#also if u see any inconsistent coloring no u didn't

[beansterpie]

B, D, J, L, T, U

Thanks for the ask moth!! <3

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

LMFAO Agohiru from ES21 😂 I remember when I first got into es21 back in highschool, Hiruma was my fav, but I didn't think much of Agon other than 'wow what an asshole!' and didn't like him. (Also I was a big Hirumamo shipper at the time, and I'm the type who clings onto One Ship for a character and isn't too interested in anything else lol) It wasn't until I got back into it in the last couple of years that I've come to appreciate how much fun it is to bat that asshole around, and just how loaded Hiruma and Agon's ~history~ is.

Though I guess no one person specifically changed my mind, unless you count past me vs present me lol. OH actually, what changed my mind was the fic "Independent Variable" on ff.net. I think I got back into es21 and was like 'you know, hiruma/agon totally has potential' and so was looking up fics of that pairing, and then I read that fic and was lost.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Hmmmm oh, Merther (Merlin/Arthur) lol. Their set up as a ship is extremely juicy (two sides of the same coin?? fate ties them together??? conflict because their initial world views are diametrically opposed????) and there's soooo much fic for them, but. I just. I don't like Arthur 😭 Like, I mean, he's FINE. But the writing of the whole show is so inconsistent and there's entire seasons where he's just so shitty to Merlin for no damn reason in a way that I'm supposed to take as funny and silly which pisses me off more.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

I mean, most shows that have mainstream popularity that I never checked out lol, though I think one that I've seen a lot of shipping art for on my dash is Star Wars? I've seen the main movies, but I think this is from.... Clone Wars, or the Obi-wan show or something. I see a lot of Obi-wan shipped with... one of the clone guys I think lmfao.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves.

Hmmmm this isn't even a character I dislike, but whatever-- Judeau! I like him a lot tbh but I also find him shady 😂

I like how his 'friend who gives good advice and just has your best interests at heart' vibe is subverted by his personal biases and emotions, even if he'd probably deny that lol. He's flawed and it colors the advice he gives, and he even has moments that I'd argue are kind of judgy. It's what makes him interesting!

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

Yes! Main one coming to mind rn because I've been thinking about Hiruma (ES21) a lot, is that Hiruma is on the ace spectrum! I'm usually pretty take-it-or-leave-it when it comes to sexuality headcanons, like I can buy most interpretations but I generally don't feel strongly about them, but with Hiruma I really struggle to see him as anything else.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

OOHHHH. Well in Berserk, it's legit a tie between Guts and Griffith. I wouldn't like either one of them as much without the other in their orbit, and Berserk is one of those rare stories where both characters are really complex and compelling in their own way, and bring a lot of significant baggage into their dynamic lmfao. With Guts I love how sensitive he is, and the various ways in which he subverts and deconstructs the Macho Male Power Fantasy™ archetype, how at the end of the day he just wants someone to care about him and find worth in his existence. With Griffith, I love his ideals and his fragility in the face of the sacrifices those ideals demand from him, I love how much he cares and how much he gouges himself for caring, and how all of his stress and guilt and obligation still aren't any match for his love for Guts. And with both of them, I love how their upbringing informs their decisions so well to ruin everything even though they care about each other so much :')

w/ ES21, it's Hiruma lol which might be basic because he's everyone's fav, but for good reason! He's just fucking fun! I love how unhinged and demonic he is, I love the borderline slapstick loony-tunes tyle antics he gets up to, and I love his shamelessness. But I also love how accepting and realistic he is about his limitations, and how that doesn't stop him from striving for the top and going for what he wants. And like, for such an anime-level strategic genius type character, I love that such a core part of what makes him great is that he brings people together and uses teamwork and creativity to overcome everyone's various limitations. He's just-- so much fun!

