#also i think eva is engaged to a man now…haven’t seen her since my first semester of college

[knightofwandss]

there was this one specific pic that dan posted on instagram (??) and i remember everyone ATE IT UP anyways i specifically recall terrorizing every single person in my life with it. phone lockscreen, computer background, pfp for every account, PRINTED OUT and taped to my bedroom wall, printed out and put in my locker… drew it constanly, painted it, watercolored it, made digital art of it, had my friend make me an edit of it for my birthday even though she was nottttt a phannie (and she posted it and it did NUMBERS in the instagram edit community)

[popculty]

52 Films by Women: 2020 Edition

Another annual challenge complete!

Last year, I focused on diversifying my list. This year I kept that intention but focused on watching more non-American films and films from the 20th century. Specifically, I sought out Agnès Varda’s entire filmography, after her death in 2019. (I was not disappointed - What a filmmaking legend we lost.) 

I also kept a film log for the first time and have included some of my thoughts on several films from that log. I made a point of including reviews both positive and negative, because I think it’s important to acknowledge the variability and breadth of the canon, so as not to put every film directed by a woman on a pedestal. (Although movies directed by women must clear a much higher bar to be greenlit, meaning generally higher quality...But that’s an essay for another day :)

* = directed by a woman of color

bold = fave

1. The Rhythm Section (2020) dir. Reed Morano - Not as good as it could have been, given Morano’s proven skill behind the camera, but also not nearly as bad as the critics made it out to be. And unbelievably refreshing to see a female revenge story not driven by sexual assault or the loss of a husband/child.

2. Cléo de 5 à 7 (1962) dir. Agnès Varda - If you ever wanted to take a real-time tour of Paris circa 1960, this is the film for you.

3. Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig - Still my favorite Little Women adaptation. I will re-watch it every year and cry.

4. Varda by Agnès (2019) dir. Agnès Varda & Didier Rouget

5. Booksmart (2019) dir. Olivia Wilde - An instant classic high school comedy romp that subverts all the gross tropes of its 1980s predecessors.

6. Girls of the Sun (2018) dir. Eva Husson

7. Blue My Mind (2017) dir. Lisa Brühlmann

8. Portrait of a Lady On Fire (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma - Believe the hype. This film is a master thesis on the female gaze, and also just really effing gorgeous.

9. Belle Epine (2010) dir. Rebecca Zlotowski

10. Vamps (2012) dir. Amy Heckerling - With Krysten Ritter and Alicia Silverstone as modern-day vampires, I was so ready for this movie. But it feels like a bad stage play or a sit-com that’s missing a laugh-track. Bummer.

11. *Birds of Prey (2020) dir. Cathy Yan - Where has this movie been all our lives?? Skip the next onslaught of Snyder-verse grim-darkery and give me two more of these STAT! 

12. She’s Missing (2019) dir. Alexandra McGuinness

13. The Mustang (2019) dir. Laure de Clermont-Tonnere - Trigger warning for the “protagonist” repeatedly punching a horse in the chest. I noped right out of there.

14. Monster (2003) dir. Patty Jenkins – I first watched this movie when I was probably too young and haven’t revisited it since. The rape scene traumatized me as a kid, but as an adult I appreciate how that trauma is not the center of the movie, or even of Aileen’s life. Everyone still talks about how Charlize “went ugly” for this role, but the biggest transformation here isn’t aesthetic, it’s physical – the way Theron replicates Wuernos’ mannerisms, way of speaking, and physicality. That’s why she won the Oscar. I also love that Jenkins calls the film “Monster” (which everyone labels Aileen), but then actually uses it to tell the story of how she fell in love with a woman when she was at her lowest, and that saved her. That’s kind of beautiful, and I’m glad I re-watched it so that I could see the story in that light, instead of the general memory I had of it being a good, feel-bad movie. It’s so much more than that.

15. Water Lilies (2007) dir. Céline Sciamma – Sciamma’s screenwriting and directorial debut, the first in her trilogy on youth, is as painfully beautiful as its sequels (Tomboy and Girlhood). It’s also one of the rare films that explores the overlap of queerness and girl friendships.

16. The Trouble with Angels (1966) dir. Ida Lupino – Movies about shenanigan-based female friendships are such rare delights. Rosalind Russel is divine as Mother Superior, and Hayley Mills as “scathingly brilliant” as the pranks she plays on her. Ida Lupino’s skill as an editor only enhances her directing, providing some truly iconic visual gags to complement dialogue snappy enough for Gilmore Girls. 

17. Vagabond (1985) dir. Agnès Varda – Shot with a haunting realism, this film has no qualms about its heroine’s inevitable, unceremonious death, which it opens with, matter-of-factly, before retracing her final (literal) steps to the road-side ditch she ends up in. (I’m partly convinced said heroine was the inspiration for Sarah Manning in Orphan Black.)

18. One Sings, The Other Doesn’t (1977) dir. Agnès Varda – Probably my favorite classic Varda, this film feels incredibly personal. It’s essentially a love story about two best friends with very different lives. For an indie made in the ‘70s, the diversity, scope, and themes of the film are impressive. Even if the second half a drags a bit, the first half is absolute perfection, engaging the viewer immediately, and clipping along, sprinkling in some great original songs that were way progressive for their time (about abortion, female bodily autonomy, etc) and could still be considered “bangers” today.

19. Emma (2020) dir. Autumn de Wilde

20. Black Panthers (1969) dir. Agnès Varda

21. Into the Forest (2016) dir. Patricia Rozema - When the world was ending (i.e. the pandemic hit) this was the first movie I turned to - a quiet, meditative story of two sisters (Elliot Page and Evan Rachel Wood) surviving off the land after a sudden global blackout. Four years later, it’s still one of my favorite book-to-screen adaptations. I fondly remember speaking with director Patricia Rozema at the 2016 Chicago Critics Film Festival after a screening, her love for the source material and desire to “get it right” so apparent. I assured her then, and reaffirm now, that she really did.

22. City of Trees (2019) dir. Alexandra Swarens

23. Never Rarely Sometimes Always (2020) dir. Eliza Hittmann - To call this a harrowing and deeply personal journey of a sixteen-year-old who must cross state lines to get an abortion would be accurate, but incomplete. It is a story so much bigger than that, about the myriad ways women’s bodies and boundaries are constantly violated.

24. Paradise Hills (2019) dir. Alice Waddington

25. *Eve’s Bayou (1996) dir. Kasi Lemmons – I’ve been meaning to watch Kasi Lemmons’ directorial debut for many years now, and I’m so glad I finally have, because it fully deserves its icon status, beyond being one of the first major films directed by a black woman. Baby Jurnee Smollett's talent was immediately recognizable, and she has reminded us of it in Birds of Prey and Lovecraft Country this year. If merit was genuinely a factor for Oscar contenders, she would have taken home gold at eleven years old. Beasts of the Southern Wild has been one of my all-time favorites, but now I realize that most of my appreciation for that movie actually goes to Lemmons for blazing the trail with her story of a young black girl from the bayou first. It’s also a surprisingly dark story about memory and abuse and familial relationships that cross lines - really gutsy and surprising themes, especially for the ‘90s.

26. Blow the Man Down (2019) dir. Bridget Savage Cole & Danielle Krudy - Come and get your sea shanty fix!

27. Touchy Feely (2013) dir. Lynn Shelton - R.I.P. :(

28. Hannah Gadsby: Douglas (2020) dir. Madeleine Parry - If you thought Gadsby couldn’t follow up 2018′s sensational Nanette with a comedy special just as sharp and hilarious, you would have been sorely mistaken.

29. Girlhood (2013) dir. Céline Sciamma

30. Breathe (2014) dir. Mélanie Laurent

31. *A Dry White Season (1989) dir. Euzhan Palcy

32. Laggies (2014) dir. Lynn Shelton

33. *The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood – Everything I’ve ever wanted in an action movie: Immortal gays, Charlize Theron wielding a labrys (battle axe), kinetic fight choreography I haven’t seen since the last Bond movie…Watched it twice, then devoured the comics it was adapted from, and I gotta say: in the hands of black women, it eclipses the source material. Cannot wait for the just-announced sequel.

34. Morvern Callar (2002) dir. Lynn Ramsay

35. Shirley (2020) dir. Josephine Decker

36. *Radioactive (2019) dir. Marjane Satrapi – The story is obviously well worth telling and the narrative structure – weaving in the future consequences of Curie’s discoveries – is clever, but a bit awkwardly executed and overly manipulative. There are glimpses of real brilliance throughout, but it feels as if the director’s vision was not fully realized, to my great disappointment. Nonetheless, I appreciated seeing Marie Curie's story being told by a female director and embodied by the always wonderful Rosamund Pike.

37. *The Half of It (2020) dir. Alice Wu - I feel like a real scrooge for saying this, but this movie did nothing for me. Nothing about it felt fresh, authentic or relatable. A real disappointment from the filmmaker behind the wlw classic Saving Face.

38. Mouthpiece (2018) dir. Patricia Rozema - I am absolutely floored. One of those films that makes you fall in love with the art form all over again. Patricia Rozema continues to prove herself one of the most creatively ambitious and insightful directors of our time, with this melancholic meditation on maternal grief and a woman’s duality.

39. Summerland (2020) dir. Jessica Swale - The rare period wlw love story that is not a) all-white or b) tragedy porn. Just lovely.

40. *The Last Thing He Wanted (2020) dir. Dee Rees – As rumored, a mess. Even by the end, I still couldn’t tell you who any of the characters are. Dee, we know you’re so much better than this! (see: Mudbound, Pariah)

41. *Cuties (2020) dir. Maïmouna Doucouré – I watched this film to 1) support a black woman director who has been getting death threats for her work and 2) see what all the fuss is about. While I do think there were possibly some directorial choices that could have saved quite a bit of the pearl-clutching, overall, I didn’t find it overly-exploitative or gross, as many (who obviously haven’t actually watched the film) have labeled it. It certainly does give me pause, though, and makes me wonder whether children can ever be put in front of a camera without it exploiting or causing harm to them in some way. It also makes one consider the blurry line between being a critique versus being an example. File this one under complicated, for sure.

42. A Call to Spy (2019) Lydia Dean Pilcher – An incredible true story of female spies during WWII that perfectly satisfied my itch for British period drama/spy thriller and taught me so much herstory I didn’t know.

43. Kajillionaire (2020) dir. Miranda July - I was lucky enough to attend the (virtual) premiere of this film, followed by an insightful cast/director Q&A, which only made me appreciate it more. July's offbeat dark comedy about a family of con artists is queerer and more heartfelt than it has any right to be, and a needed reprieve in a year of almost entirely white wlw stories. The family's shenanigans are the hook, but it's the budding relationship between Old Dolio (an almost unrecognizable Evan Rachel Wood) and aspiring grifter Melanie (the luminous Gina Rodriguez) that is the heart of the story.

44. Misbehaviour (2020) dir. Philippa Lowthorpe – Again, teaching me herstory I didn’t know, about how the Women’s Liberation Movement stormed the 1970 Miss World Pageant. Keira Knightley and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s characters have a conversation in a bathroom at the end of the film that perfectly eviscerates well-meaning yet ignorant white feminism, without ever pitting women against each other - a feat I didn’t think was possible. I also didn’t think it was possible to critique the male gaze without showing it (*ahem Cuties, Bombshell, etc*), but this again, invents a way to do it. Bless women directors.

45. *All In: The Fight for Democracy (2020) dir. Liz Garbus and Lisa Cortes – 2020’s 13th. Thank god for Stacey Abrams, that is all.

46. *The 40-Year-Old Version (2020) dir. Radha Blank – This scene right here? I felt that in my soul. This whole film is so good and funny and heartfelt and relatable to any artist trying to walk that tightrope of “making it” while not selling their soul to make it. My only initial semi-note was that it’s a little long, but after hearing Radha Blank talk about how she fought for the two-hour run-time as a way of reclaiming space for older black women, I take it back. She’s right: Let black women take up space. Let her movie be as long as she wants it to be. GOOD FOR HER.

47. Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea Duvall - Hoooo boy. What was marketed as the first lesbian Christmas rom-com is actually a horror movie for anyone who’s ever had to come out. Throw in casual racism and a toxic relationship treated as otp, and it’s YIKES on so many levels. Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy, and an autistic-coded Jane are the only (underused) highlights.

48. *Monkey Beach (2020) dir. Loretta Todd

49. *Little Chief (2020) dir. Erica Tremblay – A short film part of the 2020 Red Nation Film Festival, it’s a perfect eleven minutes that I wish had gone on longer, if only to bask in Lily Gladstone in a leading role.

50. First Cow (2019) dir. Kelly Reichardt – I know Kelly Reichardt’s style, so I’ll admit-- even as I was preparing for an excellent film, I was also reaching for my phone, planning on only half paying attention during all the inevitable 30-second shots of grass blowing in the wind. (And yes, there are plenty of those.) But twenty minutes in, my phone was set aside and forgotten, as I am getting sucked into this beautiful story about two frontiersman trying to live their best domestic life.There is only one word to describe this film and that is: PURE. I’ve never seen such a tender platonic relationship between men on screen before, and it’s not lost on me that it took a woman to show us that tenderness. Reichardt gives us two men brought together by fate, and kept together by a shared dream and the simple pleasure of not being alone in such a hard world; two men who spend their days cooking, trapping, baking, and dreaming of a better life; two men who don’t say much, but feel everything for each other. The world would be a much better place if men showed us this kind of vulnerability and friendship toward each other. Oh, and it’s also a brutal take-down of capitalism and the myth of the American Dream!

51. Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) dir. Patty Jenkins - My most-anticipated film for the past two years was...well, a mixed bag, to say the least. Too many thoughts on it for a blog post, so stay tuned for the upcoming podcast ep where we go all in ;)

52. *Selah and the Spades (2019) dir. Tayarisha Poe

I hope this gives you some ideas to kick off your new year with a resolution to support more female directors!

What were your favorite women-directed movies of last year? Let me know in the tags, comments, or asks!

