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pascalpvnk · 5 years ago

Note

idk if your taking blurb requests but if so pls could u do 5&8

2.1k of something I kinda threw together super quick, I’m sorry if anything seems rushed (masterlist linked in bio)

Warnings: angst, swearing, arguing, car accident, commitment issues(?), loopy reader, teeny tiny bit of fluff

5: “Wake up! Please wake up.”

8: “is that blood?” “....no?”

“Why are you making it into such a big deal, Shawn? I’m sorry that I can’t go, but I have no choice.” You try to keep your voice as calm as you can manage. There’s no use in raising it when your tone is clearly annoyed and you’re sitting in the same vehicle. At least that’s your logic, not so much Shawn’s.

“It’s a big fucking deal because it’s my best friend’s wedding!” He yells. Again, you’re both in the same vehicle, making it incredibly unnecessary.

The wedding of the century, that Shawn forgot to mention when it was announced. Yes, you saw the engagement photos all over social media but there was never a date. Brian has hand delivered the letter to Shawn while they were away on tour, so you had no knowledge of its existence. So when you’re told about it less than a month before the date, yeah you’re kinda fucking pissed.

“I can’t go, I’m sorry. We talked about this already, why are you bringing it up again?”

“I went to your best friend’s wedding and I had to reschedule a bunch of shit to accommodate it into my schedule,” he defends.

“I gave you almost a year in advance to do that and that’s why it worked out. But Brian’s wedding? The one that I just learned about a few days ago, Shawn? I can’t request time off of work! I have absolutely zero vacation hours left, and I can’t just drop my job to go on vacation for a week for a wedding. That’s not how the real world works.”

You’ll admit, your sound raised a notch, but nothing compared to Shawn’s still. He tends to get louder when he knows he’s losing an argument.

“Why can’t you just quit? You don’t have to work, uh hello,” he motions to himself, “problem solved. Put in your two weeks notice and we can go then.” Shawn leaves one of his hands off his steering wheel so he can bite his nails on the other. He knows he’s entered dangerous territory and that nervous habit is a dead giveaway. You two fight about this often and it’s always left unresolved, but you still have your job and it drives him nuts.

“I’m not going to quit my job and leech off of you for the rest of our relationship. That’s not how I wanna do things.”

“You’re not going to be ‘leeching off me’ or whatever nonsense you’re making up,” both of his hands raising to do air quotes around those words in particular. “We’ve talked about you moving in so you can drop the lease on your apartment and hey, newsflash: I want you to move in with me.”

You catch his eyes lurking on you before you turn away. Your heart skips a beat not just because his stare is intense but he’s driving and not paying attention to the road.

“Keep your eyes on the road before you fucking kill us.”

Fighting with Shawn is reasonably your least favorite thing to do. That with his risky driving, on a busy stretch of road may you add, has anxiety rolling off you in waves, causing you to cover your eyes with your hands. You aren’t crying, but you just don’t want to look at him while he’s fuming or see things out the window whipping by the car.

“I’m driving fine, I know how to drive. Don’t tell me what to do,” he snaps. If you hadn’t noticed it before, you definitely notice it now. He’s being a complete asshole for no good reason.

“Don’t tell me that I need to quit my job. It keeps me busy when you’re on tour for months at a time. You’re working and so am I and there’s nothing wrong with that,” you state and take your hands away from your face. There’s still no desire to look out the window so you close your eyes and turn your head towards it. Now you can play with your fingers and still hide your eyes.

“You wouldn’t need to keep busy if you just went on tour with me. There’s a thought.” His aggression is very prominent, but not just in his voice. It’s making the air thick and hot, which in other cases could be the best describing words for something, but this isn’t one of those cases. This case is completely the opposite.

“No, Shawn, I can’t go on tour with you! I can’t move in with you! It’s too fucking early to do those things. Yes, I completely adore you and I can’t see myself without you but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared! Shit could happen and I’m not comfortable with those commitments yet, and you should respect that!” You open your eyes and stare out in front of you. Not yelling? A lost cause. It’s now the only way you feel like he’s going to listen to you and understand your decisions.

“What?” He breathes out, looking at you. You let your eyes catch his for just a second. There’s guilt and sorrow in them, very much in contrast to the flames that were present a few moments prior, and you let yourself get lost in them for a split second

The sound of honking breaks you out of your trance. A flash of red is in front of you before you realize you’re in the middle of the intersection. A sound rips out of your throat, you’re fully meaning to yell Shawn’s name, but aren’t sure if it came out that way. A car is hurtling toward your side of the vehicle and everything feels like it’s in slow motion. Shattered glass flies around Shawn’s car as the seat belt locks against you and your head bangs against your window, causing everything to go completely dark.

—

Shawn wakes up in the ambulance, completely immobile and utterly in pain. His pulse pounding in his ears and every light feels like they’re blinding him. He registers that he has an oxygen mask on and that he’s strapped down from head to toe. There’s an EMT above him squeezing the bag that’s attached to his mask on certain counts.

“He’s conscious,” they mutter. There’s some shuffling around before there’s a light shining directly into his eyes. “Can you hear me?”

He lets out a groan in response. When he comes to a bit more, he remembers you. You were in the car that he crashed and you’re not here with him right now. Shawn’s eyes open wide and the pounding noise becomes louder. God, what if she’s gone.

“She’s okay,” says the person who had previously been shining a light in his eye. “The girl in your car, whoever she is to you, is in the other ambulance and she’s stable. Just keep breathing steady. We’re almost there.”

Many hours go by and Shawn hears not much else and you and it’s driving him up the wall. He’s finished filling out his paperwork and is discharged with a previously dislocated, now adorned in a sling, shoulder, plenty of bruises, cuts to the face and a prescription to pick up. He’s lucky that he came out with so few injuries but he’s insanely worried about you.

A doctor in scrubs walks into the waiting room where Shawn is nervously sitting, silently begging to hear anything. The man in all blue announces your name and before he could finish it, Shawn is on his feet.

“I’m Shawn. That’s my girlfriend,” he stutters. “Is she okay? Where is she?” His words are frantic and jumbled.

“She made it through surgery. Multiple bone fractures in her arm caused by impact from the airbag. Minor concussion and some bruising, but otherwise she’s on the road to recovery. You’ll be able to see her after she wakes up when she gets transported to her room to stay in overnight. You’re welcome to wait there until then, and her parents will probably be arriving around midnight.”

Shawn blinks his eyes, trying to retain every bit of information that he has just received. But one thing pops out, that is that you’re okay. He still feels incredibly guilty but he couldn’t be happier that you’re alive.

So he waits in what’s soon to be your room. The fact that you haven’t woken up yet is making him fearful. ‘Wake up! Please wake up,’ he thinks, hopes, prays and practically begs into the empty room. He doesn’t know what he’d do if he left here without you. Hell, he doesn’t really remember the person he was before he met you. You changed everything in his life for the better. For the best, really. He sleeps easier when you’re around. His friends have told him that he’s happier or even glowing when you’re around. Every part of him wants to be with you, and you’re his first priority and he wants to show you that. He definitely failed to do so today.

His mind wanders to the fight, regretting every second of it. You two could’ve died and the last memory you would’ve had of each other would’ve been you guys fighting. Yes, he’s still upset that you can’t go to Brian’s wedding, but he knows that he waited too long to announce it to you even if he never said it out loud. But the one thing he never was aware of was that you’re afraid of committing, but understandably so. Shawn is constantly gone, and it is a bit early in your relationship. He hates himself for getting so mad at something you can’t control and being an asshole about everything else. If something really bad had happened and his last memory of you two was him starting an argument with you, he would never be able to live with himself.

His thoughts are cut short when a doctor comes in, the same one from beforehand. Shawn scrubs his hand over his face to find dampness on his cheeks. It never occurred to him that he was crying.

“So Shawn, she’s awake. Still a little out of it, but she should recognize you. We’re going to keep her here overnight to make sure everything is running smoothly before she goes home,” he smiles. Shawn lets out a sigh of relief and mutters a weak thank you. He can’t wait to see you in person again and he’s so thankful that you’re okay.

You’re wheeled into the room, eyes half closed but a dopey smile taking over your lips. One of your arms is in what looks like a cast and your face is all scratched up. Shawn’s heart stammers against his chest at the sight of you. Waves of relief crash into him, but he also feels incredibly guilty about what he’s caused. He hurt you in a way that he never deemed possible.

“See, I told you,” you slur at the nurse, “he’s hot.”

Shawn chuckles and tears fill in his eyes. He isn’t too sure why he’s getting emotional again other than he feels so lucky to see you again.

“Yeah, uh huh. You need to get some sleep, honey,” the nurse tells you. “Let me know if either of you need anything.” She leaves the two of you alone and Shawn is still in shock. He did that to you.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he mumbles, tears still threatening to fall once again. Wanting to be able to hold your hand, he moves a chair to your good side and plops down next to the bed.

You kind of just look at him blankly. He doesn’t know if you’re recalling the fight or if you’re just not fully aware of where you are yet. Either way, you still accept his hand when he laces his fingers with yours.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, his voice getting caught in his throat. “So, so sorry.”

“S’okay, Shawn. I’m okay, you’re okay. We’re okay.” You’ve seemed to come to a little bit more and he senses a double meaning within your words. Not just that you two are physically okay, but that your relationship is okay as well.

A tear or two slip past his eyelid as he nods his head. He brings your hand up to his lips and leaves a few pecks. Some of his fresh tears hit your hand and you look at him utterly confused.

“Is that blood?”

His brows furrow and he then realizes. You can see the cut on his lip but you can’t see what’s on your hand. A grin spreads across his face because your common sense has been thrown out of the window.

“...no? I’m definitely not crying either,” he jokes. “Just licking your hand.”

“Eww!!” You howl as loud as you can—which isn’t loud at all—with your eyes the widest they’ve been since you’ve come into the room. That’s when he knows that you’re really okay, that you’re both truly okay.

—

permanent taglist: @yourvoiceislikearose @queen-of-sarcasm-bae @moonlightmendes22 @delicaateshaawn @lover-holland (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

#shawn #shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes writing #shawn x reader #ask #anonymous

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shurisneakers · 6 years ago

Text

espresso [9]

Summary: In which your best friend’s brother begins to set you up on dates when you mention that you haven’t been in a relationship in years, but things don’t go as expected.

Warning: implied homophobia, mentions of cheating swearing, angst, pining (????), wii music

A/N: hello i’m barely alive what a surprise. this is my entry for the lovely @viktordrago‘s writing challenge. thank you to my girl @samingtonwilson love u and i hope you know that espresso would be nothing without u

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous part- Part 8 || Espresso Masterlist

“Is that everything?” Bucky asked, turning halfway to face you.

You gave him a thumbs up and he nodded, shutting the trunk of his car. “Alright, let’s get this road trip started.”

You tightened the scarf around your neck as you got into the front seat of his car. Rebecca had juvenilely shouted dibs on the back seats, saying she intended to hibernate for most of the trip.

Less than a week from Christmas, the three of you were driving back to your hometown for the holiday. New Year’s Eve, however, was to be spent in your grimy dormitories and apartments since Bucky was nervous to be even slightly unprepared for class and beyond anxious about being stuck in traffic with the rest of the returning students.

Of course, much to his dismay, it was only a half-hour before Becca began her moaning and groaning. “How long ‘til we get there?”

