it was all going fine and well. We started “Till There Was You”, and as luck would have it, my path of vision went directly into one of the wings, and I saw not one, not two, but three cellphone lights pointed directly at me.

and I froze. it was either freeze or break down because I didn’t want what had already happened to happen again, so I froze and couldn’t bring myself to do anything for the rest of the rehearsal.

after rehearsal, three seventh-grade girls approached me and asked me what was wrong. I spilled everything to them, and it turns out that they were the three whose lights had been on, but not for malicious purposes: they had been trying to prank the boy playing Harold with the “flashlights a la at a concert during a slow song” thing, but had thought that he and I were on opposite sides from where we actually were and as a result had shone them at the wrong person. they also had no idea about the Snapchat incident from the previous weekend and they genuinely apologized.

then the director asked what had happened and I told her everything. and effective the next day, she banned cellphones from the entire auditorium area for the remainder of the production.

also the next day, she apparently told the Middle and High School Dean because I was called in and questioned for several minutes about everything and then let go. it turned out that the dean eventually questioned the entire eighth grade about the incident.

well, the rest of the production went off without a hitch, but come Monday, the dean and the PRINCIPAL came into eighth grade study hall and spent the ENTIRE PERIOD lecturing everyone about respecting privacy and not taking and spreading photos without consent. and everyone knew exactly what was going on, and I was already embarrassed enough, and to top it off it was my birthday, so I was red as a tomato the entire time.

I’m not sure what punishment, if any, super-popular girl got, but she left after that year...but only because her chances of getting basketball scholarships were better if she went to public school (yeah even then she was over six feet tall). And even through senior year, peers and even family members (who still engage in this even though I’m in college and an Adult) continued to ship me with both my IRL best friend and the boy who played Harold Hill. so things didn’t really get a whole lot better on that front.

anyway, that’s that. glad it’s out there and not just in my mind and in the faded memories of everyone involved. don’t ship IRL people without their consent.

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3k

Warnings: swearing, mild smuttiness

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 9 Part 11

Part 10

We eventually got up. We showered and dressed. I fed Perrin, and we ate breakfast. I asked Liam what his plans were for the day.

"Not much. I thought I would stay with you until you kick me out." He winked. "What are your plans?"

"Well, I have to kick this guy out..." I said with mock agitation. Liam feigned a look of hurt. "Not much until tonight. I'm going to Dave's house for dinner. I'll see my nephews and niece, which will be good. My Mum too, I suppose."

"Dave's your brother, right?" I nodded. "You haven't told me much about your mother. I think this is the first time you've mentioned her."

"We don't always get along. Mum's mellowed as she's gotten older, but she was a bit of a tyrant when I was growing up. She didn't like Andy. Well, she didn't like any of my boyfriends. She always judged them based on their jobs like she wanted me to end up with a doctor or lawyer or something like that. It's like she thought she'd wasted her money sending me to a private school because I found myself attracted to tradies."

"What's a tradie?

"A tradesman."

"Gotcha."

I laughed at a memory. "I used to tell my friends that if a guys hands weren't calloused enough to cause a run in my stockings, then he has no business touching my legs."

Liam burst out laughing. "Are you serious?"

"What can I say? I like a man who is good with his hands." I shrugged before continuing, "anyway, that's one reason why my mum and I didn't get along."

"What about your Dad?"

"He passed away three years ago."

"I'm sorry."

I didn't say anything for a while. I played with the crusts of my toast, breaking it into little crumbs. I think Liam sensed my mood and changed the subject. "You went to a private school?"

"Yeah," I said. "An all-girls, Catholic one at that."

"Well, that explains a lot." Liam quipped, his tone very serious, but his twitchy lip gave him away.

I narrowed my eyes and frowned. "I hate you."

Liam ignored me and cupped my face with his hands. "Kiss me." He ordered. And I did.

We spent most of the morning sitting together and talking. We spoke about the books we were reading. We found that we had similar taste in books when we talked before we met. Liam had recommended a book to me, and I had finished it a few days ago. I showed him my bookshelves, and we compared which ones we had read. He asked to borrow a couple.

Later we just sat on the lounge. We talked, held hands, cuddled, kissed, had coffee, and then some tea. We took turns patting Perrin, who had taken to Liam really well.

It got close to lunchtime, and it seemed like we were both trying to work out a way to avoid the inevitable parting. Neither of us had brought it up since breakfast. Eventually, Liam asked, "when can I see you again?"

Liam was sitting up, and I was laying on my back with my head in his lap. Liam was stroking my hair, sometimes taking a curl and twisting it around his finger. I smiled when I saw him do that since I had done the same to him earlier.

"As soon as possible," I replied. "I'm going to miss your pretty face." I reached up and patted his cheek patronisingly.

He gave me a small smile but didn't say anything. Then his god damned lip twitched.

"What are you thinking?" I asked. "I can tell when your lip twitches that you're thinking something naughty or you know something I don't know."

"My mother tells me the same thing." His lips stretched into a full grin, revealing his Hollywood white teeth.

"Well, I'm not your bloody mother, so tell me."

"I was just thinking about all the parts of you that I'm going to miss."

"You're very cheeky."

"Unfortunately for you, my mother tells me that too."

"You're a fuck knuckle," I said, smirking. "I'll bet your mother doesn't tell you that."

Liam's eyes went wide. "Bloody hell, Sweetheart. Anyone would think you didn't like me." He was smiling though.

"It's because I like you that I insult you. I'm very polite to people I don't like." I said, putting a sickly sweet smile on my face and batted my eyelashes at him.

"You're lucky you're cute." Liam leaned down and kissed me. "You haven't answered my question. When can I see you again?"

"Well, we both work all week. I guess that means we will have to wait until Friday night."

"Do you want to come to my place on Friday after work? Spend the weekend with me?"

"Ok. I'll ask Dave when I see him tonight if he will have Perrin for me. But it shouldn't be an issue."

Liam's face was unreadable for a moment. Then he smiled and kissed my forehead. "I'm already looking forward to it." He sat back and said, "well, I suppose I had better call an Uber."

I sat up and waited for Liam to book his ride. When he had finished, I said, "Call me tomorrow night. After work?"

Liam nodded. He scooped me up and sat me on his lap. "Don't worry, Sweetheart. You won't get rid of me easily." He smiled and caressed my cheek with the back of his fingers. "Now, kiss me."

I threw my hands around his neck and kissed him hard.

Liam kissed me back, his arms wrapped around my waist, and he crushed my body into his. Our kisses became ardent, and I squirmed on his lap. I didn't want to let him go. Not ever.

I wanted him again now, and I cursed myself for letting him call for an Uber. I felt like he was part of my life like I had already given let him into my heart when I let him in this house. This sacred place. Mine and Andy's place. It seemed as though he had just blended into my life and any thoughts of the future now included him.

But I also knew enough to hold back, to remember I didn't really know him. The weekend wasn't real life. It was an illusion. It wasn't the daily grind of work, come home, sleep, do it all again. To make it worse, Liam's life wasn't normal. Would I adjust? Could I adjust? Did I even want to try?

I knew I did want to try, at least. Liam seemed worth it. Worth the risk of another broken heart, another love snatched from my grasp. If I didn't try with Liam, then who would I try with? And if I never tried, then love would be gone from my life forever.

Liam pulled away. "I had better go now, or I think I'll never leave." We got up just as his phone alerted him the driver was less than a minute away. He grabbed his bag, and I walked him to the door, and he followed behind me up the hallway.

We got to the door, and before I could open it, he turned me around and pinned me to it with his whole body. His forehead pushed against mine. He kissed me, forcing his tongue into my mouth. He ground his body against me. "Lana," he breathed. "Lana, I..." He stopped talking, kissed me again softly then pulled away.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want Liam to stop. "I'll call you tonight," I said despite our plans to call tomorrow night. I knew I wouldn't be able to wait until then. I opened the door for him.

As he walked out the door, Liam put his hand on the back of my head. He brought me to his face, and he kissed the top of my head. "As you wish." He winked and pulled the door closed behind him.

The rest of my day felt lonely. I moped around for a bit. I threw Perrin the ball for a while. He was too old these days for more than a few runs, but he still loved it. I did some washing, cleaned my bathroom and put my Ben and Jerry's tub in the bin. I painted my nails.

When the afternoon wound down, I called Riza.

"Hey, Slut!" She said when she picked up.

"Piss off," I said back.

"Well, don't keep me in suspense. What the fuck happened?"

"I don't even know where to begin."

"Well, did you fuck him?" I shook my head. If Liam thought I was direct, he should talk to Riza. I didn't say anything. She knew me well enough to know what the answer was by my silence. "'Bout fucking time." She said, and I laughed. "So tell me about him. What's his name? What does he do for work? Where does he live? Boxers or briefs?"

"Uh, his name is Liam. Liam Cross."

"Like the actor? Man, that's weird. I knew a girl once whose name was Indiana Jones. I couldn't do it cause I kept thinking about Harrison Ford."

"No, Riz. Not like the actor, he is the actor."

Stunned silence. Then, "you're shitting me."

"Serious as a heart attack."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't know who he was," I told Riza about the Will/Liam thing.

"You're really not joking. Send me a pic."

"I didn't take any."

I swear I could hear Riza roll her eyes. "Of course, you didn't. You never do!" Then she shouted, "Hey Jen! Lana..."

"Riza! No, no, no!" I shouted.

"Fucked Liam Cross," she finished.

I hung my head. Fuck. I could trust Riza, but Jen, I wasn't sure of. She spent all day on Instagram and Snapchat. I didn't know if she could keep quiet.

"You there, Lansey?" I heard Jen talking in the background. "Hang on a sec, what's that, babe?" More Jen talking. "Oh shit, you looked good on Friday night Lans, no wonder you got fucked."

"How do you know what I wore Friday night?"

"Jen found pics."

"That quickly?"

"Yeah, they're everywhere. Some of you guys at a shop too. Hey, that's the shop near Mike the Butcher, right?"

This was news to me. I knew they took pictures, but I didn't think they were posted. I should have though. Why wouldn't they be? "Fuck."

"Did you just meet him? On Friday?"

"Yeah, why?"

"There's this one picture of you two, and he's touching your cheek. You two look like you're in love," she teased, making love sound like llllooooouuuuv. "Ha! There's Perrin!"

"Is my name mentioned? Do they know who I am?"

"Doesn't look like it. You two look perfect together."

"Tell Jen not to say anything. Please?"

"Yeah, yeah, no worries."

She kept talking, but I'd had enough. "I've gotta get going," I said.

"Lans, you ok?" She knows me too bloody well.

"Yeah," I bit my lip and took some deep breaths. "It's a lot to take in, you know. He's bloody famous, it's like, I don't want that shit in my life."

"Is he worth it?"

"I think so. I mean, he's a sweet, kinda daggy guy who happens to be built like Hercules and sexy as fuck. What's not to like?"

"I always thought he was gay."

Before I could stop myself, I said, "He's definitely not gay. I'd never believe a gay guy could growl a girl out like he does." I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut.

Riza yelled, "yas girl! You got a keeper!"

I laughed. "Fucking hell. Alright, Riz, I've really got to go. Say hi to Jen. Don't say anything!" Riz agreed, and we hung up.

Dinner at Dave and Lucy's was mostly uneventful. I jumped with the kids on the trampoline and played some wrestling on the PlayStation. My mum wasn't too much of a bitch. I forgot about the pictures and didn't think about Liam for a while. I needed that. I felt like the weekend was such a whirlwind and so much happened I needed some time to get back to normality, something familiar.

After dinner, Mum went home, and the kids wanted to watch a movie. I got on the lounge with the two older ones, Charlie and Harry and went through Netflix. Lucy had taken Lilly to bed. I saw Liam's face in one of the movies thumbnails, and I groaned. It was the one where he was a superhero. It was nearly ten years old. Though it didn't seem possible, he was even more handsome now. I quickly flicked past it.

"No, Aunty Lanny, I want to watch that one," Harry said.

"Isn't it too scary?"

Dave called out from the kitchen, "it's their new favourite. They've been watching it all week."

"Then we can watch something else," I said.

Both boys protested. I half relented. "Have you seen the sequel?" It had much less screen time for Liam since he had teamed up with a couple of other superheroes in that one.

"There's a sequel?" Charlie was excited.

So we watched the sequel. I'd seen it before, but it was weird watching it now. I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Although it was obvious that Liam was the actor, it was surprisingly easy to forget him and believe he was really the character.

