#also i havent written these two in a while so if they seem ooc im sorry-

[divinesolas]

internal changes

summary: your long time betrothed jacaerys heads to winterfell to make good relations with the north, your relationship has always been one of love and happiness until you show up a month into his trip to winterfell where everything seems to have changed between the two of you. your relationship may never be the same and it has everything to do with a particular stark.

jacaerys velaryon x cregan stark x fem!non targ!reader

cw: infidelity, internalized homophobia, queer cregan and jace, threesome, poly relationship, hand job, oral (f), prob ooc for everyone man, p in v, anal, top!cregan, sub!jace, dom!reader, like one smack to the face, ‘sara snow’ mention? (its just cregan), not proofread

an: havent written in a hot minute im rlly rusty but ive gotten asked to write this for forever so here you go 😁

perm jace taglist ! (open) @cruelworldlana @smurfelle @ireneispunk @hxtd @venmondiese @urmomsgirlfriend1 @jacesvelaryons @earth4angels @itsemohours @valdezthg

perm cregan taglist ! (open) @ireneispunk

He had been acting weird since you arrived. avoiding you at every turn, barely speaking to you and it bothered you to no end. His letters to you had been nothing but positive, speaking highly of winterfell and the lord stark who jacaerys also seemed to be avoiding as well.

he spoke about how much he missed you, how much he longed to see you but now that you were actually here he seemed to want nothing to do with you. a month ago you were the love of his life, he was obsessed with you, and now he would not even do so much as look your way.

then you heard the rumor for the first time. It seemed everyone had been trying to hide it from you but you heard it one night. the maids had been talking around the corner. Sara snow. The lord rumored bastard sister. With pretty long dark hair just like her brother. They had been sleeping together for basically his whole time there you presumed, you had even heard they got fucking married in front of the weirwood trees before you showed up.

You were sick. so sick about everything so sick of the thoughts you were having and you grew angry, furious but you managed to stay rational, calm, for now.

“are you happy?” he looked up at you started, you had barged into his room and locked the door quickly behind you. “y/n-“ “i am not angry, i was angry, but this is a very typical thing in marriages here i just wish you had informed me,” He stands up from his desk. readjusting the buttons on his white tunic to cover himself up further as he looked at you alarmed. He looked beautiful and you hate that. His hair wet and face flushed as he tries to find his words.

“i dont know what,” “ive heard the rumors. everyone talks about it, everyone looks at me with pity in their eyes. whether its this sara snow or some other lady i dont care because i believe it.”

He freezes. He looks down at his hands which shake, you wait for him to say something. Anything. a part of you hopes he denies it, even if it would be a lie you pray he can give you some false sense of hope but he doesn’t. merely standing quietly in shame while you let out a soft laugh devoid of anything. “if you wish for our marriage to be one of agreement then so be it. but do not try to trick me into believing itll be anything more than that any longer i refuse it.”

You turn to walk out of the room, no longer being able to stand in his presence but as you go to open the door his voice calls out to you. “there is no other lady.”

You scoff and turn back to him, his eyes are glazed over with tears as his chest rises with heavy breaths. A part of you wants to walk over to him and wipe his tears off his face but you remain firm as you scoff. “do not take me for a fool-“ “i mean it. there is no lady.” he puts an emphasis on the word that has you tilting your head. you open your mouth to question him until the pure desperate look on his face causes it to click. there is no lady. but there is someone.

“im sorry.” he flats and looks as though he did not expect you to say that. “for what? you have nothing to be sorry for it is i who should be-“ “i cannot be mad at you for who you are it is not your fault.” He walks over to you as you close the door, grabbing your hands as he shakes his head. “you miss understand me i like you i love you like i man loves a women but he,” he lets out a frustrated sigh but you can tell its not directed at you, “i love him as i love you.”

When there is a silence in the air for far longer than he likes he squeezes you hard tight as he looks at your blank face. “please say something my love.” “who is it?” he looks down once more as you remain firmly staring at him. “y/n..” “who?” “cregan.” He says his name likes its forbidden, the word travels in the air like a brush of wind but you still hear it all the same.

he doesn’t dare look up at you again as another wave of silences washes over you two. His heart is aching so badly he wants to clutch his chest and fall to the ground. He does not want to be like this, one of those men. He holds himself in higher regard, but he cant help how he feels about the winter wolf who smiles at him so kindly. He thought it could be one and done, manage to shake this illness from his skin and be done with it but it has only gotten worse.

it is wrong. he should not want to love cregan as he loves you. you are his light his world but why does he think of cregan as he thinks of you. Its wrong, immoral. He should be punished, he wishes for you to yell, to scream at him, hit him but you don’t. you merely pull away from him and walk out the room without another word. He drops to his knees when as you shut the door and he clutches his chest as he begin to sob, he is a monster and this fate is a cruel but just punishment in his eyes.

