#also if its in the sequel. no one tell me. please. i've been trying so hard to avoid spoilers. for once in my life. NO SPOILYS.

[freakingpeepseverywhere]

eepy chickens.

[ivarlover]

UNPREDICTABLE

Part 2 (sequel #4 to UNLEASHED, UNDENIABLE, and UNEXPECTED)

Alex + Modern Ivar

Mentions of Female Reader + Hvitserk

NSFW 18+ ONLY

If you're new here and want to catch up, just go to my pinned master list. The first chapter is UNLEASHED, then UNDENIABLE, then UNEXPECTED, and now UNPREDICTABLE...

This was supposed to be just a one-shot, but here we are. At this point, I have no idea how many chapters this will end up consiating of. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it!🔥

Summary: During a hot weekend with your classmate, Alex, and his best friend, Ivar, the two of them had their own fun together. And now, it had turned into an entire relationship between the two of them that neither of them had seen coming. Now, that reality has set in, they navigate the relationship, and all that comes along with it, the good, the bad, and the unexpected. Now that they were just getting into the swing of things and finding their groove, Ivar's ex fiance comes back into the picture, and it seems she is sure to shake things up.

Warnings, The sequel in general: Totally NSFW, Unprotected anal sex (male receiving), oral, male to male contact and more, a bad case of the feels, language, smut, with me, there is ALWAYS smut. 🤣 Each chapter will have it's own warnings.

This chapter: Language, smut, of course, oral, major case of the feels, *inaccurate medical descriptions, diagnosis, and practices,* a disgusting pervert, Ivar being Ivar

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Words: I don't know, but WAY TOO MANY

*Let me know if you want on or off the tag list!*

Note from me: My apologies for how long this has taken, but hopefully, the length of this chapter will make up for it.... ok, who am I kidding? The length of this chapter needs an apology of its own, too. Oops! Sorry!

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The last few days had basically been hell: hell for Ivar, hell for Alex, and really, even hell for Katia. Ivar had been trying to be the patient, understanding boyfriend, but the longer he was away from Alex, the angrier he was becoming.

After Alex had left Ivar's that night, Ivar spent most of the night trying to get him to answer his phone. He decided not to drive to Alex's apartment, no matter how tempting, because he knew if he'd been so upset that he'd left without a word, that he clearly needed the time to himself. And besides, he wasn't sure, exactly, why he'd left anyway, because he thought they'd cleared everything up when they were in the car.

He also knew that if Alex was pissed about him getting Katia out of the bathtub while she was naked, he'd have to wait until Alex was calm, because while Katia wasn't someone he wanted to be with, she was still the mother of his child, and Ivy loves her. He couldn't sit back and let something happen to her just because she wasn't dressed. He didn't see her that way anymore and wasn't even thinking about her body. Thus, he knew if that was why Alex left, then maybe it was best they didn't see each other just yet. He didn't want to say anything out of anger that he'd later regret. Just thinking about it pissed him off, and he definitely didn't need to make things way worse by actually telling Alex to kiss his ass if that's what he was mad about. No, he needed a better approach. Surely, Alex knew his feelings for him and how he wanted to be with him and him only.

Ivar had finally talked to Hvitserk and Y/N about it and got some advice. He knew Alex had talked to Y/N about everything by now. Y/N had a way of putting things into perspective for Alex.

"Look man, all I know is that I sure as fuck didn't leave my room or my comfortable bed at your place to come couch surfing a few days between Y/N's and Ubbe's just so fucking Katia would have you all to her fucking self! I'm sure she's over the fucking moon happy, thinking she's won. You better find Alex, and you better fucking fix this!" Hvitserk spat out to Ivar. "Like, how the hell did you even find yourself in this situation to begin with? You should have let her ass go back to Russia, and you could have just flown out there in the jet to see Ivy every weekend, Shit for Brains! If you'd just ever fucking listen to me, I mean, I am the big brother here, you'd be fine! But no, you fucking think you know everything. I'm telling you, you better fix this! That man loves you!"

"Hvits, you know we have the club to tend to on the weekends. It would have just not been possible to leave here every weekend. Plus, who the fuck says I want to only see my child on the weekends? Oh, and Hvits?"

"Yeah?"

"I know you haven't been sleeping on Y/N's fucking couch! Not once!" Ivar laughed.

Hvitserk snarled and...

Snatching the phone from Hvitserk, Y/N told Ivar, "Look, just go to him, what was it, Shit for Brains? Seriously, you two are so difficult and for no reason. Do you know how lucky you are to have found a love like yours? Now, don't piss it away!"

"But, umm, what if..."

"Ivar, stop. You know I've talked to him. Just go. Do you need me to come watch Ivy for you? I will."

Ivar considered it, thoughtfully, "Umm, you seriously wouldn't umm, mind?"

She sighed, "Get ready. Hvits and I are on the way. We'll be there as soon as we can. And yes, we can stay the night if you need us to."

Hvitserk elbowed her, and gave her a dirty look to which she scolded him by simply looking back at him sternly. He dropped his head and smiled. He knew he was whipped.

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"Katia is already sleeping, and I just laid Ivy down. It should be pretty quiet here," Ivar told Y/N and Hvitserk, standing in his doorway about to practically jump out of his skin. "And if you need anything..."

"Yeah, yeah, we'll call you. Go already before I change my mind and take Y/N back to her place and have my way with her," Hvitserk half laughed.

"Yeah, like you won't still do that anyway here in your room," Ivar laughed. "I just ask that you wash your own sheets this time!" Ivar grinned, and patted him on the back.

"Fuck you!"

"Love you, too, brother," Ivar said as he hugged Y/N. "Seriously, thank you, Babe."

"Hey! She's not your fucking babe!" Hvitserk snarled, "Anymore at least. Not since she found the best Lothbrok," he grinned, smacking Y/N on the ass.

"Ok, ok. Enough already. Go, Ivar, and stop stalling. It's going to be ok," Y/N said, shoving him on out the door. Winking at him, she added, "Go get 'em, tiger!"

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Ivar had been gone for maybe 30 minutes. Y/N and Hvitserk were settled and snuggled on the sofa together, watching TV, when they heard the sound of a bell.

"What the fuck is that?"

"Oh, it must be Katia. Alex told me she had a bell to ring if she needed something during the night and Ivar didn't hear the baby monitor," Y/N informed Hvitserk. "Stay here. I'll go check it out."

"The fuck you will! I'll go with you. She's toxic, Y/N. The last thing I need is her getting in your head. And a baby monitor? Really?" Hvitserk seemed to know her better than anyone.

"At least my stupid baby brother had enough sense to make her room downstairs and not on the same floor with his. I can only imagine the shit she'd try to pull," Hvitserk said under his breath as they got to her door.

Putting her finger to her lips, Y/N whispered, "Listen!"

Behind the closed door, they could hear Katia, "Ivar? Ivar, can you hear me? I just woke up from a really bad dream," Katia whinned. "Can you please bring me a glass of water and my pills?"

"Is this bitch fucking serious? Surely my fucking brother is not this fucking stupid and gullible!" Hvitserk's face was of complete disgust. "It's time she learned tonight."

"Hvitserk! Don't!" was all Y/N managed to get out of her mouth before he slammed the door open.

"Ivar?" Katia asked in the dark.

"Nope. Even better," Hvitserk turned on the lights.

Holding up her hands to block the bright light, Katia asked, "Hvitserk? Wh-what are you doing here?" Y/N walked in the room. "Oh and Y/N? What's going on?"

Ivar isn't here tonight, so we're playing nice. What do you want?" Hvitserk grinned, knowing she was shitting gold bricks.

"Umm, well, I had a bad dream and umm..."

"What are you, fucking 12? Roll the fuck over and go back to sleep. You don't need to call Ivar because of some damn dream!"

"Hvitserk!" Y/N scolded him.

"No, you know I'm right, Y/N, and someone needs to set her ass straight." He turned back to Katia, "He let you stay here because of Alex! Ok? Let's not forget that! Alex convinced him it would be better than you leaving for Russia again. And then, without any apparent conscious of any kind, you go and start playing all the stupid games."

"Games? What games? What are you even talking about, Hvitserk?" Katia tried playing innocent, but she quickly realized it wasn't going to work with him.

Walking a little closer to her, Hvitserk answered her, "You know, damn good and well, what I'm talking about."

"But, Hvitserk, I really d...." She began again.

"Whatever. I really don't give a fuck, anyway, so just whatever," Hvitserk cleared his throat. "Now, what did you need? When you thought it was just Ivar here?"

"Umm, I just l need uh, my medicine," she responded, sounding a bit embarrassed. "Oh, and Hvitserk?"

"Yeah?"

"Despite what you may think of me, I do love your brother, and all I want is for him to be happy."

Y/N name tried to step in front of Hvitserk, but he was too fast. He bent down above Katia, pointing his finger at her, "If that was true, you'd leave him alone. Anyone, who has any sense at all, can see my baby brother is happier than he's ever been. Like it or not, he's in love with Alex, and you, of all people, should know that when Ivar loves, he loves hard. Why would you want to destroy that? You've had your chance, Katia."

"But how can you be so sure Alex can make him happier than I can? He can't provide Ivar with a big family, like he's always wanted. I can."

"Well, for fucking starters, he's never lied to him or manipulated him. He doesn't play games with him and toy with his emotions. He just loves him. Simply. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from him, actually."

"But, Hvitserk," Katia began.

"Ok, that's enough, you two. We're obviously not making any progress like this," Y/N said, finally interrupting her. "Hvits, could you please go get her a glass of water?"

Katia was relieved that Y/N had intervened, "Thank you, Y/N. I'm not sure how much more of that I could take."

Knowing Katia had assumed wrongly of her, Y/N quickly replied, "Oh, just because he left the room doesn't mean you're in the clear. Look, he's right, and you know he is. If you truly love Ivar as much as you say you do, then finally do something selfless for him for a change, and just let him go. You know he's happy. That's why you're doing everything in your power to destroy it, and look, I understand. He's a pretty magnificent man, but you need to come to terms with the fact that your time has passed, and move on." Y/N stared straight into Katia's eyes, making her uncomfortable and causing her to look away. "Katia, I'll be straight forward with you, here," she grinned, "The truth of the matter is, I'm sick of your shit! Period. And where the boys, Alex, Ivar, nor even Hvitserk, can do anything to you, you know they'd never lay a finger on you, I can. It's not beneath me to resort to violence. So, let that sink in, why don't you?"

Hvitserk came in with the glass of water. "What the hell did I miss?" he asked as he saw the scared look on Katia's face and the snarl across Y/N's.

"Oh, nothing," Y/N looked away from her to Hvitserk. "Katia was just saying how sorry she is for all the trouble she's caused." Looking back at Katia, she asked, "Isn't that right, Katia?"

Katia swallowed, her mouth dry, and reached for the water from Hvitserk. "Oh, umm, yes? I guess?" She took her pills and drank nearly all of the water.

"Good. Now, all you need is to stop calling Ivar over a fucking dream like a little girl, and pull your shit together. Good night," Hvitserk said as they walked to the door, and he turned the lights back off. "You can still call if you need anything," he said as he began to close the door, "But, it sure as hell better be something real that you actually need and not some crybaby shit!"

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Ivar got out of his car and leaned back against it, looking at Alex's front door. He started to walk toward it, but then he turned back to his car. He did that at least two more times. What if Alex was still mad? Or worse, what if Alex didn't want to see or talk to him? He knew he couldn't handle much more heartache. He was worried Alex had finally saw what he'd always felt, that he wasn't good enough. He held his head down. What the hell was he even doing here?

He turned around to his car again and opened the car door.

"Are you going to come in, or are you going to dance around in my front yard all night like a mad man?" Ivar heard from behind him.

Ivar turned around, "Oh, umm, Alex. I-I'm, umm, I was just..." Ivar stumbled over his words.

"Pacing a hole in my yard?" Alex half laughed. "Well? Are you gonna come inside?"

Ivar looked up, blushing, "I, umm, I'm sorry. Yes. If that's ok with you?"

Alex motioned at the open doorway, "Ya think?"

Ivar smiled and went to the door. He walked inside and gently closed the door behind him. He stood there at the front door, looking around nervously.

"I won't bite, ya know?" Ivar heard Alex from the kitchen. "I mean, not unless you want me to." They both laughed, and Ivar's nerves eased a little. Alex stuck his head around the corner, "Come in here with me."

Ivar walked into the kitchen and found Alex at the counter with the blender. He sat down on a stool.

"I was about to make some mixed drinks. Want one?" Alex looked at Ivar tentatively.

Ivar swallowed loudly, "Umm, yeah. Uh, yes, please." He watched Alex as he turned around and made the drinks. Alex always made some of the best mixed drinks. He was actually known for it at the bar.

He moved around in the kitchen with flow and ease. He turned back to Ivar for a quick moment and smiled a smile that could only be compared to that of an angel. Damn, Ivar loved that man! He had to make this right.

Alex poured the drinks and turned to give Ivar his. As Ivar grabbed the drink, his hand landed on top of Alex's. He didn't move it but continued to hold onto Alex's hand as they sat the drink down and stared into eachother's eyes. As they let go of the glass, Ivar held Alex's hand in his and never turned away from Alex's gaze.

Holding onto Alex's hand, Ivar pulled him around the counter until he was standing in front of him, still sitting on the stool. He put both of his hands around Alex's waist and pulled him a little closer.

"I'm so sorry," they both blurted out at the same time. "You can go first," they both said, again, at the same time, smiling.

"Ok, ok can I go first?" Ivar asked. Alex nodded his head yes.

Ivar ran his hand through his hair, "Look, Alex, I'm unbelievably sorry for everything with Katia. I promise you that I don't love her anymore. You should know this by now. I only want to be with you. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I hope you can forgive me." Ivar placed his hand on Alex's cheek, and Alex leaned into it before placing his hand over it and gently squeezing. "I'm sorry for how things must have looked. I'm so sorry. But, Alex, I don't want her. I don't love her."

"But it just looked like you did and..."

"Alex, she's the mother of my child. That's all. It's not like that. I..." Ivar interrupted.

"Ivar, let me finish." Alex dropped his head. "It just looked like you did, and Katia knew how it would look, so she just made it worse by rubbing it in my face. I'm so sorry. I overreacted, and I know that. That's the reason I left. I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn't help it, and I didn't want to say something I'd regret." Alex swallowed nervously.

"I do know you better than that, Ivar, and it's embarrassing how I acted, how I let her get under my skin. I hope you can forgive me. It was my idea to move her in, and you even warned me, and then, I turned around and still let her get between us. I'm so sorry."

Ivar was completely stunned. "I, uh, th-this isn't, umm, this isn't exactly how I thought this would go."

Alex stiffened and stepped back away from Ivar. "Oh? I'm uh, I'm sorry."

Ivar stood immediately, recognizing that Alex misunderstood him. "No. No, Alex, that's not what I meant. I, umm, I mean that umm, I was worried that you were still mad with me," he dropped his head in shame. "I know it's just a matter of time before umm, before you finally realize that I'm," he continued to stutter, "That I'm umm, just not good enough, Alex."

Alex stepped back to him, "For what? For me?"

Blushing, Ivar nodded.

"You can't be serious. Of course, you're good enough for me, Ivar! I was mad at you. That doesn't mean I'm no longer mad about you. It doesn't mean I don't want to be with you, or that I don't still love you." He placed his hand under Ivar's chin and raised his head back. "Hey, look at me."

Ivar looked into Alex's eyes, and he instantly pulled him to his chest, his arms wrapping tightly around him. "I love you. I love you so much," he softly said into Alex's ear. "Thank you for loving me." Ivar's heart swelled inside his chest. Saying that he was relieved was an understatement. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Alex pulled back from Ivar and held his face between his hands before leaning in to kiss him. His lips softly grazed Ivar's as they let out all the love and emotion he was feeling.

The unspoken words between them flowed effortlessly through their movements, soft kisses, and gentle touches. Completely lost in eachother, they held eachother tightly, breathing eachother in. "Damn, I've missed you," Ivar whispered.

Alex smiled, "As I have you. I don't want you to leave, but how long can you stay?"

"Y/N and Hvits are at my place. I can stay as long as long as you want."

"Umm, would you, uh, do you want to stay the night?"

Grinning, Ivar answered, "I thought you'd never ask. Of course."

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Both in sweatpants, they crawled into Alex's bed. His head in his hand, propped up on his elbow behind Alex and looking down at him, Ivar softly spoke, his voice small, "Umm, Alex?" He leaned down and kissed Alex on his temple.

"Yes?"

"Umm, would it be ok if we just laid here together, and I held you in my arms?"

Alex's heart skipped a beat. "Of course. You know that's my favorite way to fall asleep."

"Well, umm, I just mean, well, I didn't want you thinking I'm just after one thing. I just want to hold you."

Alex turned in his arms and raised up and kissed him on the cheek. "After all this time, still worried about my virtue?" He placed his hand on the back of Ivar's neck, smiling.

"It's not that I don't want you," Ivar smiled back. "God knows I do. And I hope I don't disappoint you, but more than that, I've just missed you," Ivar blushed.

Alex pulled him closer and gave him a quick peck on the lips before turning back around in his arms, "I've missed you, too, and I can't think of a better way to sleep. I love snuggling with you. It'll have to be better than the last few nights."

"Oh? You, too? I haven't slept at all the last few nights," he ran his hands through Alex's hair. "Actually, I'm quite exhausted."

"Then you better get some sleep, Mister. We have a birthday party to finish planning," Alex squeezed Ivar's arm, wrapped tightly around his waist.

Warmth spread throughout Ivar's body. Alex truly was an amazing man.

As they laid there, wrapped in a blanket of love, they both finally dozed off to sleep.

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Surprised, Ivar woke up the next morning to find Alex still sleeping. He glanced at the clock and noticed it was 9 am. He never slept in.

As if sensing Ivar was awake, Alex stirred in his arms. "Good morning," Alex mumbled.

"Good morning, sleepy head." They both gave a chuckle.

Alex turned, facing Ivar and kissed him. "So the clock already struck midnight, and you didn't run away, so what's on the agenda? Do you have to leave yet?" he laughed but then saw a more serious look on Ivar's face.

Ivar grinned as he pulled Alex into a kiss and then pulled away. "Well, first," he kissed Alex's cheek, "I thought," he kissed Alex's neck as he rolled over on top of him, "We could," he nibbled Alex's ear and then whispered into it, "Make up for some lost time," and he lightly bit the side of Alex's neck just below his ear, sending chills all over Alex's body.

"Oh-ok," Alex said, surprised.

Ivar raised up above him, "Is that ok with you?"

"Definitely," he reached to the table beside the bed, as Ivar rolled to his side, and took the pills. "You have a few minutes to wait, though, don't you?"

"Of course," he smiled lovenly. "I wanted to run something by you anyway."

"Shoot," Alex ran his fingers along Ivar's bare chest.

"Well," Ivar looked down at Alex's hand, "That may be a bit distracting, but I'll do my best." He smiled and grabbed Alex's hand and brought it to his mouth where he kissed his palm. "You know how we were discussing remodeling my basement and making a playroom for Ivy?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, what would you think of making our own playroom instead? We could use one of the spare rooms upstairs for hers. I mean, she's small and wouldn't need the entire basement anyway."

"What do you mean" Alex's eyes widened, "By our own playroom?"

"Exactly what you're thinking," Ivar smiled his devilish grin. "An adult 'playroom,' if you will, for just the two of us. I'd add a keypad with a pass code to get in, and the door would lock automatically behind you. Only the two of us would have the code so we wouldn't have to worry about anyone coming in on us."

"Wow! Aren't you the naughty one! So if it's a playroom, what kind of 'toys,' would we have?" Alex asked as his curiosity grew. He grabbed a handful of Ivar's ass and squeezed. "Would there be toys I could use on you?"

Ivar gulped, "Umm, we could uh, talk about that. And umm, we'd obviously, need a bed and..."

"Not necessarily," Alex's hand moved around to the front of Ivar and grabbed his already hardening cock through his boxers. Ivar's mouth dropped open with a gasp. "We could always use the floor," he began working Ivar through his boxers, "Or the wall," he breathed hot air against Ivar's lips. His lips brushed against Ivar's as he spoke, "And isn't there some kind of work bench already there?"

"Umm humm," was all Ivar could manage to say as the heat rushed through his body.

"Well, we could use that, too. I'd really love to bend you over it." Alex laughed into his ear. "What was that?" he gently slipped his hand inside Ivar's boxers and grabbed him tightly again. "Was that a yes?"

Ivar only breathed heavily, not exactly capable of producing words as Alex's hand moved briskly along his shaft. "Like that, do you? It's been too long, humm?"

Ivar, shifting to his side, managed to reach to his waist with one hand and slip his boxers down and Alex helped him take them the rest of the way off as Ivar's heartrate increased. They then repeated the same with Alex's. Ivar moved back above Alex, caging him with his body and lubing himself up and then Alex.

As he looked down into Alex's eyes, he said, in a sultry voice, "You talk a big game. Now, it's my turn to try to render you speechless." He lined himself up with Alex's twitching entrance.

"Oh? You promise?" Alex flirted.

And with that, Ivar thrusted his hips forward, hard, straight into Alex all at once, only stopping once he bottomed out. Alex's back arched, his eyes closed as his head dug into his pillow, and he yelled out, "Oh, God!"

"No, it's still just me, Ivar, but I can understand how you could be easily confused," he answered, his evil grin looking back at Alex when his eyes sprung open.

Alex smiled at him and rubbed his hand down his back, sending chills all over him.

Ivar began slowly rocking his hips forward and back languorously, watching Alex's every expression. Feeling embarrassed, Alex covered his face, but Ivar grabbed his hand. "Don't. I want to see your beautiful face," Ivar's voice was soft. Alex felt heat rising to his cheeks. "Nothing is more sexy than knowing your pink cheeks are because of me." He placed his hand on Alex's hot cheek as he leaned down and softly kissed his lips, gently nibbling on the bottom one. "I love you."

Alex was taken back by Ivar's tenderness. Although, Ivar was usually like that with him, there was something sweeter about this that Alex couldn't quite place.

Suddenly, Ivar's movements stopped, "What's wrong, Love? Did I hurt you? Are you ok?"

Alex brushed Ivar's hair back out of his face and tucked it behind his ear lovenly. "Nothing is wrong. Actually, I'm kind of perfect, umm, and it's all because of you. Don't worry. And Ivar?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

Ivar suddenly felt different somehow. He wasn't sure what was happening, but he knew he just wanted to please Alex. That's all that really mattered to him; not even his own pleasure and release, and that was new to him during sex. He'd always wanted to please Alex, but this was different because he wasn't the least bit concerned about himself.

He slowly began his movements again, never taking his eyes away from Alex's. With every slow stroke into Alex, he just enjoyed the closeness. He interlocked his hand with Alex's that was laying beside him as he rubbed the side of it with his thumb. He held most of his weight on the same elbow as his other hand feathered across Alex's chest, causing goosebumps to appear.