And because this list is depressingly male lemme throw in a wild card-- Chase from Midnight Furies! It's a webcomic that I recently read for the first time, and Chase is the deuteragonist and a Hiruma expy lol. Which you can definitely tell, they both have the unhinged vibe and shark teeth, as well as the mysterious past and having a lot of cards up their sleeve, but I also think they're quite distinct. Obviously, Chase is a butch lesbian (which really does just add to her cool factor), but also I feel like Midnight Furies is a more grounded story compared to ES21, despite there being supernatural elements lol, and so Chase feels more grounded and realistic as a character. She's a bit more raw in her relationships to other people, and she shows vulnerability more, but she's also much more of a direct physical threat than Hiruma is. Because of that, she has moments where calculation gets thrown out the window in favor of a good ol' beat down, which of COURSE I love to see. And I think she has the capacity to be more ruthless. ANYWAY, awesome character, A+++ (please read Midnight Furies)

[alphabet ask meme]

[malboraslihan]

𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐑 𝐈 𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘

by clicking the source link you will be directed to 160 303 gifs of the actor CHRISTOPHER BRINEY as CONRAD FISHER in episodes 1-5 of THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY. christopher is, from what i could find on google, white , but if anyone has further information that goes against that, please let me know. the gifs are all sized 268x151 and made from scratch by me. DO NOT redistribute, resize, repost or include any of the following gifs in another gif hunt. also please don’t use my gifs in any tab*o things, in smut threads, if you are blocked (either on this blog or yaziciyasemin) or if you use turkish fcs with non turkish names. please LIKE / REBLOG if you find these helpful!

[wistfulkitten]

i dream you'd love me again (2) || jk

sadness, guilt, regret. all things jeongguk felt after reading her letter.

genre: angst and fluff? childhood friends, cheating, sisters boyfriend au

pairing: jeongguk x reader

word count: 2.3k

posted: 200518

warnings: longing, infidelity, profanity (kinda), mentions of sex, probably inconsistent punctuation 

a/n: theres probably gonna be minor grammar issues because grammarly is shit and im tired. n e way i tried making this longer, it took me like four hours believe it or not. funni how i can make time for writing but not for my hw. silly me. i tried explained why he did what he did and im sorry if it was crappy. thank u to yall who read the first one. if you guys have any requests or ideas feel free to send me something in my inbox or message me. tyty:))

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sadness. sadness is what jeongguk felt at the end of ___’s letter. sad that he hurt her enough to the point that she thought of herself as anything but perfect. sad that she doubted his feelings for her. sad that despite everything he put her through, she still loved him and still wished him the best. he always knew she had a big heart. it's one of the many reasons he was drawn to her in the beginning, but it was also one of her biggest weaknesses. her heart was too big for her own good and it scared him. ___ was always too quick to forgive and forget and most of the time it came back to bite her in the ass.

 he saw it time after time when her dad had left. he had had an affair and left his wife and two kids for a younger woman and yet she never got mad or ever blamed her father in contrary to yoona. while yoona never gave her father the time of day after the separation, ___ always made sure to set time aside for him even when he never put in enough effort to interacting with his daughters. he was a pretty crappy father, content with his new life. and though it made her sad that her family was no longer whole and her mother was practically always crying herself to sleep, it made her happy that her dad was happy. she was just about twelve then and still, she never gave into childish grudges. thirteen year old jeongguk found her slightly stupid for this trait but as they grew up, he found it quite endearing. 

guilt. after the sadness had settled in, a great wave of guilt washed over his being. while he was here, newly married with a whole life ahead of him, you were somewhere out there living the life you always wanted sad and lonely. too heartbroken to even enjoy it properly. he didn't deserve it, the comfort and security his new marriage gave him, he didn't deserve it. 

 jeongguk was merely seventeen when he fell in love with a sixteen year old ___ all the while he dated yoona, her older sister. he’d known them practically his whole life and it was such a small town that it was simply impossible for you not to know anyone and everyone. everyone went to the same schools and hardly anyone moved out of the godforsaken town. he and yoona started dating in the sixth grade. much too young to be dating but their families were long time friends and saw it appropriate for the two to start early. so that one day the two families would unite. jeongguk hadn’t minded at first. he was eleven at the time but yoona had always been a good friend. they played together all the time so nothing really changed except for the frequent hugs and occasional kiss on the cheek.

