#also i think being autistic abt this show again would fix me

[perenlop]

i know ive been saying that my next longterm show project will probably be digimon but……… ngl i have been eying the kirby anime

[y0urnewhyperfixation2]

autistic rwby hcs

ive been seeing a lot of autistic rwby hcs so here's some of my own :)) it's very unorganized so good luck (totally was not projecting throughout all of this)

RUBY - the autistic silly ever i love her sm. we already see in the show, even the manga she's crazy obsessed with weapons so I'll take that as either her special interest or hyperfixation. i like to hc that when she was little she rambled abt weapons to mainly yang, but when she went to beacon she began talking abt them more to blake. sometimes even weiss would listen (but again, mainly blake). ALSO ruby cannot understand social cues for her LIFE (me fr). This is a common trait many autistic people share. Overall, she has trouble communicating and interacting with others in v1. In one of the first few episodes (ep 2 i think) she seems to oppose the idea of making new friends when Yang brings it up. This could hint at a small disliking for change (that she eventually learns can be a good thing). when she was younger i like to imagine that ruby wouldn't really have a sense of fear, and would often get herself into dangerous situations that yang or summer had to pull her out of. impulsive ruby perhaps. probably a clumsy little kid too. now these are just hcs so i hc ruby as a leg bouncer. i think she'd stim the most out of all of rwby and just can't keep still no matter what (maybe AuADHD ruby rose idk just an idea). I think ruby would enjoy hand-flapping when she's excited, and she's usually bouncing on her toes or swaying on her feet bc shes so restless. chewing her nails too when she's anxious. I like the idea that ruby would sit down and rock herself when she's distressed (again, totally not projecting). hc that ruby would also despise eye contact. also i think ruby would absolutely hate the texture of eggs, idk why. ruby also has meltdowns from time to time, but they increase in numbers the closer they get to v9 and worsen. ALSO ALSO ALSO ruby has trouble controlling her volume, incorrect pitch tone and speed. basically ruby is very autistic to me :D

WEISS - weiss is a trickier one tbh but I CAN SEE IT. ok so yknow that one time in v2 (or 3 idk) where weiss wont shut up abt the vytal festival and remnant world history n stuff. and that other time she starts talking to ruby abt vale's communication tower and the history behind it. i know she's probably just invested in that stuff bc shes weiss and she was also from another country (atlas), but STILL. i think she would hyperfixate on that stuff. she would like to just compile the weirdest most random facts ever abt the world around her and just start spouting them out at everybody bc it makes her so happy. this makes people think she's a know-it-all though, so :( which also leads into my hc that weiss was forced to mask her autism for a LONG time in Schnee Manor. her father thought she had some "illness" and took the ableist route (sounds familiar). i think this would lead to weiss being insecure abt her autism and having that sinking feeling of needing to be "fixed". dw, weiss begins to embrace and accept her autism the more time she spends with rwby :) also, even if weiss is pretty sarcastic herself i think she had trouble understanding sarcasm back at beacon. she got a little better at deciphering it over the next few volumes but ultimately she has trouble sussing it out sometimes. i also think that weiss would bounce her leg when she's nervous, probably twirl her pencil. her voice gets noticeably higher in the show when she's excited (like when she met with Winter), so i hc that she squeals when shes super happy. she would enjoy organizing as well. maybe she'd even use singing as a vocal stim. at first, i think weiss would've hated being touched, but then she shifts to be absolutely touch-starved. (she likes yang and ruby's hugs the best bc the deep pressure calms her) and also we all know weiss probably sucked at making friends if she ever had the opportunity. she probably also is crazy good at spotting even the smallest details and observations and stuff. ive also considered bpd weiss but y'all arent ready for that discussion

BLAKE - now i'll be honest: i haven't actually thought abt autistic blake a lot. the thought kinda just skimmed my mind im sorry ;w; but we all know blake would hyperfixate on her books. a bunch. ngl she'd probably be that one person in the fandom writing a whole lot of fanfics idk why. maybe she had a small hyperfixation for wildlife and nature when she was little. i can see her being one of those kids who enjoyed playing in the grass and collecting bugs in Menagerie. in the show (beacon arc) we do know that blake is more reserved and it takes a while for her to trust, and its probably bc of her past relationship with adam but shhhhh. BUT at the beginning of v1 we do notice that blake prefers to be alone, and this is different from the whole 'running away bc she thinks she's endangering everyone else' thing. like, at the beginning of v1 she's implied to be mildly annoyed at yang's attempts to befriend her, and she immediately walks away from ruby the first time they met. many autistic people prefer to be alone and blake may have been one of those people. again, just my hcs. i think blake would've had a slightly similar case to weiss, masking her autism around adam. (but less extreme and she stopped masking earlier than weiss.) ghira and kali probably got her diagnosed at a young age, so blake's always been aware of her autism and overall, she doesn't have a big problem with it. i think (mainly post v9) blake would sometimes purr or like yknow hum to soothe herself. i can also see her organizing and rearranging stuff. she would also run her fingers and twirl her hair a bunch. i also think blake would be the most affected from loud noises, and she owns a pair of modified cat-ear headphones for this. blake's social battery is drained pretty easily too.