"I can't get enough of the effects I have on your body," Ivar smiled. He ran his fingers lightly across Alex's chest again, admiring, not just the definition, but the flushed red color. "It's intoxicating." All the while, his soft touches were driving Alex wild with desire.

His steady, long, slow stokes into Alex were building the tension in Alex's gut and he knew he was close already. "Maybe you should go a little harder or faster," Alex moaned. "I don.., umm, I don't know how much longer I can last and I want you to finish, too," Alex practically growled the last part.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Just let go. This is about you, not me. I just want to pleasure you. I'm not worried about myself, Love."

"But, Ivar, you deserve to..."

"Shhh," Ivar's lips crashed into Alex's with overwhelming passion. Alex grabbed a handful of Ivar's hair with his free hand and held him forcefully in place, not wanting to break the kiss. They breathed eachother in as their lips massaged the other's. Ivar's hand trailed down Alex's torso to his swollen, throbing cock.

Alex quickly moved his hand out of Ivar's hair and grabbed Ivar's wrist to stop him. Breaking their kiss, he studdered, "N-Not yet. I-I'm too close and sensitive. I want this to last as long as it can."

Nodding in agreance, Ivar moved his hand back up Alex's sweaty chest, stopping to squeeze his nipple between his fingers. Alex's eyes rolled into the back of his head. Ivar continued his feather like touches back up to Alex's cheek, where he rubbed his thumb across Alex's mouth, his plump lips popping lose beneath Ivar's thumb. Smiling at how red his lips were from the kissing, he did it again.

He stared into Alex's eyes intensely, while still slowly moving himself in and out of Alex as his tight walls clinched around him.

Alex took a moment to let his mind wander. He knew that would help him last a few minutes longer, too, and God knows how he wanted it to last! He was enjoying how good he was feeling just a little too much.

He hadn't thought, before now, how erotic it could be with Ivar if they did it all this slowly. But he was surprised. As wonderful as things had been with Ivar, he always remembered how he was when it came to sex. Alex remembered, on more than one occasion, actually, how Ivar had even skipped eating because he was going to have sex with some girl and getting off had always been one of his main priorities.

This was why everyone was so shocked when he'd settled down with Katia. Nobody could believe he was giving up all the one night stands. If Alex was being honest, that was even one of his worries about Katia now. He knew how important she had been to Ivar for him to have given up all that scattered ass.

Now, for Ivar to say he was only concerned about pleasing him and wasn't even worried about himself, Alex knew that it was a major deal. As he thought about the significance, he realized just what Ivar meant by it. He began to really understand just what he meant to Ivar, and he was overcome with emotions. He held back his full emotions, though. He knew that tears during sex with Ivar would not go over well.

He squeezed Ivar's hand, and as Ivar asked, "Are you sure you're ok? Do you need me to stop?" But, not answering Ivar, Alex pulled Ivar to him, hot and sweaty, naked chest against hot and sweaty, naked, chest, and kissed Ivar.

First, he gently grazed his lips, still looking deeply into his eyes, but as he got a taste of Ivar's sweet mouth, he parted his lips with his tongue and let it enter Ivar's mouth to explore. His hand held the side of Ivar's face as the intensity of the kiss increased and their passion grew.

Their breathing sped up, and Ivar reached down between them and grabbed Alex again. He began moving his hand up and down on Alex's length in rhythm with his thrusts, causing Alex to thrust his hips up into Ivar. Alex broke their kiss as he moaned and groaned with pleasure.

Ivar watched intently as Alex's body whithed beneath him, and his face contorted. Alex clawed down Ivar's back, causing his pumping to falter, and his head fell forward, as Alex mumbled out, "Ivar!" between panting.

Ivar continued with his relentless slow movements of hips into Alex as Alex gasped for air. Alex found it so incredibly erotic when he opened his eyes to find Ivar still staring him down as if he was going to devour him like his next meal. His heart skipped a beat. The fierce look in Ivar's eyes made Alex sweat as his toes curled, his legs stiffened, and his back arched again. He dropped his hand from Ivar and gripped tightly into the sheets as his other hand squeezed Ivar's, threatening to stop all blood flow to Ivar's fingers.

Ivar smiled and bit his lip as he realized just how beautiful Alex was as he was coming completely undone. He watched Alex's every muscle tighten and twitch as he slowly drove into him before pulling nearly out and then slowly doing it all over again. He continued to tug on Alex with his sweaty hand acting as lube, his knuckles brushing against Alex's stomach, causing Alex to gasp. As he pressed himself into Alex, inch by inch, Alex made noises that even Alex, himself, did not recognize.

Ivar had never seen a more attractive sight than Alex laying beneath him, squirming and whimpering, unable to form a complete, coherent thought. As he grinned at how he had, indeed, rendered Alex speechless, Alex moaned out, "IVAR! I'm com-coming!" as his chest heaved, and his hand practically dug a hole into the mattress. After reaching his boiling point, Alex's eyes rolled into the back of his head as he lost all control and before he knew it, white streams of his cum shot between their hot, sweaty bodies. Alex started to apologize to Ivar, but Ivar collapsed on top of him, still inside him and ignoring the mess between them, and kissed Alex with overpowering emotions. Alex felt the mixture of love and desire, passion and extasy all wrapped up in the sweet kiss.

Resting his forehead against Alex's, some hair stuck to the side of his face from sweat, Ivar barely broke the kiss and breathed Alex in. He let go of his grip on Alex's hand, and he brought both of his hands to either side of Alex's face. Pushing Alex's hair back away from his face repeatedly for a few seconds, Ivar stared into Alex's eyes again for a long moment before kissing him softly again. Alex's heart melted at Ivar's intense tenderness. It was truly the icing on the cake.

"That was amazing, Love," Ivar softly spoke, almost in a whisper, as he broke their kiss.

Alex cupped his cheek. Desperately trying to catch his breath, he began, "How can you even say that? You haven't had your turn yet." Feeling Ivar still hard and still inside himself, Alex then added, "You know, just because I've already finished doesn't mean you can't keep going. I can handle it."

"Shhh. I told you, this isn't about me. I'm fine. It was amazing just watching you. I enjoy seeing how you react to me. I just wanted to please you."

"Oh, so it's just a power trip for you, humm?" Alex smiled jokingly and then gulped when he saw Ivar's serious expression spread across his face.

"No. I umm, I just love you that much," Ivar dropped his head into the nape of Alex's neck and then turned and kissed his neck with his hot, wet lips. "I just love you."

Alex immediately wrapped his arms around Ivar and held him tightly, "And I love you." He knew he'd think about this entire thing later and analyze the shit out of it. It was so much more than just hot sex with his hot boyfriend. But for now, he'd just enjoy his wonderful, vulnerable, hot boyfriend laying in his arms.

Wild emotions ripped through Ivar like a storm. Of all of the incredible sexual moments he'd had with Alex before, this was, by far, the most unbelievable. And yes, how odd that he hadn't even had his turn, as Alex had put it, but it wasn't even important to him! He just laid there, tightly snuggled up in Alex's arms, and that's all he cared about right now.

Interrupting Ivar's thoughts, Alex, asked, "Hey, all those questions if I'm ok? What about you? Are you ok? You're kind of worrying me."

Ivar raised his head so he could look at Alex again, "I am wonderful, Love," he smiled, warmly. "Umm, you make me, umm," he studdered, "You make me the man I've always wanted to be."

Alex was speechless. Again. As Ivar continued, "Just let me lay here with you. Just let me hold you and just breathe you in."

Alex let Ivar's touching words wash over him like a warm spring in chilly air. He held Ivar even a bit tighter, unable to respond to such tenderness with words. He kissed the top of Ivar's head and ran his fingers through his hair as Ivar snuggled back into the nape of his neck.

They laid like that until they both slowly dozed back off to sleep.

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To their surprise, they didn't wake up for another hour or so. After more sweet caresses and gentle kisses, they showered and got dressed for the day. It took a lot longer than usual because they just weren't able to keep their hands and lips off of eachother. It was like it had been during their first days of being a couple, taking every and any opportunity to touch and feel the other.

"I don't want this to ever end," Ivar smiled shyly at Alex as his face flushed light pink.

"Well, it doesn't have to," Alex responded with a sweet kiss to Ivar's cheek.

Ivar had spoken with Hvitserk earlier. He and Y/N had decided to spend the rest of the weekend with Ivy while Sara worked with Katia. Taking their turn to spoil her was how he'd put it. They'd also volunteered to work at the bar for he and Alex that night. "Y/N thinks you guys just need some more alone time."

Ivar had been concerned about Hvitserk working so closely with alcohol, but he reassured him that he'd be fine because he'd be distracted with the work, and he would have Y/N there for extra support. Only after speaking with Y/N directly and giving her very specific directions did Ivar finally agree to it.

"So, we have the day together? That's awesome! We've finally got some time to ourselves. What do you want to do?" Alex asked him, excitedly.

Ivar raised his eyebrows and grinned at Alex.

Shocked, Alex answered, "You can't be serious."

He walked to Alex, put his arms around his waist, and yanked him to him forcefully as Alex tried to catch his breath. He gave Alex a light kiss, "First, I want to do, again, what we did this morning." He smiled and kissed him on his cheek. "Then, I suppose, we could go see what's going on in town, if you want." He lovenly kissed Alex's jawline. "After that, I want to take you out to dinner somewhere nice," he licked up the side of Alex's neck. "And then, I want to BE dinner. Nothing too crazy. What do you think?" They both laughed.

Alex then realized how very serious Ivar was as their lips smashed into eachother's, their hands interlocked, and Ivar was slowly walking him backwards, toward his room.

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After they spent the rest of the morning in Alex's bed, enjoying eachother, they finally emerged from their blissful haze and actually left Alex's. There was a carnival in town, so they decided to go check it out.

They felt like teenagers again. They played games, ate too much carnival food such as cotton candy and funnel cakes, and, after much convincing that the rides were safe on Alex's part, rode a few of the rides.

As they were in line to get drinks after their last ride, they ran into one of Alex's and Y/N's friends from class. He was with his sister and her two children. "Hey! Alex! How are you? Who is your friend?"

Alex introduced them and they chatted while in line. He was surprised that the two of them were there, but without a kid.

"So the two of you just came to have fun by yourselves?"

Ivar, feeling, surprisingly, a bit territorial of Alex for a reason he couldn't quite pinpoint, answered, holding up their interlocked hands, "Well, this is kind of a date weekend for the two of us. Our daughter is with my brother." He smiled devilishly, and Alex didn't miss it.

Alex was shocked by Ivar's choice of words when referring to Ivy. "Our daughter." It made him feel especially warm and proud.

"Oh, umm," Alex's friend, Paul, answered, "Alex, I umm, I didn't know you were, umm.."

"In love?" Ivar interjected with his intimidating smirk.

Paul looked at Ivar and then back to Alex, "And wow, you two have a child?"

"Yes, her name is Ivy. Her birthday is actually this upcoming week," Alex answered, hoping to calm whatever was going on with Ivar.

"You should come to her party, and bring, who is that? Your children?" Ivar interrupted, to Alex's complete surprise.

"No, they're my niece and nephew and that's," pointing to the woman with the kids, Paul continued, "My sister. My boyfriend and I actually just broke up because he wanted children, and I don't. You guys don't think you're too young to already have a child yourselves? Doesn't that interfere with your relationship? And which of you is her actual, real dad?"

Ivar grinded his teeth together, showing his clinched jaw, and looked to Alex to answer, knowing it was best he didn't at the moment.

"Like Ivar said, she's both of ours. We're both her real dad," Alex squeezed Ivar's hand. "And no, we're not too young. This means we're still young enough to play with her. And she's part of our relationship. She makes everything between us even that more special. I'm sorry you didn't want to experience that with your partner." He raised Ivar's hand that he was still holding and kissed the back of it.

Ivar felt so proud of how Alex answered Paul's questions. Seriously, who did this guy think he was? With his most intimating smirk, Ivar asked, "So, you think you'd like to come to the party next Saturday?" quickly changing the subject.

"I'll talk to my sister and let you know Monday in class, Alex?" Paul finally got the hint.

"Sounds great and I'll bring you an invitation."

He walked away, and Alex turned to Ivar, "What was that all about?"

"What do you mean?" Ivar played innocent.

Alex just looked at him. "What?" Ivar smiled.

"You know exactly what."

"Well, it's obvious he wants you."

Shocked, Alex answered, "What the? Huh? No way! We're just friends. And I didn't even know he was interested in men until right now. "

"Yeah, and now that he's seen you with me, he thinks he has a chance," Ivar snarled.

"Ivar, you seriously have nothing to worry about."

"Oh, I know," Ivar grinned, "I would have never invited him to Ivy's party if I'd thought otherwise." He kissed Alex on the cheek.

"So you were serious?" Alex asked incredulously.

"Of course. You know, keep your friends close and all that shit?" Ivar laughed.

Alex rolled his eyes and took the drinks from the cashier as they walked away. "So Ivy's our daughter, humm?"

Taking his drink, Ivar asked, "Well? Isnt she?"

The rest of the day, into the evening, was spent with them just enjoying eachother's company. Ivar watched Alex's joyful smiles and giggles, and grabbed him up, completely off his feet, to hug him several times. His playfulness was contagious, and Ivar couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so carefree and happy.

He watched Alex play some of the games and how frustrated he'd get when he didn't win. It was really cute. Alex play punched him in the arm, "Stop laughing at me! It's not funny."

Ivar grinned, "Yes, it actually is."

Alex rolled his eyes and continued playing, determined to win. Ivar realized that he was more in love with Alex now than when they first started dating. He didn't know how that was even possible because he'd already never felt like this with anyone else before, but it was true. He'd give his life for Alex. Next to Ivy, there was nobody else on this Earth that he loved more. It kind of scared him, but more so, he was just thrilled to have finally found his soul mate. And that was exactly it. That was why he'd been different with Alex that morning. That's why he didn't care about himself. Alex was his soul mate, and he'd spend the rest of his life making him happy as long as Alex allowed it.

Feeling too emotional for their surroundings, he pushed everything to the back of his mind to deal with later and tapped Alex on the shoulder. "Here, let me show you how it's done."

"What?"

"Watch and learn, Love. Watch and learn." He gave the attendant his money, and she gave him three darts. Looking at Alex and grinning, he threw the first one. He hit one of the balloons, and it pooped.

"You've got to be kidding me," Alex sighed.

"How many do I have to pop to win?" Ivar smiled at the attendant.

"All three for your choice of prize or one more for one of the small stuffed animals."

"Go big or go home. Right, Alex?"

Alex rolled his eyes, "If you say so, but hitting all three isn't as easy as it looks, Ivar."

"Well, let's try and see," Ivar was sure he could get all three. He and Hvitserk used to play this exact game with darts and cans in their backyard when they were younger. When they got too brave and started aiming at cans on eachother's heads, Aslaug stepped in and took the darts away from them, telling them how dangerous and irresponsible it was. It was for this reason that neither of them ever told her about how they'd snuck the darts from her kitchen cabinet and played, secretly, resulting in Ivar having an unwanted ear piercing. He smirked at the memory of how scared Hvitserk had been and how he'd milked it for all it was worth, basically having Hvitserk wait on him hand and foot for the next week until Hvitserk caught on to what he'd been doing.

Ivar aimed and thew the second dart and then the third, popping both balloons. He turned to Alex, "What were you saying? It's not as easy as it looks, humm?"

Alex stood, dumbfounded, "Oh, shut up."

"Well, pick your prize, Love."

Alex smiled and kissed Ivar on his cheek as his face lit up. He picked out a huge, stuffed, pink bear.

Smiling as Alex wrapped his arms around the fuzzy bear, Ivar asked, "So, pink huh? Where are you gonna put it?"

Alex looked at him and laughed, "What? You don't think pink's my color?" He held the bear up to his face and smiled innocently. After laughing at Ivar's curious face, Alex finally said, "Duh, Ivar! This bright pink bear isn't for me! I think it's cute, and I have to admit, I love how soft it is," he cleared his throat as he noticed the strange look in Ivar's eyes, "But it's for Ivy, obviously."

"Oh? Umm, yeah, obviously," Ivar mocked him, smiling.

"It is. That's why I was so frustrated that I kept missing the damn balloons," Alex sighed. "I just thought this would be a nice birthday gift for her from this great day we've had together." And there it was again, that strange look in Ivar's eyes, making Alex nervous. "Umm, did I uh, did I say something wrong? Are you ok? Umm, are we ok?"

Ivar was lost in his thoughts. "Umm, Ivar?" Alex stepped closer and placed his hand on Ivar's shoulder. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Oh, umm," Ivar shook his head as if to snap himself out of whatever trance he was in, "What?"

"Ivar, what's wrong?"

"Wrong? What? Nothing is wrong. Seriously, absolutely nothing."

"Where were you just now? You worried me. You know you can talk to me."

Looking Alex deeply in the eyes, Ivar placed the beer on the counter beside them and pulled him close to him. He wrapped his arms around Alex's waist tightly. Alex wasn't sure what was going on, but he liked it. Ivar finally moved his right hand to Alex's cheek while the other still held him. Just as Alex was beginning to feel even more nervous, Ivar whispered, "I love you," and gave Alex a sweet, passionate kiss, causing him to feel weak in the knees.

When Ivar pulled away from the kiss and rested his head on Alex's, Alex looked up in a daze, licking his lips as if he could still taste the kiss. He wasn't sure what the strange look had been about or why this was how Ivar reacted when asked about it, but he was too lost in a haze to think about it any further.

Still looking into his eyes and practically panting for air, Ivar whispered, "We should go. I've got reservations for us."

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They went back to Alex's to shower and change for what Ivar said would be a nice dinner. They made sure to take their showers in Alex's two separate bathrooms because Ivar said he didn't want to miss their reservations, and he knew if they were together, they definitely wouldn't be leaving on time, if at all. They both laughed in agreement and went to get ready.

Alex finally came into the living room where Ivar was waiting for him. When he saw Alex in his shiny, black suit and opened, white, collared shirt, he gasped.

"What? Do I look ridiculous?"

Moving to his feet and immediately by Alex's side, "No, never. You look quite the opposite, actually. You look stunning."

As Alex's face flushed red, he looked Ivar up and down. He stood there in a dark, grey suit with the collar also open to it. Alex answered, "Well, you don't look too shabby yourself."

Ivar blushed and told him, "Well, I'd really like to kiss you. You don't know how badly. You're so smoldering hot and quite frankly, irresistible, but umm," he licked his lips, "Like I said earlier, I don't want to miss our reservations. The driver is already out front, waiting for us."

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They arrived at a very elegant seafood restaurant just on the outskirts of town. Ivar knew Alex would love it, sushi being his favorite of favorite foods, so he wasn't at all surprised at Alex's reaction.

"Oh my God! Are you serious? You got us reservations here?"

Ivar simply smiled back at him.

"You know how long I've wanted to come here. How did you even get the reservations? Every time I've tried, the closest date is always like six months out. At best."

"Well, I know a guy who knows a guy," Ivar laughed. "You ready?" But Alex was already jumping out of the car before the driver had even opened his own door to get out. "It's ok, Mike. We'll manage. Thank you."

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Dinner was great and their conversation flowed easily, as it always had. They talked and laughed as they ate what Alex said was the best sushi he'd ever tasted and drank some of the most expensive wine. Alex had protested about the wine, but Ivar said, "I want only the best for you. Don't worry about the price. That's none of your concern. Now, drink."

"Yes, sir," Alex smiled warmly, turning up his glass.

As their dinner was nearly over, the lighting in the place got a bit dimmer, and strobe lights came on, illuminating a dance floor. Alex's face instantly lit up as he looked at the dance floor and then back to Ivar. "Don't even think about it, Love. It's not happening," Ivar hadn't even given him a chance to ask.

Alex looked at him with pouty eyes as he saw several other couples make their way to the dance floor, and Ivar glared at him. "Ok, ok. You're not ready," Alex's eyes casted downward, he quietly said, "I understand." He took a big gulp of the last of his wine. "We should probably go then," Alex said, placing his glass back on the table and standing.

"Wait. What? No," Ivar panicked. He hadn't meant to hurt Alex's feelings. But he may have been too vague with his response. "I"m not ashamed of you if that's what you're thinking. I-I'm, ugh, I just..."

"It's ok, Ivar. I'll meet you in the car." Alex began to leave before his emotions were too obvious and took over. "Where you can be with me, and nobody sees you. I've got to get out of here!"

Ivar was immediately up and by Alex's side. He placed his hands on either side of Alex's cheeks, making Alex look him straight in the eyes. "Hey, hey. Wait. Calm down. What is it, Love? Why would you even think I give a fuck about people seeing us together? You know I love you, and I could care less what anyone else thinks about that."

Alex blushed and pulled back from Ivar. "Well, it's obvious that you're embarrassed by even the thought of dancing with me." He cleared his throat, "So, you're off the hook. You don't have to." Alex looked away from him.

"Alex, I'm not embarrassed by you. I'm umm," he began to stutter, and Alex looked back at him, confused. "I'm embarrassed at the thought of dancing in front of all these people. You know I can't dance."

Alex's snarl softened into a smile. "Oh, Ivar," he placed his hand on Ivar's cheek,"You don't have to do anything fancy, and we could wait for a slow song. Nobody is paying us any attention." Ivar leaned into Alex's hand. "But it's ok. Let's just go. I want you to myself anyway."

Ivar knew he'd hurt Alex's feelings, and he felt really bad about it. It hadn't been his intentions. He started to walk with Alex, reaching down to hold his hand, and then he suddenly stopped in his tracks. He pulled Alex to him. "I'm not going to get in my head about this. You want to dance, let's go dance." He kissed Alex on the cheek and turned back around and pulled Alex in his direction.

"Wait. Ivar. No, it's ok," Alex said as he was trailing behind Ivar, but Ivar didn't even acknowledge he'd spoken and continued walking until they reached the dance floor.

As Ivar stepped onto the floor, Alex stood there in shock. Ivar held his hand out and said, "Well, come on, Love. What are you waiting on?"

"Umm, ok. I guess we're doing this," and Alex joined Ivar who pulled him flesh with his body and wrapped his arms around Alex's waist. "What changed, Ivar?"

"Umm, I just realized what I already knew. If I'm with you, umm, well, nothing else matters." He placed his head in the bend of Alex's neck and rested his head on his shoulder as their two bodies began to sway in sync.

Then, a familiar song began to play. "All My Life." That was the song that Ivar had said made him think of Alex, and he instantly smiled. He raised his head up as he rested his cheek against Alex's. With his left arm around Alex's back and shoulders, he squeezed him a little tighter. His right hand held Alex's, and he brought it up between them, against his chest, and held it there, leaning down and kissing the back of Alex's hand.