 as they grew older they graduated into more mature ways of affection but it never bothered him too much. though he was friends with yoona, he was always closer to ___. sure at first, he had trouble expressing but afterward never once did they ever feel reserved towards one another, only ever honest with every bit of their being.  while yoona was more reserved and occasionally bratty, ___ was outspoken and adventurous. always willing to try something new even if it wasn't exactly encouraged. she never shied away from speaking her mind and that was something jeongguk always aspired to be. she was everything he wasn’t.  she expressed herself in every possible way. hair color was constantly changing since the start of high school. she pulled off any type of style you could think of. you could pick her out of any crowd in an instant. she painted, wrote poems and songs, sang, played various instruments, even took up photography. she turned any type of art form into a way for people to understand her, every single part of her. she was good at so many things and jeongukk, jeongukk was good at one thing. basketball. yet she never made him feel bad about it, instead she went to every game. cheering him on. she was mesmerizing in every single way. 

 while they had their good moments, yoona had a knack of patronizing him for every fault and imperfection. when they started high school she had tried so hard to be looked at as the perfect couple. she made it a point to show that they ‘never fought’ and were always ‘happy’. he never spent too much time with his friends because ‘every boyfriend had to put his girlfriend first’. this is the exact reason jimin never liked her and why jin always referred to her as a pain in the ass. it was safe to say his friends weren't exactly fond of her either. she was so different from ___ which was good or bad, depending on who you were asking. 

yoona was pretty, though jeongguk would say ___ was prettier. soft features, soft personality, light colors were a constant, skirt never too short, hair never too long. she was a straight line kind of girl like the majority of girls in town. grades never faltering. she always believed in the whole study hard, get a good job, have kids plan everyone stuck to and it was always so suffocating. 

he wanted more out of life, he wanted to explore places, explore himself. he wanted to get to know himself in more ways than one because he had yet to know all of it. all of him. but by the time he was sixteen, jeongguk already had a career to work towards and a girl everyone was so sure would be his wife. it was like his life was a book and everyone but him was the author. he had no control and he started to dread the future. he was running and he knew what would be at the finish line, so he slowed down. while yoona was running full speed, he was jogging at most. he started faking a persona in front of his family and yoona because they simply didn’t get it and they never would. 

when he couldn’t exactly talk to his own girlfriend about his feelings and problems ___ was always there to listen. she was good at that. listening. she never judged, instead always reassuring him that when the time came he’ll know what to do. she had an easygoing way of living and he longed to live like that too. though her mother didn't agree and favored yoona more, she simply took it as it was and cherished what she had for the time being. her love for her mother and sister never faltered even if their love never measured up. ___ had a way of looking at the world that could get her far, far away from here and jeongguk envied that. she said all his feelings were valid and no one should be mad at him for simply feeling. once he had slowed down enough for the once blurry images to become clear, he’d realized that running with yoona was far too tiring and that walking with ___ was far more fulfilling.

 jeongguk was merely seventeen when he fell in love with a sixteen year old ___ and it was the most exhilarating feeling ever. it had started out as just a friend being there for a friend, but one day it turned into something more. they had been out on one for their many infamous nightly drives when they had stopped at a cliff, a pretty view of their small town in sight. pretty lights below and above. the stars were out that night just like them, watching the rest of the world sleep. she’d looked into his eyes, simultaneously looking into his soul. with anyone else, he would’ve felt naked and exposed but with her, he wanted her to see everything and to understand everything. he realized he only ever wanted one person to do that and he wanted to express it in the best way possible. he kissed her. really kissed her and she didn't shy away. he knew it was wrong, they both did, but it felt so good. so good that it felt right. right there, in the back of jeongguk’s first car, clothes disappeared one by one and they wrote love poems into the bareness of their skin. so passionate, so raw that it was impossible to stop afterward. they did it again and again behind closed doors, behind the curtain they drew in the depths of night. it was nothing they ever felt before. when they weren’t tangled within each other they explored as much as the city would let them. talking about anything and everything. no boundaries. 

