#also i shouldve been in bed an hour and a half ago i have work tomorrow omg ok bye | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aestheticsuwu · 4 years ago

Text

🛋 I Wish I Didn't Care All The Time 🛋

F.W.B AU! Klarker

Clark Barker x Jack Kline

.... ..... ..... ..... ..

Many people have many opinions on F.W.B , but one opinion that is mainly seen and heard is that at the end it tends to blow up at your face .

Jack wasn't one to get involve into some shit that he will regret . On the other hand , his best friend Clark has done some shit that have gotten both of them in trouble .

Keep in mind half the time Jack wouldn't be involved and he somehow get caught red handed . He blames it all on Clark , well that's his excuse cause he doesn't want to get the wrath of his parents .

Sure he can ignore the raven man and hang with his other friends and live a simple , relaxing life . The problem is that Jack doesn't quite have other friends . He just has his older sister Claire . And her friends only talk to him out of pity .

He met Clark in high school when the guy tried to convince him to do the class project all by himself . From then on they sorta clicked , they were inseparable. Many people thought they were dating .

He wasn't blind , his friend was attractive and by all the times Clark had told him he was hot . He could see why people thought that they were a couple , the latter was quite touchy .

And it wasn't like it never crossed his mind , but the thing was Clark is basically fuck boy . He doesn't do relationships , the only thing he can commit is to drugs, food , and music .

On the other hand he didn't have a problem with commitment issues , but all his relationships just never seem to work out . The problem mainly being Clark , that's what his exes would tell him .

" Fuck them , they dont know what their missing out , And being honest she was annoying . "

That was always his response , pointing out what he didn't like about the person .

" you don't like no one " it was like a relative

thing . He wasn't lying when he mentioned about his failed attempt at love .

" I like you , don't I " Rolling his eyes , as the raven haired holds him close . All he can do is take in the somehow soothing smell of cigarettes and cologne .

.....

Being in college is frustrating , mainly being filled overload with homework , essays , projects , and you can't forget anxiety . Jack was just overwhelmed , he just wanted to go home to his dad's and listen to them bicker . Have a fight with Claire about anything , help his father with his garden and watch the bees .

He wants to spend time with his uncle Sam maybe playing football , even he's terribly bad at it . Laugh with his aunt Eileen, when Sam and Dean get competitive over who's actually winning . he just wants to be with his family .

Thank God break is coming soon , if not he would've exploded . When he mentions it to Clark, he just say he's probably frustrated because he hasn't gotten any action . He usually just throws his pillow at him .

..... ...... .....

It wasn't the first time he seen his friend drunk , it was after all was a constant thing he would do . Watching as his friend struggle to take of his jacket and stumbling to go lay down , it wasn't no surprise when he had fell down . He also couldn't help but laugh along with Clark.

" seems like you had a fun night , here let me help you " Helping him stand up , he starts to remove his jacket .

" Fuck yeah I did , you should've have gone . You could've released some of your pent up frustration . " Clark spoke as he looked at the blonde .

" can you not , just be glad you did . God you reek of ciggaretes . I don't know when your gonna learn when to stop smoking .

Hold on I'm gonna help you change , please try not to fall . "

removing the other boy shirt , he walks to the drawer taking out what he needs . returning to the now slighty naked drunk .

" I missed you "

" i missed you too . you should lay down. " turning around to lay down , he was stopped .

" can you lay with me tonight . please . "

Clark asked still holding on to his wrist . as they both layed down , he didn't know why his heart was beating so fast . Maybe it was the way his friend was looking at him or how all he can think of how was to kiss him . But there was that warning bell

going off his mind warning him to not cross the line . but by the time he was gonna acknowledge it , Clark had started kissing him .

He wasn't the one to be blamed , if you were being kissed by the same person who was incredibly a good kisser you would also ignore all the warning signs .

His lips tasted like beer and cigarettes. Clothes were thrown across the room . Darker hands roamed gently across soft pale skin , Holding him down firmly . As he racked his nails down the ravens back from the pleasure he was receiving. And he should've known everything wouldn't be the same after that night .

.... .... ....

The morning after , Jack got his ass up from the bed and quickly left as he could . Scared he had to face him . cursing himself for being so weak , he shouldve have stopped . He knew he should go back to his dorm and got talk to Clark, but it didn't mean he couldn't avoid it for a few more hours .

walking in the dorm , he expected to see the latter in the room but he was nowhere to be seen . So he sat down and waited . minutes after minutes then turned to hours . Might as well get started with his paper that was due this week .

It was dark when he heard the door open . looking up from his computer , watching as Clark walk in . Obviously ignoring him , he went straight to bathroom . They didn't spoke at all , just Jack watching him change . but he didn't once look at him .

Right he was about to step out , he just quickly spoke and left .

" I'm going out , don't wait up "

The silence didn't quite helped him feel better .It made him feel like shit , it just made it worse when he started to cry .

.... .... ....

All he can see was darkness , he kept glancing at the clock . The time was just there mocking him as if it knew he was waiting for someone that might not come . checking again it was still 2 : 00 AM like it was two seconds ago .So he just turned on the lights .

Coming to the conclusion that the raven haired was probably in someone else's bed . He gets out of bed to turn off the lights , the door opens .

" your awake , I thought you were asleep already ." a surprised look coming across his face .

" I was going to , I was just ......... " silence overtook the conversation . they just standed for a good minute until Clark spoke but didn't even look at his direction .

" alright . night . "

Shame crept up in his skin , he knew he should've kept his mouth shut . but the words just tumbled out his mouth .

" you had fun ? I mean by looks of it . "

finishing getting undress , he responds by shrugging . not being able to stand the cold shoulder , he tries again but unfortunately that's when his tears started to come in .

" Jack , are you crying ? "

startled by the voice , he looks up. He didn't even notice when his friend came closer. He latches on to the older boy ,not wanting the other to leave him . feeling Clark hold him tight and giving him a kiss on his temple made him calm down .

Later that night they talked and both agreed it was an amazing beautiful mistake but both knew it would affect their friendship . So they agreed to move on , keep going with their life's.

Unfortunately , Clark haven't been able to sleep with anyone else after night. It seemed nobody was good enough for him . It just seemed pointless , and he doesn't want to remember when he try to have sex but he couldn't get it up .

So it lead him to masturbating and smoking . But he couldn't do it because he didn't have time to do so . And it seemed both him and Jack were playing a game that they didn't even know the rules to .

All broke loose when he saw a guy try to give Jack his number in front of him . HE was just boiling and it was like the blonde knew what it was doing to him . He started flirting back with that dumbass .

When they both got back to the dorm , they locked the door .

The next day they both went to find the guy and jack had to explain to the guy he wasnt interested , not because what had happen in that same day .

