#also i miss having a friend i could snowboard with and joke in the style that we did

[skid-the-mighty-poet]

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #32

Victor

I spent the day with my lifelong best friends, Leo and Ellie, and it was amazing, but also kind of bittersweet.

I love Ellie and Leo so much, and I've missed being with them ever since I moved to Mt. Komorebi. Growing up, we were always together. In fact, the first time we were ever apart was when Ellie went to university, and even then, she was home on weekends, at Winterfest and in the summer, and Leo and I could always make the trip to Britechester to visit her if we wanted to.

When I took off to Mt. Komorebi, it was different. We really were separated then, and if I'd known how painful it was going to be, maybe I wouldn't have done it. And the worst part is, I didn't even understand just how much it would hurt until we were reunited. I know, that probably sounds stupid, but it's how I feel. I was super happy to have the team back together, but at the same time, I was sad because I didn't want to think about being away from them again.

Oh, In case I never mentioned it before, Leo is my cousin, and he’s only about three and a half months older than me. Ellie isn’t related to me, but we call each other cousins, too. She’s Julian’s daughter, and we basically grew up together. She’s exactly four months younger than me; my birthday is December second and hers is April second. We always joke that she barely missed being born on April Fool’s Day. Just like Ellie, to be slightly late for everything.

Ellie's tendency to habitually run five minutes behind schedule was the reason we all decided to meet at her house. Leo texted me after breakfast and said he'd pick me and Yuri up in his car, but it was a nice day, and I opted to ride my bike instead.

As it turned out, Yuri didn't want to join us. When I asked him why, he said he wasn't feeling well. I don't know if that was true or not, but if I were to guess, I'd say it's more likely he was anxious about hanging out with my friends for an extended period of time. Yuri's not antisocial or anything. The problem is, he knows my friends are loud, spontaneous and high energy, and he finds it stressful and exhausting to be around people like that for too long, especially if he's not well-acquainted with them. He'd do better with them one-on-one, I think.

Anyway, to my surprise, Ellie was ready when I got there, and it was Leo we had to wait for. According to him, he was trying to figure out how to fit his bike in the trunk of his car.

"You should've just rode it over here, dude," I told him.

"Couldn't," he said. "I'm going to need the car later."

I didn't ask him what for, but I was sure I'd find out sooner or later.

We agreed that Ellie and I would ride to Magnolia Blossom Park on our bikes, and Leo would meet us at the municipal parking lot across from the park. We'd do a little bike racing once we got there.

Before we left, we set up all our phones on the fence in front of Ellie's neighbour's house and put them on self-timer so we could take a bunch of silly photos of ourselves. Far be it from us to make serious memories. That's not our style.

I’m pleased to say, I haven’t lost any of my bike racing prowess, despite not having done it for a while. It’s not my best sport, but I guess you all know that. Still, I’m not bad at it, even if I say so myself.

Speaking of my best sport, Leo told me there’s already been snow on the mountains. I’m hoping we’ll see a decent snowfall while I’m here, so Yuri, Leo and I can go up there and get a few good runs in. I’m dying to show Yuri where I learned to snowboard. It may not seem like much compared to Yukimatsu, but I love it anyway. It was my first love, you could say, and it's where I'd trained for the Canada Winter Games.

It's hard to believe it's already been seven years since I won my Canada Games silver medal. That was my first really big win as an adult competitor, and it was the moment when I realized people other than my family, coach and friends would take me seriously as a professional athlete. It feels like it was only a short time ago that Mom, Julian, Ellie and Leo travelled out west with me and my coach to watch me compete and cheer me on. That's another one of my most wonderful memories with my friends.

Unfortunately, our bike racing only lasted as long as it took for us to annoy some old people who were playing chess and drinking lemonade at a table with a yellow and white striped umbrella. One old guy picked up his cane and waved it at us, and literally yelled at the top of his lungs, "Stop making so much noise!"

We cracked up laughing at the sheer irony of it. To be fair, we were making quite a lot of noise, but it's a public park and there's no law against having a good time. In the interests of not aggravating the elders to the point where they decided to call the park patrol on us, however, we wheeled our bikes over to the fence. Then, we retrieved a ball from Leo's car and started up a random game of soccer.

We played ball until we were starving and ready for a rest. Ellie spotted a hotdog vendor, so we all searched our pockets for money, and ran over to the food truck.

The food truck guy looked at us funny when we ordered nine hotdogs, but a paying customer is a paying customer, and he didn't complain. He just loaded all the hotdogs onto a Styrofoam plate, gave us some napkins, mustard packets and some extra plates to eat off of, and took our money without comment.

We found a picnic table in the shade and settled down to enjoy our lunch. Behind me, I could hear kids on the playground equipment, laughing and talking. Someone was cooking something in one of the public fire pits, and the smell of wood smoke and roasting food drifted in the air. I closed my eyes for a minute, wanting nothing more than to soak in every non-visual detail; longing to commit every sound, scent and sensation to my mind and aching a little because I knew there would be elements I could never recreate in my imagination no matter how hard I tried.

Ellie nudged my leg with hers, under the table. "Victor? You okay?"

"I'm good," I said, opening my eyes again. "Just thinking."

"You gotta be careful doing that," Leo said. "You could start a fire."

"Shut up, dumbass," Ellie said. "I think he's having a nostalgia moment or something."

"I kind of am having a nostalgia moment," I affirmed. "We used to come here all the time, and I don't know what it is about the hotdogs from food trucks, but they always taste the best. You can't get good hotdogs in Mt. Komorebi, and it's been like a million years since I've had any kind of hotdog at all, because Yuri can't eat them."

"The only hotdogs that are better than food truck ones are the ones cooked on campfires," Leo said.

"Exactly," I agreed. "Now that I think about it, I did have hotdogs during my trip to Sulani, back in late spring, so I guess it hasn't been that long. Maybe it's the company that makes them taste so great."

"How was that, anyway?" Ellie asked. "Sulani is on my list of places to go before I'm too old to enjoy it."

"It was fantastic," I said. "If you get a chance to travel, you should definitely do it. You'd love it."

"I don't know about her, but I'd love it," Leo said. "Kilometers of golden beaches and lots of cute girls in bathing suits? Yes, please."

"Ignore him," Ellie said. "Tell me about the cute boys in bathing suits."

I grinned at her. "Well, I was there."

"Shut up!" she kicked my foot. "I can't have you, can I? I meant the other cute boys."

"I have an idea, Ellie," Leo said. "We can go together, then there'll be at least one cute boy and one cute girl in bathing suits on the beach."

Ellie kicked him as well. "Can I get new friends, please?"

"Come on," I said. "You love us."

"Yeah, I do," she acquiesced. "Probably way more than I should."

"Victor, are you still planning to go to Selvadorada after Winterfest?" Leo wanted to know.

"That's the plan," I said. "Why?"

"Well, I had some thoughts about that."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow. "What thoughts would you have about me and my husband going to Selvadorada?"

"You can say no to this if you want," Leo said. "But, I was thinking we could turn it into a group adventure. When you first told us you were going, Ellie and I talked about it, and we thought it'd be fun if we all went."