“I told you we should have brought the tranquillizer,” Bucky sighed to you, hissing and jolting forward when Becca flicked the back of his head.

“Couple of hours, give or take depending on traffic,” you let her know, looking at the Google maps route you had opened on Bucky’s phone.

She settled back down and chose to look at her phone instead, the device keeping her occupied for only a handful of minutes before she looked up again.

“Pass me the aux cord, I wanna play my music.”

“No.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Wii score soundtracks are not considered music.”

“Wow.” Her eyes were wide in disbelief. “I can’t believe I’m related to such an uncultured swine.”

“Other songs also banned in this car are on this list I made for you,” Bucky reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a white, folded sheet of paper, handing it to her.

“What the-“ she began, quickly scanning over the list. You could hear the wrinkling of the paper as her grip tightened. “The fuck you mean All Star isn’t allowed?”

“It means I’ve heard enough of it this past year and if I have to hear it one more time I’ll personally remove my brain from my skull and run it over with this car.”

You found the fact that he took time to create something so… petty was amusing, but apparently she didn’t think so.

“I miss my girlfriend already,” Rebecca huffed, feet on the windowsill.

Bucky, eyes on the road, replied, “Shoulda invited her to our place.”

“I wanted to, but she said she wants to see her sisters. She’s got a big family.”

“If it helps, you’ve got me,” you nearly sang, looking at her through the rearview mirror.

You received a scowl in return. “I’d rather have no one at all, thanks.”

Hearing Bucky hiss through his teeth at her comeback before fading into laughter, you rolled your eyes with a smile that matched his as you muttered “bitch” under your breath.

“Also, asking Nat to come to our place probably wouldn’t be the brightest idea,” she added, moving in her seat to lean against the car door.

The light atmosphere dropped and you felt a palpable tension in the car in a matter of mere seconds. You spared her a glance.

She looked unfazed but you knew otherwise. “You know, considering the circumstances.”

“Maybe he’s different now, Becks,” Bucky tried with convincing optimism.

“Right, because he’s been known to just do that.”

The both of you fell silent, not wanting to push the conversation.

“Whatever, it’s his loss.” Becca looked back into her phone and continued aimlessly scrolling through Instagram. “What’s everyone else doing for the vacation?”

“Steve’s with Peggy. I think they’re staying at her house. Clint is with Bruce and Thor. I don’t think they’re going anywhere specifically but I heard they’re doing a bar crawl for Christmas. Sam and Sam are at Wilson’s place.”

“What about Dot?” you looked at your nails as you asked, attempting to look indifferent rather than desperate– which you most definitely were.

He hummed questioningly before peering at you. “Oh, she’s back in town too.”

“Wait– our town?” Becca straightened up, leaning forward on her hands. She stuck her head between both your seats, her interest piqued.

“Yeah, she went to Culver. On the cheerleading squad,” you muttered, “She told me she and Bucky almost dated,” you added in a less than quiet whisper with the intention of only letting her hear.

You could feel her glare burning the side of your face. You didn’t have to face her to know why she was doing it but you chose to ignore her.

“Did you know I almost joined the cheerleaders at Middletown?” Becca announced, loud enough to make your eardrums vibrate and you wince.

“You didn’t have to yell, Jesus,” Bucky muttered through his teeth, using a hand against her forehead to push her back to her seat.

“You did not almost join the cheerleaders.”

“Hell yeah I did! I got kicked out on the second day.”

“How?”

“I was told I tried to ‘make friends the wrong way,’” she said with her fingers hooked in air quotes, voice deeper for imitative purposes.

Bucky snorted. ”Knowing you, you probably offered to smoke them all out behind the bleachers with your stupid purple pipe.”

“Listen, it’s how I made friends in high school. A little indica, a little trip to Taco Bell.” She shrugged. “Thought it would work with them. Apparently fucking not.”

“Wait, how come you never offered to smoke me out?” you narrowed your eyes at her. “Did you not know how much I envied the stoners?”

“I didn’t need to waste the good stuff on you. I became friends with you because you kicked sand in my face when we were seven and thought it was the funniest thing.”

“Accidentally.”

“Your laughter said otherwise, you Jafar sounding bitch.”

“You know you’re gonna have to tone down the swearing when you get home, right?” He glanced at her expectantly as realization dawned on her.

“By how much?”

“On a scale of one to ten, one being you on your best behavior and ten being your usual behavior, aim for negative twelve,” Bucky told her as she let out a groan again, head drooping into her hands.

“How many do you think I can get past her because she missed me?”

“Zero.”

“I can’t wait to see you struggle in front of your mom.” You grinned. “It’s my favourite part of dinner.”

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “’Course it is.”

“God, how many Christmases have we spent together? Twelve?” Bucky asked distantly, seemingly ignoring the exchange you both shared.

“This’ll be the eleventh. I spent Christmas three years ago with, uh– with him,” you answered, surprisingly without an angry edge to your tone.

“Oh,” Becca said, quietening down.

“Yeah.” You looked out of the window, your breath fogging up the glass. “I wonder what he’s doing now.”

“Last I heard, he was sent to the nurse with a broken nose,” she mused playfully, eyebrow raising. “Coincidentally, it was the same time my brother got suspended from school for three days for a fight in the cafeteria.”

Bucky and you shared a quick glance before a small smile upturned the corner of his lips.

“He’s a bartender or waits tables or something now, I think.” You shrugged, playing with a loose thread on your sweater. “Don’t know if he’s still here or he left.”

“Have you kept in contact with him?” Bucky asked, voice strained. You knew it to be a symptom of rising annoyance, one you rarely saw from him.

“Nah. Someone mentioned it to me,” you shrugged casually.

“You sure?” Becca’s eyebrows were slightly furrowed and you almost rolled your eyes at the dramatic concern. “It’s okay to still care about-”

“I stopped caring about his life the minute I found out he was cheating on me with some girl from another school,” you said lowly, hoping to make your point. ”Let’s just drop this, yeah? I don’t plan on ever talking to him again.”

Neither of them said anything for a while until Bucky broke the silence again, “Honestly, I wouldn’t hesitate to break his nose again if he tried talking to you.”

“Oh, I know,” you replied, smiling as he did, too.

In her usual dramatic fashion, Becca sighed and slumped against the seats, forearm thrown over her eyes. “How did we all end up here?”

“Fate. Destiny.”

“A horse,” Bucky grinned at you knowingly resulting in your laughter at his stupid reference.

“Maybe because we’re all running from something,” Becca ignored you both, staring out of the window.

“Not that deep,” Bucky said with a roll of his eyes, turning left. “Besides, I have nothing to run from.”

“Sure about that?” she raised her eyebrows at him.

You looked at him curiously.

He shook his head wordlessly, dismissing her with a wave of his hand.

“Whatever you say, bro.” She shrugged, before an evil smile took over her face. “Hey Bucky, guess what?”

“What?”

“You missed out a song on the list. Guess what we’re listening to on repeat for an hour.”

***

By the time you reached the town, it was nearly four. The plan was to stop at his place, drop off their stuff, say hi to his parents and then leave you at your house.

The Barnes’ house was clearly the most spirited one in the neighbourhood, with decorations lining the front yard all the way up to the door. Reindeers, coloured lights, fake snowmen- everything that you could think of was there.

Bucky lugged his and his sister’s bags out of the car, and held on to the both of them while you and her trudged to the front door. Becca had barely knocked on the front door when it opened with such force that the wind alone nearly knocked you off your feet.

“You’re here!” a voice you had grown up with for over a decade exclaimed, instantly brightening up your mood.

“Hi, Mom,” Becca almost squeaked as her mother half-crushed her to death before releasing her to look her up and down.

“It’s been ages since I’ve seen you both,” she said with a grin, pulling you into a hug as well, patting your back affectionately.

“It’s great to see you again, Mrs. B.”

“You look wonderful as usual, Y/N. How’s school going?”

“I’m scraping by,” you half-joked with a shrug.

“Aren’t we all?” Bucky’s voice nearly startled you from behind you and you parted to give his mother a more clear view of him.

He beamed at her, adjusting the bags on his shoulder. “Hey, Ma.”

“Is this a horse or my son?” Winnie laughed, pulling Bucky into a hug as soon as he came through the door. Pulling at the strands of his hair, she sighed out another laugh, “Goodness, you’ve got a mane.”

“He’s definitely got the name for it,” Becca teased, earning a glare from him. “What? Bucky sounds like a horse.”

He discreetly flipped her his middle finger, picking up their bags and walking down the hall to their rooms to put them down. You watched him as he disappeared from sight, only snapping out of it due to the weight of a hand on your shoulder.

“You’ll be over for dinner on Christmas Eve, won’t you?” Winnie asked, arm around yours and Becca’s shoulders as she led you into the kitchen. The smell of freshly baked cinnamon rolls was almost overwhelming, but a quick sense of familiarity soon took over.

“Of course she is. It’s tradition,” Becca answered for you while her mother hummed.

Your parents weren’t big on Christmas, instead choosing to just spend it like a normal day. For as long as you remembered, Becca had always invited you to spend it with her family and you gladly accepted and soon it became something you looked forward to every year.

“It’s going to be better than last year’s,” she sounded excited as she placed a plate of cookies in front of you. “Ever since these two left, the house has been much more livable.”

It did look cleaner than the last time you were here but the worn out wallpaper, the darkened mantle over the fireplace and the dining table that still had chips in it from the times it was run into remained the same. It was the same comfortable house you’d spent a lot of your childhood in.

“I’d be offended at that if you didn’t actually call me every second day to ask about my life,” she snorted, stuffing a cookie into her mouth, making her mother laugh. “Where’s Dad?”

“He’ll be late but he’ll be here tonight,” she informed her, taking a seat at the table.

You reached for a cookie only to have the plate pushed towards you. You cast Winnie a grateful look as she just smiled.

“Great, now I know when to avoid him,” Becca said more to herself, and you stopped chewing.

“Rebecca-“ her mom sighed, leaning forward on her elbows.

“He made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to be around me the last time I saw him, Mom.”

“Just give him a chance to adjust, please,” Winnie tried.

You swallowed thickly, knowing where this conversation was heading.

“Did you tell him about Nat?” Becca cut in, discarding her half eaten cookie on the plate.

There was silence.

“Yeah, I thought so.”

“Despite what you think, he doesn’t hate you.”

“He just can’t stand to be near me,” she finished, smiling a half-smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

You had lost your appetite completely, choosing instead to just toy with your fingers and look away from the conversation as if you weren’t there.

“Becca, did you fucking carry your entire dorm room in your backpack or what?” Bucky grumbled as he walked into the kitchen, massaging his wrist.

“No swearing, James,” his mother reminded him softly as he bent down to press a kiss against her cheek.

“Sorry mom,” he didn’t sound very apologetic. He looked at you instead, jingling his keys. “Ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go. I’ll text you Becks,” you said in a hurry. Your chair screeched as you pushed it back, standing up. “Thank you for the cookies, Mrs. B. I’ll see you soon.”

You waved at them, hearing a quick goodbye before jogging to Bucky’s side.

“I’m sorry you got stuck in the middle of that,” he whispered.

“I just don’t get it,” you sighed, ducking to sit in the front seat. “It’s been years now and he still hasn’t budged.”