[poeticandors]

Cut to the Feeling Part 2

Poe Dameron x F!Reader (Babysitter! AU)

Summary: After graduating college and needing to have some cash in order to survive while doing an unpaid internship, Y/N decides to take up a babysitting/caretaking job. Little does she know that she ends up working for a familiar face.

Warnings: Only mentions of smut I guess, nothing else

A/N: Thanks for all the love for this fic! Hopefully you all continue to enjoy this! This chapter is a bit long i am so sorry.

Part 1

GIF belongs to @fernandabarrera

Earlier

Poe watches you rush out the door, a sense of slight regret. He hates the thought of you walking alone, he would have loved to offer you a ride back to the bar to retrieve your car. Under different circumstances, he would have. 

Poe wasn’t one to engage in one night stands like this. When he saw you drinking alone at the bar, it wasn’t his first intention to take you and have you ride him in the backseat of your car. Nor was it his intention to take you back to his house and continue your hot, sensual escapade and practically kick you out in the morning. 

No. Poe wasn’t like that at all. Hell, the last time he even had sex was before… well, before his daughter was born. 

But after a long stressful day at work— on a whim— he decided to ask his dad to continue to watch his daughter over night while he got a drink at the bar. Well… a few drinks. 

While he doesn’t regret the sex at all, he does regret that he didn’t get your information at all. Did you even tell him your name? Did he even tell you his? 

He really wished he did get your information because when he was talking to you, it felt as if he could talk to you for hours. You were hilarious, sweet, and Poe hadn’t met someone he actually loved to be around in so long. 

Being in law school, participating in an internship in one of the best law firms, and taking care of a baby— it can really kill someone’s social battery. 

He was lucky enough to still live with his dad at the time, who was a big help in raising his daughter, Eva Bey. There were some tough nights, but when Poe needed to study or had late nights at the office, his dad would always be there to take care of her. Poe was very grateful for his help— without him, he wasn’t sure if he would have gotten this far. 

But since then, Poe managed to get a position with the law firm he was interning for. The only problem was that he had to move into the city, which meant leaving his dad behind. While he was still able to go visit his dad every now and then, he wasn’t going to be able to leave Eva Bey with him every day— which was why he decided to put an ad out for a caretaker. 

This would make things a lot easier: he wouldn’t have to drive at least an hour every night to go pick up Eva Bey, and he wouldn’t have to worry about picking her up from school every afternoon. 

Poe checks his phone, cursing to himself at the time. He was supposed to have an interview soon and he still needed to pick up Eva Bey from his father’s. As he grabs his keys he thinks back to you hoping that you’re okay and that maybe there is a chance he could meet you again.

++++++

“Thanks again, dad,” Poe says as he grabs the small pink bag. “I really appreciate it.”

“Of course, how could I turn down some quality time with my favorite granddaughter,” he chuckles, patting his back. 

“I’m your only granddaughter Papa Kes!” Eva Bey furrows her brows. 

Kes chuckles, bending down to pick the small girl up. “And you’re my favorite.”

Eva Bey gives him a toothy grin, before hugging him tightly. 

“You be good for your daddy, okay?” He kisses her cheek. “And I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay!” 

Kes sets down Eva Bey, and she looks up at Poe, who kneels down in front of her. 

“Why don’t you take your bag to the car,” he smiles, handing her the backpack. “I’ll be right there.”

“Okay, daddy.” 

Poe stands up, watching his daughter hurry to his car before turning back to face his dad. 

“So, you said you had an interview set up?” 

“Yeah, I should be there to meet her by the time we make it back. Thanks again.”

“Of course, I’m going to miss seeing you guys every day,” he chuckles. 

“You’ll still see us, don’t worry.”

Poe gives his dad a quick hug as a goodbye, making his way to the car. He helps buckle in Eva Bey into her booster seat, before he gets in the front seat. 

“Did you have a good time with Papa Kes?” Poe looks in the mirror, as he backs out.

“Yeah! We had Mac and cheese for dinner, and we watched Princess and the Frog!” 

“That’s good, baby. I’m glad you had a good time,” he smiles. 

“Daddy, will I still get to see Papa Kes?”

“Of course you will, baby. Just… it won’t be every day like we used to.”

“How come?” 

“Well, daddy has a new job, remember? And we had to move pretty far. There would be a lot of driving. But, daddy is going to meet someone today and they might be able to pick you up after school when I can’t.” 

“Is it a man or a lady?” She asks, swinging her feet. 

“A lady.”

“Is she pretty?” 

Poe chuckles. “Well, I’m not sure. I haven’t seen her yet.”

Eva Bey seems to accept the answer— or is just tired of the conversation— and pulls out her tablet. Poe smiles, and continues the drive home.  

++++++

“Okay, why don’t you go put your stuff away. The caretaker will be here soon to meet us.”

“Okay, Daddy!” She takes her backpack, and skips off down the hallway.

Poe smiles, setting his keys down as he looks around the living room. He spots a few of Eva Bey’s toys on the floor— a small plush giraffe, a soccer ball, and a few of her blocks. He sighs, making his way over to pick up the toys she left lying around yesterday morning.

He also sees a few of the couch pillows on the floor, and he is suddenly brought back to last night— how you tasted, how you pulled his hair when he made you cum, and how you even offered to return the favor, giving him an IOU.

Poe smirks. He wonders what you are up to at this moment. If he had your number, he probably would have texted you at this moment. Were you thinking of him like how he was thinking of you? 

Just as he finishes tidying up the living room, he hears the doorbell ring. Perfect timing, he thinks. He straightens his shirt, and gives one last look over for the room before he heads to the door. 

He puts on a friendly smile, and as he starts to greet the person he was supposed to be interviewing, he instead comes face to face with you. 

You.

You who he had just departed from hours ago. Who had stayed the night after being tangled in each other’s limbs, pleasuring each other for hours. You who he was just thinking about seconds before he opened the door.

His smile drops, and he seems to mimic your expression as you stare wide eyed at him. It takes a moment, but then you both finally seem to find words as you speak at the same time. 

“...Are you Mr. Dameron—“

“—You’re Miss Y/L/N?”

You both seem to catch each other off guard. There you both stand, silent and baffled, until he feels a pair of arms wrap around his leg. 

Poe looks down, and sees Eva Bey peeking out from behind his legs. He automatically pushes her hair back and gives her a reassuring smile, letting her know that she’s safe and that he’s there. She looks up at him, and he wishes he knew what she was thinking in that moment as he looks deep into her dark eyes.

When he looks back to you, he’s conflicted. Sure, he was just thinking about you, but he didn’t know that it was, well… you that he was going to be interviewing. Would it be wrong to turn you away just because he happened to sleep with you last night? 

Poe watches your gaze fall down, and you give his daughter a friendly smile before kneeling down and giving her a small wave as you tell her your name. He doesn’t know why, but that small gesture softens his heart. Eva Bey stays behind him, though peeking out a little more. In that moment, Poe makes his decision, and clears his throat.

“Um… come on in.”

++++++

This was not happening.

Your mind races, you couldn’t be awake, right? You were still in bed with him, waiting for your alarm to go off. This was a dream— no, it was a nightmare.

Wake up, wake up, wake up.

There was no way you were really here after waking up and leaving him just to end up back here for your interview. You had to be asleep still. That’s why you were still picturing him, and imagining his living room... in perfect detail with daylight. 

With other added details. 

The entire house— or at least the front room— screamed that he was a family man. How did you not notice the toys in the pink bin on the other side of the living room this morning? Or the framed photographs of him with his daughter on the wall? 

Oh, right. 

Because after you spent most of the night writhing underneath his mouth as he brought you to that euphoric bliss, you were too dazed to even think of anything else. Even this morning, you were more worried about getting your clothes and rushing to get to your interview then checking your surroundings.

Shit, shit, shit.

There was no way you were about to get interviewed by the guy you just happened to fuck last night. Was this going to affect everything? What if he looked past all your credentials and thought you were someone who was careless and not fit enough to take care of his daughter anyways? Or… what if he expected more? 

Your stomach sits uneasy. The thought of that being the whole reason to hire you really terrifies you. But you really needed this job. 

You were so sure that you would get it based off of your qualifications that you didn’t even think of searching for another. What were the chances that you just happened to sleep with the man who had the choice of hiring you?

You were surprised he didn’t automatically turn you away when he saw you. But also grateful. Maybe he was willing to look past everything that happened and give you a decent, fair chance? 

When you see the look on his face as he walks back in the room, your hopes seem to dwindle down to a trickle. 

Poe Dameron— as you’ve now come to know him— sits across from you in an armchair, staring at you. He leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he visibly tries to form some sort of a coherent sentence. 

The silence, despite the ticking of the clock hanging on the wall, is achingly painful. You debate just hightailing out of there, saving you both the trouble. He would probably appreciate it; that would mean less awkward work he would have to do. 

Finally, and to your confusion, he lets out a dry chuckle. 

“What are the chances?”

“...S-Sorry?” 

He sits back in his chair, an amused smile on his face. “I mean, out of everyone in that bar, everyone, I happened to talk to the one that I had an interview with.” 

You’re not really sure how to respond. Was he really trying to joke at a time like this? 

He must’ve read the expression on your face, because soon after his smile drops. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean— I only meant… this is such a wild coincidence, is what I’m trying to say.” 

“Oh, no— I mean, yes. You’re right, it is a wild coincidence.” 

He seems relieved, and visibly relaxes. “Okay—“

“Before you say anything, I just…” you interrupt, breathing out nervously. “I have to tell you that I don’t expect you to hire me after what happened last night. I wouldn’t blame you for just kicking me out right away. But… I really need this job. And I’m not just saying that, I really, really need this job. I’m doing this unpaid internship at this clinic and well, I didn’t really plan for a backup and...” 

You quickly pull out your references and resume out of your purse, setting it on the table. 

“I’m really good with kids. Like, really good. I babysat all my cousins and I was the go-to babysitter in the neighborhood. And I’m working on becoming a speech therapist, to help out kids with their speech and communication.”

You watch as Poe slowly reaches forward, looking over your information. Although you should probably stop talking and instead let him read over, you can’t help yourself.

“I’m also CPR and First Aid certified, so… oh! And I’ve never had a driving ticket and I just…” 

Poe glances up at you and you feel like sinking into the couch. 

“I really need this job. And I just… I hope that we can look past what happened last night. I mean, I did have a great time, don’t get me wrong, but…”

You trail off, realizing what you said and mentally curse at yourself. Poe doesn’t seem affected by the comment as he looks up from the papers, setting them down. 

He studies you for a moment, and you wonder if this is what having heart palpitations feels like. All you can do is wonder what is going through his mind, hoping that he takes all that you’ve said into consideration. Finally, he goes to speak. 

“Do you know how to make Mac and cheese?” 

You blink. And blink again. And then once more. 

“...Mac and Cheese?” 

“Yeah, it’s my daughter’s favorite.”

He had to be joking, right?

“...Yes, I can make it. And other foods.” 

He nods, and then stands up. “How about I show you around?” 

“Wait…” you quickly stand up. “Seriously?”

Poe shrugs. “Gives me time to think things over. Come on.” 

Poe begins heading out of the living room, and you can only follow behind him, slightly confused. Were you going to question him? No. 

“That there is the kitchen, the fridge is always stocked so you wouldn’t have to worry about it. If there is anything specific you need just let me know.” 

“Oh, okay…” 

He walks down the hallway, and you take note of more pictures— actual photographs and hand drawn ones— of Poe, his daughter, and some including another man, probably a relative.

“This is the bathroom, and the room across from it is my office. You probably won’t have to go in there anyways.” 

You simply nod. Why was he telling you all of this? 

He points to another door. “My bedroom. Though I have a feeling you might have already known that.” 

He turns back to you, seeing you giving him an unamused look. 

“...Sorry, bad joke.”

“It’s… fine.” 

He only walks across to the other door. “And this is Eva Bey’s room.” 

He opens the door, and you look inside to see the small bedroom. The furniture was white, and the bed in the corner had purple bed sheets, with a few stuffed animals laid up against the pillows. You also noticed another bin filled with a few other toys. 

On the other end of the room was a small table, where His daughter— Eva Bey— sat coloring a picture. She looks up, smiling at her father. You noticed she had similar features: the same dark, curly hair, deep brown eyes, and even the same lips.

“Hi, daddy.”

“Hey, baby. I was just showing Miss Y/F/N around.”

She looks up at you, and suddenly looks back down to her picture. Poe chuckles softly. 

“She’s shy, not used to seeing a lot of new people.” 

“I get that—“

Poe’s phone begins to ring and he quickly pulls it out, cursing silently. 

“I’m sorry, I have to take this. Work. You’ll be okay?” 

“Yeah, of course,” you nod, and he hesitates before quickly walking to his bedroom. 

You stand at the doorway, glancing back to Eva Bey. She must’ve been looking up at you because she is fast to look back down at her paper. You can’t help but smile, and make your way over to the table. She doesn’t look up right away, and you kneel next to her.

“So, Eva—“ 

“My name is Eva Bey.” 

“Oh, I'm so sorry,” you set your bag down. “Eva Bey, is it alright if I sit and watch you color?” 

She shrugs, reaching for the green crayon as you take a seat in the small red chair across from her. You take a look at the picture she is working on. 

“Is that you and your dad?”

“Mmhm,” she nods, working on a few small green blobs you make out to be bushes. 

“I saw your other pictures, you’re really good at drawing.” 

“...Thank you.” 

You breathe out softly, smiling as she finally looks up at you. 

“I like your hair,” she says.

“Thank you. I like yours, too. It’s very pretty. And so is your name.” 

She straightens up. “Are you going to be watching me when my daddy is working?”

“Well… I hope so. But it’s up to your daddy.” 

She seems to be satisfied with that answer, and puts down the crayon in her hand. 

“Do you know how to draw a puppy?” 

“Oh, um… kind of.” 

She slides the paper over to you. “Can you draw one for me please?” 