"Really? You guys want to come to Selvadorada?"

"We wouldn't exactly come with you," Ellie said. "Not unless we both came to Mt. Komorebi first, or you and Yuri came back here. We were thinking that the four of us could arrange our travel plans together and meet up when we arrive."

"That..." I began, but had to stop and take a breath. "You guys... I would love that. You're serious, right? Please say you are, because I totally want to do this with you now."

"Of course we're serious," Ellie said.

"I'll talk to Yuri about it," I promised. "I think he'll agree, but let me ask him and get back to you. Then we can start organizing it."

"Sweet!" Leo exclaimed. "If you can't convince him, let me try to talk him into it. I'm very persuasive."

"I don't think that'll be necessary," I said.

"You'd probably scare him, Leo," said Ellie.

"Me?" Leo retorted "Like he wouldn't be scared of you?"

"He'd be nervous of both of you, acting like this," I said. "He needs to get to know you a little more. Let me see what he thinks of the group adventure, and if he's okay with it, maybe we can all do something he enjoys while we're here, so he can have a chance to get used to you."

"What's he into besides snowboarding?" Ellie asked.

"Music and art and history. He likes video games and movies, and one of our friends recently started teaching him how to knit, so he's been into that lately. And he can swim now, so there's that."

"If he likes art and history, maybe we can go to the museum," Ellie suggested. "It'd be boring as hell for us, but it'd be a low stress environment, and maybe we could go to the municipal pool afterwards."

"Great," I said. 'I'll ask him when I get back to Mom's house tonight."

"Sounds like we have a plan." Ellie gave us a thumbs-up.

We finished our hotdogs and then — I kid you not — we took a nap. The three of us laid on the cool grass under a tree, all heaped together in a pile of cuddles, and dozed off to the soft whispering rustle of leaves overhead.

These are my people, I thought, as I drifted off. The only other person in the world I could lie down with and sleep this close to is Yuri, but I still feel like I have to be careful with him. With Ellie and Leo, I'm not the protector. I'm the one being protected. Or perhaps more accurately, all three of us are protectors and protected in equal measure. With them, I've always felt absolutely safe, and I was infinitely grateful to discover that fact hadn't changed one bit in my absence.

I'm not sure how long we slept, but It must've been at least an hour and a half, judging by how far the sun had crossed the sky by the time we woke up. We disentangled ourselves and sat up, favouring each other with stupid, sleepy grins. Ellie picked leaves out of Leo's hair, and I picked one out of hers. I shook my head vigorously to dislodge any leaves that may have been stuck to me, and my friends laughed when all I accomplished was to make myself dizzy.

I flopped backwards into Ellie's lap, and she plucked a leaf from my hair with the teasing comment, "Look, Victor. You're turning into a tree."

"Are you saying I'm tree-mendous?"

"Yes," she said. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

We climbed to our feet and brushed ourselves off. Not quite ready to call it a day, we wandered around the park, chatting about everything and nothing. When we passed by the grandstand, we saw there was a band just setting up for an outdoor concert, so we bought some snacks and bottled water and returned to get a good spot on the grass by the stage before the area started to fill up.

The band was a local one, and although they probably weren't going to make the Top 100 any time soon, they weren't too bad. We had fun and danced a bit and tried to sing along to some covers. Sadly, Ellie is as bad at singing as I am. Leo is the only one of us with any musical talent whatsoever. It didn't matter, though. Musical ability isn't a requirement to be a member of the team.

The sun was beginning to set by the time the band wrapped things up, and we made our way back to the spot where we'd left our bikes chained to the fence.

"What should we do now?" Ellie inquired. "Do you guys want to go to the Blue Velvet for some burgers and drinks or something?"

"I'd love to, but I gotta get going," Leo said. "I promised Uncle JP and Aunt Lin that I'd babysit the girls tonight while they're out."

"Seriously?" I said. "Aren't they too old to need a babysitter? They're like, fourteen and sixteen."

"How old were you when your mom let you stay home alone overnight?"

"Um... never?" I said. "If Mom had to be away overnight for some reason, I was always at your house, or Ellie's. The first time I stayed overnight anywhere by myself was when I had my own apartment."

"Right," Leo said. "Anyway, would you leave Isabella and Maddie home alone? They'd probably fatally wound each other if they were left unsupervised."

"Not much like your sisters," Ellie commented. "Alessandra and Kiki are practically joined at the hip."

Leo grinned. "Kind of like us."

"Yeah, except we're capable of wounding each other if we're left unsupervised," I said.

"Mostly because we're doing some crazy plan you guys came up with," Ellie pointed out.

"Us?" Leo said. "You come up with the craziest plans. Remember that time we decided to build our own hang glider? That was totally your idea."

"True, but you two are just reckless enough not to have said no."

We all laughed at that, and it felt so good. I remembered the adventures we used to have, and I recalled the hang glider incident all too well. It was lucky we'd only decided to jump off the roof of Uncle Stephen's garden shed, because, although the contraption we'd built kind of worked, it wasn't capable of sustained flight and we probably would've killed ourselves if we'd tried to jump off anything higher. As it was, Ellie had ended up spraining her ankle, and Leo had accidentally hit me on the head while we were trying to position the ladder to climb up to the shed roof. Somehow, Leo had been the only one unscathed, and we'd called him Super Leo for weeks afterward.

"A fine example of why we shouldn't be left unsupervised," I commented. "There was also the time we built the raft and became Willow Creek's first pirates, remember?"

Leo laughed. "It was all good until the cops found out."

"How were we supposed to know you're not allowed to sail homemade rafts in the canal?" said Ellie.

"Hey," I said. 'I was the one who said we should've stuck to sailing in the creek, in case you forgot."

"I thought your mom was going to lose it when the police car pulled up to the clinic with all three of us in the back," Ellie said. "It's one of those times when I wish I'd had a camera, just to capture the expression on her face."

"Your dad's reaction wasn't much better," I reminded her. "Not to mention how Aunt Millie screamed at me about accidentally almost drowning Leo."

"Mom overreacted," Leo said. "The way I remember it, I nearly drowned myself, and you were trying to rescue me. And like, I'm still here to talk about it, so obviously you succeeded. Mom should've been thanking you."

"I don't think she saw it that way at the time," I said.

"No, probably not," he conceded. He sighed. "I'd love to continue this, but I really have to get going. Catch you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely," I said.

"Ellie?"

"I'm off tomorrow," she said. "I'm definitely up for whatever you've got in mind."

"I have to work till three o'clock," he said. "After that, though?"

"Awesome," said Ellie.

"I'll text you in the morning, Leo," I told him. "We can do something when you get off work. I'll try to talk Yuri into joining us, too."

"Cool," Leo said. "The more the merrier. See you tomorrow."

"See you later, Leo," Ellie said.

We all gave each other a playful, exaggerated wave goodbye.

Leo unchained his bike, and walked it up to the road. Ellie and I followed him for a short distance, but then we stopped and watched him trot off in the direction of the municipal lot where he'd parked his car.

Ellie reached for my hand. "Just us, now."

I smiled, loving the familiarity of her hand in mine. "Want me to walk you home?"