“We don’t know that yet. Maybe he has,” his voice was unsure and he didn’t look at you as he pulled out of the driveway and back onto the road.

“Maybe.”

There was something playing on the radio that you weren’t paying attention to. It served as background noise as you took in your surroundings. It had been nearly a year since you’d visited home and you missed it, but sometimes it felt easier to avoid some of the things that had happened here.

“You’ll be over for dinner, right?” Bucky asked. His eyes were still trained on the road ahead.

“Yeah, ��course.”

“Looking forward to it,” he offered you a smile, prompting you to observe him for a minute.

He had managed to pull a beanie on and looked softer than he already was constantly. His nose was bitten red from the cold, something that you found stupidly endearing even though you’d seen him like this over a hundred times.

“I’m looking forward to it, too.”

“Of course you would,” he said, a boyish grin on his face. “Why wouldn’t you want to spend more time with me?”

“Remind me who you are again?” you asked with a tilted head, leaving him laughing. “Your mom’s cooking is the only thing I care about.”

“You’re breakin’ my heart.”

“Assuming you have one, that is.”

He murmured something under his breath that you didn’t catch but you chuckled anyway. You felt lighter somehow, the slight edge you were on smoothing out slowly.

“You excited to be back home?” He turned right into a familiar cul de sac, driving at a much slower speed now.

“Meh. I’m excited to see everyone but… you know.”

“It’s tiring?”

“Incredibly.”

He didn’t have to ask– he knew which house to stop in front of. It was one of the bigger houses on the block, stretching tall over the others in comparison. It looked newly painted and there were lights strung up outside serving as bare minimum decoration.

“Well, I hope you it isn’t as shitty as you think it’s gonna be,” he mumbled, twisting in his seat to face you.

“That’s a nice way to put it.”

“You deserve good things, Mario, you really do.” There was a pink dusting spreading over his cheeks as well, the jacket he had around himself unable to prevent it. Your eyes flitted down to his lips momentarily, finding them slightly dry due to the cold weather but they looked pretty anyway. He was pretty.

“Thanks, Buck,” your voice was unusually soft. “You do, too.”

Neither of you knew what to say and you could feel yourself wanting to put yourself out of your misery by just kissing the idiot.

But you didn’t. You let yourself take him in for a second more before clearing your throat and looking away, unbuckling your seatbelt.

“I guess it’s time I go see my-“

“Y/N, listen, if you’re free later, or if you want to, I-“ he suddenly interrupted your actions, making you stop to look at him. He paused for a second, never dropping your stare.

Oh Jesus.

“Yeah?” Please just ask me out, for the love of God.

“I could- I could set you up on the last date?” The what now?

“What?”

“I mean, it’s nearly the end of the year. It’s been months since we started and you’ve still got one date left. I know someone here you might like, if you’re up for it.”

“Um-“ your mind screamed to say no, to just tell him you’re interested in him and move the fuck on, but apparently your body had other plans because the next thing you could remember saying was, “…Okay, alright.”

“Yes?”

“Yeah. Last date, right?”

“Yup. Fifth one’s the charm.”

“Ha, hope so,” you couldn’t stop the disappointment in your voice as you shrugged. “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” he confirmed, nodding. ”Christmas Eve-Eve.”

“Cool. Catch you then.”

He bit his lip as you got out of the car, watching as you grabbed the backpack with your stuff and swung it over your shoulder.

“Thanks for the ride, Bucky.”

You waved at him, he waved at you, and you rang the doorbell. The door swung open immediately and excited arms swooped you off the porch and into the house, door shutting behind you.

Bucky exhaled. He twisted the key to hear the engine sputter before starting fully, knuckles almost translucent with how hard he was gripping the wheel.

“What the fuck?” he muttered to himself. He almost banged his forehead against the window. “You absolute fucking idiot.”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mcu fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst #college!bucky #college!au #college!bucky x reader #kumis5kchallenge

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kae-karo · 5 years ago

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Hi Katie! I’m a freshman in college. I just started a couple weeks ago but currently have no friends. I have a few acquaintances from classes and clubs I just joined but I feel like everyone already has a group from orientation and such and I don’t want to insert myself. I really like being alone but it gets really sad when I’m the only one on my floor on weekend nights ://. Do you advice as to how I could build stronger connections w ppl and actually make friends???? Thanks and sorry to bother!

oh hi dear! first of all, i hope everything else is getting off to a good start for you! hm, now let me add a quick disclaimer: i made,,,,,,,,,pretty much zero friends in college and i don’t remember most of my time there cause Depression but here’s the advice i think i would’ve liked to follow/would maybe try to make more of an effort to follow if i could go back

for meeting people, generally:

you are probably not alone!!!!! i don’t doubt that if you feel like a bit of an outsider, there are one or more others who feel the same. if you see anyone standing alone, not majorly participating in a group discussion, etc, maybe try reaching out!!! they might be in the same boat as you but more nervous to initiate conversations. this is genuinely how i made a few acquaintances that i do still remember (and follow on various social media) today

in your clubs/classes, you might notice that there’s at least one person who tends to make an effort to include everyone in whatever they’re doing - gravitate toward them! they may be a good resource to help you meet others and feel more included in the group

take advantage of the situations where you have to interact with others - group projects or activities in classes, partner work, labs, etc. there’s some study out there that lists some numbers, but generally it takes a certain number of hours to build a connection with someone! so literally just actively spending time with people is a way to move toward those connections! and hey, maybe they’ve got some time to grab a coffee after you get some work done/take a break and grab a snack/grab dinner between classes or something! the worst thing that can happen is they say no!

put in more effort to meet/talk to people in classes/activities you’re really interested in (and less effort in the classes you’re like,,,,,eh about, cause hey we all only have a certain amount of energy so we should spend it wisely, esp if you’re on the more introverted side!) that shakespeare class you took cause u love shakespeare/theater? that’s where you want to spend your energy and mental effort trying to get to know people, cause the likelihood is those people are the ones who you’ll get on with better, cause hey, they probably have a similar passion/similar interests and boom! that’s something to bond over!

dorm activities!!!! idk if you live in a dorm (most freshman do) but my dorm did like tons of get-to-know-people stuff and tons of general dorm activities - this is a great place/time to really interact with people, cause hey, they live near you! it’s super easy to hang out and you’re far more likely to see them on a regular basis! and then it’s super easy to be like ‘oh hey do u wanna grab dinner, i was just about to head over to the dining hall!’

a quick side mention - there are like some apps i think that help you meet friends in your area? i vaguely remember one from when i was in school that my school mentioned or w.e but i can’t think of the name right now. but if you think that’s something you’re comfy with/interested in, it might help you meet people who you might be more likely to form connections with!

okay now for forming better connections with people... this is definitely where i struggled or could’ve done better honestly

consistency is key - for me, i was always more of the like. i only want to put in effort with people i actually feel like i vibe with and not waste energy on people i just really can’t get along with. the trouble for me was just with following through with that lmao. but like. if you see them in the halls or w.e, take that extra few seconds to be like ‘o hey waddup!’ and mention something from the last time you talked, or something you know relates to something that would be of interest to you both (ie u in anime club? ‘o hey so-and-so, how’s it going? awesome, yeah i’m surviving haha. honestly just living for that next ep of [insert anime here], do you watch that one?’ or whatever - find reasons to connect and extrapolate from them!!!)

if you do find some people you vibe with, figure out how to make connecting with them easy - get in a group chat or get their number, follow them on social media (with consent lmao) or whatever. make talking to them an easy thing to do, that way you’re more likely to do it even if you don’t have a ton of energy!

thing from the other bullet point - reasons to connect - build on that! start with the easy stuff (like obvious shared interests) and start extrapolating. like in my example, asking if they watch another anime, or if they have any recommendations! communication (and therefore development of connections) is a 2 way street! invite them to participate and then listen and show interest. if they rec a show that sounds mildly interesting, give it a watch and offer your thoughts on it! ask for their opinions on it! stuff like that!

in that same vein, pay attention to the kinds of things they talk about - ask questions and encourage them to talk! like this is just generally a good listening skill, but encouraging people to talk about the things they like is like the Best way to form connections! let someone rant about something they’re super into!

now, a sort of segue which is related but more on the side of like,,,,,,don’t get into unhealthy relationships: take note of how they engage with you. do they just talk about themselves/their interests with no regard for your thoughts/your own interests? do they shame you/make fun of you for stuff in a ‘joking’ way (esp even after you ask them to stop?) do they put you down in front of others even though they seem perfectly nice in one-on-one conversations? do they try to guilt you into doing things? (literally anything you aren’t comfy with - whether it be watching something that you’re not into/might be triggering for you, going to an activity you aren’t really comfy with, hanging out with people you don’t like or who make you uncomfortable, etc etc etc) just watch out for those things, don’t let someone take advantage of your mental/emotional energy and your desire for connection!

okay last point i think - be willing! that means a lot of things - willing to listen to the people you want to form connections with (including being willing to listen if they ask you to stop/express disinterest in something/etc), be willing to put forth effort on your own side to meet a person in the middle (like participating in an activity with them cause it interests them), and be willing to let people go! sometimes you meet someone and, in spite of your best efforts, there just isn’t any clicking between y’all (it may not be a bad relationship/connection, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out) and that’s okay! not everyone will be a great friend! and it’s totally cool to just remember a few things about them and continue to maintain a general acquaintanceship with them where you might casually chat when you see them but neither of you really goes out of their way to push the relationship (cause it just doesn’t feel right). and remember! quality connections are better than just having a ton of connections, that’s how you feel less lonely

okay sorry actual last point here - it’s also okay to have some friends who maybe you don’t get along with for everything but hey man, when y’all talk about anime, they’re awesome! casual friendships like that can be great too - especially if you have diverse interests! that friend you made in your shakespeare class may have mentioned they haven’t really ever gotten into anime, but that person you met in anime club might love talking about all your fave shows! obviously the ideal is to find a person or people you can talk to about everything, but you may not find them right away! or even at college at all! and that’s fine! just find the people that you can build good connections with and roll with it! it’s a little bit like eating a ‘balanced diet’. for someone who’s vegan, that might mean they get their protein all from plant-based foods, while someone who doesn’t have a specific diet may get it from a mix of meat and plants, and someone who’s really trying to eat a lot of protein might be eating a lot of (or exclusively) meat to get their protein! my point there is like. there are a lot of ways to fulfill your nutrition needs, and there are just as many ways to build a healthy spread of connections to fulfill all your emotional needs! there’s no single Right Way to do it, just find ways that work for you!

phew okay i talked a lot but i hope this helps you a bit, dear! oh, one last thought - if you have friends from before college that you connected well with, don’t forget about them! i mean, don’t feel like you can or should rely on them exclusively, but there’s no reason to feel like you have to only get your emotional needs fulfilled by people at your college. that goes for family as well! my sis and i got a lot closer once i went away to college, so if you’ve got any close (or semi-close) family relationships, definitely give those some attention as well! anyway, i hope that helped and i hope you start to feel a little more at home and connected as your year progresses!!!

