#also i should reread some parts before i attempt to make a decent post about all this

[viiinz]

prev post really made me think that i want to make more post going into depth about certain characters or themes of The Idiot. unfortunately i don't have the energy to type anything coherent right now, but here are already some of my thoughts and maybe i can come back to them at some other time to make a decent post about all this

For example i think there are interesting thematic comparisons to make with Nastasya, Myshkin and Ippolit (but also other characters as well), like their role as outsiders. the way all three of them are put outside of what society is comfortable with due to something that is outside of their control. add to that that their emotions and behaviours are seen as impropre, too much or erratic. as a result they get misunderstood and/or dismissed by other characters (see my prev post about loneliness in the idiot).

An other interesting factor is their struggle with agency. (which i think is also kind of symbolized by the ever present Holbein's The Body of the Death Christ painting). The struggle of agency over their bodies, as well as agency over their lives. The way (especially in Nastasya's and Ippolit's case) they try to take action in the face of certain or perceived doom. In one case this action fails, only solidifying his lack of agency and making him even more the object of ridicule instead of fulfilling his desire to finally be taken seriously. In the other case she succeeds in her own self-destruction and with that plays right into the idea that she really was doomed from the beginning, leaving it forever uncertain if maybe things could have gone differently.

Lastly, tho this point connects with the above two as well, i think this book is a really intersting case to have a discussion about the disabled identiy and what that means in 19th centrury literature. As well as for different characters, given that these are all fully fleshed out people that go much further than the disabled stereotype. There's for example the opposing way Ippolit and Myshkin go about their disabled identity. It would be interesting to study the way they get treated as well as the way they treat others (many of them also falling into the disabled category).

Ah there's so much more to say about this, but like i said, i really don't have the engergy to type more right now :(

[jamilelucato]

A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into [F. W.]

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Gryffindor!Reader (platonic); Fred Weasley x Reader.

Summary: Based on the song A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into from the musical Be More Chill; Y/N has conflicted feelings towards Draco, but talking to Fred might make she realize that she might be into someone else.

A/N: second post from the Musical Hogwarts list!! This is so cute, but there are no kisses here if that’s what you looking for. Also, if you want to really feel the song, I recommend reading first and then rereading it with the song.

Words: 1.700+

Musical Hogwarts || Hogwarts Masterlist

Fred and George walked in the Great Hall with a confident smile. They had just pranked Ron, and they couldn’t be happier with the results.

They found a place to sit next to y/N, a girl from Gryffindor that was the same age as Harry, Ron and Hermione. She was generally quite shy, but she used to have quirky remarks that made everybody laugh.

Today, however, she was looking rather upset.

Fred sat at her right and stared at her before paying attention to the food. He was hungry, but he was more worried about her than about lunch.

“What’s wrong, y/N?”

She looked up, noticing the twins sitting next to her. She tried to grin, but it seemed wrong. She turned back to her plate.

“Nothing.” It was nice having them caring about her, but they weren’t that close; she didn’t think it was prudent to tell them a secret about herself that she wasn’t even sure it was true.

Nevertheless, something kept on pushing her to talk.

“Come on, y/N, why the disturbed face?” Fred pushed. His big brown eyes made her more susceptible to spill her beans.

“Say there’s this person you pass in the hall every day,” she finally gave in, sighing before dropping her cutlery. “You’ve known him since... the first year.”

Fred raised a brow at her. He wasn’t so sure where that conversation was going. He looked at his twin, but George was too distracted with his food.

“You’re used to thinking about him in a certain way from the persona that he displayed,” she kept saying as if every detail was important. She felt that if he knew who she meant, things would be easier to understand; however, she was not confident enough to say his name.

“Okay...” Fred kept facing her, but his hands reached for the food in front of him. Not that he wasn’t curious, it was just ’cause he was hungrier than before.

“Then something changes,” she wrinkled her nose, uncertain how to proceed. “And he changes from a guy that you’d never be into to a guy that you’d kinda be into...”

Fred froze, the fork two inches from his mouth. Was her concern love? Y/N was in love?

He had not much to an opinion about it. It was obviously gonna happen someday, he just didn’t think y/N would confide in him.

“Is he worth it?” she asked, staring at his eyes with a sad look. “Fred? Is he?” she called Fred’s attention — but he seemed much more interested in his fork. She then breathed and looked away.

Fred turned to his twin, desperately wanting help. He had no idea what to do or what to say.

“Is she talking about me?” he asked George.

“Of course, she is!” George sort of whispered loudly. He had, in fact, paid attention to the whole conversation — y/N and Fred’s interactions were kinda his favourite TV series; there was always some drama! He didn’t think, however, that y/N would be the one to confess so soon. “Keep it up,” he elbowed his brother and turned back to his food.

Fred faced y/N again and met her eyes. He felt his cheeks turning red, but he seemed oblivious to his reaction. She kept talking:

“Say there’s this person that you never knew that well,” her voice was sweet like she was afraid of saying those things and regretting it.

Fred wished he knew what to say to comfort her. He had been undergoing the same lately — conflicted feelings, jealousy at random times...

“You thought that you had him pegged, but now you can’t tell...” y/N kept rambling, repeating the same words but Fred’s mind was far away. She was in love with him! Sure, she was proposing a hypothetical situation, but why would she mention it to Fred?

It all made sense — she and Fred didn’t use to hit it off so well at first. Fred (and George) were too much of pranksters for her; she didn’t believe tricking everyone every time was decent. But, this year, Fred had started to cool off, at least around her. He was becoming a gentleman — as Ginny phrased it.

“Is he worth it? Freddie?” y/N thought Fred didn’t seem much interested, and why would he be? It wasn’t like her to drift around the twins, but she just felt like he could understand.

“Absolutely,” Fred finally answered, lowering his brows in hopes to look more approachable.

She sighed and looked down at her now cold food.

“I don’t always relate to other people my age, except when I’m on the field,” oh, Quidditch... If things were as easy as the rules of the game. “There are so many changes that I’m going through,” she faced Fred and finally smiled, a sincere smile. She blushed at his reaction. “And why am I telling this to you?”

Fred was smiling back, just curving his lips up.

“Guess there’s a part of me that wants to,” she admitted. “I guess a part of me likes to, hm, talk to you. Who knew?”

Fred kept quiet, and she thought that she should end the conversation immediately. She was already too confused; she couldn’t even remember what she was first talking about. She was going to tell Fred she was in love... with someone else, right?

“I know that it’s weird, but it’s totally true,” she concluded, tilting her head to the left. “The guy that I’d kinda be into...” was she really going to tell Fred? Oh, Merlin, he was going to freak out, he was not going to take it well. None of her friends was.

“The guy that you’d kind of be into...” Fred encouraged her. He was very close to confessing his feelings himself, but he thought it was better to let her finish.

“Yeah, that guy that I’d kinda be into is...” she swallowed hard, biting her lip, attempting to remember the guy’s name, easily distracted with Fred’s face, “Draco.”

***

Fred was panicking. He was not expecting to hear y/N confess having feelings for Draco Malfoy.

Merlin, how?? When did you have the time to befriends Draco? He couldn’t have been treating you nice from the beginning, could he?

Thankfully, George intervened after your confession.

“Bro, we gotta go now!” he pulled Fred up. “Like right now!”

Fred gulped while y/N exchanged looks with the boys, confused about what was happening and very suspicious. Fred wasn’t going to say a thing after her whole trouble of telling him about who she fancies?

She didn’t have time to stop the twins, though, because soon they disappeared out of the Hall.

Y/N sighed. Now what? Did that mean Fred disapproved? Part of her knew he wouldn’t like it — Draco was some sort of bad guy from the Weasleys’ point of view — but she expected him to say something.

Perhaps that meant she was overlooking things. Draco had been nice to her for the past couple of weeks, but maybe it didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t like Draco to be nice, but he could be trying to change.

Or he could fancy her too.

No, he probably doesn’t.

***

“Hermione?” y/N called the bushy-haired girl’s name with a weak voice, but it was sufficient for her to hear it.

She had just arrived into the Gryffindor room with Harry and Ron, but the boys seemed to have their own problems to think about, so they didn’t mind when Hermione walked towards y/N, leaving them behind.

Y/N was sitting at the bottom of the stairs — squeezed close to the wall, leaving an empty space for those who wanted to go up to their dorms.

“What’s it, y/N?” Hermione asked, sitting on the step above hers.

“I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but...” y/N gulped, “has Draco seem nicer to you lately?”

“Particularly to me, or to everyone in general?”

She gave it a thought, “in general.”

“He does seem more... calm, I guess,” Hermione answered, lowering her shoulders. “It’s not that he stopped calling people names, it’s just that he has stopped calling people at all.”