He looked different to the Liam I knew. His hair was lighter, he was clean-shaven, and even the way he held his face was different. The way he moved and mannerisms weren't Liam's either. His voice was different too. The most apparent change there was the accent. Those harsh American tones seemed so strange after hearing his soft Queens English ones. Although, scenes with his shirt off still made me think of Liam.

After the movie I said goodbye to the kids, and they went to bed. I asked Dave if he would watch Perrin next weekend. I tried to sound casual about it, but Dave knew me better than that.

"Girls weekend?" He asked. I tried to say yeah, but I blushed, and he knew it wasn't a girls weekend.

Dave was eight years older than me, the same as Liam. I adored Dave. I remember following him around as a kid, wanting to do everything he did. As we got older, I watched the same movies he did, read the same books he did and listened to the same music, which is probably why I prefer 90s music to 2000s music.

He was sweet about it for the most part. He even got me alcohol a few times when I was 17 and took me to the pub with his mates when I was 18. He was protective though. Not one of his mates was allowed to touch me. It had made me mad at the time, especially when I had the hots for his best mate Chris since I was 12. So when he worked out that I was probably going to be spending the weekend with a guy, I expected him to freak out. He didn't.

"Is he a good bloke?" Dave asked. "Treating you well?"

"Yeah, he is." I couldn't help but smile.

Dave grunted, "I can tell by the look on your face, you are smitten. Alright then, Perrin can stay."

"Thanks, Dave. Don't tell mum."

"Yeah, Nah. I'm not stupid."

I went home and got ready for bed straight away. I was mentally exhausted, but I still called Liam. Not only because I said I would. I did miss him in my bed already. I felt lonely again. Of all the things about being married I missed, sleeping with somebody else in the bed was high on the list.

When I went to call, I was confused for a minute because I couldn't find his number. Then I remembered he was in my contacts as Will. I changed the name and called him. I hoped I wasn't calling too late.

"Hello, Sweetheart." Liam's voice sent a ripple of excitement through me.

"Hey," I said. "How was the rest of your day?"

"Good. Do you want to FaceTime?"

"I'm in bed."

"Me too." He said, and I heard the ring of FaceTime come through the phone.

I answered. Liam's face appeared. So did his naked shoulders. Sweet Jesus, he couldn't fit in the frame.

"Much better," he said, smiling. "How was your day?"

"Ok, I just hung around at home then saw the fam. Dave said he would have Perrin next weekend," I got flustered thinking about it. I cleared my throat. "So yeah, that's sorted."

"Excellent. I'm really looking forward to it. How was the family? Was your mum ok?"

"Yeah, she was good. The kids are fans of yours, by the way."

He gave a short laugh at this. "Really? Did you tell your family about me?"

I said I didn't and told him about the kids and the movie. "They loved it. I liked it too." I told him about how it was strange to watch him act after actually knowing him, and for a lot of the time, I had forgotten it was him. I just believed the character and enjoyed the story.

"Thank you." Liam seemed genuinely pleased. "That is the aim of what I do."

"I did tell Riza about you. Her wife, Jen, found pictures of us almost immediately."

"Did you see the ones from yesterday?"

"She told me about them, but I've not seen them."

"You ok?"

I shrugged, "it is what it is. I asked them not to say anything about us."

Liam changed the subject and showed me he had started one of the books he had borrowed. Once again, I was grateful that he seemed to know my mood and not push me.

We talked for about ten minutes before I started yawning.

"I better let you go. You're tired, Sweetheart."

"Yeah," I said as a yawn overtook me. "I think you're right." I blinked several times, my eyes watering from the yawns. "Call me tomorrow night?"

"I definitely will. Goodnight, Sweetheart."

"Night, Liam." I fell straight asleep.

Part 11

[roleplcyheaux]

what did kelly do to you that was so terrible that person witnessed?

i’m assuming you mean the person who messaged amanda about me when you said “that person”? truth be told i’m not sure what that person witnessed because i’m not sure who sent that in. i spent almost 4+ years being friends with kelly and in that time span a lot of people came into the fold and left it and i don’t know all their stories. or what they saw in that time. i only know my own story and it’s long and convoluted but i’m gonna share it. before i do though, i want to say this isn’t a call out post. or well, it’s not meant to be one. i’m not a fan of cancel culture and i don’t believe anyone is beyond the point of redemption. 

i’ve forgiven kelly for a lot of the stuff that’s happened between us and i also acknowledge a lot of our problems were because i never was honest with her when she asked if things were alright. for the sake of keeping the peace and not starting drama i never said a lot of things. if anything i enabled her. that’s why i’m compelled to answer this question. it’s not my place to judge whether kelly is a bad person or not. it is my hope that she’ll read this and realize she’s capable of hurting people more than she realizes. it’s my hope that seeing these words come from someone who knew her for years and thought the world of her will make her realize that the stuff that’s being said about her isn’t just coming from bitter, fake woke, negative people who are making things up to make her look bad or evil.

it’s important to note that kelly was one of my best friends in the whole world. both online and off. i was 18/19 when i met her. basically just graduating high school and still impressionable and kelly was there for me a lot through those formative years. she made me feel accepted and loved in a time where i felt anything but due to another group of friends who exiled me for being who i was (a woc who practiced islam). literally for the first year or so of knowing her (and ace, kaisi, whoever else was in our friend group at the time) i was lying about my identity. essentially catfishing them to the point where i’d have a friend i knew irl send snapchats for me. the closer i got to them the more the lie i was living weighed on me. i tried to distance myself from them out of guilt because of it but kelly always reached out and when i finally revealed i was lying and showed them who i really was they accepted me.

they understood! it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and i was closer to her than ever cause i knew that since she had been so cool with it, that everyone else would take her lead and be cool with it too. that’s the thing about kelly, she has that effect on people. she’s so sure of herself, confident, full of life and people just follow her lead cause she’s charismatic. i knew that since she accepted me everyone else would and i could live my truth finally. after that i essentially felt indebted to her. i loved her. she was honestly like a sister to me. an older sister i wanted to prove myself to and impress. there were a lot of things throughout the time i was friends with her that could have been considered red flags that i ignored. a lot of things she did and said that didn’t sit right with me that i did nothing about. i always gave kelly the benefit of the doubt because that’s what she had given me. but that changed. there was really one defining moment in our friendship where i had my breaking point but even before then there were things:

she asked me to join a group with her as a twin to her nina dobrev and then got mad at me for plotting with people and began accusing me of trying to compete with her even though she’s the one that asked me to join the group. i immediately apologized for trying to steal her thunder and offered to leave the group. i remember messaging lana about it separately and being upset that kelly compared me to an rper we mutually didnt like at the time and who i thought was trying to compete with me on the dash and copy me.

there was an instance where i told a mutual friend that she ended up wanting to do a plot similar to one kelly and i were planning to do for our ship so we decided not to do it. no big deal right? apparently not cause kelly was furious at me for telling this friend this information for some reason? she made a big deal about it and told me she didn’t like people talking behind her back so then i became terrified of saying anything about her even in passing to someone for fear that she’d be mad at me about it.

i learned recently that she used her closeness to me and our bond to make that friend (the same friend from the bullet above) feel excluded. [SCREENSHOT ONE], [SCREENSHOT TWO]. this is someone who she introduced me to mind you. someone she encouraged me to get along with. she would initiate skype calls and then go silent on us so we would continue chatting, not thinking much of it. then later she would accuse us (only to me) of ignoring her and intentionally leaving her out. i remember apologizing for this even though, once again i had zero idea what i did wrong. i also remember that me & this person started to just call/talk to each other directly instead of in the chat cause we didnt want kelly to be mad at us for getting along. 

after that, kelly made a gc excluding this friend without their knowledge. Kelly asked this friend if everything was okay between them and they responded saying they felt a little shitty because they were being intentionally left out. after that, kelly blew up in the gc. she was so angry she left the gc. at this point, she didn’t know who in the fc had told this person about it and i was so scared that i literally prayed before i could message her to tell her that it was me. That night was so scary to me that i honestly don’t remember how the conversation ended, but we managed to patch things up by the end of it.

I recently found out from said friend that kelly knew it was me all along, which can only mean kelly pretended not to know to test if i’d really tell her or not?

this person eventually just cut me out of their life all together simply to avoid kelly. which meant i ended up losing someone who was becoming a really good friend. [SCREENSHOT THREE]. 

one time there was a plot involving my character’s family member. a plot, which was kelly’s idea, where ace’s muse would die. he was my muse’s twin brother. this plot was huge and i started trying to plan the aftermath cause my character would obviously be affected. only the closer it got to the plot happening they kept changing what would happen. one day he would for sure die. the next he wasn’t going to. etc. when it was set in stone he was gonna die i began plotting with other people based on this huge event that was going to happen

but then last minute they changed their minds and he wasn’t going to die but be in a coma. i don’t remember what my reaction was really but kelly didn’t like it and she messaged me angrily accusing me of trying to make everything about my muse and make ace feel bad about not wanting to kill her character. she said something about how i already had all these other plots and i was being selfish. i apologized and explained i was more than okay with micah living and that i just was upset cause i already planned things in advance but i could easily alter stuff to fit the new plot. at the end of that conversation i think i was more upset about how she approached me about the situation than the situation itself.

that’s something that can be said about all of the situations above. it was never what kelly was upset about that made me feel shitty. it was how she chose to talk to me about it. constantly it felt like when she came to me with an issue she was having that she’d either use ace against me to make me feel like not one, but two of my closest friends were mad at me or she’d come in with an energy where it felt like i was guilty until proven innocent. it wasn’t a conversation between friends trying to solve a problem. it was like defending yourself to a judge until the judge decided that you weren’t at fault or at the very least gave them the answers they wanted from you.

none of this stuff is really in order and i can’t be sure when this incident occurred but kelly apparently said horrible things about me and our friend to a person she invited to join a group we were all admining together. i didn’t find out about this until literally today after i already started answering this ask. [SCREENSHOT FOUR], [SCREENSHOT FIVE], [SCREENSHOT SIX]

i also witnessed kelly be unfairly judgmental over someone who joined one of our groups as her wanted connection. the closer i got to this person the more critical kelly grew of her and how she played the character. to the point where the girl could feel her hostility and constantly sent me messages inquiring what she had done wrong to make kelly hate her. [SCREENSHOT SEVEN]

eventually i decided to open a group with this person, lana, and another girl i’d gotten close to toward the end of the group i was admining with kelly & ace. 

this is what led to my breaking point. friends have disagreements. they have fights. and everything up until that point i easily got over because we always managed to resolve the issue and see where the other was coming from. but this fight wasn’t like the others. i had never ever in my life ever felt so hopeless and like nothing i could say would calm her down or make her see things from my side. she came in guns blazing in a way i’d never witnessed before. to the point where i literally got sick and threw up. all while being on a call with my fellow admins who were lost at what to do to help me. i’ve lived with anxiety my whole life but that night was when i had my first full blown panic attack. [SCREENSHOT EIGHT],[SCREENSHOT NINE].

after that i confided in ace. our mutual close friend. i said something about how i couldn’t understand how she handled when kelly got mad at her like this so well because i was falling part. i apologized for seeing the way kelly treated her and never saying anything about it cause i understood how it felt now. i want to say at this point ace was genuinely trying to comfort me and calm me down. she gave me advice. she said give kelly some time. even though kelly told me that ace was upset/mad at me too ace was being so kind and understanding and hearing me out. then, the scripted flipped. i dont know what was said between her and kelly but suddenly ace was against me as well. i was accused of trying to come inbetween them. and i distinctly remember being called childish for being upset about the fight in the first place which hurt me even more (i would provide ss for this too but i cant find them]. ace unfriended me on skype. i never responded to kelly’s last message. and we didn’t really talk for a year or so. 

we ended up letting bygones be bygones and accepted kelly into the revamp of the exact group she had been mad at me for opening. it was my honest intention to rekindle our friendship and leave everything in the past but i couldn’t go back to seeing kelly the way i used to. i couldn’t help, but feel like everything she said or did was suspicious due to our history. evidently, i wasn’t over what had happened between us and i still let her into my life again because i genuinely wanted to fix things. for stuff to go back to the way it used to be! and for a while we were all really good at pretending like it was but kelly would consistently do stuff that would drain me. mostly it just felt like once again i wasn’t allowed to have friends outside of her. she and ace always found something bad to say about the people lana and i were close to. 

