#also idk what any of the other houses actually look like so im jsut going based on vibes kjasdhfjkh uhm...uh

[ketunhanska]

hmmmmmmm. trying to figure out all the things to add (this is a close crop of the middle of the picture theres a bunch of stuff on the sidelines already but. i feel like there should be more)

[tiffgeorgina]

alright trailer thoughts

watch it here slutties: https://twitter.com/SHOBlackMonday/status/1216778009044291585

1) HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT’S HERE THIS FEELS SURREAL

2) HOLYYY SHITTTT

3) but actually let’s get it. this song bangs showtime stays on their excellent editing.

4) trying to analyze showtime’s trailers is like trying to grab smoke so this is going to be extremely barebones for a while. 

5) somebody drives off with the busted up limbo, but we can’t tell who it is yet bc their face never comes into view. they’re wearing a gray suit tho, so it may become more obvious who it is once the episode itself is out.

6) mo is being dramatic asf which as of 1x10 is perfectly in character lmfao

7) bro what the FUCK did you do to your hair i gotta ask fuck the 80s. also there’s this character on IMDb tagged “Vanessa (hair like mo)” so that makes more sense now maybe?

8) establishing shots that almost make me think mo is hiding out in california. since we know his orphanage story is bullshit, maybe he’s visiting family? maybe this is where that marcus wainright iii character comes in? since i dont think he’s in the trailer?

9) keith is living. almost has out-of-the-closet energy. i bet that scene of him roller skating is either after a) he comes out to his wife and divorces her or b) he gets a call from mo and flies straight out to cali to meet up with him.

10) the editing is so good you guys holy shit they jsut never quit over there do they?

11) a shot of mo in some suburb. could be a family member or a friend’s house? which again leads me to think he’s in california.

12) there’s this TV show called “America’s Most Unsolved Crimes” that mo shows up on bc he’s being solely blamed for the crash. how dawn and blair managed to avoid any blame whatsoever is beyond me, but mo is an excellent scapegoat since he confessed on record. no idea who the guy sitting on the desk talking about him is tho, since he wasn’t announced as one of the new guest stars. probably just a one off. maybe this is where “reenactment dawn” comes in from the IMDb page?

13) mo is bringing back the 70s and i do not like it. when i said the 80s were cool bc nobody knew how to dress themselves This Is Not What I Meant.

14) he wouldn’t just casually play basketball with some random kids, these are probably either his cousins or his nephews or the kids of a friend. again leads me to believe he’s in california, possibly visiting marcus? it would make sense. either that or we finally get some real concrete background on mo that isn’t total bullshit.

15) keith is in contact with mo. it’s hard to tell if keith went to cali to see mo or if mo came to NY seeing as both are extremely suspicious. assuming mo is in cali that is. keith is definitely going to get mo back in the game. speaking of mo, this entire first 30 seconds is Mo-centric, so i bet mo’s arc is going to be plottier than blair or dawn’s in 1“A” (showtime doesn’t really have A and B arcs for this show bc there’s no midseason hiatus i just like the terminology)

16) throwback thursday lmfao

17) no idea who this guy shooting/probably fake shooting is?? like no idea. could be nothing of importance and just a transition filler/tone setting moment.

18) the heat is on motherfucker! let’s get this cat and mouse shit im ready for it!

19) here we go here’s dawn. back at the jammer group. back at DAWN AS THE PRESIDENT HIRING A BUNCH OF WOMEN???????? BIIIIIITTTTCCCCHHHH I LOVE TO SEE IT. INCLUDING DEANNA CHENG (she’s friends with casey which means she’s friends with half the cast we should’ve known she wasn’t going anywhere) AKA THE SALES CLERK WHO HARASSED DAWN IN 1X02????? YES BITHC

20) then wayne and yassir fucking it up (nice facial hair wayne it’s hideous kjsfkjdhg) and the women throwing paper at him??? LKJRHGKLJSERH????

21) blair and tiff dressed up??? guys. they’re going to some rich people gala thing. this is what i was talkinf about. im almost certain this is how blair and harris meet. their wives are gonna see each other after not having spoken in years bc of whatever but they used to be friends so they go to talk and the husbands and dragged along and *closet case to closet case communication sounds*

22) ok now BLAIR’S on the exercise craze? i thought that was just gonna be dawn like in s1 also how long is this exercise montage in the show bc there are some things a god fearing lesbian shouldn’t have to see. this weird mirror talking shit feels like voyeurism from this perspective i feel like i shouldn’t be seeing this.

23) she’s still topping him??? after all that??? aight yk it’s part of the dynamic

24) tiff is wearing the same dress in “you do, hunk” as she is in the bit where they get out of the limo and deal with the paparazzi so i presume that workout scene is immediately before that gala thing im establishing a #timeline

25) the skants reveal??? we call that PLOT DEVELOPMENT i love a good callback to the first season

26) the shocked gasp i can’t tell if it’s good or bad. also does this mean tiff’s starting her own company? since georgina is liquid?

27) larry telling dawn that mo’s on his way back for revenge? spliced with mo staring at the wall like he so frequently does while smoking? mayhaps this editing went off also i never thought i’d say this but the brotherfucker has a point mo is gonna pop off when he sees yall again

28) FBI wyd........ that’s a lot

29) that falling out last season bit: blair’s definitely talking about tiff’s parents, and im almost certain andrew flubbed right there and improvised over it by saying “autumn.” well im appreciative of that bc a) it’s funny and b) it indicates when this is going on a bit. it’s not like we’re two years in the future or anything. this is probably gonna start a couple of months after the crash and that’s it.

30) no idea who blair is talking to tho since i can’t see the woman’s face. could be one of tiff’s friends? idk. also nice hair tiff

31) that ball spinning around like a gumball in a machine? weird transition but aight. also immediately after, dawn is in the lehman office, again no idea why. probably the same scene as larry telling her that mo is plotting his revenge but idk why she’s there.

32) that shot of a plane coming into JFK? now im near certain that mo is in cali it would make so much sense please showtime just MAKE SENSE. 

33) confetti and mo’s entrance? you know what it’s what i should’ve expected tbh it’s all so delightfully in character EDIT: THE CONFETTI IS NOT BEFORE MO’S ENTRANCE. YOU CAN SEE DAWN’S CLOTHES CHANGE COLOR, IT WAS JUST AN EDITING TRICK.

34) mo’s just gonna pull up, zero fucks, in the middle of the day. much different than how i thought this scene would go, with a lot of betrayal and drama involved instead of this bitch just pulling up. now idek if dawn and mo are in contact before this, when before i was almost certain they would be.

35) what blair says here is definitely not the first thing he says when mo walks in, i can tell from the editing. also im near certain that blair doesn’t say “bro.” it sounds edited in/done in post (his voice pitches up a lot there when that’s usually a beat when your voice would fall), so i wouldn’t be surprised if blair curses a lot there and they just had to edit it to stay in the green band. 

36) ol polluted waterfall lookin ass jshgkjfdhg mo quit lying that hairstyle is not popular fuck off

37) im loving this tagging order tbh. paul scheer getting tagged in the trailer is just. what he deserves. do we consider keith a protagonist now? he’s in all the promo material by name and face now.

38) regina and andrew look so good god yes also the editing is so GOOD fuck

39) keith (hand holding emoji) blair

        getting hit by random vehicles

40) NO THE LIMBO FUCK SHIT THESE CARS WERE NOT MEANT TO LAST almost looks deliberate :eyes emoji:

41) what’s keith doing with this barbershop quartet wtf

42) almost certain that’s tiff singing? based on 1x09 this oughta be good lmao

43) THE HEEL CLICKING IS TAKING ME OUT HGKJDHFGKJFD. could this be mo and marcus? who knows?

44) look at all the cash wtf what’s all that cash for? ah shit here we go again

45) tiff entering another dimension followed by dawn doing what is certainly a mountain of coke? kind of poetic cinema ok

46) ok dawn’s wearing that green suit again from my icon so??? what does it mean what does it all mean

47) who is mo squaring up with tf? is this marcus? i can’t tell in this lighting maybe it’s fake shooting guy idk also where the fuck are they? some party? but not a rich ppl thing just a thing? idk

48) guys. we have it. the fucking airdate. i have been stanning since the first fucking episode almost a year ago today and finally we have an airdate. respect to the new stans but yall dont know what seven and a half months of network radio silence in regards to your current obsession feels like. @hatimbinaba msged me and said we had a date and the shot of adrenaline i felt was like nothing else. serotonin is currently stored in the black monday and now the serotonin is stored in the ME. Sunday, March 15, 2020, 10 pm motherfuckers. put that shit on the calendar. also looks like we have a slightly earlier timeslot which is nice.

49) and to top (ahah) it all off we have blair just straight up gay panicking at the end. that’s definitely tuc and june and if yall have been following yall would know that tuc is playing blair’s love interest and june is playing tuc’s wife so this is all very jghsrkjghs im rly excited for this scene. no way of knowing if this is before or after blair and harris get together but it’s still kshgkdjhgdkj. rich people golfing? more like rich people existing lmao. also where’s that onion video i need to find the onion video fuck this is just like the onion said would happen. i will post it and make memes later. 

