#also id love to get some feedback! tell me what you think

[neil-gaiman]

hey mr gaiman. i saw that this post got revisited and wanted to address it.

i submitted this ask over a year ago on my old account and it was one of the stupidest things i ever did. it was my first tumblr account. id only been really online for a few weeks. i was 13. i was just coming back to school after a global pandemic.

ive been a fan of good omens for years and a fan of yours for longer. i was brought up reading odd and the frost giants and fortunately the milk, and as i got older i fell in love with your norse mythology book, good omens, snow glass apples, the sleeper and the spindle, and more.

i was excited to see one of my favorite authors on tumblr and tried to come up with the most bold and interesting ask i could think of.

i was rude and misinformed and it was a stupid choice of me to send it in with no thought.

but i got feedback. some in the form of kind suggestions. quite a few in the form of death threats and people telling me to kill myself.

while those specific messages were rude and hateful, the point got across. i educated myself to the best of my abilities, and eventually came back online.

not only did i misuse the term queerbaiting but i also implied that you were not an amazing supporter of the queer community. that’s absolutely incorrect. you’ve done so much for us with activism, representation, and overall kindness.

i wanted to address this ask that got so much attention because despite moving accounts i still feel guilt and shame every time i see it, or even when i interact with any of your posts at all. i need to actually address it.

also, i wanted a proper apology to be made. by no means am i now a saint. but im trying to be more thoughtful about thinking before i speak.

whether or not you decide to make a public response to this, i think ill find some peace knowing you’ve received this. ive needed closure on this for a long time.

im overjoyed and thrilled that season two is so close. thank you for tolerating the dumb questions of pretentious kids and thank you for helping to create a world where we can grow to be better than we were.

First of all, and most importantly, I'm really sorry that people were mean to you. That's awful. And nobody should ever have to deal with death threats or online threats and attacks, let alone a thirteen year old.

And secondly, you do not owe me an apology. I figure I have a Tumblr account, people ask things. Mostly they'll get nice replies, occasionally (normally when I'm being asked the same thing over and over) the replies will be terser. There has to be a certain amount of rough and tumble though, and occasionally I'll grab an ask that represents all of the asks I've had on that subject, and try and reply to all of them. That's what happened to you. I was getting tired of being accused of Queerbaiting for the occasional answer about a Season that was not yet released and about which nobody knew anything. And I needed to tell everyone who was doing this that they had to stop now. You had the misfortune to be the representative of all of the other people.

If you are not making mistakes you are not human and you are not learning anything.

(I wish there was tone of voice on the internet.)

And I think you are growing and learning and will make a fantastic adult.

I really hope you enjoy Season 2 when it drops.

[monzabee]

you'll change your name or change your mind - cl16

masterlist

Summary: The one where you find your way back home, even if the journey takes longer than you think. 

Pairing: charles leclerc x fem!bianchi!reader 

Word Count: 5.9k

Warnings: mentions of jules and his accident, ANGST, talks about college acceptances in the US but it’s not accurate because i’ve never applied for US schools, mentions of alcohol and underage drinking/clubbing (only in the US though), mentions of a fake id, mentions of cheating, fighting, charles being stupid and not realising it, talks about processing grief, GRIEF, survivor’s guilt, talks of therapy, friends to lovers y’all. 

Request: “The Charles fanfic was so good!! Can you write more angsty but happy needing Charles? I think it’s be cute for a man who loves Monaco so much to got to wherever his girlfriend lives Ike London or nyc often and deal with that. Maybe she hates monaco lol” + “if your requests are still open, max or charles + “you have to promise you won’t fall in love with me.” thanks!”

Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! i decided to give into the whole angst thing and i can honestly say that i’m having a great time. i wanted to include Jules somehow in this one because i’ve been seeing some edits on tiktok and let me tell you proofreading was a bitch because i kept crying. also, my spotify kept bringing up lorde and hannah montana songs, so there you go. this was definitely a hard one to write and i know it’s messy, but all feedback is appreciated. thank you, anon, for the request, i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee

Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms. 

Monaco is full of memories. It’s filled with memories of your childhood, your parents picking up you and your siblings from school in Nice, and getting the train to Monaco for your brother to compete in karting races. It’s filled with laughter, and ice cream, and friends. It’s also filled with fears, loss and uncertainty, and you suppose that’s why you didn’t ever want to go back. But you find your back there every time, even if it is only for a couple of days at a time. Although it reminds you of the bad times, it’s hard to erase the good ones completely. 

Charles is just one of the people Jules brought into your life. He was right there since your birth – apparently, the Leclercs were visiting your family in Nice when your mother suddenly went into labour. You will always be thankful to Pascale and Hervé for stopping Jules from choosing your middle name to be Michael Schumacher. Neither Charles, nor you will forget the type of shenanigans you got up to as little kids, there is only a year difference between the two of you after all. There’s that one time you stole Charles’ kart and tried to go down the road, in which he caught you but instead of ratting you out to Lorenzo and Jules, who were supposed to be looking after you by the way, he helped you get it down the stairs and passed you his helmet as he explained how to go about it. Neither of your brothers were impressed by your ability to go fast or Charles’ sudden interest in maybe becoming a race engineer if the whole driver thing doesn’t work out. There was also the time when the two of you, along with Arthur, snuck out from a family friend’s wedding to only get lost in a city in the South of France; Charles got so stressed that he forgot how to speak French and proceeded to ask how to get back to the venue in Italian for the rest of the night. Needless to say, the two of you are there for each other no matter what; you stayed together through heartbreaks, wins, losses, losing Jules and Hervé, funerals, weddings and much more. The majority of your time together is spent in your family’s house in Nice. Charles doesn’t mind the half-hour journey, an hour if he decides to go back but he hardly ever does. Sometimes, he manages to convince you come to Monte Carlo for the day by bribing you with promises of sunsets and ice cream, but he will always drive you back if you insist you want to go home without any complain. 

The first time you bring up the topic of moving, you’re in your last year of high school; by that time, Charles is already racing in Formula One, so your time together is limited to breaks between the races. However he tries his hardest to be there for you, from talking you through breakdowns that occur after long study sessions, to looking up pre-med programmes for you to apply all over the world. You never wanted to live your entire life between Nice and Monte Carlo in the first place, so is he is more than happy to help you explore your options. Your application results arrive when he’s on break between the races, so the two of you sit on the small table in his Monaco apartment’s kitchen, the light from your laptop lighting up both of your faces as you open up the emails one by one. You’re most anxious about your application to Columbia, which is 3.462 miles away from Nice, and 3.993 from Monte Carlo. By the time you finish opening up all the emails, both of you are sitting there with a silence between you. The acceptance letter still open on your laptop is congratulating you for your offer to join Columbia’s pre-med program the following September. 

“Yes,” He looks at you expectantly, “Accept it, Y/N, you shouldn’t be even thinking about it!”

“Yes?” You let out a nervous laugh. “It’s not that simple, Charles–” 

“But it is!” He argues, a big smile on his face. You can tell he is proud of you by the look in his eyes and the way his emotions carry through his voice. “It’s your top choice of school!”

“It’s also in New York, it means that there will be an entire ocean between us!” 

He shrugs. “So?” 

“So?” Your eyes widen in surprise, you start staking your head a little without being aware that you are doing it. “Doesn’t that scare you?” 

“Chérie,” Charles coos, pulling your chair by its leg to bring you closer to him and wrap a supportive arm around your body. His chest rumbles from his low laughter as he presses kisses to your hair. “We’ll be fine, look at everything we’ve been through, and we’re not even that old.” 

You scoff, hitting his chest in an attempt to get away; you start furiously typing on your computer. “You are old,” you point to him with a tilt of your head, “I’m not, though.” 

He rolls his eyes and turns his concentration to the tab still open on your computer, “You’re going to accept the offer, though, right?” 

You end up accepting the offer. Charles and his family is there alongside yours to send you off on a plane to New York City. Both your mother and Charles’ have tears in their eyes as they say their goodbyes, with your father giving you a similar look. Being the youngest of four siblings, it must’ve been hard to send their youngest all the way across an ocean, but they let you know that you have their support in every step of the way. With Charles’ schedule for the remaining races scattered all over the world, he tells you not to force yourself and to enjoy your first months as a college student. 

You surprise him in Austin, though. Arranging this surprise is definitely not the easiest, but you ask Lorenzo for his help and he is more than happy to make arrangements for you. It’s the end of Friday’s last practice session when you surprise him in the Alfa Romeo garage. He almost walks past you, to get rid of his helmet when you say his name, but once he realises it is you he quickly pulls in for a hug. “What are you doing here?” He asks you while laughing with glee. 

“Heard there’s an immunology seminar in town about the effects of talking a shower and then going out without drying your hair.” You answer with all the seriousness you can muster. 

“Really?” He asks in confusion, taking his helmet and balaclava off and trying to fix his sweat-soaked hair. 

You hit the back of his head lightly, shaking your head in disbelief. “No! I came here to see you race, you idiot!” 

He shakes head in understanding. “Oh, oh!” His eyes widen once again with recognition this time. 

“Yes, oh, now come on, we’re going out.” You’re quick to add, “To dinner because airplane food sucks. We’re going out clubbing after the race, though.” 

True to your word, you go clubbing after his race on Sunday, which Charles is not entertained by. He’s paranoid by the fact that you are in the club with them in the first place, which should not be happening because you’re underage. He keeps silent as you show the bouncer your id, which he knows is a fake, by the way; as he sends Lorenzo an incredulous look, his older brother’s reaction consisting off a shrug of the shoulders makes him more paranoid. 

“Y/N, you should not be drinking.” He voices his concern, as you’re on your second drink of the night. “This is wrong.” 

“How is this different than me drinking back at home?” You argue with your eyebrows raised. “You don’t tell me I can’t drink when we’re back home.” 

“Because it is legal for you to do so there!” Charles exclaims, somehow gathering the attention of some of the clubbers nearby, but he offers them an apological smile and then turns back to you with his voice lowered. “You’re not twenty one, ergo – you shouldn’t be drinking.” 

“Pfft,” You shrug him off, “You’re stupid, and I’m bored. You want to dance?” 

You help Charles to move into his flat in Italy when he starts racing for Ferrari. Though he still lives in Monaco full-time, he rented a small place in Maranello to stay when he’s travelling. It’s an emotional event, which has both of you sitting on the floor of his new apartment going through boxes of old photographs. He finds one of his brothers and Jules with you, standing in front of a karting ring with big smiles in all of your faces. You fingers involuntarily trace over your brother, your eyes misting when you think about the day. 

“He was so young,” You whisper, having to swallow a sob which threatens to escape. 

Your eyes linger on the photograph for a while, and Charles quickly understands that you were not talking about the photograph as the tears you were trying to hold back find their way onto your cheeks. “He was.” He agrees; there aren’t enough words in the world to describe what losing a family member does to a person, and he understands you in a way most people cannot. 

