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functionalmedicinehealing · 3 years ago

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What is Integrative Medicine?

Integrative medicine is ideally encompasses all healing and treatment methods that are shown to work, and aims more to address the root of a health problem rather than just masking the symptoms with prescription medication. Integrative medicine approaches have been shown to be more cost effective in the long run, and prevention is as much a focus as cure. Integrative Medicine as a specialty Integrative Medicine as a medical specialty is relatively new, and there is recently a fairly new official Board certification available through the American Board of Integrative Medicine (ABOIM). Fellowship training is available at KUMC Integrative Medicine (University of Kansas Medical Center) and several other places. Integrative Medicine training programs can vary in quality, and many require an MD or DO degree. Sub-specialties of Integrative Medicine Integrative Medicine embraces all the healing arts that can potentially help a patient. Because of the broadness of this field, many practitioners tend to sub-specialize. Sub-specialties in Integrative Medicine can include energy medicine, orthomolecular medicine, and environmental medicine. Some practitioners will be more knowledgeable in their special areas of interest. You will find practitioners who specialize in treating chronic Lyme disease, thyroid problems, autoimmune issues, and such. Some practitioners have several areas of expertise. Energy Medicine Energy medicine encompasses modalities such as acupuncture, homeopathy, reiki, shiatsu, micro-current therapy, etc. Because we are only just beginning to have the instruments to measure these energies, and because results can often vary widely between practitioners, it is more difficult for conventional science to accept these methods of healing. Orthomolecular Medicine Orthomolecular medicine is based on hard science and research studies. The foundation of this science is the basic biochemical pathways of the human body. Pathways such as the Krebs cycle that are memorized then forgotten as soon as most doctors graduate from medical school are the basis of orthomolecular medicine. Individual genetic weaknesses are tested for and treatment is individualized. The importance of proper nutrition is recognized. Comprehensive vitamin and mineral testing identifies deficiencies that can then be addressed. We use a combination of knowledge of biochemical pathways, individual genetics, and vitamin and mineral testing to deliver targeted therapy. With this approach, using testing instead of guessing, one is likely to walk out my office with only a short list of supplements to take, as opposed to the "Let's throw all these supplements at you and see what sticks" approach, which has practitioners largely guessing, practicing cookbook medicine, and people having to take 2 bags of supplements and still not feeling better. Environmental Medicine In Environmental medicine, the effect of environmental toxins on biological function is recognized, and an individual's detoxification pathways can be supported in various ways to better enable them to function in a toxic world. How Integrative Medicine is different Because Integrative Medicine attempts to dig deeper than conventional medicine, very specialized lab work is often ordered. For example, instead of just getting an IgE (immediate reaction) food allergy panel, IgG (delayed reaction) food intolerance panels and IgA (mucosal) stool testing can be done. Instead of testing only B12 and folate levels, all B vitamins are important, and the full panel may sometimes be tested for. The Integrative Medicine physician ideally asks: 'why", and keeps asking and peeling back the layers of the onion until the root cause is found. What conventional medicine is good for Conventional medicine excels at treating acute diseases such as appendicitis, strep throat, bacterial pneumonia, and most conditions that one would go to the emergency room for. Where conventional medicine falls short Conventional medicine, however, tends to fall somewhat short when faced with more chronic disease such as GERD (gastroesophageal reflux), fibromyalgia, cancer, chronic fatigue, and such. The main focus of conventional medicine tends to be just to treat the end symptom(s) often without addressing the real root of the problem. This does not necessarily reflect a lack of caring or skill on part of the conventional doctor, but is more a function of the financial reality of private practice: 12 minutes per patient is simply not enough time to delve deeply enough. Example of the Integrative approach For example, the conventional medicine approach to GERD is usually to simply put a patient on acid-suppressors, sometimes for years. Many people actually produce less stomach acid as they age. Long term acid-suppression simply takes away what little stomach acid the patient had, further worsening the pre-existing problem of insufficient digestion. Furthermore, decreasing a person's ability to digest food in the stomach actually can promote the development of food allergies and intolerances. It can also promote micronutrient deficiencies that can then contribute to poorer health. Calcium and vitamin B12 are examples of nutrients that are better absorbed with acid. Instead of acid-suppression for GERD, Integrative Medicine attempts to discern the root of the individual's problem, be it food intolerances, not drinking enough water, not making enough stomach acid, having too much yeast or dysbiotic flora in the gut, etc. Instead of acid-suppressors, additional Betaine HCL, digestive enzymes, and probiotics might be given. Personalized medicine The personalized aspect of delivering Integrative medical care rejects the 'one size fits none' approach. People are biochemically individual, and must be treated as such. Doses of bio-identical hormones and other supplements and medications should be individualized where appropriate. With the advent of affordable genetic testing, I use 23andme genetic testing clinically to make personalized recommendations for someone. Integrative Medicine gives more time to the patient The average primary care office visit may only be 5 to 14 minutes... In this amount of time, it is near impossible to deliver the quality and depth of care required by Integrative Medicine. My typical new patient visit is often about 1 hour long, and follow up visits are typically 30 mins or so. I have had initial consultations take as long as 2 hours, and this was not the time my patient spend sitting waiting for me.. this was my personal face to face time with my patient. Integrative Medicine and reimbursement Unfortunately, because Integrative Medicine has yet to be fully accepted by mainstream insurance companies, patients getting integrative treatments often have to pay out of pocket for doctor visits and lab testing. Some less scrupulous clinics may also tack on extra fees for testing (if you pay the office instead of the lab this is likely to be the case) and over charge for supplements. Quality of Integrative Medicine practitioners Because training in Integrative Medicine is not uniform, quality of practitioners can vary. Some Integrative Medicine practitioners have just taken weekend courses here and there, while others have undergone formal 1 or even 2 year Fellowships under the close tutelage of an experienced practitioner, who was themselves previously taught by another. Some practitioners dabble in a myriad of things, while others specialize. Because the field is so broad, no one practitioner can possibly know everything. Someone specializing more in orthomolecular or functional medicine may not be as well versed in energy or manual medicine and vice versa. The future of medicine The Integrative approach is the medicine of the future as it tends to give better results especially for chronic medical conditions. It is a superior approach for prevention as well as for the maintenance and optimization of health. With the rise of environmental toxicity as well as the increase in illness caused by toxins around us, environmental medicine is critical and is likely to become required knowledge for the physician of the future. Source: What is Integrative Medicine?

