#also i realized they are generally not good people & i feel so miserable there

[lawofangie]

Hello. I just saw your post about your manifestation journey while struggling with depression and I’ll probably just be another rant about “how difficult it is to manifest”, but honestly I just want to talk a little bit.

I’m at work right now. I’m a trainee in a law office and my relationship with my boss is deteriorating gradually.

While I was at school, I would always think that I would be happier at a job, because I like to feel useful and competent. But now that I have a job, I just feel miserable.

I already received complaints twice about “being distracted” and “not doing my best”, which came as shocking because I’ve been doing my best. I have two bosses and while one looks like she really appreciates me, the other one might be the contrary.

I always fails to do what she wants me to do.

So I have been having really tiresome dreams. I had one where they asked me to type a document and after a while it turns out it was a “you are fired document” and asked me to sigh it.

They laughed and said that “I wasn’t doing enough” and “I wasn’t attending my classes at college” which I WAS but it didn’t matter.

I actually can’t imagine my life better. It’s like my mind just blocks it from me. I feel like I can’t delude myself even if that’s what I want the most.

I really want to just escape and live happily but I just feel trapped and miserable. I think I can predict what you are going to advice me but…I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

this is actually kind of relatable. i've felt similarly at many points in my life, i struggled to function, i thought external things would make me happy, applying the law was difficult. i couldn't imagine my life any better either. i understand where this is coming from, i'll try to give less generic advice, but i'm going to be brutally honest, and, this still won't be anything special. its important to remember that regardless of what i say here, manifestation is still just assuming you have your desire and persisting in that fact.

anyways, it honestly gets to a point where you have to realize that you're just wasting your time feeling trapped and scared. you're doing yourself a disservice. no one and nothing can save you, nor is anything or anyone going to. as unfortunate as your circumstances are, you have to do it yourself.

you have to take what you want and prioritize that above how you feel, anyone's made you feel, and how anyone feels about you. your life is meant to revolve around you and no one else. its YOUR life for a reason.

you SHOULD NOT waste the best years of your life being miserable, feeling like a failure, like a victim, like you can't change, like you're trapped like this forever when that's completely illogical. everyone and everything changes. people change in age, appearance, personality, sexuality, preferences, etc. it's physically impossible to be incapable of change unless you're not alive. people change all the time.

you genuinely do not have the time to be so self loathing and miserable, not when you're going to literally grow old one day. and according to those who've made it there already, that day comes fast. do you want to look back at your life at 80 and see what you wasted it doing? when all this information was right in your face? when all you had to do was take a chance and have some faith in yourself?

changing yourself isn't impossible, you're just too scared to assume anything good about yourself, perhaps because you've gotten so used to being miserable. "changing yourself", by the way, just so we're clear, simply means to assume something new about yourself. for example, you already believe you are a failure, and to change would be to simply assume you're successful. that's quite literally it. you just believe in something without physical proof, that's assuming. we assume all the time. you're just assuming about yourself now. the law is extremely simple to utilize, but it's the simplicity that leads to people overcomplicating it themselves.

also, delusion is, by definition, a false belief that is resistant to change, even when presented with evidence that it is not true. an assumption, by definition, is a belief that is taken as true without proof or evidence. you need to realize the difference here. we are telling you to assume, not to delude yourself. we are promising you that the "proof" comes after you've fully accepted it as true. we're not telling you to actively deny something despite accepting it as true. what would be the point in that? if we're telling you that your assumptions, aka the things you believe to be true without proof manifest, why would we tell you to continue to accept something you don't want as true? does that make sense?

being delusional and making an assumption may seem similar in theory, but in practice, they are completely different. one is literally the result of a mental illness, the other is a very normal, very human behavior that we do every day. we make assumptions about ourselves, people, and situations. all. the. time. it seems like it's only a problem and called "delusional" when it's about yourself, and it's something good.

it's like being confident in yourself, believing in your abilities despite what others have to say about you. for example, you have a great confidence in a talent or skill, and the you believe that you will get better as you get older/more experienced/more knowledgeable, and you'll make it places and have great opportunities in the future. let's say some random person decides to insult you and say that you'll never make it anywhere in life. would it be "delusional" to not listen to them? to not let someone else dictate your future? or would that simply be having some faith in yourself and not letting others define you?

this is literally all we're telling you to do, believe in yourself even if your reality seems to be against you. don't fight it, just accept that the unfavorable isn't true and move on. continue to believe in yourself.

and besides, if any person successful to date operated with that "i don't see it so it's not true" mindset, they wouldn't have become successful, would they? would anyone accumulate any kind of success with a mindset like that? the people who have came from nothing and made it to where they were now, had an unwavering confidence in their abilities and the fact that they'd be something one day. despite what anyone's told them, or tried to project onto them, it didn't get through to their unwavering sense of self.

the point is, we are promising you something. all it takes is for you to have some confidence in yourself. to quit hurting yourself. is that so hard?

anyways, the point of manifesting is when you change yourself, the things in your external reality change.

assuming is easy. believing things to be true without proof is easy. you just have to get comfortable with the fact that you need to change before anything changes externally. again, instead of believing you are a failure, that you are trapped, you simply assume you are successful, and you are not trapped.

people also change their minds all the time, they grow to have a different opinion, they realize they were wrong, they want to give something else a chance, or without a reason, they simply change their mind. these things are not impossible, they happen all the time.

i'm saying this to say that manifesting isn't being delusional. to be delusional is feeling stuck and like things can't change, when they so clearly do, all the damn time. you're not special enough for the concept of change to not apply to you. for instance, you are certainly not the same person you were when you were 6 compared to however old you are right now. you changed, therefore you are capable of changing, and i proved it to you with that simple example.

you only feel stuck because you decided you are, you decided that you'll never be unstuck, and so you haven't been. the law is working, just not in your favor. everything you see in your reality right now, perfectly matches whatever you've assumed to be true. that is not a coincidence. it's important to remember that the law isn't a thing with feelings, it does not care about you or your situation. all it does is continue to operate. it's up to you to use the law's indifference to your advantage.

also, you seem to have a victim mindset. it's very obvious in the way that you try to explain yourself, that you were doing as you were supposed to, but it still 'didn't matter'. you're putting so many things (your job, your bosses, proving yourself) on a pedestal, over what really matters, which is yourself. do you even like your job? did you pursue something you were passionate about? because if not, then you have no business subjecting yourself to any kind of mistreatment, not when you didn't even want to be there in the first place. you should be putting yourself and your desires before even thinking about pleasing anyone or meeting any kind of requirement.

your own standards and requirements should come first. remember : you chose to work for them. you have a choice. you also need to remember that your bosses and colleagues are regular people. outside of work (and in the workplace if we're being honest) they have no kind of power over you. you shouldn't be letting such irrelevant people in your life have the power to instill so much fear in you, to the point where you're having literal nightmares.. about typing a document incorrectly.

also, about feeling useful and competent, that's something you have to decide about yourself. are you useful? are you competent? do you honestly feel this way about yourself? definitely not, which is why you're seeking validation from others. but at the same time, it is what's made you so miserable, because you're definitely not getting that validation. and any you get only gives you a short lived feeling of satisfaction. your opinion on yourself matters more than what anyone has to say. that's literally why confidence and insecurity exist. and either way, you still feel a certain way about yourself that outweighs anything anyone has to say about you.

here's another example, let's say you've been insecure about your looks from a young age. if one day, someone randomly tells you you're beautiful or they think you're pretty, is all the insecurity you've felt for years suddenly going to go away? or will your mind find reasons to reinforce the fact that you don't feel beautiful? and if someone confirmed your insecurities, saying you weren't their type, they didn't find you attractive, wouldn't you just justify that reaction in your mind since you feel that way about yourself already?

with that in mind, how much does anyone's words really matter? do the words of others honestly have any significance when they aren't reinforcing something you already believe about yourself?

your reality works in a similar way. whatever you decide to assume/ accept as true/ shift your awareness to/ decide is true/ feel is certain, your reality will reflect. as well as a bunch of reasons to continue believing whatever it is is true. the law is very indifferent and has no bounds. it does not care about your feelings, your specific circumstances, and so on. that's why i'm telling you, you only feel these ways and experience the things you do, because you decided you were. this goes for being miserable, being stuck, feeling useless, feeling incompetent and living in fear. there are no exceptions.

so, with all that said, what do i suggest? first off, you need to practice being secure in yourself. work on being confident in yourself first, then work on your self concept. i say "confidence" as in feeling secure in yourself within the 3d. so, your looks, your body, your social skills, your physical skills, etc. because "self concept" has to do with having confidence in your manifestation abilities. find a helpful method that works for you, like affirming, visualizing, scripting, rampaging, or just simply deciding something new about yourself and accepting it.

self confidence has to do with things like liking yourself, being your own validation, having optimistic thoughts about yourself, and self efficiency. you can't care about what others think, you have to put yourself first, and you can't let anyone dictate your future. be selfish. the only thing that should matter is you and how something makes you feel. nothing bad comes from putting yourself first and not worrying about others.

once you feel confident in yourself, or even while working on your confidence, practice using the law. you could start by manifesting something small, something specific that would prove to you that you can manifest, then work your way up. manifest bigger things or just a large quantity of things, just to prove to yourself that there aren't any limits. remember, manifesting is just assuming: believing something to be true without proof. i mean that in the most literal, simplest way possible. like the example of success i used earlier.

once you've proven to yourself that manifestation is indeed real, play around with it. also, work on your self concept. decide that things always go well for you, that you deserve good things, you're the creator of your reality, learn to mentally reject unfavorable things in the 3d, and so on. this is what i would do if i were you.

i know this was kind of long, but i hope you understand my words and find them useful. feel free to dm me or send another ask if you have anymore questions. 🩶

[pardonmydelays]

You are awesome and so so so so so lovely! You deserve the world and I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I know things are hard right now but it'll pass. Make sure you take some time for yourself 💜

thank you so much anon, i am trying my best but it's really hard lately... i am definitely working too much right now (five nights each week, usually more than eight hours), i'm super tired & i feel like i basically have no life. i just work & sleep. oh, & there's also coffee...

i really have to find another job cause night shifts are definitely not for me, i thought i was gonna be fine but guess what...

i'm not fine at all.

[twistmusings]

florid and (arguably) azujade are feasting this chapter update. congrats us

Honestly Anon, you're so right.

Chapter 7 is so interesting for Octavinelle - largely because we do get to see so much of how they think of each other and themselves, and we get to see so much of their relationship with each other. Honestly the shippers are thriving, but so are so many Jade and Floyd fans.

CW: Spoilers, Twisted Wonderland Character Shipping and mentions of Neurodivergence under the cut in case that isn't your cup of tea. It's very long and examines Floyd and Riddle's and Jade and Azul's dynamics throughout TWST and is sort of Character Analysis as well. Special note that there are Visual spoilers under the cut that will spoil some of the jokes from this chapter, so proceed with caution.

First, Floyd, who we see is outright distraught when everything goes right. Honestly at this point it makes me, as an ADHD person, struggle to not view Floyd as also having ADHD. I tend to not actually assign the characters neurodivergence or diagnose them, but honestly his characteristics really point to him being understimulated and just generally miserable because he's not doing anything and that's boring him. I have heard this from so many other folks with ADHD and have experienced it myself. I think, truth be told, that Floyd is a really good picture of a young person with ADHD. Especially as someone who was just properly diagnosed later in life - I would get these random, massive intense moods and would never be able to explain them until I began to suspect I had ADHD. If we consider Floyd's general characterization - he hates to be 'bored', he hates to force himself to do things that he doesn't want to do, he had random, intense moods, randomly struggling with some academics while really excelling in the things that interest him, comparing himself to other people and not understanding why he's different ... like, yeah, as a person with ADHD I relate to him so much. It's so interesting to me because Japan in general has a lot of medical bias against diagnosing and managing neurodiversity, so I think generally speaking, he's honestly a really well written example of someone who is struggling. I think his portrayal is probably so important for young people who play the game because it makes them feel normal and accepted, and I can't deny that.

And then Floyd and Riddle... these two are so funny. Like, if you had to ask me any character that shows having a crush on someone else canonically, I would probably point to Floyd and how he acts with Riddle. Considering that they're teenagers and we know neither he nor Riddle have any experience dating (none of the characters except Ace really do), I think it's really charming because like... are they annoying the fuck out of each other? Yeah, and I think that's pretty realistic for people who are 17 who have crushes on each other. Of course, I don't want to say I support people annoying or antagonizing their partners, but they are young people who are still learning how life works. I realize that teasing =/= having a crush on someone, but like...

