#also i dont know how this is supposed to support acceptance because drag queens

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

LOL the outfits (western) drag queens usually wear are inspired by strippers and prostitutes which is partly due to a historic overlap of transvestism, gay culture and sex work. and i didnt say tits are inherently sexual i said putting on ridiculously large fake tits for entertainment is sexual. but thanks for trying and failing to address the actual points made @theineated.

clowns and drag queens are both performers and entertainers but so are strippers and ive yet to see strippers demand reading to kids in their “work clothes”. drag queens are adult entertainers and have only recently breached into childrens entertainment for whatever reason.

i saw some thread on xitter with some dude asking why drag queens "want to be around children so much" re: story hours and all the replies were either predictably disgusting or very defensive but not a single goddamn one of them answered the question so i will help in case anyone ever asks you this incredibly stupid question: they are clowns!! drag queens are just clowns!! they put on extremely silly makeup and huge wigs and bright clothes and do over-the-top performances that make people laugh and smile and sometimes cry. that is the definition of a clown. they like to perform for children because they are a type of clown and children are great audiences and it is not any deeper than that. god damn.

[kmelanin]

Prince J/eight

AN- so there was a reason why i was SUPPOSE to post this before LIfe after Murder. Dont hate me.

You sat at your vanity in a parlor type style. Ji-Mee was currently doing your makeup extra slowly to make sure everything was perfect. About a half hour ago, Tallia came in and gave you a full blow out and straighten. She also did some braids and added some extensions. You didn’t really understand what she was doing and you tried to ask to understand. But she hushed you saying that you had other days to ask. Your hair was now holding in some curlers, Tallia instructed Ji-Mee to take them out after the makeup to make sure they are the right curl.

As you slowly put your dress on, as you held your hair up so the dress can lay nicely on your chest and shoulders, it then hit you. You were going to be marrying this beautiful, kind man.

You would be lying if you said you weren’t scared. Because you definitely were. At night you would wonder if he would change after he became King. ‘He got what he wanted, what’s the point of me?’. But then the good memories out shine those thoughts.

Ji-Mee finished the last bit to your dress, making sure it was snug and comfortable. As she grabbed your shoes, there was a knock.

Your heart started beating like crazy, wondering if it was Jeongguk. But your eyes almost exploded with tears when you seen Yoongi standing there in a all black suit, matching his jet black hair. He leaned down and whispered something in Ji-Mee’s ear. Next thing you know, she hands him your shoes and leaves, shutting the door, leaving you both alone.

“Before you say anything, I am aloud in here as he future Queens best friend.” He pauses and gives you his gummy smile. “Your man said that since i gave you happiness, he will give me that official title so we can see each other all the time here. On or off duty.”

“God I wanna hug you so bad, but i have a cake face right now.” You sigh, you were filled to the brim with joy. How you life changed so quickly, it seemed too good to be true.

“You can hug me later, but for now, i'm here to walk you down the aisle. Well if you will allow me to.” He smiles and you hear what he was saying. You were shocked.

“But I thought that the Ki-” “He can totally walk you if you would like. But I had a talk with him, he mentioned how to respect you and the Princes relationship. He said that as long as I do that I can be your main guard, you know walking you places a such.” He couldn't keep a straight face, his gummy smile not moving in the slightest, his cheeks were red, as his happiness could barely be contained. “He said that Jeongguk choosing you already changed what the future will hold. So if you would like, may I walk you down as your best friend and best guard?”He asks raising his brows up, and giving you the softest little kitten eyes that he has ever given you. You felt a swarm of emotions hit you, your best friend was here and with you for this day.

“I would love you to walk me.” You couldn't help but to let out a couple of tears, feeling the best you ever had. You could help but to chuckle when his face makes Os and quickly grabs a tissue from your desk and rushes over. He hands it to your with his other hand on his elbow and you thank him, dabbing at your face.

Now, you stand behind two large doors, your arm looped around your best friends. You heard the music start from outside. You imagined Jeongguk standing in his Royal Suit waiting for you at the end. You weren't sure how he was feeling, you felt like you haven't seen him in a while.  You dress and hair fell so perfectly around you. You felt like a princess and today was your day. The whole world was watching you, you were slightly confused because you felt like you should be scared but you werent. You felt ready for this.