Y/N sighed, looking down at the book she had in hands. Hermione noticed the change in her mood and asked about it.

“I knew I was seeing things where there were none,” y/N rued. “I thought I could be fancying him, but I’ve passed the whole afternoon trying to list things about him that I liked I could only come up with three.”

“Are there three things you like about Malfoy?” Hermione asked in a mocking tone, and y/N giggled.

“Funny, right?” she agreed. “Well, I’ve got: good looking—”

“Unfortunately, I agree, ” Hermione interrupted with a frowned face.

“—smart and empathetic.”

“I’m sorry — empathetic? When has he been empathetic??” Hermione showed her disbelief, moving her hands around.

Y/N pressed her lips together, thinking if she should tell Hermione or not.

“He noticed I was sad about my whole parents’ thing,” she said finally, “and we talked about some families coincidences we have.”

“You mean the death eater parents?” she asked with a bit too loud voice and y/N complained. Hermione gulped a sorry.

Not everyone in school knew about the terrible family y/N had, and she wanted to keep it that way.

“Well, I guess he can understand that. But has he ever been nice to you before?”

Y/N liked that about Hermione — she was logical and wanted to know her arguments to defend the crush. She didn’t seem to care the crush in question was on Draco Malfoy.

“No, not really,” y/N sighed, looking away, tilting her head down.

“Y/N, if I can be honest, I don’t think you like him,” although harsh, Hermione’s words did not hurt you. She was right, as always. “You’re probably just needy.”

“Mione!!” she screamed, pretending to be mad with Hermione who burst into laughter.

Hermione and y/N kept sitting on the stairs, smiling at each other, glad to have one another when a new worry popped into y/N’s mind.

“Oh, shit!”

“What, y/N?” Hermione looked down at her, passing one arm around her shoulders.

Y/N wasn’t completely wrong with her thoughts — she just directed it to the wrong direction. She had a crush. It was not on Draco, however.

“I need to talk to Fred!” y/N yelled, already getting up and leaving her book behind with Hermione.

“Told you you’re needy!” Hermione shouted back, laughing hard.

Y/N slowed down just to turn back at her friend with bulging eyes. “Shut up, Mione!”

[alliterative-albatross]

So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".

Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.

But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).

AFTERSHOCKS

Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.

IF I FALL

Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?

But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.

You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.

Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).

A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.

I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.

PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.

JAVIER PEÑA

My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.

OCs

I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.

And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.

HANNAH AARONS

Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.

Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔

PARTING THOUGHTS

Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.

You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪

~

My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again. 

That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.

Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise! 

I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.

I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory. 

On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.

Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.

Mad love and soft hugs, 

~ Jay

[regrettablewritings]

“Which of Your Fics . . .?” Meme

Tagged by: @locke-writes (cotdammit Noah I had to reread all my crap and be reminded of how decent I used to be at writing! Jk is cool, I needed a calm-down this weekend)

Which of your fics . . .

Did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it did?: Of the ones written of my own volition? I know there’s probably another one, but the most recent one is the Guilty Pleasures preference. Granted, it’s not filled with “Top-Billing Characters” like my Love Languages series is, so I guess that’s an unfortunate factor.😕 What makes it kinda sting is that I learned the hard way that I can no longer edit posts made on my laptop on my phone anymore, and it deleted all my work. So I had to sprint through chat logs with a friend to find some of the pieces and completely rewrite a few others. But I guess in due time it might gain more traction. Somehow and for some reason.

Got a bigger reaction than what you were expecting?: Of pieces I made without prompting, it’s gotta be a tie between the Doctor Strange Soulmate AU and Day Bi Day: A Documented Study of the Bisexual. And also pretty much any of my Tadashi Hamada pieces because when I first wrote his soulmate AU, it got next to no attention and I just altogether assumed the time for Tadashi had passed. Day Bi Day doesn’t exactly have a whole lot of notes, either, but I’m impressed by anyone who managed to slog through the leviathan of a oneshot. Request-wise, believe me when I say that I did not expect that Geralt Love Headcanon set to acquire half as much, let alone just as much as it did.

Is your funniest?: It straight up has to be a tie between The Hairy Situation and Dios Meme-o!. Should it be concerning that my funniest fics tended to be involving guys from Law & Order: SVU? Probably. But I have so much fun when I get to write as bizarrely as I actually talk or want to talk. Besides, Carisi is so easy-going that it’s easy to make the reader the Straight Man, whereas Barna is so rigid and proper that it’s hilarious to just keep subjecting him to all kinds of weirdness. Really, nearly every one of my Barba has some instance of him being embarrassed or perplexed or just yanked completely out of his element.

Is your darkest or angstiest?: Definitely my one about Bruce Wayne’s S/O getting kidnapped, though it doesn’t feel especially angsty to me: I could actually go potentially darker with my stories and ideas. But constantly worry about judgement or backlash. Maybe one day I’ll gain access to my Big Girl Parts and just stop caring and just do it, though.🤷🏽‍♀️

Is your absolute favorite?: I don’t quite have one . . . I kinda look back at nearly all my works to some degree of envy because I genuinely do believe my writing was much better when I first started out.

Was easiest to write?: None. Absolutely none. They all drained the life out of me. I popped Pink out in the span of a few hours as opposed to the usual months weeks days it may usually take me. Literally came to the idea in the middle of a morning lecture, went immediately back to my dorm, and wrote in a mad fury.

Was hardest to write?: Nearly every single thing made circa 2018 onward.There’s a reason I went on a year-long hiatus, after all. Though, the difficulty is mainly sourced from my fluctuating motivation and focus and ability to put my thoughts and images into words. When it comes to content, however, it’s still difficult for me to say. I had a hard time writing the soulmate AU for the Phantom of the Opera, but I mainly chalk that up to a few things: It was the first soulmate AU I had attempted writing in a long time; it’s hard to capture how Erik would speak, considering he rarely talks so much as he sings in purposefully flamboyant and prose-y fashion; I am a perfectionist.

Has your favorite lines/exchanges/paragraphs? (Share It): “In a way, it’s arguably also affirmation with hints of giving gifts, because you know that the man is going to write songs about you. You can’t help but think it’s a tad ridiculous. After all, you’re no hero, you’re not really a warrior, you’re more or less just along for the ride. But Jaskier can’t help it: You are his muse, his adoration, the goddess whose feet he kneels before as he sings golden applause to and prays before for her guidance and accompaniment. There is never a moment where you feel unloved because Jaskier is unafraid to love you loudly. And given the songs and odes and everything he’s used to honor your existence with, it appears that his love for you will echo long after you are both gone. That way, everyone else will know and love you as he feels you deserve to be.” - Jaskier, Love Languages II Really, in hindsight, I like how I did with Brocky Horror Picture Show. Not every line is gold, but there’s too many to pick from.

Have you re-read the most?: Hard to say. I reread a lot of my stuff from time to time, there’s no real one I really go back to especially. Usually, it also depends on if I’m writing for a character I’ve already written for; that way I can keep the “lore” consistent.

Would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?: Much like @locke-writes put it, it depends on the character/fandom the reader is looking for. I’m lazy, so the Reader I have in mind for certain characters is usually pretty the same throughout their respective fics. There’s lowkey more or less sorta mini lores going on for certain characters and their respective s/os (ex: If the fic is about Erik, they’ll probably still be working in the costume shop as stated in the Soulmate AU [the first piece I did of him]; if the fic is about Clark Kent, depending, chances are Reader was involved in the plot to kill Superman). But if we have to boil it down, here are just a few I would start with for a several characters whose S/Os tend to be consistent or for whom I intend on keeping the lore of for future projects: - Benoit Blanc x Reader Ship Meme - M’Baku x Reader Ship Meme - Jaskier x Reader Ship Meme

Are you most proud of?: If you would allow me to be so arrogant . . . - Soulmate AU: You Can See a Meter of How Dangerous Your Soulmate Is Hovering Over Their Head - Soulmate AU: You and Your Soulmate Share Sensations - Say Yes to Distress - Brocky Horror Picture Show

Tagging: Whomever wants in!

[ladyherenya]

Books read in June

I didn’t read everything I had planned. I was distracted reading other things and now I have to decide which library books I will return unread.

Part of me is stubbornly convinced I should retain my eleven-year-old self’s ability to borrow armfuls of books and read all of them at least once before the return date. Which is ridiculous. Back then I had fewer responsibilities and read shorter books. And having too many books to read is a better problem to have than running out of books.

Favourite cover(s): Thorn, Battle Born and White Eagles.

Reread: All Systems Red by Martha Wells.

Still reading: Descendent of the Crane by Joan He and Riviera Gold by Laurie R. King.

Next up: Aurora Burning by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff, and The Enigma Game by Elizabeth Wein.

