#also i realized they are generally not good people & i feel so miserable there

[pardonmydelays]

You are awesome and so so so so so lovely! You deserve the world and I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I know things are hard right now but it'll pass. Make sure you take some time for yourself 💜

thank you so much anon, i am trying my best but it's really hard lately... i am definitely working too much right now (five nights each week, usually more than eight hours), i'm super tired & i feel like i basically have no life. i just work & sleep. oh, & there's also coffee...

i really have to find another job cause night shifts are definitely not for me, i thought i was gonna be fine but guess what...

i'm not fine at all.

[kathelovecatsandfeminism]

He's Rick

warnings: rick grimes x reader; angst with happy end; smut; a little of spanking; pet names; rick needs a hug; mention of lori, carl and judith; p in v; unprotected sex; confession of feelings; fluff; heavy eye contact; no use of y/n; The spelling has not been fully revised and it is always good to remember that English is not my first language, so be nice. I think that's all.

Night had already fallen over Alexandria, but unlike sleeping on the road, here the darkness was not dangerous, the dim lights of the streetlamps dispelled the darkness, as did the lights from the windows of some houses. It didn't seem real, a place to really live, a house to take care of and a comfortable bed to sleep in, clean clothes, vegetable gardens for the kitchens and generators bringing the heat of the lights, it didn't seem real after so much death, so much human decay that had passed before your eyes.

It also seemed very ungrateful of you to be feeling so miserable while others celebrated the blessing of being able to “celebrate” the life that walls provide. You still didn’t know how you felt about it, “normality” was almost a stranger to you now. Your mother would have said “ungrateful girl.” You didn’t like to think about her. 

But the sadness was there, settled in your chest, painful and suffocating after so much crying, eyes red as the tip of your nose. That was why you were standing in the kitchen, dressed in a pretty dress — a gift from Deanna — you wouldn’t allow yourself to be seen like this. It’s funny how the most subtle thing can make us crumble. So why?

…..ah grimes, that was it wasn’t it?

It all started with an innocent conversation, because the devil is in the small details.

You were invited by Deanna for a short horse ride around the city, a bureaucratic conversation, you always knew how to sniff them out at your old job, at home. The group was causing problems, no….. no, Rick was causing problems and you were Rick's right-hand man, it was rational to turn to you, wasn't it?

But again no. For Deanna it was natural to turn to his woman, because is this what you were, obviously….. weren't you?

She must have noticed the moment when confusion turned to realization and ended in disappointment on your face, because she - very delicately - apologized for the assumption, it took a lot of strength in you to utter a simple "don't worry". The ride home was silent.

An observation took over your thoughts, between constant escapes, arguing and surviving today to fight tomorrow, you never had the privilege of being able to think about the meaning of your relationship with Rick, worse, you never wanted to actually face what you knew you felt for him. There are commanding words of priorities in your mind that developed to find a home here, somewhere along that path the two of you became inseparable, to the point that seeing one could have found the other too.

You knew him from before the zombies, your father was an officer of his officer, you saw each other a few times and talked even less, he seemed like a good man. But now looking back he was always there, he covered your back - even too much - and you did the same for him. He helped him with the children, maybe a little more than the others. It had been a while since Carl had asked you to comb his hair, even with your fingers, it had become a habit and you knew who he was pretending you were.

Judith was still a little thing who liked to sleep with you

Rick helped you with your younger sister - teenagers are worse in the apocalypse - she couldn't help but believe in the loss of her parents and sometimes she was filled with rage because you hadn't come back to look for them - but there was nothing to come back to - she screamed and pushed you like a child, in those moments it was Rick who calmed her down, you never knew how he did it. 

Not that everything was perfect, you fought too and badly, two stubborn people when they thought they were sure of something. It was Rick who made peace most of the time.

 No matter what happened, one would find the other like a magnet, he had promised you that when your world fell apart and only he was there to lift it up. It was in his arms that you slept on very cold nights. Having him seemed right, there was something there, something that until then you pretended not to see. 

But did you really have him?

Admitting to Deanna that you weren't hurt, it burned your skin and the wounded pride created a balloon in your throat that made it hard to breathe, you cried.

For some reason you felt so small and ashamed, you didn't have the courage to question him, what if he thought there was nothing to question? just a good friend and nothing more? Your head hurt, because everything was so confusing, you weren't ready to see him again.

It had been a week since the conversation with Deanna, a week since you gave a flimsy excuse to Rick and Carl, that Michonne needed you close. A week since you ran away like a coward. It was in her kitchen where you cried.

but he's Rick, he knows you

So it was no surprise when he appeared at your door - Michonne's door actually - breathless and blushing as if it had been hard for him to come here.

"hi"

"hi" came out almost silent

You both spent a few seconds standing in the doorway, his eyes were so warm - even if more tired than usual in contradiction to the new reality that out of habit or a second nature of yours, you moved away so he could enter, there was not a single day that you denied him from entering your life or your heart.

You walked towards the kitchen and in silence he followed you as he always did.

Rick in the dim yellow light of the kitchen looked more handsome than ever. He had gotten rid of all that beard, his hair was still wet and combed back, with curls at the ends indicating that he had just gotten out of the shower. He wore a white shirt that was tight on his biceps, a little short above the waistband of his pants, a worn blue wash, he always looked good in blue - he looked younger - and he wore those damn boots on his feet. 

He was still as handsome as the day he came back into your life, a certain warmth settled in your chest. 

However, as much as he looked good, he also looked defeated, shoulders slumped and red, tired eyes with a big crease above them. 

Like when you finally recognize that there is something in the corner of your eye and now it is no longer possible to ignore that space, after having looked at what you felt for him, you could not ignore the desire to be held by him, to kiss the newly discovered skin, to hug him tightly.

Stopping in the middle of the kitchen, you turned around, putting some distance between you two. You expected him to break the silence and reject you right away, maybe that would be the “easy” solution, after that you could move on and pretend nothing had happened, but when he held your gaze with such tenderness and sadness at the same time, you quickly looked away, unable to accept anything from him, that was going to hurt. He took a step closer with his arm half raised as if he wanted to comfort you, but he hesitated. The truth is that he knew why you were running away from him like a wounded deer. He had insisted enough with Deanna to get a half answer and then it was easy to put everything in place. 

There was this big elephant in the room of unsaid things, where to start? Rick wasn't proud that he had placed you in a limbo of uncertainty, the dynamic between you two was so domestic in contrast to the reality you lived in, like when he fell asleep in your arms while you brushed your hair with your fingers after a really, really bad day and he didn't feel worthy of you or how despite his distraught state, his eyes always softened when they met your face.

He wished he had told you how he had come to keep Lori's wedding ring - a bitter reminder of everything he had been through - in his pocket because your expression would turn sad whenever you played with it on his fingers. 

Oh, and Lori... 

He couldn't protect her, no matter how hard he tried, it wasn't enough in the end, and then came the nightmares in which he couldn't save you, he always became more distant after them. Irrationally loving you seemed to cast a dark shadow over you, putting you in danger, but moving on without you? It seemed to condemn him to wander with a big hole in his chest.

He spent so much time holding back, as if his mere touch would make you break.

Rick was a cowardly and stupid man, incapable of giving himself to you, fearing the day he would lose you.

A stupid and cowardly man... a coward... a coward, he was already losing you and worse, because you thought he didn't want you.

"I'm a coward" came out without realizing it, he had assumed that serious tone he used when he took control of a situation, the southern accent was stronger. He caught your attention, but your eyes continued to focus on a point behind him, always avoiding his eyes.

"What?"

Rick took another step closer.

"I'm a cowardly man who doesn't deserve you" confusion adorned your face in the dim light of the weak yellow light.

“Too cowardly to admit it…..damn it!” He ran his fingers through his hair, anxious.

Rick looked disconcerted, lost, it wasn’t normal to see him like this only when his shoulders were very tired and he inevitably ran to find some comfort in you.

Seconds of silence passed, as if he carefully considered his next words.

Then the moment passed and his shoulders straightened.

He slowly approached you while you backed away like a skittish animal, he stared so intently into your eyes that you felt completely exposed. The slow chase ended when your back hit the kitchen counter, cornered, the proximity, how intimate everything seemed, your mind spun in circles chanting his name. That was one of the problems, he took you out of your orbit.

both of his calloused hands went up your neck to cradle your face, so delicate, now the only distance between your bodies were the atoms of air. his touch almost burned your skin, even if you were reluctant you melted with the heat that emanated from his body.

it was no longer possible to escape from those blue eyes, noses brushing, mouths open and tense breathing “It’s a broken world and you’re the only thing that puts it back together” he continued to rest his forehead on yours “til my last breath, I am yours because I love you”

Shock took over your face, never in your most idyllic dreams would you imagine this scenario, so vulnerable because he loves you. Love is too strong a word to play with. Rick wasn’t the type to play with his word.

“you love me?” you asked in a whisper, afraid of the answer, then he started running his fingertips through your hair, over your face, saying a silent “beautiful” more to himself than to you “I think that’s what it’s called, isn’t it?” he looked at you curiously “I always come back to you, even if it’s crawling, but I come back. It’s your face that my eyes search for in a crowd, it’s your opinion that I seek before any decision, it’s your smile that makes all this mess worth it, it’s another reason to survive and when I see you with the children….. God, it’s like coming back to a home I didn’t know I had, it seems almost immoral to have this at the end of the world… I’m afraid the universe is waiting for me to take what I want just to take it from me, believe me, I couldn’t go on without you. So yes, I love you.”

You knew many things about Rick, how he likes his drink, about his grandfather in the war, about how to read his gestures, but mainly that he was a man with a good and kind heart and above all honest.

The light made your eyes bigger and brighter with the tears that were now flowing, which were becoming a sob and then a loud cry, but it was okay, he is Rick, he knows you, so smiling and sighing a “come here” he held you tight in his arms, wetting his shirt. Slowly he adorned the top of your head with kisses, reducing the crying, the tears gave way to a big smile. You pulled away so you could look into his eyes, which to your surprise were also teary, but he smiled broadly, both of you sharing a look.

 Silence fell in the room, but it was light and calm, of accomplices who had shared something very sacred. Rick took one of her hands and lifted it into the air as if preparing for a waltz. “In a perfect world, I would have told you this after a fancy dinner and taken you dancing.” You couldn’t help but smile, he was always an old-fashioned guy. 

“I like to dance.”

 “I know.” Using the hand that was in the air, he spun you around in his arms. 

“You always know.” It was like being a little girl again, cheeks burning and all. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, humming in agreement. 

“You should.”

In the blink of an eye, he had you in a very tender and deep kiss, as if he regretted all the kisses he had wanted to give you but couldn't. It didn't take long for him to become fiercer, hungrier, his hands were clenched in the back of his shirt, as if he was afraid the moment would evaporate like a dream.

Testing the waters, one of Rick's hands went down to your hip, gently, but giving it a light squeeze. You sighed, there was a hunger in you that was no longer possible to contain

"Take me to the room, please" you asked slyly

"Yes, ma'am" and as if you weighed nothing he picked you up and you wrapped yourself around his hips, sharing small kisses as you went up the stairs. Between kisses, you found yourselves unable to hold back your giggles, it was good.

Entering your room, he carefully laid you down on the bed and for a brief minute just kept looking at you as if he needed to convince himself that this was real, that something good and beautiful could be born in such a vile world. The moment was only broken when you extended your hand inviting him. Gratefully, he took off his white shirt, throwing it somewhere in the room and lay down between your legs.

 It was strange to be like this with him, but at the same time so familiar, as if it were right. You pulled him in for another hungry kiss with tongues, teeth and all, running your fingertips over the muscles of his back, pressing him against you. He moaned into your mouth, needing his hips against yours, eliciting a moan from you. 

He went down to your neck, distributing wet kisses to soothe the marks he was leaving - something intimate in him liked the idea of ​​claiming you publicly - going down to your collarbone and only stopping over the bust of your dress, searching your eyes in a silent request. He laughed at the intensity with which you nodded. 

He made sure to lower the straps very slowly, but it didn't take long for him to grab one of her breasts as soon as they were exposed. While he licked and sucked one, he played with the tip of the other with his fingers. When he was satisfied, he reversed the order.

By now you were a mess of moans and whimpers, rubbing against him in search of any friction. 

That day Rick discovered many things about you: first, you were loud - a pleasant surprise -; and second, you were sensitive as hell and he was going to take advantage of that.