And if Clark had a smug smirk all day nobody mentioned it

.... ....

They agreed on a Friend with benefits agreement . There were rules that had to be followed so at the end their friendship wouldnt get ruined .

* 1 . Don't tell anyone

* 2 . once feelings start to form they had to call it quits

* 3 . They're aren't allowed to sleep with anyone else

( Jack agreed with that one right away , he wasn't trying to catch a disease or something . well that's what he kept telling himself .)

* 4 . They can stop whenever the other doesn't want to continue .

* 5 . Always ask consent !

Jack was really proud he came up with that , even if Clark retorted

" I think when your all over me it should be more clear that you want me to F- "

covering his mouth he ends the conversation to point out their first time .

" you were the one that had asked me the first time .:

And well they couldn't quite finish the list , because one kiss lead to another and well how can you blame Clark when the blonde was smiling at him like that .

When both come to the conclusion that had fallen way before they had come to the point they were . The blonde tries to show the other , how maybe they didn't have to be just friends . While the other pretends , it all just distraction like playing a board game .

Even if it broke Clark's heart having to remind himself , it was just that and nothing more .

...... ..... .....

there should be more klarker fic

22 notes · View notes

fiftyshadesgrl · 5 years ago

Text

He saved me/ part 9

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationdhip. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: this story will have smut, language, violence, abuse and torture. If youre triggered by any of this i suggest not reading.

6 months later....

Me and bobby were sitting at the table eating the homemade lasanga and garlic bread i had made when his phone started to ring. He leaned over and with one hand snatched the phone from its cradle never faltering with his other hand that had a fork full of lasanga.

"Yeah?" Bobby said evenly. "Alright what time will you be in?" Bobby glanced my direction, i smiled warmly at him and he just stared. "Alright see you in a few."

He sighed when he hung up, "that was sam." I perked up at the mention of his name. I hadnt seen him in so long and to be honest i missed him. "Theyre going to stop by, need some info on a hunt."

I smiled, "thats great! I miss that boy." Then it hit me. "Wait, you said they. That means.."

He nodded, "yeah deans gonna be here too. Sam wanted to give you a heads up before they get here. Ya know, just in case you wanna bolt."

I thought about it long and hard, would seeing dean bring up all those old feelings ive been burying since i left? Would he even be happy to see me? Would he be mad? Would he even acknowledge i was here?

I sighed and gave him a small smile that im sure didnt reach my eyes. "Ill be alright bobby, ive got dinner dishes to do and plenty to keep me occupied. If i know dean hes gonna want food so ill fix them a plate when they get here then you wont even know im here."

We finished our dinner and when i stood to take our plates i asked, "what time will they be here?"

"Id say about another hour."

I nodded and made my way to the kitchen to get started on the dishes and to clean up.

An hour and a half later there was a knock on the door. I could hear from the kitchen.

"Hiya bobby." Sam said.

"Good to see ya boys." Bobby said sounding cheerful.

"Doing some spring cleaning bobby?" That was the voice that has haunted me for the past 6 months. I could almost smell him from where i stood. That comforting feeling blanketed me just by hearing his voice. I sighed to myself knowing he didnt know i was here.

I took the lasanga and plated a huge piece for sam and dean, along with placing the garlic bread in the basket from earlier. I took a deep breath and took my first steps out towards the boys.

I walked up behind them where they sat at the table, i set down the plates in front of them. Both men jerked in response then our eyes met.

"(Y/N)!" Sam jumped up from his spot at the table and engulfed me in a huge hug.

"Hey sammy, its good to see you." I was geniunely happy to see him.

He pulled back and inspected me, "you look great. How are you doing?"

"Better than i was last time you saw me." I said matter of factly and im sure dean knew what incident i was talking about.

"What the hell?" Dean said still in shock i think.

"Hey dean." I said in a flat tone. His brow furrowed at that.

"How long have you been here?" He asked.

"6 months." I said over my shoulder making my way to get their drinks. When i turned around from the fridge dean was standing there behind me.

"You have been here this whole time and never contacted me? Ive been going crazy not knowing where you were." Dean sounded mad, the nerve.

I straightend my spine to stand as tall as i could, "you made it pretty clear that night what you wanted."

"Damn it (Y/N), thats not fair."

I chuckled, "lifes not fair dean, you of all people should know that. Now go back and eat. I cant stand for food to be wasted."

"We are not done here." He said through gritted teeth.

I pushed past him but turned around right before i walked out. "Yeah dean, we are." With that i placed the drinks on the table and walked upstairs.

I changed into my running clothes the same ones i wore the night me and dean had sex. He thinks he has a hold on me well im going to remind him just what he walked out on.

I hopped down the stairs and put my hair up in a high ponytail. I hooked my ipod to my armband and slipped my tennis shoes on. All eyes focused on me when i walked into the dining room.

"Im going for a run, dont stay up to late old man." I walked over to bobby and kissed his cheek.

He smiled up at me "be careful."

"Dont worry, ill be fine." I looked to sam and dean and didnt fail to notice the lust in his eyes. "If you boys are gone before i get back, its been nice seeing ya again."

Sam stood and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. Dean didnt move didnt even look at me. I slapped him on the shoulder, "see ya deano."

With that i made my way outside. I started stretching my muscles when i got out in the warm air. I was getting ready to start my run when i heard the front door open behind me.

"(Y/N), we need to talk." Deans voice sent a chill up my spine but i tried my best to ignore it. I closed my eyes and sighed as i turned towards him.

"Have you found parker yet?"

Dean shook his head.

"Then we have nothing to talk about." I said as i started walking up the driveway. Dean was close behind me.

"Yes we do. You cant run from me forever."

I picked up my pace to a light jog, "tell ya what. If you can keep up we can talk."

I started running faster, i knew dean didnt do running. I heard him huffing then stop all together. I smiled over my shoulder at him then put my ear buds in and cranked up my music.

When i got back to bobbys an hour later the impala was still parked in the driveway. I rolled my eyes and opened the front door. I heard the guys talking in the living room then i heard my name come up.

"I dont know what to do. (Y/N) just wont talk to me." That was dean.

"Maybe she will come around. I mean you walked out on her at the worst time in her life." I recognized that as sam. He was taking up for me.

"Did she never mention anything to you? I mean she has been here for half a year." Dean asked bobby.

"She never talked to me about anything. I wasnt going to force her." Bobby said sounding aggitated.

"You mean to tell me after all this time you two living under the same roof nothing has come up about that night?"

I heard a glass slam down on the table. "You calling me a liar?"

I figured id show my face before it got more heated. "Im back, gonna grab a shower then head to bed."

Bobby nodded and i dashed up the stairs before anyone could say anything else. After my shower i walked down stairs to get a bottle of water. The guys were talking about some kind of lore and really didnt pay me no mind.