50) then blair just gets hit??? by the golfcart?? and there’s this scream that is definitely not the scream of andrew, tuc or june so??? whose scream was that??? did they add that shit in post??? tf???? also tuc and june barely flinching is really decapitating me kjshkrjdg

51) there’s no way of knowing if tiff is also at the golf course, but if she isn’t? then it’s just blair and his canon love interest and canon love interest’s wife???? which is so funny “hey come play golf with me” “oh is anyone else coming?” “ya my wife” “you’re so stupid i have to question how you’re even still alive”

52) WHEEWWWW AND THAT’S IT YALL!!! BUT A COUPLE MORE THINGS. some distinct absences: no known shot of marcus (which is wack yall would think they would want to plug the hell out of dulé hill) and very few shots of harris and corky. why. promote your newcomers some more tf.

anyways that’s all on this long ass post. @ mutuals expect more freakouts xx love yall this is unedited just raw emotion

[arianaistired]

My Experience Meeting Taylor (WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK)

@taylorswift THATS US WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

(also I just finished typing this and it’s so so fucking long I’m so sorry this is a warning. I don’t even get to rep room for so long I can’t breathe I’m so sorry)

Okay, so I’m at work right now, but I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about Saturday--which can really be the tagline for the past 3 days of my life--and then I realized that I haven’t posted a single thing about it on tumblr dot com!!! I’ve really not shut the fuck up about it on twitter but this is a whole new platform, a whole new WORLD that I have not tapped into and annoyed everyone by talking CEASELESSLY about this experience. Like I’m pretty sure that everyone is going to murder me on twitter if i don’t shut up soon, but we’re not there yet on papersairplane dot tumblr dot com so here we fucking go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay the story of my day on Saturday really begins on Friday night after Metlife night 1, a joyous occasion wherein Taylor Swift Touched My Hand at the barricade. So I was just like floating on a fucking cloud after that concert, trekking back to the lowly island of Long Island, New York and texting my friend jess @monica-geller. I was thinking about how I’ve done literally nothing to try to meet miss swift in my entire meaningless existence on this earth and I was thinking about how it doesn’t hurt to TRY so I was like hm. I’ll make a post!!! I didn’t but more on that later.

So i tell jess I’m gonna make a post and then in classic ariana fashion I just sit there on the train not making my post bc i was like deadass...I have nothing to say like nothing about me is particularly interesting it’s not like my house caught on fire and, in the absence of a fire hose, i used the soothing lyrics of stay beautiful from taylor swift’s debut album (2006) to will the flames into submission. like i just really love that woman i don’t have anything else TO SAY. omg side note i love how this started off with proper grammar and spelling and capitalization and now i’m talking like i don’t even know how to read. whatever. so then liz @lastskiss decides to get a fucking idk like a call from God Herself (stream god is a woman by ariana grande) and she’s like wow i should make ariana a post and i see her tweet and i’m life fuck it i’ve told her not to in the past but i’m tired and lazy and nothing’s gonna come of this anyway so i’ll let her make the post. so i text her my seat info and then i’m like “wow my work is done here i’m so talented for pressing send on the imessage app.”

so liz makes this post and is like “should i post it :O” and jess is like “yeah post it that dumb bitch is never gonna do anything herself” which...tea….and liz, being an intellectual in addition to being a magical wizard, is like “tea” and does it. Idk why this is a short novel already but i’m extremely bored at work and trying to get all the deets in. so this is at like i wanna say 1:45am EST aka everyone’s asleep except for liz in LA and jess in australia. so i reblog it once bc if you haven’t already grasped it i’m a lazy dumbass with low expectations and i go to sleep like “my work here is done.” so liz and jess and a few other beautiful souls by jesse mccartney reblog the post while i’m asleep, unbeknownst to me, and a few hours later at 8am i wake up and get ready for brunch. So i’m well aware that it’s gonna rain tonight so i’m like i should not put that much effort into my appearance bc i’m going to look like a drowned rat by the end of this day (stupid, but not untrue i really did) so i like actually do the bare minimum like i just basically put on whatever was most comfortable to dance around in the pouring rain in and then zoomed out the door for brunch bc it was in harlem at 12 and i was on long island at 9 so i was like g2g.

change of scenery now: i’m at brunch in harlem with a bunch of friends and soon to be friends and its 12:15 and i’m like “cool i’m with people from the internet so it’s not rood if i check twitter” and I do and i see a dm notification and i’m like oh the let me check. And check i did. And what the fuck was there??? 10 hours after liz hit send on that blessed post what was in my direct messages on the twitter for iphone app? That’s right friends and foes. It was a dm from one miss taylor nation. And what do i do???????????? I turn my phone face down on the table and my hands just start shaking and i’m pretty sure i blacked out as if i was having a petit mal seizure. So i come to, and pick my phone back up and send them my name, my number, and the best time for them to call (“you can call me at literally any time and i will pick up”) and i turn my phone face up on the table and stare at it. And stare. And stare…���……...and an hour and a half (!!!) later FINALLY i get a call from miss nation. And i sprinted out of that restaurant. The poor waitress probably thought that denise @pettyswift had threatened to murder me with how fast i ran out of the premises. 10 mins later i return to the table and everyone’s staring at me with expectant gazes and i’m just like completely utterly non reactive like i think i was just in shock because i didn’t understand what was happening. Like i literally expected it to be merch lmaosafujkafn like so to get to speak to whoever that was on the phone and to hear her say the words “if all is fine and you get confirmed, you will be meeting taylor tonight” was jsut….a shock to the system to say the least. So i was still anticipating it to go wrong because like what the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK????? Anwyay. So i get the confirmation and i’m still completely nonreactive but i call my friend anthony @shakeitoffs to tell him (sidenote: i know we’re not supposed to tell anyone but like. I was going with him to the concert i had to. Like i was already under a lot of stress i’m sure everyone understands if i didn’t follow all the rules to a t) and i say goodbye to the table and i start making my journey from harlem to new jersey.

fast forward a few hours to ~4pm and literally the only thoughts in my brain are “what the fuck” “i’m so scared” and “can jess wake the fuck up” like idk why i was so concerned with jess waking up asjkfas like i just NEEDED HER TO WAKE UP. so anthony and i make our journey to metlife because i needed to be at will call between 4-5 to pick up my rep room pass. Anthony’s buzzing, i’m on the verge of throwing up, liz is freaking the fuck out, and jess still isn’t awake. And i get to will call and give them my ID fully expecting something to go wrong….and it does!!! The will call people are like “maam we havent gotten anything from taylor nation yet please check back in 20 mins.” cool. So finally at this point jess wakes up and is freaking out so now liz anthony and jess are all freaking out and i’m just terrified that something’s going to go wrong. FINALLY 15 mins later the will call people waved me back, i gave them my ID, and i received in my undeserving hands that yellow ass rep room paper. I nearly threw up. Bc at this point i had been like working under the assumption t hat something, ANYTHING, was going to go wrong like i half expected the uber to the stadium to spontaneously combust while i was in the car. So to have confirmation that i was supposed to be at a certain gate in less than 40 mins to then be brought backstage to meet taylor alison swift….was a lot. It’s still a lot.

So i take the picture and tweet it and everyone is being so nice and happy for me which only exacerbates the feeling of A Lotness bc i just felt so completely and utterly undeserving, but this isn’t me trying to get people to tell me i deserved it it’s just me being honest about how i felt. And on top of all of this, the fact that i had never in my life tried to meet taylor also meant that i had never in my life prepared to meet taylor. Of course i’ve thought about what i’d say, who hasn’t, but never under the actual assumption that i was meeting taylor. And NEVER with the confirmed knowledge that i was MEETING TAYLOR IN HALF AN HOUR. so, as aforementioned, IT WAS A LOT.

So skip to 5:30, the meeting time, and i’m standing on the floor where i’m supposed to be and waiting in line with like 6 other people waiting for taylor nation to take us backstage. And they start to!!! But then they get to me and ask for my name and i tell them and i’m NOT ON THE LIST JKANFKASJNFJ so im panicking once again like oh this is it. But i tell the tn guy that i got my dm at like 12 that day and i can show it to him and he was like “ohhhh i think i got a text about a late add” and looks through his texts and he’s like “yeah here you are.” which was terrifying like i was really a late ass add huh like someone was like add this girl huh. the.

So finally they bring us backstage.i think i must’ve been visibly distressed at this point bc one of the other fans in line came up to me and was like “you’re nervous too huh” like i’m pretty sure i looked like i was being taken to my execution. They stop us outside of the door and i can see scottifer swift and tree paine and andrea and i’m like “holy fuck this is actually happening.” And giuseppe the dancer walks past me and i’m like “holy fucking shit this is actually happening and also that man is so fucking hot.” they tell us to put all of our shit on the table, and i do (minus my yellow pass which i was still grasping as if it was going to be ripped out of my hands as cameramen crashed the scene like i was on punk’d and everyone including taylor was going to point and laugh at the fact that i actually for one second thought this was going to happen to me. Yes i’m dramatic what about it) and i enter the rep room. The snake habitat if you will. I enter a room and the first group goes in almost immediately and i hear taylor swfit’s speaking voice saying “hiiiiiiii” reverberate around the room and i’m like OH MY FUCKING GOD…….so like i said i was nervous and definitely visibly so. Like i’m pretty sure i was pacing. I was also singing along to lets get married by bleachers because i have morals, but i definitely looked scared. So the tn person in the room keeps offering to take polaroids of me next to all of the decorations ajkfjasnfkjnfa like she must’ve been trying to reassure me which i really appreciated.