“Sure,” you turn the paper over. “What color do you want the puppy to be?” 

“Orange and white! Like those little ones, um… I forgot what they are called.”

“I think I know which ones you’re talking about,” you smile. “Here, I can show you how I like to draw my dogs and then you can learn how to do so.” 

She scoots closer, watching as you begin to draw a small puppy. 

“Do you have a puppy?” She asks and you shake your head. 

“No, but when I was your age I used to have one. The building I live in doesn’t allow pets,” you take the orange crayon. “Do you have any pets?” 

“No,” she sighs. “But I really want a puppy. My daddy says we can’t have one yet, and that’s it’s a lot of re… um… I can’t remember the word.” 

“Responsibility?” You look down at her and she nods quickly. “Well, your daddy is right. Taking care of animals is a big responsibility. But I’m sure someday you’ll be able to get a puppy.” 

She smiles and you put the finishing touches on the puppy, before handing her the paper. 

“What do you think?”

“I love it! Thank you!”

You laugh softly, before seeing Eva Bey look behind you to the door and rushing over. 

“Daddy, look! Miss Y/F/N helped me with a puppy!” 

Poe picks up Eva Bey, taking a look at the picture. “Wow, that’s a good picture.” He nods, before turning to you.

You stand up, grabbing your purse as Poe sets Eva Bey down. 

“How about you hang that up on the fridge, okay? I’ll walk Miss Y/F/N out.” 

“Okay! Bye Miss Y/F/N!”

“Bye, Eva Bey,” you smile, watching as she runs out the door: 

Poe turns to you, before stepping out of your way to walk back to the front door. He doesn’t say anything right away, and that has you becoming anxious. This is where he tells you he can’t hire you, right? Because you guys just so happened to have a one night stand with each other?

“She seems to like you,” he finally says, and you glance over at him. 

“Oh… well, she’s a very sweet girl.” 

“She is,” he stuffs his hands in his pockets. 

You grip the strap of your purse. Had he come up with his decision? Was he going to hire you? Or was he just going to let you down easy.

He finally sighs. “So, listen… I know last night happened, and… well, this is happening now. But…”

It didn’t occur to you that you were holding your breath until he steps towards you.

“What happened last night can’t happen again. If I hire you, we just… go on like nothing occurred between us before this, okay? We have to be professional.”

“Of course!” You breathe out. “I totally understand, extremely professional,  and that won’t happen again I can assure you that.” 

“Great,” Poe nods. “So I’ll just give you my card. You can reach me at my cell anytime. Would you be okay with starting Monday?” 

“Yes, Monday definitely works,” you take the card, fingers brushing just barely against his. 

“Perfect. I’ll send you the address of her school and let them know you’ll be picking her up from now on. She gets out each day at one, so just try to be there before then.”

“Of course, I definitely will,” you nod, shaking his hand. “Thank you so much Mr. Dameron.”

“You can call me Poe, I don’t mind.” 

“Right, Poe…” you slowly pull your hand away. “I’ll just… thank you again for this, I won’t let you down.”

“I have a feeling you won’t,” he gives a genuine, friendly smile. “See you Monday?”

“Yes, Monday.”

He opens the door for you, giving a slight wave as you walk back to your car. You really couldn’t believe it, he was really willing to give you a chance despite what happened. 

As you get into your car, you breathe out in relief, relaxing against your seat. But then you’re suddenly brought back to the feelings you had earlier, before you found out that Poe was the one you slept with. 

It was a little dejecting, you were beginning to feel something towards the man you slept with and hoped to find him again. Now that you did, you realized that you had to push those feelings down. Deep down. 

That wouldn’t be so hard, right?

++++++

TAGLIST: @starkrobb​

[dramaclover]

Ending & Thoughts: Legal Mavericks 2020

Initial Thoughts

When the first drama came out, I was one of the few people that wasn’t obsessed with it. I mean it was good and I like the message but I wasn’t as into it as everyone else. The bromance between Vincent & Owen wasn’t that great of a watch. And the cases weren’t as interesting. So when I went into watching the sequel, I didn’t have much expectations. Also cause sequels tend to not be as good, example Line Walker 3 wasn’t the best sequel. But this sequel proved me wrong. It was waaay more enjoyable then the first one.

Plot & Characters

Hope Man (Vincent Wong) is a blind barrister that works together with Gogo Kuk (Owen Cheung) a former police turned private detective & Deen Jie (Sisley Choi) who is Hopes legal executive. Together they solve various cases and uncover the justice behind it. New cast members included Eva Shaw (Kelly Cheung) a rival barrister, Kan Siu Wang (Pail Chun) Hopes former Master that mentored him. Kwok Lam (Jessica Kan) Hopes new apprentice & Kong Bo Chai (Lesley Chiang) an inspector police were both fun new additions to the cast.

For most direct sequels there are very rare instances where I would like the new cast additions. For example The Exorcists Meter 2.0 I hated all the new additions to the cast. But for this sequel, I like all of them - well most. For some people they believe Bo Chai & Kwok Lam were unnecessary but I find that they were a nice comic relief (with the bickering) and Bo Chai was needed since she was a police they were able to solve more cases with her help. Kwok Lam though she was born rich, she has a strong sense of justice & she would even go against her Father to pursue it. Kan Siu Wang shocked me with how he’s not as evil as you’d think. You would think he would be the ultimate boss that Hope needs to defeat but that’s not it. He likes power and money but he also knows there’s fine line between black & white.

Now, here comes my least favourite character which is Eva Shaw. And I’m sure anyone can guess why. Cause she is a Never Wong (Ali Lee) replacement. When I say replacement, I don’t mean she just takes over the empty spot & becomes the mandatory new love interest. No I mean. She is the new Never Wong. She dresses sexily, basically the same attitude & personality, strong sense of justice, falls deeply in love with Hope only to end up with Gogo. Like really? She’s literally a carbon copy. And I’m so disappointed that they decided to go down this route. They even had her dance in the rain with Hope too. Like can’t you be anymore original? Only difference is she doesn’t die. She’s also more annoying cause she’s always changing her mind. One moment she’s on her masters side but then the next moment she’s on Hopes side. Like can you just give a stable standing and stay loyal? Cause I’m exhausted with you going back & forth. She becomes more likeable as the series goes on but it was hard for me to warm up as she was just too similar to Never.

The Cases

The cases were very fun & interesting to watch. The director also has said that these cases are based on real circumstances and brings in the human side. Which rings true. The case of the “Heart Stealer” & “Fast Food Restaurant Refugee Murder” were both cases that brought a tear to my eye. For the former, it was touching to see how a mother would give up her heart just to ensure her son could live the rest of his life with no worries. The helplessness she felt and also knowing how in real life, cases like that could happen. At times like this the rich would win as they have the time & money. A lot of people think that those that always hang around 24 hours food places are gross & homeless. This case shows to not judge someone by their cover. Everyone has a backstory. The bond these group of people had for each other was eye opening. I was so sad when it showed the flashback of them singing & just enjoying each other’s company. You just feel so bad for them. I don’t want to say too much cause I don’t want to spoil to much of this case. The case of the “Silent Witness” & “Beyond Man and Woman” had good plot twists that I did not see coming. On the cover it sounded like boring cases but the background story to it ended up being surprising to watch.

The Romance

A lot of people didn’t like how in the sequel Hope & Yanice Tai (Tracy Chu) relationship became a central storyline despite Yanice passing away in the first. I personally actually liked it & didn’t find it draggy. It could be because I love Tracy as an actress. It could be because I find Hope & Yanice to be an amazing couple with a tragic love story. In this case I just find their story unfinished. As in, I never truly understood why Hope would give up Yanice. He could’ve went with Yanice instead of staying behind in Hong Kong. They’ve been through so much only for him to give it up, it always left a sour taste in my mouth. In this sequel we see him deal with the guilt & anguish to finally letting go and moving on. It also intercepted with another case so it was not random. I thought it was a nice touch for the writers to write in about her developing a tumour in her brain. Because from that she decided to pre- record a message to Hope. So we get to hear her last words & get a final wrap up in the story.

Hope & Deen Jie is odd to me. Like I’m aware that Deen Jie has a crush on him. But in this sequel she was possessive that it was uncomfortable in some parts. Hope has shown over & over again that he has no interest. Yet she’s still stuck on him. Towards the end they have a fall out because she thought Hope had heartlessly kicked her out of his firm & withheld her Fathers illness from her. She finds out later on it was cause of her Fathers order that he did that but she was still bitter. In the end she admits she was angry not cause of her Father but because she had believed he had fallen for Eva. So she was bitter out of jealousy. This part bothered me to no end. They are not dating. She knows he doesn’t like her. He never led her on, from day one he has said he only has Yanice & that he couldn’t move on. So I guess the idea that he has fallen in love again but not with her triggered her pettiness. It got to the point where she battled him in court with her helping a scumbag rapist just to spite him. Like girl, what happened to helping the helpless & doing what’s right? You threw that away for a guy? Like in the end she does the right thing but that was annoying. I would’ve enjoyed the development of Hope & Deen Jie’s love story if they hadn’t made her so petty and possessive. So for me, no I don’t like them together as a couple but enjoyed them more as friends. If anything I thought if Hope couldn’t end up with Yanice, Eva would’ve been nice. But they did a bait & switch. In the beginning they heavily made it seem that Hope would end up with Eva while Deen Jie would end up with Gogo. That was a weird but interesting twist though. I haven’t seen another drama where they would change up the love interest like that.

Gogo has always been a very casual guy so for him to end up with Eva was also odd to me. Eva has a glamorous, mature feel so I don’t find them a matching couple. But opposites attract in this case. I also thought they had no chemistry whatsoever. Eva was never interested in Gogo dispite him always flirting. She only liked Hope, it just looks like she settled for him out of the blue. I actually prefer Gogo with Bo Chai instead. They had better chemistry and he abruptly ended the relationship with Bo Chai that made her never get over him. I hated how he used her love for him to do things as a cop she shouldn’t be doing. They were engaged and he dumped her over the phone while she was trying on wedding dresses. He never ever sincerely apologized for that & he got over her so quickly. So I guess it’s good they didn’t end up together, he doesn’t deserve a good person like her. Bo Chai also never got real closure from it & her character sorta disappears towards the last episode. Gogo was also in a relationship with Never until it ended with her dying. So for him to end up with Eva whose a replica of Never just irks me.

The Good

I throughly loved Paul’s betrayal. And I also liked how instead of making him a full out villain they made him a man that knows a line that should not be crossed. He has helped bad people but in the end he was able to see the difference between good & bad. He sent one of the innocent accused to jail but he was also the one that ultimately set him free. He stole Deen Jie away from Hope but only cause he saw potential in her & knew she had way it takes to be a good barrister. He set up Deen Jie to battle with Hope not to spite him but because he knew doing this would help Deen Jie. So it’s like ultimately he’s not as bad as they portrayed him. In the end Hope even calls him Master again. I thought in the end there would be a huge showdown between Hope and him with the latter ending up in jail or something. So it was great spin to have him coming out as a semi- hero (for helping them patch things up between Hope & Deen Jie). It was unpredictable and enjoyable to see this instead.

The sequel is more case driven and I’m glad cause that’s what it made it more interesting. The first one focused more on Hopes journey to finding himself & rebuilding his relationship with his Father that left him when he turned blind (which I understand). Also talked more about friendship and focused solely on one evil villain. So the first one fell flat for me.

The Bad

I didn’t like how Hope was always in court battling the same people it’s either Eva, his Master and then Walter Wah (Hugo Wong) who is the same character from the first drama. I guess that’s TVBs way of staying in a budget instead of hiring new people to play different barristers.

It was disappointing to see Deen Jie fix her buck tooth & change her appearance so drastically. What I liked about her is how she didn’t care about the way she looked and that the heart is what matters. In the first drama Never had asked her why she doesn’t fix her teeth since she has the money. And she said she didn’t find it necessary & the inside is more important than her appearance. So for her to change the way she looked for Hope was just sighhh. But I guess the writers want the main couple to “look good”. I wonder if they always had Deen Jie become the main love interest in mind when they wrote the first one.

I also did not like how they had a cliffhanger ending. It ends with Deen Jie getting stabbed in the neck & in a coma. And of course Hope slowly coming into terms that he has fallen for Deen Jie. They did it cause they are potentially writing another sequel in collaboration with China. But with Vincent leaving TVB & the lacklustre ratings, I don’t know if it’s gonna happen anymore. But seeing how things turn out Deen Jie will probably end up with amnesia or something cause their love line will not run so smoothly. But if a sequel doesn’t happen, I can just pretend that ending did not happen and that Deen Jie is back working at his firm together solving crimes.

Final Thoughts

Everyone was great but I didn’t find any standouts. Vincent reprisal as a blind barrister is still amazing but I don’t see TVB awarding him Best Actor for the same role twice. Also he didn’t show up to the TVB Anniversary Gala which sorta shows his standing with TVB. Sisley improved for sure but I wouldn’t say she’s Best Actress material yet, it was nice to see her become the antagonist though. Kelly was nice & stable as usual. And Owen Cheung just stayed the same, nothing new was brought to the table at all. And weird enough the bromance between Hope & Gogo wasn’t as fun to watch compared to Al Cappucinos Cheung Sai Lung & Ko Ban. Here they just seemed like good friends instead of “brothers”.

I see a lot of comments about Sisley being a huge standout. And I agree with how much she has improved but I still think she still has a lot to learn. I admit her turn as the antagonist was interesting to watch but it wasn’t as great as they say. She isn’t loud acting anymore that’s for sure. But at the same time TVB is running out of actresses so I wouldn’t mind her winning so quickly.

It was lovely to see Tracy come back in a voice role. The directors had invited her back to film but she rejected the role. I wished she had accepted as it could’ve been her goodbye role since it seems she has no interest in continuing acting. She’s only doing ads & photo shoots as she slowly transitions to becoming a full time lawyer. I wouldn’t say a pity as though she’s a talented actress, becoming a lawyer is more stable. And she got married with her childhood sweetheart. I’m so happy for her but also sad as I will miss her acting. But I can always re-watch Over Run Over.

