#also i am aware of the incongruence with the given of him getting banished to Australia in 1788 (meaning he'd only be 22 or so)

[swamp-gremlin]

OH FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT-

anyway my hc'ed DOB is Dec 27th 1766 :3 he'd be slutty slutty 258 years old today

[myjadecoloredglasses]

Ancestral

When I was a young girl. 9 or 10 years old. I felt this hole in the center of my body. Somewhere between my chest and my stomach, and large. It felt round, ovular. I would say “I can feel wind blowing through it.” It felt cold and lovely. I never liked the cold, I have a strong distaste for winter and moved to Los Angeles from Seattle, specifically to live in a place where it’s warmer all year round. I prefer to look at snow and not play in it. 

7 days ago today he told me in somber tones that he would not come around anymore. We would speak no longer. He wasn’t sure how he felt but love was a large enough word that he didn’t want to stand under it’s shadow and feel unsure if it would exist ever between us more then in one direction. 

Two days prior I confronted him on his distancing. It was obvious and I am generally one to call out the weirdness rather then let it fester. My body is sensitive and gets wobbly when there is incongruent stories being played out. 

That night I called my brother. I had just been put on romantic probation and of course that all spilled out of me as soon as he answered. He and I have finally found our connection. It took us 23 years. He is day and I am night. Sun and moon. Loud and quiet. I’ve always love him but not always loved the way he acted. My brother is stronger then I am in facing our father. He always has had the ability to rip the bandaid off and be honest. Whereas I am always trying to offer solutions rather then blunt honesty. He told me dad was saying that he had been stabbed and was at Harborview Hospital recovering. But there was a whole story around him manipulating my brother and money and it was all hard to trust. For the first time in years that hole opened back up. I felt sick and hollow but there was a churning toxicity to the air blowing through me. Not a new feeling but one I can done well eradicating from my life. 

Sunday the communication probation was lifted and I was set to spin in the wind. Arms open and flailing, heart extended through valves stretched from the velocity of the spin. With a tiny cuts next to a gash, all of which spraying blood to the rotation. I lost myself in the blood loss. Dreamt I had a miscarriage, blood everywhere, lower back aching and waking me throughout the night. My father had given me this feeling exacerbation many times. It was a waltz we clumsily and as if it was studied mercilessly danced together since I can remember. 

Two years ago, in the flea house. Yes it was as bad as it sounds. I was getting into shaman vision walks. My family was practicing more and more tools of self awareness and it was filtering through to me, and I had general intrigue and it came very easily. At that time I was 5 years into emotional awareness discovery and trying meditation and journeys at home to places within myself I had created and anchored previously. 

I was wandering into my garden. It is at the center of the earth, where there is an open space with the heat and light of the core of my planet, it always looks like sunset. I am about 30 ft inland from a vast stretched body of water. I haven’t gotten into it yet. There are tropical plants and trees that surround and stand between the water, beach and a large stone tiled platform. At the center and to the back there is a throne. Everything is earth tones, brown and red and tan and golden. There are pillars holding together an upper border to the platform. Like a triangular but squared off opening. If sitting or standing below this border and looking up, you can see solar systems and expansive space. I meet the goddesses here. 

Two years ago, hanging out in my garden I met my father and wanted to try to heal the wound between us. I was working to pull what looked like black tar out of me. It was coming out through my back between my 3rd and 4th chakra. It started to cling to me internally and I became frightened and realized it was an entity, there was life to it. I got very scared and jumped out of the scene. My heart rate lifted and me having to not step on that exact space in that tiny room for a few weeks. I didn’t tell anyone about it cause I felt kinda nuts and was also honestly scared. My father’s side of the family, somewhat my mother’s too has very high functioning toxicity patterning. I didn’t know what I was messing with and knew for sure I didn’t trust I knew how to properly deal with it. 

Fast forward back to last week. There is a global virus called COVID-19 or more popularly the “Coronavirus” which has much of the world quarantined and panicking. Stock markets on rollercoasters, the two month tour I was just going to go on got cancelled 3 days into rehearsal along with every other large gathering operation, national/international sports events, shows, meetings, etc. Unprecedented for our recent history and culture we are used to functioning in.  