#advice #anon #ask #kt

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sept-dix · 7 years ago

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crush on you

summary: guitarist!jaehwan au in which you work as an event organiser and meet artist jaehwan by chance

a/n: requested; title is taken from a song called crush by yuna ft usher and i recommend you listen to it while reading!

the biggest indie music festival in your city is of a massive scale - thousands of people from all over the place gather to watch it and the acts featured only grow in both quality and quantity as the years pass

so being an event organiser (especially that of such a big event which involves thousands of people and so many resources) isn’t easy in the slightest, and there are times when you get so overwhelmed with the number of things you need to keep track of that you find yourself googling the easiest method to fake your own death

but the satisfaction you feel when you see the event you’ve spent so many sleepless nights planning for run smoothly is bigger than the stress so ultimately you love your job

which is why you are about to burst a blood vessel when one of the biggest acts of the night goes missing half an hour before showtime

you’re just making your way around every artist’s waiting room to confirm that they’re all prepared and present for showtime, and everything’s going fine until you reach the waiting room of this duo called JAS (jaehwan and sewoon) ((lmao))

clearly it’s a duo, so there’s supposed to be 2 people, but when you open the door there’s only one person there

“mr sewoon, do you happen to know where mr jaehwan is? it’s nearly time for you guys to get on standby for showtime”

sewoon just looks up at you blankly from the phone he had been scrolling through and goes “idk, he’s probably here somewhere. he’ll come back soon though i think, he always does this” with absolutely zero hint of any anxiety or confusion in his voice

he thinks he’ll come back soon??? you are shocked by the calmness in his voice

but you are you, you can’t be calm like that bc it’s literally your job to make sure that the jaehwan guy is in his waiting room at this time

so once you make sure that the rest of the acts are all fine you start half walking half jogging your way around the backstage areas looking for this dude

who is nowhere to be found

you check the waiting room once more but he isn’t there either

at this point your anxiety and anger levels are about to skyrocket as you start full out running to find him

and you are just about to call a superior to inform them about the situation when you hear guitar strums coming from behind you

behind you as in the area where artists aren’t even allowed

you are definitely angry now because it had been made clear that artists aren’t allowed here so you stomp your way to the room only to find a guy tuning his guitar

“excuse me, are you mr kim jaehwan?”

the guy stops with the guitar and looks up at you

“yeah why?”

“the show starts in roughly 15 minutes so it would be good if you could make your way over to your waiting room now”

he just nods calmly and starts making his way out of the room and you feel a spark of irritation at that bc here was this guy who had blatantly gone against several rules and stressed you the heck out but now he’s walking out so calmly as if he has no idea what the impacts of his actions were

“i believe it was made clear yesterday that this area of the building is out of bounds for artists. it would be nice if you could follow the rules so that the show can run smoothly.”

he stops and turns behind to look at you and it angers you even more because he isn’t apologetic or surprised in the least,,,

in fact he is looking at you with so much amusement in his eyes and you gotta remind yourself that the safety of the artists’ is a priority bc if not for that you would have been ready to punch him right there and then

also he is staring at you for a lot longer than you thought necessary so now you’re also confused on top of everything else

“ok sorry i’ll take note from now on”

with that he leaves the room and you start giving yourself a pep talk telling yourself to drop it bc there are more important things you have to be doing right now

so that’s exactly what you do

you forget about this irritating guy and get back to preparing stuff for the show to start and then managing the artists once it does

by the time the entire festival is over it’s a little past midnight and you are dead tired

but work hasn’t ended though because you still have to make sure all the artists leave the building by 1.30am bc that’s how long you’ve rented the venue for

and so once more you are making your way around the artists’ rooms at close to 1.15am and you are relieved to find that most of them have left the building

you don’t have to care about what happens to them after that because your job description doesn’t have anything about that lol

anyways there you are checking the rooms one by one and making sure there’s no trash or whatever left behind

and when you get to jaehwan & sewoon’s waiting room what do you see?

that’s right, somehow they are both still there with all their stuff still strewn all over the room

what the heck

by this point you’re super tired and the show’s over anyways so you drop all formalities

“hey, we have to clear the building in like 15 minutes so can y’all pack up and get going? where’s your manager?”

to your horror jaehwan is looking at you super amused once again

like what’s so funny about you doing your job?

anyways they start slowly moving to pack their stuff after that and sewoon is polite enough to clarify that they’re late because their manager told them to wait til he gets the company car for them or whatever but since he hadn’t called them to tell them the car had reached they hadn’t left either

which meant that technically the fault wasn’t theirs, it was their shitty company’s

but even after the clarification you are inexplicably irritated with jaehwan just because of his damn amusement at you

once they’re done packing jaehwan turns to you (who’s still standing there bc you don’t trust them enough to leave in 10 mins if you aren’t there supervising) and stares at you for a second before going

“can we borrow your phone to call our manager?”

“what happened to your phones?”

“they’re out of battery”

“both of them???”

“yup”

obviously this is super suspicious and you can see sewoon looking at jaehwan in mild confusion as he pockets his own phone which probably still has charge

but with how downright exhausted you are, you just give up and pass him your phone if it means they’ll get the heck out of there asap

and so he calls their manager, and they leave soon after

you finish up with everything and head home

once your head hits your pillow you pass tf out

and you are dead to the world for a solid 13 hours, which is exactly how you miss 3 texts from an unknown number

1- hey! this is jaehwan from yesterday if you remember? the guy who kept pissing you off lmao

2 - i think your name is y/n bc that’s what i saw written on your nametag

3 - so anyway i just wanted to know if you want to go out for coffee with me today?

once you read all three messages you’re like what the actual hecK?? you are so confused bc firstly, what?

secondly, WHAT????

how does he even have your number?? and he actually wants a date with you after yesterday???? is this a prank

and what was he so straightforward and confident for lmao especially after making your job so difficult yesterday

wtf how do you even have my number?

the reply is almost instantaneous

we used your phone to call our manager rmb

so coffee? or do you prefer tea

oh for god’s sake, what in the world is going on

his replies just piss you off even more so you just ignore him and carry on with your day

but boy, he’s persistent

he messages you again the next day

ok so seems like you didn’t want coffee yesterday so how about lunch today?

once again you ignore it bc wtf

hey you know i can see you reading my messages

WTF are u stalking me???? where are u?? i’ll report u i swear

WHAT no i meant like the,, read,, sign, as in i know u read the msg bc of the read sign omg

oh lol. anyways no i don’t want lunch sry

your cold and outright rejection isn’t enough to stop him

tbh his messages aren’t creepy stuff that border on harassment

it’s just him always requesting for you to consider him and you repeatedly going ‘not now’ lmao

and this goes on for about a week

until it’s a saturday night and you’re having a lone night in looking for things to watch

when one of jaehwan’s messages pop up on your phone screen

and before even reading it you find yourself swiping right to delete it when suddenly out of nowhere you remember that jaehwan is an artist

and after 5 minutes of pure conflict you decide that it wouldn’t be bad to search up and watch some of his stuff

so that’s exactly what you do

and you are totally surprised with what you see?

he has a lot of solo stuff separate from his songs with sewoon

and in those solo songs it’s mostly just him and his guitar and wow,,,

you are reluctant to admit it but his voice is crazy good

it’s so soothing and powerful at the same time

the songs themselves are good too and you are even more surprised to find out that most of them were written fully by him

you’re mildly irritated by this the next morning but you actually fall asleep listening to his music bc that’s how nice it is

when you wake up, there’s yet another message from jaehwan

just in case you forgot, reminder to come to hongdae outside xx coffee shop later at 7pm if you want! i won’t contact you anymore if you come later and decide you still aren’t interested in me

you’re like wtf what reminder before realising that you had deleted his previous message without reading it

the whole day you’re kinda confused about whether you should go or not because on one hand, you don’t even know this guy but on the other hand, you don’t have anything to lose

you still haven’t made a decision by the time it’s 7pm

and as you sit in your apartment, watching your clock’s hands tick past 7pm, then 7.10pm, you think back to the music you’d discovered yesterday night

and in a bout of spontaneity, you throw on a coat and a scarf and are out of your apartment and on the way to hongdae before you know it, hoping that it’s not too late

as you walk towards the cafe that jaehwan had mentioned, you hear a familiar voice echoing around the area

and as you turn the corner you are surprised to find jaehwan at the corner of the street, sitting on a stool with his guitar in his hands and a microphone in front of him, with a crowd of around a 100 people stood around him

ah, you realise belatedly, he invited me to watch him busking

you hesitantly walk towards the back of the crowd, watching him as he finishes up the current song, not knowing whether he has spotted you yet

if you are being honest, his voice is even better in real life, and the fact that he is currently singing the song that you fell asleep to is enough to make your heart skip a beat or two

you stand there silently in the crowd, watching him sing the entire song

as the song fades out, he adjusts the microphone in front of him and scans the crowd

it would be an understatement to say that his eyes literally light up once they find yours

he then leans forward and into the mic, without ever breaking eye contact with you, and goes

“this next one is a cover of a song called crush, and it has all the things i want to say to you”

drop me an ask or message me about what you think!!! thank u for reading <3

#kim jaehwan #kim jaehwan scenarios #wanna one #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagines #produce 101 #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 season 2

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fyhyungwon · 7 years ago

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Additional translation by Dana Hong. © Dazed

#hyungwon #ot7 #monsta x #170824 #t: interview

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forljh · 7 years ago

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[Article] From survival show rookies to K-Pop stars

Talking to the seven-member group, who rose from participants on survival show NO.MERCY to become rising stars in South Korea’s music scene

Paris. Summer, 2017.

It should be a gorgeous mid-August day but the rain is apocalyptic, drenching the hundreds upon hundreds of people queuing outside one of the city’s most celebrated music halls. They’re here for the first ever European shows by Monsta X, the seven-member South Korean group whose mix of pop, hip hop, and heavy EDM combined with dark, tough, and sometimes cabalistic concepts has seen them gain a fiercely dedicated global following.

When the lights do go down, the screams are piercing and reverential. Monsta X’s show is broken into group and unit performances (where members do something special, from a spin on the decks to covering popular Western songs) and every gesture, word, and ad-lib will wind the audience higher until the room virtually pulses.

Backstage, however, things are much calmer. Vocalists Wonho, Kihyun, Hyungwon, Shownu, and Minhyuk, and rappers Jooheon and I.M, emit a serene, friendly professionalism. They’re wearing their stage costumes: Kihyun, the main vocalist, sports a sizable and sparkling Chanel logo brooch, while Monsta X’s leader, Shownu, has a thick band of sequins around a sleeve that throws light right into your eyes. Their entire effect is dazzling and distracting – all seven in tight trousers and jackets laden with diamante chains and epaulettes, beautiful faces smooth with makeup – and it will send their fandom, known as Monbebe, wild over the next two hours.

While fans will commit their favourite moments of the night to forums or YouTube, Kihyun can’t pick just one standout memory from the tour, which began in June. “Rather than just one particular moment, it’s just whole moments of time,” he explains. “Even when we perform in front of people who speak different languages, that all members enjoy the concert together gives me goosebumps.” Shownu, however, pinpoints his as “at the end of the songs like ‘넌 어때’ (‘I’ll Be There’), Monbebes prepare something special, like placards, so we’re always surprised.”

“We’re having fun every day,” says Minhyuk, as I.M adds, “We spend most of our free time sightseeing and eating. We’re always walking around, taking pictures.” Jooheon nods in agreement: “It gives us inspiration.”