___ planned on leaving once she graduated, didn’t know where to but the farther the better. she hated it here and so did he. it made jeongguk sick to even think about a life without her in it. he was selfish, he knows. he had them both and it was very clear which of them he loved more yet it saddened him that the one he favored more would ever leave him here. alone. that was until she asked him to come with. she asked him to run away with her. he swears if he wasn't deeply in love with her then, he was now. of course he said yes. running away and seeing the world with his favorite girl was a dream. a dream he truly wanted to become reality. 

they planned it out. jeongguk and yoona graduated and while ___ finished her final year in high school and yoona stared college, jeongguk took a gap year waiting for ___. waiting for their dream while working jobs here and there, financially preparing. he also took a business internship so that his family would get off his back for working instead of college. it was full proof, even the boys knew. though they thought it was risky, they supported them both. they had grown fond of ___.  they’d both work jobs to add onto their savings and the day after ___ graduated they’d leave and never come back. that was the plan, the dream. and yet they never made it.  

regret. he regretted it so much. the faithful day came but jeongguk didn’t. she waited and waited but he couldn’t do it. he watched from afar, luggage in hand. watch her wait. watched her cry when she realized. he cried with her. he was just so damn scared. a coward is what he was. he was scared of the unknown, something he craved so much and yet he was scared of it. and that's exactly how he felt for ___ at that moment. he craved her so much, loved her so much, and yet he was scared of her. scared that her spontaneous ways would one day be the end of them. he thought of yoona, at least with yoona he knew what he was getting. knew exactly where they’d end up. he wanted certainty and that's why he watched her leave. but to his surprise, she didn't leave, not yet. she stayed and waited, waited long enough for everyone else to find out. she was then branded as a little slut that wanted a taste of the forbidden fruit, the one he didn't choose. it was far from the truth but its what everyone believed. and so she left far far away and he didn't chase after her. god did he regret it. every day since that day he’s felt nothing but regret. he was back to putting the mask on trying to appease everyone. surprisingly no one reprimanded him and for that he felt anger, anger he’d only felt towards himself.

___ was the love of his life so it hurt. it hurt to see that she didn’t think of herself like he did. he wasn't aware she felt that way. like she was in yoona’s shadow. to him, it had never been like that because she’d been the one he sought to look at first in every room. it hurt to see she thought so low of herself but you could say he wasn't any better. he was newly married and yet he was miserable. it had only been a few months since he and yoona got married and people were already asking when they were having a baby. straight out of college and things were moving so fast. he was nauseated and lived life in such a lethargic manner. he needed her. 

she said she still loved him. maybe it wasn’t too late. maybe he could turn things around and fulfill the dream they never reached. so he picks up the phone and dialed the number he used to call every night. it was so familiar that he didn’t need to think twice about it.

it rang once, twice, and finally, on the third ring, she answered.

“gukk?”

he cried at the sound of her voice. he missed her so much. after a while, he could hear soft sniffling from the other line.

“can i come home?” he asked, voice so hoarse it hurt.

“you are home… aren’t you?” voice strained, sounding confused.

“no no, you’re my home ___. i need to come home. “

with that jeongguk couldn’t help but cry harder.

“shhh shhh gukk, it's ok. everything will be ok.” she cooed familiar words he hadn’t heard in a while. “ok, come home. come to me baby.”

he booked the first flight he could as soon as she said where she was and packed up as much as he could. he was gonna stop living this lie and start living for himself. something he should have done four years ago. and in a few hours, that’s exactly what he was gonna do. live the life he dreamed of with her, no holding back. he needed to stop being afraid. he was on his way, without a care in the world. jeongguk loved ___ and ___ loved him. that's all that mattered.

he’d send the divorce papers over tomorrow.