Cregan wake up that morning prepared to walk the same routine he always does. The images of the dark haired prince that flash in his mind go ignored another day as they have been ever since the princess arrived. he did not hate you, no he actually rather liked you a lot but he did miss getting to spend time with jacaerys who clung to his side before you had shown up and now had not even spoken a word to him.

He walks into the hall and pauses. There you sit, arms crossed and two plates of hot foot in front of you. it clicks. he looks around at all the guards and maids in the room, “everyone out.” the room quickly scatters, “and make sure nobody enters.” the doors as shut with a hard slam as he stalks towards you, eyeing you down with a gleam of mischief in his pupils. “its a shock to see you here princess.” “i am not a princess.” he hums as he takes a seat and begins to pick at his food while you merely stare at him. “something the matter?” “how long?”

he raises his brow as he dunks his bread in the soup before shoving it in his mouth, “how long what?” “dont play dumb with me lord stark.” He chuckles leaning back in his chair and you find yourself readjusting in your seat. He watched you with a pleased look as he licks on of his fingers. “not long enough that your pretty little head should be worried about it princess.” “he said he loves you.”

cregans face falls and his face turns serious as he looks at you. He can see the questioning in your eyes and lets out a sigh. “two weeks. but we’ve been friends this whole time. i never meant for it to go further i swear on my sons life. stepping in between the bonds of a betrothal is not my way.”

You hate that you find yourself believing him. you itch at your skin to the point it becomes red. “do you like him?” cregan scratched at his jaw as he moves his food around on his plate. “i do. very much. i apologize.” he watched as you take a deep breath as you stare at your plate, “i will not peruse it, you are his betrothed and it would be inappropriate and wrong of me. i will leave him alone, i will never even glance at him i have disrespected your honor and dignity enough.”

he stared at you waiting for a response, he watches as you bring the bowl of soup to your lips snd take a long sip before placing it back down and wiping the excess from your lips. “would you accept his mother terms here and now so we could leave by the afternoon if i asked?” “yes of course anything you want.”

he expects you to ask him to do it but you merely bring your chalice to your lips as a sinister grin finds its way to your face. “do you find me pretty lord stark?” his brows raise in question but he coughs into his fist, “um, yes i do princess.” he watches as you lean over the table and grin at him sweetly. “just how pretty lord stark?” he almost asks you whats wrong before he feels your foot drag up his leg slowly letting out a shaky breath before a groan as your food digs into his bulge. shakily and breathlessly staring as you as you press your boot covered leg harder against him leaving him gripping the table. “i have an idea im sure you will be pleased with.”

jacaerys is on the edge of cracking. he had not seen you all day. he had gone to your room to ask you to have breakfast with him but he was informed you were not there. he had gone looking for you, searching every corner for you and he found nothing. nobody would even tell him where you were but they all had an odd look in their eyes when they said that to him.

He does end up seeing you, finally with cregan stark on your arm and he feels his heart plummet. “good day jacaerys.” his mouth opens and closes like a fish as he stares at the two of you. “good,,, day,,,?” he watches the look the two of you share as he feels his heart stop, “cregan’s been showing me around a bit would you like to join us?”

He feels like this is a trick. The two of you look far too happy, he gulps and fiddled around a bit before giving you a weak nod. he ends up trailing behind the two of you as the two of you talk about winterfell. you ask cregan about the history of certain things and he eagerly answers your questions. jace is just waiting for the fire to lit, for the two or you to turn on him and begin to berate him.

His mind wanders as he imagines the two of you punishing him the way he deserves, cregan holding him down while you tease his cock, refusing to give him what he truly wanted. He lets out a light whimper as his thoughts continue to run wild and his eyes widen as he coughs into his fist trying to play it off as nothing. He lets out a sigh of relief as the two of you say nothing but he misses the look the two of you share.

You all arrive at a large study, “this was my fathers before he passed.” “do you not use it?” cregan shakes his head, a more somber look on his face. “i should, i will, one day, for now his legacy shall be preserved here.” you hum and nod your head in understanding. you take off your cloak as cregan also begins to strip himself of his outerwear. jacaerys stares at the two of you confused, you walk over to him and begin to untie his cloak from around his neck. “you should make yourself comfortable jace.” “what is happening my love?” he asks you in a hushed voice but you dont answer him, a small smile creeps its way onto your face and he grows worried.

he allows you to strip him down to his undertunic, making no move to fight you his eyes drift behind you to cregan who has made himself really comfortable his undershirt untucked and being held open but just one button, cregan raises his brow at jace as he catches his eyes, taking a long drink from his bottle.

you grab his face and jacaerys blushes, “what are you looking at?” cregan stalks his way over and stands behind jacaerys his hands wrapping around his waist as jacaerys feels his breath caught in his throat as cregan presses his head into his neck.