He continued to move down your body, trailing chaste kisses along your clothed belly, nibbling on your dress, lingering on your lower abdomen while one of his hands lovingly brushed the skin on the inside of one of your thighs, almost reaching where you wanted, but pulling back just in time. He came back to my eye level "do you want to be good for me?" Oh, he wished he had a camera to capture your reaction, all blushing and goosebumps. Third thing - although he already suspected that.

No answer. Then the hand on your inner thigh went straight to your clothed center, taking you by surprise “baby, talk to me”

Your brain was already so far away and started to nod and only then remembered to answer “I want” clearly satisfied with the answer he got up from the bed, you almost protested against the loss of contact but when he pulled your legs to the edge of the bed and knelt between them, you already knew it was over

“this comes off” you lifted your hips so he could take off your panties “and this stays here for now” he bunched your dress at your waist.

You already knew you were very wet but when the cold air of the room hit you and Rick ate you with his eyes even more blush painted your skin.

 He brought his lips closer to your pussy, blowing only to see you squirm, smiling satisfied with the result. He looked at you with such hunger, you couldn't hold his gaze, but more knowing than you were his hand leaving a slap on your right thigh. When you turned your eyes to him it was clear on his face, pupils dilated in a stern look, jaw clenched, don't do that again. 

So you did... or tried to because when he gave a first slow and long lick between your folds by instinct your head fell back before you could come to, another slap, on your left thigh now. 

Damn bastard Rick Grimes

Leaning on your elbows, you looked at him again, trembling with desire as he sucked your clit with just the right amount of pressure. You were already high at this point because Rick would eat you out like a starving man. After a few more licks, two thick fingers poked your entrance, smearing themselves with your arousal and, to torture you, as a final blow, he inserted them while he curved them, hitting that exact spot - it was so different from yours, better, bigger and they were Rick's - and he went back to sucking on your spot. Thank God no one was home because you looked pathetic in his hands.

All you could think about was the pressure and the heat and the unfolding and growing in your belly, it was too much. Your back arched, your toes curled as you were a mess, reciting his name like a prayer

Rick…….Rick…….Rick

When his big hand reached for yours to hold while he pressed it against your hip to keep you in place while he intensified his actions until your peak reached you and you rode him fucking Rick's face

you came hard and loud, singing his name

he made sure to take every drop of you until overstimulation. When he got up from the floor, you could barely support yourself on your elbows to look at him. He licked his lips like after a good meal. Sucking his fingers and letting out a "sweet" he rested one of his knees on the bed and pulled you by the torso like a rag doll - very soft now - making you sit up "arms up" and he removed the dress over your head. He seemed so careful "good girl" he says and you couldn't help but tremble at those words, you wanted him inside you SO MUCH, so your hands flew to undo his belt and pants

"anxious?" oh that cheeky smile would kill you

“you have no idea”

“Ah….I can imagine, hon” he finished by giving a sweet kiss on the top of your head

When he stepped out of his pants and you were face to face with his red, veiny cock, already weeping with pre-cum. You wanted to feel the weight of it on your tongue - another time perhaps because you could swear you would start crying if you didn't feel him inside you soon.

You lay on your back in the center of the bed, spreading your legs wide for him. If you looked like the hot mess you felt, you would be lost.

He asked for your hand and you gave in. When he placed himself between your legs it was as if he belonged nowhere else than here, with you. He spent a minute hovering over your body, his eyes examining you, recording every detail, you were a very beautiful mess. He kissed you again, less hurriedly but equally hungry, his tongue playing knowingly with yours, biting your lips, pulling you towards him.

Anxiously, you tried to rub your hips against his - of course he noticed - he took your hand in his and placed it on his cock - you couldn't resist and applied some pressure, he shuddered.

With his hand on yours controlling the movement he brought the tip to your folds and played with them, making you squirm with anticipation, lubricating you well, threatening to enter. It was only after you called his name tearfully that he thought you had suffered enough, but Rick couldn't contain himself, he wanted to engrave this moment very well in his memory. You were all open on the bed for him, whimpering his name, you became very gentle in his hands, it was fascinating.

You had your heads together, staring at the spot that connected you when he finally entered you, both of you letting out a long sigh. He slowly went all the way in, until you felt his balls pressed against your ass - and god you could feel every bit of him, that stretch, filling you up just right - only for him to pull back almost all the way out and slam back into you harder. “look at me, baby” he called your attention.

Rick was an eye contact guy and you did your best to maintain it as your eyes rolled back in pleasure. He built a steady, deep, passionate rhythm, hitting that spot that made your brain short out every time, your back arched, you wrapped your legs around his waist, skin to skin, hot, sweaty, your hips racing to meet his. You smiled victoriously when he buried his nose in your neck and started moaning in your ear, your knot was tightening.

The temperature of the room had increased, a mixture of sounds of skin slapping, your meaningless pleas in the cloud of pleasure, Rick who will now return to mark your neck to suppress his own moans.

“Rick….please….please” you didn’t know what you were asking for but he is Rick, he knows you. his face came out of hiding in your hair, he gave you a quick kiss on the lips and pushed your knees against your chest, the new angle would be the death of you and by Rick’s state his too whose thrusts began to become erratic. You were very close to the edge, on the border between pleasure and consciousness and when Rick began to make circles on your clit you took his mouth in yours suppressing a loud moan as you came, your vision going white. Rick came soon after by the way you were squeezing him as you came down from your high. He may have drawn blood from your lips when he bit your lip as he released long, thick loads of semen inside you draining you of every last drop. He remained inside you even after he softened, the state of euphoria preventing you from thinking about the consequences.

You both collapsed together, it was a comforting feeling to feel his weight against you, you felt safe.

When his attention turned to study your face again, he looked calm, relaxed, happy - something very hard to see - he had such loving eyes and they looked at you, he took his time like that, serious, focused. You would never know, but in that intimate moment he made a promise, he would not allow anything or anyone to hurt you, he would not allow it. He knew you could handle it, you had already proven yourself many times, but you were still the woman he loved and nothing else mattered

it was you who took him out of the sea of ​​their thoughts

“hey, rick”

“hm”

“I love you too”

“yeah?”

“yeah”

He smiled broadly, inverting the position of the two and brought the back of his hand to sprinkle kisses there, that tender gesture made you smile. Rick was yours.

.....................................................

Today had been a long day of work in the city, the kind where you pretend you didn't notice you were taking a little longer to shower. It was the first place you went after getting home, the murder house - your house - that fact still made you smile at nothing. Before going into the bathroom to shower, you passed Carl and a small blond head heading out, in a hurry but not enough.

"Should I worry, Carl?" Dusk was slowly falling outside.

"No, no, Carol's new recipe."

"Where's your dad?"

"Daryl," the boy shouted over his shoulder. You answered with a low "Okay," too tired to think about it now. Right after the door slammed.

Okay, you may have taken too long because when you came out of the bathroom there was a dress on the bed, the one Rick liked to take off. Half curious, half suspicious, you put it on and went downstairs to get something to eat. Most of the lights downstairs were off except for the ones in the kitchen. You walked there, only to find a very well-dressed Rick - a button-down shirt with the tops open and black jeans - dinner on the table and a humble flower in his hand. “Rick” you called affectionately, tilting your head to the side with a smile on your face you were walking towards him but he stopped you in the middle of the way with a signal to stop, you don’t know exactly where he was hiding, but suddenly a melody started playing through the room, he came back shyly, took your hands in his, still holding the flower and you started dancing alone in the kitchen and you don’t remember feeling so loved because he's rick, he knows you

[twistmusings]

florid and (arguably) azujade are feasting this chapter update. congrats us

Honestly Anon, you're so right.

Chapter 7 is so interesting for Octavinelle - largely because we do get to see so much of how they think of each other and themselves, and we get to see so much of their relationship with each other. Honestly the shippers are thriving, but so are so many Jade and Floyd fans.

CW: Spoilers, Twisted Wonderland Character Shipping and mentions of Neurodivergence under the cut in case that isn't your cup of tea. It's very long and examines Floyd and Riddle's and Jade and Azul's dynamics throughout TWST and is sort of Character Analysis as well. Special note that there are Visual spoilers under the cut that will spoil some of the jokes from this chapter, so proceed with caution.

First, Floyd, who we see is outright distraught when everything goes right. Honestly at this point it makes me, as an ADHD person, struggle to not view Floyd as also having ADHD. I tend to not actually assign the characters neurodivergence or diagnose them, but honestly his characteristics really point to him being understimulated and just generally miserable because he's not doing anything and that's boring him. I have heard this from so many other folks with ADHD and have experienced it myself. I think, truth be told, that Floyd is a really good picture of a young person with ADHD. Especially as someone who was just properly diagnosed later in life - I would get these random, massive intense moods and would never be able to explain them until I began to suspect I had ADHD. If we consider Floyd's general characterization - he hates to be 'bored', he hates to force himself to do things that he doesn't want to do, he had random, intense moods, randomly struggling with some academics while really excelling in the things that interest him, comparing himself to other people and not understanding why he's different ... like, yeah, as a person with ADHD I relate to him so much. It's so interesting to me because Japan in general has a lot of medical bias against diagnosing and managing neurodiversity, so I think generally speaking, he's honestly a really well written example of someone who is struggling. I think his portrayal is probably so important for young people who play the game because it makes them feel normal and accepted, and I can't deny that.

And then Floyd and Riddle... these two are so funny. Like, if you had to ask me any character that shows having a crush on someone else canonically, I would probably point to Floyd and how he acts with Riddle. Considering that they're teenagers and we know neither he nor Riddle have any experience dating (none of the characters except Ace really do), I think it's really charming because like... are they annoying the fuck out of each other? Yeah, and I think that's pretty realistic for people who are 17 who have crushes on each other. Of course, I don't want to say I support people annoying or antagonizing their partners, but they are young people who are still learning how life works. I realize that teasing =/= having a crush on someone, but like...

In the recent stitch event they had this dialogue

Riddle gets so genuinely happy when Floyd praises him. Even Jack takes note of it. And then in Floyd's Labwear...

This interaction is so telling of the sort of relationship that they have with one another - first Floyd interprets their interactions as playing. Second, Riddle takes note that Floyd is in a bad mood which means that Riddle pays enough attention to him to notice when he's having a bad day. And then you have Jade over there just like 👀. It's so goofy but it's kind of wholesome also because it shows that in spite of everything, Riddle still shows concern for Floyd and Jade is a nosy sibling.

I don't know how many people have actually read the comic anthology, but there's a side story with Floyd and Riddle where Riddle is trying to study how to control himself better following his OB and Floyd, of course, comes to bother him and notices him reading advanced books and that ends in this interaction.

Like, is Floyd being a shit? Yes, of course, but he also doesn't take it back when he says that he thinks that it's admirable that Riddle works hard.

They really are the duality. Please enjoy this too-high effort shitpost I made.

And then add the fact that in the most recent story chapters the thing that gets Floyd to wake up is Silver and Jamil reminding him of the entrance ceremony where Riddle threw him through the air, and Floyd essentially being like "Yeah goldfishie is fun that was fun" and that being what snaps him out of it? Like these two are fated to irritate the hell out of each other by the story itself.

Also I think it's such a funny cute touch that the reason Floyd even started irritating Riddle is because Riddle couldn't control his temper and flung him. Floyd was just being curious, and while, yeah he probably should have asked before he touched Riddle's hair because he was curious if it would feel hot, Riddle immediately rose to meet his energy, and generally speaking we know that Floyd is a physically motivated person. He likes to fight, and he likes to test his strength. No one else caused a scene at the Sophomore orientation except Riddle. You know, the character that is almost entirely focused on not breaking rules? Riddle painted a massive target on his own back with his temper. And honestly, what I think does make it work is that even though Floyd teases Riddle literally all the time, he does respect Riddle. Riddle is interesting to him because he's strong and reacts when Floyd irritates him. As I said before, on Floyd's end at least, the antagonism is playful, and considering Floyd's relationship with Jade and Azul it's easy to see why. It's how he was raised to view affection from friends and peers.

Now, how about Riddle's side of things? Well, while we don't get a ton of canon crumbs from Riddle, there's at least a few things that we do get. We know that Riddle sort of resents that Floyd teases him, but he has been told multiple times by other people that Floyd is just trying to get a rise out of him. And yet, every time Floyd compliments Riddle and then immediately starts teasing him, Riddle falls for it. On some level, I'm sure it's because Riddle likes the attention just as much as Floyd, even if for a different reason. Riddle gets put down a lot - from his dorm and from his own mother. But even if Floyd teases him, Floyd also gasses him up because, like I said, Floyd genuinely thinks highly of Riddle. Riddle gets complimented and he gets smug about it because he thinks highly of himself, and it probably feels good to have that recognized.

