#also i did originally tag ten people but for some reason tumblr did that weird thing where it didn't tag the rest

[jerswayman]

thanks for the tag @nightshadehasblorbos !!

rules: pick a song for each letter of your url and tag that many people (if you can)

(j)ust like heaven by the cure

(e)choes the time by myk

(r)arity by giuk

(s)elfless by the strokes

(w)edi blino by adwaith

(a)nthem for doomed youth by the libertines

(y)our needs, my needs by noah kahan

(m)ichelangelo by kim hanbin

(a)ccident by woodz

(n)erves by dpr ian

no pressure tags: @thebrood1979 @confusion-is-wonderful @hughesquinn @starlitblues @ullybug

[puppyluver256]

Welcome to PuppyLuver Studios!

Jess / Pup | adult aged (June '92, you do the math) | they/them | nonbinary asexual lesbian | atheist/secular humanist

🐶 Snoopy Cooper | beagle, male | 7-29-23

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Thanks for stopping by my blog! I'm an artistic goofball who loves video games, animals, and food. This is a multifandom blog that also has original stuff, dog stuff, and Shenanigans. I hope you enjoy your time here, whether you're just taking a peek or decide to follow! ^u^

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If we're moots or you're following me, feel free to ask me if you need anything tagged for your personal comfort. I try to tag things for organizational purposes, but I can add extra tags if need be, whether it's a tag for the actual subject matter or you need a "(your name) don't look" tag. 💖

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No weird DNI list, I block on vibes and bs like an adult. Empty blogs, I'm saying this for your own enjoyment of the platform: please add a pfp and/or an intro header because many of us block empty blogs on sight under the impression they're bots.

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Yes, I am an atheist! No, I am not an anti-theist. No, I am not under the impression that I am smarter than someone just because they believe in a god or gods. (there are scientists who are christians after all not christian scientists that is a totally different thing and is legitimately harmful) I consider humanism a stronger indicator of one's character than whether or not one believes in the supernatural, and I would rather hang out with ten progressive theists than one asshole atheist.

THAT BEING SAID: If you try to proselytize/evangelize to me in favor of your preferred religion, I will not tolerate that for a single moment. Just accept that I do not believe, I've likely already heard every point you'd try to make several times over, and move on with your life without worrying about the state of my supposed soul (which I don't even know if I have).

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Anon is usually turned on because I like shy people to be able to talk to me in a manner that makes them feel safe. However, anon is a privilege with some personal rules attached, and if someone abuses this privilege then anon will be turned off for a period of time.

Anon is currently: On!

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I don't reblog call-out posts, as it is all too common for it to be nothing more than personal beef blown out of proportion (or worse, dogpiling on a marginalized individual under the oft-exaggerated or outright falsified belief that they did something bad). Please don't come to my inbox telling me to delete reblogs of or block called-out users, especially on anon or if we've never interacted before. I think I'm cognizant and socially aware enough to be able to make my own judgments of people with my own critical thinking skills.

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On occasion, some of my art may feature themes that some people consider to be fetishes, but my usage of those themes is not intended to be fetishistic. I am fine with those who do like those themes for those reasons enjoying my work, just please do not reblog them to solely fetish-themed blogs or make creepy comments on or about that art. I do my best to tag these pieces to help people who are bothered by said themes to avoid seeing them, but if I need further tagging please let me know. (note, however, that I will not be using any fetish-specific acronyms or phrases as tags for aforementioned no-fetish-intent reasons, ie. I will tag "petrification" or "faceless"/"headless" but not "asfr" or "nbm")

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Any ads placed on this blog by Tumblr are not endorsed by PuppyLuver Studios. Clicking/tapping on any ads is not recommended (but y'all know that).

[blarfkey]

Writing Tag Game

I've been tagged by like ten people for this so thank you everyone who tagged me! @redinkofshame, @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold, @kunstpause Consider yourself tagged if you see it and like it.

How many works do you have on Ao3?

38!

What's your total Ao3 wordcount?

702,253. I would love for it to be more but I am a slow writer lol

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Woodstock 83 --3480 Kudos

Xmen fic set after Apocalypse where Peter keeps getting these golden opportunities to tell Magneto/Erik that he's his son, and keeps chickening out at the last minute.

I know I wasn't the only one who walked out of that movie theater pissed that Peter came so close to admitting this secret since the previous movie and never did, so I wrote a fix it.

2. The Sun Will Shine When Morning Comes -- 2567 Kudos

The sequel to Woodstock 83, told in Magneto's POV where he's coming to terms with being a father while he cares for his sick son. This is probably my fav X-Men fic I've ever written because I loved having these two figure out what their father/son relationship would be like long after Peter has grown up and how Erik has wanted a child again but doesn't know how to process having one.

3. Jail Break -- 2488 kudos

The first Peter & Magneto fic I ever wrote and the first fic I ever published! This takes place post Days of Future Past and it shows how Magneto could have found out that Peter was his son and build that reluctant connection. Peter has a lot of freaking out about whether or not he wants to accept a supervillain as his father.

4. Clowns to the Left of Me, Jokers to the Right -- 2396 Kudos

The third part of the series Jail Break Started. For some reason this is the most popular one shot in the series. In it, Peter has a huge fight with Magneto and then gets kidnapped by The Bad Guys and doesn't think his dad will come bail him out. But of course he does! And murders everyone in the compound to do it.

5. Two Lonely Souls in a Fish Bowl -- 2361 Kudos

The direct sequel to Jail Break where Magneto keeps showing up in the dead of night to visit Peter as they both figure out how they want this weird parent relationship to be.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always! Even if it takes me a while. I love the interaction and I want people to feel noticed and appreciated.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Um, i don't really like angst. I think it would be Spark Me Up for Xmen. Professor X/Magneto angst with my first ever written smut. It was a remix of another person's fic for an exchange and they had an angsty ending so I kept it.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

The last installment in the Jail Break/Come Together Series -- Shine On You Crazy Diamond. In it, Peter's little sister Wanda comes into her powers and they go through a lot of pain before she settles into them. It ends with Peter's mom coming to stay with them and her, Peter, Wanda, Erik, and Charles becoming one big family. I've had several people tell me it made them cry lol.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

I'll write something like a set of characters from one fandom in the set up/premise of another fandom/piece of media. Like Dear Fen'harel is a crossover of Dragon Age with an old book called Dear Daddy Long Legs. But I don't combine different universes of different fandoms, it's too weird for me and I can't buy into it.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

took over and finished. We have an AU in our plans but so many other fics keep getting in the way! Sort of? I wrote the first part of a Solas/Maria/Varric series that@cartadwarfwithaheartofgold

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I did receive a weird, angry message on one of my Xmen fics because they didn't like a fight that had happened between two characters but didn't read till the end to see it resolved so the bitched at me for the fact that the fight was mean? Which made no sense. But other than that, nope.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! Though it's not as much as my non-smut. I didn't write smut for so many years because I didn't think I knew how. I tried to write some out a few years ago and kept it to myself until one of my tumblr friends read it and said it was really good! So shout out to @salexectria, you're the reason why I write and publish smut!

I write all kinds of smut, from dub con to vanilla, from f/f, m/m, and ace spectrum characters. Its all about the characters and what would fit them/the situation more than it is about a specific type of sex.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, I don't know about it.

What's your all time favourite ship?

Ummmmmm, that's hard. I don't think I have an all time favorite. I will say that Charles/Erik (Professor X/Magneto) was my first ever "otp" that I got completely obsessed with. Actually, I have never been that obsessed with another pairing. I write pairings that I enjoy or that I want to see a certain dynamic from, but that doesn't make them my favorite above all others.

I do really love Solas/Cadash and I prefer Solas rare pairs like Solas/Dorian, Solas/Cassandra, and Solas/Josephine over Solavellan.

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I will never not finish a WIP. I hate it when it happens, even though I know IRL gets in the way, but it's so frustrating for me as a reader. So I will finish all my fics. However, I am very slow and very busy so it may take a while.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and character voice. I also am really good at developing friendships and platonic bonds or the slow burn get-to-know-you part of a romance. Apparently I write good smut, though its very hard for me lol.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions and transitions and pacing.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

The only thing that bothers me is if they never put in a translations somewhere and you have to just kind of guess. I don't care about reading something in another language and having a footnote or a note at the end of the chapter. I do it all the time in DF. I do think that putting "said in {insert language here}" is a bit of a cop out.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The first ever fandom I wrote for and never published was Harry Potter at 13. I wrote a story about a muggle neighbor who had to emergency babysit the baby Weasleys and was shocked by the magic. But I tried to submit it to a website that only published fic by application and it didn't get in and I was like "whatever, I'll just read fic" and then didn't touch fanfic again until I was . . .24 or 25 lol. I mostly focused on my original fiction.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

I can't possibly have one favorite. I do really love my Peter fics, especially The Sun Will Shine When Morning Comes. I love my ACO fic with Apollo!Alkibiades. I love my Solas/Cassandra friendship fic Time Does Not Bring Relief. And I love Dear Fen'harel, of course, because it has so many things I wanted to change for Solavellan or didn't find, as well as a good analysis of myself and how I deal with anger and sorrow and homesickness, ect. through Ellana.

[itsmoonpeaches]

author interview tag

tagged by @penguinsledder <3

name: peaches | itsmoonpeaches on AO3

fandoms: Currently, I only write for ATLA/LOK. But, I have also written for Fullmetal Alchemist and Naruto in the past. (I am inactive in the FMA fandom, and I have left the Naruto fandom.) These works are only on my old and dead ff.net account.

where you post: AO3! I also post excerpts on tumblr! I did originally have an ff.net account. It is still up, but it’s very old. As in, I started writing in middle school and the writing is awful. It’s under a different pseud and overall, I’m pretty embarrassed about most of the stories there...oops. If you’re interested in seeing those, more power to you, but I won’t be posting that link publicly LOL. If you want it, message me! (I promise you they are all horrible though...) I also have original short stories posted on Wattpad!

most popular one-shot: In hits and stats, it’s definitely Through Lifetimes. In terms of what I actually think is the most popular, it’s What Was, What Is. Why do I think it’s the most popular? It has more comments and feedback than Through Lifetimes, and for some reason it’s the one-shot that gets the most consistently recommended, so thank you guys for that! :)

most popular multi-chapter fic: Easily The Ghosts That We Knew. But to be fair, I don’t have many multi-chapter fics to choose from!

favorite story you’ve written so far: I’ve said this so many times hahaha! It’s again, The Ghosts That We Knew. This story is very close to my heart <3 I combined a story from my childhood and ATLA/LOK lore to make something different, and I had so much fun doing it. Though, Society in the Legacy series comes as a close second!

fic you were nervous to post: This might be a weird one, but it was (oddly enough), Making Faces. This was because it’s a spiritual-like fic? It’s very different from my usual stuff. It doesn’t have a tangible story like most of my writing does, and instead explores snippets of romantic relationships of different Avatars and how they related to the Japanese legend of having the face of someone you loved most in a past life. You know, that TikTok that was going around the ATLA/LOK fandom a while back. (can’t find the TikTok, but I have a picture)

how you choose your titles: It really depends. I don’t think I have a process at all...they just kind of happen. It does depend on the kind of story I’m writing though. If the mood of the story calls for it, I might do a longer title or something based off a song title. For some reason, the song title ones tend to be a little more based on emotion, especially depending on what the song is about. From the top of my head, Turning Page, The Ghosts That We Knew, and The Lights That Guide You, all have some sort of emotional vibe to them and are based off song titles. But things written as part of a series usually have titles that relate to each other like the Legacy series which are all one word, the Ten Thousand Things series all have to do with books, Lost My Heart In Republic City are all based off the Kataang Week 2020 prompts, and Identity Theft are all titles that are question. 

Ok I basically just pasted half my fics here 😅

do you outline: Yes and no. I’m a weird writer. I’m a plantser. I plan and I pants. Meaning I also kind of make it up as I go. BUT again this depends on what I’m writing. If I’m writing a fic or an original short story my “outline” is really just a paragraph of notes on the document that I loosely use as a guideline until I finish writing the thing. If it’s an original story, as in a book (I’m on my second one), I have an entire handwritten journal that I call my “Story Bible” where I sketch characters and scenes, outline chapters, have character bios etc. that I look back on as I write. 

complete: Most are complete! I’ve learned from my early fic days and I tend to focus on one story at a time.

in progress: Ten Thousand Things is in progress, but it only has 1 part left. You could also say Identity Theft is in progress, but these one-shots are not as interwoven with each other, and really could just be read without the others. It’s also kind of the series that I see as my fallback if I want to get off the angst train and have a horrible attempt at comedy. (I’m really bad at comedy.)

coming soon/not yet started: Coming soon is another one-shot. I write a lot of one-shots and I am very aware of this HAH. It’s me taking a break from the emotional rollercoaster of Ten Thousand Things, and instead writing a fluff fic of a toddler Aang and Gyatso getting to know each other. I’m also almost done with the final part of Ten Thousand Things, which will be coming first.