You offer him a sad smile through your tears. “He would be so proud of you.” 

“He would be also so proud of you,” He whispers right back, leaning closer to you so that he could wipe away the few stray tears. “In fact, I am pretty sure he is.” 

“Stop it.” You laugh softly through your tears as you push yourself to get off the floor, and dry under your eyes with your fingers as you look across the room. “Oh my god, Charles, we have so many boxes to go through.” 

He gets up after you and looks around the dusty living room as he attempts to get rid of the dust on his clothes. “We do, don’t we?” He watches as you kneel in front of an unopened box and slice through the tape with a knife, and starting to go through the items in the box. He watches you go through the items silently for a while, noticing how seriously you take the task. His eyes linger on the frown on your face for a while, the way your eyebrows scrunch in question, or how you tuck a stubborn piece of hair, which escapes from the braid in your hair, to the back of your ear. He stalks closer, gently gripping one of your wrists and pulling you to your feet. “Dance with me.” He asks – which comes off less as an ask and more of a demand, which causes you to playfully roll your eyes at him. 

“Charles, the boxes–” You try to argue. 

His laugh is laced with mischief. “The boxes will still be there, chérie, just one dance won’t change anything.” 

You try to come with arguments in your head but all your attempts are quickly thrown out the window when you realise just how green Charles’ eyes actually are. “We don’t have any music.” You try to offer as a measly argument. 

Charles raises his eyebrows as he wraps his arms around your waist after making you wrap yours around his neck. “We don’t need any music, Y/N.” 

So you give up in any attempts in stopping him, as he starts to slowly sway both of your bodies from side to side. You let out a chuckle when he stars, terribly, humming to an old song you used to hear on the radio. “This is stupid.” You mumble as you keep up your pace with his movements. 

“You seem to keep calling me that.” Charles recalls, making both of you laugh in recognition. “I need to tell you something important.” 

“So tell me,” you encourage him, motioning him to continue. 

“I met someone.” He announces, a small smile playing on his lips. 

You breath get stuck for a moment, in which you remind yourself that Charles is waiting for your reaction – most likely a supportive one at that. “Wow, Charles.” You breath out and give him a smile, which you successfully manage to pass off as a supportive one, hoping he doesn’t notice the way your voice breaks off in the end. “I’m so happy for you.”

You’re not stupid – thinking that either of you could stay single forever is an unrealistic one. But it hurts to imagine him with another person while he looks at you like that makes a part of you crumble up into a ball on your bed and cry. And that’s just what you do when you go back to the hotel that night (because the house is still unliveable when the two of you decide you’re done for the day). You try to keep your sobs as quiet as possible because you know Charles is in the hotel room next to yours. As you’re looking out the window, watching the night sky light up with stars in Maranello that night, you tell yourself you, somehow, need to move on from your best friend. 

The next time you see Charles is during Christmas time. You have a tradition – Lorenzo, Charles, Jules and you, a tradition, which Arthur joined once he was old enough. It’s a peculiar one. While it’s not uncommon for most families to watch Christmas movies during this time of the year, your choice of movie has not Christmas elements in it at all. Every Christmas, the four of you watch The Sound of Music. It’s a silly tradition which was born out of boredom and lack of movies one Christmas, but it’s a tradition you managed carried out every year. 

You can still remember Lorenzo complaining because “It’s three hours of songs about whiskers and bass clef.” 

While Jules gives his best friend an unamused glare, both you and Charles try to mimic the Frenchman who you idolise. “It has nuns, songs, Nazis and familial love, Lorenzo, what more could you ask for?” He shrugs as he turns his attention back on screen, “Plus, Julie Andrews is hot.” 

“Why would she be hot?” You remember asking, the woman on the screen not seeming uncomfortable by the weather. 

“No reason,” Jules assures you, wrapping one of his arms around you.“Watch the movie, shortcake.” 

And yes, while it might be stupid to watch the same movie, which has no Christmas value at all, every year on Christmas day, it’s a reminder that you have each other even if you’re not always together. So when you sit down to watch the movie that Christmas, there is a bad feeling in your stomach when you realise Charles is not there to watch it with you. If his brothers also find it weird that he’s not there they don’t make a comment, neither do you, for that matter. You try to push it to the back of your mind and enjoy the moment, telling yourself that even if this is a tradition between the four of you, it’s not the end of the world if you fail to do it. So you smile, and have fun throughout the day – when you’re watching the movie, or when you decide to hold a gingerbread house competition (Arthur wins, by the way), or when you sit down to have dinner with your families, and it makes you feel a thousand times better. 

It’s late when he comes home that night, Lorenzo and Arthur have already passed out on the couch with you trying to read the anatomy textbook on your lap in the low light. 

“Hi.” He greets you as he gives you a tight-lipped smile. 

“Hi.” You whisper back, trying not to wake up the boy sleeping next to you. “Did you have fun?” 

“Yeah, it was a good day.” He answers truthfully, and then motions the book resting on your knees. “Aren’t you going to go to sleep?”

“No, I think I’m going to stay here tonight.” 

He doesn’t argue as he presses a kiss on your temple. “Okay, good night, chérie.”

One thing about Charles, is that he is very secretive about his relationships – to the point where he won’t introduce someone to you or his family if he doesn’t think the relationship is going somewhere. So, when he brings over Charlotte for lunch the next day, there is a buzz around the house. The lunch goes well, you think. Charlotte is sweet, and the two of you talk about many things including your universities; she’s very impressed that you want to go into the medical field and you tell her that architecture must be a pain in the ass to study and she agrees with a loud laugh. 

When Pascale asks them what they did for Christmas yesterday, Charlotte leans against Charles’ arm as she answers, “Oh, nothing. We just stayed home and watched that old movie – what was it again?” 

“The Sound of Music.” Charles answers, his eyes are focused on his hands, and you know this, because your eyes don’t heave his frame until Arthur forces you to carry the dishes into the kitchen. 

“We’ll do them, maman,” he announces when Pascale attempts to tidy up the dishes, “Y/N will help me, won’t you?” 

“Yeah, sure.” You nod, the voice coming off from you not matching the sunny disposition you present to the rest of the room. 

You carry the dishes Arthur passes to you to the kitchen, holding your breath in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, and you succeed, too. At least until Arthur comes after you, carrying more dishes and places them next to the other ones near the kitchen sink. You start scrubbing them with intensity, your sniffles and the sound from water whooshing around in the sink filling the room. Arthur pulls you against him as you lean your forehead to his shoulder, or where you can on his arm due to your height-difference, as you start quietly sobbing. Arthur turns the tap on as he lets you cry into his shoulder. 

The two of you return to the dining room after the dishes are done, and continue the conversation as if nothing happened. After Charlotte announces that she should be on her way, you walk her to the door with everyone, the two of you exchanging numbers as she makes you promise to go shopping with her the next time you’re in Monaco. You agree with a chuckle and tell her only if she teaches you how to draw because your “Anatomy notes are seriously suffering.” After she gives Charles a kiss and leaves, Charles turns to you. 

“It’s just a movie.” He says in a low voice. 

“You’re allowed to have fun with your girlfriend, Charles.” You assure him and pat his shoulder for good measure. Then, you turn to Arthur, who is watching the exchange with a confused look on his face. “Want to play a round before I leave?” 

“Sure,” he agrees and the two of you move into the living room to play a round of F1 on the PlayStation. He sets it up for you as you try to get comfortable on the couch, trying to get rid of the feeling of unease as Charles watches you from the other side of the couch. “Who do you want to pick?” Arthur asks you, the cursor hovering over his choice – who is of course his brother. 

You stay quiet for a moment and answer him in a calm voice, “Give me Max.” 

Charles scoffs from the other side and pushes himself off, his arms crossed over his chest. ���Rich, Y/N, just rich.” 

“What?” you ask him with faux innocence and a shrug of your shoulders. 

His voice is accusatory when he snaps, “Stop being childish for a moment.”  

“Oh, I’m being childish?” You ask him, getting off the couch as well. 

“Yes, you’re being extremely childish right now.” He agrees, nodding his head. “Glad we at least agree on that.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask again while narrowing your eyes. 

He scoffs, “It’s just a stupid movie.” 

“I didn’t say a fucking word about the movie, Charles.” You point out, mimicking his pose as you cross your arms over your chest. In reality, it’s a short attempt at trying to hide your shaking hands. “But it’s not a stupid movie, it’s tradition.” 

“Traditions can be broken from time to time.” He argues.

“I didn’t say they couldn’t.” You shrug, trying to appear indifferent to the man in front of you. 

“Maybe if you tried to stick around for more than three days at a time, you wouldn’t be so upset about these type of things.” 

Your mouth hangs open in shock. “Excuse me?”

“Charles, maybe you should–” Arthur tries to stop his brother, but Charles waves him off. 

“Sometimes I think ‘Did I do something?’, but then I realise that maybe the problem is not me–”

Though you’re shocked by his words, you find yourself assuring him, “It’s not, it has nothing to do with you.” 

Both you and Arthur can see something snaps in him, causing him to raise his voice. “Then what is it? Tell me so I can fix it and you can stop running away!” 

You shake your head, your arms which are wrapped around you becoming tighter as an attempt to provide yourself some sort of protection. “You can’t fix it, Charles.” 

His arms become undone as his fists ball on either side of his body. “You don’t know that–”

“No you can’t!” You scream, somehow more tears flowing from your eyes. “You can’t bring Jules back because he’s dead, and you can’t fix me because I’m not a toy! You think I want to live this way? You think I want to go back every damn time I set foot in this city because I just hate it here? I can’t bear the thought of staying here because of the fact that my brother died while I was here and I didn’t get to say goodbye to him.” You point a finger towards him, your voice gradually becoming louder to match his. “He was dead by the time I got back to the hospital and they told me he couldn’t hold on any longer, how do you think that makes me feel every time I feel like I’ve overstayed in this city, huh?”

“You need to stop living in the past, Y/N.” He shakes his head. “Don’t you see you’re letting the past hold you back?” 

“‘Letting the past hold me back’ do you even hear yourself right now? I am trying my best to move on!” 

“By moving across the ocean?” He asks you, “By leaving the people you love you behind?” 

“You– you can do this!” You scream as you walk towards him and jab your finger against his chest. “You told me to take the offer, you told me to move away because you were so sure we’d be fine.” 

“Well maybe I was wrong.” He whispers, grabbing both of your wrists to stop you from poking him and curling his arms closer to his chest. 

Your eyes widen with a furious look in them, which makes him realise he sees more of Jules in them than before. “Screw you, Charles.” You struggle against his hold, hitting his chest with your fists with every word as you scream, “Screw you for trying to dictate how I process my grief, and screw you for acting so indifferent.” You win your struggle in the end, taking advantage of the fact that he is both distracted and speechless to get out of his hold and quickly grab your things. 