Ivar began humming along with the song as they slowly danced. Alex's heart was pounding so hard he was sure Ivar could feel it against his own chest. Then, as if an angel singing a hymn from the heavens, Ivar began to softly sing along into Alex's ear. "All my life I've prayed for someone like you. And I thank God that I finally found you..." A single tear slowly rolled down Alex's cheek. Ivar never sang in front of anyone intentionally, and Alex knew this. To say he was surprised that Ivar was singing, not only to himself, but directly to him, right in his ear, was a major understatement. Alex didn't say a word but just listened to the beautiful, angelic sound.

As the song was ending, Ivar turned his head toward Alex. As Alex froze, Ivar leaned down and gently kissed his lips. It was only a matter of seconds before Alex was kissing him back, both lost completely in the other.

For a moment, it was as if the two of them were the only ones in the room. Their dancing stopped and all movement, as well, except for their kiss.

Eventually, Alex noticed the song had stopped, and now there was a more upbeat song playing. He slowly opened his eyes and reluctantly pulled a little away from Ivar's delicious lips. Around them, he saw the people dancing in rhythm along with the fast music while he and Ivar stood motionless, forehead against forehead, arm in arm, hand in hand, bodies still tightly snug against eachother.

Alex looked at Ivar, who hadn't taken his eyes off of him, as he smiled and said, "We're the only ones not moving, aren't we, Love?"

Blushing, Alex answered, "Yes."

"We should probably go now," Ivar laughed, and the two of them walked back to the table to get their suit jackets. Ivar leading the way, hand in hand, they walked out to find their driver and left for Alex's place.

The car ride to Alex's was intense. Ivar scooted closer to Alex and wrapped his arm around him, pulling him close. "I want you so badly," he whispered into Alex's ear and licked down his neck with a gentle graze of his teeth, causing Alex to shiver.

"The feeling is mutual," Alex softly said back to him. Placing his hand on Ivar's cheek, he leaned over and kissed him quickly on his other cheek. "I can't wait to get you home."

The rest of the ride was spent with gentle touches, heavy breathing, intense stares, and deep kisses. Just as they both felt they could take no more, they finally arrived at Alex's.

As Alex finally unlocked the door, Ivar practically shoved him into the apartment, backwards into the wall, frantically kissing him. He was instantly removing Alex's suit jacket and then his own. As they dropped to the floor, Alex leaned forward and locked the door behind Ivar. "I've seriously missed this," Alex softly said just as Ivar's lips crashed into him again.

Pieces of their clothing went flying, one by one, as they made their way to Alex's room. "I'm all yours," Alex said between kisses, "Have your way with me."

"Fuck!" Ivar panted, "I fucking plan on it."

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Standing in the kitchen and trying not to sound as sad as he actually felt, Alex said, "Well, I guess we're back to reality, huh?"

"What do you mean? This entire weekend has been our reality, Alex."

Alex hesitated, "Well, you know what I mean. You leaving to go back home, and me just dropping by to visit you and Ivy after class."

Ivar didn't really get what Alex was insinuating.

"Ivar, umm," Alex's hands were sweaty as he tried to put everything in the best way he could without hurting Ivar, "I think I should give you three some space. You know, just give Katia the time she really needs to accept that we're together no matter what kind of fit she pulls, and let her see that it won't change even if I'm not always there."

Ivar's mouth just dropped as he listened to Alex in disbelief. "Also, maybe it will do her some good for me to not be there as much and her maybe feeling like I'm constantly rubbing it in her face. Maybe that's why she got so defensive and territorial over you to begin with."

Ivar couldn't believe how selfless Alex was, selfless, yes, but it was a very naive way of of thinking.

He stood up and walked around the counter and placed his hand on Alex's shoulder, "Love, how very thoughtful of you. Really, it's one thing I really love about you. But, umm, you do know who we're talking about here, dont you? You're so very considerate, but I honestly believe she's going to do whatever she thinks will win me over whether you're there or not." He kissed Alex on the forehead. "And I, personally, would prefer you're there with me. Maybe the better choice is that I talk to her again, and make sure she remembers that she's only there on borrowed time."

Alex shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, I understand you being apprehensive. How about this? What if I talk to her, and we just play it by ear. If you think things are too tense and would prefer to come back home, I won't stop you. You're already here a couple of nights a week anyway, so if you absolutely have to add another or two, I'll try my best to understand and not take it personally. This will be a busy week anyway with getting everything finished for Ivy's birthday party next weekend."

Ivar pulled Alex into a hug. "Just promise me that you won't umm, leave for good, that you won't leave me." Ivar shuddered at even the thought. "I can't handle even thinking about life without you. I love you, and I need you in my life. Always."

Alex choked back a tear, "Ivar, please don't tell me that after the amazing weekend we've had, you actually still think I could leave you," Alex said into Ivar's chest, still wrapped in his strong arms.

Ivar pulled him back and looked into his eyes, "I, umm, I feel it's just a matter of time before you see what I already know." Ivar dropped his head and looked away.

"And just what is that, exactly?" Alex gently turned Ivar's head back toward him so he could see his face.

Trying to avert Alex's piercing eyes but eventually giving in, Ivar finally answered him. "Umm, well, that you-you're umm, you're too good for me and deserve better." His face flushed bright red as he tried to pull away from Alex, but Alex tightened his grip around Ivar's waist.

Placing his hand on Ivar's cheek, Alex told him, "Ivar, what are you talking about? There's never been anyone more perfect for me. My love for you isn't that shallow, and I can't see me happier with anyone else on this planet. I love you. Ok? That's not going to change over some ridiculous argument or anything like that." He pulled Ivar to him and gave him a tight hug. "Do not worry about such things. You're stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me that easily," Alex laughed.

Ivar smiled despite himself. Alex's words helped him, but he knew the thought would remain in the back of his head. He'd just have to push it far back and try to ignore it.

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Ivar was right. The next week was really busy. No matter how much Katia protested, and Alex couldn't tell if she was being sincere or not, Ivar pulled out all the stops for his baby girl. Katia told him how she was too young for anything to matter to her, and that she wouldn't remember any of it anyway, but Ivar insisted that nothing was too big or too much for his princess.

Ivy loved bouncing, so Ivar rented out a small, indoor trampoline park for the entire Saturday afternoon. There wasn't a large amount of people coming to the party, just close friends and family, but Ivar also had a catering company lined up to bring food.

Ivar spoke to Katia as he'd told Alex he would. She didn't say much. She just listened to him. He wasn't sure she really accepted the gravity of his words, so he told her, "Katia, I get that you wanted things to work out a different way and I'm sorry it hasn't, but you're going to have to accept this. It's not going to change. I also need you to understand that Ivy is the reason youre here at all. I can't have you living in my home, and this is temporary, remember, and treating Alex the way you have. It will not be tolerated anymore." Katia had only nodded her head and told him ok. He saw her expression chnage, but she nevwr said anything else. That made Ivar a bit nervous for what she really meant, but he decided to just leave it alone. For now.

Ivar and Alex spent most of their evenings that week at the trampoline park, decorating for the party. Alex had went home to his own place almost every night, against Ivar's will, but Ivar didn't protest against it like he said he wouldn't.

Admittedly, that had been very difficult for Ivar, so he was extremely pleased when Alex told him, "Do you mind if I stay at your place tonight? I'm honestly just too tired for us to go all the way back to my place when yours is so much closer."

"Oh, so it's just a matter of proximity, humm? That's the only reason you'll finally stay with me?" Ivar mused.

"Oh, you know better than that," Alex smiled. "I mean, yes, your place is closer, but umm, I also miss you."

Blushing, Ivar pulled him close and gave him a kiss, "Well, let's go."

To Alex's surprise, Katia had seemed mostly nice all week when the three of them had been together. She did seem a bit on edge, but he'd noticed, just when he thought she may say something, she'd retreated to her room, saying how she was really tired suddenly. She hadn't said or done anything out of the way. Yet. He knew he'd never trust her again. But he also hadn't stayed over night all week either, so he knew this would be the true test.

When the two of them arrived at Ivar's, Alex hesitated by the car door. Ivar walked over to him, "Everything ok, Love?"

Wiping his sweaty hands on his pants legs, Alex answered, "I, umm, well, I just don't want any problems. I hope she's already in bed."

Ivar hugged him and reassured him, "You have just as much a right to be here as she does. This is my house and if I have to remind her, I will. You don't have anything to worry about, Love. I told you, she seemed to understand everything when I talked to her. You'll be fine."

Alex gave him a quick kiss and told him, "Thank you, and I'm sorry for adding more stress for you."

Ivar grabbed his hand and told him not to worry about it as they headed to the front door.

Katia was in the kitchen as they walked inside. "Hey, Ivar, sweetheart," Alex just squeezed Ivar's hand as he heard her, "I made some of your favorite food for dinner and was just cleaning my plate. Please come in, and have a seat. I'll make your plate. I figured you'd be really tired."

She continued talking as the two of them stood at the kitchen counter behind her. Ivar cleared his throat as Katia turned around. "Alex is staying the night because you're right. We're exhausted."

Her eyes widened as Ivar pulled a stool out for Alex, and the two of them sat down. "Umm, ok. Uh, hey, Alex. Would you like a plate, too?" Katia asked him as she sat Ivar's plate in front of him.

Alex looked to Ivar, who nodded to him, then answered, "Umm, sure. Thank you, Katia."

She made Alex's plate and gave it to him. "Umm, Ivar, you can clean up here when you two are finished? I'm going to bed, and Ivy's already asleep in her room."

"Umm, uh, sure. Thank you, again, for dinner, Katia. And umm, Ivy?" Ivar asked her.

"Sara took her up before she left. Umm, good night, guys." Katia left the room without another word.

Alex stared blankly at Ivar who had the same expression on his face. They sat for a moment before Ivar finally said, "Think she is finally getting the picture and understanding that you're not going anywhere?"

They both sat for another moment, and as Alex smiled, they both said at the same time, "No way!" They laughed and finished their meal.

After eating, they cleaned up the kitchen together and then went to bed. It was only minutes before they were wrapped in eachother's arms, passionately kissing. Ivar pulled away and softly said, between panting, "I missed you."

"We were just together Sunday, Ivar."

"I know. A lifetime ago. I've missed you," he laughed and kissed Alex again, wondering if he would even last until he could get Ivar's boxers and sweats off of his glorious, hot body.

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It was finally the day of Ivy's party. They closed the bar for the night to be able to properly celebrate. You would have thought it was Ivar's Odin himself was coming to visit or something. He was running around in nearly a panic.

"Ivar," Alex stopped in front of him and placed his hands on his shoulders, "I know it's her first birthday, but it's going to be perfect. Everything is going to be fine. I've got everything in the car already. Breathe."

"But what about her dress for the pictures?"

"I have it."

"And the other clothes that she can mess up when she gets her birthday cake and to play in?"

"I've got that, too."

"And her shoes? And oh my God, I almost forgot my camera. How am I going to take pictures if I forget my camera?"

"Ivar, I have her shoes and your camera and your camera bag along with the charger and even batteries as a backup. I've got it. Just relax."

"What about..."

"Ivar, the candles, lighter, and knife to cut the cake all comes with the cake order. Remember?"

Ivar finally stepped back and sat on a stool at the kitchen counter. Alex smiled at him as he saw him take a deep breath and run his hand down his face.

"Chill. We got this."

At that moment, Katia came out of her room with Ivy. "Dada!" Ivar was by Katia's side immediately, as Ivy reached for him, and took her into his arms.

"She's ready. I just need my purse, and I'll be ready, too."

"How's daddy's big girl? Humm? Are you ready to celebrate?" Ivar kissed her on top of her head, and she smiled up at him. "Happy birthday, my little princess."

As Katia came back out of her room, Alex looked over to her and saw his same expression of adoration spread across her face. It unnerved him, but he looked back at Ivar and Ivy and instantly felt better. He knew now wasn't the time. Breaking him from his thoughts, Ivar asked, "Shall we go, now?"

"Actually, can I give Ivy her gift from me first? Well, I guess it's from us, really, isn't it?" He laughed. Ivar had forgotten about it, and looking at his watch, he told him yes.

Alex ran upstairs and came back down, quickly, with the big, pink bear Ivar had won for him the Saturday before. Ivar took Ivy over to Alex in the living room floor as Katia stood and watched.

"You want to see what Alex got for you, Sweetheart?"

"What we got for her," Alex corrected him.

Ivy reached for Alex, saying, "Ale!"

Ivar stood her in front of the huge stuffed bear, holding her sides, and she looked up at them both and giggled. She flopped forward with her arms stretched wide, saying "Mine."

Ivar and Alex told her yes, and she enjoyed rubbing it by moving her face back and forth into it. It was so cute, Ivar kissed Alex, and told him, "Thank you, Love. That was so thoughtful to think of her during our date."

Katia cleared her throat, and Ivar looked over to her, still standing and watching, critically. He saw the look of disgust across her face. He glared at her, but didn't say anything. "I'm going on out, guys." She said rolling her eyes.

Alex completely ignored her and continued playing and laughing with Ivy. Ivar clinched his teeth together to prevent himself from saying anything to her on Ivy's birthday. He didn't want to ruin her day before it had really even begun.

Alex, knowing this and seeing the look of murder across Ivar's face, finally said, "I think we should get going, right, Ivar? We don't want her to be late for her own party."

Ivar, recognizing Alex was right, scooped Ivy up and into his arms and told her it was time to go. She only giggled at him. They finally got Ivy in the car and headed to the trampoline park.

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Aslaug was already there and greeted them at the door. She took Ivy to change her clothes for pictures as Alex and Ivar unloaded the car. Katia came in with her.

For as long as Alex had known Ivar, he'd had an eye for capturing the perfect picture. He just naturally knew how to take the simplest scene and angle the camera in such a way that the lighting would look chosen and fine tuned, and he'd then produce the most beautiful pictures, people always being his favorite thing to photograph. You could always see his passion for photography in his finished product, but with Ivy as the subject, Alex knew the pictures were going to be outstanding.

Aslaug brought Ivy out, and Ivar had her place her on the mat with the small, colorful balls that he'd brought over from the ball pit. Her dress was purple velvet trimmed in sparkling black with tights and shoes to match. As Alex watched her pick up one of the balls and smile too widely for her small face, he couldn't deny how absolutely adorable she looked. He looked over to Ivar, who exuded love and excitement mixed with pride and a ball of nerves, as he snapped picture after picture. Alex stepped to him and softly said, "She's absolutely gorgeous, Ivar." Ivar glanced at him and smiled. "Just like her daddy," Alex added as he kissed Ivar on his cheek, causing him to blush.

At that moment, Ivy threw the ball towards them and then clapped her hands as Ivar continued snapping away.

Alex rolled the ball back to her and said, "Catch, Sweetheart." As the ball rolled right up to her, she grabbed it and said, "Ale!" melting Alex's heart.

Aslaug covered her mouth in surprise, "I didn't know she could say your name, Alex. That's precious." She winked and smiled at Alex, thoroughly surprising him as he felt his cheeks redden.

"Ale!" Ivy said again, this time reaching toward him.

"Aww, she wants you, Alex. You should go to her. I'm sure Ivar will make some incredible shots of the two of you."

Still surprised, Alex answered, "Oh, uh, no. This is Ivy's day. That's ok. I'll just watch from here."

Ivar turned to him as Ivy threw another ball in their direction, laughing and clapping. "She's right, Love. Ivy wants to play with you. It will make for some sweet photos. I mean, if you want to."

"Ale!" Ivy reached for him again. "Puh-ease," she motioned for him to come to her.

"That's another new word, sweetie," Alex encouraged her. "You're such a smart girl." He sat with her, and they began rolling the balls back and forth, Ivy's small giggles filling the room. Ivar's heart swelled as he continued snapping pictures.

Katia entered the room and stood, watching. Aslaug noticed how she was visibly on edge, and she could only assume why. Aslaug stepped closer to her. "Ivar will take photos with anyone else who wants them with Ivy, too, Dear. You should be next," Aslaug said softly as she placed her hand on Katia's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

"Thank you," Katia batted away tears.

"Are you ok?" Aslaug asked, genuinely concerned.

"It's umm, you know. It's uh, it's just hard. I'm trying, but it's just so hard."

"Oh, I know, Dear. Just take it one day at a time."

"I know I really messed things up, and it's too late, now. Watching him, umm, it just breaks my heart. That should've been me. I'll never find anyone who loves me like he did, and I just threw it away like it was nothing."

Aslaug hugged her, "Oh, Katia. Dear, never say never. You have no idea what the future holds."

Katia's eyes lit up. Was it possible that Aslaug wanted them back together, too? Oh, of course she did. Alex can't give her anymore grandchildren. That's basically what Aslaug was saying, right? Maybe she should continue her plan to make Alex's life difficult enough that he'd just finally leave without Ivar ever even knowing she'd done it. She'd be there for Ivar afterwards, and he'd see how much she truly loves him.

Without warning, Katia went to stand at the side of the mat where Ivy and Alex sat, playing. "Umm, could I get some pictures with our daughter, too?" She asked, looking at Ivar.

Surprised at her tone, he answered, "Sure, in just a moment when she's finished with Alex."

Alex looked up at Katia and then to Ivar. Feeling bad for the way she'd just thrown Ivar in the middle of whatever game she was playing at now, he said, "Umm, no. It's ok. We can take more pictures later. I need to get up from here anyway before my legs fall asleep." He nervously laughed as he stood.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Alex," Katia began with false sweetness dripping from her words, "I can definitely wait until you're finished."

He walked to Ivar, as Ivy called for him several times. "No, you go ahead. It's fine. Ivy, we'll play again shortly. It's mommy's turn now." When he reached Ivar, he sat down beside him with a sigh.

"Thank you, Love. I'm sorry. That was so rude."

"It's ok. She's Ivy's mom. I can understand her wanting to be with her."

"And this is just another reason I love you," Ivar smiled.

People began coming, so Alex left Ivar to greet them. Ivy's birthday gifts began to pile up as people passed the gift table to go pose for photos. Alex loved that Ivar got to use one of his favorite pass times with his beloved daughter.

As he watched them and all the cute faces Ivy was making, a voice interrupted his thoughts. "Hey, Alex. You remember my sister, Emilie, don't you?"

Alex turned to see Paul, from class, with his sister and her two kids. "Hey, Paul. I'm surprised you actually came. Come on in. The kids are getting ready to go jump. Finally." Pointing to Aslaug, he told him, "That's Ivar's mom. See her for the socks and have a great time."

Paul's sister stuck her hand out to shake Alex's, "Hi, umm, he insisted that we were invited and should come for the kids to enjoy themselves. I hope it's ok."

"It's definitely ok. Ivar invited you guys personally last weekend." Alex motioned toward Aslaug for them to get socks.

Suddenly, the kids went running to the jump space. There weren't many, maybe 8 or 10, and all so tiny, but they nearly knocked Ivar down as he was walking with Ivy in his arms, toward Alex. "Hey, hey, guys, slow it down some," Ivar said to them in vain as they passed.

Just as Ivar reached Alex, the front door swung open. There stood Sigurd, a young toddler, maybe 2 or 3 years old, and a pregnant, blonde girl. Ivar stopped in his tracks, in complete disbelief. "Hi, Ivar. Umm, this is Anja, my girlfriend, and this little guy is Mika."

"What the fuck are you doing here, Sigurd?"

"Nice to see you, too, little brother. Hey, Alex. And uh, Mom invited us."

"Of course she did," Ivar shook his head. He pointed his finger in Sigurd's face, "I promise you, if you do or say anything to ruin my Ivy's birthday, I will personally end you. I'll mutilate and dismember your body so badly that not even mom will be able to identify your mangled body in the morgue. I'll fucking gut you myself!Understood?" Alex gulped and Anja swallowed loudly. Ivar turned to her, "Nice to meet you, Anja. You're welcome to come in. Get some socks for Mika and let him play with the other kids." He glanced at Alex, "I'll be back. I'm taking Ivy to play."

Alex began to speak, but just at that moment, Hvitserk walked up. As he turned to Alex, he noticed who was standing on front of him. "What the fuck!" Trying to disregard Sigurd, Hvitserk said, "Alex, I was coming to tell you that your mom is here and was looking for you, but before I leave you," he turned to Sigurd, "You better not start your shit with Ivar today. You understand me? I won't hesitate to kick your fucking ass right here in front of," he looked to Anja, "Your girl and your kid and whoever the fuck else wants to watch. Got it?"

Sigurd smiled and began to speak, but Hvitserk held his hand up to his face, "Save it," and he walked away.

Sigurd told Anja, "That was my other brother, Hvitserk. Isn't he lovely?"

"Wow! When you told me you weren't too popular with your brothers, you weren't joking, were you?"

-

The party seemed to be going well. Everyone was talking and laughing and the kids were still jumping. Alex left Ivar and Ivy to go get a glass of water.

As Alex turned to go back, he noticed Katia with Ivar and Ivy, so he stopped. He stood and watched them. He knew she needed to spend time with them together, too, but it sure stung.

Alex then felt an arm on his shoulders and a hand on gently squeeze. "It's a wonderful thing you're doing for him, Sweetie," his mom's voice said softly beside him. "That's true love. I know it's not easy, but Ivy can only benefit from the three of you loving her like you do and doing your best to get along."

"Thanks mom. It's, umm, well, Katia doesn't always make it the easiest."

"Oh, I'm sure. Just be strong. She's just testing you. And Alex?"

"Yes, mom?" he answered, watching Ivar and Katia walk along the trampoline, holding Ivy's hands so she can easily jump.

"You know how much that man loves you, don't you?" Completely surprised at what he'd heard her say, he turned to look at her. "Because everyone else around you two, including Katia, can see it. Have faith in that, sweetheart. He's not going anywhere." She kissed him on his temple and walked back to his dad.

Alex just stood there and let his mom's words wash over him. He felt really proud at how accepting she clearly was of the whole situation of him being with a man and, now, one who had a child and a crazy ex. It warmed his heart, and she just didn't know just how badly he'd needed to hear everything she said.

As he watched Ivar and Katia more, he noticed how she just actually seemed to be there for Ivy. Several times she'd placed her hand on Ivar's arm or shoulder, and he subtly pulled away from her each time. She appeared to just stop trying to get his attention and began to focus hers on her baby girl. Things didn't seem so bad when she was with Ivar like that, just as Ivy's mom and nothing more. He sincerely hoped they'd eventually get to a place when that really was all that was there.

"Is that broad the mom of your daughter?" Paul was suddenly at Alex's side, disturbing his thoughts.

"Umm, yeah. That's Katia, Ivar's ex and Ivy's mom."

"Woah! Man! I thought she was your child. So her mom is his ex?"

Annoyed, Alex simply answered, "Yes."