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heartsofstrangers · 6 years ago

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What has been one of the most challenging things that you’ve experienced, or are currently experiencing?

“I would say two things, one sort of in the moment and then another that happened in the past. The past one being, after my undergrad, I had sort of planned on going to dental school and I got put on a waitlist, which meant that I didn’t get in originally, and then that put me down a path of finding a job for a year basically, because I knew I was going to apply again. That meant I was going to be doing research science, which was something I had been doing a little bit as an undergrad, just as a side job kind of thing, because I was always interested in science. Honestly, I looked at it as just a means to an end, until I needed something to do. Had I been super, super passionate about dentistry, I would have found something in the dental world—I don’t exactly what—but I didn’t. I decided to stay in research, and then as I was going along I decided I should take the GRE, just because it seemed like the right thing to do. It would open up some more opportunities if I ever did decide to go to grad school, as opposed to dental school.

“And, on a whim, I signed up to take the GRE on a Monday. I took it on a Wednesday of the same week. That Tuesday night I went to Barnes and Noble and read how to cram for the GRE, which sort of helped, but not really. It was just something to fill the time between signing up for the test and taking it, and I did surprisingly well on it, which is odd, because I’m really bad at standardized tests. I think it was mostly because I just didn’t stress about it, or didn’t think about it much.

“That opened up the idea of going to graduate school. My boss at the time opened up a lot of doors for me, and I ended up getting accepted to go to grad school about the same time as I got accepted to go to dental school. I had been doing research for a year at that time, and I was torn. Do I do the thing I always thought I wanted to do, or do I do the thing I’m really good at? I felt like I knew what my life looked like if I went the dental school route. I knew I would have moved back home, or else moved somewhere in the Midwest and had a wife and 2-1/2 kids and a white picket fence, kind of thing.