“Where are you going?” He asks you as you’re putting your coat on. 

“Anywhere but here.” You snap at him, refusing to meet his eyes. 

Arthur quickly comes near you with a concerned look, “You shouldn’t be driving right now, at least let me drive you.” 

You give him the warmest smile you can muster up, “I’ll be fine, ThurThur,” your eyes find Charles’ as you continue, “Don’t ever change, okay?”

After the disastrous Christmas last year, you two didn’t talk for a whole year, even though the people around you tried their hardest to bring you to talk to each other. Even Charlotte tried to trick you into spending time, claiming that she had a work emergency just as you arrived at the lunch you two scheduled to find Charles sitting there – you quickly left without being seen and spent the day walking through the marina because “Fuck Charles if he thinks you can’t spend more than three days in Monte Carlo.” He spends Christmas with Charlotte again, but unlike this year, you don’t feel sad about his absence, choosing to call it growth when reality it’s actually packing it away to deal with it another time. 

The two of you eventually do make up, though, when you go to one of Arthur’s races to support him and run into Charles on the track. You talk between breaks, both of you succumbing and apologising to each other for the things you’ve said – him more than you, but you still apologise for the way you’ve acted afterwards. Arthur has a strange smile on his face when he finds you, releasing a relieved breath when you told him that you’re fine and you’re going to take baby steps. 

“Good,” he smiles, “maman was about to lock you onto Charles’ yacht.” 

Your therapist calls is ‘survivor’s guilt’. Yes, you have one of those now because although you want it to be false, you think a part of what Charles said might be right. She explains to you that it’s a natural response where someone has suffered a loss and you didn’t. This confuses you, though, because even if the loss in question is the death of your brother, you weren’t there to experience it with the rest of your family. Dr. Gambini is there to explain that “Although it implies experience, it doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t not feel the loss of something you didn’t get to suffer.” So, you go through the therapy experience to try to understand your own feelings, which makes you think maybe it is what you should be focusing on in the first place. It’s an overwhelming feeling, understanding things about yourself which you didn’t before – the things you used to feel slowly gain meaning as you go about it. You’re proud of yourself when you talk about it to your parents, and they tell you that they are proud of you for giving it a go. Charles joins you in one of your sessions – it’s Charlotte’s idea, actually. He tries to understand why, and how he can help you – he leaves the session feeling proud of you for taking care of yourself. 

A few months later, you get a phone call from him when you’re in the middle of the week when you are studying,  while all of your friends are away for spring break. His voice is thick with tears as he tells you that it’s over between him and Charlotte, but refuses to give you a reason when you ask why. It leaves you confused in New York, but when he asks you if you can come home for the weekend, you don’t hesitate to book a ticket for the next flight out. He’s shocked to find you standing in front of his door, but pulls you in for a hug anyway. Neither of you care about the duffel bag that hits the floor at your feet, even when you’re stumbling over it to get to him. You don’t talk, but hold each other throughout the night. He offers to cook for you, but you decide that ordering pizza is a better solution than trying to each what Charles attempts to cook. So, you end up deciding on pizza and a movie. 

You look at him confused when you realise which movie he’s selected, “It’s not Christmas, Charles.” 

He sits down on the couch, and pulls you under his arm as he reaches for the pizza box sitting on the coffee table. There’s a nostalgic smile on his face which you cannot understand. “I owe you two screenings of this movie, Y/N. Now eat your pizza and watch it.” 

So, the two of you watch the movie in silence – with silently laughing in relevant scenes and Charles even attempting to sing the Lonely Goatherd, which leaves you in tears because of how much you’re laughing. At the end of the night he walks you to the guest room in his apartment and pulls you for one last hug, whispering, “Thank you for coming,” into your hair. 

“Of course, Charles.” You whisper, turning your head and softly pressing a kiss to his shirt-covered chest. “Try to get some sleep, okay? I’ll see you in the morning. 

He’s in the kitchen when you wake up in the morning, focusing so intently on something on his phone to notice you. You ruffle his hair as you make your way through the kitchen to make some breakfast for the two of you. “Good morning to you too, you grump.” You tell him, when you finish getting out the ingredients for the breakfast you have in mind. 

“Morning, chérie.” He answers, in a non-committal voice.  

“And to think I was going to make you pancakes.” You sigh as you halt the movement of your hands and lean against the counter. 

A playful smile is on your lips when Charles excitedly raises his head. “Pancakes?” He asks in a soft voice. 

“I was going to add chocolate chips, too, but you didn’t say good morning to me and now I don’t think I’m in mood to be honest with you.” You shrug, starting to put away the bowls you took out. 

He quickly comes behind the counter to tickle some sense in you, and you use the bowl in your hands as a shield as you start laughing. He gives up after a while, pressing a kiss to your temple and fixing some of your hair which fell out of place during the ‘fighting’. “Good morning, how can I help you?”

“Wow, you actually want to help me cook for a change?” You coo, ruffling his hair again and hitting his hip with yours to get him out of your way. “Go wait on the other side, you grumpy baby.” He complies to your directions to sit on the other side of the island, but doesn’t bother with his phone this time. You make a motion towards his phone on the island with your head as you crack the eggs into the bowl. “Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, just some problem with the car.” He answers. “I might need to go to Maranello for a day or two. When is your flight back to New York?” 

“Oh– I can change it if you know the date–” You start to say, but he quickly cuts you off. 

“What? No, I don’t want you to go back.” He quickly says, shaking his head. “I just thought you might want to come with me rather than stay here.” 

“Oh,” You say, looking around. “It’s not a problem, I can stay and study.” 

There is a confused look on his face. “Stay? Here?” He asks over and over again. “Here? Stay? Alone?”

“Yes, Charles, I can manage to stay by myself.” You sigh. “I did it last summer for a month, you can trust me, alright?”

“You were in Monte Carlo for a month, last summer? How did I not catch you at all?” 

You let out another sigh, “In case you don’t realise, I’m very good at avoiding you.” You continue when he gives you yet another confused look as you start mixing the batter. “Charlotte told me to meet her at a restaurant but it was a set up for me to meet with you, so I got in the car and drove away. It was probably the closest we got to each other.” 

“Wow.” He looks at you with wide eyes. “Just, wow.” 

You roll your eyes and glare at him. “Stop looking at me like that. My classes are all online this semester and Dr. Gambini thinks it’s good for me to spend more time here; it’s supposed to help me get closure, or something.” 

He gives you a big smile. “I’m proud of you, Y/N.” 

“Yeah?” You ask him, his smile quickly mirroring on your own lips. 

“Yeah.” He breathes out. “And you can stay here all you want! And cook me breakfast, you know.” 

You let out a laugh this time. “I can get my own place, Charles.” 

“But then who will cook me breakfast?” He asks with a small pout. 

“You are a child, Perceval.” You laugh at the way he looks at you, with his elbows bent over the counter and his upper body leaning over the stove. “I’m only cooking you breakfast; you have to promise you won’t fall in love with me after this.” You joke. 

You turn around to look in the cupboard for the chocolate chips as you hear him mumble, “Too late.” 

You almost hit your head at the open cupboard door when you turn right back to look at him. “What?” You walk towards the island as you mumble out, “No, no, no, no, don’t say that. You just broke up with your girlfriend, Charles.”

“We broke up almost five months ago.” He announces, no hint of joking in his voice. “Right before the Abu Dhabi race.” 

“That’s not true.” You say, shaking your head. “I spoke to Charlotte; she told me everything was fine.” 

He shrugs, then offers you an explanation. “We announced it a couple of months later, but we’ve been broken up for a while.” 

“But then why did you call me a couple of days ago to tell me it was over?” You ask him, visibly confused. 

He looks guilty as he admits. “I– I don’t have a good answer for that.” He stalks over to the other side of the island again to trap you between himself and the marble in an attempt to prevent you from evading. “All I can say is that I love you.” 

“Oh, wow.” You say, suddenly you can find the right choice for words. “Say that again for me?”

“I love you, Y/N.” 

“Now in French?” 

“Je t'aime.”

“In Italian?”

“Ti amo.” He laughs this time, leaning down towards you to bring his face towards yours. “You done?” You nod your head with a giggle escaping past your lips. “This would be a perfect time to say something, you know.” 

“Oh, right.” You nod in acknowledgement. “Thank you.” 

“What?” He asks in horror. 

“Yeah, thank you. You know, for the–”

“Chérie!” He exclaims with his eyes wide. 

You continue your giggles as you place your hands on his cheeks and pull his face towards you, resting his forehead on yours. “I love you too, chez moi,” my home/place. The pancakes are long-forgotten when you pres your lips on his to give him a kiss, somewhere in the universe your twelve year-old is high-fiving with herself, but you are happy to be finally home. 

[lipringlrh]

daylight | mm7

summary: both you and mason are trying to tell each other how you feel but it doesn’t take long to realise there’s not enough words. lightly based on ‘daylight’ by taylor swift.

pairing: mason mount x fem!reader

an: i have a lot of fics in the drafts and please id love some feedback on this and any other fics, requests are also open for all :)

word count: 800

warnings: none i don’t think

feedback appreciated + requests open!!

…

"You're insane. Like how are you real?" Mason questioned, mumbling over his words. His thumb was running across your cheek, holding your head up just close enough to his to feel his breath but nowhere near as close as you wanted to be.

You couldn't speak, instead, you chose to focus on him, taking in as much of him as you could. You could feel his hand running along your leg and keeping you close. You were curled up next to him, almost on top of him but not quite.

"Genuinely, think m'obsessed with you, sweetheart," he whispered straight into your eyes, "want to spend every moment ever with you, never want to let go."

"Yeah?" you breathed, completely flustered by his words and actions.

"Course, baby. I didn't want to look at anything else ever after seeing you and I would spend eternity with you now, just led here. I think I'd die happily and willingly in your arms, there's no better place to be."

You tucked your head into his neck, forcing your body closer to his. His arms wrapped around you instantly, holding you even closer.

"What? Are you too flustered now to let me see your pretty face?" he teased, stroking a hand over your head.

You just whined back, pushing yourself further into him. He shuffled around on the bed, beginning to lie down more comfortably and angling you onto his chest.

You led there together for a while, neither of you saying anything, just being comfortable in the silence. His lips rested on your forehead, occasionally pressing a tender kiss here and there, finding comfort in any part of you that was touching.

"I think you've changed my perspective on love completely, you know." You admitted whilst spinning over, now facing him again, your chest on top of his.

He wrapped his arms around you subconsciously, humming in response, waiting for you to carry on.

"I didn't think I could ever find true, unconditional love, maybe that it didn't exist or no one would love me like that, but I have you now. I think you're my daylight," you explained, looking at his chest instead of at him.

"Daylight, hmm?" He asked, slightly confused. He reached for your face again, making you look at him as you explained.