"Wow, man. I'm impressed. I don't know how you do it. That would kill me, seeing my man with his ex and their baby. How do you not feel like the third wheel?" He looked over to Alex, "I guess I mean, the fourth wheel. I mean, look at them. The three of them look like a happy little family. I'd never known they weren't still together had I not known who you are to him. Dude! I'm amazed that you don't just feel like crawling under a rock somewhere. You must really love him, huh?"

Alex could only hope that Paul meant well, but his words hurt like a double edged sword. He was just a bit daft and obviously, completely without tact. Alex began to walk away from him before he lost his cool as he heard Ivar call his name. He turned to see Ivy in Katia's arms, but reaching for him as she called out, "Ale! Puh-ease! Ale!" How could he say no to that?

Ivar motioned for him to come to them and then, to his surprise, so did Katia.

Alex joined them back on the trampoline mat, leaving Paul where he stood, and Katia instantly said to him, "She really wants you, Alex. You want to take her?"

He tried to hide his surprise with Katia's generosity as he held his arms out. Ivy practically jumped to him, and she giggled as they laughed at her.

Alex and Katia each held one of Ivy's hands and let her jump up and down. The smile across her face was contagious. Alex tried to ignore how nervous he was at Katia's kindness. Surely, this was sincere and not just another way to maneuver herself into Ivar's life the way she wanted to be. He smiled at her, and she smiled back, looking over his shoulders. Alex turned to see what she was looking at, and he saw Y/N and Hvitserk standing there, pretending not to be watching them.

Of course, Hvitserk had said something to her. That definitely explained her change in attitude. It made Alex feel sick, but as he looked at Ivar's smiling face, watching them getting along for the sake of their love for his daughter, he couldn't really do or say anything. Now, wasn't the time.

Hvitserk brought Ivar his camera and winked at Alex. Ivar instantly began snapping more photos. Defeated, Alex gave in and just enjoyed the moment. No matter how fake it actually was.

Unbeknownst to them, Sigurd was watching them. "I can't tell, exactly, which one is faking it. Is it Katia or Alex?" he snidely asked Ubbe.

"Oh, it's definitely Katia. Don't you remember how she's always been? Don't let the kid fool you. She's still just as manipulative as she was back then."

"Is Ivar still a blinded fool?"

"I honestly don't think he is. He's in love with Alex, and her shit doesn't seem to phase him anymore."

"Yeah, this thing with Alex? When did that happen? Who would've thought our little brother would be a queer?"

Ubbe smacked him in the back of the head, "Don't start your shit, or I promise you, I'll.."

"Beat my ass yourself?" Sigurd finished Ubbe's sentence. Ubbe smiled and nodded yes. "Actually, I see Ivar differently. He does look genuinely happy and in love. It's fucking disgusting." They both laughed.

The rest of the party had been a lot of fun. Alex got his turn with Ivar's camera when Ivar sat with Ivy and helped her open her gifts. She clapped, smiled, and giggled at nearly every gift. It was precious, and Alex was proud Ivar trusted him to capture the moment as Ivar had been teaching him a little about photography.

By the time everyone had eaten and had cake, several people were already leaving. Ivar invited whoever wanted to come back to his place for, "the adult part of the party," and they began packing up to leave. Alex and Ivar both were really happy that Ivar had the foresight to have paid the little extra for someone else to clean up after the party and bring it all back to Ivar's. They were both pretty tired.

As they made their way to the door, they were met by Alex's parents. Thank you, Son, for having us. We enjoyed our time with you all, but I think we're going to head on home," his mom told Ivar as she hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"Aww, won't you drop by my place for a bit? We'd love to have you. Just have one drink with us, and then, we'll let you go if you want,"

She looked to Alex and then to his dad, who both nodded. "Well, if you're sure we won't be intruding. I know most of your guests will be your family, Ivar."

"Mama Hogh, you're Alex's family, therefore, you two are my family as well," he said as he hugged her again. "You've always been my family, but you didn't realize that you seriously do have a second son, now?" Ivar laughed.

Alex felt his heart swell. He didn't have words for how Ivar's words made him feel, but he sure did love hearing them. He grabbed Ivar's hand and kissed his knuckles as they headed to the cars.

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Once at Ivar's, Alex scanned the room. The few who came back were really just Ivar's family and Alex's parents. As he continued looking around, he noticed Paul sitting on the sofa. He was surprised, but Ivar had actually invited everyone so he walked over to him. "Hi Paul."

Paul stood, "Umm, I didn't realize this was just a family thing, Alex. I'm sorry. I'm gonna head out."

Alex handed him a beer, "Don't worry about it. You were invited just like everyone else." He took the drink and sat back down.

Ivar took Ivy to her bedroom upstairs. She didn't even wake up when he got her out of the car. He knew she'd be tired after such a long day, but he was kind of surprised at just how tired. Once he had her settled in her bed, he leaned down and kissed her forehead, "Happy birthday, Baby Girl. I love you."

As he walked to her door and gently closed it behind him, he turned into Alex. "What a day, huh?" he said as he smiled at the sweetness he'd just witnessed.

"What?" Ivar shyly asked.

"You know how I love seeing you with Ivy. That's all." Ivar's cheeks reddened, but he didn't say a word. "Actually, I just wanted to let you know that Paul is here, too. I didn't know how you'd feel about it, so I just wanted to tell you."

Ivar's jaw clinched as he spoke through his teeth, "I told you what he's after. You just watch yourself around him. I'd hate to have to dismember him." He didn't even smile as the words rolled so easily off his lips. "I don't trust him, but it's ok. I mean, I did invite everyone." He then backed Alex into the wall and kissed him. "He's just jealous that he can't do that," he laughed.

In a bit of a daze, Alex smiled. "He definitely can't. That would be gross." They both laughed and returned to the party.

Everyone was talking, laughing, and having a good time. Alex looked around and decided to pick up the empty bottles and take them out to the recycle bin in the garage. From the kitchen, talking with Ubbe and Hvitserk, Ivar saw him and turned to offer to help. Alex told him not to worry about it, that he could get it, so Ivar continued his conversation with his brothers.

As Alex rounded the corner with the box of empty beer bottles, he heard Katia and Aslaug talking. Instinctively, he stopped and listened. "Yeah, well, I know, but how could Alex ever provide you with any more grandchildren, Aslaug? I know Ivar has always wanted nothing more than to have a home full of little ones running around. I can give him that. And I know that would make you just as happy as it would him. You know he still loves me. He'll always love me. I gave him his first child."

"I, umm, well, I can't say if you're right or not," Alex heard Aslaug's response. "I know he'll always love you in his special way, Katia, but.." she stopped talking when Alex stumbled just outside the door, causing the bottles to bang together. "What was that?" Aslaug asked Katia as Katia basically disregarded her.

"I don't know, but you were saying you also think Ivar still loves me? Doesn't that mean he just needs to hear it from you? Maybe he just needs to know how you feel about him being with Alex, a man of all people. What was he thinking? I'm sure if he knew how you really feel, he wouldn't be so sure about their relationship. I mean, if that's what you want to call it." Katia continued talking as Aslaug moved around the work table in the garage, toward the door. "I mean, don't you think you should tell Ivar the truth about what you think about him and Alex?"

"What? Oh, uh, umm-humm," Aslaug was finally standing at the doorway just as Alex was stepping through it, and they nearly ran into eachother. "Oh! Alex!"

His eyes full of tears that he was desperately trying to hold back, he stepped around her and placed the box of empty beer bottles on the table. "Umm, I was, uh, just bringing this to the recycle bin. Umm, I-I'm uh, I didn't mean to umm, to interrupt your umm, conversation." Alex quickly sat the box down and turned to walk out.

"Oh, Alex, Dear," Aslaug began, but Alex held his hand up, palm facing her, in an effort to tell her not to waste her voice and to back off. He turned and immediately walked out of the garage, hearing both Aslaug and Katia calling after him.

As he entered the bathroom in the hallway, he faintly heard Katia's lies, "Alex, come back. I'm sorry. I can explain. It's not what you think."

He didn't bother to open the door or to answer her. He knew he needed to pull it together. This was not the time for Ivar to learn of the shit Katia and his own mom were spitting about the two of them.

It completely broke Alex with the cold and heartless way Katia had spoken about him as if she were discussing the weather and that Aslaug never once even attempted to defend him or even her own son. He could at least spare Ivar from the same pain, at least for now.

He wondered if what Katia had said was true. Did Ivar still love her? Is that why he had agreed to let her stay? Was she the one Ivar should be with after everything? She was right about one thing, though, for sure. He definitely couldn't give Ivar more children. They'd never talked about any long term goals. He didn't know if Ivar really longed for more children or not. How could he stand in the way of that if it was really what he wanted?

Standing in front of the mirror, hands gripping the sides of the sink, Alex looked at himself and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. Flipping on the water, he splashed cold water on his face. "Get a grip, Alex. You've got this," he lied to himself.

After a few more minutes in the bathroom, he finally came out to find Y/N standing there, waiting on him. "What the fuck happened? What did she do this time?" She asked him, anger visible across her face.

"Nothing. It's fine. I-I'm fine."

"Alex," she began.

"Not now, Y/N. I can't. Not now, ok?" he continued walking and grabbed himself two beers and headed to the sofa. Ivar noticed he'd returned and gave him a questioning look from across the room. Alex held his hand up and signaled that everything was ok as he turned up the first beer.

Sigurd and Anja sat across from him with Paul on one side of him and Y/N on the other. Sigurd began talking and thankfully, Paul and Y/N were quick to engage in conversation with him, as Alex turned up his second beer already.

Alex looked around and noticed Aslaug was at the kitchen counter without her smart-ass side kick for now. He saw his mom walk up to her and begin talking, and he could only hope Aslaug wouldn't say anything to her. He knew his mom, at least, was definitely what you would call a, "mama bear," and for the first time in a long time, he was quite proud of it.

"Hey, Aslaug. How are you? I've been meaning to talk with you all evening," Mama Hogh said to her.

"Oh, it's so nice to see you. I'm great. How have you been? I feel like it's been ages since I've seen you guys," Aslaug said.

The two of them made small talk for a few minutes before Alex's mom said, "What do you think about our boys? Who would have guessed that the two of them would have fallen for eachother, right?"

Aslaug thought before speaking and trying to choose her words wisely, finally answered, "It's funny. I kind of always thought my Ivar would end up with Alex's sister." Aslaug smiled and offered her a drink that she turned down.

"Oh, she is engaged now," Mama Hogh grinned, "But can I offer a word of advice to you?"

"Sure," Aslaug answered, intrigued.

"We have to let them go. They're not ours anymore. They're our babies, and we always think we know what's best for them, but there comes a time when we just have to let them go to make their own choices, and support them when they do."

She saw Aslaug's face harden a bit. "Trust me, I almost lost Alex because of trying to make his choices for him, thinking, 'Mama knows best,' but I learned the hard way, it's just not worth it. If they're happy, we have to be happy for them. And have you noticed how happy they clearly are with eachother? What mother could want more than that? Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and yes, sexes, Aslaug. Who are we to tell another who to love?"

Aslaug was clearly deep in thought. "How very insightful. Umm, thanks. I think." Aslaug leaned forward and hugged her as she told her that she and Thomas were leaving.

They returned to say their goodbyes. When Alex's mom came to him, he tried to stand but stumbled back onto the sofa, laughing. She smiled at him. "Just make sure you don't drive, Hun," and she hugged him goodbye as she told Y/N, "Take care of my boy, ok? I think he must need it." Y/N was surprised at how intuitive Alex's mom was, and she agreed.

Paul had been giving Alex beer after beer, and now Alex was feeling pretty good. Sigurd and he were intensely talking about being with someone they loved who already had a child. "It's so fucking beautiful how much you can love someone that you automatically love their offspring as if they're yours, right?" Alex slurred his words to Sigurd.

Sigurd smiled and agreed with him as he squeezed Anja's leg. He looked over and noticed one of Paul's hands on Alex's leg and the other rubbing his back. It didn't quite set well with Sigurd, but he told himself not to get involved. He'd definitely remembered each of his brother's warnings to not get shit started.

Alex continued talking, as Y/N got up to use the bathroom. "But you, you Sigurd, you have the luxury of having a baby of your own with umm, was it Amy?"

"Anja," she corrected him.

"Right. Anja. I'm sorry." Paul handed him another beer which he turned up and finished in 3 seconds, flat. "So you'll have your own little offspring soon. I, umm," he held his head down, "I can't provide that for Ivar."

Handing him another beer, Paul said, "Oh, there are other ways around that, Sweetheart." Alex turned up the beer as Paul's hand moved up his leg a bit more. Alex was so out of it by this point, that he didn't even notice, but Sigurd it did not miss it, nor did he miss the "sweetheart." He sat up to the edge of the couch and listened.

Paul continued, "If you were mine, I wouldn't make you feel any kind of pressure like that. Maybe the problem isn't that you can't give him another child. Maybe the problem is either who you're with or that he should be fucking happy with what he's got." Paul placed his hand on Alex's cheek while his other remained practically on his inner thigh, obviously headed toward where it definitely should not be.

Alex attempted to pull away from Paul's hand. Even in his drunken stupor, it didn't feel right. "Oh, umm, I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," Paul told him as Sigurd watched and tried to decide what to do. He looked to Anja, but she was now standing behind them, talking with Torvi. "I just hate to see you not appreciated, Alex," Paul continued. "I'd never let you feel inadequate, especially when it came to my fucking ex. I'm sorry he makes you feel that way. Are you sure that's love? Because I'm not." He dragged his hand up Alex's leg further and squeezed as he handed Alex another beer.

Alex turned the beer up and his head began spinning. He suddenly jerked away from Paul and moved over on the sofa. He tried to start another conversation with Sigurd to distract himself from Paul's words, but he kept hearing what he'd said ringing in his ears and it came out to Sigurd, "I'm uh, I'm inadequate, huh? That's it. That's why he still loves her. I'm not good enough."

Paul scooted over closer to him and placed one hand on the small of his back and the other back on his leg again. He pulled Alex into a hug and kissed him on the top of the head. "You're not inadequate at all, Alex. You're perfect."

Sigurd had finally seen enough, "That's enough, man. Back the fuck up. You've gotten him just drunk enough that he has no idea what you're up to. I think you need to leave. Now."

Paul looked up to Sigurd as he stood and said, "Who the fuck are you? Alex is grown and can make his own fucking decisions."

"You've conveniently taken his decision making skills away from him and I'm Ivar's fucking brother, that's who the fuck I am! Now, back the fuck up!" Alex's head fell over onto Paul's shoulder and Paul placed his hand at the nape of Alex's neck, and wrapped his other around his waist, completely disregarding Sigurd.

Trying not to be the one to make a scene, Sigurd stormed to the next room, looking for Ivar. When he found him, the look of utter hatred and disgust was plastered across his face. Ivar instantly felt his defenses go up as he was used to that look.

Expecting him to spill whatever bile he had stored for him, Ivar sat his drink down and balled his fists up, ready to knock him out and then kick him out. So, he was very surprised when Sigurd began talking.

"Ivar, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but this is about Alex." Ivar sighed at Sigurd. "No, it's not like that, Ivar. I'm pissed. That Paul guy, whoever the fuck he is, has gotten Alex super drunk. Alex doesn't even know what's going on, and he's talking out of his head about you still loving Katia."

"Oh, what the hell! Let me go talk to him," Ivar started to leave Sigurd.

Sigurd stopped him, "No, Ivar. That's not even what I'm talking about. It's just that, well, Alex is drunk and talking out of his head like I said, and that fucking Paul is using his words against him."

Ivar saw red, "What? What the fuck do you mean?"

"He's twisting Alex's obvious insecurities about the two of you to his advantage and basically telling him how he'd treat him better. And Ivar, he's groping him up. Alex pulled away several times, but this mother fucker keeps putting his fucking paws all over him. It's disgusting. I fucking told him to leave, and he completely ignored me. And since I promised you guys I'd behave, I thought it better to come get you."

"Fuck that! You should have kicked his ass and thrown him out!" Ivar spat through gritted teeth. "Where the fuck is this piece of shit?" Ivar felt anger like he hadn't felt in a long time course through his veins. He followed Sigurd, his unlikely ally.

When he found Alex, Y/N was arguing with Paul as he sat with his arm resting on Alex's shoulders. Alex was slumped over with his head in his hands.

Ivar walked up, "Thanks, Y/N. I can take it from here." She looked up to him with a sigh of relief and backed away, bumping into Hvitserk, who had the same murderous stare that Ivar had.

Paul looked a bit nervous as Ivar walked to Alex's side. Squatting down to Alex, he calmly said, "Hey, Love. I think you've had enough. Why don't we call it a night?"

Alex raised his head from his hands and looked into Ivar's worried eyes and smiled warmly. He said, "Hey, my Ivar. Umm, well, you are still my Ivar, aren't you?"

"Yes, of course, I am. Let's get you to bed, shall we?" Ivar gently said.

Alex looked at Paul and reached for another beer. Paul handed it to him as he rubbed his back. Ivar placed his hand over Paul's and squeezed it as he removed it from Alex's back. "That's enough touching, now. I think it's time for you to go," Ivar said sternly to Paul.

Alex turned back to Ivar and said, "But he's my friend. We were just talking shit, Ivar."

"So I've heard. Well, he has to go home, now, Love. And you can go with me to rest in my room."

Ivar placed his hand on Alex's cheek and Alex leaned into it. "Nah, I don't think I'm ready for bed just yet. I was enjoying the party. Have a drink with us."

Ivar stood up and told Paul, again, to leave. Paul answered, "I don't think Alex wants me to leave."

Ivar didn't have a chance to answer before Alex said, "No, don't leave. The party's not over yet."

Ivar helped Alex to his feet, "The party is over for the two of us. Come on. I'll help you up the stairs."

Alex still protested, "Ivar, we still have guests. I'm not ready to go to your room yet. C'mon, one more drink."

Sigurd and Hvitserk had everyone else go to other rooms, telling them they didn't know how this may play out, and that they didn't want anyone getting hurt. Aslaug stood in the doorway, watching, though. She knew that Alex's current state was because of him overhearing her and Katia talking. She knew she needed to talk with him and explain.

When Ivar noticed his brothers had cleared the room, and Alex was still rambling about one more drink, he bent down and scooped Alex up and threw him over his shoulder, completely ok if he vomited down his back.

Alex kicked and then laughed, "Oh, you Tarzan, me Jane. Bedroom. Now." He laughed even harder, "Hey, I may like this game after all. Bedroom, now, my Ivar." He grabbed his head, "But fuck! I can't be Jane!" Ivar even struggled not to laugh at that.

"Ok, Alex, let's go."

When Alex complained that he still wasn't ready to leave, Paul stood in front of Ivar. "Man, he said he doesn't want to leave. Put him down. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Ivar felt a surge of anger hit him like a lightning bolt.

With Alex still over his shoulder, Ivar grabbed Paul by the shirt collar with his right hand and spoke to him through a clinched jaw and murderous eyes. In one of the most menacing voices Hvitserk had ever heard him use, Ivar growled at him, "What the fuck is wrong with ME? What the fuck is wrong with YOU?! You're in my house. You don't get to tell me to do anything! Now, get the fuck out of my house before I throw you out. Step aside before I destroy you." Ivar let go of him and he stumbled backwards a bit. "Don't make me peel your disgusting skin from your pleading body like a fucking potato! NOW, MOVE!"

Finally feeling proud of his baby brother, Sigurd giggled from behind them. Hvitserk's mouth just dropped in complete shock.

Paul winced at the images Ivar had put in his mind without even blinking. This man was ruthless, and he couldn't understand what Alex even saw in him, but he was not backing down. He wanted to be with Alex, and he was determined to show Alex who the better choice was.

When he got his balance, he, again, stood in front of Ivar. "I said put him down!"

With Alex still draped across Ivar's shoulder and back like a jacket, Ivar tightened his grip around him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt such a need to defend someone he loved.

Before anyone in the room even had time to register what was happening, Ivar drew his arm back, and he suddenly punched Paul right in the face with what felt like the strength of a twenty. Paul instantly stumbled back and fell over. He was completely knocked out.

Ivar looked down and stepped over Paul, and as he took the first step on the stairs, he turned back to his brothers. "Hvitserk and Ubbe," who had just entered the room a few minutes before, "Can you show the rest of our guests out and give my sincerest apologies?" Sigurd looked up to Ivar questionly. "And Sigurd, will you umm, can you take out the fucking trash? If the piece of shit gives you any problems, do whatever you fucking want with him."

Sigurd smiled, "Happily." He rubbed his hands together with anticipation, and leaned down and kicked Paul to see if he was conscious yet. Ivar smiled and went about carrying Alex up the stairs, to his room.

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Ivar laid Alex down across the bed and smiled when Alex stretched his arms out and said, "Good morning, sunshine."

"Love, it's night. We're getting ready to for bed," Ivar chuckled at him.

"Oh, are we, now? I like the sound of that," Alex leaned up and reached for Ivar's crotch, but Ivar moved away from him, just out of his grasp.

Alex fell back onto the mattress, "You do t wnat me, do you? So, it's true, huh?"

"What's true?" Ivar asked, having no clue what Alex was talking about.

"You are still in love with Katia. Did you tell her? Because she already knows, too. Too bad I was the last one to fucking know. Might have saved me the humiliation of having to hear it from her," Alex turned his gaze away from Ivar, "It's ok, Ivar. You're off the hook."

Then, sitting up, or rather, trying to sit up, Alex told him, "I should go home. This, uh, this isn't right." He slung his legs over the side of the bed, and when he tried to get up, he fell forward.

Ivar rushed to his side. "Shit! Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine. I've said it before, I like to get all the breaking done at once," Alex half laughed.

Ivar didn't know what had happened, but his mind could only guess Katia had told Alex some vile story that wasn't even true. "Whatever she's said or done, Alex, I'm sure it's all lies. You can't let her get to you and you can't believe her." Ivar tried. "You know how manipulative she is."

"Fuck that!" Alex raised up and tried to get to his feet. Unsuccessfully.

"Here, let me help you," Ivar offered and then helped Alex back to bed.

"You're, you're so fucking lucky I don't have the energy right now. I'd fight you on this one. You don't want me. I'd umm, I would, I, umm, nevermind. Can we talk tomorrow, Ivar? My head's splitting open. I, umm.." Ivar smiled at Alex's stuttering, but still worried about what he was saying. "Yeah, uh, you know what I'm saying, right? Umm humm."

Ivar brushed Alex's hair from his face to see he was passed out that quickly. He said his name a few times to check and yes, he was out.

Ivar pulled Alex's arm up from dangling on the side of the bed and took his shoes off for him before removing his own shirt and pants and crawling in bed beside him. He leaned down and kissed Alex on his temple, "Man, you're gonna feel this one in the morning." Ivar smiled.