Monsta X, who debuted in May 2015, were born from NO.MERCY, a survival show created by their label Starship Entertainment. In the show, existing male trainees vied against each other to debut in a new boy group. NO.MERCY initially shocked its audience when I.M, a total newcomer, was added to the mix late and ended up controversially being chosen for the group, knocking out fan favourite #GUN. It was a contentious start to idol life, but the competitive tension fast become an enviable camaraderie, complete with family-esque banter and bickering which, alongside Monsta X’s underrated, slow burn success, helped earn the unwavering loyalty of the Monbebes.

Like most artists, both Monsta X’s music and their members contain notable contradictions. Their singles frame them as one of K-Pop’s more intimidating groups – the cinematic strings on “Fighter”, the graceful choruses and tight raps on “All In” and “Beautiful”, and “Hero”s crunching EDM and its sibling, the passionate, infatuated “Stuck” – but, as Kihyun says, “even if we look a certain way on the outside, it’s just an image. For example, Jooheon might look chill and tough, but inside he’s quite sensitive.”

This contrast was recently presented to the casual listener with the fizzy “Newton”, their first aegyo-heavy (cute behavior) official MV (music video), but a recent interview points to grittier songs as their personal favorites, creating a lot of guesswork as to their next concept. Wonho, who habitually scratches at his palms idly while other members speak, snaps to attention and smiles. “Actually we’re working towards the next album, but we haven’t fixed a particular concept just yet. So when we know we’ll call you directly... if you want.”

“Even if we look a certain way on the outside, it’s just an image” – Kihyun, Monsta X

Their sensitive side has never been concealed, but you need to delve into their albums for it, seen on likes of the mid-tempo soul of “Amen” and “Need U” or the extraordinary, piano-lead “Broken Heart”. Or invest in their reality shows Deokspatch X, Right Now!, and newer series X-Ray (“You saw that?” Kihyun asks in English, surprised – and you can just catch his slight lisp), where their off-stage personalities veer like go-karts through sassy, embarrassing, risible, protective and tender.

Of course, far more lies beyond those facets. “I’m actually writing songs most days, particularly at the hotel between concerts,” Wonho divulges. Notorious for removing his shirt on every stage, he’s the incorrigible flirt, the sweet, muscular show-off – but has, alongside Jooheon and I.M, become far more involved with the group’s output and devoted himself to honing his craft. One of his compositions, the bittersweet lyrics and upbeat trop-house of “From Zero” is a fixture on the set-list, a duet he performs with Hyungwon. Despite calls from fans to commit “From Zero” to tape, it’s still only for the stage, though Wonho isn’t entirely discounting the idea. “That’s something we need to discuss further as the song was originally developed without a plan for release,” he muses. “So we’ll think about it.”

One of the most compelling inter-band unit performances on this tour is 2Chain (Kihyun and Jooheon), who, after releasing a striking cover of R&B singer Crush’s “You & I” earlier this year, cover Lil Wayne’s “Mirror”. Jooheon has written his own verses for it, brutally self-judgmental yet ultimately empowering words he uses in a volatile performance that emotionally knocks you from your seat. “It was Kihyun who suggested ‘Mirror’, and I liked the song as well,” he explains candidly, sat beside the singer who reassuringly taps on Jooheon’s knee throughout.

“People don’t always say complimentary stuff to themselves, and I thought about what I was missing, where I wasn’t good enough – like, trying to see the whole picture,” Jooheon adds in Korean. “I realised it was my fans who were most important in my life, so I tried to match myself with them, seeing the fans from my perspective and seeing myself from the fans’ perspective. I guess I tried to put a lot of things into those lyrics…” He trails into silence – although known as one of Monsta X’s big on-stage personalities, today he’s quiet and watchful, and Wonho breaks the sudden lull. “Wow, that’s going to be really hard to translate,” he blurts, making the others laugh.

“I don’t particularly think about if we’ve had to work at becoming friends, which I guess means it hasn’t been difficult” – Minhyuk, Monsta X

Besides Monsta X, the members have their own projects – mixtapes (Jooheon, I.M), photography (Kihyun) and illustration (Minhyuk). I.M’s introspective 2016 track “Who Am I” was the pertinent musings of a young idol, asking “am I born for me or born for success?” Despite a year speckled in career milestones, answers remain unfound. “I think I’m still looking,” he replies in English, which he undoubtedly picked up from a childhood spent in Israel and the US. He’s the maknae (youngest) at 21 years old but possesses a disconcerting directness and a wry intensity. “Asking myself questions like that makes me grow up and be stronger,” he says, leaning in, elbows resting on his knees.

The group’s meme king, Hyungwon, isn’t a big talker in interviews but a joy for fans with his droll humor and expressions, which consistently go viral. Under the moniker DJ H.One, he’s been DJing on the tour and appearing at dance festivals like Ultra Korea “to show new things about myself. I’ve been practicing for about eight months in my own time.” His preference is for crowd-pleasing EDM; he throws a sliced and diced version of Monsta X’s single “Beautiful” into his sets, and as Hyungwon adds, “there’s a song called ‘Bang Bang Bang’, it has Jooheon rapping over it. I think the reaction (from the crowd) is so much better when we’re together.”

Unexpectedly, it’s Shownu who has impressed the public through the dance show Hit The Stage and beauty show Lipstick Prince, where male idols are taught the art of makeup. Formerly awkward enough around people to have earned the nickname ‘Robot Shownu’, he’s blossoming. “Lipstick Prince really helped me a lot to become confident around other singers and be able to get to know them, and Hit The Stage helped the way I perform,” he admits. “It’s definitely good for us to be working solo, but we never forget it’s Monsta X that makes solo activities possible. Also we have more fun together than alone.”

Together they’ve certainly achieved impressive goals – from winning last year’s Male Dance Performance at the Seoul Awards to topping the Billboard World Chart with their recent album, The Clan Pt. 2.5 Guilty. “We haven’t really thought about awards,” Minhyuk says of potential future wins. He’s interrupted. “A Grammy!” demands I.M, laughing, then apologising. “But rather than awards, we want to be a group the next generation can look to, like ‘I want to be like Monsta X’,” Minhyuk continues.

“We’re a family... We shine brighter when we’re together” – Shownu, Monsta X

Monsta X might well inspire others. After all, their dynamic – even in the unnatural confines of an interview – is one of warmth, acceptance, and familiarity. It’s in the little looks they shoot each other, the nudges of support, and Minhyuk, with his sunny smile and a speaking voice that cracks a little on the edges, embodies all that, creating an easy atmosphere that relaxes his bandmates.

“I don’t particularly think about if we’ve had to work at becoming friends, which I guess means it hasn’t been difficult,” Minhyuk muses. K-Pop fans often question if the appearance of closeness in idol groups is strictly for business or if they’ve truly bonded. “Well, y’know, I am a businessman,” he says slyly, making Wonho snort with laughter. “Just kidding! I think it’s been just a naturally flowing relationship.”

That there might be a member who remains hard to read sparks a debate. Kihyun tilts his head, squinting at the ceiling. “Even difficult members are so easy to read. I don’t know…” he says, half to himself.

“No, no!” says Minhyuk, with glint in his eye. “I have one. I.M. He’s our youngest so he seems to easy to read, but sometimes he’s really not. It’s like he has his own world.”

“I think he just has no thoughts during those times,” Shownu offers.

I.M’s world would be..? “Maybe Mars?” he replies, straight-faced. “But anyway, we don’t get angry, we’re always happy,” he quips, to explosions of disbelief around him.

There’s just enough time to look back at their career thus far and define, beyond the music, what’s set them apart to succeed. In a rather endearing way to end things, what Shownu says is mistranslated into “I think the difference is we have quite great bodies…” Kihyun laughs so hard he rolls into Jooheon’s lap as Minhyuk protests loudly – “Great bodies? Great shapes, great shapes!” he re-translates as Hyungwon and Shownu look startled, and I.M, Jooheon and Wonho wear the smiles of those who can no longer be embarrassed by much at all.

Shownu patiently starts again. “Firstly, all of us have great shapes, and we’re very dynamic…” He pauses. “I’ve never used the word ‘dynamic’ (‘역동적인’) before,” he says hesitantly, a leader who tends to let his group do most of the talking, “...and we’re powerful on stage. We’re a family. We’ve known each other for a long time and we shine brighter when we’re together.”

Article by Dazed

#monsta x #170823 #t:interview

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fy-shownu · 7 years ago

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[INTERVIEW] From Survival Show Rookies To K-Pop Stars

Talking to the seven-member group, who rose from participants on survival show NO.MERCY to become rising stars in South Korea’s music scene.

Paris. Summer, 2017.

It should be a gorgeous mid-August day but the rain is apocalyptic, drenching the hundreds upon hundreds of people queueing outside one of the city’s most celebrated music halls. They’re here for the first ever European shows by Monsta X, the seven-member South Korean group whose mix of pop, hip hop, and heavy EDM combined with dark, tough, and sometimes cabalistic concepts has seen them gain a fiercely dedicated global following.

This contrast was recently presented to the casual listener with the fizzy “Newton”, their first aegyo-heavy (cute behaviour) official MV (music video), but a recent interview points to grittier songs as their personal favourites, creating a lot of guesswork as to their next concept. Wonho, who habitually scratches at his palms idly while other members speak, snaps to attention and smiles. “Actually we’re working towards the next album, but we haven’t fixed a particular concept just yet. So when we know we’ll call you directly… if you want.”

Of course, far more lies beyond those facets. “I’m actually writing songs most days, particularly at the hotel between concerts,” Wonho divulges. Notorious for removing his shirt on every stage, he’s the incorrigible flirt, the sweet, muscular show-off – but has, alongside Jooheon and I.M, become far more involved with the group’s output and devoted himself to honing his craft. One of his compositions, the bittersweet lyrics and upbeat trop-house of “From Zero” is a fixture on the setlist, a duet he performs with Hyungwon. Despite calls from fans to commit “From Zero” to tape, it’s still only for the stage, though Wonho isn’t entirely discounting the idea. “That’s something we need to discuss further as the song was originally developed without a plan for release,” he muses. “So we’ll think about it.”

One of the most compelling inter-band unit performances on this tour is 2Chain (Kihyun and Jooheon), who, after releasing a striking cover of R&B singer Crush’s “You & I” earlier this year, cover Lil Wayne’s “Mirror”. Jooheon has written his own verses for it, brutally self-judgemental yet ultimately empowering words he uses in a volatile performance that emotionally knocks you from your seat. “It was Kihyun who suggested ‘Mirror’, and I liked the song as well,” he explains candidly, sat beside the singer who reassuringly taps on Jooheon’s knee throughout.

The group’s meme king, Hyungwon, isn’t a big talker in interviews but a joy for fans with his droll humour and expressions, which consistently go viral. Under the moniker DJ H.One, he’s been DJing on the tour and appearing at dance festivals like Ultra Korea “to show new things about myself. I’ve been practising for about eight months in my own time.” His preference is for crowd-pleasing EDM; he throws a sliced and diced version of Monsta X’s single “Beautiful” into his sets, and as Hyungwon adds, “there’s a song called ‘Bang Bang Bang’, it has Jooheon rapping over it. I think the reaction (from the crowd) is so much better when we’re together.”

“No, no!” says Minhyuk, with glint in his eye. “I have one. I.M. He’s our youngest so he seems to easy to read, but sometimes he’s really not. It’s like he has his own world.”

“I think he just has no thoughts during those times,” Shownu offers.