I walked back upstairs but instead of going to bed i went into the other spare room and started sorting files and cleaning up.

I almost had all the files organized and in their own seperate piles, i just had to put them in the file cabinet. A certain file caught my eye, the name sounded so familiar. Patrick windsor, i opened the file and gasped. It was parkers father.

I started reading through the file and it had all kinds of locations where he had been at and owned. Apparently patrick was a demon as well, working for lucifer himself. I was so focused on the file that i didnt hear someone approaching.

"Couldnt sleep?" Deans rough voice sounded from the doorway. I looked up and he was sipping yet another beer.

"No, i came up here to sort through all of this." I said in a flat tone, hoping he would just go away. I didnt want to discuss anything with dean right now. Instead he walked in and took a seat in the chair right across from me.

He didnt say a word, just sat there watching me. After a few minutes it started to get under my skin. "Why are you in here?" I asked a little snippy.

He smiled, "for you." I rolled my eyes and continued placing the files in different stacks. "Come on (Y/N), you cant ignore me forever."

"Its worked for six months."

He sighed heavily and stood up. Walking over to where i was sitting on the floor. I thought he might leave but instead he sat down next to me.

"I know i hurt you, but i was only looking out for your well being." He ran a hand through his hair, "ive learned that in this life we dont get love. We dont get happily ever afters. A hunter can retire and ward off whats out there. Like bobby, he lost his wife a long time ago and has never got close to anyone since. A hunters family and loved ones are never safe."

I nodded letting him talk, this is a side that i doubt many people ever saw of dean. I felt a little honored that he would open up to me, so i let him continue.

"That night when you told me you loved me it scared the hell out of me. Not because i dont want you, because you have already been through so much. You cant and shouldnt fall for me. Youre just going to get hurt or worse."

I nodded and placed the file i was holding down beside me. "I understand where youre coming from, but you cant push everyone away dean."

He shook his head, "i dont think you do. I tried the whole leave this life behind and have a family thing. She had a son, i thought of him like my own. I loved her and for a minute i was happy. Then a demon possesed her and tried to kill her right in front of me and her son. We got her to the hospital and cas healed her but i also asked him to take away all of lisa and bens memories of me. That was hard to see a woman and kid i loved look at me a different way than they had that morning. Never knowing who i was, but it was better for them, if i had never came into their lives in the first place it wouldnt have happened. So i just made things right, the way they shouldve been."

A silent tear fell from my eyes hearing dean talk about what he has went through. I now truly understood his hesitance about getting close to people. Instead of making me hate him it made me love him that much more, but i could never act upon it again. He downed the rest of his beer and sat the bottle down next to his leg.

"Dean, im sorry for everything you have went through. I have never had someone who truly loved me so i wouldnt know how that feels." I figured since he opened up to me it was only fair that i do the same. "At first i thought parker loved me. I just got so blinded by his words. I never had a family i was in the system until i was 15, then i ran away and never looked back. I was prostituting to make rent and for a little food, then i met parker. He took me in, sweet talked me, made empty promises on marrying me having children and having anything i would ever wanted. I fell for it and that has led me to where i am now."

"You can still have that life. Get married, have a family."

I shook my head, "no parker done so much damage to me that he destroyed the chance of me ever having children."

He opened his mouth to say something but i cut him off. "I never knew what love was, until i met you. Youre just so easy to fall for, but i know now that you dont feel the same way."

"(Y/N)....."

"Let me finish." He nodded and i continued. "Just because you dont love me doesnt make you less of a person. Youre a great guy and i hope one day you can prove youself wrong."

He looked down at the floor, when he looked up his eyes had tears in them. I placed a hand on his that he had on his leg. "Its okay dean, dont beat yourself up." Just as he was about to say something sam appeared in the doorway.

"I think we may have something on parker."

@an-unhealthy-obsession

#dean winchester #dean x reader #deanwinchester #supernatural #deanwinchestersmut #dean x you

181 notes · View notes

nadiineross · 7 years ago

Text

title: cheeks get redder, nothing better

pairing: chloe/nadine

note: this is incomplete but basically fluff bc i didnt know how to end it and if im going to be honest i shouldve went a different way with the bathroom scene and ended it earlier

It’s been a month and a half after that whole tusk debacle and while Sam had stuck around, waiting for them to say the word, he hadn’t gotten in the way much.

Which is to say, he only cockblocked Nadine once. (He also had a boot thrown at him the one time.)

They’re in America now, wallets considerably heavier and treating themselves to a five star hotel.

Obviously, she wanted to catch up with her old friends — mostly she just wanted to brag about all the trinkets she’d found on her latest excursion — so she texted Nate upon landing, telling him to go to her, because it’s safer to keep her load of treasure safe if she didn’t parade it across a city.

It only occurs to Chloe now that she probably should not have given Nate her room number and definitely should not have told him to meet her there.

She’s just realising that none of her friends outside of Sam know about Nadine yet. She also remembers Nadine telling her that she threw Nate out of a window twice. (She’d chuckled at the time, now not so much.)

Nadine’s always prattling on about foresight and she figures she should probably listen more.

“Oh bloody hell,” she mutters under her breath, and as if on cue, the barista plops down two to-go cups on the counter and yells for her.

She scoops up the coffees and promptly drops them back down, hissing. Fingers now properly scalded, she slips cardboard sleeves around the cups before she’s off again.

Thankfully, the Starbucks is right next to her hotel and she has no trouble getting to the elevators.

There’s a bellboy in the elevator, and she flashes him a smile. “Hey, mate, hold my coffee?”

He clears his throat, nods after a beat, and does as told, watching as she digs her keycard out of her pocket to get access to the guest floors.

“Thank you,” she says when he hands the coffee back to her.

She must look a sight; a beaten up Kim Possible who dresses in shades of red and has mismatched socks under a pair of knock-off Nikes. Not exactly the kind of person you’d see running around the lobby of a Hilton.

You can’t blame her. She’d only woken up half an hour ago, sprawled over Nadine, eyes bleary with sleep.

She’d texted Nate again last night and forgotten he was coming over, so she scrambled up to get ready. They’d missed the buffet, so she gave a drowsy Nadine a solid kiss on the mouth and hurried off to Starbucks to buy them breakfast. Speaking of which, she forgot the pastries.

She huffs to herself, mutters a “thanks” to the bellboy, and taps her foot impatiently over the beat of jazzy elevator music.

The frowning bellboy stays on after she rushes off to get to her room. Oh. She winces when she notices the door is left ajar. She jogs the rest of the way and pushes the door open with her shoulder.

There, against the wall by the windows, is a barely waken Nadine Ross and a snarling Nathan Drake. He’s got his arm around her throat and she’s preparing to give him an elbow to the gut.