"Daylight, yeah. Light after darkness, type of thing- it's embarrassing. You've just- you're my light, my happiness if you will, and you've saved me from all the bad things, the darkness, and you're always here for me and I- I can't explain it, I can't explain truly how I feel about you, there's not enough time or words, but yeah. Daylight," you rambled, trying to turn away but being moved back by Mason's hand.

He couldn't think of an answer, not one that could do the way he was feeling justice. All he could do was pull you closer and kiss you, touching his lips to yours and pressing himself as close as he could get to you.

All the love he amounted for you sat inside him, tingling inside his stomach, clenching his lungs together, making him feel warm all over. His heart was racing, desperate to keep the moment going forever.

He was grinning so hard into your mouth he couldn't feel his cheeks; he was too giddy, too dopey to care if the kiss wasn't the most outstanding kiss that you ever had. The fact that he got to kiss you and share a moment with you was enough.

He paused his actions after a long while but still let his lips linger on yours for a moment. He kept a hand on the back of your head, making you stay close to him, he couldn't let you go - he wouldn't.

His head rested on yours and you could feel him trying to catch his breath, only so he could kiss you more. You were both left slightly disorientated, way too dazed and in awe of each other to focus.

"I love you," he promised, still trying to catch his breath, his chest moving quickly up and down under you, "S'unfair I can't tell you just how much but it's more than you could ever even think of, sweetheart."

You laughed lightly, gripping onto him and holding him as close to you as you could. "I love you so much more, Mase."

He shook his head lightly, completely disregarding your statement. "Nope. Just shut up and kiss me, pretty girl,"

———

[megamindsecretlair]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you for the tag @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin , im never sure if ppl look forward to whats upcoming from me, but these keep me honest 🤣😭

Step one: Post snippets of the fics you're working on (can be a summary if there's no snippet)

Step two: put them in a poll and let people vote on which one you should work on, then prioritize the one with the most votes.

Step three: Ask me about my WIPs! Don't be shy, I love talking about my fics! We don't create or share in a void, we want to hear from you lovelies!

Well, Mega, what can we look forward to 👀

1) Beauty and the Beast Inspired Stunna: I have severe Yahya Abdul Mateen II brainrot and baby, 🥲 the way I want to write literally everything for him. This will be a precursor to a novella I wanna write with original characters and lots more action, but Id love extra feedback for it. It will have vampires, toxic staff, and naughty bits.

2) Mea Culpa: I have been debating how much time I wanna dedicate to rewriting that monstrosity of a movie 🤭 okay, thats not fair. The idea was there, the execution wasn't because TP wouldnt know what's sexy if it slapped him in his face. Who am I fooling? I won't be satisfied until I write the whole thing and satisfy my brain. So yeah, prepare for a rewrite according to what I would've done. Think corruption kink, think court drama, think Zyair being the toxic mess we know and love.

3) Mob Boss Tyrone: I feel like ive been teasing this for years 🥲😭🤣 and thats because the ask was specifically for a one shot and I plotted out 7 parts 🤭🤣 at this point, yall know how I am. I tried to conform to short fics for my sanity and I just cant 🤷🏽‍♀️ some ideas require one part, some require several. It will include hella angst, hella smut, hella toxcity, but at the end of the day, hes always going to love his baby girl. I also think im going to switch it to Fontaine chuz thats a prettier/grittier name and would suit the story better.

4) A Watchmen fic for Cal (Yahya): lissen, ive finally went back to finish Watchmen. Not because it was a bad show, but because it requires 100% of my focus and I aint had it. But for Yahya? Ill make the time. I feel like that is 100% a soft dom and I just wanna be his cute lil princess, sue me 🤷🏽‍♀️ I love a man I can't tell what to do 🤣

Theres more but for the sake of brevity, Ill keep it at the 4 most occupying my brain at the moment. Soooo, which one yall want first? And yes 🥲 im aware of how many series I need to update 🥲

No pressure tags: @nerdieforpedro @harmshake @notapradagurl7 @ellethespaceunicorn @miyuhpapayuh

[stardustdiiving]

I love hearing about queer headcanons so I'll probably end up asking about all of them, but how about starting with Sumeru?

(ask in reference to this post)

YES I can do a few sumeru characters to start (heres Wanderer, Cynonari, Collei, and Nahida)

(there’s accidently aroace headcanons in 3/4 of them OOOPS)

Wanderer: talked about his gender (trans guy) here, sexuality wise I see him as gay and probably mostly t4t. I also have a vision where Wanderer has the same relationship with aro + aceness as Collei but in sort of opposite directions. So my idea is Wanderer feels a lot of alienation & detachment regarding romance & sex & shares a lot of similar experiences to aro and/or ace people, but would choose to not ID as either label because after some time he concludes his relationship with both kinds of attraction is very influenced by trauma, and it would be more healthy for him personally to work on building a positive relationship with romantic + sexual attraction since he does actually experience it. So he sits on a plane of not identifying as aro or ace but like he gets it

Collei: Collei on the other hand, in contrast to Wanderer, finds aro + ace labels really helpful for understanding herself, even if she also believes in her relationship with both kinds of attraction overlapping a lot with trauma. Because for her she genuinely just doesn’t really feel she experiences either attraction and that’s sort of a comfortable default/conclusion for her. Specifically I’d give her the demi aro and asexual labels…in my head this goes with my Tighnari & Cyno headcanons where both of them are in an aroace relationship and give her really good advice/feedback on her feelings that make her feel more able to be confident about how she feels regarding attraction. Along with that I think she’s sort of questioning sexuality labels but would refer to herself as sapphic as a shorthand explanation. Gender wise I have a few different headcanons in mind…either transfem, demigirl, or bigender/genderfluid maybe? I see her as having multiple ideas of what sort of gender presentation she wants and going between them

Tighnari + Cyno: Okay so here I need to pitch my demi-aroace Cynonari vision. I think both Cyno and Tighnari would view their own queerness in ways pretty similar to each other, and one facet of this is where they fall on the aroace spectrum. I think it aligns perfectly where they’re both like, yeah I have no interest in romance or relationships the way people usually engage with them but you’re the only one who gets the exact way I feel about it + we get along well so honestly I’m down to be in our own form of a relationship with you specifically. I don’t think they really do labels with a lot of things: both of them are trans + non binary in one way or another, and both use gay/queer as identifying terms, but don’t have a lot of specifications beyond using umbrella labels really. They’re just chilling. As established this ends up being a good fit for their dynamic with Collei bc I think it gives her a lot more confidence about navigating her own queerness seeing Cynonari just kind of hang out and do their own thing

Nahida: she’s baby and does not strike me as someone who is going to think about romance or sexuality until she’s a lot older. I think if you asked Nahida to explain her gender to you she would probably employ a lot of very confusing metaphors you do not understand, all in an attempt to articulate what I’d write as a pretty shared experience between all the Archons in how they view gender. They seem to like…view themselves as genderless but sometimes opting into gender if they feel like it—and tend to intuitively relate it to their element. Which means the most you get from Nahida’s metaphors is she’s telling you her gender is plant and you do not get it but it doesn’t seem wrong so what can you do. I also have this additional thought I think is funny about Wanderer and Nahida having very deep philosophical discussions about immortal gender at 3 in the morning. In the context of the English language at least I think we need to tell Nahida about neopronouns I think she’d be a fan. So in summary she’s kind of baby and is not giving this stuff much thought right now but also being a god in my gender impact dimension kind of inherently makes you ponder the orb (gender)

[ao3-softwarecorruption-exe]

📖 Writer Interview

Tagged by @writing-for-soup!!!! (unoffically lol) Defo go check out her interview, it was a blast 2 read! :D For my own answer- please continue reading after the cut!

When did you start writing?

Technically I've been trying to write ever since I was a kid. Doing small comics and writing the first pages of stories to never be finished. I loved the idea of making my own characters come to life, and to manage to write something of my own, but the task was always so daunting for me.

Then sometime during middle school I discovered fanfiction, and that made me want to writ fanfiction, though I never dared until Uni lol.

During middle school was when I started actually getting married to the idea of one day exploring writing. We had a lot of creative writing assessments during English class, and my English teacher was a wonderful lady who gave me such wonderful feedback, and she always, every single assessment, said she hoped to see me as an author one day. I hope I can tell her one day that she was the biggest reason that I never gave up on writing.

Then during Uni I finally managed to write. I found writing to be a great way to destress, and it was fun, and when I posted and got nice comments I started to lose that beginning anxiety that my words were awful and it became easier to actually get words on the page instead of just dreaming up ideas in my head.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Perhaps Sci-Fi? I do enjoy Sci-Fi, but I don't think I could ever wrap my head around all the sci-fi-y terms and rules haha. It requires so much thought to world building and at least a basic understanding of science to start with before you start making up your own science lol.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

My favorite author might be K.A Applegate when I read all her animorphs books, and I've always enjoyed her blunt way of storytelling. I like getting to the point. But I wouldn't say I am only emulating her writing style.

I steal and take from authors everywhere, be it published authors of fellow fanfiction writers. I see a style, I consider how to mesh it with my own, until I have something a mix of all in some Frankenstein's Monster creation.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My main writing space for max productivity is the gas station right down the street of where I live. Free wi-fi, barely any people, cheap sausages, and free refills of coffee. It is my ideal environment for calm of mind, though it can get quite freezing during the winters.

Other than that there is, of course, the mess that is my room. And sometimes I will treat myself to write at a café after my lectures, or else write during my lectures. (not a good thing for my grades lol).

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Probably songs. I've found that if I have a song I really like, and also connect to a certain piece of media I like, listening to that song on repeat will make me think up ideas and concepts and scenes for the characters or media that I connect it with.

It can truly be random. It's very rarely a song actually connected to that piece of media. I just decide by a whim.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I've found that I enjoy writing characters who use denial as a defense mechanism. Avoiding problems, or more often the truth of their situation or their own emotions, is something I think I force upon many a character.

I asked my fantastic friend @lily-alphonse for help with this one, and she mentioned that I also use loneliness in a lot of my works. Which I believe is true. I do adore loneliness as theme or something to have a character suffer with.

What is your reason for writing?

It is fun, and I get a lot of enjoyment out of the art of creation. I love consuming art, but sometimes I need to scratch an itch that no-one can reach but myself. I am my own dumb scratching stick haha.

I've always loved the idea that when you write, you create actual little universes. Like there's a power in it, in creating, and having others see that creation and get something out of it. Art is so wonderful, so beautiful.

Also it's just so goddamn human. We can explore so much that we can't otherwise, we can get a better understanding of ourselves, the world around us, people so different or so alike. It makes me so insane, the way art can surpass us. I mean art has been around since the most early humans! Drawings, and architecture, and later writing. The earliest goddamn written story that we've found explores the same human concepts that we still ponder about today!!! Gilgamesh's intense existential dread, his fear of dying after his closest friend dies. Hello?????? Insane, wild, fantastic. Its fucking crazy, honestly, and it has brought me many spirals of existential dread and wonder at the same time.

