#also i did omit the concert photo. sorry

[rolandkaros]

[manjuhitorie]

Hitori-Escape Tour 2019 concert reports 14-18

1-9

10-13

14 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 11/10/2019 at Takamatsu DIME Takamatsu prefecture

●The road was flocked with cosplayers on their way to the venue. Yuma recognized the Azur Lane cosplays, while SND recognized the Street Fighter and the Touhou. “Like Reimu and Youmu~” Yuma was face to face with a Miku across the street while waiting at a crosswalk, which amused him also..

SND “Hey! Was anyone in the crowd here who was out there cosplaying today, raise your hand! Come on be honest, tell sensei. Everybody close your eyes so you can’t judge each other, so only sensei can see c’mon.” Yuma “There’s people still opening their eyes lol.”

●Takamatsu really is full of events. There was a strange pungent smell eating away at Yu until he sought out the origin. It was a cheese event going on right nearby.  “These sort of things bother you until you find! Once you find the origin then it stops smelling, it’s an enigma.” ●A cat was spotted caught up in the cosplayer crowd too, which SND found adorable.

Yuma “I’m a dog lover and… I don’t really get the feelings of cats!! If you annoy a dog then you’re their enemy for the rest of the day but, with cats they’ll only hate you on the spur of a moment, based on mood. Yet then you spend the rest of the day depressed...!”

SND brings the flow of the conversation over to yga’s (cat-like) feelings, where Yumao dubs him the “Expressionless emo”. Yuma “He’s stoic but, mid-show he will turn around and smile at me! Sometimes he’ll be saying something too but, because it’s indecipherable I’ll just do my best to convey ‘Uhh, that seems good!!’ to him.” SND “... He looks at me a lot too but he never smiles.” Yu “Well cause the crowd could see his face then, but when he's turned around the crowd can’t see him!”

●SND “Well then. Umm.. It's uh… today...” *Unable to piece anything together while yga stares at him stifled and raring to go* “Ummm..”  ygarsh >>*BWOON*<< SND tweet "Takamatsu concert: complete, Takamatsu is the greatest place every time I come, I’m happy I got to perform in a city I love. Thank you, we’ll probs be back. Tomorrow we’ll be in Osaka y'hear"

15 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 11/11/2019 at Takamatsu DIME in Takamatsu prefecture

●During the handheld mic song SND went over to yg’s side and wrapped his arm around yg’s shoulders. Contrary to yesterday’s slip and slide yg did to dodge him—

●SND was late getting to the venue, due to countless self-destructive forces at bay. Yumao joked that he’s truly living the rockstar life. Truly a ‘rock musician’. At first he questioned “Sensei~ Were you busy drawing your manga~?” Because SND is an artistic person, and artist’s concept of time tends to be wonky. “Both of my parents are artists so I know this well,” he said..! SND “I drank for 12 hours straight... Until 10 AM... When the meet-up was at 12. I just had to group up with the crew to get all our gear together and hop in the car to drive down, so I told myself I would nap for 1 hour, then wake up, take a shower, get ready and go... But I ended up sleeping overtime. When I woke up even a miracle wouldn’t be able to get me there on time. So I called manager-san and told her the situation”.

Yumao “I didn’t care if manager-san gets angry at you~!” Though manager didn’t get angry at SND, she just made sure he had everything and could play okay.  SND “Though I lied and said I had some stuff ready when I didn’t... Why is it that we tell useless lies when we’re scared of getting in trouble.”

FInally in the car driving there, SND reeked of alcohol.. Yumao tells the story of how yga, in the backseat, burst out saying “This smell... It isn’t beer.. It’s... Highball. This is Kakubin, Highball whisky.. The beer was Kinmugi.. So... Torikizoku (the name of a bar chain).” Actually hitting the mark on what SND drank yesterday. SND “WTF.”

ygarshy is now the self-proclaimed ‘Highball detective’. ●Back to the show....! SND “Everybody it’s 11/11, what does that mean!“ Crowd “It’s bass day!” SND “Well then ygarshy, do your thing!” yga *>>BWOON<<*

The date 1111 resembles the 4 bass strings, thus the excuse for celebration! ygarshy also did a seminar for a bass week if that may pique your interest..: Here. SND tweet "Osaka concert: complete, thank you kindly. I'll see y'all next week then."