One day I’ll get back to posting other things on Tumblr but for now, it’s just book reviews.

(Longer reviews and ratings on LibraryThing and Dreamwidth.)

*

Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett (narrated by Stephen Briggs): The wizards of Unseen University play football. This is humorous, clever, sharply observant about people -- very much what I’ve come to expect from Pratchett. I enjoyed it a lot. 

Girl Gone Viral by Alisha Rai: Katrina is horrified when a conversation she has with a man in a café is overheard, twisted into a romance, documented on Twitter -- and goes viral. Her bodyguard offers his family’s farm as a safe retreat. I enjoyed reading this and liked how it’s romance about a woman dealing with panic attacks, but by the final act, its priorities had diverged somewhat from mine. It wanted to get to its happily-ever ending, whereas I thought it had raised interesting issues worthy of further exploration and slower, more complex solutions. I wanted a happy ending, too, but wanted more story first.

Blame It On Paris by Laura Florand: I’ve read a few of Florand’s romances and even though the descriptions of Paris and chocolate shops were lovely and vivid, as stories they were not really my thing. But I loved her memoir, which is very funny. During her year in Paris, Laura isn’t looking to give up her independence, travelling or career plans for romance. But then her friends talk her into asking out the French waiter she admires. Getting to know Sebastien allows Laura to see France from a different perspective, and challenges her assumptions about serious relationships, her (American) culture and her own family.

Stepping From the Shadows by Patricia A. McKillip: A story about growing from childhood into adulthood. Published in 1982 as McKillip’s “first book for adults”, I can see why this is now out-of-print. It is strange, even by McKillip’s standards for strangeness. In merging the mundane with the magical, the mythical, it attempts something rather interesting and thoughtful, but it isn’t quite successful. However, the descriptions of places are wonderfully vivid, the narrator’s emotions are conveyed with intensity, and there were moments that felt like catching a fleeting glimpse of myself of a mirror. I didn’t always like it, but I’m glad I got to read it all the same.

True to Your Service by Sandra Antonelli: Kitt is sent on a mission to the Netherlands and his boss insists that Mae accompany him. This spy-thriller is, like At Your Service and Forever in Your Service, a bit too violent for me. However, I liked that Mae and Kitt talk about their reactions to distressing events with each other. In fact, the two of them are constantly discussing their thoughts and feelings about what’s happening, including the way Kitt’s job collides with their personal relationship. I really like the way their relationship is an on-going conversation.

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer:

Cress (narrated by Rebecca Soler): Following on from Cinder and Scarlet. Cress, born without the Lunar gift for manipulation, has spent years living alone in a satellite orbiting Earth, using her tech skills under the orders of the Lunar thaumaturge Sybil and dreaming of escape. I really enjoyed this. I like how it wove in elements from “Rapunzel”, and dealt with Cress’s perception of herself as a damsel in distress, a girl in need of rescuing.  There is an increasing focus on teamwork and friendship -- this means we see the characters from different perspectives, and we also see different sides to them. 

Winter (narrated by Rebecca Soler): Princess Winter, step-daughter of Queen Levana, is determined that she will never use her Lunar gift to manipulate others -- even though refraining makes her a bit crazy. Meanwhile Cinder and her friends plot to overthrow the queen. This is tense and entertaining, and the narrator does a wonderful job of bringing all the characters to life. I love that the gang are so accepting of each other’s weird quirks and that the romances are given time to develop. I love their teamwork, banter and perseverance. The focus is on the characters’ relationships and the action, and both are excellent.

Thorn by Intisar Khanani: Fifteen year old Princess Alyrra is sent to marry the prince from another kingdom but en route is forced into swapping places with her lady-in-waiting. This retelling of “The Goose Girl” is riveting. I instantly cared about Alyrra, and appreciated how thoughtfully and effectively the story walks a line between darkness and hope -- between fear and trust, sadness and joy. Alyrra’s new life has dangers and difficulties, but also positive things -- satisfaction in her work, a supportive found-family. She becomes increasingly aware of injustice around her, but her story is shaped by her choices -- to be kind, to seek justice and bring change.

The Physicians of Vilnoc, a novella in the World of the Five Gods by Lois McMaster Bujold: Penric and Desdemona are summoned to deal with an outbreak of a mysterious disease. This could easily be an intense story and, oddly enough, it isn’t. Given the current state of the world, I’m glad Bujold didn’t go with the dark, harrowing possibilities and instead wrote about Pen investigating how the disease is transmitted while treating as many patients as he can. Still a stressful experience for Pen, but I was confident his worst fears wouldn’t transpire. And it was satisfying to get a better understanding regarding the best way for Pen and Des to use their knowledge and skills.

Hamster Princess: Ratpunzel by Ursula Vernon (aka T. Kingfisher): Like Of Mice and Magic, this is another entertaining twist on a fairytale. When Harriet helps her friend Wilbur to find a stolen hydra egg, they come across someone else in need of help -- a rat with a very long tail.

Battle Born by Amie Kaufman: A satisfying conclusion to Ice Wolves and Scorch Dragons, with a couple of unexpected developments and a lot of expected emphasis on wolves, dragons and humans working together. I liked the realism of this. Anders and his sister Rayna have both cool shapeshifting abilities and special status arising from their parentage. But their success depends upon the support of resourceful friends and wise, trustworthy adults. They save the day, not because they know all the answers but because they bring people together. This trilogy is one I wish I could send back in time for my eleven year old self.

Time of Our Lives by Emily Wibberley and Austin Siegemund-Broka: Two teenagers cross paths while touring East Coast colleges. There’s a lot I found interesting: Fitz’s fascination with words; Juniper’s enthusiasm and passion for the college-choosing process; the way they challenge each other; their intense family situations; and the glimpses of university life. However, I ended up feeling oddly annoyed. I was drawn into the story because Fitz and Juniper’s perspectives and motives were so very real and understandable, but something about some of their later choices and thoughts seemed too pat. Like the level of realism slipped slightly because the authors wanted to get their Message For The Teens across.

Tweet Cute by Emma Lord: Two teenagers, two business Twitter accounts and one very public argument about grilled cheese. Pepper and Jack see each other in class and cross paths training at the pool, but they don’t realise that they’re at war on Twitter nor pseudonymously chatting on a school-based app, like something out of You’ve Got Mail. This was a lot of fun -- super cute and full of Pepper’s passion for baking, Jack’s passion for his family’s deli, complicated-but-ultimately-supportive family relationships, and references to internet culture. I like how the story explores the strengths, the pressures and the problems of social media.

Text, Don’t Call: an illustrated guide to the introverted life by INFJoe by  Aaron T. Caycedo-Kimura: The text offers a basic explanation of introversion. It might be a decent introduction for someone new to the topic, but I found it a bit too basic to be interesting. However, the illustrations were great! Very funny and often relatable, and in one or two cases, usefully thought-provoking.

White Eagles by Elizabeth Wein: When Germany invades Poland, eighteen year old Kristina of the Polish Air Force has a chance to escape with her aeroplane ‐‐ and an unexpected stowaway. Her journey allows for a fascinating bird's-eye view of Europe in 1939 and of the challenges posed by such a trip. This novella-sized story is aimed to be both accessible and interesting to reluctant or dyslexia readers. It has moments where I, personally, would have liked more detail but I've worked with struggling readers and I think it's so awesome this sort of thing exists.

[countessrivers]

For the meta asks: 3,4 and 8, please :)

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

So, for my vampire au aka Previously on the Gotham Diaries (for which there is still only one part published *shrug*) I have these big sprawling plans and ideas that I keep getting distracted from but other, equally good fic ideas. The rough plan for this au was/is one fic that explores the twin’s backstory and how they were turned, and another that’s kind of like an adaptation of season 2, where Galavan comes to town and he’s a vampire and you’ve got the Valeskas and Bruce and Oz and Hunter Jim and it all kind of plays out very similarly and still totally ends with Jim killing Galavan while Oz looks on a little bit in love and a little bit turned on. These are currently very, very fragmentary WIPs, so in the spirit of the ask, I’ll post a couple of excerpts (there’s also a Gobblepot coda that’s a bit more together, so that might come out at some point too)

From the Valeska twins backstory fic:

His hands are shaking as he lets go of the knife. Jerome stumbles back, bent over, hands wrapping around the hilt of the knife, replacing Jeremiah’s. Blood is already leaking out around the blade, spilling over Jerome’s hands and dripping onto the floor.

‘I’ve killed him,’ Jeremiah thinks, slightly hysterically.

He should be running. He should be using Jerome’s distraction to make an escape. He should be saving himself, but for some reason he’s frozen to the spot, starring in mute horror as his brother doubles over the knife Jeremiah stuck in him.