kelly would constantly message me being “worried” about “stepping on toes” even after i would tell her over and over again that these girls had nothing against her. she accused one of sending her anon hate but provided no proof. after opening a group they accused the same girl and our close friend tee (who were both admining with us) of being competitive and bubble rping on the dash even though it had been ONE DAY. 

ace blindsided me one night asking if i was available for a call only to go on a tangent about these new friends. attempting to gaslight me by saying i was being “bulldozed” and how they knew i was so sweet and trying to make everyone happy and that these people were “taking advantage of me” it got so overwhelming that i literally sent lana sos messages cause i didnt know what to say or how to react until she joined the call to give me some sort of back up. ultimately that was what made me distance myself. it genuinely felt like even though kelly claimed to have changed we were still having the same problems. her approach was different but underneath the issues were the same. 

i spent a year finding my own path in the rpc instead of following her down hers and when we were reunited it felt like i was expected to fall back into place. to be the same girl who took her at her word and had blind loyalty. when i wasn’t that girl i felt like i was being manipulated into trying to become that girl again. i couldn’t do it anymore so i stopped responding to her messages. i have so many good memories with kelly. so many late night laughs. inside jokes. beautiful muses and plots and characters we created that i still look fondly back on, but i also know that she made me feel helpless, dumb. it messed with my head, made me question my own judgement, and brought out a side of me that i didn’t like. one that was paranoid, anxious, and desperate for her approval. she wasn’t a terrible person to me but sometimes she made me feel terrible and ultimately that’s why we’re not friends

[heyyouwiththeprettyface18]

Where I've Been and My Relationship with Social Media

Do I think anyone actually cares about this and missed my presence online? Well yeah. I have friends on here so I would like to imagine they did. I had one amazing and lovely soul sending me memes during my break and I love her for it! Am I screaming into the void in a way to work out my own emotional state? Well, yeah. This isn't for notes. This is for me.

It all started about two years ago. One of my best friends in the whole world, who I will refer to as Amy, messaged me one day before school and told me that she was stepping away from social media. She was deleting snapchat, Instagram, facebook and any other various profiles she had. At the time I felt like King George in 'I Know Him', I wasn't aware that was something a person could do. Why would this gorgeous, college age student want to get rid of her social media? Didn't she want to be connected to the rest of the world? Didn't she want the validation from her peers? Didn't she want to just be able to look up someone and know everything she ever needed to know about them? Keep in mind this was the time where I considered myself something of an internet sleuth for my friends, family and occasionally teachers (Shout out to Mr. Hunter). But she was my friend. And I was going to support the hell out of whatever Amy wanted to do.

To this day she is still off social media and she is happier than ever. And that freedom she felt from society constantly throwing all sorts of unachievable standards in her face all the time? Slowly became more attractive to me as I got older. A while ago, maybe around the same time Amy deleted everything (I really can't remember) I uninstalled Facebook from my phone. It was so freeing? I didn't have to see all the negativity on there and the politics from my father's side of the family. It was so nice. That's when I got my first taste for it. This freedom. But that's about all I did until my first year in college.

December - February were weird months for me. Specifically when I was at school. Looking back on it, some of the reasons why it was so weird seem trivial. But at the time they meant everything to me. It seemed like I was losing some irl friends and a few online ones. Not to mention college chemistry and accounting made me breakdown about 10 times total. I remember calling another one of my best friends, Ellie for the sake of the story, sobbing. I felt so genuinely alone. I felt like all the people up at my school either just barely tolerated me or hated me. I think that's the loneliest I've ever been.

You might be wondering why this has anything to do with social media? Well. Let me tell you. This emotional breakdown of mine happened after I saw a photo posted of two of my friends out getting doughnuts from our favorite place without me. It's so stupid. But I was in a very fragile place. I was trying to figure out a lot of things. Classes, friends, sexuality, past trauma, self worth, whether or not I should have gone to therapy. Looking back on it, Jesus Christ I wish I did. It was just a lot. So in a brash decision I deactivated my Instagram. Didn't tell anyone. Didn't think anyone would care. People did. So after about a week I reactivated it. I couldn't stand not knowing what people (aka Tom Holland and Taylor Swift) where posting. So I chugged along.

And then a fucking Pandemic happened.

It's nice to be home. I'm a total mama's girl and am attached to her at the hip. Which is another reason why I wasn't doing so hot at college looking back on it. But all I was doing at home was my class work and scrolling through the toxicity that is Twitter, the pretty photos of Instagram or Tiktok. I would get frustrated at the people not wearing masks or that people were still going out in public. And it slowly worked at my nerves.

Before I knew it, Black Lives Matter was in full swing because of the disgusting murder of George Floyd by the racist police officer. There are two things you need to know about me: I am extremely empathetic and I have seen some shit. I have never been so distrusted or viscerally affected by a piece of footage in my whole life. After that, I was on Twitter reading and retweeting everything I could. Signing every petition I saw pop up. Trying to educate myself. And I did. I will be the first to admit, I still have a lot to learn what it means to be a good ally. But the negativity and guilt I was feeling, was coming from me. Nothing I did felt good enough. I wasn't able to attend protests because of online classes and I was only able to donate about $20 dollars to charity because I am not working right now. It just didn't feel good enough in my eyes. I wanted to do so much more. And for the record I still want to do more. I'm looking into ways that I can help the BLM movement, even though I am currently off social media.

And that's when something happened that I wasn't expecting. I was rewatching an old episode in Jacksepticeye's animal crossing series where he went off on a tangent about social media and mental health. I was making breakfast while I was watching it. I stopped dead in my tracks and listened to what he had to say. And I kept it in my as I watched the current state of my YouTube life get turned upside a few weeks ago.

That's when I realized social media was really hurting my mental health. That day I deleted Twitter from my phone and deactivated Instagram again. At this point I had already deleted Tumblr from my phone because at the time I thought this site was the soul reason I was unhappy with my relationship on the internet. This was the first time I purged myself of all three of these social medias at that the same time. Also I stopped looking at snapchat stories and privated a lot of my boards on Pinterest. And it was so good. I have been so much happier since cutting the negativity and helplessness I felt out of my life. I was calmer. I allowed myself to focus on the things that made me happy.

I was getting to hang out with my friends a little bit more. I started playing DnD and am in love with my character. I started taking more Polaroids. I was taking drives. I'd sit at the park with ice cream and enjoy summer. Dancing alone in my house. I was writing again and developing characters that I've had for years that are desperate need of a face lift. Baking and cooking again. Watching things that made me happy. I was living for me and finding positivity in my life again.

And I still am. It's still a work in progress sometimes to be happy like I want to be. But I'm willing to put in that work. It just so happened that cutting social media and that tie to society was what I needed. It was a small step, but it put me in a good direction. I've decided to come back to Tumblr and take my blog back for me and ignore some of the personal reasons why I got rid of it in the first place. This was a power move for me, and I'm happy to be back.

I've been debating about making a new Instagram account, to follow a select number of friends but probably not. I'll be damned if I ever redownload Twitter on my phone again. So if you're one of my mutuals and you want to talk outside of tumblr the social medias I still have are: discord, pinterest, and snapchat.

TL;DR: I got really sad and frustrated. So I pulled a Taylor Swift pre REP era and disappeared. I'm doing pretty good and am still working on achieving my definition of happiness. And if I had to give advice, I guess I'd say that take a week break from social media see how you feel. Who knows, you might not even miss it.

Remember: Drink water, moisturize, wear a mask, Black Lives Matter and Always Keep Fighting

W/ Love,

Laura

[condemnthem]

i was sent testimony from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. speaking with others involved i can confirm this testimony is credible. this backs up claims others have made about ludo, and shows further his use of “mental illness” as a weapon.

My Testimonial

I’ve been off rp for a little while, but when I heard about this, my first thought was that I have to add additional validity to the things being said about Damien/Ludo. Luckily, I did not receive the worst of it because I shut that shit down almost immediately and Damien has proven to be a scared little chihuahua who acts big but recoils as soon as he’s given a piece of his own bullshit. I’m sure he’ll know exactly who I am, and the only reason I won’t post this publicly is because I honestly do not wish to deal with him harassing any of my socials.

I was in that former RPG with Damien, and if anything, I wanted to shut all assumptions and lies down. Prior to joining, I’d heard plenty of shit regarding said RPG, and after Damien’s departure, I’d come to learn that the people who talk shit about it are just whiny children who are angry they weren’t exceptions to the rules clearly posted.

When I signed the waitlist, Damien approached me with a secret sister role via messages. He came off as very nice, and I was still figuring my character out, so I thought it would be even nicer to come in with an established connection. He connected me to all the right people to talk to, and I was pretty impressed with the welcoming atmosphere right off the bat. He stated the only thing that was set in stone was 1) her place of birth and 2) her profession, and 3) that she was his long lost sister, and that anything else (storyline, additional relationships, playby) were all completely up to me. I don’t like filling roles because I hate being told what to do creative-wise, but he seemed to be pretty open-minded minus trying to sway me away from my playby choices with ugly tattooed chicks.

The first couple of weeks were okay. I realized there were a few people in the RPG that I’d known for a while, and when they realized what my role entailed, they warned me not to let Damien control me, because it was what he did with other people as well as LI’s and that was why certain people hated him within the group. I’d also been informed that he had been banned and snuck back into the group, and it had taken O (I’ll say O for Owner and L for the LI Damien later gaslighted who is now with O) some time before realizing it was him, but let him stay because despite outside opinion by pissy former members, O is actually pretty reasonable.

I tend to be a very bendy person, and don’t like upsetting people around me, so when Damien first started getting pissy if I didn’t answer within two minutes, I tried to be nice and apologize with whatever excuse I had. But I also have a limit when I am being hounded constantly for attention when I had enough to deal with in my real life. I was also aware that one of his LI’s (also a taken role) had left because of his annoying neediness, and that the LI he was with (who I’d become best friends with) was dealing with the same annoying hounding for attention. She tried to be nice about it to not hurt his feelings, and didn’t show me receipts, but the story had become pretty commonplace at that point. I’d also been warned about his need for attention and lack of boundaries. I made it very clear on many occasions that I hate talking about rl, and frankly do not care about what anyone else is dealing with irl because I’m constantly dealing with my own shit. I ALSO suffer from the same disorder as Damien and it has never occurred to me to use that excuse for shitty behavior. If I felt the need to dissociate, I simply disappeared rather than taking it out on others around me.

I really tried to make that role work for me because the character was all mine and I loved her, and mused her pretty hard. Damien started attempting to control my attempts at changing playbys by stating they didn’t look like him (fyi, Hayley Williams, Hannah Pixie, and Dua Lipa don’t look like Yungblud either). He’d get annoyed if I wasn’t around to do blast activities with him. My last straw was when I took a one week hiatus for some stuff I was dealing with irl and was only really speaking to someone I had an almost-LI ship with. Damien CAME at me, asking why I was ignoring him for this person and I lost it, stating that I was on hiatus and didn’t owe him any of my fucking time, and that I hate being hounded for attention. He immediately backed down like the pussy he really is when he realized he couldn’t control me, and apologized saying he has that disorder and abandonment issues. And I very nicely said I didn’t care about that, because it’s none of my business, and that I suffered from the same mental disorder and didn’t take it out on people as a result because I’m an adult.

I decided to leave the group and come back as another character. That was when he was dating L, the person who came forward a few times in the posts below. L and I have some basic stuff in common (musicals, whatever), and we’d fan girl over them in statuses, and Damien would clearly be very pissy about it. When I left the group again, he blocked me everywhere, and then when he saw I was returning yet again, he messaged me saying he was excited and that he was sorry for deleting me because he was “being petty and immature.” I acted like it wasn’t a big deal because I try to be civil with group members to foster a healthy atmosphere, but I wanted to avoid him at all costs because he’s a toxic person. When I approached him with a storyline idea, he said he was capped (he’s never capped because he wants to rope everyone in on his bullshit, but I assumed it was because he secretly hated me, which I was totally cool with because it meant I didn’t have to talk to him) and a few weeks later, he was kicked from the group.

I was still with RPG when he was booted, and everyone of the things the Owner said below is valid. I’d been told by more than one person that Damien would give them shit for something as simple as liking statuses and would try to polarize people from other members of the group. His obsession with staying in that group despite hating it is honestly the dumbest shit ever, and the fact that he allegedly stated for an LI shows how pathetic he really is. But truly, he’d snuck back in despite being banned, so what does that say about him?