The room is like a big dark well decorated room that has a well lit corner curtained off, which is where taylor and the photographer are and where the m&g takes place. So for my sanity i needed to like look into it so that my blood pressure could return and so that i didnt throw up on taylor the millisecond i walked into the glow of the ring light, so i casually walked to where the curtain area was and looked in between the two curtains where a sliver of bright ass light was escaping and i saw taylor in all her taylor swifitan glory with my own two unholy eyes and i was liek “well…..that did nothing to cure my stress” because she was just SO TALL AND BEAUTIFUL that i was just so fucking...idk. Idk i felt so nuts it was indescribable.

Lets get married stops playing and strawberries and cigarettes (i think?) starts and it’s my turn to go in. so i just like bite the bullet and do it and the first words that escape my stupid mouth are “holy fucking shit” and taylor laughed (i cant) and hugged me and she was just so. calm . well obviously shes calm shes meeting a known moron there’s nothing to be nervous abou there this was practically charity work for her like she’ll be able to use meeting me as a tax write off next year. Really i was doing her a service.

But anyway we pull back from the hug and she’s smiling at me and i’m pretty sure i was shaking a bit like my voice definitely was shaking. And i was just like “oh my god. I love you.” klasfjasnjkf like i was incapable of speaking at that point so i think she thought that i was just going to freeze up and not say a single word but before she could fill the awkward silence i just...started talking and did not shut upas fjkasnfjkajkf. Like i was like “oh my god hi i want you to know that i could not have anticipated this happening any less like i received the dm from taylor nation confirming this about 4 hours ago there was nothign to prepare me for this i didn’t even do anything my friend liz made a post and she and jess reblogged it at like 2 am last night none of this makes any sense” and she was like “oh my god that’s so nice of them” which TEA IT ABSOLUTELY WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then she said “i’m so happy i finally get the chance to meet you then” which i’m sure she says to everyone but she’s so good at making you feel like she means it like she said that and it was like i had taken a xanax like i was so calm after that. Everyone says you calm down in her presence and i’ve never taken that seriously, but YOU REALLY DO��.like shes just so calming she makes you feel like she’s your friend and that she genuinely wants to talk to you as if this is a casual occurrence.

So i say “i really love you like i have an older sister and she’s cool and all but you have always felt like you were my older sister like you’ve been a constant in my life for like a decade. I don’t even remember my life before i was obsessed with you which is probably indicative of a brain issue if i can’t remember my life before i was 11 but its true” and she LAUGHED and like genuinely laughed which made me feel so good. Like maybe she’s just the most talented actress alive but i really felt like she thought i was funny……..the………..and then as if i didnt get it from her laughing she called me funny which is disgusting. I’m doing my best to remember this conversation i like blacked out ajskfnsanf. I DIDNT EVEN TELL HER ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF whcih is so funny to think about now and honestly im fine with bc my life is boring anyway. But anyway i had been debating requesting a song all day, but i was like fuck it the worst thing she can do is turn me down and call me stupid for asking. So i prefaced my request with: “taylor i know youre probably getting different requests from everyone you meet and i know you also probably alreayd have a song in mind for tonight which is totally fine it’s your concert you can do whatever you want my opinion doesn’t matter i’l love anything you do” and shes laughs and is like “whats the song” and i tell her forever and always. And shes like “OHHHHH oh my god i didnt even think of that song. i have a list of songs in my mind that i can play at each show and forever & always didn’t even cross my mind i dont know why. I’ll be honest i already have a song in mind for tonight i’m going to play fearless because it’s raining” and i was like “THATS SO GREAT i love that song it’s your concert it’s your show do whatever you want i love fearless fearless is my favorite album” and she was like “that’s such a good request i didn’t evne think about that song” and i started telling her how i love that song because it was like the song that really got me into her music bc i saw her talking about it on ellen and she literally interrupted me which was an honor and goes “OH MY GOD and it has the ‘it rains in your bedroom eveyrthing is wrong it rains when youre here and it rains when you’re gone’ line and its going to rain!!! oh my god that’s such a good song i love that song” and i said me too!! Also i’m her complimenting her own song god she’s so talented. She’s absolutely right it is SUCH a good song. And i said “well its raining again tomorrow and i’ll be there!!!” and she was like “but i was thinking about playing [song she didn’t play but i dont want to say--not to be purposefully evasive bc i know its annoying--but bc i dont want her to hate me for saying it publicly asjkfjkas and also bc if she does it at gillette i want to let it be a surprise :( i feel so annoying im sorry] tomorrow because a lot of people requested it” and i was like “I LOVE THAT SONG” and then said something about the song.

And then she said (again) that forever & always was a good request and then looked SO SORRY when she was like “i’m so sorry i’m probably not going to play that today or tomorrow because i already have songs in mind but i promise i’ll try to play it later even though you probably won’t be there :(” and i was like “NO ITS COMPLETELY FINE i loved all the songs you mentioned. I’d love any song that you played it’s your concert do whatever you want you don’t ever have to play it if you dont want to it’s your show you call the shots” and she was like “i love how you keep telling me i can do whatever i want it’s so thoughtful and supportive you’re so nice” LIKE SHE KEPT TELLING ME I WAS NICE THIS WHOLE TIME and i was like “WELL PEOPLE CAN BE DEMANDING” and she was like “YEAH THEY REALLY CAN BE THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT THEY’LL GET MAD AT ME OVER ANYTHING they’ll get mad at me if i play a song they don’t like or if i dont play a song they like-” and i was like “i know they’ll get mad at you for excluding so it goes and i’m just like guys its her concert let her live” and she laughed again and called me nice again like she kept saying i’m nice which seems so inconsequential tkjajfnjsa but it was so kind of her shes the best.

So at this point we had been there for a long ass time like it felt long and i was like “wait fuck i haven’t even introduced myself to you” and she was like “whats your name” and i said ariana and she goes “wait like air-iana or like are-iana” and i was like “i literally dont care you can call me whatever you want and i’ll respond” and she like laughed AGAIN and was like “youll just respond to anything huh. But seriously what is it” and i said my name again she was like “ariana. Cool.” bye and then she was like “well do you want to take a picture?” which is when i realized how long it had been and i was like “YEAH” and she just pulled me into a hug for a hugging picture which felt cute bc thats what i wanted to do anyway but she was probably just like god this girl has been in here for 8 years im not asking her what pose she wants to do can we please get going with this jskfnajafs but i didnt mind i was on cloud 9. So as shes hugging me i’m like “oh my god i’m going to blink in this picture and then i’ll have to die” and she was like “you wont blink i promise you wont blink she (the photog) will check to make sure” so we take the pic, the photographer tells me i’m good, and then taylor hugs me again and was like “it’s so nice to meet you” and i was like “it’s so nice to meet you too i didnt expect any of this. thank you so much for all of this i love you” and she huggged me again and called me nice again and then we said bye.

And then the taylor nation girl who was taking my picture (who i then gave all of my polaroids and my rep room pass to for her to hold before i went int asjkfnsafj) was like “here you go sweetie” and gave it to me and then told me to go back out and wait in the hall. And like idk why but once i left the photo area it was like every overwhelming emotion i had felt that entire day came rushing out like i just started crying silently like w tears streaming down my face. Asjkfnaskfjafkj. Like i dont cry so it was so bizarre. I didnt know what was happening. So then i was the only one out there bc i guess the first group had already been escorted out, so i was waiting for the rest of the people to be done and just crying. And then andrea was there so i said hi while crying and she came up to me and was like “hi honey how was it?!?!?” and i was like sarcastically like “oh it was okay ive had better days” and i dont think she knew i was joking at first like her face fell a bit before she realized i cant breahjtraefjs btu she was like “yeah its just a normal saturday for you no big deal” and then i asked her for a picture and she complied of course and i was like “im so sorry for crying idk why im crying” and she was like “its okay sweetie youve been through a lot today” which is honestly the most truthful thing ive ever heard in my life. And then i said “i raelly have” and she was like “this is a really amazing experience for you” and once again no lies detected but it was so funny that she said that about me MEETING HER DAUGHTER JKjkjskafjkfjska. And then i thanked her for raising taylor because i love her or something i cant breahfghasf and she was like “it was my pleasure she made it easy on me” and then finally i was escorted out and i was just crying.