Jerome lets at a hacking cough that transforms into a grating laugh that burns Jeremiah’s ears to hear.

...

He sees Jerome’s arm move but he doesn’t feel the knife. He doesn’t feel it slice across his throat, but he does feel blood as it gushes from the wound. His hands scramble desperately at his neck, trying to stem the flow as he chokes, throat and airway quickly filling with blood. It’s useless, Jeremiah knows that, but the panic has taken over, and his body is reacting on instinct, clutching at the site of injury, trying to stop the bleeding.  

His legs give out beneath him, but before he hits the ground, Jerome catches him, pulling him into his chest. Jeremiah’s hands, still pressing futilely against his neck, end up trapped between them. Jerome - surprisingly, sickeningly - gently urges Jeremiah’s head down onto his shoulder as he convulses, and over the awful, wet sound of his desperate attempts at breath, Jeremiah hears Jerome shushing him softly.

“Shh, shh, shh,” he says, rubbing a hand almost tenderly down his back. “That’s it. Just relax. Give in. Let it happen.”

Jeremiah tries to pull away, but he’s so weak that he can’t even hold his hands up to his neck anymore. His fingers are still twitching, but he can’t help but let them drop

he wouldn’t have been able to get far even if Jerome had still been human. As it is, Jerome just squeezes him tighter, holding him up.

“Just close you eyes.”

Jeremiah does close his eyes. Not because he was told to, but because he can’t bear to look at Jerome as he dies.

From the sequel (basically this au’s version of Jim’s kidnapping and beating scene):

Goodbye, James. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Galavan turns and walks away. He gets halfway across the warehouse before he stops and turns back.

“Ah, what the hell,” he says, walking back towards him. “I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, James. I’m going to leave you here, in the company of your esteemed colleagues, and I’m going to go. I’m going to go kill Bruce Wayne, ensure my rightful place in Gotham is reclaimed, all of that, and then I’m going to come back.”  

He reaches out and takes hold of Jim’s face, fingers digging in painfully. Jim tries to pull away, as futile as he knows the action is.

“I’m going to come back, and if you’re still alive when I do, I’ll keep you.”

Jim refuses to give Galavan the satisfaction of seeing him react to the threat, using every ounce of his remaining self-control to lock down his horror, the fear born of experience and understanding of exactly what kind of monster Theo Galavan is that has all manner of images flash through his head. If the smirk on the vampire’s face is anything to go by, he’s not entirely successful.  

“So, it’s your choice, Jim.” Galavan steps in closer, brushing a thumb across his cheek and dangerously close to his mouth. “You can give up, close your eyes, let that final darkness take you as these men beat you and hurt you and no doubt do all sorts of terrible and painful things to you. Or you can keep fighting, keep holding on, keep being stubborn, and spend the rest of your life as my toy. My pet. Right up until the moment I get bored. Then I’ll kill you. Or give you to my sister to play with.”

Galavan pats him on the cheek, then slaps him hard enough that it leaves Jim’s ears ringing. Eyes squeezed shut, head spinning, Jim doesn’t see Galavan actually leave. He does hear him though.

“Be creative as you want, gentlemen. Just don’t make it quick.”

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

Jim doesn’t say anything else, and Bruce is glad. Jim could. He should, and Bruce would deserve it all. But he doesn’t. He just sits there quietly, stroking Bruce’s leg through the blankets, offering silent comfort. Maybe Jim just understands better than most that you can’t always help who you love.

This is from my post-Ace Chemicals fic One Hand on my Cheekbone, One Hand on the Rope (also can I ask, is it weird to cry over your own fic when rereading it? because I literally do with this one, every time. I’m just really emotional about Bruce Wayne I guess)

I just really like a lot of things about this section of the fic where Jim comes to check on Bruce. I’m all about Bruce and Jim’s relationship, and I think Jim is well placed to understand Bruce’s guilt and depression in a way no other character really can, which is why I ended on the two of them. This paragraph in particular comes on the heels of Bruce admitting, out loud, that he loved Jeremiah, and Jim acknowledging that he knew. The concept of loving someone even though they have done horrific things, even though they have done horrific things to you is applicable to Bruce in this case, but also to Jim, who can understand that particular kind of pain (I mean, pick your Jim/villain ship, but also, parts of Jim loved Barbara and Lee for long after their relationships ended, and even after they started hurting him and others)

Because it’s not even in the “despite the horror” sense. What Bruce is feeling, what Jim sympathises with is a particular grief that comes from a betrayal like that, from the loss of what could have been, from the love and the good memories that are still there. I think this paragraph encompasses this quite well.

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

Partially. I write what I enjoy, what I want to see or read, what I think a fandom might be lacking (for want of a better term) in terms of content. For instance, I write predominately dark fic, or at least heavier or porny fic, because that’s the kind of fic I enjoy reading most (though I have a mostly fluffy - by my standards - fic in the works that involves Batgirl Babs, the Riddler getting his ass beat by teenagers, and some Gordon family hugs). But I will read other styles, other genres. There are certain tropes I just won’t read for various reasons, and some kinds of fics I have to be in the right mood to read, but as long as it’s decently written and it involves characters/ships/scenarios I’m interested in, I’ll usually give it a go (particularly if it’s a small fandom or ship and I’m desperate for more content)

[kbrown78]

Monthly Wrap Up: February

For being the shortest month of the year, I'm pleased that I was able to finish as many books as I did. I read a total of 9 books this month, however the vast majority of them were rereads, which is okay because I want to get through as many rereads as I can as quickly as possible. At some point during this month I started getting worried, because February is a good month for reading themed books (like romance, black history, and fairies)but eventually I settled on the fact that it was okay if I didn't read these books, mainly because I wanted to deal with tackling the TBR pile I have at home and I could read those books any time of the year. I don't go out of my way to read books that prominently feature romance, so why should I stress myself out over making an exception. I don't own any books with fairies in them that I haven't read, and there's only 2 that I'm interested and my library didn't have them. I could have read The Hate U Give and I've been wanting to read that one for awhile but the reason I keep putting it off is I'm scared that I'll be disappointed by it because of all the hype surrounding it (like I was for Children of Blood and Bone). I would like to try reading more books that fit the theme or topic or general atmosphere of the month, and I do have a few I plan to read on specific months (especially October) but for now I think it's okay for me to not stress myself to do something when I have other tasks that are a much higher priority (seriously I need to get through my reread TBR pile and push out more reviews). Anyway, I did make good progress through the big reading assignments. As I already stated, most of the books were rereads, but I was also able to tackle the half the books at the top of my TBR and continued to make progress in the reading challenges I'm doing (4 PopSugar prompts and 1 book that a friend of mine picked for me). This month had a pretty decent range of books, in genre, series, and ratings. There was 1 science fiction, 3 dystopian, 1 contemporary, and 4 fantasy (one of them being magical realism which is a fantasy genre I want to read more of). So while this month was leaning more toward fantasy, there was still a decent mix. Fortunately there were no 1 star books, but I did have a couple 2 star book and a lot of 3 star books, but I also had my first 5 star book of the year, which needless to say, I loved. I completed 1 series, started 3, and read 2 stand alones. All in all February was a good reading month, despite the lack of February themed books.  

Feed by Mira Grant: I initially picked this book up for several reasons. It's written by Mira Grant, which is a pen name for Seanan McGuire, and it's an unofficial goal of mine to read all of her books. It's science fiction, and I want to read more of that genre this year. This was supposed to feature zombies, and there wasn't going to be any romance. I had high hopes for this book, just based on my opinion of McGuire's books I read last year. Unfortunately I struggled with this book from the very first chapter.  My biggest issue was that I keep going into every zombie or post apocalyptic wanting it to be about human's struggling to survive but ultimately over coming the challenges. Basically a better version of the Walking Dead. Then when I read this novel, I'm extremely disappointed to find that zombies aren't only a minor part of society, they hardly come off as a threat during the entire thing. Also the fact that a post zombie apocalypse world (which is somehow more advance than our current society) was used as the setting for mystery surrounding the coverage of a presidential election didn't mesh very well. Seriously having an urban fantasy setting would have worked much better with this stories. I discussed in my monthly wrap up review of An Alchemy of Masques and Mirrors that I really disliked when I can easily guess the mastermind behind all the chaos before the characters do, and that applies to this novel. As a suspenseful mystery, this just didn't work at all. I also wasn't attached to the characters, they felt like archetypes that weren't really expanded on. By the end of this novel I was ready for things to be over with and fortunately this can be a self contained standalone, so I don't plan on continuing the series. I'll still give McGuire's other series a try, but this one I found to be a let down. Feed received 2 out 5 stars.  