In the recent stitch event they had this dialogue

Riddle gets so genuinely happy when Floyd praises him. Even Jack takes note of it. And then in Floyd's Labwear...

This interaction is so telling of the sort of relationship that they have with one another - first Floyd interprets their interactions as playing. Second, Riddle takes note that Floyd is in a bad mood which means that Riddle pays enough attention to him to notice when he's having a bad day. And then you have Jade over there just like 👀. It's so goofy but it's kind of wholesome also because it shows that in spite of everything, Riddle still shows concern for Floyd and Jade is a nosy sibling.

I don't know how many people have actually read the comic anthology, but there's a side story with Floyd and Riddle where Riddle is trying to study how to control himself better following his OB and Floyd, of course, comes to bother him and notices him reading advanced books and that ends in this interaction.

Like, is Floyd being a shit? Yes, of course, but he also doesn't take it back when he says that he thinks that it's admirable that Riddle works hard.

They really are the duality. Please enjoy this too-high effort shitpost I made.

And then add the fact that in the most recent story chapters the thing that gets Floyd to wake up is Silver and Jamil reminding him of the entrance ceremony where Riddle threw him through the air, and Floyd essentially being like "Yeah goldfishie is fun that was fun" and that being what snaps him out of it? Like these two are fated to irritate the hell out of each other by the story itself.

Also I think it's such a funny cute touch that the reason Floyd even started irritating Riddle is because Riddle couldn't control his temper and flung him. Floyd was just being curious, and while, yeah he probably should have asked before he touched Riddle's hair because he was curious if it would feel hot, Riddle immediately rose to meet his energy, and generally speaking we know that Floyd is a physically motivated person. He likes to fight, and he likes to test his strength. No one else caused a scene at the Sophomore orientation except Riddle. You know, the character that is almost entirely focused on not breaking rules? Riddle painted a massive target on his own back with his temper. And honestly, what I think does make it work is that even though Floyd teases Riddle literally all the time, he does respect Riddle. Riddle is interesting to him because he's strong and reacts when Floyd irritates him. As I said before, on Floyd's end at least, the antagonism is playful, and considering Floyd's relationship with Jade and Azul it's easy to see why. It's how he was raised to view affection from friends and peers.

Now, how about Riddle's side of things? Well, while we don't get a ton of canon crumbs from Riddle, there's at least a few things that we do get. We know that Riddle sort of resents that Floyd teases him, but he has been told multiple times by other people that Floyd is just trying to get a rise out of him. And yet, every time Floyd compliments Riddle and then immediately starts teasing him, Riddle falls for it. On some level, I'm sure it's because Riddle likes the attention just as much as Floyd, even if for a different reason. Riddle gets put down a lot - from his dorm and from his own mother. But even if Floyd teases him, Floyd also gasses him up because, like I said, Floyd genuinely thinks highly of Riddle. Riddle gets complimented and he gets smug about it because he thinks highly of himself, and it probably feels good to have that recognized.

Compare Riddle's interactions with Floyd to the ones he has with Jade, for example.

From the Spectral Soiree event.

There are a couple reasons why I feel like this is important to note. First, Riddle recognizes that Jade is making fun of him immediately. Riddle also misses Jade's sarcasm. Riddle isn't good at reading Jade - he finds Jade unpredictable and malicious, and interprets this as Jade making fun of him. In contrast, you don't see Riddle outright refuse a compliment from Floyd - he knows that Floyd is being upfront about how he feels when he says the things he does, but he doesn't know that about Jade. Riddle is also the butt of the joke here, whereas if we compare it to the similar situation that he went through with Floyd during the Tropical Turbulence event.

Floyd is teasing Riddle, yes, but in this situation he isn't making Riddle the butt of the joke, he's just causing a little bit of chaos. Floyd already has a plan in place, but Riddle the two aren't arguing with each other. It's also important to note that Floyd is one of the few characters outside of his dorm that Riddle really banters with comfortably.

The other thing is that though they compete with and annoy each other, Floyd and Riddle are actually genuinely pretty nice to each other otherwise. They both compliment each other pretty frequently even if they usually pepper in barbs as they do.

Floyd and Riddle are also pretty similar people, too:

At any rate, that's a lot of screenshots to basically say, yes they do make fun of each other and tease each other, but when they do get onto the same page, they work very well together and seem to have a mutual respect for each other even if they criticize each other. They can identify the aspects in each other that they can't identify in themselves and it makes their chemistry interesting because every time they share screentime it seems like they learn from each other.

Anyway, Florid fans eat well literally any time these two share screen time.

And then Jade and Azul... honestly those two cracked me up the entire time.

First you have Jade's dream with his god awful imagination. Jade literally gets the knockoff versions of Azul and Floyd as I said in the first post about it, but I think it's interesting to see how he perceives both of them. I'll be including images this time.

I'll start with Floyd because HOO buddy if I was Floyd and had to endure this shit.

This is an actual crime.

That being said, Floyd is noticeably more childish in Jade's dream than the actual Floyd is in reality, both in his rather immature visage as well as a more child-like way of speaking.

It's worth noting, in Floyd's dream, Floyd doesn't really pay much attention to where Jade is, and he doesn't really pay any attention to where Azul is either. He says "Eh, Jade's probably with Azul on land because the Mostro Lounge was succeeding." Floyd also makes a point of saying that it's a rule between the three of them - they don't have to stick together - if they don't want to do something, then they won't stick together and whoever wants to do it can do it on their own, or if they don't want to involve someone in something, they don't involve them in it. (Ironically, I would argue that this is one of the healthier dynamics for friendship in TWST that we see. All three of them have discussed and come to understand that if they need to separate ways, they will, they don't want to hold each other back from the things they enjoy.)

Jade on the other hand, and whether Floyd likes it or not, seems to view Floyd as a younger brother. We don't get confirmation as to whether or not Jade hatched first or if Floyd hatched first, but regardless of whichever it is, it seems like Jade views Floyd as his younger brother, and seems to have an instinct to coddle him, even if this portrayal of Floyd is deeply unflattering to Floyd and starts a whole fight.

It's also of note: Floyd didn't expect to be in Jade's dream at all. Floyd talks about how he figures that Jade has just dreamed about him in a similar way that Floyd had dreamed of Jade - off doing whatever he wanted to do. That's not true - Floyd is there, with Jade, and engaging in Jade's interests.

In Jade's official EN school uniform home tap he says:

Though some translations tend to interpret this line differently, and essentially instead say that Floyd is clingier than he seems.

The reason I'm pointing this out is because Jade is the only one of the three who's primary dream features all three of them together. This would seem to point toward Jade actually being the one who's clingier, and to being the one who's most attached to both of them. I can't really say for certain, but I almost wonder if Jade has a bit of a fear of abandonment with regard to Azul and Floyd and that's why his ideal dream world is one where they're both so reliant on him.

And then Azul...

Is Giorno Giovanna in the room with us?

Seriously though, I think it's kind of interesting to see how Azul is portrayed in Jade's imagination.

For reference, here's what Azul actually looks like in his mer form in the same pose.

The thing I immediately noticed is Azul's eyes. Sure, the image Jade has of Azul is a JJBA joke, but there's something else I want to point out about them in particular.

Azul's eyes are an entirely different, brighter color. In fact, it's also a different color from Azul's overblot eye color as well.

We know that Jade's limited imagination means he's working on his own impressions of Floyd and Azul and you're telling me that Jade's impression of Azul is that he looks like a character from a manga known for being about handsome, fabulous men and that he has ginormous, bright, shiny blue eyes that look like sapphires? Hello?????? Jade???

I think this is fascinating because had they just drawn Azul as like a normal old JJBA reference but kept his color palette the same, I could see it just being explained as "oh, neat, Jade thinks Azul is handsome when Azul doesn't" but follow me with this: Jade's imagination is painting them in broad strokes the way that Epel's imagination was doing in his dream. These are Jade's impressions of Floyd and Azul.

Floyd tracks - he sees Floyd as a younger brother and someone he inherently wants to take care of, even if it's not realistic. Floyd is a childish younger brother in a cartoonish way. Azul is motivated by money in a cartoonish way. These are the traits that stick out the most about the both of them to Jade.

So when Jade imagines Azul physically what he sees is Azul being handsome AND that he has these shiny bright blue eyes even if his memory gets the shade of blue wrong. Jade....... honey................ I need you to sit down when I tell you this..........

And then after he and Floyd fight, because Jade is too stubborn to wake up because he can't grasp that what he's seeing is wrong, the thing that finally triggers him to realize something is off is this version of dream Azul checking on him after the fight and being relieved he's okay and then saying that he's afraid he would have lost his "かわいい部下".

The thing that triggers Jade to start waking up is Azul calling Jade his cute subordinate (essentially his cute assistant). I am not exaggerating this. That is literally the phrase that triggers Jade. Jade even repeats it.

AND HE FUCKING PANICS

JADE. I AM BEGGING THE SECONDHAND CRINGE THIS MADE ME FEEL.

From there the dream Floyd of course says he's going to cry if Jade left him and like that just seals the deal. And everyone is super impressed because Jade realized it was wrong by himself and woke himself up.

I don't tend to insert my opinions much in my post but there is not a single person on this planet that is not going to make me believe that Jade did not just gay panic himself awake. I feel like most queer people have experienced something just like this. Jade literally wakes himself up because he's like "no, wait, hold on, Azul wouldn't say that, right?" and then Floyd saying he's going to cry sells it. Dream Azul essentially just fucking "baby girl"ed him and Jade was like "no, actually, that's too cringe for me to even dream about".

Then you have Azul's dream. Honestly there aren't a lot of crumbs there for Jade, but I think it's sort of sweet how even if they're sort of forced to, Jade and Floyd don't want to force Azul to do anything. They have a lot of respect for each other's personal boundaries, and they were fully prepared to let Azul stay asleep and allow him to work it out himself if he wanted to wake up. It doesn't end up working out that way, but it's not hard to tell that both the twins and Azul had respect for each other as individuals.

Another neat thing is that Azul is one of the few people who's dreams aren't inherently things he really wants. They're more of "what-if" scenarios. What if Azul was good at sports and ended up being a high school athlete? What if Azul actually got to follow through on burning that picture of his younger self and then opened a Mostro Lounge branch? I think it's interesting that Azul seems to be kept in these dreams because his imagination is vivid, and not because they're an ideal world perse. In a sense they are - but Azul himself admits that he doesn't really want either of them.

Azul gets so much growth shown in this chapter. He ends up wanting to wake up because he wants to live for himself, and not live for what other people think of him or having to rely on them. Azul still wants to succeed, but he wants to succeed for himself and not because he feels a need to one up the people that bullied him, and he wants to be fulfilled in himself. He's actually working on his mental health, I love that for him.

And, one more thing of note, I think it's so fucking cool that at the end of the book, Azul doesn't freak out about other people seeing him in his true form. In fact, he doesn't freak out about seeing himself in his true form when Idia makes a proxy version of him - he's just thinking about how cool it would be to have a second version of himself. I feel like most people have gotten the sense that Azul has a sense of self-loathing regarding his mer-form, but it seems like if he did at some point, he's made peace with it.

Anyway that's an unnecessarily long infodump about my feelings about the character relationships that we've got in the new update. Like obnoxiously long. So, uh... I'll just end the post with Azul's smiling sprite because I just think it's fucking adorable.

[nonpracticinghumanbeing]

Izzy IS about community. He’s ALWAYS BEEN about community in his own messed up way. The Canyon was right and the haters were wrong.

He wanted Blackbeard back because that was what kept the crew safe. He was terrible about it and hurt the man he obviously loves in the process, but it WAS for the greater good. It wasn’t a purely selfish act the antis love to frame it as. He wanted to feel safe again and he wanted the crew to be safe as well.

Hell, he was doing his best to help Edward through his post-breakup depression. He didn’t understand what was going on and was clearly distressed by it but he provided what Ed needed. He *knew* he lacked the emotional capacity to help his captain himself so he agreed to bring him Lucius. I really think he would have just gritted his teeth and suffered through it if Ed didn’t say the one thing that could collapse his whole world.

"Why do we even bother being pirates?" That was what freaked Izzy out so much that he pushed Edward to violence. Not because he selfishly wanted Ed to be close at all times but because Blackbeard the legend was the pillar of his community. That legend kept everyone safe and even if Izzy is a horrible asshole, he *does* care about his crew. He knows the world is a horrible hostile place and he focuses on risk mitigation, even if it means hurting the one person he really cares about.

