#also i’m so sorry it took me this long to post them i kept flippin forgetting ._.

[inkykeiji]

@printhes look look look here he is!!!

this was him when he was a cute lil baby oh my god he’s so ugly now i am EMBARRASSED to even show him ugh 。ﾟ(ﾟﾉД｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

[lady-divine-writes]

Klaine one-shot “Cats and Dogs, Strawberries and Chocolate” (Rated PG13)

Summary: A power outage. A horrible rainstorm. A long day of work and school. They're all trying their best to ruin Kurt and Blaine's Valentine's Day. But the moment they remember what's actually important, nothing in the world can ruin what they have together. (1855 words)

Notes: Written for the Klaine/CC Valentine's Day Challenge 2019 prompt 'This Is the Time' by Billy Joel.

Read on AO3.

“Ugh …” Kurt grumbles when he races into his building, blown inside by the wind and rain, and sees the lights overhead fizzle out. “Flippin’ Con Ed … still haven’t gotten the power fixed …”

Surprise, surprise.

Kurt had expected this when he’d found out a transformer had blown in Manhattan last night, but he’d also hoped he’d be proven wrong.

No such luck.

The lights in their building are dim as it is on a normal day. The power company had the whole day to work on it. Why did Kurt assume it would be fixed? Then again, what does he know? He can’t even replace a fuse in their heater. Repairing the power grids for the entire city? That has to be a little more complicated, right?

Luckily, he didn’t have too many issues with the power at work. Vogue is a magical wonderland, it seems, run entirely on dreams, fashion, and utter fabulousness. But at NYADA, it was a pain in the butt seeing as the actual building is older than a Vaudeville stage mom and just as temperamental. He got through dance class fine since they’re held on the upper levels, with huge windows where outside light can flood in. Intro to Musical Theater was a bit more challenging, being held in a downstairs auditorium with no windows and thus no help from the outside.

His costume design class, taught in the basement, was canceled entirely.

He’d hoped that living in Bushwick, their loft would be safe, but no. Apparently what’s going on isn’t a Manhattan thing, but a 5 Boroughs thing, ergo they’re going to have to suffer through intermittent hours of cold and dark until things get fixed.

What sucks worse is that it’s Valentine’s Day, and a power outage of this magnitude definitely ruins Kurt’s plans for the evening.

Looks like they’re home for good.

Kurt takes the stairs up slowly, mentally punching himself in the gut for not having the forethought to plan anything for Blaine before now. It’s not like he didn’t put in any effort. He had every intention of buying Blaine roses, but when the subway glitched out while he was trying to make it to work, he opted to bypass the small florist on the corner on his sprint to the bus thinking he’d pick up flowers on the way home. Little did he know that a sudden rainstorm would make the man who owns the kiosk pack up early. Kurt took for granted that he would. Aren’t street-side florists like the post office on candy and flower themed holidays? Neither rain, nor sleet, nor black of night, or whatever?

When that backfired, Kurt considered picking up a box of chocolates. Two Targets and three drugstores later, he discovered that every box of chocolates had been sold out, and the lines for the boutique candy stores were wrapped around the corners. But Kurt wasn’t out of the running just yet. He hedged the rest of his bets on dressing them both up in their finest and going out to dinner. But if the electricity wasn’t a factor, the weather is. It flares up outside when he thinks about it, dropping rain in buckets on the snow and ice covered sidewalks.

Kurt never did like Valentine’s Day. And even though he’d once decided (for the space of about a week) that it was his new favorite holiday, it still rubbed him wrong. But that doesn’t mean Blaine doesn’t love it. (And, yes, Blaine once said it sucked, but that didn’t last long, either.)

It’s just one day – one stupid, made-up day. Kurt has no excuse not to make one day special for Blaine’s sake.

But on this Valentine’s Day in particular, the universe is trying him.

He reaches his floor and stops, glaring down the hallway at his loft door. With the wind howling outside and the lights sputtering overhead, it’s like a scene from a B-rated horror movie.

Yup, Kurt thinks. That sounds about right.

He pads gently down the hall, trying his best not to make too much noise and alert Blaine to his presence.

No reason to disappoint the man he loves so soon.

He turns his key in the lock, slides the door open, and is greeted by a sea of black, the only light visible coming from the glow of emergency candles in the kitchen.

“Hey, honey,” Kurt calls out unenthusiastically as he unwinds his drenched scarf. He’s wrung it out twice already, but it’s somehow still extremely wet. “Are you home?”

“Yes,” Blaine replies, sounding just as thrilled as Kurt.

Kurt slides the loft door shut. “How’ve you been?”

“Uh … fine?”

“Have you been stuck in the dark all afternoon?” Kurt asks, making small talk while he peels off his sopping wet coat. He’s going to have to hang every stitch of his clothing in the bathroom. If he leaves it to drip by the front door, they’re going to have a moat by morning.

“Yes and no,” Blaine says, accompanied by a scuffling sound, like pots sliding across the stovetop. Kurt hears a crash, and more scuffling ensues, along with a quietly muttered, “Shoot, shoot, shoot!” All thoughts of wet clothes and eventual moats aside, a curious Kurt leaves the rest of his belongings by the front door and creeps into the kitchen.

“Honey?” Kurt hears another crash! followed by another defeated ‘Shoot!’ “Is everything …?” The lights flicker on and stay on, and Kurt sees Blaine, holding a strawberry that has seen better days, staring at him like a deer about to be flattened by a Chevy Malibu. Thick, brown goop drips from Blaine’s fingertips, from his wrist, and from his palm. It’s on the stovetop, the floor, the counter, the wall, pouring over the lips of two pots, and it’s even in Blaine’s hair. Kurt deduces that the brown goop is chocolate – badly melted chocolate - and it seems to have gotten everywhere … except on the strawberry “… all right?”

“I … uh …” Blaine mutters, licking his lips and looking around at a kitchen he probably hasn’t seen in decent light for the past hour. He looks at the uncovered strawberry clenched in his hand and sighs. “Uh … no. I’m sorry.” Blaine wipes at a drop of melted chocolate on his cheek with the back of his hand, but that only smears it up to his eyebrows. “I think I messed up.”

“What were you trying to do?” Kurt grabs a hand towel off the handle of the oven and rescues Blaine from his strawberry.

“Well, I had the day off, and you didn’t,” Blaine starts, reluctantly releasing his berry and allowing his exhausted-looking fiancé to help him clean up, “and with the electricity and the rain … I didn’t want you to think that the second you came home I’d expect you to rush out again and do something. So I thought, you know, I’d make you a special Valentine’s Day dinner, with chocolate-dipped strawberries for desert. But the electricity kept going out, so the oven wouldn’t turn on for the roast, and the chocolate refused to melt right, and now …” Blaine looks up at Kurt, his face dotted with chocolate that Kurt couldn’t originally see, traveling in a line across his forehead “… I’m a little bit … covered.”

“Yes.” Kurt leans in and licks the smear on Blaine’s cheek. “You are.”

“I should have just called DoorDash and had someone deliver a perfect dinner for you, but I felt so guilty expecting someone to come out in this weather to bring us food.”

“Well, it is their job,” Kurt says, carefully picking dried chocolate out of Blaine’s curls. “They’re getting paid for it. If you felt guilty, you could have given them a big tip.” It strikes Kurt at that moment that he could have done the same thing – fired up the old DoorDash app and ordered dinner, flowers, chocolates, better candles. It would have arrived before he did and the night would have been saved.

“You’re right,” Blaine agrees. “I should have just done that. I wrecked Valentine’s Day.”

Kurt stops picking at chocolate when Blaine drops his head, and he wraps his arms around him. In the quiet of their kitchen and underneath the blinking overhead lights, Kurt tries to think of a way of letting Blaine know that this isn’t that big a deal. It’s one day. It’s one dinner. It’s a situation entirely out of their control. At least Blaine tried to make their evening special. Kurt, racing across the city and bypassing every store on every block, is the one who really messed up. He works at Vogue! He could have had one of the staff photographers whip up some tastefully NC17 photos of him that he could have slid into a portfolio folder, wrapped in newspaper, and brought home.