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins: So The Hunger Games series was at the top of my list for book's on my TBR. Last year, since my sister was reading The Hunger Games for school, I thought it would be good to go reread it and tag it so I can do a full review on it. I hadn't read the books since high school, but I've seen the movies more recently (since they're shown all the time on TV). I wanted to see if this first in particular is as good as I remember it and how I think it compares to the movies, and I gotta say, I am so glad I read this book. I'm sorry but with the first movie at least, it doesn't even compare to the books. For those that haven't read the series or watched the movies, The Hunger Games is a dystopian series set in a futuristic North America where the country is divided into 12 districts and a capitol, and every year the districts must give one boy and girl to compete in a televised competition, killing each other off until 1 is left. Katniss Everdean from District 12 volunteers in place of her sister and things take off from there. It's a fast paced, action driven book, and while Katniss isn't always a likable protagonist, she's very human. I was surprised by how invested I got in the romance too, because romance isn't my thing, yet I found Katniss and Peeta's dynamic to be compelling. There's also so much more depth to this book then the movie gives it credit for. It takes a stab at political commentary, reality shows, and fashion crazes very well, which is what I think will really make it a modern classic. Much like Harry Potter and Twilight it was a trend setter, especially for YA novels, and while many have tried to replicate it, none have succeeded. I'll absolutely do a full review of this book once I'm done with the entire series. The Hunger Games received 5 out 5 stars and works for the PopSugar prompt “book with 1 million ratings on Goodreads.”  

Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira: I come away from this book not knowing exactly where I stand with it. It's a sad story that's does convey a message of hope and recovery, but I don't love it and I don't find myself attached to it. I think I like the writing itself and what the story tries to convey better than the story itself. Starting out I really hated the story. Laurel, the protagonist, was devoid of personality and lived to basically be a clone of her recently deceased sister. I didn't like the side characters, because they're supposed to be the cool kids but don't feel developed much outside of their toxic elements.  There was some tropes used that made the story and characters feel a bit pretentious (which was really annoying). I also really disliked the romance, between Sky and Laurel (although I had issues with Hannah and Natalie's too) because Sky is portrayed as this brooding bad boy who is so perfect. While he isn't a jerk (which is good), he is pretty flawed and at the start of the book Laurel doesn't come off as ready for a romance. Yet she idealizes him and which is something she clearly does with her older sister May. I still think there shouldn't have been a romance, but I do think things improved overall by the end of the book. Mostly that Laurel came to terms with her trauma, realized that people (even the ones you love) are flawed and dealing with their own issues, and communication is an important part of healing. Laurel started opening up to her parents more and became an active part of her group of friends. I know this book is heavily influenced by The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and it shows both in the writing format (written as letters to deceased celebrities) but also in the narrative. It's good to read a book that deals with serious issues yet still manages to give a wholesome and realistic conclusion (something I rarely see in contemporary fiction, and something that I don't think Perks of Being a Wallflower did which is why I prefer this one). Speaking of dealing with serious issues, this was a heavy book for me. For the majority of this book, I was very uncomfortable by the content, which could be the desired reaction, but there were several scenes that rubbed me the wrong way. The first time Natalie and Hannah are caught kissing by Laurel, one of them forces a kiss on her to make everything seem normal. There's an attempted date rape scene later in the book. There's physical abuse, teenage girls dating adult men, and pedophilia. Again it's a heavy book, and if you are at all triggered by that, or struggled with Perks of Being a Wallflower, I would put this book on hold. I wish that there were more realistic books out there for teenagers that don't have the main plot either revolving around a romance or recovering from rape. There's a lot more to life than just that and there are other hardships out there that don't involve sexual abuse. Writing this had made me realize just how mixed my feelings are on this book, which actually makes it a great book for discussion. I may do a full review of this book just so I can have a more in depth discussion on all my thoughts and feelings on this book, but I can't guarantee it and I don't think it will come any time soon (since I am way behind on my book reviews). That being said I can't give it a high rating based solely on it's writing and messages it conveys because I think there are several points where the execution was weak. Love Letters to the Dead received 3.5 out 5 stars and was my pick for the PopSugar prompts “book with 'love' in the title” and “a book with unusual chapter headings.”

Age of Myth by Michael J. Sullivan: I bought this book at the same I got Feed, and considering the fact that I was disappointed by Feed I was hoping that this book would be an improvement. While this was better, I still found it not meeting my prior expectations. It's a traditional epic fantasy that has a few twists to them, but there are also several generic elements. For the first third the book didn't progress in the way I expected too, which made me want to continue and see where things go. Then the story started to progress in a way I find incredibly frustrating, which is that characters do reckless and stupid things and must then deal with the consequences of that. The plot is moving forward, but in a positive way. The character where this is most applicable is Persephone. I wanted to like her, and I got glimpses of her that I did really like, which made the rest of her narrative all the more frustrating. She's incredibly naive (despite the evidence of her being a wise ruler) believing people aren't capable of bad deeds (again despite blatant evidence otherwise), and while she's the one who comes up with the plans, she never wants to be the one to implement them. Suri and Arion were both interesting but the story didn't focus enough on them for me to feel strongly about them. Raithe was quickly pushed to the side, serving little purpose to the narrative other than being the “God Killer,” which I was actually a little surprised by since I'm so used to seeing this kind of story be led by males. The friendships in this book are amazing and were without a doubt my favorite part of it. The story itself is very straight forward and surprisingly simple, but there bits that lay the ground work for a series long conflict, especially what's revealed in the last two pages. However, two pages of amazing epilogue isn't enough to compensate for the rest of the story. Age of Myth received 3.5 out 5 stars.  

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins: My memories of this book are that it was not as good as The Hunger Games and upon rereading I definitely still hold that opinion. There are some things that I remember having the same feelings about and there are some new developments. The word that, both in the past and currently, I would use to describe this book is oddly, boring. For a high octane story with mounting rebellions and a Battle Royale style game would be a suspenseful quick read, but it really wasn't. I think this is due to Katniss' passive nature in this book, and the fact that the games aren't going until somewhere between the last half and third of the book. The other thing that remained the same was that I am totally Team Peeta. When first reading this series I wanted Katniss to end up with Peeta, but I couldn't tell you why. Then rereading The Hunger Games, I was swept away by Katniss and Peeta's romance, and this book just solidified why I approve of Peeta over Gale. What really impressed me about the previous book was how much discussion there was in that book that can be applied to our current society. This book shifts to focus more on the rebellion, and it's not one of the better written ones because everything is so simplistic and Katniss is merely an observer with little information and no desire to be apart of it, even though that's the direction she's going to have to take. Also in the previous Katniss felt like a more complex character. Granted she didn't have a ton of depth but she is least felt like more than someone that existed to move the narrative forward. I knew going into this book it was probably going to be my least favorite of the series and I do think it struggled to live up to the narrative that the previous book set up. I wouldn't say it's a bad book though, just would have liked a little more action and a little more depth. Catching Fire received 3 out 5 stars from me.  

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins: Wow, this was definitely a series that went out with a bang. I still don't think Mockingjay is quite as good as The Hunger Games but it has a much better narrative than Catching Fire, at least in the later half. First and foremost, this is a really depressing book. Like there were multiple times I was on the verge of crying, with Peeta and Katniss' relationship, all of Katniss' trauma and all the character deaths. It is so sad. But there's a lot about this story that I appreciate now that I didn't when I first read this book. War is devastating and costly, and while I think the over all rebellion itself could have been more nuanced, this book did show that it's easy for a dictatorship to rise from the ashes of the previous one. I still don't really like Katniss, but man, is it hard to not at least be sympathetic to her with all the crap that she has been through and all the damage her body has received. This is a series where you don't want to get to attached to the side characters because anyone can die, but most of them I still find to be a bit more likable than Katniss (albeit a little underdeveloped). I loved, absolutely loved Peeta and Katniss' romance and even when first reading this book I was moved by how their relationship turned out. The story itself within this book is a bit boring at first, again because Katniss is being kept in a very confined, minimal role, but also because of her trauma leaves her in a hazy state. Once she becomes more active the story gets better, but things really take off when she goes on the mission in the Capitol. It's a quick scene but I remember getting very anxious when watching that part in the movies. The ending is a bit rushed because things seem to just happen quickly, but from a literary stand point it's a good tragic ending. Despite the rushed ending, it has a hopeful feel to it, as the characters slowly recover from the horrors they've endured and continue to honor the memory of those that have passed. The Hunger Games is not a series without it's faults, but it's a series that I highly commend it for what it is and enjoyed it on a personal level. Mockingjay received 4 out 5 stars from me.    