"What about our bikes?"

"They're chained on," I said. "They'll be fine till morning. I want to take the slow route back to the house."

"Maybe I should walk you home," she said. "You can invite me in for homemade ice cream and a movie. You know, if your husband isn't the jealous type and doesn't mind me cuddling you on the couch, that is."

"Uh... about that," I said. "Yuri probably wouldn't like us cuddling, even if it is totally innocent, but you can still come over. Ice cream and a movie sounds awesome, and you can even stay the night if you want."

"I'd like that," she said. "If I'm staying over, we'll have to stop at my place for a minute so I can grab some stuff. So, you can walk me home, and then I'll walk you home. Everybody wins."

"Everybody wins," I echoed happily. "I feel like I always win when I get to be with you, though. I've missed you a lot."

"Me too," Ellie said. "You don't even know how excited I was when you told me you were coming home. I almost offered to meet you at the airport myself."

"Why didn't you?"

"Mostly because I thought I'd start crying all over you and make a fool of myself in front of your husband," she admitted. "That, and I didn't want to deny your mother the opportunity to be the first to see you."

"You think Mom didn't cry all over me?"

"I'll bet you cried all over her, too."

"Yeah," I confessed. "You shouldn't have worried about crying in front of Yuri. He's used to people crying in front of him by now."

"And by 'people' you mean yourself," Ellie teased.

"You know I cry over everything."

She squeezed my fingers gently. "I know. You're sensitive. Most guys would try to be all tough and macho, and keep that stuff in, but I like that you don't."

"Yuri says the same thing. He doesn't judge me for it."

"You wouldn't be with him if he did," Ellie said. "He sounds like a sweet guy. I'm looking forward to getting to know him better."

"I think you'll get along," I said. "Remember not to be too loud, and not to touch him, and it'll be fine."

"So, that's really a thing? He actually doesn't like to be touched? Like, at all? Because you guys look like you're all over each other in the pictures you send."

"He lets me touch him now, but generally, yeah. He has a lot of anxiety about being touched. Like, it took a while before he was comfortable with me doing it, so..." I shrugged one shoulder. "If you want to upset him, that's the way."

"Good to know," Ellie said. "I'll keep that in mind."

We walked along in silence for a while after that. The sun was sinking lower and the air was starting to cool off dramatically, the way it always does on autumn evenings here. After having acclimated to the consistent cold temperatures in Kiyomatsu, I barely felt the damp chill. It entertained me to think that two years ago, I would’ve been reaching for a sweater right about now.

Ellie pointed in the direction of the creek. "Look how gorgeous the trees are. Does it look like this in Mt. Komorebi?"

"Sort of," I said. "Down in the valley, the leaves change colour like this. I took Yuri to Hanamigawa for his birthday back in September, and this is kind of what it looked like, but without the willows and the creek."

"That's why they call this place Willow Creek," she said, sounding amused.

"Logical."

"Want to go down by the water before it gets too dark?"

"Okay," I said. "Take me to our spot."

'Our spot' is about half a kilometer downstream from the park. The creek runs slowly there, and there's a huge old tree that reminds me of Grandmother Willow from that one Disney movie. It's a little challenging to get to, because you have to scale the fence along the side of the road and climb down over an embankment, but once you're down next to the water, the ground is level again.

This was the place we sought out when there was something serious going on in our lives and we needed to talk it over. Sometimes all three of us would gather here, and sometimes only two. In any case, it was always a safe space for us. No one bothered us there. It was perfect for discussing things that we didn't want anyone else to hear.

Ellie and I sat facing each other, and I tried to think of how many times over the course of our lifetime that we'd positioned ourselves like this.

We were about eight years old when we found our spot for the first time, and it was due to Ellie wandering away from her father and getting lost. Me and Leo and Uncle Stephen had found her here, leaning on the fence and staring at the creek. She hadn't been scared. Once she realized she didn't know how to get back to the park, she'd stayed where she was and waited for help.

Clearly, she'd paid attention on the way back, because the next time we visited the spot, it was on purpose, and Ellie had told us that her mother was getting remarried and that she didn't want to be in the wedding. Leo and I had attempted to help her hatch a plan to avoid wearing a princess dress and trying to mind her manners around a bunch of people she didn't know, but all our scheming had been to no avail. She was forced into the frilly daffodil coloured monstrosity, and had an utterly horrible day. Leo and I saw some pictures after the fact. Ellie looked murderous in every single one.

"What's so funny?" Ellie demanded.

"Nothing's funny," I said.

"You're smirking."

"Oh." I shook my head. "Thinking about those pictures of you at your mom and Patrick's wedding in that gross yellow dress."

"Ugh." Ellie scrunched up her face. "Can you not remind me?"

"Sorry," I said. "I've been thinking about a lot of stuff today. Not all the memories are good ones for everybody, apparently."

"It's okay. I shouldn't be surprised that you're remembering a lot of stuff. I have as well. I guess it's the team being back together."

"Yeah," I said. "That's mostly what I've been thinking about. I want to spend as much time with you guys as I can. I don't want to waste a moment, and maybe I have more thoughts than moments."

"I hear you," Ellie said. She picked some long blades of grass and began idly weaving them together. "Know what I've been thinking about?"

"What?"

"All the fun we used to have on camping trips. Leo and I haven't done that since you left."

"Why not?"

"It's not the same without you," she said. "Know what we should do before you go? We should drive up to Granite Falls and camp for a couple of nights.”

"I don't know," I said. "I don't think Yuri would like that. He's not much for roughing it."

"He doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to," Ellie said. "Anyway, I was thinking you, me and Leo, just like old times."

"All right. I'll see if it's okay with Yuri."

"It's so weird that you're married," Ellie said. "I mean, it's great. I knew you'd find somebody at some point, and I'm happy for you. It's just strange, you know? You go away for two years, and you come back with a husband."

"You knew me and Yuri were together before I even left."

"Yeah, of course, but if I'm being honest, I never expected you to leave in the first place. I guess I didn't realize how serious your online relationship was."

"Maybe I didn't either, until I got there. It was only supposed to have been a visit, but once I was physically with him, I knew I never wanted to be apart from him."

"I get that," Ellie said. "There are some people you need to have in your life, right?"

"Yeah."

"And some people you have to leave behind to make that happen."

"I guess."

"There was a time when I thought you, me and Leo would be together forever, just like your mom and my dad, but I guess life doesn't always go how we imagine, does it?"

"No, it doesn't," I agreed. "I'm sorry I broke up the team, but no matter what, I'll always be your friend. I'm never going to be out of your life, even if we're not in the same place."

"I know," she said, "But, it's not the same."

"You're right," I said. "It's not."

"Sorry if this sounds selfish, but sometimes I wish you'd never gone there. To Mt. Komorebi."

"It's not selfish. It's honest." I said. "You want to know something?"

"What?"

"There's a part of me that wishes I'd never left Willow Creek."

"Really?" She said.

"Yeah."

“What about Yuri?”