Compare Riddle's interactions with Floyd to the ones he has with Jade, for example.

From the Spectral Soiree event.

There are a couple reasons why I feel like this is important to note. First, Riddle recognizes that Jade is making fun of him immediately. Riddle also misses Jade's sarcasm. Riddle isn't good at reading Jade - he finds Jade unpredictable and malicious, and interprets this as Jade making fun of him. In contrast, you don't see Riddle outright refuse a compliment from Floyd - he knows that Floyd is being upfront about how he feels when he says the things he does, but he doesn't know that about Jade. Riddle is also the butt of the joke here, whereas if we compare it to the similar situation that he went through with Floyd during the Tropical Turbulence event.

Floyd is teasing Riddle, yes, but in this situation he isn't making Riddle the butt of the joke, he's just causing a little bit of chaos. Floyd already has a plan in place, but Riddle the two aren't arguing with each other. It's also important to note that Floyd is one of the few characters outside of his dorm that Riddle really banters with comfortably.

The other thing is that though they compete with and annoy each other, Floyd and Riddle are actually genuinely pretty nice to each other otherwise. They both compliment each other pretty frequently even if they usually pepper in barbs as they do.

Floyd and Riddle are also pretty similar people, too:

At any rate, that's a lot of screenshots to basically say, yes they do make fun of each other and tease each other, but when they do get onto the same page, they work very well together and seem to have a mutual respect for each other even if they criticize each other. They can identify the aspects in each other that they can't identify in themselves and it makes their chemistry interesting because every time they share screentime it seems like they learn from each other.

Anyway, Florid fans eat well literally any time these two share screen time.

And then Jade and Azul... honestly those two cracked me up the entire time.

First you have Jade's dream with his god awful imagination. Jade literally gets the knockoff versions of Azul and Floyd as I said in the first post about it, but I think it's interesting to see how he perceives both of them. I'll be including images this time.

I'll start with Floyd because HOO buddy if I was Floyd and had to endure this shit.

This is an actual crime.

That being said, Floyd is noticeably more childish in Jade's dream than the actual Floyd is in reality, both in his rather immature visage as well as a more child-like way of speaking.

It's worth noting, in Floyd's dream, Floyd doesn't really pay much attention to where Jade is, and he doesn't really pay any attention to where Azul is either. He says "Eh, Jade's probably with Azul on land because the Mostro Lounge was succeeding." Floyd also makes a point of saying that it's a rule between the three of them - they don't have to stick together - if they don't want to do something, then they won't stick together and whoever wants to do it can do it on their own, or if they don't want to involve someone in something, they don't involve them in it. (Ironically, I would argue that this is one of the healthier dynamics for friendship in TWST that we see. All three of them have discussed and come to understand that if they need to separate ways, they will, they don't want to hold each other back from the things they enjoy.)

Jade on the other hand, and whether Floyd likes it or not, seems to view Floyd as a younger brother. We don't get confirmation as to whether or not Jade hatched first or if Floyd hatched first, but regardless of whichever it is, it seems like Jade views Floyd as his younger brother, and seems to have an instinct to coddle him, even if this portrayal of Floyd is deeply unflattering to Floyd and starts a whole fight.

It's also of note: Floyd didn't expect to be in Jade's dream at all. Floyd talks about how he figures that Jade has just dreamed about him in a similar way that Floyd had dreamed of Jade - off doing whatever he wanted to do. That's not true - Floyd is there, with Jade, and engaging in Jade's interests.

In Jade's official EN school uniform home tap he says:

Though some translations tend to interpret this line differently, and essentially instead say that Floyd is clingier than he seems.

The reason I'm pointing this out is because Jade is the only one of the three who's primary dream features all three of them together. This would seem to point toward Jade actually being the one who's clingier, and to being the one who's most attached to both of them. I can't really say for certain, but I almost wonder if Jade has a bit of a fear of abandonment with regard to Azul and Floyd and that's why his ideal dream world is one where they're both so reliant on him.

And then Azul...

Is Giorno Giovanna in the room with us?

Seriously though, I think it's kind of interesting to see how Azul is portrayed in Jade's imagination.

For reference, here's what Azul actually looks like in his mer form in the same pose.

The thing I immediately noticed is Azul's eyes. Sure, the image Jade has of Azul is a JJBA joke, but there's something else I want to point out about them in particular.

Azul's eyes are an entirely different, brighter color. In fact, it's also a different color from Azul's overblot eye color as well.

We know that Jade's limited imagination means he's working on his own impressions of Floyd and Azul and you're telling me that Jade's impression of Azul is that he looks like a character from a manga known for being about handsome, fabulous men and that he has ginormous, bright, shiny blue eyes that look like sapphires? Hello?????? Jade???

I think this is fascinating because had they just drawn Azul as like a normal old JJBA reference but kept his color palette the same, I could see it just being explained as "oh, neat, Jade thinks Azul is handsome when Azul doesn't" but follow me with this: Jade's imagination is painting them in broad strokes the way that Epel's imagination was doing in his dream. These are Jade's impressions of Floyd and Azul.

Floyd tracks - he sees Floyd as a younger brother and someone he inherently wants to take care of, even if it's not realistic. Floyd is a childish younger brother in a cartoonish way. Azul is motivated by money in a cartoonish way. These are the traits that stick out the most about the both of them to Jade.

So when Jade imagines Azul physically what he sees is Azul being handsome AND that he has these shiny bright blue eyes even if his memory gets the shade of blue wrong. Jade....... honey................ I need you to sit down when I tell you this..........

And then after he and Floyd fight, because Jade is too stubborn to wake up because he can't grasp that what he's seeing is wrong, the thing that finally triggers him to realize something is off is this version of dream Azul checking on him after the fight and being relieved he's okay and then saying that he's afraid he would have lost his "かわいい部下".

The thing that triggers Jade to start waking up is Azul calling Jade his cute subordinate (essentially his cute assistant). I am not exaggerating this. That is literally the phrase that triggers Jade. Jade even repeats it.

AND HE FUCKING PANICS

JADE. I AM BEGGING THE SECONDHAND CRINGE THIS MADE ME FEEL.

From there the dream Floyd of course says he's going to cry if Jade left him and like that just seals the deal. And everyone is super impressed because Jade realized it was wrong by himself and woke himself up.

I don't tend to insert my opinions much in my post but there is not a single person on this planet that is not going to make me believe that Jade did not just gay panic himself awake. I feel like most queer people have experienced something just like this. Jade literally wakes himself up because he's like "no, wait, hold on, Azul wouldn't say that, right?" and then Floyd saying he's going to cry sells it. Dream Azul essentially just fucking "baby girl"ed him and Jade was like "no, actually, that's too cringe for me to even dream about".

Then you have Azul's dream. Honestly there aren't a lot of crumbs there for Jade, but I think it's sort of sweet how even if they're sort of forced to, Jade and Floyd don't want to force Azul to do anything. They have a lot of respect for each other's personal boundaries, and they were fully prepared to let Azul stay asleep and allow him to work it out himself if he wanted to wake up. It doesn't end up working out that way, but it's not hard to tell that both the twins and Azul had respect for each other as individuals.

Another neat thing is that Azul is one of the few people who's dreams aren't inherently things he really wants. They're more of "what-if" scenarios. What if Azul was good at sports and ended up being a high school athlete? What if Azul actually got to follow through on burning that picture of his younger self and then opened a Mostro Lounge branch? I think it's interesting that Azul seems to be kept in these dreams because his imagination is vivid, and not because they're an ideal world perse. In a sense they are - but Azul himself admits that he doesn't really want either of them.

Azul gets so much growth shown in this chapter. He ends up wanting to wake up because he wants to live for himself, and not live for what other people think of him or having to rely on them. Azul still wants to succeed, but he wants to succeed for himself and not because he feels a need to one up the people that bullied him, and he wants to be fulfilled in himself. He's actually working on his mental health, I love that for him.

And, one more thing of note, I think it's so fucking cool that at the end of the book, Azul doesn't freak out about other people seeing him in his true form. In fact, he doesn't freak out about seeing himself in his true form when Idia makes a proxy version of him - he's just thinking about how cool it would be to have a second version of himself. I feel like most people have gotten the sense that Azul has a sense of self-loathing regarding his mer-form, but it seems like if he did at some point, he's made peace with it.

Anyway that's an unnecessarily long infodump about my feelings about the character relationships that we've got in the new update. Like obnoxiously long. So, uh... I'll just end the post with Azul's smiling sprite because I just think it's fucking adorable.

[nonpracticinghumanbeing]

Izzy IS about community. He’s ALWAYS BEEN about community in his own messed up way. The Canyon was right and the haters were wrong.

He wanted Blackbeard back because that was what kept the crew safe. He was terrible about it and hurt the man he obviously loves in the process, but it WAS for the greater good. It wasn’t a purely selfish act the antis love to frame it as. He wanted to feel safe again and he wanted the crew to be safe as well.

Hell, he was doing his best to help Edward through his post-breakup depression. He didn’t understand what was going on and was clearly distressed by it but he provided what Ed needed. He *knew* he lacked the emotional capacity to help his captain himself so he agreed to bring him Lucius. I really think he would have just gritted his teeth and suffered through it if Ed didn’t say the one thing that could collapse his whole world.

"Why do we even bother being pirates?" That was what freaked Izzy out so much that he pushed Edward to violence. Not because he selfishly wanted Ed to be close at all times but because Blackbeard the legend was the pillar of his community. That legend kept everyone safe and even if Izzy is a horrible asshole, he *does* care about his crew. He knows the world is a horrible hostile place and he focuses on risk mitigation, even if it means hurting the one person he really cares about.

He really tried to provide that to the crew when Edward and Stede took the Act of Grace. It was a terribly misguided attempt at keeping things under control and it was certainly influenced by his submissive tendencies which make him crave structure and feel safe within hierarchies. He *knows* he lacks Ed's charisma and ability to think outside the box and with such huge shoes to fill it's not really surprising he acted out in anger and in result failed miserably. But he was *NEVER* an asshole just for the sake of it.

Now he realizes those days are gone for good. He's already done everything he could to bring Ed back to his senses, including using *Stede fuckin' Bonnet’s* name. It didn’t work. The realization that his one true safeguard is really gone must be terrible, but it also pushes him to take action.

The moment he realizes the crew are in real danger, he takes things into his own hands. He not only goes against the hierarchy he believed to be sacred but also against the man he *LOVES*. He fucking shoots his beloved captain to save the crew. You don’t get much more *community* than that.

He is clearly struggling. He's just tried to fucking kill himself after being maimed AND told he was disposable by a man whom he's apparently served for dacades. He will have to reevaluate his whole life and he *knows* it. But he puts it all to the side and he does what needs to be done. He took all of Edward’s abuse without complaint it seems but the moment the crew are in real danger, he intervenes. You can’t tell me a community (*any* community) doesn’t need people like that.

It all feels very old-time queer to me. The willingness to make terrible sacrifices to protect one's space. The decision (conscious or not) to be effective rather than liked. The choice to stay alive despite terrible heartbreak and go on fighting.

He's absolutely NOT an irredimable villain. He’s an asshole who tries to keep his little world safe. He’s Larry Kramer getting kicked out of GMHC for being too confrontational and politically incorrect to be palatable to the general public.

[mikajunie]

how to deal with failure when all you know how to do is beat up yourself (as an adhder)

please read this if you are a chronic self-loather like myself.

i used to hate myself for everything i did; the way i talk and walk, my accomplishments, my daily activities, how i cannot keep up with my peers, all that jazz. and especially as a late-diagnosed adhder this gets worse overtime. i ended up getting into a 6-month burnout, failed 3 classes and have to extend one semester, and i had lost my identity as a person.

overall i was just a breathing, walking flesh with depressive thoughts every day.

but after many many months of rediscovering myself, i have come up with the conclusion that life gets easier when i don't fucking hate myself.

shocker, right? ik this is probably like a 'obviously' type of thing, but i think many ppl with adhd can confirm that this is one of the hardest pills to swallow.

but trust me, you don't need to feel bad!!! and i will tell you how to do it down below. pls read, i hope it helps.