And I mean- have you thought of how fun it is to see the same concepts shaped by the time they were written in? When I was reading Frankenstein in High School I was so fascinated by how Frankenstein acted when stressed and anxious, and how it was always explained away by him coming down with a fever. He did not have a complete mental breakdown that left him unable to leave his house for weeks due to how stressed seeing certain things would make him, no. He was sick with a fever. This was used multiple times. I found it so absolutely intriguing.

And I also just cant bare the thought of dying one day and having contributed nothing to the endless, beautiful wonder of art. I get to make things, I am so so lucky I get to make things, and I get to share what I make, and that's just. So fun. So fucking great.

Stopping myself from ranting further lmfao.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

God comments, I love you so much. Anything from a single emoji to a multi paragraph essay. I love you. It brings me so much joy, makes me so flustered.

The comments that have always made me fawn in utter appreciation, are those that have pointed out things I do in my writing which they enjoy. Especially concerning characterization, which tends to be the thing I'm the most anxious about when writing. When someone tells me they feel I've captured a character's personality/vibe, I feel so warm.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Someone who made them feel something, if only for the duration of the read. Even if it's just momentary contentment. :)

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Again I had to run to @lily-alphonse for help! She says that it's probably introspection, which might be true! It's something I really do love writing. God, to get into the head of people- its so fun. I love writing the way characters rationalize and think and decide on things.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Hahahha, my friends @lily-alphonse and @writing-for-soup will know that I am never at all consistent with how I feel about my own writing.

I've learnt during my journey of posting what I write, that I often love my work up until it is posted. Then I will go through a cycle of barely daring to touch it or read what I've written, and when I eventually force my gaze upon my wretched creation, there's a high chance I'll suddenly decide it is wonderful and the best thing I've ever made and wow look at me I'm such a genius I can't believe I wrote this.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I mostly write for myself, though writing completely in self indulgence is something I have to work myself up to! I still write the ideas I want and daydream about, but some ideas, often of the darker and more dead-dove-do-not-eat designs, I must hype myself up for.

And I am of course influenced by trends and popular headcanons in the fandoms I am in haha.

Tagging (with no pressure); @steamyearlgray @vilukissakakskaks

[intothegreat-wide-open]

Hey, saw the writers’ asks meme and thought id send a few~ Absolutely no pressure to answer any of these ofc! - 4; 8; 14; 16; 22; 23; 29; 30<3

hey hi thank you for the ask and sorry for the late reply!!

4. a story idea you haven't written it

vermont is for lovers. the scandal au. president morgan and his fixer/mistress mr. ackles. i have been rotating this in my mind for forever but it seems like a lot of work and most of y'all haven't even seen scandal so i guess this one will have to wait.

8. if you had to write a sequel for a fic, you'd write one for...

lmao all i am writing is sequels at the moment, tbh. currently working on part two for on my own terms, part three of the wild side, part three of can't buy me love, part two of wisteria lane and part idek for french verse

14. where do you get your inspiration?

hell if i know. some ideas just appear to me fully formed, others develop over time. sometimes it's triggered by something i've read or by a song or by a completely irrelevant mini-scene on a tv show... like I am not actively doing something to be inspired it just happens to me lol

16. favorite place to write

i don't really have one? i do a lot of writing on my phone actually bc that's the one thing that's always around if i get the sudden urge to write.

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you're writing? how do you get past that?

OOF. yeah, all the time. i know i mostly create niche things that even within that niche are pretty niche so i have struggled a lot with lack of feedback and/or people being unnecessarily mean about it not matching their preferred vibes and tbh I still don't know how to get past that. I have gotten better at reminding myself that i'm writing the stories *I* wanna tell and that it's not for them but for *me* but yeah I'd say a big part of my writer's block and time spent not creating is due to me not having found the right crowd yet.

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

feelsy. soft. but sometimes also creepy-dark.

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles.

very easy or very hard, there is no in-between. like, the scandal au already has a title although I haven't written a word, other wips, I'm 6k into and I don't have a clue or I'm ready to post and being taunted by the blinking cursor in the AO3 title field.

30. share a fic you are especially proud of.

so here's the thing. the fic I am actually proudest of is still a wip and it's the only one I haven't shared with anybody yet past the summary.

so I'm just gonna go with published stuff

*insert obligatory my name engraved on your heart here* (which is probs the answer everyone expects)

i really like how there are worse things i could do turned though, it took me a long time to finish that one and i really think it turned out great.

[garbagequeer]

i see your Nationalposting and as a fellow Longtime National Fan I would greatly like to know your favorite Old National songs/lyrics <3

hi!! im not sure what's considered Old the national so i'll go with anything before high violet and i'll leave out the ones that feel like obvious common favorites (about today, slow show, mr november and fake empire all of which i love). and i'll order them by album because i wrote my answer and now it's annoying me that it's in a random order

from the national:

i love the lines on bitters and absolute that go "if i were a spy in the world inside your head / would i be your wife in a better life you led" i think because it builds a good rhythm by using rhymes not only between lines but also inside the same line (wife and life, if i and spy) and a little alliteration by using 4 W words in so little space. it gets stuck in my head so much because it's so catchy phonetically

i'll also say 29 years which feels like cheating bc it couples with slow show but i love the imagery of this song and also the sound of the feedback and guitar in the background is so beautiful (i read somewhere they made it by stroking the cords with a fork but idk how true that is. if true i <3 getting weird with guitars)

THE PERFECT SONG. they really made a perfect song about not finding the perfect song. i love the "shallow minded adult tricks but i know there's a river in me" line and the general theme of this song. no notes it's the perfect song fr i cant talk about this one

from sad songs for dirty lovers:

murder me rachel (love the ribbons imagery and if anyone knows any other songs that uses that id love to know about them... send ribbon songs for my ribbon songs collection please. so far i've got this one, describe by perfume genius and sober by lorde)

lucky you because i love a pathetic ass state of mind forever

it never happened because it is perfect for a somewhat sad walk around the neighborhood and i love the line "now nobody's funny / no god, they took our fashion week" in part because of the twist of mentioning fashion week which is always a little funny when describing all these horrible things that get them depressed (feeling very old, nothing being funny, no god) and the "what to my wondering eyes should appear [dramatic pause] ...nothing" because it is equally funny while serious too. i also love how it changes sound halfway through i love a song with parts.

from alligator:

i adore the menacing lyrics to city middle about having money and ideas and being worked up and drunk/high and wanting to "gator around the warm beds of beginners" and the vague and hazy images of these people pissing in a sink or confessing things. and i like how it builds to being louder as it progresses following the story from the menacing beginning where it seems these people are going to do some damage to other people over this calmer melody to a more anxious melody/repetitive lyrics where instead we find them to be doing damage to themselves. normal binge drinker experience

i love the general frantic desperate energy of abel and the lines "you turn me good and god-fearing / tell me what am i supposed to do with that" and "i see water on the bridge / well, you better hold my hand through this". i love the general conflicting feelings in this song. i should live in salt's crazy older brother

from boxer:

green gloves <<<333 i think they were crazy for this one it's probably my favorite song about friendship ever

i love the line from apartment story about how the stereo "sings to itself of its long lost loves" i think it's a really fun device but also works perfectly in context to depict the sway certain things like art or beauty have over our perception of our lives and how we use these things as covers and crutches to deal with the mundane dissatisfaction of working life. i also like how first he seems more dismissive of the stereo which is just doing "whatever it does", which to me shows the distancing tired adults have to these artistic or beautiful things due to the reality of their lives and a certain level of cynicism. I also really like the first verse with the couple getting ready to go out and the little lines that indicate frustration with this ritual ("i try and try to pin your flowers on", "i can tie my tie all by myself" for offering a similar contrast between appearances and feelings

i'd love to hear someone else's thoughts on favorite songs and lyrics from the national btw so you can send you favorites if you want :^)

[pommunist]

i hope i dont sound like i am immediately picking apart what you said because i basically agree with 99% of it i just wanted to add a couple of thoughts i had (this got so much longer than i intended i am so sorry)

I don’t like how he said to be mindful about the intentions of people who raised the question, because a lot of them had genuine concern about it being a possibility and this could have been a very serious and dangerous thing if it had been true.

i fully agree with what you said here - however i feel like the death threats/harassment he was getting kinda justifies what he was saying to an extent. in his position, i doubt he is looking at each and every account to figure out whether the individual was coming from a place of concern or was adding onto the harassment. i don't think outright dismissing things like this is a good idea so to speak, but to me it does make sense, from his pov, to tell people to be mindful. many of those people were coming from a place of concern, but i can see how some of it could have came off as less than such in addition to the threats he was getting even though they were mostly separate situations. if this hadn't been the case it would have rubbed me more in the wrong way, but i can understand why he would say it in this scenario even if its like :/.

however this is something i would encourage of everyone - he is not wrong to basically be saying check the source of where you are getting your information from. i would say 90% of the people talking about it were acting in good faith, but that is not always the case, and people acting in bad faith can still have good points that should be taken seriously. it is just something that i think everyone should take note of - in any situation everyone is going to have bias and if you're going to take someones words as fact you should recognize that. that goes for quackity's words too. he is obviously biased in one way in this situation which doesnt mean he is lying in every word he says, but take that into account when looking at what he says. same goes for the admins who speak out you know?

And great that he’s saying that there has been some restructuring made within the team, and hopefully these changes will only leave the studios with competent people who are good intentioned towards everyone involved. I won’t like though, I fail to see how asking for everyone’s feedback and taking it into account to make these changes wasn’t an option. Also the fact that this restructuring ended up causing them to massively letting go of all the twitter teams as well as some other admins is still an issue.

this is a double edged sword imo - im gonna take it in two parts. he says that the restructuring is good and full of people who are good intentioned, but there really is no way to know that? i am under the assumption that he thought the first set of people were good and they weren't, and im not saying we can't trust these people/his judgement, but there truly is no way to know until things progress. id like to trust that the new management is good, but im wary just because of everything and it is hard to put trust into the new managment without seeing anything come out of it. i know these things take time, but its hard to blindly trust that these guys are good when there is nothing to prove it.

on the twitter admins/other admins, as much as i do not agree with it, it does make sense. it sucks and i hate that it happened, but it was pretty clear that financially keeping the same amount of admins on the team wasn't going to work. removing the twitter admins seems like a logical choice (i loved what they did. i wish they weren't removed. but in the grand scheme of things it does make sense to let them go first because even if it sucks the life and some of the fun out of it, their jobs were not essential to keeping the server running) but the way it was gone about was so... not it. the way they were all informed of how they were fired was just not good. point blank not good. i dont know if there was a way to keep them on while being able to pay them, im inclined to believe at the moment he probably wasn't lying and there wasn't, but it doesnt change the fact that that situation was not handled well. they could have let them go with more communication to the situation. thats what bothers me the most.