“But then there was that other door, that grad school door, where I was going to move to a totally new place, and do something totally different from what I had ever thought of, and I didn’t know what was at the end of that rainbow. And that was kind of exciting to me and so I chose that. And then I went to grad school for something I didn’t really know a whole lot about, to be honest. I had never taken a nutrition course, but I got a Ph.D. in nutrition.

“I had to take a bunch of undergraduate courses in it when I got there, because I didn’t know the basics. My boss and other people I had worked with all knew that I was smart and knew what I was talking about, but I didn’t have some of the little things. I got very lucky with the people who stepped in and helped me in my life.

“Then I graduated and I realized I didn’t necessarily want to be in the nutrition world anymore. I liked metabolism. I liked the idea of nutrition, where your body takes in a nutrient, it does X, Y, and Z with it to create bones, skin, movement, all of that. I thought that was super interesting, and how your genetics interact with all of that, and so I decided that was where I wanted to focus. I wanted to learn really more about the hard science, and the why behind it all, so then I moved out here, to study with some people to do that.

“And right now I’m kind of at the end of that journey, if you will. It’s technically called a post-doc, but it’s a very ambiguous position that lasts anywhere from a year to six or seven years. Some people do multiple of them. I kind of told myself I never wanted to do two, maybe three years, and I’m at four and a half now. I’ve always been the type of person who takes what life throws at you, but I’ve also learned that you have to make things happen for yourself, as opposed to waiting for them to fall in your lap. While I have a pretty good track record of things falling in my lap, I need to do a better job of identifying and seeking the things I want.

“So, when I talked about the second thing that’s hard, I would say like currently, where I am right now is hard because I’m torn between wanting to stay in the academic world, academia, and be either a teacher in some capacity, or a purely researched based person in some capacity, and wanting to go into either the pharmaceutical industry. Which is an area—I mean, how your body metabolizes a drug is not much different than how your body metabolizes a chicken thigh, from a genetic or biochemical standpoint. So the knowledge and skills I have translate well into the pharmacy world, but also several other industries, so I don’t know if I want to go outside of my comfort zone. That’s where I am right now. And I have options in both, but I don’t know. Do I follow money? Do I follow my interests? Are my interests driven by what’s comfortable, and what I know?

“So that’s two personally hard things.”

What inspired you to pursue dentistry, in the beginning?

“It was working with your hands, and the money was good. From the time I was a kid I always knew I was going to be essentially a doctor of some kind. I didn’t, I always assumed it was going to be a medical doctor, because no one, unless your parents are scientists you don’t, you’re not thinking about Ph.D.’s, in your world. Or if you know Ph.D.’s as a kid, you don’t either refer to them as a doctor, or you don’t think of them as, as that. Um, so I always knew I was going to go to graduate school, I guess would be a better way of saying it. I’m the type of person who, whatever like, the best thing you can do, I have to do that. I can’t half-ass things. I have to go all out in whatever it is I do. So, if I was going to go to grad school, I had to go and do the most grad school. Whatever it was, I was going to do the most of it possible.”

Is that a quality that has been consistent with you throughout your life?

“Yeah, I’m super competitive and I’m a pretty anxious person. So I drive that anxiety towards things. I try to focus those energies. I never really thought of it as something that was debilitating. For me it was almost better to be anxious, because it was a motivating factor. You know, I never thought of staying up the night before a test, thinking about all this stuff as being like, a bad thing. I always thought of it as kind of hyper-focus on a thing.

“And so, if you can alter your perceptions on those things. I have ADD. Is it a bad thing? Sure, in the short term, but I can work on a lot of different things at once and be okay. If I take medication for it, I can’t. I can do one thing really well, or one or two things really well, but I can’t do six things well, and I certainly can’t stop one thing and start another as easily. And I think being able to adapt to whatever is needed at the time. Right now what’s needed, like work-wise for me, to be able to be nimble and jump from one thing to the next. As opposed to, in grad school it was super important for me to focus on one thing and really work on it, so I took a lot more medication at the time.”

