#also i tried writing an image description i hope it's okay !! shout if there's anything i've missed/should remove

[sketchfeathers]

been chipping away at this as a little cooldown project over the last week or so - my baby phoenix's level 14 design! i can't wait for him to get his wiiiings aaaa

i'm just so happy this lil guy is finally in a Regular Game after a handful of false starts, playing him regularly has been such a delight i love him and the campaign he's in So Much ;;;;

also, if you want to see WIP shots, you can find them on my patreon!

[gtanddragons]

Try Again?

Hey all, finally have some G/t writing to present for the first time in a long while. ^^ Based on this post from @miniature-knight because it’s been living in my head rent-free for a long while now and I’ve been on a D/anganr/onpa kick lately. Also giant!Hajime content is VERY good. 

Content warnings: Brief descriptions of blood and surgery, mild swearing, major spoilers for DR2, and minor spoilers for DR3 (Despair Arc)

[ Connecting… ]

[ Connecting… ]

[ Connection to server lost. Try again?]

[ Stabilizer_01: Offline ]

[ Stabilizer_02: Offline ]

[ WARNING: Cellular instability detected ]

[ Vitals_Monitor: Offline ]

[ WA7RNiN6: #%^R01 ]

[ … ]

[ …? ]

—

He wakes up very suddenly, an involuntary cry of pain tearing its way from his throat.

It hurts. Everything hurts. His body aches and protests with every tiny movement he makes, and his brain feels as though it’s threatening to crack right out of his skull. It hurts and his mouth and throat are dry— so dry— and there’s dust everywhere, even coughing hurts, there’s screaming—

…

(…Screaming?)

Hajime finally cracks his eyes open, wincing at how crusty they feel— like he’d been asleep for a long, long time, but… he’s sitting upright, isn’t he? When had he sat up? When had he gone to sleep, for that matter…?

As he begins to reorient himself, so too does his vision. It takes a frustratingly long time, but when everything begins to come back together into a single, clear image—

“H… huh?” He croaks, barely noticing the rasp in his voice in favor of trying to make sense of literally anything before his eyes.

There’s rubble everywhere, surrounding him on all sides and tumbling off of him with every little movement. But more importantly— he can see people running in the distance, far below. All of them are wearing white and black uniforms. It’s familiar… but he’s not quite sure why. 

He’s also not sure why he reaches his hand out. Maybe it’s out of shock, maybe it’s instinct.

But what he doesn’t anticipate is actually touching one of the fleeing bodies, feeling his fingers brush against warmth.

He freezes. The student— the tiny student— is screaming. He didn’t mean to knock them over with that careless little touch but now they’re crying and screaming and—

Hajime’s breaths quicken as he recoils, pulling back his hand as though he’d been burned. He frantically looks at the fleeing students, the rubble, the buildings around him— the buildings that all seem to match him in height.

(They’re not… they’re not small. I-I’m…)

He lifts his arms, wincing as more rubble tumbles off his body and smashes to the ground below. He’s gripping his head in his hands, he can’t breathe, he’s breathing too fast and his vision is blurring and everything hurts and he’s terrified and where is he and—?!

[ …Why are you so upset? ]

Hajime tenses up, lifting his head at the sound of a voice. 

“Wh-what—?”

[ Why are you scared? They cannot hurt you like this. ]

His gaze darts to the ground, but most of the students nearby had already run away, including the one he’d accidentally knocked over. This voice was… close, but not. Familiar, but not. He knows he heard it, but… he felt it, too.

“Who… who’s there? Where are you?”

[ They cannot hurt us when we are like this. ]

In the back of his head, he has the inexplicable feeling of… something foreign. A sense of self-satisfaction, but one that isn’t his own. 

“You’re… in my head…?” Hajime whispers, gripping his shoulders in a desperate hug. “G-get… get out of my head! What are you?!”

A sense of miffed confusion is prodding at his consciousness now. He shifts uncomfortably, wincing at the feeling of invisible fingers poring through his brain.

[ You are not… satisfied? You were crying out for help, so I offered my assistance. ]

Hajime opens his mouth to protest, but images and feelings are suddenly flashing through his mind, not of his own control. 

His body, flailing, gloved hands pinning him down. His throat, hoarse from screaming. Fear. Desperation. Pain, as a needle is forcefully poked into his arm. 

A starched white bed. Restraints. Seeing an operating knife plunging into his body. He doesn’t know if he’s begging out loud or if it’s just in his head.

The voice. It’s there, too, and he can feel it pulsing at the back of his head. It doesn’t come in the form of words, but in the form of an invisible hand, reaching out. Feelings of reassurance. A silent offer.

It’s one he takes. He’s grabbing onto the hand with everything he’s got, like a drowning man.

And then… nothing.

He’s snapped out of those memories as quickly as he’d been submerged in them, the… thing in his head pushing them aside. Like putting files back into a cabinet.

[ We are free now. ]

Hajime doesn’t respond. His head is swimming, distress and confusion crashing over his thoughts like tidal waves. His memory feels… hazy. Incomplete. But he remembers trusting the Hope’s Peak research team… he thinks. It was supposed to be a series of ‘small tests’. When had it escalated that far?

Why is there something else in his head? Why and how did he get like this? He’s surrounded by rubble and a collapsed building— the same one he’d been interviewed in. 

The same one he’d been experimented on in the basement.

He can’t help it. His body is starting to shudder with sobs, confused and aching and distraught. The voice doesn’t pipe up this time, but he can feel its presence lingering, uncertain. 

He covers his face with dirty, dust-covered hands. It’s hardly a comfort.

(What… do I do now? I don’t know, I… am I… stuck like this forever—?)

“Hajimeeee!”

He flinches at the sudden shout, close in range yet… distant. He peeks between trembling fingers, his gaze traveling to the ground—

And then he freezes.

Hazy memories are becoming more and more vivid. Even at this distance, that voice is so familiar— that hoodie, that hair— he’s seen them plenty of times before. Thought about them even more so.

“Ch… Chiaki…?” he croaks, his eyes widening.

Unlike the hundreds of students before her, she was running towards him. She halts only once she’s gotten as close as she can get to his leg, the rest of her path blocked off by debris.

She rests her hands on her knees and leans over— even from this height, Hajime can tell that she’s panting.

“H-Hajime… so this… this is where you’ve been!”

His other thoughts are overshadowed by a surge of relief at her familiar (and very much welcome) presence… and a crushing sense of guilt. Had she been waiting for him this whole time…? How long had it even been since he agreed to participate in the Hope Cultivation Project?

He finds himself reaching out for her, the ache in his heart getting stronger— but then he tenses up, his hand stopping only a few feet away from her small frame.

[ Why are you afraid? She cannot hurt you. ]

(Shut up.)

His thoughts drift to earlier. How he had accidentally knocked over that poor student with a simple nudge of his fingertips. How they had screamed in terror and ran—

His hand reflexively twitches, a slight tremble shivering through his arm.

[ …You’re afraid of hurting her? How peculiar. ]

(Shut. Up.)

However, even though he was frozen with indecision, Chiaki had other plans. 

Hajime inhales sharply as he feels a little pressure against the tip of his finger, startled as he glances back down and sees the girl grabbing onto his finger without a shred of hesitation.

“Hey, Hajime. It’s going to be okay. …I think.”

His lower lip trembles, even as he lets out a weak attempt at a laugh. “That… doesn’t sound very reassuring, when you say it like that, you know.”

“Got you smiling though, right?”

He sniffles, letting out a soft chuckle. “Y-yeah, fine. Guilty.”

[ What is… this feeling we’re experiencing? ]

Hajime’s shoulders tense up at the sudden reminder that he’s not exactly alone in his thoughts. He huffs quietly, shooting a scowl at nothing in particular.

(Didn’t I already tell you to be quiet?)

[ Yes. But I am curious. It feels very… warm. You care a lot for this human, correct? ]

(...Yes. Now shh. Go away. Something.)

[ I cannot ‘go away’, much as I would prefer being my own separate entity, Hajime. ]

(Really.)

[ Perhaps you should have taken into consideration the future ramifications of allowing yourself to be subjected to human experimentation. ]

(I wasn’t signing myself up for that to get an obnoxious backseat driver, you know!)

“...jime? Ah… Earth to Hajime…?”

He pauses in his bristling to look back down at Chiaki, who is looking up at him with a rather concerned look on her face.

“...You’re acting strange.”

Hajime clears his throat sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.

“...S-sorry. It’s just, uh. Been a lot to process, and… uh…”

He trails off as his fingertips trace up the back of his neck. His hair feels… longer than it did, but on a more concerning note… he can feel a raised, bumpy line going from the back of his neck all the way up to the back of his head. Stitches.

Hajime glances down at his hand worriedly as he pulls it away from the back of his neck. Unfortunately, it came back wet with splotches of blood, like he’d suspected. It was no surprise that he’d torn at least a few of them in the… chaos? He’s still not sure what had happened while he’d been unconscious, but judging from the destruction around him… his escape from the facility below the building couldn’t have been very peaceful.

“...It’s been a lot,” he concludes awkwardly.

“I can kinda tell, yeah.” Chiaki pauses, a mournful, distant look entering her gaze. “I was… really worried. That you might not come back.”

He glances away at that. He’d known he’d be leaving Chiaki for a while, but he hadn’t expected… whatever they had tried doing to him.

(And if that process hadn’t been interrupted… would I even have been able to come back to her at all?)

[ Doubtful. As far as I can assess, your memories and consciousness would have been stifled entirely, leaving me a clean slate for a host body. ]

(It was… it was a rhetorical question.)

[ Ah. ]

That being said, Hajime can’t help a heavy gulp and a shiver at the voice’s interruption before he turns to look at Chiaki again.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I never-- I never thought it would turn out like this,” he offers weakly. Feeling somewhat emboldened by Chiaki’s continued safety despite being so close to him, he shifts his hand a bit so that he’s delicately ‘holding’ her hands between his forefinger and thumb. 

Chiaki hums softly, smiling faintly at the warmth encompassing her hands all the way up to her mid-forearms. It’s… disconcerting, to say the least-- she’d be lying if her instincts weren’t a bit freaked out at having her arms held like those of a figurine, or a doll-- but when she looks up at his face, she’s smiling even more warmly than before.

“Just don’t do something like that ever again, ‘kay?”

“I won’t. I promise.”

She takes a moment just to bask in his presence before her smile returns to a more neutral expression. Then, she pops her lip awkwardly.

“...So I’d really like to know what happened. If and when you’re comfortable sharing, yeah? But, uh. Right now, we might… need to get out of here.”

Hajime’s head perks up at the distant sound of approaching sirens, his eyes shooting open wide.

“Oh no.”

[ Don’t worry. We can take them. ]

“That’s not the--!” Hajime catches himself mid-tirade, instead lifting his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Chiaki, you need to get out of here. I can’t let you get caught up in whatever is going to happen next.”

(That’s not the point. I’m not getting myself into more trouble-- I already have enough of that as is.)

[ ...So you do not wish to be this size, then? Even though it will keep you safe from any number of this city’s local law enforcement, and with my assistance, I believe the national guard as well-- ]

(No, I don’t want to be a giant freak, thank you very much.)

[ Mmm. What a boring answer… but, very well. Focus on settling your breathing-- and try not to panic too much. ]

(Wait, why would I--?)

Hajime sucks in one last breath before he suddenly can’t. He can see himself moving, see himself blinking, but he’s not controlling any of it. He’s formless, drifting endlessly, gasping for air to fill nonexistent lungs.

“A-ah--! Wh-what-- what the fuck did you do to me?!”

He can see his fingers releasing their hold on Chiaki, can see her gasping down below as he-- his body-- moves to stand upright, a shower of rubble clattering to the ground in his wake.

“No! Chiaki--!”

[ Shh. I’ve already calculated the amount of debris and where it’s falling-- none of it will fall anywhere near her. And I am merely borrowing your body for a minute while I resolve this matter. ]

“Borrowing--?! Are you kidding me, this is my body!”

[ You need to settle down. You’re interrupting my focus. ]

“No, I’m not just gonna ‘settle down’! Give me back my body, or I’ll--!”

It’s all too sudden, the shift from drifting formlessly through the void into something… a little more corporeal. He still can’t control his body, but in the surrounding darkness… he looks down. He can look down, at slightly-translucent, softly-glowing arms and legs.

This is… better, at least. It’s not his own body, but it’s better than… the nothingness.

And then he looks up.

He suddenly regrets his previous thought.

Looming over him, for lack of better words, is a giant shadow. It would almost look human, if not for the vast expanse of flowing, pitch-black hair that eventually trails off into the nothingness, or the piercing, glowing-red gaze peering down at him like he’s a mere insect.

[ You’ll… what? Tear your brain back open to get me out? Really now. ]

Hajime flounders desperately in an attempt to scoot backwards, but he doesn’t move an inch. He’s stuck floating in the same spot as impossibly-large hands come at him from both sides-- and proceed to cup around his ‘body’. Whatever form of gravity this place has suddenly comes into effect, his softly-glowing form tumbling into the palms of the shadow’s hands.

He lets out a terrified gasp as he’s lifted higher, to about the same level as those emotionless eyes.

For a moment, they both remain in silence. The shadow cocks its head, ever-so-slightly-- as though it were curious about its catch.

[ As I’ve already said, this is far from an ideal situation for you and me both. However, if there were a way to split our consciousnesses into separate entities, I would already be pursuing that course of action. As it stands, we are stuck together for the time being. ]

He flinches as its fingers move around him, thumbs moving closer and closer until they’re…

...Stroking him. Running over his back and head, impossibly gentle for such a massive creature.

[ Just know that I do not intend to harm you, Hajime Hinata, nor do I seek full control over your body. You will have it back once I am finished-- it would get boring very quickly if I held the reins for too long. For now, I just need you to calm yourself-- it’ll be irritating attempting to focus while also having to quell your struggling. ]

Seemingly involuntarily, Hajime finds himself letting out a long sigh, tenseness beginning to melt away from his ‘body’ and his actual, physical body at the same time. The shadow continues to carefully rub at him, massaging his shoulders and back-- it’s distracting enough that he can almost avoid looking at the unchanging, ominous eyes staring down at him, and enough that he almost doesn’t recognize how his physical body is changing.

The buildings around him are shifting, seemingly getting taller and taller with every breath. The process starts speeding up until, in a matter of seconds, they’re all looming over his body-- and Chiaki comes up to his chin instead of barely reaching his ankle.

And just like that, Hajime is gasping and coughing and swaying on wobbly knees, disoriented by suddenly regaining control of his lungs-- and the rest of his body-- once more. He nearly flinches at the sudden sensation of touch, as Chiaki’s hands quickly grab onto his shoulders to keep him from toppling over.

“I’m… Hajime, you’re really going to have to tell me what they did to you when we get out of here.”

He clears his throat in embarrassment and stands up straighter as he gets used to the feeling of his own body again, though he doesn’t exactly protest against letting Chiaki continue to support him.

“...Yeah, I’ll… I’ll try. It’s kind of a blur…”

(...Why didn’t you do that sooner?)

[ For protection, mostly, on the off chance that the facility staff attempted to incapacitate us. 

...That and it was rather enlightening to watch you and the girl attempting to get around the mental and physical barriers of your stature to display affection towards one another. ]

(Are you fucking kidding me.)

[ No. Also, please bathe at your earliest convenience. I regret that my brief experience with the sense of smell was fouled by your own body odor and the dirt clinging to your skin. ]

(Shut up. For the love of everything holy, shut up.)

[ I do not carry any particular fondness for any objects deemed by many cultures as ‘holy’-- ]

Hajime groans in exasperation, choosing to focus instead on Chiaki and being led away from the remains of the building behind them.

It… feels good just being near her again. Knowing he has a friend close by is comforting in and of itself-- probably his only friend at Hope’s Peak Academy, for that matter. One he’d come close to never seeing again, if he hadn’t been given a second chance.

“...So what’s going on with your eyes?”

He blinks, confused, before glancing over at her. “What do you mean?”

“One of them is red. And when you went back to normal, both of them were red. That’s not normal… I think.”

He freezes up momentarily at that-- and then he lets out another exasperated sigh before continuing to walk.

“It’s… a long story.”

(...But at least I’m still here to tell it.)

[jtsfavslut]

The Wedding Planner

Description: The number one rule when it comes to wedding planning is 'Don't fall in love with either of your clients.' What if you already were?

Warnings: soft smut

Word Count: 3.4k+

"Lillie, cue the lights and get the bride for me, thanks," you spoke into your little Bluetooth thing allowing you to communicate with your entire without disturbing any of the guests.

You watched as the lights dimmed down and the music began playing as the bride and her father walked up to the altar, feeling proud of yourself for planning such a wedding at a short notice. Everyone was in awe when she passed the guests, she wanted a princess fantasy wedding, so you and your team gave her a princess fantasy.

"Y/N, everything is all set for the reception," Lillie whispered standing next to you while watching the ceremony as well.

"Thank you, I don't know how I could work without you," you sighed and she shook her head.

"I think you would do fine," she said, making you scoff.

"I don't think so. You're my assistant, you know how I like things to be done," you said and she nodded her head this time with a smile.

"Oh Lillie, we can't go to the reception today. We have an important appointment at the same time. We need to leave in around….. ten minutes," you paused to look at your watch, "so if you could please go over the reception one more time, while I finalize some stuff here, that would be great,"

"Okay, I'll meet you by the entrance," she said before quickly walking away nodding her head.

"Okay, guys! Great work today, as always," you said into the 'microphone' getting thanks from everyone, "I'll see you guys tomorrow at our meeting, bye guys,"

You grabbed your things from a small room where you were settled in and walked to your car where Lillie was waiting.

"So, who are we working for now?" she asked as you opened the car getting inside.

"Some big YouTuber and a model," you sighed turning on the car after putting your seatbelt on, "She was kinda cocky on the phone, I'm not gonna lie," you sighed making her chuckle.

"Aren't they all like that?" She asked and you shrugged.

"I don't know, but let's hope my judgment is wrong," you sighed making a few turns before pulling up to your office.

You've owned a Wedding Planning service for a couple of years now. You used to work for someone but you were the best of the best, so you decided to part ways, and it was going great. You've planned for many celebrities and important people, so your company was doing well.

"Is that her?" Lillie asked pointing to a brunette girl that was waiting by the door. "I think so," you replied with a shrug, and got out of the car with Lillie following close behind.

"Hi, how can we help you today?" you asked with a smile as you approached the girl.

"Hey, I'm Tylah, we had an appointment today," she said, returning your smile as you unlocked the door.

"It's great to meet you, sorry if we're late we just came back from a wedding," you apologized walking in as she shook her head.

"You guys are fine, in your defense this was a bit rushed," she said and you slowly nodded your head with a smile and walked her to your office.

"Okay, I'm just going to quickly explain how the process works, is that alright?" you asked and she nodded her head, "Okay, so, the first thing we do is look into venues or places of interest, and we also write important things down, to go over things that the bride and the groom want. After that, we go to the venues to help you pick one out, then we get into the actual planning since we have a clear image of the venue, then we go dress picking if you haven't done that already, flower picking, and my team will take care of all the decorations, while me and Lillie go over everything, and stay close with you, by that I mean we do the rehearsal, choreographies, train the best man for his speech and the maid of honor, and make sure you like everything before we bring the plan to live," you explained as she nodded her head and listened.

"That sounds great. When do we start?"

"We can start the first 'phase' tomorrow, is the groom coming in?" you asked and she nodded her head.

"Great, you can come in anytime in the morning, and I will be here, do you have any questions?" you asked.

"No I'm great, we'll come by at 7 if that's okay?" she said and you nodded your head.

"That's perfect, I'll see you tomorrow," you replied, getting up from your chair to walk her out.

"Thank you so much for doing this after I called out of nowhere," she said with a smile.

"It's okay, thank you for coming to us. Have a great day," you replied before she left the building.

"How was she?" Lillie asked, making you shake your head.

"She was actually really nice," you said with a smile. "Lillie you can go home now, make sure to be here before seven,"

"Okay, thank you. Make sure to eat something, you haven't eaten anything all day," she said and you nodded your head.

"I'll grab something on the way home," you replied, walking away to grab your stuff, "Drive safe," you shouted when you heard the door opening.

"You too," she shouted back.

The next day you were up at 5 am, getting ready and eating breakfast to be out the door by 6, and getting to your office at 6:30.  You were never a person to be late, you were always on time, or before time, but never late. It's just how you were wired, which is great when it comes to planning stuff. For every event you plan, you have a schedule detailed to the last minute, wanting to give your clients their dream wedding. The wedding you never got to have, for a certain reason which motivated you to give them exactly what they want.

"Good morning Lillie, you ready for today?" you said as you walked inside your establishment to be met with Lillie.

"As always, did you eat anything?" she asked and you nodded your head. "Good, I don't want you passing out on me, again," she said, making you shake your head.

"I won't, I promise," you sighed before walking away to your office and setting everything up.

"Y/N, they're here," Lillie said, knocking on your door.

"Let em' in please," you said and she nodded her head before walking away.

"Good morning, how are we doing?" you asked once you felt people walking inside the room, not taking your eyes off the computer.

"We're good, how are you doing?" Tylah replied making you smile.

"I'm doing grea-," you began saying before looking up to be met with who you least expected to see. "I'm doing great, just fine," you continued after clearing your throat. That was a lie.

You weren't expecting to see him again. At least not in your office.

His eyes stared at you, while you tried to avoid all sorts of eye contact with him, so you tried to focus on Tylah as she spoke about the things she liked, and what was important to her.

Her phone started ringing and she excused herself before answering it, "I'm sorry guys but I have to go. You don't need me anymore anyways. Grayson, make sure the things you want matches with mine yeah?" he said before walking away leaving you and Grayson alone.

And after what seemed like hours of silence, you decided to speak.

"So Grayson, what things do you like? What do you need to have at your wedding?" you asked in your nicest tone while looking into your computer.

"Y/N, look at me," he sighed, and you looked up at the ceiling before turning to look at him, trying to hide any emotion you were feeling.

"Listen-," he began saying before you cut him off, shaking your head.

"- Grayson, please don't waste my time. Not again. So please tell me what you like so that I can write it down and we can start planning your wedding," you sighed shaking your head.

"I don't know what I like," he shrugged, making you sigh.

"Of course you don't," you whispered mainly to yourself, "What colors do you like the most, flowers, what's your aesthetic, just something?"

"I like green, and minimalist," he said and you nodded your head, and typed it into the computer, and turned off your heart for the day, and the next 6 months.

"How about flowers?" you asked and he shook his head.

"None, after what you told me, I don't like any," he whispered and you nodded your head.

"Well, that was my personal opinion, flowers are not actually for dead people Grayson," you chuckled.

"I know, but as you said, they die, just like people," he replied and you shrugged.

"Yeah, anyway. Do you have any place where you want this to take place? And areas that interest you, for the uh- for the honeymoon?" you asked, the words, the words getting stuck in the back of your throat.

"I don't know. What did Tylah say?" he asked.

"She said an afternoon in Paris," you said trying to hold back a laugh as you read, "have walks around all the parks, and visit all the restaurants and clubs,"

"I don't want to do that," he whispered and you shook your head.

"Let me guess, yeah? You would rather go to Australia or Hawaii, without any clubs," you said and he slowly nodded his head.

"I'll see what I can do, and come up with an agreement where you both get what you want," you added, writing it down on a sticky note.

"I'm sorry," he said and you looked at him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean this. This must be weird for you, planning your ex's honeymoon," he said and you shook your head.

"It is weird, but what's weirder is planning a wedding and then having to plan another one with that same Groom but this time with the first bride's sister," you said, making his eyes widen.

"I'm not even going to ask questions," he said and you nodded your head.

"Yeah, it was a struggle, but it is what it is," you shrugged before closing your laptop. "Anyways, I'll see you guys after tomorrow to go and visit the venues," you sighed before getting up from your seat.

After Grayson left, you quickly called Lillie into your office.

"Lillie, you're gonna have to take over this wedding for me," you sighed and she gave you a look.

"What do you mean? Did you break the rules? It's too soon," she said and you shook your head.

"No, it's been broken. Remember the story I told you," you said and she nodded her head.

"It's him, Lillie. It's Grayson. And now he's getting married and I'm the planner," you sighed as tears threatened to spill.

"But you don't love him right?"

"I do, Lillie. I never stopped. That's why you have to plan it, I'll come up with an excuse as to why I can't do it," you said wiping the few tears that managed to escape.

"I can't Y/N, I'm sorry, she asked for you specifically, she wants the best wedding planner in the state, and that's you," you said and you shook your head.

"I don't think I can continue this. He left me after I had everything planned he left me, and I don't think I can plan this without breaking down halfway," you sighed before taking a sip of your water.

"Yes you can," you said standing next to grabbing on your shoulders to make you look at her, "pretend you hate him. Make yourself believe you hate him, even if you don't, at least until the wedding is over,"  she said and you nodded your head. "You never told me the full story. Do you want to talk about it, it might help?"

"Well, we started dating in High School, then he had to leave but we stayed strong, even after he had to fly to LA and go to Jersey all the time. When he finally moved to LA, we made it work, I was still in school and he was out here doing what he had to. Graduation came around and I got into Stanford so I moved out here with him. A couple of months later, he proposed and we got engaged. We planned our wedding all by yourself, and three months later he called it off. In his car."

Flashback:

"Y/N, can we talk?" he asked you as he pulled into his driveway.

"Sure, is everything okay? Did something happen?" you asked, taking off your seatbelt and turning to look at him.

"I just, I just think we're rushing a bit," he said, his words hitting your heart with a knife.

"What do you mean," you asked, your voice coming out broken.

"I think we should take a break," he said, his tone cold and bitter.

Breaking your heart with every word he spat.

"Grayson, you can't ask someone to marry you and then ask for a break. That's not how it works. You can't ask me to marry you and say we're rushing. We've been together for 5 almost six years, how are we rushing?" you asked, anger clouding your mind.

"Because I don't want to be with you anymore," he spat, finally crushing your heart.

"So why the fuck did you take me on a fucking date tonight? Why the fuck did you ask me to marry you? You don't lose feelings for a person in month Grayson. Why the hell did you ask me to marry you, and move in with you when you don't fucking want me?" you slightly shouted before getting out of the car, walking to who knows where in the rain.

That night you walked for what seemed years but was only a couple hours. You found a hotel and stayed there. Never wanting to see Grayson Dolan in your life.

You cried and cried. You cried until no tears came out. Cried until your sobs could no longer be heard. You cried until you felt nothing.

He broke you, for no absolute reason. He came up with a fantasy and shared it with you, only to take away and crush you.

You wondered if you've done anything if you hurt him in any way. But you just couldn't come up with an answer.

Mainly because you never did.

You did nothing but love him. You were there for him. Always. You stopped studying just to listen to his rants. You gave him advice. You tried to help him in every way you could.

But clearly, that wasn't enough.

The way he spat the words replayed on your mind over and over.

'Because I don't want to be with you anymore,' was engraved on your brain for months.

What hurt the most was the way he just didn't care about you. He didn't bother to look for you. He didn't care whether you were safe or not. He didn't care about anything.

Back to reality:

"That's fucked up," she sighed and you nodded your head.

"What's more fucked up is that I still love him," you sighed and shook your head, "I tried to force myself into hating him, for breaking me, for crushing my heart," you sighed laying your head on your desk.

"But I couldn't because, for the bad things he did, the good things outweigh them. Each and every time. Every time I thought of when he hurt me, I remembered all the good times, all the times he loved me. All the times he flew me over or flew to Jersey. But he claimed we rushed, but now he's getting married, a year after he left me?" you sighed and finally left the tears fall.

"I just don't understand what I did wrong. I gave him my all Lillie, I gave him everything times one hundred and that wasn't enough. And what hurt the most was the way he said it, "Because I don't want to be with you anymore," he said it so carelessly, so bitter, like if he never wanted me in the first place. Like if he hated me," you sobbed and she moved to the side to hug you.

"Y/N, from what you're telling me, you did nothing wrong," she sighed, running her hands through your hair.

"So why did he leave me? If I was enough, why did he leave me?"

"Because he doesn't deserve you. Because you'll always be better than he ever was," you said and you shook your head.

"And why does it still hurt? Why is he back in my life," you sighed sniffling.

"I don't know. But remember how you told me there's a reason behind every time? Then there's a reason behind why he's back in your life. And it's up to you to figure it out," she said and you nodded your head.

"Thank you. I'm gonna go home for the day, can you stay here today?" you asked and she nodded your head.

You went home and cried again. You cried in the shower. You cried as you made yourself dinner, you cried while watching a sad movie that you put on to make yourself even sadder, and you cried as you fell asleep, until a knock on your door woke you up.

"What are you doing here?" you gasped as you opened your door to be met with him.

"I can't stop thinking about you," he sighed and you shook your head.

"No, no, please don't do this," you sighed shaking your head. "How did you get my address?"

"That's not the point, Y/N. The point is that I never stopped thinking about you, I never did," he said making you sob.

"Grayson please, you can't do this. You're engaged, you're getting married. Please don't hurt me again," you shook your head, trying to close the door before he stopped you by slamming his lips against yours.

Your hands moved up, getting tangled in his hair as he picked you up, wrapping your legs around his waist, as he walked inside and closed the door with his foot.

He laid you down on the couch, his lips moving down to your neck, instantly finding the spot that always made you melt.

Your hands moved from his neck to the hem of his shirt, signaling to take it off, which he did, following with yours.

And piece by piece, all pieces of clothing were discarded and thrown on the ground.

"Ready?" he asked and you softly nodded your head. A gasp falling past your lips when you felt him push.

"Fuck I missed you," he groaned at the feeling of you clenching around him, making you moan.

"Gray," you moaned clutching on to his shoulder as his lips drew small marks on your neck.

And after all the bliss and good feeling moments, you felt disgusting.

Whatever happened was not enough to overpower whatever you were feeling about yourself.

"No. no. no, what did I do?" you asked yourself after slipping your clothes back on.

"Grayson what did we do? We shouldn't have done that, oh my God," you started freaking out before Grayson moved towards you and grabbed your hands.

"It's okay, she did it to me too," he shrugged and you shook your head.