Not yet started? A short multi-chapter Kataang fic with more Spirit World shenanigans. I technically have notes on it already, but just need to be in the right headspace for it, if that makes sense. I already love Spirit World stuff, and I had such a good time adding Filipino folklore elements into The Ghosts That We Knew, that I wanted to do it again. So, expect that kind of thing again!

do you accept prompts: I’m open to it! I always like a challenge, but I do also have my own ideas. I’ll be honest though, I’ve never been asked to write a prompt before!

upcoming story you are most excited to write: The Kataang Spirit World fic, of course! I think I have some fun ideas that will be fun! It’ll be a more contained story than my previous one, but since Sokka is more involved I am getting excited for it!

This was fun! A lot of the people I would want to tag have already been tagged, so I’ll keep it short and sweet. Tagging @koala-otter and @wildonionhats! You can do this if you want, and if anyone else wants to do this, please go ahead! :)

[malumsmermaid]

I was tagged by @superbloomirwin and @loveroflrh to answer these ten questions

1. what was your first encounter with fanfiction? Accidentally stumbled across some youtube fan videos for Lion King that I thought were canon things and was looking into it and came across Scar x Zira smut...I was 12

2. your favourite creation of your own of all time if you create stuff (feel free to link it)? Toss up between The Truth is Out There and Priestess

3. what vibe are you going for with your home decor (or what vibe do you wanna go for one day, if you don’t have your own place atm)? my bedroom and car are both beach themed...I mean my car is more mermaid and dog but yeah

4. first fandom you ever joined? what was it like? on what platform did it happen? General bandom, twitter. I have some fond memories of the people I interacted on there, but I do like when I got more involved with the atl fandom on tumblr more.

5. what are your sun, moon and rising signs, and do you think they make sense in relation to how you know yourself? pisces sun, sag moon, aries rising. I do claim to be the most stereotypical pisces tm but from what i’ve learned and continue to learn about astrology and whatnot, I feel like sag moon is pretty on point.

6. if you write and/or read fiction (original or fanfiction), do the tropes/plots/character types you typically seek out to read and/or write about reflect something about you as a being or how you see the world? give me slowburn, some action and gentle fluff

7. what is the hardest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far in life? Trying to figure out what I want to do in life and who I am apart from my family and in spite of what they believe about me. 

8. what is your all time favourite song(s)? lost in stereo by all time low will never get old for me as it’s the reason I found them. jet black heart and red desert by 5sos are also pretty solid right now.

9. what do you look for in a person you wanna keep in your life, be it a friend or a romantic partner or anything in between? good sense of humor, someone who can hold me together, physically and mentally, when it feels like everything is crashing down around me, someone who will listen when I babble on about ghosts or cryptids or weird animal facts for ages on end.

10. this is a bit of a difficult one, but have you ever had a moment of clarity, a conversation with someone that made you go “oh!”, or anything along those lines? i don’t think so? maybe? probably not if i can’t think of anything right now lol

once again not tagging anyone because I’m just trying to distract myself, but if you want to go ahead

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

ok well i originally drafted this while thinking about this post, but it’s relevant to what i wanted to say about (my tags on) this one too so i’ll just post it now, how ‘bout that.

i mean, Getting Used to It (and thus expanding your definition of “i’m fine”) isn’t always as dramatic as your brain completely turning off its pain response to an event, so that you don’t realize you’ve injured yourself until some other clue tips you off. that’s certainly happened to me? (and w/ smaller injuries it happens to healthy people too, as when you cut yourself on paper without noticing, and it doesn’t start to hurt until you see it bleed.) but the more everyday/pedestrian forms of this phenomenon are, like. that the level of pain i rated as an 8 in 2016 now reads to me as, like, 5. and that when you’re depressed (or at least when i am), pain goes up but interest in that pain goes down, because of depression’s tendency to normalize negative stimuli.

i think these are two manifestations of the same thing: your brain removes fear from the equation, and since fear makes pain more intense, most pain experienced in fear’s absence seems like no big deal. and that goes double for painful stimuli you once associated with fear but no longer do? in a sorta feedback-loopy way. or at least it does for me. less fear-->less pain-->even less fear the next time something similar happens.

if i sit in nearly any given position too long, one or more of the joints in my legs will sometimes... well, i think subluxate is technically the right word?* but it’s not like a sudden pop: it’s like, as the muscles around them relax my joints slowly slide out of place. as you can imagine (given the low bar required to achieve it), this happens A Lot; i don’t keep track, but probably once a day on average? i know it’s not every day, but also that some days it happens many times, and that both these latter and the days when it doesn’t happen at all often strike me as a change from the norm. so, yeah, probably a mean of once per day. but until sometime in 2019, it used to freak me out—a lot—every time.

it’s often one of those above-mentioned doesn’t hurt until you notice for other reasons scenarios, too, like the paper cut. so i’d be like innocently sitting there, then look down or attempt to adjust position and suddenly OH GOD MY LEG(S). and every time it happened i’d think, “oh god, is this the time i really and truly get stuck and have to be scooped out of this position on a stretcher. fuck, please, no, that would be so humiliating, there’s no way the paramedics would believe me, strangers must not see me like this,” &c., and the more determined i got to prove to myself that i could move, that i wasn’t stuck, that i could get myself out of this, the more horrifically painful these attempts became—partly because fear of pain leads to greater pain, and partly because when you’re panicky you don’t tend to move with much patience or care.

but, of course, every time i would eventually get out of it. it’s hard to say how long it took, because, again, i never timed it, and also because time does weird shit when you’re freaking out. (plus i have adhd, so my estimates of how long things take aren’t the greatest to begin with.) i want to say though that the longest i ever took unpretzeling myself in this way was an hour and a half—and i usually took way less time than that. (it’s hard also to estimate because these days exceeding ten minutes marks an especially long battle of this kind.) iirc, the ~90-minute incident was like, my right hip already felt not quite right, and someone on the internet recommended W-sitting as a way to reduce a subluxed hip, and i tried it because i either didn’t know at that time or had forgotten that when i W-sit for more than a few seconds i often misplace several toes, up to two joints per knee, maybe an ankle, and/or at least one hip. some of these will reduce themselves automatically as soon as i move; others i can only move passively until after i’ve reduced them. so like, that endeavor was a fucking jigsaw puzzle, and good luck figuring those out when a. every wrong move doubles the pain and panic you’re in, but b. leaving the puzzle unfinished is also agonizing. most of the time it was not that bad.

…what was my point? oh yeah: this sat-wrong-now-my-leg’s-stuck business still happens a lot, and it’s n o t like sitting on a pen, where your brain eventually gives up on signaling your discomfort.** nor like when you’re running on adrenaline and your brain doesn’t bother to tell you you’re hungry. nor like what tumblr user bibliosphere described, where her brain evidently just… prioritized other tasks over the “hey please fix this leg” alarm that pain would have signified. but incidents like this do, literally, hurt less the tenth time they happen than they do the first time, and it’s not because your body Toughens Up or whatever either (that only works w/ exercise-related muscle pain); it’s because your brain learns that this event does not pose imminent danger. a subluxation you know how to reduce will hurt less than one you don’t.

that’s what the “i’m always subluxing” version of the hulk meme means. most chronically ill people describe this whole phenomenon as more like the argument from “shot in the knee theory.” as like, you stop screaming because you learn screaming doesn’t help. and i mean… yeah? but ime it’s more that you stop screaming*** when you learn what does help. the OP in that post asks rhetorically,

Are you going to scream and cry the entire time, or are you going to come to grips with reality and accept the fact that freaking out isn’t going to make the ambulance come any faster?

and jesus christ, OP, are you kidding? in real life? definitely the first one! if you literally got shot in the knee, you wouldn’t just scream because it hurt—you would scream also because holy shit, am i gonna die of blood loss? why did they shoot me? are they going to shoot me again??? and pain you’ve had for years, or an injury you’ve sustained many times before, is nothing like that. if it scares you at all, the content of your fear is more like, oh, crap. what’s this gonna feel like tomorrow. will i have to cancel my plans again?

*n.b. i’ve never had this confirmed by a doctor. i just assume that’s what’s happening because 1. the sensations’ non-pain components are very similar to what the subluxations i have had confirmed feel like; 2. if it’s a joint i can see from my position (e.g., the ankle pressed against the floor when criss-cross-applesauced), it usually looks a little fucked up; and 3. it behaves quite differently from regular stiffness, joints in this scenario feeling not so much too tight to move properly as like i keep aiming for and missing the lever that moves them. (and each failed attempt HURTS like my soft tissues are pumpkin guts and my bones are knives trying to scoop them out.)

**i’ve never actually tried this experiment, though, and i’ve heard it doesn’t work on some autistic people. hopefully this goes without saying lmao but my sensory perceptions are Weird in General, so, any hypotheses i build upon them should be salted liberally

***well, whimpering, anyway. for me at least, if i literally scream at an injury it’s not from the pain, it’s from the surprise. i’m more likely to scream when i stub my toe than when i try to bite and my jaw crunches sideways, because the latter is a possibility i sign up for every time i put food in my mouth, whereas like. ob…viously you wouldn’t have stubbed your toe if you’d already known the object you accidentally kicked was there. (except i guess in movies when people kick objects to express rage, forgetting that this will hurt them. in that case i suppose they scream partly from surprise and partly because negative stimuli encountered in “fight” mode reinforce preexisting anger. wow i digress lmao sorry.) but reactions like whimpering, clenching your teeth, &c. only partly come from surprise; they’re also stims, i think, tho clearly not ones unique to ND people. the woman who pierced my ears when i was a kid told me to focus on tapping first one foot and then the other, so i wouldn’t shrink away. i think it’s kinda like that: it releases nervous energy, gives you a competing stimulus to focus on.

[freevoidman]

Okay I’m reading through Porg’s update so some of y’all can save your braincells and here are some great highlights (under a readmore bc i couldn’t help but tear into a few things she suggested):

Flat out ignoring that Vergil had changed by the end of the game as a result of V and Urizen’s separate experiences.

In trying to make V and Urizen their own character, she throws out the idea of Vergil being manipulated by the Qliphoth/Urizen (??? somehow??? even though the tree is implied to be non-sentient i believe???), with V being a Devil hunter looking through the remains of Mallet Island (which was completely blown up, turned to rubble, and then swallowed by the sea, so... that can’t happen), finding the cane which makes him youthful and not sick but... having the cane makes it so he can only kill demons through the cane??? for some reason??? And he needs the Qliphoth fruit to heal himself and free him from the curse???

How did she make V’s backstory even more confusing and complicated how the fuck did she do that

Almost immediately after bringing up the cane, she instead changes it to be one of the rings he’s wearing because she wants her “precious V” to use weapons other than the cane, which makes all the prior paragraphs about the cane’s curse and only using it pointless. She’s the one writing this fic, why can’t she edit her own work so it’s more cohesive?

Despite saying that V should be a Devil Hunter, she doesn’t explain why someone who is supposed to be killing demons would form a pact with at least three to fight demons. Her rewrite dismisses Visions of V, and she even states later that the manga is a waste of time as it won’t ever be translated into English (which 1) is not a limiting factor to reading it as many people have translated it already and 2) doesn’t dismiss it’s value at building up V’s character, who she supposedly likes the best).

Also, for someone who complains about DMC5 being a rehash of DMC3, she’s sure doing her best to change it to a rehash of DMC1 (Vergil being controlled by an outside force, bringing back Mallet Island, bringing back Mundus [the cane is supposed to be tied to Mundus]).

V apparently can’t be human because she wants to give him a devil trigger, despite having 3 familiars and his own strength. Okay I guess?

Also it’s really fucking sick how she describes V changing, because it’s apparently V fusing with Nightmare? Devil May Cry has never been one for body horror but she straight up says she was inspired by “The Thing (1982), The Fly (1986), Bloodborne, and Resident Evil 7″ for the transformation imagery and I wanted to nope the fuck out of there real quick.

Her segments of actual fiction writing and dialogue are really bad it’s almost like a parody Youtube skit.

She switches between prose and script writing randomly, it’s really odd. She does it primarily with Dante i’ve noticed? Here’s an example I wrote of what she does:

“Hey, don’t stress out about it will you?” Says John following a few steps behind VINCENT: Don’t get your panties in a twist

And that just happens... randomly? Like, there’s no indication why she’s doing that it just happens.

She straight up writes notes in her fic about the controls for character actions in-game what the hell--

She also shamelessly puts in a link to artwork that clearly isn’t her’s (and I highly doubt she got permission to post about) to try and show what V’s Devil Trigger would look like. I couldn’t find it because I don’t know how pixiv works, but that’s just a shitty move, especially with how she treats artists on tumblr when they draw art of Vergil.

EDIT: Porg has now straight up copy-pasted the art into her fic without the artist’s permission which is, we all know, fucking theft. While it is good artistry, is just a weird mashup of Vergil’s and Dante’s. It’s not all that unique and I don’t understand why she had to reference a bunch of body horror shit when all the Devil Triggers in game are essentially just a large flash of light and a seamless transition between forms??? It’s good art, I’m not trying to bash the artist, but... Porg, you could’ve been a little more original here rather than just ripping off another artist’s designs...

