#also i love wilf and the doctor is unusually open around him but i think that willingness comes from their distance
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something something Ten was unwilling to regenerate when surrounded by people he loved (the classic Good Death) but willingly accepted death against every emotional instinct when practically alone after re-experiencing the destruction of his people and his oldest friend (pretty much a horrible Lonely Bad Death by all measures)
#tenth doctor#ten#cw: discussion of self harm in tags#and i wonder why i'm obsessed with that moment#i think it was capaldi who said dw is about death#and i think that's very sexy of him#(said in an a-spec way)#the doctor's a little messed up is what i'm saying#anyways i go back and forth because it can represent a moral triumph and commitment to principle#that's the opposite of indulgent#(compared to my favorite moment in s1 which is practically the inverse)#but it can also read as a form of self harm motivated by pain/trauma/loneliness/self-loathing#it's not clear quite how much is *i'm dangerous to the world like this and i'm committed to not harming it*#and how much is *i hate myself and don't deserve to keep going like this*#which is (in a way) very indulgent; just because it feels right to hurt yourself doesn't mean it's actually objective/non-self indulgent#someday. someday i will nail down that meta about morality and self-indulgence vs healing/acceptance#that is the doctor's narrative arc from s1-s4#also i love wilf and the doctor is unusually open around him but i think that willingness comes from their distance#as much as it does any closeness; wilf is both very dear to us and yet also kind of an everyman
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