(keep in mind im not a psychiatrist or a therapist btw i just wanna help fellow ppl with adhd)

reminder #1: adhd makes you more prone to making mistakes - beating yourself up for every failure is torture.

as people with adhd, we are more prone to making more mistakes and questionable decisions. we are just built that way. we can work on it, but that's our baseline.

self loathing encourages you to beat up your baseline. your default state. your non-productive mode.

beating yourself up for making a mistake is literally like beating up a cat for sleeping. humans are bound to make mistakes, and us with adhd are bound to make more. it's fine, let yourself breathe. im not saying we cannot do anything right or that our mistakes are permissible, but missing an alarm clock or forgetting things we want to say are not surprising. it's just embedded inside us, so either be miserable for the rest of your life or work on reframing your thoughts on failure in general.

reminder #2: you can learn how to be better even if you don't beat yourself up for it

these neurotypical adults who tell you that you should feel bad about failing are stupid. and whoever tell you that negative reinforcement is needed for you to get better are the dumbest motherfuckers ever.

you don't need to feel bad to ge better.

in fact, once you don't feel too bad about it, you can focus more on how to do better in the future instead of replaying the past over and over again.

literally after almost failing college, i only realized that i should not be hard on myself. literally. i remember deciding i should try being nice on myself and now boom! i feel better AND i actually have been working towards fixing my life more and more.

and you know whats the best part?? i can finally start enjoying my life again!!

reminder #3: not everything you do is a failure. seriously.

this is a thought pattern i keep seeing in every person with adhd.

"nothing i can do is right" WRONG!!!! you do some things wrong but you also do some things right!!!! quit discrediting yourself

now try acknowledging your failures:

cry about it first. let yourself sit in and feel your feelings first. you can continue after you finish crying about it

do some form of meditation that helps you clear out your mind. i suggest just 5 minutes or until you don't feel as heavy anymore

let yourself know that failing is an action and consequence, not a part of your identity. it is not you: you are someone who succeeds and fails sometimes. you can fail, but that does not mean everything you do will be a failure.

identify what kind of failure you're thinking about , why you feel so shitty about it, and what you should do for next time. it'd be good if you could write this down. here is an example from me:

failure: failing out of class

what happened: i failed bc i kept procrastinating and ended up sleeping in, so i could not submit on time

consequences of event: i had to retake the class, paid a significant amount of money, and now i cant graduate on time with my friends

why i feel shitty: i feel so left behind and stupid. i feel like this is such a stupid mistake that was easily avoidable.

and now i have so many thoughts in my mind right now, like "how can i be so stupid? how can i be so careless? this is such a stupid mistake."

now notice. if you also think like this, you are actively judging yourself. you are being so mean to yourself, and for what? would you ever told your friends they are so stupid and dumb for making careless mistakes? even if it's stupid, you wouldn't say it to their faces.

after identifying everything, confirm what actually happened, reframe your thoughts, and apologize to yourself:

"How can I be so careless?" -> It's not intentional, and I did try my best to work on it. It's not my fault my executive dysfunction took over the better part of me.

"How can I be so stupid?" -> Just because I cannot initiate tasks as well as the others, it doesn't mean i'm stupid. i am pretty good at other things, i cannot expect myself to be good at everything.

"This is such a stupid mistake." -> It is stupid, and that's... okay. It's fine. I accept it, I'll work on how to make it better in the future.

when you combat negative thoughts, make sure you combat them not only with facts but also with empathy and future action-focused thoughts.

the key is to focus on what you can do now, not what you should have done.

because focusing on the past is very very unhelpful.

now please focus on what you can do now:

Make small goals for the future.

What you should not say:

"I promise I will try harder to focus" -> Nope, you are relying on your ADHD symptom to not be ADHD anymore... which is impossible.

"I promise I won't forget next time" -> Same thing.

"I promise I will make a routine that I will stick to" -> This is too idealist, don't commit to anything for a long run, it's just setting yourself up for more failure.

What you should say instead:

"Next time, I will try to write it down so I won't forget next time" -> Tell yourself the clear steps on what you need to do. You cannot rely on your brain to just be better, come up with actions that can support you!

"Next time, I will set more alarms and ask a friend to remind me. In fact, I will do it now" -> Commit to things you can do immediately! The faster, the better so you won't lose this momentum. Stop thinking that your future self is 100% reliable. Always assume you need to do it as soon as possible to help yourself in the future.

"Next time, I will try out this routine and see if it works or not" -> Experiment with routines. Routines don't last long, so don't give youreelf empty promises. Instead, accept that your routine will chance every once in a while so you need to learn what works or not.

Apologize and forgive yourself

Say sorry to yourself.

It's normal to make mistakes, and it's unrealistic to think you won't make more.

Move on

Seriously. Don't sit on it too much.

Once you know what you need to do to not fail in the future and you have written it down... just let it go.

You don't need to feel bad to grow. You don't need to feel bad to be better.

You are allowed to feel good about yourself.

In fact, you should feel better about yourself now because you are showing your commitment to getting better by reading this long ass post.

Pat yourself in the back.

Failure has its consequences already, you don't need to punish yourself more. Please get something nice.

Failing is EXHAUSTING. Please give yourself a snack or some gaming time.

Allow yourself to breathe.

We are humans, we are not failures. We succeed and fail sometimes, not all the time.

Be nice to yourself, you have been through a lot.

[lawofangie]

Hello. I just saw your post about your manifestation journey while struggling with depression and I’ll probably just be another rant about “how difficult it is to manifest”, but honestly I just want to talk a little bit.

I’m at work right now. I’m a trainee in a law office and my relationship with my boss is deteriorating gradually.

While I was at school, I would always think that I would be happier at a job, because I like to feel useful and competent. But now that I have a job, I just feel miserable.

I already received complaints twice about “being distracted” and “not doing my best”, which came as shocking because I’ve been doing my best. I have two bosses and while one looks like she really appreciates me, the other one might be the contrary.

I always fails to do what she wants me to do.

So I have been having really tiresome dreams. I had one where they asked me to type a document and after a while it turns out it was a “you are fired document” and asked me to sigh it.

They laughed and said that “I wasn’t doing enough” and “I wasn’t attending my classes at college” which I WAS but it didn’t matter.

I actually can’t imagine my life better. It’s like my mind just blocks it from me. I feel like I can’t delude myself even if that’s what I want the most.

I really want to just escape and live happily but I just feel trapped and miserable. I think I can predict what you are going to advice me but…I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

this is actually kind of relatable. i've felt similarly at many points in my life, i struggled to function, i thought external things would make me happy, applying the law was difficult. i couldn't imagine my life any better either. i understand where this is coming from, i'll try to give less generic advice, but i'm going to be brutally honest, and, this still won't be anything special. its important to remember that regardless of what i say here, manifestation is still just assuming you have your desire and persisting in that fact.

anyways, it honestly gets to a point where you have to realize that you're just wasting your time feeling trapped and scared. you're doing yourself a disservice. no one and nothing can save you, nor is anything or anyone going to. as unfortunate as your circumstances are, you have to do it yourself.

you have to take what you want and prioritize that above how you feel, anyone's made you feel, and how anyone feels about you. your life is meant to revolve around you and no one else. its YOUR life for a reason.

you SHOULD NOT waste the best years of your life being miserable, feeling like a failure, like a victim, like you can't change, like you're trapped like this forever when that's completely illogical. everyone and everything changes. people change in age, appearance, personality, sexuality, preferences, etc. it's physically impossible to be incapable of change unless you're not alive. people change all the time.

you genuinely do not have the time to be so self loathing and miserable, not when you're going to literally grow old one day. and according to those who've made it there already, that day comes fast. do you want to look back at your life at 80 and see what you wasted it doing? when all this information was right in your face? when all you had to do was take a chance and have some faith in yourself?

changing yourself isn't impossible, you're just too scared to assume anything good about yourself, perhaps because you've gotten so used to being miserable. "changing yourself", by the way, just so we're clear, simply means to assume something new about yourself. for example, you already believe you are a failure, and to change would be to simply assume you're successful. that's quite literally it. you just believe in something without physical proof, that's assuming. we assume all the time. you're just assuming about yourself now. the law is extremely simple to utilize, but it's the simplicity that leads to people overcomplicating it themselves.

also, delusion is, by definition, a false belief that is resistant to change, even when presented with evidence that it is not true. an assumption, by definition, is a belief that is taken as true without proof or evidence. you need to realize the difference here. we are telling you to assume, not to delude yourself. we are promising you that the "proof" comes after you've fully accepted it as true. we're not telling you to actively deny something despite accepting it as true. what would be the point in that? if we're telling you that your assumptions, aka the things you believe to be true without proof manifest, why would we tell you to continue to accept something you don't want as true? does that make sense?

being delusional and making an assumption may seem similar in theory, but in practice, they are completely different. one is literally the result of a mental illness, the other is a very normal, very human behavior that we do every day. we make assumptions about ourselves, people, and situations. all. the. time. it seems like it's only a problem and called "delusional" when it's about yourself, and it's something good.

it's like being confident in yourself, believing in your abilities despite what others have to say about you. for example, you have a great confidence in a talent or skill, and the you believe that you will get better as you get older/more experienced/more knowledgeable, and you'll make it places and have great opportunities in the future. let's say some random person decides to insult you and say that you'll never make it anywhere in life. would it be "delusional" to not listen to them? to not let someone else dictate your future? or would that simply be having some faith in yourself and not letting others define you?

this is literally all we're telling you to do, believe in yourself even if your reality seems to be against you. don't fight it, just accept that the unfavorable isn't true and move on. continue to believe in yourself.

and besides, if any person successful to date operated with that "i don't see it so it's not true" mindset, they wouldn't have become successful, would they? would anyone accumulate any kind of success with a mindset like that? the people who have came from nothing and made it to where they were now, had an unwavering confidence in their abilities and the fact that they'd be something one day. despite what anyone's told them, or tried to project onto them, it didn't get through to their unwavering sense of self.

the point is, we are promising you something. all it takes is for you to have some confidence in yourself. to quit hurting yourself. is that so hard?

anyways, the point of manifesting is when you change yourself, the things in your external reality change.

assuming is easy. believing things to be true without proof is easy. you just have to get comfortable with the fact that you need to change before anything changes externally. again, instead of believing you are a failure, that you are trapped, you simply assume you are successful, and you are not trapped.

people also change their minds all the time, they grow to have a different opinion, they realize they were wrong, they want to give something else a chance, or without a reason, they simply change their mind. these things are not impossible, they happen all the time.

i'm saying this to say that manifesting isn't being delusional. to be delusional is feeling stuck and like things can't change, when they so clearly do, all the damn time. you're not special enough for the concept of change to not apply to you. for instance, you are certainly not the same person you were when you were 6 compared to however old you are right now. you changed, therefore you are capable of changing, and i proved it to you with that simple example.

you only feel stuck because you decided you are, you decided that you'll never be unstuck, and so you haven't been. the law is working, just not in your favor. everything you see in your reality right now, perfectly matches whatever you've assumed to be true. that is not a coincidence. it's important to remember that the law isn't a thing with feelings, it does not care about you or your situation. all it does is continue to operate. it's up to you to use the law's indifference to your advantage.

also, you seem to have a victim mindset. it's very obvious in the way that you try to explain yourself, that you were doing as you were supposed to, but it still 'didn't matter'. you're putting so many things (your job, your bosses, proving yourself) on a pedestal, over what really matters, which is yourself. do you even like your job? did you pursue something you were passionate about? because if not, then you have no business subjecting yourself to any kind of mistreatment, not when you didn't even want to be there in the first place. you should be putting yourself and your desires before even thinking about pleasing anyone or meeting any kind of requirement.

your own standards and requirements should come first. remember : you chose to work for them. you have a choice. you also need to remember that your bosses and colleagues are regular people. outside of work (and in the workplace if we're being honest) they have no kind of power over you. you shouldn't be letting such irrelevant people in your life have the power to instill so much fear in you, to the point where you're having literal nightmares.. about typing a document incorrectly.

also, about feeling useful and competent, that's something you have to decide about yourself. are you useful? are you competent? do you honestly feel this way about yourself? definitely not, which is why you're seeking validation from others. but at the same time, it is what's made you so miserable, because you're definitely not getting that validation. and any you get only gives you a short lived feeling of satisfaction. your opinion on yourself matters more than what anyone has to say. that's literally why confidence and insecurity exist. and either way, you still feel a certain way about yourself that outweighs anything anyone has to say about you.