I.M’s world would be..? “Maybe Mars?” he replies, straight-faced. “But anyway, we don’t get angry, we’re always happy,” he quips, to explosions of disbelief around him.

Shownu patiently starts again. “Firstly, all of us have great shapes, and we’re very dynamic…” He pauses. “I’ve never used the word ‘dynamic’ (‘역동적인’) before,” he says hesitantly, a leader who tends to let his group do most of the talking, “…and we’re powerful on stage. We’re a family. We’ve known each other for a long time and we shine brighter when we’re together.”

#monsta x #t: article #t: news #t: interview #170823 #dazed

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sapphirescales · 8 years ago

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erik and raven in first class

give me excuses not to be resting in bed after meds by asking meta stuff—— ( status: always accepting excuses to procrastinate! )

DID YOU MEAN: MY FAVE TOPIC OF ALL TIME?!?!

*clears throat* *puts on ableist toxic che/rik shipper voice* but LILY! erik and raven came out of nowher–

HERE’S WHERE UR WRONG BUDDY!!!!

the question you should be asking yourself is: where IS their development? why is it that erik looks to her in the final scene and asks her to come with him? why is it that, after being so callously rejected by hank, raven goes to erik for comfort vs let’s say, alex or sean ( who have never been Weird about how she looks! ) or even charles ( her oldest and dearest friend )?

so. we see them on screen for the first time as they arrive at the Secret C.I.A. base ( tht shaw later blows up and kills darwin in ), in the car! the seating seems to be like this: moira & the c.i.a. agent in the front, and in the back charles-raven-erik, in that order. idk how far away this base was but if we assume tht it was Really Far tht means tht for a few hours, raven and erik were literally squished in a car together. cuties! this has no character-development relevance beyond my own headcanons and experiences w/ being in a car w someone for Hours, but it’s cute!!! i bet u raven drooled on him and won his ever lasting affection!!! anyways, this at least suggests Off Screen development!

fig 1. u can see tht erik is climbing out of the car, charles is already out, and there’s a blonde blur in the middle which is, ofc, ravne. also icb moira is ALWAYS driving sdklfjsdkfj

later on, we see them in the base, meeting hank! erik stands apart from charles/raven/moira/The Agent when they look at hank’s mutation but! you can CLEARLY see him watching with a close eye at the hank & raven interaction, he’s v v v much side-eyeing the two!!! his Immediate suspicion with regards to hank’s motivations with raven, his Immediate ability to pinpoint this possible relationship as Not Good!!! ( TAKE A LOOK AT THIS GIF! )

fig 2. and to the side, u see erik being tsundere like he isnt interested in other mutants what a fake!!!!

then, there’s the Iconique “ki/nky” scene!!! though you see hints of it when he’s side-eyeing raven and hank earlier, this is where we get canon confirmation that erik ALREADY knows not just what raven can do, but how she REALLY looks. although you could argue that maybe raven showed hank and erik at the same time, the earlier Side-Eye Game Strong scene suggests that erik already knew, hence why he’s v much ://// about raven and hank! and look at! where his gaze is!!!

fig. 3 and fig. 4

erik, looking at raven: “by the way, if i looked like you – “erik, looking at hank: “i wouldn’t change a thing.”

fig. 5, fig. 6, fig. 7:and hank unable to meet raven’s eyes after! knowing full well tht erik Knows His Game!

so, from here you get a HUGE set-up for erik and raven already! something absolutely vital to who they are! where charles Avoids the topic of how she looks ( “what, blue?” / “you’re my oldest friend” / “i feel responsible for you” / “i don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, you’re awfully concerned with your looks” ) and where her entire relationship with hank comes to revolve around how they look ( and how they can look normal / pass for normal ), her and erik’s relationship is, from this point, built on something completely different – ACCEPTANCE & BLUNT HONESTY.

i also always get! so mushy! about how erik’s gaze basically zeroes in on hank. it’s the physical equivalent of @-ing him and i cry about it all the time! keep in mind that at this point in time, erik is literally just about to go and steal the files from the C.I.A. and Leave Them All to go after shaw himself; he has no reason, no real need at all, to actually stop and SAY anything to either raven OR hank, to stop and point out that hank is a giant shit for wanting to change both his looks AND raven’s! but! he does! he stops and calls hank out! i Weep

moving onto the next scene – the cerebro scene. ofc this is one of my Most Fave che/rik scenes, but also! there’s an interesting parallel here tht most people don’t usually make – which is that both erik AND raven are wary of cerebro:

fig. 8 & fig. 9: [loud confused noises]

these are not the faces of ppl Excited by the idea tht the C.I.A. has been working on findings mutants ( using other mutants lmao @ hank !!! ) ( which, ofc leads to another question: how much of raven wanting to look Normal is a combination of societal pressure to be blonde, blue-eyed and fair-skinned as it is Fear of dropping her shift, outing herself and being vulnerable [cf. mystique, in xmen ( 2000 ): “people like you were the reason i was afraid to go to school as a child”], how much of her is actually ALARMED by the idea of being able to be found, even if she can hide? ) but it’s definitely! a far cry from charles’ face and general demeanor – nervous but also, excited ( “don’t ruin this for me, erik!” )

but this is a good similarity between them that sets them both Apart from charles, and more similar to each other!

my next scene is ofc, the Naming scene!!! listen every time sb describes tht scene as “mom n dad come home and yell @ the babies” i get so mad because, legit, STOP INFANTILIZING RAVEN!!! just Stop lmfao charles is definitely not her dad and she’s never seen him that way so please just fucking Stop being gross thx! anyways the scene was condescending, though it serves to ( crudely ) highlight the idea tht they still don’t don’t really know what they’re up against at all ( although, im 98% sure if erik saw oxford!charles from like 30 mins ago he’d say the same thing abt him but anyway! im not bitter or anything ). what’s absolutely significant abt this is that, after cuba, erik DOES go by the name “magneto” – so, as dismissive as it is now, as dismissive as he is of it now, he chooses to use this name that was given to him by a group of mutant kids. how Important is it that erik goes by a name that raven gives him, in the last vestiges of her Innocence before darwin is killed in front of their eyes – a name that carries her Hopes for him, when she was more childish? almost a protector’s name – a hero’s name, chosen by His Own Kind ( raven & the rest of the first class )? i’m,,, crying! that he’s so dismissive of it could possibly be as much to do with their perceived immaturity as it about his own dismissiveness about how Big this could be? how Significant? because, at this point in time there’s no cause yet… idk maybe u should weigh in @mutantism ?

ok next bit – after the base gets blown tf up! the car arrives ( with moira driving babbbe ) and both erik and charles share a look and then run over to raven. i die. i die. anywayz, that’s def v important for my tiny poly shipper heart but the Most Important is the Look raven gives to erik:

fig. 10 & fig. 11:

raven: “darwin’s dead, charles. and we can’t even bury him.”charles: …erik: “ – but we can avenge him.”

and i know the meta is only supposed to stick to xm/fc but! how significant is this response, for raven, even in do/fp? she loses all her friends and her response is vengeance, and it’s something both erik and raven are On Board for. it’s both of their instinct to hit back, hard, instead of turning the other cheek / taking it / giving up. MORE SIMILARITIES!

and then they’re at westchester, and erik is Dragging charles for his ( presumably ) easy life, literally Unable to consider for a Second tht maybe :0 ur family ISN’T always lookin out for ur best interests :0 i love him sfm, ADN THEN RAVNE SLIDES IN!

fig. 12:

erik: “i don’t know how you survived, charles, living in such hardship.”raven: “well, it was a hardship softened by me.”

honestly she looks like she’s gonna somehow beat the shit out of him if he ever Thinks abt pressing charles or taking the piss ever Again. but also? look at the lil smirk on her face, look at how erik’s face is just “r u srs” – she’s also absolutely rubbing it in his face that she’s known charles Longer and knows him Better. and he just. lets it be. bc he can’t say anything abt it in front of charles. she’s so. unbelievable.

icb we’re only on the training sequence, we haven’t even gotten to my fave bits. ONE SWEET N GENTLE MOMENT THAT I LOVE IN THIS TRAINING SEQUENCE THO is when sean squawks his way out the window.

erik, in the miami scene, to charles: GET OFF ME!erik, now, in the training sequence:

AND THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME!!! that he lets her in close, that he’s Open to her physically touching him ( even like this, even in this skin that he Hates her wearing! ) when she communicates so strongly with touch. you can see it better in this gifset but i’m also gonna post screencaps because raven LITERALLY is leaning on his back to see how sean goes ka-put. literally! leaning on him! HE IS LETTING HER WITHIN HIS PHYSICAL PROXIMITY LIKE THIS! erik “GET! OFF! ME!” lehnsherr is letting her!!! i Die

also another thing is that while charles is busy Seriously Training everyone else, erik included, raven’s been … given weights to do. it’s … so condescending, even if it does come from a place of wanting to protect her ( in which case, charles, u probs should’ve left her in oxford but wait! u Couldn’t Trust her to keep her shift up and not fuck up or be able to deal w/ her fuck ups bc she’s an adult, so here we are! ) AND THE ONE PERSON WHO GIVES HER SOLID ADVICE, the one person who DOES seem to take it as a Given that she’ll be Part of a Big Battle w/ the hellfire club, the one person who gives her pointers that are for the purpose of helping her SURVIVE – is erik. while everyone else is focused … on everyone else, erik is focused on raven. while charles is focused on making everyone else unlock their full potential by learning how to accept themselves and their mutations, erik focuses on unlocking raven’s full potential by helping her learn how to accept herself and her mutation.

erik: “if you’re using half your concentration to look normal, then you’re only half-paying attention to whatever else you’re doing. just pointing out something that could save your life.” [drops the weights.]raven: [catches the weights, but drops her shift.] …erik: “you want society to accept you, but you can’t even accept yourself.”

crossing over with @mutantism ‘s headcanon for erik & clothing – he’s dressed in short sleeves for this “Lesson” in self-acceptance. is it premeditated? is it deliberate? does he use it as evidence of he, himself, being Other in the eyes of The People, to create and deepen a connection between them, knowing full well how Other raven feels? you decide. bop it. ( my tiny hc is always that erik does more than just this One Scene; he does focus on her, and help to train her, while charles is focused on everyone else, but we’re here for meta Only and firmly sticking to what’s available in the materials. )

next, is the big controversial scene: raven shows up in erik’s room. there’s plenty of build-up for this, and this isn’t even the culmination of their relationship or even a Peak Point ( which comes much later, in cuba ) but, in case people still aren’t Seeing It, here’s what we’ve got:

erik knows what raven Really Looks Like before hank does;

erik Actively Expresses the idea that he doesn’t think she needs to change to fit society’s standards – and certainly not change to fit hank’s standards;

erik is Watching Her and she Knows It;

there are plenty of similarities between them, which are also differences between them and charles;

raven teasing erik and getting away with it;

erik focuses on raven’s development whilst charles ignores it in favour of The Other Mutants;

erik lets raven within his physical proximity and allows her physical touch – the same way he allows charles’ physical proximity and his physical touch ( so kiss my goddamn ass toxic che/rik shippers who insist charles is The Only Important Person in erik’s life );

erik Wholeheartedly Likes how she looks and Makes It Known Repeatedly.

okay, now next: a breakdown of this scene.