Everyone in her fic acts super casually to seeing Vergil alive in the Qliphoth and it’s like... honey, no.

Vergil acts WILDLY out of character holy fuck. Like, I know I should have expected that but this is NOT how Vergil would act in the slightest. She’s pretty much writing an OC.

Building off of this: EVERYONE acts OOC and... it’s not exactly cringey, but it is perfect proof that Porg doesn’t know what she’s doing and hasn’t properly analyzed the characters.

Dante acts weirdly... detached? There’s no sign of him acting like his normal goofball-y self, and he’s much more serious than normal. He actually acts more like cannon Vergil than himself, actually. (He also knows CPR apparently? Which... is a skill he would really never bother learning, so...)

Nero doesn’t act nearly as emotional, and acts calmly for some reason. You can’t feel any of his emotions behind his dialogue, only through the adverbs added to the tags)

V is too informative. He knows way too much about random shit that... no one should rightfully know. I’ll mention it more later, but... V doesn’t act like himself and I don’t really know how to explain it.

Vergil is essentially her OC. Seriously--he’s not as brooding or snarky, he’s far too open and apologetic, there’s practically no sense of rivalry between him and Dante. Weirdly, he acts more like canon V than fic!V does, despite the fact that Porg wants to establish V and Vergil and separate characters. His actions also make no sense when put alongside his canon personality. We aren’t reading anything about Vergil, we’re reading about Porg’s weirdly idealized version of him.

I’m going to make a break in the post here because I feel like this is the part that needs the most attention:

Porg goes OUT OF HER WAY to dedicate a GIANT portion of this chapter to her own OC: Nero’s mom. There are several long paragraphs of establishing the relationship between her OC and Vergil, talking about leaving Fortuna, how they were ‘happy’ and then saying that after a hurricane (inspired by hurricane hugo, you’ll see later) she got separated from Vergil, never reconnected with him, GAVE BIRTH, died from a demon attack with Nero staying near her corpse, and then Nero was found by humans and taken off the mainland to be taken to an orphanage on Fortuna. She wanted a massive amount of time to be taken out of the fun parts of playing Devil May Cry to establish a relationship that would never come back and essentially turn into a 15 minute soap opera inserted into a game about having fun killing demons.

Alright back to the noted highlights.

Porg confirms in her fic that the universe of Devil May Cry happens in the US, and that Fortuna is an island along the southeast coast and I want to fucking rip my eyeballs out at this point.

The ONLY REASON why she is doing this is because she lives in Florida. I know she does, and she just wants to imply that this is all happening near her home turf. How anyone who lives in Florida thinks an island like Fortuna can exist is beyond me though, because playing through 4, most of the buildings are inspired by Italian designs, and no one in the states would build an entire island with italian designs. I’ve been to Florida multiple times--there’s no buildings there even REMOTELY designed to match Fortuna.

EDIT: I have been informed that Porg actually lives in Pennsylvania, not Florida, which makes both more and less sense. Why Florida? Why not a hidden island up on the east coast? Why does this have to be taking place in the states at all Porg???

Yeah, let’s take Nero off the MAINLAND OF FLORIDA after a DEVASTATING HURRICANE and send him to an orphanage on an ISLAND which would’ve been hit the hardest by ANY hurricane. TOTAL SENSE. 

She tries to make her own timeline for the series using actual real world dates and events and it’s terrible (she references Hurricane Hugo in 1989, and confidently states that 3 took place in 1990, despite all evidence for the actual dates of events being fan theory established through circumstantial evidence).

There’s so much horror movie inspiration here--not cheap horror, but really twisted shit that... doesn’t fit with Devil May Cry’s tone at all? In the slightest? She references Jacob’s Ladder, plus all the other body horror media I wrote above.

Straight up just tears Vergil’s arm off which sure, I guess we gotta make THAT a parallel between Nero and Vergil. They can have a father son moment over being physically maimed.

In the scene immediately before this, Urizen picks up Vergil by the head and roots around Vergil’s memories (somehow???) to show him all the ‘bad moments’ in his life to traumatize him. She describes it as the audience getting flashes of him falling to hell, charging Mundus, being Nelo Angelo, etc. 

This causes Vergil to cry and beg for Urizen to stop. Then Urizen rips off his arm. So. Yeah. Another point for the OOC!Vergil/OC-taking-Vergil’s-place board.

Also this point ALONE made me realize that Porg does not know how much time, effort, and money needs to be put into making assets. Like, the entire fic she was stressing that everything be done in 5′s HD Graphics--including the ruins of Mallet Island, so I have to assume she’d want these little snippets in HD too, which would be a massive money hole creating these assets for one scene that lasts maybe ten seconds total.

I know I stated it in one of my earlier posts, but most of what she’s writing would fit better with a sequel for the reboot series, not DMC5. It would make her OOC writing of Vergil make sense, all the horror movie inspiration and body horror shit would fit better there, especially all the crappy dialogue too.

She somehow made Griffon even MORE annoying than in cannon.

BTW if I had to listen to poetry while fighting the final boss of a video game, I’d sooner turn my PS4 off. Not that poetry isn’t cool and all, but it cheapens the final fight and distracts you. It wouldn’t work.

EDIT: I realized this point made no sense without context, sorry. Porg made the Book of Urizen (the poetry book by William Blake referenced multiple times by V) either weirdly prophetic or made it out like Blake had inner knowledge of demon powers or... something along those lines, and V magically has the knowledge that reciting poetry from the book about Urizen will... harm him? Weaken him? Open a gate to hell (she mentions a portal appearing near him)? It’s very unclear, but she essentially rewrites Urizen as the final boss, and makes it three stages (V [Griffon recites some verses, which is what the first point was about], Vergil and Dante [this is where Vergil gets his arm ripped off btw], and then Nero) with all three of them reading poetry from the book to deal the “final blow” to Urizen. I’d much rather have Vergil be the final boss than have to go through a three-stage boss fight while every character I play as recites poetry to kill the boss.

She mentions Dante using Sin DT against Urizen but I’m pretty sure with her fuckery of the game’s events Dante can’t GET Sin DT? Because there’s no fight between Nero and Urizen where he’d intervene?

COMPLETELY IGNORES VERGIL’S DEVELOPMENT OF WANTING TO TRAVEL WITH HIS BROTHER THROUGH HELL TO ELIMINATE THE QLIPHOTH FUCK OFF.

Also she changed the lore of the Qliphoth so that it sprouts semi-naturally around every 500 or so years? So... shouldn’t leaving the Qliphoth roots be fine now? Since it’s natural?

Nico acts like growing back arms is totally normal

Wrote an INCREDIBLY shoe-horned in moment in the van with Dante filling Trish and Lady in about finding Vergil and everything that happened where, once again, Trish and Lady act almost completely nonplussed that Vergil is alive after 20+ years in hell, with about 9 of those ten years being trapped under Mundus’ control and corrupted by the Demon King

Seriously why is no one surprised in this fic that Vergil survived? Dante has a brief moment before finding him, but everyone finds out and accepts it like flipping a switch (once again--ESPECIALLY DANTE, which is NOT how the grieving process works)

Porg states that the ending is trash because the twins are fighting in hell, but completely ignores that most of Dante and Vergil’s lives have been built on conflict and they like fighting demons, especially Dante. Both of them were happy and doing what they love.

She also completely ignores through this entire thing that Dante was really fucking depressed in the novels leading up to 5 but hey I don’t even know if she can read.

I can vaguely agree that Trish and Lady were sidelined and they should’ve had a bigger role. However, I can’t fault the directors for not doing this, because they were already developing three playable characters with their own unique fighting styles. She writes all this shit about the story, writes notes about controls and mission layouts, but forgets that it takes a lot more than pressing a single button to code a game.

She just doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Seriously, none of these things are cohesive or edited properly, and despite her saying she wanted better for Vergil, or Nero, or Dante, or V, she writes all of them incredibly out of character and doing illogical actions. I just... I don’t get it.

The best part is--I can’t even tell her about these things, or give constructive criticism. She moderates the comments on her fic and isn’t afraid to delete anything she doesn’t agree with or can’t make a ‘passionate rant’ about.

[missfaber]

author interview

I was tagged by @orangeflavoryawp, thank you so much! 

I already know I’m going to enjoy this way too much, writing is such a lonely endeavor and I just love talking about it, sooo... I apologize in advance for rambling. 

name: Madeline/Maddie 

fandoms: this is complicated because there’s fandoms I very much consider myself a part of because they’re just a huge part of my life, even though I don’t contribute content to them, and then there’s fandoms I do create content for. So idk where the line is drawn! 

fandoms I contribute/ have contributed to: Avatar the Last Airbender, Game of Thrones, Merlin BBC, Once Upon a Time, Legend of Korra

fandoms I haven’t contributed to but are so dear to me: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings (my two favorite things ironically lol), and lots more 

where you post: AO3, used to be ff.net and livejournal too

most popular one shot: by kudos, it’s as if death itself was undone (zutara, atla: katara wakes up to azula in their house and wants to find out a) why she is welcome b) why zuko is acting so weird) 

most popular multichapter: by kudos, it’s soldier, go bravely on (jonsa + gendrya, got, complete, rewrite of the last episode of got with sweetness and angst and action, and may i say some common sense?)

favorite story you wrote: fuck omg this is difficult lol! because I both criticize and love all my stories in equal measure, I honestly don’t write anything that i don’t love, that doesn’t give me butterflies / actual chest pain (from angst). I feel like I’m being asked to choose a favorite child lol. so I’ll try to justify these picks somehow... 

closest to my heart: soldier, go bravely on (also mentioned above). this is the fic that brought me back to writing fic, and to tumblr even! I was on hiatus (that I didn’t know was a hiatus because I had no intention of coming back) for six years before writing this fic. I wrote it so quickly after the got finale, it was such a passionate and fevered few days and it just sucked me back in to everything I used to love as a teenager. It was also a nice stretch out of my comfort zone, because of the dialogue (which was so tightly planned it’s ridiculous, I wrote the whole fic as a screenplay type thing first to make sure there wasn’t a single dialogue word not needed) and tv-episode style. It’s also such a wish-fulfillment fic that I can’t read certain parts without getting a bit teary. for all those reasons and more, this fic will always be so special to me. 

most proud of: wolf, circle north (jonsa, got, alternate season 7 & 8). this is the longest fic I’ve ever attempted and the number I’ve hours I’ve sunk into it is astounding and i should be ashamed.  It’s going to be obscenely long (my outline is 70+ chapters) and when I pull it off, best believe it’s going into a bound book so I can look at how thicc it is and be like, “I did that!” lol. The range of POVs is one of the most challenging but most rewarding part of this fic, and why I’m so proud of it. This is another wish-fulfillment fic for me, not just because it’s another fix-it fic but because I have been writing bits and pieces of this fic for about three years. I kept thinking of jonsa scenarios and little scenes I would have loved to see after season 6 and writing them in a little secret doc, just for me, as I never thought I’d write fic again. After writing “soldier” i had already broken my hiatus and I realized this fic was an actual possibility, so I put it out into the world. I couldn’t be more happy that I did that. Not only did it give me the chance to be in such an excellent, lovely fandom, but the feedback I get is so validating after having this be my secret little project for so long.  

most formative: Coffee & Cigarettes, (merthur, merlin bbc) I’m ashamed to list this and the merthurs reading this 100% want to kill me for having the audacity because it’s incomplete and hasn’t been updated since 2013 when there’s only one chapter left so what’s my excuse?  I call this the most formative for me because until I published this I didn’t really have a fic that people followed and liked, eagerly awaited updates for, and commented regularly on. I was writing a lot of one-shots and atla stuff on tumblr (I used to RP lmao I was like 15 ok?) This was the first time I experienced so many fic-life things, like being excited to get AO3 emails, etc. This was the first time I started to really focus on character which is so important to me now, my writing is completely character driven. Not to mention Merlin and Arthur’s dumbassery and sheer attraction and denial is just... *chef’s kiss* 

guiltiest pleasure: my recent foray into nedsei, who am I??? one more word and you won’t survive, just international hate sex

story you were most nervous to post: ummm idk I’m usually excited not nervous, since for me fic writing is just fun, I write things I’d enjoy reading and that I’m proud of. I read my own fics more than anyone else does, I guarantee it. am I a narcissist? who knows I guess I’ll say “soldier” again because I hadn’t posted fic in six years.

how you choose your titles: wow the hardest part of fic writing for me!!!!! thanks!!!!! lol. Okay so for my work titles, which are always terrible and I literally regret them immediately after posting, it’s usually just some words I play around with and string together that are somewhat thematic and related to the work... they’re always terrible lmao, I hate making titles. I mean, look at “soldier, go bravely on” and “wolf, circle north” for god’s sake, I hate them lmao. But I have to pick a title to post, so!!! For chapter titles and one-shots I’ll usually go with a song lyric, and especially for my chapter titles I spend so long seeking out the perfect one that reflects some thematic or emotional content of the chapter somehow. I’m very proud of my chapter titles for wolf, circle north. I have a doc on my scrivener just for chapter titles that I created in the very early stages of writing it, where I just dumped HUNDREDS of song lyrics that I thought I might use. Then by them I wrote some scenarios where they could work. here’s a screenshot:

It’s so helpful now. Sometimes posting an update will take an hour more than necessary because of me going through that doc, finding the perfect lyric. 

do you outline: OH, DO I OUTLINE... Hell Yeah, I outline. I couldn’t live without outlining. I love outlining. My outlines have outlines. I’m a planner centric, calendar centric, bullet-journal bitch so of course I love outlining. In all seriousness though: I write out of chronological order. I feel my writing is best when I write the scene I’m in the mood to write- unfortunately this scene could be ten chapters down the line from the chapter I’m gonna post next. This is the biggest reason outlining is necessary for me. If I didn’t have an outline, my story would be a non-post-able mess. 