YANG - haven't thought of her that much either ;w; but i think her special interest would be motorcycles or smth like that. similar to blake, maybe she was obsessed with nature at some point, like bugs and birds. i think yang would also find comfort in deep pressure. probably owns a heavy-weighted blanket (she and ruby would cuddle up underneath it when they were both overwhelmed as kids). yang probably bounces her leg too when she's nervous, maybe taps her fingers on the desk or chews her pencil. i think yang would also struggle with managing her emotions and has several methods to calm herself down. oh and yeah i think yang would've been diagnosed at a young age. she doesn't really know whats "wrong" with her at first, but comes to accept her autism pretty easily after that. when she was little i think she had a rough time making friends. she was always too loud and couldn't control her volume. taiyang has always made an effort to understand yang's autism and tries to help her in any way he can (yang gets a little annoyed by it). oh no yang is a hard one too uhhhh lemme think. yang would've loved certain sweet, flowery smells and fluffy textures as a kid, and often went to them seeking comfort. maybe scented pillow or smth. i think she would've also been those kids to carry around a comfort object like a stuffed animal everywhere (ruby does this too). probably one of those kiddos to also get hurt a lot, so summer would have to patch her up almost every day after school. yang learns to be more careful and watchful of her steps later on. i feel like yang would also be kinda picky abt what clothes and fabric she wears bc of the texture.

my brain juices are dead so those are my autistic rwby hcs. uhm yay bye help this took hours for some reason even though nobody is gonna see this lol

[erizee]

im still rewatching gotham bc its a great distraction from studying and if 17 year-old me was right about anything its that its Fun

but also. what the Fuck were the writers thinking sometimes lmaooo im not even going to list it all because thats too much work, these r just some Thoughts

please dont ask why im watching it if this bothers me this much, i dont have a good explanation. its just Fun to watch fucked up people do fucked up shit i guess. nothing makes sense ever and theres soo much shit to dissect & so many characters to follow. yea that probably explains it

also this embarassing. i do not want to have these many thoughts about this show again.

1. police brutality as a ~quirky feature of this whacky city~. im Pretty sure that never really stops but im only halfway through s1 rn and its a Very big thing there. im not even going to talk about this much more because im not nearly close to being an expert on it & i dont have as much of a clear analysis of it, its just fucked up tbh how they treat such a major issue in real life like a fictional thing that makes their fake city more ~spicy~

2. the way they talk about/use mental health & neurodivergency

Fuck lmao this bothers me so much more now than 4 years ago. in general its a whole mess & a lot of it is probably based on comic stuff eg arkham, but they really portray anyone in there as a child huh. its So disrespectful and gross

at some point they basically only have villains from arkham, which i know is also at least somewhat comic-based but that doesnt rly make it better? great villainization of neurodivergent people guys (& why tf did they send oswald to arkham??? theres literally no reason for that one)

dont even let me get started on ed. LITERALLY Thee worst portrayal of neurodivergency/mental illness ive EVER seen lmaoo. in s1 hes soo autistic coded its almost funny if it wasnt 90% based on bad stereotypes, he literally checks All the boxes. and then he randomly gets the fake fictional shock value version of DID?? i feel like that was the only thing the writers could think of that made sense why he'd ever kill people lol and its a) So lazy and b) Extremely bad for how DID is seen by people. i dont know how DID works exactly so i cant say anything abt if the way it started/his switching was at least somewhat accurate, but its just this typical "evil dangerous neurodivergent dude cant control himself/is just evil to his core because his ~mind is fucked up~" and its so frustrating. Yes hes one of my favourite characters still. Yes i still relate to him way too much. Yes the way hes written is Extremely harmful. those things can all be true

3. queerbaiting. only developed a ship because it was popular with the fans, then make them fight each other for the rest of the show, then have them be ~brothers~ at the end when ratings drop. typical And annoying.

4. this is less of a Real World Issue and more bad storytelling but plot & character consistency are practically nonexistant in this show lmao. this has been run to the ground years ago but its still so weird. the main thing is again ed for me since he was my favourite, but they really changed his entire personality whenever it was practical for the "plot". i could barely recognise him in s3 until i got used to it lmao he was sooo different. u Could make an argument for the riddler vs the ed personality but again thats bad rehashing of harmful stereotypes & Also doesnt fix anything tbh. the only thing that was actually consistent (if im not forgetting sth) was oswald's character i think? he became less gross over time but that was all as far as i can remember. sneaky, manipulative, too emotional, loses everything because of either his mom or ed aka what he loves. he became less smart somehow after s1 which is weird but i guess s1 him would have taken over the country if they hadnt nerfed him. i honestly cant remember anyone else because last time after ca the middle of s2 i stopped paying attention to anything that wasnt ed or oswald but yea it was a whole mess

[theghostisametaphor]

Got up to episode 25 of Untamed and viewing’s been kind of sporadic and piecemeal for the last week or so but let me just make another bullet list because that’s the best way to convey my thoughts apparently.

Wen Chao’s Evil School for Hostages seems so long ago. those were the good times. so many people weren’t dead. also my god he was so bad at his job. let’s uhhhhh drag all the hostages along to a random cave. things got bad? uhhhhh yeah let’s block all the hostages up in the cave and let them die or whatever. i mean, it’s not like we needed them for anything.

Wen Zhuliu was not paid enough. actually i’m not sure if he was paid at all, but whatever it was it wasn’t enough. i don’t think it’s possible to be paid enough to babysit Wen Chao. 

still delighted abt how fanficcy the whole ‘oh no we’re trapped in a cave for several days, there’s nothing for it but to wallow in sexual and emotional tension’ thing with LWJ and WWX was. also i appreciate that the show was like ‘you may feel the need to watch an amv at this point, but don’t worry, we already put one together for you.’ just an entire fucking music video for the two of them smack dab in the middle of the episode.

he sang him a song

killing a tortoise monster together! just fun couple things.

in all seriousness it’s been so - emotional in a way i didn’t expect to see Lan Wanji getting to be The Love Interest and treated as desirable when he’s low verbal/nonverbal pretty much 24/7, and touch averse, ‘i don’t like people touching me when i don’t know them well’ was such a mood, and usually if there is a character like that, the message is that you have to stop being that way in order to have a relationship or be loved. so yeah. important. 

so the family situation at Lotus Pier was - tense. good to know where all the kids got their Issues from.

Madame Yu was such. an asshole. cool whip though. 

so the show just really tried to break my heart into pieces in the aftermath of losing Lotus Pier, huh. Jiang Cheng is my son and he is not allowed to cry like that, it’s not okay! none of them are supposed to be that sad! 