He started getting pissy because he wasn’t allowed to do shit that were clearly stated as being against the rules. He kept adding nonsensical, impossible storylines to Damien to focus all the drama on himself. When I joined the first time, Damien was just a baker who’d been abandoned by his mother, and had a serial killer father. By the time he left, he had like, 3 long-lost siblings, was apparently involved in sex trafficking, spent some years in a psych ward, and was also a semi-popular musician despite being confined to the RPG’s town. O is honestly a very understanding owner, but refuses to be taken advantage of, and Damien didn’t like that.

But the catalyst was his harassment of someone via Snapchat for simply liking O’s status or something of that nature. She approached him with this information, and gave him a chance to explain his side, but he avoided her for quite some time (because, as I stated, he’s a little bitch) and when she finally gave him an ultimatum, he came at her stating that she was a shitty owner and everyone hated her, etc. etc. and trying his darned best to make it his mic-drop moment when really he was being an irrational idiot. He was really just mad that O didn’t let him do whatever the hell he wanted, and made it seem like that made her a tyrant. Imagine being in a group and signing rules that have made it work for several years at this point, only to think you are above them.

His current LI in his RPG was a former member of this RPG as his sister role after I left and I’d confided in her the things I’d dealt with, and she seemed to agree that he WAS controlling. Funny that despite this, she chose to follow suit (likely being manipulated by him) and join Ludo’s group anyway. When he made his current group, it was also no secret that he’d give people shit for not leaving RPG for his, despite all the bullshit he spews about being drama-free and not talking poorly about other groups.

I’m happy I never gave Damien my rl information, but I’d seen receipts of him harassing people on rl social media on more than one occasion. The most he did was try to give me a sample of his sub-par music that I didn’t listen to because, as I stated, real life conversation makes me cringe. Every one of the things said below share a common narrative, and I don’t know how anyone can fall for Damien’s bullshit to this day, but whatever.

Damien, do better and stop blaming your issues on your trauma. I’ve tried to become a better person IN SPITE of mine. The way you gaslight and use people is disgusting, and I think it displays issues beyond what life as dealt you.

p.s. I’m sorry if this is kind of all over the place, I sent it via mobile and didn’t look back to fix any typos and such.

xoxo, Someone who didn’t fall for his bullshit. Cheers.

[avengerofyourheart]

NYE Retro Bash with Chris Evans

YOU GUYYYSSSSS. 

I still feel like last night was just a dream but then I see all the amazing videos I took and it all comes back. This is without a doubt the most memorable New Year’s Eve of my life and I’ll look back on it for years to come. 

SO. Here’s how it all happened. I saw a post on tumblr about this New Year’s Bash and GASP. It was taking place only 40 minutes from me! Double checked the tweet Chris had retweet and....ITS REALLY HAPPENING WHAT. Texted a friend to see if she wanted to come, she doubted the reality of it because HOW, WHY, WHAT. But yes. It was happening. We had to go. So I bought 2 tickets. 

Apparently, other people had trouble buying tickets but I guess I was super lucky. I heard that tickets were limited but I didn't realize HOW limited until I checked the venue and saw that the capacity was only 125 people. AHH. IT’S GONNA BE SMALL AND INTIMATE AND I’M NERVOUS AND EXCITED I CAN’T WAIT. That was my thought process. 

There was some drama regarding transportation and the friend I was going with I hadn’t actually met IRL yet (not from tumblr, more like snapchat and Instagram. It’s an interesting way to meet people.) But in the end I drove 45 minutes south to meet her and then we headed up the canyon in her friends car to Park City! :D 

For those who have never been, Park City is a small-ish skiing town in the mountains were Sundance Film Festival also happens every year. (Which was founded by Robert Redford, who played Alexander Pierce in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, in case you weren't aware.) Anyway, we park in a parking garage and walk through the lobby of a hotel and once we reach the street, the venue is RIGHT THERE. AHH. There was a bit of a line and it was SOOOO COLD.  Like, single digits. Fahrenheit. We only had to wait about 10 minutes before they started checking ID’s and letting people in.

High West Distillery is basically a ski-in/ski-out bar. It was even smaller than I envisioned so people got cozy really quickly and there was a velvet rope sectioning off part of the dance floor with some stools and couches there. The second friend, Natalie, went in search of the bathroom so it was just Vanessa the Instagram Friend and I. 

She leaned toward me. “Read my eyes.” Um...what? It took me wayyyyyy too long to figure out that she was hinting that Chris was standing RIGHT OVER THERE BEHIND THE ROPE 15 FEET FROM ME. WHAT. I spotted his friend first, the one who posted the photo on the plane. Adam LaVorgna, another actor who I recognized from the Jonathan Taylor Thomas movie “Home for Christmas” haha! But then I saw who he was standing next to and...I whipped my head back around toward Vanessa, eyes wide. 

“See?? That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” she yelled over the music. 

Holy. Crap. I tried to get another covert sneak peek but it was almost like looking directly at the sun, I had to avert my gaze. Wow. I just saw Chris Evans with my very own eyes. Dressed in a pair of jeans, dark blue sweater, bit of scruff on the chin, and a blue Boston Red Sox baseball hat, he looked gooooood. *swoon* 

We still had no idea what the “plan” was for the night, since he was supposedly the host, but we mostly just danced to the music, chatted with friends and tried not to panic at his close proximity. The room continued to fill and some people were let past the velvet rope and he greeted them. Such a sweetheart. I know they were calling it a “Retro Bash” but I guess I didn’t realize it was so literal??? People were arriving in full-on 80s regalia and a few guys wore mullet wigs and sunglasses (one of which turned out to be Miles Teller, but I didn’t find out til later. oops.) 

Anyway, a DJ played for the first hour or so until The Midnight came on stage. I knew some of their music before finding out about this, but the past few days I put their albums on shuffle to familiarize myself. They’re more techno than I’m used to but I really liked it and in the party scene, their vibe was perfect! Chris got so excited and sang along, dancing or air drumming to the beat. ha! So cute. He kept saying “This is my favorite song” but he said that about 4 songs. :D Bless him. 

There was a guy in the VIP section who looked familiar and I finally figured it out. He’s also a friend of Sebastian’s, Charles Chu (Choodius_maximus on instagram) he was wearing a huuuuuge black afro wig. We bumped elbows a few times while dancing so that was cool. One degree from Sebastian Stan!! I’m getting there! ha! :D 

Ironically, The Midnight did NOT play until midnight. Their set ended around 11:15pm so the DJ returned and he was great. Interesting song transitions and a good variety, too. Dancing continued and I got a few more videos of Chris, covertly. I didn’t want to seem creepy so I kinda panned the camera around and caught him a few times. Seeing Chris Evans dance and sing to “Living on a Prayer” is official a highlight in my life. I have evidence of it, too. :D He seemed to be living his best life, having a few drinks and dancing with friends. I loved seeing him this way, personally, rather than situations that might make him anxious or uncomfortable. He is a gem and we don’t deserve him. 

Midnight crept closer and the DJ started the countdown. Happy New Year!!! I caught the moment on video and finally showed my face. :) I was there, too!! Couples kissed and hugs were shared. From what we could tell, no smooches for Mr. Evans but plenty of hugs. I don’t like to speculate about his personal life, I just want him to be happy. :) 

I really wasn’t sure what to expect initially and I did wonder if he might interact or step up to the mic at some point as the “host” but as a whole, I had an amazing time! People asked if I met him, talked to him, got a pic with him. No, I didn’t, but that’s perfectly okay with me. Proximity while in his element is good enough for me. Maybe I’ll meet him at a con some day and mention last night. Maybe. As for now, I have photos and videos and memories that will last a lifetime. 

Thank you all for following my Instagram story. It’s now in my highlights there on my page and I will continue to share videos here. I’m infinitely glad that I jumped at the chance of seeing him and it was more than worth the money, 3 hours of driving, lost sleep, temporary hearing loss, and sore legs from dancing. :) 

Happy New Year to you all!! 

[heytheregreeneyes]

How come you gave up on 'Something Just Like This'? I loved that fic

So here’s the thing...

I haven’t given up on Something Just Like This. I actually still love that fic dearly and very much intend to finish it (and I need to do it soon before Tyler steals all of my ideas like he did with Jenna’s pregnancy reveal *shakes fist at Tyler*).

As you all know, this past year I hadn’t felt much like writing and I couldn’t figure out why... until the other night at work. I was sitting at my desk, staring off into space and thinking about dialogue for the current chapter when it hit me like a freight train why I haven’t been writing. I had had an epiphany!

My eyes literally got wide as I sat straight up, gasped and literally said “Oh my God,” out loud. It was so obvious, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. And the first thing I did was text @ohfrickfanfic (who agrees with me), even tho it was somewhere around 3:25 in the morning. So if you wanna hear the story behind the fic, buckle in kids, cause it’s gonna be a long one, and it’s gonna get deep.

So as you all know, I started writing Something Just Like This in July of 2017. I was 4 months pregnant with my 3rd surrobaby, who was due in December on Christmas Eve. I was writing as fast as my fingers could fly and was banging out chapters probably once a week. Sometimes twice.  

December 12, 2017 - SURROBABY IS BORN! After this, chapters obviously slowed down so that I could pump milk and get my life back to somewhat normal again.

Six months later, in June of 2018, I finally reached the end of my six-month contract for pumping breastmilk for Surrobaby #3 and I started working at my current job at the hospital. I am a CNA and it just so happens that this hospital is where all the surrogate babies were born IRL. I have been super lucky and I now work in that very department, which is where I have wanted to work all my life!  Serious life goals, guys. But as you all know, nurses work insane shifts and long hours. I work overnights, 13 hours at a time, and so writing slowed down even more since I was now working my first job outside of the home in about 9 years. For the next few months, chapters are still being posted, but much more slowly.  

Things are moving along great... I’m still writing, albeit a bit more slowly, but chapters are still being posted 

April 2018 comes and my grandpa dies... my emotions took a huge hit. I had grown up very close to my grandpa and I couldn’t write happy things when I was in such a sad place. It was rough. 

Writing slows even more over the summer, but I am still writing, still posting, still planning, still rough drafting, still plotting scenes, and still writing dialogue.

September 2, 2018 - I meet HIM. I don’t want to give out his real name, so we’ll just call him William. I will never ever forget that night. I wasn’t even supposed to be at work that night; it was my night off but they had sent out a text that they needed help, so I picked up an extra shift. Around midnight I got a call that they needed me to pass off my patients so that I could go down to the ER and be a 1:1 for a patient suffering a panic attack. I gather up my things, head down to the ER, get my assignment, go to his room, and...

That was that. He had been sobbing and when he looked up and saw me, he suddenly took one last big breath and stopped crying. He calmed. We got to talking over the course of the night and it was like we had known each other for millennia. We were immediately comfortable with each other, had each other's sense of humor, shared similar life experiences, you name it. This was the night I met my best friend.

He was still hardcore in the middle of a panic attack and didn’t like to be touched, but somehow I was allowed to touch. He openly admits to how much he despises hospitals and no one was allowed in the room, but somehow was calm when I was there. Do you believe in fate? Cause I do.

A week goes by and we now are either talking/texting/video chatting/instant messaging all day and all night, about anything and everything. Our phone calls go on for HOURS and often would end up talking all through the night. Turns out that he has severe anxiety and hasn’t left his house in over two years. Neither of us could believe how quickly we connected and bonded, but the new friendship was a blessing for him and me both. Because of his anxiety and tendency to call/text/message me if a panic attack hit, he earned his own ringtone, text notification sound, and custom volume so that if he called or texted in the middle of the night, or if I was out in a busy area, it would wake me up or ring loud enough so that I could stop and answer. 

September 18, 2018 - Two weeks after meeting William, my world gets turned upside down. I lose my mom. She was only 52 years old and died very unexpectedly from sudden liver death. I was DEVASTATED.  William was there for me throughout the whole thing, something I didn’t expect since we had just met barely two weeks earlier. In fact, one of the last things my mom ever said to me was “make sure you take care of that sweet boy”. I’ll never forget it. 

After my mom died I didn’t feel like writing for a long time. Again, it’s hard to write happy things when you feel so sad and shocked. 

So this past year goes by and things level to a norm. William’s depression and anxiety waxes and wanes. We’d hang out in person at his house sometimes, mostly just making fun of each other and enjoying each other’s company. We still talk and text multiple times every day, and had gotten into a habit of sleeping while on the phone.