16 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 11/14/2019 at LIQUIDROOM in Tokyo prefecture

I’ll make a separate special post including all of Nishimaki’s photos etc., but for now it’s all mostly on my twitter... https://twitter.com/boat_manju/status/1195265416249139200

17 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 11/17/2019 at SPADE BOX in Nagoya prefecture

To dodge redundancy I’ll omit some of the happenings, as they reflected on the tour again and many topics were recycled from Tokyo. MC time! ●Yumao picked on SND again for saying “I have to sing and haven’t played a show in a forever unlike you hustlers, I have it a million times worse than you guys, I’m on a different level~~.” back when he was nervous on the first day of the tour. Yu “But... didn’t you once sing in a SOPHIA cover band?”

SND “We only were up for like 30 minutes, and we did just a bunch of L'Arc 〜en 〜Ciel or LUNA SEA or Visual kei kinda stuff.” Yu “Visual kei.. did you wear makeup!?” SND *laughs it off* “I pretended to be Mitsuru Matsuoka for 2 shows and that was the end of it.…“ ●When they were at the vacation cottage watching historical drama on TV... Despite yg seemingly not-watching and playing bass, to their surprise after he told them “That was funny”.  SND “yga never stops practicing huh” Yu “I could never watch TV and play drums." SND “Guitar might work huh.” Yu “Last show I had told everybody to feel free to ask me on Twitter about how to use the mobile battery we’re selling as merch, and someone did!” SND "I questioned how many interactions he got and.. It was a whopping one. One! *laughing*” Yu “They even told me ‘I can’t believe you replied!’” ●SND story time. He talked about how he first came to this city of Nagoya back when he was 17 or 18. He was born in Ishikawa prefecture and he passed the regional teem music tournament there, so he came for the south-east coast tournament. It was only his voice and acoustic guitar up on the loft, and he went home with no prizes but. After some thought he realized that was the beginning of his music career. What he felt up on that stage is still burned into his mind, and has kept him going all this. So being back in Nagoya, singing up on stage, feels like fate. “Our journey is ending for now but, we’ll be back. As long as we’re alive, we’ll be back.” And he sounds like Leader at the end.. Leader would say that..

●SND “It’s time ygarshy-kun! The Kirin Challenge Cup, it was Columbia VS Japan right, give us a comment on Japan’s smashing defeat of 0:2!”   yg *>>>angry BWOOON<<<* SND tweet “Nagoya concert complete, thank you. We performed footloose and enthusiastic, I hope nobody got hurt. See ya next time.”

18 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 11/18/2019 at Umeda Club Quattro in Osaka prefecture

The finale! Ahh the 18th show. What a long journey, but somehow it felt short.

●Yu “This show was an add-on, so it sorta feels like a bonus stage y’know. Normally I put a lot of attention into keeping my performance, my feelings as flat and stable as possible but, today.. I just scattered emo around.” SND “I feel ya haha.” Yu “Concerts are tricky!”

●SND “When we’re traveling the country, we see people smiling, people crying, people who have a face like they have no idea what to do with themselves, there’s just… so many different people, and every one is so beautiful. Every time a show ended I would go name-searching on the internet because I wanted to know what everybody thought, and just. Seriously, thank you. Thank you for mustering up the courage to come see us. With 18 concerts on our backs, we managed to shape this into something real. We’ve come so far and— Yuma, pops in like he’s feeling embarrassed or nervous or something, “Uhmm-” SND “Oi….!?” *collapses to the floor* “C’mooon I was just in the middle of something!!!”