I wasn’t kidding when I said my outlines have outlines. For wolf, circle north I have, um, a few. Character/location centric outlines where I bullet every scene that needs to happen for that plot to happen cohesively (these were all more or less completed before I even started writing the fic), then a “loose” outline that I copy everything from the other outlines into for some semblance of chronological order, then a Polished Final Outline that I write from. I know that sounds psychotic. It’s how my brain works. Some photo evidence/explanation:

And here’s a screengrab of my Final Outline, this is pretty much how it is all the way down- The POV character is italicized in the front, I talk to myself a lot in there, let myself get carried away, will sometimes write out whole segments of the scene if they come to me while outlining. Spoilers for chapters 1-3 of w,cn I guess!!!

Then, because scrivener is awesome, I get to see this outline in the corkboard view (I input every scene as a card) and so I get to see every part of my outline as a Synopsis on the right hand side of the doc where I’m writing the scene:

The POV and status tags (which are completely customizable) on the lower right are helpful too. This post is just a scrivener ad. 

complete: 9 works 

in progress: 4 works

coming soon / not yet started: I have so many fics in the works, I’m an indulgent person so if an idea comes to me I usually go with it for a time. I’ve had a very not-serious Jonsa PLL AU I’ve been writing on and off since summer. I have three different fairytale AUs (also jonsas) I’ve been working on and one time travel AU for @sunbeamsandmoonrays. I can’t say when or if any of these will see the light of day, because my priority is my WIPs and my original writing. But the most prevalent are my Halloween fics (one jonsa, one gendrya, one merthur) which I really want to be able to put out this month, but only if I meet some other goals. I’m trying to rein in my indulgent ass, ya’ll. 

do you accept prompts: no. sorry! but I do workshop ideas with friends, for example the nedsei fic happened that way by talking with @flibbertigiblet. But I don’t take writing prompts in my inbox. 

upcoming story you are most excited to write: my halloween merthur fic. it’s witchy, sassy, and I’m so excited to get back into the heads of these characters.

Tagging! @uchihabat @anniebibananie @noqueenbutthequeeninthenorth @sailorshadzter @vivilove-jonsa and any other lovely writer soul who wants to do this!

[caws5749]

This took SO LONG thanks @natthisback

1: Name Madison

2: Age 21

3: 3 fears spiders, not becoming a doctor, becoming like my parents

4: 3 things i love marvel movies, my blanket (whoops), and scrunchies

5: 4 turn ons compliment me, be chivalrous, (idk if this means sex turn on too or not but) moaning my n- ANYWHO uh and the last one definitely like showing you want me

6: 4 turn offs someone who only talks about themselves, being like wishy washy, being arrogant/cocky, complaining about the same things

7: my best friend that would be shea @cloversofshea

8: sexual orientation lesbian

9: my best first date okay SO this like isn’t a first date but it was my first like nicer dinner date so I’m gonna count it. It was just this past weekend actually and i just i loved it so much it was amazing

10: how tall am i 5’2

11: what do i miss honestly, feeling like i was good at things

12: what time were i born 11:14am

13: favorite color purple, although it’s slowly been turning to like a baby light pink

14: do i have a crush yes yes i do and i likes her a lot

15: favorite quote “Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.”

16: favorite place Chicago or New York City

17: favorite food SALMON

18: do i use sarcasm yes, but i feel like i don’t use it as much as i used to

19: what am i listening to right now Christmas pop playlist on Spotify

20: first thing i notice in new person whether they only talk about themselves

21: shoe size 8 or 8.5

22: eye color blue

23: hair color right now, it’s a brown that goes to blond at my ends

24: favorite style of clothing so if this means like fav style to wear daily, definitely athleisure. If it means in general, i love love love preppy looks? But not super preppy.

25: ever done a prank call? Absolutely, many times

27: meaning behind my url i explain this in my about me page (linked in bio!)

28: favorite movie captain America winter soldier

29: favorite song i don’t really have favorite songs but rn it’s prob December night by Michael buble

30: favorite band i don’t really have fav bands

31: how i feel right now it’s really hot in here, so warm. I feel okay

32: someone i love i love lots of people but ill stick with @cloversofshea

33: my current relationship status I’ve answered this so many times literally just look at the ask game tag

34: my relationship with my parents um yikes

35: favorite holiday Halloween

36: tattoos and piercing i have i have 6 tattoos! “Breathe” on my right inner ankle, a heart on left shoulder, heart w equal sign in it behind right ear, basically an ecg on my left inner ankle, Aquarius symbol on right bicep, and caws 5749 on my left side. And my ears are pierced.

37: tattoos and piercing i want definitely the black widow symbol in the same place Scarlett got her og6 tattoo, an amino acid tattoo that spells out “wah” , definitely more little tattoos! And maybe more ear piercings idk

38: the reason i joined tumblr so, I’ve had a tumblr for many many years. I originally joined bc my best friends at the time had them, and i was like sure! Ive deleted that personal blog since, and started my new personal blog a few years ago. I also have a studyblr that i started i think back in high school, and i just started this blog back in the end of July!

39: do i and my last ex hate each other no, I’d say far from it bc i likes her a lot

40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts yes from her and i fucking love it, it used to be a bigger thing almost every day and i loved it

41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted lmao no and for those who were wondering it is @cloversofshea

42: when did i last hold hands LMAO WITH @michelinaamour WHEN I WAS STUMBLING HOME DRUNK IN HIGH HEELS

43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning it depends, anywhere from ten minutes to an hour and a half

44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days no! I am super lucky and have really light colored hairs on my legs and so i dont’ have to shave very often. Also i just want to say that i personally love shaving my legs and it is my choice to do so.. girls, you do not need to shave!!

45: where am i right now so i started answering this in the research lab, but i am currently sitting at one of the dining places on campus finishing it

46: if i were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me LMAO DEFINITELY @michelinaamour because she’s done it ALREADY FOR ME MULTIPLE TIMES

47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level it depends, in car trips, definitely blast it. But just driving around or listening in doors, definitely reasonable level

48: do i live with my mom and dad nope i live with @michelinaamour

49: am i excited for anything yes, I’m excited for lots of things. I get excited easily

50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to no. I used to

51: how often do i wear a fake smile this is a really interesting question. I don’t consider smiles i give to random people like ordering food or something to be fake, so i would say fake smiles are when I’m not okay and trying to hide it. Which happens less often now bc I’m just much happier of a person

52: when was the last time i hugged someone I think it was @michelinaamour two days ago but i think i hugged @cloversofshea that day too so

53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me I’d be heartbroken tbh

54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not yes, certain adults in my life

55: what is something i disliked about today my hair won’t do what i want it to :(

56: if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be probably Chris Evans or Scarlett Johansson

57: what do i think about the most tumblr and everything with that, or probably her or school stuff definitely

58: what’s my strangest talent i don’t think i have any lol

59: do i have any strange phobias yes definitely haha, I’m terrified of stepping on worms

60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it i think a few years ago i would have said behind, but honestly I think I’d love to be in front of the camera now

61: what was the last lie i told i actually don’t know. Maybe this past weekend as to like the fact that i was going out on a date instead of just going out with a friend

62: do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online I’d say talking on the phone bc then they cant’ see me lmao

63: do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

64: do i believe in magic? Yes, or at least, that’s what i tell myself

65: do i believe in luck yes

66: what’s the weather like right now snowy!

67: what was the last book I’ve ever read The Butchering Art, it’s about the history of surgery

68: do i like the smell of gasoline omg yes yes yes yes yes yes

69: do i have any nicknames yes, madz, madi, girl who lives by the kitchen, queen (a new one) and clown (also a new one) thanks @natthisback

70: what was the worst injury I’ve ever had back in freshman year of college, i did something stupid and my foot swelled up like hell and hurt so bad. There were no fractures detected but the swelling stayed for a really long time, as well as the bruising and pain, and it never returned to normal

71: do i spent my money or save it SPEND IT BABY

72: can i touch my nose w my tongue no I’m not that talented

73: is there anything pink in 10 ft from me. Hmm part of my backpack? And my rings are pinkish bc they are rose gold. Oh and my scrunchie is pink, as well as my iPad

74: favorite animal cat

75: what was i doing last night at 12am i was still at work In the emergency room!

76: what do i think satan’s last name is uh honestly Jim lmao (it’s demons Jim! @cloversofshea )

77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it so good by dove Cameron

78: how can you win my heart suggest we watch a marvel movie, and I’m prob straight up in love. There are other things too but they’re pretty general, like compliment me, show you want me ya know

79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone haha, as a joke, “so realy its very thing. Just to keep everyone guessing.” But idk something funny

80: what is my favorite word i have no idea, maybe like sophisticated or something like that or aesthetic , champagne is a good one too

81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr ooh! Okay so @markiplier @lesbian-deadpool @americasass-romanoff @lesbianmariahilll @shining-rey-of-sunshine but i love so so so so so many more, and i have a lot of top blogs

82: if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say fuck trump also I’m gay as hell and I’m growing tired of hiding it from people

83: do i have any relatives in jail not that i know of

84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegatables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super power of my choice! What is that power lmao this question is great. Prob same powers as Wanda

85: what would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on any weird fetis- JUST KIDDING. Do you still think about them?

86: what is my current desktop picture so on my laptop, it’s fall flowers. But since that’s broken af, i use my iPad and that background is one of the apple ones. It’s just a beach idk why but I’ve never changed it

87: had sex WHY IS THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ASK GAME WTF

88: bought condoms nope i am gay as hell bye

89: gotten pregnant nope i am gay as hell bye

90: failed a class nope, definitely come close though

91: kissed a boy yes

92: kissed a girl yes

93: have i ever kissed somebody in th rain honestly, probably at some point, but I’ve never had one of those romantic kisses in the rain. I really really want to though and i think about it a lot

94: had job yeah, I’ve had three true jobs

95: left the house without my wallet probably

96: bullied someone on the internet no bc I’m not a fucking douche

97: had sex in public not yet

98: played on a sports team yeah, played softball and basketball in middle school

99: smoked weed yeah, but i didn’t get high

100: did drugs nope

101: smoked cigarettes nope, i think i asked drunk once if i could smoke, but my friend was like “really?” And i was like uhhhhhh just kidding haha

102: drank alcohol lmao i drink fucking all the time i mean. I literally have drunk writing nights , I’m drinking tonight too

103: am i a vegetarian/vegan i was a vegetarian for a while, and then an aspiring vegan, and then vegetarian, and then pescatarian now!

104: been overweight no

105: been underweight yes

106: been to a wedding yeah, but like not for a long time. I was like 4 and the flower girl. Oh WAIT. Does playing a wedding count? I played cello at a wedding so i was there???

107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight hell yeah, how would i function not doing this with class and relaxing

108: watched tv for 5 hours straight lmao definitely

109: been outside my home country yeah

110: gotten my heart broken yeah

111: been to a professional sports game yeah. I don’t really do sports though , so when i go it’s usually in suites and I’m just there for the food

112: broken a bone nope!

113: cut myself this is...a. Really deep question but bc i want to be able to speak about mental health on here, the answer is yes.

114: been to prom yes! I went to my junior and senior proms!

115: been in airplane too many times

116: fly by helicopter no, I’m not sure if i want to do this or not

117: what concerts have i been to I’ve been to lots. So first off, I’ve been to hundreds of classical concerts (and performed in them). As for pop, Bruno mars twice, maroon five like three times. Selena Gomez. Josh groban. American authors. Definitely others that i don’t remember

118: had a crush on someone of the same sex yes I’m fucking gay

119: learned another language so if this means fluent, no. I took a decent amount of French and am learning Russian right now!

120: wore make up absolutely. When i choose to wear makeup, its because i fuckign love makeup haha. Most days I’m lazy though and like to let my skin breathe and be natural

121: lost my virginity before I was 18 no

122: had oral sex yeah

123: dyed my hair many times

124: voted in a presidential election okay i think so but honestly can’t remember. But I’m pretty sure i did.

125: rode in an ambulance no and i never want to.

126: had a surgery no and i never want to haha. Well i cant say that. Depending on how my life plays out, I might freeze my eggs or something.

127: met someone famous yes, several I think, but probably Henry winkler was the one I remember most.

128: stalked someone on a social network yeah

129: peed outside nope don’t think so and definitely don’t want to

130: been fishing yes I have been ice fishing and regular fishing

131: helped w charity i have!