He really tried to provide that to the crew when Edward and Stede took the Act of Grace. It was a terribly misguided attempt at keeping things under control and it was certainly influenced by his submissive tendencies which make him crave structure and feel safe within hierarchies. He *knows* he lacks Ed's charisma and ability to think outside the box and with such huge shoes to fill it's not really surprising he acted out in anger and in result failed miserably. But he was *NEVER* an asshole just for the sake of it.

Now he realizes those days are gone for good. He's already done everything he could to bring Ed back to his senses, including using *Stede fuckin' Bonnet’s* name. It didn’t work. The realization that his one true safeguard is really gone must be terrible, but it also pushes him to take action.

The moment he realizes the crew are in real danger, he takes things into his own hands. He not only goes against the hierarchy he believed to be sacred but also against the man he *LOVES*. He fucking shoots his beloved captain to save the crew. You don’t get much more *community* than that.

He is clearly struggling. He's just tried to fucking kill himself after being maimed AND told he was disposable by a man whom he's apparently served for dacades. He will have to reevaluate his whole life and he *knows* it. But he puts it all to the side and he does what needs to be done. He took all of Edward’s abuse without complaint it seems but the moment the crew are in real danger, he intervenes. You can’t tell me a community (*any* community) doesn’t need people like that.

It all feels very old-time queer to me. The willingness to make terrible sacrifices to protect one's space. The decision (conscious or not) to be effective rather than liked. The choice to stay alive despite terrible heartbreak and go on fighting.

He's absolutely NOT an irredimable villain. He’s an asshole who tries to keep his little world safe. He’s Larry Kramer getting kicked out of GMHC for being too confrontational and politically incorrect to be palatable to the general public.

[vanillawurld]

༊*·˚How To Disappear

✧.* Pair - Johnny Cage x Fem! Reader

✧.* Tags & Warnings - Cursing, angst, pregnancy, acceptance, distance, love, slight fluff(?)

✧.* Summary - Y/N remembers the life she had with Johnny. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the beauty. After a while of being a young single mother, she finally realizes that in order to move on, she needs to accept her past.

✧.* Extra - FINISH ME JOHNNY also I'm bad at summaries... also "D/N" means daughters name :3

✧.* Word Count - 1,884

Y/N hated reminiscing on her past with Johnny cause if she thought about the good things that happened, she also had to think about the bad things. She hated thinking about the ugly part of their relationship. Every time he was upset with her, she felt like she failed him as a girlfriend and a person in general. Every time she was upset with him, he felt like the shittiest man on earth. Their arguments didn't make things any better.

But even through all the tears, anger, and arguments, Y/N loved Jonathan more than anything in the world. Johnny Cage was just his persona that all of Hollywood knew, but in her arms, he was just Jonathan Carlton. He had no issue with it either. People described Johnny as a sarcastic actor who wanted all of the attention on him, but not in Y/N's eyes. In her eyes, Jonathan was a loving man who was nothing like what the people said.

Y/N still remembers the night they met. They met on Venice Blvd on a summer night which was lit up by the cars passing by and the street lights. Y/N wasn't at her best when they met. She felt like everyone was out to get her and life was treating her unfairly. She couldn't help but cry at the fact that her life was going downhill. Johnny saw her sitting on the sidewalk and felt like he needed to do somethin in order to cheer her up, or get to the bottom of why she was so upset.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" Y/N heard a deep voice ask her. Y/N looked over her shoulder and saw a handsome man that she recognized.

"Oh... I know you. You're Johnny Cage," she smiled a bit "My little brother loves your movies." Johnny smiled at the recognition, but he ignored his pride and ego to make sure the woman in front of him was okay.

"Are you okay?" he gently asked her.

"Oh, I'm fine. Thank you." She said while wiping a tear away, but she wasn't fine and Johnny knew this.

"Well, if you were fine, you wouldn't be sitting alone on the sidewalk, crying at night," he sat next to her and took a good look at her face. She was gorgeous. Johnny was taken aback by how stunning she was. Even though her face was full of tears, slightly puffy lips, and she was feeling very vulnerable, she still looked like an angel according to Johnny. "Come on pretty lady," he commented "hit me. What's up?"

Y/N looked at him and realized that he actually wanted to listen to her. She looked down at the road in front of her and couldn't get her reasoning for feeling miserable. She managed to say one vowel before breaking down crying. Y/N was never good at expressing her bad emotions. Especially sadness. Before she can say anything while she's crying, her throat closes up and her mind just keeps telling her to cry.

Johnny furrowed his eyebrows, feeling concerned and bad for her. He gently guided her head on his shoulder and let her cry it out. It was the least he could do. He knew he couldn't force her to tell him what was wrong.

From that day forward, was a beautiful, blossoming relationship. Johnny would contact Y/N any way he could to get her to hang out with him and sometimes his friends. Y/N only liked hanging out with Johnny. She didn't like his friends. They were all so aggressive and she never understood why Johnny would hang out with people like them. Whenever Johnny and Y/N would hang out with his friends, she would watch them hit each other "playfully" and spew insults, while Johnny just watched and drank beers.

Throughout the whole relationship, Y/N was there for Johnny. No matter what he did, she was always there. When he would practice martial arts with someone, she was there to heal the wounds. When he was drunk after a party, she was there to help him sober up. When he was having any trouble, she was there for him. And that's one thing that Johnny always acknowledged.

Johnny admired how strong Y/N was. She was always there for him even if he managed to fuck up. He realized that Y/N was actually in love with him and not after his fame. For the first time in a good while, he had someone who was willing to be there for him. She wasn't like his ex who would point out his every flaw or his friends who would just mess around for the fun of it. She was a unique woman who managed to capture his heart.

Their relationship seemed perfect. Both Johnny and Y/N believed there was nothing in the world that would pull them apart! Which was what Y/N believed. When they hit their 3 year anniversary, that's when things started to go downhill. The more Johnny started to fuck up, the more tired Y/N was getting. She developed a bad habit of trying to make excuses for him. She hated it. She hated hearing him say "I'm sorry baby, I'll change for you." Every time he would say that, it was like nails to a chalkboard. Every time he would say that, she knew he was bullshitting. He never changed.

Y/N believed that his Johnny Cage persona was taking over. She didn't recognize her Jonathan Carlton. The same man who was there for her on Venice Blvd. He used to be so kind and welcoming to her. She never understood what happened to that man. Every time he would make her cry, she just wanted to disappear. From him, from herself, and from the world. Y/N believed that Johnny made her cry more than she cried when she was a kid. Every time he made her cry, she wondered what she did to deserve the treatment he was giving her.

'Is it me? Am I not pretty enough?'

'Is he talking to someone new?'

'Am I too possesive?'

'Is he tired of my jealousy?'

(Granted, Johnny never talked to any woman in any way. He never cheated on Y/N because he thought cheating were for weak and ugly people.)

Whenever Johnny found Y/N crying because of him, he would feel like complete shit. He hated making her feel that way, but he didn't understand why he kept unknowingly doing it.

When the relationship ended, it felt like both Y/N's and Johnny's world were crashing down. Johnny knew the day was gonna come, but he never knew when. He begged her to stay and try to remember all of the good times they had, but Y/N just wasn't having it. Johnny still remembers what she told him that made him realize it was all his fault.

"No, I'm done. For years I've been defending you not for the public, but for me. I would give myself multiple reasons not to be mad at you and try to figure out... everything, but all you did was make things worse! I'm tired and honestly, I've been tired. Of you, the fame, and everything. I tried to make things right with you and it seemed like you didn't want to."

What she told him on that day, will forever be engraved in his head. He lost the love of his life on that day.

Y/N didn't want to leave, but she had no choice. Even when she walked out those doors, she still loved him. Even though she was upset, she still wanted to run back into his arms for one last moment of comfort. But she held herself back, which she both hated and was proud of herself for.

What Y/N didn't know was when she was walking out of Johnny's life, she was entering a new one. She was pregnant with Johnny's baby and she didn't even know it, neither did he! When she did find out, part of her thought her life was ruined, but the other part thought this was a new start for her. She wanted to get rid of it but decided against doing so since she believed she would live to regret not taking advantage of the chance to become a mother.

When she had the baby, it was a living hell for her. She had family that helped her out, but the person that she needed was Johnny. She needed Johnny on her side, but she couldn't just show up on his doorstep randomly and give him the baby. She hated the fact that she still missed him. She let that hate consume her and pledged to do motherhood on her own without "that low-life Hollywood scum" in her life. Even though deep down, she knew she needed him back.

A few years forward, Y/N managed to get a beautiful home with her beautiful daughter and two adorable Siamese and Siberian cats. She was doing well in life. The new city she lived in was just as beautiful as Venice. She loved her life. She loved her daughter, she loved her cats, she loved her home, and she loved... her Johnny. Y/N accepted the fact that she will always love Johnny and in order to move on from her "hatred" she had to accept she had a life with him.

Every time she looked at her daughter, she saw a bit of Johnny in her. Which made her smile every time. From time to time, Y/N regrets the fact that she never tried to get in contact with Johnny to tell him about their daughter.

"Mommy, you got a letter!" D/N said. Her voice made Y/N snapped out of her thought bubble. She grabbed the letter and realized the handwriting on the envelope.

'No... is it really him?'

She grabbed a knife to open the envelope. Every second it took for her to open the letter, her heart began to pound harder. When she finally opened it, she felt like crying. It really was him.

'Dear Y/N, I know it's been years since we've even seen each other. A lot has changed since you've been gone. I went on this wild adventure that I'd love to tell you about someday. If you even want to meet up. The last time we spoke was a depressing day and I understand if there is still hard feelings there. Anyway, I got in contact with one of your cousins and they told me that you're now a mom! Congratulations! I asked about the father, but they wanted to keep that private which I understand. The only thing they told me was that he was out of your daughter's life. I hope you're doing well in life. If there is any trouble, don't be afraid to contact me (XXX-XXX-XXXX). There's so much that I want to discuss with you, but again if there are still hard feelings, I understand. I hope this letter reaches you. The last thing I want to tell you is that, no matter what happens, I will always be there for you.

Sincerely, Jonathan Carlton"

˖◛. *. ⋆ Vanilla Speaks

RUSHED ENDING WOMP WOMP

also I was too lazy to proof-read so, oops

im back i think... idk i'll write if i feel like it tbh

[deramin2]

I don't know how to really express this except to come across as a "kids these days" scold, but so much of the criticism of queerness in Good Omens would simply not be a thing if kids these days watched more 20th century queer media. Or more complex indie queer media in general.

People seem to want a show that's like the straight stories they grew up with but gay. Or the gay fanfiction they grew up with. But that's not really the tradition it's coming from. First off the novel was released in 1990. Queer film classics of the time are Dead Poet's Society (1989) and Torch Song Trilogy (1988). The TV miniseries Tales of the City (1993) wasn't made until 3 years later and it was so far out there it never had a huge audience. Philadelphia (1993) is also 3 years out and was basically the first big studio queer film. The first fluffy queer Hallmark-style romcom wasn't until Big Eden in 2000, a full 10 years after publication.

Queer stories from the time it was written were about complex and often fraught relationships between people who the world was trying to force apart. There is an incredibly strong tradition in queer films of relationships with no guarantees they will work out both in the face of their personal baggage and the weight of the world. Take a film like Torch Song Trilogy that's about the two great loves of Arnold Beckoff's life over 9 years and how homophobia shapes them. Both externally (especially Allen) and internally like Ed struggling with his bisexuality and being terrified of being publicly out. Written and starred in by Harvey Fierstein, who identified as a gay man at the time and only came out as nonbinary last year.

The Boys In The Band (1968 play, filmed 1970 and 2020) was a monumental moment in Broadway history where finally there was a play about gay men in their own words where no one died and very strongly showed that homosexuality doesn't make people miserable but homophobia sure does. But that homophobia also throws their personal lives into constant turmoil and none of them are in happy relationships, although Hank and Larry are devoted to each other in their own fucked up way.

"Relationships are complicated and hard to make work and sometimes a struggle against the odds" is an aesthetic of classic queer film making. Partly it was influenced by the Hays Code (although independent films were not bound to it), partly influenced by the rampant queerphobia in society at the time that was inescapable. But it's also an aesthetic choice to resist the banal and unrealistic relationship depictions of straight media. There are actual stakes to the relationship. Queer people were actively resisting a world that said "Romance is seeing someone across the room and instantly falling in love with each other and little conflicts happen along the way but ultimately they're destined to be together and everything is happily ever after." Recall that "stalking as romance" was a completely inescapable trope in 1980s straight romance films, and every goddamn movie was being turned into a romance film.