As he laid back onto his pillow, he thought about the evil that Paul had attempted with Alex. He knew Hvitserk and Sigurd had taken care of everything downstairs because neither had came for him. Sigurd. What an unlikely person to have his back! He couldn't believe he'd welcomed someone like that into his home. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't worried about what Alex would do when he learned how he had to throw his friend out, but he knew it had to be done. He then began to worry about all the things Alex was saying. What was he even talking about? How could Alex possibly think that he was still in love with Katia?

As the rage began to build in him again, he turned to Alex and brushed his fingers through his hair in an effort to calm himself. Then, he began to wonder what had gotten Alex this upset to begin with.

As he continued to brush through Alex's hair, Alex turned to face him, barely opened his eyes, and smiled when he saw Ivar's eyes looking back at him. He mumbled, "Hold me?"

"Of course, Love. Come here."

They scooted into each other as their bodies intertwined and Ivar's arms wrapped tightly around Alex. He kissed Alex on the top of his head as Alex snuggled into him. "I love you," Ivar whispered, and the two of them finally fell asleep.

@istorkyou @chapada010101010 @vero-maris-zamo @lostasalice-thisway @covidinducedsocialreject @tessakate @lonewolf471 @noway4u @galaxy-1000 @twistergirlie

[lestappenforever]

It’s time to appreciate you a little bit and let you know how much we love your cute little stories of our babies and what you share with us. Getting a notification that you posted something always makes me happy inside 🥰 especially if it’s during work and I can distract myself with cute lestappen. The prompt list is so cute and nice I couldn’t pick the best one 😩😂 but I’ve been having these idea of them being around others and being a pda mess a little and others reacting to them being in a cute bubble. How about 2 and 37? 🥰

This is such a lovely message to start my day with reading, thank you so incredibly much. 🥹

When I started this blog not long ago, I could have never imagined that it would bring people the kind of happiness you're refering to, and I feel so incredibly honored to know that it does. I'm so glad you're enjoying my blog and my writing. Seriously, you have no idea how much your ask means to me, and how much your words have warmed my heart. 💖

I already did 2. "Please?" "Those eyes won't work on me this time." here, and my brain literally will not let me reuse a prompt because as soon as I've written something using that particular prompt, it simply won't let me come up with anything else tied to that sentence for a while.

But, you did ask for two so you're getting two! Throwing in a little 1. "You're cold." "Am not." to make up for not using 2. Lestappen being a PDA mess coming right up! I also saw my chance to write this as a sequel to this and I took it.

---

1."You're cold." "Am not." and 3. "Just... hold my hand?"

Max doesn't know whose brilliant idea it was to gather on the roof of the Alpine motor home the night before the British Grand Prix — who is he kidding, it was probably Pierre's. Or Esteban's — but yet, here they were.

It wasn't as if it was freezing cold in the night air — the last time Max had checked it was around 14°C —but this was England. England with its stupid biting winds.

He'd told Charles to wear a thicker sweater, but the Monégasque had insisted he didn't need it. Hell, Max had even offered to let him borrow his favorite black hoodie, but Charles had been stubborn and refused.

And now the idiot was sitting next to Max, trying and failing to pretend that he wasn't shivering. Trying to hide how pale his hands had gotten due to the cold under the too-thin fabric of the arms of his sweater.

Pierre is telling a story from his karting days back in France, and the whole group is laughing, except Max.

Because Charles is cold next to him, and this whole thing could have been prevented if the Ferrari driver had just listened to him.

"You're cold," Max says to Charles, narrowing his eyes.

Charles turns his head to look at him, cheeks pink from the wind. "Am not."

"You are," Max huffs, rolling his eyes.

"I'm fine, Max."

"You're shivering, Charles."

---

Look, was Lando relieved that Max and Charles had finally done something about the years of unresolved sexual tension between them a couple of months ago? Yes.

Was he happy to see that two of his best friends on the grid had also realized that their feelings for each other went deeper than the physical attraction, and were now officially dating? Absolutely.

Because Max and Charles were still bickering. Not only that, they were bickering cutely. In front of everyone.

But the thing was, Lando had thought — hoped, fucking prayed — that resolving the tension between them would stop them from bickering all the time. Over nothing.

That, apparently, was too much to ask.

And honestly, as adorable as it was to watch, it was still exhausting. Because it was still constant.

Had he known his little scheme to get them to work out their issues would lead to the two of them becoming even more insufferable, Lando would have reconsidered the whole thing.

"Your face is shivering," Charles says to Max, and Lando rolls his eyes.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Max shoots back, and Lando audibly groans.

The attention of their little group has turned to the pair of them, and everyone aside from Lando are apparently finding the whole thing amusing. Which makes sense, seeing most of them don't also have to deal with it outside of race weekends, when they're all gaming.

"Take my hand," Max demands, holding out his hand for Charles.

Charles glares at it as if it's a dangerous weapon specifically designed to kill him.

"I'm not cold, Max!" Charles insists, like a fucking child.

Lando wonders if throwing himself off of the building would kill him. Wonders if he truly cares if it would.

"Charles," The Red Bull driver says, pinching the bridge of his nose with the hand he isn't still holding out. He says it like Charles is the single cause of every ounce of frustration he as ever felt in his life.

Which, Lando figuers, isn't far from being the truth.

Charles glares at him, but there's no real heat behind it.

"Just... Hold my hand?"

It's a request now, and it's soft and pleading, and Max is looking at Charles with an adorable look on his face. Charles' entire façade crumbles.

"Fine, I'll hold your hand," The Monégasque says with an overly dramatic sigh, as he takes Max's hand and interlocks their fingers. "But I won't be happy about it!"

Max snorts, but doesn't argue. He probably knows that Charles is lying, just like Lando knows that Charles is lying. Just like every single person up here knows he's lying.

Can see it all over Charles' face the second their hands touch.

"You two are ridiculous," Lando announces, throwing his head back. There's fondness in his tone, though, and his words draw a collective laugh from the group.

Next to him, Carlos pats his knee.

"Just be glad you haven't shared a cool-down room with them yet," the Spaniard mumbles.

There mere thought of that makes Lando whine.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Paramount Animation Annecy drop...

Turns out, they seem to be keen on doing animated features that aren't based on massive IP. Adapting smaller properties and such, things that didn't already get movie adaptations, truly original stories, ya know?

Projects that were in our orbit for a while, such as SUPERWORLD, got a mention. REAL PIGEONS FIGHT CRIME is still on, as is Leo Matsuda's former DreamWorks picture YOKAI SAMBA, and MUTTNIK from Ron Howard's Imagine Entertainment, but everything else announced today is new. All of those sound like they could be pretty cool. I've wanted to see Matsuda take on a picture after doing the Disney Animation short INNER WORKINGS, whose design and style were unique to a lot of what that studio has put out over the past decade. MUTTNIK sounds great, too. I'm a sucker for a fun space adventure, and it's about a naughty dog, so... Yeah, Paramount, please give me this one.

There's DROPZ, which Variety called an E.T.-esque adventure directed by Rob Letterman and produced by Will Ferrell and... Bad Bunny, of all people. Paramount Animation/Nickelodeon Animation head Ramsey Naito describes it as a story "infused with fashion", a "cultural statement" for the family audience. So is this the cosmos meets apparel? What do they mean by "fashion", haha.

ONCE UPON A MOTORCYCLE DUDE looks like another trip to the "fractured fairy tale" well with a MAD MAX-esque twist, about a princess described as a "bad ass", and a "post-apocalyptic motorcycle dude" who have to take action when their kingdom is in danger. This also sounds like a lot of fun, and the first thing I thought of... For whatever reason, was the final part of the SPYRO: YEAR OF THE DRAGON level Charmed Ridge... Where the fairy princess goes off with a magician cat on a motorcycle, GREASE-style. (Hey, GREASE is a Paramount movie, too!) Only a producer is attached, so this one looks to be in the baby stages.

SWAN LAKE is also on the rails, from writer Kourtney Kang. Even though we have SWAN PRINCESS and a Barbie direct-to-video adaptation, hey, why not? What's another way they can tell this story? All we know so far is that it's "modern". Modern day or modern in attitude only?

Before we can get to those, 2025 and 2026 are filled with the sequels and franchise entries: SMURFS Again, SPONGEBOB 4, the first of those 2D AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER movies, PAW PATROL 3, and MUTANT MAYHEM 2. This is nice news after it seemed like Paramount Animation put the kibosh on more original and more risky animated films, and especially after how they quietly dumped UNDER THE BOARDWALK and THE TIGER'S APPRENTICE.

But that's the thing, when the IP wells run a bit dry, you gotta have something different waiting for you. It's been frustrating watching Paramount trip its way through trying to sustain a run of animated movies, post-DreamWorks distribution deal. After how well SPONGE OUT OF WATER did in 2015, it was false start after false start, and lots of blunders in-between. MUTANT MAYHEM was a real bright spot, though, and TRANSFORMERS ONE looks pretty fun. They screened the whole thing at the festival to pretty positive reactions, so that's nice.

If I were to guess when they could all be coming out, should they reach production...

2026-2027 I'd say would be the earliest, for a movie like SUPERWORLD or REAL PIGEONS FIGHT CRIME. YOKAI SAMBA, too, since that was on the boards at DreamWorks as far back... As like, 2018? I expect those three to be out first. DROPZ sometime thereafter.

Then 2028 and beyond for the rest, the films that don't have directors attached. MUTTNIK, MOTORCYCLE DUDE, and SWAN LAKE...

We shall see, but this line-up is great, has some really cool talent involved, and it'll be nice to see this stuff balance out the well-established TRANSFORMERS/NINJA TURTLES/SMURFS/AVATAR stuff.

[inkandpaperqwerty]

List: The Sequel

So, I mentioned this in my weekly post, and I actually managed to get it done this week! Below is a list of stories I haven’t posted yet but am currently working on, which is something I've done before and really enjoyed handing out to people. 

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Criminal Minds – Through the Gate – Edward has no idea what world he just woke up in, but there was a murderer, and there was blood everywhere, and he got the distinct feeling he wasn’t in Amestris anymore. Meanwhile, the BAU team is trying to figure out who this blonde boy is and how he got such advanced prosthetics. And what is this alchemy he keeps talking about? It’s like nothing they’ve ever heard before. ((This one is at 12,299 words, so it’s not that long, and I’m not entirely sure where I want to take it. Definitely going to try and get some work done on it in the coming weeks, as this is the only story from my previous list that has not been posted yet.))

Supernatural – Untitled – Xal has no idea how long he’s been enduring Heaven’s Persuasion, but it’s been a long time. He has no idea why Heaven is telling him to do what they’re telling him to do, but he knows he doesn’t trust it. He has no idea where the Winchesters are, but he knows he has to get to them. There’s a lot he doesn’t know, but at the same time, there’s a lot he does know, and maybe… if he plays his cards right… he can do a little persuading of his own. ((Part 3 of the Building Bridges series. I’ve started this one, but I haven’t gotten very far.))

Avengers – A Song by Any Other Name – Just a little oneshot set in the Restitution universe wherein Tony gives Steve, Loki, and Thor a list of songs that have some pretty nonsensical lyrics. They listen to them, and immense confusion ensues. (This one I would say is about halfway done, and it will be posted as Chapter 8 of Restitution Bonus Features.))

Supernatural & Criminal Minds – Friendship is Magic – “Now that you’re all awake, it’s time to get down to business.” The BAU team and both Winchester brothers wake up in captivity, but they don’t stay there long. Their captor releases them, gives them some resources, and reveals that the cases they’ve been working are perpetrated by both a normal human and a witch. They’ll have to work together to catch their targets, but… that’s much easier said than done. ((I don’t like this summary, but it gets the point across. I think it might be a while until you see this one because it’s turning into a very complicated, in-depth case.)) 

Supernatural – Untitled – Dean knows that hunter’s markets put monsters down. It happens all the time. He knows this. But when it’s about to happen right in front of him, it doesn’t seem to matter how unruly and violent this angel is. He has to do something to stop it. So he offers half a grand, and suddenly, he owns an angel. Only the angel isn’t grateful. Instead, it wants to kill both him and Sam—desperately—and they have to find some way to change its mind. ((I know I’ve done a lot of Slavery!Supernatural stories, but it’s a favorite of mine, and I can’t help myself. I don’t intend to make this one very long, but honestly, I have no idea where it’s going to go. We’ll have to wait and see!))

So, this is what you can expect to see in the coming days! I would love some feedback letting me know what you’re looking forward to or something you would like to see depicted in these stories I’m working on. Let me know what you think!

Also, please keep in mind that, even though I am working diligently on these stories, I am also working on getting my first book published! Cataclysm is finished and fully edited, and now we've moved on to the formatting phase. There's a lot going on, and it's bound to take away from my fanfiction exploits. Thank you so much for your patience, and thanks for reading this!

[rallamajoop]

Would love to read your thoughts on mankind divided/jensard scenes in system rift dlc.

Anon, my apologies for leaving this message unanswered in my inbox for so long! I've had draft versions of this sitting around unfinished for months now (seriously, you just try and stop me sharing my thoughts on this series), was always going to have thoughts to share on DX:MD, but being me, they have gotten long. So consider this post 1.

Anyhow, without further ado:

I have too many thoughts about Deus Ex: Mankind Divided (1/2)

It probably sounds a little odd to tell you that I put off playing Deus Ex: Mankind Divided for a lot longer than I might have if I hadn’t enjoyed its predecessor, Human Revolution, so much. For all its inarguable flaws, I still adored that game for its characters and the gameplay. And keen as I should have been for a sequel, Mankind Divided has a general reputation as a bit of a disappointment (and to summarise the whole rest of this review right here: it was).

Worse still, once I’d finished playing it, that was going to be it. No more Deus Ex sequels that might be better, no more playing as Adam Jensen. And given that the latest news on the DX series involves the cancelation of a game no-one even knew was in the works until they admitted they’d just scrapped it (WTF, people?), that looks final for the foreseeable future.

You know you’re invested in a property when you’re having that kind of reaction to it.

And having finally played it… yeah, Mankind Divided may be a much prettier game, and I definitely did have some fun playing it. But it’s a disappointment on every front I cared about. There are some genuinely good new gameplay elements, but it offers substantially less challenge than its predecessor, it’s buggy as hell, the characters are ill-used and bland, the worldbuilding has not improved, and the plot feels like an extended filler episode. Every really interesting plot beat alluded to here either had its resolution left for future installments, or has already happened off-screen.

So oh boy do I have thoughts on this one. We’ll start with worldbuilding and gameplay, because my thoughts on just those are long enough as it is.

Gameplay

Well, let’s start with the good. I genuinely enjoyed some of Jensen’s new augments. Being able to remote hack cameras, robots and other devices quickly became my preferred way of dealing with them. Letting you extend platforms and ladders via that mechanism was a great way of adding extra ways to get around too. Seriously, I’m a little amazed a toy that’s this much of a game-changer wasn’t introduced with a little more fanfare: many players probably never try it out at all.

I also dug the Tesla (multi-target non-lethal takedowns? Yes please!) and the new Icarus Dash aug, though I didn’t find nearly as many uses for them. Some of Jensen’s new augs even started to feel like you’ve got systems working together in genuinely creative ways! Smart vision + remote hacking will let you hack devices you can only see through walls, and the Tesla auto-targeting seems to work based on Jensen’s optics too. It’s not much, and god knows if it was even intentional, but I’m finally starting to feel like there’s real benefit to wiring all this shit into Jensen’s neurons, rather than being left wondering what all these augs even do that a bag full of gadgets couldn’t, and that ain’t nothing. (It’d be nice if Jensen’s super-secret-probably-doesn’t-even-exist new shielding aug wasn’t somehow in use by every other augmented enemy in this game, but hell, what can you expect at this point?)

Also in positives: no more scrapping robots and mech suits completely with a single EMP blast! EMP now only shuts them down temporarily so you can get some real hits in (takedown moves included). Flying drones make a solid addition to the enemy roster too. Also, using passwords to open doors now nets you EXP (so I feel a little less obligated to hack literally everything even if I’ve got the code), and your Ghost bonus is worth less, so I feel less bad when I miss out on it. There are a lot of little improvements like these.

Finally, though DXMD famously contains only a single proper boss battle, it was way better constructed than most of DXHR’s – engineered from the get-go to allow players to beat it with stealth tactics or by going in guns-blazing. (Technically, there’s also a second boss battle in an optional side-mission, but YMMV as to whether that counts.)

But many hours into the game, it was beginning to dawn on me that I’d had to actually use that new robot-disabling process all of once. I was well into my first trip out of Prague before I ran afoul of my first mine too, and even that was hidden in a very-optional area. There were still deadly areas full of gas or electrified, but upgrading for immunity seemed pointless, because there was always a convenient valve or off-switch close enough to reach just by taking the damage, even on the hardest difficulty. And where were the Boxguards? Drones and dudes in mech suits are all very well, but none of them have the wow-factor of a giant spider robot that can unfold out of a huge crate. DXHR had me navigating through fields of mines and infiltrating a huge military facility before I’d finished my very first stint in my home city, but 95% of DXMD was just regular human enemies. What gives?

Your milage may vary on how good HR’s boss battles were, but what it did have were some truly memorable set pieces. My original review made plenty out of the events where Jensen is trapped in a penthouse suite with an incoming SWAT team, or where he and his pilot Malik find themselves under assault from a large military force (PLUS boxguard!) forcing the player to make the call on whether to stay and defend her or just run. Figuring out how to make it through those sequences was an engaging challenge – even more so when you’re trying for non-lethal. Even after finishing the game, I found myself replaying both all over again just to try out different solutions.

But where HR gives you a 10-man SWAT team programmed to back each other up like pros, for its own analogous ‘set piece’ moment, DXMD locks Jensen in a room with… three drones. Which will never actually find you if you stay in the room you start in, and go down with a couple of shotgun hits each with regular ammo (and did I mention I was playing on the highest difficulty?) Another nominally-big "they’re coming for you"-moment sees Jensen’s apartment invaded by about three regular human enemies, no augs or mech suits, nothing. Is this a sequel aimed squarely at people who thought the last game was too hard?

The closest moment to the big Malik-rescue is an early event when a fellow agent comes under fire, and you have to try and get him out alive. But this fails to deliver for a couple of big reasons: one, the guy is a complete stranger to the player, so who cares if he lives or dies, and two, it happens so early in the game that I was still barely getting the hang of the controls again. Saving the dude’s life does mean that your coworkers will be less annoyed at you, and you can have a brief conversation with him back at home base that contributes nothing to the plot, but that’s it. It feels like something added as an afterthought.

There is one lovely set-piece moment later in DXMD which I enjoyed very much, in which you’re tasked with disabling ten security guards who might be carrying an important keycard at a public function without raising the alarm. That kind of stealth mission is exactly the kind of bullshit I play these things for. It’s followed by a section where you have to reach a well-guarded destination under a strict time limit (also good, though you won't have to go far to reach it). But the unwillingness of this game to ever turn the octane up past maybe a 4 made for a very monotone experience. Jensen can unlock so many crazy new powers in this game, but with this level of challenge, what are they even for?

None of this is helped by how damn buggy this game can be. Using a password not only gives you EXP, it will sometimes (but not always) give you that EXP multiple times over. More than one quest location just doesn’t appear with markers on the map at all – I had to resort to google to figure out where to go. The ghost bonus is given out so inconsistently that no-one on the internet seems sure what the requirements even are. And if I had a dollar for every crazy physics accident or enemy body that got stuck halfway through a wall and refused to let me pick it up and hide it somewhere… I mean, I wouldn’t be a millionaire, but I’d be able to afford a decent lunch at least. Jensen is much better at dragging enemies around corners out of sight during takedown moves than he used to be, but he’d better be, because that might be all the moving-the-body you get to do.

And plenty of the new ‘additions’ to this game are truly frustrating. There’s a crafting system now, because every game apparently needs crafting, but there’s only one kind of crafting material, and everything you can craft with it is available from the get-go. A player never need be stuck at a locked door anymore, because you can always craft yourself a magic device that will unlock anything at any time (unless it requires a special-unhackable-keycard, which is not really better). Out of crafting material? No worries, you can also install an aug that lets you disassemble unwanted crap into more! Out of energy? Same solution – just craft yourself more!

And if you thought you weren’t wasting enough inventory space on ammo back in HR, well, now all guns take three different types of ammo: standard, EMP, and armour-piercing. Out of EMP grenades? No problem, you can now disable any robot just as easily with a regular handgun with EMP ammo! Or using your Tesla, or your stun gun, or EMP-generating throwable machines, or your remote hacking power… I mean what are EMP grenades even for anymore? Oh, but not every gun actually takes all kinds of ammo – your regular shotgun only takes standard and EMP, and you’ll need a special shotgun to use armour-piercing ammo – at which point the question becomes, so why are we calling them all shotgun ammo? Realising too late I’m carrying the wrong-calibre ammo is not the kind of realism gaming needs, and this is no trivial problem: all those ammo types still look the same, and you may not even know which you’re picking up until it’s in your inventory.

You don’t even really need armour-piercing ammo – as covered above, a couple of regular shotgun blasts will take down a drone just fine. But by god, can you end up with an inventory full of ‘shotgun ammo’ that doesn’t actually go in the shotgun you’re carrying. Yay!

The game also boasts multiple different collectibles that do something if you link your Squeenix account or whatever – and god, the amount of shit in this game that was clearly included by mandate of some marketing committee makes me very sad. I will never know what it could’ve been without all this bullshit tacked on overhead, but I’m betting it was a much better experience.

The one big criticism of DX:HR that the team behind MD have clearly tried to address is the complaint that it’s ""not enough like the original Deus Ex,"" but the most obvious new callbacks are like the punchline to a joke. The most obvious ‘authentic’ new feature is that many ‘merchants’ are now not proper shops at all, but just some dude who will offer you up to three different items you can buy from a dialogue prompt, which was a laughably outdated way of implementing a ‘shop’ even when the original Deus Ex did it. Worse, map icons don’t distinguish between these bozos and real shops, so if you’re looking for somewhere to offload valuable items that are clogging up your inventory space for cash (and you will be, because praxis kits are expensive), you might go through several non-shops where you can’t actually sell things before finding a real one. Surely this is exactly the Deus Ex experience everyone was missing!

Oh, and you can throw pot plants now. Whoop-de-do.

So here we are. Mines aren’t a problem because there aren’t any. Environmental hazards aren’t a problem because you can always switch them off. Hacking isn’t a problem because you can make your own keys. Maintaining your Ghost Bonus for not being detected is hardly worth the trouble, because you probably won’t get it anyway. Drones do pose some new hazards in that you can be seen from more places, but robots still mostly aren’t a problem because there are a million ways to deal with them. Good set-ups for double-takedowns are so much fewer and further between, and you still can’t use them if one guy is sitting down. And this game’s idea of a high-octane ‘challenge’ is three drones in an area with plenty of hiding places.