“you’re such a greedy boy, wanting two people at once huh?” he whines. cregan begins to suck at the skin on his neck. he’s confused. he has no clue whats going on. “what’s happening?” he curses as your hands dip into his pants and harshly grab at his cock, “me and your secret lover have come to an agreement isn’t that right?” cregan lifts his head and hums. He watches in amazement as the two of you share a small kiss and he throbs at the sight of the two people he cares for most being intimate.

“hmm thats right princess.” jacaerys struggles to think as you tug on his throbbing cock, rubbing your thumb around his tip as cregan goes back to sucking on his neck. “since you’re so greedy, you can have us both arent we so kind?” jacaerys moans in delight at this turn of events and buckles his hips into your hand. your face sours and you lightly smack him across the face, “and not a single thank you? you’re disgusting.” jacaerys whines and shakes his head vigorously. “im sorry im sorry thank you thank you i love you.”

He feels cregan chuckle into his neck, his hands pull away the buttons on jacaerys tunic not caring about the now ruining garment as cregan caresses his skin. jacaerys continues to greedily rut his hips into your hands feeling himself closer and closer to his release. He suddenly feels cregan press into his back and he lets out a shudder as cregan begins to grind his hips against jacaerys, his tunic having long been disregarded and their bare skin presses against each other.

Your hands are suddenly pulled off him and cregan also takes a big step away from him and jacaerys whimpers at the loss of contact and the way his cock throbs as his orgasm dies down. “dont think im going to let you get away with this that easily.” your lips are suddenly presses against his and a fury and he eagerly tried to match you. “fucking another man behind my back so cruel.” he whimpers as it feels like a dagger begins to dig into his chest, “im sorry im sorry.” he slurs against your lips messily as you begin to pull him back as you sit on the bed, staring up at him. “prove it.”

He drops down to his knees like he was born to, quickly throwing himself under your skirt and get a taste of you like hes been craving for weeks now. your hand grips the back of his head while he begins to lick at you through your underwear and you look at cregan who takes another chug from his bottle before placing it down and walking back over to the two of you. jacaerys pushes aside your underwear and moans into you as he gets a taste of you. you gasp and look down at jacaerys skirt over head as your free hand grips at the sheets below you. “fuck jace.”

as his lips wrap around your pearl he gasps into you as he feels a body press against him and hands wrap around his cock. “dont think im not gonna join in.” jacaerys heart pounds as he continues to messily eat at you while cregan rubs his hands all over his cock, coating his fingers in his precum before sliding him inside of jace. his back arches and the vibration of his moan has you throwing your head back while cregan works open his hole as hes done plenty of times now.

the pit continues to build in your stomach and you lock eyes with cregan who grins at you and you wipe some sweat off your face, “dont you look pretty?” “shut the fuck up cregan.” the man laughs as he continues to work his fingers inside of jace, “you look so pretty when you’re about to cum doesn’t see jace?” the man though he cant see you now knows the expression on your jace far too well and nods eagerly against you. once you do release jace eagerly licks up every drop before you rip his head away and cregan pulls his fingers out. jacaerys still without any sort of release grows desperate as tears stream down his face.

“im sorry im sorry ill be good i swear please just let me cum please please.” you lean back into the bed and stare at cregan with a mock pondering look, “hmm what do you think my lord you think hes been good enough?” cregan smirks while jacaerys looks up at him with a pleading look, “oh how can you deny this face? look at him.” cregan cups his face in his hands and brushes some of his tears away. you look at jacaerys fucked out face and pretend to ponder for a few more moments while jacaerys squirms in cregans arms before grinning. “fine, come on my love.”

jacaerys heart beams at your words finally calling him by the affectionate name you had given him and he rushes towards you, “undress us.” his hands greedily tug off your clothes stripping you both bare and you grab his face and kiss him lightly. “you know ill always accept you jace, no matter what.” the layered meaning of your words hits him like a truck and the tears continue to well in his eyes, “i do not deserve you.” you shake your head as you affectionately run your fingers through his hair, “if this is who you are i do not mind it. i am serious, the three of us can be together if you so wish. cregan will grow on me im sure.” “im still here you know.”

you lightly chuckle as jacaerys beams at you, “you are the most amazing person i have ever met.” cregan now as bare as the both of you walks towards you two and raises a brow, “am i atleast second place?” jacaerys turns his head towards him, “of course you are.” cregan softly smiles and leans to press a gentle kiss against his lips.