Did the medication affect you in any other ways besides limiting your ability to manage multiple tasks?

“I’d become more introverted because I start thinking about things. And going deeper into that, cycle I guess, or whatever you want to call the treadmill of thought, where one thing leads to another. You can go down that rabbit hole a little deeper sometimes on medication, as opposed to when you’re not. I made sure to keep my like dosage low. I certainly never abused it. I was never the type to take it to go out and party. It was not the motivating factor for me. It was more, like, I need to get a paper done. Let’s take this and sit at the computer for the next eight hours.”

How did you arrive at being diagnosed with it?

“It was grad school. I just realized I couldn’t sit and do one thing for a long time and that was really what my job required me to do. It was the first time I’d ever had, like, when I had first started doing research I was at the lab, and I was moving a lot. You know you’re always putting jars, or, you know cleaning, or just, there’s stuff to do. You’re just always moving. But then I moved to statistics and like, data analysis stuff, and that all just requires you to be at the computer. There’s no, there’s no boxes to be unpacked, there’s no, there’s just data to be unpacked and cleaned, and that is just more sitting at the computer. I realized it was hard for me and so I went to the school doctor. They said, ‘Well, you have to get an outside person to diagnosis you.’ I went to an outside person, who diagnosed me as having a mild form of it, which the school would not take as an actual diagnosis, and then I had to find somebody else to diagnose me with this stupid thing. So whether I do or don’t have it is kind of a gray area, like apparently. I feel like I kind of float fairly easily between taking and not taking. There are times I miss it for sure. So I found somebody to prescribe me the medicine, and started taking it and had great success. School became a lot easier.”

Looking back to when you were a child, or a teenager, were there any signs of any of that behavior prior to the change of doing lab work versus doing computer work?

“It’s really hard to say because of a couple things. I was in every sport imaginable kind of, growing up, so I was just always in activities, and so I was super—I found that being physically active helped almost as much as medication. So if I can get a workout in during a day, or something like that, I’m a much more clear-headed individual. So I think that that helped as a kid. Where I was kind of using up that extra mental energy in sports, or what-have-you.

“But then it was also, I went to a public school, and public school doesn’t really do well with higher achieving kids. If you’re doing well then you kind of get, I don’t want to say ignored. I mean they always, they try to do the best they can to help you and make sure you’re succeeding, but honestly there’s other kids in class who aren’t succeeding, and their job is to make sure that everyone gets up, at least over a hurdle. I don’t blame them, but I used to act out more, I guess. It would be a way I would make sure, I was a class clown for sure throughout most of high school and undergraduate, because the material was easy. If we went over it three times, by the third time you could find a good joke to work in at some point, or some witty thing. So I made a point of being that guy. It was just easy. School was easy. So I don’t know that there was a time where it became such that I knew there was a problem there. And in undergrad, I was kind of busy partying and doing all of the other stuff, so if I ever was struggling, it was easy to point to nine other things that could have easily have been the problem, as opposed to ADD. But then when I went to grad school a lot of those extraneous things disappeared. I wasn’t going out all the time, partially because I didn’t know anyone.

“I moved from South Dakota to Pennsylvania. I’d lived in South Dakota my whole life, certainly never thought of going to Pennsylvania, for any reason. So all of like, going out was like, I went out it was going out by myself for a while. But you know it was certainly never, I wasn’t partying mid-week, or, I don’t know I was just living a very different life, and I was then still struggling with, and admittedly like, the material became harder because, it should be. That was where I decided like okay, this is something I should deal with as opposed to ignoring even more. A couple of my friends had said, ‘You seem like you’re jumping from thing to thing,’ or ‘You seem like you’re distracted in class.’ And so I took those as being warning signs, or symptoms of something that I should look into.”