He just didn’t think of it.

Because everyday living in New Yok City is as stressful as it is wonderful. Everything’s so chaotic, so expensive, and no matter what time of the day it is, it always seems like they’re working – homework and Vogue and their jobs at the diner. Yes, this was one night, but it was a night they were both fighting to make memorable.

But regardless of what they wanted, Mother Nature and Con Ed had other plans. So they’re going to have to make do.

It won’t be the first time. Nor the last.

There are going to be trying times ahead for them, things bigger than a ruined holiday. It’s inevitable. That’s part of getting older. And when those days come, as trying as tonight is, this will be a day they look back on, smile wistfully at one another, and remember when Kurt came home looking like a drowned rat and Blaine tried to dip strawberries in the dark.

There’s nothing wrong with ‘making do’ as long as they’re doing it together.

“Excuse me for saying so,” Kurt says, “but I don’t see this as you wrecking Valentine’s Day.”

Kurt feels Blaine’s head move as he peeks up at him. “You don’t?”

“Nope. I don’t see this as you wrecking it at all. In fact …” Kurt holds his fiancé at arm’s length so that he can get a better look at the damage he’s done – chocolate on his face, chocolate on his jaw, chocolate on his hands. He’s messy all right, but not enough for what Kurt has planned. He reaches over to the stovetop, to the pot of quickly cooling chocolate, and dips a finger inside “… I think that you have given me the greatest Valentine’s Day present in the whole world.”

Blaine raises a puzzled eyebrow. “And that is …?”

“An excuse …” Kurt takes the chocolate on his finger and begins to spread it on the clean areas of Blaine – a swipe across his lips, one down the bridge of his nose, trailing down over his Adam’s Apple to the hollow of his neck “… to spend a rainy Valentine’s Day here at home … licking chocolate off my sexy fiancé.”

[peggydugginsmuso-blog]

10 Most Anticipated Hip-Hop Albums of 2019

While all types of music share the beautiful ability to bridge the gaps between people, let's not fool ourselves and act like the music industry works the same across the board.

For instance, while most of the bands and pop stars who made waves in 2018 will now venture out on exhaustive tours, go on hiatus, or do anything for two or three years except consider putting out another album, many of the same names in hip-hop and R&B who commanded headlines, turned heads, and dropped dope records, collabs, and singles last year will be back in 2019. And as long as everyone is on their meds (seriously, take care of yourselves), we're 100% down with that.

In 2019, greats will get a chance to re-establish their greatness, underground talents will attempt to conquer the mainstream, and unique artists will continue to push hip-hop in new and thrilling places. Call it a repeat. Call it a rerun if you want, but it's the best show on in 2019, and we ain't flippin' the channel.

–Matt Melis Editorial Director

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Cardi B – TBD

Cardi B in “Money” music video

Why We're Excited: If Kendrick Lamar quietly proved in 2018 that he's still the king, Cardi B struck a royal balance by ascending to her queenly throne with as much pomp and fanfare as possible. Cardi took over Coachella, stole the show on SNL with her classy baby bump reveal, sent an album's worth of singles straight up the charts, and finally answered Austin Powers' longstanding question: “Really, who throws a shoe?” Let's face it: since “Bodak Yellow” hit the charts in mid-2017, Cardi B has run the rap game like cardio. Now, fresh off the presses (or day-old at worst), Cardi B has announced that her Invasion of Privacy follow-up will creep into fans' hands in 2019. While most new mothers and reigning hip-hop royalty might consider stepping out of the spotlight for a time, Cardi has proven she's got the swagger, flow, and “okuuuuuurts” to not wear out her welcome anytime soon. –Matt Melis

Sample:

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Childish Gambino – TBD

Childish Gambino, photo by Ben Kaye

Why We're Excited: Now that he's no longer making the Kessel Run alongside Han Solo, or nursing a broken foot, Donald Glover should have little to no distractions when it comes to music for 2019. Of course, we say that as if he didn't deliver one of the best songs last year in “This is America”, even while juggling the aforementioned projects, so can you imagine what he'll do with even more time? Something substantial, no doubt, and the stars are beginning to align. Already, Glover's booked to headline Coachella, which has become the de facto billboard to promote a new album, and he even has appropriate material for the time of year with “Feels Like Summer” and “Summertime Magic”. Couple all of this with his forthcoming appearance in Jon Favreau's The Lion King and we're looking at a Summer of Gambino. Hopefully, it's not his last. –Michael Roffman

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EarthGang – Mirrorland

EarthGang

Why We're Excited: “Don't believe the hype” might be one of hip-hop's Ten Commandments, but sometimes we just can't help ourselves. Everything about EARTHGANG - the oddball hip-hop duo from Atlanta featuring Johnny Venus and Doctur Dot - suggests that they've got plenty to back up any buzz they're getting. Hell, it's why we made them our Artist of the Month last February. In 2018, not only did the pair brilliantly cap off their Rags, Robots, and Royalty EP trilogy, but they also dropped the first single from the upcoming Mirrorland, a freaky slow jam called “Stuck” that teases how these wonderful weirdos might just manage to squeeze into our solar system in 2019. –Matt Melis

Sample:

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Run the Jewels – RTJ4

Run the Jewels, photo by Philip Cosores

Why We're Excited: One of the only positives of last year's Venom - other than seeing Tom Hardy trump a garbage movie - was hearing new music by Run the Jewels. After all, it's been two years since the surprise Christmas release of RTJ3, and so much has changed in the interim, which makes their forthcoming sequel all the more exciting. “I've been collecting beats and we're just going to kind of try and make the grimiest, rawest record we possibly can,” El-P told Beats 1 in October. Though, as Killer Mike countered, “We always really were just about making nasty rap records, man,” contending, “We never were the type of people who were looking to make records that were addressing specific political situations. If it happens, it happens, and it does on occasion, but we're not Public Enemy. What we're trying to do is be two guys in a friendship from different places having the time of their lives and making something that everybody can make the scrunchy face to when they hear.” Hey, that works, too. –Michael Roffman

Sample:

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ScHoolboy Q – TBD

Schoolboy Q // Photo by Philip Cosores

Why We're Excited: Everyone needs time to grieve, even Schoolboy Q. If you recall, the Compton rapper had intended to release the follow-up to 2016's Blank Face LP by the end of 2018. However, those plans changed when he announced to his fans at Chicago's House of Vans back in September that he would delay the album following the tragic death of his friend and collaborator, Mac Miller. “I'ma go back, and I'ma figure out when I'ma put this fucking album out, because y'all are going to get this album,” he insisted. “I promise that. I'm just not ready to walk into the radio station and the first thing they ask me is 'So Mac Miller…' I'm not ready to deal with those questions. I'm not ready to put nothing out right now. I'm sorry.” Considering the album was reportedly “90%-95%” completed back in August, it really comes down to when he's ready to let it go. –Michael Roffman

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SABA, Noname, and Smino – TBD

SABA, Noname, and Smino, photo by SABA

Why We're Excited: The only intelligent response is, why wouldn't we be excited? For our money, Chicago emcees SABA and Noname dropped two of the best hip-hop albums of 2018, Care for Me and Room 25, respectively, and Smino wasn't far behind them with eclectic singles “L.M.F.” and “KLINK” off his accomplished second full-length. Now, mix SABA's storytelling with Noname's jazzy flow and Smino's wildcard flavor, and you have a trio that have the chance to change what the future of hip-hop sounds like. If that doesn't excite you, nothing will. –Matt Melis

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Solange – TBD

Solange, photo by Philip Cosores

Why We're Excited: Sibling rivalries don't make much sense as you get older, especially when you count Queen Bey herself as Big Sis. But if there is one kid sister out there who could hold her own in the type of world where music critics just can't help comparing siblings, it would be Solange. Her 2016 album, A Seat at the Table, earned her just that, especially the utterly gorgeous and relatable single “Cranes in the Sky”. Solange made her believers wait eight years for that full-length. And, quite frankly, after a record as unique and promising as A Seat at the Table, we couldn't wait that long again. Luckily, we don't have to. –Matt Melis