"I love Yuri more than anything, and I don't regret being with him, but being so far away from everything and everyone else I love is super difficult. Sometimes, I feel like crying because nothing's familiar. And trying to be an adult when I don't think I'm ready and there's nobody to help me is just... terrifying as hell." I sighed and looked away from her. "All those feelings hit me really hard when I walked into Mom's house the other day, and I... I don't think I want to go back to Mt. Komorebi now."

“Does Yuri know that?”

“No,” I said. “He’s never going to know.”

“Don’t you think you should tell him?”

“What would be the point? It’d only upset him, and it’s not like I have a choice anyway. We both have jobs and responsibilities there, and Yuri’s family is there. Plus, my immigration process was finalized a couple months ago, remember? Don’t you think it’d be kind of stupid to leave a country I just got permanent resident status in?”

“It’s more stupid to make yourself miserable just because you think it’ll help somebody else stay happy,” Ellie said.

“I don’t hate living in Mt. Komorebi, and I’m not miserable all the time,” I said. “I didn’t think I’d miss boring old Willow Creek that much, that’s all, and the dumbest thing is, I didn’t even know how much I missed it until I was back. I don't know. I'll probably get over it once I'm in Mt. Komorebi again, though."

"You don't always have to get over stuff, you know."

"What am I supposed to do, then? I can't drown in self-pity continuously. It's easier to figure out some kind of way to let it go."

"Easier for who?" Ellie asked. "You have to live with it, so it can't be easy for you, and I can tell you it's not easy for your friends to watch. Obviously I don’t know Yuri that well, but I doubt it's easy for him, either. If he loves you, don’t you think he’d want you to be happy instead of torturing yourself trying to please everybody else?”

“He always says that. That he wants me to be happy.”

“So, what is it? You don’t believe him?”

“No, I do believe him, but…”

“But what?”

“This is going to sound dumb,” I said.

“Go on,” she said. “I’m used to you sounding dumb.”

“You ever love somebody so much that you want to keep them safe from everything that could possibly hurt them? Like, even bad feelings and stuff? That’s how I feel about Yuri,” I said.

“It’s impossible to protect someone from everything.”

“Yeah, I know it’s impossible,” I said. “But, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to do it anyway.”

“I’ve never loved anyone like that,” Ellie said. “I don’t think anyone’s ever loved me like that either, but then again, I’m not sure I’d want them to.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because, as much as I’d want my partner to be my hero, I’d prefer him to be honest and open with me if there was something he thought might hurt me. I wouldn’t want him hurting himself and suffering in silence because he thought it’d make my life easier.”

“But, what if he knew you couldn’t handle it?”

“If I really couldn’t handle it, I’d expect him to support me through it.” Ellie levelled her gaze at me. “If he didn’t ask me and was just assuming I couldn’t, I’d be mightily pissed off at him for lacking faith in me and underestimating my ability to cope.”

“Yuri isn’t like that. I don’t think he’s angry at me for wanting to protect him. He likes it when I protect him.”

“But, would he want you to protect him if you had to put yourself in harm’s way to do it? Unnecessarily in harm's way, I mean. Think about that before you answer.”

I did. I tried to imagine what Yuri would say if he knew how badly I was hurting, how he might respond. I pictured him putting his arms around me and letting me cry, like he did the night I’d told him what happened with Ren at the fitness center. He’d be patient while I stumbled my way through a clumsy explanation of my feelings, and he’d surprise me with his insight and his resilience. I know I shouldn’t be surprised by that any more, but sometimes I think I can’t see past his physical frailty and tiny stature, and how he always says he needs me and wants me to keep him safe. My desire to shelter him overshadows my own need for him to take care of me, and maybe sometimes I deny him the opportunity to show he’s capable of that, because I’m too determined to not be a burden to him.

I didn’t even bother to hold back my tears or try to conceal them from Ellie. She’d seen me cry enough that it didn’t matter any more. I had nothing to prove to her.

I sniffled. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Trust him," Ellie said. "Trust him the way you trust me and Leo." She reached across the space between us and placed her hand on my knee. "Make him part of the team."

Hearing her say that, I felt like she'd knocked all the air out of my body. The team was me, Ellie and Leo, and it was... everything. I often tell Yuri he's everything, but in that moment I started to feel scared that it wasn't really true. How could I love someone so intensely, and yet not trust him as completely as I trust my friends?

But, I do trust him, I insisted to myself. I trust him in so many ways that matter.

But not in the way that allows him to protect you.

That night at the hotel, Yuri promised that from now on, he'd protect me the way I protect him, and it'd sounded good in my ears, but I wondered if it had ever penetrated my heart or my mind enough for me to believe it.

I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand, but it was no use. "I love him so much," I managed to say. "How could I fail this hard at being a good partner for him?"

Ellie stroked my knee. "I don't think you failed. You know what Dad says. You've only failed if you stop trying. You're not giving up on him, are you?"

"N-no," I said. "I'd never do that."

"I didn't think so," she said. "You've just got some stuff to work on."

"It's all so hard," I said "Growing up and having relationships and dealing with real life in general. You know what I mean?"

"Nobody said it'd be easy. You didn't think it would be, did you?"

"No, but I wish it was easier."

"Me too," she said.

"How am I supposed to tell Yuri that I don't want to leave?"

"Just tell him. You know you have to leave in a couple weeks in any case, but if you don't tell him, how will he know you want to come back?"

"Do you think he'd want to live here? Like, permanently?"

Ellie smiled. "I think you'd know that better than I would. Honestly, Victor, talk to him. Let him help you work through whatever's going on inside your head. You told me before, he's good at that, so you should let him do it more often."

I nodded. "You're right."

"Naturally," she said. "Why else would I be the team leader?"

I laughed, even though I was still crying. "I love you, Ellie."

She got up, and held out a hand to me. I took her hand, and she pulled me up to my feet and straight into the tightest embrace.

"I love you, Victor," she said. "I will always love you and I'll never stop. You can go to the ends of the earth, and I'll still love you."

"The ends of the earth and back," I whispered, and suddenly, I remembered where that phrase had originated. Ellie had said it into my ear as she hugged me goodbye at the airport on the day I left for Mt. Komorebi. Unwittingly, I'd started saying it to Yuri, and he'd started saying it to me.

We stood together for a long time, and I found it easy to calm down and stop crying in the security of Ellie's arms.

Eventually, we both stepped back.

"You look awful," Ellie said. "Let's go to my house and get you some cold water and something to get that redness out of your face." She gave me a mischievous little smile. "Yuri won't want to be my friend if he thinks I did something to make you cry."

"It wasn't you," I said.

"A likely story. 'I was alone with your husband and he was crying, but it totally wasn't my fault, I swear'."

"Okay, maybe he'd be suspicious if you said it like that. But yeah, let's go to your house. You were going to get some stuff and come over, right? You still want to?"

"Only if you're not planning to have that conversation with Yuri tonight."

"I don't think I'm ready to have a deep discussion tonight," I admitted. "Come over and spend some time with us. Maybe we can figure out a way to make homemade ice cream with almond milk so Yuri can have some too, and if you're nice, we might even let you pick the movie."

"Maybe we should let Yuri pick the movie," Ellie said. "You and I would probably choose the same sort of thing, but I'm curious to find out what he's into."