Yuma “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to butt in-“

SND “It’s fine hahaha You’re always like this, I’m used to it hahahaaa” SND *on the verge of tears*→ Yumao *does his Yumao thing*→ Everyone  :') ●
Yuma “After all this time we figured out the trick to ygarshy too, even though he’s always stoic, right! But when he’s doing something bad or bullying, he has a HUGE smile! Especially when he’s bullying Shinoda, he’ll grin from ear to ear.” SND “Piece of shit I won’t forget what you’ve done to me. This bastard smiles the most when he’s the assailant”.   yga *Takes out his camera and begins to record SND*

Yu “See, he has fun in his own way!”

*Records Yumao twice, Yumao poses with both hands making the peace sign*

*Records the crowd* Yu “SND and I are always chatting it up about something right, but sometimes an hour or so later after we talk, yg will come over to me when I’m alone and tell me his opinion. ‘I think this I think that. Yumao you said it well earlier, you did well’… But... It’s, it’s okay to join in on the conversation too ygarshy..!” ●Onto merchandise chat!

Merch is currently available online now!!! The English site is here, but as most items are out of stock there, the original Japanese site is an option if you have access to proxy shipping, here! http://shopping.deli-a.jp/artist/hitorie.php Beware that the mobile battery cannot make it over the border due to restrictions, so even if you order it from the JP site, a problem will most likely emerge...

*Yumao poses to show off his hoodie, flops the hood up and down to show how the letters on the back appear.* *Points at ygarshy wearing the black shirt*

Yumao “The friction highlighters, if they get put in the drying machine or make contact with heat the ink will disappear! But if you put them in the refrigerator then it will come back! It’s a mystery~“ Yu “Then also the pouch... Ah where’d it go where’d it go..” Staff “Behind your drums!” Yu “I found it! I put my little drum supplies in here, it’s great, I never lose anything. The tote bag is convenient too! Throughout the tour I’ve been using it to carry my change of clothes and things.” SND “The bleach acid-washed denim was such a good idea, it looks adorable.” *Yu heads back to his drums* *yg picks up his bass* SND “Are we playin’?” Yu “Are we still talkin’? SND “We have the choice to just not do encore, right?” *yg on standby* *Yuma walks back to the microphone *yg puts his bass down* SND “Ahhhhh, that’s heavy to keep isn’t it, just keep it down.” Yu “Let’s goo!” SND “Alright ygarshy-kun.. Once this tour is over let’s drink some good beer!” yg “…?” *The lighting goes red* SND “?!” *Staring at each other doing nothing, yga puts his finger on his bass string* SND “Wait, what?!” yg *>>>BWOOON<<<*

ygarshy: “18 concerts. Thank you for mustering up the courage to come all the way out and see us. Being able to perform Hitorie’s music up on stage, was my pride and joy yet again today."

 SND: “Thank you.”

 Rie’s manager: “Thanks. I’m so proud of them.”

Yumao: Really by virtue of every one who came were we able to marathon this tour. 

I was on the same page as you when this started: totally unsure of how to present myself for these concerts. But halfway through somewhere I started to have fun, the number of smiles increased, and now that it’s over I feel like I lost something, the burdens and something special both.

I’m bad with expressing myself in text so this is all I’ll say.

~~Fin.~~

[hoodie-at-the-bar]

and as soon as possible, it ended

Steven said ASAP a lot, especially when dealing with getting back to me. After the movie night we still texted daily. I knew his birthday was coming up on the 23rd, and I had mentioned to him I’d love to take him out for his birthday. I mentioned it a few times.

He was always saying things like, “Aw thank you! that’s so sweet -” but then would never follow up with a commitment, of yes he was free for me to take him out. At one point, I felt I was being fairly clingy asking him constantly, if he was free or if he knew what he was doing. He wasn’t sure, but he’d get back to me ASAP.

The day before his birthday, he finally said his dad was coming up to stay with him but that he’d get back to me ASAP. At this point i had to call the lifeline - this was just too weird. Is he blowing me off?