So queer people in film and television when they can make what they please have a long tradition of saying instead "People don't always realize the feelings they've developed for a queer partner right away. They may have reasons for denying those feelings that are both a reflection of the cruelty in society and of their own insecurities. People struggle with where they belong and their relationships reflect that. Loving someone doesn't mean they don't also drive you crazy and you might fight with them constantly. But that doesn't negate the love or that feeling that even if things aren't okay, they're better with that person around. But maybe that person can't stay around. The world may be against you. And also maybe you don't just want that one person in your life. Soulmates is a very flawed model. Sometimes the strongest love is a struggle with yourself and the world and your person. You have to overcome yourself first. Happily ever after is a lie. You may be happy for a while, and hopefully for a long while, but everything ends. And you have to be ready to love again. Also your platonic bonds are just as important and life-altering as your romantic ones. Sometimes those platonic bonds include fucking if you want them to. Real life isn't a bunch of platitudes and world-altering moments, it's daily work to better yourself and the world around you. Especially when things just fucking suck. But also remember to have fun and fuck the haters. People who don't support you can eat rocks and you should yell at them more to shut the fuck up."

That is a fundamentally different outlook on what a "good relationship depiction" looks like. Personally, I thought I hated romance movies and then I started watching queer romance movies and discovered I love them and watch them all the time. Because it turns out what I hated was relationships being shown that had nothing at all to do with reality and privileged incredibly toxic ideals. Finally there was complexity, there were stakes, and there were people who had to truly want to be together enough to fight the world for it and not because they happened to be there. There were people actually talking out their problems and looking for resolutions. (And sometimes that resolutions was "I can't fucking deal with this bullshit anymore and I'm out.") For the first time it felt real.

I'm an aroace trans gay man. Nothing about relationships or being in relationships has come easy to me, and the whole paradigm of straight patriarchal romance depictions makes absolutely no sense to me. It's completely alien. Queer romance stories actually feel human.

And that's the tradition Good Omens is coming from, even as it's being retold in 2019-2023 and hopefully beyond. Gaiman's work has always been based in that queer media paradigm. (I've been remiss and daunted and haven't read Pratchett but from what I do know his work also seems to sit more in that world view.) It's a beautiful cinematic tradition and it's baffling to me that people would resist it instead of embracing it for being honest.

And that's when I turn into a crotchety old man complaining about the youth not connecting with the history of their beautiful culture and instead begging for assimilation into a shithole allocishet media landscape that doesn't actually want them except for their money and has nothing at all interesting or valuable to say. But it's very funny (annoying) to me when people claim Good Omens is someone against queer culture when it's so thoroughly bathed in the best of queer media's storytelling traditions and what people are asking for is straight media with the serial numbers filed off. Like, stop being boring please and know literally anything about the culture the adults in the room lived through and were influenced by. The world didn't begin in 2015.

EDIT: I also want to add that in straight media arcs are linear. Traditionally in queer media arcs are cyclical. Queer media very often depicts people going around in circles relearning the same lesson over and over as they inch towards it sinking in. But every time they go through the cycle they gain just a little bit more enlightenment and slowly move towards a better place. From the comments this is an immensely important distinction. People don't actually have cathartic moments where suddenly all their past bad programming is shed and they saunter forward a new person with none of their old baggage. In reality people fall into the same patterns over and over even though they have had every opportunity to learn better. "People magically get better" is a trope of straight media that's an outright and frankly dangerous lie. Again, Good Omens follows the queer tradition not the straight one and it's depicted 6,000 years of that cycle. The world didn't end, and the wheel keeps turning, as it always has and always will. That's so fundamental to queer storytelling traditions I forgot to even mention it.

[bimir]

it's not something strange or unique to say that after the last haikyuu movie, most of us got into it again, but at the same time, I know for sure that I'm not the only one who benefits the most from this re...union.

I went to see the haikyuu movie alone, and at first, it didn't hit me that much. maybe it was because I couldn't help but wonder how much I would have enjoyed it with my best friend, but we are grown-ups now and long distance.

after a couple of days, the internet was full of haikyuu content again, just like during lockdown, and because of that, I also got into it again and realized how much of a masterpiece it is.

haikyuu is well known, but in my opinion, it is underestimated and categorized by others as just a silly volleyball-sport anime. it saddens me so much that there are so many people who will never get to embrace this piece of art.

Furudate not only created a coming-of-age story, a story that inspired and still inspires generations to fight for their dreams, to engage in the complex mess of relationships, teamwork, and partnerships. haikyuu teaches you that if you really do have a dream, and if you are really ambitious, if you work hard for it, your time will come too. but it also teaches you that not choosing to be great is not a tragedy; your dreams of what a good life means can be different from the ideals of others: "life is unfair, but damn it, at the same time, it is really fair too."

so why did I go on writing about this? because I can't comprehend how haikyuu manages to be there for me at the best time—or the worst, better said—how it really took its "comfort anime" title seriously for me. I started haikyuu in my last year of high school: extremely stressed, depressed, and anxious, so scared of what the upcoming end would mean for me that I'd tricked myself into living by coming to the conclusion that I'd simply not make it to 18 if I didn't see a future for myself. it seemed only fair and the universe would do its thing, no? I know, kinda depressing and triggering, but it did help that miserable me then, it did help but not in the way I prayed it would. the universe didn't send me "death," it sent me life and hope through haikyuu. feeling so empty, so bland for such a long time, haikyuu managed to make me laugh and cry. it doesn't sound like much, but real ones know what I'm talking about. seeing their connection, their ambition, the troubles and feelings I was so desperate to put into words right in front of me saved me from my misery. I began to wish to live, to wish to be like them, to wish to fight, to wish to connect again with people.

now, after almost 4 years, I'm in my last year of uni. the main reason for my depression back then in high school was because I didn't know what to do with my life, what uni and career to choose. hell, I didn't know I would take this path until last autumn, but here I am, on my way to becoming a teacher. it's hard, really hard, but right now, after the new movie, I finally committed to start and finish the manga even though I knew bits and pieces of what happens. it was the best time to read it now. over these 3-4 years, I pondered why I couldn't start getting into the manga and see for myself what happens, but damn it was the best time to read it now. seeing them go all out on their path, learning that in order to succeed you need to fight and fight and fight, to push through, to overcome your limits, to push yourself, to not take it easy if you really want it, came at the best time as I got into a slump and a burnout from learning too much but also not learning enough. I've got to see all of the characters continuing to be pros while fighting for their way, but also choosing to let go of something they once loved in order to live a normal life.

haikyuu is like a reminder that there is more to life than just your high school/childhood years, that your path could take a 180-degree turn at any point, but at the same time, it makes you appreciate those times and not want to sweep your childlike wonder, your growth, and mistakes under a rug. Furudate was a genius for creating haikyuu, and I really hope and pray that haikyuu will continue to be there, to comfort and save future generations until the end of time.

[shhrrroooommmmmyyyyyy]

HB Generational Trauma: Paimon → Stolas

→ Octavia

*Before I get attacked, nothing I say is to defend the actions described. I am simply trying to explain and make sense of it.*

Many fans approach the topic of Stolas being a good or bad father with either black and white-good or bad or completely gray answers. The black and white are pretty straightforward, usually going something like "he says this but does this anyway" or "he's neglectful", which are all valid opinions here. As well as the gray opinions, usually saying "he really tries, he just doesn't get it right".

Honesty, I can't say I disagree with any of these opinions honestly. I don't have evidence to back this up, but I have a feeling I know where the writers are going with this. I think they will, maybe sometime soon after hearing via's line in the trailer, have Stolas sort of "wake up" in a sense and realize what exactly he does. Get hit by the good ol' self awareness train, if you will. It's called character development.

I've seen many people call this bad writing but I disagree. I think that's the direction they're going for Stolas's character development. I think with the episodes so spread out, people forget we're only three episodes away from only being halfway through the series as a whole. There's still plenty of room for development.

Anyways, back on topic. Let's look at Paimon and Stolas from the Circus episode. I love the Loo Loo Land parallel with it.

Paimon enjoying himself from home while Stolas is miserable and clearly doesn't want to be there. The only thing that gets him through it without crashing out is Blitzø. Paimon seems to not notice he's even there at all until he starts enjoying himself watching Blitzø. And when he figures out what's making him so happy, he literally buys Blitzø later to keep himself from having to deal with him all day. Of course Stolas is too oblivious and distracted by Blitzø to realize, but that makes complete sense seeing how oblivious he is as an adult.

So now let's look at Stolas and Octavia in the Loo Loo Land episode.

Stolas is enjoying himself, but actually present. Him actually being there is an improvement; however, Octavia's not enjoying herself. She already didn't want to go because she was too old to enjoy it. And on top of that, Stolas flirting with Blitzø the whole time made her uncomfortable (which he was also too oblivious to realize).

I think the parallels here are interesting. Overall I think the writers ave done an excellent job of writing generational trauma, hence the title of this post. Now let's look at Stolas' line from Western Energy:

This line made a slight change in their dynamic from my perspective. It's clear he loves her and would do anything to protect her. Much different from Paimon. I think he tries so hard to be better than Paimon that he subconsciously ends up doing what Paimon does. This is called the ironic process theory or ironic rebound (psychology nerd here, as you can tell). However, the difference between him and Paimon is that he apologizes and recognizes that he made a mistake. He's trying. And even so, what examples of a good dad would he have had growing up that would've guided him in the right direction?

Although he keeps making mistakes, he is still trying. He's not prefect. I think Via knows this; nevertheless, it's hard for her not to get frustrated at him for making them sometimes. Especially when he promised he would do something with her and didn't in Seeing Stars.

No matter the extremity of the efforts made toward doing so, generational trauma will never be completely healed in one generation (look at me using smart words). While Stolas has made a pretty big dent in the healing process, it takes more than one person to erase the trauma. Although Via is as far as the line will go with her being confirmed asexual, I think Stolas has done a lot more for Via than people realize.

I have a few notes about Blitz and Loona on this topic as well. I might wait till after Ghostfuckers in case it gives more info to put in that post

[mistressroxielove]

Hey everyone~ I'm back, and this time with a new fixation!

Long story short, I've discovered the new Fairly Oddparents reboot, absolutely loved it and was inspired to make this AU idea for the show! With a slight reimagine/redesign of the characters as well. And the first one I decided to do was Peri!

Here's some more info about my AU:

Fairly Odd Parents AU/Rewrite

Au Name: FairlyOdd Brother

Summary:

Perri (previously known as Poof) recently graduated from Fairy Godparents School and is eager to start granting Wishes for his very own godchild! Only problem is that with his lack of experience Jorgen is weary of giving him an assignment and keeps finding excuses/reasons to not give him a godkid. Realizing it might be a 1,000 years before they give him a chance to be a Fairy Godparent, Perri decides he needs to be a little bold and perhaps, bend Da Rules, to get his foot in the door so to speak. And his answer comes to him from a new neighbor in his human home, a family with a sweet shy 10 year old girl who is absolutely miserable. Perhaps Perri might be able to offer this girl a little comfort and fun as her new Fairy Godbrother!?

(Basically the same premise of the show, except Perri’s first godchild is Hazel, and through a technicality in the rule book, becomes her god brother instead of her godparent.)

ALSO please note this AU is more of a slight reimagine of the original show, meaning I did tweaked / changed some of the characters personality to match the new story I made for them. Nothing majorly different, but again just a heads up before you read on. Hope you like it~

Name: Hazel Wells

Age: 10

Sex: Female

Physical Description: 

Basically the same as the show's design, I slightly changed her shirt to become a sweater with a turtleneck. I sorta did that by accident when drawing her, but I ended up really liking the look and thought it matched the semi new personality I gave her so I kept it. 

Personality: 

-Hazel is a very sweet and kind person with some quirky interest, more or less similar to the canon version of her in the show

-The big difference between my Hazel and the shows is that she’s much more shy and awkward than in the actual show

-Feeling very out of place in a new city/school with her brother off at college and her parents working much more than usual has left the poor girl more shy and anxiety ridden than usual. 

-She still likes rocks and manga like in the show, but in her old school she was bullied and made fun of for her interest, so she’s more shy/embarrassed to admit what she likes

-But she still tries to be a good person and do the right thing whenever she can, just again she hindered by her shyness and fear of being bullied and made fun of, just wants to fit in and be an average kid

Other fun facts:

-Was bullied a lot in her last school, her parents and teacher tried to help her but despite their best effort it did little to stop the problem. It wasn’t until her older brother Anthony started to walk her to and from school that helped deter the other bullies from picking on her. Though Anthony meant well for helping his little sister, his method of helping her did little to teach Hazel how to actually stand up for herself and how to deal with bullies in general. Now without him around and her parents busy with their work, she is unintentionally thrown into a new situation with no social skills on how to defend herself from other people or how to even make any friends (she didn’t really have any of those back home). But perhaps with the help of a certain periwinkle fairy she might be able to learn to socialize and how to defend herself from bullies, and hopefully become just an average kid with friends and learn to thrive in the new city. 