"I hope you have a secret passion for historical romances," I said.

Ellie groaned. "Ugh.. big no to that. Now, I'm one hundred percent convinced of how much you love him. The Victor I know wouldn't sit through five minutes of a historical romance, so you've got to be doing it for him."

"You have no idea how many historical romances I've sat through for him," I said. "Mostly, I'm in it for the cuddling, though. He watches the movie, and I'm the warm and comfortable human cushion he sprawls on."

"Okay, then. Historical romance it is," Ellie said cheerfully. "I've got to see that. Like, I'm already dying of how cute it sounds like you guys are."

"I can't speak for me, but Yuri is pretty cute."

"Don't worry. You're cute too." She slipped her arm through mine. "Come on. You're going to walk me home, aren't you? We'd better get going if we want to have movie night and not stay up past bedtime."

"Right," I said. "Ice cream, movie and a sleepover. Everything might not be exactly like it used to be, but I'm glad some things haven't changed."

[newbeginningsrpg-blog1]

Fantastic application, EMILY! Your application for THE LONER has been accepted with the face claim HARRY STYLES! Please send in your account within 24 hours!

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

n a m e / a l i a s :

Emily

p r e f e r r e d   p r o n o u n s :

She/Her

a g e :

20

t i m e z o n e / a c t i v i t y :

My activity will be pretty active. I’m online quite a bit, and I definitely will have moments where I am not on quite as much (due to school/work), but as the fall comes I’ll definitely have more open availability. My timezone is EST.

t r i g g e r s :

[removed for privacy]

r e a s o n   f o r   j o i n i n g :

I have been out of the RP community for about a year. I have just been thinking about it more and more recently, and I just stumbled on this RP. I think it looks very promising, and I am really impressed by the work and effort that has been put into thus far! I miss being apart of the community, and I really miss writing and the creativity that all of my characters had.  

IN CHARACTER INFORMATION

d e s i r e d   c h a r a c t e r :

The Loner

n a m e :

Nixon “Nix” [“son of Nicholas” - English] Nixon was  a name chosen by his grandmother, and his mother just happened to like. It was “different”, she’d say. It was chosen the day that he was born, and put right on the birth certificate.

Wesley [“western meadow” - English] His mother’s last name.

Elliott [“Jehovah is God”] The name that he really does not associate himself with. His father left when he was two weeks old, and neither him nor his mother could bother changing his name now. It is what it is.

Nix goes by his chosen nickname due to the fact that he would rather die than be associated with Richard Nixon, even though that is who he is named after— he hasn’t a clue why. He would rather be associated with someone cooler and more chill. Well, Stevie Nicks, for example. The spelling just ends up being cooler than "Nicks”, anyways. It’s all about the first impression and being different than everyone else. Why would you want to blend in, when you could stand out, right?

d a t e / p l a c e  o f   b i r t h :

September 28th, 1995. Seattle, Washington. Libra.  

Nix thinks that his calmness and balance come from the fact this he was conceived nine months before becoming a Libra on that cool September morning at 4:30 AM. That and the fact that he thinks his mother was as high as the clouds when he was conceived, but that’s another story for another day.

d e s i r e d   f a c e c l a i m s :

Harry Styles: Number one for obvious reasons. He’s just cool.

Jeremy Allen White: He’s cool, but not as cool, you know?

Luke Hemmings: There’s a difference between young Luke and old Luke.

g e n d e r / s e x u a l i t y :

Pansexual, cis-male.

Nix has never had a problem with his sexuality and gender. There has never really been any question other than the fact that he didn’t know why it had to be such an issue. Being pansexual was not something that he decided it’s just what he has always felt he was. There was finally a word for what he felt, and he knew that it had to be right.

Nix just really doesn’t go on dates at all. He thinks they’re weird, but maybe that’s just a personal problem.

f a m i l y :

Samantha “Sam" Wesley [Mother] - The closest relative that Nix has.

Jason Elliott [Father] - No relationship.

Olivia Wesley [Maternal Grandmother] - Very close.

Dennis Wesley [Maternal Grandfather] - Close, but distant because of opinions.

Heidi Wesley [Half Sister] - Close, from another relationship that his mother had.

h e a d c a n o n :

Nix has big dreams of becoming a tattoo artist, but doesn’t know how well he would do considering that he is very squeamish.

Nix smokes weed almost everyday, but has never tasted alcohol. His mother has been sober for 6 years, and is still recovering from her addiction and her relationships with her family.

Nix stutters when he reads out loud to people. It was the worst when he would have to read in front of the class; he would turn bright red.

Nix broke his leg in a snowboarding accident a couple years ago. He decided that once he could walk again, he’d take up skateboarding. Turns out, skateboarding wasn’t his thing, either. He ended up in the ER with 7 stitches on his forehead and a broken pinky. He decided from those accidents, he has two left feet.

The idea of eating eggs makes Nix nauseous, to the point where he thinks he’s going to be sick. He considered going vegan, but then he realized what that actually meant, and decided against it.

INTROSPECTIVE INFORMATION:

h i s t o r y :

Nixon Elliott was born in Seattle, Washington to his mother, Samantha Wesley, when she was just 19. They did not have any available rooms open at the time for his mother to deliver in, so her bed was placed in a janitors closet on the 4th floor of the hospital, and ever since, his mother knew that Nixon was going to be a different. Seattle was where his mother had moved to when she had met Nixon’s father, Jason. They moved when they were 17, and never looked back— until things started to go sour for their relationship. Nixon’s grandparents had settled in Hidden Falls where his grandfather was an electrician by trade. The Wesley’s watched their daughter make a few mistakes that none of them were proud of. Two weeks after Nixon was born, his father packed all of his belongings from the studio apartment that the three of them shared, and was completely gone. Knowing quite well that they would not be able to afford living in the city any longer, Samantha packed her bags and took a bus to Boise where her parents would pick her up— unknowingly picking up their new grandson, as well.

Growing up was boring, to be quite honest. Nix really never felt that he had much potential in the small city, but he knew that he would never be able to leave his mother like his father did. It was always a small guilt that he would end up leaving and going onto a future that his mom had dreamed of having, but never getting to have because she had Nix so young. There was also a lot of tension growing up, and it never really made much sense to him at the time. His mother was a single mom, struggling to make ends meet for the two of them. They lived at Nix’s grandparents a few times, bouncing back and forth between apartments. There was never any stability, and finally, Samantha decided to stay with her parents while Nix was in school so that Nix would be able to live a normal childhood. Nix does not believe that this ever hurt him, because he thinks that instead of turning bad things into worse things, you should turn the bad into good. Mistakes are for the weak, greater knowledge is for the better.

By the time that Nix was 11, he knew that his mother had been distant. She was not coming home at night, and she was not coming home by the time he left for school in the morning. He would catch glimpses of her when he would come home from school, but then she would go off to her waitress job at the local diner. It was starting to become more “hours”, and Nix knew that wasn’t the case. He also knew that she was lying because the day that she told him she was pregnant was the day that he also stopped trusting her. Nine months later, Heidi was born, and Nix fell in love for the first time. He never met her father, and she would never meet him, either.