The Devourers by Indra Daas: Going into this book, I didn't know much about it outside of the synopsis and a few trigger warnings. One of my best friends picked this book for me as part of a monthly “Pick It For Me” challenge in one of my Goodreads group, and I had basically no expectations for this book. After finishing it, I enjoyed it, I'm glad I read it, but I don't think it's a book that had a significant impact on me and isn't one I'm going to think about often. That is due to mostly the writing style itself. The story is a magical realism that is written in a way that feels similar to stream of conscious, thus making it hard to tell what is truth versus speculation and even hard to say whose view point it is and even when the story is occurring. Things just exist as they are, and while this is good for evoking emotions it doesn't produce something that lingers (at least for me). So what the story is essentially about is a history professor that is approached by a man who claims to be half were wolf and commissions him to transcribe two scrolls. I was a little shaken in the beginning, both by the writing style and the mix of an Indian setting with Norse mythology. So it was a rocky start, but once I got used to it I finally found myself enjoying the story, up until the end when things get kind of weird and a little vague. My favorite part of the book was definitely the scroll's, mainly the woman's, because those were the sections that best discussed the themes of humanity, history, love, and family, which is what the book is essentially about. I will say that the trigger warnings for rape and gore are relevant because both are major parts of the story and the storytelling itself, so one should be aware of that before going into this book. As more time passes from when I finished this book, I find myself remembering less and less. It's a decent, atmospheric story but I find myself wishing it had been either a little shorter or longer, so that the story could really stick with me. The Devourer's received 4 out 5 stars and was my pick for the PopSugar prompt “book by an author from Africa, Asia, or South America” (the author is from Kolkata, India, where the contemporary part of the book is set).  

The Naming by Allison Croggon: So this series, the Books of Pellinor, and the Inheritance Cycle were the epic fantasy series that I grew up on. The best way to sum up this series, and especially the first book, is Lord of Rings but with a female lead. While that may make it sound awesome, I actually struggled with this book, which is kind of surprising considering how much I loved it as a kid. There was a lot of filler in this book. It's all basically one long journey with a few meetings and attacks along the way. This results in the books pacing just dragging, to the point where I started skimming because I have 3 more books to get through, and I want to get through this series as soon as possible. Another thing I had an issue with, and this might be a surprise, but I didn't like how similar this was to Lord of the Rings (mixed with the Chosen One trope done poorly). I'm not going to go into everything here but there were several points throughout the book where I could pin point the exact similarities between this book and at least the Fellowship of the Ring. I like Lord of the Rings, but when I read a story where the only original elements are poorly done tropes, it's more than a little frustrating. To Croggon's credit, she did try to create a more egalitarian society and put a female lead in a normally male narrative, which I do appreciate. This book also had no romance which was refreshing, although the one romantic scene in this book left me rather uncomfortable. It was disappointing for a beloved book from my early teen years to fall from grace, and while I haven't even gotten to what had been my least favorite book in the series, there's still hope that the series improves. The Naming received 2.5 out 5 stars and is my pick for the PopSugar prompt “a book you think should be turned into a movie” because I think if put in the right hands, this book can be translated onto a good movie.    

The Riddle by Alison Croggon: I'm a little surprised I ended up liking this a bit better than The Naming, but I think that's due to the fact that this book was a bit more nuanced. It's still similar in format to the previous book, namely being about a journey to defeat a returning evil with a lot of filler, but there's more major plot points, and some of those have the protagonist Maerad staying in one location for awhile. The reason I like this is because those points take the time to develop either the characters or the nature of the conflict itself. I liked the beginning, with Maerad having a normal life in Busk, and the last third, when she is imprisoned by the Winter King. There is also a turning point in the middle, where Cadavan (Maerad's mentor) questions her morality (although there was no precedence for that and I think Cadavan overreacted in that instance). I will also say that Croggon does put a lot of effort into her world building. It happens a lot in fantasy where authors want to create a Middle Earth type of setting, but don't put forth the effort to have the same depth that Tolkein did. Croggon does not do that, which I like, but I feel like I only get to see glimpses (due to the constantly moving narrative). Even at the end of this book I still don't really like Maerad as a character. She isn't as whiny or annoying as she was at the beginning of the first book, but I still really dislike her blatantly being the “Chosen One” and being an OP Special Snowflake. She also comes off as not having a much of personality. There's her being a musician, the Chosen One, and this amazingly powerful Bard, and that's really all there is to her. I'm glad that this book improved from the first one, although not by much, which makes me think that this series is ultimately going to be a let down for me. Shame. The Riddle received 3 out 5 stars.

Thank You Everyone

Keep Calm and Keep Reading

[davidmann95]

What was your first comic and does it hold up?

Hard to say for certain. There’s a few candidates: Superman Adventures, Batman Adventures, Byrne’s Man of Steel, the DC collection of The Greatest Team-Up Stories Ever Told, Superman & Bugs Bunny.* Heck, Calvin and Hobbes. But the first one I no-question remember for certain getting - by which I mean my mom bought it for me when I saw it at the grocery store - is this baby:

And looking it up for a reread, it definitely did live up to my memories, in that my memories told me this was in no way something I should have been reading at 4-5 years old. It is pretty damn dark even by Spider-Man standards.

Brought to us by Howard Mackie, John Byrne, Dan Green, Joe Rosas, Richard Starkings, Troy Peteri, and editor Ralph Macchio, “DUST IN THE WIND” requires a bit of background, which I guess is as fair a start as I should have expected for my first comic. Mackie and company do clear things up quickly though: Peter, who until recently had been living the high life, has lost everything when Mary Jane ‘went missing’ in a plane crash (while it’s played as him being in denial it turns out she was indeed kidnapped in later comics. Does anyone know what the deal was with that? Even when I look up her kidnapper on Marvel Wiki or whatever he’s just listed as “The Stalker” with no details. I know the incident sparked their eventual separation, which lasted until a ways into JMS’s run), and is headed out to a job interview with a start-up tech company on the recommendation of Glory Grant. 

Meanwhile, Sandman is falling apart into a creepy slush-monster due to some kind of inter-group breakdown with a Sinister Six formed by Mysterio, where Venom bit off a chunk of him in the fight (probably what made me think of Venom from a young age as definitely the coolest Spider-Man villain, which…did not exactly bear out in the harsh light of day, even if I still think he’s a lot better than many give him credit for), and “I can’t pull myself all the way together without all my sand…” Right away we’re in dicey territory, given I’m like 98% sure any kind of sand works for him. He’s Sandman! How’s he turn into a big sand monster all the time if he can only ever have so much sand?! Spoilers, but he totally has enough sand to turn into a literal sandstorm later in the story, and at no point does it occur to him to just stay as a stable normal-sized guy rather than overextending himself into a slush monster without enough mass to sustain himself. Or does he mean that it doesn’t matter how much other sand there might be, if he loses any ‘important’ sand he’s through? Because jeez buddy, there’s probably billions of grains in there at the very least, and you’re screwed if you lose track of ANY of them? Yikes.

Anyway, he materializes in the middle of a bunch of homeless guys to scream about how he really needs to kill Mysterio before he kicks the sand castle himself, and here we run into the bit of the story that definitely doesn’t play out quite like I remember it, for two reasons.

1. As you can see, he snatches a bottle of booze in a paper bag from one of the guys, and at 5 or so I thought it was a ketchup bottle, because 5.

2. The bottle drops through his hand, because he can’t sustain himself. You can see it’s a pretty innocuous image, especially compared to what’s surrounding it, but at the time that scared the shit out of me. Somehow that imprinted on my brain as this horrifically gruesome image, his hand falling apart as the booze sprays everywhere as a clear signifier for blood to match his torturous physical condition. In that regard, this look back has been kind of a disappointment.

So Peter has to huff it to the job interview, and because he doesn’t even have enough money for the subway, he’s gotta make it on foot. Unfortunately on the way there he gets sidetracked; a young woman comes running out of a tenement yelling for help, and when he grudgingly obliges, it turns out her baby has his head stuck in the bars of his crib. Maybe this is my ignorance showing as a non-parent that I don’t understand why this is a life-or-death situation (beyond that the baby squeezed his head far enough through that the bars are on either side of his neck, which is probably worth checking with a doctor about), but even as Peter bends the bars and frees the boy, the police burst in for a drug bust as well-dressed business-types start to flee. 

“This is some sort of crack house,” Spider-Man thinks to himself in this comic I read as a tiny little baby. And because he’s wearing his one nice suit for his job interview he gets busted with the rest, by a couple very angry cops. Before one can finish lecturing him that he’s a damn yuppie with too much money who’ll throw it all away for a hit (which they’ll clearly fix by throwing him in jail), they inevitably drive right into that sandstorm I mentioned earlier, which breaks Peter’s watch - the watch from his presumably dead wife that he was using to make sure he’d be on time for his interview, the capper to a clearly spectacular day - even as he changes into costume and follows Sandman into a nearby warehouse. And that’s where things start to get odd.