Wei Wuxian sort of managing to hold it together until Jiang Cheng disappears again and then finally starting to lose it. Freaking out over not knowing whether to trust Wen Ning or not, decision-making ability going to shit, visibly being unable to control his emotions, paranoia etc. 

was really painful, but also really good? idk, it’s just really cathartic to see so many nd-coded characters going through Bad Stuff in ways i can relate to and understand. 

poor Jiang Yanli being like ‘WWX, i already have one brother who can’t get out of bed bc he’s melting down so badly, please do not put yourself in the same state because of hyperfocusing on ‘I Can Fix Everything If I Just Read Enough Books And Also Never Sleep Again’.

(yeah i have some feelings about Jiang Cheng maybe being autistic, which i’m kind of nervous about bc it’s not something i’ve seen other people mention like adhd WWX, or autistic LWJ, but. it’s something i keep coming back to).

Wei Wuxian having that moment where he forgets that Cloud Recesses burned and then being like ‘oh i know! i just need to find Lan Zhan, he’ll help me fix this!’ was just - ouch. 

Wen Qing + Wei Wuxian friendship! research pals!

ditto Wen Ning + Wei Wuxian they’re both so good.

i’d been spoiled for the golden core thing beforehand, so i knew what was going on when WWX was like ‘hm, maybe i know how to fix this’, and that just made it more emotional, honestly. i cried a lot. 

Xue Yang cameo! 

i feel so bad for Jiang Yanli, like ‘yes dear sister we will absolutely always stay together and nothing shall come between us’ i say as i knock you out with sleeping powder so i can send you off in a carriage without involving you in this decision At All. 

i know why you do it, Wei Wuxian, but my god. i would develop severe trust issues. 

Jiang Cheng’s face when he gets a golden core back. tears.

i find it incredibly funny how we just take a brief moment to say ‘oh yes, anyway, there was also this entire military campaign going on while the Yunmeng kids were missing from the main plot. it had a cool name. lots of badass weapon waving. would you like to see Lan Wanji looking very attractive while stepping on a Wen flag? of course you would. anyway back to the important stuff.’

have a lot more ground to cover but i’m getting tired and also have some chores to do so just gonna leave this here for now, and finish catching up to 25 in another post.

(when will the rabbits reappear though, i was sort of disappointed that they didn’t show up in their little rabbit headbands to fight the Wen during the Cloud Recesses battle).

[inside-aut-blog]

Autistic Caleb Widogast

Part One

Caleb Widogast of D&D web series Critical Role is widely recognized by the fan community as autistic-coded. There are many, many, many reasons why, and with the episodes numbering well into the dozens it would take several paragraphs to expound on on all of them.

So here’s the first in a series of posts doing precisely that.

EPISODE ONE:

There isn’t much here in episode one, but there is this:

Caleb uses stereotypically autistic speech patterns in the very first conversation he has in the show. Nott draws it to a close with “All right, well, that’s on the to-do list,” and Caleb immediately mirrors her phrasing with “All right, well, let’s get something to eat then.”

Later, down in the bar, Beau asks Nott if she is cold. Caleb misinterprets this to mean “Why are you wrapped up?” and subsequently explains, very defensively, that Nott is a goblin and obviously goblins are not well-liked in these parts and that is why she is wrapped up and Beau should drop it—which is, uh, pretty much the definition of blunt oversharing, no?

Caleb also, for the first time, shares his magic cat with someone else as an expression of kindness and a kind of second-hand socializing. Beau notes immediately that it’s “kind of therapeutic”; right away, Frumpkin is coded as an emotional support animal. (It helps that he takes Frumpkin absolutely everywhere, often choosing to carry him on his shoulders when he can just as easily pop him in and out of the general vicinity with a snap of his fingers.)

Still later, Jester rearranges one of the shops they visit, and Caleb grows nervous the moment he notices it (“A bit of nerves begin to brew up”). On the one hand, this is probably because he’s afraid of getting in trouble with the shopowner, but on the other: getting anxious at the sight of slight changes in your surroundings is pretty quintessentially autistic.

EPISODE TWO:

Caleb offers to give Nott his cat as a distraction from her urges to steal. Once again, Frumpkin is coded as an emotional support animal. And, on top of this, Caleb seems to hold the idea that—well, he helps me, so obviously he’ll help you too!

Nott reassures Caleb that they can leave the group at the drop of a hat if they need to. “They’ll never know who we were,” she says. “...Caleb and Nott,” he says, responding both literally and with a touch of confusion.

Caleb calls a man’s novel “trashy” and seems to realize a second too late that it was rude; he tacks on a very hasty “No judgement.”

Caleb compliment’s Beau’s muscles very awkwardly.

Caleb goes on to say, “We have been in the woods for too long. I’ve forgotten how to talk to people.” And sure, spending time away from society can make people a little weird. But needing practice to maintain basic social skills like complimenting people? Sounds autistic.

Caleb says, later, “I don’t know what you just said, but I am interested in books. Particularly in the arcane realm, but any kind of book.” That ticks two boxes at once: auditory processing troubles and special interests.

At one point, Beau references Frankenstein and Caleb doesn’t understand what she’s saying. It’s possible, out-of-universe, that this was a meta reference to Frankenstein not existing in the story’s universe, but consider—in-universe, Beau must have referenced the story world’s equivalent of Frankenstein, and Caleb did not get that reference. Therefore: Caleb is not only having difficulty following her metaphor, but he’s missed a pop culture reference.