Just from listening to you and from spending some time with you over the past week, in doing various physical activities, I have a sense, it seems at least from where I’m standing that maybe, in those situations there was a lack of stimulation. You know, you were not experiencing a level of stimulation that could keep your attention.

“Yeah, and that’s probably is, and like I said like, again where class got boring I went to humor or tried to do something, or I used to doodle a lot. Those types of things just to keep me engaged, but yeah I would say um stimulation is fairly important for me. I need to, I get bored.”

And so you do things now in your daily life that help, cope with that?

“I try to. I either walk or I do work. So it gets me up and moving in the morning. You know I’m kind of going and then, generally walk to lunch, another few blocks or something like that, and then I’d walk or ride home. So that’s kind of a baseline level of activity, and then I study a number of topics and things. I’m also interested in so many different things that finding stimulation throughout the day is not hard, it maintaining focus on the right things. It’s easy to find myself reading a super long article about biking when I should be reading a super long article about nicotine metabolism. One of them is a much lighter read that the other, and so it’s easy to go down one road versus another. But as long as I start myself on one, usually I can finish it.”

No worries. So coming back to where you are now, it sounds like you’re at a crossroads where you’re choosing to stay comfortable, to pursue money, to pursue passion. What does that look like? What does that feel like?

“It’s sort of exciting. You know, it’s kind of, the first time I get to see what I am actually worth, to myself and to other people. You kind of have an idea. Everyone has a sort of inflated sense of self-worth, but to have other people validate it in other ways. I mean there are literally other means besides money that people can validate you with, but professionally it’s hard to know exactly what those are without having monetary backing, if that makes sense? An ‘atta boy’ doesn’t mean as much from somebody who’s paying you very little as opposed to somebody who’s paying you a lot.

“And it’s a little scary, because I don’t know what six months from now looks like. I don’t know if it’s here. I don’t know if it’s another state. Hopefully I’ll have a little better idea in a couple months, but I’ve said that now for several months. As a whole, though, I would say I feel okay. I’m not ecstatic about all of the things. I haven’t maximized all my opportunities here, but I’ve done a lot with the ones I have pursued. But I know I’m going to be okay. At the end of the day, I’m going to be able to find a job. I’m the type of person who could be pretty happy doing whatever I’m doing, because there’s always going to be a challenge to whatever job I take. And I can be pretty fulfilled in taking on those challenges and doing my level best to overcome them. But it’s also weird to not know what’s next, and how do you plan for the future when you don’t really know where you’re going to be. How do you start planning vacations, that kind of stuff, all those little details become hard. You know, like this. I was actually not sure if I was going to be here in September, kind of thing. When we first talked about you guys coming out to Spokane, but here I am, still doing the same kind of thing. But I can guarantee you that if in a year from now you and I are having the same conversation, a lot has gone wrong, kind of thing.”

Okay, so that’s your gauge?

“Yeah, and I know I have a job for as long as I want it, to a degree. You know, it’s certainly not a five-year job, but like it’s a one-year job if I want it to be. I certainly don’t want to be doing the same thing in a year. So, it’s time to move on. It’s just finding out what that means.”

Towards the beginning of this interview, you mentioned something to the effect of, I know you’ve had a certain amount of luck or things sort of landing in your lap, but the other part of it is also, doing something to make those opportunities happen. And I think that speaks a lot to many human beings. There’s a feeling of what we want, there’s a feeling of luck or opportunities or even privilege and resources that are afforded to us, but then there’s also a level of taking personal responsibility for the choices we make in our lives and the things we do to align ourselves with what it is we want, and maybe even discarding the things in our lives that we don’t want. It can be challenging to recognize the difference between those things—the things we have control over and the things we don’t.