"No, it's wrong, and did you just use me to get back at her?"

"What? No, I told you I missed you," he said and you shook your head.

"Well, you can't miss me. I can't believe I just did that, that's rule number five," you whispered. "Grayson you need to leave please,"

"What?"

"I said you need to leave. We've already done more than enough. This is not professional at all, and I can't risk losing everything so please leave, before you hurt me more than you have and before you hurt her too," you getting up from the couch and walking to the door.

"What about what you want?" he said, making you let out a sarcastic chuckle.

"What I wanted died years ago, and now I need you to leave and to never speak of this again,"

this sucks ass

[jamielea81]

Conversations

Chapter 6

Description: You accompany your friends on a day trip to Animal Kingdom Theme Park where you meet Scott Evans by chance. This one afternoon leads to a year long friendship with both Chris and Scott over text messages and phone calls.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warning: Cursing, drinking, maybe a little heartache.

Word Count: 7,750

A/N: Comments and reblogs are always appreciated. Italics are internal thoughts. This is strictly for fun. I know nothing about the lives of these two individuals, so this is purely fiction.

Catch up with chapter 5

Scott called about an hour later. The two of you apologizing to each other which neither of you really needed to do.

“Look, I’m sorry about Chris taking my phone. I should have called you when I got home rather than calling you with Chris there,” Scott said.

He sounded down which you hated. None of this mess was Scott’s fault.

“You honestly have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry that you were even caught in the middle of whatever that was,” you replied and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to fight with Chris. But I don’t think it’s fair that he gets to pick and choose when he wants to be a part of my life. I mean, it’s been about a month of us barely speaking.”

“Completely agree with you there,” Scott said.

“I get it though, he’s with Courtney now. And for as much as he and I were talking before New Year, I can see how that wouldn’t necessarily be something you could carry on doing when in a relationship,” you said.

“Plus, my brother is a flirt.”

“That he is,” you sighed.

“On to more serious topics. So how slutty did you decide to go?” Scott asked.

“You’re impossible,” you replied.

Jana agreed that neither dress would be considered as Scott put it, slutty. One just showed a tiny bit of cleavage and the other showed just a tad more. You decided that the deep purple flattered more, even if it did show a bit of cleavage.

Ethan arrived promptly at six with a bouquet of roses in hand. The varying shades of pink matched the color of his cheeks, which frankly was adorable.

The Capital Grille was a beautiful restaurant with old world charm. Mahogany stained wainscoting and rich red paint covered the walls. Crisp white linens with intimate lamp lighting adorn each of the tables. It’s far nicer restaurant than the last few dates you have been on. You like Chilis as much as the next person, but Ethan was definitely trying to impress and you appreciated the effort.

“I hear congrats are in order,” you said, pleasant smile on your face.

He ducks his face for a second but then offers a strong grin. “Thank you. Thank you. I take it Jana told you the news?” he asked. You nodded, taking a sip of your champagne cocktail, enjoying the flavor of the peach vodka. “I worked hard and it paid off.”

Lifting your glass, you angled it toward him. “Cheers to making partner,” you offered.

He clinked his glass of bourbon against yours, offering you a gentle smile and a muttered thank you.

Dinner was delicious and the ride home not as awkward as you assumed it would be. While you had known Ethan for over a year, each interaction had only been minutes and it was generally him offering you dazzling smiles. This Ethan was sweet and eager to know about you. The cockiness that he generally pushed out was more subdued and a part of you could see this moving on two a second and a third date.

Ethan walked you to your door and you were almost tempted to invite him in, but you did want to push this into a one and done date. Leaning in, you offered him a hug which he fully embraced. The woodsy scent of his cologne enveloped you as your face rested in the crock of his neck. After you hugged a bit too long, your pulled back with flushed cheeks, only to be met with his soft pillowy lips cooling the heat.

You went to bed that night with a smile on your face. Jana and Scott could hear about your evening later.

Ethan sent you a text around lunch the next day. Just a simple check in that kept that smile going.

Ethan: Hi 😊 Hope your day is off to a great start.

On Valentine’s Day, Ethan didn’t send anything or ask to take you out. It was much too early for something like that in your opinion, but he did send you a good morning text and another that afternoon.

Ethan: I know this is short notice, but can I take you to breakfast tomorrow?

Y/N: That sounds great. Do you want to meet somewhere or are you picking me up?

Ethan: I’d like to surprise you. Pick you up at nine?

Y/N: Great! I’ll see you tomorrow.

Ethan: Have a wonderful day beautiful.

 Brunch was at Disney’s Contemporary Resort. The California Grill not only offered dinner with a spectacular view, but it also offered an upscale brunch on the weekends. On your first date, you told Ethan about your love for the mouse. Even though he was a native Floridian, he confessed he’d only gone to the parks a couple of times as an adult.

“We should go sometime,” you said, pointing at the castle that could be seen from your table.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“I mean, only if you want to. It would be a fun date,” you said shyly.

“You’re going to let me take you on more dates?”

What a flirt.

“Or I could take you. Ever think of that?” you sassed.

“Alright. Yeah, you take me out. As long as you buy me a churro,” Ethan said.

“I’ll even throw in popcorn!”

Ethan stuck out his hand for you to shake. You turned your head to the side and gave him a lopsided grin before extending your own.

“Deal,” he said.

The date ended in a sweet kiss that felt right.

It was a week before Chris makes the first move and reaches out to you. Via text message of course. You’re in the middle writing an article about your brunch with Ethan a couple of days ago. The brunch is not a new offering at the hotel, but it’s the first time you’ve dined there and your boss agreed it could be a nice article for the paper’s online edition. Since you thought an article was a strong possibility, your date humored you as you took several photos of your and Ethan’s entrees, the buffet offerings as well as the Bloody Mary bar with your phone’s camera. You’re happy you did. It’s always nice to be able to use your own pictures to add a personal touch to the article rather than using images Disney supplies.

Chris: “Please forgive me – I know not what I do”

That asshole.

Using your love of soft rock against you was a cheap move. He knew about your obsession with Bryan Adams. It wasn’t something you shouted from rooftops, but you also didn’t hide it which is why you confessed one of your more recent regrets was missing him in concert at Red Rocks. A guy you were seeing at the time suggested the trip to Colorado but you didn’t feel the two of you were at the “vacation together” stage.

Chris: Can I call you? I really want to talk to you.

You slapped your phone face down on your desk.

Nope. Not right now. Work first. Chris drama later. Much later.

A second later you grabbed your phone off the desk and saw that a new message had come in.

Ethan: Hi Beautiful. Can I see you tomorrow night?

Smiling to yourself, you typed out a quick reply.

Y/N: Hello Mister charmer. Yes, I’m free tomorrow night.

Hitting send on the message, you placed the phone in the desk drawer. Out of sight, out of mind.

 With the dinner dishes currently drying in the rack, you walked outside to your lanai, sitting down on the cushioned loveseat. Tucking one leg under the other, you got comfy. Despite it being the middle of February, the temperatures were still comfortable in the high sixties at night. You dug your phone out of your pocket and passed it back and forth between your hands. The text from Chris had burned a hole in your brain all afternoon, despite your best effort to forget it. Taking a deep breath, you counted to three before hitting the phone icon on Chris’ contact information. If you two were going to have a conversation, you wanted to have some control.

It rang only twice before he answered.

“Y/N? Hi.” He definitely sounded nervous which slightly put you at ease.

“H-hi, Chris. Is now a good time?” you asked.

“Yeah…Just give me a second,” he replied.

It sounded as though he was moving. You could hear voices in the background getting quieter. Then you heard a door close.

“I can call you back later, if you’re busy,” you offered.

“No. No. Just watching TV with a friend. Not a big deal,” Chris said.

Part of you wondered if the friend was Courtney. Not that it was any of your concern.

“I’m glad you called. I was a little worried when you didn’t reply to my text,” he said almost shyly.

“I was working.” You took a breath. That wasn’t the whole truth. “Too be honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. This has been weird for me,” you said.

“Been weird for me too,” he interrupted. “You’re right. We haven’t been talking, so I shouldn’t have expected you to have told me you had a date. I’m sorry.”

You’re not sure what you expected from the conversation. Chris didn’t really owe you anything. If you guys weren’t as close as you once were, then that’s just the way it is. But you couldn’t help yourself.

“Why haven’t we been talking? I mean…I feel like I’ve put effort into it. Into our friendship. You know what? Never mind. I appreciate you saying sorry. I’ll let you go,” you said.

“What? No. Please. Tell me what you were going to say. Please,” Chris pleaded.

You let out a slow breath and licked your lips. “You really pulled away in January,” you started. “And maybe the last couple of weeks I’ve stopped trying as much, but I started to feel like I was the only one trying. This…this thing between us shouldn’t have to feel like work.”

He slightly groaned. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been busy and I know that’s not fair to you. Sweetheart, I don’t want to lose you. Can we please try again?”

There he goes again making you weak with that nickname. You truly missed talking to Chris and you really hoped the two of you could get back to the way you were. As long as he tried.

“Okay. But only because you said please.”

He chuckled at your response. “Good. Ma did teach me manors, I’ll have you know,” he said.

“Then how do you explain Scott?” you asked.

 You’d like to say that your friendship with Chris went back to daily phone calls and constant text messaging, but it didn’t. It was better, but it wasn’t what it once was. You chalked it up to him being with Courtney and you being with Ethan. The two of you texted each other once a day, but it was mainly memes and the occasional, “how’s your day?” Neither of you brought up your partners. But that was probably for the best. Besides, that just seemed…awkward.

That Magic Kingdom date you wanted to take Ethan hadn’t happened yet. The two of you had been seeing each other for just over a month. Two weeks in, he asked if you were exclusive and you said yes. It might have seemed fast to some, but you were seeing each other every other night. He texted you daily with sweet words and charmed you with multiple phone calls. A fresh bundle of various types of flowers in gorgeous hues of red, pink, yellow and creams were given to you weekly. Ethan was great and you were happy. Were you in love? No. But that’s something that came in time.

While you hadn’t gone on a true double date with Jana and Brooks, you had dined with the two of them at dinners with the other partners. Other nights were spent schmoozing Ethan’s clients. It had become a regular thing the last two weeks. You drew the line at three nights a week. Some nights you just wanted time with your boyfriend. And some nights you just wanted time for yourself. On the nights he was out without you, he’d come over when he was finished to spend the night at your place. Often dragging you to bed way earlier than you were used to. Scott did not appreciate your missed late-night phone calls, but you always made sure to touch base with him at some point during the day. You did not want to be accused of being a friend who forgot about everyone else once in a relationship.

“You’re lucky I love you. Taking your calls during the middle of the day like you’re my mother. Am I going to meet this boyfriend of yours?” he asked.

“Am I going to meet yours?” you countered.

“Touché…So, Chris and Courtney broke up,” he said casually like he was discussing the weather.

“Oh.” You’re so caught off guard, you’re not sure how to respond. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, they do this. He says this is it this time. They just don’t work together,” he replied.

This is none of my business.

You reply with a hum. Since Chris and you don’t discuss your relationships as some sort of unwritten rule, it doesn’t feel right to discuss his breakup.

Scott seems to get the hint.

“What are you guys doing tonight?” he asked.

“Just watching a movie at his place. Nothing too exciting,” you replied.

Ethan knew about Scott, but he didn’t know Scott was an actor or the brother of Captain America. You didn’t hide it, but Ethan just wasn’t invested enough in knowing your friends. He was busy and you understood that.  

 Jana had taken a late lunch and met you at a strip mall near her office for a quick lunch and some shopping. With all the dinner dates, you needed to add a couple of dresses to your rotation.

“Are you out five nights a week like Ethan? I just feel it’s excessive,” you asked Jana.

“Kind of.” She shrugs. “Maybe three nights. Some weeks, just once,” she said.

“Then why the fuck have I been going three nights a week the last two weeks? I have to encourage him to go without me. Sometimes I just want to watch TV,” you whine.

She lets out a choppy laugh. “Ethan’s a work-aholic. I’m pretty sure I told you that before you two even got together. He’s just trying to prove himself to his new clients and the other partners.”

You had a pile of dresses in your hands and it was getting to the point where you were pretty sure your arm was going numb.

“Come please,” you beckoned Jana with a head nod toward the changing rooms. “I need you to help me decide.”

She followed you, taking a seat just outside your changing room door. Before you even put on the first dress, Ethan was calling you on your phone.

“Is it Ethan?” Jana asked.

“Yep. Hang on,” you told her through the changing room door.

“Hey Eth.”

“Hey Beautiful. How are you? Are you at work?” he asked.

“Good and no, taking a long lunch,” you said while shimming your pants down. Expertly holding your phone between your cheek and shoulder.

“What are you doing?”

“Shopping for some dresses. All these dinners we go on, I’m running out of things to wear. Jana met me, we grabbed lunch before and are headed back to work soon,” you said.

“Oh.” He sounded disappointed “Where are you?” he asked.

“At that strip mall on Citrus near your office,” you replied.

You’ve managed to unbutton the twelve or so buttons on your shirt without dropping your phone. You throw your fist in the air to celebrate, almost dropping your phone in the process.

“Wait, you’re near my office and you didn’t stop by?”

You love that he always wants to see you, but he spent the night at your place last night. But then again, you’ve dated guys that thought two dates a week was a lot.

“Eth, aren’t I seeing you tonight? I just needed some girl time,” you replied.

“Alright, fine. I just miss you,” he mumbles over the phone.

Your cheeks grow hot. This big, bad, scary lawyer is mush for you.

“You’re too sweet. I’ll see you later though,” you said.

“Okay. Bye sweetie,” he said.

“Bye Ethan.”

You slip on the first dress and walk out to show Jana. She immediately shakes her head and you walk right back in.

The next three she’s iffy about, but tells you to put the last of the three in the maybe pile.

You walk out in the fourth and she gasps. “That’s way too nice for a night out with clients, but that looks so good on you.”

You turn around to get a different angle in the mirror. She’s right. The cobalt blue looks great against your skin tone. The cut making your ass look great. You nod and smile, doing a twirl to make her laugh.

Before you make it back in the changing room, she grabs your hand.

“What did Ethan have to say,” she asked.

“He was just checking in,” you say with a shrug. “Wanted to know if I was stopping by when we’re done.”

“He calls a lot, doesn’t he?” she asked hesitantly.

“Jana,” you half chuckle. “Where’s this coming from?”

She lets out a small sigh. “It just seems like you guys spend a lot of time together. Do you ever feel like it’s lot? You were texting him at lunch.”

You’re not sure what’s she getting at. Yes, Ethan checks in quite often, but it’s a new relationship and you like spending time with him. It makes you feel good that someone cares that much about you. And yeah, it’s a lot, but it will probably lessen as time goes by.

“It’s new, Jana. We’re at that stage where we can’t get enough of each other. It’s fine. It’s sweet.”

She gives you a small smile. “Okay. You’re right. I’m just being weird. I am really happy for you,” she adds.

You walk back into the changing room, suddenly feeling a little down. You change out of the dress, opting to put your dark wash jeans and pink button-down back on. You grab the maybe dress and the cobalt blue dress to pay for. There’s a tiny bit of doubt planted in your mind now and you’re not sure what to think.

 Ethan’s cut back on the amount of nights he works late in the office, instead opting to work at your place or at his. He’s even trimmed down on the client and partner dinners, only going if you have agreed to go. It’s a lot of time together and it’s really starting to take its toll. At first, you loved all the attention, but you can’t help but think back to that tiny seed of doubt that was planted a few weeks ago. Scott’s even mentioned that you’re more withdrawn, despite your best effort to call or text him often.

It’s a beautiful spring night and you’re on your lanai enjoying the extra hours of sunlight that April brings. The darkness of winter always gets you down; you can’t help but soak up the sun for as long as you can get it. You’re working on an article for Epcot’s Flower and Garden Festival for the online edition. The festival has been going on for a month and you’ve already written a preview article for the paper, but this one is more your speed. You’ve been writing more and more for the online edition. Those articles allow you to really insert yourself into the story and write about the event from your personal experience.

The sliding glass door opens and closes behind you. You feel Ethan’s hands on your shoulders as he starts to gently rub them. An hour ago, volumes from The Southern Reporter and The Law of Torts, as well as his laptop were spread out across your kitchen island.

He kisses the top of your head. “Let’s go to bed sweetheart,” he softly says into your hair.

It’s eight o’clock. And the sun hasn’t set. The urge to snap at him is strong, but you bite your tongue.

“Go ahead without me. I want to finish this tonight so it can go up tomorrow,” you replied.

You turn around slightly and give him a small smile. This has become a normal fight between the two of you the last couple of weeks. Ever since he’s cut back on his nights out. You’ve always been a bit of a night owl, going to bed at ten feels like a compromise.

“Sweetie, I’m beat. It’s been a long week. You can finish that up in the morning. Wake up with me, you sleep too late anyway.”

You sigh out loud. “Ethan, this is work. I really need to get it finished and I don’t want to wake up at six and feel like I need to rush to finish. You’re perfectly fine to go to bed without me.”

He comes around the loveseat to stand in front of you.

“Please? For me?” he begs, voice light and sweet that you almost cave.

You shake your head. You’re not even tired. He’ll be passed out in fifteen minutes and you’ll be lying awake for hours.

“Sorry Eth. I’ll see you in there later,” you said.

You offer him a smile again before turning your attention back to your laptop screen.

“It’s like you don’t want to spend time we me anymore.”

Really? This is how this night is going to go?

“That’s not fair. We see each other almost every day. Even yesterday when I was at the park late for work, I still crawled into bed at your place when I was done.”

“My point exactly, I was already in bed.”

“We’re both busy Ethan. You work a lot. I work a lot. I honestly am giving you all my free time. I haven’t seen Jana in forever and she works in the same building as you!”

The two of you have only been together for two months. It’s too much too soon and you feel like you’re going to implode.

“Excuse me for wanting to spend time together with my girlfriend,” he said abruptly.

“If you’re sleeping, we’re not really spending time together either,” you counter. “I have to get back to this.” You point at your laptop.

“You write stories about theme parks, Y/N. It’s not that serious,” he grumbles as he starts to walk back inside.

You hop up, going after him, catching the door before he closes it.

“What a shitty thing to say. This is my career. I don’t care if I am writing about the neighbor’s dog taking a shit in my yard. I’m a writer and a journalist.”

Your face is on fire and you feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest.

“You’re right. You’re right. You’re right,” he quickly offers. His hands going to your biceps.

“I think you should leave,” you said sternly.

“Y/N, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

“Ethan, I need space. Please just leave,” you replied.

He nods solemnly, letting go of your arms and walking back in your bedroom to grab his duffle bag.

He walks back out of the room and gives you a sad smile before making his way to your front door. “I really am sorry for what I said.”

You nod your head and follow him to the door, closing it once he’s through the threshold. There’s a pit in your stomach and you’re shaking slightly. Finding the couch, you collapse onto it and as the tears start to flow. You don’t know if your crying because your angry, hurt, or overwhelmed.

Sleep that night is restless. Ethan has been a part of your day for the last two months. It was an odd feeling to sleep without him. What he said about your job was hurtful. Did he really think so low of you? The man that praises you daily with sweet words and gentle kisses found it so easy to cut you down.

The story doesn’t get posted the next day like you had planned. You opted for a sick day, staying in bed and ignoring your phone completely. You needed a day just for you. The relationship was too much way too soon. You’d always had that independent streak and to practically be living with someone suddenly, it was a big change.

You managed to finish your story before going to sleep that night, e-mailing it off so that it could be posted in the morning. Finding your old alarm clock because you still didn’t want to face your cellphone was a struggle. It was buried inside a box of clothes for donation that you’ve been meaning to drop off for the last seven months. Setting the alarm for nine, you fell asleep easy due to the lack of sleep and the crying the night before.

 As expected, you had several missed phone calls from Ethan, a call from Jana and a couple of text messages from Scott and Chris. You didn’t talk to Jana or Brooks at all yesterday and you knew Ethan wouldn’t go to her with this, so you knew it was just a normal check in call you missed. It was hard to listen to Ethan’s calls in the morning. You were still pretty angry at him for what he said about your career. You were also angry at yourself for sticking in a relationship you weren’t entirely happy with. You really liked Ethan and cared about him, but you knew you couldn’t go back to the way things had been. The three messages were all the same. Apologizing for how the conversation went. Saying he missed me and hoped I would forgive him. You still needed more time.

Y/N: I need more time. Please understand.

A few minutes later her responded.

Ethan: Of course. Take all the time you need.

You fired off similar texts about having a migraine yesterday to Jana, Scott, and Chris. Since you weren’t sure what was going to happen with you and Ethan, you didn’t want to say anything to Jana or Scott yet.

 A few days had passed when you finally called Ethan and asked to meet at the coffee shop the two of you took to visiting on Sunday mornings. You were nervous about seeing him which was such an odd feeling. You had gone from seeing him, kissing him, sleeping with him, to not speaking for several days and your nerves were shot.

When you entered the small shop, you saw Ethan already sitting at your normal table, two cups of coffee already waiting. He spotted you as well and quickly stood up, offering you a nervous smile.

“Hi,” you greeted him.

He leaned in for a hug and you accepted it.

“Hi,” he responded, still holding you.

When the two of you let go, you took a seat, already grasping on to the mug for comfort.

“Thanks,” you said, slightly lifting the warm mug.

“Thanks for meeting me,” he replied, small smile on his lips.

“Of course. Listen. I’m sorry for how I handled our fight that night. I shouldn’t have kicked you out, instead we should have talked. Actually, I think we should have talked a lot sooner than that night,” you said.

“I’m so sorry for how I behaved,” he interrupted. “I didn’t mean what I said about your job. I over reacted and I apologize.”

“Ethan, it’s more than that,” you sighed out. “We aren’t working. I care about you, but I don’t think we fit together as a couple.”

He starts to shake his head slightly. “That’s not true. We get along so well and we feel so right.”

You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s just too much for me. All this time we spend together, it’s too much too soon for me. I’ve always liked my alone time, and time with friends. I’m not used to spending every night with somebody. I’m sorry.” You pick up the mug and take a few sips. Breaking up with someone is never fun and your thankful this is only your second time. Granted, getting broken up with is no picnic either.

“But-But that doesn’t mean we need to breakup. I can give you space. Start sleeping at my place more. This doesn’t mean we can’t see each other,” he argues.

You take his hand in yours. You truly do care about Ethan, but you let yourself get wrapped up in someone else which you know isn’t healthy. Ethan pretty much planned your days and nights for the last two months and you just let him. Looking back, you wish you wouldn’t have jumped right into the relationship. Maybe things would have been different.

“I care about you, but this isn’t what I want. I’m sorry and as cliché as it sounds, I want to be your friend again,” you replied.

You’d still see Jana; she was your best friend. Neither of you would want the awkwardness that would come from your regular office visits.

He squeezes your hand and then keeps it encompassed in both of his. He takes a couple of breaths before speaking.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t work this out and I’m sorry if I pushed to hard too fast,” solemnly he replied.

You shook your head no. “That’s on me too.”

The two of you part the same way you began, with a hug.

 That night you call Jana and then Scott. Jana’s supportive of your decision but she’s also upset for you. She brings up your office visits and you explain that you don’t see a problem with them. Of course, it will be awkward to begin with, but you hope you and Ethan can get to a place where you’re able to have conversations as you are coming and going.

Scott is taken aback that you’re calling him at midnight your time, he’s even maybe a little surprised you are calling at all.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I recognize this number,” he said with such snark.

“Is this Chris Evans? Maybe I have the wrong number,” you sassed back.

“You bitch,” he said before bursting into laughter.

“Yes, it’s me calling, brat. Deal with it,” you said.

“The boyfriend let you have a free night?”

Had you still been dating Ethan, you would have only rolled your eyes at that, but now that you’re broken up, it only shows you that you really were wrapped up in each other.

You let out a small cough, then clear your throat. “Well, actually, um, we broke up.”

“You did? I’m so sorry sweetie. Are you okay?” he asked sincerely.

“Ye-yeah. It was for the best. I think I just need to pledge of celibacy. Apparently, I’m not cut out for a relationship.”

“I doubt that. That’s not what he said is it? I’ll beat him up,” Scott threatened.

“No, no. Not at all,” you chuckled. “I broke up with him. I was beginning to feel suffocated by the amount of time we spent together. And if I wanted to do my own thing, he would make me feel bad about doing so. Plus, he called my job a joke more or less.”

“Well, that’s horseshit and I hope you know that,” Scott said.

“Completely agree. Sure, maybe it’s not something I want to do forever, but I enjoy my job and I do it well. It hurt that he said that, which is what caused me to take time to myself and decide to end it. I just need some me time,” you said.

“You deserve it. But don’t get holed up in that house of yours. Call Jana and some of your work friends to go out. You need to let loose,” he said.

“Yeah. You’re right. Probably this weekend.”

But you didn’t. It was work and then home for the last five days. You did make it to the grocery store over the weekend, but that was the extent of your adventures. You hadn’t gone to Jana’s office yet, but you did meet for lunch a few days prior. It was easier to mope at home. Alone.

Scott: Please tell me you’ve left the house besides going to work.

Y/N: I went to the store on Sunday. Does that count?

Scott: Sassy, you can’t stay home and just be sad. That’s not good for you either.

Y/N: I’m fine. I was with someone almost every day for two months, being home alone is a nice change.

Scott: I’m not disagreeing there. But it’s also therapeutic to socialize with others. Maybe get drunk. Dance on a table.

Y/N: That sounds more like your speed Grumpy.

 Yes, it was nearing the end of April, but you still had those twenty or so Christmas movies to get through which is what you were working on Wednesday night when Scott called you at a surprisingly early time.

“Guess what?” he gushed.

“What?” you said with a laugh.

“I’m coming to visit you!” he sing-songed.

“What?! When?” you asked.

“Friday. So, you better call in sick or take the day off.”

“Not that I don’t want you to come, but what’s with the last-minute trip?” you asked.

“What? I can’t just want to visit?” he insisted.

“Scott…”

“When one of my bestie’s is down, I am there for them. You’re one of my bestie’s and you need me. I’ve already booked the flight, so you can’t say no.” he chided.

“Hon, I appreciate it, but I promise you I am fine. Of course, I’d love to see you though.”

“Good. Then it’s settled,” he said.

“Are you renting a car or am I picking you up?”

“You are stuck with me all weekend, so you are picking me up. I’ll text you my flight info,” Scott said.

“Goodnight trouble,” you replied.

“Night Sassy.”

Now you needed to clean your house. Sure, it was clean, but overnight guest clean? Not even close.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was Thursday night and Scott was packing his bag last minute for his trip to Orlando in the morning. Not entirely sure what their plans will be, even though he’s the one that planned the trip, he packs a little bit of everything. A suit for going out, shorts, tees, sandals, boots.

“Sassy has a pool, right?” he said to himself. “I’m sure she does.”

With swim trunks securely packed in his rolling bag, he zips it up, before dropping it to the floor.

His phone starts to ring and he sees that it’s Chris, suddenly remembering he was supposed to call him to cancel.

“Hey,” Scott answered.

“Hey. What time are you coming by?” Chris asked.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I forgot to call you. I’m flying out early tomorrow so, I’m not coming by.”

“What? Where are you going?” Chris asked.

“To visit Y/N,” Scott said.

“Why are you visiting Y/N?” Chris asked, surprise evident in his voice.

“Because I want to see her. Plus, she needs me.” Scott answered.

“Needs you? What’s going on with Sassy?” Chris asked, growing tired of this game Scott was playing.

“Why? God, do you not talk to Y/N, like ever? She and Ethan broke up.” Scott exclaimed.

“We talk,” Chris scoffed. “Just not about her boyfriend. When did they break up? Is she okay?”

“Like a week or so ago. Maybe call your friend once in a while,” Scott spit out.

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re right.” Chris sighed out.

When the call ended, Chris wiped a hand down his face, leaning back into the couch cushion. Scott was right. He hadn’t been calling Y/N like he should. When they had that long call a couple of months back, he told her he didn’t want to lose her friendship and while they still talked, they were barely friends at this point. If he was being honest with himself, he was a little jealous that Scott was visiting her. He needed to make a change.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After picking up a very excited Scott from the airport, the two of you made a stop at the liquor store per Scott’s request, because, per Scott, “I don’t trust your wine selection.”

Sigh.

After that regretful stop which included picking up a bottle of raspberry flavored vodka, the two of you stopped at a grocery store for breakfast items, frozen pizza, and chips and salsa. The essentials of course.

After a quick tour of your house including a stop in the guest room so that Scott could set his bag down, he immediately ordered you to take a shower.

“I love you like a sister, but you’re looking rough my dear,” he said.

You had showered that morning, but didn’t put any effort into your hair, makeup, or outfit choice.

“Scott, I really don’t want to go out. I rather just hang out with you. Please?” you pleaded.

“We don’t have to go out, but we are getting pretty tonight. Go shower and I’m going to lay out what you are wearing on your bed,” he said.

You stuck out your lower lip to pout, but complied. Scott was here. In your house! Really, you’d go out if he asked. You started toward your bathroom, Scott promptly slapping your ass as you went.

“Brat!” you said, turning around sticking out your tongue.

After a quick shower, you blow-dried your hair, applied some light makeup before walking your towel clad body to your bedroom. Scott laid out the cobalt blue dress you bought with Jana about a month ago but never had the chance to wear. You smiled to yourself, quickly changing into the dress, opting to go barefoot since you weren’t actually leaving.

Walking back into your living room, you were met with a wolf whistle from Scott. He was dressed in a blue suit, the shirt underneath in a slightly lighter color. The two of you almost matching which made you grin.

“Looking pretty good yourself Evans,” you replied.

“Thank you.” He bowed to you. “Thank you,” he said.

“What are we having for dinner?” you asked.

“Let’s start with the chips and salsa. And the vodka. We’ll have the wine tomorrow,” he replied.

It was going to be a long night.

 The two of you never did eat anything else. The bag of chips was entirely gone as well as a lot of the raspberry vodka. Scott commandeered your Bluetooth speakers at one point, starting a playlist he had created. The two of you dancing in your fancy clothes and barefoot to Liam Payne’s Strip That Down.