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SZA – TBD

SZA, photo by Natalie Somekh

Why We're Excited: By the time Spring hits, SZA may have both a Golden Globe and an Oscar sitting on her shelf, that is if either the Hollywood Foreign Press or the Academy deem “All the Stars” worthy for Best Original Song. (They have competition.) Still, that shouldn't stop her from maintaining her day job afloat, and while there's been no official announcement, the singer has been teasing her highly anticipated followup to 2017's CTRL. In September, she responded to one disbelieving fan by tweeting, “…A's already done,” casually confirming a possible title. In October, she spoke at length to New York's 105.1's Powerhouse, saying: “I want it to be 100 percent honest to whoever I am in this moment because that is the only way it will work. But I just personally think now it's just about getting to the root of who I am. But faster, clearer, more concisely. Like just learning the understanding of self.” And, just last month, she teased clips in a since-deleted Instagram post. Simply put, something's coming. –Michael Roffman

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The Weeknd – Chapter 6

The Weeknd, photo by Natalie Somekh

Why We're Excited: Last year was a slow season for Abel Tesfaye, aka The Weeknd. After popping up on Black Panther: The Album in February and dropping his My Dear Melancholy EP in March - both of which warranted him two Platinum-certified, Billboard-charting singles in “Pray for Me” with Kendrick Lamar; and “Call Out My Name” - the award-winning crooner kept things relatively low key with minimal buzz. In November, however, Tesfaye told his fans at a Toronto gig, “I haven't been this inspired in years and I want you guys to be the first to know I'm working on my new album right now.” So far, we know very little with regards to features and its sound, but we do know that it's titled Chapter 6 and that it won't be another EP. As he later teased on Twitter, “some chapters are smaller than others. not this next one though…” Ooh, cryptic! –Michael Roffman

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Kanye West – Yandhi

Kanye West, photo by Joshua Mellin

Why We're Excited: It's hard to believe that in a year when Kanye West produced five albums - two of which he starred on and all but one he appeared on - in just under a month that our focus would be on everything but his music. But Kanye tweeting at odd hours and wandering, sadly and quite literally, in front of television cameras speaking incoherently like a person off his meds stole the show. He's since done some public relations tidying up, and we can only hope that the artist capable of helming an album like DAYTONA and delivering a song like “Ghost Town” will leave the little, red hat and superhero cape at home and go back to being an undeniable “genius” in the recording studio. –Matt Melis

[blissful-reveries]

MY EXPERIENCE AT EXO’RODIUM!!!

I CANT BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE MY KINGS AGAIN TT IM SO EMOTIONAL EVEN THOUGH ITS BEEN 2 DAYS SINCE THE CONCERT - EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT I JUST GET ALL GIDDY AND EXCITED AGAIN :D Here is my post on my experience at exo’rdium last night (fyi I wrote this on the night when i came back at like 2am LOL) its HECKA long post.... without further ado, here is MY EXPERIENCE AT EXORDIUM ^^

EXO’RDIUM 02.11.17

TODAY WAS FKING EXO’RDIUM HK AHHHHHHHHHHHH IM SO SHOOK HOLY I CAN NOT EVEN. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN OMFG I- I can barely wrap my head around the fact that (YET AGAIN) EXO was in the same building as me, less than 10m away, LIVING, BREATHING IN THE FLESH EXO. LIKE THEY’RE REAL. NOT JUST PIXELS ON MY LAPTOP SCREEN- I JUST CANT. I STILL CANT. okok so to start, for this EXO concert, I wasn’t able to get standing tickets like I did for EXO’LUXION (when i was lucky enough to have FRONT ROW JEAAAASUUSS), but I was HUGELY and pleasantly surprised that our seats (Block 5, Row 6) WAS ACTUALLY SO CLOSE TO THE STAGE. LIKE I COULD SEE THE ENTIRE STAGE + EXTENDED STAGE, AND IF I USED MY CAMERA TO FILM, I COULD SEE THEIR FACES. So that was a huge plus as soon as we got into the arena. When the concert started, a VCR was shown - about how EXO was the saviours of the world (when are they not tho tbvh HAHA) from danger and etc. the screaming was seriously unreal - like when every member came up on the VCR… #impressed. Then, they started the concert with MAMA and can we just- MAJOR THROWBACK TO FETUS EXO DAYS??? LIKE THIS SONG TRIGGERS SO MANY MEMORIES IM NOT EVEN OKAY RN. also can we just - can SM please release the remix version of MAMA CUZ I WOULD GET IT IN A HEARTBEAT <3 Then without giving our poor hearts a second to rest, they jumped right into mONSTER!!!! IM WAS NOT READY FOR IT AND THEY JUST THREW IT AT ME WHAT. It was amazing as expected, the choreo and everything omfg.. it was LEGIT like copy and paste… AND CAN WE TAKE A MOMENTbc JONGDAE FREAKING BLEW THAT HIGH NOTE AWAY. wait where was that high note? BLEW AWAY BY JONGDAE’S GORGEOUS VOCALS THATS WHERE.

THEN yet another throwback, they performed wolf :’) it been so long since they performed it and omg It was beautiful. The tree added with projections, and it was a remix version which meant DANCE BREAK!!!!! Seriously it was SO SO GOOD like they added projections so that it seemed like they were entering and exiting the tree behind (LOOK IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE BUT THATS WHAT HAPPENED OK). and it was just so perfect… perfect way to bring back the song.

THEN they finally took a break and did their first ment. can i just pause for a sec and mention how much i freaking love their black blouses? like the ones with the cuts. THEY’RE GORGEOUS AND THEY WEAR THEM SO WELL TT… Kyungsoo, suho and baek all mentioned that they’re going to comeback soon so to give them lots and lots of support (YES BC EXOLS PULL THRU). Sehun and his mandarin came through as expected HAHA and it was so cute - cuz he kept saying things like “are you enjoying yourselves?” “Did you miss us?” my hubby you go! Yixing greeted us in cantonese and it was so cute XD his voice when he speaks canto is the cUTEST THING EVER. i wanna wrap him up and bring him back home.. he started talking in canto about wanting us to support his film, but then paused  to think - then after like 5 seconds, gave up and spoke in mandarin instead AHAHA XINGXING YOU CUTIE OMG. SPEAKING OF YIXING THO — Originally I didn’t know if he was going to attend this concert or not, because he’s been away for filming at guangzhou for the past couple of weeks, there’s hardly been any news of him so i wasn’t sure… BUT I WAS SO FLIPPIN HAPPY WHEN I SAW HIM COME OUT. FIRST THOUGHTS: DAMN SON YOU SLAY EVERYTHING. SECOND THOUGHT: his hair was really long HAHAHAH XD STILL SLAYING THE HANDSOME GAME THO. Suho kept mentioning that coming to HK always leaves good memories for him, and mentioned the EXO daesang win during MAMA AND THE CROWD WENT WILD ;D You know how much we support y’all.