This was a better sequel then I have seen in years. Line Walker 3: Bull Fight just wasn’t as great compared to this. The Exorcists Meter 2.0 was also a downer. The plot twists in the cases and heartfelt stories made the drama all the more memorable. It’s turning out to be a great year for TVB drama watchers like me. Death by Zero, Brutally Young, Al Cappucino were standouts this year. While this drama, Line Walker 3 & The Witness do not fall far behind.

Side note: but what’s with the characters name? They’re all so strange. Man San Hap full English name Hope Man. I know it’s a play on for justice hero but dang it’s cringy. Then theres Santiago Kuk nicknamed Gogo. Like for real whyyyy. I hate that so much. “Hey Gogo hows it going”. “Gogo, I love you” blergh. Then Never Wong. Are you kidding me? She’s a court judge who chose Never as her nickname? Cherry was fine!! I guess it’s play on for “never wrong” well in this case you were wrong for thinking Never was a good name choice! And they don’t even pronounce the “r” in Never. They say it like “Neva” and it bothers me for no reason. TVB English names tend to always be questionable and I don’t care if they try to play it off as a nickname (Flashbacks to Laughing Gor, Muse, Bingo, Saving, Cash, Fever that’s only to name a few) but this is the first drama where it has this many.

[egdocument]

About the EvaGeeks wiki and why you shouldn't trust it, concerning mainly one user.

On the subject of EvaGeeks: Let’s talk about the manipulation of information on the wiki, and perpetuated “nastiness” on the forums that has persisted for several years now. THIS IS A MIRROR OF THIS GOOGLE DOCS FILE. (My twitter post.) You can share this post or the original document freely, use parts of it, etc. I want this document to simply serve as a warning to new Eva fans and those less familiar with EvaGeeks and their history - as well as an update for people who haven’t seen the current state of it.

NOTE: If you can’t read any of these images, these are Imgur albums containing all of the notable ones: https://imgur.com/a/z2mGvvX https://imgur.com/a/oAgufc3

The intent of this document is not to “take down” the wiki or forum, obviously. The intent is simply to inform people of the dangers of trusting this site with their Eva info. It might be the best we have but that doesn’t mean we can’t improve it. I would actually love to see a more community cultivated version of the site with less biased information, but I fear that will never happen. The anxieties of any one (or many) individual(s), which have prevented consistent change until now are well justified, and it is not within reason to blame the outsiders for never bothering to correct the myriad of issues with the wiki. Please extend kindness to other Eva fans and approach sites like EvaGeeks with the appropriate scrutiny, if you aren’t already. We’re divided enough as it is.

Before I begin, I must state: All of the information presented is publicly available, either through main pages, chat logs or history. And yes, the link to join the Discord server and verify the information given in this is publicly available too. I will not link it myself, as I want to avoid any possible harassment of the users I speak about here. Harassment is NEVER the answer in any kind of conflict. This behaviour I don’t believe can go unchecked, but that doesn’t mean the consequences of it should be any kind of conflict towards any user. I will be naming them here so you are aware, but I really do have to advise you, as a reminder, DO NOT HARASS OR ENGAGE WITH THEM. The rule of thumb is that these issues are more systematic than you might think, and blaming or taking it out on a singular person or even a whole group is never justified. Targeted harassment, even with reason, especially never helps to remedy an issue, because it forces the person to double down on their behaviour and beliefs. Causing unnecessary pain to a person is never okay, and the ‘offences’ committed here aren’t deserving of it in the first place. Please also consider the feelings of the people who use the server and EvaGeeks site; not everyone is your "enemy" or your "target" (and frankly, no-one should be) and despite the feelings echoed in this document, EG is not a monolith of a singular opinion or belief.

The purpose of this document is to inform people of the ways EvaGeeks fails objectivity and has existed to push narratives and exclude outsiders for far too long. With new people coming into the Eva fandom (and there of course being others who have been around for quite a while but just aren't aware) I feel like now is the best time I could write this.

As for what prompted this, an anonymous member of the Discord server contacted me regarding the behaviour of one particular user they were concerned about. Said user had expressed considerable bias in the past and was admitting to making large edits to pages on the wiki very recently, and the person who contacted me felt unequipped to bring the issue to light themselves.

A decent amount of this document will be dedicated to presenting said user's contributions - while I feel someone always had to address the EvaGeeks Problem at large, it doesn't help that this user has essentially incriminated himself here to expose the problem in its entirety. 

There is quite a bit of pretense I must discuss before I get into the subject of the wiki pages themselves. I suggest you read all of it; the start of the wiki section will be in heading text if you’d like to skip to it. I’m sure information on the biased editing of wiki pages is privy to anyone who has used the server or the site itself, but at the server’s current status of 60 entire members, I know not everyone has, or is aware of what the problem actually is. Please note that the person who contacted me has requested anonymity and I will be complying. I will not include screenshots of their conversation with me, and anything I quote from them will be paraphrased so nobody can go full Sherlock and analyse their typing patterns. It sounds silly and it’s probably just paranoia, but they shared my concern here. Any conflict we can prevent is for the best. EvaGeeks, of course, has a culture very much promoting the idea that it’s the “number 1 source for all things Eva”, and for English speaking fans it definitely is - you’d be surprised the amount of people who still, after all these years, think this site is consistently reputable. For the sake of context, I’m going to assume that you are not all that familiar with the site’s history or nature, so I’m going to provide a little bit of information about it for those without any first-hand experience. The forums in particular cultivate a very join-us-or-get-out type community, where those who dare to go against the grain get incentivised to leave the site; they’ll claim this isn’t the case if asked and obviously the site is NOT a hivemind but that doesn’t mean it’s not insular. I can vouch for myself and many others who refuse to go in more than a few threads for fear of discussion turning particularly nasty. Even the server member who came to me about this has stated they feel it “might not be a hivemind but it sure feels that way.” Silencing dissent, even when officially-backed, is part of their culture. You don’t have to personally harass everyone who has an opposing thought to you for it to not feel acceptable, you just need to have a history of mocking those who do. If you want some previous, notable cases of “discussion turning nasty”, here’s some off the top of my head: 1. The AWL Incident - In which ADV VA of Rei and director of EoE dub, Amanda Winn-Lee, joined the forums for discussion and was promptly harassed by a user. Most of these messages have been deleted but you can view what remains of her post history here.  2. Recently brought to my attention: upon beginning translation of the Episode 24 drafts, EG forum user LiLi was subjected to incentive to leave, mostly in the form of homophobic disgust in replies to her thread or others they were mentioned in. Any information that goes against the cultivated narrative, even when it is literally officially licensed content, is only ever considered with a degree of reluctance. The fact these drafts co-exist with other pages concerned with this episode is almost a miracle. You can find plenty of repeat instances of the above if you want to (more to do with homophobia and misogyny than outward hostility, but honestly it’s the same thing.) A look at basically any EvaGeeks thread concerning pairings or the female characters will unearth a variety of awful comments from many other users, not that that would be surprising to anyone who has spent more than two minutes in the fandom. Now, of course, that’s very relevant to the topic at hand even if it doesn’t seem to be. The EG wiki and forum have quite a bit of overlap and circular influence on each other as you’ll see later if you aren’t already aware of it. For a short summary before we jump into things and analyse our subject of the day, this essentially means that anyone with an opinion or information the majority doesn’t like will never get in a position good enough to edit the wiki and keep the edits there. This has resulted in many articles filled with conjecture and fan speculation that serve to shut down other viewpoints, whether it’s intentional or not.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ON THE TOPIC OF THE EVAGEEKS WIKI

The issue surrounding homophobia and downplaying of references to LGB content in Eva, through proxy of fan-dictated content control and translation is not a new one by any stretch of the imagination. I'm sure you're all very well aware. It’s far from the only issue present in the fandom but it will be our subject of conversation today. Any ‘one instance’ of this persistent behaviour from Eva fans is never going to be enough to summarise how insurmountable it really is, though, so today I instead draw your attention to one user of the wiki who goes by the name of FelipeFritschF and his recent, frequent updates to pages concerning Nagisa Kaworu.

[TOPIC: FELIPEFRITSCHF]

I must reiterate here: although this document is mostly concerned with this user and will contain a number of receipts from various places, it is NOT supposed to function as a hit piece or inspire any kind of mob. Leave this guy the hell alone, just be aware that he’s the one making most of these changes and isn’t a particularly impartial party, to put things lightly.

Now, before we really get into things, it should be stated that the EvaGeeks wiki requires approval to get your edits there, as stated at the bottom of the homepage, here:

This means that anyone making consistent edits to the wiki has in fact been approved, and this isn’t the result of lack of maintenance.  

What you’ll find is that it is consistently Felipe making edits to the pages in question. Kaworu’s bio page, for example, is almost entirely edited by Felipe, which we can see from the “History” tab of the article.

This is barely half of his edits made in the last few days. Take a scroll through it yourself if you’re so inclined. This hilarious bit of waffle was added by Felipe a few days ago and since revised since by him, as shown here. 

(As an added bit of comedy, the man who decided to add in the Japanese in the first place apparently didn’t know the difference between 好意 (kindness, what Kaworu actually says) and 行為 (action). It’s been fixed since but I still think it’s quite funny.) Now, as anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of Japanese knows, 好き is not actually a very ambiguous word at all. I think it goes without saying, though, and I’m not here to have an argument about translations with you all (for the record, Kanemitsu’s now scarily infamous translation of this scene is perfectly fine with me in a vacuum, it’s just literally everything else surrounding it that’s the problem. Also, regretfully, I will have to speak about this nonsense later when it becomes relevant.) I’m using this as an example instead, to show how utterly ridiculous this guy’s additions to these pages are. He’s not even making a point here. It keeps going past this excerpt, and I suggest you read the whole thing (Kaworu’s page is linked above.) The point of bringing this up - and when I eventually discuss the Netflix translation when it’s necessary - is not to complain about semantics, although I’d argue that’s what’s happening in these articles, honestly. It’s just helpful when proving the actual point of the editor being incredibly unreliable and biased in how he phrases and omits things.

On the page dedicated solely to Shinji and Kaworu’s relationship (which is basically identical to their section on Kaworu’s page as far as I can tell), we can see that Felipe has also edited this several times, and even credits himself with expanding the version on the Evangelion Fandom Wiki now copy and pasted back to EvaGeeks.

The kind of “discussion” (very much not discussion when added to a wiki page supposedly presented as factual information, is it, frankly?) would be fine if it was happening in the EvaGeeks forum itself (and happen does it ever, but that doesn’t change the inappropriateness of this particular behaviour.) What I find disturbing is that in the past few days, this user has gone out of his way to make some already worrying articles even worse, presumably in an attempt to silence discourse, or add more fuel to the flames, surrounding the new Netflix translation. He has a whole page on that one, too, one which is very up-to-date in some regards and not at all in others, despite only being added a few days before me compiling this information. Frankly, going through this whole page on its own is a huge waste of my time considering how BLATANT it is in its biases, but I’ll do it anyway. It IS only a Theory and Analysis page (which is essentially an EvaGeeks free-for-all), but I think it’s quite bothering that the site even allows Theory and Analysis pages that consider only one viewpoint and are written by one person. The forum, presumably, is connected to the site for a reason. 

I’m just going to link it here, for the sake of brevity. https://wiki.evageeks.org/Theory_and_Analysis:Kaworu%27s_lines_in_Episode_24 I suggest you read this before continuing. For a slight departure, the original theatrical Funimation dub of 3.0 is partially available for viewing online, although the audio is in cam quality so you may want headphones if you have plans to watch what’s there. The home media dub’s major changes are to issues with lore and localisation of jargon. While not directly mentioned in this article, it is implied from the subject that this is what it’s about; it’s been speculated that the very literal translation of Episode 24 in particular has come about due to Khara’s embarrassment with how Funimation’s theatrical dub of 3.0 handled Kaworu and Shinji’s relationship rather loosely. Despite these claims, every instance of the two sharing (honestly pretty awkward and unnecessary) flirtatious back-and-forths are still present in the home media version, barring an instance in the stargazing scene where Kaworu’s dialogue was translated even worse than it is in the final dub. If you don’t believe me, do the comparisons yourself. It may not be conclusive, but I think it puts mostly to death the rumour that “a Khara employee was there and saw how people laughed at the Kaworu and Shinji scenes and demanded it needed to be changed for the final release and now that’s being reflected on the new translation”, which is what it tends to boil down to. 