You know I love it when the music's loud But c'mon, strip that down for me, baby Now there's a lot of people in the crowd But only you can dance with me So put your hands on my body And swing that round for me, baby (swing)

“Are you having fun?” Scott yells over the music.

Your body continues to dance to the beat. You offer him a thumbs up, because you’re singing along.

“Oh, strip that down, girl. Love when hit the ground, girl. Oh, strip that down, girl. Love, when you hit ground.”

The song changes to Demi Lovato Confident. Scott starts to sing along and you’re in hysterics.

“I used to hold my freak back. Now I'm letting go. I make my own choice. Bitch, I run this show So leave the lights on. No, you can't make me behave.” Scott sings out.

Scott grabs you so that your back is against his chest. He takes his phone and starts recording the two of you swaying and singing along.

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being What's wrong with being confident? What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being What's wrong with being confident?

Scott apparently sends the video clip to Chris because a short time later, Chris is facetiming Scott on his phone.

“Chris!” Scott shouts when he sees his brother’s face on the screen.

“Where are you two?” Chris asks.

You kind of duck out of the way of Scott’s camera. Throughout all your phone calls with Chris going back to October, you’ve never once facetimed him before. Even with the amount of raspberry flavored vodka in your blood, it still made you nervous to talk to him face to face.

“We’re at Sassy’s house!” Scott replied.

Chris chuckled at Scott’s response. “I could have sworn you two were at a club. You’re dressed to go out. Sassy, you were lookin’ sexy in that video Scott sent,” Chris said loud enough for you to hear.

You know your cheeks are flushed, from the dancing, drinking, and now, Chris’ comment.

“This is just how we do big brother,” Scott said. “Sassy’s being shy from the camera.”

Scott flips around his phone so that you can see Chris and he can see you. You wave awkwardly at him.

“Hey sweetheart. Good to see you again,” Chris said.

He looks good, but, when doesn’t he? He’s got on a simple gray t-shirt and jeans, but his hair has grown out a bit and his beard is full.

“You-you too,” you said with a smile.

Scott turns the camera back to him. “Don’t give me that pout. Call Y/N on your own time.”

“I was just calling to see how you to were getting along,” Chris offers.

“Smashingly of course. But if you will excuse us, we have a dance party to get back to.”

Scott disconnects the call before you hear Chris respond back. You give him a smile and resume Demi’s song.

 You wake up to another hangover. In your defense, Christmas was months ago. You did pretty well with the whole ‘I’m never drinking again’ thing. Despite Scott being shown where his room is this weekend, he’s asleep next to you. You had managed to change into a t-shirt, but Scott had only managed to take his jacket off. Deciding to let him sleep since he is a guest, you make your way to the bathroom, slipping on a pair of sweats first, and then to the kitchen.

You make pancakes and sausage patties because it’s quick and easy and you really need something in your stomach as soon as possible. It’s already after eleven when breakfast is ready.

Walking back into your bedroom, you crawl back into the bed, running your hand through Scott’s hair to gently wake him. He starts to stir and puts on a sleepy smile.

“Breakfast is ready,” you said softly, withdrawing your hand.

“Well, don’t stop,” he said, eyes still closed.

You let out a giggle and resume rubbing his scalp. “It’s going to get cold.”

When that does nothing to get him moving, you speak again. “I made pancakes.”

“Finnnnee. I’m awake.”

 You both spend a lazy day in the pool. Scott lounging on a floaty shaped like a piece of pizza and you on a donut. A frozen pizza is baked around three in the afternoon because your stomach starts to growl much to Scott’s delight.

Jana calls to see how Scott’s visit is going, but you think she’s more calling to pry. When Scott hears his own name, he asks who you are talking to. You tell him it’s Jana and he grabs the phone from your hand. You’re only hearing one side of the conversation but he’s asking her and Brooks to dinner and apparently, they agreed because he tells them we’ll meet them at seven.

Dinner is at a bistro near your house that you’ve eaten at several times before. You always get a cup of French onion soup no matter the time of year.

“Is this one driving you to book an early flight tomorrow?” Brooks teases.

“She won’t let me leave! I don’t know how you worked with her for so long.” Scott replied.

You and Jana shake your heads at their teasing.

“The paper offers great benefits. That’s really the only reason.” Brooks said while shrugging his shoulders.

“You two love me. Don’t give me this shit.”

The table erupts in laughter and you find yourself smiling for a second night in a row.

 Scott and you opt for more pool time on Sunday. His flight isn’t until six that night, so neither of you are in a hurry.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m fine. I’m really glad you came out. This was a lot of fun,” you replied.

“It really was. I’ll bring Zach next time.”

“That’d be great,” you said.

“How are you feeling since the breakup?” Scott asked.

“Mostly good. Ethan was a really good guy, but we moved too quickly. He moved too quickly, but I just went along with it. I’m sad it didn’t work out, but I learned what I don’t like.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” he asked.

“Losing myself. While I was still very much me, I caved a lot. Mostly did what he wanted to do. I love being in a relationship and spending time with someone I care about, but I’m also important. My work is important to me. My friends are important to me. I lost a bit of that when I was Ethan.”

Scott offers you a smile. “You’re still very much Sassy to me.”

“Always,” you replied.

 With Scott safely in the air, headed back to L.A., you resume your Christmas in April marathon. You’re phone rings with Chris’ name on the screen. He hasn’t called you in months, so you’re a bit surprised. You hit pause on your movie and hit the call accept button.

“Hi, Chris.”

“Hey sweetheart,” he said.

“Scott’s already on his way home if you are looking for him.”

“Yeah, I know. He called me from the airport. I just wanted to call and talk to you, if that’s alright.” He said.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s completely alright. Dork,” you chuckle out.

“Oh, I’m the dork? I’m not quite sure about that.”

And just like that, the two of you started to build up your friendship like it was the first time around.

Tag list: @tanelle83​ @pinknerdpanda​ @allaboutthebooz​ @estillion14​@patzammit​ @heartislubbingdubbing​ @collinsstanharbour​ @twittytelly​ @thefandomzoneisdangerous​ @linki-locks11​ @mywinterwolf​ @ab-baybay​ @rda1989​ @impalaimages​ @jesseswartzwelder​ @rainbowkisses31​ @xostephanie​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk​ @xxloki81xx​@panicfob​ @mustangshelby04​ @bellaireland1981​ @carolina-thiell​ @straightforwardly​ @torntaltos​ @denise1605​ @mcuclintasha​ @southerngracela​ @iam-cj​ @trynnabemultifandom​ @chrisevansforever​ @kelbabyblue​ @broadwayandnetflix​ @kyjey​ @thevelvetseries​ @i-just-feel-like​ @daddieslittlefangirl​ @hista-girl​ @stankface​ @denisemarieangelina​ @im-not-an-armrest-im-short​ @whymalu​ @the-doctors-fallen-angel​ @mariswritingforfun​ @tessabb7​ @chrisevansfanfic​ @lakamaa12​ @thinkxlovexloud​@deidrashouseofpain  @nea90sweetie​ @the-murder-strut-murdered-me​ @greyeyedsmile14​ @dangerouslovefanfic​ @ripvandrinkle​ @bitterstar88​ @andymi3ntus​ @zestygingergirl​ @xstudiousslytherinx​ @hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall​ @cocomel0613​ @onceuponathreetwoone​ @supraveng​ @michelehansel​ @fanfictionaffair​ @genesgoingtohamslam​@barnesthot @chrisevansforever​ @agirlcanstilldream @what-is-your-plan-today​

Chapter 7

[antihero-writings]

The Boy with the Unspeakable Name (Ch8)

Fandom: Harry Potter (and the Chamber or Secrets)

Fic Summary: Tom Riddle may have won his battle with Harry in the Chamber of Secrets, but there were a few unforeseen consequences; loss of Tom’s memory being the most obnoxious of them. Is it possible to stop Tom’s past from becoming his future? Or is the young Tom Riddle doomed to repeat his mistakes?

Notes: Hey! I'm so so sorry there was such a delay with this one! I was having a bit of a block with it. I hope you're still interested in reading! I'm hoping the next one will be a bit faster, as it's one I've been excited for. Cross your fingers everybody!

By the way, I changed that thing I said I would in the Snape chapter! It's towards the end, when Snape's looking into Tom's mind. It's not a big deal if you don't want to check it out, but it is related to this chapter!

I hope you guys like it!! As always, it's your comments, and interest, that keep me writing!! <3

Chapter 8: Only in Dreams 

Tom stared up at the ceiling in the hospital wing, his hand behind his head, thinking about all that had happened…and some of what hadn’t happened.

Sometimes that was very dangerous thing to do indeed.

An annoying woman by the name of ‘Madam Pomfrey’ kept periodically checking on him, and offering him food and medicine. He wouldn’t be surprised if she woke him in the middle of the night just to make sure he was sleeping well.

There was also a boy in the bed beside his. He kept asking him if he wanted to play a game with a strange name. Tom made it clear the only game he was interested in playing was one in which he shut up.

When he had arrived with Snape earlier, a group of students were leaving. Apparently they had been ‘petrified.’ Whatever that meant. That made it sound like they’d been turned to stone, but they clearly were still flesh and blood—(maybe he would have preferred stone).

Snape even pulled aside one of them—a girl with bushy hair. Tom tried to subtly listen, but Snape pulled her into another room, and Madam Pomfrey had deigned that moment as one of her thousand times to ask if he was comfortable.

Which left him here, with the annoying nurse, a boy who probably couldn’t hold in his own pee…and a lot of questions.

So many things about this whole situation weren’t quite right. Waking up in that chamber with the dead girl, the way she died, the way Harry and Snape reacted to his presence, and Dumbledore’s later denial that he had killed her, or that their hatred was all that serious. And though Dumbledore had explained the diary, he wasn’t satisfied there either. Not to mention the fact that everything else in that Chamber still was unaccounted for.

There were things they weren’t telling him.

He highly doubted a teacher would be so vehement against just a bully, not to mention the fact that everyone else he’d met so far hadn’t recognized him…He had to be something more than that.

There was something they weren’t telling him. In fact, he reasoned, there were probably a great lot of things. He wasn’t going to assume they were all on the same side just because they said so.

The idea that this was a magic school, and that he was a student…He wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it yet. They’d done magic in front of him, so he couldn’t deny it—not that he intended to. And the thought did send a certain energy through him…like that word was everything right in the world. And he was indeed excited to learn magic. Well, maybe ‘excited’ was too strong. But that was one of the few things that didn’t give him confusion, question and pause. Rather it create a form of what could only be called hunger within him. He wondered how proficient he had been at magic before he lost his memory. More than anything he wished he could remember the spells.

He was sure he could figure this, them, out—maybe even tonight, if he just stayed awake a little longer. But he was more exhausted than he realized and, in the midst of his pondering, fell into dreams.

“Wait, mom!” His voice sounded strange, high and young…too high, too young. Almost girly.

A plump woman with short red hair turned around at the last word.

“What is it, Dear?!” She sounded a bit put out. “Are you ready to go?”

“I’m missing my Charms book!” Tom’s voice was pained. “Have you seen it?”

She gave a forced exhale. “And you’re sure you checked your room? Didn’t miss any corners?” She inclined her head. “You’re sure it’s not sitting on your nightstand?”

“Yes! That was the first place I checked!”

“You checked under the bed?”

“Yes!”

“The bookshelves and wardrobe?”

“Yes!”

She sighed. “Talk to your father, Fear.”

“Did you say you were missing a Charms book?” A boy about his age with red hair like their mother’s came in front of him, along with an identical copy of him.

“We wouldn’t know anything about it, sure.”

“We’re just a little concerned”

“Of course, for our—” The last word got blurred.

“Boys. You didn’t take”—He was sure she said his name, but for some reason the word became murky, as if she was trying to speak through a veil of water—“Charms book, did you?”

“What?”

“No!”

“Never!

“You know us, Mom, would we ever do something so terrible as steal a poor”—Another blurred word—“—’s charms book?”

“We’re good and virtuous boys.”

Tom looked at the woman who was apparently his mother, who gave him a knowing look. “Check your brothers’ room.”

The dream turned over, and now he was standing on a platform in front of a glimmering red train engine, the words ‘Hogwarts Express’ emblazoned on the front. Steam poured out from its many orifices, and it whistled with the shrillness of a bird being squeezed…though the sound was like music to his ears.

That wasn’t the only loud noise, in fact this place was extremely loud indeed. The whole platform was full to bustling with children, parents, and as many other assorted relatives as it could hold. But the strangest thing was, he wasn’t annoyed by their presence. He was feeling many things: nervousness to leave his parents, and about what house he’d get sorted into, and if the other kids would like him, and excitement, excitement for what the castle would be like, what house he’d get into, what the classes would be like, what friends he’d make…but no annoyance.

Perhaps more than anything there was a pit in his stomach about Harry and Ron. Were they okay? Why didn’t they get through the barrier? He had been so excited to ride the Express with them. His parents tried to assure him they’d be fine, but he could hear the fear lining their voices too. He tried to let the sight of the engine distract him, and the excitement about the coming year overpower him. They’d gotten safely through crazy situations before.

He gave his parents a giant hug, and his mom kissed him many times, and he could tell she was trying very hard not to cry. They told him everything would be fine, and gave him a number of quick quips of advice. He looked towards the engine, about to take his first steps towards it on his own.

The dream crossed over itself, and though he was on the same platform, he was alone.

Well, not alone alone, it was just as loud as before, and there were just as many passersby. Not the same people, still. But this time, the sound was muffled somehow, like he couldn’t completely hear or feel what was going on around him. Just a few loud shouts would break through, and each time they did, annoyance would strike him.

There were no parents to wish him luck, or kiss him goodbye. No brothers to steal his books.

Did he like it better that way?

He looked down at his robes, and felt satisfaction run through him. They were clean and sleek and new. The first clothes he’d had that fit that description in a long time. None of the other kids got those. Well, none of the other kids could do magic either. He was special.

Just satisfaction. Not really excitement or nervousness…Just that hunger. That hunger for magic, for prowess, for a better world. Nothing compared to the bursting geysers of emotion he’d felt moments ago.

He looked up at the engine, a small smile lining his features as he stepped up to enter it.

Tom woke up to the hospital room, and went from teetering to falling off the bed.

And for a brief moment he was dizzy with unsurity; unsurity of where, or even who he was.

After he took a moment to right himself, the questions restarted themselves:

Was that just a dream? Or were those his memories?

They can’t have been, could they? He didn’t wake in a flurry of remembrance of all the memories preceding and following those. Besides, Dumbledore had told him his family was dead.

Although the final dream, or memory, was so different from the first two…Maybe that was from another year, and explained what had happened to his family?

He could tell from context they were his family, at least at some point. Yet he didn’t recognize them, or remember their names, or much of anything else about them.

Yet…

Yet, at the remembrance of their images, waves of emotion crossed over him, mostly comprised of loss, and longing. He didn’t know where those waves could have hailed from, when he didn’t remember or care for these people. But something inside himself wanted all this to stop.

It overwhelmed him. He wanted to brush it off…but stayed on the ground, leaning against the wall, digging his nails into his shirt.

He tried to feel normal…or even remember what normal was. He thought he felt normal most of the day. Right now he didn’t feel like…himself.

A line of light reached its hands out to him, and he looked up to see the door to Madam Pomfrey’s room open slightly. She must have heard him fall off the bed—(did she have owl hearing? The other kid was still snoring like a troll). Meeting her eyes was a mistake, because she gave a small gasp, and ran over to him with the speed of a rocket powered penguin.

As she helped him up, she quickly began bombarding him numerous questions, comforts, and recommendations—

“I’m FINE!” he yelled, pushing her hand away—(the other kid’s snores abruptly stopped, but he didn’t wake)— “Stop pestering me, Woman!”

Her eyes widened, apparently so shocked a student would speak this way to her, that for a moment she couldn’t speak. And at that look, before she could scold him, he muttered.

“I’m…sorry.”

The words just came out, he didn’t really think about it. But as his tongue traced the words he tasted iron.

“My dreams weren’t very pleasant,” he added. “That’s all.”

She still proceeded to berate him heavily for his behavior, and checked more than once that his dreams really were the only problem, but he could barely hear her. He couldn’t stop thinking about how strange it was that, after all the foreignness both the day and the night had to offer, the most foreign experience of all that day, was the feeling of those two words leaving his lips.

[bigbrotherlouis]

the bag of chips scene from 'i ate you up the day we first spoke' for the director's cut meme!

whoohoo i actually loved writing this scene and i’m so glad someone asked about it yeeee

(director’s cut meme)

everything eases back into normal. tk picks nolan up for practice, because nolan’s car is inexplicably always out of gas, (this is true, i read an article about it somewhere) and ties nolan’s ties for him on game days, and follows him into his living room to eat all the good snacks nolan hides on increasingly higher shelves.

“how did you even get those?” he asks when he comes out of the washroom and finds travis eating illegal all-dressed his mom had sent down in his last care package. he’s pretty sure they were hidden, like, on top of the cupboards this time. he literally had to throw them up there. (food, when you move countries, is a really big deal. i always want to keep the mutlicultural aspect of a lot of hockey players in mind, because i was a young multicutural person in the united states, and home foods is usually a good way to do it. all-dressed are pretty distinctly canadian, and my cousin gets her parents to send them to her in california, so i borrowed that from her. also i liked the image of TK climbing on the counters to try and get at a bag of chips.)

tk shrugs and crams a handful of chips into his mouth. “smart thinking.”

“those are mine.”

“i don’t see you eating them,” tk says smugly and nolan thinks about it for precisely point two seconds before he launches himself at the sofa. (no thoughts, head empty)

it’s a familiar ritual, this one. tk cackles, going limp so he can noodle off the cushions onto the floor, the bag still clamped in his hand. he scrabbles backwards until he’s out of reach of nolan’s admittedly long arms.

“sucks to suck, babe,” he gloats, except nolan is not emphatically giving up, those are his chips, and he’s not going to let his idiot of a best friend eat them all. tk grunts when nolan lands on his lower half, hard, and pins down his legs so he can’t escape. he sits on tk’s knees and ignores the yelling. (travis “has never shut up once in his life” konecny strikes again)

“mine,” he says savagely, snatching the bag out of his hands. tk huffs, shoving at his legs.

“it’s rude— not to— share— fuck, patty, what are you doing in the gym?”

“some of us don’t skip leg day.”

“yeah, well, some of us aren’t built like a fuckin’ ox,” tk complains, as if he’s not just as in shape as nolan is. “i can’t even fuckin’ pinch you because you’re wearing jeans.”

“now who’s the smart think—  fuck!” (not you, pat. not tk either but still not you.) he shouts, flinching and rubbing at his side. that pinch is definitely going to bruise. tk uses it as a distraction to roll them, nolan’s shoulders thudding painfully against the floor, and straddles nolan’s stomach with his thighs. there’s another struggle but tk gets hold of nolan’s arms, pins them under his knees so nolan’s fists are at his sides. he’s effectively trapped. (too many nolans but what do you do when writing m/m. also this isn’t specific to this scene, but especially in hockey with all its nicknames, i like to write people’s internal narrative with whatever name they probably think of themselves as. that’s why nolan isn’t pat/patty here, and why tk is usually not travis)

“still me,” tk says, grinning at him with undisguised glee. he works the chips free and sits up, putting his weight just under nolan’s ribs so all the breath gets knocked out of him for a second.

“fucker,” nolan hisses, trying and failing to wriggle his way out. “what the fuck, teeks?”

“that’s what you get for not growing up with brothers, bro. gotta fight to survive. survival skills.”

“bud, you don’t even know. sisters have nails and they’re not fucking afraid to use them,” nolan says, his best murder glare in effect. he probably still has the scars in some places. (i know i do) tk snorts.

“sorry, i don’t see you scratching me here,” he says.  

“let me go and i’ll scratch you up real good,” he threatens and then his brain catches up with his mouth, his face going red as he realises what he’s maybe implied. “uh.”

tk doesn’t take the obvious chirp, just raises an eyebrow. there’s a considering look on his face, one that makes nolan want to squirm more and it settles somewhere down deep in his stomach. (so i wrote this scene because i needed a turn for both of them, relationship-wise. iirc, there’s been a few places where tk’s interest might be noticeable, but nothing super concrete for pat or for the reader. meanwhile, on tk’s side, he needed clear signals that pat’s into him before he tries to tell him again.)

“uh,” he says again because his brain is just fucking offline and his arms are still locked under travis’ legs and travis burns hot because nolan can feel it against his skin, through his t-shirt, and this is all going to get incredibly, incredibly awkward in about three seconds. (unfortunately, i love a good run-on sentence to build tension) he’s pretty sure popping a boner because a teammate is sitting on you is, like, not something you can get away with by laughing.

tk shifts, sitting up the tiniest bit, and reaches out the hand that’s not currently occupied with the fuckin’ chips— probably all crushed to hell now, anyway (foreshadowing!! also strategic last mention here so we know that tk is still holding them, and then they aren’t mentioned until the shoe drops for optimal dramatic effect) — and brushes his fingers against nolan’s cheek. he traces the blush from his cheekbone carefully down his neck, pausing to thumb at his jaw, and then bumps his fingers against his collar, where it disappears down into his shirt. (i really liked building the tension here. also this is fully just projection bc i would love to touch patty’s blush once in my life)

“you’re glowing, pat,” he says, so soft, and it makes nolan go redder. he glowers at a spot by tk’s ear, unwilling to look him in the face and see whatever is written there. (would tk actually tell nolan he’s glowing? probably not, but fictionally it gives the reader a good picture of what nolan looks like to someone else. i didn’t want to overuse red-- which didn’t quite feel like a strong enough word-- or blush, so glowing it was.) tk hooks his index into the collar and there’s a moment when nolan thinks he’s going to pull it down, see if his blush goes all the way down his chest— it does, if he’s embarrassed enough. it’s fucking terrible— and he turns his head away, dragging in a breath through his nose. he’s, like, so incredibly fucked that he can’t even think about it without going dizzy. (you’ll probably see this a lot if you look for it in my writing, but i like to add in a “like” or something similarly bro-ish when things get particularly emotionally fraught, to keep it more realistic. also i think it’s funny. anyway, i like the contrast of tk not being able to take his eyes away from something he wanted and nolan not being able to look at it. characterisation, wahey!) it’s better to just not look.

of course, it’s the exact opposite of what tk wants.

“hey,” he says. “look at me.”

nolan refuses, a muscle ticking in his jaw. (this is hot to me idc) tk lets go of his collar to pull on his hair instead, just a little tug of a piece by his ear, and nolan can’t quite bite back the punched-out sound that he lets out. (also hot.)

“look at me,” tk says again, an edge to his voice, and nolan does. tk won’t stop until he does, he knows that well enough. (another look at their dynamic and how well they know each other) he lifts his chin, just a tiny bit, because he’s not going to do anything without a fight. tk’s hand tightens in his hair and it keeps him in place, nailed— ha— to the floor. (i write for the people whose brains make inappropriate jokes at the wrong moments) he couldn’t move if he wanted to, watches helplessly as tk leans down.

the hope in his chest is so thick, nolan thinks it might actually smother him, stop his heart. he’s breathing fast and shallow, almost on the verge of panting, and jesus fuck, isn’t that embarrassing. he’s so desperate, he could squirm with it and he briefly remembers travis months ago, writhing on his very rug and how much nolan wanted to help. he can smell snow again, sharp in the back of his nose. (this does the double work of calling back to an earlier scene-- ya girl loves a good callback-- and also building the anticipation some more. the snow reference reminds the reader that this is still a werewolf au, even in the midst of this. also, once when i was like fifteen, i read something about how to write kisses/romance and it talked about picking one or two aspects of the kiss to focus on-- breathing, hands, the feeling of someone’s mouth, etc. i still use that advice.)

tk shifts his weight and nolan has enough time to think holy fuck, is this happening? before travis fucking konecny upends the bag of all dressed-flavoured crumbs all over his face. (OKAY a lot going on here! it’s one of my favourite moments, really. first of all, here’s the resolution of all the chips talk! sure, i could’ve just abandoned them, but the subverting of expectations was a lot more fun and the story still wasn’t quite ready for them to kiss yet. second, this is tk chickening out. he had two choices and he chose violence. or, like, the buddies option, which is amusing to me because this is not buddies, boys. finally, the full name was necessary to convey nolan’s disappointment and anger, as was the full description of the chips. nolan is upset, and he’s going to notice these things, and that shows up in his internal narrative.)

“got ‘em,” he crows over nolan’s sputtering, letting himself get bucked off onto the floor. nolan wipes furiously at his face, all his feelings a confusing mix of horny and angry and confused, all with the thick overtone of humiliation.

“you’re a fucking dick,” he says and it’s flat, but tk is gloating too much to care. (he’s not, he’s trying to cover, but nolan’s too embarrassed to realise)

“you should’ve seen your face, pat.”

nolan glares daggers at the carpet, the chips spread out everywhere. it’s going to be a bitch to clean up. tk had better help. (makes sure the punch landed, and to give a final resolution.)

he leans against the sofa and waits for tk to tire himself out, listening to the laughter and trying not to get too angry or, like, cry. his neck feels hot, prickling uneasily. he rubs at it with his hand, startles when tk kicks him gently in the ankle. (in order for tk to not come out of this looking like an asshole, i needed him to make up his obliviousness by being observant in other times. and in order for tk to notice patty being mad, i needed to give patty actions that could be noticed, like not laughing along with the joke)

“sorry if i made you mad,” tk says quietly, all the giggles finally worked out of him. “you looked tense (no shit bud) and i thought it would make you laugh.”

it’s not tk’s fault nolan thought he was gonna, like, kiss him. (”like” again, to break up a too-honest moment) it was a dick move but tk doesn't have a cruel bone in his body, so: “it’s fine,” he mumbles and shrugs his shoulder. “it was funny.”

tk preens for a second. “i know.”

“you owe me a bag now.”

“i’ll buy you a family-sized pack. i’m sure they’ll ship it down here, amazon or ups or somethin’.” (patty’s attempting to be normal and tk is attempting to make amends.)

nolan nods and scratches at his face, tipping his head against the couch cushions. (little motions like him scratching his face aren’t super necessary for like plot or development, but it helps humanize characters and i like to add them in whenever i can, as long as it’s not overkill. they can also be helpful in pointing to emotional state without directly saying it.) it’s quiet for a few seconds, just the sound of them breathing heavier than usual, and it would be so normal. should be normal, by all counts, but nolan still kind of wants to crawl into a hole for while. wants to push tk out of the apartment and eat ice cream and google ‘how to stop a crush,’ like his sisters used to do when they were upset. he’s already googled it, a few days ago, and there was nothing but maybe someone’s offered good advice since then. (people make an impact on you, and family even more so, and i always like reminders of how close nolan seems to be with his sisters. also, it’s funny.)

tk flicks him on the wrist. (this is something that tk does consistently through the story, and even though it’s not super important to this scene, it establishes a behaviour in the larger story. that’s important too!)

“pat,” he says and it sounds it’s not the first time. nolan blinks.

“yeah?”

“i just asked you if you were hungry.”

“oh. uh. no, not really,” he answers truthfully. tk wrinkles his nose.

“do you, like, have anything in your fridge to eat?”

“mm, probably not.”

“typical,” tk mutters under his breath, as if he ever has anything regularly stocked besides protein powder and bacon. (protein rich foods that are easy to eat after a full moon, or after a workout) at least nolan has eggs pretty consistently. (also a protein rich food that’s less easy to eat after a full moon, but are easy to make when you aren’t a werewolf) “wanna go get sushi?”

nolan thinks about it. shoves his sweaty hair behind his ear and considers going out to their favourite place and pretending he’s not still fucking mortified. and, like, a little turned on. it makes him nauseous. (i get such physical reactions to emotional things that i write everyone into having them) 

“no,” he says. he’s not facing tk but he can still see him deflate, his shoulders hunching over. “i don’t— no.”

“okay. that’s… okay.”

“i think i’m getting a migraine,” lies nolan. “think i’m just gonna lay down.”

“do you need me to stay with you? keep you company?”

nolan’s shaking his head before tk even finishes the thought. “no, trav. i’m fine, i promise.” (the trav here works as a signal that something isn’t right! it’s why tk looks at him for so long in the next line.)

tk studies him for a long minute, his eyes searching the side of patty’s face presented to him. nolan keeps his expression as blank as possible and stares hard at his feet.

“text me if you need anything,” he says finally, the words coming out slow and gentle. it’s a lot to handle. “i’ll come back.”

“i know. i will.” he won’t, but that’s not for tk to know. he doesn’t move when tk goes out the door, squeezes his eyes shut when the door doesn’t slam into its frame, (tk’s taking care of him, still!) and decides to leave the pile of crumbs to deal with later. (the climax of this scene happened a while ago so this is another little reminder of what happened, just so it’s solidified in the reader’s head after the longish comedown. i end scenes a LOT like this-- two actions, and then a callback-- because they’re simple and effective, and usually sound great!)  /fin

ahh thank you so much for asking!! this was really fun to, like, process through and remember my logic for! i was actually really nervous writing this scene, because i knew the tension and the break had to be PERFECT for it to land right. but i do like how it turned out so at least there’s that. ily!!

[fraink5-writes]

If He Were There

Hey! It’s another fic where I give Kurapika the Friendship Time he needs and deserves that Togashi did not write.

Thanks a whole lot to @leio13 for reading it over!

Summary: When Kurapika finally answers the phone, he discovers something horrible has happened and Gon is near death. As he tries to patch up his crumbling friend group, he regrets not having been there.

(AKA the fic where Kurapika also shows up when Gon is in the hospital.)

This fic can also be found on Ao3 here. Without further ado, please enjoy!

“Where’s Gon?”

Everything in the hospital was sterilized to the point where not even infectious hope could spread. The only sign of life was the mechanical beeps of monitors; when those stopped, it meant death. White was the color of mourning.

In the desolate hall, Kurapika’s voice bounced to the only other person who would hear it: a tall man in a dark suit. His shadowy slouch was an image right out of a funeral.

“Kurapika…” Leorio’s voice trailed off without certainty. He pointed dejectedly into the room across the hall.