Just like you practiced, the doors opened at the same time by the guards in the royal colors. You were met by cameras capturing you above, and royal family and friends standing. Below you, flowers were laid perfectly, and petals thrown randomly from somewhere above. Jeongguk was too far away to see his face, so that helped you start to walk.

You see the brides maids standing flawlessly, holding their flowers below and there smiles were bright. You weren't allowed to meet the groomsmen, you were sure, but you didn't care. Everything felt so wonderful.

As you got closer, you heard a sniffle. You looked at Jeongguk and you seen a couple of tears fall down his face. He tries to keep a straight face, but he could help it. We you finally reached it, Jeongguk and Yoongi both bowed to each other.

Everything that was said, kind of went in one ear and out of the other, and you took him in. He was so fucking beautiful, everything around you was, you could barely tell where the camera were.

“Yn, I want you to know that from the first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew you were the one for me. You just had this pull to you that I couldn't ignore. And now you stand here before me, taking my name as yours. I love you.” Jeongguk held your hands as he made sure he said every word clearly and perfectly Each word hit you right in the heart.

“Jeon Jeongguk, I never thought I would be in this spot. You have opened my eyes about a lot, and taught me how to truly love. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you.”

You heart was racing so much as the words you had to memorize came out. Your eyes were glued together as his mouth moved and said I do. That's when you heard the man next to you ask if you would accept this man as your King, and your husband, and your love.

“I do…” You were so out of if, in pure happiness, that you didn't know you had to kiss until he started to lean forward. You watched as he got so close and his eyes closed, you closed yours and your lips met.

It was different than the kisses before. He took his time, and deepening the kiss at the same time. You felt his hands wrap around you pulling you closer. You kissed back just as much passion. All around you the crowd cheered, and the music continued.

It was dark, all around you, you felt restless and tired at the same time. You were on something hard. Everything was quiet except of a few bangs. Your mind demanded you to close your eyes again. Okay, you easily gave in.

You were sitting in a huge fluffy bed. You looked down and you were in a cute black undies. Jeongguk was in the bathroom a room over, doing as he said, getting ready. You felt a nervousness sit in the bottom of your stomach. You knew what was coming, and you were ready. You had on a grey sheer nighty on, it held your breast perfectly and fell loosely around you. You also had matching underwear on.

You looked over towards the bathroom when you heard the door open. You watched as he walked out and started towards you. Your heart was beating like crazy in your ears and you didn't know what to think. When he reached you he grabbed your ankle and pulled you to the edge of the bed. You watched as his brighter hands trailed up your legs.

“God, you are fucking beautiful.” You looked at his face and you almost gasped when you seen how dark and eagar his face looked. His eyes were low and dark, his brows were furrowed and his lips were wet and delicious looking. “What do you want me to do, huh?” He asks, he was supporting himself over you with one hand and his knees. With his other hand, his drags a finger over your undies, creating tingles all over your body. His then drags it up and over your belly and between your breast. His finger pokes at your lips, you happily let it enter your mouth. You end up sucks on two of his fingers as his other hands and your hands work your underwear down. He starts to leans down wanting to finally taste and see how sweet you were. You let go of his finger and -

“WAKE UP CALL! WAKE UP INMATES, WAKE UP CALL!” You eyes pop open and look around you. The lights now on and your finger in your mouth.

“I could barely fucking sleep with all of your moaning.” Then it hits you. That was your celly. You were in prison. You were going to marry some fucking prince. You wished. You wished you could be anywhere but prison. You knew that you would never see the outside world, not with a life sentence plus thirty. You've already served 9. You wished you could see your daughter,  who was 15 now. You always wonder what she was doing.