Human Revolution was the game that got me into FPS gameplay and made me to adore stealth mechanics. I went into it as such a complete newb that I almost gave up a single mission in, and came out such a total convert that I’ve gone on to fall in love with whole other FPS franchises (RE7 and 8 mostly – I still can’t really do lethal gun violence against human enemies). So to come to MD, seasoned and keen for more, only to find they’ve filed off every edge the thing had is insulting. The challenge was never a bug, it was a feature.

Worldbuilding & Environment Design

When it came out, Human Revolution (rightly) took a lot of criticism for its ham-handed attempts to build a plot around the moral quandaries of human augmentation. Here, with the sequel, we can clearly see that the writing team have understood none of that criticism whatsoever.

In the wake of the uninspiringly-named ‘Aug Incident’ at the preceding game’s climax, augmented people are now an oppressed minority – treated like second-class citizens, hassled by police at checkpoints, and expected to ride in a separate car on the train.

I do have to give the game some credit in that putting the player through all that is pretty effective at making you feel Jensen’s own frustrations. But the attempt to turn literal cyborgs into an oppressed minority works about as well that time David Cage tried to do it with robots, or that time Netflix tried to do it with Orcs, or god knows how many other examples of ill-considered fantasy racism that really do not hit the mark. The ‘victims’ here are people who’ve bought into a questionable new technology and been burned when it went horribly wrong, and MD is trying to portray that through a world where they’re all being made to sit on the back of the bus? Ai-yai-yai.

It does not help that this new struggle for augmented rights is now the whole damn story. Yet again, a single issue defines the whole universe, and yet its handling is one big mess.

It's staggering just how blind the writing is to the impact that capitalism ought to be having on y’know, their cyberpunk universe – let alone the fact that augmentation does give people, y’know, superpowers. A technology as game-changing as this doesn’t just disappear overnight because public perception has shifted, there’s far too much money in it. Where are the shady companies starting huge factories in augmented gettos, taking advantage of all those workers with handy superstrength and no other job prospects? The new augmentation manufacturers insisting their augs are the only safe ones? MD would have us believe that public opinion has shifted against the augmented so definitively that there are no longer even any augmented soldiers working in military or security firms. But surely whoever finds the best way to sneak secretly-augmented soldiers into their ranks ought to have an insane advantage – especially with so many augmented soldiers suddenly out of work and willing to do almost anything to make a buck?

In their rush to reduce the augmented to just another oppressed racial minority, everything that ought to set them apart gets ignored. This is a group of people a) with superpowers, b) that may be completely invisible to the casual observer, and c) a history of going suddenly apeshit and attacking people – so where’s the fear and paranoia? Anti-aug prejudice means you’ll be hassled by cops and showered with slurs out in public, because everyone knows you’re an aug at 20 paces, and isn’t scared of you. But no-one’s giving you a wide berth because you might have a fucking gun welded into your arm. Cops aren’t calling for all the backup in the fucking district before hassling you about taking the wrong train carriage. No-one’s getting beaten up after being incorrectly mistaken for augmented when they’re just a regular guy with a weird scar. Is this really the best we can do? Prejudice against different groups takes different forms, even in the real world where no-one gets superpowers out of the deal!

There are a handful of breadcrumbs scattered through the game to reflect that fact that being augmented has some original consequences. That neuropozine now has a lively black-market street trade makes plenty of sense. You do meet one poor guy still dealing with the trauma of having killed his own grandson in a psychotic haze during the Aug Incident (seriously, his story broke my heart in the best possible way), another still suffering neurological damage after having his own neural augs removed, and have to figure out whether a messed-up former Belltower soldier might be responsible for the death of his ex. The guy building the next big ghetto is definitely trying to profit off the situation, and seems to be hiring augmented folks to do the building, but the notion that being augmented might make them better workers goes unacknowledged. You don’t even get to meet anyone suffering from neuropozine withdrawal, even when you do visit the ghetto. The world isn’t suddenly full of amputees who’ve had their augs removed, there’s no underground black market for human limb transplants – it’s absurd how little thought’s gone into this.

But as so often with fantasy racism, maybe the biggest problem is that, in a world where we’ve firmly established that augmentation leaves you vulnerable to being driven haywire at the push of a button, too much of that public distrustis justified. Even without the mind-control element, many augmentations make people dangerous in ways the public shouldn’t have to be okay with. Nor is it a major source of conflict that dovetails well with whatever the Illuminati is actually supposed to be up to in this game. Kidnapping a bunch of scientists as in Human Revolution may be a huge cliché, but at least it’s a goal that adds up.

Setting-wise, most of the game is set in Prague this time, which is at least different – you won’t find many big-budget games set in any Eastern European city. But though there are plenty of Czech natives in the main cast of characters, I could not tell you why Prague was chosen. It’s a reasonably logical place to put a major Interpol office, but, just for example, how does this new anti-aug movement compare to past racial tensions of the region? I don’t know enough about Prague to tell you, and if an answer is buried somewhere in the many in-game documents I skim-read in playing MD, I did not notice it.

Maybe Prague natives will have got as much of a kick out of seeing their city in this game as I did seeing an Aussie running an Interpol division, or maybe they’re all up in arms about misrepresentation. But to say the setting feels under-utilised is pretty much par for the course of everything else in this game. I don’t even know how Jensen feels about living there, if he’s got any opinion on it at all.

The highlight of your away-missions is a trip to the new aug ghetto, aka the Útulek Complex, aka Golem City. The whole structure is an intimidating maze of prefab cube-houses, and it’s the one place that feels like we’re finally committing to cyberpunk dystopian vibe. It’s not pretty or nice to navigate, but it shouldn’t be: it’s a great location that feels refreshingly unique. Solid work, no notes.

Other locations mostly don’t deliver you much beyond the same generic office or para-military environments you’ve seen a thousand times. There’s a mission to Switzerland, so the outside is full of snow and mountains, and a mission to London, so the outside is a helipad and you won’t leave the building. And there’s an intro mission to Dubai, where you have to fight some terrorists, because some fuckwit decided to open this game by trying to convince everyone we’re playing a generic military shooter for some fucking reason. Oh, and the outdoors is sandy, of course, but you’ll pretty much just see the one building anyway. Otherwise, hope you like Prague, because Prague is pretty well it.

MD has dutifully stepped up to the expectation of giving us multiple different ways into every location, but most left me feeling that less can definitely be more. There are so many different ways into some buildings that I kept getting lost in them: this isn’t simply giving the player choice, it’s building redundancy on top of redundancy. I like exploring new environments, but losing track of what I’m even trying to do isn’t a plus.

It's hard to feel like the team behind DX really get cyberpunk, and not just because capitalism confuses them. A minor plot point involves a cult who worship a machine god (another weak callback to the original DX). One of their members has been busy trying to develop a way for their members to upload themselves – only to be found in a mysterious coma. So obviously, he’s succeeded in digitising his own brain, right? Or at least mind-wiped himself in the attempt? But no, whatever happened to him is never commented on whatsoever. Not even when a group of his fellow cult members attempt to upload themselves using his work. It’s like the payoff has been lost in translation somewhere.

Though to at least end this segment on a more positive note, when Mankind Divided does, inevitably, send us to the Obligatory Brothel Set, we do find male sex workers among their employees, who will flirt with Jensen (you know, in addition to the many more female ones). So the franchise that promotes itself with so many filthy shirtless!Jensen pics has at least acknowledged, in universe, that there are people willing to pay for hot male cyborg eye candy. You can always enjoy the little things.

There’s another level to the worldbuilding, of course – the question of how well it serves the plot. But to get into the plot, I’m going to need a whole new post.

[stormblessed95]

Heya Storm,

here's the one that suggested you No. 6. I'm really happy you like the anime.😊 I love the story and it's one of the few mangas I own. I'd love to watch a sequel to see how the characters evolve and how the city develolps. Unfortunately, since hardly anyone of my friends or familiy is interested in anime/manga, I'm particulary pleased. So if you want someone else to talk about, I'm really happy to be the one. By the way... do you know Uragiri wa Boku? 😅 And wich of the other proposed animes do you already know? Do you plan to watch one of the others?

Anyway, i finally had some time to catch up since I joined tumblr (by the way, I joined because i looked for others who love BTS and Jikook as I do and stumbled about one of your posts. Thank you for that! Your masterlist is georgeous and helped me a lot as baby army but it is soooo much. 😍🥲) and was shocked and sad how toxic my timeline has become. I'm so sorry you're being attacked and I feel I didn't/couldn't support you and other bloggers. I am sorry for that and try to be a better person next time.😓 I think you doing amazing. I really enjoy every one of your posts, especially those that are long, and I can't understand at all how someone can blame you for anti-behavior or somthing like that. All I see is how much you love BTS (and books/animes). Your posts about the diffrent albums are also great, I really hope you will do it in the future too. In general - I really miss reading your point of view about current events, etc. so much that it surprised me. Of course I unterstand what led you retreat and I think you're very strong that you post again. It hurts me that tumblr is no longer a safe place for you and I hope so much that this will change again some day or that you may find another good platform (if so, please take me with you🥺). I'm glad you have your family and wonderful friends.

I've been thinking a long time about whether to send this message at all. After some of your posts, I feel that I really don't have the right to do so and I shouldn't bother you. Finally I will send it to you, because I'm really happy you like No. 6 and I want to recommend Uragiri. Feel free to ignore the other part. Furthermore, I just want to apologize and wish you all the best. Sorry for my long message, please answer only if you have the time and desire. Not important if its here or as a DM. I would love any answer.

I hope you could enjoy Yoongis concert and/or can (re-)watch it next weekend.

Have a nice day/evening/night - Lyn

Hi Lyn! Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate your kind words. Thank you so much 💜 I'll DM you after posting this so that my DMs will be open to you there as well to continue to talk books/anime if you want! And thank you for the rec for No 6! I loved it! And I recommended it immediately to another friend, who I force her and her fiance to watch everything I like 🤣

(literally I message her edits of animes to convince them to watch what I want them too, I've taken over their TV and I'm not sorry 🤣. Z, when you read this, know im waiting for yall to tell me which anime ive mentioned you are watching next!)

I've added all the ones you rec'd in the comments that I haven't seen yet (and now also Uragiri!) To my crunchylist to watch! I'm just blind faith trusting you (and other people who've messaged me/commented) lol on these recs so we shall see how it all goes!!

As for what I've seen so far? Here is my list:

- Attack on Titans (watched through Season 2 then DNF, too much graphic gore and blood and it scared me, im a wimp lol)

- Ouran High School Host Club (cute but sooo tropey lol)

- Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood (LOVED)

- Demon Slayer (LOVED - but haven't seen season 3 yet because I watch with my husband and I have to wait for him to be home for us to watch together)

- Yuri On Ice (LOVED)

- Your Name (made me cry!)

- Naruto (amazing)

- Naruto Shippuden (LOVED)

- Sasaki and Miyano (so cute I died)

- Buddy Daddies (tons of fun!)

- Yakuza's Guide to Babysitting (cute!)

- Haikyuu!! (Love!)

- The Ice Guy and his Cool Female Colleague (cute and fun, but kinda bored lol)

- Sk8 the Infinity (LOVED)

- A Silent Voice (sad but great)

- No. 6 (sooo good, so interesting, I want more)

- Given (love it, so cute)

- Hunter x Hunter (In Progress. I'm like 40 eps in and Watching with husband)

I have read the Manga for Yona of the Dawn, Spy x Family, Inuyasha and Haikyuu too. And I've read the first volume of the Manga for The Case Study of Vanitas so far! And for my birthday I got the entire Demon Slayer Manga box set so I'm excited to read those soon!!

[crunchycrystals]

every book i read in september 2023

i did in fact bring this back because i thought it would be fun and all my followers should know that before everything, i am a book nerd. i genuinely think i only feel like i'm alive when i'm reading regularly. no spoilers for any of the books i talk about because i can only have one cut per post

before i get into the books here's some general info on reading stuff this month. so i read 9 books which i'm really proud of myself for after being in a reading slump for ages. i was still reading then but i really was not enjoying myself nearly as much as i was in previous months and i'm really enjoying myself now. 5 of the books i read were physical copies of them, 1 was an ebook, and 3 were audiobooks. my average rating was 4.29/5 and read a total of 13.78 hours on audiobook and 2476 of pages shout out to storygraph for all this info i am telling you use storygraph if you want to track your reading its so great

the cruel prince. i really liked this surprisingly??? the worldbuilding was great and i loved all the political aspects of it. jude was a really interesting main character and i had a lot of fun with the story (especially the plot twist/s, no i'm not saying if there's more than one). i liveblogged a couple parts of the entire series this month so you can check my tfota tag for more in depth thoughts

the lost sisters. it was pretty interesting to see the plot of the cruel prince from the perspective of a different character but i didn't think much about my enjoyment of it since i was just reading it for more info on the series lol

captain stone's revenge. so i went on a nancy drew diaries binge once and i've been keeping up with the series ever since then just because, and i had a hold on this book for like 2 months at the library and i finished it in a day lol. it's a short book and definitely not as good as other books in the series but yk it wasn't awful still had fun reading

we are okay. this is one of my favorite books and i cried for 40 minutes straight as i finished the last like 50-80 pages. it's a really great exploration of different kinds of grief that are complicated and how it affects people. i posted while reading it "every chapter there's something that makes me take psychic damage" which was very fun but also deeply painful (in a fun way most of the time, sometimes i was in public trying not to cry). the ending is so hopeful it made me cry for a different reason why i was crying for the past 35ish minutes. it's a great book i highly recommend it it's only like 230 pages.

the wicked king. sequel to the cruel prince, i also really enjoyed this but i don't think i enjoyed it as much as the cruel prince. still well written though and i have more in depth thoughts under my tfota and/or reading commentary tags

queen of nothing. 100% my favorite from the trilogy i loved it i thought the characters and plot in this one were all super great and i loved the ending especially. i do have more detailed thoughts that i wrote down for me personally but this is a no spoilers section so i won't share it unless someone asks

cress. this is the 3rd book in the lunar chronicles series and aaaaaaa i loved this so much i had so much fun reading it i love the alternating povs and how they all end up clashing with the dramatic irony in that one scene i loved kai's povs i wanted to keep reading constantly i love these characters so much go read the lunar chronicles please

chalice of the gods. uhhh so i finished this in less than 12 hours i liveblogged it all i really enjoyed it you can see my thoughts there go check it out (cotg or reading commentary tag). a lot of cringe moments (WHY does he mention boomers so much) but i am choosing not to see it i only see percabeth and percy grover friendship content again and i enjoyed reading it

daisy jones and the six. i listened to this on audiobook and it was incredibleeeeeeee the voice actors were amazing it was so entertaining. another taylor jenkins reid book about the drama between famous people and it was very entertaining to read about. stressful at times but overall i liked it. once again there are some notes in the reading commentary tag

i also started winter this month but i am definitely finishing it in october so i don't count it lol

[topsyturvy-turtely]

I posted 3,154 times in 2022

That's 3,090 more posts than 2021!

141 posts created (4%)

3,013 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@helloliriels

@loki-lock

@safedistancefrombeingsmart

@justanobsessedpan

@musingsofmyown

I tagged 2,195 of my posts in 2022

Only 30% of my posts had no tags

#johnlock - 611 posts

#bbc sherlock - 453 posts

#sherlock - 428 posts

#john watson - 366 posts

#sherlock holmes - 295 posts

#sherlock x john - 169 posts

#johnlock fanart - 151 posts

#martin freeman - 135 posts

#sherlock fanart - 135 posts

#benedict cumberbatch - 125 posts

Longest Tag: 121 characters

#am i funny? cringy? funny but in a cringe way? yeah probably funny cringy way... nah probably just cringy... in any case:

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

okay so we all want BBC SHERLOCK S5 right???

and imho it needs to involve:

- A JOHNLOCK KISS!!!! (one that ~actually~ happens irl and not just in the mind palace or the like...)

-HUDDERS NOT BEING DEAD (seriously she is the soul of johnlock and she deserves better than to die. let her go on vacation or something... saw that post a few days ago)

-AND HARRY WATSON PRETTY PLEASE!!! (in a happy way. where john and her rebuild their relationship. also... maaaayyybbee bcs i'm a tiny bit in love with her)

-MORE (happy!) JOHNLOCK

154 notes - Posted February 23, 2022

#4

how john watson found his heart again

[sequel to how john watson lost his heart ]

it's been two years since i've lost my heart.

two years of grief. two years of being lost. two years of darkness.

but it's okay, i've found her. she gave me a new heart.

it's not the same as my own but it does its job: it gave me life. it keeps me alive.

but suddenly you are back.

short version: not dead.

and you present me my long lost heart on a serving tray.

with your fake glasses, your fake mustache, your fake accent.

but my real heart.

right there in front of me.

abruptly i stand up. trying to hold back my anger.

alright. john. i'm suddenly realizing that i probably owe you some sort of an apology-

fist against the table.

two years.

keep it together, watson, i tell myself.

two years.

but how can i?

when the only reason to live is right there in front of me.

when the one reason i almost died myself was right there in front of me.

i thought-

not in the restaurant, watson.

i thought you were dead.

i died too that day. i have lost my heart that day. the day you died.

now you let me grieve...

i grieved for you, i grieved for my heart.

how could you do that?

HOW?!

See the full post

182 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

#3

"JOHNLOCKed in a Closet"

- now on Ao3!!!

[cover art by @topsyturvy-turtely DO NOT REPOST]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M, F/F

Fandom: Sherlock (TV)

Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson; Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade; Harry Watson/Original Female Character; Sherlock Holmes & Mrs. Hudson & John Watson; Harry Watson & John Watson; Sherlock Holmes & Greg Lestrade

Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes, Greg Lestrade, Harry Watson, Original Female Character(s)

Additional Tags: Fluff, Mrs. Hudson Ships It, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Johnlock - Freeform, Locked In, Trapped In A Closet, John is a Mess, John The Bisaster, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings, Harry the gay advisor, Confused John, Soft Sherlock, Sassy John, Shy Sherlock, References to Canon, Case Fic, okay mostly it's fluff but anygays..., STILL THERE IS A CASE

Summary: Mrs. Hudson is done. Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are just two silly little lovebirds who need to be locked together in a room until they can finally admit their feelings for each other! So this is EXACTLY what she does. And what room could be more fitting than a closet...?

Chapters: 15/15 (plus a dedication)

Originally published on Wattpad with the username "turtely". (21,6K views, 817 votes, 5K comments - status August 30th 2022)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40776522?view_full_work=true

204 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

#2

He really just needed a kiss...

John hated it. He utterly and truly hated it. He despised himself for it. It was going on his nerves. In fact it annoyed the fucking SHIT out of him.

That stupid, always present, torturing urge to be kissed.

It was plain out ridiculous. But he couldn't help it. He wanted- needed that kind of body contact. Where one was taller, the other smaller. Where one was the bold and made the decisive move. Where your heart stops and your breath catches and-

John put the tea pot down with too much force so the china chinked. He grabbed the newspaper off the table with an emphasis that really wasn't necessary and he walked over to his armchair with a frown on his face and heaviness in his steps.

He dropped into the chair and scowled at the news. He felt like a teenager, which dropped his mood even more.

"You're annoyed.", his flatmate Sherlock, eyes closed hands steepled under his chin, his legs half up half down, stated. And it made John even more grumpy. Because look at this arsehole! With his damn hair and annoying face and stupid athletic body he wouldn't struggle AT ALL finding someone to kiss him. Not that he would care for such mundane things.

"Yes.", there was no point in denying it, John decided but hid his face behind the newspaper again.

"Why?"

Behind the safety of the newspaper John rolled his eyes. "I just am."

Sherlock opened his eyes and leaned forward, "That's ridiculous every human emotion has its origin in a deeper-"

"Oh for fuck's sake. You of all people lecturing me about human emotions is really not a to-do-thing for today, okay?!"

Sherlock sat up and John - even behind the paper - felt his studying gaze on him and the irritation inside him flamed up even more. "Stop staring.", he grumbled

Sherlock tilted his head - eyes still fixed on his flatmate. He leaned forward, pushing the newspaper down and the sudden proximity made John uneasy.

"Ever heard of personal space?"

"Of course.", Sherlock said and invaded John's.

"Then why are you in mine?"

"Because you want it."

"I want- what?"

"You wanna be close to someone.", Sherlock said, both hands on either side of his armchair now.

"No", John awkwardly fixed his sitting position. "I think I am good. Go back to your seat, Sherlo-"

But then Sherlock's lips were on his and John froze. It was just a hint of a kiss. It was nothing really. He could back off and then they could just-

He put his hand on the back of Sherlock's neck and his hand barely touched his side. He hesitantly kissed him back and then Sherlock's lips pecked John's lightly. Sherlock opened his mouth and John sucked on the other man's lower lip. John (or more his libido) decided he'd go a bit further and used his teeth to tease. When Sherlock gasped, John pulled back quickly.

"Oh. Wow. I didn't- didn't expect to happen.", he said, Sherlock still hovering above him. His eyes were fluttering open and then stared into John's. There was something in his gaze that made John wanna hug him tight.

Sherlock straightened up and fixed his perfectly cuffed cuffs on his shirt. That heated look was completely gone. There was no evidence of what had just happened, except ,maybe, that John's trousers were a tad bit tighter than before.

Still uselessly fumbling with his cuffs (with elegant, slim fingers), Sherlock finally looked up. And with his look came a wall, being built brick by brick between them. "You needed stimulation. I gave you that. I hope you feel better now.", Sherlock said matter-of-factly, finally letting his cuffs alone, rolling his shoulders once. With four long strides he was at the hook with his belstaff, put it on with one swift movement and opened the door. "I'll be out. No need to wait up."

And John was being left behind. Completely stunned. He still felt lips on his own, still felt breath creeping over his jaw, still saw a heated look that John felt like had burnt him.

With a deep breath he heaved himself up, the newspaper forgotten on John's lap, flew to the floor. John needed tea. While the water boiled, John thought about what Sherlock had said. That he had offered him stimulation and that he hoped John felt better now. And he did, definitely, feel better but there was a tuck inside him that made him frown.

See the full post

256 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

sherlock: I KNOW!!!

john: you know what?

sherlock: i know what the H stands for!

john: *pinching the bridge of his nose* sherlock can you just dro-

sherlock: john hedgehog watson

john: ...

sherlock: ... :)

398 notes - Posted October 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[wolfraven80]

Ohhhhhohhhhhaughaughaughaugh I love it. I LOVE WHEN THINGS ARE INSPIRED OR SEQUELS TO ANOTHER THING!!! And thats fair, Divine Pulse Edelgard would be too much in this one possibly. lol BUT OHHHHHHHHHAUGHGUGHGUHG I just love Separate Paths (And the Hourglass and everything else youve written. ITS ALL SO GOOD AND OOOOO) Thank you for writing Edeleth in 2024 your a hero <3 Also just so this isnt primarily me being a weirdo, whats your favorite thing you've ever written?