Although Kurapika came to Swardani City resolved to see Gon, his hand quaked so violently that he couldn’t open the door. Kurapika had seen so much cruelty and carnage—why did he freeze now?

“How is Gon?”

“Words can’t describe it. He’s barely hanging in there; it would take a miracle to save him.” The words seemed to sting as they left Leorio’s lips.

There was no point in searching for a silver lining in Leorio’s words. All Kurapika could do was see Gon himself.

Kurapika turned the door knob.

The room had a deathly aura as though the body was already a cadaver. The soiled white sheets draped over the bed did little to improve the image. Yet the body underneath was altogether worse than a corpse. It was deformed beyond recognition. This was Gon?

A wave of nausea was engulfed by a scarlet sea of fathomless frustration.

“Kurapika.” Leorio’s voice was a too-little-too-late caution before Kurapika’s rationationality was lost under the roar of desperation. 

Holy Chain.

Leorio was shouting something.

Holy Chain.

The light of his nen was swallowed into the blackhole of Gon’s condition.

Why was Kurapika powerless to help his friends? This time and the time before. He didn’t want to lose anyone else—that’s what he decided. Then why was he unable to protect them?

The melody of a flute wormed its way through the madness into Kurapika’s brain. Then Leorio’s voice again. “Kurapika, Killua is coming with a way to save Gon.”

Killua is?

“Thank goodness…” The scarlet world flickered to white then to black.

***

A white ceiling stared back at Kurapika. If he turned anywhere else, his head spun. How much time was he out? How much time did he use Emperor Time? How was Gon?

Kurapika jolted up, then quickly slumped back into the bed.

The flute stopped. “Kurapika? You’re feeling better already?”

“How is Gon?”

"Gon-kun should be fine now. It seems like Killua-kun's solution worked."

"I'm so glad…" Kurapika's fever momentarily vanished. But in the silence, regrets once again fogged his mind. 

“You’re frustrated again?” Senritsu’s eyes were brimming with pity. “Your heartbeat was in pain throughout your fever. I thought the news of Gon-kun’s recovery would help you feel better, but…”

“I am beyond relieved, but.” It was impossible to conceal his worries in front of Senritsu. "I thought that I could protect my friends by leaving them. I already put them in danger by involving them with my business once, so I left, hoping to keep them out of harm's way…"

"Kurapika, that wasn't your fault then. Gon-kun and Killua-kun were there because they wanted to help you."

That was a blatant lie. Kurapika shouldn't have let them get involved. "But it was another mistake. It was naive to think that they would be safe just because I wasn't there. Instead, I wasn't there when they most needed help—I didn't even know about it!"

"Kurapika." Senritsu put her flute on her lap with a bit of force. "There are limits to what we all can do. People we can't stop; people we can't save… Gon-kun and Killua-kun are still children, but they're also growing up. They're responsible for themselves. You can't always protect them."

"...Senritsu. I'm sorry." Kurapika sighed. "You stopped me then and have been watching over me, haven't you? I'm grateful."

"I'm just glad that you're better now." Kurapika sensed that those words weren't the whole truth, but Senritsu wouldn't let him look further into them. "Instead of dwelling on what couldn't be done, there's something you can do for Gon-kun."

Kurapika sat up again. "There is? What is it?"

"Gon-kun woke up not long ago, and he probably wants to see one of his closest friends."

"What happened to Killua and Leorio? Are they not there?"

"Leorio-san got involved in the election, so he's stuck at headquarters until the voting is over. He could win, you know.”

“Leorio?” Kurapika laughed in disbelief. What would Leorio do as chairman of the Hunter Association?

“And Killua-kun…” Senritsu hesitated with a frown. “He didn’t want Gon-kun to find out he was the one who healed him. It seems like something happened between them.”

What happened? Kurapika would have to see Killua—but first Gon.

Kurapika exhaled. “I understand. Then I will visit Gon now.”

Senritsu stared up and down at Kurapika. “Are you sure you are up to it?”

Following Senritsu’s gaze in the mirror, Kurapika assessed his physical condition. His skin, save for the bags under his eyes, was almost as pale as the white gown he was wearing.

“I have to get out of this outfit.”

Senritsu sighed. “Yes.”

“Can you give me a minute?”

She nodded, but she didn’t move. She kept staring as though waiting for something.

Finally, she spoke, “You don’t have to do everything alone.” Without waiting for a response, she approached his bed and offered him her shoulder.

She was right. In his current state, Kurapika couldn’t even stand up by himself. Holding onto Senritsu, he slowly lifted himself from his bed. “Thank you. I can do the rest myself.”

Surely, Senritsu could hear the uncertainty in his voice, but she resigned to his stubbornness. “Don’t push yourself too hard. I’ll be outside when you’re done, or in case anything happens.” With that caution, she schlepped out of the room.

***

Kurapika grabbed the door handle. Whatever was on the other side of the door, it had to be better than Gon from the previous day (How many days ago was that?)

Kurapika had barely opened the door when a voice rang through. “Kurapika!!”

“Gon!” Kurapika beamed and hastily stumbled to Gon’s bedside. “You probably shouldn’t get up yet, right?”

“Probably not.” Gon tilted his head. “But I feel fine though!” He grinned and wrapped his arms around Kurapika’s waist.

He really is going to be fine. Warm tears pooled in corners of Kurapika’s eyes as he gently placed his hand on Gon’s head. “I’m so glad to hear that.”

Gon stared up at Kurapika’s face. “Was it that bad, Kurapika?”

“It was dreadful. Even Leorio couldn’t give a proper description.”

“Really? Then what happened? I feel fine right now.”

“If you feel fine now, it must have been some kind of ‘miracle.’”

“Wow, if Kurapika uses the word ‘miracle,’ then it really must have been.”

“Sorry. I really wasn’t there, so I don’t know the details.”

“Did something happen, Kurapika?”

“No. Nothing really.” Kurapika didn’t put any effort into his lie, only hope that Gon wouldn’t press the issue.

Gon frowned. “Okay.” Then he shrunk away slightly. “I always thought Kurapika was strong, and even stronger for putting your life on the line. How do you fight like that?”

“Gon. You shouldn’t—”

“At that time, I was prepared to sacrifice everything to avenge Kite. But I just became a burden for Killua and everyone else, didn’t I?”

“Gon…”

Kurapika’s mind turned over and over without the slightest idea of how he should respond. What Gon described was how he had been fighting all along; it was the fastest way for him to bridge the gap between him and his enemies and the fastest way to accomplish his goal. He never gave much thought to what came after—he would die.

Yet, it sounded so repulsive when Gon spoke about it. How could Gon throw away everything for one goal? He should still have a long future ahead of him.

Gon was always so optimistic all the time that Kurapika never thought Gon would be capable of such a thing—no, he must have known. He knew the length’s Gon would go to achieve what he wants. Even knowing that, Kurapika acted that way. He was disgraced by the example he had set. How could Kurapika criticize Gon now?

“Nevermind, it doesn’t matter.” Gon interrupted Kurapika’s thoughts with a forced smile. “I was just surprised at the recovery I made.”

Kurapika inhaled. “Gon.” It didn’t matter if it was hypocritical. “Don’t do anything like that again. Please.”

“Kurapika.” Gon shifted a bit. “Shouldn’t you sit down?”

“Huh?” Only then did Kurapika realize he was violently swaying. “I suppose I should. Let me get a chair.” He grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and dragged it to Gon’s bedside. Just that action seemed to drain the energy from him, so he flopped into it with heavy breaths. “Sorry about that.”

Gon just smiled. It seemed he wasn’t going to comment on Kurapika’s poor health, which was a relief.

“About our discussion earlier,” Kurapika took Gon’s silence as an opportunity to stir the conversation back to where it was. “Gon, please don’t do anything like that again.”

“Okay.”

Kurapika was stunned. He wasn’t prepared for Gon’s ready agreement, even if it made things easier for him.

“Killua must be really mad.”

“Killua? Why?”

“Because he’s not here. If Killua isn’t here, he must be angry.” Gon retreated to the center of his bed. “I said some hurtful things, and then I…”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me about it. Just make sure to properly apologize to him when you see him.”

“How’re you feeling?” A yanki-looking man entered the room. The scowl on his face contradicted his words of concern.

“I’m feeling a little more awake now!”

“Good.” A stream of tears began to work its way down the man’s loosened face.

Gon and Kurapika shot each other a glance: why is he crying?

“Oh, Knuckle, this is my friend, Kurapika!”

The man, Knuckle apparently, examined Kurapika with his previous grimace (although the tears continued to flow), but he didn’t say anything other than “Kurapika, huh? Nice meeting you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Knuckle seemed to be familiar with Kurapika’s name, but Kurapika couldn’t say the same. He would have to ask Gon about him.

“If you’re ready, there is someone who you should go see.”

Who could it be?

“Yeah, I’m ready then.”

“Then, I’ll leave it to you two to get ready.” With that, Knuckle turned to leave. “Also, I was not crying, so don’t tell anyone that I was.”

Kurapika was certain that Knuckle wiped his face with his sleeve before slipping out the door.

“Gon, are you okay to go?”

“Yeah!”

“Don’t overdo it.”

“You too, Kurapika. You should take care of your body too.”

Gon was right. Kurapika was not in the position to worry about Gon. How embarrassing.

“Then, I’ll head back to my room. I’ll see you soon, Gon.”

The last time they parted, Kurapika hadn’t even said goodbye. With the regret of what happened since, he waved sadly. This time, it would be different, he swore silently to himself and to Gon and the others.

“Bye bye, Kurapika!”

***

An aggressive knock on Kurapika's hotel room door yanked him from his drifting between consciousness and not. "KURAPIKA!"

Leorio. There was no point in Kurapika faking his appearance.

He rolled out of bed and trudged to the door. "What's wrong, Leorio?"

"You were awake?"

"Sort of."

"Good. Can we talk for a bit?" Leorio's gaze moved left, right, and finally into Kurapika's hotel room.

Kurapika opened the door further to welcome Leorio. As he shut the door behind him with one hand, he used the other to gesture to a nearby chair. "What is it?"

"ARE YOU AN IDIOT?!"

Leorio's booming voice nearly knocked Kurapika over, so he grabbed the chair to steady himself.

"Not that I don't understand how you feel…" Leorio continued.

"What are we talking about?"

"Gon."

Kurapika's lips closed with a silent 'oh.'

"You know, when I first saw Gon like that, I was frustrated beyond belief. How could I let that happen? While I was studying and drinking and all that, Gon and Killua were putting their lives on the line for something important.

"And when I was finally able to join them, I was still powerless to help them. Even after becoming a Hunter and studying medicine, I can't even save a friend who's really important to me!"

"Leorio, don't blame yourself; you're still a student." Kurapika reached out his hand towards Leorio's shoulder, but it was ignored.

"You know what they said? Not even the most practiced doctors could save him. Then what's the point? What's the point of becoming a doctor if you can't save the one person you want?!

Leorio's voice faltered along with his gaze. "I couldn't stand the possibility of losing another precious friend…" Then he turned back to Kurapika. "So, that's what I thought."

"I also felt that way." Kurapika nodded sadly. "But if you understand, then why are you yelling at me?"

"Because you're a fool!! Why did you use your Scarlet Eyes?!"

As though the phrase itself triggered them, Kurapika's eyes flashed. "What should I have done?! I also don't want to lose Gon or anyone else important to me! In order to prevent that, I'll do anything in my power to save them! Would you not do the same?!"

"But you used your power when you knew it wouldn't work! That's just throwing your life away meaninglessly! How would Gon—or anyone else, for that matter—feel if he woke up to find out you almost or actually died in order to save him?!"

Kurapika's anger crumbled under the weight of Leorio's words. He couldn't even raise his head to look at him: what kind of face was Leorio making?

"I'm sorry, Leorio. You're right that I knew. I knew that even if I used all my energy, I couldn't do anything. But when I saw Gon like that, everything went red. I stopped thinking properly, and I…"

Leorio's silence trapped Kurapika with his guilt. Kurapika silently implored him to say something. But he didn't need to say anything just as he didn't need to forgive Kurapika. In fact, it was Kurapika who needed to continue.

"Leorio, at that time, you tried to stop me, didn't you? And after, you must have looked after me with Senritsu. Thank you. Even though you were already occupied with Gon, I made you worry about me. I'm extremely sorry."

Kurapika had not helped Gon at all; he had only made the situation worse. Not to mention, he made his own situation worse—how much time did he lose on Emperor Time?

Leorio had every right to be angry.

"I'm glad you understand. I'll forgive you this time."

Huh?

Kurapika peeked up just in time to see Leorio grin. "Gon made such an amazing recovery; now's not the time to be angry! But, Kurapika—" Leorio's smile disappeared—"I won't forget what happened either. So you better not do something like that again! Then I'll be angry!"

How could Leorio move past his anger so quickly and even express his concern for Kurapika's wellbeing? Nevertheless, even if Leorio was ready to move on, Kurapika would not do the same. He couldn't forgive himself lest he repeats his mistakes.

"Leorio."

"I thought I said we're going to celebrate now!!"

There was a knock on the door.

It was the hotel receptionist. "Is everything alright, sirs?"

Kurapika and Leorio exchanged a glance and then smiled.

"Yes."

"Uh-huh."

"Well… Good… May I ask that you keep it at a lower volume going forward?"

"Of course, sorry."

"Thank you." With that, the receptionist left.

Kurapika turned back to Leorio who shrugged. "Oops?" He grinned impishly.

Kurapika couldn't help but return the smile. "I don't understand you at all."

"I'm the one who feels that way! How can someone so intelligent be so foolish sometimes?"

"I don't want to be called 'foolish' by you!" Kurapika imagined the receptionist seething outside the door and decided to switch tones. "But you're right. We shouldn't fight now. Did you see Gon yet?”

“Yeah! I can’t believe how much better he looks! You look worse than him now.”

Kurapika glared. “...What happened after you met? Where is he now?”

“Well, his scumbag dad was at the election.”

“He was?”

“Anyway, he promised Gon that he would talk to him, so Gon went back to go see him. I’m glad Gon finally got to see his old man, but, man, is that guy an asshole! I should have punched him again…”

“Punch him again?”

“Well…” Leorio looked away awkwardly. “He was on the Election Committee, and I asked him why he hadn’t visited Gon even though he was around. Can you believe that?! He asked me if ‘Gon had said he wanted him to visit.’ So I punched him right there!”

Kurapika chuckled. “Good work.”

“What? I thought you would’ve lectured me.”

“No, if I were there, I probably also would have lost my temper.”

“Ohh?” Leorio smirked.

Another glare. “Did Gon meet Killua? Do you know?”

“Killua? I don’t think so. Honestly, I haven’t seen much of him myself.” Leorio sighed. “When he arrived to heal Gon, nobody was allowed to see what happened. Since then, he has been with his sister, so I haven’t really gotten the opportunity to talk to him.”

“Sister?”

“Yep. I didn’t catch her name though.”

“Well, hopefully she is not like his older brother.”

“Who knows with that family…”

Kurapika also sighed. “In any case, I hope Gon can see him soon, although it seems that Killua is angry at him.”

“I don’t know what happened, but, given the condition Gon was in, he probably has every right to be mad.”

“I don’t know either, which is why I was hoping to speak with him. I already spoke with Gon; he seemed ready to apologize, so hopefully Killua will let him.”

“What did you say to make him willing to apologize?”

“What do you mean? I didn’t say anything like that. He was already sorry.”

“Really? He’s so stubborn, I kinda figured…”

“Well, when you end up in that position, it’d be impressive not to realize you did something wrong.”

“Is that so, Kurapika?” Leorio gave Kurapika a quizzical side-glance.

“What are you trying to say, Leorio?!” Kurapika stomped his foot before realizing that his anger was misplaced. “Sorry.”

“Nah, it was my bad. Low-blow. I said I’d forgive you, so it’s over.”

If you remain angry, I couldn’t blame you. Yet why are you so adamant about forgiveness?

“Thank you, Leorio.”

“Huh?!” Leorio nearly jumped.

“For looking out for and taking care of me, despite my thoughtless behavior. I don’t know where I would be without you. So thank you.”

***

Outside the hospital entrance, a kid was pacing; whenever he arrived at the door, he growled and turned around. But soon enough he would straighten his back and change direction again. One hand was in his pocket the whole time, the other flicked a yo-yo back and forth. It moved automatically as he paid it no heed. Nor did he notice Kurapika’s approach.

“Killua? Are you here to see Gon?”

The yo-yo snapped back into Killua's palm, but he didn't look up from the pavement. "No. Not really."

"Are you angry at Gon? I understand how you feel, so..."

"What do you understand?" Killua shot Kurapika a look for the first time—a glare.

Of course, Killua would also be upset about what Kurapika had done.

"I'm sorry."

Killua flicked his wrist and released the yo-yo again.

"It was reckless and thoughtless of me to use my scarlet eyes even knowing it wouldn't work."

"I even said that I was coming with a solution…"

So then Killua viewed Kurapika's actions as a betrayal; the message that Killua received from Kurapika's attempt to save Gon was that he didn't believe that Killua could do it.

"Sorry, I didn't know—no, that doesn't matter. That's no excuse. I still knew that I couldn't do it with my abilities, but I tried anyway, and I ended up adding to your burden when you were already worried about Gon. I apologize."

Still refusing to look at Kurapika, Killua nodded slightly.

"You don't have to forgive me."

"I won't."

"You don't have to forgive Gon either, but you should at least hear what he has to say."

Finally, Killua looked up, staring blankly. "What Gon has to say?"

"I spoke with him after he woke up. He seems to know he hurt you."

"He probably doesn't know anything. I'm always, always…" Killua choked on the words.

"Do you mind telling me what happened?"

Killua nodded once.

"Okay, why don't we go somewhere else?"

Kurapika and Killua walked through Swardani City in silence. Were it not for their close proximity, they would have appeared as complete strangers.

Finally, they arrived at a park. "I came here with Alluka yesterday," Killua muttered.

"Alluka?"

"My younger sister. We can sit on that bench over there."

Kurapika nodded. "Do you two get along?"

"Yeah. Well, I was a bad older brother, but now I'm trying to make it up to her."

It was not Kurapika's place to pry into Killua's family life. "I'm sure she appreciates any time you spend with her."

Killua shrugged. "So, Gon… He really seemed sorry?"

Kurapika nodded. "What happened?"

"Well, while looking for his old man, Gon met someone who was his friend. Gon really admired him, more than anyone else. But he died fighting a Chimera Ant. They were scarier than anyone I had ever seen, so I took Gon and ran. But Gon blamed himself for what happened. Later, he went to fight the ant alone, and this is what happened. He must have used everything he had to become strong and defeat it. I was too late to stop him…"

Then, Gon had used a vow to modify his nen which put him in that position—one that nearly killed him. No wonder Killua was also angry at Kurapika.

"I'm sorry, Killua. It's not your fault what happened."

“I should have stopped him. But, why is he always like that?! He always, always does selfish, stupid things! And I always clean up after him! Because we’re friends… right?”

“Of course, you’re friends.” Kurapika regretted not having something better to say, but he wasn’t even sure of the condition of their friendship. It seems like Gon put Killua through a lot of strain.

“If we’re friends, why can’t he depend on me? Before he left to fight the ant, he said…” Killua audibly sniffled. “‘It has nothing to do with you.’ Yeah, I know nothing about Kite, but Gon’s my best friend! I wanted to fight together… So why..?!” Tears dripped from Killua’s chin onto his hands clutching at the fabric of his pants.

“Even if Gon said that, he didn’t mean it. I’m sure Gon can keep fighting because he knows that he has a friend like you.”

“But, I’m tired of picking up after him! I’m always following his lead and cleaning up his messes. He's my friend, so I thought, I thought we could fight together! But! But…!" Killua’s words ended up scrambled into sobs.

Once again, Kurapika was confronted with his powerlessness in this situation. Just as he couldn’t heal Gon, he couldn’t resolve the issue in Killua’s friendship. The best he could do was offer reassuring words, although he wasn’t even sure what those would be in this situation. He always prefered fighting alone. In fact, he would have probably done something similar to what Gon did.

The sound of Killua’s sniffles snapped Kurapika from his self-reflection. He had to say something. “I’m sorry that happened, Killua. Gon is really stubborn, and he doesn’t always think things through. So, I know that it must have hurt for him to have done that, but I don’t think that he meant it personally… I’m sure if you talk to him, he’ll understand.”

“No way!”

Failure, huh…

“I can’t tell Gon that!” After crying out, Killua’s voice dropped to a mumble “Our friendship has always been like that… What if he doesn’t understand? Or...” His whole body quaked. “Or, what if he doesn’t need me?”

“If you don’t talk to him, you can’t know.”

“I’m… I’m afraid to know. I was just happy to be by Gon’s side. Even if I didn’t deserve it, I could be there, I could be useful somehow… Even if it hurts, it means Gon still needs me, so I thought I didn’t mind dealing with his messes, but…”

“Gon does need you. After he woke up, he was looking for you. And I bet he’s worrying about you now. Because you’re an important friend to him.”

Killua stared up at Kurapika. A final tear rolled down his face.

“Right now, he doesn’t know how to best show his appreciation, but that’s why you should talk to him. Let him know what he needs to do.”

Killua turned away. “Why am I getting advice from you, anyway?”

Kurapika flinched. Well, at least he was feeling better. He laughed under his breath. “It looks like we both need to talk to our friends, huh…”

“Idioot! Gon and I will have no problems in no time!”

It was an act, but probably a necessary one for Killua. Kurapika would also need one, until he figured things out at least.

“Glad to hear that. Then should we head back to the hospital?”

“Yeah, why should I be afraid of going there? I’ll show you—Gon and I will resolve this without resorting to this boring adult stuff!”

Killua trailed behind Kurapika the entire way, but at least he was moving. Kurapika wouldn’t follow him into the hospital. From there, it was Killua and Gon’s business alone.

***

Kurapika stared up at the fathomless ceiling. His alarm blared, signaling his departure, in spite of the darkness. He rolled over and pressed down on the button. Vague lights from street lamps pulsated on the shadowy curtains. Occasionally the hum of an automobile would fade in and out, then the monotonous beeping of various technology would resume. If he left at such an hour, no one would be around to stop him. 

Kurapika turned over onto his other shoulder and stared into the dark wall. The dim, red glow of the clock twinkled in the corner of his eye.

Was he going to finish collecting the eyes and then get his revenge on the Troupe now? In the empty room, there was nothing else for him, and when Kurapika had set that alarm, he had prepared to risk what little he had for those goals—

Gon had sacrificed everything he had to avenge Kite. The gory image of Gon’s disfigured body haunted Kurapika’s thoughts. Truthfully, Kurapika didn’t care if that happened to him nor if he couldn’t be saved. But the hopeless desperation from that day still lingered in his chest. The futility had turned Kurapika’s eyes scarlet. 

Yet Killua was even angrier. Gon’s careless actions had betrayed him.

Leorio and Senritsu were also upset, weren’t they? Not only with Gon, but with Kurapika too. Even if Kurapika’s actions were less costly than Gon’s, they had nevertheless found the time to worry about him.

Kurapika had left because he would put his friends in danger by being there, yet he also failed to protect them when he was away. Instead he put them through a lot of trouble again with his reckless behavior.

And he also couldn't deny his responsibility for what happened to Gon. He had set an example for Gon's actions which almost got him killed. What would it say if he continued acting that way?

Then should he stop? Give up the purpose that has been keeping him alive for the past five years?

A shadow swallowed his hotel room. Kurapika rolled over again, facing the window again. His phone rested darkly on the nightstand.

Leorio, Gon, Killua, Senritsu… He didn't even tell them he was leaving. Well, it was too early in the morning to do that now.

He picked up his phone, staring back at his gloomy reflection on the black screen.

Maybe he would call them when he had arrived at his destination. No, he couldn't do that either. Somehow he knew that if he heard their voices again, he wouldn't be able to continue.

The screen lit up his face with a buzz.

Leorio?!

Kurapika's thumb hovered over the answer button, but his hand hovered over the nightstand. If he answered Leorio's call now, he would definitely fail. He sighed.

"Hello. This is Kurapika."

"Goood mooorning!" Leorio's voice chimed with a cheery tone unsuitable for morning. "What are you doing up at such an early hour?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Leorio."

"... Kurapika." Leorio's voice barely made it through the receiver. "Are you leaving?"

Kurapika's heart pounded in his ear. "Yes. I am."

"That's what I suspected. Well, do you want to meet up with me? It's early enough that you don't have to worry about time, right?"

"What?"

"I wanted to see you before you left."

Oh.

"It's too sad to leave on your own, isn't it?"

Kurapika was already used to being lonely, so it didn't matter. In fact, seeing Leorio was the last thing he needed right now.

"What could we even do at this hour? It's too early."

"That's a surprise! Are you looking forward to it?"

"Not particularly."

"Well, the lower your expectations are, the greater it will be! So meet me at the Hunter Association Headquarters."

… Why couldn't Kurapika just say no?

"Then, I'll see you there soon!"

"Bye, Leorio." Kurapika sighed again. "See you soon."

Finally, knowing that Leorio would be waiting for him, Kurapika stepped out of bed. When he cracked open the curtain, a slither of red light crept over the horizon. He needed to hurry up, especially if he was also going to meet Leorio. So he quickly threw on the suit he had picked out the night before and hurriedly checked out from the hotel.

When Kurapika arrived at the Association Headquarters, Leorio was leaning on the wall by the entrance. Despite the dark hour, his small-lens sunglasses sat low on his nose. His face was clean-shaven, and his suit and tie also appeared to be effortfully (if not unnecessarily) ironed and arranged. “Yo, Kurapika!”

“Good morning,” Kurapika returned the greeting. “When you called, I figured you were pulling an all-nighter, but it looks more like you actually were elected Chairman.”

Leorio’s head tilted, but then he shrugged. “Well, I couldn’t possibly do that. I still have to become a doctor. And Kurapika...” They both stared at each other—at the elephant between them—without a word. Leorio sighed, then Kurapika.

“So. What are we going to do here at such a ridiculous hour?” This was the Hunter Association, so there were probably people there, but Kurapika couldn’t imagine them doing anything that the two of them would want to be a part of.

“Let’s go up.” Leorio gestured to the entrance, nodded and headed in.

They rode the elevator in silence, without even elevator music to alleviate the still air. Leorio’s gaze shifted to Kurapika with increasing frequency, but Kurapika would not remove his stair from the floor number going up, up, up. Eventually, the elevator stopped: “Only authorized personnel beyond this point.”

There wasn’t anything to do on this floor. “Let’s head ba—”

Leorio grunted, stepped out of the car and turned in an arbitrary direction after examining the unlit floor they had stopped on. Finally, after an endless amount of wandering in confused circles, Leorio stopped in front of a window with a grin—which quickly disappeared when he saw the two cables dangling from the sky. “Wait—this is the ‘easy way up’ they laid out?!?!”

But before Kurapika could react, Leorio had already tied one of the cables around his waist and climbed out the open window. “Alright,” he groaned. “We’re climbing up.”

Kurapika just sighed. He would have to follow Leorio up the buildingside, lest Leorio fell into a trap or just fell due to carelessness. With his chains at least, Kurapika could salvage the situation if something went awry.

“I’m surprised you haven’t made any objections,” Leorio said about halfway up.

“Now that you ask, I do have some concerns. First…”

“I DIDN’T ASK! I was just surprised!”

“It didn’t seem as though you were going to wait for my opinion, right? So I had no choice but to follow. I couldn’t just let you end up hurt or dead.”

Leorio paused for the first time. His smile and soft eyes spoke without him ever parting his lips: thank you.

Kurapika smiled back, the first time he had done so all morning, despite the bizarre and dangerous situation.

Finally, Leorio had reached the roof of the building and flung himself over the guardrail before extending a hand to Kurapika.

He could make it over himself—

“Good morning, Kurapika!”

“Mornin’,”

The sudden familiar voices threw Kurapika off balance, but luckily his arm was caught by three sleeves in blue, green, and navy.

“Thank you.” Kurapika studied the people who had pulled him to the roof: Leorio of course, an energetic boy in all green (Gon), and a calmer boy with silver hair (Killua). “But what are you all doing here?”

“No reason in particular.”

“We wanted to see you!”

Kurapika shot a glare at Leorio.

“What? I didn’t tell them.” Leorio’s grin betrayed his claims.

“Even if he tried to stop us, Gon would have found a way, anyway.” Killua shrugged. “So there’s no point.”

Gon laughed in a sheepish admission.

“I suppose you’re right.” Kurapika couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

“Hey, look!” Gon pointed suddenly to the eastern sky. “Here it is!”

An orange sea of light lapped against the towers of the dark cityscape. As the crimson sun ascended, it raised the tides, filling the empty night sky with a gentle blue.

Gon grabbed Killua’s hand and ran over to the nearest guardrail. “Wow,” Killua breathed, his eyes wide with amazement.

“Was this what you had in mind?” Kurapika glanced at Leorio.

Leorio nodded, eyes still on the spectacle. “Let’s go join them.”

Kurapika approached the rail on which Gon and Killua were leaning. As the sun rose, its angry red dissipated into a bright yellow. City lights shut off little by little when the blue sky illuminated the roads, which were slowly filling with cars and people. Gon, Killua, and Leorio’s faces were also lit up, but despite the sun’s brilliance, the glow in their eyes and wide grins remained ablaze.

“Kurapika,” Gon asked, “Are you planning on leaving soon?”

Killua elbowed Gon. “Idiot, we weren’t supposed to mention that.”

“Why? It’s not like he’d suddenly forget, right?” Gon’s head tilted curiously before he turned to Kurapika, followed by Killua’s and Leorio’s gaze. 

With a small laugh, Kurapika grinned. “No, not yet.”

[dragonhrte]

Destiny? Chapter Five: Out There

Author's Note:

Thank you so much for giving this work a read! Quick disclaimer, for all intents and purposes MHA/BNHA are not mine they do not belong to me. The manga and anime have inspired me to write this fiction and dialogue as well as events are given credit to the beautiful people who have blessed us with this series. Aside from standard story line events this work is mine. Here's a long one for you guys, sorry about the long wait. I've been busy with finals and such.