Nate notices her first, but he can’t get anything out, the wind knocked out of him as Nadine twists and slams him into the wall.

“Chloe,” he gasps, one hand shoving at Nadine’s face. “If you’re free any time today, could you possibly give me a hand?”

That spurs her into motion. She closes the door with an audible slam and stomps her way in. “Hands off my girlfriend, Drake!”

“What?”

Chloe dumps the coffee onto the table with a dull clunk and eyes the window right next to them. Nate would have a rough time getting out of that fall. “Nadine, love.”

There’s a beat. Then, Nadine’s backing off, forearm coming off Nate’s throat and swatting his flailing hand away from her.

“I can’t believe I like his brother more than I do him,” she informs Chloe, ignoring Nate completely.

She’s in a pair of leggings and an Adidas sports bra, hair stuffed in a sloppy ponytail. Chloe has no idea what kind of conclusion Nate came to when he first saw a disheveled Nadine Ross at the doorway.

“Sorry,” she mouths to Nadine, who rolls her eyes and grabs her disgustingly bitter coffee off the desk.

Nate’s eyes are flicking between Nadine and Chloe, hands rubbing at his neck. “Well!” she starts, clapping her hands together. “How’ve you been?”

Behind her, Nadine snorts into her coffee. Chloe ignores her. Nate follows her lead, ignores them both, and gestures wildly. “That—That’s Nadine Ross!”

“Oh.” Chloe puts a hand to her heart and turns to look at Nadine, bent at the waist to pull a shirt from her bags. “Hear that, china? You’re Nadine Ross!”

“Astounding,” Nadine deadpans.

Nate is completely and utterly lost. “You...” Here, he sputters and points an accusing finger at Chloe. “You’re sleeping with the lady who threw me across, like, five different rooms!”

She nods, faux serious, and hums in appreciation when Nadine hands Chloe her coffee. “Yes,” she says, taking a sip. “She’s really strong.”

“You’re unbelievable,” he finally says.

“I’ll give you two some space,” Nadine says, stiffly. She shuffles into the bathroom, leaving the door open.

Chloe sits herself down on the edge of the bed, watching as Nate gapes a little more.

“Oh, c’mon, Nate,” she scoffs after a moment of prolonged silence.

Nate frowns. “She shot at me.”

“You shot at her too.”

“Well,” he says, sniffing. “She started it.”

Chloe gives him a look. “Really?”

Nate sighs, drags a hand down his face, and squints at her. “Okay, but she’s scary.”

“It’s a quality I greatly admire,” she says, grinning. He’ll process this on his own time; she can already tell he’s moving on, because he’s working his jaw and straightening up.

“I have so many questions for you,” he tells her, sitting down beside her.

“Later.” She flops onto her stomach, upper body hanging over the end of the bed, and stretches out to haul her suitcase closer. She unzips it and piles her folded clothes onto one side, revealing a myriad of trinkets she’d collected.

When they’re done here, Chloe’ll probably head back to Australia so she can add it all to her collection at home, but for now, she lets Nate have at it.

She chuckles when he gasps, grabby hands skimming over the edges of the pile, and waves a hand. “Have fun, cowboy.”

As he marvels over it all and takes pictures to send to Elena, she rolls onto her feet and peers into the bathroom.

Nadine’s perched on the edge of the bathtub, typing something on her phone with a plastic toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. She glances up at Chloe when the door clicks shut, but only puts the phone down after a moment.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Chloe jokes, eyes following Nadine to the sink.

“I’m really questioning your taste in company, Frazer,” Nadine says, lightly, after she rinses out her mouth.

Chloe grimaces, letting Nadine cage her against the door. “I forgot to tell him about our,” here, she hesitates, “partnership.”

If this was a month ago, Nadine would’ve ripped Chloe a new one for this stunt. Now, she only tilts her head. “Girlfriend?”

Right. Chloe said that.

She doesn’t have anything outstanding to say, so she pulls her signature move: go head first and hope for the best.

“Yes?” she replies, sweetly.

Nadine snorts, pulling back, but not completely. “We’re fucking.”

The bluntness of it has Chloe wilting in her spot a little, and if Nate wasn’t less than two meters away, she’d probably be trying to start something just to hide her embarrassment and dismay. Instead, she’s forced to handle it like a functioning adult.

She nods and slips her fists into her pockets. “We’re fucking regularly.” A beat. “And spending most of our waking moments together. So.”

“So.” Nadine looks faintly amused and, oh, Chloe wants to thwack her over the head if she could get away with it.

“So, logically,” Chloe says, “that’s dating.”

Nadine grows serious, not stern, the softness is still there, but the humour’s gone. “If there’s a question somewhere, ask it.”

Chloe’s only ever dated when she was in high school. Sure, there were a couple between then and now, take Nate for example, but they’d always asked her first. It’s a little jarring being on the other end. She’s faced armies and imminent death by bomb, and asking a girl out can’t be that hard, so she sucks it up.

There’s a moment she uses to gather her courage. She thinks about Nate, about when she’d asked him to run away with her so many years ago and the knot of nervousness at the base of her chest when she did.

“Nadine Ross,” she says, pulling Nadine closer. The warmth of her body quells the rolling in her chest. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Nadine, who Chloe had kept waiting again, surges forward to kiss her, impatient. In her haste, she bumps their teeth together, but Chloe reckons this is the best fucking kiss she’s ever had.

“So that’s a yes?” Chloe asks, into her mouth.

There’s a sharp inhale. Nadine let’s it out with a breathy laugh. “That’s a yes.”

Chloe beams. She’s about to say something more, a teasing quip to lighten the mood just a tad more, but there’s a hesitant knock on the door before she can say anything.

“Uh, guys,” comes Nate, awkward, “I really hope you’re not...”

Nadine looks like she’s going to have an aneurism, so Chloe kisses her again, chaste this time.

Then, she turns and pulls the door open a crack to glare at Nate. “What?”

Chloe mourns the warmth when Nadine pulls back. She opens the door fully and raises an eyebrow at Nate. He glances at Nadine, shifts his weight, and wiggles his phone. “Elena said she managed to get out of filming and wants to meet for lunch.”

“Oh,” Chloe says. She looks over her shoulder to an impassive Nadine. “You coming?”

“No. I’ve got some business to attend to.”

Usually, Chloe’d push, but she figures Nadine wouldn’t have much to say and would be bored out of her mind, besides, they’ve only been going steady for about three minutes.

Relieved, Nate jerks a thumb at the door. “I’ll wait outside.”

#chlodine #nadine ross #chlodinefics #chloe x nadine #chloe frazer #chlodine fic #uncharted fic #lost legacy #the title is garbage but oh well!!!!!!!!