-Essentially Peri is the one to teach and encourage her to be more bold, as he’s the one to really get her to make wishes freely and to try new things and to teach her to not be afraid of anyone or anything, slowly with his help she becomes more and more like the canon version of Hazel in the show. As Peri ends up being a good role model to her.   

Short summary of how she ended up with Peri:

Moving into a new city feeling all alone. Since her parents are excited to be here with both of them finally getting their dream jobs, Hazel tries to act ‘mature’ about the situation and tries to put on a brave face for her parents. But in reality is having a hard time in her new environment, as she finds herself in a new school and too shy to make friends, let alone talk to anyone. The only person talking to her is Dev who is supposedly ‘famous’ or something. (she doesn’t recognize him and doesn’t really acknowledge him, much to Dev’s surprise). 

If that wasn’t bad enough her parents are working much more at their new jobs and have essentially left her to be watched by the neighbor next door, a strange though friendly guy named Peri. She and Peri get along okay, and she’s mostly pushed through with the reminder that her brother will be visiting this weekend, and surely once she talks to him she’ll know everything will be just fine.

But things fall apart when being watched by Peri she gets a call from her brother stating due to the weather he won’t be able to visit this week and won’t be able to come up until at least his next break, Which is a couple months away! Distraught by this news Hazel prepares to pack up and leave to try and somehow get to her brother on her own, only to be stopped by her ‘babysitter’ who tries to reason with her and talk her out of it. Despite his usually persuasive ways she’s simply too upset to think straight and in a fit of frustration wishes she could just fly to Anthony. Which, similar to the actual show's first episode, causes Peri to turn her into a fly!  

The part of the episode happens similar to the original first episode, with Peri trying to get Hazel home before her parents come back from their work. He eventually does but again similar to the first episode Hazel gets stuck in a venus fly trap as Peri tries to get her to wish to turn back into her original form. After the talk with the ant Hazel realizes her mistake and finally wishes to become human again before her parents could discover what went wrong.

After the commotion, Hazel goes to Peri’s apartment to question who he is and what the heck just happened. Peri tries to deny it but during their conversation he realizes that technically speaking…..Hazel did have good and caring parents. They weren’t the reason why she was sad and miserable, she was miserable because her brother wasn’t with her anymore and she desperately missed him. And technically speaking, there was no rule or need to ask Jorgen or the fairy council to become a kids Godbrother. He only needed their permission to be a Godparent. And besides……..he more than understood the feeling of missing a big brother.

After talking and realizing just how miserable this poor girl was, Peri decides to take a gamble and formally introduce himself to her as her new Fairy Godbrother! In similar fashion to how he introduced himself to Dev in the original show. Making a promise to take Hazel from being a shy and scared girl into a brave and bold kid with lots of fun and magic along the way. 

Hazel, after the smoke and glitter shimmers away for the first time, feels pure joy at the sight, and for the first time feels confident and even excited for the future, and what this city and the people have to offer her! 

Sooooo ya, tell me what you guys think! Any questions or suggestions for the AU I would love to hear, good to be back!

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[mikajunie]

how to deal with failure when all you know how to do is beat up yourself (as an adhder)

please read this if you are a chronic self-loather like myself.

i used to hate myself for everything i did; the way i talk and walk, my accomplishments, my daily activities, how i cannot keep up with my peers, all that jazz. and especially as a late-diagnosed adhder this gets worse overtime. i ended up getting into a 6-month burnout, failed 3 classes and have to extend one semester, and i had lost my identity as a person.

overall i was just a breathing, walking flesh with depressive thoughts every day.

but after many many months of rediscovering myself, i have come up with the conclusion that life gets easier when i don't fucking hate myself.

shocker, right? ik this is probably like a 'obviously' type of thing, but i think many ppl with adhd can confirm that this is one of the hardest pills to swallow.

but trust me, you don't need to feel bad!!! and i will tell you how to do it down below. pls read, i hope it helps.

(keep in mind im not a psychiatrist or a therapist btw i just wanna help fellow ppl with adhd)

reminder #1: adhd makes you more prone to making mistakes - beating yourself up for every failure is torture.

as people with adhd, we are more prone to making more mistakes and questionable decisions. we are just built that way. we can work on it, but that's our baseline.

self loathing encourages you to beat up your baseline. your default state. your non-productive mode.

beating yourself up for making a mistake is literally like beating up a cat for sleeping. humans are bound to make mistakes, and us with adhd are bound to make more. it's fine, let yourself breathe. im not saying we cannot do anything right or that our mistakes are permissible, but missing an alarm clock or forgetting things we want to say are not surprising. it's just embedded inside us, so either be miserable for the rest of your life or work on reframing your thoughts on failure in general.

reminder #2: you can learn how to be better even if you don't beat yourself up for it

these neurotypical adults who tell you that you should feel bad about failing are stupid. and whoever tell you that negative reinforcement is needed for you to get better are the dumbest motherfuckers ever.

you don't need to feel bad to ge better.

in fact, once you don't feel too bad about it, you can focus more on how to do better in the future instead of replaying the past over and over again.

literally after almost failing college, i only realized that i should not be hard on myself. literally. i remember deciding i should try being nice on myself and now boom! i feel better AND i actually have been working towards fixing my life more and more.

and you know whats the best part?? i can finally start enjoying my life again!!

reminder #3: not everything you do is a failure. seriously.

this is a thought pattern i keep seeing in every person with adhd.

"nothing i can do is right" WRONG!!!! you do some things wrong but you also do some things right!!!! quit discrediting yourself

now try acknowledging your failures:

cry about it first. let yourself sit in and feel your feelings first. you can continue after you finish crying about it

do some form of meditation that helps you clear out your mind. i suggest just 5 minutes or until you don't feel as heavy anymore

let yourself know that failing is an action and consequence, not a part of your identity. it is not you: you are someone who succeeds and fails sometimes. you can fail, but that does not mean everything you do will be a failure.

identify what kind of failure you're thinking about , why you feel so shitty about it, and what you should do for next time. it'd be good if you could write this down. here is an example from me:

failure: failing out of class

what happened: i failed bc i kept procrastinating and ended up sleeping in, so i could not submit on time

consequences of event: i had to retake the class, paid a significant amount of money, and now i cant graduate on time with my friends

why i feel shitty: i feel so left behind and stupid. i feel like this is such a stupid mistake that was easily avoidable.

and now i have so many thoughts in my mind right now, like "how can i be so stupid? how can i be so careless? this is such a stupid mistake."

now notice. if you also think like this, you are actively judging yourself. you are being so mean to yourself, and for what? would you ever told your friends they are so stupid and dumb for making careless mistakes? even if it's stupid, you wouldn't say it to their faces.

after identifying everything, confirm what actually happened, reframe your thoughts, and apologize to yourself:

"How can I be so careless?" -> It's not intentional, and I did try my best to work on it. It's not my fault my executive dysfunction took over the better part of me.

"How can I be so stupid?" -> Just because I cannot initiate tasks as well as the others, it doesn't mean i'm stupid. i am pretty good at other things, i cannot expect myself to be good at everything.

"This is such a stupid mistake." -> It is stupid, and that's... okay. It's fine. I accept it, I'll work on how to make it better in the future.

when you combat negative thoughts, make sure you combat them not only with facts but also with empathy and future action-focused thoughts.

the key is to focus on what you can do now, not what you should have done.

because focusing on the past is very very unhelpful.

now please focus on what you can do now:

Make small goals for the future.

What you should not say:

"I promise I will try harder to focus" -> Nope, you are relying on your ADHD symptom to not be ADHD anymore... which is impossible.

"I promise I won't forget next time" -> Same thing.

"I promise I will make a routine that I will stick to" -> This is too idealist, don't commit to anything for a long run, it's just setting yourself up for more failure.

What you should say instead:

"Next time, I will try to write it down so I won't forget next time" -> Tell yourself the clear steps on what you need to do. You cannot rely on your brain to just be better, come up with actions that can support you!

"Next time, I will set more alarms and ask a friend to remind me. In fact, I will do it now" -> Commit to things you can do immediately! The faster, the better so you won't lose this momentum. Stop thinking that your future self is 100% reliable. Always assume you need to do it as soon as possible to help yourself in the future.

"Next time, I will try out this routine and see if it works or not" -> Experiment with routines. Routines don't last long, so don't give youreelf empty promises. Instead, accept that your routine will chance every once in a while so you need to learn what works or not.

Apologize and forgive yourself

Say sorry to yourself.

It's normal to make mistakes, and it's unrealistic to think you won't make more.

Move on

Seriously. Don't sit on it too much.

Once you know what you need to do to not fail in the future and you have written it down... just let it go.

You don't need to feel bad to grow. You don't need to feel bad to be better.

You are allowed to feel good about yourself.

In fact, you should feel better about yourself now because you are showing your commitment to getting better by reading this long ass post.

Pat yourself in the back.

Failure has its consequences already, you don't need to punish yourself more. Please get something nice.

Failing is EXHAUSTING. Please give yourself a snack or some gaming time.

Allow yourself to breathe.

We are humans, we are not failures. We succeed and fail sometimes, not all the time.

Be nice to yourself, you have been through a lot.

[generalluxun]

I know it wasn't intended by the writers and even from a purely in universe perspective it was likely not a conscious decision but...

It really does feel like Andre was setting Chloe up for failure.

There's obviously letting doing Sabrina most of Chloe's labor for her thing.

But we also have that whole aspect where he taught her explicitly to cheat, extort, threaten and bribe her way to victory. A strategy that works for him because he's not doing that stuff to the people he wants to vote for him, but that ends up making Chloe hated by her peers.

Similarly, there's encouraging her Audrey impersonation, which even if we ignore the creep factor. Still means he is rewarding her for engaging in damaging and anti social behavior that only serves to make her miserable and more dependent on him.

His total tolerance for Audrey's overt cruelty towards her can also feel like it feeds into this. Again I don't think he is necessarily aware of or planning it, but this still serves to, A, not make Audrey upset with him, and B, mean he remains Chloe's primary source of affirmation and affection.

Add in him in season 1 being willing to act against her if she impacted 'him' negatively and it really does kind of feel like he, at least subconsciously, wanted Chloe to need to hang off of him forever and to generally lack other support networks or avenues of self sufficiency.

I mean, yes. There's a reason I'm very much on the 'Audrey's behavior is bad and abusive, but André's is worse' wagon.

Audrey is openly abusive to those around her, that is clear. She also wants absolutely nothing to do with kids. She removes herself from her daughters lives. She does it out of selfishness, but the net result is she she does not *make* herself a role model.

André on the other hand loves having a kid! They play great with the press. They make for awesome photo opportunities, and now and then he can play family just like in movies! What he doesn't like is *raising* a kid. He himself is horrible an self centered, so he doesn't think that maybe he needs to change his behaviors for the child, so he passes all of his Andreness on to them.

I know guys who were pretty useless until they had a kid, I know guys who are pretty useless with anything that *isn't their kid, but both groups still realize that *parenting* is something you have to do right, something worth changing or at least concealing your worst-self behaviors from. André can't even go that far.

André goes past 'oops haha silly me' or 'overworked parent' tropes too. The man is filthy rich. He could *make* time for his daughter if he wanted to. He also fails so completely on the very basics of parenting when *he has the resources to get help*. It shows he hasn't even really tried.

Well, he tries like a 4yr old tries when they don't want to do something. One half-hearted attempt, then they whine.

How do we have obvious proof, canonically, that this is on André? Look at Zoé. She had as much if not more contact with Audrey, and we are not giving her credit for being a *good* influence, are we? So then it comes down to the influence of the other parent, and what differences does canon show us there? Hmmm.

Look like André is a net negative in a child's life.

Oh and miss me anyone who claims children are just 'bad seeds'. That line of thinking can go jump in a wood chipper.

[saintlucretia]

Whiskey & Blood

Pairings: Austin Sommers x Female!Reader

Warnings: Alcohol. Blood feeding. Blood kink. Blood in general.

Summary: Y/N is a writer and moved to Provincetown for inspiration. She definitely has chosen the right place.