EPISODE THREE:

caleb is nonverbal after he “gets over [his reaction to casting firebolt]”; he “doesn’t say anything, but starts pushing bodies onto the back of the cart”

stays nonverbal for A While; “during all the busywork, i’m not saying anything, but i keep giving worried and stressed glances at my little friend”

in the middle of planning, with zero transition or context, caleb goes, “also i have a cat” and doesn’t offer context til jester goes ?? yes he’s cute?

gets excited & dances in the street w/nott on his shoulders (stim!!)

nott, when caleb ignores jester in favor of reading: he gets like this when he’s studying. he gets very focused, it’s best not to disturb him

“i prefer him as a cat, to be honest, but in a pinch–” change Bad, cat Good

when jester braids caleb’s hair, liam says “it feels nice”; Sensory Good

“i’m a good talker when i have to be”; qualifies the statement, implying it’s an occasional mask he dons when Necessary

E4:

nott: no one’s going to be around to save you if you get into trouble caleb: i’m almost dead already nott: yeah, that’s not good jester: that’s not comforting, caleb

at the very end of caleb’s conversation w/the guard, liam says caleb looks him in the eye, which implies he was Avoiding eye contact before that

caleb, in court, bluntly: i’m a dirty hobo and i reek like yesterday’s garbage

caleb, abruptly: well, you know, this is very fascinating, but i have some errands to run. nott, would you like to run errands with me? we are totally coming back and not leaving on our own undercover

caleb calls the old shopkeep “grandfather”; he does this with other elderly folks in later episodes too [the woman in the melora statue; madam musk], even when he knows their names. seems like maybe an internal rule that he has to refer to old folks this way bc it’s Respectful?

caleb, overexplaining: this is called a bath nott: i’ve heard of them caleb, still overexplaining: a hot bath

E5:

caleb: before i go away, am i looking for anything specific? beau: just people coming caleb, echoing: people coming…

caleb ducks back behind a corner mid-fight & says “nein nein nein"; repetitive speech

caleb later ducks back behind the same corner & says “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”; Big Autistic Mood

coin-counting!!

E6:

[abruptly] “well, my social anxiety is getting the best of me. i’m taking a walk. goodbye” + brisk exit

“sorry, my curiosity gets the best of me, always”; blurts out questions

caleb realizes belatedly that his question abt alfield giving them extra coin was callous, goes “it’s asking a bit much, i was too forward”; low empathy

“i’’m sorry, it’s very noisy in the shop. what did you say?”; APD

the whole conversation in the shop caleb is just–super blunt. “i’ve been on the road a long time and i’m carrying a smell with me, if you cannot tell" “to the point, i like it” “i don’t mean cheap shit” “well, it’s a barn, ja?”

caleb, on being reminded that people are dying: maybe i can put [turning frumpkin back into a cat] on hold, although i really hate to (emotional support animal + Different Is Bad + low empathy)

“we can do both, but there is a timestamp on the people. we should take care of the people first, because then we’re increasing how much gold we will bring in, because if they die then we will not get as much money for them if they are alive”; low empathy + extreme practicality

E7:

“yes, handle this [grievously injured] child, but then we’re very curious to ask a couple–i’ll shut up”; [sing-song voice] low empathy……

caleb: you know, it’s funny, because only about 30 minutes ago i also had a bird, but he was obliterated beau: oh, that’s right caleb: it was very sad. i’ll bring him back tomorrow shakaste: thanks for that caleb, oblivious: he and i, we are [crosses fingers] like that

E8:

jester: well, she’s mostly known for her hmm-hmm-hmm. outside of that, her voice is amazing, you should hear her sing caleb: what does that mean? jester: what does what mean? caleb: hmm-hmm-hmm

E9:

feel like it’s worth noting this is the episode where beau tells caleb “maybe you would know what we’re up to if you went along with the group for once!” & from there on out p much invariably caleb makes it a point to step back & go along wherever the group wants. so–internal rule!

“i’ve got to stop complimenting you, it does not lead to good moments” + immediately walks away

beau, shouting: he said enTHUSIASM! caleb, jumping & cringing: ohH jeez!!

caleb sees that yasha is uncomfortable w/jester hugging her & does an Understanding Nod; yasha says, “i’m very uncomfortable with human touch” & caleb goes “i feel like i know you better now”; reads as Same Hat

gets angry at jester. swipes mud down his face in a wordless fuck-you. doesn’t rly align w/any specific autistic traits but listen. listen. does that seem like the kind of thing a neurotypical would do? i don’t think so.

E10:

molly pins caleb to the wall & caleb does not make eye contact or speak

caleb gets stuck for a bit repeating variations of “who kicks a cat?!?!”

[moiraineswife]

can you pls make a post abt your autistic nesta headcanon :o

Suuuure friend. It’s kinda personal in the sense that, like, this isn’t an argument for canon it’s just…where I see autistic things in Nesta/things that I’ve chosen to interpret/headcanon as autistic things. So this isn’t an attempt to “convince” anyone that she’s autistic it’s more just…An interesting way of twisting the canon a little bit for the sake of some headcanoned autistic rep. (But like I do love this hc so much, u can pry it from my cold, dead hands, I will talk about it endlessly, it’s great.)

Okay this is literally just going to be like…a list of things Nesta does that are so much more interesting to me when viewed through an autistic lens SO, onwards and upwards. This is long btw, and pretty messy?? Things are roughly sectioned out but also not really. #ITried. 

-Poor at readingpeople’s intentions/non-verbal communication:

See: the argument with Feyre at the beginning of ACOTAR.Feyre is being practical and factual when she tells Nesta why she won’t be ableto marry Tomas Mandras as she wants to because his family can’t afford it. Nestadoesn’t see what she’s actually projecting/intending and assumes that she’strying to hurt her/hit her where it hurts the most (Nesta feeling like a burden to those around her, which is a massive insecurity of hers) so she snaps back. She takesin the content of Feyre’s words and nothing else, slapping her owninterpretation over them and responding in a way she thinks is appropriate.

Also:

Teasing my sister,poking fun at her … I snatched a seat at Nesta’s side and murmured, “They meanwell.”