erik: “well, this is a surprise.” raven: “the nice kind?”erik: “get out, raven, i wanna go to bed. maybe in a few years.”raven: [shifts into an older self.] “how about now?”erik: “i prefer the real raven.”raven: [shifts back into her blonde self.]erik: “i said the real raven.”raven: [drops her shift.]erik: “perfection.”

important things to pick up on here: the fact that erik rejects her, even when she’s shifted herself into what she’d look like in a few years is significant because it means that he doesn’t actually think she’s too young – he means, in a few years, when she’s moved past her self-image issues, when she’s grown out of the need to please society. he means in terms of maturity ( which! is a constant theme of the men in her life, thinking she’s Immature and so, incapable of making decisions / knowing what she Really Wants ), especially with regards to her self-esteem.

look at how smug she looks when he says the real raven that first time. she’s absolutely testing him, and she’s viciously smug when she feels like she’s been proven right; that he prefers this raven. this is, to erik ( the way it is to hank, and to charles, and to everyone in her life ) – the real raven. compare this to how vulnerable she looks when he keeps insisting on the real raven.

she even looks back to check that this is what he means – that he means what she thinks he does, when he says the real raven. the raven that she feels is her real self – who is her real self – is also the one he’s talking about. checking to see if she’s assumed wrongly about what he thinks. and! she hasn’t!

look at how he looks at her! my heart is melting! im honestly dying! you assholes can Meme tf out of this as much as you want but it’s so important! his eyes are so soft on her, esp when you compare it to the earlier training scene where she was lifting weights and hiding! it kills me!

okay, the next part of the transcript:

raven: “could you pass me my robe?”erik: “you don’t have to hide. have you ever looked at a tiger and thought you ought to cover it up?”raven: “no. but – “erik: “you’re an exquisite creature, raven. all your life, the world’s tried to tame you. it’s time for you to be free.”

okay, i laugh ALL THE TIME at this tiger speech but? it’s so Much. raven is immediately feeling vulnerable and exposed around erik, feeling even more vulnerable because he can see how much she’s affected by his insistence – and his response is to ( clumsily ) tell her that she doesn’t have to hide around him, ( their entire relationship! is BUILT on acceptance and honesty! ) that she shouldn’t hide bc!!! she looks So Cool, like!!! like a tiger!!! that’s how cool she is!!! it’s the cutest thing? erik obviously trying for reassurance!

you can see that when he touches her face, too. keep in mind, this is erik “GET! OFF! ME!” lehnsherr, who has passively accepted physical touch, and initiated it once ( 1 ) time with a knee pat with charles ( feel free to correct me if i’m remembering it wrong! ), is holding her face. he holds her face and leans in and kisses her, because she communicates by touch, because it costs him so much to do this but the cost is worth it to reassure her! from the very beginning, them being squished in that tiny car together, their relationship is so defined by the give/take of physical touch!

and, most importantly, how this tiny close-mouthed kiss is enough reassurance for her. she doesn’t demand anything more – doesn’t need anything more from him ( at this point in time ), and he doesn’t need more from her at this point either. this is when their relationship makes the turn from ACCEPTANCE & BLUNT HONESTY and growing into something that also has UNDERSTANDING.

next up, my two fave cutie pies being cute!!!

erik, seeing an opportunity, legit just? drags her? after spending a few secs tryna catch her eye, looking over charles, and then he says hank’s been busy with tht stupid? insinuating tone? she just glares at him and? he smirks? like the little SHIT he is? I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!! when will ur faves ever?!

and this bit, right before they board the blackbird is so fckn EXTRA like i can’t? believe?

im crying just! she’s just asked where’s hank? and erik has legit spent a good 30 seconds or so just staring at her, bordering on incredulity, and she’s smirked just as hank has spoken – you can see charles in the bg turning to face hank, which raven would’ve seen, so she knows he’s arrived, but she legit is just. holding erik’s gaze. she’s SMIRKING! erik can’t believe this! and neither can i!

but this is such a good, defining point of their relationship – that she can give as good as she gets, and so can he! i cry about it! and also, erik side-eyeing hank pt 2 ( because, another tiny hc sorry! but you can Bet that raven tells erik Exactly what hank says! )

and this is so important to me, that erik is still so Suspicious because! the audacity / self-centeredness of hank coming up to raven seeking her reassurance after he said she was more beautiful when she was hidden! that her natural form would never be accepted – that he could never accept it! and erik!!! being so Suspicious and disapproving of this!!!

ok anyway, next up, i’m gonna try and point Important things out in cuba without .. crying about cuba. so! the blackbird crashes, everyone is screaming, charles and erik have their Iconique scene where erik and charles are screaming together, as couples do, and he’s using himself as a safety belt.

now, focus on this next bit, after they get up off the floor. charles goes to unbuckle moira and erik gets up … and unbuckles raven. look:

that little figure w/ the booty bending down is charles – and the figure w a flatter booty unbuckling raven is erik.

my tiny children!!!

and then, another Fave ( and important ) scene: erik after killing shaw, after the missiles go off, and charles tackles him, even in a disassociated state, lashing out at everyone, telling them all to back tf off and MAKING them back off …

lashes out at charles …

but not raven.

even in this mental state where he’s clearly Not Okay, there’s no part of him that sees raven as a Threat, that sees her as being on a side that’s against him. he sees a threat in moira, in the rest of the fc, in charles – but not in raven. he throws them all physically away, except for raven.

and, once he’s made his Speech, the way they look at each other? that cements this? he looks at her like he Knows, and she looks at him, having made her choice already.

she walks forward and she! she doesn’t even look back at hank or alex or sean, she doesn’t look back at any of them!!! what makes her waver for a second is the fact tht charles is bleeding and just got shot, but erik clearly doesn’t hold it against her. and he CLEARLY doesn’t expect her to stay with charles because he … lets her go to charles, lets her talk to him and say her goodbyes. ( again! how much of their relationship is built on acceptance! on understanding! erik understanding that she cares abt charles! even as she resents him! ) just holding his hand out when she’s ready!

their relationship was always headed this way from the start! they’re similar, their relationship – unlike most of the other relationships in this movie – are based on mutual understanding, and honesty, and acceptance! it’s a much more Lowkey story than the big, sweeping che/rik romance that is the Highlight and driving point of most of xm/fc but! it’s there! it’s definitely there and a Key Story as well! you don’t have to squint that hard to see it!

anyways this got long but basically, they love each other

references

screencapped.orgsuperheroscreencaps.comthis gifset

#mutantism #queries. ▬ reconnaissance.#written. ▬ ravencanons.#meta tag tbt #footage. ▬ xmen: first class.#r. ▬ when is a monster not a monster?#LISTNE!!!!#this is v image and text heavy BUT THEY'RE SO IMPORTANT TO ME AND I LOVE THEM #AND I NEVER GET TO ANALYSE ANYTHING FOR THEM SO HERE U GO!!!!#no one def has to Agree With Me abt this ofc! so like lmao don't go reblogging it w/ a point by point Refutation bc thats just Extra #but this is just what i can see in the movie tht def meant erikraven didn't come 'out of Nowhere' as ppl like to say in the fandom sooo #*ship manifesto #long post /#i've been meaning to do these ship manifests for like.........all my canon ships but this is a Good Start and now im Weeping so...........

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youremyonlyhope · 6 years ago

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The Eleventh Hour

Finally onto Matt Smith’s Eleventh Doctor. It only took 5 years.

I vaguely remember when Matt premiered... wait, let me see when it was actually first aired... April 3rd 2010. I was in 8th grade. I remember a girl I knew saying that the new Doctor looked like a guy in our class. I did not agree. Aaannnddd that’s all I remember about the first time this episode aired. I think I was in the room when my mom watched it, but I did not pay attention. Or maybe I did. We’ll see if I get deja vu.

Aww he’s hanging from the TARDIS. Like in The Day of the Doctor. Awwww. Ok. I’m excited for Matt’s run if only for 2013. Once again, Amazon freezes within the first minute. Is this some glitch? It always happens to me. And if I skip a few seconds it’s fine. Every time. New opening sequence. Cue a billion fans raging. So is this Amy’s theme? Or is it just the sad song theme of this season? “Please, please send someone to fix it. Or a policeman.” The Doctor is both. Ok. Now it seems that it’s my internet that’s making everything freeze. Ugh.

I paused for like 10 minutes to let it load. Looked up some crochet patterns. Settled on a pattern. Pressed play. And got to watch 1 minute before it froze again. Ughhhhhhhh.

I give up for now. I’ll try again tomorrow

OK IT’S TOMORROW

Matt honestly looks 5 years old. Me with apples. I watched that entire food sequence with the biggest smile on my face. I forgot how adorable that scene is. “I’ll keep it for later” Ok literally, I was like “OH MY GOD. It turns into an I O U later on!!!... Wait no that’s Sherlock.” and then I laughed at myself. It’s my fault for watching Sherlock around the same time I first watched Doctor Who. Also, that’s foreshadowing since I’m 99% sure it does come back I just can’t remember how. Wait. No. I just remembered it comes back later in this episode. That’s not as fun. “Everything’s going to be fine.” Well at least the Doctor’s honest when he’s lying. For a second I was like “Isn’t this episode called the Girl Who Waited?” but then I paused to check the name and before even checking I was like “No Hope you idiot it’s the Eleventh Hour.” OOOohhhhh showing the clock. Misleading us. I see you. Wacking him in the head with a cricket bat was the right call, Amy. And acting like she has backup coming. Wow. Good job. I’m impressed. Oh Rory. “Why does nobody ever listen to me?” I forgot it was in sticky stuff... “I don’t know. Getting dressed.” He’s right though, it’s changing. Yep the teeth freaked me out the first time. “What?” “Come on.” “What?” “COME ON.” “WHAT!?” Oooohhhhh... I forgot that the human residence was the entire Earth... ok. That little confused spin was adorable. “I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everybody’s aunt.” Now that’s a quote. My baby Sir Percival! Oh, I need to finish Merlin. But I don’t want to. Also, I love Sir Percival so much. Seeing Tom Hopper makes me happy. This little town may not have much but it’s adorable. “Then I grew up.” “Oh, you never want to do that.” Oh that’s for sure.

This is such a good shot. The Doctor analyzing everything he’s seeing. Must have taken FOREVER. Also, Rory was born in 1990. Did not notice that before. But mathematically, it makes sense. Yep, there’s the apple. See, what I had hoped would happen would be it coming back through the crack in a future episode, but then I remembered that all it does is come back as proof of time travel. Oh that poor lady on the scooter though. “Not him, the good looking one.” “Thanks.” “Jeff.” “Ooooh thanks.” Awww. I love Rory though. “Oh, and delete your internet history.” A lesson that Twelve would forget about. Driving a firetruck through a hospital... literally the most chaotic thing the Doctor has ever done. “The universe will crack. The Pandorica will open. Silence will fall.” Starting the ongoing arch now. “Who da man? .... Oh I’m never saying that again. Fine.” Awww. I FORGOT ABOUT THE AMY THING. Prisoner Zero’s smart though to save Amy’s form for a rainy day. OOOOOH THE FORM WAS THE DOCTOR. OOOH. EVEN SMARTER. OOOOHHHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT. “Is that what I look like?” “You don’t know?” “Busy day.” OH BOTH OF THEIR FORMS. OK. Wait, Amy’s updo is way too intricate to have been done in like a minute. It looks like it needs a lot of pins. “Did he just save the world from aliens and then just bring all the aliens back again?!” Oh Rory. Aww the little spin. Does Eleven always spin? Did I never notice this? Nearly forgot that the Doctor literally stole his clothes. Oh I almost wish he had picked that bright red corduroy jacket that Rory’s holding.