Good old Provincetown. Refuge for creative souls. A gray canvas for crime and dissolute living. My agent advised me to change the scenery and Provincetown seemed a perfect place. Peaceful town by the sea. Cozy houses. Beautiful nature. Bloodsuckers. 

I was sitting at “The Muse”, sipping wine. The bar was almost empty even though it was already 8 pm. The bartender was leaning against the counter, wiping glasses with a dirty napkin while a few people sipped overpriced cocktails a few feet away. They chattered on and on about something. I tuned them out, taking another sip of my wine as the door opened and a man walked in.

My eyes flicked up to him automatically, taking in his tall stature. He scanned the room and fixed his eyes on me. For about 30 seconds we were just staring at each other. He looked very familiar. Suddenly he started walking toward me. The stranger seemed to glide across the floor, his movements so fluid and confident that it made me think of a lion stalking its prey.  

He took a seat on the stool next to mine. Up close, he was even more handsome than I had initially thought, pale, with sharp, angular features and an intense gaze that seemed to burn into me.

“I have never seen you before. Just moved here?” he asked, turning to me.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. My voice was a little hoarse. It was probably from the wine.

He ordered a whiskey from the bartender. I tried to keep my eyes on the rest of the bar, but they kept wandering back to the man next to me. He was sitting really close and I could almost feel the heat radiating off his body. I swallowed hard, feeling my heart beat faster. He seemed oddly magnificent.

“Soo…How’s your writing, hm?” he asked smiling.

I frowned. “How you-” 

“You have that look about you.” He looked me up and down.

I raised an eyebrow skeptically. “And what would that be?” I asked, taking another sip of wine.

He chuckled. “Let’s just call it the ‘writer’s scowl’. I’d know it anywhere.”

I laughed softly. “Is that a polite way of saying I look tired and miserable all the time?”

“You have an incredible talent for twisting other people's words.” He laughed.

“So you could tell I was a writer just by looking at me?” I asked.

“Impressed?” He was annoyingly attractive. “Also, I heard that a woman has rented a house here for three months. Who the hell else moves out from the capital to God's forgotten city?”

I tried to look nonchalant, but I was secretly impressed. Apparently, he’d done his homework. 

“Well, look at you. You’re basically Sherlock Holmes,” I said dryly, taking another sip of wine.

“Not as old though. And far more handsome,” he answered smoothly.

He leaned toward me, resting his elbows on the countertop. “You never told me your name by the way,” he said casually.

Well, meeting new people never hurts, especially in small towns.

“It’s Y/N,” I said carelessly. 

“Y/N. I don’t think I’ve heard anyone going by that name in a long time. It’s pretty.”

“And mind telling yours, suspicious stranger?” I smirked.

He raised an eyebrow, pretending to look offended.

“I’d rather use the word mysterious.” He stuck out his hand toward me. “I’m Austin. Austin Sommers.”

I shook his hand, his fingers wrapping around mine. His palms were cold, but the contact was firm.

“Sommers? You are a playwright, aren’t you? I’ve read your last scenario.”

His eyes widened in mock surprise. 

“Goodness gracious. You’ve read my work?” he said, feigning shock. 

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, stop pretending to be all humbled. I know you’re a cocky bastard.”

His laughter was surprisingly warm. A small shiver ran through me, but I tried to ignore it. 

“I’m wounded, didn’t realize you thought so lowly of me already. I thought you liked me, sweetheart.”

“I’m not your sweetheart,” I said slightly irritably, ignoring the way my heart was pounding in my chest. 

He grinned. “Oh yes, you are.” He picked up my hand lazily and brought it to his lips, his gaze fixed on mine. “At least tonight you are,” he murmured against my knuckles. 

Damn him. Why did he have to be so infuriatingly seductive?

“You’re really quite arrogant,” I muttered. “Too used to being the center of attention?”

His smirk widened. “And what’s wrong with that? I prefer being the star rather than being ignored.” His thumb started tracing a slow, torturous circle in the palm of my hand and I tried to contain the shiver that went through me. “I hope you don’t have a boyfriend or something?”

I bristled slightly at his tone, but shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant. 

“It's none of your business.”

“Well, darling. If you were my girl, I wouldn’t let you talk to handsome strangers in bars.” He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help being amused. The man was completely insufferable. 

“And what makes you think I would be your girl?” I asked dryly.

He chuckled again, his eyes glinting with undisguised interest. 

“So you can admit I’m a handsome stranger?” 

I groaned in annoyance. He was impossible. 

“You’re also aggravating as hell.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Is that a compliment?”

I shook my head, trying to look unimpressed, but I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I was definitely having fun despite the fact that I was annoyed that he thought he could easily sleep with me.

“You are incredibly obnoxious. Have I told you that?”

He chuckled. I was getting the feeling that I could have called him every bad name in the universe, and he’d still be completely unfazed. 

“You’ve called me many things tonight. Obnoxious, arrogant... I think it’s safe to say you think I’m charming.”

“You really have no shame, do you?”

“None,” he agreed with a grin, leaning closer until I could almost feel his breath on my skin. “So no boyfriend, sweetheart?” he asked again. The use of the pet name made me feel strangely irritated and turned on at the same time.

“What, your deduction won’t help you this time?” I said showing one's teeth.

“No boyfriend then..” His expression was smug and I wanted to slap him. And kiss him. 

He leaned even closer and I could feel his thigh touching mine.

“If you mind my company, just say that. I don’t want to look like a creep,” he murmured, his voice all mock concern.

“Oh no, you’re already a creep,” I said dryly. 

He chuckled and my eyes involuntarily drifted to his mouth. I could almost feel it on mine. I mentally cursed myself for such thoughts.

He smirked, noticing that I’d been staring at his mouth.

“Careful, sweetheart,” he said quietly. “Keep looking at me like that and I might think you want me.”

I rolled my eyes and finished my glass.

He watched me sipping my wine with a glint in his eyes. 

“Look, sweetheart, I don’t try to get you into my bed, at least… yet. But! I admit I like you and I offer you friendship. It’s great to have a fellow writer around here.” 

“Ah, friendship. Sounds very plausible. I see your very friendly gaze over my body.” I raised an eyebrow skeptically and he chuckled, not seeming that surprised that I wasn’t buying his bullshit. 

“You know, friendship doesn’t necessarily exclude other things on the menu.” He leaned back slightly, resting his elbows on the countertop and looking me up and down with a lazy smile. “But enough of that, I really want you to be my good companion. Let’s chat like good warriors of words, shall we? ” 

He chuckled again, a sound that I was getting quite familiar with by now. 

“So, why did you come here to Provincetown, all by your lonesome? Writer’s block, hm?” he asked, resting his chin in his hand and studying my face intently. 

I looked away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much his attention flustered me. I huffed out a small laugh. He saw right through me. 

“How do you know I’m a writer and not a serial killer renting a house for three months?” I asked, crossing my arms.

He chuckled at my attempt at sarcasm. 

“Well, you look too fragile for a serial killer,” he said jokingly. 

“Fragile, am I?” I raised an eyebrow in slight annoyance.

He smirked and looked me up and down. “Mhm. You don't have the strength to harm anyone.”

I scoffed offended. “Let's see what you say when I lock you in my basement.”

He let out a loud, genuine laugh. 

“Ah sweet, little doll, I don’t think I’d mind ending up in your basement.” The seductive undertone of his words made me shiver.

I sighed.

“Is it that bad?” he asked.

“What?”

“Your writing block. Because I have something that will certainly cure it.”

I rolled my eyes, but I was curious. He had my attention. 

“If you are going to offer sex I will slap you.” 

He chuckled, not looking offended in the slightest. In fact, he looked amused. 

“Oh sweetheart, I wouldn’t dare, I don't take advantage of my friends' weaknesses.” He leaned closer to me again, his mouth inches from my ear. “I have a different kind of therapy in mind.” He put out a clear plastic bag from his pocket, there were black pills in it.

I stared at the pills for a moment, then back at him.  “What the hell are those?”

“These are very powerful pills. Guaranteed to boost your brain power. Get those creative juices flowing.”

I raised an eyebrow, feeling a mix of intrigue and suspicion. 

“I thought you were better than drugging girls in bars,” I said with a hint of sarcasm.

“You see, doll, they’re not like other pills your pretty little mind is thinking of,” he said with a smirk. “They don’t numb your mind or make you feel all high. They enhance it. Imagine being able to access your creative side like you’ve never done before.” He leaned even closer. “Imagination and inspiration right there. No more writer’s block. Nothing holding you back anymore.”

“And how much for your “magic pills”? I asked skeptically.

He chuckled again. His voice was seductively hoarse.

“Free of charge,” he said softly. “Consider it a gift for a gorgeous, talented writer like yourself.”

“I don’t do drugs.”

“These are no drugs, sweetheart. Think of them as supplements,” he said gently. 

He was still incredibly close, looking me directly in the eye. His presence was overwhelming ”I promise they won’t get you addicted,” he murmured.

“That’s what a drug dealer would say.” I rolled my eyes.

“But I’m a good guy,” he said with playful annoyance, raising his hands in defense. 

He leaned to my ear once again and our faces were impossibly close, to the point where I could feel his breath on my skin. 

“I promise you, these pills will make you feel as if a whole new world will open up to you. Your imagination will be on fire. You’ll write like never before. I take them myself. And for your information, my latest script allowed me to buy a villa in Sicily.” He winked.

I sighed. I had only a week to send my agent a new chapter and I haven't written a word. God damn me, we live only once.

“C’mon doll, don’t you want to finally get that block in your brain out of the way?”

Was it suspicious of him to give me a pill for free? Yes. Was it a stupid thing to take a pill? Yes. Have I taken it anyway? Yes.

He smiled, seeing that he finally convinced me. 

“There you go,” he murmured, pulling out the packet of pills from his pocket again. 

He opened up the packet and took out one pill, holding it between his fingers in front of me. 

“Just one little pill,” he said, his voice low. “And you’ll see what I’m talking about. You’ll be able to let go of everything holding you back, every wall in your mind. And you’ll write like you’ve never written before.”

I took a pill and swallowed it with his whiskey. He was a good writer himself after all. It couldn’t be that bad, could it?

He watched as I swallowed the pill and a look of satisfaction crossed his face. 

“Good girl,” he murmured. “Now, just relax. It’s going to take about 20 minutes before it starts working. It won’t be long before you start feeling the effects. So you better go and write something.” He put out a black ink pen from his pocket and wrote something on a bar napkin.

“When you finish I expect you at my mansion. You can come any time, just ring the bell.”  He said, giving me the napkin. “Here’s my address.” 

I read the street’s name. “You live in that huge house??” I asked him, surprised. I mean, yeah, I supposed that he might be wealthy, but that mansion probably costs a few millions.  

“Yeah, it cost me a fortune, but that’s the only place where I can write peacefully.” He said, casually, standing up from his seat. “So, now you better hurry to your house and devote yourself entirely to work.”

“Should I learn about any side effects?” I asked a bit nervously. 

He took a few seconds to answer. “Nothing to worry about. Just… It would be better if you would go straight to me after you are done.”

“Okay.” 

He smiled charmingly and kissed me on the cheek quickly. “Good luck, talented soul.” 

I sat there for a moment, watching him leave. I took my purse to pay it off but noticed that Austin left money on the bar counter. Gentleman. 

I started feeling something. Something strange. It was disturbing like something was scratching my brain. I quickened my steps. The effects of the pill were slowly taking hold as I headed home. I felt an intense sense of focus and creativity, with thoughts rushing through my mind faster than normal. However, amidst this new burst of inspiration, I couldn’t shake off a strange and growing sense of unease.

Gladly, my house was right around the corner. As I reach the door, I fumble with keys, my fingers trembling from the strange sensations coursing through my body.

Eventually, I unlock the door and rush inside, collapsing onto my chair at the desk. The room is messy, filled with dozens of papers, unfinished manuscripts, and abandoned ideas. But none of that matters now. Not when the inspiration is finally flowing again. The world comes alive again.

I opened my laptop and started writing. The words poured out of me as if I was possessed. The ideas that I couldn’t form in something particular now were arranged in order in my mind. I felt like a God. The world outside has faded away, leaving only me and my words.

I finished with Sunrise. Light awakened me, distracted me and I looked away from the screen for the first time in 8 hours. It was done. I finished the book. Four hundred pages in one sitting. All done.

I felt dizzy. I stood up from the desk, stretching my tired muscles. My hands were shaky. I was thirsty. I poured myself a glass of water and drank it in one gulp, though it hadn’t satisfied my body. My gaze returned to the laptop screen again and I giggled. I have just finished a book. A brilliant book. It felt insane.