Afterwards, they performed WHITE NOISE AND I WAS SO SURPRISED BC I HAD NO IDEA THEY WERE GONNA DO THIS SONG — i made myself not watch any prior concert vids bc i wanted this to be complete surprise and HECK YEAH I WAS SURPRISED. It was a new dance and everything it was so fresh :’))) there were some body rolls here and there, and overall it was a lot more toned down than artificial love oH GOD ARTIFICIAL LOVE JUST WAIT HOLY. Middle of white noise they went to the centre hexagon and danced, but then out of nowhere WATER START POURING FROM THE TOP DOWN LIKE WHATTTTT THEN THEY STARTED DANCING IN THE POURING WATER LIKE ALL WET AND EVERYTHING X_X i was so so so happy bc sehun was always on my side of the stage so i was able to see and film him well <3 his dancing is en pointe as usual heh #proudwifey

THEN JESUS SAVE ME THEY PERFORMED THUNDER <3 <3 <3 AND SEHUN OWNED THAT STAGE LIKE IT WAS NOBODY’S BUSINESS He was on the center extended part, and damn like the stage should have been called FIRE, CUZ IT WAS LIT. Yixing and Jongin as always slayed the game too and the VOCALS FOR THIS WAS SO GREAT OMG LIKE IT WAS LIKE PERFECT :’)) also. jongin was being a huge TEASE bc he kept smirking and smiling while dancing :((( HAHA but it was lovely and made my heart thump <3

then they did playboy. rmb when playboy used to be the most sexual dance in their concert? YEAH NO JUST WATCH ARTIFICIAL LOVE HOLY i need to cleanse my eyes…. ANYWAY BEFORE THAT— this time playboy was done a bit differently, sekai wasn’t paired tgt, as pcy and osh were tgt, and kai had his own rising stage fanncaayy B) OH AND SIDE NOTE: I LOVE their laced up pants too..its very pretty and... its very tight LMAO gives me pirate vibes lol. i loved it bc the boys were all just having a TON of fun - like they came in yesterday night, and performed today thats just amazing if i compare that to the amount of energy they had today. THEY WERE LIKE HIGH OR SMTH SO CRAZY XD AND HYPER <3 but it was like a giant party so WOO!! Suho and chen went out to the farthest extended stage which meant I could see their features and OMG PRINCE SUHO ATTACKS AGAIN BC HE NEVER FAILS TO FAZE ME AT HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS IRL. He’s like a LEGIT god descending from heaven…. <3 Chanyeol went to the hexagonal extended stage and did a solo dance there - it was beautiful :’) and YIXING was in the center extended just having a blast body rolling, pelvis thrusting JEEEEZ i need holy water.

JESUS NO ITS HERE. I CANT. IT WAS ARTIFICIAL LOVE NOW. omg i can’t even bare to talk about it I WAS SO….AHHHHH I CANT EXPLAIN OMG. i felt strange LMAO ok so right after playboy WHICH WAS ALREADY MILDY SEXY, they grabbed the canes from the side of the stage and as soon as the music came up i was like UH OH HERE IT COMES… and KAI WAS ON THE HEXAGONAL STAGE (yes im referring to him as kAI BECAUSE BABY NINI WOULD NEVER DO THAT)- AND OH JESUS IT WAS SUCH A SHOCKING MOMENT WHEN HE… UM.. GRINDED ON THE CANE?? GOSH EVEN TYPING IT MAKES ME FEEL DIRTY LMFAO I couldn’t even bring myself to film it bc i jUST CANT???? then, when switched positions, baekhyun was now where kai was, and another chorus came along which meant another grinding session (pls save me). When I watched baekhyun’s one i was ready to keep my eyes closed bc puppy baek grinding? it would destroy my image of him forever… BUT!! he was actually very reserved HAHAH XD i think it was just yixing, and kai who like 150% WENT FOR IT. ground like there was no tomorrow LMAO. so yeah long song short, KAI’S SEX APPEAL BROKE THE ROOF, and baekhyun was still a cutie BAHAHA XDD and then it was KAIXING duet dance break during artificial love with the BLINDFOLDS OMG SO SEXY HOLYY my poor heart :((

OMG AND UNFAIR!!!! I love the stage for unfair its so cute and unique, squishy kyungsoo popped out of a tv and a chair (oh i wish that were reality), just the entire performance aspect of it was top notch and so cute. After unfair, it was a short ment where exo all sat on the steps of the stage, and yixing and pcy sat on both ends holding guitars. WHICH MEANT ACOUSTIC MEDLEY TIME!!!! Yixing gave a short introduction about the medley (it was so nice to hear his voice after such a long time not hearing it) and then demo-ed the guitar by playing a little impromptu melody — reminds me of just how much of a genius zhang yixing is *heart eyes*. Chanyeol also did a quick demo and same thing goes for him.. how do they self learn things so well :((the first song that they sang in the acoustic medley was My Lady and I FLIPPED OUT BC IT WAS KYUNGSOO AND IT WAS R&B MY TWO FAV COMBOS <3 It was so nice to just sit and listen to their live vocals - and this really goes to show how much talent there is in exo. whoever disagrees should sit in one concert and just LISTEN TO THEIR FLAWLESS VOCALS. like seriously, there was no out of pitch moments (- wAIT AHHA THIS REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING FUNNY PCY DID). OKOK SO BASICALLY near the end of the medley, (I CANT RMB WHICH ACOUSTIC IT WAS RN BUT-) it was supposed to be baekhyun’s line but kyungsoo held his mic towards Chanyeol’s mouth (he was preoccupied with guitar playing) to prompt him to sing. PCY did sing baek’s line, but his voice cracked BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH XD AND THE FUNNIEST THING WAS: HE MADE THIS REALLY CUTE SHOCKED FACE WHEN IT HAPPENED AND TOUCHED HIS THROAT THEN SHOOK HIS HEAD. NAWWWWWWW <3 adorbs… in the acoustic, they covered so many songs - CMB (WHICH JONGIN SANG BEAUTIFULLY OMG), My turn to cry, lady luck… just some i could rmb off the top of my head rn at 2:17 am HAHA.. then at the very end, yixing sang an acoustic version of Monodrama - and the lyrics were on the screen so the entire crowd sang along-it was beautiful <3 <3 <3 - at the end, yixing looked really sheepish, and grabbed the mic saying, “i’m so sorry, i sang the demo version’s lyrics so I didn’t sing the right words heh” and then pcy BEING THE MEDIATOR HE IS, was like “eyyyyy they probably didn’t even hear the difference- did you guys hear the difference???” and obvs we screamed NO!!!! and then that made xingxing look even more sheepish SO SO CUTE X) the entire thing just sounded and felt like a warm campfire get together with exo ls and exo <3 it was heartwarming and beautiful and I’m so glad that they added this segment.

and then they did lady luck again- this time not acoustic, but the dance and song version and kyungsoo. just. his voice. like. it melted the entire arena down. his projections were all so stable it sounded like the studio recorded version :’))) they danced on rising stages and everything was just so aesthetically perfect.. If i’m being completely honest, this time around, I was putting my focus deliberately more on sehun because i remember last year during exoluxion when i was front row, i could only really focus on whoever was in front of my area of the stage, which meant i missed a lot of sehun when he performed :( so i made the decision to FEED MY EYES AND HEART fully of sehun this time as last time, i was kyungsoo came to the front a lot and i kyungsoo’s vocals and dance fed me fully hehe (ohhh good times :’)) so yeah i wanted to say that kyungsoo’s vocals blew me away here because his LIVES ARE ACTUALLY PERFECT???how. haha bc his voice is made of honey chocolate <3

they performed TENDER LOVE next and I got shook all together again because THEY ALL INTERACTED WITH THE FANS THROUGH THE LIGHTSTICK :’D THEY each grabbed a lightstick and as soon as the song started baekhyun yelled “PUT YOUR HANDS UP!” :D yixing walked to the center extended stage and the next thing i knew, the STAGE WAS RISING UP LIKE A RAMP AND MY QUOTED WORDS AT THAT TIME CAUGHT ON VIDEO WAS “WOAH LOOK AT THAT STAGE” i was so surprised IT LOOKED LIKE A COMPLETE FUN HOUSE :DD All the members were just having a ton of silly fun during the song by just jumping :D during the chorus they would direct the crowd into little movements sequences we could do with the lightsticks and it was so nice bc it was like a little dance party - and they all looked so proud haha like we were all together - WE ARE ONE!! hehe Sehun came up to the farthest extended stage and danced on the stage closer to my side which was AMAZING <3 which meant that he was directing my block in the light stick moves ^^ i just thought it was super nice that they were able to interact with all of us in that way, include us all in that way it was very heartwarming <3

then LMR came up!! a lot earlier than last year’s one actually. fun and quirky as usual, BAEK’S VOCALS YES. they all danced so energetically and so hyped up, it was so so so AMAZING TO SEE THAT <3 esp sehun bc he’s usually the type that dances to the extent that is enough to show that he’s doing the moves, but this time he added so many more little side moves of his that spiced things up a lot hehe..