132: been rejected by a crush I’ve been not liked back but i don’t think I’ve ever made like a move on a crush and been rejected

133: broken a mirror ooh i don’t think i have actually

134: what do i want for birthday nothing bc i dont’ like my bday

[dlamp-dictator]

Allen Rambles About Fighting Games

I... honestly don’t know where to begin with this Rambling. I’ve been trying to think of a decent intro for over a week now and I just can’t be bothered to write a hook.

I guess I should start with myself.

Hello folks, I am Allen X. I do opinion pieces on the internet that I call Ramblings, write silly fanfictions about cute girls punching things, attempt to write original fictions about cute girls punching things, and very occasionally write fan lyrics to video game OSTs. And today’s Rambling is about fighting games and my current thoughts on them as of late. 

I’m a huge fan of fighting games, been playing them since Tekken 3 and Soul Calibur 3, the latter being one of my favorite 3D fighting games period. After that I got into Blazblue around the time Continuum Shift came out, and I’ve played every game in that series since, becoming a massive fan of Air-Dashing fighting games. 

I’m not a huge fan of ranked listings, but here’s a quick list of my 5 favorite fighting games just so you all understand where I’m coming from. So in no particular order:

Virtua Fighter 5 Final Showdown

Blazblue Chronophantasma

Soul Calibur 3

Dead or Alive 5

Under Night In-Birth Exe Latest

So with that list I hope you understand I’ve played a lot of fighting games in my time. That list is just a fraction of the games I’ve played over these last ten years.

And folks, I don’t know how to feel about modern fighting games at the moment. 

I think the current games out are fine, but as a fan of fighting games since the early 2000s they just don’t scratch a certain itch. I couldn’t tell you what it was, but nowadays fighting games just feel very bare-bones. Most of them only have an online mode, a training, maybe a combo/mission mode to help learn combos, and then maybe an arcade/story, with that story mode being bare in some way, shape, or form. It’s just feels empty nowadays.

But... I think I should give an example before going further. And I think the best game that shows my... conflicting feelings is Blazblue Cross Tag Battle. 

And where to begin with Cross Tag? This was a game that literally came out of my dreams and into reality. An actual pipe dream that I and many other fans of Arc System Works games jokingly wished for. Under Knight In-Birth, Persona 4 Arena, Blazblue, all in one game. It sounded like the wildest of wild dreams.

And then this trailer dropped. And I lost my shit. I think everyone lost their shit. 

I screamed.

I jumped out of my chair.

I nearly broke my damn tablet in shock seeing this trailer. 

And Ruby Rose was being added? Something that Mori and Ishiwatari had only teased about in passing? 

I... I needed some air after watching that trailer.

I needed a drink and some food. 

I’m pretty sure I lost three pounds from that trailer, and I’m barely 115 pounds, I need to keep all the weight I can put on. I was so excited to play that game after that. A crossover of three of the best 2D fighters in the 2010s and one of the most popular niche IPs of the 2010s, all together in one game, with unique character interactions. And an English Dub. Finally, a chance to hear Patrick Seitz, Cristina Vee, David Vincent, and more back where they should had been in Central Fiction. It was just... a magical time to be a fighting game fan.

And then I actually played the game... and boy did I have opinions on it.

I did a Rambling about this game last year after playing a bit of the beta. My overall thoughts, aside from my gloating, were that I felt it was lacking in complexity, but had potential to maintain my attention if they could meet a few of my expectations. And not much of my opinion has changed since then. If anything, I honestly wish I got off my butt and wrote more about this game while it was still fresh in my mind. 

But, back to my original point, this game is a good starting point in a lot of my conflicting feelings about fighting games nowadays, and I think I should start by discussing...

My Expectations

Last year I had three main expectations for Cross Tag. Those being a story mode that was more entertaining than insightful, free DLC of some kind, and a fulfilling single player experience. These are the three main things I want in most fighting games, as I’m not into the competitive seen outside from online get-togethers nor do I have a positive opinion of the competitive side of the FGC to begin with. So, how did Cross Tag stack up?

Well, I can happily say that at least two out of three isn’t bad. 

But I should probably break this down a little, as again, these three points are what I look for in most fighting games.

The Story Mode

Much like I hoped, the story modes were relatively simple and didn’t get too deep into everyone’s lore and backstory, which is honestly for the best. I’m a fan of Blazblue’s story, I really am, but I wouldn’t wish for that encyclopedia of lore known as the Blazblue world-building and the mini encyclopedia of lore that is Under Night and RWBY world-building mashed together. A fan of all these series I am, but that would had been much.

That said, the story modes were great. I was cackling at almost every interaction. Ragna squaring up to Kanji and Wald, Ruby being an absolute weeaboo when she confuses Yosuke and Yukiko for a ninja and geisha respectively, Ragna being surrounded by all the robo-girls save for Labrys, Hyde just... dealing with everything in his story mode, Weiss and Orie teaming up to take down Ragna in the name of justice. The list goes on, but the point remains. I loved a lot of this mode, my only real wish being that it was a little longer and didn’t focus solely on the main character of each series. I was also hoping for something a little more... grounded. Well, not something so ridiculous as some weird AI/Goddess controlling everything behind the scenes and forcing everyone to fight anyway. I know with the Cross Tag 2.0 update coming there’ll be a new story mode, and I hope it’s a little more inclusive than this one. I’m also hoping for a bit more replayability too. This story mode was fine, but I’d like to see something I could come back to and want to come back to. 

To give an example, I think Continuum Shift Extend had the best story mode of any fighting on pure replay value. There are at least 20 didn’t character perspectives in that mode with alternate endings and gag endings included. Each character has a decent arc and narrative, they occasionally run into other named characters and have their timelines mix, and there’s even a retelling of the previous game with some added bits thrown in. I know I said Chronophantasma was my favorite of the Blazblue series, but Continuum Shift had the most love put into it. I’m not expecting something of that extent in Cross Tag 2.0, but something at least trying to reach that would be great.

Ah, but moving on.

Free DLC

This one’s a real technicality and I’m tempted to not count it, but for the degenerates like me that bought the original season pass, we also got to enjoy Seth, Heart, Teddie, and Naoto K. for free. That’s... not exactly what I was hoping for in my old post, but we did get something out of it. In the future I hope that Cross Tag will follow something a little closer to how Samurai Shodown handled their season passes, letting early adopters download it for free on the first day or week before charging as a reward for those giving it a chance... or at least running the the store page quick enough. 

In all seriousness, I do hope for something to the effect of the reason of Season 2′s characters being either cheap or free for the first few days before charging whatever retail price they set it to. It’d just give some incentive to stay up to date on the game and encourage people to actively play it.

But sadly, two out of three meant I didn’t get the main thing I wanted, which was...

A Good Single Player Experience 

I had mentioned I wanted something akin to Chronophantasma’s Abyss Mode or Persona 4 Arena Ultimax’s Golden Arena Mode. Something with a leveling system or that had some replay value to it for the single player folks. Sadly, I didn’t get that. Like many current fighting games, Cross Tag is rather bare-bones with the content. There’s not even a basic arcade mode, a staple in every ASW fighting game. I’m... disappointed by that. And this isn’t the only game either. I believe it took Street Fighter V an entire season to get an arcade mode. Tekken 7, a series known for its wild mini games, barely had anything beyond a story mode, a very bare bones arcade mode, and a treasure mode that... just didn’t feel fun to play. This is from a series where the last numbered series had an expansive 3D-esque brawler mode for it’s story mode with special items and costumes that gave some really wild effects. Soul Calibur 3 had a mini Fire Emblem-esque strategy game with Swords and Soul Mode where you got to create a character with a pretty original moveset all things considered, several movesets in fact. But sadly... a lot of that is starting to go away.

I just feel like with the push toward competitive play a lot of fighting games aren’t bothering to keep in mind casual players, and that saddens me. I don’t play too many fighting games for the sake of getting better, but that’s where we’re going. I want to say that’s bad for business, but Street Fighter is pushing out season 4 and EVO is still one of the biggest and most marketable events in the FGC. Maybe I’m just being an old man yelling at those darned kids and their bare-bones gaming content. I’m willing to accept my 25-years-old mindset is a bit old fashioned in the year of 2019 where time and technology is blitzing by and those in our mid-to-late twenties who have been playing games since the 90s are seen as the old men in the gaming community, but I just had to get my thoughts out. ...

...

...

God, I miss the line breaks Tumblr use to have, makes these closing statements a lot easier.

Anyway folks, with all that said I think I’m going to call it here. For those expecting the Weekly Update it’s been a real slow week, so not much to report. Consider this Rambling my update. I’ve finally gotten through the first chapter of Arifureta and honestly that’s all I need to read to get an idea on the Rambling I want to do for that series. I bought 6 volumes of Tokyo Ghoul:re against my better judgement, so expect me to talk about that next week. And slowly but sure I’m getting some notes together for the Taboo Tattoo Rambling. So look forward to all that and I’ll see you all later.

[soul-heart-and-beyond]

✩ Roleplaying History ✩

(Post ten characters you’d like to roleplay as, have role-played as, and might bring back. Then tag ten people to do the same (if you can’t think of ten characters, just write down however many you can and tag the same amount of people). Please repost instead of reblog!)

(Tagged by: @ducktales-wco-oo and @phooeyonyou​)

(Tagging: Seems like you’re up next!)

Currently playing:

Duckworth - DuckTales 1987/2017/Other AU Versions

Dewey Duck - DuckTales 2017/Other AU Versions

Fenton Crackshell/-Cabrera/Gizmoduck - 2017/1987/ Other AU Versions

Negaduck/Drake Mallard - Darkwing Duck - Show/Comics/Dangerous Currency/Other AU Versions

Skunky Skunk - Bonkers Show/Other AU Versions

Huckleberry Hound - Classic Hanna-Barbera/Trio of Triumph/Other AU Versions

Ludwig Von Drake - House of Mouse/DuckTales 1987/2017/Other AU Versions (@thegenludwigvondrake)

Claire Redfield - Resident Evil

Trish - Devil May Cry

Quick Draw McGraw - Classic Hanna-Barbera/Trio of Triumph/Other AU Versions (I seriously need to update his icons and stuff. The ones I have I feel would not do him justice as of currently.) @quick-draw-mcgraw-rp

Want to play: (I’d share some of the new ones coming with updates, but surprises are surprises! They will be test muses of course, and I may alter or even archive some muses.)

Dynomutt - Hanna-Barbera (With a clumsy but chill and courageous cybernetic pooch like this guy, I just haven’t done much to promote him. He’s a good pal to have and is pretty friendly!)

Hawkgirl/Shayera Hol - DC Comics (Tougher than nails, but good company to keep once you get past her initial meeting phase! DCAU can be pretty weird to mesh in with other folks, but I should still try a little more?)

Howard the Duck - Marvel Comics (Yeah, yeah, he’s still on here, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been trying to push him out there like some of the ones I currently play. He’s a guy with issues that many people can probably relate to, and is fun to irritate.)

Hokey Wolf - Hanna-Barbera (As my favorite HB character of all time, well, it’s not that out of the ball park that I’d like to rp as him on here. There aren’t that many that I think would know of Hokey though. Suave, calm, and sassy is his thing, and he’ll con you a new one better than Yogi Bear ever will!)

Roxas - Kingdom Hearts (”But he’s on here and I have done a thread or two with him!” Yeah, that’s true, but just recently have I kinda noticed some things about how I’d play Roxas might not mix well with other muns, mainly because of the constant preaching of “friends over family” that KH has, it kinda leads me away from thinking Roxas would consider anyone older than him like a parent and just friend zone them instantly. I might be overthinking it, but it’s just something I don’t see happening, and until I can find my confidence and hopefully a better method of playing Roxas, he’ll be in semi-hiatus for the time being.)

Sylvester Pussycat/Daffy Duck - Looney Tunes (I have done very little with either, though I can do something with Sylvester as of now, just Daffy needs some tweaking and icons for other verses. But when I have a good grip on both situations, they’ll be put out into the open for all to interact with for the other verses!)

Dracula Duck - DuckTales (As I have not been working on his icons like I should have, with very good reason for so too, I still have so many great ideas and AUs for him that I’ll share when I can get him completed.)