90 notes · View notes

todokanai-suishou · 4 years ago

Text

Excerpt of a fic I didn’t know I still had

Vanilla Twilight - an excerpt of what used to be a ceo!JJK AU fanfic written at three AM somewhen in november. I don’t know why I didn’t choose names.

Neither do I know why I’m posting this. Good Night. WC: 2,4k

„As many times as I blink I'll think of You tonight“

It's been what? Three months now? Yeah, it must have been about three months since she told him „I don't want to see you again.“ Three Months since the love of his way too young life just stumbled out of it completely, three months since he's been drowning himself in work,

and yet, only two days since his father told him not to.“You need a break“ he said. „You'll die before you reach my age if you keep overworking like that.“ „Take a leave for the next week or so, the company won't go down in flames because you're missing for a few days.“

But yet it felt like the company was the only thing that held him together anymore. It may have been unhealthy to work that much, but sitting on his rooftop right now and starring at the sun that was setting wasn't any better. The company might not have missed him, but he missed her and if he was wide awake like that, from the lack of work or excercise to keep him from falling asleep as soon as he even saw a bed, it was worse.

There was nothing to distract him now. No means to make up for what he had done and no reason to not think of her this very second

on this very day, that once was so special to them both.

A tear ran down his face as he gripped the magnetic bracelets tighter with his left hand. Two years had passed since he's got his.

„If my heart was a house, you'd be home.“ they'd say. The compasses reacting to each other wildly, needles swinging left to right beneath the glass as the bracelets were pressed together.

At one point, after she left hers at his place that night, he stopped wearing his. Though for the time being, he still looked into the little flowery treasure chest in his closet to see if hers was still with his, Hoping she'd secretly somehow come to sneak in and steal it like she did his heart three years ago, or that it was all a bad dream and he woke up with her next to him like they did on every trip, or back somewhen two and a half years ago when she fell asleep in his apartment after watching some movie he didn't want to watch in first place. He still hoped, wished, dreamed he could go back to that.

And every time it was devastating. It was devastating to see her bracelet next to his, lying there and just pointing at the other as theirs would if they were within a few metres.

But she wasn't. And he had no idea where the hell she was. And it killed him. It killed him when he told her she'd never change, that he made her say good bye instead of letting her into his apartment, when he was the only one she trusted with her deepest thoughts, the only one she felt whole around and when she was the only one he ever really loved that loudly, and he didn't tell her until she walked out of his life,her still saying „I'm sorry“. When, to him, he was always the one that should be saying sorry for the things he said and did that night.

Or maybe they shouldve both just said sorry, talked it out.

He sighed „no.“ She made it clear that she didn't want to talk. She didn't want him to apologize, or at least not accept it. Letting her pride led by the pain get in the way ...and that was just what it was.

He created a hole in both their hearts and for a second he contemplated just throwing both of these bracelets down the 24th floor into the rose planted and flower filled garden, so he wouldn't find them even if he tried - and They could fall anywhere.

Another sigh from him as he clenched his hand tighter around the bracelets, holding them up as though he was ready to throw them as soon as the sun would have fully set.

But he didn't. He couldn't.

He just got flashbacks of that night when she gave it to him.

„I swear to god if you ever lose or break yours, or if I see another person with it, I'll kill you.“ she'd say smiling, but he fully knew she meant it. „There's only two of them“ „They were custom made.“ They were his blessing and now his curse. He looked up into the sky, somehow trying not to cry while it seemed like the same full moon from back then came to taunt him now, laughing at him with „Tsuki No Usagi“ laughing along at how pathetic he was.

But he cried. He cried a lot, clutching both of these bracelets over his heart. He couldn't do anything to them. He knew he wouldn't.

Except for the smell of her perfume on the couch pillow she prefered to lean her head on and hug, they were the only thing of hers that was still with him and he thought that maybe, just maybe...

in another universe he'd still be with her, with these bracelets.

And maybe in this world one day, he'll get her back, give her the bracelets and somehow everything goes back to normal. Despite the trust being broken, the wishful thinking didn't stop. A sillouette to build him up again.

However when he cried his last, he didn't mean to get up. Something drew him to the stars that night. All he got was a blanket before tiredly making his way back up just to continue whatever he meant to do.

He fell asleep a few hours after getting the blanket she gave him, on the roof that night, in between looking up at the stars, looking up at the constellations trying to find the ones she tried to show him before. Failing miserably, like tonight, two years ago, and almost laughing through the tears he shed, at how she showed him a million times and he still couldn't figure out all that astrology stuff, or how they worked, and so “well”.

All he knew was that looking for even the slightest signs of stars and constellations in the sky, brought him a little closer to her.

Maybe she'd be looking up tonight too, probably in a different timezone, to a different time, he didn't know.

But what the did know was that for a second, while actually finding the little bear, he was happy. „I did it,love, I did it.“ For the first time in forever while thinking about her, he actually smiled.

It was a weird feeling of, not quiet feeling content, but better, a little less sad. Maybe he'd always spend like three hours just ripping strands of his black hair out while trying to find anything in the sky. Texting you like he did that night.

“And love, you won't see it, but, I did it. I found one of the constellations, I bet you'd be so proud now. I'm still lost though. I wish you were here with me. To tell me about all of them. And your days. And you and what I missed And see your probably already new hair do and hear you laugh and rant about your literature professor. I just want to see you. Hear you. Happy. And mostly I want to give you your bracelet. I can't even remember which one was yours though. Please remind me.”

A lie. He knew exactly her bracelet had a little slit on one of the wooden pearls, as he accidentally lost track of the knife while cooking. He was apologizing so many times that night while she yelled about him almost chopping her arm off and he almost had to laugh again. She raged that night, but eventually they'd laugh about it later on.

„JK, I'd never forget“ he wrote below a photo he sent. Him wearing his bracelet for once while looking at how the compasses searched for each other. Knowing well the photo wouldn’t reach her though. That she still had him blocked, yet...

Wondering if one day she'd search for him again. Knowing she'd be the only one who could find him instantly.

„Good Night, flower girl.

I Really Miss you terribly“

„Sincerely, me“ he typed, deleted „yours tru-“ deleted.

„- The dumb ass that almost chopped your arm off about 16 months ago.“

If she could read it, she'd no doubt, be laughing but for now he'd hoped someone else would make her laugh the way he used to.

That she could focus on her studies and not the loss of him and the few grams she no longer carried around with her.

He wished her to be as happy as he can't be right now, as happy as she can be and with other, possibly better people, who would treat her well. Also that she got better at smash bros and mario cart so people wouldn't laugh at her being terribly bad again.

„Maybe I should also take on drawing lessons“ he whispered before tiredly closing his eyes „but I guess if she ever found out, she'd be the one to almost cut my arm off“

slight reminders of her telling him the only thing she was really good at was drawing and how she showed him and he really didn't figure out how anything worked at all flashed in his mind as he calmed.