When the two of them pull away the lust returns and you greedily turn jacaerys towards you and pull him into a deep kiss, falling back with him on top of you, “fuck me jace.” he moans as he eagerly lines himself up and pushes into you, shoving his head into the side of your neck as he bottoms out. he begins to work himself into a gentle rhythm before he feel cregans cock press against his hole and he freezes as cregan works his way inside of jacaerys.

jacaerys has never felt so full. so content. with the two people he loves the most bringing him to the heights of pleasure. he hopes his days are like this for the rest of his life, with the two of you by his side. that night after you had left the study and made a mess around cregans room as well he listens to the two of you bicker in bed about the mess youve made in his father study and how his legacy has been tarnished, “is it not strange he has a bed in his study?” “my father spent most of his time in his study, how do you think i was made?” “yuck do not say those things.” “oh you were certainly not complaining as i was eating-“ “oh dont bring up old news stark.” that night jacaerys falls asleep with a big smile on his face your voices lulling him to sleep.

[impishtubist]

Hullo imp

You mentioned a post about how mpreg fics push the pro-life agenda.

Well. I havent seen that post (at least I dont think I have).

But I saw a similar one, stating that in many cases in fics the accidental and unplanned pregnancy (in general, no mention of mpreg) is often written for drama that forces characters together, while the obvious (it those scenarios) solution would be not to keep the pregnancy.

And I do agree with that.

Obvsly I dont think pregnancy and kid fics are problematic. They are not, and I do enjoy them. But I do agree that in same cases "he would not fucking say that keep that baby". Sometimes it can just seem ooc. (But those are fictional scenarios about fictional characters, and also im guilty of being delusional about my favs for the sake of specific scenarios, so obvsly - that is fine.)

However. While I do enjoy pregnancy and kid fics very much I think Ive only read one (1) when the characters decided to abort and that was bc they were still at school. (also: not saying those dont exist! i just havn't stumbled upon that many of them). And I do sometimes enjoy some angst, and exploration of character's complicated feelings, so I think ppl should consider not keeping the baby as a possible solution to accidental pregnancy thrope.

In conclusion - i dont think pregnancy fics are problematic. If anything Im wondering if the topic of abortion isnt too taboo to be featured in fics.

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk

Yes, this analysis of accidental pregnancy fics is totally valid. I'm still confused about that post re: pregnancy fics push a pro-life agenda, but yeah, there are a lot of instances where the pregnancy is definitely being used as a trope to push the characters together when in reality they probably...........shouldn't stay together just for a baby 😂 But, I mean, that's kind of what you're into if you're reading/writing pregnancy fics? Like, I'm HERE for the two characters getting together b/c of the baby. That's the POINT. If I didn't want that to happen, I simply would not seek out pregnancy fics. It IS forced drama and I will inhale it every time.

I want that old man bred, and I want him bred repeatedly!

(Yes pregnancy fics and breeding fics are two different things generally, but who's to say they can't also be the same? ;) )

I actually did stumble across a post-POA fic once where Sirius accidentally knocked Remus up and they decided to abort because they were out doing something for the Order...idk, the details are hazy. But yeah, abortion doesn't come up all that often in fics! I don't know if it's because it's a taboo thing to write about, or if it's because when you're writing/reading pregnancy fics, you're there because you want that babyfic content. Soooooooooo you're not gonna include an abortion.

Anyway, yes, agree with all of this!

[lovely-blue-galaxy]

Fluffebuary Day 3

Fake Dating - Lavashipping

I know it’s almost a day late but here’s Day 3 xD

----------------------------

Cole burst through the doors, rushing over to the front counter of the hospital. He tapped his fingers anxiously along the table, looking around to find a clock somewhere on the wall. It had been a half-hour since he had gotten the phone call from a doctor, explaining to him what had happened.

:readmore:

Apparently, there had been a massive break-in at the Ninjago City Bank, and a certain fire elemental decided that he was strong enough to take all of the robbers on alone. Now here the rest of them are, rushing to the emergency room to get him.

A woman appeared behind the front desk, grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen. “Hi there,” she greeted him. “What patient will you be seeing today.”

“Kai Smith,” the earth elemental answered. “I’m one of his emergency contacts. I just got a phone call saying that he was just administered-”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m afraid Mr. Smith is just coming from the emergency room, and you won’t be able to see him if you’re a friend, so I’m going to need you to sit down.”