This bit I enjoy for two reasons a)- more proof Nesta doesn’tunderstand people’s intentions (which explains so much more why she goes on thedefensive about everything – she doesn’t get tone or body language orintention, she just goes purely on the content of what people are saying to herand if it sounds bad she takes it that way and assumes they’re trying to hurther, regardless of how it’s actually meant)

b)- the relationshipdevelopment between Feyre and Nesta. Feyre now understands Nesta better andknows how she tends to respond to things like this and so she quietly explainswhat Nesta can’t pick up on herself and reassures her that the Circle aren’treally mocking her, they’re more…including her? But it takes Feyre explainingthat for her to get it.

-0 concept of socialprotocols/rules. Like literally fucking none.

See: “Nesta only said,“Why do your eyes glow?” Little curiosity—just a blunt need for explanation.’  

[…]

 “They neverdared ask me that, either.”“Why.”“Because it is not polite to ask—and they are afraid.”

Never in all her days has anyone asked Amren that becausea)- it’s not polite and b)- they can pick up on the Do Not Do This vibe Amrengives off. Nesta gets none of that. She has a question. She asks it. No frills,no mess, no fuss. The autistic way. Lucien is literally having a heart attackin the background, Feyre and Rhys aren’t breathing but Nesta isjust…Completely chilled because she genuinely doesn’t get why this might be abig deal.

(And the fact that she actually asks why no-one in the who knows how many years Amren has beenalive also implies this lack of social knowledge and understanding. Not onlydoes she blurt out the question in the first place without thought but she hasto ask why no-one else has ever thought to probe Amren on this because she still hasn’t picked up on the atmosphereof ‘girl pls stop ur going to get murdered’ that’s going around the room. She doesn’t understand that she’s crossed a line here and is being impolite, genuinely. She was curious. She asked a question - one that no-one’s ever asked before, which baffles her because, as far as she’s concerned, it’s a pretty practical/intuitive question like come on people why is no-one asking this?)

And:

“What do you want?” I felt the blow like a punch to my gut.“At least immortality hasn’t changed some things about you.” Nesta’s look was nothing short of icy. “Is there a purpose to this visit, ormay I return to my book?”

You can read this asher being mean or deliberately pushing Feyre away but based on previously citedevidence this is just…Nesta, to me? There’s this constant focus on pragmatismand purpose with her and this is just…Kinda like the Amren thing, a bluntattempt at understanding something she doesn’t –ie why her sister has come tosee her/if she needs/wants anything.

It’s practical, like her questioning Amren. The “emotional aspect”(for lack of a better phrase) the curiosity/the cruelty is missing. All there isis a blunt need for explanation. I don’t think she’s trying to hurt Feyre Ithink she’s just blunt and has no concept of social rules and why this Isn’tThe Done Thing. There are a lot of social niceties required here and Nestadoesn’t get/do any of them.

She’s reading, Feyreinterrupts, she assumes there’s a reason for this and she wants to know if sheneeds anything and if not if she can go back to her book. This comes across ashurtful to Feyre because she doesn’t get the way Nesta processes interactions. ToNesta this isn’t rude or cruel it’s just…Practical. It’s a fairly simple Aleads to B leads to C type pattern of thinking that misses out the socialfrills and expectations that most people have to…Hide the A leads to B leadsto C pattern of their own interactions because simply saying exactly what you feel/think in situations like this can come across as rude or cold.

-Difficulty socialising/interactingwith people:

-The bluntness is an aspect of this but Nesta isn’t exactlythe world’s biggest people person. She only really has Elain (likely becauseshe understands her and has learned to read her/understand her so she’s comfywith her – Elain gets Nesta in a way I don’t think anyone else truly does – noteven Feyre, (see: the way that Elain goes to Nesta after her and Feyre’sargument in ACOTAR. Fandom condemns her for “siding” with Nesta over Feyre, but Ithink it’s because Elain understands that Nesta was deeply hurt, which was why shelashed out, something that Feyre does not notice) so Nesta is more comfortablearound her)

-Nesta also seems to have trouble making and keeping friends. She’sconstantly shown as being isolated and alone in ACOTAR. When Feyre returns tothe manor it’s clear that Elain has slotted back into the noble social circles again but Nestahasn’t. She’s withdrawn from their friends, the staff, from everyone, really, and Elain comments:

 “She hardlytalks to anyone, and I feel wretched when my friends pay a visit, because shemakes them so uncomfortable when she stares at them in that way of hers …”

Part of this has to do with Tomas’ recent assault and herdeliberately distancing herself from other people. But Nesta making peopleuncomfortable and ‘staring in that way of hers’ are totally autistic things,especially the staring. Autistic people can have some issues with eye contact; either making too much or too little. Nesta is on the ‘too much’ side of things(this is something she does quite a lot, too, it’s not a one-off thing, as implied by ‘that way of hers’ and the fact we see her do things like this several times in canon).

-The only time we ever see Nesta fully relaxed is when she’sbeen on her own, reading in the library in the House of Wind. She’s not aroundother people and she doesn’t have to try and figure out protocols and shit, shecan just be. (There’s an argument to be made here for sensory things too –librariesare typically quiet, comfortable places that don’t have many things in the wayof uncomfortable sensory things that can overwhelm, they’re safe spaces for autistics in that regard. But more on that later) Assoon as people reappear, she instantly and visibly tenses up again.

Also this line like just…speaks to me:

“You don’t mind fixingthe wall or going to the Court of Nightmares, but speaking to people is whereyou draw your line?”

Because…Yup. What Feyre is asking Nesta to do,essentially, is be at the centre of social attention, which is obviouslysomething she’s not super comfortable with. Nesta doesn’t like feeling out ofcontrol of herself and in a situation like the one Feyre is suggesting, whenshe’s poor at communicating with people and reading them, this automatically puts her on her offfoot, which she doesn’t like. It also puts her in a new place in a room full of strangers she has never met before and is in no way comfortable with, which is yet another autistic related thing that would put her off this kind of thing. 