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying. While you said that, I was thinking about the year I took off between undergrad and grad school. I actually didn’t like the person I was starting to become, because work was very monotonous and it was easy to show up hung over if I wanted to, which a few times I definitely did. I never rolled in in drunk or anything like that, but like certainly on a few hours of sleep, probably smelling a little bit like a bar. My life was very much like just going through the motions. I didn’t have a lot to look forward to. I was honestly just surviving. In the crudest of senses I was surviving, but I was also thriving among my friends and what not. You wouldn’t have noticed that there was anything wrong with me, but I certainly was unhappy with the situation. I took a real hard look and realized that it wasn’t going anywhere. I had to make a change. I always knew there was a change coming. I’m certainly happy with how it’s turned out. Going down the road of hypotheticals is never good. What could have been. But I like where I am now. I like who I am now. Having to move twice across the country by myself was a good thing. It forced me to look in, inside. I was a popular kid growing up with a bunch of friends. You don’t realize how you’re never alone, really. I had an older sister too, and so I was just never alone. Never had to think about stuff. Never had to think about how my actions affected other people really, which is sad, but it’s true. The rules don’t necessarily always apply to the smart jocks, and I took advantage of those loopholes for a little bit too much of my life. And then when people stop caring about whether or not you have any athletic ability whatsoever, and they only care about your intellectual capacity, then that cuts out some of it.

“And then when you don’t have social status to fall back on at all, it’s literally just your intellectual capacity, and when you really start on an even-footing with people, when no one is more popular, or no one is better, no one’s anything on day one, it’s an interesting world. It changes the social dynamic in a way I was not prepared for, growing up the way I did. And it was an important life lesson for me to realize that a lot of the things I placed value on weren’t as important as stuff like following up on an email, or calling somebody back, or showing up to an event—all those little things you can get away with when people know or expect things of you, but when you don’t have the expectations, or preconceptions, it’s literally just being there and being present and being your best when you’re there that was eye-opening. Well it’s super important! And thankfully, my parents did a really good job growing up of making sure that I was good at social niceties, saying your please and thank yous. Always find the host and making sure they understand that you felt welcome. All of the, the proper things, but until you have to, to do it, it’s different.”

When do you feel the most present in your life now?

“During physical activity. You know, even like road biking on a closed trail, like on a paved non-road trail, if you’re not paying attention you can hit the smallest little thing and pop a tire—you’re going to have to be always there—or hiking. You know, you can kind of lose yourself in the trees, in the grass, in the flowers or whatever, but then you stub your toe on a rock and it brings you right back. Also programming, because it’s so interactive. You do something, something works. You do something, it doesn’t work. It’s very feedback-oriented. I also like being around people. I like the interactions. I’ve always felt like I’m fairly present when it comes to conversations, and stuff. I try not to wander off too much in my own head, but it admittedly it does happen. I also try in general not to be on my phone around people, because you can only be in one place, so when you’re on your phone you’re obviously wanting to be somewhere else, or you’re thinking about somewhere else, or you’re in a certain place somewhere else. And that’s okay if you’re on your couch, because sometimes it’s better to be somewhere else than on your couch; but if you’re out with your friends and someone’s staring at their phone, it either gives the wrong impression, or sometimes they need to be, sometimes they either have to be answering a work email, or they have to do X, Y, or Z. But from the outside it just never looks good. So I try to be present when I’m with people.”

I like the way that you described hiking, and you sort of get distracted, paying attention to the grasses, or the trees, and get lost in that, but then you stub your toe and it brings you right back to where your feet are. I think that is very symbolic of what happens to us in life as well. Sometimes all it takes is for us to have a little trip, or fall, or stumble, or something, and we’re right there back to where our feet are.

”Yeah and also back to where this conversation started, where I felt uncomfortable is, for me, a little bit of discomfort comes from the unknown. When you’re hiking, you have to know where you’re hiking. You can’t just start going willy-nilly down a trail and hope for the best. So right now, the tricky part for me is, I don’t know where this trail’s heading, and I’m just trying not to stub my toe along the way. But it’s a fun mix. I look forward enough that I know where I’m going, but still taking time to look at the trees and the grass and maybe stub my toe a few times. Because, you know, that’s part of it. You can’t go over things smooth sailing.”

True, and the other thing to is, while you’re on the journey and while you’re moving towards whatever direction you think you may be moving towards, or want to move towards, it’s important to take the time to take breaks, and appreciate what is around you. Because that is what is changing you along the way. I believe that personally at least. It’s not necessarily the destination, it’s what you encounter along the way.