Cole hesitated, biting his lip slightly. He was worried about him a little too much to sit down and wait. “I’m not a friend- I’m- he’s my boyfriend,” he blurted out, feeling his throat tightening a bit. Maybe it was a bad idea to lie about something he wished to be true. But Kai needed someone to give him a piece of their mind.

The woman raised her head and looked him in the eyes, clearly suspicious of his words. He never was a good liar, was he?

After a moment she turned back towards her papers and handed him a sheet and a pen.

“Sign here. He’s in room 147.”

Cole snatched the pen up and scribbled his name in the blank, quickly thanking her and taking off down the hallway.

After what felt like no time at all, he found him in front of the room. He gently pushed open the door handle and peeked inside.

The door creaked loudly, causing the red ninja in the bed to stir in his sleep. He slowly shifted over and opened his eyes, seeing his teammate in the doorway. Lifting himself up, he flashed him a smug, cocky grin.

“I see someone decided to visit me, huh?”

“That dumbass,” Cole muttered under his breath, making his way around the machines next to the bed, to the chair against the wall.

“You know how stupid that was, right? Taking on all those guys at once.” He sat down and stared at his teammate, waiting for a response.

Kai slumped back down and pulled the blankets up. “Calm down,” he said. “It’s not like I died or something.”

“Kai, you know you shouldn’t have gone alone. There could have been more of them, they could’ve brought lots of weapons- why didn’t you just call us first?”

Kai raised his palms towards him in defense. "Relax, ok? Jeez, you’re starting to sound like Jay...”

Cole leaned back in his chair. “What happened to you again?”

“A guy pulled a knife at the last minute. Totally unfair, by the way, I thought we had established that it was going to be a fist-to-fist fight, or else I would have used my powers-”

Cole sighed, resisting the urge to put his head in his hands. “Look, you just need to be more careful with this stuff.”

Kai closed his eyes and turned to the side once again. “Hey, it wasn’t too deep. Plus-”

His excuses were cut off by the door opening to reveal a young nurse with a glass of water and a clipboard. She walked over to the side table and placed the water on it, then turned her attention to Kai.

“Hi, Mr. Smith,” she smiled, looking down at the clipboard. “Your vitals seem to be clearing up, so you should be able to leave in a couple of hours. How does the stomach feel?”

“Better,” he replied, then shifted towards the edge of the bed. “I think I might be able to stand up soon-”

“Woah, not so fast, Hair Gel,” Cole said, earning a glare for the nickname. "You're not getting up anytime around now."

The nurse chuckled, pulling the covers up once again. "Your boyfriend is correct. You're going to need to stay here for at least a few more hours."

Cole could feel his face heating up, and he looked away from Kai in embarrassment. However, he could practically see the smirk that lingered on the other’s face.

“Let me know if either of you needs anything,” The nurse told them, turning back towards the door she came through.

The chaotic, mischievous tone in Kai’s voice as he replied “Oh we will,” told Cole that he was absolutely done for.

The second after the door closed, Kai turned to him with a huge, teasing grin. “Boyfriend~”

Cole covered his mouth with his hand, attempting to hide his blush and a smile of his own. “S-stop it,” he laughed. “It was the only thing I could come up with to get me in here.”

“Sure,” Kai teased him, laughing a little bit as well.

They kept giggling for a couple more minutes, before Kai looked down at his hands, letting his amusement die down.

“I mean….I wouldn’t entirely mind that title, though….” he trailed off, fidgeting slightly. He glanced over at the other to see his reaction and noticed that he had stopped laughing as well.

Cole sat up slightly, trying to comprehend Kai’s words in his head. His eyes slowly widened and his face heated up once again. “I- wait, y-you want to be boyfriends?”

Kai bit his lip and continued to stare at him. “If you would want to.”

Cole leaned back, still blushing from the other boy’s words. “….I don’t think I would mind it either,” he said, looking back at him.

Kai gave him a smile, his eyes slowly lighting up, and Cole quickly returned it. They sat in comfortable silence, only being broken once Cole took a glance at the clock on the wall.

“I should probably wait downstairs for the others,” he told him, standing up. Fighting back his urge to sit back down, he walked over to the doorway and turned back to face him. “We can talk about this when you’re not sitting in a hospital bed.”

Kai chuckled, resting back against the pillow. “We will,” he agreed. “Just make sure Nya doesn’t kill me before then.”

Cole laughed and walked out through the open door. “I can’t make any promises about that.”