A small portion of Nix’s life was spent taking care of his little sister while his mom would come home drunk from work. It was never a highlight, but he knew that it would stop— it had to stop. If it didn’t, where would they end up? She loved them, right? Nix knew that his mother was just having a hard time, and that it would all end soon. He was naive like that; he always has been. Getting help was the first step, and he was lucky enough that his mom made that step. Six years sober, and Nix counts his lucky stars everyday that he didn’t lose his mom. But that part of his life story he likes to block out. It’s one of the worst memories.

Nix lost his virginity the same day he smoked his first bowl, and it is probably one of his greatest memories. It was with a pretty redhead named Fiona when he was sixteen. It’s a small tidbit of information that has stuck with him all throughout his life, and he likes to share it quite often. It’s more of a “I just met you, we have nothing to talk about” story. It’s really no secret that Nix loves the element of surprise.

Nix is quiet, but he’s not silent. There’s a lot more to him than meets the surface. He does not really have anything to do with a lot of people, but he finds that to be more than okay. Hanging out at home makes him feel like he’s a lot different than kids his age, and he enjoys that. He wants to live a simple life, even though sometimes, he thinks that his life is slipping by him.

p r e s e n t :

Nix worries that he will end up bald. He really does not have a reason, other than the fact that he has so much hair and everyone jokes that it’ll all end up gone in ten years.

Currently, you would probably find Nix eating frozen yogurt, sitting underneath a tree, reading a book about the a city that he plans on visiting someday. He has been trying to hold down a job so that he could save up money, but the jobs are mostly side-work, and he doesn’t really know how long he can continue to dig holes for fences. He’s had a few jobs in bookstores, a few jobs in coffee shops, but none of them were able to keep him due to the fact that he really didn’t know what he was doing— especially in the coffee shop. But, for the moment, he’s decided that working at tech support will be enough money to sustain his busy lifestyle of having about three friends in total. In all honesty, he is trying his best to figure out what the small town of Hidden Falls still has to offer him.

It’s on the back burner of Nix’s mind to look for his father one day. It’s never really sat right with him that he doesn’t know the man, but he doesn’t know if he wants to open up that can of worms. It’s not something that he thinks that he “longs” for, but he knows that it could come up one day. He’d rather find his father, than his father to find him.

Dating is not really on Nix’s agenda. If it happens, it happens. You know?

a n y t h i n g   e l s e ?

I don’t think so! If I do, I’ll certainly let you know.

[rutisup-blog]

Spring Skiing with the Silver Surfer

  04/29/17 – Bed, Fort Badass. 5:40 AM

The alarm clock fills the room with FM radio, waking me up–It’s time to get dressed quickly, I have a ride to Tahoe picking me up at 06:00 AM. It’s my friend and co-worker Rachel, someone who tells coders what to do. As expected, she’s on San Francisco time…that is, she’s running late. I’ve anticipated this, one of the many characteristics you develop after moving to California.

She arrives around 06:30, and she’s overshot it a little down the block–no worries. In the mean-time I have eaten breakfast–Siggi’s plain skyr style yogurt with a handful of almonds. I lug my board, boots, backpack, and duffel bag down the sidewalk, loading it into her boyfriends Gray Nissan Altima. There’s an extra California license plate in the trunk, caked with years of accumulated dirt. We’re both tired, loading my gear in the back.

“I forgot my pass, we need to swing by my place” says Rachel, looking sorry. I don’t mind, I always expect delays in SF. I direct her to Townsend Street via the ol’ under the freeway 13th Street route and once we arrive, her boyfriend drops off her forgotten items. Time to rock.

We hit the road, and soon we’re over the Bay Bridge and headed east to Tahoe. The sun’s rays streaks through the girders on the outsides of the lower deck of the bridge, hitting the car like a strobe light as it’s rapidly obscured by the girders. I search Rachel’s pack for her sunglasses, finding a hip pair with wooden arms–nice.

We’re getting close to the Carquinez Bridge when we realize we need coffee. “Pull off here” I say, quickly getting us lost. My sense of direction is pretty awful sometimes. I pull up Google Maps, and navigate back to the freeway, driving through some farmland and past some sort of carbon plant–whatever the hell that is. We’re in the boonies.

“You’re not bringing me out here to kill me, are you?” asks Rachel, somewhat joking but not 100% certain. Five minutes later we’re rolling through the Starbucks drive-thru for some joe–two black coffees. Rachel offers me some of her croissant as we motor on east–it tastes delicious.

I cringe as we drive past Folsom, realizing that I’ve just missed the last Chic-Fil-A on the way to Tahoe. Fuck. Placerville is the next and only stop for decent chow. We try to stop at the In-N-Out besides Schlotzysky’s Deli–the one on Hi-Lo Drive–to find both sadly closed. Sad!

We settle for the Carl’s Jr. in the strip-mall across the freeway, where I grab a jalapeno thickburger. Rachel branches off to grab a veggie sub from the Subway across the parking lot. There’s this cool motorcycle with a sick sidecar parked in the lot. I emerge with a Carl’s Jr in hand and return to the car, but find no one there.

I walk up to the Subway, swinging to door wide open. My nose is blasted with an assault of the dreaded ‘Subway smell’ of yeast particles floating through that place like some sort of bread power particle accelerator. I quickly switch to mouth-breathing.

Without shame I sit down and start chowing down on my thickburger as I wait, but I only got two bites in before she approached with her sandwich in hand. “I don’t mind if you eat in the car” she says tactfully, so we jump back in the Nissan and hit the road, the foothills coming upon us as we clear through “Old Hangtown”.

All there is to see is pine trees on either side of the road as we drive up up up into the mountains. This is the all too familiar ride to South Lake Tahoe on US-50. Soon, the majestic beauty of the Sierra Nevada Mountains would be upon us. The air thins out as we climb up into the mountains, the speakers of the Nissan filling that empty space with the sounds of house music.

Some more banter and office politics talk, and next thing you know we’re driving through the mountain pass, a steep drop-off over the side to a forest of pine trees. Snowy mountain-tops span off into the distance. We round a curve on the pass to behold the beauty of Lake Tahoe in the background, and an airstrip down below near the foot of the lake, surrounded by a forest of pine trees.

“I’m gonna get my wings soon. Someday I’ll be landing on the airstrip” I remark, blue eyes wide as I dream big and talk bigger. No joke though, I will land there someday.

Whatup

We get to South Lake and park in the back lot of Harrah’s. I put on this amazing silver morphsuit my roommate Jonny lent me, and then start to gear up. We walk over to the gondola and wait 5-10 minutes to get on a gondola up the mountain. It’s me, Rachel, some raver chick, two other raver dudes, and some older guy wearing a Heavenly uniform that is an off-white shade–I’ve never seen this uniform before.

PSssscchhhh, the sound of a beer being opened echoes through the gondola a few seconds after we lift off out of the depot–raver dude has cracked a beer.

“Hey, come on. You can’t drink that on the Gondola.” says the old Heavenly dude. I notice his uniform again, it’s such a different color than the Helley Hansen jackets, and it looks barely worn. His name tag says Pete and he’s been ‘serving great experiences’ since 1984. He’s gotta be about 50, looking clean-cut with a cleft chin, helmet, and brand new white ski-boots.