As it turns out this is where Mysterio’s been hiding out, with Electro in tow as his flunky (which is probably what made me think of Mysterio as Spider-Man’s other coolest villain. This opinion definitely did pan out with time, Mysterio rocks), and to this day I don’t know what exactly is going on here. They’re both being uncharacteristically blunt - Electro monologues about eliminating his adversary once and for all like a Lee/Kirby Fantastic Four villain rather than a mook with more power than he knows what to do with. At first I thought it was just a failed attempt at making him edgier - no quips anymore, webhead! - but it’s specifically called out in-story a couple times, which makes me think there was a purpose to it. Maybe it has something to do with Electro’s redesigned outfit, which has picked up an I’d say undue degree of flack over the years. Obviously it’s got nothing on that pointy-headed classic Ditko design, but it’s a decent enough “Electric Supervillain” costume design in its own right, if a little on the generic side. If any fans from this period can clue me in on what’s going on here with the two of them, absolutely feel free to do so.

Unfortunately, Mysterio’s cunning apparently took an even harder hit than Electro’s fashion sense; since the inside of the warehouse seems to be a sprawling post-apocalyptic New York (and it’s, y’know, Mysterio), Parker picks up pretty quick that this is an illusion, so he fires a web at where the ceiling must be, pulls, and…that’s it. The warehouse crumbles, Mysterio and Electro flee, Spidey leaves a bitter Sandman moaning about his lost vengeance for the cops, and it’s pretty much exactly as anticlimactic as it sounds. But lest things end on a down note, let’s take a look at the final page, where events take a turn into realms of absolute despair that can only be described as Funky Winkerbeanean:

Jeeeeesus. The ‘ol Parker luck, eh? In perhaps the deepest pit of professional despair of his adult life right after his greatest successes, and with his wife probably dead to boot, he thought he could at last put his incredible brainpower to some kind of modest use, but it was a lie! His last resort has been dashed by a misunderstanding from a man apparently too stubborn to bother hearing Peter out, and now he has to wash dishes to stay alive because otherwise he’s literally too broke to afford the bus home! And as a guy who’s washed his share of dishes, I can say with some degree of authority: that blows pretty hard!

So does it hold up? I’d say yes; it’s a perfectly passable comic for its time, it’s about as dark as I recall - even grimmer in some ways than I understood at the time - and there’ll always be the air of the vaguely taboo, the adult, the indefinably fucked-up about it by the sheer fact of when I was exposed to it. I think it may have had one of the four parts of Marvel’s running anti-weed insert comic Fast Lane in it, so that probably helped. Something about it clearly did it for me, by sheer dint of the fact that it didn’t scare me off the whole “superhero” business forever; if nothing else, it’s almost certainly the source point of my fondness for darker Spider-Man stories. Also, this page doesn’t hurt:

Always thought of that as a great little summing-up of his character: everything that can go wrong will most definitely go it wrong, but damn it, he’s going to make it all work. He’s not going to give up. He’s going to have a life. As superheroes go, that’s not the worst place to start. Plus it turns out Peter Parker shares my fondness for golden-toed socks. The hero who could be you indeed.

* While I’m looking forward to the new one-shots in the same vein, especially since Tom King has essentially confirmed he’s writing Batman vs. Elmer Fudd, I don’t know that it’s going to be able to live up to the original unless he gets possessed by Daffy Duck again.

[theawkwardterrier]

Fic roundup 2016

Buffyverse All Work The Closing Distance To Question, Squirrels and Books

Gilmore Girls Heads, Hands

Harry Potter (Enough Misadventures) To Last A Lifetime The Biting Yesterdays In the Neighbourhood As Yourself

Leverage Sanctuary Space In the Gray Light

MCU The Madcap Underground Withdraw Their Shining The Job At Hand This Bright Future Homemakers Stand Together Burdens Had The Question At Hand All the Days Woman Borne With Gentleness and Time Duty Bound Like Gravity

The Newsroom A Rousing Debate

Veronica Mars Untitled celebrity/fan AU The Blown Job

1. Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?: Considering I didn’t write a damn word for nearly half the year, much much more. I was super surprised when I did a “last 20 fics” thing in October-ish, and found that they were all in 2016. And I also feel like I actually got a decent balance between longer oneshots, little snippets, and at least one decently sized (for me) chapter fic. It also helped that I got less anxious about asking for prompts, and people were nice enough to step up and give them to me.

2. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?: I never ever would have expected Steve/Peggy and the MCU to take over my life and my writing as completely as it did. I have literally no concrete memory of how it happened, but suddenly they were just there, and I’ve found them honestly delightful to both read and write.

3. What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? Homemakers. Homemakers. All day, every day. It’s just the right level of fluff, sounds authentic enough, flowed nicely, has humor and sweetness and a solid relationship and a plot but also a bit of a “glimpse into the life” thing. One hundred percent. Homemakers.

4. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Started writing Woman Borne even though The Ninety-Nine Percent had burned me out so badly. Finished writing Woman Borne even as I realized that I likely wasn’t equipped to do so. On the one hand, I’m proud of the way I handled the act of writing and posting it- I remembered to finish the whole thing ahead of time, I had it read over at an early stage to see if I should keep going and then had it read when it was complete by someone lovely and knowledgeable, I looked over each chapter before posting and made edits if they felt necessary rather than feeling that what I’d written had to dictate the way it would go- but I don’t think I would write something so heavy and controversial and out of my personal experience like that in the near future. Although the readers were overall lovely, it was stressful as heck.

5. Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? Just, keep writing. If I could finish a few of my WIPs, that would be nice (especially the Very Large Cameron/Chase one) but I’m pretty satisfied to take things as they come. I think my experience with The Blown Job this year was actually really helpful to me- it was a fairly old WIP, one that I’d put down as a goal to finish this year, and without even pushing myself to do it, I just picked it up and chipped away at it until it was done. It just needed to rest in my folder and in my brain for a while, and when it was ready to be done, I finished it.

6. From my past year of writing, what was… Story Most Underappreciated by the Universe: I think that things mostly got noticed in proportion to how they deserved to be noticed- Woman Borne is long so it got more, Homemakers is actually pretty good so it got props even though it was shorter- but some of my smaller fics sort of sank without a ripple. Part of it is my fault because I’m terrible at self-promo, so they were posted once on tumblr, and maybe on AO3, but I feel awkward trying to be noticed, which means that they weren’t. I’m tempted to say Head, Hands, which was my first Rory/Logan story in a while; or either of my Parker/Hardison attempts, but in the end I think I have to go with Like Gravity, which was my last fic of the year and my Steggy Secret Santa story. I don’t know if it was weird tumblr stuff or if the unevenness really put people off, but I didn’t think it was a bad story and it just seemed to go gently into the fanfic ether.

Most Fun: I think The Job At Hand. Homemakers came out so smoothly and I really liked writing all the showgirls in Stand Together, but there’s just something about the hilarious frustration of trying to keep Steve Rogers under control.

Most Disappointing: Maybe In the Neighbourhood, which was my first Ron/Hermione story. I think the characterization was okay but nothing stellar, the writing wasn’t spectacular, and the situation was a little basic. Overall, it was serviceable but lacked any kind of sparkle.

Actually, I take it back. As Yourself, one of my Lily/James fics. The idea is good and even the individual elements are good. I’m really proud of the title, too: it refers both to the quote “love your neighbor as yourself” and the theme of presenting yourself honestly. But the pacing is all wrong. I rushed it, and it shows.

Most Sexy: Oh good gosh. For years I have been answering these questions and I have never succeeded in this one. I know that there’s a lot of ways to be sexy. I write fluff and angst and everything in between. But my sexy is like “do the characters make physical contact at any point?” I’d say This Bright Future, most likely.

Hardest to Write: Woman Borne is probably the easiest answer, but although it took several months to write and had a LOT of big things tangled in it, it didn’t feel that hard in the scheme of my chapter fic experiences. I struggled with getting through The Closing Distance- I’ve had trouble with Buffy/Angel stuff for several years- but I was really surprised by how hard Like Gravity was. It was the only Steve/Peggy fic I had a particularly hard time writing, which was especially strange considering it wasn’t an extraordinarily complicated AU.

Most Unintentionally Telling: Maybe the fact that I like Homemakers so much and have reread it so many times. Although is it a reveal if my love for fluff is well known and publicized? As is my frustration re: bread-making. And that part was written with full and vocal intention, so...not sure

Choice Lines:

Harry (so normal; James’s dad would have loved that) looks around, pulling on a gray t-shirt. “What’s happening?” he says eyeing the cauldron, his mother, and James eyeing him.

“Your dad had a little incident,” Lily says. She hands Harry a muffin, shrugging when he looks from it to her. “Pre-incident baking.”