You never knew that she would be doing her own time.

life after murder 1

[beesmygod]

this is what riverdale is about (part 6)

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

and now...we come to the end of our journey...the final 4 episodes of the season. who killed jason blossom? you forgot that’s what we were doing, huh. you  were way too distracted by sex archie and the jughead/betty relationship (called ‘bughead’ in universe). 

i have a friend who has been watching riverdale because i have basically tricked him into doing so and frankly, what i am typing here was and is only the surface of this show’s nonsense. as he watched episodes, he reminds me of all the completely bananas shit that this show throws at you literally every second it is on screen and honestly its a relief to know that, as much as i can try to just give you some basic facts, watching the show itself is still a totally different transcendent experience. its really the only show of its kind; shamelessly stupid but unaware of it while openly delighting in all the silliest cliches presented as straight faced as possible. if these write up do anything for you at all, please, please. watch the show. you will be shocked at how much more there is to discover.

images are from the riverdale wiki

---

SEASON 1 (PART 4): 

the lost weekend: this is the one with a very special guest star in it: molly ringwald as archie’s mom! she and fred (luke perry) have been separated for some amount of time for an unknown reason. yay she’s so cute! i love her. oh uh, also they’re getting a divorce. the papers are going through. archie gets the bad news in the middle of a gaming sesh with jughead.

meanwhile, veronica meets with her dad’s lawyer (whose name is paul sowerberry?? he never shows up again despite his unbelievably silly name) and tells him she’s not giving him a good statement as to her father’s character to help him get a lesser sentence. “fuck you dad!” is the general sentiment before she stomps out to go to school.

oh man there’s a weird aspect of this show that i have neglected to mention. this isn’t something i’ve ever experienced in school so it was totally foreign and weird to me but the students have their own lounge that they mingle and talk in...at...some point during the school day?? jughead’s opening monologue of this episode makes great pains to talk about how every moment of their lives are scheduled from 8am to 3pm but there’s apparently plenty of sittin’ time where they can just laze about this random room talking about crimes they have or are going to commit. a great deal of talking happens in this room when usually you’d have to like, sneak a convo while getting shit out of your locker between classes. i dunno, it’s weird. this is where archie tells veronica about clifford blossom sending her dad to jail so he can jack the land everyone is fighting over.

archie and betty make plans to celebrate jugheads birthday by taking him to the movies, which i feel like is in poor taste given his movie house was just destroyed but whatever. with betty coming along it’ll be just like the three muskateers! betty replies “AcTuAlLy ThErE wErE fOuR mUsKeTeErS” and somehow he doesn’t beat her to death with his bookbag right there and then. betty then doubles down on the bad words flowing out of her mouth and proposes they hold a surprise party for jughead since, according to his dad, he’s never had one. i have no idea what would compel her to think he would want this. even i know he doesn’t want this and i only know him through a tv screen. on top of this she goes out of her way to invite his deadbeat alcoholic dad multiple times. i thought she was supposed to be the smart, observant nancy drew type but like...what the fuck betty. jughead does, in fact, get pretty pissed at archie just for telling his girlfriend that he even has a birthday. presumably instead of telling him he emerged fully formed from the leader of the black parade’s forehead.

after finding out from some files that her dad was receiving money monthly from clifford blossom for some unspecified reason before the arrest, veronica challenges cheryl to a dance off and wins. unfortunately, veronica cant come forward with what she knows because it would make it look like her dad put a hit out on jason in retaliation. dance off to relieve the pain.

jughead fucking hates his party and makes sure everyone knows it. this is something NORMAL people do and he is NOT normal!!! he leaves the party in a huff when cheryl shows up to get her dance off revenge by ruining the party by inviting the whole school. this is the episode where he does his famous “im a weirdo, i have a hat” speech, which is deliciously dumb. they get in a fight, while jughead’s dad talks to kevin’s boyfriend (who you will remember is a member of his gang he assigned to keep tabs on the progress of the teens looking into the whole land plot mess) while betty’s mom secretly listens in?!

cheryl activates chaos mode and locks everyone in the house so they can play a game called “secrets and sins” which is really just an excuse for her to ask everyone horrible questions to make them feel bad. veronica accuses cheryl of fucking her brother, dilton doiley tells everyone about grundy’s statutory rape of archie andrews and chuck tells everyone about dark mode betty drugging him for an impromptu bdsm session which causes jughead to go apeshit and try to throw a weak little baby punch. jughead’s dad, as the only adult who for some reason let all this happen, finally throws everyone out and tells them to go home.

archie and veronica sleep together, by which i mean, next to each other in the same room. veronica testifies on her father’s behalf and discloses to betty the link between jugheads dad and the serpents and her dad’s land plot dreams. molly ringwald appears for 20 seconds.