here's another example, let's say you've been insecure about your looks from a young age. if one day, someone randomly tells you you're beautiful or they think you're pretty, is all the insecurity you've felt for years suddenly going to go away? or will your mind find reasons to reinforce the fact that you don't feel beautiful? and if someone confirmed your insecurities, saying you weren't their type, they didn't find you attractive, wouldn't you just justify that reaction in your mind since you feel that way about yourself already?

with that in mind, how much does anyone's words really matter? do the words of others honestly have any significance when they aren't reinforcing something you already believe about yourself?

your reality works in a similar way. whatever you decide to assume/ accept as true/ shift your awareness to/ decide is true/ feel is certain, your reality will reflect. as well as a bunch of reasons to continue believing whatever it is is true. the law is very indifferent and has no bounds. it does not care about your feelings, your specific circumstances, and so on. that's why i'm telling you, you only feel these ways and experience the things you do, because you decided you were. this goes for being miserable, being stuck, feeling useless, feeling incompetent and living in fear. there are no exceptions.

so, with all that said, what do i suggest? first off, you need to practice being secure in yourself. work on being confident in yourself first, then work on your self concept. i say "confidence" as in feeling secure in yourself within the 3d. so, your looks, your body, your social skills, your physical skills, etc. because "self concept" has to do with having confidence in your manifestation abilities. find a helpful method that works for you, like affirming, visualizing, scripting, rampaging, or just simply deciding something new about yourself and accepting it.

self confidence has to do with things like liking yourself, being your own validation, having optimistic thoughts about yourself, and self efficiency. you can't care about what others think, you have to put yourself first, and you can't let anyone dictate your future. be selfish. the only thing that should matter is you and how something makes you feel. nothing bad comes from putting yourself first and not worrying about others.

once you feel confident in yourself, or even while working on your confidence, practice using the law. you could start by manifesting something small, something specific that would prove to you that you can manifest, then work your way up. manifest bigger things or just a large quantity of things, just to prove to yourself that there aren't any limits. remember, manifesting is just assuming: believing something to be true without proof. i mean that in the most literal, simplest way possible. like the example of success i used earlier.

once you've proven to yourself that manifestation is indeed real, play around with it. also, work on your self concept. decide that things always go well for you, that you deserve good things, you're the creator of your reality, learn to mentally reject unfavorable things in the 3d, and so on. this is what i would do if i were you.

i know this was kind of long, but i hope you understand my words and find them useful. feel free to dm me or send another ask if you have anymore questions. 🩶

[shhrrroooommmmmyyyyyy]

HB Generational Trauma: Paimon → Stolas

→ Octavia

*Before I get attacked, nothing I say is to defend the actions described. I am simply trying to explain and make sense of it.*

Many fans approach the topic of Stolas being a good or bad father with either black and white-good or bad or completely gray answers. The black and white are pretty straightforward, usually going something like "he says this but does this anyway" or "he's neglectful", which are all valid opinions here. As well as the gray opinions, usually saying "he really tries, he just doesn't get it right".

Honesty, I can't say I disagree with any of these opinions honestly. I don't have evidence to back this up, but I have a feeling I know where the writers are going with this. I think they will, maybe sometime soon after hearing via's line in the trailer, have Stolas sort of "wake up" in a sense and realize what exactly he does. Get hit by the good ol' self awareness train, if you will. It's called character development.

I've seen many people call this bad writing but I disagree. I think that's the direction they're going for Stolas's character development. I think with the episodes so spread out, people forget we're only three episodes away from only being halfway through the series as a whole. There's still plenty of room for development.

Anyways, back on topic. Let's look at Paimon and Stolas from the Circus episode. I love the Loo Loo Land parallel with it.

Paimon enjoying himself from home while Stolas is miserable and clearly doesn't want to be there. The only thing that gets him through it without crashing out is Blitzø. Paimon seems to not notice he's even there at all until he starts enjoying himself watching Blitzø. And when he figures out what's making him so happy, he literally buys Blitzø later to keep himself from having to deal with him all day. Of course Stolas is too oblivious and distracted by Blitzø to realize, but that makes complete sense seeing how oblivious he is as an adult.

So now let's look at Stolas and Octavia in the Loo Loo Land episode.

Stolas is enjoying himself, but actually present. Him actually being there is an improvement; however, Octavia's not enjoying herself. She already didn't want to go because she was too old to enjoy it. And on top of that, Stolas flirting with Blitzø the whole time made her uncomfortable (which he was also too oblivious to realize).

I think the parallels here are interesting. Overall I think the writers ave done an excellent job of writing generational trauma, hence the title of this post. Now let's look at Stolas' line from Western Energy:

This line made a slight change in their dynamic from my perspective. It's clear he loves her and would do anything to protect her. Much different from Paimon. I think he tries so hard to be better than Paimon that he subconsciously ends up doing what Paimon does. This is called the ironic process theory or ironic rebound (psychology nerd here, as you can tell). However, the difference between him and Paimon is that he apologizes and recognizes that he made a mistake. He's trying. And even so, what examples of a good dad would he have had growing up that would've guided him in the right direction?

Although he keeps making mistakes, he is still trying. He's not prefect. I think Via knows this; nevertheless, it's hard for her not to get frustrated at him for making them sometimes. Especially when he promised he would do something with her and didn't in Seeing Stars.

No matter the extremity of the efforts made toward doing so, generational trauma will never be completely healed in one generation (look at me using smart words). While Stolas has made a pretty big dent in the healing process, it takes more than one person to erase the trauma. Although Via is as far as the line will go with her being confirmed asexual, I think Stolas has done a lot more for Via than people realize.

I have a few notes about Blitz and Loona on this topic as well. I might wait till after Ghostfuckers in case it gives more info to put in that post

[vanillawurld]

༊*·˚How To Disappear

✧.* Pair - Johnny Cage x Fem! Reader

✧.* Tags & Warnings - Cursing, angst, pregnancy, acceptance, distance, love, slight fluff(?)

✧.* Summary - Y/N remembers the life she had with Johnny. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the beauty. After a while of being a young single mother, she finally realizes that in order to move on, she needs to accept her past.

✧.* Extra - FINISH ME JOHNNY also I'm bad at summaries... also "D/N" means daughters name :3

✧.* Word Count - 1,884

Y/N hated reminiscing on her past with Johnny cause if she thought about the good things that happened, she also had to think about the bad things. She hated thinking about the ugly part of their relationship. Every time he was upset with her, she felt like she failed him as a girlfriend and a person in general. Every time she was upset with him, he felt like the shittiest man on earth. Their arguments didn't make things any better.

But even through all the tears, anger, and arguments, Y/N loved Jonathan more than anything in the world. Johnny Cage was just his persona that all of Hollywood knew, but in her arms, he was just Jonathan Carlton. He had no issue with it either. People described Johnny as a sarcastic actor who wanted all of the attention on him, but not in Y/N's eyes. In her eyes, Jonathan was a loving man who was nothing like what the people said.

Y/N still remembers the night they met. They met on Venice Blvd on a summer night which was lit up by the cars passing by and the street lights. Y/N wasn't at her best when they met. She felt like everyone was out to get her and life was treating her unfairly. She couldn't help but cry at the fact that her life was going downhill. Johnny saw her sitting on the sidewalk and felt like he needed to do somethin in order to cheer her up, or get to the bottom of why she was so upset.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" Y/N heard a deep voice ask her. Y/N looked over her shoulder and saw a handsome man that she recognized.

"Oh... I know you. You're Johnny Cage," she smiled a bit "My little brother loves your movies." Johnny smiled at the recognition, but he ignored his pride and ego to make sure the woman in front of him was okay.

"Are you okay?" he gently asked her.

"Oh, I'm fine. Thank you." She said while wiping a tear away, but she wasn't fine and Johnny knew this.

"Well, if you were fine, you wouldn't be sitting alone on the sidewalk, crying at night," he sat next to her and took a good look at her face. She was gorgeous. Johnny was taken aback by how stunning she was. Even though her face was full of tears, slightly puffy lips, and she was feeling very vulnerable, she still looked like an angel according to Johnny. "Come on pretty lady," he commented "hit me. What's up?"

Y/N looked at him and realized that he actually wanted to listen to her. She looked down at the road in front of her and couldn't get her reasoning for feeling miserable. She managed to say one vowel before breaking down crying. Y/N was never good at expressing her bad emotions. Especially sadness. Before she can say anything while she's crying, her throat closes up and her mind just keeps telling her to cry.

Johnny furrowed his eyebrows, feeling concerned and bad for her. He gently guided her head on his shoulder and let her cry it out. It was the least he could do. He knew he couldn't force her to tell him what was wrong.

From that day forward, was a beautiful, blossoming relationship. Johnny would contact Y/N any way he could to get her to hang out with him and sometimes his friends. Y/N only liked hanging out with Johnny. She didn't like his friends. They were all so aggressive and she never understood why Johnny would hang out with people like them. Whenever Johnny and Y/N would hang out with his friends, she would watch them hit each other "playfully" and spew insults, while Johnny just watched and drank beers.

Throughout the whole relationship, Y/N was there for Johnny. No matter what he did, she was always there. When he would practice martial arts with someone, she was there to heal the wounds. When he was drunk after a party, she was there to help him sober up. When he was having any trouble, she was there for him. And that's one thing that Johnny always acknowledged.

Johnny admired how strong Y/N was. She was always there for him even if he managed to fuck up. He realized that Y/N was actually in love with him and not after his fame. For the first time in a good while, he had someone who was willing to be there for him. She wasn't like his ex who would point out his every flaw or his friends who would just mess around for the fun of it. She was a unique woman who managed to capture his heart.

Their relationship seemed perfect. Both Johnny and Y/N believed there was nothing in the world that would pull them apart! Which was what Y/N believed. When they hit their 3 year anniversary, that's when things started to go downhill. The more Johnny started to fuck up, the more tired Y/N was getting. She developed a bad habit of trying to make excuses for him. She hated it. She hated hearing him say "I'm sorry baby, I'll change for you." Every time he would say that, it was like nails to a chalkboard. Every time he would say that, she knew he was bullshitting. He never changed.

Y/N believed that his Johnny Cage persona was taking over. She didn't recognize her Jonathan Carlton. The same man who was there for her on Venice Blvd. He used to be so kind and welcoming to her. She never understood what happened to that man. Every time he would make her cry, she just wanted to disappear. From him, from herself, and from the world. Y/N believed that Johnny made her cry more than she cried when she was a kid. Every time he made her cry, she wondered what she did to deserve the treatment he was giving her.

'Is it me? Am I not pretty enough?'

'Is he talking to someone new?'

'Am I too possesive?'

'Is he tired of my jealousy?'

(Granted, Johnny never talked to any woman in any way. He never cheated on Y/N because he thought cheating were for weak and ugly people.)

Whenever Johnny found Y/N crying because of him, he would feel like complete shit. He hated making her feel that way, but he didn't understand why he kept unknowingly doing it.

When the relationship ended, it felt like both Y/N's and Johnny's world were crashing down. Johnny knew the day was gonna come, but he never knew when. He begged her to stay and try to remember all of the good times they had, but Y/N just wasn't having it. Johnny still remembers what she told him that made him realize it was all his fault.

"No, I'm done. For years I've been defending you not for the public, but for me. I would give myself multiple reasons not to be mad at you and try to figure out... everything, but all you did was make things worse! I'm tired and honestly, I've been tired. Of you, the fame, and everything. I tried to make things right with you and it seemed like you didn't want to."

What she told him on that day, will forever be engraved in his head. He lost the love of his life on that day.

Y/N didn't want to leave, but she had no choice. Even when she walked out those doors, she still loved him. Even though she was upset, she still wanted to run back into his arms for one last moment of comfort. But she held herself back, which she both hated and was proud of herself for.

What Y/N didn't know was when she was walking out of Johnny's life, she was entering a new one. She was pregnant with Johnny's baby and she didn't even know it, neither did he! When she did find out, part of her thought her life was ruined, but the other part thought this was a new start for her. She wanted to get rid of it but decided against doing so since she believed she would live to regret not taking advantage of the chance to become a mother.

When she had the baby, it was a living hell for her. She had family that helped her out, but the person that she needed was Johnny. She needed Johnny on her side, but she couldn't just show up on his doorstep randomly and give him the baby. She hated the fact that she still missed him. She let that hate consume her and pledged to do motherhood on her own without "that low-life Hollywood scum" in her life. Even though deep down, she knew she needed him back.

A few years forward, Y/N managed to get a beautiful home with her beautiful daughter and two adorable Siamese and Siberian cats. She was doing well in life. The new city she lived in was just as beautiful as Venice. She loved her life. She loved her daughter, she loved her cats, she loved her home, and she loved... her Johnny. Y/N accepted the fact that she will always love Johnny and in order to move on from her "hatred" she had to accept she had a life with him.