„I'll teach you“ and only she could.

Well, technically she couldn't. He was a hopeless case and they both knew. Clowns. Clowns in love, for she loved him as much as he loved her, but the words always stayed unsaid. She'd make an impression that she did the night he ruined her, but he was too far gone.

Never from her mind though. He was still what she'd draw on the weekend when she was not in the mood for her theses or working. He. Though painful, was still her healing in some kind of way.

„You're working on that again?“ Her new dorm mate said as she sketched his face from memory. They had a different model in the art class she enrolled in right now but the face portraits still always went back to him. Much like the pictures where someone posed with scrunched up noses or peace signs.

She really didn't mind it though, for some reason, unless she found the initial sketch of their bracelets, drawing him was therapeutic, falling asleep on those pictures was therapeutic.

And her just getting a hick up as she started sketching reminded her „If you get the hick-ups, someone's thinking about you. My mom used to say that.“ She laughed back when she told him one night at one of their week-end trips, half drunk and laughing. Him responding with „Yeah, or someone talks badly about you, my three times divorced and landlord-hated aunt said. She had a hick-up problem.“

More laughter to the backround noise of „if my heart was a house” followed by slurred lines of „sugar we're going down“ and „american idiot.“

She chuckled quietly. „Oh shut up, I want to sleep“ her roommate exclaimed. It wasn't that late though, was it?.

Seven pm, still early, the sun not yet setting. Yet, with the full moon above, she couldn't wait for the sunset, night fall.

She stared at her phone. „Approximately 15 Minutes till the sun starts setting and you usually can't fall asleep until it's getting cotton candy skied, what's wrong this time?“ a chuckle escaped her mouth.

„Bad break up.“ the other girl murmured. „That's the 4th time in 15 days. I think you should get a new guy.“ - „That's also the third in a month. Love just doesn't work for me, believe me.“

„It will.“ The artist said. „Even if the person you think you'll end up with isn't the one, one day, with the right person, it all will.“

She didn't realize tears were falling on her piece of paper as she switched to his contact on her phone, contemplated unblocking him, but eventually she didn't.

It would be better this way. She said good bye and it was irreversible. It always was irreversible for her. Gripping her empty wrist and letting go of the pen for a while she smiled through the tears and said, in a cheerful yet shaky voice.

“Even if it wasn't him, one day, there's someone who won't leave, who you won't leave. One day, I promise.“

Not knowing if it was to reassure her friend, or herself and not realizing she held her breath, until she felt two arms and a blanket wrap around her signaling that „everything will be okay, precious, everything will be okay“

and for once, even without her telling the context of the story no one really knew about, she started to let down her walls and cry to let out the emotions all the parting had led her to.

Even if her friend didn't know or understand her infatuation with Jeons son. She just held her as though the fragile soul, whining loudly like a child that fell and came running with a bleeding knee, would break if she wasn't there to give her the warmth she deserved and obviously needed in that very second.

„You know, I miss him so much.“ a little inaudible whisper said and her friend didn't understand what she meant, but „shhh, shhh, it gets better.“ Came from her until her roommate fell into a deep slumber.

All she saw was the name on the display that wouldn't go off. The display picture looking quite familiar.

Name saying „Jeon Jeon Jeon“ and the caring one wondered if the girl had been catfished and dreams crushed by that person on screen, and if that was exactly why she blocked that number. Ideas about unblocking him and investigating filling her head but then again, as much as she wanted to. She couldn't just meddle in a broken hearts story, especially not her friends.

So she kept her theoretic, tangled and still curious thoughts, knowing they'd stay just that - and left the blanket above the girl that was fast asleep, closing the book with the drawing of the Jeon boy and replacing it with a pillow to slobber on, instead of the art she created.

„Good Night, lovely“ she said as she went outside to take snapshots of the sky, making sure to get her friends beloved constellations on camera, as the sleeping beauty usually did herself. Sneaking in trying not to wake the other up again.

„Good Night, dumbass“ the artist almost fully asleep whispered as her friend said good night the way he did. Some things wouldn't fade and her roommates complaints the next morning, for insulting her, though accidentally, would be surely be one of those.

__________________________

It’s 3am and I have no idea why I’m posting this.

The Idea Of “Vanilla Twilight” is part of a ceo!Jungkook fanfiction I never posted because I usually don’t post my writing for..uh...reasons.

“If my heart was a house -” fanfiction was created on national novel writing month and is a full on trainwreck that might never be finished. The Name as Well as reasons for the writing & inspiration for the bracelet design is lowkey because “if my heart was a house, you’d be home” by Owl City was kind of their Song since they first met and they do be soulmates so... >-<

Said magnetic bracelets stam from the line “if my heart was a compass you’d be north” and basically have magnets pulling “needles” towards eachother whenever they’re close. (They’re custom made, which is why they’re that special to OC & him. Also expensive as hell and she’s a poor lit/art student.) It was partially brought up by OC in a former chapter after they lost eachother at a fully crowded market and didn’t find eachother again for about two hours despite being like 2 minutes away from eachother the whole time.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this it’s three AM lord help. Good Night.

#this was supposed to be a drabble #excerpts of stories #excerpt of a story #this was also supposed to be fanfiction #bad writiting #jesus my grammar lord help me

0 notes

thesecretlifeofmerribethc · 6 years ago

Text

3.10-3.14.19

Yikes, realllllly slacking. Not in just updating my blog, but in my career stuff. Still proud of the small things though!

3.10.19 - Church! Service was good. It was short cuz dad had work but the message was good. After service I immediately sat down with tita Grace in the sanctuary and we just talked about marriage, relationships, and what tita Grace experienced at work this week (concerning visiting a friend of mine). Didn’t eat btw cuz we were so engrossed in talking. Ate some chicken and talked to tita connie for a little bit. Then I played with Rosita, Gabe and Mary Grace. After that we went homeee. Played Mario Party and still lost to Marvin lol Went to bed early lol But got to talk to dad on the phone from 12:40-1:00 am about cars before really shutting my eyes lol