“Alright,” Harry says easily. He takes a bite. “‘M going to Ron’s for Quidditch.” He sticks the rest of the muffin in his mouth and leaves the room as Lily pours some of the cooled teal potion into a glass and sets it in front of James, who doesn’t move for a moment.

“Woah. Didn’t mean to step into the morning after.”

“Well you did, and now you’ve got it all over your shoe.”

“That’s fucking bullshit.” Steve considered adding ‘with all due respect, sir,’ but he didn’t think it would have mattered at that point, and he also didn't think it would be honest.

...Peggy Carter is controlled and capable and brilliant, but the only thing that’s stone about her is the strength of her right hook.

Steve thinks of courts martial and the way Peggy's uniform fits her so easily. His chest feels splayed open. “I'd love to come with you,” he says, the words breathing out of him.

He wants to hug her, to hold her against him, calculated and risky and stunning. Instead he finds her hand where it lies in the sand between them and presses it delicately…

...Steve, eyes downcast, gifts Peggy with a drawing- simple charcoal on lovely, thick paper- of what she recognizes with some surprise as her own hands. One is in a fist, the other spread wide like a shield.

She buys a frame for it and hangs it in her office the next day.

“Shut up,” she says, fierce and polite, and swings him around and kisses him. He’s stunned still for only a moment.

He is, in fact, a frankly lovely kisser.

When she pulls away after a few moments, he stands there dazed, and then mumbles something that sounds like, “Seniority.”

“Oh good God,” Peggy says, and kisses him again. When she’s satisfied he’ll be quiet, she says, “Phillips is ancient and crotchety and hasn’t changed his textbook in twenty-five years. You, meanwhile, let them look at naked art and stand up to their parents and are bloody gorgeous. And even if you were useless, you’ll shut up and take it. I’ve earned this.”

“You really have,” he says, and kisses her this time, his hands smiling on her back. And then, long minutes later, “By the way. Who’s the HR/PR Disaster now?” His voice is glancingly smug, which cannot be allowed.

“That was four dollars worth of ingredients,” Steve says dazedly several hours later. He is coated lightly in flour as if he has forgotten to come out of the snow.

Peggy eyes the lumpy dough creature and says, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to shoot it.”

They are two highly capable, mostly rational people. They have wedding rings and work and dinner dates and outings with friends and occasional couple’s espionage. They can cook nearly anything else by this point. There is no reason to be frustrated that they cannot conquer bread.

The next batch comes out of the oven looking perfect. It tastes only and exactly of yeast.

They host Thanksgiving because Bucky’s family wanted Christmas.

There are neat pieces of sushi as appetizers, a huge bowl of excellent mashed potatoes, and three perfect kinds of bread.

The turkey is half raw.

Bucky laughs ‘til he cries.

The girls are leaving first, so Steve stays with them while they pack up, the familiar trappings of the Star Spangled Show disappearing into crates, the familiar faces blurring beneath coats and hats.

The chaperone, Miss Lindon, is staring something fierce at him. (They’d almost driven off a cliff one midnight on a twisty road in California. Everyone else was squeezing hands and praying. Miss Lindon, firm and tidy in tweed, just turned the page of her book with a careful finger.)

He knows that Peggy is ninety-two years old. He knows that she just moved into a new nursing home last week. He knows that she is standing right in front of him, no more than a few years older than when he went into the ice. Dark hair, dark lipstick, dark jumpsuit, and his shield on her back.

Later, watching this Peggy, a shade away from what he knows, he realizes that she reminds him of no one as much as himself, shielding himself from the familiar and the unfamiliar and the memories most of all.

Having someone who understands is a very difficult sort of wonderful.

Natasha is the most off-put by how well Peggy knows them. Her stories have come slowly to Steve, each one a trust-gift. Peggy has her own collection, but for Natasha they are weapons held by someone she does not know.

No one could identify with the loneliness of waking up after the ice like Peggy could, the futile anger of knowing that everyone was gone and it was only him, surviving and surviving and surviving.

The next time Steve sees Thompson, he has fading bruises on either side of his jaw, and actually avoids Steve. As if Steve would hit him if he was just minding his own business.

“-And she said I needed to cut out half my footnotes, even though so much of the good stuff is there, and who doesn’t like extra footnotes? They’re like little knowledge presents!“ Willow finished, turning off the overhead light and enjoying the sound of her slippers shuffling against the carpet. Buffy was still out; she had a midterm the next day and Giles was quizzing her. She held the phone against her shoulder and pulled the covers down.

“Did you check for antennae? She might be a footnote hating alien.” It was the first time Oz had spoken in a while and she could hear the noise of the party the other Dingoes were having, but Willow never worried that he was getting distracted when she talked. The tone he used now was equilibrious as always, but the kind that curved upward a little in her mind and meant he was smiling.

She woke one morning with Steve’s voice, warm and content and loving, full of wonder, still settled over her like a shroud.

There were things that Peggy had not even known she could miss: slicing apples, newspapers, the moon and rain, handshakes, calendars.

There was a tenement sort of grimness to his voice that spoke of gritting teeth through long winters.

He had become less formal in her presence, knees and elbows expanding outward as he sat in a way that made him look somehow smaller, or at least softer.

She gripped at her tea. The all-purpose English remedy, she and Monty used to joke. Apply liberally to anything from gunshot wounds to heartbreak. It didn’t seem to be working.

Peggy reminded herself that she had quite handily survived a world war, and that there was no reason to behave swoonily just because Steve was being very visibly attractive in front of her.

Peggy tried to forget that the world war hadn’t prevented just the same thing the first time around.

“‘‘Twas I who chopped down the cherry tree’ and all that?” It sounded accidentally Shakespearean in her accent despite her wry tone.

Steve grinned in a way that was startlingly unrestrained, making Peggy realize just how much it had all been weighing on him. She hadn’t seen that grin since early 1945, and it was shameful for it to have been hidden so long.

“Fine,” he said, the way he did when things were not fine. It wasn’t that he was lying, but that he hadn’t yet realized that something was wrong.

Steve ran the miles home. The idea of cars felt condensed and awful.

She saw Barton farther down the street, half sitting, half sunbathing on top of one of the fire trucks.

In the bleary dark: “Why have you done so much to help us?”

A pause. “Because I can’t remember a time when I wished someone would help me.”

“Well, Evans, the thing about that man you married- and I love him like a brother and would kill anyone else who said this- is that he’s not very bright and sometimes exists with his head firmly hidden up his arse.”

“Hey, man, respect the skills of others. Maybe I can’t do any of that either, but I laugh in the face of the blue screen of death.”

There’s a feeling in her chest that reminds her of seeing Michael in his uniform for the first time, a ragged beat swallowing her thoughts for just a blank moment, whispering how much it would hurt to lose him.

He tells Peggy this after they’re adjourned for the day. She does not try to build him up or placate him. “They used to bury suspected vampires with stakes in their chests and bricks in their jaws even after they’d died,” she says instead, tilting her chin up at him.

She has the feeling that he’s from the type of family where handshake lessons were given on Monday from 2:30 to 4.

This woman sounds like she could buy and sell him a couple of times over, and he’s not entirely sure if he means literally or metaphorically.

“It’s good. I like it,” and somehow that’s worth paragraphs and paragraphs. It settles around her heart.

But Angel has had a few centuries to get used to how quickly things shift. He has no more lamentations for the eyeblinks that mean a change. Killing a young girl, seeing one on sunlit school steps; these things took seconds and changed everything.

His voice is hoarse and he speaks slowly, but his Russian is perfect, as if the language is something he stored in an attic chest, one he just creaked open to find it pristine.

Because although she has more responsibility than anyone he’s ever known, the weight of lives and lives, she also has her own, and it is such a young one. He wants to be sure that she doesn’t look with regret on these months spent with him, the cliffside love with someone whose life is endlessly futureless.

She’s been missing him all these months, she hasn’t even been tempted, never in all that time, and she’s not totally hideous, so there were some people trying to tempt. But she’s been waiting, it hasn’t even been a question, and he’s apparently been questioning all over the place if he was going to break his word, the last thing he said to her.

She goes Bronzing with the gang. She spends a couple nights hanging and talking with Will, where they dissect Oz’s latest three words, and try once again to figure out Cordelia and Xander, and don’t talk at all about Angel or about how this feels worse than the entire last year because they finally got to choose and they both chose to be apart. She gets a B+ on her English quiz.

Despite herself, Veronica is disappointed. She had wanted the rush from figuring out a puzzle, from outthinking a group of criminals with rap sheets long enough to ride the big roller coasters without a parent. Now she’s facing a woman who’s pulling the criminal equivalent of faking cramps to get out of gym.