Please note that

*abc* is a sound effect

'abc' is internal thoughts of whomever

"abc" is dialogue

(abc) is a side note from yours truly ;)

~Love, DragonHearte

After walking home for the day I go to my room and immediately sit down at my desk. I type "Sludge Villain Incident" into the search engine, I get thousands of hits. After clicking on a few articles and videos, I find an amateur video taken from what seems to be a handheld device. The video quality isn't that good and it's also really shaky but it's the only video that taped the beginning of the sighting. The sludge monster appears to have a hostage, the camera zooms in to get a grainy image of 'Bakugo?' I would be able to recognize the utter hatred practically oozing off of him in waves. 

None of the heroes are helping him, I am not able to make out exactly what's being said. I squint at the video on my laptop, closely examining the events that are transpiring, and then widen my eyes, 'The sludge from the villain is covering his nose and filling his mouth! He's probably not even breathing!' Then, for a split second, the camera steadies and focuses on Bakugo's face. A pleading look, devoid of the ever-present scowl on his face. I quickly pause the video before I lose the image. I sit there cross-legged on my desk chair staring at the frozen image before me. 'How is Bakugo of all people even able to make that face? He truly looks like he's asking for help, not that he was helpless. But in a way acknowledging the fact he couldn't get out of that situation on his own. How can you make such a face?' I think this to myself as I stare at the image. The emotion in his eyes striking a chord deep within me. I open a new tab and search for articles on the incident, and I find the aftermath of the situation. At this point, I'm not really looking for anything specific, but I come across the date of the incident. 'This happened this past summer?' I think to myself.

 I can't help but admire the fact that Bakugo is not only strong physically shown by the group exercise, but he is also mentally strong. After enduring such a traumatic experience, he's been able to remain mentally sound. I shake the torrent of my own experiences from my mind, and turn back to the computer. I start to do my homework before I get distracted by my past.

Max is at work late, so I heat up the leftovers from dinner the night before. I set the table for one and carry my reheated meal to my spot. I eat in comfortable silence, not thinking about anything in particular, my mind wanders to the reports that I read earlier that afternoon. 'Bakugo was stuck like that for a while.' My mind flashes the image of his pleading eyes back at me. 'He was devoid of oxygen until Midoriya tried to help him. It was clearly Midoriya because the camera was able to capture a somewhat clear picture of him as he ran to Bakugo's side. Why does Bakugo hate Midoriya if he saved his life?' I dismissed the thought for the moment and put it aside to address another day.

I've gotten settled into bed and finished my homework. I turn off the lamp on my bedside table and allow myself to fall into the dark abyss of sleep.

*Beep*

*Beep*

I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock informing me that it is time to go to school. I reach over, face still stuffed in my pillow to turn it off. I miss the first two times, but I finally hit the right button on my third attempt. I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes, and simply sit there for a few moments letting myself wake up. I look over at the time sleepily, and see 7:50 am. My eyes snap open, 'Oh no, I hit snooze too many times! I'm gonna be late!' After flinging away my covers and jumping out of bed I rush over to uniform, I have set out and hurriedly start putting it on. I hop over to the bathroom to brush my teeth while getting my second sock on. I grab a slice of toast on the way out the door, then I immediately turn back around to grab my phone and backpack.

I am sprinting through the halls to get to class with the least amount of annoyance on Mr. Aizawa's face when I get there. I skid to a halt right before I enter the room and try to catch my breath. I speed walk my way through the door and make brief eye contact with Mr. Aizawa before falling into a deep bow as I make my way to my seat. I walk in front of the class, then round the corner of the front row of desks. As I approach my seat, I hear a faint tutting noise. I swing my head towards Bakugo and catch him rolling his eyes and looking away from me. I bump into my desk and a short brief screech emits from it, my cheeks slightly heat up from the attention being drawn to myself.

"Schaffer, if you're going to show up to class late, be quiet while doing so," A violent blush spreads across my face as I sit down, "I guess tardiness is a trend today because All Might is late, but he will be meeting with us later on during class. Today we will be doing a rescue training. It's going to teach you how to deal with disaster relief from fires to floods. You can choose to wear your gym uniforms or not, just know that some of your costumes are not well equipped for this training exercise. We're also going to be transported to a separate training location via bus. Anyways, that's it so get changed and let's go."

When the class gets outside, we all are instructed by Ida on the proper way to board the bus. ‘Does he think we’ve never ridden on a bus before?’ I think to myself as I board the bus, I end up in the back and sit next to Yaoyorozu, it's a bit cramped in the back row, but not too bad. I keep to myself, but a conversation between Tsuyu Asui and Midoriya peaks my interest.

"Your quirk is similar to All Might's in many ways, Midoriya." Tsuyu states.

A look of complete panic comes over Midoriya, a bit more than his usual worried or panicked look, a quick thought passes through my head, 'I wonder what that's all about?' Stammering, Midoriya responds, "R-r-really? I n-never notic-ed!"

I quirk my eyebrow in confusion, and then Kirishima pipes up, "That doesn't make any sense, his quirk is different in a big way. He gets hurt whenever he uses his quirk, and All Might doesn't. His quirk is pretty cool, way cooler than my hardening quirk. It's pretty boring, I will admit though that it's handy in a fight."

I frown slightly at his comment about having a boring quirk and then turn my head when I hear Midoriya say, "It's not boring, I think it's really cool and extremely useful."

"Don't forget that in order to go pro, you also need popular appeal." Kirishima adds

"My navel laser is the perfect well-rounded quirk because it's cool and also strong." says the flashy, self-centered blonde, Aoyama.

Ashido cuts in and says, "Your quirk is great and all up until you overuse it and give yourself a stomach ache."

Aoyama's face turns bright red after this comment. Tsuyu says, "Todoroki and Bakugo have really strong quirks, but Bakugo is a giant asshole. He'll probably never be popular enough to be the number one hero."

I try in vain to stifle a laugh, thinking to myself, 'This is what the class thinks of him? That explains why I was the only one who voted for him.'

Bakugo then yells, "Who the fuck do you think you're talking about Frog-face?!"

He then jerks his head in my direction and shouts, "What're you laughing at?!"

I start to turn my head with the intent of responding, but then decide against it and resume looking at the scenery we pass by. I think to myself, 'I’m pleased to know I’m not the only one who thinks that you have a flaming turd for a personality.'

We get to our destination and file out of the bus. The class walks into the large building and there are so many different things to look at. A person in what appears to be a spacesuit approaches the class and says, "There's a zone for any and every disaster and accident possible. There's a flood zone, landslide zone, and conflagration zone to name a few. I built this facility and I call it the, Unforeseen Simulation Joint!"

'Who is this?' I ask myself, and overhear Midoriya say, "It's the space hero, Thirteen! He's a gentleman hero who does his best work in rescue scenarios!"

Thirteen and Mr. Aizawa speak briefly and then Thirteen resumes talking,

"Many of you know I have a quirk called, Black Hole, it can suck and tear apart literally anything. This is a cool but dangerous ability that has a high potential of killing someone. I'm sure many of you have an ability that fits this description. In our society, quirks are kept under control for safety. The system we have in place right now may seem sound, but we shouldn't forget that if we're not careful we can accidentally kill someone with these amazing abilities. Through the battle training you were able to experience that your quirks have the potential to hurt others. Your powers are not meant just to inflict harm, today you will learn how to use those same destructive powers to save people. I want you all to leave here today with the understanding that you are here to become a hero to help others."

When Thirteen is done with his opening statement, he takes a deep bow. The lights flicker and the fountain in the center of the building sputters for a second. I walk over to my group of friends. I poke Kirishima in the shoulder and ask, "What do you think is going on?"

"I don't know, I hope everything's okay though." he says as he casually places his arm on my shoulder.

All of a sudden Mr. Aizawa shouts out, "Huddle up and don't move," I look around at everyone in their costumes, there is collective confusion apparent on their faces. "Thirteen! Protect the students!"

Kirishima puts his other arm that's not resting on my shoulder up to his face to look out at the figures appearing in the center of the building and says, "What the heck is that? More battle robots like the ones we saw during the entrance exam?"

I go on my tiptoes and try and lift myself up to see the figures he's talking about when Mr. Aizawa says, "Don't move those are Villains!" 

"What villains would be stupid enough to come to a school full of soon-to-be heroes?" says Kirishima.

Yoayorozu asks Thirteen, "There are intruder sensors right?"

"Yes, of course!"

I think for a moment about the whole situation and then say, "Well, are they just here or are they at the main building too? Maybe the sensors aren't working because they have someone with a quirk that renders them useless... We're pretty far away from the school's main campus. There's not a lot of people here, but it feels like they picked this time specifically. So, maybe they're not as dumb as they look. Also they probably have an objective. This seems like a well thought out sneak attack."

Mr. Aizawa moves to the edge of the platform we're all on and says, "Thirteen take the kids back to the main campus, evacuate the building. Call the school. Like Schaffer said, there's a high likelihood that one of the villains is jamming the sensors with their quirk. Kaminari can you use your quirk to signal for help?"

"I can try!" Kaminari responds.

"There's too many! Sensei, you can't fight them all alone! Your quirk won't be able to nullify all of theirs. You work best as a subdue and capture hero. Your strength isn't head-on battle." says Midoriya.

Mr. Aizawa pulls his goggles up and over his eyes, then says, "A true pro hero, is well-rounded. Thirteen take care of my students."

He jumps off the ledge and plummets to the horde of villains below. My eyes widen in shock and awe as he's taking them down one after the other. Thirteen and the rest of the class start walking towards the doors to leave the building, but we're stopped by a dark smoky mass.

The smokey mass speaks and says, "I won't allow this. We are the League of Villains, we've come here with one goal in mind. To kill All Might, the symbol of peace. The schedule we intercepted promised he would be here. Perhaps he had a change of plans, it doesn't matter if they have. I still won't let you leave."

I quickly survey my classmates and see the fear in their eyes. I squint through the darkness and catch a glimpse of shiny reflective metal from the center of the mass. "There's something there in the most concentrated part of the entity." I say more to myself than anyone else. Then suddenly Kirishima is gone from my side and so is Bakugo from our group. I see them both dart forward.

*Boom* 

"You'll have to get through us first!" yells Bakugo

Kirishima shouts, "Ha! I bet you didn't think of that when you were planning this!"

"You're right I didn't. We forgot that you're not just students, but you are also going to be the world's best someday,"

"Boys, get back!" Thirteen exclaims.

The talking mass, starts expanding rapidly, blocking out the light. My feet move instinctually, sprinting towards them into the fray, with nothing going through my mind other than, 'Save them.'

An ominous message rings out, "Begone. Writhe in torment until you breathe you last breath." 

It's the last thing I hear before the darkness consumes me, and everything goes dark.

Chapter Six: Elsewhere

[queerhargreeves]

Hey this is dark af but if you’re taking requests still: can you write one of the siblings finding out Luther has an eating disorder that’s actually pretty severe? In canon he only really drinks those juice pouches and then binge eats hotdogs when he’s having a breakdown but maybe he also purges? And then it gets really bad after the apocalypse as he feels guilty for being so dismissive towards his siblings for so long? If you’re not comfy I understand ~

ive actually been toying with an idea very similar to this for a week or so now, so this gave me the push to finally write it out. i hope this is ok!!

BIG TW: graphic descriptions of body dysmorphia, restricting, and disordered eating ideations. explicitly written binge/purging. if this is something you’re not comfortable with pls do not read !

Perfection. That’s what Luther Hargreeves defines himself as. Well, used to define himself as that is. He was Sir Reginald Hargreeves perfectly crafted soldier: 6’5 in frame, blonde hair, blue eyes, washboard abs, strong arms, thick thighs, massive shoulders, unmatched super human strength. He was the spitting image of the dream boy next store.

Or Luther used to be said dream boy. Reginald defiled him, stripped him of the agency he once had over his own body. He was no longer gorgeous, no, far from it. He was a monster. He turned into this hideous, heinous creature. His body, something he took so much pride in, something that quite literally defined him, was no longer what he knew. It was something he despised. After all, Reginald sent him away because he couldn’t stand to look at what he turned Luther into. So how could anyone stand to look at him? Look at this eyesore? Especially after he hurt them all so terribly. He was too blinded by his intense dedication to a man who could never be pleased. His siblings all learned that light years ago but it took quite literally the end of the world for him to realize.

So he just stopped. He stopped coming downstairs for breakfast with the rest of them. He could smell the bacon and french toast from his room, hear the light chatter and the sound of laughing fits, but he refused to budge. They would never want his company. He was doing them a favor - he was saving them from the inevitable pain he would cause to his siblings. Really they should be thanking him.

He was as content as could be with his cooler packed full of juice pouches thank you very much. This body, it demanded food. A lot of it. But he didn’t deserve food, didn’t deserve to be healthy. This body needed to suffer. His mirrors were no longer intact but in pieces scattering the floor. He didn’t bother wearing shoes; If he bled, he bled. He liked to bleed.

Sometimes though, like tonight, Luther would find himself in front of the fridge at the wee hours of the morning. 3:20 AM to be exact. His siblings aren’t opposed to being up at this hour themselves, but they don’t bother each other unless there’s a reason to be concerned. And this does not concern them.

He hadn’t left his room in a couple of days other than to restock his cooler earlier that day. He ran into Vanya, who started to shrink in on herself upon seeing him. Of course she would - he hurt her. He hurt his baby sister who needed him so desperately. He betrayed her just like he’s betrayed all of them.

He couldn’t handle it. He can’t live with himself. He can’t, he can’t he can’t.

So here he is, wearing four layers during the dead of summer, grabbing every single hot dog package he can possibly fit in his grotesque arms. He walks over to the pantry, grabbing the five packs of buns and rushing back to his room. His hands shook, the sound of the bun package crinkling in his arms. He can’t stop the way his arms tremble, he couldn’t quiet himself down. But Luther needed to do this in his own little personal solitary confinement he called a bedroom.

He quickened his pace as he made his way up the stairs and down the hall, beelining right to his cave. He closed the door behind him as softly as he could manage with his arms full. He drops the pile of food on the floor before turning on the lamp on his desk. His room is softly lit, the lamp being the only light source. He hadn’t really bothered to keep any lights on in his room anymore. The darkness was comforting - it helped him feel like he didn’t really exist.

He finally takes a seat on the ground, criss cross applesauce and inspects the pile in front of him. He knows what he’s doing - the empty ache in his stomach is growing more intense as each second passes. He wastes no time ripping the hot dogs packages open, placing each of the eight hot dogs in their respective buns until all five packages are in a crumpled mess beside him. The smell of hot dog juice on his fingers wafts through the room and his stomach tightens at the aroma. It’s been a while since he’s had anything solid.

He has 40 total hot dogs in front of him. He eyes each one, fully aware of what he is doing. Luther is about to eat each and every one of these hot dogs. Why? Because he needed this. He needed this fix. He needed to taste. He needed to suffer. He needed to repent.

He finally brings the first cold hot dog to his lips and carefully takes a bite. The flavor explodes in his mouth within a millisecond and his brain just shuts off. Well, at least the part of his brain that tells him he’s worthless does. All he can think about is the food in front of him. He hasn’t had anything other than the taste of fruit and water in almost two weeks. He finishes the hot dog in two bites, the next hot dog in one. He’s chewing loudly at this point. He’s established a comfortable rhythm now: pick up hot dog, take one to two enormous bites, swallow. And repeat. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.

This mindless, repetitive motion goes on for the next ten minutes. He doesn’t think about a thing. He doesn’t have a single anxiety, a single doubt in his mind. He can only process the taste and the feeling of food going into his body. But just as quick as it started, he’s on his last hot dog. He savors this one, taking it in three bites instead of one or two.

Luther takes a few moments before regaining his thoughts. He leans back against his bed, his ungloved hand resting lightly on his stomach. His stomach felt tight and hard and he found it was getting harder to fully take breaths in. He isn’t a stranger to this though, absolutely not. But it didn’t mean that this feeling was exactly comfortable or welcoming. But it didn’t matter anywho because he was going to get rid of it anyway. His body is already repulsive, so what’s a few extra pounds going to do? It’s not like he can get worse.

But it didn’t matter. Phase two is about to commence: Luther needed to expel the food from his body. He doesn’t deserve the nutrients or calories albeit his binge was few in nutrients and large in calorie. He gives himself five minutes before enforcing the next part of the process. He’s played this song and dance before.

He got up from the pile of wrappers and stumbled to the closest bathroom that was just a room over. He was thankful he turned out the lights. His feet padded against the wood floor as he walked the few short steps. Once in the bathroom, he locked the door behind him and fell to his knees within seconds. He pushed the toilet lid open and got in position, his large elbows leaning on the bowl.

He took a deep breath and shoved two fingers in his mouth, moving them up and down in haphazard, frantic motions. He felt the back of his throat, his fingers grazing at his epiglottis. It took a few more jabs before the the familiar feeling of nausea hit him like a wave. He promptly removed his fingers before he could vomit on them. This was a deep one. He hurled loudly, a seemingly never ending stream of contents escaped from his mouth. He tried his best to keep his volume down. Tears were flowing freely down his face and the front his skull was throbbing with intense pressure. It didn’t matter though - he certainly had more food left in his body that he needed to get rid of.

He shoved his fingers back in, gagging a few times but his body not cooperating with how he wanted it to. It never did. It took a few more valiant attempts before he was victorious and another round of food landed in the toilet. He couldn’t hear the hushed whisper shouting from outside the door over the sound of the contents of his stomach splashing against the water and his intense gagging filling the air.

In a sudden flash of blue light, Five appeared into the bathroom and he opened the door from the inside. The remaining five siblings were outside the door, all with varying degrees of concern on their face.

“Oh Luther…” Vanya gasped, her hands covering her mouth as a tear trailed down her face.

Luther’s head whipped up from the toilet bowl, his eyes meeting the six pairs staring back at him. His stomach dropped, this time not from his own doing.

They couldn’t see him like this. No, no, no. They couldn’t see him weak. They couldn’t see him vulnerable. Some number one he is. He’s a failure of a leader, incompetent. Some Number One he is.

He flushed the toilet before doing anything else, unsure of even what to do. He’s never felt so small before, a feeling he once thought would be welcoming.

“Luther? You..? Jesus christ, man I’m..” Klaus spoke up softly, being the first one to enter the bathroom. He fell to the floor next to his brother and wordlessly brought him into a hug, one arm around his wide shoulders and the other cradling his head into his neck.

Luther tensed at the contact, his arms hung loosely at his side. He doesn’t deserve their kindness. He doesn’t deserve Klaus’, not after he had his hands around his neck just a few months ago. Not after he flung him across the room, abusing his power once again. Not after Klaus quite literally died trying to look after his inept self. He wanted to shrug Klaus’ wiry arms off of him. He wanted to disappear.

“Lu, please.” Klaus’ voice shook, “It’s okay. Fuck, I promise it’s okay. You don’t have to do that shit, being strong and all that. You can let go…God knows we’re not going to judge you for it.”

And with that, his shoulders began to tremble and he let himself be held. He let himself break for the first time in god knows how long. Too long. Klaus rubbed circles along the man’s back as he felt his shirt dampen with tears, whispering soft affirmations as his brother sobbed.

The rest of the siblings watched the scene unfold in front of them. None of them had expected this. They just thought Luther was brooding. Processing. Needing time alone as that’s what he was used to and what they had assumed comfortable with. They had hashed out their apologies a few months back, so they thought that they were fine. He was fine. The Hargreeves couldn’t imagine anything like this. After a minute or so Luther’s breathing started to even, his sobs subsiding. All that remained were just tears silently streaming down his face. He felt Klaus kiss the top of his head, his heart fluttering tightly in his chest. “Ben told me…he saw your room and fuck.” Klaus breathed, after a few moments of silence.

“I’m sorry, for not realizing sooner. We just,” Klaus paused, thinking carefully on how to word the next part. “We didn’t think. Us Hargreeves are famous for that, ya know?”

Luther could hear the small smile in Klaus’ voice. He slowly lifted his head from his brothers shoulders and gulped. His throat was raw from both crying and the episode that they all had intercepted.

“Luther, we love you man. I’m sorry I called you a-a monster.” Diego affirmed, his tone without it’s usual defensive edge it tends to hold when talking to Luther. “You’re not, okay? We’re gonna do better this time, we promised that. That means you too.”

“I,” Luther cleared his throat, wincing slightly as he did so. “How can you be so kind? I’ve hurt you all. I’m…not good.” He said simply, refusing to meet any of their eyes.

“Luther, listen to me.” Five started, walking over to Luther and demanding he meet his eyes. “I’ve killed hundreds of people. People that you said were innocent. But do you remember what you told me? You said I was still a good person, that you could see that. I see that in you too. We all do. You don’t have to isolate yourself from us. We care about you. So let us.”

“You need help, Lu. Let us help you.” Allison strained, her voice still not fully recovered but she was adamant on making sure he heard her.

Vanya finally shoved her way into the bathroom and practically fell into Luther’s arms. She was unable to speak clearly, her soft cries becoming louder with each second.

“I’m not scared of you. I-I don’t hate you. I love you so much Luther, god I love you, I love you..” She sobbed. This sound, this scene, was all too familiar to Luther. But he hurt her then, and he’s hurting her now. He wrapped his little sister in his arms, her small frame shaking in his.

“I’m sorry, Van. Everyone. I just…I don’t know how to…” Luther trailed, unsure how to even begin to explain himself.

“You don’t need to know how to. We’ll help you through this. You’re going to be okay.” Ben said, finally corporeal from behind Klaus. Luther met his eyes and nodded, his mouth pursed in a thin line before he devoted his attention back to Vanya in his arms.

For the first time in years, he felt like things might be okay. They won’t be okay for a while, no. But it’s a start. It’s a god damn start.

[petitprincess1]

How To Torture Your Heroes

Summary: Demencia and Clem teach the gross cockroaches of the world how to properly obtain and torture your enemy better than some nerdboy could!

Words: 2,454

Characters: Demencia, Flug, Clemencia, and Black Hat (briefly)

Warnings: A bit of torture, but nothing too bad.

I had too much fun with this

Demencia sat at the metallic table with her arms crossed and glaring at the shaking Cam-Bot and Flug, who was clearly smirking underneath his bag. She just narrowed her eyes at him, while, at the same time, erratic noises and lights that were going on beside her. She then slowly glanced over to her side at seeing Clemencia strapped up in a chair, wrapped in a straitjacket, and her mouth covered by a mask. The unicorn witch was currently vibrating in the chair, hearts in her eyes changing various of colors, and her powers were sparking from her horn. She was also making many high-pitched squeaking sounds and they only became louder the moment Dem’s eyes were on her.

Demencia’s stare went back to Flug, who was setting up Cam-Bot and ordering, “Alright, remember that Black Hat wants you to do this. Honestly, I wouldn’t care and the only commercials I would have you do is one for rabies vaccinations or one where we send you off to space.”

Flug was expecting Demencia to make a “witty” comeback like her becoming queen of the moon-people or something that idiotically implausible, but she just kept glaring at him. He just rolled his eyes and then looked as Cam-Bot’s recording light come on, saying, while holding up cards for her to speak off of, “Okay, Cam-Bot is recording. Go, Demencia.”

Demencia narrowed her eyes further at him before speaking in an even, annoyed tone, “Welcome, you bottom feeders, are you sick and tired of using the same old methods to capture and torture heroes? Do they always get away from your clutches? Always stealing your shit-” “Demencia, stick to the cards.” “Ugh! Always stealing your equipment,” she mocked in an obnoxiously nerdy voice by plugging her nose and then continued, “and leaving a mess everywhere? Then, fear not, for- this is so fucking stupid! Couldn’t you at least have tried to make the script sound like me, instead of your disgusting, lameass nerd language!?”

Flug pinched at where the bridge of his nose would be and then spoke in a professional manner, “You know, I really did try to, Demencia. However, you must understand that it is quite difficult to translate caveman speak to our natural, everyday colloquialism.”

Dem slammed her hands down on the table and shouted at him, “Say that to my face, punching bag!”

“You’re literally a few feet in front of me! How is this not saying it to your fa-” “Because it isn’t, chicken shit! If you were brave enough, you would say it right here, instead of-” The two began bickering over one another. Flug giving out the most intellectual disses the world has ever known, while Demencia resorted to “colorful” language, gory descriptions of Flug’s demise, and the occasional, never defeated “bleh bleh bleh” method. 

Meanwhile, Clem watched the two fight amongst one another like a child watching their parents argue. She casually shimmied out of her straitjacket, unbuckled the straps, and took off the mask. Skipping over to Flug, she looked down at the cards in his hands and asked, “Can I see those?”

“Yeah, sure,” Flug said absentmindedly, as he just went back to quarreling with Demencia like the goof that he is. Clemencia just went back to her seat and sat down, reading over the cue cards. Cam-Bot turned off its recording for a few seconds to look in-between the two villains and shook its ‘head’, wondering how it hasn’t short-circuited from all this madness. The only thing that was able to break them out of their squabble was Clemencia shouting, “Whaaaaaat!? Dangle them over hydrochloric acid? Painful injections? Lead them to you with what they love? What is this absolute crap? I thought you were supposed to be the best in the business, Flug!”

Flug immediately put a hand to his chest, feeling absolutely offended, while Demencia snatched at the cards and started reading them over. The scientist shouted, “Okay, listen here you randomly generated Tumblr OC, I don’t need someone like you telling me that-”

“I'm gonna stop you right there because you clearly do! None of this would truly work! It's, dare I say, old hat! I mean, who dangles people over acid anymore?” Clemencia asked, while Demencia finished reading and winced, “As much as I hate to agree with sparkles over here, I think she's got a point.”

Flug crossed his arms, scoffing and sputtering, before taking a deep breath and giving in, “You know what? Fine! I'll let you both take over, see how well you do, but I'm not gonna be responsible for how Black Hat reacts!”

The two multicolored women weren't even listening to him, as the two were writing down suggestions and even making some pictures on their garbage writ- er…“script”. Clemencia then pulled down a large, long projection screen out of nowhere and the two hid behind the screen. Clem whispered, “Aaaaaaaannnndddd...action!”

Cam-Bot just shook its head and then rewound the footage before starting it back up again. Suddenly, an image of a half lizard and half unicorn skull crying out rainbows in front of heart that had nails all over it appeared on the screen. The two magically poofed in front of the screen. Demencia was holding a bloodied baseball bat that had nails all over it and Clemencia held a pink and gold axe that had hearts within the blade and pink bows along the handle. Flug groaned, as he sat down with a mug in his hand that...possibly held coffee, “Oh boy.”

Demencia greeted, “Welcome, you gross boils of the underworld, it's your ruthless, badass Demencia to teach you scrubs about how to truly capture and torture your victims, whether they be a hero or a disgusting, useless, sidekick, nerdboy!”

Flug gave loud sigh, but didn't say anything. The lizard woman pointed to Clemencia and introduced, “And who better to check over such methods than with- Gah!”

Clemencia suddenly brought her into a spine-crushing hug and lifted her off of the ground, exclaiming, “Than with her no-as-equally-but-pretty-dang-close-at-least-hope-so-or-I’ll-cry-in-the-tub-again-tonight gorgeous girlfriend, Clemencia!”

Dem growled, as she hit her over head with the bat, “I'm not your girlfriend, dumb broad!”

Each hit that she made just made a squeaky toy noise. Flug blinked at the both of them and then cleared his throat. The two stared at him before going back to their normal poses and Dem went on like nothing happened, “Than with this horrible excuse of a hero over here!”

The unicorn witch smiled and giggled, while her horn made random sparks of pink magic. The screen then changed while Dem continued, “Now, some idiots would give you stupid little ideas that you can lead your victim by using things that they love,” a drawing of Clemencia had her being led to a trap by a Demencia doll on a string, “or being hung over acid,” another image of Clem being hung over acid that she just changed into jello with a confused, smelly Flug, “or, even lamer, with injections,” and then the final was another Flug with the words “gross nerd” over his head poking a confused hero in the eye with a syringe.

Clemencia then quickly added in, “Well, I never thought they were lame or anything, just that I know you can do it a bit better with that big boy brain of yours, Fluggy~!”

Flug corrected, “That’s Dr. Flug Slys to you.”

“Ya got it, Flug-bug!” Clemencia smiled with a cute little wink afterwards, making Flug just take bigger gulps of his ���coffee”. Demencia put a finger to her mouth, fake gagging, and asked in an annoyed tone, “Are you two done being weird?”

Clem mumbled, looking slightly concerned, “...I-I was being…” and then a fully forced smile came across her face and she said cheerfully, “Yes, I am, my wonderful savior! ...Um,” she then levitated Flug’s mug to herself, grabbed it, and then tossed it right into his face with a blank expression. The mug spilt all over Flug upon impact and he fell back with a loud thud, shouting, “WHYYYYY!?”

Demencia blinked at the whole and then went back to the commercial, “Anyway, a little help from Dem and Clem will get your ass back in line with these three easy options! Number one: Don’t go for all that complicated garbage! Your own body should be plenty to attract those dumb heroes.”

The image on the screen changed to a drawing of a hero cornering Demencia in an alleyway, while she was wearing chainmail armor lingerie that had a the Black Hat logo on her panties. Clemencia’s eyes turned into hearts, despite one of them twitching at the “dumb heroes” comment, and added in, “Which should be plenty easy, if you’re as sexy as Demencia! However, if you’re not- which a good majority of you aren’t -then this second option is for you! Number two: As much as we heroes love kicking your butts from here to Atreno City,” a Clem drawing had her kicking villains, while they’re curled up on the ground, like Flamme, Mother Poltergeist, Mawrasite, and, of course, Flug, “there’s nothing we love more than peaceful agreements.”

Next was a copy-and-pasted picture of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, but they had a bunch of villains’ and heroes’ faces drawn poorly over all the political figures’ faces with Clem and Dem sharing Thomas Jefferson’s face. The actual document was scribbled with Demencia’s crayon and Clemencia’s sparkly marker writing that read: “Blah blah blah,” “Dem for president,” “Clem was here <3,” and a signature “Flug the virgin.” Clemencia went on, “However, we also have a high sense of smell to know when there's bullshit afoot, so try to at least seem a bit more genuine than what you’re actually doing,” a picture of an annoyed Vanity appeared at a dinner table with Dark Phantom in a suit, who was looking extremely nervous and holding a ray gun behind his back.