Okay so now i just wanted to tahnk everyone who has been nice to me since saturday it means so so much like obviously i didnt think people would be MEAN TO ME but everyone has been soooooo nice i appreciate it a lot. And also like mayb this is controversial 2 say in this economy but i also want to say that all of the taylor nation people were so nice to me like i think everyones a bit hard on them at times like theyre just doing their jobs guys and it doesnt seem like an easy job sajkfnkjas considering they have to deal with how annoying some of us can be. And also i want to thank all of my friends, jess and liz in particular, bc like i didnt do anything obviously akjfanjksfj like this was all them and i love them so much like they were so happy for me it was equally as exciting to tell them as it was to actually meet taylro idk i just love them so much. IDK WHY IM TREATING THIS LIKE AN OSCARS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH but i obviously obviously i want to thank @taylorswift Idk if you saw my post and requested to meet me or if it was just a coincidence but it was honestly such an amazing experinece and you were so GOOD at talking i cant describe it but you were so calming and i really appreciated it. I feel like we dont appreciate all u do for us enough like youre just so kind and amazing i love you taylor swift i aint never gona stop loving you taylor swift. Idk this was so amazing and so unexpected and i still dont understand how any of this happened to me. THIS WAS CRAZY and it was just everything like everything u hear about meeting taylor is just so true…..shes just so good shes such a good person i want 2 cry………………

if u read all of this…..idk why youd do that but thank you and also im sorry for how long it was i just needed to write it all down for my own memory. Thank youuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stuclyblrs]

as usual here’s my semester reflection - this semester was.......... a time

okayyyy so i didnt do my initial thoughts on my classes like i normally do b/c one i busy literally right from the start and two i was so unsure about this semester and i didnt know if i would stick with the classes i was in ??????

SO LETS BEGIN the reason i was unsure was because i did a change in intended major - i came into my first year thinking i was going to major in international relations/politics and do smth language related (such as being an ambassador or a translator) but hnstly i didnt wanna do that at all. i knew i wanted to do smth stem related, just wasnt sure what field i wanted to study but i was pressured into studying politics and had a breakdown about it and did a complete turn around this year in terms of what im studying. and honestly i could do a whole different post about this and choosing your major.... anyhow i was unsure cause i was taking a big risk with this and wasnt sure if i was going to stick with it or if i was gonna fail but ! shit worked out for me and now we’re all good !!!!!!!!

so im a physics major now n im happy with my choice !! (i also dnt rly feel like typing out why i chose physics out of everything rn but if ur curious then message me) i wish i had done this earlier sooooooo much i feel like my first year in terms of classes was wasted and im going to be very pressed for time to complete everything in 3yrs (basically gonna have no free time for anything else) also i love everyone ive met in the major and i jsut wish i had more time to like get to know them ? especially since its the juniors/seniors that ik the best (the real question is do these ppl like me too lolol) so yeah i dont have any /actual/ friends in the major yet but its nice to have a community (+ a place to study cause the physics department is nice and has a lot of space)

on 2 classes - like i said earlier i didnt do a write up b/c i wasnt sure if i was gonna stick with my classes and i was busy - well that came true, but not how i thought..... i took a W this semester in math three weeks into the semester :) just wasnt feeling it and was instantly behind in work/was literally failing. im not glad that i had to make this choice but it was the right one by far. also my professor was trash and i couldnt switch into another section :^) so i was left with physics I +lab, intermediate korean I, and a special topics in physics class. physics I was harddddddddddd as shit but i rly liked it and my prof was amazing it was just very demanding - we had these really difficult and time consuming problem sets due every week im glad i took this and that its my major now lab was shit lol and special topics was ehhhhh the class was p dumb lol as for korean uhhhhh :))) it did not go well and im rly bad at korean !!! my prof wasnt the best and we didnt know our grades for the most part and just instructions we received were unclear and yea..... kind of have lost some interest in the language (sound familiar lol) tbh im too lazy to go more in depth about my classes but thats the general idea of them

as for the rest of college life well....... my housing situation was Shit. i lived with some friends which was went fine (one was messier than expected tho rip) but we had two other suitemates (that were friends with each other) and they were TERRIBLE they were so rude/disrespectful, extremely messy (kitchen was constantly dirty and disgusting), and just..... No they often ignored quiet hour rules too which was so lovely for me and my friend/roommate cause we had the room next to the common area but we had a ventilation gap in the room so it basically meant there was a hole in the top of the wall lol we could hear everything. but they are gone from my life now xoxo for social life it was a little ehhh even tho i was living with my core friend group idk we rarely saw each other and barely hung out :/// i just didnt go out as much as i did last semester but literally everyone was so busy extracurricular wise was also ehhhh i was on sophomore class board in student council and our board president rly wasnt my favorite and my committee for model un had a Lot of weird problems but i had a lot of fun at the conference tho

alright i think thats good enough for this v messy reflection post ! im studying abroad next semester so im rly looking forward to that but i def dont want it to come soon lol i need a lot of recovery time from this semester

[lebilliam]

111 questions with @imaginationisendless3

001: What is your biggest dream? uhhh. that depends on how you define dream. im gonna go ahead and say that the dream is to be able to wake up and go to the airport and just travel all around and come back home to the same old home at the end of the day

002: What is the bravest thing you've ever done? this q is quite a doozy. i really dont keep track of this kind of stuff

003: Is it hard for you to show your feelings? hell ye

004: What is your dream job? What was your dream job when you were little? when i was little i thought looking at space and being an astronaut would be really cool but now its just being able to travel

005: What is your favorite sound? mechanical keyboard clicking hands down

006: Would you rather be in front of the camera or behind it? wait this q seems familiar but im gonna say in front

007: What do you notice first when you meet a new person? (Both in real and on the internet): what kind of memes they like

008: Is there anybody you *fully* trust?: sure theres a list

009: Do you like / love someone? If yes, who?: there was this cute girl once but i never mustered the courage to really talk to her rip 

010: Have you ever received / sent hate? How do you deal with it?: i flame brian and logan all the time but i dont think that constitutes hate mail. tbh i dont recall an instance of being perturbed by excessive hate

011: What are you going to spend money on next?: food in martinique (or maybe some chacos here)

012: What are three things you never leave your house without?: phone, wallet, jacket

013: What is your favorite place?: ive had a lot of favorite places over the last few years but now that im being asked i cant recall any of them. all my favorite places have this one thing that i dont like about them and thats why i have so many

014: Do you sing and/or dance in front of people? nah not earnestly

015: Have you ever cheated on a test?: have YOU? i say i want to cheat on tests all the time bc itd be so easy but im just too lazy to enact a foolproof cheat strategy

016: What is your current desktop background?: last time it was a bunch of functional groups for Ochem, but now its specific reagents and pathways!

017: How would you describe yourself in 3 words? indecisive, unpredictable, decisive (i thnk)

018: What does make you happy?: honestly?? knowing im appreciated

019: What time were you born? uhh i dont know off the top of my head atm but i can check

020: Do you give second chances? Why? why the fuck NOT? well i say that but all the second chances ive given have been disappointments. trying to find someone to surprise me i guess? xd

021: Name your biggest turn ons and turn offs: serious turn offs are lacking empathy for the struggles of others (i say stop being poor ironically, but there are people who really dont get it which is scary to me). turn ons? Jacinda asked me this and my answer still hasnt changed-- the neck. i ALWAYS go for the jugular

022: When was the last time you hugged someone?: hmmmmm probably last month or so?

023: What is your favorite food? GOD dang it i know i say a lot of things are my favorite but now i cant think of anything. something im always down for is KFC though

024: Do you save money or spend it right away? FUCK i try to save it but money just has a way of leaving my hands

025: Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are their meanings? If no, would you get any?: id love to get tattoos. sleeves and all those seem really neat but also i know im just rash with decisions like that sometimes

026: Name five things you find beautiful: ooo hair in sunlight, pure moments of unadulterated laughter, crafts that people work on, technology, and mechanical keyboards

027: What is your favorite clothing style? (Both in you and others): lately ive been joking about the CLOUT a lot with champion and supreme branded stuff but its ironic. tbh i like buttonups with nice colors.

028: How do you cheer yourself up? i slid into this girl’s dms with this very question and then i linked her a minecraft song parody so i guess minecraft song parodies and stupid things

029: Do you show affection in public?: i would IF I COULD

030: What is one thing you are looking forward to?: martinique, being refreshed enough to actually care about school bc this last semester was a shitshow

031: Have you ever been to other countries? If yes, where?: france, spain, italy, canada, (japan when i was uber young), vietnam, fircrest

032: What was the last lie you told and why? ill start on this at 2pm. i was still in bed at 2

033: Who are the people you can always turn to? mo, lo

034: Have you ever done drugs? If not, would you ever try them?: it sounds like itd be a cool experience but im also scared all of those horror stories where the drugs were laced with other stuff that turns you into a 4 year old

035: What is your favorite word? i think about the word obsequious a lot but i think my favorite word has to go to discord

036: Do you consider yourself a romantic? sure why not

037: What are 3 objects that are *very* important to you and why?: notes section in my phone ( i write a lot of my thoughts and weird dreams in there), my laptop ( i use it literally every single day), my dice ( bc dnd has been uber helpful to me and its a great pastime)  

038: Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who?: nope! not special

039: What would you like to change, mentally and physically, about yourself? id like to start working out but i say that all the time. id like to be more dedicated to school stuff but honestly its whatever. idk jsut trying to be more confident in myself and smiling more

040: Have you ever won a contest/competition? What for? i won a smash tournament once and i got fourth or third in another one but that was a long time ago

041: What is one illegal thing you would do if there were no consequences? steal, armed robbery. 