Gideon McDuck - Duckverse/Disney Comics (”But you play him too!” Ohhhhkay, Gid is a tough topic to deal with as even the mere mention of his name can serve up controversy in times when it is not need, like any time, but he is still a favorite of mine and technically still a good or possible character in DuckTales 2017. He can or doesn’t have to be related, I mean, look at Huge McDuck and what he did and he’s not even a real relative. What I want to do is continue giving the chief editor a chance to shine and be noticed for all of his straight-forward but considerate mannerisms, search for truth and justice, and all of that from the news side of the world.) @gideon-mcduck

John D. Rockerduck/Roller Dollar - Duckverse/Disney Comics (”Also him as well!” Look, John is more known and very well received to be the third richest duck in the world, and as he aims for first place in besting Scrooge, he’s also not that bad of a guy. Sure, he may have a devious, mischievous, and even cheating side to him, but get to know the guy well and he’ll treat you like family. Not his of course as there’s a lot of turmoil in his but better than any average person for sure. Not only that, but he has gone through some radical adventures, giving him versatility, and even has a supervillian persona, one akin to Magneto. Polaris [Marvel], Doctor Polaris [DC], and Cosmic Boy in some terms of powers. When he hits the stage, he makes sure his appearance is known! Until he’s forced to munch on another one of his bowler hats.) @john-d-rockerduck

Underdog/Shoeshine Boy - Terry Toons? (Being a big fan of some superheroes, and knowing that Underdog has become a rarity in that of the super hero fandom, I decided it might be nice to try and help bring him back! As overpowered as he is, of course he can get the good old nerfing rod, or not, however you want it! Mainly what seems to be cool would be the situations in which he saves the day that don’t always involve Polly Purebred, or just his daily life as a shoeshine boy?) @underhcro

Have played:

Ralph Runner - Loonatics Unleashed (Boy, is this 50′s-60′s esque father of a roadrunner something! He’ll probably have you smacking your head in frustration from the very fast speak he talks. Ralph can slow down though, so that’s not much of a problem! Keeping up with him physically though is another thing, like for some reason, he still has a potbelly but can move at super sonic speeds? I guess not every speedster has a hyper fast metabolism? Either way, if you’re in the future sometime, you might find him at his business or somewhere in Acmetropolis, if it’s in the same time and universe!)

Snagglepuss - Hanna-Barbera (Ooooh, this guy. I have SO many ideas with him that they pale in comparison to Huck and Hokey, when just using my ideas and not the combined efforts of mine with others. A moment that explains how he went from being an antagonist and rival to being a good friend along with his fur change? Got it! An explanation for how he loses some of his daring and adventurous backbone? Already thought of! And the list goes on for this mountain lion! I may not have played him on Tumblr, but I have played him before, and I have hear I am really good from others.)

Bathound/Ace Wayne - DC Comics (A detective that likes to do his work more than anything, and does it best when alone? Oh yeah, that is a vigilante I can get behind! I still have yet to promote him more and such, but he is a good guy to antagonize since he does hate silliness and such when it comes to the mission. Though not as devoted to the mission as Bruce/Batman is, he can be at times and that is one of his best traits/worst flaws.)

José Carioca - Disney (As he is literally my most favorite Caballero, sorry Don and Pan, he does get a lot of love from me. With his questionable past of having what can be debated to be regular magic or black magic, coy and sly demeanor when on his con work, or just being the cool and levelheaded member until a party arises. Maybe it is because he reminds me too much of myself in some cases, but I do not know. He is still available for whoever wants for me to make a starter with him! I also have to continue the thread that has him in it.)

Morrigan Aensland - DarkStalkers (I question on how I should approach making her icons as she is well, look at her. Though she is a succubus and gets away with that because it goes back into the lore of succubi, I feel like some people would be uncomfortable with her around, which is normal. She is kinda one of those..... characters that I don’t want to type the acronym of. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to play her. She’s a good character that has an intriguing personality!)

Igor - Count Duckula (Ah yes, my first rp blog that I had when I decided to rp on Tumblr. It’s still up, and I’m still working on it! But for all that do not know, here’s a little thing about my writing; If it wasn’t for me rping as Igor, and also having knowledge of Alfred Pennyworth, I might not have been thinking about playing Duckworth as early as I did. I do love Duckworth still to about the same amount as Igor, which is a LOT, but they kinda are two sides of the same coin. Heck, they even wear almost similar attire except for their appearance and tastes in some things.) @butlerofthecount

Dante - Devil May Cry (I definitely need to work on this blog again, as DMC5 sparked my thrist for some good demon slaying threads. Hopefully the pizza hasn’t gotten cold or moldy by now, but if it has, one can always order a new one!) @merciless-style

Goofy Goof - Disney (It’s no joke! I may not have him on here, but then again, not all of my muses are on here. Some are exclusive to here, and others are exclusive to other places. While I’d love to present my take on the cherry and clumsy goof, I prefer to see everyone else’s interpretation on here! Goof Paradise is Nice, but I’m too impure for that life. XD)

Tidus - Final Fantasy X (I swear, I’m still making icons for him in the PS2 original Final Fantasy X because I’m sorry, that’s the only way I like Tidus’ face in the first and second games, Kingdom Hearts and Dissidia series are okay, but not the HD Remasters [in my opinion].) @caladbolgdreamknight

Gemerl/Emerl - Sonic The Hedgehog (I definitely wouldn’t mind giving this copy bot a chance to get some light again!)

[astharoshebarvon]

Ship Game

I was tagged by  @eb-byestelle . Thank you dear !

First of all, why? I can’t just choose ten pairings. I feel as if I am betraying my other favourite pairings. I love them as much as the ones I’ve mentioned. But nothing I can do about it.

Well, here we go.

Shipping and Fandom Ask

Embrace your inner shipper! Answer questions about your favorite ships or fandoms. Reblog to participate and let your ship flag fly!

1.What are your top 10 manga/anime ships of all time?

Top 10 anime/manga:

1. Maria sama ga miteru / Marimite/ Maria watches over us : Shimako and Sei 

2. Inuyasha : Inuyasha and Kagome Higurashi

3. Tsubasa reservoir chronicles : Sakura and Syaoran Li /Clone Sakura and Syaoran

4. Tokyo Babylon, X   : Seishirou and Subaru

5. X : Kamui and Fuuma

6. Cardcaptor sakura / TRC : Yukito and Touya

7. Junjou romantica : Nowaki and Hiroki

8.  JR : Misaki and akihiko

9. Akatsuki no Yona : Yona and Hak

Vampire Knight : Kaname and Yuuki

3.What gif or screenshot most sums up your ship?

Well, I choose yume for this and the above two images represent their relationship pretty well. They are my favourite illustrations and one can actually see the love they both have for each other. It’s like no one else matters. You can actually see the tenderness in their eyes, how much they care for each other.

4. Describe your favorite ship in seven words or less. 

InuKag : they were born for each other.

Sei and Shimako : sensitive couple. Adorable and sweet.

Sakura and Syaoran : love that transcends time and space.

Touya and Yukito : meant to be together in every world.

Seishirou and Subaru : they are meant to fall for each other.

Kamui and fuuma : just admit you love each other.

Akihiko and Misaki : meant to be together.

Nowaki and Hiroki : sometimes second love is true love.

Yona and Hak : always there for each other.

Kaname and Yuuki : eternal lovers.

6.What’s your go-to episode or scene when you need ship feels?

Well, this one is difficult because there are tons of scenes which I love but I’ll do my best. 

Inuyasha and Kagome :

When Naraku reveals who he is for the first time in ep 21. Any episode with Koga, that really shows inuyasha’s jealousy. The movies…god. First and second movie. All scenes I guess.

Sei and Shimako :

Season two episode 6. Though there are scenes in many episodes of season 1 too.

Sakura and Syaoran :

When Yuuko gives them new bodies and real syaoran is born. In the beginning when sakura is planning to tell she loves him but in the end couldn’t. When syaoran fights kamui. When Syaoran is killed by his son and his greatest regret is that he couldn’t hear those words. I guess I should stop. At this rate I am going to end up with an essay.

Touya and Yukito/Yue :

When touya gives his power to yue. I ship yue and touya and yukito and touya. The last scene in original cardcaptor sakura manga where they are together in the kitchen. When touya corners yukito in school, he knows something is up.

Seishirou and Subaru :

Of course the scene in which seishirou dies. Goddammit. I can’ t think about it. Subaru loses his senses [ in Tokyo Babylon] when seishirou’s eye is gouged out. This is getting too painful for me. I’ll stop.

This pairing reduces me to tears. They belong together. They should’ve been together with hokuto and kakyou.

Kamui and Fuuma :

Little fuuma helping little kamui in one of the extras. Well, just read X. The whole thing is unresolved sexual tension between the two. The creators said it themselves they are soulmates, I mean even in TRC one can see there is something going on between them. Subaru and seishirou is blatantly obvious.

Misaki and Akihiko :

When haruhiko kidnaps misaki, when akihiko comes to pick up misaki from his brother’s house, the train scene. There are many scenes especially the ones with Ijuiin Kyou.

Nowaki and Hiroki :

Again, there are many scenes. The library scene. Goddammit. It reduces me to tears every time. When hiroki spies on nowaki, then sends him flowers. Aww. Just remembering them brings a stupid smile to my face.

Yona and Hak :

Episode 24 of the anime, in manga when that festival happened in one of the villages and yona danced in the village garb. There are many scenes throughout the manga.

Kaname and Yuuki :

Well, volume 11 and 12 scenes. Then the scenes after yuuki sees kaname’s past, end of volume 13 and beginning of volume 14, all the scenes in which yuuki says she needs to go to her kaname. When yuuki takes kaname’s blood after being awakened. There are many scenes.

7.What song or songs remind you of your favorite fandom, character or ship?

Hmm, as such no song in particular.

I did read a fanfiction though which had, “I am watching you” for seishirou and Subaru and I couldn’t help but find it hilarious.

And I think, A Thousand Years by Christina Perri suits yume. It’s true after all.

  8. If the creators of your favorite fandom asked you to write the ship canon-confirmation episode, what will you write/how will it happen? 

Hmm. Well, I hope yuuki gets reincarnated somehow and she and kaname live a long happy life together. Maybe kaname is going somewhere and he bumps into a girl, who has long brown hair and when they look at each other he realizes it’s the girl from his memories. And that’s it. After that kaname never sees the butterfly familiar because yuuki is with him now.

X is never gonna end but I always had a feeling that both fuuma and kamui would die. Because fuuma said that only kamui can grant his wish. They both die.

Then they are shown together in another alternate universe.

I always thought fuuma and kamui suffered equally. You cannot weigh their suffering. Fuuma lost everything because kamui made one choice. Their story is too tragic. 

I’ll come back to this question later.

9.Do you prefer to indulge in (consume or create) fanart or fanfic of your favorite ship? 

Sometimes I sketch and I create edits for my favourite series. And I enjoy seeing fanarts and manga colourings. I write fanfictions too. I love reading fanfictions.

10.Smut or fluff? (VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION xD) 

Both. Both. I love both.

11.What ship are you embarrassed to admit you like? 

Not one. They are all great ships. Nothing to be embarrassed about. 

12.What task are you most likely to procrastinate so you can indulge in your ship or fandom? 

I sacrifice my sleep sometimes. That’s about it. 

13.How many hours of the day do you spend reading fanfic or looking at fanart or other media? 

When there is nothing to do, quite a lot of hours. But when exams are there, I see how the preparation is. But I usually spend quite a lot of time on it.

14.How many memorabilia’s do you own of your favorite fandom or ship (clothes, plushies, etc.)? 

Well, I’ve got lots of volumes of each series and artbooks too. And I’ve also got drama CD’s of some series and magazines. 

15.If you could own one authentic item from your favorite fandom world, what would it be? 

Hmm. Not anything in particular.

16.What fandom have you found to be too toxic to deal with?   

Ah. The best question. Well, I haven’t been in inuyasha fandom but I know it’s pretty weird because for some bullshit reason kagome is shipped with sesshoumaru and inuyasha is portrayed as a person who violates her. Yikes.

Now, I have got nothing against shipping characters who aren’t together. I do that a lot but when the same people come onto inuyasha/kagome and sesshoumaru/kikyo fanarts and spout shit, well I get angry then. Because I adore sesshoumaru and kikyo. It doesn’t happen but I still like it and it has the most gorgeous fanarts ever.

If sesskag and rinsess, which is weird no matter how it’s cut, shippers come and say this would’ve been better if it was sesshkag  fanart / fiction, well I get angry then. Sesshoumaru is my favourite character ever and I really don’t like seeing people think he only belongs with sesskag shippers. What the hell?

He is no one’s property. The only character he remotely showed something for was Kagura. And I am not gonna open Sesshoumaru and Rin thing. That is....well. Let’s just leave it.

Clamp fandom. I dunno…I am not particularly in it but I read some comments on some sites and it’s pretty annoying when some people say you must acknowledge kotori and kamui thing.

Sorry, there was no thing.

Kotori was obsessed with kamui. Did she deserve to die. Hell no. But kotori and kamui just doesn’t exist. I mean the creators themselves said : don’t call kamui and fuuma brothers. No. They are soulmates. Fuuma is all what kamui thinks about. Even in colour illustrations which shows the group, Kotori is always seen glomping kamui like some weird obsessed fangirl. It’s disconcerting. Kamui is always shocked or surprised. Well, whatever kamui and fuuma belong together.

And now the most toxic fandom. Vampire knight. I stopped posting in the tags quite a while back because I am just tired.  I’ve had enough.

Zeki shippers : unable to accept yuuki loved kaname way more than she loved zero. It’s blatantly obvious if you read the manga. But the shippers are not only rude but they also get personal and insult the blogger. They mock the other shippers and keep on ranting and raving about abuse and whatever nonsense that was prevalent in the forums between  2010-2014. Now the same thing happens here on tumblr.

Zeki shippers are unable to accept that not everyone worships zero’s character. Honestly, I never hated zero. I was always like, I want kaname and yuuki together, zero can be with someone else. But his fans and shippers are just nasty. I’ve never encountered a single decent member of this ship. They are rude and insulting and love to send anon messages.