Demencia then said, “And, finally, the torture! The fun part! Now that you’ve clearly used the first method to capture your foe because the second one is for complete morons-”

Clemencia shifted on her and chuckled nervously, “Heehee...right…”

The lizard hybrid then went on, “The best way that you can torture your hero is by causing them the slowest amount of pain possible and that their screams are filling your entire lair!”

The image on the screen showed a hero tied up to a chair, looking absolutely terrified, while Demencia was doing various tactics on them like using thumb-screws to drill through their fingers, using a red hot iron rod to brand their skin, or reading bad fanfiction. All the while the hero seemed to be in extreme anguish. Demencia then added, “However, if the hero is somehow resilient, you can also do the same to the sidekick or family,” the drawings changed to her doing the same to those people, instead of the hero.

“Whichever one you do, the hero should be able to do whatever you wish after a whole 24 hours of torture, but if you’re as good as me, you’ll have it done in less than 30 minutes. Heroes are absolutely traumatized afterwards though, so make sure to throw them out afterwards,” drawing Dem was throwing the hero into the incinerator, “Although, that may be hard because most heroes are stupid and useless already to begin with. Right, Clemencia? ….Right!?”

…

Dem growled as she sharply turned to her, only to stop at seeing Clem holding onto herself and also shivering. Clemencia started tearing up and she stuttered, “I-I’m...I’m n-not useless….o-or….stupid...r-right?”

The lizard hybrid just bit her lip and looked away, causing Clem to whimper and then teleport out of there. Right as soon as she did, Flug came back into the lab, holding a cloth covered ice pack on his bagged face, and asked, looking around, “Hey, where did the poster child for insulin shots go to?”

He then noticed Demencia looking somewhat saddened and guilty, as if she made a mistake. Flug was about to reach out to her and ask if she was alright, but then suddenly the projector caught alight by red flames, as Black Hat rose from the flames. His eye completely black with a red, slitted pupil and his form shifting and changing as eyes, mouths, and tentacles appeared. The tentacles squeezed around the two, strangling them, and Cam-Bot quickly ran out out of there before it got taken. Black snarled at the two, “What is going on here!?”

Demencia made a stupid comment about Black Hat always taking her breath away, while Flug made his famous dying seal squeaks.

At White Hat’s manor, as the moon was rising, Clemencia hung half her torso off of the balcony connected to her room, sighing at all that Demencia said and wondering where exactly she went wrong. She messed with the bow on her ponytail, while her unicorn hoodie’s eyes started tearing up. She mumbled to herself, “Maybe I’m just too bubbly at times...and I doubt myself too much...and...I eat too much cake! Ugh! I need to change my ways! I need to get tough and more wild like Demmie!”

She then lifted up her body back up to the top and the moment that she did, she felt lips press against her cheek, as well as catching the scent of roses, spray paint, and raw meat. Clem summoned a large mallet and shouted, “How dare you steal Demencia’s scent!?”

She then looked around and saw nobody there, but did see a note placed onto the railing of the balcony. She tilted her head as she placed the mallet back into her hair and grabbed onto the note to see what it said: “I wasn’t talking about you being useless or anything like that, dum-dum! You’re pretty...alright. I just gotta keep up an image, ya know? Now stop being so emotional or else I’ll have to cuddle you! >:3c”

Clemencia blinked at the letter before her eyes turned into hearts and a dopey smile grew across her face, while hugging the paper close to her chest. Yeah, it wasn’t anything all that poetic, but it was absolutely beautiful in her eyes. She then looked down at at her balcony and noticed some red and green paint that was on the railing of where the note was. She turned the note around and saw red and green painted words that read: “By the way, got ya a surprise! Turn around!”

The unicorn witch spun around with a bright smile and saw a bomb with “Dem waz here” spray-painted onto it, making Clem coo, “Awwww, Demmie!!!”

I’ll probably make some fanfic about the other two...uh...*looks at hand* Shite Bat and Plug

[pllandcompany]

Fire Meet Gasoline (Part Two)

Summary: Hospital!AU. Family dinners are hard. Therapy sessions are worse. Fortunately, both eventually come to an end.

Warnings: mention of past drug use/addiction, description of past child abuse, some yelling, crying, description of anxiety, food mention, drinking/drunk character

Tagged:  @ziallwarrior @thefallendog @apologieslogan @trueunreal @flyingfreeyt @thecatchat @crofters-jam @jakesmolbean @band-be-boss-blog @ab-artist @asylia-5911 @backatthebein @oonagh-una

Pairings: Romantic Logince and QPP Moxiety

Notes: Part Two is here! I tried something a little different with the writing style, it’s a little more dialogue heavy than I usually do and the scenes with Logan and Roman are not taking place at the same time as Patton and Virgil. I basically kind of mashed up two standalone fics in one; hopefully it isn’t too confusing. Also, I’m sorry if I suck at writing Picani. Cartoons are not my forte (thank you, deprived childhood). As always, feedback is appreciated and enjoy!

 The waiting room was quiet, almost eerily so. A clock tick, tick, ticked steadily behind the heads of the two gentlemen seated in the desolate vestibule. A deep sigh echoed against the walls followed by the impatient drumming of fingertips on a plastic chair. Gentle hands clasped the anxious fingers, drawing a surprised glance from the drummer. The hands drew back to their original place and silence reigned supreme in the space once again. Tentative peace was broken once again by the drawn-out gurgling of a nervous stomach accompanied by flushed cheeks and a chuckle from both men. The unexpected moment briefly released a modicum of tension from the atmosphere and the first words were spoken.

“Sorry. Didn’t eat much before I came here. Nerves.”

“I can tell. Maybe we can go have lunch afterwards?”

A pause. “We’ll see about that.”

“Roman Courtland? Logan Taylor?” A bright voice pierced the air, earning the surgeons’ attention. “Well, what are you two peering at me with your Brown-Eyed Peas for? Come on in; let’s get it started in here!” The therapist sung the last few words of his sentence, posing valiantly as if it was the most brilliant joke known to man. The pervasive silence definitely indicated otherwise.

“I apologize, Dr. Picani, I don’t know that one.”

Dr. Picani hunched his shoulders but maintained his giddy smile. “Not a problem, Logan. It wasn’t my best work anyway. Seriously though, let’s get started.” He began frantically ushering the pair into his office. Roman lagged slightly, already unimpressed.

“Wonderful. It’s like Patton on speed.”

****

“Honey, you gotta slow down. You’re gonna burn yourself or break something!”

Patton closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was only about the millionth time Dot had panicked over his speed in the kitchen.

“Mom, I’m fine. I always work this fast and stay safe. You taught me how to, remember?” He gave her a gentle but pointed look. “You’re hovering. Don’t worry so much. I’ve got this.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, honey. I just can’t help it! It’s what moms do, you know.”

“I know, Mom, it’s…it’s fine. Maybe you and Dad can help set the table? That is if he’s not still traumatized from surgery this afternoon.” Patton chuckled to himself at the thundering footsteps rushing down the hallway. Larry skidded to a halt in the kitchen doorway, pointing at Patton vigorously.

“No! You do not get to mock me! You took a needle the length of my arm and stuck it in a pregnant woman’s stomach! And you made me watch it!”

“Yes, honey, but he did it to fix her baby’s heart defect. He saved a life before it was even born.” Dot was practically beaming. Larry shuddered, still trying to erase the image from his brain.

“I get that, son, and we’re so proud but…I don’t know how you ever got used to that. You’re braver than me, that’s for sure.” Patton had to let himself grin on that one.

“It’s just my job, Dad, but…thanks. Can you and Mom set the table? Dinner’s almost ready.”

Dot checked her watch, suddenly furrowing her brow. “Sweetie, didn’t you tell Virgil to be here at 6:00? It’s almost 6:30.”

Patton looked up sharply. “Really? Wow, I didn’t realize it was that…late…”

“You are sure he wanted to do this, right, son?”

“Larry, don’t do that! Something could have come up; he is a surgeon too. Maybe there’s an emergency.”

“But wouldn’t they have also paged Patton? Wouldn’t he have let him know he had to go to the hospital? I’m just saying- “

“Mom, Dad, calm down. Virgil probably got held up with something at work. He is chief of trauma now; that comes with a lot of responsibility that he has to fulfill before he can leave.” He turned back to the pot in front of him, stirring the sauce absently. “He’ll show. Don’t worry; he’ll show up.”

****

It took Roman a second to process what he was seeing. Posters of cartoons and Disney movies littered the walls and there were plush animals and toys piled in a corner. He couldn’t even readily identify the plaque that held this man’s doctorate under the multiple stickers that covered the frame.

“Are you a children’s therapist?” God, I hope so, Roman thought.

“No! Everyone always says that, I haven’t the foggiest idea why…” Roman shot a dark look to Logan who widened his eyes and nodded to the red leather couch for him to sit. Roman pursed his lips and sat down on the opposite end from Logan.

He was not convinced about this at all.

“Okeydokey, welcome to couples’ therapy! I am Dr. Picani and while I’m no stranger to Logan over here, I don’t know you as well, Mr. Roman Empire so why don’t you tell me about yourself?” Roman raised an eyebrow at the rapid-fire introduction. This guy literally chirps when he talks. He let out a deep sigh and folded his arms across his chest, barely concealing his irritation.

“Okay…well, my name is Dr. Roman Courtland and I’m a neurosurgeon.”

“Oh, fascinating! So, you study the brain too! Well then, this should be a piece of cake for you!” Roman simply huffed in response, earning a look from Logan. Dr. Picani would not be deterred though. “Okay, well, obviously you two are here to work out some issues in your relationship, right? So, what’s going on in the world of Rolo?”

“Rolo?” Roman spat out incredulously.

“Yes, it’s your ship name! Just a little something I like to do with my couples.”

“Well, I don’t like chocolate.”

“Roman! That’s enough!” Logan’s shout startled both the counselor and the neurosurgeon. “Why are you being so rude? I admitted to you previously that his methods were unconventional. I also told you that they have helped me tremendously. Can you please just give it a chance?” Roman leaned back against the arm rest on his side of the couch, folding his arms yet again.

“Fine…what’s up, Doc?”

Dr. Picani smirked at the defensive doctor. “Very clever! You’re a quick one! Okay, back to the world of Rolo.”

Silence pervaded the space. “I-I’ll start.”

“All right, Logan, way to be the Brave Little Toaster and heat up this discussion! What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I believe that I am…no…I feel…afraid.”

“Good job. It’s okay to admit your feelings.”

“Afraid of what?” Roman’s voice was harsh and unyielding, the coldness rattling Logan slightly.

“I…well, I’m afraid that you want to leave me. I fear that my deception has pushed you away.”

Roman scoffed. “I think I’ve proven that I won’t do that.”

“Maybe not but you still resent me. I can tell; I’m not-”

“Stupid? No, definitely not. It takes incredible mental skill to manipulate those closest to you into believing nothing’s wrong without them ever catching on.”

Logan recoiled. “You’re angry.” Roman turned away and looked at the wall. “And rightfully so. You of all people didn’t deserve to be lied to. I am deeply sorry for that.”

Roman didn’t answer.

****

“Sweetie? Honey, the food’s getting cold, maybe we should eat- “

“Just heat it up then, Mom!” Patton was visibly tense.

“Hey! Don’t talk to your mother like that! She’s trying to help you!”

“I know, I know but I don’t need help because he’s coming! He just got held up at the hospital. He’s on his way.”

Dot hesitated, fearing the consequences of her next words. “But sweetheart…we haven’t heard from him- “

“He’s coming, Mom!” Patton looked down the hallway, listening for the door. “He’s coming.”

****

“Logan, why don’t you go ahead and tell Roman what we talked about sharing with him last session?”

Logan looked up, his face impassive except for the mild fear glazing over his eyes. “Now? Oh, ah…all right.” He took a beat to calm his nerves. “Roman. Firstly, I want you to know that I lo- “

“Can I ask a question?” Roman was looking straight at Dr. Picani who looked back at him, slightly surprised. “Well, I believe Logan had something he wanted say- “

“No, it’s fine. You may ask your question, Roman.” The neurosurgeon shifted forward, finally facing Logan with a steely gaze.

“I want to know…what made you start using? The first time, not this time.”

Logan’s face remained blank, the pounding of his heart secretly betraying him. “I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

“Really? You don’t see how it’s relevant?” Sarcasm dripped from each word.

“Let’s stay calm here, Roman. This is a safe space.” Logan held up a hand to cut off Picani.

“No, Roman, I do not see how the genesis of my addiction is relevant to our current circumstances. Please elaborate.” Logan could be sarcastic too.

“You’re telling me that you don’t see how the origin of the sole issue that is ripping the very fabric of our relationship apart is relevant to our current conversation? You really can’t see that?” Roman’s voice was starting to rise.

“That is not fair!” Logan began to shout back.  “Our issues are not all on me! It takes two people to make or break something!”

“Exactly! And while I have given you everything, you have given me nothing!”

“I couldn’t, Roman! I was sick and overwhelmed; I couldn’t give anyone anything!”

“No, of course not, because addiction isn’t your fault! Because you have a disease! Because you were traumatized!”

“Don’t you dare mock me. You can resent me all you want but I won’t tolerate being mocked.”

“I’m not mocking you! I am just stating facts. Because of the nature of your condition, you can’t ever be blamed for anything! This leaves me to shoulder the burden of our entire relationship!”

Logan froze, his eyes filling with tears. “You think of me…as a burden?”

Roman panted, his eyes blown wide. “No…no, that’s not what I meant.”

“Well, then what did you mean?!” He was outwardly panicking now. Dr. Picani had to step in.

“Logan? I think Roman is trying to say that he feels alone in this relationship. Am I close, Doctor?” Picani bore a slight smirk on his face at Roman’s stunned expression.

“Um, yeah, yes. I do…feel alone.” He turned back to Logan. “And I don’t want to be. But…I don’t know you, Logan. Not truly. And it makes it not trust you. I have to know you to trust you, so I need you to give me something. Tell me something honest. Tell me how this all started so I can better understand how to help you fight it. Because I want to, Logan. I want you. All of you, even the broken parts.”

Logan stared down at the ground hard, fighting the urge to break down. The room held their breath as they waited for him to come back to them. After an agonizing eternity, Logan finally looked up, a stony expression draped over his face like an iron curtain.

“Okay. I’ll tell you.”

****

“I’m gonna go ahead and start cleaning up, dear.” Patton didn’t move a muscle, barely noticing his mother shift next to him and start gathering plates. He was drowning in disappointment. How could Virgil do this? They had come so far, how could desert him now? Larry reached out and grabbed his son’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “I’m so sorry, son. I know how much this meant to you- “

The sound of a frantic doorbell pierced the air. Patton shot up from his chair like a rocket, practically sprinting to the door. He wrenched it open to discover a disheveled Virgil, dressed in an all-black suit and holding a wilted bouquet of roses.

“Virgil! What happened to you?! You’re two hours late!”

“PATTY!” Virgil bellowed, opening his arms wide and swaying slightly.

“And you’re drunk…” Patton couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Only a little but ‘ts fine, Patty…” He was slurring badly.

“You never drink.”

“First time for -hic- everything!”

“Virgil, what the hell is this? Why would you sabotage this evening?!”

“Psssh, I dunno, it’s crazy, right? Maybe I’m crazy, Pat!” He wildly gestured to his head, bugging his eyes out almost comically. Patton continued to rant, ignoring the erratic behavior.

“Virgil Davidson, this is not a joke! You were supposed to be there for me tonight! Do you know how scared my parents were for me when I came out? How much they worried that no one would understand and what that would do me? And now I’ve finally found someone who does understand but when I need them, they don’t show up! You know how important this was to me! You know how much it means to my family that they know the person that loves me!”

“Yes, I know, I know, it’s important to you, it’s important to them, my job is important, it’s all so freakin’ important and it’s too much! I can’t handle it! I am not good enough to do any of this!” His voice suddenly cleared up as he started to shout. Patton watched sorrowfully as his partner broke down in front of him. “I’m not good enough for you or your family, Pat. My dad was a drunk. My mom was a junkie. Hell, maybe I’m a drunk too. It’s in my blood! It’s who I am! I am made…from bad blood. So…you’re better off, your family is better off…”

Patton swallowed thickly, gathering up the courage to battle Virgil’s negative thoughts. “You think I’m better off.”

“Yeah!” Virgil flailed his arms dangerously.

“Without you.”

“Yeah, Pat, that’s what I said!”

“I’m sorry but…that! Is a damn lie!”

A sudden gasp sucked up all the air between them. “You-you never curse, Patty…” Virgil stumbled again as Patton took the hand free of roses in both of his.

“Virgil…you are good enough. You are so good. To me, to your patients. Your past will always be your past, sure, but it doesn’t define everything about you. In fact, it’s part of what’s made you so good and kind and loving: because you’ve suffered unimaginable pain and you want to protect others from ever feeling that way. I just wanted you to share that kindness with my family, that’s all.”

Virgil stared into middle space, eyes shining. “I’m good?”

Patton chuckled lightly. “Yeah, Virge. Of course you are. You know that.”

“Yeah…yeah, you’re right. I am good…I’m good. I’m good!” Virgil suddenly took off past Patton, through the open door…and right into the kitchen where Patton’s parents were still cleaning. Patton was hot on his heels but not fast enough to stop him.

“Hey! You guys! Patton’s family!” Larry and Dot whirled around at the same time, both wearing expressions of equal parts anger and confusion.

“Oh, geez,” Patton mumbled.

“Oh, now you show up. You listen to me,” his father growled, launching forward. Dot just barely held him back in time.

“Larry, no! You just calm down!” Dot turned to Virgil, brow furrowed in disappointment. “What are you doing here? Why bother coming now?”

“Look, I know you’re probably thinking all sorts of terrible shit about me right now! I showed up wicked late. I’m drunk. And I’m wearing all black so you probably think I’m some child of darkness and the truth is…I am. I don’t get family, like, at all. My family was super messed up, my childhood was insanity. I don’t know what it’s like to have parents like you. ​But I do know what it’s like to be loved. And even though sometimes I’m really shitty at showing it, I also know what it is to love someone and that is because…of your son. I love your son. A lot. A whole heck of a lot and because I love him…I wanna get to know you. Maybe then I’ll finally get what family is, you know? If…if you don’t hate me, that is.”

Nobody dared to move and break the palpable tension in the room. Every muscle in Patton’s legs twitched but he forced himself to stay still. Virgil had to face this on his own. The two parents exchanged a brief look, one that implied a seemingly secret communication. As if taking a cue from a director, Larry began to slowly walk forward towards the shuddering trauma surgeon.

“Oh God, are you gonna punch me out?” Virgil was terrified.

“What? No! I was gonna offer you a seat and some water. You look like you need to sit down, son.”

Virgil eyes shone for the second time that night. “Son?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Have you eaten, dear? We still have some pasta left. You should have some food and water and then you should get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning. Ooh, we should go for a pancake breakfast! That would be nice!”

“Or we could just make pancakes here, Dottie dearest!”

“Oh, don’t be so cheap, Larry, this is a special occasion! We’re expanding our family!”

Patton walked over from the hallway and collapsed at the table across from Virgil, both doctors too stunned to mind the gentle bickering of Larry and Dot over breakfast plans.

“I cannot believe that worked,” Virgil mumbled. Patton gently laid his hand over the shocked surgeon’s, a loving smile lighting up his face.

“I can.”

****

“It was the third year of my residency. I was the resident on call that night and after already having been at the hospital for a coronary revascularization that took hours, I was paged. I hadn’t even left yet but a massive apartment fire broke out and they needed hands. People came flooding in, the unit was packed; it was typical trauma madness. I was working on a 40-year-old man. He had what looked like minor injuries, a couple broken ribs, a head laceration, minor burns. I checked his airway, did an examination, stitched his head wound and moved on to the next patient. Three hours later, my attending was telling me that he was dead. He had a brain bleed and by the time we finally caught it, it was too late.” Logan stopped himself briefly, clearing his throat and letting out a choked sob.

Roman didn’t dare interrupt.

“My attending told me that he was a single father and the injuries he sustained were from pulling his two daughters out of the fire. He then said…that this man absolutely would have had a chance if I had bothered to order a head CT when I first saw him but because I was careless and failed to follow protocol, he was dead. He asked why I didn’t order the scan and I had to tell him the truth. I simply…forgot. It was shameful, I know but I was exhausted and rushed and I just…forgot. God, he was furious.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” The neurosurgeon’s voice was soft and tentative.

“I didn’t want you to think I was weak. I didn’t want you to see…how failure follows me everywhere I go.”

“That’s not true.” Logan went on as if he didn’t even hear him speak.

“My attending then forced me to deliver the news to his two young children. He called it a learning experience. He said it would make me stronger, more careful.” Logan chuckled bitterly. “I guess he was wrong. After I informed the family, I left the hospital with my prescription pad and drove straight to a 24-hour pharmacy. It’s funny. I picked up the drugs because I wanted to erase that night from my memory but…I’ve never forgotten it. And it happens every time. I fall into the trap of thinking the drugs will mask the pain but it’s still there.”

“Logan…you were a resident. You were young and inexperienced, you’re bound to make mistakes. God knows I did.”

“But I am not supposed to!” Dr. Picani leaned in.

“Why, Logan? Why can’t you make mistakes?”

“Because the mistakes we make cost people their lives.”

“What else?” Roman prodded.

“What?”

“No, we all have that responsibility as doctors. And we all fall short at times, but it doesn’t break us like it broke you. So what else is there?”

Logan struggled to find his words. “My…mother was not…understanding when it came to failure. She had…high standards.”

“About?” “Everything. From my performance in school to how I should dress to how I should behave, about everything. And if I did not meet those standards, she was…unkind.”

Roman closed his eyes. “Did she hit you?”

“Never. But she did…other things. Denied me food. Locked me in closets and screamed at me to study. So many nights I fell asleep in the linen closet on a textbook with a dead flashlight in my hand. One time, I failed a test and the teacher called her about it. Before I got home…she had the locks changed. I slept at a friend’s home for the rest of that week until she finally gave me a new set of keys.” Logan rattled off his list of horrors in a detached manner, as if he was reciting a grocery list instead of recounting the most painful memories of his life. Roman didn’t dare to move or speak. He simply held Logan’s hand until he suddenly made eye contact with him, terror and pain clouding his eyes.

“Don’t you see now, Roman? How it was so easy for me to believe David Bacall’s words? I’ve heard them my whole life.” Roman had to clear his throat before he could talk again.

“Well, then…everything you’ve heard your entire life is wrong.” Without warning, the cardiac surgeon crumpled into Roman’s chest, clinging to him for dear life as he cried. “You are not a failure. No matter what mistakes you’ve made, you are still a good person. You are worthy of love. Give yourself room to be human, darling. I’m here, I can help you through it. It’s okay, Logan. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

****

“Virge. Virge, wake up.”

“Mmm, noooo. It hurts to wake up.”

“Hmm, I bet, that’s what happens when you drink yourself silly. How much did you have anyway?”

“You know that bottle of rum we split when we dressed up as pirates for Halloween?”

“Yeah…oh, Virgil, no.”

“Yep, it’s gone. Along with my dignity.”

“Nonsense. My father actually appreciated your blunt honesty. And my mother found you quite charming. They are concerned though that you’re doing…okay.”

Virgil thought for a moment. “Maybe I’m not as great as I thought I was. But I still have you so I’m pretty good.”

Patton smiled, running his fingers through Virgil’s hair. “Still, I think we should check in with Nate. Just to make sure we’re on a healthy track.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“And no more drinking alone.”

“No more drinking period, this is awful.”

“Aww. You know the best cure for a hangover? Pancakes and friendly conversation! Come on, Sailor Jerry, let’s get up.”

“Ugh, no alcohol references, please.”

“Aye, aye, Captain!...Morgan…”

“You hate me.”

“I love you.”

****

“Roman? Whatcha thinkin’ there, slugger?” Dr. Picani’s brow was knitted tight with concern.

“I just…don’t know how we move forward together now, Logan.”

“Wh-what?”

“I still want to, of course! It’s just…if failure is a trigger for you then how can I ever feel safe expressing how I feel when I’ve been hurt? Or when I’ve hurt you? Because it’s going to happen. We’re human, we’re going to fail each other. But I can’t have you going and hurting yourself because things fell apart. I won’t be in a relationship like that, I love you too much to put you through that.”

“Well, now, hold on here, Roman,” Dr. Picani chimed in, “keep in mind that Logan’s recovery is ultimately Logan’s responsibility. You can support him, sure thing, but managing his feelings and his reactions to those feelings? That’s on him. You know that, right, Logan?”

“Absolutely. That’s what being here has done for me. I have plenty of coping skills at my disposal to navigate difficult emotions. Other than using drugs, of course.”

“That being said, Roman brings up a good point: how does Rolo move forward? I think the best way to ensure that your relation-ship stays afloat is with open and honest communication! Logan, you need to make sure that you’re talking to Roman honestly about your feelings which means first talking honestly to yourself about them. Own your emotions and don’t be scared to let them out! Look at all the things you opened up about today. Is Roman rejecting you? No. He’s right here, willing to stay with you through this.” Logan looked at his partner, realization dawning.

“And Roman, you need to create a safe space for Logan to heal by letting him go at his own pace. You can’t push him to be vulnerable. Healing can’t be forced, otherwise it’s not real healing. Don’t underestimate his strength. It takes a lot to push him towards wanting to use. And one other thing…you need to forgive him. He knows he hasn’t been fair to you but he’s willing to make the commitment to showing you that things will be different now. Forgive him and trust that he’ll come to you.”

“That’s actually what I was going to say earlier. I thought that admitting that I recognize how I’ve hurt you and apologizing would be what you needed to hear. I didn’t anticipate you needing to know why it happened.”

“You don’t need to apologize anymore, Logan. You’ve felt guilty for enough, far more than you ever should have. And my anger earlier was misplaced. I’m not angry with you, I’m angry at the situation. I’m angry that someone would ever think to willfully hurt someone as wonderful as you.  And I was hurt that you didn’t tell me why you were hurting so much, especially after what we went through together. I haven’t always been fair to you either and I’ve tried so hard to make up for it. Being shut out…it made me think that you didn’t trust me, and that thought was…so painful. So, I lashed out. And I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that. You’re trying.”

Logan gently took Roman’s hands into his own. “As are you.”

Dr. Picani smiled fondly at the new development between the two surgeons. “Hey guys…you’re sitting next to each other now.” Both men looked down simultaneously to their now touching thighs, exchanging hesitant but sweet smiles at each other when they looked up. “You know, I’m gonna go ahead and prescribe one more thing for you two.”

“What would that would be, Dr. Picani?”

“Simple: Go on a date. Once Logan comes home and you two feel ready, go out! Have fun with each other! Laugh, talk about anything other than therapy or work. Remember what it was like to fall in love with each other. You two have been through so much and you’ve come out on the other side together. Go celebrate that! Celebrate your lives.”

“That sounds…most reasonable. We…we can do that.” Roman nodded in agreement.

“Splendid! Welp, that’s all folks! Gotta run to the next session! And I mean literally run, it’s all the way on the other side of campus.”

“Porky Pig!” Roman blurted out.

“Nice catch of the reference, Dr. Roman Empire. Very clever. Now, Logan, I’ll see you in a few days and you two cool cats back here next week! Okay, shoo, I wasn’t kidding about needing to run.”

“Oh, well, we’ll be going then.” Logan rushed out of the door, leaving Roman to pause and turn to the cheerful therapist. “Doctor?”

“Yes, Roman?”

“I, uh, I’m…thank you.” Dr. Picani simply nodded, a gentle smile playing on his lips. Roman nodded back before joining his partner in the hallway.

“Well then! Now that we’re done with that, shall we grab that lunch we discussed earlier?”

Logan grinned earnestly. “Sure. I think I know a place.”

[ifreakinglovewritingsomuch]

Markson AU/ Switch (Part Three)

Pairing: Mark Tuan x Jackson Wang Plot: Mark and Jackson are both Alphas, which means they will never be together, but why would they even want to. They have been rivals for so many years and nothing will change that.(ABOUniverse!AU) Warnings: Swearing, Weird writing?… Words: 1249 Part One/Two

A/N: Idk but I’m always ending by hinting smut XD. So I guess you all know what the next chapter will be about!! Anyway, enjoy this!

Jackson had stayed a little longer. With the help of the janitor, he was able to print the folders for their presentation. After that, he left too.

There was this thought stuck in his head the whole way back home and it finally made him turn his car around driving straight to the Kim University.

Replying what happened with mark again, there were a few open questions. Because the other had acted strange, not like an alpha would usually behave.

Jackson parked in front of the university building. Nearly everyone had already left, but the alpha knew his friend would be still at work.

He had been here so many times, which made it easy for him to find Kim Namjoon's office, which was empty. There was still another place where Namjoon often stayed until it was late.

Jackson quickly found the lecture hall.

"When will you learn not to overwork yourself," Jackson said when he entered the room, seeing Namjoon still sitting over some examples.

"Hello to you too, Jackson!" Namjoon greeted with a smile, glad that his friend was here, so he could take a break from correcting.

"And you're the one to speak. Tell me did the medication even help?" Namjoon asked, looking a little worried because actually, he didn't expect to see Jackson for the next four to seven days.

"Not really!" the older answered, taking a seat in the first row.

"What do you mean? Don't tell me you found an Omega!?" Namjoon was startled at his friend's behavior. The other should still be in his rut, even the pills he had gotten him, weren't enough to completely suppress an alpha's rut.

"Not an omega!" There was this mischievous smirk on the alpha's face, that always meant he had done something wrong but wasn't aware of it.

"What did you do!?" Namjoon got worried.

"You remember Mark Tuan, I told you about him, right?"

"That alpha, you are always whining about, because he is better than you." Jackson pouted at the youngers word.

"Is that a way to treat your, hyung. I'm better than him!"