[prodshima]

shying away after an argument

genre: angst to fluff ; hurt comfort with sakusa kiyoomi & ushijima wakatoshi

warnings: reader obviously gets emotionally hurt (resolved) but other than that there’s none! + kinda ooc sakusa.

notes: this was so rushed and idk what i feel about this since i haven’t written in SOOO LONG lmfao so enjoy ig even tho im rusty now :) also this request was months ago sorry it took so long haha.

sakusa kiyoomi.

sakusa came home extra exhausted, everyone in the team was getting on his nerves

and he wanted nothing more than to lay in bed and finally take some rest after hours of practice

so when he came home to see you waiting for him eagerly, it only made him more irritated

however, it seems that you didn't notice how tense he was considering you made your way towards him with a smile

and while you kept snuggling him and asking questions if he wanted to watch a movie after dinner

he was just too exhausted to entertain anything and anyone at the moment

“jesus can you stop clinging to me all the time? it makes me fucking uncomfortable.”

he slid into the bedroom before shutting the door close

you shifted a little in your feet, not expecting the sudden outburst.

looking back a few days, you havent realized how it was annoying for him and guilt creeps up to you for making him uncomfortable through your affection

taking a deep breath, you made your way to settle on the couch, deciding to give him some wanted space

it’s the next day and sakusa woke up feeling slightly better than yesterday. he reaches an arm over to your side of the bed almost as if it’s an instinct, hoping he could cuddle you for a while before heading to practice again, a frown across his face when he felt no trace of warmth

he drags his feet out of the bedroom, a subtle smile flashing across his lips when he finds you curled up on the couch with a blanket draped over your figure

his heart tugs lightly as he remembers how he took out his frustration on you, he knows his words stung and he feels bad, but he hopes you know he doesn’t mean any of it

when he comes home from practice, you're cooking something up, maybe dinner for the two of you— but you seemed too busy to notice him so he decides to walk over himself

"y/n, hi.”

a sudden voice breaks you out of your trance as you look up to the man with his usual stoic face.

you smile at him softly, "hi kiyoomi, how was practice?"

"t' was fine" he replies and scratches his nape as he stands before you expectantly, waiting for you to give him his usual greeting hug but you immediately avert your gaze away from him and back to the pot in front of you

he tilts his head awkwardly, he thinks it’s a little strange but shrugs it off anyway, maybe you just forgot?

when you’re both eating dinner, he makes sure to send discreet glances in your way, hoping you would initiate some kind of conversation— you don’t though and his shoulders droops in defeat

after dinner, he invites you for a movie and he thinks luck was on his side when you agreed

however, he expected you to join him and settle on his lap like usual but instead, you situate yourself on the other side of the couch, leaving enough space between the two of you

now he's getting annoyed, fingers itching to just hold you and cradle you in his arms but you don’t seem to be in the mood to, did something happen?

he thinks he's being too dramatic and tries his best not to dwell on the silence too much, but he can't help but think of what he possibly might've done to make you act this way, and then his mind went back to yesterday.

he completely forgot about that as his mind was going miles away and he almost mentally beat himself up for not realizing how much his words had affected you.

trying to be subtle, he scoots over to your side, scooping you in one fluid motion onto his lap and trapping you between his arms

you jolt in surprise before trying to wriggle out of his hold, only to fail miserably, "kiy—"

"are you upset with me? i’m sorry i didn't mean it"

you stare at him in worry, suddenly feeling bad that he’s been blaming himself all along, “hey, i’m not upset with you, okay? i promise that but i do apologize for crossing the boundaries, i promise i’ll loosen myself up!” you continue with a smile, not wanting him to worry about you first.

but it appears he knows you too well for that.

"no, my love, don’t do that, please? i want you here with me and i shouldn’t have talked to you like that so let me make it up to you.. yeah?”

and finally— finally, you nestle yourself on his lap, taking in the warmth you’ve been craving as you speak up about your own feelings

“of course omi”

ushijima wakatoshi.

you knew volleyball will always be ushijima’s top priority and that he spends all of his time practicing for upcoming matches

you've supported him through and attended all of his games whenever you had a chance to and of course you were more than proud of him

but today, you wanted to spend time with him especially since you hadn't spend some time alone together for almost a month due to his schedule

the rest of the shiratorizawa team had said that their coach gave them a free day to make up for all their hard work

and you were looking forward to have a movie date which he suprisingly agreed into (he was half asleep when you asked him to)

getting ready, you dressed in comfy pjs and prepared the snacks, and warm blankets.

you waited patiently on the couch for a few minutes

but those minutes turned into hours and he still wasn't home so you texted him with worriedly, asking him if he was almost home

after an hour, he finally called you, “i can’t come. i’ve already told you that i have to spend my time on practice and not on useless things, y/n.”

your eyes pricked as his words registered in your brain

you wanted to spend some time with him, and yet he only thinks it’s a waste.