3.11.19 - Happy Birthday Marvin!!! <33 Today, Marv turns 18 :’D Where did the time go? Woke up a bit late-ish. Didn’t get to greet Marv cuz he had school. Ate a light breakfast and then at around 3 got ready to pick up Marv and go to Leo’s. Manong couldn’t join us for dinner today because he had work and school. Anywho, mom, dad, manang and I picked up Marv and went straight to Leo’s on Telegraph near southland mall. Waited a bit in the parking lot for ne but then went inside to get a table. Sat down and maybe 10 minutes later Ne came. We ordered our food then ne told us that Toto was coming. Honestly I was so bummed when I heard that. Everyone was taken by surprised. She casually says, “Toto is coming. He’s on his way. He’s almost here” like it’s no big deal and proceeds to call him to ask for his order which takes like 6 minutes! Ends up ordering him a steak dinner. Anywho, it was just so awkward. No one was happy during the dinner, or at least manang, Marv and I. After Leo’s we went to the mall to walk it off and we just vented (Marv, manang and I) to each other at how disappointing that was. And also very rude. Like, Ne couldn’t have given us a heads up? And also, it’s Marvin’s birthday. He didn’t ask for him to come. Marv told us that that ruined the dinner. We all basically lost our appetites that day. Well whatever. Manang Marv and I didn’t buy anything at the mall other than some Froyo from Pinkberry. We also walked to Disc Replay but didn’t find anything. Went back to the car where dad was sleeping and about 20 minutes later mom comes and we leave (thank God). At home we took pics with Marvin, and then just sat around until Manong came home. Once manong came home we gave Marv his presents. He loved my toilet mug xD LOL He seemed a little disappointed at what he got (?) (Manang gave him Reese’s which was planned a long time ago when we bought it, but she bought Marv a game Capture that was on the hill so we couldn’t get it the day of), and manong got him Persona 5 on the PS4, and mom and dad got him $. lol After that I went to bed. Was so tired!

3.12.19 - Tuesday! Dad has work and everyone else lol. Got up and made dad’s shake, did some laundry, ironed dad’s uniform, and prepared dad’s lunch. Was gonna do the dishes but put them aside for later. Picked up Marv and manang then stopped by the hill so manang could get her gift that she ordered for Marv. Then went to Walmart in Woodhaven. Refilled the water jugs and got a few things but also picked up our online order for the other end of the bookshelf (since mom likes that as the TV stand rather than the IKEA one we got). Stopped by Ne’s to return some pots and pans but she didn’t answer her phone. Went home and I helped mom cut veggies for the pinakbet. Then I assebled the 2 box organizer and removed everything from the TV stand and bookshelf. After switching things up and then adding the legs on the IKEA stand, we decided (5 against 1) that the IKEA stand with the legs was wayyyyy better. Even Messenger video-chatted dad so he could see and tell mom not to complain xD LOL After that and putting the living room back the way it was, I washed dishes while mom watched SisterRakas or something with Vice Ganda and Ai Ai. Cooked rice then went to my room around 1 a.m. xP

3.13.19 - Wednesday. Gosh I’m typing these on Pi day (3.14) but I already can’t remember what I did yesterday O_O yikes....Ok, looking through my phone and I didn’t get up until 2:40 ish. Ate with the peeps, made dad’s shake and lunch, then drank some coffee while looking at cars with dad. Did some laundry and tidied a bit. Mom went to pick up manang and Marv. Cooked some eggs and hotdogs for the sibs once they got home as well as made salad. Oh also FB, Whatsapp and IG were down all day! Like you couldn’t refresh, post, like etc. Watched an Ai Ai movie with mom again (she becomes like the president of the Philippines lol) while manang and Marv were napping. Oh also manang gave marv her gift! He loved it! He just needs a better, faster computer now lol. Mom watched the sister Rakas movie again since she fell asleep last night. After that, took a little break, then watched “The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind” with mom, manang, and Marv and it was good! Ligo then bed!

3.14.19 - Woke up super early today! Like 7:25 lol Got ready and went with manong and Marv. Marv got dropped off to school and then manong drove us to Mcdonalds for breakfast. Had the breakfast burrito meals. Talked a bit and then made our way to the SOS at 8:50 and there was a line already outside (since it opens at 9). There were like 20 plus people in line. I was number 79 (I believe first number was 55). Didn’t take too long to get helped, but then I had to take the written test again xD Passed it tho! Then I had to go back in line. In all it took me 3 hours :P Manong also renewed his license to get the star! Apparently starting next year if your license doesn’t have the star yo won’t be able to board a plane O_O. Anywho, after the SOS I drove home. Btw I forgot to mention manong paid for the other half of my permit fee (it costs $25, I had $12.50 ❤️) I was pretty rusty but we made it. Once I got home I went to my room and tried to nap, but couldn’t until 1. Woke up at 2:45 ish and went downstairs. Mom and dad were in their rooms so I cooked myself egg and hotdog because i was starting to get cramps and needed to eat something before I can take the medicine. Did that, made dad’s shake, and then microwaved the heat bag since I was still hurting. Sat on the couch with a blanket and watched some youtube videos. Felt good after 15 minutes sitting on the couch. Mom and I then picked up Marv. Oh btw, I didn’t mention. Todays weather was so nice! Close to 60 degrees! But it was rainy though. Still nice. Tomorrow’s gonna be cold again :P. Anywho got Marv then got manang. Went to the Target on Ford Road cuz there was just traffic everywhere. Returned the letter “G” craft thing, bought popcorn then the 3 of us just sat at the cafe waiting for mom. I ordered a venti cloud iced caramel macchiato and it was good! A lot of foam though. The guy who made it was so nice to me. I asked him how his day’s been and he said “it’s good! How about yours?” and I said it was good, especially because of the weather. Then he asked for my name and I said Mary and he was like, “nice to meet you Mary” and I said “Nice to meet you too!” I shouldve asked his name SMH i’m a failure :(( Anyway after target we stopped by the Indian store then home. At home i added more fruit to the shake I saved for mom and drank that. Then I watched Nailed it - Mexico with manang and mom. After that we watched the musical parts from Hairspray. Then I ate corn beef and rice, with a boiled egg. After preparing mom’s stuff for the mango pie, I went to my room and ended up taking a nap lol. Woke up, washed my face and brushed my teeth, then tidied up my room. Now it’s 12:41 a.m. Have a dentist appointment tomorrow! Hope it doesn’t take long.