“Ahhh..Come on man, it’s already cracked! “No.” the Heavenly guy responds. “Ah man…Hey, what do you do at Heavenly?” “I’m the Chief Operating Officer here at Heavenly” he says, nearly deadpan. “Oooohhh shiyyyyyeeeeetttt tighhhtt helllaa” say the raver kids, laughing at their dumbass friend.

I realize I was onto something with that peculiar jacket. The situation is somewhat awkward, but we get by, asking questions about Heavenly. Myths were shattered on that ride. We were sharing a six person gondola with who could be the true king of the mountain for all anyone could be concerned.

“Yo this is the last weekend because it’s a lease from the forest service right?” “No, we close in May because that’s just because people stop coming” responds The King. “Oh shit ok, but then that’s why Bo Real closes” “Bo Real…Oh Boreal? Nope, that’s not why they close.” “Oh man I thought that’s why” “No, people just stop coming…”

Well that settles that myth. We also find out after some probing that electricity is the biggest cost on the mountain–cool. We’re making our way up the face of the mountain now and the raver chick is totally enamored with the view. Raver dude seems to see his second chance.

“Ah so man, lemme drink this ya know, so it’s not looking like I’m coming off the gondola with a full beer you know.” “Dooonn’t Do it! chimes in one of his friends” “No.” responds The King “Come on man, it’s the _mountain_ man” says raver kid, bringing the can up to his lips “Don’t do it” he says, the seriousness echoing through the gondola. “Ah ok…”

The gondola comes up to the sky deck lookout point, and the King encourages the troublesome trio to check out the view if they’ve never seen it. Sly. They disembark, and I have a little freak-out as I can’t find my snowboard. Luckily I look behind our gondola and see it’s just in the one behind us–phew.

As the gondola pulls out of the sky deck stop and hurdles towards the top, we all breathe a collective sigh of relief to be rid of those three. “Some people don’t think. They just do. And unfortunately it’s usually those people that end up getting into trouble on the mountain” remarks the COO.

A few minutes later the gondola cruises into the station, and we disembark. I’ve really got to take a piss now. I walk into the bathroom, shuffling over to the urinal and opening the fly of my snow over-alls. I try to pull the dragon through the fly and then realize that I’m wearing a morphsuit. There is no fly. Fuck.

I can’t reach the zipper on the back of my morphsuit, hanging out in that awkward space between your shoulder blades. I ask a stranger to help unzip my morphsuit for me. I laugh at the oddity of this situation. I’m taking a piss now in the toilet as my newfound assistant is unloading a gnarly shit in the stall beside me–time to get out of here. Can’t even wash my hands with this suit on.

Okay, ready to rock. We descend the tall metal stairs from the gondola station, our boots making a sweet slushy crunch sound. I’m back on the snow. We go up Tamarack lift, ride down to Dipper. The snow is a little icy right now. I end up going through this shitty icy bowl near the lift. I realize I’ve entered the yard sale corridor, an area you often see skiers losing their skis as you ride up the lift.

I get some good air on some jumps in the woods, and I realize it might already be time to ditch the jacket and pants and just go full silver body suit. We go up dipper and I take the sleeves off my jacket. We do milky way bowl and it is just OK. Rachel has skis and is definitely faster than me. The only way I can remember to recognize her is by her orange socks. After a few runs on Dipper we go down Comet like 4 times.

Snow is soft, conditions are good. I’m doing lots of jumps, fuck yeah. We take a break to ditch some layers down at East Peak Lodge, and find the scene electric. There’s a snowcat mobile DJ booth set up, and they’re playing the hits of the 90’s. Tons of people hanging out in deck chairs in the snow, many people tanning… It’s gotta be like 65 degrees Fahrenheit. At this point, we both realize that we want a beer.

Naturally, there’s a big line at the bar. No beers on tap, three bros tending to the bar.

“What do you have on tap” asks a patron

“Mmm…” says the bartender, kind of looking quizzically at the taps, and then with a sweeping motion of his hand over the handleless taps and a coy smile he says “None!”

These lads were having a grand ol’ time. I get a Guinness while Rachel gets a dirty snowman, the bartender saying “Okay, but there’s no snow for me to go roll around in outside”. The next bartender confirms her order, asking “One inappropriate snowman?” What a bunch of jokers.

Finally, we’re back outside. The tunes are pumping, and there’s like fifty or so plastic deck chairs just hanging out in the snow, full of people drinking, tanning, and generally being merry. We grab two chairs and then cheers, taking that first sip of that sweet alcoholic nectar–ahhh. So good. I take a taste of her dirty snowman and realize that it’s fucking awesome, my new favorite hot drink.

So we sit there a while and have some banter, getting a pretty decent buzz off of just one drink–that altitude will get you. I peel off my morphsuit and just tan there bare-chested in the sun, laying back in the chair and using my goggles as sunglasses. I’m careful to keep the strap low on my head, so that I don’t get a weird tanline on my bald head. Rachel has a tank-top or something like that and considers going down to a sports bra but wusses out. I share stories about my former workplace and the moral dilemmas of working with 90% females. Whenever I went out to eat with them they never finished their meals, they would just push their half eaten plates towards me and expect me to finish them.

It’s like 13:45 now and I decide it’s time to shred the mountain full morphsuit. Now it’s just me in a full silver morphsuit, sparkling in the sun. People get a nice show of my butt as I struggle to get my feet back in my red riding boots. This old couple takes photos of me, and apparently a lot of people were doing the same. I was getting a lot of attention and I liked it.

Full silver surfer mode now, I stashed my jacket and pants behind the outdoor bar, looking pretty obvious. You tend to stick out when you reflect the sun. We go up Comet like five time, some nice runs down Comet, Orion, Aries Woods, and others. We meet some characters on the lift ride up. There’s two old Tahoe dudes who have a pipe, weed, but no lighter.

“Heyyy man, silver surfer!! Can you reflect the sun to light our bowl!?” says one, laughing in his old hippie way

They offer us some, but four of us were on a lift and none of us had a lighter. One of those moments that makes you questions just what the hell you think you’re doing with your life. I talk about motorcycles with them the whole ride up. Those guys were cool shit.

On the next lift up we meet this old salty dog, he’s got to be one of the most jaded people I’ve ever met on a lift. “Dating is more fun, I’ve already been married twice.” he says, looking off into the distance to ponder the Sierra Nevada Mountains. He goes on a tangent about having sex with the lights on or off. “You should have your own dating hotline man” I tell him, somewhat joking.

We shred some gnarly slush until about 15:00 and then decide to get one last epic run in and then call it. We ride over to the milky way bowl, and then decide to hike up to the top. I barely ride up it much before I have to unstrap and start hiking. I walk for ages, taking a few breaks. I look back to see an amazing view of Lake Tahoe, and a long row of footprints from what now seems like so far down below. We stop near the top where it gets all rocky.