It also goes without saying that NO ONE PERSON is “the most qualified” (holy shit, is this entry not even bothering to hide how biased it is) to translate an entire TV show, let alone something like Evangelion. Let us not forget that Kanemitsu’s claims that he respects “ambiguity” are not even true to begin with. EvaGeeks itself is a shining example of Eva fans, of which Kanemitsu is one and this is even discussed in the article, not being impartial enough to be tasked with discussing Evangelion! (There is obviously issue with citing the ADV translation as a source of all truth; if you read further into the thread on my tweet [the kitchen scene in EoE], I provide extra context for those interested, which I am aware has been spread around Discord and other places without that context included. Of course, I’m not an unbiased source either as you can probably tell from my tweets nor am I claiming to be, so please feel free to discuss these things in other places if you want. I’ve just got the tweets I have on hand here. Sorry about that.) Next, the repeat claim that this is “Khara’s licensed translation and thus the most accurate version” is pretty obviously nonsense; I’m sure I don’t need to point out to the audience that Japanese companies meddling in localisation has ended poorly in the past, or that Khara uses questionable translations from the dubs of the Rebuild films on licensed merch from time-to-time, or that the translation was fairly obviously not overseen or even QA’d by anyone following Kanemitsu’s translation work judging from the myriad of grammatical errors, missing subtitles and overly literal, poor sounding phrasing present in the final work. (Do I need to source this? Just watch the damn thing.) It’s not even like the ways it was translated have been consistent through different versions on Netflix; some were translated from Kanemitsu’s English to other languages judging from the obvious mistakes being present in multiple tracks, and some were barely even translated at all - the Italian version, the dub of which is mysteriously now missing, was so bad people were commenting that it sounded like Shakespeare or that it was translated word for word from Japanese. I dunno about you, the reader, but something about “Khara only bothered to check very rigorously the English version for their specific requests with the translation” doesn’t sound like what really happened to me. It’s more like they’ve just sent a translator they have worked with before to work on a project of theirs. Apologies for engaging in speculation, but that’s all this whole article is anyway. It’s just something I noticed from skimming through the page, but I find it quite interesting that Felipe makes a blanket statement about the excerpts from Schizo and Prano “being wrongly attributed to Anno” and then the source he provides for that is just someone on the EvaGeeks forums saying the same thing with little proper sourcing, when that was never really the intent of their post anyway. An interview summary exists where Anno has stated he wrote both books himself, and if you haven’t seen it, here it is. It’s obviously flimsy at best, but Tokyo Otaku Mode is an officially licensed Evangelion distributor. If Felipe is going to parade around his love for the Very Official Khara Subtitles Of NGE he can at least extend the same gratitude to other forms of official information; I mean, frankly, this article is about as reputable as anything in the Netflix subtitles are.  Lastly, another thing I found quite interesting is his strange love for the ADV VHS subtitles. I really, really think this is obvious, but subtitles changed in later versions of the ADV release were changed because they were deemed incorrect. I don’t have sources for this so take it with an absolute grain of salt but I believe there’s even a commentary track on the Platinum release where the translator talks in depth about why she translated episode 24 as she did. It’s not exactly a better word than Kanemitsu’s, but if we’re considering translator’s word as law for whatever reason like Felipe is here, we might as well consider hers, too, right? Oh, and actually, have a look at the sources used on that article. Most of the sweeping statements he makes have absolutely no backing beyond what he’s piecing together from old and irrelevant interviews (when discussing the Netflix translation) as well as...linking Kanemitsu’s job history...I mean, sure, the guy is qualified, but do I really need to go over this again?

INTERMISSION: Speaking of sources, you might have noticed from perusing these articles yourself that EvaGeeks has a very low standard for sourcing to begin with, which is likely partially to blame for how things like these articles can even exist in their current forms in the first place. A site that doesn’t have such a lenient policy on sourcing, though, is Wikipedia. Felipe, of course, cannot stay within the confines of the fandom and has decided to have a go at providing some information to Kaworu’s actual Wikipedia page as well.

https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Kaworu_Nagisa&action=history Felipe is far less to blame for the state of Kaworu’s Wikipedia article, which is honestly pretty bad to begin with. There have been plenty of other people editing this one and the rather homophobic “Relationship with Shinji” part of the article has been present for a while before he started editing it. (The fact this article literally uses someone being explicitly homophobic as a source is not surprising for Eva fandom, but holy shit, am I disgusted every time I reopen this page. I'm not even going to bother figuring out who added that one.) I do wonder if his reasons for not desecrating this page the same way he has on EvaGeeks is because he knows it wouldn’t stay up for particularly long. Reminder that he is also the main editor of the same pages on the Evangelion Fandom Wiki, which is essentially a copy and paste of EvaGeeks. Of note is this little tidbit I found:

This is what Felipe then deleted, as this is apparently not relevant, despite literally being about Kaworu’s relationship with Shinji. I mean, I’m sure this could have been put in somewhere else and perhaps phrased a bit better, but why the hell would you outright delete that kind of information? It’s supposed to be a wiki, not your own personal opinion chamber. BTW, this is the thread post he links as a rebuttal to that person adding it, and it’s probably for the best it’s presented here with context: https://forum.evageeks.org/post/886380/NGE-Ep24-Script-First-and-Second-Drafts/#886380

He clearly thinks he has a point here, but I’m not sure what exactly he’s going for. Basically everything he’s saying is conjecture, and while I can kinda see where he’s coming from it sure does completely fail to address the intent as explained in this interview. “Read the whole interview” is very dismissive, especially when the interview in full doesn’t exactly contradict the initial point. It does say quite a bit, how he will disregard official information when his wiki articles themselves are full of nothing but rambling.

Here’s another relevant and quite funny Discord screenshot:

Felipe is making a pretty hypocritical statement here. I’m sure he does have a point - there’s probably been quite a bit of vandalism happening to these pages which isn’t exactly surprising (again, Eva fans are not often rational people, please be honest with ourselves). That being said, I think there’s a particular irony to the man who has written many very, very long paragraphs on the wiki pages he has control over trying to stop people from thinking there might be anything but “ambiguity” between a pair he doesn’t like.

In the case anyone reading has forgotten: the purpose of a wiki should be to provide unbiased information on the material it discusses. Obviously the repeating of “innocuous” statements about how “ambiguous” it all is, in the vain of EG’s now made fun of ‘we don’t know what he really meant by that’ and ‘why Kaworu is so intent for Shinji alone to have happiness remains a mystery’  are pretty obviously intended to downplay the very, very obvious “subtext” and leagues of official information provided.

It kinda goes without saying that WE CAN INFER THESE THINGS FROM THE ACTUAL INFORMATION ON THE WIKI, you don’t need to add a disclaimer to everything going “well we just don’t know what it means!” (even in instances when we do know what it means, but that’s almost besides the point). You don’t need to add in these statements, unless you’re trying to sway people into ignoring what's presented by the show. If you want people to draw their own conclusions, you are in fact capable of presenting information without commentary - in fact, that's kind of the whole point of a wiki. Yes, Eva is ambiguous at times, but talking down to people like they need this reminded to them constantly is an absolute waste of time and energy. It’s almost as if the editor has been trying to cultivate a narrative and has been getting away with it because you can’t really prove these statements are biased unless you do the research. (I mean, you can from context, but it certainly hasn’t done much to get them removed, has it?)

You can view the editing history of any given EvaGeeks article on their own pages if you want to see just how many times these things have been added in by Felipe. And obviously, no, it isn’t just his fault - there are other users, several, in fact, credited with the editing of these pages, many of the edits serving the same point as Felipe’s paragraphs on “ambiguity”. He’s just the most concrete example of a biased editor. Also, yes, I do recognise this has all happened within the few days post the release of Eva on Netflix and that it was likely prompted by that. But we know at least one of the mods is aware of it given how Felipe talks about it in the EvaGeeks Discord server. It’s also quite funny I’ve seen people linking these pages like they're some kind of "gotcha" in response to tweets discussing the new translation, as if they haven’t been invented out of thin air in the past few days.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, frankly I’m sick of staring at EvaGeeks, and if you want any more information on these articles and others with instances of the same thing happening, you can have a look at it yourself.

Originally, this document contained far more screenshots from Felipe. My desire for this to not turn into a hit piece has lead me to remove a great deal of these messages. I do suggest, if you want to, you join the server and make your own conclusions. Even beyond what the member told me about I found myself agreeing with him fairly frequently when he was being reasonable - this doesn't change my concerns regarding the presentation of information on the wiki, though. The anonymous member was mostly concerned about this user having basically all the control over Kaworu's wiki articles, seeing as he has far too high of a stake in everything. Not all of these messages are inflammatory or even necessarily bad or wrong, but I find that to anyone privy to the “revelations” about the EvaGeeks Wiki here, they paint an interesting story, to say the least.

It’s starting to sound like he perhaps has just had some bad experiences. The following few messages are part of the same conversation.

I find it interesting how he flipflops from not understanding anything about the whole Eva Parallelism Theory Thing to suddenly being all for it when it concerns things not about the gay stuff.

Comments on how ‘manipulative’ Kaworu is

Because Kaworu is very pro instrumentality, and this definitely isn’t just a theory, I mean, it’s even talked about on the wiki, guys! (And I’m not even touching on the yes-men in this server.) Oh.

Oh no.

For the record, this page is clearly still under construction, and to point out any one thing about how bad it is would be essentially just poking a stick at a beehive. At least this one is so absolutely poorly phrased it’s doubtful anyone could mistake it for any kind of proper information. I also find it incredibly funny whenever pages on the wiki use the forum as a source. Relevant: Qmisato’s post on his defending of Shinji sexually assaulting Asuka: https://qmisato.tumblr.com/post/183082754484/yesterday-i-was-invited-to-evageeks-official

In response much later. I really can’t see it as being framed as “fun teenage romance”, also why is the word romance suddenly being used to talk about Asuka and Shinji after the whole debacle with Kaworu? He’s said before he doesn’t see Asuka and Shinji’s relationship as romantic, either (and GOOD! It’s not!)

(Also - it’s not sexual assault when Shinji tries to kiss Asuka in her sleep, but it IS when Kaworu does the exact same thing to Shinji? Make up your mind, dude.) Turning this sort of thing into Shipping Discourse is frankly not the right way to go about it, but it is perhaps notable that despite what Felipe says, he is in fact an Asushin shipper. (I don’t feel the need to post all these images in the document as its cluttered enough as it is.) At this point it’s rather adhom and I feel irrelevant but I do think it’s relevant that through all of Eva fandom, those who have the most issue “understanding” (more like accepting, I suppose) LGB subtext, are those who also are really attached to a fairly morally grey het pairing themselves. Again, seriously, there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of this and assuming the worst of someone because of the pairings they like isn’t my intent here, it’s more that I find this pattern has always been prevalent and it’s bothering me I’m seeing it STILL in 2019. ESPECIALLY from a wiki editor who inserts so much of that into his work on the site. 

  You’re probably sick of reading all of this (and I’m getting sick of writing it), so I’ll wrap up the part on Felipe quickly: Yes, I just dedicated several pages to screenshots of mostly innocuous (when considered out of context) stuff one guy had to say. I feel more obsessive than I’d like to admit, and frankly I have no business with this person. We’ve spoken twice on EvaGeeks threads if you can even call it speaking. This task was given to me by a member of the community who was concerned about his behaviour but didn’t want to publicise it themself and I feel a little out of my depth here. I at least hope we can come to the conclusion I wanted to here, that I fear may have been lost in this whole great mess of language - no one person should have THIS much sway over the state of a wiki that’s supposed to be impartial, especially when they have not been quiet with their biases in the first place, and it is the failure of everyone involved in the maintaining of the wiki itself that this sort of behaviour has been allowed in the first place. 

The guy can have whatever opinions and theories he wants, obviously. I don't give a shit; he's not even that bad compared to the grand majority of Eva fans to begin with. Don't think this document exists to "cancel" him or thoughtpolice, I truly, genuinely, do not care what is said inside this server anymore. It doesn't concern me. I mean, it's a fucking cartoon, for god's sake. This only becomes an issue when opinions are expressed on a wiki, for reasons I have reiterated many times now. EvaGeeks lacks the objectivity required to function as a wiki and I'm trying to make that clear. 

[ON THE TOPIC OF THE EVAGEEKS WIKI AND COMMUNITY IN GENERAL] As for who can edit the wiki and what they’re allowed to say: As you can see from the nature of people’s posts in this thread, you’re given access to do very specific things, and although I haven’t bothered going through the process myself (as I find it would be quite redundant, trying to fix such an inherently broken system), I’m guessing it’s very easy to get your edits reversed if you post anything they don’t like. Take that as conjecture of my own.

I have it in decent faith that the approval process involves whoever of the mod team is there at the time coming to an agreement based on people’s applications. Obviously this is a decent idea for a system, and I’m sure there are legitimate reasons as to why EG has to be locked down as much as it is; judging from the state of other fanon wikis I’ve seen there’s likely to be a decent amount of vandalism, especially in a fandom as passionate as Eva’s is. However, I think it’s fair to say that the complete restriction of updating these pages to those approved by a mod team who, while I’m sure are very reasonable people overall, certain individuals of which have displayed concerning behaviour and biases of their own in the server during my brief look around. I won’t be naming anyone in particular from the mod team as I don’t feel like I need to add any more targets of shame to this already horrifically negative document, but I have gotten the general impression (in case it needed confirmation, following the remaining of these specific changes on the wiki) that some mods, not all, aren’t the most nonpartisan individuals themselves. I do happen to be decent acquaintances with at least one of them so, again, please don’t consider this a personal attack.

My concern here plainly is that I don’t think a group of mods who have routinely failed to prevent events like the ones mentioned earlier, nor seem to have much of an issue with the myriad of examples of people being openly homophobic and misogynistic on their own forum are really in the position to be choosing who of the Privelleged Few get to control the Eva meta-narrative here. As I was writing this, I was alerted to the state of the primary Japanese Evangelion wiki as a source of cross referencing for what these things can look like if done right. If you take a moment to browse it, even if you don’t speak any Japanese and have to use an automatic translator it should be very obvious how something like this differs greatly from EvaGeeks. Kaworu’s page, for a relevant example, doesn’t have present any of the nonsense statements about ambiguity or overwritten descriptions of everything. The wiki respects the reader’s intelligence enough to know that it is, in fact, a wiki, and thus tries its best to be factual. His page is fairly decent in size and states things we know are fact rather than theory. There’s no attempt made to influence or confuse.

Oh, and just in case you think the mods aren’t actually active or present enough to know what Felipe is doing, his particularly awful page on Kaworu in episode 24 got a shoutout from the official Twitter account two days ago.  

If you are going to join the Discord server to verify things yourself* or do further digging, again, please be cautious of other users inside and do your best not to start anything. I am an occasional contributor to the forums and I’d prefer not to get my account flagged or to experience harassment myself, if any EvaGeeks members are still reading this document and disagree with my conclusions. I may not have posted much since I joined earlier this year, but despite everything I find the forums to be valuable for connecting with other fans and have enjoyed the positive feedback to my SIRP translation! Those who have spoken to me there have been very kind (including Felipe himself), and I must reiterate that this is not targeted at the whole site, or even at just Felipe. I simply believe there is more than enough evidence to suggest there have been consistent, systematic failures to recognise and correct the utter lack of objectivity present. I seriously don’t have any personal issues or beef with this guy, either. I wouldn’t have done this if it wasn’t someone else who came to me about it.