I love that scene. Showing all the Doctors. Especially my baby Nine, my heart. “I’m the Doctor. Basically... run.” Love it. He tells his companions to run with him, he tells his enemies to run away.

Oh wow, in the shot of the ship flying away, he was already reaching for the TARDIS key a little early. “Oh you sexy thing” I forgot how much Eleven flirts with his TARDIS. That shot of young Amelia gets reused at least once more, right? “And the swimming pool was in the library.” “Yeah. Not sure where it’s gotten to now. It’ll turn up.” Love it. HE LEARNED TO SNAP OPEN THE TARDIS FROM RIVER. ALREADY FORESHADOWING THAT SHE’LL TURN UP. “So, all of time and space, everything that happened or ever will... where do you wanna start?” I love that line. “Thanks, dear.” I do enjoy how much Eleven loves his TARDIS. Thirteen’s like that too. Also, I’m kind of glad that I can compare him to Thirteen as I watch. If I had actually kept up with this rewatch and gotten to him in like 2014 then I’d not be able to compare him to anyone but maybe Twelve if it was the end of 2014. “Just that. Promise.” Doctor, stop having ulterior motives. “I am definitely a madman with a box.” Aaanddd that’s the line that started it.

As I watched this episode, I was thinking that maybe I had seen the entire episode when it aired... but I couldn’t really remember. Once I got to the end, I knew I definitely had since I remember the wedding dress and being like “...MOM WAS SHE GETTING MARRIED?!?!?!?!” as if my mom would know more than me after watching the same episode I did.

I’m mad at that Coming Soon preview that played. Oh my god. It spoiled EVERYTHING. At first I was thinking I should pause to write “I hate that they showed River’s face in the preview, eagle eyed fans would spot that” BUT THEN IT GOT WORSE. IT SHOWED RIVER SAYING LINES. IT SHOWED THE CYBERMAN HEAD. IT SHOWED THE WEEPING ANGELS. THE DALEKS. BILL NIGHY. Why did they give away EVERYTHING about this season in the preview?!??!?!?!?!?!

Remind me to start telling newer fans to skip the previews either all the time or at the very least at the start of each season. Ugh.

Ok. So. I really loved this episode. It’s great. I’d forgotten a lot. I enjoyed it a lot. I even enjoyed Amy, and she’s my least favorite companion. I’m half doing this to give her a second chance. I can’t really remember exactly what it is about her that my 16-year-old self did not like, maybe how she treated Rory? I don’t know. I’ll either find out because it will still annoy me, or never figure out what I hated because now I’ll love her. We’ll see. I love Rory though.

I remember one of the counselors at my high school said to me “You know. I never thought I’d ever like a male companion more than I loved Mickey. Until Rory came around.” and I was like THOSE ARE MY EXACT FEELINGS. I thought no one could top Mickey in my heart, but Rory is up there.

Also, I realized that since I started Doctor Who during Eleven’s time (2012), I think a lot of Eleven’s sayings stuck with me since that’s what the fandom would reference during that time. Like Madman in a Box. That seems so iconically Doctor to me, but didn’t become a thing until Eleven. Yet I guess because I already knew that line, it’s just stuck with me the entire time I’ve been a fan.

Let’s get back into doing a continuity tracking section in these posts since I haven’t done that since I finished Season 4 (which was 4 almost 5 years ago).

Continuity: Crack in the wall/time/universe The Pandorica will open Silence will fall (X2) “The Girl Who Waited” Sexy TARDIS Swimming pool comes in handy SNAPPING OPEN THE TARDIS FORESHADOWS RIVER Hanging from the TARDIS like Day of the Doctor (bit of a stretch, just let me have this)

And just for fun, since I want to see if it’s actually a thing, let’s count the number of time Eleven spins around: 2

ALSO. Guys. These episodes don’t have as much emotional baggage as Ten’s specials, so I feel like I could just move on to the next episode immediately. I don’t need to give myself time to recover. Yay!

#hope rewatches doctor who #ignore me if you want

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justintimbershit · 7 years ago

Note

1-116

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m confused as to why this is double spaced. i don’t want it to be double spaced, yet its double spaced. why? fuck off.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

occassionally but not on a regular basis which is tragic

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

no. thats fun.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

i trust too easily but i shouldn’t and it bothers me but like, when it matters i don’t trust that easily. i don’t think.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

sitting in bed thinking i should sleep and then not sleeping for a couple hours bc I’m annoying as fuuuuuUUuuuuUuuck

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

molly and lex definitely lol

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

probably cry forever and die

8: Are you close with your dad?

not really but its fine

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

i didn't

10: What are you listening to?

jennifer talk like always when I’m doing these questions

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

probably just water so then i can add flavoring #hacks

12: Do you like hickeys?

yes they’re nice

13: What time do you go to bed?

whenever the fuck i want I’m an adult, but usually not before midnight ever

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

nacho boy. this bitch. like u bought me nachos. then told me u wish u were buying me nachos. and then u tell me u wanna not talk bc ur talking to another girl. how many times can u fuckin say we’ll hang out then cancel on me then tell me i look hot then tell me ur busy for the rest of ur life then tell me u want me then ignore me and let our snap streak die. fuck YOU.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

not as quickly but i can still do it

16: Do you always answer your texts?

usually always yes. unless I’m ignoring u. but even then ill answer eventually.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

ummMmmMm idk who i fell hardest for tbh. but chances are yes bc i hate everyone

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

im one of those ppl who constantly has to talk to her friends so like…5 seconds ago lol

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

JOEY!!!! THE LOML!!!! he picked me up last time i saw him despite him being literally half my weight. i love him. he could never make me sad. he’s one of my safe spots. always happy in his arms.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

ummmmm i was waiting for a boy to message me back so probably about him tbh

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

there is not………that i can see

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

justin timberlake would say yes so i say yes

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

no. i am 75634728930% happier now than i was four months ago. i love college. but I’m still not happy. just happier. ya KNOW

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

ye i don’t know if things are necessarily broken but they def need fixing but also I’m not gonna try if they’re not gonna try YA FEEL

25: In the past week, have you cried?

yes. i cried over a dog.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

white.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

my teachers used to but not really anymore

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

umm the love of my life on tinder is potentially ignoring me or is maybe just really busy i don’t know but i love him and want him to message me back. also, nacho boy like always but iM OVER IT.

29: Do you have a best friend?

id say i have many

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

no. lol

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

mary was my last text and my mother my last call

32: Are you mad at anyone?

everyone tbh. i hate people. I’m mad at everyone forever.

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yes like…..4 hours ago

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

35: How many more days until your birthday?

ONE MONTH EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

lmao tf no i don’t even have plans for tomorrow

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

yes joseph and peter r cool

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

i do not really think so, but who tf knows

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

i do not really think so?

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

not that i recall. i mean like now looking back, yes, obviously. but at the time no.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

to an extent yes but also to an extent no

42: Are you available?

not emotionally but physically

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

like………i don’t even know if my feelings are real. don’t fucking ask me this. bye.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

nips

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

i think so, if its the right kind of exes ya but shits never gonna work if there r still feelings

46: Do you regret anything?

yes, being born

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

how fuckin TIRED I AM I WANNA DIE

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

indeed i have, my dude

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

i wouldn’t say so

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

bc hes involved w Satan (the girl not the devil) and i cant deal w that right now

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

no he has not

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

ummmm we haven’t talked since he dropped me off but he may text me tomorrow but I’m not about to text him first

53: What was the last thing you ate?

restaurant style tortilla chips made w 7 seeds and grains

54: Did you get any compliments today?

i think so. if the boy i had sex w didn’t compliment me i shouldn’t have had sex w him. I’m sure he said something

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

i don’t even know if I’m going on a next vacation

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

i do not think so, which is tragic

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

girls currently

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

illinois all my life which is LAME

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

friday when my mom picked me up from school and drove me home 3 hours

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

yes in like 7th grade lol but not since i do not believe

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

i don’t think so?

62: Who do you text the most?

ummm this is a great question. maybe mary or ola.

63: What was the last movie you saw?

i watched zootopia yesterday. i think it was yesterday. idk but i think that was the last movie i saw. unless I’m going crazy. wait jk i watched the beginning of mr. woodcock tonight but didn’t finish it

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

i don’t have a current boyfriend/girlfriend

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

zero

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

no he is not U ALREADY ASKED THIS

67: Do you curse around your parents?

nope they’d kill me i think

68: Are you happy with where you live?

i suppose. it could be better but it could also be much worse

69: Picture of yourself?

imagine a pile of shit inside a trash can filled w trash….thats me

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

i like monogamy if its w a good person ya know.

71: Have you ever been dumped?

i do not believe so because i don’t recall ever being in a relationship

72: What do you most like about making out?

when they stop making out w u and kiss ur neck

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

yes, thats what all my make out sessions r like. I’ve never seriously been involved w anyone ever

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

1000% other person bc I’m a PUSSY

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

smile but also like…abs. fuck me up

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

either alex or sam

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

that has indeed happened lmao.

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

that has thankfully not happened.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

when boys call me baby :))))))) and flirts w me :))))))))) i love attention and boys being nice to me

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

ummm. depends what ‘involved with’ means. fuck? yes. date? no.

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

no bc nobody has ever had a crush on me lol

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

i tell my friends and i have a decent amount of friends.

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

my last sweetie does not exist, sweetie. jeez get off my fuckin case bro.

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

probs never. i don’t ever recall slow dancing w anyone

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

that was never a thing that happened.

86: How can I win your heart?

PUPPIES and soft blankets and FOOOOD

87: What is your astrological sign?

sagittarius

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

nothing much different from what i was doing at 11pm last night

89: Do you cook?

i do not :(

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

no bc i have no old flame

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

kinda, ya. :(

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

ummm. i don’t wanna fall into a relationship too quick but also if i like someone i wanna date them ya know

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

nice hair, nice smile, nice body

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

1. a smoothie

2. a boy to cuddle me to sleep rn

3. medicine to cure my brain

4. money

95: Are you a player?

i wouldn’t consider myself to be

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

according to the definition of a day being 24 hours i believe yes but according to my definition of a day being from when you wake up to when you go to sleep no.

97: Are you a tease?

I’ve been called a tease but i don’t think i permanently am. i just looked hot and had to get attention from a boy

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

i don’t think so???

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

yes. justin timberlake

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

probs

101: Hugs or Kisses?

hugs

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

yes 100%

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

smile

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

YES

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

um id probs talk to them about it but tell them i wouldn’t if they were still in a relationship regardless ya know

106: Do you flirt a lot?

i try but i fail a lot

107: Your last kiss?

like 4 hours ago w a boy named colin

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

yes

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

yes

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

justin timberlake or brandon saad

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

i have a solid idea

112: Does someone like you currently?

i think so yes. possibly multiple guys yike

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

i do and it HURTS

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

id like to be in a relationship but everyone i want to be in a relationship w makes it impossible to do so

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

yes. i have, thank u v much

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

ive never been in. a relationship so i don’t have anything to compare it to.

#questions

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