Meanwhile people will discuss these topics that are so far removed from the main issue and focus less on what the admins went through.

THIS!!! i do understand why people have brought talks about lore and stuff into this conversation - it highlights what the admins went through using tangible examples lol, but part of me wishes they hadn't because exactly as you said. people focus on these issues and not the other ones! it happened at the start of this too, where people focus on the lore/story related problems (which isn't a wrong thing to point out) but in doing so kinda push away the other issues even if that isnt the intent. sharing these stories was not to complain about pushing x creators lore to the front and holding y creator's back but to highlight some of the conditions and i wish that didn't get misconstrued as much as i feel like it has.

Hey anon ! sorry if i took so long to answer but I’ve wanted to take the time to answer everyone of your point !

-I can also see where he was coming from, and I also don’t doubt that there were bad intentioned people in the lot (thinking of a particular group of people, i think you can guess who 🟩). It’s just that it paints people who have genuine criticism/concern as just being haters, and it’s not the first time he used the "things said by people with bad intentions" point so I’m kinda over it

-YES to everything you said about researching information !!!! Jumping to conclusions or blindly believing any piece of info you see is literally doing for harm than good for anyone involved, always always try to find sources source, fact check and look from an unbiased POV the things you see. Will never forget when the union released their first statement and I saw people either saying that they were a fake account trying to smear the reputation project or that quackity was going to jail, I was like « oh my, we are cooked » 😭

-Also agree with your next point, but as you said we don’t know who these people are (and I don’t necessarily think we should know btw), so we can only hope that they will be competent and caring people who will run the studio in accordance with the law and with better work ethics.

-On the twitter admins getting fired well first we can agree that the way it was done is fucked up. And I understand the difficulty of the financial aspect (to an extent, don’t ask me details about finance, idk shit about money numbers lmao), but it’s giving « Your work was very needed and appreciated while it was free, but now that we may have to pay you we can actually do without it, bye guys ». Especially ehhhh about it since multiple Twitter admins have expressed that getting paid wasn’t an issue, the working conditions were. Though to be fair idk exactly how volunteer work is regulated in every country the admins were from so this may have played a part in their firing.

-And finally yes, the distracting from what matters. Like fans can discuss whatever they want obviously, my argument is more about Q here, like dude are you really sure the main point of contention here is to debate whether or not you were overly interfering in other ccs lore ??? Don’t get me wrong, great that you’re saying it wasn’t the case but the main point of everything was missed by a mile.

Also don’t worry your ask didnt came across as you picking apart what I had said but even if it was, as long as you’re not rude i dont mind people coming to my askbox like « tumblr user pommunist you are wrong about everything and let me tell you why »

[ben10ocfanfic]

Tale of 10 chapter 6

1. The group of boys Continued to ride. Jesse Took a very deep breath. He looked at the scene around him and took note of the damages to the rv. Admittedly it wasnt as bad as it could be considering what happened.

2. It still didnt make Dj feel any better apon seeing one of his oldest freinds looking so distraught. This RV was Jesses home. He worked since he was 15 for this truck. He almost dropped out junior year to keep his job.

3. Dj walked over to his old freind."If theres anything i can do please tell me jess." Jesse just smiled." I love this thing. But thats all it is brother just a thing. Id rather lose it then you guys."

4. In silent agreement Rick an josè nodded there heads."yeah an besides we can always help fix it." José said cheerfully. Jesse raised a brow."you know how to replace a dashboard broken windshelid an numrous holes along the back?"

5. Jose chuckled nervously "well we can always watch you do it." Jess rolled his eyes." Thats what I thought now lets figure this out" jess pointed at Dj.

6. Two hours later. Progress had been slow. Rick had been trying to focus on how Djs biology worked. Honestly he had no clue." My best guess is you're currently some sort of alien. "

7. Everyone sorta just looked at him confused."how did you come up with that one Sherlock?" José asked sarcastically. Rick sighed." Well, those robot things seemed to come from space. An im guessing they were after you since I dont see any other reason to attack."

8.while not satifyed the boys accepted it as jesse started tapping hard on the hourglass symbol." Jess you good dude?"Dj asked. Jess didnt awnser right away but spoke after a minute or two."I think you should be able to push this down but it looks stuck."

9. Dj nodded before thinking for a moment. He then started repeatedly smacking the symbol. After a few minutes a red flash blinded everyone before everyone saw the form of Dj.

10. Dj looked down observing his body. Everything seemed normal even his cloths were back untill he look as his wrist. There on his wrist was a green an black watch. The frimliar hour glass symbol was also present. However parts of the watch looked damaged.

11. The hourglass symbol had a noticeable crack although its was faint an didn't distort the symbol. Some parts looked to have exposed wiring. As if the covering had been removed. But most noticble part was that something was effecting the skin around Djs arm. Little, thick, green, square ,like lines. It almost looked like a tattoo of some sort.

12. It made Dj feel uncomfortable. He immediately reach for it. Attempting to rip it off him. He struggled for a minute before his face went pale. Rick then noticed djs face as jose an jesse inspected the rest of djs body for any injuries. "Hey buddy uh whats wrong?" Rick asked as Dj stared at him.

13. Jose an Jesse were now concerned as well. "Hola hermano ¿estás bien? Estamos preocupados por ti. ...Te ves pálido" José questioned. Jesse shook his freind slightly trying to get him to react.

14. Finally he spoke. "Its stuck." The boys all go quiet. "Its fused to MY FUCKING SKIN!!!!" Dj started to scream while waving his arm wildly while the boys try to calm him.

15. After nearly an hour of panicked screaming the boys gather around Dj. At this point the boys had been trying to remove the watch using various tools most of witch were broken. The boys were now trying something new

16."Guys this is a bad idea." Said Dj as jose attached jummper cables to the watch. Rick an Jesse looked back at there freind an shrugged. "Its fine our plan is solid" Rick then chimed in. "Its this or the hacksaw.". Dj gulped. "Hey dont worry man I got only one arm an im fine."

17. " I still don't like this I dont care what happens to me but what if you guys get hurt trying to hack this thing.!" Jesse just laughed. "Dont worry besides were not hacking anything were gonna use ricks laptop to create a electrical feedback loop. Witch will hopefully cause a system overload loop to shut down whats restraining you."

18. Dj an jose give him a blank stare. Rick sighs an face palm. "Doctor redneck here is trying to fry the watch." The two nod. "Yeah frying the alien watch still sounds like a bad idea. I just don't want my best freinds getting vaporized. " dj said before he sighed." But I can't really stop you from helping."

19."Dam right now lets fry some bacon!" Yelled jesse as he started. The computer humed to life along with the watch. Jose and ruck kept a hand around each clamp incase the needed to stop.

20. Dj tryed his best to stay calm. Jose smiled "see essay were good nothing can go wrong." Rick jesse an dj gave him a stink eye as the watcu started to glow. "You just had to say it." Said dj. Jesses panicked an started to press the keys quickly. "Shit! Get thoses off him! Now!"

21. without hesitation the boys started to pull hard but soon found the clamps were stuck."Guys forget me run!" Jose pulled harded the vain in his arm showing. " HELL NO. Were brothers amigo! We wont leave you behind!"

22. Rick strained as well pulling with both hands. "It will be a cold day in hell before we abadon- whats happing to our hands?" In response José looked down at his hand an noticed it was turning a dark green while ricks were turning black.

23. They looked to jesse who held up two unnaturally white hands before a green light took over there vision. A Shockwave of green energy erupted from the watch an knocked them unconscious.

24. Meanwhile far off in space on the planet Galvin prime.

25.A small 3 inch gray alien in green robes tinkered away. He have a smirk on his face as the small machine came to life. It looked like a mechanical spider. "Theses new drones should make repairs easier. Of course this is only a prototype."

26.As the alien admired his work another alien rushed in yelling nonsense as he tryed to get the others attention. This alien wore a lab coat with large oversized googles.

27. The first alien sighed. "Darwin please I know taking the role as my new assistant has gotten you nervous but I cant understand you. Witch is saying something as I know over 12000 different languages. At least breathe"

28. The alien took a deep breathe. "My apologies first thinker asmuth. But its happened. The omnitrix is back online. An I think it done something to earth."

29. Dawrin handed a tablet to asmuth. The first thinker sighed." It seems the past is catching up with us. It looks like someone tryed overloading the omnitrix but only cuased it to release a wave of dna across the planet. This is very bad. I must seek audience with the guardians of Oa an gain permission to one again return to earth.

30. Darwin gulped. "First thinker they banned you from returning after the incident. " asmuth chuckled "its only an incident if i did something on accident. Whatever the case earth is in grave danger. I only hope the new guardian is as worthy as Tennyson. May his gods watch over him. Because i doubt were the only ones who took notice."

[cherokeegal1975]

Johnathan was a family man and cargo runner and had no interest in getting entangled in royal affairs. So, when a deposed and fleeing princess arranges a meeting to give him a package to keep safe, he was reluctant to take it. But she convinced him to hide the royal seal until she needed it back despite himself. Unknown to him, she had also ticked him into carrying another precious cargo.

When Johnathan learns of the trick, he’s furious. When he confronts the princess about it, he learns it’ll be impossible to return it before it’s appointed time. Then she tells him of an unbreakable bond between them and ends a long search for someone he had lost as a boy. So, instead of revenge, he does what he can to help her. He must also avoid capture; the King would execute Johnathan if he ever found out about his secret cargo.

Author's Note: I'm posting this again so it doesn't sink to the bottom of the pile. I'd really love some feedback and I really want to know what you think about my story. This project took a lot of work to complete and I may never be able to do it again. My current circumstances will not allow it...I will spare you the sad details. This story is based on an online dumpster dive I did some years ago. Worth exploring, but I generally hated how stupid, disgusting and poorly written the mpreg genera all too often is in every place I looked. It's not even my favorite genera, I tend to gravitate towards fantasy and sci-fi and sometimes mystery and suspense.

Just because I'm willing to explore out of my comfort zone in literature, doesn't mean I'll like everything I find. Anyway, all those awful mpregs looked like a challenge to me after a while. I wanted to see if I could write a good story in the mpreg genera. I figured if I could, then I really did have some talent in writing. So, let me know what you think about my story, I genuinely want to know. Even if you don't like it, I won't take offense, but please be polite. Constructive criticism is welcome, trolling is not. I never respond to trolls. This story does take some time to build, so please, have some patience. I did try to keep the pace up to a nice level for most of the book. Ages 15 and up should have no problem with this story, but I highly recommend earphones of some kind if anyone is within earshot, especially if you make it to chapter five. You can also purchase the book from Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Cargo-Meriah-Smith/dp/1537355236/ref=pd_ybh_a_sccl_4/135-1912623-2050026?pd_rd_w=LbwU8&content-id=amzn1.sym.67f8cf21-ade4-4299-b433-69e404eeecf1&pf_rd_p=67f8cf21-ade4-4299-b433-69e404eeecf1&pf_rd_r=JH5E2XGTFGW23XPXB8TW&pd_rd_wg=OLxiR&pd_rd_r=188a9d3d-6bf9-4f7f-9e25-430cd3fa871f&pd_rd_i=1537355236&psc=1

[thechangeling]

God id literally send all the violence asks if possible but for now ill limit myself to 1,6,8

For now-

Ok I'm assuming this is just in general and not limited to a specific fandom.