Life, I’m lovin’ it,

Bebet

0 notes

perfectionistincrisis · 7 years ago

Text

Day 81

i keep talking to myself all the time - no not cause im mad or alone - but like i said earlier - i pretend like its ‘him’ and just him. meaning, no, im not those people who talk to themselves cause they enjoy doing it, or like um neither those who talk to themselves cause they dont have anyone else to talk to - but rather, -i-just-talk-to-him-

wow, no that was a nice way to put it out there. so much for defending myself lol

ok so im kinda energetic - as in -my mood is- i am not, physically energetic though. i mean i just spent the last hour and a half in bed scrolling through my phone until my phone shut off cause it ran out of charge and only then i dragged myself slowly to the washroom to pee which i shouldve done 60 minutes ago. so yeah - very lazy

speaking of time. WTH is going on with this world? i feel like the number of seconds in one minute is a subject to small rise and falls like the world currencies! I mean seriously, i swear nowadays “1 minute” = “EIGHTY seconds” No Kidding!!!! It all started from after fajr today!!!!!

yeah so after fajr today, at first i kind of blanked out - as in - that rush, impatience and i dont even know how to describe it - kinda feeling i was telling? about missing him and all that? like i need some action something to happen and wow this is such an off season - so yeah i was kind of stuck in my chair,, just switching from one social media to another doing nothing literally other than idk - trying to fast forward life and hit play somewhere cool ugh ok

so then something happened and it cheered me up and i got on the treadmill as was planned. usually do 3 hours but i knew doing 3 now, including my tiny 3-5 min breaks every 30 mins would take too long

anyways ended up doing two hours at around 7 30 and then was too tired to take a shower so i just pulled a bed sheet from my closet and slept on the floor, cause no way im putting my stinky body to bed.

when i got up, prayed zuhr and YESSS i did the one hour i skipped in the morning and yeah well thats pretty much it for the day. i mean then i sat and ate and then went to the hosp came back, chilled and still chilling right now as im typing :)

oh something i said yesterday about how i wish life was full of action like in movies. like i just wish it was although i know its BS thats totally against how this life works. whats more surprising is how i actually wish for stupid stuff - i mean you know how on social media - one gets to present themselves the way they want. i mean you can be anything. happy sad widow married depressed gay - its like - its in your hands - how do you want to present yourself to the world mam? yeah you get my point? but like i lot of people fall for it. you look into others posts and you might wonder how their life is so wonderful and yours is not, how someones life is picture perfect and yours is not and BLABLABLA but Lol - i neverrrrr fell for that. pretty much cause i sugar coat my life too loool

Its actually funny - im actually laughing - anyways where im getting at with this is - i was thinking about it - i mean for someone like me who never fell for all the crap people put up on display on social media - i sure am one hell of a dreamer to ‘wish’ for a busy ‘movie-like’ all colorful life. But then again in my defense - those are real people and people are full of crap so yeah i dont fall for their shit but i mean a movie is a well organised script being played out - ofcourse you ‘wishing’ for something like it is acceptable yasss (whatever makes you sleep at night:3 )

Also i assure you my vocabulary aint that poor, i just seem to lose my words when im posting anything here. mostly cause i have no words - everything is so messy and twisty and complicated Ugh

Also its really weird that i feel like a days just passed by too fast this week. i mean i mustve slipped. i mean im like a human clock. lol i mean it. i mean when im not on vacation - and you ask me the time, anytime - my guesses are so close to accurate - like im aware of every second ticking by - now, im just saying im aware of it - that doesnt really mean i make the most out of time - but then i do know how precious it is, and i do feel like crap when im just shitting it away. and just randomly wasting time is one thing, but trust me when you are aware youre doing shit - ouch that burns!

so august is coming, and i was kind of planning on fasting - i mean i didnt fast in july cause i wanted to get used to working out and fasting would just be disturbing. but yeah now its almost august and i think i should fast - for like the whole month - yeah :) cause i barely fasted for i think 8 days this Ramadan i need to make all the rest of it up. AND THEN AFTER THAT, it is sunnah but not one im actually brave enough to do to be honest but but but i think i have no choice - i mean i think i have to fast like every monday or thursday every week - cause i have a lot and a lot of fasting to do to make up for ALLLLL the ones i missed my entire life and trust me thats quite a lot - not the normal amount any girl would miss - cause ive been having problems and so i had to skip a lot and stuff - and i never kept an exact count - well actually its impossible cause its been a problem for years but then i do have to admit that i never tried either - cause idk- i guess i kind of took it as - oh cmon its just fasting - i mean i think i missed around 20 roughly - so ill just fast 30 - thatll cover it up plus ill fast extra - which is a good thing and blabla all that random thoughts!

anyways i should now just focus on the 30 i wna fast for this year, in august but idk i have to come up with some legit plan where my work out schedule fits in perfectly too. both are important to me, and im not choosing one over the other, i dont want to and i dont have to inshaAllah

oh just a random thing - but i go for brands! Meaning, you know if something is sold by a really well known brand youd obviously expect it to have good quality and most of the time yes youre right. sometimes, nope! but then there are things which are not “branded” but the quality is amazing, and the price? well most of the time it is cheaper, but yeah i guess sometimes the price is almost similar - well the thing is - i am the type of person - whod want the brand name on PLUS the quality. like if there were 2 bags for example or two shoes, SAME quality, but one is cheaper ONLY cause it does not have a famous brand name on it - i am definitely the person whod pay wayyyy wayyy more for the branded one! - SO now you know the type of person i am :) :) :) :)

Lol im sure that kind of information is something a lot of people would use to judge someone :3 But then im not all so irrational loool - like thats definitely something that is “goals” for me! I mean, i am a medical student being financially supported by my dad right now and will be for atleast the next 3 years. ATLEAST! ATLEAST! ATLEAST!

SO yeah im not saying i cant afford branded products right now but i sure am not comfortable living a life of luxury at this phase of my life. I want to earn it. With my own sweat and energy. I want to tell myself that i deserve it. So yeah, thats the type of person i am but im not currently ‘practicing’ it like religion and one day IF i do, i know it will be something i earned and something Allah will not be unhappy with, because I am not planning to disappoint Him

Okay enough with that. i really dont need to talk about it as long as i know ill be alright inshaAllah

Oh something really interesting - so i REALLY REALLY need to smile. like NOT “smile more” but like “SMILE” for gods sake hahhaha. I mean idk - its like i hate people so much and idk i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me, and its not like i even care or want them to like me and thats exactly why im like all -pokerface-pokerface- but like cmooooon! if youre really talking to someone, something as simple as a short interaction in the hospital for example with the receptionist or pharmacist - i mean cmoon - just smile a little? i mean i REALLY need to work on it. cause if i am planning on being a doctor - OH PLEASE - smiling is part of the job OH WAKE UP LADYYY!!!!!!!

but like im not kidding - like i just said - i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me. and ofcourse its not true, i mean MOST people dont even know me. like in the hospital i went to today for example - whyd everyone hate me? :) i mean idk its just something i feel. its weird. but sheeeeeet. have to work on it. fake a smile honey :)

Okay and idk how wrong or right it is. but i thought of it and i dont feel like there is any harm to it. Like, id like to have the idea in my head that me and him, we love each other and we are meant to be together one day. inshaAllah. For which i always and always pray to Him and ask from Him. But as of right now, we are not together. but deep deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeeeeeeeep and deeeeeeeeeeep’errr in my heart i keep telling myself that. We are.

now idk if its wrong, or right - but - i believe it is not making me do something which might anger my Lord. All what it does is calm my heart. a little. And so i guess its okay! At least for now, i cant let go of the idea. Not today <3 Tada, guess thats enough for today!

xox

1 note · View note