Every time she looked at her daughter, she saw a bit of Johnny in her. Which made her smile every time. From time to time, Y/N regrets the fact that she never tried to get in contact with Johnny to tell him about their daughter.

"Mommy, you got a letter!" D/N said. Her voice made Y/N snapped out of her thought bubble. She grabbed the letter and realized the handwriting on the envelope.

'No... is it really him?'

She grabbed a knife to open the envelope. Every second it took for her to open the letter, her heart began to pound harder. When she finally opened it, she felt like crying. It really was him.

'Dear Y/N, I know it's been years since we've even seen each other. A lot has changed since you've been gone. I went on this wild adventure that I'd love to tell you about someday. If you even want to meet up. The last time we spoke was a depressing day and I understand if there is still hard feelings there. Anyway, I got in contact with one of your cousins and they told me that you're now a mom! Congratulations! I asked about the father, but they wanted to keep that private which I understand. The only thing they told me was that he was out of your daughter's life. I hope you're doing well in life. If there is any trouble, don't be afraid to contact me (XXX-XXX-XXXX). There's so much that I want to discuss with you, but again if there are still hard feelings, I understand. I hope this letter reaches you. The last thing I want to tell you is that, no matter what happens, I will always be there for you.

Sincerely, Jonathan Carlton"

˖◛. *. ⋆ Vanilla Speaks

RUSHED ENDING WOMP WOMP

also I was too lazy to proof-read so, oops

im back i think... idk i'll write if i feel like it tbh

[deramin2]

I don't know how to really express this except to come across as a "kids these days" scold, but so much of the criticism of queerness in Good Omens would simply not be a thing if kids these days watched more 20th century queer media. Or more complex indie queer media in general.

People seem to want a show that's like the straight stories they grew up with but gay. Or the gay fanfiction they grew up with. But that's not really the tradition it's coming from. First off the novel was released in 1990. Queer film classics of the time are Dead Poet's Society (1989) and Torch Song Trilogy (1988). The TV miniseries Tales of the City (1993) wasn't made until 3 years later and it was so far out there it never had a huge audience. Philadelphia (1993) is also 3 years out and was basically the first big studio queer film. The first fluffy queer Hallmark-style romcom wasn't until Big Eden in 2000, a full 10 years after publication.

Queer stories from the time it was written were about complex and often fraught relationships between people who the world was trying to force apart. There is an incredibly strong tradition in queer films of relationships with no guarantees they will work out both in the face of their personal baggage and the weight of the world. Take a film like Torch Song Trilogy that's about the two great loves of Arnold Beckoff's life over 9 years and how homophobia shapes them. Both externally (especially Allen) and internally like Ed struggling with his bisexuality and being terrified of being publicly out. Written and starred in by Harvey Fierstein, who identified as a gay man at the time and only came out as nonbinary last year.

The Boys In The Band (1968 play, filmed 1970 and 2020) was a monumental moment in Broadway history where finally there was a play about gay men in their own words where no one died and very strongly showed that homosexuality doesn't make people miserable but homophobia sure does. But that homophobia also throws their personal lives into constant turmoil and none of them are in happy relationships, although Hank and Larry are devoted to each other in their own fucked up way.

"Relationships are complicated and hard to make work and sometimes a struggle against the odds" is an aesthetic of classic queer film making. Partly it was influenced by the Hays Code (although independent films were not bound to it), partly influenced by the rampant queerphobia in society at the time that was inescapable. But it's also an aesthetic choice to resist the banal and unrealistic relationship depictions of straight media. There are actual stakes to the relationship. Queer people were actively resisting a world that said "Romance is seeing someone across the room and instantly falling in love with each other and little conflicts happen along the way but ultimately they're destined to be together and everything is happily ever after." Recall that "stalking as romance" was a completely inescapable trope in 1980s straight romance films, and every goddamn movie was being turned into a romance film.

So queer people in film and television when they can make what they please have a long tradition of saying instead "People don't always realize the feelings they've developed for a queer partner right away. They may have reasons for denying those feelings that are both a reflection of the cruelty in society and of their own insecurities. People struggle with where they belong and their relationships reflect that. Loving someone doesn't mean they don't also drive you crazy and you might fight with them constantly. But that doesn't negate the love or that feeling that even if things aren't okay, they're better with that person around. But maybe that person can't stay around. The world may be against you. And also maybe you don't just want that one person in your life. Soulmates is a very flawed model. Sometimes the strongest love is a struggle with yourself and the world and your person. You have to overcome yourself first. Happily ever after is a lie. You may be happy for a while, and hopefully for a long while, but everything ends. And you have to be ready to love again. Also your platonic bonds are just as important and life-altering as your romantic ones. Sometimes those platonic bonds include fucking if you want them to. Real life isn't a bunch of platitudes and world-altering moments, it's daily work to better yourself and the world around you. Especially when things just fucking suck. But also remember to have fun and fuck the haters. People who don't support you can eat rocks and you should yell at them more to shut the fuck up."

That is a fundamentally different outlook on what a "good relationship depiction" looks like. Personally, I thought I hated romance movies and then I started watching queer romance movies and discovered I love them and watch them all the time. Because it turns out what I hated was relationships being shown that had nothing at all to do with reality and privileged incredibly toxic ideals. Finally there was complexity, there were stakes, and there were people who had to truly want to be together enough to fight the world for it and not because they happened to be there. There were people actually talking out their problems and looking for resolutions. (And sometimes that resolutions was "I can't fucking deal with this bullshit anymore and I'm out.") For the first time it felt real.

I'm an aroace trans gay man. Nothing about relationships or being in relationships has come easy to me, and the whole paradigm of straight patriarchal romance depictions makes absolutely no sense to me. It's completely alien. Queer romance stories actually feel human.

And that's the tradition Good Omens is coming from, even as it's being retold in 2019-2023 and hopefully beyond. Gaiman's work has always been based in that queer media paradigm. (I've been remiss and daunted and haven't read Pratchett but from what I do know his work also seems to sit more in that world view.) It's a beautiful cinematic tradition and it's baffling to me that people would resist it instead of embracing it for being honest.

And that's when I turn into a crotchety old man complaining about the youth not connecting with the history of their beautiful culture and instead begging for assimilation into a shithole allocishet media landscape that doesn't actually want them except for their money and has nothing at all interesting or valuable to say. But it's very funny (annoying) to me when people claim Good Omens is someone against queer culture when it's so thoroughly bathed in the best of queer media's storytelling traditions and what people are asking for is straight media with the serial numbers filed off. Like, stop being boring please and know literally anything about the culture the adults in the room lived through and were influenced by. The world didn't begin in 2015.

EDIT: I also want to add that in straight media arcs are linear. Traditionally in queer media arcs are cyclical. Queer media very often depicts people going around in circles relearning the same lesson over and over as they inch towards it sinking in. But every time they go through the cycle they gain just a little bit more enlightenment and slowly move towards a better place. From the comments this is an immensely important distinction. People don't actually have cathartic moments where suddenly all their past bad programming is shed and they saunter forward a new person with none of their old baggage. In reality people fall into the same patterns over and over even though they have had every opportunity to learn better. "People magically get better" is a trope of straight media that's an outright and frankly dangerous lie. Again, Good Omens follows the queer tradition not the straight one and it's depicted 6,000 years of that cycle. The world didn't end, and the wheel keeps turning, as it always has and always will. That's so fundamental to queer storytelling traditions I forgot to even mention it.

[mistressroxielove]

Hey everyone~ I'm back, and this time with a new fixation!

Long story short, I've discovered the new Fairly Oddparents reboot, absolutely loved it and was inspired to make this AU idea for the show! With a slight reimagine/redesign of the characters as well. And the first one I decided to do was Peri!

Here's some more info about my AU:

Fairly Odd Parents AU/Rewrite

Au Name: FairlyOdd Brother

Summary:

Perri (previously known as Poof) recently graduated from Fairy Godparents School and is eager to start granting Wishes for his very own godchild! Only problem is that with his lack of experience Jorgen is weary of giving him an assignment and keeps finding excuses/reasons to not give him a godkid. Realizing it might be a 1,000 years before they give him a chance to be a Fairy Godparent, Perri decides he needs to be a little bold and perhaps, bend Da Rules, to get his foot in the door so to speak. And his answer comes to him from a new neighbor in his human home, a family with a sweet shy 10 year old girl who is absolutely miserable. Perhaps Perri might be able to offer this girl a little comfort and fun as her new Fairy Godbrother!?

(Basically the same premise of the show, except Perri’s first godchild is Hazel, and through a technicality in the rule book, becomes her god brother instead of her godparent.)

ALSO please note this AU is more of a slight reimagine of the original show, meaning I did tweaked / changed some of the characters personality to match the new story I made for them. Nothing majorly different, but again just a heads up before you read on. Hope you like it~

Name: Hazel Wells

Age: 10

Sex: Female

Physical Description: 

Basically the same as the show's design, I slightly changed her shirt to become a sweater with a turtleneck. I sorta did that by accident when drawing her, but I ended up really liking the look and thought it matched the semi new personality I gave her so I kept it. 

Personality: 

-Hazel is a very sweet and kind person with some quirky interest, more or less similar to the canon version of her in the show

-The big difference between my Hazel and the shows is that she’s much more shy and awkward than in the actual show

-Feeling very out of place in a new city/school with her brother off at college and her parents working much more than usual has left the poor girl more shy and anxiety ridden than usual. 

-She still likes rocks and manga like in the show, but in her old school she was bullied and made fun of for her interest, so she’s more shy/embarrassed to admit what she likes

-But she still tries to be a good person and do the right thing whenever she can, just again she hindered by her shyness and fear of being bullied and made fun of, just wants to fit in and be an average kid

Other fun facts:

-Was bullied a lot in her last school, her parents and teacher tried to help her but despite their best effort it did little to stop the problem. It wasn’t until her older brother Anthony started to walk her to and from school that helped deter the other bullies from picking on her. Though Anthony meant well for helping his little sister, his method of helping her did little to teach Hazel how to actually stand up for herself and how to deal with bullies in general. Now without him around and her parents busy with their work, she is unintentionally thrown into a new situation with no social skills on how to defend herself from other people or how to even make any friends (she didn’t really have any of those back home). But perhaps with the help of a certain periwinkle fairy she might be able to learn to socialize and how to defend herself from bullies, and hopefully become just an average kid with friends and learn to thrive in the new city. 

-Essentially Peri is the one to teach and encourage her to be more bold, as he’s the one to really get her to make wishes freely and to try new things and to teach her to not be afraid of anyone or anything, slowly with his help she becomes more and more like the canon version of Hazel in the show. As Peri ends up being a good role model to her.   

Short summary of how she ended up with Peri:

Moving into a new city feeling all alone. Since her parents are excited to be here with both of them finally getting their dream jobs, Hazel tries to act ‘mature’ about the situation and tries to put on a brave face for her parents. But in reality is having a hard time in her new environment, as she finds herself in a new school and too shy to make friends, let alone talk to anyone. The only person talking to her is Dev who is supposedly ‘famous’ or something. (she doesn’t recognize him and doesn’t really acknowledge him, much to Dev’s surprise). 

If that wasn’t bad enough her parents are working much more at their new jobs and have essentially left her to be watched by the neighbor next door, a strange though friendly guy named Peri. She and Peri get along okay, and she’s mostly pushed through with the reminder that her brother will be visiting this weekend, and surely once she talks to him she’ll know everything will be just fine.

But things fall apart when being watched by Peri she gets a call from her brother stating due to the weather he won’t be able to visit this week and won’t be able to come up until at least his next break, Which is a couple months away! Distraught by this news Hazel prepares to pack up and leave to try and somehow get to her brother on her own, only to be stopped by her ‘babysitter’ who tries to reason with her and talk her out of it. Despite his usually persuasive ways she’s simply too upset to think straight and in a fit of frustration wishes she could just fly to Anthony. Which, similar to the actual show's first episode, causes Peri to turn her into a fly!  

The part of the episode happens similar to the original first episode, with Peri trying to get Hazel home before her parents come back from their work. He eventually does but again similar to the first episode Hazel gets stuck in a venus fly trap as Peri tries to get her to wish to turn back into her original form. After the talk with the ant Hazel realizes her mistake and finally wishes to become human again before her parents could discover what went wrong.