*It should be noted that the person who spoke to me has pointed out certain members have been concerned about outsiders joining and screenshotting the chat. They may remove the public link to join if this document were to cause a huge issue. I will leave the server following the publication of this document and I have no plans to join again. I can’t speak for those who may join of their own accord but I do hope people have heeded the disclaimer I made initially.

Thankyou to all the people who have extended their own kindness and support during the creation of this document, to the anonymous person who tipped me off and the lovely Eva analysts I know for offering their own experiences with EvaGeeks and further supplementary information. If this whole document reads like the product of a bad mental health day, I guess it is. Also yes I know how hilarious it is that I’ve spent all this time creating what essentially amounts to an EVAGEEKS CALLOUT POST but I mean. Someone had to say it. Why not make an utter buffoon of myself in the process?

[legitbaddest]

Finally ➳ Dean Ambrose

Fandom: WWE

Pairing(s): Dean Ambrose x Reader

Prompt/Summary:  With Nikki and John getting engaged, you begin feeling a little jealous that all your friends are beginning to settle down and start their own families, while you and Dean have been together almost 12 years and marriage hasn’t ever been mentioned between the two of you.

Word Count: 2,251

A/N:  So I definitely got carried if you guys can’t tell from the word count, but I actually like this one. Let me know what you guys think, and if you have any requests, send them in ^_^

Clarifications

“Ooh I think that's Nikki and Brie,” I told Nattie, Eva, and Trin as the doorbell rang. I hopped out of the pool, wrapped a towel around myself before making my way to the front door, “Babes!”

“Hey booo,” Nikki replied, smiling as I motioned them in.

“Hey Y/N,” Brie smiled, giving me a hug after Nikki.

“Come on, the girls are already outback,” I closed the front door and began my way outback with the girls, “look who’s finally here.”

Nikki and Brie greeted the other girls, before stripping down to their swimsuits, and joining the rest of us girls in the shallow end of the pool.

“Damnn Brie, look at you,” I whistled teasingly as Brie laughed and fake swatted at us. We all got drinks and sat on the steps of my pool, easily making conversation. Being on different brands, or having different lives, us girls didn’t get together a lot anymore.

“Nikki, I want a close up of this ring. I haven’t had a chance to see it,” I pouted, walking over to the recently engaged woman, who willingly held out her hand. I sat my drink down, and grabbed her hand, looking at the 5 carat engagement ring, “Wow, it’s so gorgeous. I’m so happy for you, love.”

“Thank you, doll,” She replied, smiling and giving me a short hug, “It’s just so crazy honestly. I’m still in shock over it.”

“It’s so crazy like we’re all at that point in our lives where we’re all finally settling down with our men,” Eva said, and everyone nodded in agreement, well except me. It honestly made me kinda jealous that all the girls were getting serious, or were ready to start a family while the marriage topic hasn’t even came up between Dean and I.

“Well everyone except for me,” I chuckled dryly, the girls sending me looks as I did.

I have been dating Dean Ambrose for almost 12 years now. We met when we were both in the independent circuit, during his Mox days. Our first official meeting was through his old trainer, someone who had also trained me. That’s when our friendship bloomed, which turned into a little more than friendship.

When our relationship became public, a lot of people thought that our relationship wouldn’t even make it past the six month mark. Yet here we are, almost 12 years later, still together, and in WWE now. Although the relationship hasn’t been the easiest, it’s been worth it. Distance and injuries were the main reason for the problems between us. Then there was Dean, who was called up to NXT before me, and worked his way onto the main roster. I was very proud of him for it, but our schedules were really hectic that we barely seen each other than.

Eventually I made a big enough name for myself on the Indies, and was offered a contract for NXT. I was there for about a year and a half, before they moved me up to the main roster after becoming the longest NXT Women's Champion, and most undefeated women there.

“Has he ever mentioned marriage to you?” questioned Brie.

“No,” I replied, sulking a bit, “I mean when I was still in the Indies, we did talk about how he really didn’t want to get married, but we haven’t talked about it since. I’ve kinda given up hope on it.”

“You sound like me before John proposed,” Nikki joked, earning a chuckle from all the girls who agreed, “but maybe he’s planning on asking you?”

“Nah, he’s not good at keeping secrets so I’d know if he was. I really don’t think about it anymore,” I shook my head, pursing my lips a bit.

That was a lie - I thought about it a lot more than I’d like to admit. A lot of my friends have been getting engaged, or starting their own families, and they’ve only been dating for a few years, nothing like the 12 years Dean and I have. I know that being married, and having kids isn’t as glamorous as it looks on TV, but it’s what I’ve always wanted. A husband, kids, a house of my own, and a couple animals running around. Right now, I only have the own house and a couple animals running around.

“I’m sure he’ll propose, just have some hope,” Nattie said, and I shrugged smiling.

“I have a man who loves me, I’m grateful enough for that,” I replied, honestly.

“Y/N, John and me are proof miracles happen. Don’t give up,” Nikki told me, giving me a side hug.

“I’m not holding my breath,” I chuckled, “I’m gonna go grab another drink, anyone else want one?”

Once the girls replied, I jumped from the steps and made my way inside.

// 3rd POV //

“Someone needs to talk to Dean,” Eva said once Y/N went inside to grab drinks.

“They need to talk fast then, because Y/N and Dean deserve to get married. After all the bullshit they’ve been through, they’ve gotten past it, and not many people do, especially in this line of work,” Brie added.

“I’ll talk to him,” Nikki said, with a nod of her head and look in her eyes, just as Y/N walked back, arms full with the drinks.

“Dean!” Nikki called out to the lunatic who was hanging with Seth and Roman before their match, who turned to look at the 5’6 woman.

“Yes?”

“We need to talk,” She huffed, crossing her arms.

“About?”

“Y/N.”

“Did something happen? Is she okay?” Dean slightly panicked.

“She’s fine,” Nikki said, trying to reassure the man.

“What is there to talk about then?” He trailed off, very confused.

“Do you ever plan on marrying Y/N?” Nikki asked, crossing her arms as she got straight to the point, shocking Dean.

“Wha-what?” He coughed, choking on his own saliva, as Roman and Seth shook with laughter, “Of course I do, why ya asking?”

“Well, it’s been almost 12 years so,” She replied back, staring him dead in the eyes, “so forgive me if it’s hard to believe.”

“I get that,” He replied, “it’s not that I don’t want too, I do.”

“Then why haven’t you man? You two have been together for almost 12 years man, no one stays together that long and still in love as they were back then,” Roman spoke up, Seth and Nikki quickly agreeing.

“I want it to be perfect,” Dean replied, “After everything we’ve been through, she deserves the absolute best. I’ve looked at some rings, but I can never find the right one for her.”

“Hm okay well I’ll help you. We will make it perfect for her,” Nikki smiled, “Tomorrow morning, we will go ring shopping. I’ll make sure Brie, Nattie and Trin keep Y/N busy tomorrow. You know, we might just have you propose tomorrow too.”

“Uh tomorrow?” Dean asked, eyes wide.

“Yes tomorrow,” Nikki rolled her eyes, “Dean, you guys have been together for almost 12 years already. It’s time to get your ass in gear, and propose.”

The next morning Dean got up earlier than normal, leaving you a note that he went to hang with Roman and Seth, but instead he met up with Nikki, going to the local mall. While Brie, Trin, and Nattie took you out for another girls day, making sure to keep you away from the mall.

“I have no idea which one to get,” Dean let out a sigh, rubbing his eyes after twenty minutes of ring shopping, “How am I supposed to know which one is the right one for her?”

“Dean, you could give her a ring pop and she’d still love it,” Nikki laughed, nudging Dean who chuckled under his breath, “Ooh what about that one?”

Nikki pointed to a medium size oval cut diamond, on a rose gold brand with diamonds halfway around the brand.

“That’s the one,” Dean said, smiling.

“Let’s go buy the ring then,” Nikki squealed in  excitement as they flagged down a employee, “Now text her and tell her you are taking her out tonight, then bam you propose. For now, let’s plan tonight though.”

// Back to 1st POV //

Hey Darlin’, hope you’re enjoying your girls day, sorry I couldn’t hang with you. I’ll make it up to you by cooking you dinner tonight. Come home around 8 x

“That’s surprising,” I murmured, after getting Deans text.

“What is surprising?” asked Trin.

“Dean is cooking dinner for me tonight. He hates cooking,” I laughed, not noticing the excited looks Brie, Trin and Nattie sent each other.

“Well I think we should get you a new outfit for tonight then,” Brie announced, with an excited smile.

“I think we should too,” I smiled, before we finished our lunch.

The rest of the day we spent shopping, it felt weird without Nikki being as she’s my best friend, but she wasn’t feeling so good so she stayed home. I eventually found an army green dress with a slit, with matching heels. It wasn’t fancy, but it wasn’t all causal. Since I couldn’t exactly go home, I went over to Trins’ house so the girls could do my makeup and so i could get around.

“Thank you girls,” I told them once we were done.

“Have fun tonight babygirl,” Trin smiled, waving with Brie and Nattie as I walked out to my car and headed to my house.

// Skip Car Ride //

“Wow,” was the first thing that came out of Dean's mouth after he opened our front door, “Darlin’ you look gorgeous.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” I teased, even though it was true. Dean was wearing his usual jeans, but he paired them with a nice black dress shirt. Dean held out his hand, and I slipped mine into his, stepping into our house as he closed the door. He, then, led me out to the backyard, where fairy lights were set up with a few candles on the table, as soft music played in the background.

“Wow, it’s so beautiful,” I breathed out in awe, “Dean, what is all this for?”

“I realized that in the 12 years we’ve been together, I haven’t really done anything romantic for you, and you really deserve this,” Dean shrugged his shoulders, and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Well, thank you so much baby, I love it,” I placed a kiss on his lower jaw. I took a closer look at the table, and noticed my favorite food.

“And I have your favorite dessert in the fridge inside,” He added, after noticing me staring at the table.

“My favorite dessert is right in front of me though,” I pouted, looking up at him, and he grinned.

“You’ll get this dessert later darlin’,” I let out a little laugh at his reply, before we went to eat dinner.

The dinner went by flawlessly, and so did the dessert. The conversation flowed greatly, us just making jokes, or relieving memories. It was just a great time, being on the main roster of WWE, we didn’t get a lot of down time together anymore.

“Ooh I love this song,” I said, just as my favorite song by P!nk came on. Dean stood up, offered his hand which I gladly took, and stood up with him, “You are full of surprises tonight, aren’t you?”

“You deserve tonight,” He replied, as we began slow dancing, “I really love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Dean,” I smiled up at the love of my life.

“No like I’m so fucking in love with you, Y/N. I’m not good at this romantic shit, so bare with me,” He joked, making me let out a laugh, “You are the love of my life. You’ve stuck with me through a lot of shit that most wouldn’t. And I, uh, can’t thank you enough for sticking with me. I should've done this a long time ago, but I wanted it to be perfect for you.”

After Dean said that, he let me go and got down on one knee. I gasped, covering my mouth as I felt tears weld up.

“Y/N, will you make me the happiest man alive, and be my wife?” He asked, and I nodded my head as tears began to fall.

“Of course I will,” I replied, sniffling as Dean slipped the ring on. Once it was on, I grabbed his head and brought his lips to mine, “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much more,” He murmured against my lips as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Now I think someone promised me some certain dessert?” I teased, pulling back, as a smirk spread across his face.

“Anything for my bride-to-be,” Dean smirked, and the next thing I was over his shoulder, squealing as he slapped my ass.

[time-to-go-97-blog]

Eva x Chris. Titanic AU

I got this as a prompt a while back but can’t find it (it was by anon anyway). I actually got it a day after I randomly decided to watch Titanic (I absolutely love the film - I still cry). I also wrote Jack accidentally a number of times (when I should have written Chris).

This might feel a bit rushed but I didn't want to make it really long (so I’m sorry if its really bad). Also, I don’t know a lot about boats so apologies if anythings wrong. I got a lot of the dialogue and some other parts straight from the actual movie itself too (so if it sound familiar its probably that). Lastly, I’m sorry I haven't written anything for a long long time (please forgive me). 😞

-----

Eva remembers it all as clear as day. Not just because of the awful tragedy, no, before that, something nay someone much deeper had been singed into her brain and heart. She remembers it all, the day they met, how he introduced her to her first taste of freedom, and how it was taken away from her all at once. She remembers his stories, how he had just about managed to board the ship by winning some poker game, how he rattled on endlessly about the adventures he had been on and how she longed to go with him one day. Those days spent with him felt as if it was just the two of them against the world. They didn’t know each other long, yet they had fallen fast; but they had much bigger forces weighing against them. He was of a lower class to begin with, whereas she was from a much more esteemed class and it just wasn’t acceptable for them to be seen together much less be together. Moreover, Eva was soon to wed Jonas, they had long since been betrothed by the time she met the true love of her life. Eva knows that she will never forget Chris.

She still remembers how they met. In hindsight, she never would have jumped, but at the time everything had gotten to her, Jonas, her mother, the rules, the expectations, and in that moment, she just wanted out. It was quite silly, but with tears falling from her eyes, she runs across the deck her heels echoing around her as she makes it to the stern. Before she can register what she is doing, she’s starting to climb, the wind blowing her hair across her tear-stricken face. With shaking hands, she climbs over the rails and stares into the abyss of the ocean below her, how easy it would be to just end it all right now, she thinks.

“Quite a view, right,” his voice comes from behind her, causing her to whip her head back to face him slightly. Her hands are curled tightly around the railing, her knuckles a pale white, her teeth are chattering.

The voice continues, a small smile at his lips, “that is why you’re here right? I mean that water is too cold for a swim right now. And if you jump, I’ll have no choice but to follow.” She blinks back her tears as realization strikes her, what am I doing, she thinks to herself, before nodding slightly to the stranger.