During One and Only, i think someone that stood out the most for me was def jongin. his vocals during the song was just something straight from all things good in the world. it was so good :’))) I’m so impressed by how much he has improved his vocal abilities over the years and is truly developing his own distinctive voice <3 OH AND the official HK exo fan club organized an event where during performance of One and Only, representatives in the crowd would hold up letters that spelt “EXO You Are My One and Only”.

omg and possibly my favorite part of the concert….. kai x sehun x lay WATER DANCE WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I am not at all exagerating when i say that every millisecond of what i saw looked like something out of a painting. IT WAS GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL (how many times have i said beautiful omg). they were all so in sync, and everyone gave it their all and it shows <3 THEN CAME THE MOMENT THE WATER STARTED FILLING THE GROND AND WHERE ALL 3 OF THEM JUST DROPPED TO THE GROUND (how do they not break their knees is my question) IT WAS SO SO *fight the urge to say beauti—* BEAUTIFUL <3 I’m sorry there are no other words to describe how amazingly godlike the entire performance was.. then when the water started pouring from the top OH DAMN THAT WAS THE CLIMAX. so they danced in the water with water pouring all over their heads and bodies and THE EFFECT LOOKED SO ETHEREAL like aM I EVEN ALIVE? HAVE I GONE TO HEAVEN? BC THIS IS WHAT I THINK HEAVEN WILL LOOK LIKE TBH. 3 DANCING WATER ANGELS <3 ahHAHA so yeah and when it ended, they 3 were kneeling in the water, and jongin had to be all extra and stuff and run his hand through his hair, gazing dangerously sexily into the audience.. yep THERE GOES MY OVARIES BOOM. THANK YOU OSH, KAI AND YIXING.

AND THEN IT WAS VOCAL LINE TIME TO SHINE!!! Stronger was performed, and it was all i could ask for to have all four of them, kyungsoo, baek, chen, and suho sing this song… esp during stressful times THANK YOU <3 also the vocals were just off the charts at 200% today like they even said themselves that they’re feeling great today WHICH MAKES ME SO DAMN HAPPY :’’)))) oMG THEN THEY PLAYED THE REALLY CUTE VCR OF EXO AS NOMES (??) HAHA dancing and stuff, then they came out of the back wearing the cute af pointy hats and elf shoes XDDD CUTENESS OVERLOAD!! they sang HEAVEN as they came out and it was SO CUTE and also the way that kyungsoo wears his pointy hat, OVER HIS FOREHEAD AND TOUCHING HIS EYES IS SO DAMN SQUISHY OF HIM AHHH :3 he’s so adorable CAN I TAKE HIM HOME PLS along with the rest of exo!!!!! Then they took off their costumes to sing Girl x Friend and it was honestly so great.. xingxing was dancing and pointing out to the audience to guide them in singing the song, sehun came out again to the middle to just enjoy the stage, and kyungsoo was sining happily waving a nightstick around ^^ WAIT OMG ALMOST FORGOT — SEHUN WAS WEARING SPECS DURING THIS AHAHAH HE LOOKED SO DAMN HOT I CANNOT EVEN. SEHUN IN SPECS MAKES ME REEVALUATE MY LIFE. <3 hot hubby hehe

Then 3.5.6 WAS LITTTTTTT haha everyone was dancing and as EXPECTED!!! they did the weird “ooh ooh” sounds in between the 3.6.5 chorus lines xDD HAH now it sounds weird to listen to the studio version one cuz it doesn’t have those sounds LMAO. THEN EXO BECAME A BUNCH OF MEANIES BC THEY FINISHED THE SONG AND as soon as the lights turned up, they were like, “okay, bye! Thank you for coming!” “See you tomorrow” (BISH LIKE WE HAVE MONEY TO SEE U 2 CONSECUTIVE DAYS IN A ROW ALTHOUGH ID VERY MUCH LOVE TO), and the entire crowd AWW’ed and whined like NO! you can’t leave us like this :((( they were so mean…

BUT THEN THEY CAME OUT WEARING THOSE COPPERY COLORED JACKETS and performed TRANSFORMER like in MAMA but EVEN BETTER <3 <3 <3 I really love the part where they all come together and do the roboty like thing. i think i have a new found love for transformer OOPS x) it was so cool like the choreo too!! it was so sharp and just overall. ANNND THEN THEY DID LIGHTSABER~~~ everything was lit. DANCE WAS LIT, SONG WAS LIT, RAP WAS LIT, ALLLSO there was a special dance part near the end where everyone got ‘lightsabers’ and STARTED SWINGING THE CRAP OUT OF IT HAHAHA. and as to no surprise. MORE WATER!! haha water started pouring again (honestly I’ve lost count HAHA) they’re so obsessed with water… or they just want the wet clothes to stICK TO THEIR ABS? x_X

then they took a break and did another ment - which was good cuz i needed that break HAHAHA xD sehun, pcy, yixing and minseok went backstage first to change out of their wet clothes, while baek, suho, kai, chen, kyungsoo, stayed behind to talk. They talked about how nice it was that Jongin was muscular bc he was good at exercising which made nini really embarrassed HAHA.. then joonmyeon turned to kyungsoo and was like, “what about you?” and squishy soo didn’t say anything and just bowed. NAW ITS OK PENGUIN SOO I LIKE IT BETTER WHEN YOU DONT HAVE RIPPED MUSCLES :D Then, Baekhyun said in the ment that, “During One and Only you guys held some letters up, but I couldn’t really see them as I was dancing, what did it say again? Could you raise it again so I could read?” so the representatives in the crowd did, and Baekhyun, Chanyeol read it out. THEN HAHA WHATS FUNNY IS baekhyun then said, “oh! i see now. But you know it’s not because we don’t know how to read english, we do- its because you guys held one letter upside down so we couldn’t read” UHMM SAVAGE BAEK ???!?!!? HAHAHA BUT IT WAS SUPER FUNNY XD. Then joonmyeon pitched in and said he thought that the M and Y were going to spell MYEON, which made him suspect that “oh? maybe they’re preparing something for my birthday……?” HAHAH NEXT TIME JOONMYEON NEXT TIME WE PROMISE <3 such a cutie.

AHAH ANOTHER FUNNY PART!! Baekhyun wanted us all to be quiet for a bit bc he wanted to say something but the crowd didn’t stay quiet for long, so he kept shushing us, like “sh! sh! SHHH!” and then he started saying SH in a really fast and abrupt way, IT SOUNDED LIKE HE SWORE AND SAID SH*T XD AND EVERYONE STARTED LAUGHING HAHAHAHAH don’t think he noticed but oh well baaha cute. baek went on to say how hard they’ve been preparing for their new album, so requested for us to show it lots of love when it comes out (OF COURSE!!! ITS A GIVEN1!!)