"Whatever." Namjoon sighed. "What's about him!"

After saying that sentence, the younger alpha's mind had already put one and one together, and he cursed his brilliant mind.

"Wait...shit...don't tell me you two...!?"

"We fucked!"

Namjoon winced at Jackson blunt answer and all the images that flooded his mind.

"That's more than I wanted to know!"

Jackson chuckled at his best friends state.

"But didn't you say he is an alpha, like you?" Namjoon asked, still confused about the whole thing.

"That's why I'm here! You studied Biology too, right?"

Namjoon nodded having a slight clue where this conversation was going.

"Okay, tell me what happened, but try to leave out all the detailed explicit stuff, that I would never be able to erase from my mind!"

And so Jackson told Namjoon, about how the whole day went until the incident in the copy room, he was only interrupted by the other alpha, when his description got too detailed.

"So what do you say? I have this theory. Could it be that is an omega but has something to get his scent to a minimum and maybe he also has something for his heat, or he would constantly be away...No that sounds unrealistic...i just don't know...!?" Jackson ended his story, looking at his friend expectantly.

"Mhm...I don't think he is an omega!" Namjoon agreed.

"What is it then?"

"Follow me!" Namjoon left al his stuff behind, before taking the lead, going to his office. He searched through the bookshelf, taking out a heavy book, placing it on his desk.

Namjoon quickly skipped through the pages, while Jackson watched.

"Thought so." The younger mumbled, before turning to Jackson, who was fidgeting with his shirt, anticipating an answer.

"So you said he could produce slick and he was submissive right?" Namjoon asked again, just to be sure. The other alpha nodded.

"When two alpha's or two omega's, get imitate, there is the possibility that they have a switch personality."

Jacksons confused face told the other that this answer didn't help at all.

"Okay. So you're both alpha's, still one is top and the other bottom, right?" Jackson nodded, getting it so far.

"Some alpha's like to switch between being top or bottom! And when they have an alpha as their mate or just get intimate with one they can switch from alpha to omega like behavior, making them submissive and their body is also able to produce slick."

"Oh..." was all Jackson was able to say, he actually heard about that for the first time. "So Mark is a switch?"

"Yeah, that's the best answer I can give you. But according to this book, most alpha’s that mate are both switches."

Jackson looked at his friend with a horrified expression.

"No way!" The older nearly shouted. "I'm not submissive!"

"Whatever you say, I mean you don't sound like you want him as a mate anyway. You said it's only a one-time thing." Namjoon just shrugged, putting the book away.

"Yeah right!" Jackson agreed, but his thoughts were still on all the new facts. Quickly the alpha shook his head, dismissing any thoughts that kept coming.

"You don't sound so sure of that?"

"I...I mean I don't love him or anything!" Jackson stuttered, blushing slightly.

"What? But you liked fucking him or what?"

"Mhm..." the older alpha couldn't form an answer.

"Oh, Jackson. I didn't know you were so desperate!" Namjoon laughed, earning a death glare from Jackson.

"Shut up! It's not like it will happen again anytime soon!"

Namjoon only shrugged, because who knew. But Jackson tried to ignore that, keeping his mind away from the thought, that was a little bit to appetizing.

"You want to go for a drink? It was a long day for both of us!" Jackson suggested, hoping to get distracted.

"Why not!" Namjoon agreed and he quickly got his stuff before they left to go to the next bar.

"Don't look at me like that!" Mark sighed, facing his shocked friend, Bambam, who just had to listen to what happened today.

"That's why I didn't want to tell anyone. I should have just forgotten about it!" The alpha was totally done.

"Mhmm...so if you would have waited a little longer, nothing would have happened?" Bambam asked, recalling what his friend just told him.

"Yeah, a janitor came later and had nearly caught us."

Mark got another beer bottle, getting the omega one too.

"I just...don't you think it's a little embarrassing. I don't know how to face him again!" Mark sighed.

"What your pride is hurt because you got topped?" Bambam chuckled, opening the can, taking a sip.

"You're an omega, you don't get it!" Mark pouted.

"Than just get back to him!"

"What do you mean.!"

"He was on top now, so show him how it is to be a bottom!" Bambam smirked, a little proud of his plan.

"So I should…what? Seduce him and then...?" Mark wasn't really intrigued by the idea.

"Make him beg for it? He didn't sound like he wanted it to be a one-time thing!"

Still, Mark didn't know if he should actually consider it. But the thought of having Jackson completely in his hand, making the other alpha beg, wasn't that bad.

[zpidey-sense]

spooky surprises [Peter Parker x Reader]

Description: a Halloween night full of spooky surprises and a masked hero.

Warnings: curses, not a lot but definitely some curses. So if you don’t like that, oops sorry lmao.

Word count: it’s long 5.740!

Note: 👻🎃happy Halloween! I love Halloween with my whole soul 🖤and so after some time thinking I decided to make a Halloween themed imagine. I hope you like it, and again I hope the pronoun they/them is okay for everyone, I think this fandom is more diverse and it defo needs more representation! Btw this is my second piece of writing I ever publish here!

Also, creds to the one who did the gif. I found it on google!

And! Here is my masterlist! if you’re interested

(And I know I’m so late but I tried to upload on Halloween and yesterday but my internet and my tumblr didn’t let me, it didn’t even let me safe the changes I did. So here it is anyway! Anyway if you miss Halloween already here you have this and Happy Fucking Christmas’ Eve lmao)

People around me were laughing and being a bit too loud for my liking, so I was pretty annoyed at the same time that I was trying to not pay attention at my surrounding while trying to find my chemistry book in my locker as well. At this right moment I was definitely overwhelmed by the loudness around me, but simultaneously I couldn’t help but feel excited, and that was just because today was Halloween and that could mean only one thing.

For today, I could be anything I wanted to be. 

And that was just what I was doing.

‘’Boo!’’, the one and only, MJ said on a kinda soft way while laying her back in the locker next to mine, smiling just a bit and letting me see a glimpse of something that looked like vampire fangs. I couldn’t believe it.

‘’Woah!!’’, I let out definitively surprised ‘’am I really seeing fangs there?’’ I ask with a smile. Now truly glad to have MJ here, because now I could focus on a conversation instead of how terribly and obnoxiously loud the people around us were being. 

But I wasn’t just glad of that, also because she was actually in a costume. In all the years I’ve been friends with MJ she has never been something for Halloween, not even when we were kids... well except that time when she lost a bet against me and I obeyed her to be the Robin to my Batman.

But that was different.

‘’Yep, you’re really seeing this’’ she said, then proceeding to smile really wide to let me see her fangs better, I couldn’t help but smile bigger and look at her from head to toe now. She was dressed all in black, with a shirt that read Dracula’s Child in red and shinny font, she was even wearing a black velvet cape with red on the inside.

MJ looked just amazing. She even had black lipstick on, something that looked perfect on her. Fuck, she really nailed her look.

‘‘Whadaya think?’‘ she asked after I took a better look at her costume. She was now chewing some gum, which to be honest made her look like a total bad bitch. But on a good way.

‘’You... woah, I just- you look amazing MJ!’’ I said with a little smile closing my locker after I finally found my chemistry book. ‘’Why didn’t you tell me you were going to dress up for Halloween? You look terrific!’’

‘’Uhm... I wanted to surprise you Y/N, this is your favorite festivity after all. So, surprise!’’ she said while shrugging, I couldn’t help but smile again. Dressed like that she looked like one of those super cool-laid-back teenagers you see in movies, even her attitude was right, but to be honest that was just MJ being MJ. ‘’So, do you really think I look good, nerd?’’

‘’Yeah! Of course I do, I think it’s completely amazing, you look even better than me!’’, but as soon as I said that she started to say no at the same time a bubblegum exploded on her lips, I just smiled at the image.

‘’Oh please Y/N don’t be ridiculous, I know I look good but you... damn, you always reign on this kind of stuff’’ she said, making me blush instantly as we started to walk down the hallway that was full of people dressed up as many things. Even if I hated how loud it was, I loved to see everyone having a great time. ‘’I mean come on! Look at this’’, MJ said pointing at my costume and then taking the mask off my hands.

She then just started to examine it, turning it backwards and looking at every single angle of it. I smiled again while we just kept walking through the sea of dressed up people, well this Halloween I was dressed up as Spider-Man. Our friendly neighborhood superhero, and by personal choice, my favorite one.

And I loved it.

‘’Oh come on, it’s not t...’’, but she interrupted me immediately with a fast no no no no, making me giggle.

‘‘Whatever you’re gonna say just hush... I now you’ve been working really hard on this whole thing the whole month. And to be honest, is amazing Y/N’’, I just smiled while I felt how the warm in my cheeks started to grow again, God I knew I looked like a fucking tomato now. ‘’It looks a lot like the real one, and when I say a lot it is a lot!’’

‘’Thanks MJ, it really means a lot to me!’’, I said on a funny way taking back my mask and looking at it, maybe it didn’t have the bionic eyes spidey had on his suit, I didn’t have that kind of technology but MJ was right, it still looked pretty cool. 

So I smile softly at MJ and she smiled back at me, then just looking in front of us and starting to make our way to the classroom without talking much. As we kept walking many people kept complimenting the both of us and as MJ just smiled at them, I completely blushed and gave them a kind of weird grin as an answer.

I wasn’t used at all to this kind of attention, but again it was Halloween so I lowkey loved it. But it was still pretty weird.

‘‘So what?’‘, MJ said finally on the classroom while taking her usual seat next to mine.

‘‘Of what?’‘ I asked leaving the books on the table and looking at the front door just as a guy dressed as Bubbles from the Power Puff Girls made its way in. I couldn’t help but smile again, fuck I really loved Halloween.

‘‘What are we going to do this Halloween night? I was thinking on a horror movie marathon at my place, with lots of candy and fast food you know, like every year’‘ but I just blushed thinking about it. I mean I still didn’t have the heart to tell her I couldn’t make it for tonight, that’s why I’ve been avoiding this conversation for the past week.

‘‘I-’‘ but she interrupted me without hesitation.

‘‘What? God Y/N you’ve been acting super weird every time I tell you something about our plans for tonight... just tell me what’s up in your mind’‘, she said being really direct about it.

‘‘Uh... I-I well, okay. Don’t kill me! But I can’t really make it for tonight, I’m so sorry’‘

‘‘What? Why?’‘ MJ let’s out, more sad than disappointed, as I thought she was going to be. She was even making a little pout and to be honest she looked adorable.

‘‘I am so freaking sorry! I’ve been trying to find ways to tell you but my dad has a date tonight and it is with this person that he doesn’t stop talking about, and you know how he has been since you know... my mom and all that shit... and that’s why I have to take my brother to ask for candy, because my dad is really excited about the date and in the other hand Matt is really, really excited about the candy since October started as well and he was even more when he saw me as Spider-Man this morning and... I am so sorry’‘

‘‘Awww Y/N, why didn’t y-’‘

‘’Oh my god, Peter look!’’ I suddenly hear Ned shout, making me turn around as MJ suddenly stopped talking.

Damn, he was right there and now he was coming. Oh my god. Why he was coming? Oh my god.

‘‘Woah!!! Y/N I didn’t know you liked Spider-Man!’‘ Peter Parker said now standing right next to me, directly in front of my face. And so fucking close to me. I suddenly couldn’t say anything else.

A, really cute by the way, Peter Parker dressed as a Stormtrooper started to talk immediately since I didn’t say anything for some seconds and just kept staring at him without even moving. ‘‘I-I mean there is nothing wrong if you like him. I actually like him a lot as well... b-but I mean not on that way... but I’m n-not saying neither you like him on that way! Erm, but what I really wanted to say is that you look so dope! This costume is totally out of this world, did you make it? Cause it’s totally dope and... I said that already, right? Oh god...’‘, he kind of looked at MJ and blushed. ‘‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you two, I-I just saw you and thought I needed to say something because you know, you look totally great! and-’‘

God he looked fucking adorable when he was rambling like that, I couldn’t help but smile at him.

‘‘Parker, is alright, calm the fuck down’‘, MJ lets out kind of rolling her eyes, meaning that she was done with his rambling which only made me find this situation even more funny. 

It’s not that MJ hated Peter, it’s just that he could really freak her out. And right in this moment, he was doing it.

‘‘Yeah, it’s okay Pet, you didn’t interrupt us at all. And yeah! I totally like Spider-Man, that’s why I decided to be him today’’, I said as I blushed.

‘‘I think the term ‘‘like’‘ is short for how much you actually love Spider-Man, Y/N’‘, MJ just blurts out casually, making me blush even more.

‘‘Michelle’‘, I whisper at her at the same time I hit her arm with my elbow, which only made her giggle.

‘‘Wh-what? Are you... erhm, are you serious about that?’‘, Peter let’s out now all blushed meanwhile Ned was totally freaking out, for some reason I didn’t get, next to him.

‘‘God, alright yeah’‘, I say rolling my eyes. ‘‘But don’t tell anyone, please’‘, I say suddenly placing my hand above his.

Something I wouldn’t do if I was on my right mind. God, why did I do that? I asked my self as I started to feel more nervous now.

‘‘Yeah! Yeah, sure don’t worry about it Y/N!’‘ he let’s out on a kind of high pitched tone, making me smile because that’s how I knew he was actually really nervous as well.

I just smile and slowly let go of his hand, just as Ned starts to talk. ‘‘So, do you guys have any plans for tonight?’’, he asks with a huge smile.

‘‘Apparently, nope!’‘ MJ says then looking at me with a smile, letting me know that she totally understood it. ‘‘I mean I think I’ll just watch horror movies in my room while stuffing myself with some candy’‘.

‘’That sounds fun!’’, Ned says with a huge smile. ‘’What about you, Y/N?’’

‘‘Yeah, well I’ll just go with my little brother to ask for candy and probably get some candy myself’‘, I say actually hoping for it. My brother always hated to share his candy with me, even though my dad always made him cause ‘‘too much candy was bad for him’‘.

‘‘Great, I’ll probably see you two, you know... or maybe Aunt May will, yeah’‘, he said with a smile. Peter lived in the same neighborhood as me so I was probably going to be asking around his block.

And maybe if he was around, stay some more minutes over his apartment just to do a little chat.

‘‘Sure, I hope!’‘

‘‘Great!’‘, and then after some seconds of saying nothing he just kept walking to his usual spot with Ned walking behind him, as he kept whispering something on Peter’s ear.

‘‘Hey Peter! By the way, I really like your costume, I love Star Wars’‘, I say with a little smile, making him blush instantly as he turned around again to look at me.

‘‘And I really like yours too, Spider-Man’‘ I just smile and then turn around, MJ was looking at me on a really funny way.

‘‘God, you guys are so fucking obvious.’‘, she said whispering mostly to herself while now opening a book.

‘‘About what?’‘, I asked her starting to open my notebook.

‘‘You guys so like each other, the whole school, including the teachers know about it’‘, she said as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

‘‘What?!’‘ I blurted out immediately, in a tone a bit too high for my liking. ‘‘No, we don’t!’‘ I shout-whisper at her after seeing that some people turned around just to look at me. 

‘‘Sure, Jan’‘ MJ lets out and then just laughs when I hit her arm at the same time I let out a soft fuck off Michelle, because she knew I hated that meme. I was going to ask her about what did she mean by all that, but then I just shut up when I see our teacher entering the classroom. 

Miss Ramirez just started to write something in the board as she started to speak, but it was just a reminder that our next quiz was supposed to be the next week. But I already knew that so I couldn’t help to look back and find Peter already looking at me. He blushed and kind of looked away a bit ashamed, so just before turning back again I just smiled at him, making him smile back at me which made me feel... weirdly good.

Well, maybe MJ was right... maybe I did like him.

God, and maybe it was a lot.

‘‘Look at all this candy!’‘, Matt said taking a lot of candy with his little hands and then just throwing them in the air, getting hit by them while falling on the floor of his room. I couldn’t help but giggle at the view.

He was so freaking excited and happy, and I was so glad.

‘‘Amazing, right?’‘, I asked now sitting on his bed and taking my bag of candy before he did. I didn’t want my candy to be flying around in his room. ‘‘You had fun, bud?’‘

‘‘I had the best of the nights tonight!!’‘, he said looking at me and then smiling eally wide, showing me how his two front teeth were still missing. He looked just adorable. ‘‘Thank you so much for taking me to ask for candy, Spider-Man’‘

I couldn’t help but laugh at the Spider-Man, he has been calling me like that ever since this morning and he was totally convinced that I was the real Spider-Man, which was actually really nice if you think about it.

‘‘You’re really welcome, Matty’‘, I just smile and take a piece of chocolate from my candy bag, while eating it I just look at him and smile having an idea that I knew he was going to love. ‘‘So... what do you think about watching a movie before going to bed?’‘

‘‘Really?! But it’s school night’‘, he whispered the last part as he didn’t want anyone else to listen, making me giggle.

‘‘So what? Dad is not here’‘, I say raising a bit my eyebrows. ‘‘Come on, I’ll let you pick the movie!’‘

And just as I said that he took the iPad immediately, starting to look for movies in Netflix, I just smile and get out of the room to the living room to fix the couch so we could watch the movie on a comfortable way. Some minutes later he just storms out of his room while waving the iPad in the air and screaming ‘’this one, this one, this one!!’’.

God, he was going to drop it and then break it, so dad then would kill me. So I immediately take the iPad and look at the movie he picked, and then back at him a bit incredulous.

‘‘It?’‘, he then just starts nodding really fast, making me giggle again. I think the sugar was starting to kick in. ‘‘It? Are you serious, Matthew?’‘

‘‘I’m totally serious spidey! Everyone at my school talks about it, especially in my grade’‘, so I just raise my eyebrows at that. Matt was only 8 years old and if the parents of his classmates were really letting them see that kind of movies then... Damn.

Bad parenting and nights full of nightmares right there.

‘’Really?’’

‘’Yes, really!’’, and that’s when I knew he wasn’t going to stop bugging me about it until we saw this movie.

‘‘Alright boy, but I don’t want any nightmares or you telling dad anything about this. Okay?’‘, so he just takes my pinky on a really cute way and interlaces it with his.

‘‘Okay, I promise’‘, so I just smile and sit on the couch, letting him sit next to me to watch the movie. He was already on his Pj’s meanwhile I was still wearing my Spider-Man costume.

So after covering him with a blanket I just start the movie, I left the lights on just in case he got too scared, which was probably going to happen because well it was It, and actually everything was alright the first 2 minutes of the film... then it happened, what was most likely to happen.

It started with Matt covering up one of his eyes, then minutes later him raising his legs up so they wouldn’t be anywhere near the floor. Then he started to whisper stuff like, ‘‘the music is too scary’‘ or ‘‘that clown is scaring me Y/N’‘, but I didn’t say anything. 

He then covered his eyes completely while he kind of hid his face on my abdomen, just watching for a few seconds but actually watching none of it which just made me giggle. He was actually totally freaked out but after like an hour of it he didn’t say anything else, or even moved.

Some minutes later I noticed that he was actually totally asleep so I just paused the movie and took him to bed, he was just 8 so he was really easy to lift. So I put him on his bed and cover him. I left his door open so the light from the hall could come in just in case, because I didn’t want him to freak out if he suddenly woke up in the middle of the night.

And also I really didn’t want my dad to be woken up by screams and then my brother admitting him what I just let him do. My dad would ground me for the rest of my life!

So before I leave I take my bag of candy from the table and walk out to the living room again, to continue watching the film which was, being honest, one of my favorite films ever. I was really into it and since I watched it for the first time I was obsessed.

I wasn’t paying attention to anything else but the screen and the movie, the volume wasn’t that high so it wouldn’t wake Matt up or anything like that, so I was really paying attention to it. I even put my phone on night mode so anything could distract me from the TV.

There was this scene that really disturbed and intrigued me at the same time, so I was really paying attention to it when suddenly I hear a little tap in the window next to the couch, making me stop caring about the movie as my whole body got covered in goosebumps.

God, what the hell?

I really didn’t want to watch but the tap was there again like two more times, so after some seconds of convincing my self it was just my paranoia and imagination I finally turn around, finding the silhouette of someone looking right at me from outside the window and standing right there in the emergency stairs.

And just when I saw it I couldn’t help but scream as high as I could, turning on the lamp with my shaky hands and finding out instantly that it was in fact Spider-Man standing right there and not a fucking murderer clown.

‘‘What the fuck’‘, I let out a bit too loud, looking at him now totally confused. Just what the fuck.

‘‘H-hey! I’m so sorry, did I scare you? I’m so sorry, that wasn’t my attention at all’‘ Spider-Man said then kneeling down in the floor of the stairs so I could see him better. ‘‘I’m really sorry!’‘

‘‘Wha-what?’’, it was the only thing I could say while I tried to calm down a bit, my heart was racing because for some reason I really thought that was fucking Pennywise.

‘’Oh my god, are you okay?’’, he asked a bit more loud at the same time the eyes of his suit got wider. He sounded actually worried.

‘’I-I yeah, yeah I am okay’’, I let out finally saying something. ‘’God... I just- I was watching It and... I thought you-you... Pennywise... agh, nevermind’’ I say to him as I show him the screen and then look at him again. ‘’What- uhm, I don’t want to sound rude or anything, but what are you doing here?’’, I ask totally confused.

He then just nods as if he just remembered why he was in my apartment, ‘’oh yeah! Someone told me you really admire Spider-Man... I mean me! You really admire me, that much that you even made a costume of me for Halloween! And I just happened to pass by on my night patrol and... well, just... hello?’’, he added the last part on an awkward and cute way, which just made me giggle.

‘’Are you fucking serious?’’, I said now really excited and not scared at all, finally getting up and walking to the window, opening it a bit better so he could come in if he wanted to.

‘’Yep!’’, he said now putting his hands above his hips and doing that typical ‘’superhero’’ pose. ‘’Oh! and I also came here to offer you a swing across the neighborhood... I mean, if-if you wanted to, you can say no if you don’t want and that’s totally alright...’’

But I just stopped him, ‘’oh my god, oh my god, are you serious?! Of course yes!’’ I scream not that loud getting out of my apartment through my window and standing now in front of him. He was just some inches taller than me and he looked really, really strong.

I never thought I could be this close to a superhero, let alone this close to freaking Spider-Man! And it never ever crossed my mind the thought of him actually coming to my house just to ask me if I wanted a swing through my neighborhood.

God, this must be a fucking dream.

‘’Oh, alright! Then perfect!’’, he said then taking me by my waist and holding me closer to him, which to be honest was everything I wanted right now. ‘’Hold tight to me!’’

And then without saying anything else he just fell down the stairs with me by his side, webbing a building in front of mine and then swinging across the street just like he did every night when he was patrolling the city. I felt like wanting to scream, but I didn’t do it... I wasn’t scared, I was feeling really weird and then after some seconds I just realized I actually felt free, as the cold wind from Halloween hit my face and made my hair fly on a wild way.

Fuck, this was amazing. There was no way to describe the feeling.

So I just hugged Spider-Man even more tight and kept looking around us as we passed my neighbor’s houses and cars, and as we flew by the trees and just everything that was in our way... it was amazing. I could feel him looking at me under the mask, which just made me smile even more.

After some more minutes of web-swinging for some blocks he just took me back to my apartment, holding me still as we got back to the emergency stairs in front of my window. We were already on the ground and safe from falling, and he was still close, but that wasn’t something that bothered me at all. Actually... I loved it.

‘’That was... just amazing. Woah Spider-Man! I can’t actually believe you do this every single day, it’s just freaking amazing!’’ I started to say while he was still holding me close.

‘’I know right!’’ he said in the same tone as me, actually even more excited than I was.

‘’Yeah! It’s just... Woah!’’ I said and then we just fell in a little silence, him then taking his hands off my waist on a rather awkward but cute way.

‘’I’m really glad you liked it!’’, he said now slowly starting to walk a bit away.

‘’I’ll make sure to tell Peter how thankful I am for this!’’, I said immediately making him open the eyes of his suit on a really wide way again. I noticed that I really liked when he did that, it was just really cute.

‘’Wha-what? Peter? How do you know it was Peter?’’ he said stuttering a bit, which someway reminded me of someone I knew.

‘‘Yeah! I guess it was Peter Parker the one who told you about me and my costume... right? I mean, because of the Stark Internship and all that’’ I said as if it was obvious, seeing how the muscles of his shoulders relaxed instantly as I said that.

‘’Ooohhhh yeah! The Stark Inter... I mean Peter’’, he said starting to nod immediately as he pointed at me. ‘’Yeah! That’s right, he told me everything about it this afternoon, yeah! He is such a nice guy though... you’re his friend right?’’

‘’Well... yeah! I could say that’’ I say kind of looking down. ‘’I mean, I wish we were more like real friends and not just classmates, you know? I don’t even have his number... and well, he seems like a really nice guy’’

‘’Well, he totally thinks the same about you!’’ he said immediately, a bit too excited and again reminding me of someone but I really didn’t know who. ‘’I mean... I think you should totally talk to him more’’

‘’Do you think?’’, I asked with a little smile.

‘’I don’t think, I actually know’’, he then just nods and walks a bit more away. ‘’So huh... I think I should go back to my night patrol and all that... that was really fun Y/N...’’, Spider-Man started to say while caressing his head a bit as he kept walking backwards, but I just stopped him.

‘’Wait!’’, I said smiling and walking closer to him. ‘’I actually got plenty of candy and... and maybe you would like to eat some and maybe talk a bit? After all my dad won’t be home after midnight and I don’t really feel like finishing It anymore’’, I nodded saying no and then looking back at my house, which was just as I left it. ‘’And I don’t really feel like sleeping neither’’

‘’I-uh... well, yeah... yeah, why not?’’, he said then walking again next to me. ‘’I don’t think there is nothing to patrol in Halloween Night besides teenagers running around annoying each other’’ and what he just said made me smile.

‘’You’re right... uhm... would you-uh... would you like to go to my room? After all here it’s a bit chilly and well, I don’t wanna get sick’’, I just shrug, already getting inside my living room again. He didn’t look that sure at first but after some seconds he just got in.

‘’And... uhm, why isn’t your dad home?... or your mom?’’ he asked immediately, looking around the house.

‘’Yeah, my dad is on a date and my mom... well, she hasn’t been home for the last 5 years, so whatever’’ I just turn around and make as if I was looking for my phone, blushing just because I sounded too hurt.

Of course I was hurt, I just didn’t like to show it with anyone.

‘’I’m really sorry’’, he lets out as I picked my bag of Halloween candy and my phone from the couch.

‘’It’s fine Spider-Man, it doesn’t matter now’’, I let out while smiling a bit. ‘’Now follow me, but let’s be quiet’’ I said as I start walking to my room, passing by my brother’s room and looking at him sleeping fine just as I left him.

We finally get in my room and I turn around to look at him, he was looking around while detailing every single thing he could with his bionic eyes. I just looked away and sat down in my bed, feeling a bit ashamed for some reason.

‘’I like your room Y/N... its like y... like really, really cool!’’

‘’Thanks spidey!’’, I suddenly let out and then just blush instantly. ‘’A-are you okay with me calling you like that? I feel like Spider-Man is way too... formal’’.

He let’s out a soft giggle, that somehow reminds me of someone again, but I just let it pass. ‘’Of course, spidey is totally alright’’, he nods and after some seconds he just sits down a bit away from me.

We awkwardly sit there for some minutes while he just looked around at my room and I ate some candy, me trying to stay calm and not freak because The Actual Spider-Man was in my fucking room meanwhile he looked way too chill. He then just suddenly looks at me and then down at the candy bag.

‘’Ca-can I?’’, he stutters on a way that I find cute.

‘’Of course! Get whatever you want’’, and he immediately gets a fun-size Twix, then kind of rolling his mask up till his lips were free to eat.

‘’You have no idea how much I love this candy!’’, he said already having a bite of it.

‘’Are you kidding me!?’’, I ask taking one as he did. ‘’This is the best candy ever made!’’ he just looked at me and nodded, completely agreeing with me.

After that nothing was awkward anymore.

It was actually really easy to talk with Spider-Man, because after some minutes I quickly realized that under that mask there was this typical teenager with not such a typical life. But still really relatable, in a weird way.

At first I was really surprised to find out that he was a teenager just like me, but I didn’t really comment on that so he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about his secret identity and all that.

But we could talk about pretty much everything, we started with something simple as what were our favorite movies and music, then we moved on to our favorite soundtracks and eventually the series we liked the most. It turns out we had a lot in common but after some digging I found out he hasn’t watch Stranger Things yet, and I couldn’t believe it, so that was the only thing I kept kinda bugging him about the whole night.

After we got more comfortable in the bed we even listened to some music and it turns out, again, we pretty much loved the same artists, but that still didn’t stop me from showing him some new ones as he did as well. After the music was already over we kept talking about school and our favorite subjects in it.

He told me a secret I’ve always been curious about, that he actually made the webs of his web shooters and that he was really good in chemistry, I wasn’t really surprised because he seemed really smart. And after that I couldn’t resist to ask him about his superhero duties, which he was totally fine about answering.

He had millions of stories to tell me about, but to be honest my most favorite one was the churro lady one, and how he helped her to find the way to the place she needed to go. It was just adorable.

But after that we just kept talking about random and stupid stuff, and some time later he just admitted that he finally got the courage to ask me about my parents, and finally for the first time ever I could talk with someone about that that wasn’t MJ.

But just in the middle of my ramble I heard my dad unlocking the door and coming inside the apartment. And as Spider-Man and I were laying in the bed facing up the ceiling and totally chilling out, we just kind of panicked, he immediately jumping outside the window some minutes later.

So when he did that I just turned off the lights and hopped on the bed, covering my self with my blankets just some seconds before my dad walked inside my room just to check, but like I was ‘’asleep’’ after some seconds he just left. I carefully heard how he got in his room and closed the door behind him.

Just as soon as he did that I just got up from the bed and walked to the window. seeing how Spider-Man was hanging there from the wall. I couldn’t help but smile on a funny way.

‘’Are you alright, spidey?’’

‘’Yeah, yeah! What about you? Are you alright?’’, he asked then pulling down his mask again and kind of getting closer to me. Hanging like that he looked like a real spider.