He notices the way her eyes shift and her posture relaxes, “here, give me your hand and I’ll help you over.” She looks back out to the ocean, then reaches out to him. He grips her hand tightly as his other hand curls around her arm, she takes a step up but her foot somehow gets tangled in her dress, she’s freefalling for a split-second and she feels her heart fall to her stomach as her ears start ringing, but Chris is quick and manages to pull her over the railing before she can scream. They end up on the floor a mess of tangled limbs and heavy, nervous breathing. Her eyes are squeezed shut still waiting for impact when his voice comes from above her,

“It’s ok. You’re ok.” She slowly opens her eyes to see Chris hovering over her. Her breathing has almost returned to normal but she’s still on edge. He continues, “I’m Christoffer Schistad. But you can call me Chris.” He smiles, that smile.

“Eva Kviig-Mohn. Eva for short,” she feels small under him and her heart is still hammering in her rib cage but for other reasons now. “Th-thank you,” she stutters out, gesturing to where she was stood just moments ago, “for all that.” He just smiles in return, a glint in his eye as he begins to stand. He offers his hand to her for the second time that night and Eva gladly accepts once again. He helps her up with ease, standing a little too closely to her than necessary, but both enjoying the warmth of the other.

“There you are,” Jonas says, walking up to the pair, eyeing Chris warily. He continues, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Eva takes a step away from Chris and turns to face Jonas but he’s facing Chris instead.

“Who are you,” he asks Chris, not bothering to keep the hostility from his voice.

“I’m Chris,” he replies, offering his hand. Jonas takes it, “Jonas” he states, his lips pursing together as he faces Eva.

“I was,” she begins, “well, I was looking for,” she pauses to think, “dolphins and Chris here was just explaining that you can’t see them right now. And well, you know me, I was leaning too far out and almost fell but he saved me.” She trails off, hoping that Jonas would ease up on Chris a little if she added some truth to her little lie.

Jonas seems to buy her excuse, “such a fine gentleman, you should join us for dinner,” he says to Chris, but Eva can’t help but notice the malicious look behind his eyes.

“Well, if you insist,” Chris replies, looking between the two, before following them to the dining quarters.

By the time Chris sits down, he’s passed through several doors and has been introduced to a flurry of people, Eva has taken it to herself to introduce him to all her family members. Chris finds a friend in one, Eva’s aunty Christina who is outspoken and seems to mock the upper-class without a care. It’s through her he finds out the relation between Jonas and Eva.

“Oh, they’re engaged,” Christina says, displeasure laced in her tone. The words hit him harshly, the disappointment and sadness settling suddenly in his stomach; he just can’t picture the two together and Eva truly happy. He shrugs it off soon enough, you barely know her and you have no say in the matter, he tells himself. So, he merely nods at Christina’s words and refocuses to the dinner at hand. He knows, that the rest of the table is looking down at him, he can tell in the way they look at him behind veiled smiles.

“What do you do,” an aging man calls to him, this is the fifth question that’s been directed at him. In true Chris nature, he answered them truthfully laced in personal anecdotes which Eva appreciated.

“Oh well, I’m between jobs right now,” he had a way to glorify all his answers and make everything seem better than it was, “but I usually work my way from place to place. I managed to get on this fine boat by winning a game of poker.”

“And you find that sort of rootless existence appealing, do you,” says Eva’s mother who had made no attempts to hide that she disapproved of him.

“Well, I like the unexpected side of it. I can wake up one day under a bridge but a couple of days later I’m sat here having dinner with you fine folk,” comes Chris’ smooth reply. The rest of the table laugh at this, seemingly curious about his life. It’s towards the end of the night when he manages to slip a small piece of paper to Eva. The rest of the men of the table had gone to smoke cigars and he had made an excuse to go back to his own deck. He gives Eva the paper with a smile and turns to leave, it had been an interesting evening to say the least.

“Meet me at the clock,” Eva crumples the paper in her hand, a wide smile adorning her face, her heart is fluttering as she excuses herself for the rest of the evening. She knows Jonas will be smoking and drinking until early morning, so she makes her way to where Chris said in a state of dazed happiness.

“You wanna go to a real party,” are the first words he utters when they see each other. She nods as he offers her his hand for the third time that evening as he leads her to the Penetrator party on the lower deck.

Eva’s face is lit in wonderment. She’d been at the party for at least two hours and everyone was so welcoming. The music, the drinks, the laughter, everyone seemed so free and Chris had made sure to she always had drink in her hand. She spent most of the evening dancing with Chris or speaking to other people at the party. She was never without a drink in her hand and neither was Chris. It was the first time she had felt free in a long time, not weighed down by the expectations of her class.

“This is possibly the greatest party I’ve ever been too,” Eva says so Chris, laughing in delight.

Chris smiles back in response, his eyes crinkling at the corners, he was happy seeing Eva this happy, “I’m glad you like it. Tomorrow, I’ll show you how to fly.”

Eva starts laughing again, “fly. Are you feeling ok, Christoffer Schistad?”

“Tomorrow, you’ll see,” he replies, a hint of mischief in his eyes.

And the next day she did. She experienced the true feeling of flying, with no care in the world. The wind howling through her air. They’d spent most of the day together in various part of the ship, her avoiding her mother and fiancée. The sun was setting deep into the horizon when they finally made it to the bow of the ship, the orange hues made Eva’s face seem almost angelic as it cast her in a warm light.

“Ok, close your eyes,” Chris instructs. “Hold on to the railing, keep your eyes closed.”

Eva does as he says while Chris guides her forward and places her hands on the railing, she smiles.

“Step onto the railing,” he instructs her further, “no peaking.”

“I’m not,” she replies. “Hold on, eyes closed,” comes his reply to which she laughs in response. She can feel the wind around her but she feels safe at the feel of Chris behind her.

“Do you trust me,” Chris asks. “Yes,” her response is instantaneous which makes Chris smile as he holds her arms out.

“All right,” he whispers into her ears, “open your eyes,” he places his hands firmly on her waist as Eva slowly opens her eyes.

She gasps, “I’m-I’m flying,” the awe is clear in her voice. Eva looks around in wonder, she feels small as the vastness of the ocean is laid out in front of her, she can see as far as her eyes let her, she feels euphoric. She feels freedom. Chris entwines their fingers together and brings his arms around her as she turns her head to look back at him. She knows she shouldn’t, she’s engaged, but Eva can’t help but lean in slightly closer to him. Her eyes flicker from his eyes to his lips and then back again and in that moment, she realises she doesn’t care as long as he’s by her side. Her eyes flutter close as doe Chris, and right there, with the world laid out in front of them, their lips meet for the first time. She feels so small but kissing him makes her feel wanted and needed. His heart is hammering away in his chest in a way that is foreign to him but it all feels so right. They stayed like that for some time, alternating between flying and kissing both leaving the two breathless. It was sometime later that they found themselves in Eva’s room merely talking about their dreams or all the adventures Chris had been on. Eva knew that Jonas wouldn’t be back for a few hours so it was safe to have Chris there.

“So, why are you engaged to Jonas, if you don’t mind me asking,” the question had plagued Chris’ mind since the moment he found out about the engagement.

Eva’s heart sinks, like it does every time she thinks about the engagement, “there’s no one real answer, my mum adores him. Everyone says it’s only right if we marry each other. It’s what’s expected…” she trails of feeling her eyes start to water. Chris is sat on the bed next to her so wrap an arm around her, “hey, I’m sure Jonas is a nice guy, it will all work out.”

“I wish he was, maybe it would be easier. But he’s never there for me. He’s always out doing his own thing never really caring about,” by now, the tears are starting to fall freely, as she thinks that this is what the rest of her life will be like.

“Fuck him, if he makes such a nice girl cry, fuck him,” Chris states boldly and Eva can’t help but laugh as she leans in for a kiss the second time that night. She’d known Chris for two days but in that time, he had gotten to know more of Eva than Jonas has ever. It was something Eva appreciated and valued greatly. She’s about to ask him another question when,

“Eva,” a voice question, its male but not Jonas’. It takes one look between the two to convey that they need to hide Chris. The next 30 seconds are spent looking around for either a suitable hiding place or a place to escape. Eva grabs Chris’ hand and pulls him through a door which leads to a different corridor, before long, their going through another door before long, they manage to make into onto the deck.

“Who-who was that,” Chris questions, he’s out of breath by the quick getaway his senses alert.

“I can’t be too sure but I’m pretty sure it was Jonas’ right-hand man,” Eva looks around worried he’d followed them. Once she’s sure he hasn’t she can’t help but start laughing at it all as she wraps her arms around Chris.

It happened at once. One moment they were in each other arms, the next the ship was colliding with an iceberg. The looked at each other in shock, the minutes ticking by as neither of them said anything. It was unsinkable so they’d be fine, they both thought. Yet soon enough, Eva was being herded onto a lifeboat as Chris reassured her saying she had to leave him there.

“I’ll get on the next one and I’ll find you,” he whispers to her as she’s guided to a lifeboat, “I promise.” They both knew it was a lie, his class was weighed against him. He just wanted her safe but she just wanted him.

“No,” she mutters, “I won’t leave without you, I can’t.” Moments later, she’s sat on a lifeboat as it slowly starts to lower towards the ocean. I can’t leave him, he won’t make it, she thinks to herself. So, Eva makes a decision, it’s quick and spontaneous but she stands and leaps towards the nearest deck, just about making it on. She doesn’t look back and runs to find Chris. The top deck is chaotic, people screaming for family members, children crying as others leap over the side of the boat, the staff doing their best to assist as many people as they can but all she can think about is finding Chris.

He sees her before she sees him. He’s angry at her for coming to find him but he knows deep down if it was the other way around, he would have done the same. Chris has accepted he was going to go down with this ship, but he didn’t want her to die too. Still, a small selfish part of him is glad that he gets to see her one more time. It’s only when he starts making his way to her that she sees him and goes to do the same. Amidst the chaos, the two embrace happy to see one another but also aware that with each passing minute, the ship is sinking.

“You shouldn’t have come back for me,” Chris is the first to break the silence.

“I know,” she says,” but I couldn’t just sit there, not knowing where you were or if you were safe.”

“Eva,” he whispers, pulling her close whilst shaking his head. Then suddenly, he’s guiding the two to the back of the boat as it’s the only part that’s not shrouded by water. All at once, they’re climbing the very railing she climbed when they had first met each other. Back then she looked out to the water finding clarity and welcoming it. Now, looking down into the violent water crashing below her, rapidly getting closer by the second, she felt panic and fear. She didn’t want it to end like this, not when she had just met Chris.  

“Ok this is it. Just hold onto me and don’t like go off me. Whatever you do, as soon as you hit the water, swim. Just swim,” Chris’ voice is calm and steady but panic bites away at him much harsher than the cold wind around him. Eva nods, her teeth chattering just as they did two nights ago at the very same spot.

“Trust me, Eva,” his voice echoes around her, calming her slightly. “I do,” she manages to stutter out. She should have stayed on the lifeboat, he thinks, but he has no time to dwell on the matter as his body hits the ice-cold water at once. It hits him like a thousand knives stabbing all over his body, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, at least not about anything but the pain. Still, the manage to push through it all and swim to the surface, holding onto each other, hands clasped together.

“Someone will be here soon,” he starts, “trust me,” Chris looks around for something they could lie on, the cold was becoming unbearable and he needed to keep Eva alive, he’s the reason she was there right now. Eva spots the panel door first and they both start to swim towards it, eager to get out of the water, it was starting to take its toll on the both of them. He helps Eva onto it first, once he’s sure she’s securely on it, he hoists himself up. It’s only then that he realises it won’t be able to hold them both up. It’s also only then that he realises they both won’t be able to make it out alive but he can do everything to keep Eva alive. She’s holding onto him,

“I won’t let go Chris, I promise,” she whispers to him, “I’ll never let go.”

“I love you,” he replies instead, knowing this might be the only time he’ll be able to say it, “this isn’t a goodbye.”

“I love you, Chris,” she immediately responds. They’re silent for a few minutes, both clinging onto each other. “I’m so cold,” she says her voice hoarse.

“You’re not going to die here. Not today, not tonight,” he reassures her, adamant that she’ll survive and live a long life. He continues,

“Winning that ticket is the best thing that happened to me,” he looks at her, really looks at her, he can’t feel anything anymore, “I’m thankful.”

“Don’t give up, we’ll stay like this,” she says to him, the cold creeping into her bones.

“Don’t give up either Eva,” he manages to whisper, voice hoarse.

“I love you so much, Chris,” she whispers back, her teeth are chattering and her voice is barely audible as her eyes start to drift close. It’s the last thing he hears. 

Eva still thinks about him, even after all these years. She sees him in everything. She feels him in the wind around her especially when it makes her hair fly, she sees him in the water. She makes sure to watch the sunset as often as she can savouring the orange tones that are so reminiscent of the evening he showed her how to fly. With the wind in her hair, the orange hues dancing across her face, she feels Chris beside her and finally begins to feel free.

[athenaltena]

So highlights from last night’s campaign (under a read more because it’s long)

We came across an overturned fruit cart and several dead bodies that showed signs of a werewolf attack. Our Ranger then got even more silent and broody than usual after finding a tuft of red fur and took off after them on his own for Unspecified Backstory Reasons and told us to meet him in the town of Vallaki. (The out of game reason was his player couldn’t make it that night) We made a makeshift funeral pyre out of the smashed cart for the bodies and continued to the camp so we wouldn’t be caught outside at nightfall in case the werewolves were still around.