“I agree 100%! And you know, to keep with our hiking analogy, sometimes it takes getting to the top of that mountain and looking down from where you came, and saying, ‘Wow! I did that! It was a lot of hard work to get here, but I did that and look where we are, and look how cool this is!’ You know, sometimes you also then look up and go, ‘Wow! There’s a lot farther to go!’ But, you know, there are the times when you reach what you think is the top and that’s fun. I’ve tried to enjoy those moments, but admittedly I’m the type of guy who’s looking ahead going, ‘All right, we’ve got another long climb coming, let’s start walking!’”

Are there more times when you’re more gentle on yourself, or relaxed? Do you slow down ever?

“I try. I’m not good at it. As a whole I’m pretty hard on myself. I’ve learned that I’m actually worse on myself if it’s something I do that affects another person. You know if it’s something I do that affects me, I can deal with that, but if it’s something that I do that affects another person, then I do really beat up on myself about it, but I also don’t want to make it sound like I’m, like I’m pretty easy going and I’m pretty happy with, with my life. So I’m, I’m content. I don’t ever want to make it sound like I’m not because, as a whole, I’m a pretty, pretty happy person. When am I easiest on myself? I’m not sure. It’s certainly not going to be when I’m asking myself when I’m easiest on myself, because then I’m just going to get harder, and be like ‘Well, no . . .’ It’s self-defeating cycle.”

So, what would you say are some of the things you’ve learned about yourself over these last four years?

“That I need to be more assertive as a whole, with what I want. That I am better with a good supporting cast than I am alone. That I’m not as good a leader as I once thought I was, but I think that’s more maturity and realizing the flaws I have. That friends matter more and more as you get older. Real friends. Not the people you meet and talk to for a night. The people you can count on matter, and experiences. Experiences I think count for almost more than anything. Being the outsider in a group of people and then coming back and reflecting on that experience and understanding what it means, or not understanding what it means, but understanding that you don’t understand what it means. Life is short, you gotta do stuff.”

It sounds like a bumper sticker.

“Yeah! But those are the stupid things I’ve learned. You just gotta do stuff. It’s easy to stay at home. Now I can say that because I have a job and I’ve saved and had the ability to do those things, but I also make a point of saving for them and making sure I can do them. I just think that experiences are important.”

Do you have a quote, or song lyric, or something that has resonated with you that you would like to share?

“That’s a good one. Sorry, I’m trying to think of . . . Ummm . . . Not really . . . ‘Not all who wander are lost.’ That’s the Tolkien quote that is cliché.”

What does that mean?

“I have learned that not everyone who you meet in life is where they’re supposed to be. They’re all wandering and they’re not all lost. Some of them are, but we’re all on a journey. I certainly would have never guessed this is what my journey looked like, but I never felt lost along the way and so, ‘not all who wander are lost.’”

Nice. How has it felt to have this conversation with me?

“Good! Admittedly self-centered. I’m not particularly comfortable talking about myself, but it’s important. Self-reflection’s good.”

Do you think it’s possible by sharing your experiences and thoughts and feelings in this interview that someone else who is hearing it, reading it, may find some hope or inspiration in it?

“I would hope so, but I also understand that I started on at least second base and I certainly didn’t hit a double, but I have worked hard to get where I am. Yes, I am smart, but there’s a lot of smart people out there. You have to do something with it. Yes, I was born with a fairly privileged upbringing, but again I made the most of it. I’d like to think so. I always feel a little bad talking about myself when it comes to that kind of thing, because I certainly haven’t—I didn’t escape a refugee camp, or anything like that. But I think that doesn’t diminish my path. It’s just different than others. And so I think if any of that resonates with someone, then maybe. I would hope so. I don’t know. I think honesty is always well received. I’ve tried to be honest. But you never know. You don’t know what’s going to touch some person versus another. You just have to try.”

#reflection #anxiety #vulnerability #heartsofstrangers

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