you were used to this, basing from your past relationships so you weren't that surprised although you won’t deny that you were disappointed

because maybe you thought it was going to be different this time

why did you even expect?

understanding where this was coming from, you quickly gathered yourself and replied as you tried to keep your voice steady: “ah i’m sorry toshi. i’ll see you at home. love you.”

you ended the called not long before he can even answer, not trusting yourself enough to even hear his voice after what he just said without breaking down

you shut off your phone, dragged yourself in the bedroom and drifted off to sleep

it's been a week since and today was sunday, another one of his free days and though you wanted to ask him once again if he could stay in, you knew that he was still going to the gym despite that, so you opted to keeping it to yourself, saving yourself from further heartbreak.

your prediction was soon confirmed when you checked the time, it was already 8 PM. usually at this time, ushijima had already arrived home but ever since he’s been charged as a captain, he'd always arrive around quarter to eleven or even later.

you were completely understanding and didn't bother him as much since you didn't want him to feel like you're holding him back from doing what he likes to do

shaking your head off the thought, you scrolled through the list of movies, trying to find something to entertain you for the rest of the night as you slowly munched on the chips you bought from the grocery store earlier

but what you didn’t know is that a certain male kept all his attention on his phone, taking glances from time to time as he waited for you to spam his notifications like you usually do

but you don’t and he takes this as the aftermath of the harsh words he threw at you last week and his heart sinks to his stomach at the thought of you not being your usual self

so before heading back, he quickly stopped by a small bakery shop near the apartment to buy some of your favorite pastries and cookies, hoping you would appreciate his small gift

when he got home, the lights were off and you weren't anywhere in sight. worried, he quickly strode through the living room, only to see you sitting in the couch with a bag of chip on your hand

you stare at the sudden intrusion, not expecting the certain man to be home so early “ toshi? are you okay? did something happen at pra—“

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it”

you blinked as you tried to keep your tears at bay, not wanting to lower your guard down so easily, knowing what exactly he was apologizing for

“i apologize for my words last week, y/n. i promise you i do not mean it and i love spending my time with you, in fact i found myself enjoying it more than practice, which is quite unbelievable.”

you laugh a little at his words, suddenly feeling a huge weight being lifted off your shoulders “you know i’m only worried about you, right?”

“i know, i’m sorry.”

“and that i love you?”

“yes, i know that. i love you too.”

smiling, you usher him to sit beside you and he stumbles as he buries his face on your chest, finally having the rest he’s been missing the whole time.

© all works belong to @prodshima — do not plagiarize, copy, modify, or claim my works as your own.

[blastthatsadfm]

shizaya

I love when my mutuals indulge me on my Shizaya Thirst. 

• when or if I started shipping it. Ever since I saw them on the opening and I’m not even kidding. I wish I was.

• my thoughts: Literally, almost every problem those two ever had (including some of the emotional ones) would be fixed if they could find something like a peaceful coexistence. A Truly peaceful coexistence. That could be by just being companions, snarky friends or being a couple (this last one, Im just saying, IM JUST SAYING). 

But at the same time, it just… wouldnt be them, if they didnt have passionate  feelings for each other. So much of their characers, of their actions, of their feelings, of their personality, was build because of their meeting, because of their contact with each other. This is why I cant really see them being close friends without, somehow, falling in love. Or becoming destructive/self destructive again.They’re literally incapable of being indifferent to each others very existence. Not, at least, without taking a huge toll of their energy.

• What makes me happy about them: They’re on each other’s mind all the time and thats canon. Izaya costantly mentions Shizuo when talking about his only exception on his sick, twisted love for humanity. Scratch that, Izaya mentions and talks about Shizuo all the time when nobody asks. 

 Shizuo is reminded of his own brother when he sees Izaya’s little sisters. I though that connection was odd to have with someone you hate; to be reminded of the positive bonds in your life, by remembering the ones your enemy has. At some point in the novels, on Shizuo POV, when he’s wondering about his past, in which everyone was afraid of him, he specifically remembers Izaya as the one who didnt. And then Narita immediately goes “but he was a man! no homo”.

Besides that, they complement each other. In personalities, in color palettes (I draw! Leave me alone!), in actions. They polarize each other on a perfect way inside the narrative.

• What makes me sad about them: WAHT DOESNT MAKES ME SAD ABOUT THEM, I SHIP THESE GUYS ENTIRELY TO SUFFER, IT SEEMS. 

They’re both very lonely. And its due to their own unchanging nature. And they have a very difficult relationship with bonds. Y E T they seek for bonds, each one on their own way. Izaya by rejecting them and creating his own rules about his relationship and dynamics with people. Shizuo, by accepting his loneliness while at the same time accepting he yearns for connecting with others.