18.Do you have or would you consider getting a tattoo depicting your favorite ship or fandom? 

Nope. Not fond of tattoos.

19.What is the strangest thing you’ve done to honor your favorite fandom, ship or character?

Nothing.

[morethanonepage]

2017 Fic Roundup Meme

Total Fics Posted: Nine. Ooof. 

Total Words Posted: 44041

Total Words (of Anything Excluding Blogs) Written: Man I don’t even know how I’d count this -- I’ve written at least ten briefs for work and those are usually between 2 - 5 pages, and I write a lot of WIPs that I don’t end up posting. So I mean it’s probably in the 100,000 range but the majority of that (obviously) is either not fandom related or not likely to see the light of day as publicly consumable or both.

My favorite fic story this year: greenwood -- written as part of an AU meme and so so random -- Maurice-AUs are hardly a fandom trope y’know -- but man that’s one I wish I could commit to writing more of. I love Maurice (both the film and the book) so much and I love John/Chas so much as a pairing that I just kind of forced it to work, and I think it mostly did. But it’s just too far from the Constantine premise to be worth expanding, beyond just for the gimmick. Like as a historical AU I feel like I’d have to incorporate some magic nonsense to it and it wouldn’t be impossible but ugh, plots. Better to leave them in that nice, tender moment with all the possibilities before them. My one regret for it was that I got a little fade-to-black about the sex (not true in the initial conception and I did a little draft of some more explicit from Chas’ POV) but in the end I felt like I’d written too much porn lately (and was trying to be in keeping with the aesthetic of the original story), so.

My best story this year: Adrift -- I’ve re-read it to myself a bunch of times, and I just genuinely enjoyed working through it and figuring out the relationship dynamics and possibilities and putting in references to so many well established headcanons of mine. And John’s SUCH an unreliable narrator/POV character that I always have a great time trying to write him as clearly feeling SOMETHING while he’s pretending he doesn’t. And idk it’s just one of my top pairings ever and I was glad to finally devote myself to writing a nice, slow developing relationship fic with just the two of them working their shit out. 

Story most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:  Honestly at this point, given that I’m writing almost entirely John/Chas fics, and otherwise for very niche pairings, I think any appreciation my fics get is a miracle. Though I do kind of wish I’d written Adrift in the Constantine fandom’s hey-day, because it’s a chaptered developing relationship fic and those are hard to come by and I feel weird saying it’s great but it’s solid and got really good reactions from people who did read it, and I’m proud of that. 

Also I’m not as proud of blended cotton with gannex twill, in terms of its actual quality (I’m not sure the POV shifts quite work as well as I wanted them to) but it took me SO LONG to finish it and it was such a goofy premise that I’m really glad I did, and again I’m a little sad some of the early-day Constantine people didn’t get a chance to read it when I first started goofing around about the possibility of a sentient trenchcoat.

I’m also kind of surprised a reasonable amount of trouble was the least popular of the historic AUs I wrote -- I joked that I didn’t really know what noir was but I think it was close enough and I tried to set a (vaguely angsty) mood of both yearning but inevitable dissatisfaction to it. Maybe I didn’t go gritty enough with it? That tends to be my flaw for any Hellblazer related stuff, admittedly -- I can’t quite commit to the bleakness I know it merits.

Sexiest Story:  Adrift has a lot of sex in it (IT’S NECESSARY TO THE PLOT, she said, not at all defensively), which was described with a fair amount of detail, and then I backed up to more subtle depictions b/c I thought all that sex stuff would get boring. There’s also a lot of John telling himself he’s pretty meh on the sex itself. So I feel like the sexiness of it was kind of neutered by it being so much about the plot (like, the shifts of what they actually get up to were to represent emotional shifts in how they were feeling about each other). Which at least made it less sexy for me to write, anyway.

I got good feedback about The (Shamelessly Indulgent) Sex Chapter in blended cotton with gannex twill [which was somewhat necessary b/c I wanted to get all manner of bodily fluids on the coat b/c in my vague headcanon/justification that’s what actively pushes it into true sentience but--], but honestly I think my truly sexiest fic of the year is mages against literacy -- to the point I was actively embarrassed writing it, and didn’t read it again for months after I posted it, and then went back and was like “w o w”.

Most fun story:  blended cotton with gannex twill. TRENCHIE NO! TRENCHIE YES.

Also a boy with a thorn in his side is....fun for me and a few very specific people, probably. I wrote another high school AU Star Wars fic in 2016 that was way more fun and goofy and idealistic -- it’s called the id fic for a reason -- but if the id fic was what I wish high school had been like for me, ABWATIHS is -- what high school was, tbh. I mean not precisely, but Cassian’s EMOTIONS and his inability to deal with them was #relatable. I wrote it so fast, mostly because I was so intrigued by the possibilities of it and the headcanons I came up with for it, which I’m still really fond of. Like if I were to ever write original fic, I’d file off the serial numbers and make a go of it there.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: In Good Faith wasn’t, in my opinion, a great fic -- I wrote it too quickly and without enough of a reason beyond ‘someone asked for it’, and some parts were very derivative -- but I did work through some things with it, about Kes and Shara’s potential relationship history, and about what Shara’s flaws might be and what her life was like and why she and Kes work so well together. Not a lot of which actually came out in the fic IMO, but at least I had that going on in my head. 

Hardest story to write: partly mors et fugacem persequitur virum, because I didn’t remember nearly as much about Roman history as I thought I did (and what was I going to do, research??? [I did do some but none of it is actually like -- visible in the fic], and I was overconfident about my ability to make it work and still be in IC. I’m.....still not sure if I didn’t fail on one or both of those accounts.

Also I wrote Anything Can Happen (On Halloween) for no fucking reason other than because I wanted to post the 100th fic in the John/Chas tag (I EARNED THISSS) and I think it shows. Again I wrote it too quickly (in about a week?? ridiculous), I was too nervous about someone else posting something else as the 100th fic instead of me and that my hardwork would’ve GONE TO WASTE wah wah wah anyway the ending was boring and I still feel guilty about it not being very good.  Biggest surprise: Anything Can Happen (On Halloween) was actually surprisingly (to me) well received -- like it got very quick positive reactions and idk why since I’m still genuinely embarrassed by it -- I mean I don’t think it’s a bad fic but it’s rushed and clunky and not terribly original.  A story I want remembered:  Someone on twitter said that Adrift made them ship John/Chas and honestly that’s all I want for it -- that and for the people who keep coming to the lil’ Constantine fandom that there is and go looking for fic find it and read it and at least kind of understand why some rando keeps flooding the tag with John/Chas nonsense. 

Resolutions for 2018: This has been a very John/Chas year for me and while I’m mostly okay with that, I do want to at least try to make my way back to finnpoe again -- I’m working on a bigbang fic so I desperately want to finish that (it’s outlined and everything and I think it may end up being one of my most personal fics) but we’ll see -- Star Wars fandom continues to push me away, and I won’t be able to post it until May, which is rough for someone like me, who depends so much on positive attention. There’s also a bunch of DamFam things I want to explore, especially now. 

I also want to keep writing the John/Chas but I want to stop feeling so embarrassed about it -- like so what that it was so long ago, people are still into it! Every few weeks or so I get someone on tumblr clearly going through my John/Chas tag, anyway. So at least I will have/still have some readers for that nonsense. 

I want to be better about prompts people give me -- I try to set expectations at the floor level for these things but I do genuinely like writing things for people, at least partly b/c I’m terrible at coming up with ideas on my own, so I want to try harder to fill memes and such. 

And idk maybe I’d like to find another ship that I like, that’s not from a dead show, where the fandom isn’t the worst. DARE TO DREAM (the impossible dream).

[rawringryu]

tEn cHaRaCtErS

I was tagged in this meme by the awesomely rad @francisthegreat whom I’m lucky to have as my friend :) Also I’m sorry this is so late! I didn’t see you tag me until like yesterday, I had exams this week haha. This was very hard to make because I have a LOT of feelings.

Ten characters from ten fandoms:

This list is going in ascending order, meaning my very favorite faves will be last on the list.

10. Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls) First of all on this list is this asshole, gosh I have no idea why but there was a period of time where I absolutely loved Gravity Falls and I shipped with a human form with Dipper mostly because of the amazing art and some pretty complex fics written for the ship. It was a wild ride and honestly thinking about this phase of my life always makes me feel weird, like I liked him purely because I liked reading shippy fics starring him. 

9. Pearl (Steven Universe) This one is kinda weird too? Idk man I absolutely love Pearl’s design and the way her character is written. I’m not in loop with the SU fandom because ugh it’s not a happy place to be but I absolutely love browsing art of her. I love how she’s such a broken character for a kids show! I used to read SU meta and they’d go on and on about how she’s a shit character, an asshole towards Amethyst and toxic. But tbh, I feel like she’s just a complex character that made bad choices at times, she’s trying to get better, she’s trying to cope with the loss of Rose someone she probably loved in more ways than one and how she felt Rose chose Greg over her, and now she’s gone. I mean, she just can’t let go and I think that’s very human.

8. Pitch Black (Rise of the Guardians) Alright but this fandom was the first one I’d ever been in once I started out in tumblr. It was very cool and leaves bittersweet memories tbh, I absolutely adored the art and fics this fandom churned out, I used to ship Pitch and Jack Frost. The thing about Pitch is the fact that the fandom practically merged the movie with the lore from the original Guardians of Childhood the movie is based on. In the book, Pitch has such a tragic backstory, his name was Kozmotis Pitchinier and he was the best general of the Golden Army. After capturing all fearlings, he was designated to guard the prison of their imprisonment , he was haunted by their whispers and pleading and his only solace was his daughter, of whom he kept a photograph of in a locket. But one day, sensing his weakness, the prisoners imitated her voice and hypnotized Kozmotis to believe she was being held inside with them. Frantic, he opened the doors to release her, but was instead possessed by ten thousand Fearlings.

Sorry for the long summary but I just want people to know more abt his backstory haha.

7. Loki (MCU) I didn’t really know about Loki until I watched Thor: The Dark World in the cinema and I was instantly in love despite this movie being the absolutely worst of all the MCU movies, which looking back I’d have to agree. Loki is yet another tragic character whom I’m sure everyone already knows about. I think Loki is a vulnerable character who tries to be good, wants to be good but he just can’t, or he tries and other people just won’t accept him. He’s a frost giant and those people are considered monsters, how can he not be bitter that he’s the very thing ha’s been indoctrinated to hate and fear. He is a very complex character that the MCU practically does not do enough justice mostly because he’s portrayed as a villain in the movies. But I wouldn’t consider him a villain, more like an antihero, nobody trusts him and he doesn’t think anybody can love him either. I’ve only read a bit of his comics and I gotta say Loki deserves so much more than what he gets.

6. Dr Strange (MCU) (I’m breaking the one character per fandom rule idc) I know a shit ton of people absolutely HATE Dr Strange, and for a variety of reasons too. They hate him because Benedict Cumberbatch plays him and hating on BC is practically the new edgy on tumblr. People think Dr Strange should have been played by an american asian and all that yada plus the ancient one being whitewashed. While I agree some aspects of Dr Strange is problematic, I think people need to give it more credit, at least watch it for the cool effects that the stupidly huge amount of people worked on. Also as an asian, I can guarantee you most people outside of America doesn’t give two shits about these controversies and movies should be a source of pleasure instead of thinking about all the negative shit only. Dr Strange deserves so much more, he’s an interesting and while he does share some qualities with Tony Stark, he’s his own character with his own issues. Plus his comics are very fun to read, come on, magic in the Marvel is such an awesome concept. Fuck you haters, I just wanna have a good time with the magic man.

5. Sherlcok Holmes (BBC Sherlock) This is also one of my earliest fandoms on tumblr. Sherlock season 4 absolutely ruined it with all the queer baiting and the shitty plot. But Sherlock had always left bittersweet memories for me too. Mostly because of the absolutely amazing and complex fics written for it, I will never understand how fic authors do it but Sherlock fics were amazing and I would gladly choose these fics over canon any time. 

4. Asuka Langley Soryuu (Neon Genesis Evangelion) I have so many feelings about this bitch right here, honestly one of the most relate-able characters for me. Asuka is a very human character, she’s very proud and has emotional issues. She was considered the best of the best and was trained to be an Eva pilot since she was four because she’s a child genius. However she has a tragic backstory, her mother underwent some tests and became insane, believing that Asuka's doll was her daughter and refusing to acknowledge the real Asuka, referring to her as "that girl over there." She eventually commits suicide by hanging herself; Asuka found her body when she went to tell her the good news that she had been chosen to become an Eva pilot. She couldn’t let go that Shinji the main character was starting to become a better pilot than her despite training for months only. She suppresses a lot of her emotions and had unhealthy ways of coping. I just want her to be happy.

3. Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood) Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood is what I would consider the holy grail of anime tbh. Edward is just about the most selfless person out there in the fictional world of anime. I love the fact that Ed and Al started their journey off with mildly selfish reasons that is to return their body parts whom they lost to in a deal with Truth to bring back their mom which ultimately failed. In the end, Edward is willing to lose his alchemy, the very things that defines him, that started this whole mess, that is the source of his joy and misery for the sake of gaining his brother’s body back instead of selfishly using the Philosopher’s stone that’s made using human souls. I just want this shorty to be happy and I’m glad he is with that satisfying end.

2. Hitsugaya Toshiro (Bleach) The reason this guy is ranked so high in my list is mostly because, he’s been there for me since I was a smol kid, I’ve had a crush on him ever since I was 10 and I could never let go. He’s the one fictional character whom I still fallback to every time things stagnant, I love reading fics about him, he’s just so cool! He’s a child genius with a sword that can shoot ice dragons. Plus he’s always written in such a complex way in fics, Kubo missed his fucking chance by not expanding more about his character in the manga, but clearly Kubo is incompetent when it comes to plot so whatever I guess.

1. Kylo Ren (Star Wars) The Star Wars fandom or specifically the Kylux subfandom is probably the happiest plave I’ve ever been in since forever. It’s the first time I’ve ever talked to anyone at all online, I only lurked around in other fandoms but Star Wars made me able to brave the fandom and talk to people in it, I’ve met so many amazing people and read amazing fics in it, it’s mostly due to the KRB discord chat that I’m still going strong with this fandom. I absolutely love Kylo Ren and can he please crush me between his thighs. The thing that attracted me to him besides his unconventionally attractive appearance is his emotional vulnerability. Kylo has been neglected by Leia and Han as a kid and sent away to jedi school with Luke, he’s been manipulated by Snoke as a kid and Leia and Han just don’t think they can take care of him properly, they’re afraid of him and always too busy with their work, Kylo wasn’t planned, the way their relationship worked just wasn’t ideal for child rearing, Kylo was left alone with Luke, unable to understand why his parents don’t want him anymore, how he was too emotional for the jedi way. While what Kylo did was not justifiable with all that murdering, it’s not a stretch to say that he was very mush a victim of circumstances too. I related to Kylo a lot as I’d been sort of neglected as a child too, both my parents were always busy with work and I only saw them during mealtimes and before bed.

Sorry for the long post ya’ll! I have so many emotions about fictional characters haha.

I’ll be tagging @magicandmalice , @omega-hux, @tezzypants, @darktenshi17, @comraderevelin, @kylocatastrophe, @dargason-under-the-fantasia, @oblioknowlton, @evilblubber, @plasticpill and @glass-oceans that is if ya’ll want to, I had fun and went super overboard.

[lyrring]

2019

content warning: suicidal ideation I wasn't originally going to write a reflective entry about 2019, but then I figured I might as well, if only so that I can look back on it in one year's time.

The first 9 months of the year I spent at home instead of at school. While I had a lot more time to do art and also work a long-term job, it wasn't great for my mental health. I can really only stand my family in small doses.

Artistically, 2019 was a year of (what I would call) exponential improvement for me. Technically and otherwise. I did get better at drawing, yeah, but I also learned a lot about what I like to draw, how to improve, and what an artistic industry looks like and prefers.

Starting at the end of 2018 and well into the middle of 2019, I thought it would be a good idea to contribute to a ton of zines. I'm talking literally a few dozens at this point. This was an interesting learning experience for me, because while most of my pieces were decent, and a few are some of my personal favorites now, a good portion of them are not pieces I'm proud of and have not really posted anywhere else lol. This period was a great lesson in time management and learning when to take on commitments, vs when to pass. I still do zines on occasion, but only after triple-checking with myself that I absolutely want to do them, and will have time to do them. I'm still learning how to do this correctly!

I also worked my first "real" job in the art industry-- in games! I worked for a small, relatively new studio on the demo of their first in-house project. The experience was great, and it taught me what I do and do not appreciate in a workplace. Now, I value direct communication more than ever. I'm really glad I got the opportunity to learn more about the industry firsthand. Having people tell me what to draw all the time also made me value personal art more, so that's something I also plan on doing more of in the future!

I learned that I still have a lot (like, a lot) of insecurities surrounding my art, which I'm still trying to conquer. I'm trying to open up to the idea of sharing my art with IRLs more, when the idea used to terrify me. It still makes me nervous sometimes, for lots of reasons I don't feel like elaborating on here, but I'm workin on it! These internal issues with my art were part of a larger ongoing mental health crisis for me. I was constantly bombarded with thoughts like-- Your friends don't actually like your art, they're just pretending; Your bf thinks your art is weird; No one in your life values you and you will eventually be replaced by everyone you care about; You're stupid and your friends hate you and make fun of you when you're not around; You'll never amount to anything, at best you'll just be a financial burden on your family; Everyone who claims they like your art just does so out of pity.

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to stop caring so much about follower counts and engagement. Though they are nice, they are no indicator of skill or passion for art. And before writing that sentence, I thought-- damn, I have so few followers in the grand scheme of things, it sounds like I'm saying that just because I'm small and unpopular, to make myself feel better. But on the other hand, I thought, if a really big artist were to say something similar, that followers do not exactly correlate with skill or passion, the response would just be "ur just saying that cause you have tens of thousands of followers lol". It is nice when people engage with my art-- I really appreciate it! But I truly strive to get back to the kind of mental space I was at when I started drawing seriously, at age 11 or so. That is, making art simply because it made me happy, not because I wanted to go with the current 24-hour tags or trends, or because I thought it would gain me followers. Some artists often say that drawing what you love will eventually find you the right audience. Even if it's not a huge audience, I think that's alright. I would rather have a smaller amount of people following me who are affected and inspired by my work than a larger one that does not.

Thus far, that attitude has been working! It's helped me care less about churning out relevant trendy art, and more about taking my time and creating pieces that I personally love to look at. Expect a lot more oc stuff from me in the future lol!

As far as my current mental health, I've returned to school (senior year baby!!) and I'm doing a lot better than I was earlier in 2019. I haven't seriously considered killing myself in a good few months, where before the urges would usually strike every week-and-a-half or so, and last for days on end.

I also found that RP stuff was also a major factor in my mental health, in 2019 and even before. I love rping and I love my OCs! But there are certain things about rping-- both in groups and with individuals 1-on-1-- that can be very draining. I suffer from rejection sensitive dysphoria, as a symptom of my ADHD. Essentially, I perceive very minor or non-issues to be a demonstration of how much my friends hate me and hate talking to me, and I experience very extreme and visceral reactions to that "rejection". So, in addition to IRL relationships, online and rp relationships can cause me great distress very easily, and trigger anxiety or depressive episodes. For the sake of my mental health and happiness, my second big New Year's Resolution is not necessarily to care less about my rp friends, but more to focus on myself, and what I can create and enjoy on my own.

To that end-- I want to try and at least finish crafting the plots of my comic(s) in 2020. I have a few planned, but obviously comic-making is a very time-consuming process, and I want to be fully prepared before I jump in. So, I probably won't even get to publishing any in 2020. If I do, I'll be surprised. But! Like I said before, expect much more OC art out of me in the coming year. I feel inspired by my OCs all the time, and I hope you enjoy seeing them lol!

2020 will be a year of transitions for me. I will be graduating college in June, and I will be attending graduate school the following fall, starting my master's degree in the field of counselling, or marriage and family therapy. I am also applying to art school, which I plan to complete online. Hopefully that all works out! : D

I also kind of want to start writing more personal posts here on tumblr and DA as well. I want you guys to get to know me better! That's always one of my favorite parts about following artists-- getting to know their personality, etc.

Anyways, if you've read this whole thing, cool! I hope you know at least a little more about me as a person.

I hope you have a 2020 full of discoveries, excitement, and comfort. At the very least, I hope you pledge to truly strive to take care of yourself in 2020, even more than in 2019. I will do the same.

Warmly,

lurr / niisanberg

[ladyyatexel]

Chapters: 28/28 Fandom: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Johnny "Nny" C./Edgar Vargas, Devi D./Tenna Characters: Edgar Vargas, Devi D., Jimmy "Mmy", Johnny "Nny" C., Tenna Additional Tags: Songfic, AU, Rewrite, Asexual Character, Asexuality Summary:

"Reincarnation is complicated and apparently not a refined system. When the lines between lives are blurry at best, and memories seep in from the person you were, do you stay the person you are? Who do you want to be, and do you want to be seen?"

Sharing a bit of a personal experiment in rewriting 'Song Without A Name', a fanfic I began writing in 2004. You absolutely don't need to the read the original to read this, and I'd actually prefer if you didn't! If you do decide to track it down, please just keep in mind things have changed in over ten years, even if I'm still using the same summary!

Even more excessive notes inside~! Updates on the 10th of the month. Complete.

The End.

I’m done, and I feel kind of sick about it.   I’m putting it up a day early because I’ll be at work tomorrow an unable to orchestrate everything I need to do.  Thank you for reading this thing that was my world for so long.  Please, please enjoy it.  It is my thing.  More long winded talk under here: 

I'm still feeling a bit lost and confused after having finished this thing.  As of this writing, it's not as bad as the first time for several reasons, but it is certainly having an impact.

The first time, I didn't know ISH existed because I hadn't thought it up yet, so ending SWAN felt like I was saying goodbye forever to these people I loved very much and who had been a constant part of my life for many years.  They'd been with me through some critical points in my life and with the story ended I felt like people had died and was appropriately mourning for a few weeks.  This time, thanks not only to knowing there is more, but to knowing that I told the story more completely this time around, I don't feel so much like I'm cutting off a critical connection.  Giving a better picture of their world this time for some reason makes it easier for them not to be a constant part of mine.  I felt both times writing this story like these kids were real people, like strange friends I knew deeply, and as long as I had more story to tell, they were actively laced into my life.  Still, even though I know there is more, I feel like I will miss them being there with me as part of my daily routine until I'm ready to commit to another one of these.  It's weird in that it feels like I have to give up these kids in order to share them with you.  They can't be with me daily if they're finished, and they can't be shared with others and finished if they're being worked on daily.  I feel a bit like I'm surrendering something.

This effect was enhanced this time around because the last 12 chapters of reSWAN were published monthly. I'm honestly incredibly proud of myself for doing so on a 'I can commit to a schedule' level, and that schedule is what really made these kids feel like part of my daily life.  I used working on this story to drag myself through the winter, the worst part of the year for me mentally.  I managed to update every month even with busy holidays and other obligations.  I wrote on every break I had from work, amounting to an hour and a half during the work day alone if I was dedicated and not distracted during those times.  Even after that, I'd work on it at home, and I'd use most of the weekend writing too.  

Almost every day and certainly every week.  For an entire year.  I saw more of the Homicides than I did most real people.  

So yeah.  A break is probably a good idea.  There are a lot of things about ISH I haven't decided yet, but I want to give myself time to do other things for a bit before I throw myself into another project that requires this level of dedication to get through.  I loved doing this, and I fully intend to do this even more soon, but a break from it being constantly in the back of my mind that I need to meet a deadline will be refreshing.  I also didn't paint as much while I was writing reSWAN because I had to be so feverishly dedicated to the writing.  My default state is drawing, so the writing required extra time and focus to accomplish. Hilariously, all the art projects I'm thinking of doing in between this and ISH are related to it.   So maybe it won't look like a break, haha.

  Anyway, now that I've said a lot of words about how much time I spent with this thing, I want to thank you guys for sticking around through it, where ever you came in.  

Gu in particular, who has been here since the literal start of reSWAN, and so sat through two years of my nonsense consistently interested and engaged with it (to the point of art and cosplay and song), which just thrills the fuck out of me.  

Those of you who decided to start reading (and keep reading!) without knowing the canon material just because I talked about it so much on Tumblr, like Indigo and Melissa! I still am just blown away that you guys became so dedicated to this thing I made from some source material you have never consumed and probably never will.  Your enthusiasm gave me incredible confidence in what I was doing and was often the strongest motivator to get things done by the tenth!

Those of you I met and just text all the time because of this!  Visi and Crystal!

Everyone who made fanart or cosplayed or wrote fan-fanfic!  I'm so touched to have made something good enough to not spend your time reading, but also to spend time and effort creating for.  It doesn't matter how many times it happened, I love it anew every time.  

Everyone who left a comment on AO3, thank you, you are my fuel and confirmation that I wasn't screaming into the void.  

I said in the end comments of the story itself that I know it's kinda dumb to be so 'and here's the grand thank you page/epilogue' on something that is such a non-event in the rest of the world, but this is deeply important to me, and even if it's just me and like 20 people, then cool, I hope it was important to me and 20 people.

I'm glad you were all here with me. For those times when writing just for me wasn't motivating enough, knowing that some of you were out there waiting for it pushed me onward.  And now it's done!  This thing I thought I was going to do one chapter of!  28 chapters and a whole story double the length of the first one!  I'm delighted.   Thanks for reading this, thanks for letting me show you my precious garbage and glitter children~  

You are all my weird SWAN siblings now.   Come scream at me about this if you so desire, for I would be Delighted by it.  Nothing makes me happier than excuses to stay in this world rather than the real one.

I'll see you when it's time for these guys to go out on the road again!

– <3 Lady