042: Who are your favorite fictional characters? borutos dad seems kind of cool, they should make an anime about him or something

043: Do you ever wish you were somebody else? yea i wish i was me but better

044: What is your favorite store to shop at? FUEGO and the runway fashion exchange and idk some other cool store but it doesnt come to mind

045: Do you want to have children one day? How many? How would you name them?: i think about it. having children would be cool but also NOT having kids would be cool

046: How do you cope with stress? How do you vent your anger? i say reee unironically but then it makes me feel better 

047: What do you want for your birthday? honestly? lots of money but idk a new set of dice would be nice ore maybe a new computer

048: Have you ever had an imaginary friend? yea probably

049: Have you ever said "I love you" even though you didn't mean it? in the times ive said it i feel like i have meant it but you can never be too sure

050: What is the best advice anyone has ever given you? starting to write down all your feelings and stuff that happens

051: Do you have any regrets? If yes, what do you regret the most? not taking the opportunity to go to high school/ college early / skipping grades / trying harder on admissions tests

052: Do you find tattoos and/or piercings attractive? theyre pretty neat imo i like them

053: Do you want to get married? What are your views on marriage? marriage is such an old concept but also it seems kind of cool

054: Who are you most comfortable around? tbh its been myself for the last few weeks 

055: What are you wearing right now? What do you wear to bed? i am wearing shorts. i try not to wear too much when i sleep bc i overheat but if i have someone else in bed with me ill wear a thin shirt and shorts

056: When is your birthday? feb 26!

057: What is love to you? love is being able to send memes to each other and being able to go from 2 blobs watching videos to a fancy date and 

058: Are you a jealous person? i can be jealous if i dont trust whatever is happening

059: Would you rather go to a party or stay at home? hmm tbh id probably party if my friends were there or if not id stay at home 

060: How many relationships have you had? quite a few

061: Are you a positive person? sure, i guess ;)

062: What kind of people do you feel attracted to? smart people who are smart but also dumb and cute

063: What is the longest time you've stayed awake? oooowee i think 21 hours or so?

064: Have you ever been told "I don't want to lose you"? yep! proceeded to then lose me!

065: What is your favorite genre when it comes to movies? action comedy

066: Do you collect anything? memories and dust and trinkets

067: In your opinion, what is your best quality? i can make you laugh

068: Have you ever changed for someone?yep! it happens and its sad but it happens

069: What is your idea of a perfect date? a date is the entire day, starting out with waking up next to the person, eating breakfast together, maybe do some errands / work out, netflix and chill, chill, go out for a nice dinner and night out, come back, netflix and chill, chill, go to bed.

070: Are you shy or outgoing? i would love to say im outgoing but idk!

071: In your opinion, what is the secret for a great relationship? surprises everywhere

072: Are you the kind of person who breaks rules? hm im sure i did at some point. maybe i still do?

073: Is it hard for you to trust people? yea it can get a lil hard

074: What does your dream house look like? fat front yard, lots of plants, lots of green grass

075: Do you feel attracted to people your age, younger or older? hmm im at the ripe age of 19 where options younger than me are a lil sketch. idk according to the historia older people have been quality

076: How much have you changed over the past year? a LOT boii

077: Longest friendship you've ever had? hmm about 6 or 7 or 8 years

078: Do you have pets? If not, what animal would you like to have? no pets, id love dogs

079: Are you left or right handed? ambidextrous

080: What talent do you wish you’d been born with? perfect pitch would help a lot with what i like to do

081: Where do you get motivation and inspiration? minecraft parody songs, also seeing professionals doing what they do

082: Do you know how to swim? If yes, when did you learn? yea, i learned when i was in bellingham and then i learned more when i was in kent

083: You are given one wish: What do you wish for? i wish for 100 million dollars with no inflation, no taxes, no debts, no one filing a lawsuit or slandering my name (this is all a part of getting the 100 mil. ive thought about getting money a lot)

084: Do you like to give / receive flowers? What is your favorite flower? i like giving flowers bc i feel like if i receive them,  i dont know what to do. its now ur problem if i get you flowers

085: Would you rather travel to a cold forest or a warm beach? warm beach if its not in the early morning when the sun rises, otherwise, forest

086: What is one thing you can't forgive, that can destroy a friendship or relationship beyond repair? if u kill me i dont think i could get over that

087: What is the last thing you purchased? corsair mouse

088: Have you ever broken someone's heart? Ever gotten your heart broken? yep and yep

089: Have you ever cheated on someone? Ever been cheated on? no and yes

090: Do you believe in soulmates? uhhh its possible. theres 8 billion people on this planet, what are the odds that soulmates DOnt exist

091: Is there anybody you would do absolutely *anything* for? If yes, who? hmmmm not anything, but id do a fair bit for my friends

092: Share three facts about your life.: i like to eat, make friends, and travel/experience other cultures

093: Do you believe in love at first sight? i do, but most of the time it isnt reciprocated ;p

094: Would you date someone who smokes / drinks / does drugs / has a mental illness? yea, i dont see why that would stop me from dating them

095: You are given 15 minutes of fame: What would you do? ask for money

096: How is your dream partner like? shes funny, makes me laugh, smells good, etc

097: Would you rather commit to one person or have several relationships? id rather have several relationships so i know exactly what im looking for in a person.

098: What are some of your hobbies? league, hearthstone, watching people play league and hearthstone, french, etc

099: What kind of person do you want to be? i want to be the cool old person when im old

100: What did you have for breakfast? i had some vietnamese cuisine

101: What is your Top 3 favorite shows? What was your Top 3 favorite shows when you were a kid? the office is something i enjoy, mythbusters, uh scooby doo? idk 

102: What are three places you *really* would like to visit one day? hmmm maybe the trevi fountain, il duomo, totally la sagrada familia 

103: What was your last meal? What was your last beverage? breakfast, water

104: Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with? hmm probably anastasia

105: What is one thing that made you smile today? thinking about martinique

106: Do you like taking photos? If yes, what do you photograph the most?i love taking photos, but i never have subjects so i dont really take photos too often

107: Has anyone ever written a poem or a song dedicated to you? Have you? FHCk man i wish. wait there was a 100 things i like about you and i think about it all the time. i actually have written poems and stuff but tis been a  long time and i dont think my creative juices are back from that yet (but trust me, it was straight fire)

108: Do you remember your dreams? If yes, what was the last dream you remember about?: i remember almost all of my dreams because i always tell someone about them and idk talking helps me remember things 

109: If you could go back in the past, would you change anything? If yes, what? i would start learning things so much earlier and stick with theme

110: If you were given 3 million dollars, what would you do with them? invest 2 mill in the bank, get that monthly interest coming back in the mail, use that mill to pay off all my and my friends debts, live life the way i wished i could when i was little

111: What are a few facts about you that not many people know of? i like learning languages but its not profitable in this day and age i feel

'111 Questions': by Ira V. Simon (priveting)

[noxrynne]

im doing my best in school but tbh ive gotten to the point where if i dont meet the grade average the actual school wants me to have in order to accept me ive kind of just accepted that i’ll be kinda fucked and try to push through stuff until i give up