(putting in a cut for length, more of the same below) 

Black and whitethinking

-This describes Nesta’s attitude towards…Pretty mucheverything but it’s a fairly common autistic trait too? Seeing things in veryblack or white/right or wrong type standards and struggling with abstracts. Autistics tend to have their own sets of Rules and it crosses over into that idea as well. Italso applies to the way she is with Feyre in ACOTAR. It’s all very pragmaticand very stark and clear-cut as far as she’s concerned:

“But I knew—with asudden, uncoiling clarity—that Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not myfather, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nestahad always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin, andthat I could fight my own battles. But Elain, the flower-grower, the gentleheart … Nesta would go down swinging for her.”

There’s a lot of stuff in here I’ll pick through bit by bit inthis context.

First that pragmatism, that black and whiteness, in Nestaknowing that Feyre doesn’t need her and is capable of fighting her own battles (not just in this instance).Nesta doesn’t waste time making a show of things or pretending. It’s quitesimple. Elain needs her; Feyre does not – Elain is where she directs her focusand attention. Nesta dedicates herself fully to one thing, the thing sheactually needs to do, rather than tearing her attention between two differentthings when one isn’t necessary in apractical sense.

This also ties in a bit with the socialniceties/expectations thing because the kind of socially acceptable thing herewith regards to Feyre hunting/looking after herself is to fluff things up and‘oh Feyre, shall I help you?’ and offer even if she knows it’s going to berejected – which it would be, because Feyre doesn’t need her help and wouldtell her that. (Incidentally, that rejection would also reinforcing the fact that Nesta is of no real use around the house/in terms of keeping them alive). 

Nesta is perfectly aware of this and doesn’t see the pointin wasting time/words asking when she already knows the answer (and has done for like…five solid years at this point) – even though it’d bemore ‘polite’ of her to do so and be refused because then it shows she cares. 

Social rules are what dictates this way of showing you care, however. To Nesta this is just an entirely empty and pointless gesture. Black and whitelogic dictates that Feyre can take care of herself so Nesta dutifully turns herattentions elsewhere to where she’s actually needed – in this case it’sprotecting Elain. 

When Feyre does need her, however, such as when she’s beentaken by Tamlin, but Elain is comfortable and safe, Nesta moves heaven andearth for Feyre while leaving Elain to her own devices – this is not anElain-exclusive attitude; it’s just the way she is. The same way that she protects Cassian at the end of ACOWAR, and the way she agrees to put herself in a situation she was deeply uncomfortable with (sharing her story with the High Lords) and becoming the human’s emissary because she did not want them to be forgotten. Nesta, like Cassian just fuelled by wildly different motives, protects those who cannot protect themselves; and leaves those that can to do so. 

-Then there’s the other aspect to this black and whitenessin the way Nesta views the world and those in it – for example how she sees herfather. Her morality/sense of good and bad is shaped a lot by this kind of thinking too. There isn’t anything tempering her resentment or her hatred of her father in her eyes. Hedid bad; he’s a bad person, she rejects him, it’s as simple as that. He let hermother die, he lets them starve, he doesn’t even try. Line crossed. Caseclosed. She hates him, fully and completely without any mitigation, end ofstory. (And her feelings here are entirely valid, I am in no way saying thatthis is the ‘wrong’ way of viewing things, it’s just Nesta’s way, and she’scompletely and utterly entitled to it.)

-I’m also using this to aggressively explain away the endingof ACOWAR and the horror show that is Nesta’s conflict with regards toher father. Things are very easy for her to work out while they’re in simpleblack and white/good and bad terms. Her father continues letting them starveand never tries for them, that makes it very easy to consider him as bad andmove on with life. He never does anything to contradict that; there are noconfusing good actions blended in with the bad to swing her focus/feelings. Whenthings become more complicated she struggles with the abstracts. When herfather brings ships named after his daughters to help them and dies right infront of her supposedly defending her this muddies her previously crystal clearwaters.

She has all of this hate and resentment that she’s had forall these years and it makes it impossible to just shift gears and consider himas good because he’s done this good thing for her now. He’s a mix of good andbad now, she has good and bad ‘evidence’ for her feelings towards himand she can’t cope. There’s no easy way to quantify this and put it in a nice,neat little box of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ ‘hate’ or ‘love’ and she gets conflicted andconfused and upset as a result because she can’t work out her own feelings(also an autistic thing) because things aren’t simple stark concepts anymore. She has almost a decade of bad things, but his last act was a good one, and this makes it difficult for her in the absolute way she sees things because suddenly he isn’t an absolute any more and she can’t process it. 

-Also, as I said, this is pretty much Nesta in a nutshell.She deals with things in very definite black and white extremes most of thetime. An answer is either yes or it’s no, the word ‘maybe’ does not exist inNesta’s vocabulary.

“What happened toTomas Mandray?” I asked, the words strangled.“I realized he wouldn’t have gone with me to save you from Prythian.”And for her, with that raging, unrelenting heart, it would have been a line inthe sand.

Earlier on in the book Nesta stated that she loved Tomas.Whether she did or not is debatable but she was fully ready to move out of thecottage and marry him and she pulls a complete U-turn on that because of thisone realisation – a realisation, moreover, that’s based fully on this idea ofcommitment and the black and white nature she sees the world and how she drawslines in the sand with people. This one ‘bad’ action alters her feelings towards him from being willing to marry him, to leaving him on the spot. She deals in absolutes. It’s how she sees and weighs the world and those in it. 

Dislike of change:

-Nesta handles both the death of her mother and the loss oftheir fortune arguably much worse than either of her sisters. Feyre knucklesdown and lives in the moment, Elain looks forwards to a brighter future. Nestagets stuck in the past. These are two massive, massive changes and she doesn’tadapt well to either of them.

She blames and hates her father for her mother’s death andnot doing more to save her (more black and white extremes in there (though alsoa fairly typical reaction to grief/loss, but the extent Nesta takes it to andthe sheer absoluteness that she looks on it with still strikes me. She doesn’tonly condemn her father for this she hates him for it with every inch of herbeing)) and she continues to act like a noble lady even when she lives in arun-down hovel and associates with peasants as opposed to nobility, and hasdone for years. She doesn’t adapt well at all, she continues to live in andlong for the past and she refuses to properly transition into their new life.