I stick my board in the snow and start to pant a bit. Wow, I’m fucking exhausted. I hear a plane flying by loudly, and I look around trying to find it. And then I realize that it’s flying right by, but I’m looking up instead of down. We’re higher up than the plane is flying–how fucking cool is that. I sit down in the snow and just take it in, watching the plane cruise through the Heavenly Valley headed eastbound through Nevada.

True beauty up here. I get my phone, needing to lick my silver morphsuit fingers to let the haptic sensor register my finger–welcome to the future. I take a snap and see that I’m at 9,964 feet right now–wow. It’s breathtakingly beautiful up here. I realize that this is the most beautiful view of Lake Tahoe I have ever seen. You see the snow and that beautiful basin that is Lake Tahoe to the left, and then to the right it drops off all the way down to no snow and the flatlands of Nevada. It gives a true perspective of how Tahoe is just this weird big basin of water at high altitude. The Dipper lift runs off in the distance.

We’re sitting in the snow taking it all in, the beauty of Lake Tahoe, the snow, the Heavenly Valley. That idyllic beauty of it all. The sounds of the mountain–or lack thereof. Just a light breeze, warm sun, and sparkling blue lake. You can see the frost line visibly on the mountains right by the lake–it’s true beauty.

My silver bodysuit reflects the sun, and now that I’ve spent about three and a half minutes enjoying the beauty of nature, what else is there to do but have a photoshoot? You can take the boy out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the boy. Rachel gets some action shots of me as I pose in front of the lake.

“Work it, work it” she says jokingly, although I’m taking it quite literally. Goggles on, goggles off, board and no board, just generally having some fun with the four accepted wardrobe changes in the paradigm of snowboarding photos. I end with a blue steel pose, and then really jump the shark and put the morphsuit hood over my head and do some creepy zombie crawling towards the camera.  At this point Rachel’s had just about enough of my shit and gives me back the camera.

She clips in, I strap in, and then we ride down the huge bowl–it’s steep and crunchy. I’m still in love with the fact that my silver body suit is still providing me enough warmth. We get back down to East Peak Lodge and everything is closed up–what a bummer. I was hoping to listen to more 90s music and drink a beer. I run down to the outdoor bar and lean all the way over the counter to grab my jacket, snow pants, and other stuff I stashed. It’s all there–phew. We’re desperately in need of a beer at this point.

We’re the very last people to get on the chairlift out of East Peak–we closed ‘er down. There’s a bunch of Japanese tourists asking us to take yet another iconic Heavenly photo. They do a few poses, and then we’re ready to get that final run in for the season. I’ve balled my snow pants up with my H&M Hawaiian t-shirt, carrying this big bundle of clothing in my left hand. I try to do some tricks, but realize that it’s really hard to do that when you’re off balance. I have a nice ride down to the gondola.

The music is pumping outside of Tamarack Lodge, and everyone’s trying to get a last beer in. Alright, let’s do this. We find a slanted metal picnic table in the sun, and leave our stuff on the table. It’s a bit of a madhouse here, so Rachel gives me her ID and credit card and holds down the table while I order. “What is this, the East Coast? I’ve only needed multiple IDs in New York” I say as I walk towards the lodge. “I’ll have an IPA” says Rachel as I walk inside.

“Space man!!!” “Silver Surfer!!” “Take me to outerspace!” “I love your suit!”

I’m known by many names at this point, but everyone inside is loving my outfit. They’re probably a little drunk to be fair. Three large lines snake out from the bar, everyone trying to get one last beer in. By the time I get to the front of the line, I realize that it’ll be slim pickings. All that’s left are some dark beers–a milk stout and a porter. I grab two of each, and I’m surprised to see that they want to see the other ID for the other two drinks–Rachel was right.

We enjoy the last drinks of the season out there infront of Tamarack Lodge. At some point an Australian comes up to the table and enthusiastically says “Oy! You’ve got a nice dick. She’s a lucky girl”. I nod my head and say “Thanks bud”. Not sure why everyone thinks we’re a couple, but I’ll take the dick compliment. I realize at this point that my tight silver suit probably gives a pretty good outline of my package, but I don’t really care.

Soon we’re once again the last people drinking. Everyone has left, but I resist the herd mentality and just relax and enjoy my beer. Eventually they shut the music off and we decide it’s a good time to bounce. In the meantime the gondola line has dwindled from a 30 minute wait to a zero minute wait, and I’ve got a nice altitude buzz again–that’s called doing it right. We’ve closed the lodge down–AGAIN. Infact, we closed the whole mountain.

I enjoy a nice scenic gondola ride down to lake level, and then we walk over to the back lot. Ahah, the shirtless hippie crew is hanging out by their shiny restored VW bus, drinking Sierra Nevada and playing guitar. A bohemian couple cuddles in the grass. It’s kind of weird to think that I was walking in the snow 10 minutes ago, and now it’s all lush green grass down here. One of them got me with a snowball earlier on the mountain–he had a great arc on it.

We pack the our gear into the car, and it feels nice to get out of the silver surfer suit. I could eat a horse at this point. Basecamp Pizza is like a whole five minutes walk away. “Would you judge me if we drove a minute to get that much closer to Basecamp Pizza” asks Rachel. I thought she would never ask. We drive down the block, finding an easy parking spot. It was pay to park, but the meter was broken–perfect.

The Heavenly village is fucking LIT. There’s a bunch of 18 year old couples walking around in Tahoe prom attire–interesting. We see the crew in the four gaper suits breaking it down on the outdoor dance floor of some bar Oh man, I just want to stay here and rage with the old people. ‘The craic is 90’ as an Irish person might say. Suddenly I worry that there might be a wait for food.

We wade through throngs of people, seeing a many lingering near the entrance of the restaurant. “I’m not completely married to eating at basecamp” says Rachel tactfully. Just then the White Sea seems to part as we walk up towards the entrance and it’s only a five minute wait for a table outside–fuck yeah.

Two beers in, both of us really need to pee. The quest for bathrooms begins, and we walk past some tables with absolutely delicious looking pizzas on them–man this is going to be great. After taking my first pee without a spandex suit on, I return to the hostess and our table is waiting for us–perfect. I order a ‘Java the Hut’ coffee drink, while Rachel gets the Deschutes Pine Drops IPA. Damn, I was thinking about getting that. I give it a sip and it’s pretty tasty, but I still think I prefer the Freshly Squeezed IPA. More hops, less pine drops. I guess that explains the name.

We split a small Greek salad and a medium veggie medley pizza. It’s fucking DANK. Rachel’s eating slows down, and I know what’s coming next. “Have some more pizza” she says, ever so slightly pushing the pizza towards me. “Aha, see! I told you, girls never finish” I retort. I had reinforced my story from earlier in the day.

We hit the road right after, getting back to San Francisco at 11:15 PM. I grab my stuff out of the Nissan and wave goodbye. I drop it all off in my room and them immediately head over to a housewarming on Sharon street. They had a bunch of cheese and crackers out–fuck yeah. No meat though.

I didn’t want to point it out, but you’re not supposed to eat fine cheese with crackers. It hides the taste and feel of the consistency of the cheese in your mouth. It’s better to use fruity or crusty bread.

It was a a pretty ‘epic day’.

Spring Skiing with the Silver Surfer was originally published on RUT-IS-UP