‘’I am alright’’, I just smile and then kind of bite my lip. ‘’I think our talk... we could maybe leave it for later?’’

‘’Maybe... tomorrow?’’, he asks not that sure about it.

‘’Perfect’’, I say nodding.

‘’Then perfect’’, he nods. ‘’I think it’s time for me to leave now, and you should get some sleep Y/N’’

‘’You too spidey’’, I say as I suddenly get close leaving a kiss in where his cheek was. ‘’As my lil brother said earlier, I had the best of the nights tonight... thank you’’

‘’I-I... it... yeah! This w-was totally a great night! I rea-really enjoyed it Y/N, thank you too!’’, he kind of looked at me and then nodded. ‘’This was a great Halloween’’.

‘’This was definitely a great Halloween’’, I smile.

‘’I know’’, he then just nods and webs the building in front of mine. ‘’Now have a great night, darling!’’

Darling, I just repeat mentally while I feel how my knees got suddenly weak.

‘’Happy Halloween Spidey!’’, I kind of shout just as he swings across the street. I could hear his small giggle resonate in the cold air.

‘’Happy Halloween Y/N!’’, he shouts back a bit too loud.

And yep, it definitely was a happy one.

[hopeatermain]

WHAT THE F-

A [PROTOCREED] one-shot which focus more on the [PROTOTYPE] part. Contain spoilers for the end of [PROTOTYPE 2]. If you haven’t read Fucked up shit, prepare to be horribly confused.

Rating: T for swearing. Lots of swearing. And slight description of body horror.

Genre: I have no idea. Again. The parts between James and Alex are pretty serious, but since the scenes between Alex and Desmond are basically them explaining to the other why they are completely done with life, I think it’s safe to say there’s some comedy.

Summary: While slowly digging in Alex’s memories, James Heller find something he could have lived without knowing... Also, Desmond is done. With everything.

Word count: 2 466 words (The longest thing I write is a fucking flash-back)

Stop. Fucking shit. Since the fight he won against Mercer (whom he promptly “ate” once it was over), there was a shit ton of memories of he was not able to access. By “shit ton”, I mean Alex’s memories themselves. He had to give it to the little shit, he was persistent. Each time he tried to get something out of him, he acted out and his own body stopped responding until he stopped. 

But gradually, James was able to erode Alex’s mental barrier and access these memories. His life before Gentek. His transformation into the BLACKLIGHT virus. His fight against Greene. His reasons to do... that after he fought so hard to avoid something similar. But there was one thing he clinged to, no matter how hard he tried to rip it out of him.

The reason why he decided to seek out people before the second outbreak.

“Mercer, for the last time, it will be easier for us both if you simply gave up and let me saw that memory.” No. That would break you. “Bullshit. You said that about everything else. And yet, I’m still standing. You should start waving the white flag already.” And then, pain shot through his body. Not again. Oh and fuck it, how bad could it be? Alex had done the same thing each time he tried to dismantle his memories further. So he pried further and just found a name before Alex mind closed itself again.

Who the fuck is Desmond Miles?

THE ONLY THING I’LL BE WAVING WILL BE YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD ON A STICK IN FRONT OF YOUR WEEPING DAUGHTER!!!

The pain doubled. Shit, Alex apparently really liked that particular memory. He reacted less violently about more personal memories. The pain was so strong that James didn’t immediately remarked the tiny tentacles that were slowly growing out of his back. And when he did, it was too late. Oh, you want to know what that memory is about? THEN TAKE IT.

“You know, I know how to climb walls.” “I can run up them. Now stop bitching and get on my back already.” Grumbling, the assassin got onto Alex’s back. And he shot through the air, and started running up a wall once the height provided by the jump wasn’t enough. “So... Desmond,” Alex still had difficulties with the existence of that guy. “What if you told me about your story.” “You go first.” “Are you seriou-” “MERCER!”

Hope you’re happy with yourself. You got us right in a trap. Shut up annoying voice! He reached the roof and put Desmond on the ground. “Uh, what’s happening?” “Blackwatch. That’s what’s happening!” He morphed his claws on. “If you want to survive, you should hide.” “I know how to fight!” “You’re just human, and they are trained military. You’re fragile.” The only answer of the man with the white hoodie was to glare at him with murder in his eyes.

And then, the shooting started.

At the slight horror and extreme exasperation of Desmond, Alex proceeded to rip a vent system of the roof to throw it at the helicopter, which started to go down in flames while the surviving soldiers jumped out. Five soldiers. All Blackwatches. Good. No guilt there. Time for our Meal. A manic smile appeared on Alex face as he slowly walked toward the Blackwatch soldiers, who started shooting, their chief shouting orders. Wasn’t going to save them and- wait.

They all got electric batons. Shit. Shit.

He was slowly being backed to the edge of the roof. They would chase him. And he was still tired of his fight against Greene. “So, Mercer. Have nowhere to run now, do you-” The sentence of the soldier finished in a stabbing sound. A slight metal point could be seen going out of the soldier’s neck, before retracting, letting the soldier collapse.

Desmond.

The two who were next to the dead immediately turned their gun toward him. His only response was to duck the moment one fired, killing the one in front of him, before stabbing with his hidden knife the one who shot. The other two were made quick work of the moment Desmond got another knife out. Once they were dispatched, Desmond turned toward Alex, his expression neutral and his gold eyes glowing slightly.

“So... what was that you called me earlier? Fragile?”

James blinked a few times, still disoriented by the memory that was forced onto him. He looked at the tentacles on his back, only to realize they had taken an humanoid form. “GET BACK IN HERE MERCER!” “FUCK YOU” And his mind was assaulted by more images.

“I’ll ask one time: Who the fuck was that?” “Blackwatch. Black ops, if you want. Once deployed, they are given full power over the military to stop whatever is a treat to anything in the US. In this case, the BLACKLIGHT virus.” “Is that the outbreak you mentioned earlier?” “Yes.” “Why the fuck would they use military forces to stop a virus outbreak?” “Eeeh... virus zombies?” 

“I die for a few months and suddenly, there’s a zombie apocalypse.” “Only in Manhattan.” “Of course it only happened in Manhattan. It couldn’t happen in fucking Madagascar, of course not.” “Desmond?” “DEAD EGOMANIAC LADIES WEREN’T ENOUGH” - “Are you okay?” - “NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH FUCKING THIS!!!” “HEY!” “WHAT?!” “Calm down. I can explain this shit to you. But you have to explain to me what the fuck happened to you.” “You’ll explain to me on the way out.” “Okay.”

As Desmond got back on Alex’s back, the former scientist started to explain. “Okay, so forty years ago” - “Why forty years?” “Shut up and let me talk. Forty years ago, the government started fucking with viruses. No, they never heard of fucking zombie apocalypses before, it’s apparently a fairly new concept. Anyway, their reasons for doing that was to make perfect soldiers or some shit like that. However, they ended up killing an entire town in Idaho called Hope and only one survivor was left. Remember this, it’s really important because apparently, for some fucking reason, the course of my life looks eerily like a video game.” “It’s okay, I know that feeling.”

“Now, let’s skip forward a few months ago. A scientist, working at Gentek” - “Wait, isn’t that a branch of Abstergo that makes biological experiments?” “I don’t fucking remember, but they do make biological experiments. Are you going to let me talk?” “Sorry.” “Thank you. Now, where was I?” “The scientist working at Gentek.” “Oh yeah! Anyway, the Gentek scientist discover this shit, because of course the government facility which was stupid enough to fuck with a zombie-creating virus was Gentek. He then takes a sample of the modified virus with him, which is dubbed BLACKLIGHT. Gentek’s answer is to send Blackwatch, the assholes from earlier, until he is basically backed against a wall.”

Alex watch over his shoulder, making sure he has Desmond’s attention. Upon witnessing he has all of it, he continues. “But because the scientist happens to be a fucking asshole, instead of turning himself over, he fucking releases the virus in spite.” “Wow. What a dick.” “I won’t even get mad at that one because you’re fucking right, that was a dick move. Anyway, the virus decides ‘fuck it’ and decides to possess the corpse of the scientist.” “What thE FUCK” - “I know, I had the same reaction when I discovered what I was.” “WHAT THE FUCK” - “You’re taking it better then I expected.” “I saw weirder shit. But still - Wait. YOU’RE A LIVING VIRUS?!” 

“Yeah... Relax, I have no plans to contaminate anyone. Having BLACKLIGHT without being a zombie is weird enough as it is, I don’t plan on giving it to anyone.” “Okay... so, Mister Virus Guy” - “Alex. Mercer, if you want to be formal.” “I’m a bartender assassin who relived the memories of his ancestors and who just came back from the dead. I don’t care about being formal, I want answers. So, Alex... can you please continue the story?” “Okay, but you need to stop interrupting me.” “Then make it short.” “Okay. So, I thought I was the scientist. I woke up in a morgue with freaky powers. I escaped. Remembered my sister. Decided to find my sister so she could help me. Decided that if anyone touched my sister, I would eat them. You are allowed to make a comment.” 

“What the fuck.” “Besides that.” “What do you mean by eat them?” “Consume them. Use my freaky virus powers to absorb them and their memories.” Desmond’s only reaction was to look at him with an expression which could only be described as a little terror, a little confusion, and a little ‘I-am-so-done-with-my-life’ attitude. A lot of that last one, actually. But beside that little detail... “What the fuck, man.” “I should have expected that look. And that answer.” 

“Anyway, I think freeing the sole survivor of the first outbreak from Gentek is a good idea. It was fucking stupid and only worsen everything. I ask my ex for help. My ex betrays me and send a Blackwatch captain on me. I get a parasite. I get the help of Ragland. Since he’s one of the few nice people I know, he accepts to help me. I get better. I eat my ex. I infect the sole survivor with the parasite. She just puke it out with a Supreme Hunter. The Final Zombie Boss, if you want. I kill the survivor and eat her. The Final Zombie Boss kill the captain that gave me the parasite earlier, who happens to be the only Blackwatch guy who isn’t a complete asshole, and tries to kill my sister. I eat the Final Zombie Boss. One nuclear explosion later, the virus outbreak is finally starting to calm down and I muse on the meaning of life. And then, you appear in a fucking dumpster and fuck up my vision of life by existing.”

He blinked. Fuck. Whatever the fuck Mercer was doing right now, it didn’t meant anything good for anyone. James looked behind him. Mercer was almost out, but still connected to his back. Apparently, this exhausted the former scientist more than it exhausted the former sergeant. “What the fuck are you trying to do, Mercer?” “Didn’t know you where so... dumb. What does it look like?” And, with a pulse of the tentacles connecting him and Mercer, other images appeared in his mind.

This is the worst summary of the last year I have ever heard. Well, fuck you too, annoying voice. “Your turn to explain this shit to me.” “What shit.” “Oh, you know... why you are visibly done with everything... dead egomaniac ladies... Assassin bartender... Your fighting skills... Reliving the memories of your ancestors... Coming back to life...” “Your voice got a octave higher, it’s really funny.” “Fuck you too.” “Okay, so open your ears well because what I am going to tell you is really fucking weird. Where do you want me to start?” “How you came back to life.” “I don’t know. Choose another topic.” “Assassin bartender?” “Yeah, that’s a good starting point.”

“Okay, so you need to know that there’s a pretty big conspiracy going around, a group out to control the world. You may know them as Abstergo. I know them as the Templar Order. Or the worst part of the assholes who made my life a living hell. The second part of said assholes is the Assassin Brotherhood, in which I was born. However, since my trainer, who also happens to be my dad, was a fucking asshole and I never had any actual proof that templars where an actual thing, I became disillusioned and ran away at sixteen. I ended up being a bartender in New York, and had a pretty good life. I even ended up creating my own drink: the Shirley Templar.”

“Hum...” “Sorry, nostalgia.” “No, it’s okay, you seem to had a pretty good life. Wish mine when I was still human was as good. It’s just that naming a drink after the ones who your parents constantly warned you about seems to me like being fucking stupid.” “...Shit.” “What?” “I think I just got how Abstergo found me.” “Because of the shitty name of your drink.” “Yeah...” “...Dumbass. You were kidnapped?” “Oh yeah! So that’s where it gets fucking weird: you see, apparently, we have the memories of our ancestors somewhere in our mind, it’s called genetic memory. So, Abstergo kidnapped me to relive these memories. Else, you deserve points for that insult.” “Shut up and continue, what your saying is actually interesting.”

“Okay, so after reliving the memories of my ancestor, the Syrian assassin Altair, I escape with the help of other assassins and, with the help of something called the Bleeding Effect, I start reliving the memories of another ancestor of mine, an Italian called Ezio, and then an Mohawk called Ratonhnhaké:ton, or Connor for short. I had some serious problems during that time. First, the Bleeding Effect caused me to have some trippy hallucinations. Also, remember the tidbit about dead egomaniac lady?” “Yeah?” “Well, she’s actually an Precursor.” 

“A what.” “A Precursor. They were there before us and created these objects with tremendous power. They’re called the pieces of Eden.” With that, Desmond looked at his arm, melancholic. The burned one. “You should bandage it. It would look less suspicious and you could always say it’s just a bad burn.” “I’m going to do that.” “It looks like it hurt.” “Oh yeah, it hurt like a bitch. In some way, we could say one of these Pieces of Eden gave it to me. But mark my word, Alex, I’m going to heal from that and kick the ass of that bitch Juno. She made me kill my girlfriend. And it’s because of her I died.”

“Wow. Your life sucks.” “Well, it’s always better than being a slave of the Precursors, I guess.” “What?” “The Precursors created us to be their slaves dude. They’re the gods of mythology.” Alex only reaction was to look in front of him, looking somewhat spooked.

Well, that was some pretty fucked up shit.

And he could have gone without knowing all of this. He looked behind him, searching for Mer-

Fuck.

“SIR! We have a problem.’’ “What is it?” “James Heller just contacted us.” “Wait - former sergeant James Heller, the one who was contaminated with BLACKLIGHT?” “Yes, that one. Apparently, Alex Mercer escaped by forcing him to do the inverse of consuming by making him relive what he described as world-shattering shitty memories and he’s now running free. He also - Mercer, not Heller - wrote ‘ah ah, sucks to be you’ on a wall.” “... What the fuck.”

This took a lot of time to start, but it practically started to write itself alone after a while. Lot of setting up for the big story. UNTIL THEN!

[theotherscandystore-blog]

And I Have You

(Part  Two)

Pairing: Zosan

Description: “What I’m trying to say is that I won’t ever be able to understand the pain that you’re going through, but I understand the feeling of being so helpless, that you just want to give up. It’s so much easier than to keep on fighting; to slip away and never have to deal with the burden that weighs on you…. You’ll always have to fight it, and sometimes it’ll seem like it’s unbearable, but if you’re able to fight back, then why not try and live?“

Warnings: swearing, depression, blood, attempted suicide (other warnings will come later with each chapter)

As the weekend rolled over and Monday came along, Sanji could barely contain his bubbling anxiety as he bolted out of the bus doors and into the school, completely unaware of his friends shouting after him in question. Upon entering he scanned the room for a head full of green, but was met with the view of his empty seat.

The bell rang and Sanji reluctantly sat down, feeling a bit defeated. Dread ate away at the pit of his stomach and he knew that his stressing over Zoro wasn’t him just over thinking. There was something wrong, Sanji didn't know exactly what it was, but he knew that Zoro wouldn’t miss class unless it was for something important. Albeit, he did skip class for sleeping, but Zoro would even come to school being dog-shit sick and looking like hell just because he didn’t want to miss more school than he had too. While he had scorned Zoro for this, angrily shouting about the possibility of getting the girls sick, Sanji would rather have Zoro puking on the floor right now, even puking on his dress shoes, then to see his seat empty again.

Zoro’s prolonged absence was abnormal, so much so that even Luffy asked everyone during lunch if they had seen or heard of Zoro since last Thursday. A resounding no was said from the group and there was a sudden and immediate tension at the table. Sanji could feel Usopp still beside him and looked across to Nami, who looked lost for words.

Sanji felt as if his heart had crawled up his throat and was choking him as he looked back to Luffy and saw his usual bright grin was replaced with a more severe expression. Sanji knew his intuition was right if Luffy was serious about the swordsman's absence. Luffy was somehow the unspoken leader to their friend group, the glue that kept them all together when everything was falling apart. Time and time again Luffy was able to help each of his friends, no matter what the situation, but Sanji wondered if Luffy knew how to deal with this one.

“Zoro’s capable of handling himself,” Luffy reminded them with a smile and the building pressure of stress slowly seeped away. However, Sanji’s nerves still buzzed within the back of his head, granting him no reassurance. “If anything comes up, then come to me first.” Luffy stood, looking over everyone before leaving the table and his untouched food.

It wasn’t until Thursday that week before they received anything on why Zoro was missing. Luffy woke up that morning, and in his usual meat deprived state, didn’t realize that there was a letter addressed to him sitting in the middle of the kitchen table until Ace pointed it out. In a frenzy, Luffy grabbed the letter and ran to school as fast as he could, texting everyone to meet him at the school now, now, NOW!

"I'm doing fine, don't worry about me," Luffy read after opening the paper and Sanji was seething. He was pissed at the audacity Zoro had to write this note and expected them to not worry over him while giving them as little information as possible to explain where he had been, what he had been up to—and still not show his face. Sanji wasn’t just enraged by Zoro’s prolonged absence, but for the fact that Zoro was suffering, yet refused to allow his friends to support him in his time of need.

Sanji felt the urge to rip the note apart and burn the remains, as if damaging the note would somehow irritate Zoro enough to come and yell at him—to just do anything to him. Zoro could kick him, punch him; Sanji would be okay if Zoro wanted to cut off his head at this point, as long as he was able to see the damn mosshead and make sure that Zoro was alright. To see Zoro again would be such a relief off of his shoulders….

Luffy put a careful hand on Sanji's shoulder and looked up at him with reassuring eyes, to let him know that he understood, that he wanted to run off and find Zoro just as much as he did. Sanji’s heart beat slowed, almost as if time was stopping as some of the worry fell off of his shoulders. He turned to each person and saw the same agonized looks in each of their faces. His heart was crushed in cruel irony; while he didn’t think about anyone else’s pain other than Zoro’s, Zoro burdened his pain by himself and refused to accept help. Friday came along and Sanji didn’t expect to see Zoro in his seat anymore. Whatever he was doing, it was taking up a lot of time and Sanji began to accept this. It would have been some sort of miracle for him to show up to their first class on time anyways.

Zoro didn’t believe in that type of mythology though: miracles, God, religion, faith. Zoro let his life be guided by “fate,” as he had said so many times before. ‘Whatever,’ Sanji thought, ’Zoro’s always reckless.’

He found himself praying to whatever God that was out there, to anyone who might have been listening to his silent wish, for just one miracle. It’s a good thing he never believed in divine beings anyways, otherwise he'd have been let down.

Monday rolled around again and Sanji’s stomach dropped. Zoro’s absence was starting to get ridiculous and it made Sanji want to grip at his hair and start ripping it out. He wanted to grab chairs from the classroom and throw them around, not caring who it might hit. Sanji was raging, and wanted nothing more than to scream at the top of his lungs.

Without thinking, he marched over to Zoro's seat and sat down, choosing to cross his arms over his chest and glaring at the front of the room than to make himself look like he was going insane. No one said anything as he did, only looking over at him with pitiful looks.

As the week kept moving, people started acting as if Zoro hadn’t ever been a part of the school to begin with. The rumors about why he’d gone missing died down as everyone started forgetting about him. Zoro had vanished without a trace—other than the note he had written last Thursday. Even Sanji found himself wondering at times if Zoro was going to come back or if he was going to stay gone forever. He was losing hope that one day he might walk into first hour and see Zoro there.

As much as Sanji fought with Zoro, he’d rather bite off his own tongue than to keep looking at his empty seat. The swordsman's absence was worse than his presence, and it was driving Sanji into madness. Hell, he didn’t even care at this point if Zoro did or didn’t give an explanation for being gone for so long, just as long as he could see him again….

Friday came along once again to save everyone from the an agonisingly slow week, yet also set them in a funk as it also marked the second week of Zoro’s disappearance. Luffy forced everyone into a much needed relaxing time where they all would hang out and have fun; not that anyone would have disagreed anyways after the stress they’d been going through. The plan was that they’d all meet up at the movie theater and afterwards, would walk back to Luffy’s place to order pizza and have a sleep over.

Once there, everyone had bought their tickets, all except Luffy, who was late and nowhere to be seen. The group was instantly set into a panic, wondering if he was going to disappear like Zoro as well. Was Luffy in danger? They all knew that Luffy was more than capable of holding his own in a fight, but after Zoro being missing for so long, his tardiness didn’t set in right with any of them.

“Hey guys, come here and look at this.” Usopp gestured towards where he stood, gazing out of the window. As they neared, trying to see what Usopp was talking about, they saw Luffy running towards them and shouting something, but he was too far away to hear.

Nami brushed it off, saying that it was probably some joke that Luffy was trying to pull in an excuse as to why he was late. Although, as Luffy sprinted closer to them, Sanji noticed the red that covered his hands, the panicked look on his face, the way his whole body was just too tense. Sanji burst through the door, heaving his way to reach his distressed friend.

Luffy was hysterical; a crying, blubbering mess of tears, snot and blood. Everyone may have been worried before, but now they were horrified by their friends state of being. Luffy never cried, yet he stood in front of them, tears freely streaking down his cheeks. He tried to rub them away, but that only caused the blood on his hands to smear over his face and Sanji inwardly cringed at the sight.

They crowded around him in a shocked silence while Robin stood in front, trying to calm Luffy down, and all Sanji could manage was to gape at his friend and listen to Robin’s quiet words of reassurance. She asked him what had happened, who’s blood was on him since he didn’t have any sightable wounds, but Luffy wasn’t able to form any words, let alone a sentence.

Sanji was crushed with a petrified fear that clung to him like hooks sinking into his skin. His chest heaved in unstable breaths and his lungs felt as if they were being constricted by his rib cage, enclosing his windpipes like iron bars of a prison.

“Where?” Sanji gasped and Luffy lifted a trembling hand and pointed. That’s all it took before Sanji left, rushing past his friends and charging down the street. He ran faster than what he thought was possible, ran even faster when his mind supplied him with images that he didn't want to believe, but when he rounded the corner and looked down the alley, his mind shut down all images and replaced it with static. He wasn’t in control anymore, almost as if he was put on autopilot as he neared the body that laid on the ground. Even before Sanji was able to see his face, he knew who was lying there.

His swords laid around him, like he had dropped them and forgotten about them. ‘Like Zoro didn't even care,’ Sanji's mind supplied for him. There was blood on his swords, there was blood all over his chest, there was blood on his face, there was blood pooled around him--there was too much red around Zoro, and not enough green.

Sanji felt as if his heart had shriveled up inside his chest and he felt like he was dying. He didn't hear Nami scream, didn't hear Usopp throw up, didn't hear Chopper yelling at Franky to call an ambulance. All he noticed was Zoro's ragged, shallow breathing and the wound that went across his chest. Sanji saw movement in his peripheral vision, and watched as Zoro's fingers flexed, almost as if he were trying to reach—

"Sanji." He heard him breathe out, so quietly that he almost didn't hear it. Falling to his knees, Sanji knelt next to Zoro and grabbed his hand. Zoro's grip was loose and Sanji was terrified of the idea of possibly losing— No. He wouldn't think that—couldn’t think that. Zoro was strong. No matter what he got himself into he fought tooth and nail to come out on top. He never lost, pride always getting his way no matter how much it hurt, and seeing Zoro this hurt—

"Why are y-…. You. Crying?" Zoro said between shallower breaths. Fingers brushed over his own tears and Sanji wondered when he started crying, not noticing until Zoro had pointed it out.

"Because some idiot decided to fight a bear, apparently." Sanji sarcastically remarked, surprised that he could even utter out a word. Zoro tried to smirk, but a fit of coughs wracked through his body and he started spitting out blood. “Hey, Zoro—Zoro.” Sanji said, panic settled in like ice in his veins. Zoro’s body spasmed as more blood spilled onto the ground, soaking into Sanji’s clothes. Sanji held Zoro in his lap, clinging to his hand as it if were his lifeline, the only thing keeping him grounded.

When the ambulance arrived Franky had to pry Sanji away from Zoro as they put him on a spinal board. Je failed, screaming and sobbing as they loaded Zoro into the ambulance and shut the doors. Sanji didn’t want to let go in fear that if he did then that might be the last time he'd ever get to see Zoro or his ridiculous green hair. Never get to hear him yell back at him for calling him an idiot. Never get to see him become the world's greatest swordsman that he sworn he'd become since he was little. His heart ached to see the swordsmen, and hoped that watching them close those doors wasn't going to be the irony of the situation's outcome.

(Part One / You are Here! / Part Three / Part Four)

[ashleighfisher-blog1]

REFLECTIVE JOURNAL

Description of the workshops client group, structure and intended journey

The workshop my group and I had to produce was aimed towards girls in secondary school year 9, aged between 13 and 14. This workshop would take place within their drama lesson at school and we would be doing it for two separate classes. From the outset we wanted the workshop to be centred around the theme of identity and stereotypes because young teenage girls as a demographic tend to feel pressured into looking a certain way and behaving in a certain way. Whether these pressures come from the media, their peers or just their own self-esteem we believe that it is important for them to feel as though they can express themselves in ways they seem fit, not by other people’s standards. The aim of this workshop was to help them understand that everyone is unique and that it is okay to go against societal expectations and to just be yourself. As a group we wanted them to recognise and acknowledge how damaging it can be to stereotype someone based upon first impressions. Not only did we want them to feel comfortable and confident within themselves but we also wanted them to be aware of the negative stereotypes that they may make on a daily basis and how they can restrain from doing so in the future. 

During the workshop we hoped that the students themselves would have a journey of self discovery and take something away from it that would help them as a person. To begin the workshop we thought it would be beneficial to explain the aims of what we were going to be doing and to share with them a ‘learning contract’. The learning contract basically consisted of any rules we wished to have throughout the lesson e.g. if anyone reveals any personal details it would stay between the group, no talking when a facilitator is explaining an exercise and when a facilitator raises their hand everyone else raises their hand and becomes silent. After this we thought it would be good to have a few warm up games and exercises just to ease them into it without putting any pressure on them. I decided early on that I wanted to lead this section as I believe I have good energy and would be able to motivate the students to start off on a high. The first warm up exercise we decided on was an introduction name game, we believed that a name game would be useful as not only would we be able to learn the names of the classes we were facilitating for but it also ties in with our theme of identity. The game consisted of getting into pairs or just turning to the person beside you and saying a interesting fact about your name, whether it be what your name means, why you’re called that name or if there’s an interesting story behind it. The students would be given approximately 2 minutes to do this then we’d join together as a group again and get each pair to tell us the interesting fact they had just learned about their partner. We felt that this would be a nice introductory exercise as it eases the students into talking about their own identity and sharing that with friends. After this we all agreed that it would be useful to warm up in order to lead into the next exercise, however instead of just doing a typical full body warm up we still wanted to incorporate our theme into so it flowed better. Therefore for the warm up we came up with the idea of using your foot or elbow to write your name in the air, this way everything had a nice flow to it and it all tied in with the theme.

Carina chose to lead the second part of the workshop which was a game called ‘fruit salad’. The premise of the game is that everyone is labelled as a fruit i.e apple, banana, orange, then someone stands in the middle of the circle and shouts out a fruit, say for instance they said ‘apple’, everyone who is an apple has to run around and move to a different chair whilst the person in the middle tries to get a chair, whoever’s left in the middle has to repeat this process. However if the person in the middle shouts out ‘fruit salad’, this means that everyone has to run and switch places. We wanted to start the game off in this way and then in order for it to fit in with our theme of identity we thought that we would tweak it slightly by replacing the fruit names with statement to do with their identity. The person in the middle says something which applies to them, for instance for me I could say ‘move seats if you have one brother’, everyone else that this statement applies to changes seat. The aim of  this exercise is to explore identity in a fun manner, it allows the students to see the similarities and differences they have with their peers and introduces fixed and fluid identities. 

The next part of the workshop, which was lead by Annie, involved placing photos people around the room and getting the participants to choose one. They would then have to walk around the space and try to embody the character that was on their piece of paper. Whilst they’re walking around all of the facilitators should ask the participants what their character’s likes and dislikes are, what’s their name and where they’re from etc. The aim of this exercise is for the participants to question why they chose to portray their character in whatever way. We also want them to recognise whether or not they’ve made any stereotypes in the process and how this could have a negative effect on these specific people. At the end of the exercise we wanted to have a group discussion to see if anyone could recognise other people’s characters being the same as theirs. 

Below are the photos that we used for the above exercise

Our final exercise was lead by Robyn and Christian and to begin it we thought that a group discussion leading on from the previous exercise would be useful in order to give the students a chance to reflect on what they had just done. In the discussion Robyn should ask them questions about whether or not they made good assumptions about their character and get them to justify their reasoning. On the pieces of paper with the characters on we put numbers so the class can get themselves into groups, it should work out that each group is comprised of one of each character. Next the participants should introduce themselves as their character to their groups using the information they have just made up in the  previous exercise. Once this has been done, in their groups we want them to create a still image depicting those characters in a public place, conveying how they may stand, what they’re doing and what their facial expressions are etc. Once this is done they will show them back to the class group by group, the class will then have the opportunity to guess who they think each character is and why they think that. Asking the students open ended questions so they are able to have more of a discussion and get their points of view heard. The aim of this exercise is to investigate stereotypes and counter stereotypes and inform the participants of why stereotyping can be negative.

For the final part of our workshop we want to have a whole group discussion about what they have just done and anything they may have learnt. We want to discuss identity  and the importance of not stereotyping, and also the importance of being yourself whilst being mindful about their judgements on others. The purpose of the end discussion is to relate the workshop back to real life and have the participants reflect on what they have just learnt, if anything, and for them to become more aware of the impacts stereotyping has on society. For the very final piece of our workshop we want to go around the circle and ask each participant something that they have learned in the workshop or something they have enjoyed whilst giving them the option to pass if they can’t think of anything or if they do not feel comfortable voicing their opinions. 

Below is our lesson plan