After the commotion, Hazel goes to Peri’s apartment to question who he is and what the heck just happened. Peri tries to deny it but during their conversation he realizes that technically speaking…..Hazel did have good and caring parents. They weren’t the reason why she was sad and miserable, she was miserable because her brother wasn’t with her anymore and she desperately missed him. And technically speaking, there was no rule or need to ask Jorgen or the fairy council to become a kids Godbrother. He only needed their permission to be a Godparent. And besides……..he more than understood the feeling of missing a big brother.

After talking and realizing just how miserable this poor girl was, Peri decides to take a gamble and formally introduce himself to her as her new Fairy Godbrother! In similar fashion to how he introduced himself to Dev in the original show. Making a promise to take Hazel from being a shy and scared girl into a brave and bold kid with lots of fun and magic along the way. 

Hazel, after the smoke and glitter shimmers away for the first time, feels pure joy at the sight, and for the first time feels confident and even excited for the future, and what this city and the people have to offer her! 

Sooooo ya, tell me what you guys think! Any questions or suggestions for the AU I would love to hear, good to be back!

Previous - Next

[bimir]

it's not something strange or unique to say that after the last haikyuu movie, most of us got into it again, but at the same time, I know for sure that I'm not the only one who benefits the most from this re...union.

I went to see the haikyuu movie alone, and at first, it didn't hit me that much. maybe it was because I couldn't help but wonder how much I would have enjoyed it with my best friend, but we are grown-ups now and long distance.

after a couple of days, the internet was full of haikyuu content again, just like during lockdown, and because of that, I also got into it again and realized how much of a masterpiece it is.

haikyuu is well known, but in my opinion, it is underestimated and categorized by others as just a silly volleyball-sport anime. it saddens me so much that there are so many people who will never get to embrace this piece of art.

Furudate not only created a coming-of-age story, a story that inspired and still inspires generations to fight for their dreams, to engage in the complex mess of relationships, teamwork, and partnerships. haikyuu teaches you that if you really do have a dream, and if you are really ambitious, if you work hard for it, your time will come too. but it also teaches you that not choosing to be great is not a tragedy; your dreams of what a good life means can be different from the ideals of others: "life is unfair, but damn it, at the same time, it is really fair too."

so why did I go on writing about this? because I can't comprehend how haikyuu manages to be there for me at the best time—or the worst, better said—how it really took its "comfort anime" title seriously for me. I started haikyuu in my last year of high school: extremely stressed, depressed, and anxious, so scared of what the upcoming end would mean for me that I'd tricked myself into living by coming to the conclusion that I'd simply not make it to 18 if I didn't see a future for myself. it seemed only fair and the universe would do its thing, no? I know, kinda depressing and triggering, but it did help that miserable me then, it did help but not in the way I prayed it would. the universe didn't send me "death," it sent me life and hope through haikyuu. feeling so empty, so bland for such a long time, haikyuu managed to make me laugh and cry. it doesn't sound like much, but real ones know what I'm talking about. seeing their connection, their ambition, the troubles and feelings I was so desperate to put into words right in front of me saved me from my misery. I began to wish to live, to wish to be like them, to wish to fight, to wish to connect again with people.

now, after almost 4 years, I'm in my last year of uni. the main reason for my depression back then in high school was because I didn't know what to do with my life, what uni and career to choose. hell, I didn't know I would take this path until last autumn, but here I am, on my way to becoming a teacher. it's hard, really hard, but right now, after the new movie, I finally committed to start and finish the manga even though I knew bits and pieces of what happens. it was the best time to read it now. over these 3-4 years, I pondered why I couldn't start getting into the manga and see for myself what happens, but damn it was the best time to read it now. seeing them go all out on their path, learning that in order to succeed you need to fight and fight and fight, to push through, to overcome your limits, to push yourself, to not take it easy if you really want it, came at the best time as I got into a slump and a burnout from learning too much but also not learning enough. I've got to see all of the characters continuing to be pros while fighting for their way, but also choosing to let go of something they once loved in order to live a normal life.

haikyuu is like a reminder that there is more to life than just your high school/childhood years, that your path could take a 180-degree turn at any point, but at the same time, it makes you appreciate those times and not want to sweep your childlike wonder, your growth, and mistakes under a rug. Furudate was a genius for creating haikyuu, and I really hope and pray that haikyuu will continue to be there, to comfort and save future generations until the end of time.

[blainehasregrets]

Red and Blue in Glee

Of course red and blue is the Most obvious symbolism in the world, but this is something I think gives a lot of insight to the character’s motivations in Glee that not a lot of people point out!

Glee often used these two colors to show opposing forces, or when used together, a character being conflicted/in the middle of something. This concept is introduced in the Pilot, with Vocal Adrenaline performing in all blue during Rehab, while the New Directions are dressed in red during Don’t Stop Believing (and okay yes that’s a picture of Vocal Adrenaline from Theatricality, it was impossible to get a good screenshot of Rehab. Same thing.). And though I’m not sure it was always the case, I feel like blue was occasionally used to symbolize a sense of teamwork and “sameness” (as Vocal Adrenaline were a well oiled, well choreographed show choir machine in matching competition outfits) while red was meant to convey a sense of individuality (a small group of outcasts/underdogs coming together in different outfits that reflect each of their personalities).

And of course this isn’t like…a constant rule throughout the show either, because blue and red are just a striking combination in general, so of course sometimes its just used because it looks good together! Like they all pretty much wear red during Valentine's episodes just because it's Valentine's day lol and after all, red is just a part of McKinley’s school colors, and the football team and Cheerios aren’t exactly shining examples of individuality.

I explained a little here how blue and red could be used in cases whether the characters understand each other and if the character’s are on the same page or not, for example, here with Quinn and Rachel during I Feel Pretty/Unpretty.

An episode that uses this to aide the story visually is The Rhodes Not Taken. During Maybe This time, Rachel, in an outfit completely opposite of April’s to highlight the differences between them, performs the song against red and blue lights/curtains. While she initially believes Sandy's play is her chance to shine after being denied a solo in the New Directions, it's a decision she quickly regrets because of how miserable and isolating it is. Her conflicting thoughts continue to be illustrated both in the bowling scene with Finn where she wears a blue and red sailor collar t-shirt as Finn tries to convince her to come back to the club, and in the bathroom scene with April, where she is again their differences are highlighted.

Eventually, Rachel does end up going back to the New Directions, because she does value the group (and I think, despite popular opinion that Rachel is "the most selfish person in the show", she spends all of season 1 proving how much she cares about and wants the group to succeed) and she wants to find a place where she belongs. It's not even that Sandy was just an asshole director, she felt incredibly lonely. In Mattress, Rachel tries to comfort herself by telling herself it's lonely at the top and she has to expect to be disappointed, but it's obviously not something she actually wants for herself and it comes from a naive place that she still needs to unlearn. Rachel, along with the fact that she is incredibly ambitious, is also a person who needs people, and the end of this episode is her taking one more step towards realizing that as she joins the New Directions, dressed in blue during Somebody To Love. Both to contrast the pink of April's outfit with the New Directions dressed in black as her glorified backup dancers, and to show them coming together as a group of people who want the same thing.

In Preggers, Kurt wears a red sweater with a blue tank top and sweatband to tryout for the football team. It’s not that Kurt is necessarily conflicted about who he is, but in this episode he blends who he is (the Single Ladies dance), and who he thinks his dad wants him to be (Football player).

The most obvious example of the red and blue being used as a halfway point is in the Dalton uniform. Even though I could explain the reasons why Blaine (and Kurt) leaving Dalton was inevitable, but! -> 👔 Their ties tell you everything you need to know! “It makes no sense Blaine left his rich private school for his high school boyfriend” but the symbolism spells it out for you! Dalton, with its red and blue tie, is a temporary place for Kurt and Blaine.

In Duets, as Kurt makes the final decision of whether or not he should duet with Sam, he’s wearing a blue sweater since he ultimately decides to put the team’s needs above his own wants. Sam, on the other hand, after telling Finn he’s going through with the duet with Kurt, wears a blue shirt with a blue and red target on it. When he’s splattered with a red slushie that Quinn helps him clean up immediately after, it represents his new choice for a duet partner. So, besides the obvious meaning behind the target on Sam's shirt being used to show he'll be harassed if he duets with Kurt, the print takes on a new meaning as his character is now inbetween Kurt and Quinn. (Even their outfits! Kurt’s sweater is blue and Quinn’s cheerio uniform is red.)

Though I’m sure he would have gone through with the duet with Kurt had Kurt not “set him free” since Sam said himself he had no intention to back out, the slushie itself shows this is something beyond his control. Both because of interference from Finn and because of the societal pressures that are going to put a stop to this duet between him and Kurt. (also I just made that up right now)

He continues to wear red and blue plaid when he tries to convince Quinn to duet with him, and for most of their relationship, Sam wears blue because 1) it just looks nice next to Quinn’s red uniform 2) I personally felt they were never really on the same page in their relationship as early as Duets. This is evident when Sam points to a planet and says it’s Venus, the planet of love, which Quinn corrects to tell him it's Mars, planet of war.

In The Purple Piano Project, Blaine comes to school in bright red pants, and his first solo at McKinley as a student is backed up by the Cheerios in their bright red uniform. Blaine’s now officially a member of the New Directions, his red pants representing that new sense of individuality as he’s finally becoming a character of his own, rather than an almost representation of Dalton from season 2. (I also think his striped bow tie’s a nod to the Dalton tie, but obviously more “him”.)

Anyways, what's the point of this post? Though glee is not the most thought provoking show in the world for most people (unless you’re insane like me), I do think some level of effort was put into it, and maybe something like this could help give a better understanding to a character's thought process when it's conveyed visually through the color of their clothes. For instance, related to the above paragraph, I think there’s a misconception that Blaine’s character solely revolved around Kurt, as if that was a writing mistake. While it isn’t totally untrue that Blaine had many plots with Kurt (after all every character serves its purpose, and Blaine’s was to be Kurt’s boyfriend), I also believe that line of thinking misses the times Blaine is so obviously shown to be a character of his own, making decisions of his own. For instance, transferring to McKinley is something he chose to do and was set up in the very episode we met him when he tells Kurt he felt as if he ran away from his problems (and that itself is a consistent trait of Blaine's, he tends to run away from his problems) Similarly to how he says he's “100% gay” in Blame It On The Alcohol, that is something he alone decided, given he ends his previous conversation with Kurt earnestly telling him that Kurt can't control him (something that was also consistent with Kurt’s character) and that whatever happens (which in the end, it's him confidently declaring he's gay when Rachel kisses him sober), it's because he came to that conclusion solely on his own.

These things are reflected in the writing, the framing, and even sometimes the wardrobe. And so, when Blaine chooses to change schools to be with Kurt, when he’s wearing pants that symbolize his independence as a character of his own, I think the fact that his first choice of song to sing towards Kurt, It's Not Unusual whose lyrics are basically “if I see you with anyone else, I’ll DIE :)” tells us something about who his character is. Whether you want to take it at face value that Blaine is someone who’s incredibly driven by love, to the point of possessiveness (which we see in Dance With Somebody or New New York) and willing to transfer from a prestigious private school to a shitty public one, or to show he can be oblivious and often times picks a song with lyrics that are hilariously over the top or inappropriate for the situation (like When I Get You Alone. I love both interpretations and think both apply to his character) maybe it just means…that stuff is a part of his character and personality! Blaine being obsessed with Kurt and love to the point of changing schools for him (along with the fact that it’s something he had already stated he wanted to do) isn't a writing flaw, it's apart of his personality!

Finally, a couple more examples that I feel like don’t need explanations. Though you can always argue that all of these are simply because red and blue are just a visually pleasing color combination (I especially think the Born This Way screenshot was done more out of cohesion than anything, though Rachel is in between trying to figure out if she should have plastic surgery or not), I think you can still make the case that these are ways to show the character’s thoughts and emotions.

[mushroominaforest]

Why did wenda hit oren with the tennis racket

That seems rude

Okay so, I’m gonna give you a bunch of background lol. 

It’s very long sorry 😭 I’m also kinda bad with explaining stuff, so I’m just gonna say stuff and hope it’s coherent

Basically Wenda sees Pinki as her rival, since Pinki’s also pretty popular. Wenda has of course been an asshole to Pinki to try and bump her down a few spots on the social ladder, which mostly consists of gossip/rumours and mean-spirited pranks. But she does have to be strategic about being a jerk to Pinki, because anything to obvious or too mean could have people turning against her. 