INHALES. OKAY.

to riverdale and back again: its homecoming babey! archie’s very supportive mother has a nice talk with him. :) veronica founds out that her dad only has to serve “a few more months” in prison for his various white collar crimes, further proof that riverdale takes place in america. jughead and his dad have a nice normal breakfast while fp sweats and asks him “hey uh, how come uh you’re writing about the uhhhh murder and investigating it and stuff” like a normal dad would. archie and veronica tentatively agree to start going out. 

penelopy blossom brings polly (betty’s pregnant sister, remember her? i didn’t) a strawberry milkshake in the most ominous way possible. veronica plans to sneakily find out if jughead’s dad is helping her own and for what purpose, ultimately. jughead accepts and invite to betty’s house for dinner, not knowing her mom is going to grill the shit out of him and his dad over the whole kid murder thing.

polly finds the ring jason proposed to her with back in penelope’s room while snooping, and has no idea how it wound up back in the hands of his mother. according to penelope, jason threw it in their face when he renounced his lineage, then gives her another milkshake.

the cooper family event is disrupted when betty, wise to her mother’s horseshit, invites her estranged dad to dinner too. all hell breaks loose when the subject of homecoming comes up and fp reveals that while alice and hal were crowned homecoming king and queen, they got in a knockout, drag-out fight backstage. alice flips out before he can reveal what it was about and betty and jughead flee for the dance. meanwhile archie and veronica try, and fail, to find something incriminating in fp’s trailer.

cheryl discovers the milkshakes are DRUGGED and polly is going to sleep through homecoming. she informs her parents that she has disposed of the ring (evidence) and they dont have to worry about it anymore. you can see where this is going.

jughead’s dad drops a bomb on him right before homecoming that they’re going to move to toledo to meet up with jughead’s mom and baby sister. jughead hates this bc he just got used to betty and he wants to write his murder book.

archie and veronica sing a truly terrible cover of “kids in america” that has to be seen to be believed.

meanwhile, sherrif keller tears up fp’s house with a search warrant and finds the gun that was used to kill jason blossom. WHAAAA??? BUT ARCHIE AND VERONICA JUST SEARCHED IT??? how could this happen.....jughead finds out about the web of deception weaved by the friends and tells them all to fuck off so he can go to toledo with his family. jughead literally turns around and is informed that his dad was just arrested for murder. his life is so hilariously bad.

the sheriff sucks so bad at his job because he tells his gay son everything who then spills the beans to archie and co (sans jughead) who learn that fp is being framed, because they already tossed the place before.

cheryl has the ring. at this point none of these things mean anything.

i cant believe i still have two more of these. i’m going to have to split this post after this one.

anatomy of a murder: as it turns out, archie discovers, information you discover during a breaking and entering won’t hold up in court. oops. meanwhile fp inexplicably confesses to kidnapping jason after his fake drowning at sweetwater river so he could use him as ransom after discovering he heir to all that sweet maple syrup money. according to fp, jason nearly escaped so they cut their losses and blasted a hole in him. he also confesses to torching the car and stealing the sheriff's files (which we, the audience, know hal cooper did, not fp). well. that’s that, i guess.

betty’s dad comes back to the family home to destroy the murderboard evidence all like “whoo hoo! fp took a bullet for me!” hal’s concern and his reason for stealing the files in the first place, as it turns out, was because the feud between the coopers and the blossoms is more complicated than we thought. the coopers WERE blossoms, until grand-pappy was murdered, so they packed their shit and left with a new name. so that makes polly and jason related. cool!

fp apparently used his his last phone call to call kevin’s boyfriend who, after some pressing by the gang, admits that while he didnt see fp pull the trigger, he did help him put jason’s body in a freezer. this tip leads them to the corpse of a serpent who had a sack of money in a monogrammed dufflebag with the initials “h.l.” (hiram lodge). this is a comically dumb move for a crime boss to make. it is shockingly stupid.