I finally pulled the trigger and asked Loren what she thought. She said and admitted he was a bad communicator, that he actually had no plans and last minute asked Blaine and the guys if they wanted to hang out and have dinner. Ok that’s fine - maybe he just didn’t want to confirm with a girl he barely knew, but wanted to keep his options open. I love a guy who likes keeping his options open. 

Then I saw on his Snapchat he had a few friends over, and I overheard a girl's voice. Was it his friends’ girlfriend or a girl he was into? I became that girl who was uncertain and started going down the rabbit hole of a story I created: he didn’t confirm because that day was for girlfriend #7. The bummer part is, in most of my experience when your radar goes off (via photos of your guy standing a little too close to some girl or the sound of a girl’s voice) - it often means something’s up.

I tried to keep a distance and only texted “Happy Birthday” or “Hope you have a great day!” type messages. His birthday was on a Tuesday so I waited until Thursday before reaching out. I asked him what he did for his birthday and he said it was “chill”, and that he just “had dinner with his dad and played golf”. Why omit the truth that he had dinner w/ Blaine and friends? Was there more to hide? it just seemed odd with how he didn’t mention hanging out with his friends, knowing I’m friends with Blaine and can see his Snaps. Spidey senses went off.

The second time ASAP was in full effect was the camping trip we casually planned. Back in June when I was in Key West, I told him we should go RV camping sometime. Yes, just he and I: I had plans for us. He said he had a EDM musical festival at the end of July, so the first weekend in August he was free. Cool - as we get closer we can figure out if we want to do Friday to Sunday or just one night. 

Before his birthday I had asked him if he got the day off, he said he forgot and he would ask his boss. When I texted him that Friday morning after his birthday before his weekend at the Gorge, I asked him again if he had scheduled the day off. He said no, but told me we should still go so “reserve the date” - okay that was something. I got a bit concerned that the camping weekend was just a week away, and he would be at this music festival for the next 4 days. He said he couldn't request it off until he gets back to the office on Thursday, which was 24 hours prior to the trip.

What? He gets back on Monday, and has Tuesday and Wednesday off - he can’t ask then? He has to wait until he’s physically in? If he really wanted to go camping with me, or knew how to problem solve, he would just go in on the day after he returned, but maybe that’s just me.

“Oh dang it I forgot to ask. I’ll have to ask when I get back on Thursday.”

“Damn! Think they’d let you off so close to the ask? The Motorhome sales world is foreign to me”.

“Yeah it all depends on how much I’m selling really. If I’m selling a lot they don’t really care.”

Ok, so… do you think they’ll care? It’s Friday bro, you are going to wait six days before asking if you can have the following day off? Can you at least guess the chances of your boss approving? I grew tired of this game. 

“Snap - then good work on all your selling.”

“Ha, thank you!”

“Have fun at the Gorge this week. Drunk texts welcome”

I was being too nice and supportive and just kept thinking: you’re not his girlfriend, you don’t have the right to dig in to get him to commit to camping. I didn’t want to come off as a nag offering a solution for every sentence he made, especially over text. Most people are not that direct so it can be taken as abrasive. I tend to continue a conversation until there is a solution, getting creative and asking questions, but often times when a guy doesn’t want to do something and they don't know how to articulate, then they just end up getting frustrated that I keep hounding. Then I thought no, even if he was just a friend, you don’t blow off people or act non-committal, it’s just rude!

At this point I was half annoyed and half bummed that I was feeling ghosted. Saturday night while I was at a birthday party he snapped me “Miss ya”. The “ya” part wasn’t as romantic, but it made me feel a bit better about the anxiety of whether or not he was into me. It all went downhill from there.

Monday: he returned from the Gorge. I didn’t reach out

Tuesday: I texted him welcome back. I also asked how his dad was because he posted something cryptic about his dad’s well being on Instagram . I told Steven I was going to a concert tonight and asked if he wanted to come. He did the usual slew of fake interest, but no action.

“What concert?”

“Oh yeah! That’s cool!!”

“Haha, still famous!”