idk a lot of it feels like im being set up for failure pretty often. i have a schedule to check things that meets the req to check x times a week but stuff is being assigned on the inbetween days to be due on the days i check and i jsut dont have the time to do it (or there’s a bunch of new guidelines introduced after the posted assignment by four days and by then i already turned in what i did and i get marked down b/c of the late addendum) i regret taking 4 courses and wish i took 3 or 2 but i couldnt do that since the deal was i take a full course load with this school and make a 2.5 minimum to be accepted to the actual, real school. maybe i shouldnt have cowered out of the arrangement i couldve had where i got to the physical school and have physical classes and live in an apartment. b/c. i think if i did that id be doing a lot better in them. i just freaked out b/c i dont do well alone (i get extremely paranoid/scared and with where my mind was going i didnt want to be alone). online just feels really difficult for me. its hard to keep track of everything. its hard to remember where x, y, or z is ‘cuz they’re all buried under seven different links that are different between the classes. sometimes the textbook fails and crashes and you lose all your progress in terms of it keeping track that you’re reading and doing the dumb 30 question quizzes inside of it. so then it’s like another four hours down the drain.   then it’s like “oh this is an easy assignment” and im struggling witht hose and im like “what the fuck is a hard assignment b/c im gonna fail it” i feel like im either going to barely squeak by with the 2.5 or im gonna fail too many things and not make it and then it’s basically kind of well, either i finish the book i have almost done-ish and i get lucky and get to live my actual childhood dream or i take on multiple minimum wage jobs and just hope for the best or make it as far as i can before i give up i want to say i really hate myself for dropping out so much and barely being able to function so many times but sometimes it feels unfair to my own self since it’s mostly depression/anxiety and not having any resources or help. or i get fucked over on something that’s really important to my own mental health and sense of safety. like UWGB: 0 access to counseling or therapy resources until after the allowed drop-out date. Also there, i got singled out and mocked by a professor and i basically started to cry. Also there, i had a class that ended at midnight and had to walk across an unfamiliar campus at night to try and find my dorm and usually was up walking and looking for it until 2AM while being terrified and paranoid the entire time. Also there, dorms weren’t heated or had A/C so i kept overheating in my room and could barely sleep, and nearly collapsed three or four times. then UCD: request a single room for myself or with 1 other roommate, was uncomfortable with the idea of roommates mostly because of me having transgender feelings and the inability to process them properly. i also just like my space and i get worn down and break down when just dealing with too much all the time. instead i was promised a 2 person max room and got the two person max room but with 4 other people (including me there were 6 of us living in a one bedroom... room). i couldnt sleep b/c roommates wouldn’t sleep (they basically drank and yelled all night, or they’d get high at 3AM and 5AM). one of them touched me a lot and got into my space a lot and it made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. i never felt like i had any space and just felt overwhelmed the entire time and got told to fuck off by the housing people multiple times while eating cold tortillas with cold cheese that was melted over it at one point for their lunches/dinners b/c apparently that’s what the meal plan was. i got pretty sick there a couple times. the coffee place basically never gave me soy milk which i kind of need b/c otherwise i might throw up or have incredibly painful stomach pains. i nearly passed out in a class because it was so bad and i started crying at my desk which was when the professor told me to leave b/c it looked like i had the flu. so i stopped drinking coffee there, which made me feel like shit in the morning and completely unaware of everything (almost got hit by two cars trying to get to my 6AM class that was a mile walk away from the dorm, since it was clear across and off the campus). and then from there i became extremely suicidal and told my counselor that every time i stood in front of the train tracks that early up, i considered stepping in front of the train passing through and almost did it once (someone behind me tugged me back b/c they thought i was in the process of tripping). but i got basically no sleep there, most of my memories are really messy and hazy and i barely register what happened a lot of the time b/c i just legitimately couldn’t process things at the time. i went a week where i didnt eat anything and probably got 4 hours of sleep those entire 7 days. all i really remember is feeling dizzy and lightheaded all the time and really hating sunny days because it hurt my eyes and i’d get bad headaches. well and my counselor giving me six dollars to go to the mcdonalds downstairs b/c she wanted me to eat something then online stuff is just... everything is put in gods knows where, the textbooks crash, the website sometimes won’t work, the assignments are put up randomly without notice, everything is a 3,000 word commitment from just the discussions to the papers and it’s jsut overwhelming and tbh a lot of the time i feel unsure if i can even keep up or do it all. and i know if i pass it all then i can go to UC Boulder and hope i have a better experience than the other two universities, or it’s just as bad and i suffer through it until i have a degree so i can actually have a career that lets me actually live. or i fail it all and die in my mid twenties probably.

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

im ok and not sad about it im jsut like comfortably reflecting on myself and where im at just to preface but like. wow i really cant remember the last time i did Anything outside of my house like....alone. like alone-alone. im afraid to go into my own backyard without at least mila there with me...i HAve done it sometimes, mostly in the very early morning. morning is the time where i feel the most safe by far and im not sure why that is. idk its....i like being in nature. im not afraid of nature. that isnt the problem. the problem is like...if im in my backyard what if the neighbors see me. if i go to take a walk into the wood by my house what if people see me or are out while i go down the street to get to the woods. what if there are people in the woods. what about on the trip back. i mean i wait in a seperate waiting room on my own for a minute when i go to the psychiatrist? but i hyperaware of how to get back to the main waiting area where my mom is every time. during the whole appointment im aware that i’m not actually really alone (and well obviously im not, im there to talk to someone, but im not alone in the sense that i have my designated safety person in a room down the hall, yknow) and i still Hateeee being in that waiting room. if there are other people there its way way way worse. i hate pretending to be doing something or reading something or opening my phone which i dont use for shit and just opening whatever apps i have or opening a note and typing random shit legitimately just to seem like i’m doing something to any possible outside observer. i dislike it while im doing it. i dont want to be doing it. but i do it every time lol because when im alone in public (or when im in public at all or when im not in public but people that aren’t my mom are in my home etc etc) i am so agonizingly hyperaware of what im doing and all the ways that its wrong and weird and im constantly so paranoid that every infraction is going to be like noticed and logged by everyone around me. so i hav to do something becuase just sitting still is weird but don’t be too engaged and also hide your phone screen from view because it could be embarrassing if someone sees that you’re on the tumblr app but also angle it down because you dont want it to look like youre taking a picture of someone or something and if you in a group conversatin you have to chime in because otherwise they’ll forget you’re there or be very aware of how present and quiet and weird you are but you dont want to say the wrong thing so try to say things that are normal and forgetaable and then regret your word choices and ruminate on them quietly while waiting for the next round and never ever get comfortable and say too much because if you get excited they’ll think your Weird and just goddd its so exhausting and its not anyone’s fault...its not my fault either and i know that now. but it is still very very tiring and i am so very very sick of it because i love people. lol i’d love to be able to talk to them someday. i would love to ever feel comfortable or safe you know. its sad and it sucks. but as part of that idk i...i need to not let myself forget that that’s achievable, at least for some people. i dont know if i could ever fully get there but i legitimately forgot that other people aren’t like always so terrified of...everything? my mom can go to the grocery store by herself and not be afraid of even the concept of that, not be afraid of driving there, not worry a single time when she’s in there that a million what=if scenarios might happen, etc. and thats...im just kind of sitting with that and marveling at that right now. im so jealous of that!! i want to go grocery shopping by myself!! i want to be able to exist on my own confidently and confortably and without fear

[quackspot]

im just tlaking about an oc here press j

i love platano

jkhgfdghjk i love platano so much he’s a good oc villain who loves anime kjashg he murders for satan bc he sold himself into servitude for a couple mangas (both the same series skjdfghjkl) and a new season of the hit new anime Big Anime Tiddy Whizzer kjhgfhjk

he love anime and i respect that bc i want to really love anime like platano does like dfsjhhgjkl

he has a cat even and it’s actually a neko she just keeps it in disguise n stuff and platano is just shook once he finds out because he was looking for nekos and was like “are u a neko in disguise???” to random cats on the street honestly idk how people didn’t find him so weird and idk how he managed to move in with Mangue, murderer of the old fruit-based character leader and now the leader of them 

platano IS based off bananas askjfdgjhkl im just big love for bananas and yes i love platano platano best sdgfhg i even wrote his own little story for jsut him and him being gay there’s 1 part i’m currently writing with another oc named arcenciel who i also love a lot 

r.i.p. eau and percisi also good ocs but they just don’t get as much love as platano and arcenciel kjhsghjkdlh

eau ocean man and percisi satanic anime lover friend of platano heehee 

percisi is like the only straight oc skdfjhghfdghj ofc he’s an ally and supports platano and he’s like 4 years younger than him

also platano ruined how i spell platonic bc i keep wanting to type platanic or platano jhgsdfghjk 

he’s very very very much in love with both his friend arcenciel and his other friend who he got into anime sage he very very very very VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH LOVES SAGE kjhgFDGHDSKJFGhjkl hhgjh  (sage is my friend kiley’s oc who she made for UMG/NOU it was originally just gonna be a ponytown cult for like 1 week but nope full on writing)

just... y e s 

sage’s adoptive fathers probably also ship it bc they’re like , ,, , “sage r u sure he’s not ur boyfriend”

oh yeah and arcenciel learning to accept himself as gay by hanging out and talking to sage’s adoptive dads lyle and chris is 10/10 i love best idea i’ve had me congratulations 

onto eau he’s ocean man and uhhh he never gets enough attention from me jksghhjkdg he waso riginally gonna be nonbinary (agender ) but i decided to make him male bc.... ocean man kjhgf i know you can be agender can call urself a man i’m a girl and i like calling myself male things (aka “dad” or “mr” or uhhh “brother” sjkhdgjk)

yeah good boys 

OH YEAH!! WORTEL!! good sassy guy he’s very uhhh how u say tsundere maybe idk kjhgfhjkl i just started writing him up in NOU like weeks ago but i haven’t written much with him 

i want wortel to have like a crush on this other character named celian sgdhfhfhgdsaa and by the way these two dudes are veggie-based characters just pointing that out 

 i just imagine celian like saying some shit in french and wortel being like “haha ik what u said” and then saying something very very gay in dutch and celian being confused because unlike wortel, he doesn’t speak 3 languages (dutch, french, and english)

whenever i write them speaking in another language i use google translate i only really know “JE SUIS UNE BAGUETTE” in french and some other small things but that’s the best thing i know and idk any dutch whatsoever besides wortel being like “carrot” heehee kjdfsfkl

here’s some drawings of my good boys

platano and arcenciel’s redesigns heehee jkhgsdjkl

the reason why i ship platano and sage is because platano drew this hot art 100% good art and also platano like,,, drew a lot of diary entries on sage ksdjhgjkl

i p much just uhh drew them whenever kiley revealed a new fact about him skjgdhjkl

percisi the only cishet here is, of course, an ally because literally everyone’s LGBT  in umg/nou

wortel the carrot dude

a joke i drew of eau

eau’s first drawing bc i love eau he’s good 

jksfhkl

gay thumbnail for a video i made where platano and sage actually kiss sdgfhdsfa

arcenciel’s og design sdghfhds

i tried drawing him with long long LONG legs earlier u probs saw that drawing

accurate drawing of before the breakup where arcenciel was dating ilkie and kept saying he wasn’t gay despite being in a relationship with another boy arcenciel that’s bad :(((

oh yeah and i drew platano’s dad here’s his dad named Pablo he fucked a banana and then abandoned the banana peel with semen n stuff in it and somehow the banana peel got pregnant 

here’s the lady who saw a fat af banana and thought “hey. it’s a baby. let’s take this fat pregnant banana into my house and care fore the offspring.”