Wandering eyes stopped at the napkin that was on a table. Austin. I grabbed a coat and ran out of the door, heading to my car. The drive to Austin’s mansion felt like a blur. My mind was still buzzing from the hours spent writing, my body was weak from exhaustion. The rush of inspiration was slowly being replaced by a creeping sense of animalistic hunger.

Finally, I reached his house, a towering mansion that loomed in front of me like a giant castle. I killed the engine, my hands still trembling slightly as I walked up to the door and knocked. No one answered. Everything was quiet. I rang the doorbell at least 10 times before he opened the door. 

"Impatient, are we?" Austin smirked, standing against the door frame, casual and calm. A sharp contrast to my jittery, anxious state. "I'm assuming you're here because you finished?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded absentmindedly and pushed into the house, brushing against him. His smell. It was like I sensed it for the first time. I have never smelled anything like that before, it was driving me crazy. I froze, watching him with bleary eyes. 

Austin chuckled at my abrupt behavior, closing the door after me. "How are you feeling? Describe your state with details," he asked. He watched me as I stood there, staring at him like a deer in headlights. 

“I am hungry. Dizzy. I have just written four hundred pages in one sitting. No sleep.” I walked further into the house, looking around the room, not knowing what exactly I was looking for.

“I have just what you need. Take a seat and feel at home,” he said, motioning to the coach. “I will come back in a minute, sweetheart.”

The silence that followed was deafening. The only sound I could hear was a constant ringing in my ears. And my own heart, my blood that was circling through my body. I followed Austin to the kitchen. He put two large glasses on the table.

“I don’t need alcohol,” I said, watching his back.

He flinched a bit, at my sudden statement, though hadn't turned around. He took out something from the freezer and put it on a table as well. His body obscured the surface.

“It’s not alcohol. Consider it as… protein,” he said, concentrating on a drink making. 

I stepped closer. He was wearing a black silk robe that revealed his neck and part of the bare shoulders. I heard his breath. My eyes focused on a pulsating vein on his neck. I felt like a predator. Before I had time to understand what was happening, I found myself grabbing him from behind and my teeth closed on his neck. He gasped and in a second I felt my back hit the cold tiled wall, his hand on my neck.

“Easy, girl! What the hell do you think you're doing?” he asked, pinning me against the wall. “We have only one rule, sweetheart, don’t eat other eaters.” I tried to escape from his grip, but he was stronger than me. “Shh, calm down,” he whispered and I saw his left hand grabbing something from the table. “Open your mouth.” I obliged, not quite catching what was going on. I saw a clear plastic bag with red liquid in his hand. He opened a bag with his teeth and poured the contents of the bag into my mouth. Blood. Metallic nectar. It felt divine. 

I drank eagerly, my body was craving the warm liquid. Austin watched me, but still held me tight, his eyes dark with a mix of fascination and amusement. "That's it, sweetheart," he murmured, his grip on my neck weakening slightly. "Drink it all up. Can't have you losing control again, can we now?"

As I finished the bag he let me go, his hands dropping from my neck. He watched me, his expression unreadable. My body was trembling, I felt the last blood drops rolling down my chin.

"Feeling better?" Austin asked, a hint of a smirk on his lips.

“What the fuck was that?” My voice hoarse. I was exhausted. 

Austin chuckled, the smirk on his lips growing wider. He leaned against the counter, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"That, my dear, was a lesson." 

He paused, letting his gaze rake over her body, taking in my disheveled appearance. I probably looked wild and messy. And bloody.

“What?” I asked completely confused. 

"A lesson in control. You're a new eater, after all. I can't have you going around biting anyone who catches your eye."

“That’s the side effect? Am I a fucking cannibal now?!” 

He pushed himself away from the counter, moving closer to me.

"Not quite a cannibal, if it makes you feel better," he said, his voice low and smooth. "But you do have... an uncontrollable thirst now. A hunger that's difficult to ignore. When you are on the pill, you need blood to survive. That's just how it works, sweetheart."

“That’s crazy.”

Austin chuckled. "Crazy? This coming from the woman who just tried to bite my neck out of sheer hunger?" He opened a freezer again and took out a bottle of whiskey, pouring it in two glasses. “See, that’s the price for an ability to create masterpieces. You have talent and the pill helps you to direct it right. That’s not the big deal after all, is it?” 

“Whose blood was it?” I asked quietly, slowly sitting on the floor.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Y/N,” he replied, sitting next to me and putting glasses on the floor as well. "Drink. You're shaking," he said, pushing the glass towards me. 

He took a sip from his own glass, savoring the taste of whiskey. The silence between us was heavy, thick with unspoken words and questions. My head was spinning, my mind - empty from shock. I took a sip from my glass and glanced in his direction, noticing a bite mark on his pale neck. Stain of my lipstick, mixed with a bit of his blood. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Hm? Ah, for the bite?” He chuckled. “Don’t worry, it’s no big deal” “It will heal in a couple of days.”

“So you do that too? Blood drinking.”

“Yes. You will get used to it.” 

“But that’s horrible… I…”

“Only for the first time.” He smiled at me. “Enough about that, let's discuss your new book, do you feel excited?”

“I don’t know what I feel. It all seems like a dream… or a nightmare.” I took one more sip of whiskey. Alcohol was slowly calming my nerves. 

He turned in my direction and flinched, putting his hand to his neck. 

“Does it hurt?”

“Oh, It’s nothing. Though your little stunt was certainly… intense.”

“Show me.”

Austin tilted his head to the side, exposing his neck to my view. The bite mark on his skin looked like a violent hickey, the edges turning a dark shade of purple. It was still bloody in the middle.

I leaned closer. Austin watched silently. The air between us was thick with tension, the silence deafening.

He didn't move an inch as I inspected the bite mark. My fingers grazed the skin around it, the touch barely there but made him shiver a bit nevertheless.

"Satisfied?" he asked, his voice a bit hoarse. He suppressed a shiver, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. "Are you done playing doctor?"

After a few seconds of thinking I gently licked the wound. He muffled a hiss. 

“Does it hurt that much?” I asked, yet not pulling away.

He sighed. “No. It’s whiskey on your tongue.”

I licked the bite mark again, collecting all the left blood on his skin. Austin took a shaky breath.

“You're going to drive me insane," he said through gritted teeth. I gave his wound a wet kiss. The metallic taste of his blood was intoxicating. Austin gasped. I felt an urge to sink my teeth into his flesh. "Careful," he whispered, his voice rough. “Don't lose control.”

I hungrily bit his skin once again, not being able to stop, and felt his hand on my neck. Austin's breath hitched, unable to hold back a moan.

“You little... minx,” he muttered, tightening his grip on my neck. “I have to be careful with you. Are you still hungry?”

I nodded. 

“I have more.” He stood up and poured blood from another package into the wine glass and handed it to me. Austin watched as I drained the glass of blood, his gaze fixed on my mouth. I finished it in a few gulps.

“I am a monster,” I said quietly, putting an empty glass on the floor. 

“You’re not a monster,” he said softly. “You’re simply... different. One of the special ones.”

He crouched down in front of me, his hand gently caressing my cheek. “You need some rest now. Come, I’ll show you your bedroom.” Austin stood up and motioned me to follow him. 

“My bedroom?” I asked, following him.

“Unless you prefer to sleep in mine.” he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. “You want me to stay here?” 

“You need time to adapt and I think it’s not the best idea to let you go out when you are in this condition.” 

We went upstairs and walked into the dark room. It was dimly lit, with only the moonlight filtering through the closed blinds. There was a large bed in the center, covered with soft silk sheets, and a few pieces of furniture scattered around. Though the room was a bit cold, it had a sense of intimacy and comfort.

"Here we are, the guest room," Austin announced, gesturing around the room. "I hope it's to your liking. Wait a little, I'll bring some clothes."

Austin headed into the adjoining room, leaving me alone in the bedroom. The silence of the room washed over, and the events of the day began to sink in.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped closer to the bed and sat down on the edge. The silk sheets were cool and soft beneath my hand.

A moment later, he returned with a bunch of clothes in his hands. Black silk pajamas. 

“Hope you don’t mind.” 

I took the clothes from him and ran my fingers through the smooth fabric.

"They're lovely. Thank you."

Austin leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms and tilting his head slightly.

"They will undoubtedly look even better on you." he winked. “Told ya friends can be useful here.” 

I placed the pajamas on my lap.

"You're quite the charmer,” I said sarcastically. 

He chuckled. “Well, rest now.” he smiled, closing the door. “Oh, I almost forgot. Just in case, my bed is always available, sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes at his suggestive remark, but couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of my lips.

I waited for the sound of his footsteps to fade away before standing up and stretching. The adrenaline from earlier seemed to have faded away, and tiredness slowly crept over me. Yawning, I undressed and put on Austin’s pajamas. It was big, yet made me feel cozy. I turned off the lights and lay on the bed.

I expected sleep to come easily, but my mind was still spinning, trying to process the events of the day. It’s just a dream, I will wake up at home, in my new bed. Only the taste of blood still lingered on my tongue made me finally believe that this all was true. I wrote a masterpiece in one sitting and the price for this was someone’s life. My eyes closed and in a second I was asleep. 

Have a good day/night <3

[orange-imagines]

Mud Dogs x Sick Reader

Relationship: Platonic

A/N: *blows dust off my keyboard* Uh hey guys. Fancy seeing you all here! Anyway I'm feeling blehhh and I've been thinking about the mud dogs a lot lately, so here you go have this for free <33 Also if you have mud dogs requests, send em in! Will I get to them? Who could possibly know. But reqs are open all the same

Well, they don't like seeing you miserable, that's for sure.

None of them are really used to dealing with this kind of thing. Sure, they all have experience being around people who've been sick and sometimes even helping with it depending on who the person was, but since taking up a life of crime they've gotten a bit rusty. They're way better at patching up the cuts and bruises you all get from your various missions and heists, but taking care of someone who's just caught a bug or has invisible pain going on? It's not their strong suit. But that doesn't mean they don't still try.

Danny's the best at looking after you by far. While he might make a joke here or there, he's the least likely to get on your nerves, and the most likely to make you a warm beverage and a hot meal unprompted. He looks after Len and Mick enough when they overwork themselves or go too far on a job that he has a good understanding of what you need: time, rest, and peace and quiet (the latter said while he glares at your other two friends). I take back all my generalization, actually- he's not a bad caretaker at all! He'll stop by your room/your spot on the couch and ask how you're doing and if you're feeling up for accompanying them on some task, and he'll sit with you and rub your back and let you complain about how bad you feel if you want to. He keeps as many worries as possible off your plate, and encourages you to rest as much as you can. He doesn't care if you're all actively being hounded by the cops (which you probably are), he just says "that ain't for you to worry about. Go take your meds and lay down". While he may come across as stern, he really just wants you to feel better. He doesn't like seeing anyone he cares about in pain.

Leonard is brash and can be quite loud and irritating when the others are involved, but when left alone with you he's way softer than he is on a daily basis. He won't baby you, but he's way more likely to do what you ask of him without complaint (holding things for you, getting up and getting you stuff, microwaving lunch, changing the channel to something he normally would never watch). If you want to vent about how bad you feel, he's your man. To him, your pain is something he can shit-talk with you about ("That fucking sucks. Why's your body doing this? This guy bothering you? Next time someone sneezes on you, tell me. I'll take care of them"), and he's only a little bit serious. He'll continue on with the bit if it makes you laugh- actually, there's little he won't do to try and lighten your mood, so if the two of you have any embarrassing/silly inside jokes that you want him to recreate or a funny voice you want him to do, this is the time. He'll deny you for a few minutes, but he's super easy to sway when you're sick. I hope Danny and Mick were there to see him do some cheesy shit to make you feel better. The big softie. They'll never let it go.

Mickey's just a pure wild card here, god help you. It's not like he's bad, he's just a bit chaotic because he really wants to fix whatever's going on with you, and gets impatient when he realizes there's nothing either of you can do but ride it out. He's very good about reminding you take any meds or painkillers you need though, and he comes up with a lot of other ways to ease your discomfort. Anything that usually helps you, he's down to do, no joke. He'll be your body pillow or heating pad or wrap his arms around your face if you have a headache. He cares the least about the possibility of you getting him sick and will be in your space and company as much as you want him to, though if you're feeling touch adverse you may have to shoo him away. If he's pestering you, feel free to tell him you're annoyed- he's got thick skin and knows you love him, so he won't take it to heart. He's a good sport.

Mick's also the most likely to procure mystic medicine for you, not realizing the potential negative effects that could have on a human, especially when a few of his medicines definitely came from the black market.