They’re both very sad, deeply lonely characters and due to that I think they do understand each other on a level no other character is able to. (Shinra sees it, but from a detached point of view.)They seem to deny it and push it, though.

Obvs, at the end of the novels Shizuo gets better (but at what cost?).

They’ll never be completely happy or free until their conflict reaches an satisfiable end and I do hate the fact Narita pulled away from that at the last fucking second, after an entire, intense and ultimately useless build up.• things done in art/fic that annoys me:

- When they’re already on a stablished relationship but Shizuo is constantly brute and hurtful. So unnecessary. Especially when, on the plot, is constantly uncalled for, when Izaya has barely done anything to be an acceptable target.There’s a difference between this and being snarky, and I cant see Shizuo not being devoted and compromised with a person he’s in a relationship with. Also, because its usually justified that, despite how brute, uncaring and hurtful he acts, “Izaya knows Shizuo loves him”, which is just…. Yeeeaaah, guys, being treated like shit by somebody you do know loves you, doesnt necessarily makes things better.  The same thing for Izaya taunting Shizuo or provoking him on a distressful manner.

((Its not like I dont want conflict in their relationship, but if I start to wonder wtf those people are even doing together, then you’re not handling writing them on a “relationship”. Relationships are supposed to have nice moments once in a while.))

- When people go ~~dark and gritty~~ and cant decide if they love or hate each other, and then tropes like rape and abandonment and emotional abuse are evoked. Dont do that shit if you dont know what you’re going to do with those plot elements.

- People are usually way too afraid of going far with Izaya’s character (which is such a waste, he’s the character to go far with.), afraid of making him OOC and getting him wrong (which I kind of get it). And then they go T o o F a r with Shizuo’s one instead, making him IDK kill people, be angry with everyone 100% all the fucking time, eat 92059482 cakes, act stupid and unthoughtful, and generally being dumb or selfish, which is just… Ok, but what happened with the Silent Shizuo, who honeslty ponders over things while walking the street, and is kind with people he cares about??

 • things I look for in art/fic: Well written Smut To Be completely honest.   Its been months I havent read fics of those two but I used to read all the time. . But  I was usually up to any kind of trope as long as the author made it work.

Oh! Things around their relationship with their siblings or Raijin schoolmates. It honestly surprises me the lack of it.

• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:  I’m not a multishipper with Shizaya, man. Its all or nothing. Cant see them fitting well (and being honestly happy and peaceful and at ease) with anyone else.

• My happily ever after for them: So many. One in which they slowly learn how to trust each other and how to lean on each other (after, I assume, a lot of heartbreak). One in which, by loving each other and accepting each othe’s love, they learn how to love themselves, for who they happen to be. And then, they get a puppy. 

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity? Play videogames. Imagine those two playing Mario Kart, how fucking competitive wouldnt it be??   They usually end up yelling at each other, at the end. But the fun, overexcited, kind of yelling. 

Also talk, just … talking. Izaya loves to babble on, about philosophy and whatnot, but Izaya also talks about the russian literature he’s read, his favorite authors, his favorite theories, the random trivia knowledge he posses for which he has no use for (”did you know Shizu-chan, that [random useless fact about caterpillars]” “…. …. ..hmm, caterpillars are cute” “are they?? no, theyre not.” “yes, they are.”.).  Shizuo just listens. He likes listening him. Shizuo would also confide him things. Slowly and in parts. Like his feelings of loneliness, his feelings of guilt, his complicated emotions towards his brother, towards his failures, his fights, his violence. Things that make him feel awful but dont anymore. Izaya wouldnt judge, he’s done and thought worse. Izaya would know better how to put into words, talk with Shizuo about myths of monsters, of heroes. Of psychology theories. Fill the silence after every confession, knowing hes doing so and why hes doing so until he gets a laugh out of Shizuo, or leaves him at ease.

Also, maybe watching cartoon when Akane and the Twins come to visit. Izaya overanalyses them or falls asleep, no middle term. Shizuo just enjoy them and makes tea for Akane.

Eat out at the Russia Sushi. Meet up with their siblings for awkward karaoke nights (Kasuka’s idea.). 

Shizuo cooks for Izaya. Shizuo moves in cuz Izaya’s place is nicer. Izaya remodels his kitchen solely for him and Shizuo to cook more confortably. 

Shizuo makes breakfast while Izaya is asleep. He hums or sings while making tasks. Izaya loves hearing his voice from the other room. He could always tease Shizuo about it but he doesnt because he doesnt want Shizuo to stop doing it.