Then mid-October this year, something changed. We still do all of our normal stuff but he had started to say that he hated not being able to leave his house, hated the way he felt, hated not being able to do stuff, felt like a failure and a coward, etc. All things he has said before, but this time was just hitting him so much worse.

The night of October 22nd is when things really changed. To me, that’s the day I had breast reduction surgery, but that’s also the day communication between us stopped. He stopped calling, he stopped texting, we no longer messaged or chatted on discord... He was gone. 

Let me tell you that this felt exactly like another death. How could I lose someone I was so close to? Did I say something wrong, did I do something wrong, did I make him feel bad, did I scare him somehow... all these questions were running thru my head, constantly, throughout the days.

One night I texted him that we needed to talk so he called and sort of, got onto me. He said that I did nothing wrong, that I didn’t say or do anything, that he just couldn’t handle things very well at the moment and he would see texts but just didn’t have it in him to reply. He lacked the energy to call and carry on a conversation. didn’t want to do anything but be by himself. He told me that he loves me and that he misses me, but this is just how it gets sometimes. it just be like that.  

I understood. Depression fucking sucks and it just sucks the soul right out of you sometimes. I was there for him but right now, he just needed alone time... something he hadn’t required in over a year... and something I definitely was not used to. 

So there I sit this past Saturday night at work, thinking about my fic and writing dialogue in my head like I had been the last few weeks when it hits me. 

‘Oh my God,’ I thought to myself. ‘I just figured out why I write fic and why I had stopped for a bit... until now.’   

IT FILLS A HOLE OF LONELINESS AND LONGING!

I texted @ohfrickfanfic and she replied, “you were lacking male attention so you made up for it by writing fic but then you met William and he filled the void but now he’s not giving you as much attention so you feel you need to fill that void again.”

I’ll be damned if she’s not 100% right. I had love. I had someone who loved me, someone who genuinely cared about me and for me, asked how I was, loved my family, wanted to know what I was up to, took interest in my life, valued my opinions, asked my advice and took it to heart, called me his, called me pet names, gave me hugs and kissed my forehead. 

When it suddenly stopped, ngl I cried quite a few times. I was heartbroken. I went into my own depression and that is when I got the want to start writing again. I’ve always wanted to write and finish SJLT, but now the urge is there. 

Things are slowly getting better. He calls every now and then... more often all the time. He teases me and texts sometimes and sends me messages on snapchat, just not NEARLY as often as before. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen his face and I hate it, but I can see my best friend slowly coming back to life. It’s tough because I miss him so fucking much, but he’s coming around and trying to battle his anxiety. 

As far as the fic goes, I NEVER gave up on Something Just Like This and it WILL be a finished fic if it kills me. As it stands now, there are only about 3-4 more chapters to go before the fic is finished, and I would like to get it out before the new year... again, before Tyler Joseph steals all of my ideas that I’ve had planned for Josh for over two years. *shakes another fist at Tyler*

I really do appreciate all of you sticking with me and the fic for this long. Allowing me to grieve the loss of my loved ones and asking for updates on the fic... it lets me know that you like it and that my work is wanted.

I won’t let you down. 

[emilytutty-blog]

‘Social’ Media

When we pick up our phones, more often that not, it is to communicate with someone. A phone’s sole purpose is to connect one another through the use of messages and calls. If we go way back to 1973 when the first mobile phone was created, it allowed for 30 minutes of calls, with a charge time of 10 hours. Just over 40 years later and we now have abilities far and wide on these devices; abilities that never would have been deemed possible a few decades ago.

It is expected that by 2021, nearly one third of the planet’s entire population will be a part of the online community. This social network provides so much interactivity, with almost every aspect of our lives being shared to those who engage with our online accounts. But the question that I want to ask is whether this phenomenon of a social network has made us as a society more social, or if it has in fact lessened our social abilities.

The first two contradicting arguments that spring to mind are the obvious – yes, they have made us more social as we connect with people at times that we can’t be with them; no, they have not made us more social -  the addiction to the social network takes away from the moments that we do spend with people IRL.

But I want to go deeper than that, I want to explore why it connects us with people, solidifying friendships, and why it can also lead to the death of friendships. So, to begin…

The social network is a feature of the modern day that we can all access. We can access it from our phones, our tablets, our laptops, and even our watches it would now seem. With the development of smart watches where notifications can appear, the social network doesn’t just exist in something that we hold, but now it exists in an accessory that we wear. It is EVERYWHERE.

If you go to a shop and look at their posters in store, chances are they will have the handle to their social accounts readily available. Some companies even create their own hashtag to bring together their consumers under one discourse community: #babesofmissguided and #pltstyle are just two examples of a platform created for buyers of fashion clothing to come together to share their outfits. The hashtag #ootd is an internationally-used tag, whether it be by every day users, or by bloggers to share outfit inspiration - there are hashtags available to bring together a community of any size under an umbrella of common interest.

A social network extends beyond this – a social network allows for you to connect with your course mates about the latest assignment, it allows you to connect with your friends from home, your work colleagues, your family. It also allows you to connect with total strangers.

We all have group chats where we message multiple people simultaneously – it’s easy for convenience. Most students at uni I’m sure will also have a house group chat, I know I do. But why? I live with these people so I am guaranteed to see them. Why couldn’t I just save what I had to say until I saw them, rather than posting a message in the chat? It’s the immediacy.

Social media provides us with a platform to share news as soon as its happened. Gossip from Friday night? Of course, it has to be sent in voice notes to your course mates – it definitely can’t wait until Monday to be shared. We are now so used to receiving and giving news as soon as its happened that is a natural part of life. This is where Snapchat became so successful in the social media market.

The feature that Snapchat provides us all with is the ability to take a photo, or a video, of an exact moment in time. It saves us having to describe the amazing smoothie bowl that you had that morning at brunch, it saves you having to ring your friend from the shops and describe a dress to know whether to make the purchase or not and it saves the storage of your phone where photos disappear after 10 seconds! Its EASY. It makes our life a whole load simpler and that’s what we love. When life is busy, anything to help us save time is appreciated by all.

As I have grown up, I have seen the patterns of social media change. I first got Facebook at the age of thirteen. Messages would be sent with emojis made up of punctuation instead of the animated characters that we use today, both on Android and Apple. There has always been the need for multimodal forms of communication. An emoji helps to convey the emotions that a reader is trying to express in words where they can’t visually see the person speaking. Facebook is a greatly multimodal app with the ability to tag friends in funny videos, photos, share statuses, send messages – however, other social networks have taken over. Twitter is a greatly used multimodal platform to share content, arguably it has become more popular than Facebook with younger generations.

  Instagram and Snapchat are also platforms that allow for the sharing of strong visual content. The main feature of these social networks is the sharing of images, accompanied by text. This allows for a strong visual insight into the lives of others. The culture of online influencers has led to a strong curiosity to see how others live their lives. Online we are able to present ourselves in any way, shape or form that we choose to do so – we have the freedom that so many people wish for. So, what’s not to love?

In fact, put simply, quite a lot.

Social media is amazing, fantastic, brilliant…but it is also misleading, damaging and harmful. The ability to be able to share only your best life is very misleading. This can change people’s perspectives of the person that they thought you were when you met in person, or ‘IRL’, if we’re using netspeak. People may become bitter about your life you live online, people may feel that they’re not good enough, and friends may start to see you as competition, altering your friendship.

Online is a platform for mental health issues to arise rapidly – anxiety, depression and eating disorders are only a few of the problems that can stem from the use of social media. For the damage that it does, is it really worth it?

Not only does social networking take away from the precious time that you spend with those around you, but it disengages you from conversations that they’re having. Replying to a quick message? Yes, fine; but spending time scrolling through Instagram or catching up on your Snapchat stories instead of having a gossip or a catch up with the people who are there in the room with you could come across as rude. It is a statement without having to say anything – that you’d rather be elsewhere.

I feel like when I pick up my phone and mindlessly scroll I am by all means not saying to those I’m with that I’m uninterested in discussion, it’s just habit. Phones come everywhere we go – it’s like a fifth limb that we have all biologically developed in the 21stcentury. Science has truly gone crazy.

However, not only is it the barrier that using our phones poses, but also the expectation that the content that we see online poses. If you follow endless food accounts, it may make you feel guilty for eating any food that isn’t green and crunchy; if you follow lifestyle accounts it may make you feel like your relationship isn’t as healthy as it should be, that your partner isn’t taking you on dates as exotic and exiting as they should be; you may feel that your house isn’t as tidy and clean as it should be; you may feel like you’re not as toned and healthy as you should be; you may feel that your skin isn’t as fresh as it could be; you may feel that your job isn’t as exciting as it should be; you may feel that your weekend getaway isn’t extravagant enough; you may feel that…

STOP!

The pressure that we put on ourselves because of social media is immense. The culture that it creates is one of comparison – comparing every aspect of our lives and it isn’t healthy. It isn’t healthy for your body or mind. In Summer of 2016, 95 million posts were made daily to Instagram. That works out as 3,958,333 posts her hour, 65,972 posts a minute and 1,099 posts a second. It’s no wonder it feels like there’s no room to escape.

It’s important to take a moment to yourself and remember what really matters in life. Quality time with your family, your friends and yourself are essential to feeling at peace with the world. A book that has done me enormous favours is ‘Calm’ by Fearne Cotton (I have inserted the link to this book at the bottom of the this blog post). It has helped me to put things into perspective and to ‘let go’ of any issues or stresses I have that are out of my control.

Now, put your phone down, close your laptop and go and spend time with those who love you the most.

(https://www.amazon.co.uk/Calm-Working-through-stresses-peaceful/dp/1409183637/ref=sr_1_3?qid=1552217128&refinements=p_27%3AFearne+Cotton&s=books&sr=1-3)

[loveshotproductions]

Another Weird Dream involving someone from Tumblr again

I feel like I should keep some sort of dream journal on here whenever something involving this site. And this dream was especially weird to me.

So buckle up, cause it’s a weird one.

So while the dream was a bit long(one part involving a puppet guest star on Off Topic that was voiced by Tony the Tiger and a badass action scene that I can’t recall anymore) there was one part that stuck out to me the most. It involved fan art of my DimensionsAU that was drawn by @steadyconnoisseurnacho and the reason I knew that was because they showed it to me via a Snapchat video, which is strange because I use Snapchat exclusively with IRL friends and Family. Now the reason I believe it was Snapchat was that I saw the black bar that would usually text, but there wasn’t. It was a traditional drawing in a sketchbook, and looked something like this:

I was able to remember most of the drawing to make this recreation of it and I want to try to dissect it because it has some interesting things related to Dimensions itself.

I’ll start with the top left:

I remember it specifically being this sort of split box thing with one side being a drawing of a forest in the Camp Camp style and Gwen holding some sort of box thing. I want to talk more of the Gwen drawing the most. For one thing, it was hard to capture what expression she was making. I wasn’t sure if she was angry or crying into the box thing, and most of the face look slightly melted to me. Like it was edited in Photoshop with Liquify. And the more I thought about it, the more it looked like a drawing that I remember making:

They were almost in the exact same pose, and keep in mind that I drew that doodle on the right in October of 2017 as a sort of vent drawing. The difference being in the dream draw, she’s holding something. I debated on what she was holding cause it looked like a brick, but I thought ‘why would she be yelling/crying at a brick?’ until I put context to the story. It was a phone. In Dimensions, the campsite mostly has on the wall cord phones and very old technology and a part of the story is Gwen attempting to call out to someone over the phone about Cameron’s threats and failing because of Cameron’s interference. So I could only imagine that this was a reference to that.

Since I don’t remember what was in the second box so I’ll move on to the third one. For one thing, I remember it being in a different style than the other in that it looked painted. The one glaring detail I remember out of this was that Cameron was in the doorway and was bright blue. The scene was also something related to the story since David looked like he was opening, or closing a box. It was the parts of David attempting to run away. But, why was Cameron there, and why was he the only thing in the picture in color? My theory was symbolism, but I don’t know how Dimension! Cameron is related to the color blue considering his character.

 The last drawing in the bunch was what looked like outline drawings of the Main three campers. The Line Art was super clean and looked like it was going to be colored in later. There wasn’t a lot of detail and kinda weird looking. Luckily I was able to recognize the characters because of the hair.