joaquin tells kevin about a secret stash he and fp set up before he bounces from town forever because riverdale sucks. in the stash is jason’s jacket. everyone puzzles over what it means until betty, noted brain genius checks the pockets. in it they find a usb drive.

they sit down and watch the usb and react like they’re watching a sad documentary and not a snuff film. betty calls CHERYL OF ALL PEOPLE and tells her what they just saw on the usb. cheryl, queen of chaos, confronts her dad and tells him that everyone knows what he did.

it turns out the video depicts jason tied up in the basement of the whyte wyrm, there the dead serpent watches over him. clifford blossom walks in and blows a hole in his kid. fp confessed to protect jughead, who was threatened by cliff as the heat poured on.

clifford dies surrounded by his greatest love, maple syrup, by hanging himself in the syrup barn. lol

the sweet hereafter: how the fuck is there another episode of this? they solved the murder, what else could there possibly be to do. wtf. anyway.

the cops find hella drugs in the maple barn after clifford’s death. the assumed story is that jason learned about his dad’s heroin smuggling business and threatened to tell the cops on his dad which lead to his abduction, and eventual death. i guess the polly thing is in here too somehow. not important i guess. the lodges prepare for hiram’s arrival. betty and archie are going to be honored by the mayor for cracking the case at the 75th annual jubilee (wtf). hermoine attempts to buy fred out of the project now that the cops are cracking down on the serpents and making them the face of the construction company is now a very bad look.

betty tries to write an article for the town paper about fp being innocent but her parents wont publish it, citing it as a conflict of interest given she’s smooching the subject’s son. jughead FINALLY JUT NOW gets a social worker who realizes that fred has a dui and is not fit to care for a kid. he has to transfer to a new school district...SOUTHSIDE HIGH SCHOOL!!!

cheryl apologizes for throwing hands at jughead in a previous ep and gives him her iconic spider brooch. i am only bringing this up because she says, specifically, that selling it will net him a good amount of hamburgers and “s t-shirts” for years. why is she the only one who notices he only wears one kind of shirt. betty’s article getting published in the school paper leads to the above retaliation.

veronica’s mom honest to god asks her to sexually manipulate archie into convincing his dad to sell the project to her.

betty’s mom, after a confrontation, tells betty abt the fight she and her dad had on homecoming night when they were high schoolers. turns out...alice was pregnant. she gave the baby up for adoption after she went to the sisters of quiet mercy, like she did with polly, even though hal wanted an abortion. betty immediately tells all her friends this shit.

jughead transfers to the new high and flourishes. turns out they’re all baby gangsters there so they look at him and his dad as kings to be admired. when the archie group heads off to go rescue him, it turns out they dont need to do anything. but now that theyre all conveniently together, veronica gets a txt from cheryl saying she’s going to go be with jason....

they rush to the river where cheryl is having her ophelia meltdown in his stupid little river boat dress where she punches through the ice until she falls through. theres no way to describe how silly this scene is unless you see it so i won’t try but its so melodramatic and cheesy that youre going to be amazed that it got through the writing team at all. archie saves her by punching through the ice the other way. from under the ice. you will soon find, that all of archie’s solutions are to punch things.

betty does a speech at the jubilee that convinces fred not to sell. a nice ending for him.

meanwhile cheryl burns her fucking house down for a lark. just for the drama of it all. 

the same night, jughead and betty start to fuck, as do veronica and archie. not int he same room, like totally separately. but jughead is interrupted by the serpents and a dog named hotdog, who give him a jacket of his own so he can join the team. betty is scandalized.

archie goes to meet his father for a breakfast at pop’s chocklit shoppe for a serious talk. but while he’s int he bathroom, a man with a gun is holding up the chocklit shoppe. he demands fred’s wallet, then pops a hole in him and runs off.

and that.........is where this season......ends.

---

thank you for joining me for season 1 of this shitshow. i love this shitty show. if you loved reading about it, or were mortified by whatever the fuck happened here, then you should watch it as well.

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i WILL return...with season...2!

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