"Yeah I'm sure Y/N would appreciate this crazy plant I got. Funny that it's making my arm all tingly." "C'mon Mick for fuck's sake-"

I won't lie, it's not the most ideal situation you could be in. The guys' lives are chaotic and messy and often lacking in common physical comforts. But they always look out for you when you need it. Them having your back doesn't just apply to high-stakes cons and heists, they're there for you 24/7 (no matter how much beauty sleep they might lose). You're part of their messy little family, and they'll always do their best to take care of you, even if they might be lacking in a few areas.

[polyhexian]

TW: Suicide

You've got that headcanon that Hunter makes a few suicide attempts after Belos's defeat; how would that factor into the eventually au?

Does he not attempt it cuz instead he just shoves so much of his self-loathing onto Jasper that first year after? Or cuz having his dad around in general just helps somehow?

Does he try it like he did in your Loving is Letting Go fic but instead of calling Camila he calls Jasper? Does he still call Camila, but she calls Jasper instead of Darius? Does she still call Darius and then Hunter doesn't want them to tell Jasper this happened because he feels awful about it but it's like, dude, there's no way your dad isn't going to find out about this?

Jasper having to deal with the realization that while he feels like he's dead, and he wishes he had died, and he's so, so tired of existing, he can't stop yet because apparently his son is having some similar issues and if this happens again Jasper is probably the only person who'd be able to locate him, teleport to him, and heal him all in 60 seconds tops.

OKAY SO IVE BEEN ROTATING THIS IN MY HEAD ALL DAY

There's a couple of sort of "Nate draikinator fanon canon" things like, hunter has killed three people and who they are, vee tried to kill him once, he tried to kill himself that one time and called Camila for help when he changed his mind. Lots of little things that I generally repeat unless I have a specific reason to change them.

I definitely think he still does it. He's come out of an extreme trauma and he's adjusting to a new normal and it's completely to be expected he's going to have wild and violent emotional swings as he tries to come to terms with everything that has happened to him. A lot of it IS guilt, that he feels like a massive burden who is never going to recover and he's just going to ruin the lives of anyone who cares about him (just like he ruined Jasper's) and that's terrifying and heavy and soul crushing and miserable. And one bad night he just snaps and makes a very poor spontaneous decision in a manic depressive spiral of self destruction. But he still changes his mind at the last minute and calls for help.

And I think he's still calling Camila. He's not thinking clearly but she's an emotional rock for him he relies on and he's going to call her. Then we have her dilemma: call Darius or Jasper? Both can teleport, but jasper is an incredibly skilled healer.

But he's also incredibly unstable, and she doesn't know if she can trust him to keep his cool jumping into the old throne room when it's covered in hunters blood. So she calls Darius. And when HE gets there he realizes it's Pretty Bad and calls jasper. Even tho hunter is like noooo noooo don't call him noooo. And jasper pops in and there's only like one second where Darius actually recognizes him as present and afraid and himself before he fully locks down into serious GG mode and drops to his knees.

So MEDICAL MAGIC STUFF he tells Darius to hold pressure because he can't heal the wounds yet until he gets as much blood as he can back in him, because you can't just regrow blood, so he's immediately drawing circles so that blood gets pulled off the ground and out of his clothes and he's basically picking it apart to filter out particulates and dirt or anything before he can put any back in, and only some of it is good since some is already old cuz hes been here awhile. And hunter is crying and apologizing and jasper literally is not even acknowledging him. He's fully 100% on task. Refills what he can and heals the cuts but advises Darius that he could still die of exsanguination without a blood specialist, and then says he is too low on magic to translocate two people so he has to take hunter to the hospital without him, and tells him like "you're going to tell them he's a stage 2 triage, massive blood loss from radial artery damage, and that you want to see [name], the resident blood specialist and NOT [name] because she hates him and can't be trusted with his life" and Darius obviously has like a moment he tries to argue but jasper like. He's in GG mode. He knows how to deliver an order.

Which leaves him sitting there on his knees in front of the throne in the dark soaked in hunters blood

Just like. Staring at nothing. Because jasper is 100% not home right now

Or also maybe he's fixing up hunters blood and realizes there's not enough clean blood here to save his life so without even missing a beat he tears off a sleeve, ties a tourniquet around his arm and pulls it tight with his teeth and then cuts himself open just to get some for him. Darius horrified like the fuck are you DOING and jasper just completely deadpan informing him that their blood is completely identical like twins so he can safely use his and he can safely lose quite a bit of blood himself before hes in trouble, so it's only makes sense. And besides he can heal himself when he's done. It's not a big deal. Obviously.

So like. Hunter's good. He's safe. Darius is gonna bring him to a hospital anyway tho. Obviously. But jasper is just like. Not fucking home rn. He's truly going through it. He's already convinced HE'S dead. And jasper has never struggled with suicidal or self harm thoughts in his life, any time he has ever hurt himself was for a reason. He can't possibly fathom what hunter is going through because it is so DIFFERENT from his experience. But he knows he waited too long, he didn't even save hunter, Luz did, and it was too late because he has everything he needs now and he still wants to die. He should have acted sooner. He should have taken the risk that hunter would get killed if he tried to liberate him sooner because he waited too long and it's too late.

And also hunter called CAMILA and Camila called DARIUS. Not him. Hunter didn't call him even though he can teleport and heal. Not even Camila called him despite the fact he can teleport and heal. Hunter is dying and he doesn't call him for help. He calls his mom who can't even help him instead. He's just going to be so utterly crushed by this. Meanwhile Hunter is struggling with the kind of overwhelming shame and humiliation that comes with an aborted suicide attempt. And he doesn't want to see jasper because he's terrified to see him, he feels like- like he broke his whole life and he can't even be grateful for it, jasper sacrificed everything for him and Hunter tried to just throw it in the trash and he's ashamed of that and guilty and miserable.

And jasper is STILL just sitting where he got left staring at the throne and sitting on his knees covered in his and hunters blood.

I literally cannot give eventually jasper a fucking BREAK, can i

[intertexts]

oh you wanna think about muse and trickster? yeah? it's been a while since I put a heartbreaking nhw post in your inbox <3 I know u love the prime dehumanization loss of bodily autonomy defenders. << im not even remotely trying to keep the acronym the same anymore. I've lost the plot. ANYWAY

briefly mentioned this before but because I loooove the aesthetic so much I think at least one important muse confrontation should happen in the tricksters city, specifically in the amusement park. make it like a fuckign scooby door episode everything is all abandoned and run down but as the wards are walking down a boardwalk or something all the lights flicker on and some distorted fuckign. carnival music starts playing and they find muse sitting in like. the rebar scaffolding or whatever in the ferris wheel. just like grinning chin in hands kicking his feet watching them. this image is so clear in my mind. some creep shit !!!! also its like when they first go to the spirit world to get tide back from.mal and end up in the amusement park. except ashe isn't with them this time

uhhhhhh also thinking about. downtime. when muse isn't out being destructive and causing chaos for funsies. like... does he have a bedroom????? does he eat does he sleep??? idfk !!!! I would assume he has to or else he'd fucking die but !!!! man the trickster is so far gone I don't think he even realizes his puppets are real people anymore. that's a fun little doll for him to play dressup with. literally never going 2 get the image of him braiding muses hair and like. putting makeup on him and dressing him in fancy little outfits out of my mind. making myself ILL. smile! good evening I'm gently placing the knife box in your in. << as I was going to type inbox I accidentally typed out inventory. yknow what I'm keeping it. knife box directly into your inventory. watch out they're RUSTY

GOD. THANKS FOR THE KNIFE BOX MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! knife box directly in my inventory!!! u know what this means is that now i can use them :3 <- has been drawing wards stuff abt this for the past two hours ^_^

this is so fucking good though yeahhh.... i love creepy carnival shit so much. he trickster probably Knows it's very over the top and horror movie creepy and just a little absurd. he's so fucking fun 2 think abt since he's literally always doing shit simply because it is funny to him. we can swing a trickster justification for anything probably. i bet he fucking saw traps people!! anyway. ashe isn't with them this time. except..... well. he kind of is. :(

I HAVE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABT DOWNTIME. FREQUENTLY. i guess. the answer to this is he lives however the trickster&co does. the image of him coming back in his fancy intricate little outfits to some disgusting nasty bloody industrial warehouse where they're posted up & always being this very jarring contrast to the gore and violence is really good. the image of him having a perfect doll bedroom and going through a fancy little routine half the nights when the trickster is in a good mood or feeling it & just. getting thrown on the bed & the door locked to pass out for a couple hours whenever he forgets or is busy is also really good. literally anything we do to muse makes me feel some kind of way man. i also have had the extremely vivid image of the trickster braiding his hair & chatting about all kinds of horrific things excited sleepover style to muse who is just. Visibly Not There in my head for so long. not even like he has to touch him, he could be making him do all these things for himself! he's literally controlling him! he just does it for fun!!!

anyway i think post-muse ashe should get to freak out very badly in a multitude of ways whenever anybody touches his hair. like i think he's touch-adverse in general (& miserable about it because he's also so touchstarved & his brain simply whites out in distress anytime anyone touches him because. literally the only person doing that was the trickster!!!!) but i think specifically his hair being messed with is a bad trigger for him. makes him freeze up n go nonverbal for hours. dakota knows that he's jumpy about touch but he still wants to do something for him & before the everything he loved them playing with his hair (its so long!! wibby & dakota think its so pretty!! virion's the only one who knows how to braid it because of his mom!! ashe melts into a puddle over it every time because nobody's ever done that for him before!) so he goes to just run fingers through it & ashe just. fullbody locks up and goes weird and still and silent & doesn't protest or fight back when dakota shakes his shoulder or smth and his eyes are distant and sort of dark and empty like virion's were most of the time when they first met him... maybe he wants to cut it a little bit just because he hates that it's been covered in The Ooze and he can't do anything with it without thinking about how the trickster would do the same thing but also he hates the idea of getting rid of the one thing abt himself that he really likes & is a little connection with both of his parents because of the trickster also, when he's already taken so much from him. (it does have to get gross and tangled and matted because he refuses to put it back or do anything to it for a while though. maybe virion helps him sort it out & it's slow and painstaking and miserable for both of them and they both feel better at the end of it.)

[poppystheories]

The official English of Lavi's scene is...probably not very good, from what I can tell. Which is understandable, this whole scene is tough. The official and fan translations say completely opposite things at several points, and I'm not sure which of them get it right.

So instead of getting too caught up on the exact wording of each translation, we're gonna go with vibes and context and stuff.

There's a big focus on how the Bookmen aren't supposed to give their heart, aka become personally invested, to anything, and how pointing this out hurts Lavi. Dream!Junior says these plain old facts like they'll make Lavi feel sorry for himself, and they do.

This scene has been analyzed by plenty of people before, but what I take from this dialogue is: Lavi actually isn't happy being a Bookman, huh? He is miserable and pities himself this lifestyle he was raised in; just laying out the reality of how he's supposed to live is enough to hurt him. He recognizes how empty and lonely and condescending the whole Bookman philosophy is, but can only say "I know...!". He actively thinks this whole deal sucks ass and still accepts it, and can't imagine living any other way.

Does Lavi know the previous Junior bowed out? Or rather, gave his "heart" away? Does he even realize that's an option?

Meanwhile, Allen's fight also involves the matter of the heart, but for him, rather than his heart being his weakness, it's undoubtedly his strength!

Lavi and Allen make for good foils. Neither of them have a "real" name, or home, and both hide behind constructed personas to keep the world at a distance, but on the inside they're completely different. Allen's identity was stolen from him, while Lavi threw his away. Both of their masters have ties to the 14th and know far more about the past and the war than they share with their students.

This post has been sitting in my queue for about two months and previously read:

"Considering Bookman Juniors are named after the record they're recording, and that the previous and current Juniors are working on the same record of the Holy War, just from opposite sides, it's likely the previous Junior's name was also "Lavi" just like the previous Allen's name was "Allen". "

Which is now completely confirmed.

There's a matching set of each of our protagonists in both past and future. Just like there was a past "Lavi" and past "Allen", there was a past Kanda too. Essentially, every character in DGM has a "past" counterpart, whether an actual version of themselves or a narrative substitute, ie the previous generation of Noah and the current, or Anita and her mother. Of our four major characters so far, only the Lenalee analog for the past is still missing.

This is also one of the reasons I thought for so many years that the previous Bookman Jr and Past!Allen couldn't possibly be the same person, but until this year, if I pointed that out any DGM reader interested in theories would have laughed me right out the door...