Thank you, anon! I'm really glad you're enjoying it! And I'm really happy I can still be writing my OTP almost five years later and there are still people who want to read it!

But wow that is actually a really hard question. I've been writing regularly since I was twelve so I've written a crapton of fanfic and original stuff since then. I think broadly speaking my favourite is always going to be what I'm working on right now just because it's the new exciting thing that I'm constantly thinking about. But if you ask about the pieces I'm proudest of I think it would be the fics where I tried something a bit different and it worked.

When I was much younger and writing for Sacred Stone I wrote a time-loop fic for the first time and was really pleased with it. When I was writing for Life Is Strange, I wrote a longfic that had a non-linear side-story that was a central part of the plot and until I was finished writing it, I wasn't entirely sure I was going to be able to make it work.

With 3H I think one of the ones I'm most proud of is Fate, because I was trying to explore Divine Pulse as more than just a game mechanic. That scene where Jeralt gets stabbed and Byleth rewinds only once because Sothis says it's fate was necessary for the game but it's really unsatisfying from a narrative point of view. But in the fic I got to have Byleth push against the limits and what is and isn't fate, what she can and can't change. As you can tell I have a huge soft spot for time-travel and other stuff that messes around with normal narrative structure. Sometimes it's fun to do something challenging!

[nighterwriter]

A friends to lovers with Jason Todd. Pretty please 🙏

A/N: Thank you for the ask! This seems kind of off-topic, but if you'd like, I could write a sequel. Enjoy! :)

Update: Here's the sequel

To say it was weird would be an understatement. Dick was so used to seeing Jason and you glued to the hip, doing everything together, never growing tired of each other's presence. It drove him and the rest of the family crazy because it was so fucking obvious to everyone but the two of you how much you cared for and loved each other. The two of you were too clouded by your respective insecurities to understand.

So it was weird seeing Jason without you during his trip back to Gotham. He wanted to ask, but Damian had given a small shake of his head when Dick asked, stating that the situation was so trivial, that he wanted it to come out of Jason's mouth so he could see how childish it was.

He was able to find him in the greenhouse, occupied with Alfred's latest hobby that would entice him to visit the manor more. He'd seen Jason work with the plants; he was usually meticulous and gentle, sometimes talking to them as he repotted them and separated stubborn roots from the soil. The person he was staring at, however, was a terrible substitute; soil was strewn everywhere, and broken pots lay on the table as Jason harshly repotted some monsteras.

"Alfred's not gonna be too happy." Dick ignored the sweat rolling down his neck. He was never too fond of the stifling humidity.

"I'll buy him new ones," Jason grumbled, grunting when he finally got the monstera into its pot.

"Okay, okay, put the poor plant down before I call Ivy," He sighed when the pot was placed on the table, "You wanna tell me what's going on?"

It was Jason's turn to sigh as he tugged his gloves off. "It's nothing."

"You sure?" Jason nodded. "Then where's Y/N?"

"Fine, it's something." His brother sighed again. "You remember the new museum exhibit?"

"The mythology one? I remember you said Y/N and you were supposed to go yesterday." Dick paused, his eyes widening in realization. "Jason!"

"I know, I know! Okay, I'm an ass, but Black Mask had a last-minute shipment coming in. I had to be there."

"What did you tell them?"

Jason lowered his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. "That I didn't wanna waste my time."

"Jason!"

"I panicked, okay?! They called me right when the shipment ended and I needed to get down there," He groaned, "I've been trying to call, but I'm pretty sure I've been blocked."

"What'd you expect? Hey Jason, you were an ass to me, but that's okay."

"You're not making it any better."

"Why didn't you tell them what you were actually doing?"

Jason shook his head. "No, no. I can't. I can't- if they get hurt because of me, I'll never forgive myself. I can't-"

"Jay," Dick spoke softly to soothe his brother's worries. "Y/N deserves to know. Hell, out of everyone we've brought to the manor, they're at the top of the list. You've known them for ages and you trust each other. I'll be damned if you let your friendship end because you're scared."

Jason was quiet as he thought.

"I can't lose them, Dick."

The last time Dick heard Jason so vulnerable and honest was when he told him about his mom, about what happened to her. It had been ages since he let his guard down and Dick knew it was difficult for him, but he also knew how much Y/N meant to him, even if he didn't sometimes.

"You won't," He insisted, "Y/N's stubborn, they can handle themselves. I've seen them physically and verbally hand people's asses to them. If anything, any goon who tries to hurt them will probably leave once they start cussing out their haircut."

Jason snorted. "I think they'll start with their life choices 'fore going for the looks."

"True." Dick looked at Jason with a small smile. "So, what's the plan?"

"First, figure out where they are. I called their work and they said they called off. Second, apologize endlessly until they accept. Then... then I'll tell them. And after, if they still wanna be around me, we'll go to the exhibit."

Dick clapped him on the shoulder. "Sounds like a plan. I can call them, say something about needing help finding something for my apartment."

"Alright, 007. Let me know what they say." Jason reached for the gloves again. "I have some cleaning up to do."

Dick nodded and started towards the door. Jason didn't trust easily. He said he'd learned his lesson with his mom in Ethiopia. It took Dick months, if not years, after his death to regain the sliver of trust he'd been given when Jason first came to the manor. He sees it when he interacts with Bruce and when Alfred calls him for holidays and family dinners. But there was never a moment of hesitation with you.

The two of you met on the streets when you protected Jason from being attacked by the older kids after he managed to steal some groceries from the supermarket. He disappeared and came back with a chocolate bar, which you shared in the corner of Gotham Library while you tucked into your respective groups. Since then, the two of you were inseparable. You knew everything about each other and it disturbed Bruce and Alfred the first time they met you. After Jason was adopted (you were offered the same deal, but refused), he'd swing by every minute he could, bringing you food, new clothes, small knickknacks for your hidey hole, whatever to make you more comfortable. Dick would say that in times of separation, your bond was stronger than ever. That's why he couldn't let Jason give you up. Both of you meant too much to each other.

"Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"If you trust them this much, I think it's time to tell them the truth."

And by the look on his brother's face, Dick knew he understood what he meant.

[lepusrufus]

To bargain for immortality pt.1

It's here fellas, the mutation sequel that I've mercilessly teased you with!

Content warnings: gore, torture, blood (like... lots), just a bunch of puking up blood, Miranda being her usual mad scientist self, torture in the name of science, Nicole be sick af (both literally and of crow mommy's bullshit), a little bit of blood drinking as a treat, medical procedures.

////

Tic toc tic toc

God that clock is so annoying.

Nicole wasn’t nervous. No. She chose this, at least for the most part. She had a long conversation with all her family, Alcina and Esteria both assuring her that it would work. It’s been years since the beginning of the experiments and by this point the process was almost perfected.

Miranda knew what she was doing.

That mattered little to her nerves though.

She instinctively pushed herself further into Cassandra’s side, who’s grip around her waist tightened ever so slightly.

The waiting was downright tortuous.

She, along with Cassandra and her two sisters were in her infirmary. The room mixed the ancient decor of the castle with modern medical equipment in a beautiful way. Not that anything less would be acceptable. Not that the familiarity of her workspace brought her any comfort either.

All their eyes snapped in the direction of the door when a heavy set of footsteps, with two lighter ones, were heard down the hallway outside. Soon the door opened with a barely audible creak and the two matriarchs entered, followed suit by Mother Miranda. Her presence alone was enough to make Nicole’s breath get lost somewhere in her throat, on its way to an exhale. The black wings, even partially folded as they were, did their job of making her look so much more intimidating than she was. Not that she needed them to begin with, a look from those icy gray eyes more than enough to send anyone to their knees.

Mother Miranda was, in all ways that mattered, a goddess.

A goddess that was about to infect her with the same thing that failed countless times in the past. The same thing that made the crawling mindless beasts used as guard dogs in the undergrounds. Or that made all the lycans.

Nicole gulped, a gesture gone thankfully unnoticed to anyone other than her painfully dry mouth.

But Miranda didn’t spare her a glance. She simply busied herself with some tools she had brought on one of the metal tables. With each clink the room seemed to close in on her slightly more, until Nicole felt as if she somehow ended up in one of Heisenberg's death traps. Spikes moving closer and closer until they would pierce her body and leave her in a messy pool of blood and entrails.

She shook her head and took a long inhale. No. This was going to work. She was not about to lose her family over a pesky thing such as mortality. She was not about to lose Cassandra. If getting infected by the Cadou was what it took to spend eternity with her lover then so be it. Possible side effects be damned.

Mother Miranda finally seemed to have finished, a now empty flask labeled Cadou sitting on the desk behind her while the parasite was writhing in her hand, thin whip-like tentacles extending frantically around itself. She called her over with a nod, and with a deep breath and a parting hand squeeze from Cassandra, Nicole forced her legs to take her across the room. Her steps didn't waver, she'd be damned if she'd show any hesitancy in front of this.

"Shall we begin."

It wasn't a question really, merely veiled impatience. Miranda did not like her, plain and simple. The fact that she was there to begin with was already a miracle. Miracle that wouldn't have happened were it not for the Ladies themselves asking for it.

"Yes of c-"

Before her words even had time to completely slip out of her mouth, golden talons plunged into the base of her sternum.

"Hopefully this can teach you that I don't like people going behind my back."

Nicole let out a choked gasp, hands instinctively wrapping around Miranda's arm, weakly grabbing at black robes. Ironically enough, those very talons were keeping her upright and, when they were removed from her flesh with a disgusting squelch of blood, Nicole curled in on herself, falling to her knees.

"Wha-... cking ki-... -er!"

Cassandra's voice reached her ears broken up, barely passing through the deafening ringing. Miranda also gave a reply and then seemed to address someone else but her much calmer tone meant that it only sounded like a vague mumble.

Not that Nicole particularly cared at the moment.

She curled into a ball, her hands almost clawing at her chest trying to find some sort of relief. It seemed as if vicious tendrils were making their way into every vein and muscle, tearing their way through any tissue they found. Her chest felt as if it had a hot iron pressed directly onto the skin, searing pain radiating in a cruel pulse matching her frantic heartbeat. By that point she was either sobbing or heaving, something that involved shallow breaths for sure. Her lungs were protesting fiercely, emptying of oxygen and then refusing to refill if not with great strain.

To make everything worse, the pain seemed to shift, now engulfing her spine and sending jolts that made her head spin and want to throw up despite her jaws being clenched shut so tightly that she was sure she'd start to taste copper soon.

She was only vaguely aware of hands shifting her body and soothing words that fell on deaf ears. She was now on a softer surface, but that did nothing to alleviate the assault on each of her senses. Probably she had thrown up at a certain point as her sinuses felt like being scraped by sandpaper with each shuddering breath. Her mouth too had a lingering taste of both bile and blood that made her stomach turn all over again. She would give anything for her body to finally shut down.

Why was she still awake and conscious god damn it. There was only so much her body was supposed to take before the brain shut down and she was reaching her limit of how much agony she could endure at a moment.

Please please please just pass out please.

She didn't though. Her body seemingly deciding to feel every single bit of the infection process, complete with the unending waves of pain and nausea that hit her more than she wanted to count. Any bit of sanity left in her would've probably disappeared had she tried.

---

It took two days for the agonizing pain to subside. Another two for Nicole to be able to form any kind of coherent sentence. Cassandra's soothing voice was of immense comfort, always there to tell her how well she was doing and how it would all be better soon.

God she hoped.

On the fifth day, her stomach still lurched at any movement too sudden. Her lungs seemed to fill with blood, courtesy of the still gaping wound at the bottom of her sternum, with any inhale too deep. The fact that she got used to the coppery taste rising up in her throat was disgusting in and of itself. At least there weren't jolts of pain shooting through every nerve and muscle in waves anymore though. That was something.

The fog in her brain was still clearing. It was hard to focus on anything, and each time Cassandra, or anyone else, asked her a question they would have to repeat it at least three times. It was beyond frustrating, the mind that got her through med school drunk half the time was failing the insurmountable task of saying whether or not she'd like some water. Glorious.

A faint knock on the door reached her ears. A redundant gesture really, as she didn't exactly have the clarity of mind to answer. Besides it was hard to catch her in a more compromising state than curled up in the fetal position, covered in sweat and most likely blood clots stuck to her lips.

Esteria came in, her one blue eye that wasn't covered looking at her with all the gentleness neither of her parents had ever offered her. Or it was just the cruel trick of a delirious brain. Either way, light barefoot steps took the Mistress to her bed. She sat in the chair adjacent to it and, with taloned fingers brushing strands of auburn hair out of Nicole's face, she spoke softly.

"How are you feeling today?"

Her voice was just as melodious as ever. It was the voice one imagines they would hear from an ancient being found deep in the forest. It made Nicole just a tad guilty when the only answer she could give was a pathetic whine.

Esteria simply hummed, talons running through the long messy locks of hair sprawled on the sheets.

"Would you like me to braid this for you dear?"

Nicole frowned. The Mistress was an expert at braiding, quick fingers able to make beautiful designs, both simple and complex. Comes with having floor length hair, her hazy mind guessed. On any normal day, Nicole would've accepted without a second thought. But now? Now she was painfully aware of the state she was currently in.

"It's filthy," she croaked, her voice raw and like stones in her mouth.

And it was. Her hair was waist length and right now it was slowly becoming a curse. It was greasy and sweaty thanks to barely being able to move a limb for nearly a week, which meant no showers. Not to mention how she lost count of the times she bent down to empty the contents of her stomach into a bucket, only to have some rebel locks fall in her face and get subsequently dirty. God she felt awful.

Esteria didn't seem to care too much though, as she simply helped Nicole shift slightly and talons started to work at some pesky mats. In no time, her hair was in a comfortable braid that started relatively high, keeping the locks away from her nape which meant just a tad less overheating. Not to mention it kept it in place and away from her mouth that she didn't trust in the slightest right now.

"Thanks," she actually managed to not let her voice crack this time.

"Oh it's no problem. Also," there seemed to be an odd strain in her voice, "Mother Miranda is coming this evening. She said something about an examination."

Nicole couldn't help but openly wince and curl in on herself a little more at the mere mention of the woman. Her chest seemed to pulsate painfully at the memory of the golden talons embedded deep in her flesh. Right now she wanted those hands anywhere away from her.

"What time is it?"

Esteria looked at the clock placed somewhere on the wall behind them. "About twelve. Still got time."

How hard would it be to drag herself to the adjacent bathroom for a quick shower? The only way her situation could get worse was if none other than Mother Miranda came in to see her in that state. She took a deep breath that her lungs protested against and pushed herself onto her elbows. At Esteria's skeptical expression she tried to sound less horrible than she felt.

"I need a shower."

Esteria pursed her lips. "Sorry dear but I don't believe for one second that you can stand for more than a minute. I'll ask a maid to draw you a bath."

Nicole only nodded weakly and let herself fall back into the cushion.

---

It took far longer than Nicole would ever admit to get herself fully clean. Her muscles were sore and protesting at every pass of the soapy sponge. Her hair was a whole other battle and she had to bite down on her pride and ask the maid positioned outside her door for help. It was a tortuous fifteen minutes until the poor girl managed to detangle the long locks enough to be shampooed and washed.

After she was content with the level of cleanliness of her body and the maid was dismissed, she stood there preparing herself to get out of the basin. In the meantime she looked down at the wound at the bottom of her sternum. Maybe wound wasn't the right word. It looked more like a gray and black scar with vein-like tendrils spreading across pale skin. It looked downright gruesome. Miranda really did not try to do a clean job in the slightest. Didn't even think to use anesthesia, like she had with most other experiments, according to Alcina.

She sighed and finally pushed herself out of the water with shaky arms.

By the time Mother Miranda arrived she was feeling slightly better. Why she came personally was still a mystery to Nicole. Maybe some sick sense of satisfaction in seeing her in pain.

Either way, by the time their so-called goddess came into the infirmary and told Nicole to lay down on one of the tables, she managed to shuffle her way over without her body protesting too much. Cassandra also quietly made her way on the opposite side of Miranda, gaining herself a glare.

"Must you hover over her like that?" Miranda's tone was as even as ever, but her eyes betrayed annoyance.

"Does it hinder you?"

Cassandra was not an idiot, the growl she wanted to add into her question was instead replaced by a tone not too dissimilar to Miranda's own, who simply tugged her lips into a grimace.

"Very well."

At first they went through a normal examination. Pupil dilation, reflexes, all things a normal doctor would do. Then Miranda told her to unbutton her blouse so she could take a look at the infection scar.

Nicole couldn't help flinching when thankfully gloved fingers would poke and prod at the sensitive flesh there. Her cold digits felt like hot coals were spread on her chest and nails dragged uselessly on the metal underneath her body for some sort of distraction.

Mother Miranda decided to get a tissue sample and that's when Nicole decided that maybe she would rather spend eternity as a ghost. She squeezed her eyes shut when a scalpel was brought to the overly sensitive skin. It took her back to when she would do autopsies, years ago. Tissue samples were always an integral part of her work. How ironic that she found herself on the other side of things.

It's fine.

She winced when the blade cut into flesh and sent a jolt of pain through her chest. Nicole couldn't help but think of the long days she spent agonizing while her chest felt like it was burning her alive and hoping that it wouldn't repeat. A sigh of pure relief slipped past her lips when whatever fake deity there was besides this woman, listened to her and the sensation died out quickly. She dared to open her eyes, only to see Mother Miranda frowning down at the small vial in hand.

It was quickly given to an assistant and she unceremoniously grabbed Nicole's wrist, dragging the blade across the length of her forearm.

Nicole gasped at the sudden sharp pain, and even Cassandra dropped a few choice words in romanian due to the surprise. No. No no no. What the hell-

Any questions, or less dignified reaction, died in everyone's throats as they watched the skin stitch itself back together. The repairing muscles gave a tingling sensation but soon the only proof that a cut had been there were thin trails of blood.

Mother Miranda chuckled and wrote down something in the notebook she brought with her. "Accelerated healing. That can be of use."

Nicole couldn't help but throw a glance at Alcina, who was sitting in one of the many chairs with Esteria by her side. Her expression was unreadable, a mix of conflicting emotions flashing in her eyes like rapid lightning. She would've tried to decipher their matriarch's probable thoughts were it not for the smell that was starting to assault her senses.

"Ugh what's that…blood… "

Coherent sentences were still not something her brain wanted to do apparently, but judging by how her nose scrunched up in a grimace, Cassandra got the gist of what she meant.

"Um… your arm," she pointed to the still fresh blood slowly dripping from her skin.

Right. Dumbass.

"Or damaged sinuses. Should go away soon," Miranda added from where she was noting something down and giving instructions to her assistant.

Also fair.

She sighed and tried to ignore it. Her sinuses still felt like sandpaper all the way to the back of her throat. Every time she swallowed, it felt like needles scraping the inside of her neck down to her stomach.

Ugh.

Thankfully, Mother Miranda did not linger for much longer. She wrapped up any samples and was out of the room soon after with her assistant in tow. Then, Nicole could finally go back to laying down in bed and feeling miserable.

And miserable she felt. Her body seemed to have decided to rewire itself into its new mutation. It didn't have any effect on her physical appearance, but the insides seemed to want to liquefy only to be mended back together. It was another week of basically living with a bucket in her lap and throwing up blood clots that seemed to invade her lungs and organs. How she didn't straight up asphyxiate was a mystery that she didn't think she wanted solved.

And to top it off, she was starting to think that humidity from some leaky pipe somewhere in the castle was causing a slight mold problem. Almost everywhere she went, there was this faint moldy scent lingering in the air and it was mixing horribly with the coppery feeling inside her still offended throat and sinuses. Nobody seemed bothered by it though, so maybe it was simply a side effect of the infection that was yet to go away. It wasn’t nicknamed the Mold for nothing, after all.

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

The Night of the First Mistake

Sequel to

Synopsis: pre X-orcist, almost a year after Nightmare's death, Dream is still not on top of his grief and causes him to resort to desperate measures.

Tw mentions of death/dead loved ones.

X-orcist au belongs to me and @zu-is-here

Dreams, Demons and Desires is by me.

Enjoy

Almost a year had past since he'd last seen Nightmare. The skeleton couldn't say he had mourned him, but the news of his death had been unfortunate to say the least. Who could have seen someone like Nightmare dying in such a preventable way? Not him, that's for sure.

He was a friend... Or at least a friendly acquaintance, clearly he'd not been quite close enough to Night's inner circle to be invited to the funeral. He'd never even met Night's brother. Despite that, the news of his parting had deeply saddened him and every so often, he thought of him with a sigh.

A good customer and a good person.

This evening, Nightmare played at his thoughts again, probably drudged up by the anniversary of the accident approaching, he hadn’t meant to make note of the day, but he had. a few weeks would be the anniversary of the day he heard the news. 

He thought back to a year ago, a few weeks before his death. The words he’d said about his brother and the increasing frustration about his sinful thoughts. Killer didn't judge him for such feelings, he was no stranger to sin.

Other then that, there was nothing at all strange about this night.

Tonight, just like any night, he was in his shop and the counter. It was a cold October and pretty soon he'd be closing up.

It was dark and chilly in his shop and had a strangely pungent smell, which hit the moment you walked in. A mix of crushed herbs and spices, old books and stale coffee.

An old set of scales sat on the counter top in front of him, as did a till, several glass jars and containers and a large collection of dirty coffee mugs.

Behind him there was a large book case full of many strange books. Ones with faded titles, ones with thick leather bindings, some with large strains spreading across the covers or pieces missing. If you asked him, he'd liked to have said that he'd read all of them... But there were a few he hadn't. He wasn't much of a reader outside of this collection.

As he nursed yet another cup of coffee from the café next door, he tapped his slender skeleton fingers on the counter top. He was bored.

With a glance at the clock, he decided today that he could close up early. It was his shop after all, he made the rules. A small collection of trinkets and charms hung around his neck and clinked together against his old coat, as he got to his feet.

Just as he prepared to take today's earnings from the till to count it, he heard the door and a jingle of the shop bell, indicating someone had entered.

He set an empty eye socket in their direction as they froze, looking nervous.

The person was new, but also something about them was strangely familiar. After scanning them for a moment, his face twisted into a sly smile upon realising who the new comer could be. He turned his face to them fully, staring his pitch eyes right through them. They tensed, which amused him slightly.

"well hello Little Light.... How may I help you"

Dream seemed taken back slightly by the pet name. It wasn't something he was used to. His hands fused with the fastening on his coat.

"uhh Hello.....I’m..... Uh.."

The shop keep chuckled again. Such nervous behaviour wasn't something he saw often from his customers. Looks like it was going to be an interesting night and to think, he was going to close up.

"nervous Lil light?"

Dream once again tensed and shuddered slightly.