1. Which character does everyone always get wrong?

God I could list so many, but the main two that come to mind are Wylan and Ty (both autistic/coded characters hmmm I'm sure that's a coincidence!/s).

Right now I'm going with Ty. A lot if people just don't write him correctly imo and you could argue that's relative, but it becomes glaringly obvious when you change the way he speaks, making it way too formal or way too casual. And yeah you could argue this is me being picky, and yeah I've definitely screwed up the voices of other characters before like Kit. (I have such a hard time nailing Kit's pov and @sandersgrey makes it look so easy I want to bite him/j)

But anyways it bugs me when people dumb Ty down on certain things for the sake of convenience for the plot or make him less competent... again for the sake of the plot and so Kit has to rescue him. He is actually a good fighter and a good shadowhunter in canon! He just doesn't LIKE doing it. He would much rather investigate shit. He hates training but not because he finds it difficult, but because getting an autistic person to do anything they don't want on your schedule is like hearding cats.

Not to mention exercise leads to sweat, and sweat is a sensory nightmare. Also this may seem petty but Ty being bad at math is super important to me. We never get ANY bad at math autistics! So it pisses me off when people try and overwrite that because they're a math gay or whatever or even if they're a math autistic. You literally have tons of math autistic characters! Leave this one alone he's OURS!

Also just the general allistic person writing autistic characters vibes I get from a lot of fics. Either they completely steamroll of his autism and don't even include it in an attempt to not other him, or they play it up in weird and incorrect ways. Or sometimes quite frankly the vibes are just off, and that's annoying because I don't have any constructive feedback for that.

Also what's annoying is sometimes canon is ableist, so sticking directly to canon like the bible will lead to you putting ableism uncritically into your fics. A good example of this is the "nobody ever tells Ty things" phenomenon which still persists in the secrets of Blackthorn Hall. It's a good plot device sure, but ableist and annoying.

6. Which ship has the most annoying fans?

Honestly there are annoying fans in every ship I can think of. But the ones that bother me the most have gotta be Certain spuffy shippers (Spike and Buffy from Buffy The Vampire Slayer) who kind of steamroll over all of the toxic shit Spike has said/done to Buffy and pretend like he is always objectively right about everything he says about or to her. Plus the lack of acknowledging the racism of the narrative in the episode "Lies my parents told me" and immediately jumping to "Spike did nothing wrong!"

Like, if I as a white person can acknowledge how poorly Robin was treated in season 7, then I can only imagine how fans of color especially Black fans feel.

Sorry I know you don't have context for any of this but just trust me lol.

Also the handling of Seeing Red into season 7 was not good imo and a lot of spuffy shippers ignore that. I love their relationship from a narrative perspective and I love analyzing it and what it says about the characters and the story they're in, but I can't interact with a lot of spuffy shippers because they get under my skin.

8. What's one popular fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about?

I don't really know if it's popular but I've been seeing it a fair amount recently. The idea that Ty looking Kit in the eye is romantic or special in some way.

We gotta nip that crap in the bud right now. Eye contact, for a lot of autistic people is not just uncomfortable but physically painful. A lot of autistic people describe it as a burning or stabbing sensation. I experience it like a giant poker stabbing through the top of my skull. Most of the time we do it because we have to, not because we want to.

Of course this isn't true for everyone. Every autistic person is different, it's a spectrum. But Ty is cannonly someone who rarely makes eye contact, presumably because he doesn't like it.

Now unfortunately CC has contributed to this problem by having Ty occassionally make eye contact with Kit or other members of his family in intimate situations, creating this idea that Ty putting himself through pain or discomfort for the people he loves is something we should admire and romanticize. But it's not.

Honestly you could solve a lot of this by actually having Ty's pov, because then you would know how he feels about it.

So yeah. Those are my hot takes lol.

[illustratorintheprocess]

WEEK 23: Card Cutting & Monday Group Session

Let's start by appreciating the clean cut cards. All dry and shaped up they feel amazing and expensive in my hands. The hope is that they are interesting to touch and memorable in design so that they won't be thrown out as easily as some flimsy, cheap alternative. And if someone does throw one of these away I think they'd feel at least a little bit bad about it. I'll probably bring them with me to networking events and job interviews to be able to give people a little something to remember me by and make it easy to find my work + get a feel for what my style looks like.

Scott did an amazing job in cutting the cards with care and great attention to detail. As per Tony's request I left some behind for the technicians to use for teaching future generations of students. So if any prospect UAL, LCC students read this - you might see these again if you're trying to litho print some business cards yourself, haha!

*definitely DM me if you do see them irl though! That'd be CRAZY!!*

Now to the Monday Group Session. I have a love-hate relationship with them for a number of reasons but first, let's look at my attendance: Before the Spring Break I attended 4 or 5 Monday sessions (to be honest I lost track but I wasn't there for all of them):

-I'm pretty sure I was there for the FMP official brief but at that time I was still working on my EC dissertation submission so it's a haze and I had no time to think about the FMP at that point yet.

-On the 16th of January a few of us were waiting in the usual room only to get an email by our year leader 30 minutes into when our session should have started saying the following:

Everyone who was waiting in D305 left after we saw that email, myself included but as it turns out later a substitute tutor apparently came to get us but we were gone at that point. Very odd how that all went. I think we should have been contacted sooner and actually been made aware that there was a substitute tutor in the email they sent out. Kind of annoying cuz I have a 1.5h journey (one-way) to uni and that day I wasted the travel expenses basically. But oh well, scheduling errors happen. [I was also using a temp pass at the time cuz it was right when I had lost my student ID]

-There was one time I attended and the session was with our regular tutor, where we shared our FMP ideas in small groups and gave feedback to each other. At that point I was sharing my idea-mind map with the group and making up my mind about whether or not I should make my projects on Cryptids.

-The next session was with VJ instead of our usual tutor. At that point I was playing with the idea of making a comic book for the FMP in which the Cryptids were everyday-people in our society. Remember the idea of Mothman as a window cleaner? That was also when VJ told me better not to try out smth new for the big project and rather to stick to something familiar - print making in my case.

- The last Monday session I attended before the Spring Break was with our year leader, substituting for our usual tutor, and at that point I had pretty much figured out what I wanted to make for the FMP:

- a Cryptozoology Zine including 2 cheesy quizzes(Digitally Printed)

- Cryptid Posters A3 or A2 (Digitally printed)

- Criptid T-shirts (Screen Printing on fabric)

Our year leader liked the idea, which was great and I felt motivated.

I know there is at least one Monday session right before the Spring Break that I missed because of my stomach issue, that had me going to a walk-in clinic, as mentioned in previous posts. And I think another Monday session might have been cancelled because of the OXO exhibit or smth.

I don't have a 100% attendance rate but when I show up, I'm participating and enjoying talking about my work with the tutors.

Now let me tell you why I have a love-hate relationship with Monday sessions: On one hand I love seeing and hearing about everyone else's projects and work because it's really motivating to hear other people who love the same stuff you do talk about what they are doing and how and why. On the other hand, there have been times where the amazing work of everyone around me left me feeling like a damn failure. I think it's a double edged sword. Because you are rooting for your peers and boosting each others inspiration but at the same time they are your future competitors and if you don't thing you're measuring up, you're left feeling like garbage. So there have been times where I nervous cried on the way home or on a quick bathroom break because I was feeling like my work was waste.

Secondly I love talking about my projects but I know I am slow to find a grip and get started (especially in case of EC submissions, other projects deadlines are cutting into new projects beginning and you're starting out on a delay). So when I talk about my projects I am excited but also super anxious, thinking I should have done more, I have nothing to show and everyone is judging me and it can get all very overwhelming. With the Cryptid project especially I have run into issues of people in my group and tutors not really knowing the topic and I can explain what Cryptids are and bring examples like Nessi and Bigfoot, which most people recognize, but it's still unfamiliar territory and so the feedback sometimes reflects the unfamiliarity of the others with the topic. Thats fine. It just adds to my insecurities of - oooh maybe this is a bad idea.

My third point is the PDFs and briefs we are being presented on some Mondays. Because I'm a terribly anxious bean I am always on moodle, looking around and re-reading briefs so by the time we are being briefed in person I most likely have read the document like twice before. So during the briefing I am doing work on my ipad or smth and that can make me look quite unapproachable, which brings me to my 4th point: I can seem like a dick. Because I am anxious about the quality of my own work compared to others, intimidated by everyone's amazing work and selfconscious about being behind, I'm usually quiet until asked to speak. I don't think I come across as very likeable in class because I keep to myself and am nervous. But I like helping people with questions in the group chat and giving and getting feedback in group rounds is great. I just never really found a friends group in my course.

Now, why am I going about such a rant on Mondays?

This Monday I felt really overwhelmed by the amount of work that has yet to be done for the FMP and I emailed my tutor that I'd rather just return home after my appointment with Print Finishing (cutting and picking up my cards) so I can work for the rest of the day rather than stay for the group session between 2-6pm.

My tutor said she hasn't seen me in a while and I should come to the session so we could catch up. I mean I'm not NOT going if she tells me I should. So I went.

My appointment for the cards was at 2 so I came to the session about 40minutes late but it was alright because the brief that was going on was about PDFs and slides I had found on Moodle and read over the Spring break already. Then there was a 10min break and our tutor went around talking to everyone. I sat kind of secluded so it took her a little while to get to me, which made me nervous on one hand because I was freaking out about the work I needed to do but on the other hand it gave me some down time to sketch and I enjoyed that very much actually.

When it was my turn with our tutor she opened the conversation saying she hadn't seen me since before Christmas break and that she knew nothing about my project, which threw me off because I remembered clearly the session where I was narrowing down my ideas and I explained Cryptids to her. As I mentioned Cryptids she remembered the session and agreed I had seen her once since. Maybe I was overthinking it but I felt put on the spot and low-key called out for not attending more. I was however at meetings with other tutors and made an effort to attend at least once more, the day we got that email and all went home because after a 30minute wait still no one had come to get us (this is not meant to be salty, it was a scheduling mistake I'm sure, but I made the effort to show up that day and I want to note that). Also the doctors appointment on a Monday right before Spring break was annoying but I'm glad I went there instead of to uni in pain.

Anyway, I don't want to linger any longer on my attendance.