But she can’t slot back into her old life either once shegets it back, either, because that’s another change and another upheaval. She becomesisolated, pushes people away, and can’t stomach the social niceties andsmothering rules that come with those social circles and way of life. She does not fit and she cannot adapt in the seamless way that Elain and her father do with the sudden change of their fortunes. She again remains stuck in the past (quite literally, since she fights the glamour and remembers what happened while no-one else does) 

This pattern of her isolating herself when she can’t copewith changes is pretty common, too? She does the same thing after her Making. Ialso think that she projects being more okay with what happened than sheactually is. Nesta has this need to feel in control of herself and when shedoesn’t I think she projects this feeling of being in control even more thanusual in order to try and feel that. But I don’t think she adjusted as well asshe appears to have done, and I think there are hints at that but I won’t gointo all of them here, it’s too long and not relevant enough to delve into. 

She does isolate herself again, though. As she did in the cabin, as she did returning to the manor. She doesn’t really try andactively engage with her new life she just keeps doing what she does; same patterns, different setting. Shedoesn’t try to get to know the Circle or explore Velaris or integrate herselfinto being fae. She remains wearing her old human clothes, doing the things shewould have done as a human, like sitting alone in the library and reading. Sherefuses to train with Cassian and she refuses to acknowledge her new abilitiesor work with them because these things are new and different and overwhelming.  

She clings to the past again. She continues wearing her olddresses and doesn’t change into things more appropriate to the fae world. Sheeven turns up to training and tramps around war camps in her typical dressesbecause they’re familiar and comfortable. (wearing the same clothes over andover again is also a pretty common autistic thing in itself, hence the focus on it)

 The human worldalso remains at the forefront of her thoughts – she remembers to compare thefood the first time she eats with Feyre and the others and she names herself anambassador for the human realm and declares that she hasn’t forgotten them.

Prioritising actionsover words/disliking social niceties:

I’ve kind of mentioned this already but this is in aslightly different vein. Nesta is very actionorientated. She shows how she feels about people in the things that she does,not what she says. She’s very straightforward and I think one of the reasonsshe comes off so poorly is that she puts all of her efforts into doing things (see: the whole going tothe wall thing for Feyre) but she doesn’t back it up with social niceties. (I talked about this earlier; Nesta is living in a world that operates under different social rules to everyone else. Typical social rules dictate that social niceties are a way to come across well and caring - such as offering to help even when she knows it’d be rejected. Nesta doesn’t demonstrate her caring in that way, but she does demonstrate it - in her own way, in terms that she understands and responds to) 

Nesta doesn’t soften herself or attempt to be somethingshe’s not; she doesn’t try and charm people with sweet, flowery words the waythat Elain can, she isn’t made that way. She comes off as cold and rude when inactual fact she just isn’t burying what she says under sixteen layers ofexhausting social protocols that she doesn’t understand. 

Nesta just is. She’s just unapologetically herself(which, in the context of this hc, I adore, because so many people, girls especially, miss out ondiagnoses because they force themselves to learn to appear more socially adeptthan they feel/with what lines up with their experiences with people becauseit’s expected for girls to be soft and polite, and very well-mannered and Nestadoesn’t do that. She is unapologetically herself. She places no stock or valuein social niceties and she doesn’t bother wasting time on them or mincing herwords to try and appease those around her when she just doesn’t get it/care forit herself)

“ I never have togo back to those sycophantic fools over the wall. I get to do as I wish, sinceapparently no one here has any regard for rules or manners or ourtraditions.”

There’s a couple of things in here – one the ‘sycophanticfools’ comment which implies what I was saying about her disregard for socialniceties and that forced, excessive politeness that’s common in high societycircles. In her culture this is just the way that people are and the way theytypically communicate and behave but Nesta refers to them as ‘sycophantic fools’because she isn’t operating under the same rules as they are and just sees themas pandering and false which she dislikes. I can’t see Nesta being particularlyadept at that and I can see her accidentally offending people with the way sheis, awkward silences and shutting down of conversations and completely missing out all of the fluttery, excessive politeness that’sexpected of ladies of her station.

Also the slightly negative connotation in ‘apparently no-onehere has any regard for rules or manners or our traditions’ – implying that shedoes. Autistics tend to be quite rule orientated and routine orientated too,both of which get covered by ‘rules and traditions’ here. Even if they arearchaic and backwards and limiting due to her gender, she finds the completelack of them distasteful/negative because it means there’s no order and nostructure in this world, which doesn’t fully sit right with her.

-Empathy/Emotions:

Autistic people tend to have variations in this (notnecessarily always less than allistics) they can either be hypoempathetic (lessthan typical) or hyperempathetic (more than typical) in different ways. Thereare different types of empathy, believe it or not: cognitive empathy, which isbeing able to understand/know what someone is feeling without them telling them,usually via non-verbal communication, things like tone, body language etc(Nesta, with her poor reading of people’s intentions and body language etc would,arguably, have less than normal cognitive empathy) Same with affective empathywhich is basically, you feel the same emotion you’ve identified in someone – ifthey’re sad, you get empathetically sad too. Nesta doesn’t seem to have a hugeheaping of this either (she has a lot of intense feelings, but they don’tnecessarily mirror the people around her), so she’s hypoempathetic when itcomes to cognitive and affective empathy, as far as my headcanon goes.

She seems to have a fair amount of compassionate empathy,however, to the point of perhaps having too much. Compassionate empathy is,basically, the desire to help people if they’re having problems. She leapfrogsover the non-verbal understanding of what someone is feeling, and she doesn’tempathetically feel what they feel either, but the depth to which she feels theneed to help people is definitely in there. See: the scene where she begs thequeens to give up the book to Rhys and Feyre and the scene where she tellsCassian that she can’t leave him on the battlefield, and the lengths she goesto to try and help Feyre after Tamlin takes her away etc etc etc.