Oren on the other hand, is a much easier target. Wenda can get away with a lot more when it comes to him, and it’s a convenient way to indirectly hurt Pinki. And to be honest he’s just pretty easy to throw around in general lol. I mean, look at the height difference from my references. Bro doesn’t stand a chance. 

Most of this is curtesy of @letdownthepainful, we were messaging a while ago about my hs au and we were cooking fr lol.

I’m bad with words but uh have some screenshots that might give more context lol

While the bullying is partly to try and reinforce the social ladder she’s so carefully made her way to the top of, and make sure everyone knows she isn’t one to be fucked with, Wenda is also essentially trying to break Pinki and Oren up. Either she’ll make Oren miserable enough that he’d rather be single than have to deal with Wenda, or she’ll finally prove to Pinki just how pathetic her boyfriend is, so she won’t like him anymore. Wenda can’t stand to see Pinki being happy, not to mention that Pinki being able to get a date while Wenda can’t could possibly effect her social status. And she can’t have that.

And then there’s the issue of Wenda being elitist. Because she’s very rich, and Oren is not, she doesn’t really think that his life is as valuable as hers. So Wenda doesn’t feel bad about what she does- that’s just how the world works, in her opinion. Its the pecking order, like @letdownthepainful said.

Here’s another image to help explain this all, Oren from Wenda’s POV

So yeah, pretty good target for someone like Wenda. He’s not very strong, not very tall, and not very rich.

Unfortunately for Wenda, she can’t seem to bully Oren hard enough to ruin his relationship with Pinki. And believe me, she tries. The more frustrated she gets with Oren still happily dating Pinki no matter what she does, the more extreme she gets with her bullying. And by the time Oren realizes that she might actually be genuine threat, not just a regular old highschool bully…

Tennis racket to the face!

[hauntingjasper]

Well, in many comics and even episodes of AT Fionna was shown having a crush on Gumball.

I wonder if he ignored her or just didn't understand her somewhat obvious signals.

How did it end? Was it like Princess Bublegum with Finn? She gave up when she found out he was gay???

I imagine Cake as the good friend who is trying to help, but fails miserably lol

I wondered if Marshall got jealous watching that...

Well... tell us your head canon

Bahafhhfaskha I love this ask

Honestly I haven't put too much thought into that, mainly because I tend to forget that Fionna also had a crush on PG lol Her crush on him just seems to be less intense to me idk (⁠・⁠∀⁠・⁠)

I did think about keeping that aspect of their relationship tho, just because I thought it was sweet. My version of Fionna isn't a child so I don't worry too much about their age gap

Gumball is just... Gumball. I think he'd be oblivious at first and compare her behavior to the candy people's, they're also kinda clingy and cherish his attention, so he thought she was just seeing him as someone she can rely on.

Not sure how she'd put out those feelings.. Maybe Gumball starts gently rejecting her advances once he finally realizes she might have a crush on him and Fionna just accepts it (aka she cried on her pillow later but she's good), maybe she drops the idea after Gumball temporarily becomes a child (Tiny Gumball I miss you) and she spends enough time with him while she's a young adult for her feelings to change direction, or maybe Gumball says something that makes her see him in a different light, whether it's about his sexual orientation or something she didn't know/didn't realize about him in general.

Cake trying to help is really funny, she'd basically do what she did in the first Fionna and Cake episode, but after failing so many times and almost pulling her fur out at how oblivious Gumball is, I like to think she'd take a better look at him and go "this guy is definitely not straight". Gumball can be pretty private about his life so he wouldn't clear it up right away, nor would they ask right away, they'd just go back and forth with their own assumptions while Gumball is just there making pastries.. plus Fionna's gaydar sucks

And Marshall Lee… This dipshit is looking her straight in the eye and going “yeah you go girl you can do it 😁” just to have a laugh. He actually used to feel jealous, though. I hc that before they became friends, Marshall didn't really like Fionna because of how close she was becoming to Gumball, but Fionna hated his guts too back then so they're even 👍

Now that they're friends, he just finds this situation hilarious

Here's a doodle of them for you bc I adore them sm I hope Fionna and Gary get to hang out more on season 2 🥹

[amethystfairy1]

It's been a few hours and I'm still feeling mildly crazy

I kind of want to reread everything right now but my sleep schedule wouldn't like that so...

Anyways, I cannot get "Seven Years Running" and the before- and aftermath out of my head

Practical questions before rants though: how would Gem be affected if she were to run out of magic strength? I assume it wouldn't be as bad as Scar has it seeing as he was basically incapable of supporting his own weight and staying concious?

Also, roughly how long will it take to get to the spirit well? (I think that's what it's called... the thing in Elven Territory where elves can recharge) Because right now I'd say Scar needs to get there asap but also it's still a ways away from Silversvale if my mental map is right, and they haven't even reached that yet

But yeah to the rant I'm kind of insane about the entire thing, but that part (Seven Years Running) specifically just gets to me

Especially the fact that everything went wrong just like that. Like, we killed the Duke, were comforting the birb, everything was fine and dandy, and then it was like helplessly watching a series of ever-larger dominoes knock the next over until it culminated in that "Not you" and my heart broke

It felt a bit better after realising that, for Grian, this was amazing actually! Setting a boundary firmly, especially after the *gestures vaguely* everything, and not backsliding is such a good sight

I mean the "killing the Duke" part was amazing. "On the other side of the storm" is so well written, and so satisfying and I think there's two (metal) images that just- they just do it for me, y'know? I think they'll stick with me a while. First one is of Mumbo, bathed in shadows, casually pursuing Freemere without batting an eye (the shadows 'weeping' across the outer wall- like, how?? What?? That's so. Good.)

The second is Scar-as seen from outside the Swaggon (Swagon?)- holding Grian so gently, seeing Mumbo hesitate and glance up at him because he doesn't want to let his instincts take over, and then just... raising a hand to summon his magic and bury the duke alive

Like- it's so vivid and it's beautiful

Also probably one of the reasons I love Scar so much (what is it with me and guilty characters?? TTSBC Scott's my favourite and TT it's Scar and Martyn) (tbf they only overtake the others by a tiny amount) (but it's an interesting pattern)

Speaking of guilt... man, I'm so glad I didn't have to wait for that whole mess to get at least somewhat sorted (they're getting there, I believe) because I would've cried (even more)

It's so miserable because the more povs came up, the sadder it got... Mumbo was so confused and then upset, Gem was just confused and concerned in general, Pearl was going through a hell of a lot of emotions, Grian... Grian was going through that but in two different directions, and Scar was so out of it that he genuinely didn't even notice and then the ball dropped and- yeah. It was rough

I mean the fact that you managed to juggle around so many issues and viewpoints and still have it make sense is a crazy feat!! Super impressive

There's the rant- second one of the day, sorry about that lmao

At least this one's coherent

I LOOOOOOVE THIS KIND OF STUFF!

GIMME GIMME GIMME!

I love seeing people give me their play-by-plays of reading through my works, especially one of my favorites like Seven Years Running is! Thank you so much for this! I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much!!! Please don't apologize, I LOVE this sort of thing! Send more if ever you feel like it, they're soooo much fun!

(Edit: I just realized I didn't answer the questions I just got excited about the fun rants 😭 You're correct! Gem wouldn't be affected as badly as Scar if she ran out of magical strength, she would operate like a human in that case. She's also worked on her swordsmanship and strength to the point that she can still be very deadly even without the use of her magic! How long would it take to get to the Elven Spirit Well? That's spoilers my friend...but I will say it's not geographically super far, it's right inside the Elven Territory past the mountains!)

[dreadfulgentleman]

what's the story behind knowing & living with the director of meet the robinsons

Time for a long story. I cannot shorten it.

In 2014-2015, I was miserable. I was working at WDW in FL at the time and going through the worst depression of my life. Everything bad that could have happened to me seemed to hit all at once. Losing my fiancee, losing housing, dealing with significant trans-related dysphoria, having work-related issues, having complications with unsupportive relatives, etc. The only thing keeping me going was the movie "Meet the Robinsons". More specifically, it was the character Bowler Hat Guy and the 'keep moving forward' quote that provided a crutch for me as I hung onto life by a single thread. Things came to a head when I thought seriously of taking my own life. I remember being in that moment, going through all the questions in my head of what would happen if I made that choice: What would happen to my stuff? What would my family think? What would happen at work? None of the answers to those questions mattered to me at all. It wasn't until I arrived at the very last question I asked myself that something changed. I asked myself, "If I could choose, what would I put on my tombstone?" Immediately my mind said, "Well, Keep Moving Forward, of course." But no sooner had I said that did I realize the irony of those words. How could I put those words on my tombstone and yet also take my own life? It made no sense. I thought, "What would the director think if I did that?" So I made the decision to put the knife down.

Several months later, I was dressed as Bowler Hat Guy to a Halloween party at Magic Kingdom. Someone came up to me very excitedly explaining that they were so happy to find someone who knew what MTR was. We laughed together and quoted the movie to each other and generally had a silly interaction based on fandom-sharing. Until suddenly she came right up close to me and said, "No, you don't understand, my cousin is the one who directed that movie." Well, of course, I freaked out. Immediately I clasped my hands against her shoulders and told her he and that movie had literally saved my life. I begged her to put me in contact with him in order to thank him directly. She said she absolutely would. Several days later and sure enough, there's the director in my inbox talking to me. I was starstruck. I told him why Meet the Robinsons was so important to me--how it had literally saved my life. As it turned out, he and his family were going to be visiting WDW the following month so he offered to meet up at a starbucks to chat. I was over the moon.

That starbucks meeting was three hours long. The entire time was chatting about how the movie was made, how he felt about it, how I felt about it, etc. I'll never forget that the first thing I asked him was, "What's BHG drinking in the playtime planet cup?" to which Steve replied, "What do YOU think is in the cup?" When I told him I had always imagined it was chocolate milk, he said, "Well, then, I guess it's chocolate milk." It was both a kind and humble thing to say as well as frustrating because that meant there was no canon answer (Ha!).

We inevitably left starbucks that day but remained friends on social media. A few days later was Thanksgiving. Steve's wife Heather found out that I was going to be alone that day so she told Steve they should both go out to dinner with me. So I was promptly invited to a pizza place with just the both of them. That dinner ended up being five hours long--I suppose we just had that good of a time! I was awestruck by their generosity and kindness. They felt like the real Robinsons, being automatically welcoming, encouraging, and supportive. I felt inspired by them and I was overjoyed that they had taken the time out of their vacation to hang out. When I walked out to the parking lot with them, feeling awed and humbled by how incredibly nice these two people were, Heather said something to me that I'll never forget. They both knew by now how many terrible things had occurred in my life up until then. They knew how much the movie meant to me. Heather said, "Would you like to be an Anderson?" Naturally, I cried on the spot and said yes.

The question at the time had simply meant to be one of general support and encouragement. But little did we know what would be coming next.

I was invited out to their house the following spring. It was only meant to be a week-long visit to see what California was like (I had never been before). Well, we were having such a good time that I extended my trip another week....... and then another....... and then suddenly the question was asked: "Would you like to just move in?"

So I did. I packed up all my stuff in FL and drove my car to CA just to be in their tiny guest room. A fresh restart in life. I legally changed my middle name to "Yagoobian" and we often joke that the five hour pizza dinner on Thanksgiving was my adoption interview. (Though for clarity sake, I'm on good terms with my actual relatives and this situation isn't meant to be a literal adoption scenario. My blood family and the "Robinsons" get along very well)

We are now in a bigger house where I have my own upstairs apartment and life is extremely akin to a real life version of The Robinson household. We're all artists so Steve is still working on movies, Heather sews and sometimes works on costumes/cosplay with me, I make short films (that sometimes Steve and Heather both help me with), and we thoroughly enjoy picking apart movies that we all watch together. We most certainly discuss MTR regularly and really enjoy looking at fanart or reading headcanons online (although it's mostly Heather and I, especially on tumblr. Steve unfortunately cannot be told most headcanon things for legal reasons, but we show him fanart all the time). I'm calling her out right now so you can ask her Robinson things if you'd like :P -- @bowler-hat-gal

This scenario sounds stranger than fiction, I know. And it is. I would never have guessed I would be where I am now. I often feel like I'm in the timeline where BHG had taken up the offer to live in the Robinson Household, being given the chance to restart his life and be happy. And I AM happy. I'm really glad to have found the place that feels like home.

All I can say is I'm so glad I put down that knife.

I'm so glad I chose to Keep Moving Forward.