arcenciel’s parents heehee skfjhgjkl they were uhh in a poly relationship i guess?? idk i just think maybe what if instead of a poly it’s like straight relationship baby breakup and then woah another baby?? or maybe poly where the lady over there to the right cheats on them with no other than platano’s dad himself and that’s why platano’s dad works at arcenciel’s hat shop where he sends the hats he made by machine and enchanted with his magic bc he can only enchant hats for some random reason

eau of course has water powers and uh hh h h  yea 

the fruit/veggie-based characters can summon their respective foods

platano is really good at summoning bananas bc he’s like,,, half banana

jhgfdsfghjkl uhhhhhhhh yea i think that’s all i wanted to say i just love my ocs fkjsdhgsjk

OH WAIT

arcenciel and platano’s maybe half sister i still don’t know whether or not arcenciel’s mom should go off and fuck platano’s dad maybe just smooch him a bit and not have a fucking daughter skjdfhgfdfghjk

[mylovingbouquetearthquakewo-blog]

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I just found out today that my health insurance is going up. I have gotten quotes on the covered California website and it is cheaper by $139 dollars a month on the website. I heard I can't refuse my employers health care. Is that true?

How much people can be on someone's auto insurance?

is there a limit to how many people/vehicles can be insured under one person's name? lets say, can a person insure his car and himself, as well as his 2 sons cars and his 2 ...show more""

How much will I need for health insurance for 5 years?

I'm thinking of retiring when I'm 60 years old. I'm 55 years old now. Male non-smoker with controlled hypertension and cholesterol problem only. Not over-weight. ...show more

Will geico insurance rate go up from storm damage?

My car got hit from a piece of tree/brances and scratched and dent it a little, will insurace go up?""

Will my insurance go up if my boyfriend wrecks my car?

My boyfriend recently backed my car into a dumpster and left significant damage on the bumper. He insisted he would pay to get it fixed, but it looks like I'm going to have to make a claim. Do I make a claim on my insurance or does he make one on his? Also, is my insurance going to go up a significant amount?""

Health insurance for baby? PLEASE HELP.?

Me and my baby's father are not married. I am under my father's insurance. Baby's father has his own insurance that baby will be covered under. (Bluecross Blueshield) Do I need to contact Bluecross Blueshield before baby is born? Or do I have 30 days after birth to contact his insurance company.

Which company has the best insurance leads?

Which company has the best insurance leads?

Do Americans really believe democrats & Obama want to give affordable insurance and not socialist medicine?

affordable insurance for 50 mil more people doesn't just grow on trees, or does it? in Canada too, the gov in the 60s and 70s first fooled people in as only an INSURER, then within 20 years, it grew to become the monopoly MANAGER, to the point where ALL PRIVATE CARE IS NOW ILLEGAL IN CANADA. Should we be fooled by this cheap attempt? Sources: http://www.brianday.ca/canada-health-act.html http://www.theadvocates.org/freeman/8903lemi.html""

Where can i get fish tank insurance?

My landlord wants me to get a liability insurance for my fish tank. What can I do? Thanks

Whats the average cost of insurance for a young driver?

If i only have liabililiy on gieco insurance . I am 16 and want to know if i get my permit how much the cost of insurance will go up .

""Someone reversed into my car, is it better to go through maaco instead of insurance? its jus ta minor scratch?""

i was at a stop sign and i was abou tthe 4th car, well the 3rd car decided to reverse to leave and backed up and hit the front of my car. its not really that bad but its still a big scratch. is it best to just have her pay my estimate at maaco? or deal with insurance? i don't want to get jacked up insurance rates because someone doesn't know how to reverse.""

Help on car insurance - very urgent!?

I have recently noticed that the address on my car insurance is completely wrong. From the house number to the last digit in the postcode. I have had an accident which was apparently my fault, and now I have realised my address is wrong. I have made multiple phone calls where I've had to confirm my address too. Is there any safe way I can change my address without arousing any suspicion? Please help me because it is a genuine error, and I do not want to be accused of being fraudulent. What are the best options to take at this stage? Thank you""

Medical Insurance?

I need to know the best way to get insurance for me and my wife. My employer offers it for $53 a week. and it looks mediocre. I am not sure if their is another way to do this. Please advise. any help would be appreciated

Will my health insurance pay for my surgery?

I hurt my back one month ago and had no insurance. I am now employed with insurance and need back surgery. Will the insurance company call this a pre existing condition and not pay? Is there anything I can do to avoid the fight?

Should I file a claim with auto insurance?

I drove my car into a column in a parking lot, denting and scratching the left side of the car. Repair estimate is about 1600. My insurance deductible is 500. Is it worth filling a claim? How much will my premiums go up if I file a claim? I have excellent record otherwise.""

Car Insurance Question... PLEASE HELP!?

My sister bumped another car when she was backing out, when the car saw her backing out but still went ahead and there was no damage. My sister, in a moment of insanity, gave the woman, who is an attorney, her insurance number and some other information. All she took from the woman was her name and email. Now we have a claim coming in. We have no idea what to do. She is still in college, and is under my parent's insurance. There was obviously nothing wrong with the car. My parents are beside themselves with worry, because the claim could mean anything from $50-$20,000. Words cannot explain my anger towards my sister's naivety in the human race. What can we do? We will know more about the claim tomorrow.""

Best car insurance for my situation?

I'm 18 years old. I have had one accident about a year ago and have received a ticket last month, what would be the best insurance that is affordable. Right now I'm on my mom's insurance and it's really high. I want to be on my own insurance that would be negotiable with my bad record. If someone could also give me some advice on how to lower my cost of insurance without switching that would be helpful too.""

How much is the insurance for a 2005 ford mustang?

I am 16 and want a for mustang 2005. I have State Farm and I want to know the estimated insurance for it in Florida.

If my car insurance gets canceled b/c of late payments?

will they reinstate it again if i paid what i owed in full?

What would be the cheapest car insurance company to go to for someone who gets insurance for the first time?

What would be the cheapest car insurance company to go to for someone who gets insurance for the first time?

""Just got my drivers license, what's next? how do I get insurance? where do I go?

I'm 19 and I finally got my drivers license :P but I don't have a car. but I need insurance 1. How do I get insurance? 2. Where do I go for Insurance? 3.What do I have to take with me? I need to get a car so... 4. How much down payment do you think is good? like would 1000 do it ? I dont have money. :| 5.can I get loans? or should I get loans? Thanks 4 helping ;)

Is $40.00 a month cheap for Full Coverage Insurance 2012 Kawasaki Ninja 250?

Is $40.00 a month cheap for Full Coverage Insurance 2012 Kawasaki Ninja 250?

Who's insurance company do i contact the car owners or mine a driver with compresive insurance?

i was driving my wife car and parked it as i got out a car reversed into the car i am not a named driver on the insurance policy for the car but my own insurance covers me do drive other cars with owners consent. which insurasnce company do i report the accident to i was not at fault as was parked in a parking bay the other car aslo attempted to drive off

Should kids protest against very high insurance costs by driving illegally?

Should kids protest against very high insurance costs by driving illegally?

""Car insurance, color, and does it really matter?""

Ok, made my decision, going with the new 2007 Mazda 3 S (with the 2.3 ltr engine and all that good stuff...not really sure on the sunroof though, it's kind of pricey) My question...s are: 1. I was told that if I got a loud color on a car that I would regret it for a couple of reasons. It attracts the cops to pull it over more and it could potientally higher my insurance. Is that just some kind of myth to scare people away from getting a nice color like red or yellow? 2. And secondly, what's a good color to get? Something that's easy to clean, but still shimmers and looks nice. I was thinking about the Aurora Blue. Everyone has black and silver cars? 3. I was building the car and I don't want to pay close to 21k for this car, it's worth a lot, but not that much. How much should I ask for? Now I've already gone to edmunds.com, it seems pretty helpful, but should I wait until they get the 2008 Models in and then try to buy the older model?""