We then found a group of Vistani walking along the road and one of them in particular, a heavily tattooed lady, starting hardcore hitting on the two male members of the party, who are, respectively, a Dragonborn Fighter and Tiefling Wizard. Both were somewhat perplexed as that’s not the usual reaction our two non-humans get in Barovia. We then joined them on the way back to the Vistani camp and carousing ensued, during which my Human Cleric Ireena got completely and utterly wasted because all her experiences with alcohol have been at formal dinners and the like, and it turns out she’s actually a bit of a lush so she remained drunk the entire rest of the evening. Considering all the bullshit she’s had to deal with lately including her father dying, her brother getting kidnapped and the various mishaps so far in the game we decided she deserved to have a little fun and let loose. Also during this the Tiefling Wizard had the bandage on his hand slip a bit and reveal that part of his hand is basically rotting away. He quickly covered this but not before a few people noticed. The tattooed lady continued hitting hardcore on the two males but both smelled trouble and weren’t interested. We then asked about Madame Eva, who we were traveling to see because we heard she could tell fortunes, and were led to meet her in her tent.

While we were there she told us various things about ourselves, such as our Bard finally admitting she was actually a half-Elf, half-Vistani (something we had already figured out a while ago but didn’t say to respect her privacy) and has some burgeoning powers of The Sight. Tiefling Wizard admitted he had ended up with his rotting hand when a necromantic ritual of some sort went wrong so he’s looking for another Wizard who might be able to help it. Yours truly then drunkenly tried to hug him while sobbing about how she was so sorry he’s going through that etc. etc., and then got a warning from Madame Eva about how she must guard that weakness in her heart but embracing it is also the key for defeating Sir Douchebag (aka Strahd) since it’s his weakness as well but her friends must act fast in that moment. The Dragonborn Fighter also got hints that he needs to look for the resting place of his fallen ancestor to exact true vengeance. She then did a Tarot card reading showing us where the key items and people we need to accomplish our quest are. And remarkably considering how drunk she was my Cleric asked about the previous group of adventurers who came through (aka our previous player characters) and whose ghosts we saw in the Parade of the Damned, specifically the Cleric of that group who was not among them. Madame Eva confirmed he’s alive but that some darkness in his family led him astray and resulted in the deaths of the party. We had already guessed he wasn’t doing well after that but that simply confirmed it.

Once all this was done the Dragonborn Fighter decided he wanted to see what was up with this tattooed chick who was obviously trying to get something from the two males and had been trying to get them to drink more all night so he pretended to be much drunker than he was and rolled a crit on his Performance check which she bought hook line and sinker. Which then led to the DM declaring “Roll for Sex” and both of them going off for sexytimes. A little bit of Dragon Fire coming out of a tent may have been observed and there was apparent use of his forked tongue. I’m so glad we don’t have any kids in this group.

Later that night the Bard was awoken by a series of disturbing prophetic nightmares that probably have to do with our quests and heard a rustling noise outside, and upon investigating it observed the tattooed woman sneaking away from the Tiefling Wizard’s tent. Using an Invisibility spell she proceeded to followed her and saw she had a lock of hair in her hand that she must have snipped off him while he was asleep. As she was about to mount a horse she attempted a Hold Person on her but the woman barely made the save and galloped off into the night. Waking everyone it was then discovered that in addition to the hair she had also taken a few scales from the Dragonborn during their rendezvous, no doubt for nefarious purposes. (When asked why he went along with what was obviously a trap, the Dragonborn’s player said he planned on interrogating her about her intentions in the morning, but that didn’t work since she ran off before then) We found out she belongs to another group of Vistani who have had disagreements with the main one and most likely was heading for their camp near Vallaki, where we were told to meet up with our Ranger anyway. So we decided so start that way, and in the process got far closer to Castle Ravenloft than we would have liked and ran across a random skeletal rider who didn’t engage us but instead just rode off. Because Barovia.

We also came across the windmill that we now technically own as we now have the deed to it, having found it in the Durst house, but given the warnings we’ve heard about the place and the presence of a scream coming from it we decided not to deal with it right now since we were down one person. (Side note that I out-of-character know there are three Hags living in there because we went there in our last campaign and got chased out of it the first time, but Ireena doesn’t know that and just has a general Bad Feeling about it) We did find a top in the mud near the windmill with the name of the maker Blinsky on it and decided to check it out in the town.

We also discovered tracks going off the trail and were eventually led to a tree where we found a neatly folded pile of women’s clothes was placed in a hole in the tree and raven feathers on the ground. The Bard wanted to take the clothes but I convinced her that ravens are good in this universe and the last thing we want is a pissed off, naked were-raven. With some reluctance she left them behind but with a note saying that we want to be friends. This had ramifications later.

And because this is D&D it was time for a random encounter on the road since we hadn’t fought anything yet! It was an old crazy Druid who looked kind of like Radagast the Brown and proceeded to attack us with Twigblights. Some liberal application of Burning Hands later and we were clear of that and almost at Vallaki when half a dozen werewolves suddenly bore down on us just as we were approaching the gates along with our Ranger, who was running towards us accompanied by a flock of ravens, who proceeded to attack the werewolves and give us some precious time to get the two guards to open the gates. Our first persuasion attempt failed but then I came up and yelled at them in the name of my father, Kolyan Indirovich, Burgonmeister of Barovia, to open this gate! And they did. I plan to chew out the Baron once we talk to him for that, especially since I need to update him on what happened to my father since I haven’t seen him since then. We then saw a raven with coloring similar to the clothing we found in the tree and I blew it a kiss.

Inside the village we found a strange little old man and a monkey entertaining people and realized it was Blinsky, the same man who made the top we found, and after he was done performing we asked him about it and he told us it had been bought by a young boy in town, which we will investigate later. Inside there was also a doll with a striking resemblance to yours truly (which I think gave me one of the better one-liners of the night when I described it as a “Barovian Girl Doll”), and while he at first attempted to hide it from us a good Persuasion roll had him admit there is a man in town with a “demon hand” who had commissioned him to make it. Make that yet another person with an obsession with Ireena. Great.

Lots of Plot this week and I can’t wait for next Wednesday!

[nothingneverforever]

How To Be Single (2016)

Okay. So I watch shiddy films like these when I’m exercising in my parents’ room (when it’s too dark/wet/gross to run outside in the nice world) and need something to distract me from the monotony of the cross trainer. Because this takes place when my parents are not at home, I enjoy rolling up my sleeves and scraping the bottom of the barrel, choosing something I think i will love-to-hate but I usually end up getting really into the should-have-been-hated films and loving them so much I extend my workout and exaggerate my cool-down stretch routine just so I can finish the film. Hehe :-)

So yea this film was one of those... Hated only the first 3 seconds before it became the best movie ever. Unfortunately my father came back earlier than expected and I didn’t want to subject him to this so I have only gotten 57 minutes into this film, but, erm, I love it, and this will be continued…

Dakota Johnson is surprisingly likable and…her lips are so nice wtf?! And erm. I can’t think of a single Leslie Mann role that I haven’t liked. Her general demeanour should go against everything I believe in but … it just doesn’t…..she is so cute…. Her voice is so cute….. i love her….. girls are so nice…… Alison Brie (below) is also surprisingly palatable and I almost want to believe in all that her character believes in (may not have gotten the whole of her character yet, but I believe she believes in love. Lol). I know, trust me I freakin’ know, films like these really never needed to be made but….it’s nice……

^ cute!!!!! (source)

Actually you know what, it’s not totally nice. Not at all a revolutionary or new thought but halfway through the film it made wonder where the non-sexual movies are. Rebel Wilson’s character in this film is Amy Schumer’s before she meets the boring doctor guy in Trainwreck, sexually liberated and fun and content. Cool, but is it too pushing-asexual-agenda of me to want a similarly free-of-shitty-expectations character who does not need to engage in sexual activity to feel independent and in control? Like… surely they can be free in some other way… Googled and there are indeed very few even remotely ace characters, much less open ones, in film but apparently Miyazaki’s creations are good for this. Interesting! Jade and Gen, Miyazaki marathon after our Twilight sleepover? :~)

And obviously it’s all just “in good humour” and ironic and self-aware and whatever but you know these new chick flicks that are “light” and “real”… why must there always be reference to “ugly people”? Rebel Wilson’s character at one point says “reading is for ugly people” which I KNOW, I’M NOT FUCKIN STUPID, is meant to just be like, haha, yea, everyone who doesn’t wanna live dat ugly lyfe should be going out clubbing and having sex instead, but like… who is the joke on? This preoccupation with the idea of ugly…. It’s very gross and fucking lame really and very very tired. Same with people who can sit around all day and talk about “fat” people. Um ok…..so…………..?

Full disclosure: I am only writing about this to delay writing about Passengers (2016) and La La Land (2016) because I actually want to try and put a little bittle effort into those and because I hate that my 2 most recent posts are not fleeting film feelings at all. Also I’m lazy and writing anyhow-ly is fun af.

To be continued, but so far this film has just made me really look forward to the Christmas-New Year period and almost convincingly artificially feel good enough to make me want to travel…  ew, right?

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Update, 16th January 2017:

Sigh……… This film rocks so hard.

So I finally managed to sneakily have my parents’ room to myself again this evening and went straight to channel 623 and watched the rest of the movie while using the skipping rope (already did an outdoor run, so didn’t wanna use the cross trainer. You know. Just in case anyone is interested in my super secret workout routine). Skipping is fun! Um anyway. This film was a strange experience, maybe the first chick flick released in years that I have not hated. And you know me, I’m very ready to excuse small shittynesses and announce a chick flick to be the Best Movie Eva, but I haven’t been able to for any release post-2008/9ish. Feels like everything since then has pandered to gross tastes that expect crass representations of the new girl who is “““not like other girls””” or are so desperate to come off slightly “liberal” that they end up being painfully tone deaf (see Mother’s Day, 2016, boasting a 7% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is honestly already generous).

But How To Be Single is different… Yea there is that thing about ‘ugly people’ that I mentioned above but it was a one off (not an excuse I know! But there were honestly other things about the film that later were impressive and honest and refreshing), but otherwise I cried at more than a few points and ended up feeling like it was a necessary coming-of-age for my overdue self, seeing this film.

Firstly I would like to say thank you to all my friends, real and few, for never breaking up with me even briefly. I mean this so much!!! I do think it is unique that I have never been in a fight with anyone and I am so lucky to have that. Fighting sucks!!!!! If anyone is reading this I love you all :’(

Okay I don’t know what in the film spurred this realisation specifically but … hmm … it just made me feel like perhaps I could see myself as the kind of person who waits. You know what I mean? For someone else, for a friend who isn’t able to give in a way that satisfies either of us, for anyone who I would like to be closer to who can’t just yet allow me to be a part of their reality, for someone who doesn’t know how to see my small worth immediately, whatever kind of waiting on something someday somebody... and I don’t think this waiting will take much out of me. I think it was when Dakota Johnson (WTF SHE IS SOOOOOOOOOO CUTE) faced the weirdly sharp and cold and unnecessary breakup with Daman Wayans Jr’s character, I just saw myself in that situation for a second and wondered how I would move forward, and I realised I would love to wait. I think, or like to imagine, that I have a mellowed patience that will manifest itself when it needs to. I can see the weight of something even while appreciating that it will only take full shape in the future, and that’s cool and I’m happy! Yea. I can definitely wait! I don’t know, it just seems an easy and believable life for myself. Also I like that Dakota Johnson’s (honestly… watch this film for her. She was SO inspirational FOR NO REASON AT ALL BUT I LOVE HER) very brief love interest was played by the equally cute Daman Wayans Jr, even if his character was stock and one-dimensional af!

And it’s romantic, obviously, but it’s nice to think that you can leave something or put it on comfortable-hold and come back to it, a little or much later, and the wait would have provided its own answers. Also me reminding myself that there is worth in wait is NOT the same as me wanting to ever feel pressured into being in a place, in any kind of relationship with anyone, where I know there is nothing that will come of it / there is no direction I even want it to go, but having to stick around anyway. Coz fuck that it’s so gross and dangerous and stupid

 I’m listening to Don’t Dream It’s Over by Crowded House now, and it’s very fitting for this whole wanting-to-be-able-to-wait-and-for-it-to-pay-off-eventually side of my newly discovered self:

There is freedom within there is freedom without ... Hey now, hey now Don't dream it's over

And it also brings me to the rather more enigmatic and swirly and sad Beyond by Daft Punk:

Dream Beyond dreams Beyond life You will find Your

Song Before sound To be found Close your eyes And

Rise

Hey the lyrics of these 2 fukin nice songs are actually perfect for this piece of art I made in July 2015 (below), titled Wednesday (Waiting), in which I used Outside Inside the Dream, 2012, by Chen Man, which literally is Daft Punk’s beyond dream and Corner House’s freedom within, without… Ugh so perfect!!!

http://howmanybrothers.tumblr.com/post/123470830442/wednesday-waiting-july-2015-veil-of-maya

“Beyond dreams” is such a nice concept… so solid in its other-worldness, equal parts fey and realistic. Waiting will get me and all of us somewhere! One of my friendships (not any of you reading this… since only gen and jade and my mother read this… lol…actually i’m not even sure, gen are u reading this? either way I love u! Ooh also Smirthy may be reading this? love u for all the warmth and support smoggu!!! ) only became something any of us could take interest in 4 years after we started making the effort, and very recently while enjoying time (and channa masala) with him I realised the very real importance of just straight chilling even when something doesn’t feel like much, and I’m so glad that the boringness in our friendship is long forgotten and that each meeting now is genuinely and quite profoundly enjoyable. It sounds so simple but yea 4 years ago I would never have thought that we would understand anything real about each other. And there is also Rebecca (who may read this not anytime soon, but one day?) whose friendship has been a lot of this and a lot of that which means that it has seen us through very different stages and everything has taught us something and … connections are just important, ok, and I want to remember that waiting is needed so often. Years are seriously nothing. Also this is not all about me thinking that my broad shoulders and big heart are capable of a good wait: thank you to anyone who has waited through my shitty depressive shittiness and sorry that you couldn’t do more and sorry that I couldn’t be more. Anyway. 2017 rocks so whatever

Rise Higher still Endless thrill To the land Of

Love Beyond love Come alive Angel Eye Forever watching you and I

Beyond love… that’s a lot to think about.

Okay I gotta go get ready for MPS, this movie made me feel some really deep shyte and I hope I can come back to this, bye <3