#also i know this is not the correct acronym but jewish acronyms that are obscenely long are funny

[transmascpetewentz]

me bleeding on the floor while my friend, 13th century spanish/egyptian rabbi and prolific scriptural commentator Moshe "Rambam" ben Maimon (ZTzVKLLH"H) stands nearby: help i'm bleeding get me ibuprofen rambam

Moshe "Rambam" ben Maimon (ZTzVKLLH"H): here, "i'm bleeding" is to say: a dark red fluid has left my body, and is now outside of it, causing ritual impurity. "help" once followed by "get me ibuprofen": the first [help] refers specifically to how the author praises the Holy One, blessed be He, and therefore wants to avoid ritual impurity, associated with idolatry. the second plea for help, "get me ibuprofen", is more specific and refers to a request for an action to alleviate his suffering. because the author's prayer follows a similar ratio of words to the shemoneh esrei (1:5:1) in its three sections, the meaning of "rambam" is: i thank you, for it is you who must save me.