Nesta is said many, many times to feel things a lot moredeeply than those around her. This is, as far as I’m aware, a fairly commonautistic experience, especially because she’s very poor at showing it. In theWings and Embers short she thinks to herself: 

‘She felt it all—tookeenly, too sharply. Hated and cared and loved and dreaded, more than otherpeople, she sometimes thought. Could sift between them all in a matter ofmoments, like she was trying on different sets of clothes, and no one couldtell or care.’

In addition to the depth of feeling thing, the no-onenoticing how she feels is pretty telling. Autistics struggle to read otherpeople but can also suffer from people struggling to read them in turn, whichis something I think Nesta gets a lot of since she feels these things so, sodeeply but no-one ever notices it and she gets brushed off as beingcold/withdrawn (also common to autistics) when in actual fact she’s the preciseopposite. She just doesn’t communicate it in the same was as everyone else, sounless they know her very well and/or are very socially switched on (ie Cassianand Elain) they don’t notice and don’t understand her.  

-‘Learning’ bodylanguage/social rules:

-There are a few places where Nesta seems to be reasonablysocially adept – I’m thinking Wings and Embers where she correctly hits onCassian’s sore points but I don’t think this disproves  this headcanon. Autistics are capable ofunderstanding and reading body language it’s just not something that’sinnate/built-in. But there’s nothing to stop them learning it. A lot ofautistics learn how to ‘pass’ as neurotypical (sometimes evenunintentionally/unconsciously, they do so to try and fit in) by activelylearning to read those around them (which is why some autistics are good withinteracting with people that they know, but struggle a lot with strangers) andlearning social rules and mimicking those around them. The way that Nestawatches Cassian and has to work to consciously gauge his reaction to her inWings and Embers is telling.

Also this scene:

‘Nesta was watching the volley of words as if it were a sporting match,eyes darting between us. She didn’t reach for any food, so I took theliberty of dumping spoonfuls of various things onto her plate.’

This is the first time that Nesta has interacted with thegroup as a whole. She doesn’t engage with them or join in their conversation(and even when she fleetingly does, she only really talks to Feyre, her sister,who she’s obviously more comfortable with) otherwise she just sits and watchesthem, figuring out how they work, how to read them, how to interact with them. It’sall this conscious process of working people out and understanding them whenthey’re in this new casual setting.

-Misc bits and bobs:

-I can make an argument for Nesta being touchaverse/sensitive. Feyre comments that she’s never been physically affectionatewith her sister. When she and Nesta quietly talk over triggers and Feyre isreassuring/comforting her she does this: 

“Iknew better than to touch her hand. But I said, “When we get home, we’llinstall something else for you.” 

Feyre doesn’t attempt to physicallycomfort Nesta since she knows that won’t go down well. (As an aside, thisdoesn’t get discounted by the Nessian moments a)- Most of the time Nestainitiates their contact and b)- sensory sensitives are weird and with touch,having specific people be exceptions to the rule isn’t uncommon)

-@blogtealdeal gets credit for coming up with thissuggestion but the hc Nesta was reading the romance books that seemed souncharacteristic for her, according to Cassian, being her ‘researching’ romanceand trying to get a better handle on how to handle her relationship with Cassis my new favourite thing ever. If she were doing this it’d be a form ofscripting which is basically rehearsing an interaction before it happens. It alsospeaks to Nesta’s general ‘wtfness’ when it comes to relationships with otherpeople and her attempts at learning them through books is understandable.

- ‘Teaching Nestato paint was about as pleasant as I had expected it to be […] Supplies wereeasy enough to come by, but explaining how I painted, convincing Nesta toexpress what was in her mind, her heart … At the very least, she repeated mybrushstrokes with a precise and solid hand.’

Imagining things/thinking in pictures is something some autisticscan struggle with. Nesta doesn’t actually put what’s in her mind down when shepaints, she just copies Feyre’s exact brushstrokes and does what she does. (Kindalike the whole scripting/mimicking fiction thing from her romance reading) Translatingher feelings to paintings/expressing herself in that way is something she alsoseems to struggle a lot with. Trouble pinning down feelings exactly/knowingexactly what you’re feeling is also an autistic experience, it’s called alexithmyaand it’s something I can see Nesta experiencing without too much effort (especially with the Wings and Embers quote being taken into account as well).

Finally, This:

Amren nodded, more toherself than anyone. “You did not fit—the mold that they shoved you into. Thepath you were born upon and forced to walk.You tried, and yet you did not, could not, fit. And thenthe path changed.” A little nod. “I know—what it is to be that way. I rememberit, long ago as it was.”

This is just….The most autistic thing I have ever witnessedin my entire existence. That idea of not fitting, of trying to but not beingable to, of not being able to fit the expected moulds…And Nesta didn’t? Alsothe fact that Amren didn’t fit with the members of her kind because she feltthings differently to them and perceived and understood the world differentlyto them reinforces this parallel with Nesta being an autistic human whoperceived the world differently to those around her and engaged with itdifferently as well, therefore never quite fitting in.

(It’s also my headcanon (pure headcanon, as most of this is)to explain why Nesta appears to adjust much better to being Made Fae than Elaindoes. In spite of her struggling with the dramatic change, the actual Making she seems to accept better than her younger sister. She’s spent her entire life not quite fitting in and not quite belonging tothe people around her – this is not a new experience for her as it is forElain, who has always been very comfortable in herself/her interactions withothers)

I’m going to wrap this up here or I could genuinely go on forever. Like I said at the beginning of this, none of this is me trying to “””prove””” that Nesta actually is autistic/was deliberately written that way. This is just…An elaborate hc that I have and the above is like…the intricate details of said hc, I’m not trying to say this is the way she should be read/was intended to be read it’s just…An interesting way to choose to read her for the sake of some (really good) rep. 

TL;DR: Nesta is my beautiful autistic daughter and this hc delights me. Enjoy.