AHH ok so those 5 went backstage to change and now pcy, sehun, yixing, minseok came out to ment. During the ment, minseok said that he felt sorry because he messed up during the lightsaber perf. He said that it wasn’t because he forgot the moves, but because the water was pouring into his shirt, and it was so cold that he momentarily forgot what he was supposed to do (poor baby… please don’t get sick any of you :\\). Then PCY started going “沒關係” which is “no problem” in cantonese and got the entire crowd to repeat over and over until minseok told us to stop HAHA :3 then sehun decided to ment next, and he told a “funny” story - which really wasnt funny at all HAHA srsly no one understood what he was trying to say HAHAH or the purpose of the story he was telling - anyway at the end when he realized that no one understood what he was saying, he said, “i’m just trying to lighten up the mood from the sorry atmosphere minseok hyung set up just now..” then PCY again did the “no problem” chant and got the entire crowd in on it again x). Then to compensate, sehun asked us to all give a collective fake laugh AHHA AT HIS FAILED JOKE XD i can’t this boy is everything. then yixing went around giving a cantonese lesson for the other 3 boys, teaching them how to say thank you, hello, my name is___ except the fact that he forgot how to say the members names in canto xD

After the ment, yixing went back and pcy x sehun x minseok did a rap song that i believe is only exclusive to the concerts? its called “같이해” which means “do it together”. THIS. SONG. WAS. FREAKING. LIT. SEHUN FREAKING OWNED THAT STAGE LIKE IT WAS HIS AND NO ONE ELSES B) HE WAS IN CENTER STAGE MOST THE TIME, AND WENT ON THE RISING RAMP WHICH WAS SUUUUPER COOL. He was so full of charisma on stage i couldn’t take my eyes off him for even a second. he demanded attention in everything he did HAHAH THATS MY BOO then this lit rap transitioned into DROP THAT when all members joined them on stage, and IT WAS AS LIT AS IT WAS LAST YEAR WOO so so nice. “we say e-x, you say o! , e-x-“ “O!” so nice *sparkling eyes* OMG ALSO CHANYEOL DID AN ELECTRIC GUITAR COVER OF GROWL AND IT WAS FREAKING COOL AF

ooooohhhh then next they did the cool little Let Out the Beast remix starting with the lightstick part. It was a bit of a shame that they did not organize this concert to have the bluetooth setting so it lost a wow factor there, but STILL THE REMIX SONG WAS GREAT AND THEY DID A DANCE REMIX IT WAS SO EFFING COOL AND OLD SCHOOL I LOVE IT SO MUCH <3

Following that, they performed Lucky, where everyone LEGIT WENT CRAZY HYPER HAHA THEY DID RANDOM DANCES AND EVERYTHING speaking of random dances, CHANYEOL DABBED LIKE AT LEAST 10 TIMES HERE JEEEAASUS and did juju on the beat hAHAHA I WAS SHOOK lmao THEN they did RUN and yixing was near the part where i was at so I had a very clear view of him going CRAZYYY like actually CRAZY!! he was doing all sorts of random running moves, and just having a ton of fun :’)) this was so impactful on me because i rmb last year, they flew in to hk really early and at the same day they had to perform so lay was really really tired that day. but to see him so hyper and energetic was so refreshing and it made me really hyped up too :’) little xing bunny jumping for joy haha

GROWL MY FAV SONG came out and everything was SO PERFECT haha this time the members freely walked around first and interacted with fans. then park chanyeol. okay so um. this boy has a problem with chronic DABBING AND JUJU-ING. he DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO STOP LITERALLY DOES NOT STOP. HE DABBED LIKE AVERAGE EVERY 5 SECONDS NOT EXAGGERATING. And then baekhyun learned from him and started to dab and juju uncontrollably too ._. not you too baek AHAH but in all honesty it was so funny to watch XD pcy did so many dabs that sehun had to almost flying kick him to get him back to his regular mind haha. THEY WERE CRAZILY HYPER today and i LOVE IT SO MUCH  <3 AHAH AND THEN YIXING WAS SO CUTE CUZ during the beginning of growl when everyone walked everywhere, he walked to the furthest extended stage, but during the bridge he was supposed to get back to the middle to do the dance part. He only remembered when the music turned and had to RUN FOR HIS LIFE back to the centre aND IT WAS SO CUTE CUZ I SAW THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE REMEMBERED XD PRICELESS.

Lucky One was next, and similarly it was free-dance and walk around which was nice and chill for them ^^ but jongdae did not give up on the dance and still did it throughout ahah #dedication. near the end, suho was the only one dancing and pcy and sehun were both doing weird af gestures behind him LOL .. and then it was time for the last ment D: I’m sad just thinking about it again….

So at the start of the ment, when pcy was talking, jongin bent over and looked really tired, which is expected since he danced with so much energy during the entirety of the concert - but he suddenly ran off stage, and no one knew what was going on- i started to get really nervous because i didn’t know what happened, if he was sick or hurting and i felt really sad :( my heart hurt. But then when it got around to about fixing’s turn to ment, jongin finally came back and all the members were like, “kai-sshi where did you disappear off to just now?” and HAHA HE SAID, “i had to go to the bathroom really urgently i was very very urgent” HAHAHAHA XD NOT WHAT ANYONE OF US WERE EXPECTING LMAO IM DECEASED XDD Then the members teased him and were like, “Kai-sshi is your stomach not feeling well (aka do u have a stomach ache/diarrhoea)?” and he immediately denied it and said, “nO! I just went to the toilet to pee hahah i was so urgent.” Then he said, “You know, after coming back from the toilet, my mood is so much more relieved” BAHAHHAHAHA “RELIEVED?!?!” IM DEAD AGAIN.. then PCY started saying, “so did you go to the toilet to … number 2?” HAHAH and jongin said, “NO! I WENT TO DO A NUMBER 1” IT WAS SO FUNNY MY ABS HURT AHAHAHA THEY WERE ARGUING ABOUT THE TOILET ON STAGE I CANT WITH THESE BOYS.. XD

Channel kept dabbing and juju-ing still, which triggered baekhyun to do the same, AND I KID YOU NOT, they DID NOT STOP DOING THAT UNTIL THE ENTIRE MENT WAS OVER FOR EVERYONE XD THESE TWO PUPS.. baekhyun’s ment consisted of him teaching us how to dab LMAO he was like “i’ll teach you the easy one (the dab), bc the other one (the juju) is more complex” LOL THANKS TEACHER BAEK. so yeah long story short, he got the entire arena to dab. yup. EVERYONE. us all dabbing only exacerbated chanyeol’s chronic dabbing syndrome and he continued to do it, with baekhyun responding to him every single time. #CHANBAEK OTP FTW. throughout all the dabbing sehun was just judging and like “ai these hinges…” but then eventually he caved and also did dabs AHHAHA, yixing,  chen were laughing so hard. the thing is, suho is trying to give his ment properly, and there you have chanyeol on one end, baekhyun on the other DABBING TOWARDS EACH OTHER OK LIKE THESE BOYS ARE NOT OK. WHAT DID THEY EAT BEFORE COMING OUT HERE?? Eventually suho gave up AHAH and dabbed too (…….) WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS DABBING….?!!??! also . baekhyun couldn’t help it and decided to teach us the juju too so. LMAO. AND THEN BAEK SAID, “the dab move i taught you! when we sing Angel for the last song, I want you to dab throughout the song!” THIS IS HOW OBSESSED THEY ARE OK. IM BEING HONEST, PCY AND BAEK added tgt for the entire concert prob dabbed and juju-ed like 50 times each . NOT. AN EXAGGERATION. Haha so yeah, fun times..

During Angel, fans threw stuff toys and animal hats on stage, and exo went around playing with them. Baekhyun found a pikachiu hat and chanyeol found a stuffed pokeball = chanyeol smashing the pokeball at poor baekhyun who ended up rolling on the stage xD. Sehun found a dinosaur hat and a snake that he wrapped around his neck (how exotic LOL), then he found a small stuffed white puppy that looked like Vivi. and he carried it all the way back to the stage where he said in chinese, “Vivi says, ‘see you tomorrow!’” (CAN HE GET ANY CUTER???). AND THEN omg the sweetest part was how yixing liteally went to every corner and crevice of the stage to bow and say goodbye and thankyou to the fans :’(((( IM CRYING HE’S LITERALLY THE SWEETEST BUNNY TT he was the last to return to the back part of the stage where baekhyun said they wanted to take a photo with all of us dabbing in the background (LMAO). it was so sad to see them all disappear behind the closing screens, how did time pass so quickly? it felt like we just came in to sit down..

it was an INSANE night. SO MUCH HYPE, SO LIT, SO FUN AND TRUELY showed the talents and nature of exo :’) they really had so much fun and as an EXO-L that is all I can ask for. Im so glad that they were able to get a nights rest before the concert this time unlike last year, because they were so much more awake and aware of the concert. they were all so into it and so CRAZY HYPER HAHA. Interestingly, baekhyun, suho both talked about how this Exo’rdium in HK was the VERY FIRST concert they held in the new year of 2017. WHICH WAS SUCH A HUGE THING!! they were all so energetic and excited about the concert that they asked for everyone in the crowd to dab while they took a group photo with us in the background - I AM OFFICIALLY SIGNING OFF. THEY ASKED US TO DAB FOR A PHOTO IM DONE. LMAO IM DOOONNEEE

So yeah…. that was a LONG ASS POST but it was worth staying up to 4am to write about <3 the best part was that when we looked at the time it was 10:32pm. we started at 7pm SHARP. which meant this concert went on for 3 and a half hours. 3 AND A HALF HOURS. THATS AMAZING AND GENEROUSLY LONG <3 This beautiful memory will stay with me forever and motivate me to do well in upcoming mocks and exams ^^ EXO SARANGHAJA!!!!! <3 WOOOOOO

[admhawthorne]

I’m going to post something here that may possibly get me in some level of trouble...