“Ok will do”

Then finally, 

“I’m feeling super chill today so most likely going to hang out here. But if I’m feeling a little cray I’ll tell ya”

Why? Just tell me you’re out, better yet, before all the “oh cool!” texts. For some reason I kept trying. Now it was just a vendetta to get this guy to say : I’m not into you. I did get him to say “most likely going to hang out here” - it was a carrot to keep me going, to win at him saying something finite. 

“ALSO I know we “may” hang out on Saturday [since he still hasn’t asked for the day off] but you wanna 2x that and do something fun tomorrow?”

“Like what??” 

False excitement, phantom enthusiasm. This reeled me in, I got joy from it, to only realize it was a stalling tactic.

“Discovery Park? Ever been?”

“Uh uh. Is it cool?” 

Was I speaking to a toddler?

“It’s very neat. It’d be a flat hike that leads to fun views and stuff”

“Ooh” 

What. What ooh?

“Anywho, I’m not as pressed about tomorrow as the weekend so you can make game day decisions. I’ll be doing some adult things around the house and relaxing.  (But if something comes up and I’m not free I’ll let you know) - I’m a communicator, it’s a thing.”

Do you see what I did there? I tried to not be overbearing about hanging out on Wednesday, while also letting him know I really needed to know about the weekend. Lastly - let him know what good communication looks like! I had a friend who’s birthday was on Saturday and I had to say I’m not sure if I could go because I ‘may’ be camping? I normally plan more than a month in advance, here I am, three days prior and have no idea. This should have been a clear indicator that Steven and I were not compatible.

“Oh for sure. I will let you know about both ASAP”

I should take a shot every time this kid says ASAP - to be fair, I don’t think he knows what it mean.s

Wednesday came, and I got sassy. It was the end of the workday and I hadn’t heard from Steven if he was up to go on a city hike.

Clearly we seemed like two people who didn’t really feel like hanging out with each other. I wanted to see him, go on a hike to see if I can get to know him better, or even go to his house and have an adult conversation about our communication styles, and how it wasn’t working for me. But being an afterthought to hanging out with him and his friends wasn’t appealing. Again, this would have been a great point to say something to the extent of, “Hey Steven, I wanted to spend time with just us, so I can have a conversation with you about us” - but the thought of it sounded more and more exhausting. I may have a high bar and assume if I ask a guy to hang out, he knows it’s me asking him to hang out together in a date-like fashion. I could be more explicit and say I want to hang out with you and only you because… but then at that point, it’s a compatibility issue for me and someone I need to use 2x more words than I’d like. For Pete’s sake can you just get it? I’ve had conversations with humans who did. There is a limit to explicit communication - and pass that limit is hand holding.

I had told some friends I wanted to ask him what he wanted out of this - figured we had slept together and it was a fair question. My friends reminded me that I myself wasn’t sure what I wanted, or if I even liked him (enough). So, did I need to rush into things? I said no, but the anxiety of not knowing what my plans are was enough for me to raise a flag. He didn’t have to say if he wanted to be together exclusively, but I did need him to communicate better as to whether or not he is committed to hanging out, if we planned to continue progressing.

Thursday came and he texted me about the RV. 

I didn’t want to press. Examples of what a guy would say if he actually wanted to spend time together, in no particular order:

“But we can still go tent camping if you’re down?”

“Sorry i couldn't get the day off. How about we do dinner?”

Something, anything - instead he just sounded whiny about his RV privileges. I didn’t care. I even asked a question that made his text conflicting: His second sentence said no employee can use RV’s, but said his privileges got taken because he broke a window? I was confused if the broken window mattered, or if he piled on the reasons to ensure we couldn’t hang out, the age old “I can’t go out because it’s late, I mean I don’t have any money, I mean I have plans.”. I didn’t even try to solve the problem, I just left it at that.Eight days past, and neither of us texted. I knew I would eventually have to get closure and call it off. Then he messaged:

He kept asking me questions to move the conversation, and I was trying to give short answers because I was annoyed this fake enthusiasm is coming up again. I had invited him to a BBQ at my house a while ago. He RSVP’d during the eight days we hadn’t spoken, but I assumed he wasn’t going to show up. Afterall, he couldn't’ commit to a birthday dinner, a hike at Discovery Park or even camping - why would he show up to a party with just under 100 people he didn’t know?