I told her my project idea, showed her my business cards and told her about the matching tissue paper i had printed. They aren't exactly final outcomes that fall under the Viable Practice brief but they are part of it and she agreed that i should mention them in connection to the Viable Practice chapter in my final PDF. We discussed how much space each of us would have at the end of year exhibit (max 2 x A2 sizes on a wall OR smth to put on a table) and I a bit sad I wouldn't be able to show off both, my Cryptozoology zine AND a few posters. Most likely it'll be have to be a singular Cryptid poster and one of the Quizzes only. This brings me to our next talking point, the quizzes. She liked the idea of them but we had a quick back and forth about whether or not it should be one or 2 quizzes. I am heart-set on 2 separate quizzes but because we didn't quite agree I will whip up 3 options (2 separate and 1 full one) for her to review next Monday. My concern is that if i make one tree-diagramm quizz for 8 cryptid-outcomes the writing would be too small on an A5 sized page. She said I could have the quizz fold out but that would complicate the whole Zine layout and finishing process and with the lack of time I really don't want to overcomplicate things. She liked the idea of the screen printed t-shirts and agreed that if I couldn't print them in time, I could make online mock-ups to put in my submission PDF instead. - Glad to have that solution work, otherwise it'd mean more stress!! Regarding the posters I came up with the idea of adding descriptive arrows, which would describe their features, to the creature Illustrations so that they'd be a bit different to the zine illustrations. Now to the illustrations themselves I told her I hadn't decided on a color palette yet and she gave me the homework of finishing at least 2 Cryptid illustrations and in 3 different palettes each so next week we could decide on one combo. She asked for a zine mock-up and i told her i had made one for each, the research zine and Cryptid zine already but hadn't brought them in that day. I had however layout sketches on my iPad but I didnt end up showing them because our conversation drifted off to the research zine and it turns out I misunderstood that a bit. The focus was more on the resaerch methodology we used than the fruits of our research. A different approach than what I was going for with my mock-up. I was focusing on the research outcome, not HOW I WAS DOING THE RESEARCH. A shift of focus and I had understood what was asked of me. Still I think the research zine is the scariest part of all the FMP.

To conclude my homework for next week is:

- 2 Cryptid illustrations in 3 different color palettes each

- Write 3 Quizzes

- Don't forget to bring the Zine Mock-ups

+ I want to make a list of different research methodologies I used so I can check with my tutor if it's enough for the research zine.

As panicked as a I was about this Monday session, it was helpful. The start was a bit rocky because I felt kind of put on the spot and and indirectly accused of not attending enough, which added to my anxiety in that moment but we had a productive discussion and I'm glad my tutor took the time to go over everything with me. I like talking to her and the other tutors, even if it's scary sometimes.

[chaoxfix]

🌿✨️💫

ty for asking!! <3

🌿 how does creating make you feel?

hmmm... interesting question! i think, more than anything else, it makes me feel focused in a way i rarely get otherwise. when im really in the zone i can just write for 3 hours and its all usable, because i know exactly how the characters are behaving and what they need to achieve in this scene. when im unfocused it's difficult to write at all because i lose that channel into my own imagination. and then i feel relieved that it's written and that i succeeded at capturing what i needed to, and glad to share it with others, if its something shareable

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

ohhh ... man, i mean, in a lot of ways i think i'm pretty spoiled. people talk a lot about my fics as it is, so i dont feel like i need to ask for much attention or validation, seeing as im already extremely grateful that so many people like my fics as much as they do.

buuuut, on the other hand, there are patterns of fics that people don't really give a chance.

so i think, i would love it if people got really into prime numbers, or the fic i posted recently with sonic and sally post-genesis wave, or my forces 06 au (still a wip but i lose motivation for it bc. well. its another sally fic that'll get ignored). people just don't really care much about sally.

and on this note, ... id also love it if people liked the one with amy more, the one i did for platonic fairytale week. idk if the name weirded people out (all the titles were from major songs in the disney movie about the same tale) but like. damn. a few people really really loved it (and thats really all i need) but i do think it shows some sad trends. people just don't really read fics about girls as much as they do ones about guys. (the exception seems to be with rouge fics, which perform about as well as other fics.)

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

ahh... for this one, again i will say that i've been VERY spoiled, but there are a few readers who, when they comment, it's frequently like... a 5 page MLA formatted essay analyzing characterization. the type that actually make me red-faced from being perceived, but in a really great way. imagination-junkyard and featheryDragons have left several like that, and every time i see them in my comments i get giddy because they really point out line by line through the entire fic what they like. but because i know those kinds of comments take ages (i know bc ive left comments like that before and . yeah - it takes a long long time, you have to truly love a work to spend that much time reacting, it really is a labor of love) my second favorite type of comment is the ones that tell you a lot about how a line or two made you feel along with just the entire vibe of the fic. <3

though -- its also a trip when i google myself and find stuff about me/my fics on platforms im not even on (like twitter and tiktok). like... ur saying nice things? even where they literally have no idea if i'll see it? you really do like it? omg...

thank you again for asking!!!

[saetoru]

hi! im so incredibly sorry to bother you but i think you may have blocked one of my other blogs and i was wondering if i could ask why?

please don’t feel pressured to answer whatsoever and definitely feel free to ignore this, i really don’t want to trouble you in any way. i just wanted to know if i did anything wrong or something to offend you?

i really try my hardest to stay neutral and friendly as well as respecting and following everyone else’s blog rules so i’d really appreciate any feedback or insight if you’re happy to give it. whatever i did, once again, im so incredibly sorry to bother you, i don’t mean any harm at all, ever. if i did something to offend you, it was never intentional, all i really try to do on tumblr is rb pictures of cats most of the time anyways.

please don’t take this the wrong way, it just makes me super anxious that i might’ve done something to someone that may have hurt them or made them uncomfortable. i really loved your writing and your blog and i can’t apologise enough if i messed up or anything. of course, i totally understand that sometimes people just choose to block people for their own reasons and i respect that no matter what. i’m incredibly sorry if i encroached on your boundaries in any way, i just really held your writing close to my heart and it saddens me that i can’t view it anymore. but that isn’t your fault whatsoever. i respect you so much as a writer and a person and i just wanted to say that i’m really sorry if i did anything. i’m sorry tee.

okay bestie i can’t rly tell unless u share ur url tho 😭 but honestly sometimes ppl leave comments or tags that make me feel weird / annoy me — i’m human and sometimes i block over petty reasons (i’m working on it fjsjfj) but overall i like to think i block with decent cause so unless ur ageless, you’ve probably said something to slightly (or perhaps highly) irritate me or you may have spam liked ?? idrk unless i see ur url tbh. i mean if u send me ur url i won’t post it and if i can’t recall why ur blocked i might as well unblock (as long as ur age is present)

anyway if i block u i’m not saying everyone should come swarm me with “can i ask why” bc that would be annoying but sometimes writers are human and sometimes we block for dumb reasons and if you think perhaps you haven’t rly done anything worth blocking besides maybe me taking out a bad mood on a slightly accidentally annoying thing u did, i might just unblock if ur url doesn’t ring a bell in my mind for something memorably obnoxious. especially if u think it’s bc u didn’t have an age in ur bio before—some of u don’t know to do that till after and i get that !!—im happy to unblock if you’ve since then added an age. but again this isn’t an open invitation for all blocked blogs (id assume ur lurking if ur blocked and reading this LMAO) to come ask me why or for an unblock but sometimes if u rly believe you’ve been blocked by mistake or for a petty reason i’m willing to check is all i’ll say

anyway yeah if u see this send ur url—be mindful of any comments or tags u leave, sometimes u might be unintentionally a bit rude and that could be a big reason why !! also don’t spam like i rly rly hate that

edit: i appreciate the kind comments about my writing NFJSJF i thought i’d add that in bc ofc sharing writing is the main reason im here and hearing u enjoy it and such is nice to know. thank u for reading and thinking highly of it that’s rly sweet <3

[velvetyh]

it’s meiiii

oh! that sounds SOOO nice, i’m glad that you’re back in your hometown, chilling for a few days. hope that you’re enjoying your time <33 you deserve it !

no like, i get what you mean. i HATE these kind of situations SO much bc it lowkey feels like you need to idk… “sacrifice” something. like, you like the job itself but your colleagues not so much (or at all), so it’s like - you either let go of the good job in order to keep your peace of mind OR you tolerate ugly people so you can keep the good job… sigh…

i can’t only pray for you and hope that some clarity gets send to you. and you should know that whatever decision you take, it's okay, it's the right one - don't regret it, don't look back and think "i should have...", no, you took a decision that, at the time you did, you believed was the right one ! that’s it, don’t look further into it. and remember, sometimes we must let go of certain things, of certain opportunities, close a few doors so new ones can open ! believe in yourself, babe. you got this <3

GIRL be so fr, you’re talking to someone with a PhD in yapping lmaooo we should probably use messages more often so we actually gossip about our lives and so 🙂‍↕️

i knowwwww, tumblr has become SOOO demotivating ))’: like… almost no one interacts any more, very few people reblog and leave tags commenting on your posts, it is so sad actually.

also, i’d love for you to give me an honest (not brutal, just honest😔) review on my last cobtober chap cause’ i actually lowkey hated the result… and it just made me want to never again write “sub” jacob, like ever 😭 ITS JUST NOT FOR ME

thank you so much, you’re so sweet ily :( i’m also grateful to be back home but it’s so hard to stay only a week there 🥹

im trying to chill but with my dad around, its not that easy :// but i try nonetheless!!

yeah, i really feel like i need to choose between having a good job and shitty colleagues or nice colleagues and a shitty job… plus if you switch jobs to another company, hoping for change, you never know if it’s going to be better, or worse. my current colleagues are nice (most of them), but i know they wouldn’t hesitate to stab me in the back if it could get them a promotion or appear nice to the boss. so i just stay professional and distant, but then i get remarks that im not opening up enough to my colleagues and i don’t want to integrate myself in the team. im not going to give weapons to my "enemies" to stab me!!

it’s really sweet of you to keep me in your prayers, it really means a lot to me 🫶🏼🥺 it’s hard for me to have some clear-headedness in this cloudy part of my life, i play it by ear and it’s really not that easy when you have very various opinions around you, telling you to do this and that or no wait, do this and that instead.

your words really mean the world to me :( i made some decisions in the past that made me doubt myself and i still feel guilty about them today… thank you, really 🫶🏼

i love how easy it is to talk to you, youre so sweet and i love getting messages from you !! we should totally message more sissldfjsns id really love to!

yeah, it’s so sad how tumblr has become a ghosted place… i know i didn't help the cause bc i kinda disappeared for a year bc of writer’s block but i hadn't expected the place to be this deserted lol

i know i said id give you feedback on your project yesterday (im so sorry i haven't said anything yet) but my mom dragged me to her friend’s house to say hello and i was unable to touch my phone for the day. today im going shopping so when i get back home ill write you an ask about it (honest, not brutal 🫶🏼) so you can choose whether you want to post it or keep it for yourself 🫶🏼