...if my former roommate reads this, but, at this point, I suspect it’s a moot point.

In 2014, I agreed to be my cousin’s roommate so she would be able to afford payments for a new car. She really needed a new vehicle to get from point A to point B, and I figured it’d be fine to be her roommate. Our schedules are extremely different, and the likelihood of us actually seeing each other was really fairly small. It’d be two ships passing in the night, which exactly what I said at the time I agreed to be her roommate.

[VERY long post about why I’ve been less than cordial for two years.]

In fact, I was very clear that we probably wouldn’t see each other much, we wouldn’t eat together, and it would be rare that we would spend down time together, such as playing board games, because of how different our habits are. I made no secret of how I would behave here. This was a roommate arrangement, not a family reunion that went on all year.

We set ground rules. She would let me know if she left for the weekend so I could lock to top lock. She would pay me so I could pay the bills because I had to move in a month before her, so the bills would be in my name, and she wouldn’t bring strangers into the house (aka one night stands.) She would get the master bedroom with the attached bathroom. I would get the covered parking. Her friends could stay the night, and her best friend could wash his clothes at our place. My wife could come when her scheduled allowed. We would clean up after ourselves, take out the trash and put the dishes when needed, and I would hire a housekeeper to come clean once a month or so. My cousin was under no obligation to pay for that service, but it would be nice if she chipped in since the housekeeper would be cleaning the common areas.

It was, from there, a series of bad omens.

We looked around at few different apartments as time came close for me to move. My lease was up a whole month before hers, and, to add to it, I had to give a 60 day notice to my current complex while she only needed to give 30 (as I recall).

Our schedules never worked out to find a place. I kept pushing as it got closer and closer to time for me to put in my intent to my current complex. Finally, it was the weekend in which I had to find a place, and I called her only to find she was in a different state on vacation with a friend of hers. I asked her if she really wanted to roommate with me. If she didn’t, that was fine, but I needed an answer that weekend because, as I’d stated earlier, I needed to have a place lined up by that weekend. She hemmed and hawed and finally said she still wanted to do it and she guessed she’d trust me to pick from the places we’d already looked at.

Why was it so hard to find a place? Well, it couldn’t be further than 20 minutes from her work, it had to fall under X amount of money each month so she could afford it, it had to have two bathrooms, and it had to have a bedroom big enough to hold her king sized platform bed plus her stuff. Her stuff, mind you, is enough to fill up a moving truck twice over and then some.

So, I put down for an apartment that worked under her guidelines. It worked for me, too, because it was also close to my job at that time. A week later, I was offered a FAR better job. That job was an hour to an hour and a half away from this new apartment, depending on traffic. I took the job, of course, which meant I had to eat that commute.

From that point on, it’s just been a series of mini-cluster fucks.

First, there was the issue that not all of her stuff would fit in the new apartment, which she knew, but she thought more could fit in there than could actually fit, so she had to get a bigger storage unit. That eventually became a weird strike against me even though I got rid of all my sitting furniture and had only one box and a table top in the storage closet outside. I donated or otherwise disposed of almost all of my “stored” things to specifically give her as much storage room as possible in this new apartment, which she knew. I never made that a secret.

Then there was the issue that, because I was in the second bedroom with no extra space, my TV and gaming consoles were in the living room, which meant that, when I came home, I would settle in the living room for an hour or two before going to bed. In our agreements before moving in together, she had said this would be fine. She had a TV in her room, so it was no big deal for me to be in the living room when I came home after work or during the weekends. However, after a few months, this arrangement made her uncomfortable; she eventually told me that the apartment didn’t feel like it was hers at all because she didn’t feel comfortable being out in the public spaces. That was apparently my fault somehow, though I never could get her to explain how it was my fault or what I could do to fix it.

Whenever she had someone over and they were in the living room, she would have them scatter as soon as I walked in the door, and I would stop them and point out that I could go somewhere else or do something else instead of being on the TV, but my cousin always blew that off and acted like I was running them out on a rail. I never could get her to explain why she acted that way. Yes, I asked.

She had someone over almost all the time. If it wasn’t her former boyfriend/now BFF, then it was her current boyfriend, or one of her friend girls. There was almost always someone there if she wasn’t out and spending the night with them. If she was out and spending the weekend with them, she almost never would tell me, which broke a part of our agreements prior to moving in together. When asked about it, she’d just shrug say, “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you, but I meant to.”

She never cleaned up after her BFF, who would cook and leave a trail of crumbs and god only knows what on and in the oven. She never really cleaned up after herself, either. She’d cook sweets like cakes for her work people, and I’d come into the kitchen to find my hand sticking to the counter tops or confectionery sugar in all the nooks and crevices of the counter tops. Shit would get spilled out in the fridge that I know wouldn’t be mine because I rarely had food in the fridge, and she’d never clean it out. It’d just sit there until I couldn’t take it anymore. I think, in the two years we were living together, she cleaned the fridge out, maybe, twice, and she NEVER offered to help pay for the housekeeper.

I cleaned it out once while she watched, and I literally pulled a tin of cookies from the crisper drawer that were over 5 years old. She had moved them from her old place to the new, and they were that old.

She eventually got a new boyfriend, after going through a dating phase in which she, once again, found ‘the one’ only to have him ghost her. They’d only been talking/dating for three months when that happened, but the world came to an end there for a while.

The new boyfriend is a nice guy. He’s a former Christian cult member, but he’s better now. He is married and divorced with a teenage daughter who has a host of issues (as do we all), but the daughter doesn’t live with him even though he has custody. (It’s a long story, but I actually don’t judge him for this. I understand he’s trying to do what’s right for his daughter.) The man can’t keep a job. He had five in the half a year I’ve known him, and I know that because, two months after they started dating, he was kicked out of his place, thus making him homeless.

In the heat of a Texas July, my cousin decided she would help him find places he could sleep during the day IN HIS CAR so he could make it to his overnight job he had at the time. Let me repeat that in bullet points:

-          Middle of a Texas Summer

-          Homeless boyfriend

-          Help him find places to sleep in his black car

That’s care, isn’t it? I found out about it because I asked her what was wrong with him, and I just couldn’t let it go that she would rather help him sleep in his car and risk arrest for trespassing and/or heatstroke than talk to me (or anyone else for that matter) about finding a solution that would actually help him. It was wrong on so many levels that I had a break in good judgement and told her that, if he paid 200.00 for the month for rent (he wasn’t getting 40 hours for work, so I understood that 200.00 would be a lot but doable and allow him time to save up for move-in costs), he could stay with us until he found a place, but I expected him to find a place in two months’ time.

He never found a place.

He paid the 200.00 for two months, and then offered to pay 250.00 because he realized “it wasn’t right for [him] to be there and only pay 200.00.” To his credit, he did look for a place, but he could never find one he could afford on his own, especially with the upfront costs to move in, so there’s that. Luckily, he/they still had money for multiple concerts at AT&T (Cowboy) Stadium and a few road trips. Isn’t that lucky?