Then he texts me to see if he could bring a friend. I’ve been in scenarios where a guy brought another girl in daft fashion, but at least Steven did not. It was an older guy who dressed just like him and smelled of axe body spray. My friends thought they were a couple. Steven knew no one at the party and it was awkward.

I felt anxiety during the party because I wasn’t enjoying his presence, but also didn’t want to ignore him - and I was hosting. I felt I had to give him attention, but it reeked of obligation. Weaving through a crowded house, I didn’t know how to introduce him: this is Steven, we were sort of hanging out but now we're not - then he showed up to the party. Who wants a refill??

Why couldn’t I just say “this is Steven?” Because all of my friends knew each other through the parties I hosted, so if anyone is new into the picture, it's very apparent and the details get shared of the origin story - it’s a classic big party ice breaker. This is even more apparent since I haven’t had a boyfriend in eight years, all eyes on deck when an unknown man walks through the door.

A couple hours later, he found me to say goodbye and I apologized for not being around. He said he got it because I was hosting, and he left. Weight was lifted off my chest, and I could finally start to enjoy the party.

Gareth asked me if I thought I was dating down - I always thought due to my attraction to Steven I was dating up, but I didn't know anymore. So Gareth told me to be direct - that neither of us wanted to continue seeing each other. So I texted Steven, in my own writing style, to ensure there were no hard feelings. I didn't hate the guy - I’d be happy to hug him at a party in the future with a smile - but I was done talking to him one on one.

Another eight days went by and I decided to call it off, or give it closure. My first draft was to tell Steven that our style of communication wasn’t working for me but I am open if he thinks I’m wrong for any reason. My therapist told me I should be honest with myself: it wasn’t working, for either of us, period. Gareth, my therapist, said it was clear neither of us wanted to continue spending time together, so call it what it was.

Gareth had also asked me during this time, what it was about Steven I liked, and I had to think about it. I knew a good foundation was the story: I noticed Blaine and Loren’s friend five years ago, I was infatuated, and I got to have him, even if for a little while. His messages always seemed happy, positive and enthusiastic, to only find out he was like that for all things, and had a density I hadn’t realized. He was also Blaine's best friend, and I respected Blaine: Blaine was a solid guy and his wife Loren, wouldn’t tolerate anyone not worth my time. 

I was confused - I gave him a friendly out! I was done! How should I have responded?

If I said no, I’d feel like a dick.

If I said yes, it would appear I was playing games, fishing for him to want to talk to me.

My honest answer would have been, “No not really, but if you need to then I’d be happy to” - but I still didn’t know him enough for that to not come off as hurtful. This is a foreshadow by the way.

So I settled on “Sure” - with a shrug and a circular head motion behind the scenes.

Even Gareth laughed when I told him Steven’s response and didn’t know how to respond to that. Was Steven just trying to be nice? Or did he actually want to talk.

I never heard from Steven... well, for six months.

I found out months and months later from Loren that Steven thought I was mad at him. I laughed and said I purposely put emoji’s in my message and said I’d smile and wave. Can you imagine if I actually wrote “Not really, but if you want to I can” - he would have pissed himself. 

She said he wasn’t used to women who were direct and upfront. Well, I don’t know what to tell you - I was trying hard not to be as direct because I didn’t want to stress the delicate petals of this sensitive flower with my direct sunlight, but even with sunglasses on a smile, the guy thought I was mad. 

Six months after his last message, he sent me a happy birthday text, and I said thank you.  It grew more and more apparent we had different lifestyles, his social media streaming him taking videos of young women in short dresses touching each other at night clubs. I never engaged.

A month later he sent me another message, responding to a post of me cooking.

Again, I was polite and said yes with a smile. I imagine these sporadic messages will come though, but it’ll be treated now as an acquaintance saying hi.

Goodbye Steve