Have lots of car insurance questions ?

hello had a car accident i am not in fault my medical bill are almost $100K the other party insurance accept its fault in the accident and it appears that they have full coverage if the insurance i have is the basic that covers $25K in medical bills so the other insurance tells me that there limit is $25K-$50K how can it be possible that it only covers $25K same as mine if she has full coverage and i don't?? Next question. How can i make the insurance or the lady that hit me to show me the policy??? is there anyway i can force them?? i have an attorney working on the case and he said that the insurance did not let them see the policy but i want to know and see the policy so i know that neither the insurance or my attorney is lying. next question from the accident i was really damage after 6 months I am still going to therapy I have proof of all my bills and doctors reports from all my illnesses in which I have deafness caused from the accident I had a head injury and was hospitalized for 5 days the docs had said that it was really a serious accident including my attorney. How much is fair to fight for pain and suffering, medical bills, compensation for hearing loss including seance of smell and taste, everything I have paid like taxis, pills and more. don't want to take advantage from the accident but how much can I fight for?? thank you for answering but please only answer if you know. this is very important for me.""

Is a Land Drover FreeLander 2 cheap to insure?

Both of my parent's drive 2011 Range Rovers so they have experience with the Land Rover brand- and they said that as I'm living at home.. my dad could be the policy holder and I could be a named driver. I may be buying a 2010 model when I'm 18, I'm 16 currently as people have told me that it's not really worth buying a brand new one. Just so the car is old and isn't new. I'm not in to small cars..""

How much is insurance for a 16 year old?

So Im looking to buy a car when I turn 16 in a few months.. preferably the 2012 beetle which comes out to be around $25,000 and about $400 a month for 72 months. And I am also looking to get a job and work as many hours as I can, including the summer AND when school is back in session. I live in Southern California so minimum wage is $8.00... I am just hoping I can afford the car even with the cost of insurance... and after taxes as well! Im having trouble figuring it out so PLEASE help! Thanks :)""

How much will I need for health insurance for 5 years?

I'm thinking of retiring when I'm 60 years old. I'm 55 years old now. Male non-smoker with controlled hypertension and cholesterol problem only. Not over-weight. ...show more

Driving parent's car without insurance?

*I'm 16 with a license *My mom has insurance under Liberty Mutual *I am not on her insurance but the car is insured *I live in Georgia (GA has weird laws so any laws specific to GA would be great)

""How much cash on hand is needed after one has rent, utilities, food, gas, car payment and insurance paid?""

How much cash on hand is needed after one has rent, utilities, food, gas, car payment and insurance paid?""

Car insurance quotes: What is car trim?

I'm trying to get some car insurance quotes in which one of the questions is asking for the trim of the car, with the options E Match or S Help?""

How long would it take for my car insurance to go back down?

If I got a few speeding tickets, which resulted in my car insurance to go up, how long would it be before it goes back down?""

How can you convince your parents to allow you to get your own car?

We went to the Ford Dealer and there was a 2007 Ford Taurus SE. The dealer wanted $8700.00 that is with tax. So I test drove it and took it to a mechanic nearby and the car checked out fine. My mom and stepfather went into the finance department and I waited in the room adjacent to them. The bad part is that I couldn't get the car because they had a small discussion about how much gas, insurance, and maintenance the car will cost. So I left the ford dealer with no car. My mom said because I am a young man I could buy my own car and take on the responsibility of a young man. I told her can she please do it and I will pay her back over the years. She said no and my stepfather said come on man lets go home. I felt a little embarrassed because everyone in the lounge was looking at me. So how can I convince my mom and stepfather to buy me this car.""

Car Accident Gap Insurance...HELP!?

I justgot in a car accident. My back of my car is smashed. It was completely NOT MY FAULT. I am unsure if i have Gap insurance or not. Whose Gap Insurance pays off your loan if the car is totalled ?

Will a minor speeding ticket cause your insurance to rise.?

i read that speeding tickets can be a traffic offense and have you lose points from your lisence and pay a fine, it did not see it mentioned that your insurance rates would rise. i am intrested to know if this is true or what situations it applies to?""

Where can I get free health insurance?

Medicare and medicaid turned me down. I'm diabetic, and unemployed at the moment. Anyone know where I can get free insurance? Thanks!""

What are average caar insurance prices for an 18 year old?

just need some numbers for the price for the whole yaer

Cars that have cheap insurance?

im 18 and just passed my driving test, but unsure of what car(s) are cheap on insurance and road tax, is there a site i could go on to find the information i require?""

How good is tonik health insurance?

active college student who needs a supplement to our generic university health care. snowboarding/mountain biking accidents, etc.""

Can someone give me an auto insurance cost?

Does anyone know what the cost per month of Ohio car insurance would be for a 19 year old male. Just an idea would be good, thanks.""

I dont really have the money to purchase car insurance before i take my driving test?

i dont have the money to get car insurance before i take my driving test. is there anyways possible to get around that? dont just ******* say, get insurance either . its a waste of my damn time. im taking it wednesday and its in urbana ohio.""

Insurance?

If Im 17 and have my license, can I drive my friends car with insurance? or do I have to also have it?""

I had a car accident but insurance info exchanged what to do?

Ok today while leaving grocery store I was driving so on the middle of the stope light it turn green the car in front of me start moving than stopped all of the sudden I was about to drive and than slammed my breakes I barely touched the car in front of me he stooped came outside the car and said u scratched my car I told him I don't think that's my car . He asked for my insurance and I asked for his he said he didn't have them in the car so I refused to give him my insurance info .. I took aspic of the car plate and the damaged also he did I the same Gave home my name and my number .. Told him whenever u got the insurance info he can call me ... The problem the car is under my brother name and insured under his name as my name is not in nether of the car or the insurance.. What to do ?? My brother can't afford to add me on .. And I know the damaged wisent that much .. Please help should I call back with the insurance or just ignore ???

I got a speeding ticket and no insurance?

well my insurance was expired when i got the ticket. so when i renew it will it still go up?

Car insurance price difference?

I have just partially cleared my garage and want to know before i clear the rest of the garage and run around getting different quotes, how much cheaper is insurance parking in a garage rather than a drive.""

How much for dentures upper and lower and mini implants to secure both of them with no insurance in ohio .....

no insurance

Progressive auto insurance? or AAA..which one is cheaper?

in terms of (monthly payments)

Additional Driver costs?

How much should i expect to pay to add a permanent additional driver to my car insurance? It will be a driver on their provisional licence, aged 24. Its with Direct Line, in the UK I already have a quote, i just think i was quoted wrong, and want to know what other people think it usually costs.""

What is another way to say free insurance seminar ?

My insurance office is going to host a seminar to the public explaining personal lines (home, auto, commercial...) insurance coverage. What is a catchy headline for the flyer?""

Should I pay insurance on a car that I can't drive?

I'm very frustrated with this car & I won't be able to pay to get it fixed until September. Some people are telling me to still pay insurance on it, & others are telling me that it doesn't make sense to waste money, & that I should cancel the insurance. I don't know. I'm about to cry.""

Average auto insurance rates?

I'm doing a cost of living project for my Pre-Calculus class, and I need to find monthly cost for auto insurance. The project is hypothetical, and so far I have been unable to get any sort of estimation as my legal information is not accurate to my hypothetical information. So, I'm asking what would be a typical or average rate for a twenty-two year old female college graduate, relatively good driver, and first time buying insurance would be. The coverage should include Comprehensive and Collision, and it's just one driver, one car. Thanks a ton, and if you could tell me where you got your information, citation or personal experience, that'd be great as well.""

""Car insurance strange quotes, why?""

Back in August, I got a quote on a car, it worked out as 900 for the year.(I'm only 17), and since then I've been getting regular quotes, and can't help but notice how much it's gone up. In only 2 months, it's gone up from 900 to 1900. I haven't changed a thing, and if you've used confused.com you'll know that you can just re-quote, which is what I've been doing. Anybody know why it's gone up so much. By the way it goes up about 40 a day at the moment. Could it be because it's the end of the month, or the end of the year? Thanks to any answers in advance.""

Bad Faith Auto Insurance?

Should I hire an attorney for this?, I purchased a policy online a few months ago within the first few days that i had this insurance I had a storm and damaged my vehicle (minor) with hail damaged I submitted out a claim, appraiser was sent they covered the loss sent a check to me, now i take it to the bodyshop and try to have it fixed but they need a supplement, they contact insurance co. but insurance co, makes many excuses over this they state I dont have full coverage which I do, and it was verfied with them that i do, the next few weeks pass and then I finally get a call from a manager at the insurance company stating that they mistakenly sent me out a check because I made a false claim report, they said that they can tell by my pictures before policy was bought that vehicle had damaged (which is an excuse of denying supplement) and stated the the adjuster overlooked everything point here is that insurance co, cancelled my policy by stating underwriting issues, so now Im without insurance coverage, the manager also stated she reported this to the texas state but mentioned she could not put a stop payment on the check and that I could still use it to fix the car or cashout the check... I am really dissapointed at how all this was handelled, Im thinking about getting an attorney, I already discussed and this issue with the Insurance company and Im basicly told that I lied about the claim and they end my call... Should I wait to get an attorney or should I just get one and go from there? I believe this is bad faith insurance coverage, What should I do? I mean I still have the check it is not cashed out, I cant really do much with this check everyone charges an arm and a leg, can they file insurance fraud charges and if so even though I know I did everything right should I get an attorney?""

How much will I need for health insurance for 5 years?

I'm thinking of retiring when I'm 60 years old. I'm 55 years old now. Male non-smoker with controlled hypertension and cholesterol problem only. Not over-weight. ...show more

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