"Please.... Don't call me that" he stammered slightly before taking a breath "My name is Dream"

The shop keepers grin got even wider and it made a chill run up Dream's spine. There was something extremely unnerving about this skeleton. Maybe it was the emptiness of his eyes or the strange carvings around them, but Dream was sure that it was more then that.

The atmosphere of the shop was very unsettling and kind of cramped in Dream’s opinion. There were many trinkets, stones, crystals and small animal bones stacked neatly on the shelves. It was this, along with bags of salt and bundles of sage and garlic, that reassured him he was in the right place for what he needed. 

"Dream huh?.... Thought so" he said in a low tone "I'm so glad to finally meet you"

The nervous shifting of his hands continued, as Dream once again tensed even further. He was acting friendly, but it still felt ever so slightly...off.

"h-how do you know me?"

"I knew your brother and I'd recognise that pendant I sold him anywhere" he said, with his eyes looking at Dream's chest.

Dreams fingers quickly shot to the star charm hanging from his neck, and gripped it tight. Looks like this was the right place.

"Not to mention there's your golden eyes" he  continued, shifting his gaze straight into Dream's eye sockets. It was strange how Dream knew where he was looking, even without eye lights.

"he often talked about them......He was right when he said they were very beautiful if I do say so myself~"

Dreams face blushed slightly, but he felt a familiar twist in this chest at the mention of Nightmare and a sinking feeling when he was reminded how Night felt about him. His brother had often complimented his eyes.....

He'd just never really understood it was more then brotherly affection. At least until now.

"I.... Uh" Dream said before clearing his throat "You're Killer.... Aren't you?"

Flexing his fingers, Killer nodded. The grin didn't leave his face.

"looks like my reputation proceeds me"

Dream let go of his necklace and a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "I thought it might be you.... Based off something he wrote in his diary".

Before Night's accident, Dream had never even considered reading his diary. That was just a basic code of conduct. However, after his death, it became something Dream had often thought about. The diary, and everything else Nightmare owned, now belonged to him. For that reason he'd taken the book out of Nightmare's room.

However, he'd just kept it on his bedside table for almost a year before he finally had the courage to read it.

It had mostly been a fond look over some old memories, some good and some bad. But there were also passages about his feelings for Dream, sometimes written confessions addressed him. Every word was full of truth, longing and pain. Dream had felt it all.

Those had been hard to read, but he'd not skipped a single page and read them each through several times.

Nearer the end of the book, Nightmare had started talking about his interest in the supernatural. Dream remembered his twin getting fascinated in that and spending long evenings talking with him about it over tea and biscuits.

One thing Dream hadn't known about, where his trips to the next town over, where he wrote about finding this shop and the shop keep. This had been where the interest started. It was this that had lead Dream to come here.

"right..." Killer said, downing what was left in his coffee mug and setting in on the counter top.

"well.... What can I help you with?"

Yeah.. Nightmare had written that Killer was always one to cut to the point. Dream knew that what he was going to ask sounded insane and he wasn't even fully sure if Killer was the right person to ask. But at this point he was desperate, he just needed to know. With his grip returning to his brothers pendent, he remembered who he was doing this for.

He took a deep breath.

"Can you bring people back from the dead?"

Killer didn't react visibly to that. But he drew out a long silence. After a little Dream was sure he saw his jaw clench. The silence was completely deafening, broken only by the sound of Killer's fingers tapping the counter top. Dream figured that he was probably struggling to think what to say. After what felt like a life time, he spoke.

"I specialise in charms and equipment for preventative measures to stop spirits inhabiting homes....I do not....." he paused

"I don't try and bring the dead to the living realms".

Dreams face fell. He really shouldn't have been so disappointed, it was a crazy ask. But with the way Killer spoke and what he sold in the shop, he'd felt so close to what he wanted. But maybe it really was just impossible.

He felt tears threatening to spill, he just couldn't take all this guilt anymore. All he wanted to do was tell his brother he was sorry. That night. That kiss. That dam horribly wonderful kiss...and that car. 

"however...." Killer continued.

Dream felt hope flush through at those words and stood up slightly straighter. Killer turned his back to dream and started looking over the bookshelves behind the counter.

He didn't say a word, as Dream curiously watched him. He ran his thumb across the spines of several of the oldest and most dusty looking of them, eventually plucking out a large leather bound book with silver straps.

He walked back over, blowing dust off it as he did, and set it down on the counter with a light thud. The cover was extremely dusty and the leather was cracked and split in several places, yet the title still read fairly clearly and Dreams felt his heart skipped a beat.

The Practice of a Necromancer. Vol one of three. Summoning, Controlling and Banishing.

"I've not read this one fully, but it's been in my collection for years.... I suppose this would be the right place to look"

With that, he slowly opened the book and very carefully started to turn its pages. The paper was completely yellowed and clearly very fragile. There were no photographs, only hand done drawings of various items and also what looked like people, but with strange and uncanny faces. There were also other frightening images that Dream was trying not to look at.

Killer eventually stopped and ran his finger across a page.

"ah ha" he said "to summon a spirit into the living world"

He read over the text for a moment, as Dream watched impatiently. Killer knitted his non-existent eyebrows and narrowed his eyes.

"this stuff sounds overly complicated to me..... so I guess I'm not sure really"

But Dream didn't really seem to be playing much attention to Killer's words now. He was so desperately trying to read the text upside-down. Reading was something that Dream always struggled with anyway, so reading upside down would be near impossible. He reached forward to try and pull the book to him.

But he jumped back in surprise as Killer slapped his hand across the book, sending some dust into the air.

"now now now not so hasty Lil Light" he said returning back to a sweet tone, as he said the a pet name that made Dream's toes curl.

In his haste Dream had forgotten that this was a shop, not a library, so of course he wouldn't just hand it over.

The smaller skeleton knew that the book was probably pricey so it's not like Killer would just let him have it. It was clearly very old and Dream worried that he wouldn't have enough for it, but if he had to pay all the money he had to buy it. He would.

Reaching inside of his pocket, Dream pulled out a bundle of paper money and placed it on the counter and next to the book. Killer looked at it for a moment, before he took it and counted how much money was in the bundle. He ran his fingers across the notes, looking as if he was very tempted and contemplating his next move.

But then, much to Dream's disappointment, he put it back down on the counter.

"I don't want your money dream... That's not what I meant"

An unhappy wine left Dream's mouth, as Killer proceeded to hand his money back to him. Just as he was about to ask why, Killer cut him off.

"it's not for sale"

"but what if I just borro-

"or for rent or loan"

Dreams soul twisted. This felt so Incredibly unfair. He wasn't ever one to really get angry or feel hatred for people. But why had Killer gotten this book down if he didn't intend to sell it? Was he just trying to mess with him?

It was that moment that he wasn't sure he really liked Killer all that much.

He sighed.

"h-how come? Can I do anything to change your mind?"

Killer sadly shook his head.

"Dream....... I like to read the stuff for research purposes not for a practical use"

Dream opened his mouth to object, but killer silenced him.

"and I don't care what you say... but I don't think you're just interested in the topic"

Dream tried very hard not to show disappointment on his face, but of course Killer picked up on it. It upset him that his intentions were so easy to guess. Then again he'd opened with 'can you bring people back from the dead'.

He really should have asked in a different way. Feeling like an idiot, he tried to say that he wasn't intending to use the book in practice. But Killer once again shook his head.

He stood up slightly and gave Dream a sympathetic look, or a sympathetic as he could make it through his cold eyes.

"look....I know you miss him and that's ok I've lost people myself to" he said in a uncharacteristically gentle tone, which sounded fake. 

Dream looked at his feet.

"but the dead need to be left dead. Trying to bring them back never ends well, Nightmare wouldn't want you to get hurt trying to help him"

Dreams eyes stayed fixed on the floor, not wanting to look at killer any longer. He didn't want him to see him cry. He didn't want to look like a baby. Just as he was going to try arguing again, behind him he heard the shop door open and the bell ring

He looked back at Killer seeing he'd straightened up.

"K-killer...." came a soft but slightly panicked voice.

Curiously, Dream looked over his shoulder at the source of the voice. It was another skeleton stood by the door.

In all his life, Dream had never seen someone look to tired. They seem to be slightly younger then Dreams age but it was hard to tell how much. Their appearance was clearly young, but the huge bags under their eyes aged their face several years. The most notable thing about them was that their eye lights where small, indicating that they were on edge.

They were wearing a oversized cream knitted sweater and had a maroon scarf decorated with a paw print pattern tide around their neck. They fiddled with it as their eyes a looked at Killer and then to Dream.

From where he was, Dream could also see them wearing several of the necklaces and charms that Killer a sold, as well as a few layers of bandages around their arms.

Killer hastily exited from behind the counter and approached them.

"Hey Cappuccino......." he said, trying again to sound soft.

Ccino wasted no time in burying his head to Killers chest and wrapping his arms around him.

In response, Killer stumbled slightly and looked momentarily taken back and very uncomfortable. After a moment he sigh, before gently placing an hand on his back.

"hey.....it's ok ya wimp... I'm guessing they're back right?"

Ccino simply nodded, Killer sighed.

"Dream can you show yourself out? I've got to take care of this, we're closing anyway. I'm sorry I couldn't help you better"

As Killer attempted to comfort the shaking skeleton, Dream turned his attention back to the book in front of him. It was just within his reach, the page was tantalising.

It was so clear, a set instructions of the exact thing he'd need to do to reach his goal. 

Killer's warning played in his mind. 

But he knew what he was doing right? It was his brother, what did Killer really know about what Nightmare would have wanted. He didn't know how.... Close... They were. At least he thought he knew.

It was a split second choice.

As Killer continued to try and comfort his companion, he saw Dream hastily exit the shop without saying another word. He stared at the door.

It didn't feel right. 

He narrowed his eyes and stepped back from Ccino slightly.

"hang on"

He walked back to the counter and was relieved to see that the book was still there, however a moment later he noticed something else that make him freeze and curse under his breath.

"what's wrong?" Ccino asked, walking up next to him.

Killer didn't answer and instead picked up his book and looked at it closely to confirm what he saw. When he saw he was right, he near growled.

"Killer?" Ccino asked not seeing the problem.

"look....."Killer said quietly.

He ran his finger down the spine where the pages joined together. Once you looked closely you could see the remnants of torn paper sticking out.

"he took the page"

references coming soon.

[punderfulowl]

Top 10 Anime (That I've Seen) in 2020

Well now, it has certainly been awhile. I'm currently sitting at eight months too late for posting this, but, y'know, something something life happens. More accurately, I already made this list, but wanted to try out what response I'd get from Reddit. Turns out, they're not as cool as you guys!

Anyways, as the title states, this is not a list of my favorite anime that came out during 2020, but instead my favorite anime that I just so happen to see during that year. While it's fun to have an end of the year retrospective, I find that having a list in this format not only adds variety, but also helps bring attention to anime that might have been lost in the shuffle in previous years (I also don't have enough time to stay caught up in seasonal releases).

Honorable mentions:

Aggretsuko S3, My Hero Academia S4, Today's Menu For the Emiya Family, Interspecies Reviewers (yes, really), and I Couldn't Become a Hero So I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job

10. Maid-Sama (2010)

In hindsight, I find it a bit funny that I wanted to watch something wholesome to kick off 2020. Anyway, Maid-Sama is about a high school girl that is also a no nonsense Class President and she kind of has to be at a school where, until recently, was an all boys school. While she kills it in academics and is good at shutting down any shenanigans from the male student body, her financial situation isn't the greatest and has to balance a job at a maid cafe along with her school-related responsibilities. She does her best to hide her employment there to keep up appearances, but is one day found out by one of the boys who happens to be a big flirt and, yeah, hijinks ensue. While this anime doesn't have too many surprises, our main leads bounce off each other well enough to keep me entertained. Nothing I haven't seen already in other anime Rom-Coms, but I think it has more than earned its place at the start of this list.

9. Haganai NEXT (2013)

It's a personal rule of mine when making these lists that I don't include sequels of shows that were in previous lists. While I DID see the first season of Haganai a couple of years ago, it didn't quite make it into the top ten at that time. Because of that, it meets the criteria for this year's list. While I found the characters were just as charming here as I did during the first season, the development of their relationships really took off. It's a shame that it will most likely not get a third season, but I'm happy with what ride this show gave me. But hey! At least I can read the light novels/manga to continue the story! Wait, nevermind, the Haganai fans on Reddit are saying that's a bad idea.

8. Engaged to the Unidentified (2014)

Based off of a Four Panel joke manga, Engaged to the Unidentified tells the story of a girl in high school suddenly getting some life changing news. As it turns out, her grandfather made an arranged engagement with her and the son of a family he knew. Next thing she knows, the boy in question, as well as his little sister, moves into her family's house! While the boy is unassuming at first, there may be more to him and his family than he lets on. Plain and simple, this anime has charmed me. There's a decent amount of drama and mystery despite the source material and I applaud it! Even though this also doesn't have much new to offer, even to the point where I would compare this to Maid-Sama, what made me pick this at the 8th spot were the color choices and animation quality. Give this a shot if you can!

7. Grimoire of Zero (2017)

It's a fantasy/adventure story starring a loli sorcerer and a huge, anthropomorphic white tiger man. I honestly can't say anything else. I won't be able to do it justice. That first sentence should intrigue you a lease a little bit. Read it, again. Please check it out. It's an underrated gem that no one is talking about.

6. ID: Invaded (2020)

Hey, here's something recent! Unfortunately, this is also not something I can say much about. There may not be too many deep characters and the secret bad guy isn't hard to figure out, but BOY is this anime cool! The best way to describe this series is that it's like the movie Inception, but instead of brain heists, it's brain murder mysteries.

5. Carole and Tuesday (2019)

A runaway rich girl has a fated meeting with an orphan and they decide to make music together...oh, this also takes place Mars. Joking aside, this show was something special with its music (a new song almost every episode no less), interesting setting (freaking Mars, dude), and endearing main cast. Shoot, the music itself would be top 3, maybe number 1, but what bogs it down is the show's second half. I can easily see myself watching this again someday, and maybe my opinion will lighten up, but for now, 5 is a dang good spot.

4. Fate/Grand Order: Absolute Demonic Front - Babylonia (2019)

Part of me hesitates placing this high up on list due to this show being animated, fan service spectacle for Fate fans. However, that hesitation is overshadowed by the fact that I am a Fate fan myself and I can do whatever I want with this list. Even if you're not a Fate fan or play FGO, if you enjoy some solid fight animation, this is worth a look.

3. K-On S1 (2009)

I'll admit it, I might regret not watching the second season then putting the series on the list as a whole, but this how I've been doing these lists and I'm such a creature of habit. There's not much I can say about K-On that hasn't already been said. By itself it's an anime classic and one of Kyo-ani's biggest properties. It's a sweet and wholesome watch, but be sure to have some insulin within reach.

2. Princess Principal (2017)

Imagine you're working with a team of programmers trying to make a mobile game then all of a sudden someone asks to make a show out of it. You know, a show with different character motivations, plot, twist and turns and all that? Most might say that's just a shameless, shallow cash grab, but it turns out okay for Princess Principal. Sure, most might summarize this anime as, "cute girls doing espionage things," but with its cast, visuals, and interesting alternative timeline, it works! Apparently there's a new season or movie in the works and I am all for it!

1. Beastars (2019)

I was not expecting this to be number one, but with much deliberation (with myself obviously) this feels right. It tells a pretty unique story while showing itself to be the exception to the rule when it comes to 3D anime.....it being that it's actually good. While I acknowledge that shows like K-On are classics and deserves to be number one on many different lists, it didn't line up with my personal criteria like Beastars did. My biggest deciding factor is: Now that I've watched this, do I want more? It's true that while I'm excited to start K-On S2, Beastars intrigues me more and ever since season two was announced, I'm looking forward to that more.

Sorry again for this list being so late, but at least the silver lining is that the next end of the year list is about four months away (in theory)!

[radicalfembabey]

🤝, 📚 , 💕 and 👀 for the radfem ask game?

🤝 - What introduced you to radical feminism?

[small tw for sexual violence mention] Okay this is gonna sound kinda weird but I first started seeing radfem takes on Pinterest! In like late freshman/early sophomore year of high school I was getting a lot more politically conscious; I had just taken AP Gov during the 2016 election, so it was a bit of a 0-60 kind of year for that. I remember scrolling through my feed looking through different posts related to reproductive rights and male violence, and a loooooot of posts that convinced me for a while that the libfem idea of gender was the "right" one.

I was a pretty raging TRA for a few months, but by the end of junior year I had been seeing more radfem takes - that just sort of happened by default when I saw gender-related posts, and then I started intentionally seeking them out to gloat about how dumb the radfems were. Then radfem posts started making a hell of a lot more sense than libfem ones.

I made this tumblr account and didn't even post anything, just really quietly followed some radfems on here and started looking through their blogs for a more comprehensive overview of radical feminist beliefs and also to see if anyone happened to have PDFs of radfem theory (again, all I really had to go off of was Pinterest, so not exactly the pinnacle of academia). In particular, I was looking through @rad-chocho 's posts, and saw one that was just a metric shit ton of TIMs expressing their desire to sexually harass, violate, or even brutalize and impregnate radfems. I peaked immediately, found all the radfem theory I could've wanted in a very convenient Google folder, started actually posting on this lovely blog, and haven't looked back since!

📚 - Any books to recommend?

In terms of radfem or related texts, I can't recommend "Invisible Women" by Caroline Criado-Perez enough. It's about 400 solid pages of statistics and research that dive into just how deeply misogyny is ingrained in societies worldwide, to the point that we don't even notice it the majority of the time. I would also totally recommend "The Myth of the Female Brain" by Gina Rippon; she's a highly esteemed neuroscientist and this book pretty much destroys the idea that a brain can be scanned and categorized as belonging to a man or a woman, and why. It's decently dense, and there's a lot of technical jargon, but she does an excellent job of explaining what terms mean and why it's important!

For other nonfiction texts that aren't radfem-related, if y'all are interested at all in paleontology, I've been really loving "Dinosaurs Without Bones" by Anthony J. Martin! It talks about trace fossils like footprints and burrows and how we can use these fossils to reconstruct what the lives of dinosaurs might have looked like, migratory patterns, predatory or pack behaviors, and a whole slew of other stuff. He even goes into these really vibrant narratives trying to imagine a holistic view of what the age of the dinosaurs might have looked like, based on trace fossils found during the same eras! Definitely not everyone's cup of tea, but if you're a bit of a dino nerd like I am, you'll love it!

I have a love affair with fiction and I've been reading a ton of specifically lesbian fantasy! I've absolutely loved "Gideon the Ninth" and its sequels by Tamsyn Muir; she's hilarious, the worldbuilding is INSANELY interesting, and its a very slow burn about lesbian space necromancers, but if you're not ready to cry your eyeballs out of your skull then maybe wait on this one. I also really enjoyed our classic lesbian fantasy "The Priory of the Orange Tree" by Samantha Shannon, but that one's a maaaaajor commitment - like 800+ pages, with a lot of fascinating worldbuilding to understand - so definitely keep that in mind!

Also, if y'all have any recs for me, please don't hesitate to tell me!! I'm always looking for more material ❤️

💕 - Fave mutual?

Definitely on the @rad-chocho train today; I'll always be very grateful to have found her blog, and she's very sweet and knowledgeable!

👀 - Fave radblr blog you follow?

Gotta give it to our beloved @opabiniawillreturn , seeing her deactivate TRAs with a single application of the Socratic method never fails to make me laugh!!

[mothervvoid]

hey sexy! just stopping by to tell you that reading your feedback on "I'm At Home" the other day literally had me melted, all over the FLOOR. 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 I can't tell you how hard I was cackling from happiness while reading it. I don't deserve youuuuuuuuuuu

anyway, just wanted to give you a huge THANK YOU. I ended up re-reading the whole fic myself over the last few days, and then i just now finished adding 5x more drama and angst and goodass soap opera shit to the sequel I'm writing for it, and honestly, thank you so much for kick-starting my motivation to write. I am not by any means done with "Abandon," but it's at a quiet spot for a second, and the next chapter is just a long beast of a thing (mostly because it shifts through everyone's pov at least once - kakashi's, rin's, obito's, and minato's, plus a new character, for one hot second, and it's taking me forever to make it sit right and be consistent). So anyway the revisions over there have been slow, and I didn't know I needed a break but I really needed a break, and I loved having a good reason to revisit "At Home" and write more for that one. i'll post the first chapter of the sequel pretty soon, i think. I've already finished most of the fic, at least all/most of the crying scenes, and the yelling-at-each-other scenes, and the talking-it-out scenes, and the lighthearted-banter scenes. Now I just have to finish writing the screaming-and-writhing-in-awful-terrible-pain scenes, which oughtta be fun!! (i almost always save those for last, like they're the writing dessert, omfg send help). plus the follow-up/aftercare scenes, where hopefully everybody gets bandaids who needs them, hopefully with disinfectant this timme rip, rin, i love you, but it's a lot more fun to write ShittyMedic!Obito

anyway, because it's me, you know there's gonna be a whole lot more angst, whump, and fleshwounds than is strictly necessary, but just fyi thanks to you and one particular small thing you mentioned in your comment, a lightbulb went off in my head earlier and so now there's also just one more extra notch of all that good stuff than is strictly necessary. after re-reading your comment, i wrote a new line into the sequel draft, re-read the line, and was just like: "yikes." poor kakashi rip haha.

ANYWAY! i love you very much for getting back to me within 5-7 business days! no promises but I will try to do the same with the next fic update 🥰😊

heyyyy!! once again i'm really glad to hear my comment made you so happy, it was such an insanely good read i couldn't resist. did you know i almost copied the whole thing into google docs? i thought i was going to exceed the comment character limit and i would have to post two comments instead of one, but honestly if i had you would've deserved both comments bc 'I'm At Home' is fucking stellar. 100/10. gonna be rereading this one.

dude im SOO excited for the sequel. i can't wait :D i can't wait for the update to Abandon either, i love to sit back after the day is over and see you've updated Abandon so i've got another chapter to read before bed. its like a bedtime story shittymedic!obito my BELOVED. honestly the scene in I'm At Home where he stitched kakashi's wounds and gagged and squealed the whole time was one of my favorites, partially just because of how over-the-top disgust was but also because even though he was so grossed out he still took care of kakashi's wounds. I love hearing these updates for both Abandon and I'm At Home!

"thanks to you and one particular small thing you mentioned in your comment, a lightbulb went off in my head earlier and so now there's also just one more extra notch of all that good stuff than is strictly necessary." < oh this pleases me greatly. this pleases me VERY MUCH. evil laughing rn

"i wrote a new line into the sequel draft, re-read the line, and was just like: "yikes."" < i CANNOT wait to find out what it is because my reaction will most likely also be 'yikes' and also *evil laughter*

don't push yourself too hard!! i can always wait for an update <3 but i am also looking forward to it!