#also i'm legit worried about lex and his constant head trauma

[jupitermelichios]

Smallville Recap S2E20: Witness

Lionel is back and he’s as much of a bastard as ever, I am for one am glad to see him. In other news Chloe Sullivan can absolutely do one.

Oh good, Lana has developed another plot-related hobby. Maybe if she actually stuck at fucking anything for more than one episode, she wouldn’t so fucking boring!

Chloe, you do realise you edit a student paper, right? This isn’t the Wallstreet Journal! No one reads it! Also, you don’t get to order Clark to quit and then be sad that he did it!

Someone really needs to give Clark some anatomy lessons. Preferably focussing on how throwing people into walls hurts them!

Wait, the organised armed robbers hijacking armoured vans are high school students? Sure, why the fuck not. At least it’s not cannibalism I guess?

So if there’s one moral stance that Smallville takes seriously it is, for some insane reason, that everyone who enjoys sports is evil. Like cannibalistic murders for kicks evil.

Lionel, you stylish bastard, I have missed you!

Wait, Lex gets the school paper delivered?! Is that a thing in the States or is Lex just being weird?

Clark’s acting like the idea that people find him unreliable is some big revelation. Like it hasn’t been the plot of 90% of the episodes so far.

To give the writers their undeserved credit, running an illegal metal smelting business is definitely not where I saw this going.

Oh my god, why is everyone so one board with murder in this god-forsaken town?! Teenager finds out about your illegal metal smelting business and makes some baseless claims about you committing robbery, time to burn him alive! That’s a totally rational reaction!

Lana’s step-mom turns up at the Talon to tell Lana that she’s divorcing her husband because sometimes he spends time with his daughter now and she apparently can’t deal with him spending time with anyone except her. Because that’s a totally normal thing to put on a teenage girl who didn’t want anything except to spend some time with a dad a couple of times a week! You know I hate Lana Lang, but she is objectively blameless here!

Man, Lionel is a bag of dicks but I love that he’s been lurking in the shadows in this guy’s hospital room on the off chance that Chloe might break in and he’ll get the chance to monologue at her.

Chloe Sullivan, you do not get to tell someone they’re not your friend any more like a spoiled 3 year old and then be upset when they’re decide that you’re a wanker!

Wow, that’s escalated quickly. Villain “Maybe you should think about your parents before you fight me, you can’t always protected them.” Smash cut to Jonathan and Martha CHAINED TO THE CEILING OF THE BARN

It’s been two seasons of Lex being nothing but open, honest, supportive and thirsty af, how is Clark’s default reaction still to assume the worse of him every single time?! This is why your only friend is fucking Pete Ross, you colossal bellend!

Stop giving Lex Luthor head trauma! Unlike you he doesn’t have fucking superpowers! He can’t just walk this shit off!

“Clark, use your other abilities.” Apparently his other abilities are just becoming immune to kryptonite when the plot requires it, so that’s useful!

Jesus Christ, Lana is telling her dad that he shouldn’t spend time with her because she thinks that if she sees him again it’ll be her fault if his wife divorces him, and apparently that’s just fine!

Oh yeah, Martha’s pregnant. I keep forgetting because it makes no fucking sense as a plot point!

So you know how I said last episode that I thought Lana had just lost her horse? I’m pretty sure she’s just lost her horse. Her plot-related hobby of the week is dressage and she’s competing in a big competition… on Whitney’s horse. What happened to your horse Lana?! What did you do with him????

Is Lionel funding Chloe’s crazy for a reason or is he just doing it to fuck with the people of Smallville, because honestly either one seems pretty likely at this point. Man, I love Lionel Luthor.