Now I wanted to leave it at that, but there was one thing I didn’t want to leave out. Since the drawing was in a sketchbook, there was a second page I had glanced at that contain some unrecognizable doodles. I only remembered one that stood out to me, and that was this:

It looks like something that I would draw back when I was first creating Dimensions, some in the style of some of my old Camp Camp drawings. Though the whole face was covered and not just the eyes as most of them were styled that way.

Now as depressing as it is to literally dream of getting fan art, but this seemed stranger than that. Just the way it looked was just off in some way. Though it seemed weird how:

1.) The style and format of the of drawing.

2.) the Elements of the drawing

3.) Just the way it was shown to me in the dream via video.

Now, why specifically @steadyconnoisseurnacho I may never know. But I had the need to make this post just to tell them. You know how when you have a dream about someone you know, and you just have to tell them about it, that was me after I woke up this morning. This was something more akin to that dream I had about meeting @/directium at a signing panel, and in the vain of doing so, I might just start a dream journal here for Tumblr related dreams.

[myloveholtzy]

SNL Adventure 1/27/18

I actually wrote a super long post yesterday but Tumblr glitched and didn’t post it ._.

anyways I am incredibly grateful that I got to see Will Ferrell dumb anecdote: but my family doesn’t really have a lot of traditions and never celebrated a lot of holidays, but we watch Elf every year without fail and idk I just really love that we have that and idk thank you Will

@blazermckinnon​ and I checked out the line on Thursday night and there were already 10 people so we freaked out and got in line at 1:30 AM Friday morning lol so that’s 30 hours in line

Also it was 26°- 34° so here’s what I brought and wore:

big sweater

2 pairs of pants

2 pairs of socks

winter coat

sleeping bag

snl blanket

cardboard

HotHands Hand Warmers (LIFESAVERS my feet and hands were freezing so I bought a pack from Duane Reade)

I was super warm and actually got a lot of sleep lol

I think they let in 40-50 people? Not quite sure, but blazermckinnon and I were 3rd and 4th in line for dress rehearsal and we got to sit in the front row of the center section! Best seats we’ve had since the Melissa McCarthy show!

I’m starting to get tired of Che’s standup because he just reuses the same jokes. I remember a lot of his bits, but I won’t give them away because they’re good lol what works works I looooove the warmup song so much asdfghjkl Kenan, Cecily, Kate, and Melissa have great voices and I adore them 💕Kate usually does something different every time. This time she did a air guitar windmill lmao When Will walked onstage as Bush everyone started screaming and cheering! blazermckinnon described seeing him as surreal and honestly yeah it was crazy I never imagined I would get to see him perform right in front of me. I remember watching The House last summer and thinking about how I would probably never get to see Amy or Will irl asdfghjkl They cut Kate from the monologue. She was supposed to come up to Will and ask if he was okay and he said something like, “It’s Kate McClinton!!!!” They also changed the line, “Lorne Michaels! The rudest man in show business!” to “Lorne Michaels! The rudest man in show business! You know it’s true, you get off on it!” idk I just thought it was funny The cast and crew seemed a lot happier, like they were all just excited that Will was there. I feel like they’re always stressed and worried about time, but I saw a lot of them smiling and laughing with the audience. The energy was just different and I’m really glad I got to be a part of it ☺️ I saw Kate dancing before the Reality Stars sketch and the Chucky Lee Byrd sketch! Also saw her sneeze and idk why it’s funny but she makes a face when she sneezes Before the Dinner Discussion sketch, Kate was trying to drink tea or something and she was struggling not to bump into anyone. She had a panicked look on her face and idk it was funny and relatable BIG MOOD I also saw Chris and Luke dancing before the Flight Attendants sketch lol Alex couldn’t stop laughing during the Commercial Shoot sketch and waited for Kate afterwards to compliment her Che was shaking his head when Colin told a bad joke lol and again during Pete’s bit (which was cut)

They cut a sketch where Mikey played Pinocchio, Will played Geppetto, Kate played the blue fairy, and Kyle played Jiminy Cricket. It was kind of dumb and had too many dick jokes but Will made it really funny with his accent and dancing lol They cut a sketch about a bring-your-daughter-to-work day at RE/MAX with Will, Aidy as Will’s daughter, Beck, Cecily, Melissa (as someone else’s daughter), and Heidi. It was pretty funny, but also kind of awkward? I understand why they cut it lol Mikey had a weekend update character called My Man that got cut. He talked about identity theft. Colin didn’t know his character’s name and just called him my man, my dog, daddy-o, etc. Pete talked about filming a dockers ad and how he had to ask strangers to take their pants off and exchange them for dockers. It somehow got really dark LOL but I like the joke he started with:

Colin: What happened to your arm? (gestures to Pete’s cast) Pete: Oh I punched a wall. It’s a really funny story! See, I have mental health problems. Colin: Oh? Pete: That’s it. That’s the whole story.

Chris told us that he wants to make a different face for every picture lmao I love him so much he’s one of my favorite cast members right now

Told Melissa that I love her new haircut and that made her reach up and touch her hair and she looked really happy and told me thank you!

Colin, Beck, Kyle, Mikey, Luke, and Heidi also came out but didn’t really stop for pics because it was raining

Thank you again to everyone that added me on snapchat!! I really appreciate it! I feel like I annoy everyone when I add a bunch of pics to my story on my personal account because they don’t actually care about snl that much

Really loved the show!!! I don’t think I’m ever going to get sick of watching the show live it really means a lot to me 💕💕💕

[agrestenoir]

things i’m thankful for

so I know that thanksgiving has passed for me, but there were a few shoutouts I wanted to give to certain people who mean a lot to me, and I couldn’t go long without saying something. So here’s just a short list of some people I really appreciate.

To @agermanshepherdpatronus and @thatcrazybookwyrm: you guys mean the absolute world to me. You’ve been with me through thick and thin and are some of the best friends I could ever ask for. I know I’ve been MIA for the last couple of months as life picks up, but it’s thanks to you guys that I am where I am today. You’re so important to me, and I hope you know that. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. You two have changed my life forever, so now you’re gonna be stuck with me till the end, okay? I hope you get all the wonder and happiness you deserve because you guys have given me the world, and I want to give it you in return. Never change, and keep those hearts of gold always shining. I love you, Oz & MG. <3

To @nebulousrose (Honnah): I know you deactivated, baby, but you’re still a star in my sky, and I hope you know that. I always look back on our messages we’ve shared over the years and I hope you know how much you mean to me. At one point in time, you were the only person who could make me smile, and you always saw the best in me. Someday I hope I can become the person you always believed I was. <3 Love you, darling. I’ll see you on Facebook and Snapchat if I ever get my ass on there and be active.

To @perfectlyrose and @dimensionhoppingrose and @nottheopera and @skyler10fic and @tinyconfusion and @chocolatequeennk and SO MANY OTHER blogs and content creators. [This is Erin/atimelordswife, I just realized I posted this on the wrong blog]. I’ve followed a lot of you for years, and you’re all so wonderful and ridiculously talented. It’s been an absolute privilege to watch you all grow. And I KNOW there’s a bunch of people I’m forgetting because you fuckers keep changing your URLs and I can’t keep up. I’m a 22 year old college student in a long term relationship with her coffee cup, so please please bear with me. Regardless, I love you all and thank you for blessing me with your content and wonderful blogs. 

To @breeeliss: You’re too wonderful for words, and I am so happy I met you! You’re so accepting of me and so encouraging and supportive. You’re also god-spanking talented, like I can’t sometimes because I’m in awe of your skills? You’re one of the people I go to when I need to smile because you’re so fucking hilarious, and you’re so entertaining and fun to talk to. Like I’m so blessed that we’re friends? Thanks for putting up with me, Gabie <3 

To @stardusted: You’re another person I’m so happy I got to know. You keep me on my toes and always make me laugh. You are such a wonderful person and friend, and I am so appreciative of you. Also I know you’re gonna make it big someday with your raw talent and the passion you put in everything you do. You’re one of the best people I know, and I just want the best for you <3 Thanks for putting up with me too, darling! I know I can be a handful.

To @flusteredkeith: You are one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. You are always there to listen to me scream and your fics hurt me in such a good way. As a person, you always make me smile, and I love talking to you. The heart you put into your work and thoughts always shines through. You make me fall in love with things [Sheith], which is a very powerful tool. I just love your gusto for the things you love. You’re also so fucking supportive and there for me when I need it, and I just love, love talking to you. I’m so glad I know you, J <3 Thanks for everything!!!

To @miraculousstorytelling: CLAIRE, MY PASTRY, MY EASY-BAKE OVEN. You keep me on my toes, you make me laugh, your zest for life and your kindness and heart are just some of the most amazing things about you. I love your compliment wars, I love your writing because dear GOD do you have a tendency to break me, I love your passion and effort that you put into things. And your passion for people and you’re just... I love everything about you, Pastry Puff, and please never change. You’re always there for me, you’re so encouraging and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve ever done for me. You deserve the world, babe. <3 Thank you.

To @panda013: PANDABEAR. You are one of the most talented people I know, you’re so good at everything you do, like it’s not fair how good you are. You’re so hard working and your strength is a thing of beauty. I admire you in everything you do, how you approach life, and I know things can be rough at times, but I always know you’re gonna pull through and be wonderful. You’re destined for amazing things, Panda. I believe in you so much, and thank you for always being there for me <3 People like you give me a reason to smile!

To @ladyserendipitous: My muse, the story voice, O, the Mom of the Server. You are literally the voice of reason sometimes, and I hope you know how appreciative I am of you. You always make the best comments and are fucking hilarious, but you are also the realist I need to be because I have a tendency to be jump off walls a lot. You’re an anchor to a lot of people, and I really admire you. Plus you’re like super good at writing, and I love your work, and more people need to read them. Thank you for always being there, for having the best ideas, and just being awesome in general. I aspire to reach your level someday!

To @megatraven: You are the epitome of sunshine on a rainy day, the gold at the end of the rainbow, the world does not deserve you. You are literally the kindest person I have ever met, the most supportive and encouraging, and even though you can be a walking shitpost of your icons sometimes, all it does is make me throw my head back in laughter. You deserve the whole world, you deserve all the happiness. From treadmills to bees, from Melon Rodeo to Meggi, you are a shooting star. I love you, I adore you, thank you for everything <3 ALSO YOUR FUCKING WRITING KILL SME THANK YOU.

To @sadrien: What can I say about this incredibly talented person? Your stories give me life, your IRL stories give me life, you’re incredibly awesome in general. You’re so wonderful and kind, and I am so happy I met you. I wish you only the best because you deserve all of it, and just thank you so much for the laughter? The kindness because I don’t think you have a mean bone in your body? I just want you to know how much I love and appreciate you, Tea, and keep being wonderful because the world needs more people like you! <3 Thanks for putting up with my dramatic ass.

To @zoenightstars: I know you don’t use Tumblr, but for when you ever come online and hopefully see this, just know that I love and appreciate you. Your passion for the things you do, your talent that knows no bounds, your smarts and snarkiness are things I struggle to keep up with. I know college applications are draining, but I firmly believe that you’re gonna go on to do great things. You’ve got the passion and the drive and will to go far, and I can’t wait to see where life takes you. Thanks for always being there to make me smile!

To @ninoirs: you are a bubbly, accident-prone smol that we all must protect. Literally, I don’t know how you’ve made it almost eighteen years. But like they say, the best things come in small packages, and Rey, you’re a blessing, honestly. Ridiculously talented, so bright and brilliant, and just so amazing at everything you do. You’re so supportive, so much fun, and thank you for putting up with me. You’re honestly so wonderful, Rey Rey. (And your boyfriend is cool too). 

To @amillionsmiles: I literally just started to get to know you, but you’re still incredibly talented. Also it’s kind of scary how good you are. I have always been a fan, and you fucking slay me with everything you do. You’re gonna do great things, I firmly believe that. Thanks for always breaking my heart and putting it back together <3

To @adribug: You’re too smart for words, too brilliant to measure, and your graphics fucking kill me, so thanks for that. You’re just a bubbly person, and your personality shines in everything you do. I love talking to you, you’re so much fun. Thank you for being awesome, thanks for dealing with me, and thanks for just being yourself. You’re amazing, and I know you’re gonna do awesome things <3

To @larvesta: the lady who can sometimes be my twin and who is so fucking talented that her art has legit made me cry. You are one of those people I couldn’t have been happier to meet, and you are so fucking amazing. Your talent knows no bounds, your kindness has no measure, and you are just so... ASKSDGHLGD That’s all I can say, Liv. Thank you for putting up with me, for your endless support, and for being so incredible. I love you ;3

To @miracujess: you’re a walking meme and shitpost. Like I can’t with you, Jess??? You’re fucking hilarious, so incredible, so entertaining and fun. Like I can depend on you to put a smile on my face when I need it, and to be so genuinely awesome that you make me cry. Thank you so much for everything. The world deserves more people like you who are the embodiment of sunshine. 