By then, it was September. I decided to let it go. Our lease was up in December, and then I’d be done. It was clear he wasn’t going anywhere. It was also clear that they weren’t doing the dishes. We had a dishwasher. It’s not hard to fill it, run it, and put your dishes up.

There were two of them and one of me, and I had been as vocal as I could be about them cleaning up their messes without lighting smoke signals, so I started hand washing the one or two dishes I made during the course of the day, which didn’t sit well with my cousin, either, especially when I stopped buying soap for the dishwasher.

In August, I found out from a mutual friend that my cousin and I were in a fight over the temperature in the apartment. I literally had no flippin’ clue. A couple of weeks before, my cousin, her boyfriend, and I had dinner together, and I mentioned that I noticed they’d been putting the air on auto, which turns off the fan. They told me that it kept the apartment cooler that way. I told them fine, and I asked them that, if they were going to do that, to please turn the fan on in my room because my cat’s litter box was in my room and, with no air circulation at all and regardless of how clean I keep the box, it would be stifling in my room without some air current. They said they could do that. They did it once, and then, a few weeks later I find out we’re apparently in a “fight” about it. Really?

A week later, I decided to bring it up because, F it all, being in an argument I didn’t even know about was actually pissing me off. I offered solutions to the temperature situation. They were all shot down, and I was told, “[He and I] will figure something out. It’s okay.” So, that issued was solved not at all, but it was yet something else that she didn’t like that I was doing.

By the end of September, my cousin decided to tell me that she “misread” the lease. She thought it was up on December 1, so they’d already found a new place and were moving in the last week of November, but, since she was in the wrong about it and that was on her, she would pay her share of the rent for December “if [I] still wanted [her] to.”

*slow blink*

Naturally, my answer was a strong affirmative on that one. She was going to pay her part of the rent.

I don’t think that sat well with her either.

In fact, there a lot of things that didn’t sit well with her, like the fact I didn’t always talk when she walked into a room, which I didn’t find out until over year into this crap, and not from her but from one of her gentlemen suitors who was on his way out to smoke on our patio and mentioned it as a throwaway line as he stepped outside. She didn’t like me camping out at home during the weekend and “never leaving the apartment,” but she never seemed to take into account that my nearly 3 hour round trip commute during the week meant I had no time for things like watching TV or playing videogames during the week. I guess, when you can drive home from work for lunch and a little siesta and get back on time, you forget other people have a harder time chilling at home during the work week.

Here’s the thing, I don’t think I’m actually allowed to be angry, irritated, or otherwise negative about any of this. She was in a car accident that hurt her back even more than it already was, so she had problems bending over and couldn’t carry much weight, which is why she didn’t do dishes or take the trash out. When her boyfriend moved in, he did take the trash out, but I was feeling no guilt over that because he was paying less than 1/3 of rent/bills. She has mental health issues circling around depression and anxiety, so I’m supposed to be patient with her when she’s having problems talking to me about things that bother her or when she didn’t bother to give me a heads up that a strange man/man in general was in the house and could come out of her bedroom at any point, like when I’m going/coming from the shower because my bathroom was not attached to my bedroom. (Yes, I have a robe. That’s not the point.) She is a self-identified introvert and empath, so I’m supposed to understand that she’d extremely sensitive and be cognizant of that fact so as not to hurt her feelings accidentally.

Right? I’m supposed to just roll with it, and, whenever I think something might be wrong, I should’ve asked her instead of her bringing it up even though it’s a thing bothering her. Right?

I F’ING DID. About once every three months I would ask her if I’d done something or said something that pissed her off, and she never once – NOT ONCE – took the chance to tell me any of the shit that was bothering her.

Not.

One.

Single.

Flippin’.

Time.

The final time I asked her what was going on with her was November about a week before she and her boyfriend moved out, and she said, “Well, nothing except I think you don’t like me anymore.”

I said, “Have I done anything to you to indicate that?”

Her: No

Me: Have I said anything to make you think that?

Her: No

Me: Do have an example that shows why you might feel that way?

Her: No, not really

Me: Have you spoken to me about it at all?

Her: No

Me: Well, if you don’t have anything, then I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t have anything to give you anymore.

Because that was a freakin’ setup. It was too little too late, and I was so tired and so frustrated by then that anything would have been a verbal beat down and extremely accusatory. It would NOT have been productive. If she had given me something, I would have happily addressed it and explained my thought process, but she didn’t. She brought it up and hoped I’d just get after it.

Nope. I only had a few weeks to go by then.

I sent her the final rent/bill cost and forgot that her boyfriend wasn’t paying the 250.00 he’d generously been giving for rent. When I asked her the morning of the day of her move about it, she had apparently built up this whole argument in her head about how her boyfriend had “agreed to be a tenant only until the end of November, and, since this rent was for December and he was no longer a tenant, he did not owe the money,” which made me want to roll my eyes so far back in my head I could see my brain.

I cut her off, told her that was fine so long as she paid me, and I left for work.

Since then, I haven’t said a word to her. I saw her and her boyfriend on Christmas Eve at our grandfather’s house. We said exactly nothing to each other. I gave her a book she mentioned she wanted and a hand blender like one I have that I thought she might like that’s great for sauces and soups. She gave no one anything, or maybe it was just me. Hard to know these days.

You know, in general, I try to do what’s right. I do. It may not be in a gentle way. I’m not a feelings person. I don’t do the empathy thing well. It’s just not my thing. I’ve spent my whole life with chronic pain and clinical depression with the added bonus of generalized anxiety. It’s great. It’s like slamming on the breaks and the gas at the same time while in the middle of a three car pileup. I learned a long time ago that you just have to keep going. You find solutions that work to allow you to keep doing what needs to be done despite whatever ails you. In spite of your physical or mental pain, there’s a point at which you have to go to work, you have to clean up after yourself, and you have do for yourself without expecting anyone to be grateful or excited that you are doing it.

That’s just adult life. It sucks sometimes, but life is hard. My physical and mental issues are not my crutch, and I think that, a lot of the time, they’re my cousin’s, and that frustrates me not because I’m trying to one up her on the ‘oh yeah, mine’s worse’ meter, but because it keeps her from progressing in life, and it keeps the rest of us around her in a constant state of ‘will this be the thing that sets her off?’

She just won’t talk about anything that bothers her and refuses to address problems, and I just can’t do it anymore.

On the tenth anniversary of the death of the woman who raised me, I wanted to go visit her grave, but my cousin’s fuck buddy posted about his new girlfriend on Facebook, and she had a mutual friend call me and ask me to come over to help manager my cousin because she was so distraught, so I did. Looking back, I don’t think I should have. She used to throw actual tantrums when we were children when things weren’t going her way because we were ‘mean to her,’ and I never understood that. She complains about no one understanding her or bothering to remember what is important to her even though she does that for other people because she’s a giver, but people do stuff for her all the time, and they don’t have to.

I don’t think I can be a good person to her anymore. If these past two years have taught me anything, it’s that I was a chump. I hate myself for that. I don’t ever want to feel as stressed out and frustrated about going home as I did these past two years. I am the most unhealthy I have ever been, and it’s because I allowed myself to be that way in order to stay out of the line of sight of my cousin lest I upset her.

It’s stupid. I was stupid. I was so very stupid, and I don’t think we will ever get back to where we were before this mess started. It’s a loss on both sides, and I could make it right by reaching out to her and apologizing for not being sympathetic, understanding, and helpful in her times of need, but the truth is it’s a two way street, and I was the only one reaching out.

It’s her turn.

As childish and selfish and self-centered as that sounds, and I know it’s egotistical, which is wrong, but it’s her turn to be the bigger person and reach out to me. If she really wants the relationship (as she said about a boy who she once wanted to date but didn’t want to ask him out because he should ask her out), she can talk to me.

It’s wrong… I hate myself for that, too, but I feel so much better having that behind me and being alone again.

….maybe I just shouldn’t be around people…