To everyone else at @mlfanfiction: you guys have become my second family, literally. You’re all so supportive and wonderful and fucking awesome. Thank you for putting up with me, for being there for me, for the support and encouragement. For being so talented and giving me people to look up too. To Erica, Teal, Rae, KC, Kiwi, Sarah, Maha (I can’t fucking remember your TUMBLR URLS SO IM GONNA GET YOU ALL IN VERSION 2.0; I’m sorry it’s literally 10:30 PM at night. I can’t be on top of everything now, especially when I’m on break from school). You guys are so fucking talented and I weep tears when I talk to you or read your stuff. Thanks for the laughs, for the snarks, for the kindness, for making the good days the absolute best. <3 

To everyone at @queermiraculous: thanks for giving me a place I can be myself. Thank you to all the people I’ve met, all the friends I’ve made, I’m too tired to list you cause there’s a fuck ton. You’re all so supportive and encouraging and fun, and I just wish you the best.

To everyone at the MLArtist server that @larvesta runs: You guys are so talented, so supportive and so encouraging. Thank you for giving me a place to learn and grow as an artist, and just for being some of the best people I’ve ever met.

To everyone I didn’t mention, thank you! If I’ve talked to you even once, you belong on this. But I’m a 22 year old college student married to her coffee cup, it’s 10:30 PM, and I’ve gone 26 hours without sleep. Please bear with me. Just thank you for everything, your support and encouragement, acceptance, talent, your passion, your strength, just everything. You all mean the world to me, and I can’t thank you enough.

Just thank you all my followers as well. <3 I don’t know how you got here, but you deserve so much. Thanks for putting up with me. <3

[flowerboymoongirl]

What are the Odds? 2.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom Holland accidentally adds you to his friends list, and when you hit him up about about it you think that’s gonna be the end of that. Simple. But Tom does the complete opposite. Let the social media flirting begin.

Warnings: some cursing, bad flirting, annoying brothers.

Word count: 2898

A/N: Thought this chapter was long but once I finished it I felt like it wasn’t, so be prepared for longer chapters, which I hope ya’ll are ok with lol. I have a lot of details in my mind for their specific dynamic together along with relationships of the other characters so im glad ill be able to put most of those details into the upcoming chapters. enjoy.

//////

So about the whole, ‘I’m gonna tell him’ thing you told the roomies.

That... is easier said than done. Watching a celebrity’s private social media page is wrong, but also really interesting. Like those “CELEBRITIES! THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!” articles in those trashy magazines that you use to skim through at the grocery store while your mom did her shopping. Most days, Tom posted what you would deem ‘normal people activities.’ Him walking his dog in the morning. Him having a beer with who you assumed were his roommates. Him leaving his clean laundry on a chair in his room for a few days and then posting about his guilt for doing it. We’ve all been there. But then, he would also post things that you were sure was on the invasion of privacy range you were crossing. He had posted going out to restaurants or clubs that were super exclusive a few times, him drinking with his friends which lead to drunk Instagram stories, (once again, we’ve all been there) or he’d post gym selfies or his outfit of the day, which like, how were you suppose to deny yourself that?

But overall, he seemed like he tried to live as normal a life as possible, and was pretty down to earth for the most part. Which made you feel bad for being so nosey in his life. He obviously wanted privacy, and here you were watching all of his private stories meant for his friends and family. You could practically hear Zoë telling you how you should’ve figured out how to unlink yourself from that list two weeks ago when she told you to. It was exhausting sometimes how often Zoë was right.

Which lead you to finally telling yourself that the next time he posted something you would message him about the mixup and then carry on with your life like you weren’t bummed to not be able to watch Spider-Man’s day to day activities. You needed to get a better hobby.

“Earth to y/n, are you in there??“ Kevin said as he waved his hand infront of your face.

“Isn’t it time for you to go to work? I thought maybe you fell asleep at the dining table for again, until I noticed your eyes were open.” You glanced at the clock. 3:30am. Waking up for the 4am opening shift for work was the worst.

“Uh, yeah. I was totally spacing, guess I’m still just tired.” You said while you grabbed your jacket and keys.

“Don’t fall asleep on the way to work please?” He said while we followed you to the door to lock it.

“I won’t, don’t worry Kev.”

“Alright, later boooo”

You gave Kevin a smile and a wave and walked down the hall to the elevator to get to your car. You were lucky you didn’t live far from the bakery and your coworkers didn’t ever mind if you were late, they all understood that while whole morning shift was the shift to have, it could be hard getting up in the morning. Your drive to work was quick since there was no traffic that early in the morning and when you parked you saw your coworkers getting out of their cars as well. Perfect timing. You said your hellos to the group as you all walked inside and walked to your stations to start the day. You all shared the big back room of the bakery but all had your own little corners with your things. Your corner you had just started to decorate and you had really started to feel like it was your own cute little corner. You had a dozen random colored aprons from your friends/family that you worked in hung up nicely on the walls, a few pictures of you and the roommates on your summer trip to Rosario last summer, love notes left from Theo and Zoë when they came in and you couldn’t go out to make them their coffees because the back was crazy. It still could use a couple more pictures to fill the space but at the moment it was cute enough for you. You smiled while you put your keys and your purse into your locker underneath it and pulled out your phone to put into your apron when you decided a quick look through your social media’s before starting the shift would be needed. 

Theo had already sent you posts to look at on insta and it seemed like Kevin had mentioned you on twitter before he went to bed when you left. You opened your Instagram after you tied your apron on and low and behold, Tom was on the top of the page. he had the newest Instagram story of everyone you followed.

Guess we’re doing this early, you though in your head. You sighed while you clicked the profile and thought about how you were gonna message him and not seem weird. Hopefully it wasnt a gym selfie or a shirtless picture because that would be too awkward to follow with a message. Hey, I noticed you aren’t wearing a shirt and that I do not know you. Hope you’re doing well.

But it wasn’t a shirtless selfie. He had posted a picture of a very sad looking round of dough in a bowl. “Attempt #3 to this whole baking thing, my pizza dough doesn’t seem to be rising 🤨” he had written underneath it. You clicked to the next slide. Same sad looking round of dough.

“Been two hours, and not any growth. Someone help me 😐” was written in red. Homie was basically begging for your help. This was also a way to sneak in the “hey I dunno you but you added me, no problem to I’ll just let myself out haha🙂” that you were looking for. Realistically, this was your opening for you to casually let the guy know the mistake and roll out looking like a normal human being and help him make pizza. Foolproof. You hit the message button and began to type.

Hey. I think you added me to your close friends list on accident? While I do know how to to make a mean pizza, not sure we know eachother irl haha. As for your dough, if you added yeast to your dough and it’s still not rising, your yeast might be dead 😕 could be expired yeast, or the water you used for the recipe was too hot and killed the yeast. just switch out to warm water instead if that’s the case. Hope It helps!

After reading it a couple times and deciding it didn’t sound too cringe, you sent it.

“There. I did it. Back to our regularly scheduled program.” You told yourself and started your morning setup for the day. As you started to get into the groove of the day time seemed to have a mind of its own and before you knew it, it was time for your lunch break. You were ready for a break after running from the front and back of the house continuously to help with customer service and coffees when needed, and then running back to finish off baking your breakfast items for the day. You had left a water bottle and some leftovers from dinner the day before in the communal lunchrooms fridge and had made your way to the back to get it. Fishing out your phone from your pocket, the screen illuminated and you noticed some notifications pop up. The roommate group text had left a whopping 12 text messages, the apartment had awakened you joked to yourself. Some snapchats from friends and from an ex-boyfriend you weren’t sure you even wanted to open, notifs that your tweet was retweeted a couple times, 2 message notifications from TomHoll-

“OH SHIT!” You yelled as you dropped your food container and almost your phone on the ground. He wrote back. HE WROTE BACK HE WROTE BACK HE WROTE BACK. TWICE?! WHY TWICE?! You wanted to hide, but why it’s not like he could see you through the screen. Why did you out yourself again?! What was the reason you snitched in yourself?! From the notifications details it had looked like he had written you once two hours ago and then another time 46 minutes ago. You wanted to open it but you also wanted to log off of Instagram forever and pretend you weren’t who you were. You screenshotted your notifications just as evidence for yourself that this was really happening and then decided to quit being such a wimp and open the damn messages. There was a green dot on the bottom of his profile picture before you opened his messages. He’s online right now. Great. Totally awesome. He probably sees I’m online too. I’m fucked, you thought in your head. You opened the message convo.

Hey, totally sorry about that, my brother must have added you when he started the group for me, hope my random stories didn’t bother you too much 😅 and thanks for the tips, think it could have been that the water I added was much too hot, maybe fourth times the charm haha. x

and the last message

started over (again) on my dough and added warm (not hot) water instead like you said and I think she’s alive! She seems a bit dry in the bowl but she is growing, so thanks again. I just may have a veggie supreme pizza in my future 😊 x

You were shook. Okay he was a normal person, you knew that. But to write you twice and thank you? And to be so casual about it even though he totally didn’t know you. He was super nice about it and then thanked you like you weren’t snooping on his life for the last 3 weeks. He was much too nice, and he wrote back twice to update you, it seemed rude to not write back now. You double tapped the last message and decided to just keep it to the pizza at hand and keep it short and sweet. Play it COOOL BITCH!

No worries, thought I’d let ya know. You can punch down the dough and spray it with a mist of water, should bring her back to life. Longer you let it proof the more flavor it’ll have, so don’t worry about deflating it. Do put a wet rag over the bowl to help keep your dough moist though, it’ll help it grow if the towel if warm too btw. I wish you luck in getting that (pizza) bread 🍕🍞

“Get that pizza bread? Ugh, why am I like this?” You said as you contemplated telling your roommates. Last time you told them about it they totally did a 180 on what you thought they would say, so maybe this time you should just keep this weird bread conversation with a well known actor to yourself. This was probably the end of it anyways, he’d finish his pizza and go back to not knowing who you were. Though you did worry about if he had sneaked a look at your page when he got your message and seen all of your posts, that you were highly critical of at the moment. A lot of questionable posts now that you though about it. If you were him, you would have clicked on the page almost immediately to get a look at the person snooping on your life.

When he first got the message he was confused as to who it would be, he didn’t recognize the photo or the username. And then he read the message and realized he didn’t recognize it because he did not know this girl.

“Harry you absolute div.” he muttered to himself while he jumped onto her page. Harry had told him he’d make him a close friends list like he had for his page since Tom wasn’t that great at Instagram, and in the process he seemed to have added this girl on accident. He had hoped she wasn’t someone shady and he thought back to some of the things he had recently posted and cringed. There was no new gossip or media info as of late leaking about him in the tabloids so it seemed like this girl didn’t run to press with all of his private stories. He had been drunk one too many times on that close friends group that she could have easily screen recorded and sent out to daily mail or whatever shit tabloid would pay for it.

He scrolled down to look at her pictures.

Cute girl.

American girl, a California girl to be exact. Not LA but San Diego. LA girls were a different breed and a no-no in his experience but this girl wasn’t a LA girl. Her pictures were too casual for that. Picture of her and her friends at a bar, picture of her and her dog walking on the beach, picture of her at what looked to be her job;a bakery. A mirror picture in some badly lighted bar restroom with a friend, both with smiles on their faces and a drink in their hands. She was wearing a a yellow floral wrap summer dress with a pair of wayfarer styled reading glasses. Even in the dingy mirror and the bad bar bathroom lighting she was attractive and seemed laid back. He had already written back to her to say sorry but now here he was on her page looking at her pictures, hoping he didn’t accidentally double tap anything. He had remade his pizza dough the way she suggested and now it was growing, surely it wouldn’t be bad if he wrote to her once more to let her know it worked? He sent another message and tried to work on some emails his publicist had begged him to look into while he messaged Harry on Instagram.

You added a random girl on my close friends list ya div. poor girls probably seen me drunk atleast a handful of times. 😑

Harry immediately typed back.

...but is she cute bruv? send me the username if so, your chance is ruined but I could make a move 👀

He ran a hand through his hair and thought of all the ways to insult his younger brother when the alert of another message came in. She had written back with a corny ‘get that bread joke’ with the emoji and all. He smiled and double tapped her reply. She had a cute personality. He went back to his drying out dough and reworked it as said and followed her instructions once again. He was feeling bold, so he decided to write her again.

Honestly, what would I have done without you today? You saved me with your baking skills and for that I am eternally grateful. Will possibly send you a picture of the final pizza pie once Its finished. 👨🏻‍🍳 x

It immediately had the words ‘seen’ written underneath his message and his eyes widened. She double tapped the message and was writing back, so he quickly jumped out of the message. He didn’t want her to know he was sitting there waiting for a response to his bad lowkey flirting, that would just be embarrassing. Maybe it wasn’t so bad though, that his dumb little brother had accidentally added her, he had thought to himself as her message appeared.

Sounds good Gordon. Or Mr.Ramsey, my apologies.

He smiled when he read the message and you yourself had a smile on your face after sending it. Very cheeky, you thought. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself about the situation you had just put yourself in. You just had a message conversation with Tom and you actually kept your chill and didn’t make that much of a fool of yourself. He probably couldn’t even tell you were having a mental breakdown from him writing to you. As you got back into the groove of work it seemed as though the rest of your work shift went by just as quick as the beginning of the day from how busy the bakery had been, and now you had just cleaned up and hopped back into your car to go home. Theo had texted you asking what you wanted for dinner and you had just texted him back when you got an another message alert from your phone. It was a picture. It was his finished produced, all baked and pretty, veggie supreme like he had said. It looked as though he has even brushed the crust with olive oil, bonus points for that. 

“The finished product, tastes as good as she looks 🍕🤤” he had sent to you. Just you. Tastes....as good as she looks.....LOL.

“You could say that again Spidey.” You said while you put your seatbelt on and turned on your car. You liked the picture and saw he had yet another story on his page. You clicked it. It was a boomerang of him pulling a slice from the whole pie to bring to his mouth, a picture worthy melty cheese stretch and all combined with him looking just as good as the pizza. “Call me Gordon👨🏻‍🍳🍕” it was captioned. It was posted on his close friends list this time and you couldn’t help but notice, you were still on that list.

[mingyiu]

guess who went to diamond edge in toronto and had the time of her life

OK GOTTA TYPE THIS UP BEFORE I FORGET EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED

istg everyone I encountered went/is going to more than one north american diamond edge concert and i’m just like :/ /salty

this girl behind me was showing off how she went to the airport (which was a shit show)

the girl in front of me HAD HER CARAT BONG WAY UP AND FILMED ALMOST THE ENTIRE CONCERT LIKE OH MY GOD

i literally had a terrible view of the front+center of the stage and any view of the stage i had was broken up by her ARM AND CARAT BONG

i sat on the far right side so because of this girl in front of me i missed a lot of the stuff that was going on on the left side + the front center of the stage... aka everything

so i focused a lot on whoever was on the far right side at the time

legit i was watching a video back of their adore u performance and i was like “how did i miss that part???” (the second verse where they carry vernon off) and then i saw wonwoo on the far right of the stage and i was like lol oh

if mingyu/wonwoo were within my line of sight i stared at them for sure

wonwoo was to the far right a lot in the beginning so i was straight up just staring at him at the very beginning of the concert

mingyu who

jk i actually saw mingyu first

ok svt irl

i’ll get more about what they look like close up at the end but like from my view of the stage...

imagine svt members on their best day in a pic by your favourite fansite who has THE BEST PHOTO EDITING SKILLS

now multiply that beauty by 10

that’s what they look like from row H

legit like... for the most part they look pretty much the same as they do as we see them through the computer screen

but like way more flawless???

srsly they all look SO GOOD SO DAMN GOOD

but wonwoo

DAAAMN @ WONWOO

i was literally blown away by how amazing he looked

like his features are so sharp

like he didn’t look real

he looked like a porcelain doll

they all did

but moreso wonwoo

i just stared at wonwoo for like the first three songs like shit damn boi

all my dreams came true when i got to see pretty u + beautiful literally my favourite svt songs

minghao spoke in english a lot like i think i’ve heard about that a lot from the other concerts but to see it irl WOW

i’m so happy soonyoung is feeling better

he /OWNED/ the stages

it was his stage seventeen who

lol jk but seriously during his parts he srsly owned it

mingyu is as soft for carats as expected

maybe even more so

i’m trash and just stared at mingyu during every ment

frick he was all heart eyes at carats the entire time

vernon+mingyu slapped jeonghan’s butt at one point

i am alive

ok back to soonyoung owning the stage

performance unit stages??? were the most memorable for me!!!

their dancing is so powerful????????????????

tbh none of the vocal unit songs are really my fave but like quality vocals yasss

their performance of don’t listen in secret was really difficult to see... bc they were mostly sitting down and i’m short + sitting far back i could barely see them

seungkwan was at the center for habit and the annoying girl in front of me was covering him the entire time im so sad

HIP HOP UNIT!!!!!!! 

i like kinda forgot about that one song... that they posted on their soundcloud... wow am i great carat or what i don’t know what it’s called :(

the performance of it was fire tho i really should’ve listened to the song more before the concert :(

check in tho

check in was lit

if i was lit

hip hop unit was lit ok

getting to see mingyu sing take me to the top and straight down like a gyro drop

dream #12930138102938912389 coming true

rock is one of my favourite songs and sometimes i convince myself it’s for that reason alone

overall i really didn’t like how the setlist was put together tho???

like it didn’t BLOW ME AWAY AS A WHOLE

every performance was lit

but like i feel like the concert as a whole could’ve made more of an impact

if they had ordered the songs differently???

they performed most of the title songs pretty much in the first half of the concert

some of them would’ve done a lot better at the end!!!

the ones they performed towards the end (boom boom + don’t wanna cry) would’ve done so much better at the beginning of the concert imo???

the concert felt SO SHORT

all of a sudden they were like “this is our last song”

i almost cried

they didn’t perform fast pace + love letter and i think that’s TRAGIC

ending ment

omg

i’m not gonna lie i don’t remember what happened with anyone except mingyu

mingyu distracting me with his sleevless shirt

i stared at him the entire time

i’m not even gonna pretend i didn’t

i missed wonwoo’s ending ment and only realized like three other members’ turns later

i was like where’s wonwoo

and i realized he was second rip

mingyu was still soft with carats

boy couldn’t stand still

arms are as great as i imagined

literally i was so shameless i posted a snapchat story captioned “god bless this boy and his arms”

ok that’s it

ok so hi touch

i was freaking the fuck out (naturally... ok naturally for me i freak the fuck out over everything so this was just like 1000x the usual)

it was fast

too fast

first was chan

i practically ran up to him and was like HI

i can’t really remember the order afterwards

i almost took a step back when i saw seungcheol

like SHIT

i was blown away

like idk man i guess there was just something about him that i had never noticed before that moment i was like a foot away from him like fuck what a gorgeous human being

and like he was very... invested? in the hi touch

that’s the wrong word but it’s almost 3am ok my brain shut off ages ago

but like he was very into it and like i felt appreciated

SAME WITH VERNON

i almost said something to vernon

but fuck vernon looked at me straight in the eye

and naturally i couldn’t say anything

i might’ve said something stupid like i love you or something

but i’m pretty sure i froze before i could or i like stuttered it out who knows

vernon + seungcheol for me were the most memorable part of the hi touch

honourable mention to seokmin though

dude that boy is TALL

and also his smile would literally put the sun to shame omg

he lit up my world like nobody else (is that a 1d reference why yes it is)

i told wonwoo i love him

remember how i said wonwoo was flawless earlier

even more so up close

wonwoo has a really nice nose

i’m sorry was that comment too random

minghao was the very last

i think i tried to tell him that he did GREAT

i definitely stumbled over my words and i don’t actually know what ended up coming out of my mouth

something stupid probably

ok im rly sad about this

but i don’t remember hi touch with jihoon at all

we went through the exit of the venue was soon as the hi touch was over and i was like WAS WOOZI THERE DID I SKIP WOOZI I THINK I SKIPPED WOOZI

if he was right before/after mingyu

then i probably was just way too focused on mingyu take it in

i’m the worst i’m sorry :(

actually i’m not

i saved the fucking worst moment of my entire fucking life for last

fucking kim mingyu

literally

my least favourite person in the universe

did not fucking

look at me

while he hi fived me

he was looking at the girl in front of me

IDK WHY

but i’m so fucking pissed

ok more like i’m so fucking sad

i can’t believe

that happened to me

everyone else looked right at me for that 0.5 second interaction

but not kim mingyu

fucking kim mingyu

ruining my life

i’m like actually so sad

but i lied and i’m actually sadder about the jihoon thing

i can’t believe i can’t remember jihoon :(((

ok but they’re all... bigger? than i imagined

like not even just taller like idk on camera i feel like they all look smol but not irl???

they all have big (AND SOFT) hands but let’s be real my hands are just tiny

they’re all flawless and like lowkey paler than i imagined

was that the makeup idk

but srsly flawless

ok that’s it that’s all i remember

oh i remember another thing

carat bongs are SO PRETTY??? 

and just like in the dark omg when they’re lit up in the dark the effect is so nice

ok you all knew that

all in all i had an amazing time

i’m short and i was tiptoeing the entire time rip my legs and feet

svt’s performance is top notch

they’re all extremely bright and happy and literally showed no sign of being tired from the hectic schedule of the north american leg of their tour

thank you to everyone involved in bringing seventeen to toronto

the concert was truly a dream come true

[honestlyjustanidiot]

Just wanna dedicate a post to someone real quick.

Shoutout to the amazing gal you see before you. She deserves shouting out because she’s awesome but she would only let me do it on here because she doesn’t want anyone she knows IRL to see that frankly bit embarrassing Snapchat.

But she allowed it on tumblr and she’s on holiday now so she can’t really do anything about it so here it is.

Liv, I love you like so much, in the almost a year that we’ve been friends I can truly say that you have quickly become one of my best. It seems weird that a year ago we went to, frankly, rival schools and if someone told me last year that I would become fast friends with someone from your school I would’ve laughed in their face and told them to sod off. Alas here we are and I could not be more happy that we met. It’s unfortunate that we met through people that we now are not huge fans of but what matters is that you are in my life.

I know for your birthday I said a load of sappy shit about how I couldn’t imagine life without you and about how funny and endearing you are but that is all 100% true. You are honestly so amazing in ways you’ll probably never know or comprehend but I know them and if you ever need to be reminded of your worth in this world, for any reason, I will be there to do so, always.

We are so alike that it’s a little bit creepy, like we were both gymnasts, both have shit joints, both a have a bit of a thing for a certain member of a certain franchise and a certain member of a certain band. And typically my mind goes blank when it comes to the shit that we’ve said probably too many times about how we are so alike. I remember saying once that we must share a spirit because it was like we were the same person and from then on calling you my spirit buddy. A few weeks ago I saw someone find her soulmate (in a platonic relationship) and sometimes I think that could be us.

I like to believe that we will always be in each other’s lives in some way because I don’t want to lose our friendship, ever. I want to be able to come home during the holidays from Uni and see you while you’re home from your apprenticeship and have a catch up and a drink. I want to be able to share in your crazy stories about your colleagues or the cute ones about your current boyfriend. I want to be able to complain to you about lectures or find out the gossip about the people we don’t like. I want to be always finding time for each other. I want to be there to support you through your success and through heartbreak and while I’m not ones for weddings I want to be bridesmaid and sure as hell I’m going to cry and I want you their at mine with me to hold my hand when I get last minute jitters. I want to be Godmother (even without the title) to your children and I want you to be the cool and inappropriate aunt to mine. And I want you at my funeral to say something funny and typically you and I want you to get absolutely off your face and cradle that Smirnoff ice like it’s your first born at the wake, even when old and grey. I say I want to die first because I don’t want to think about my life without you in it anymore. That is how much of an impact you have made on it in such a short amount of time.

I hate that I have become so dependant on the people I have met this year but at the same time I hate that I had to go so long without them.

You deserve the world, girl, and I’m just here to help you get it. I love you.

@pxrkchimchimx

Also people reading this go give her a follow as well ☺