Basically going into last week I’m fried and frightened and squashed energetically. Speaking with my parents (mother and bonus father) daily, as they helped me climb out of my blind sided muddied water spinning dunk tank to gather my strength and find myself again. In the midst of this climb I opened up about this black thing that had been clinging to my back for two years. Like a tick blocking my full access to the divine and clinging to my inner light, wrapped through my organs and intestines. They recommended I paint it. I like to dabble in watercolor painting. Some things I’m proud of and some things I throw away but I can definitely use it to express abstract ideas and visions. We made plans to have a guided meditation one week later to extract the entity and release it. 

Over the next week my mother and I communicated almost daily. The quarantine was spreading throughout the united states, and our cities (Los Angeles and Seattle) were two locations with larger outbreaks occurring. She told me that in her dreams and in her morning meditation she had been fighting this entity with myself, Gaia and Jesus. What follows are her experiences: 

“This morning's journey was brief. And definitely felt like part 1. You and I stepped they a portal into a sacred garden and then went down into a beautiful meadow where there was a well and it felt like we were in Ireland or Scotland... The land of our ancestors... Could've been Italy, idk but looked more like Ireland. There was an altar at the well and you put a lock of your hair on the altar and then we went to the well and we both cried and cried into the well water and then we began to drink the well water knowing it had been transformed. We poured our suffering into that well and we trusted the healing process. Then we began to drink the water and the feeling was one of total renewal. I could feel it in every cell of my body. And I had a strong sense that you felt that same way. Then I had a clear impression to move away from the well and look for a body of water that we could get in.“

DREAM: “I'm walking through a crowd of people and realize I'm not wearing a top.. naked from the waist up. I immediately exit to find something to put on and must pass everyone in the huge room to get out of there. I enter an apartment and I'm just so overwhelmed that I take what I think is a couple of valium but realize that my mouth is full of them. I get scared of overdosing/dying. I want to spit them out but can't at the moment... I'm embarrassed and don't want others to know what I've done. I have to wait to get to a place where I can spit them out. Meanwhile they're dissolving in my mouth. Finally I spit them out. I go into a meeting but we're all unprepared. The coffee maker is broken. Everything is going wrong. I really want coffee to help me wake up/be more alert. Then the business people disappear... and paranormal activity starts up. What appears to be a super heavy dense huge black bowling ball comes flying out of a kitchen cupboard. I'm really scared... this is potentially very dangerous. It keeps flying around the room. Standing in the light of the kitchen window, I begin to exorcise this demon. Calling on the ascended masters and angels of the highest order to intervene and get this thing out. I banish it repeatedly and at the top of my lungs. It does not leave but begins to deflate, becoming less and less powerful. Eventually I'm in a biplane or something, along with several children and we're flying away from the building in a somewhat precarious flying machine... but we are getting away. This dream has elements that are clearly connected to your situation and feelings. You've been talking about this black void (which now has tentacles) inside of you for many years. We will journey together and finish disentangling this dark energy from you. I love you, Mama “

“I met you in the bubble/globe. The black octopus entity was attached to your back. I found a very large needle in my hand that contained fire. I poked it into the center of the entity. It's tentacles immediately began to release from you in the shock and agony of being on fire... it began to peel away. Gaia and Christ were there standing behind us. She handed me some herbs. I knew they were poisonous to the entity... like strychnine and hemlock came to mind. As the entity detached, I poured these herbs on it rendering it lifeless. Then I picked it up off the ground with a stick and placed it in the bowl of water the two deities were holding. It was holy water that magically transformed/dissolved what was left of the entity. Then Gaia watered her plants with it, what was now transformed to nourish the plants we'd used to remove it from you. Then I turned my attention back to you and your angel was there ready to assist in your healing. The angel (couldn't tell if male or female) began to blow the divine breath of God into your back, breathing healing, renewal and light into you, moving up and down your spine/chakras. Then I saw you on a beach, doing yoga, walking the beach with a loved one. Happy.”

During this time, usually before speaking to my mother or receiving her correspondence I noticed entity peeling off, like a scab. First the upper left corner, near my heart. The before the week was over it had fallen about halfway off. At this point I could see there was a thick long tentacle at the center that had burrowed into my being. I couldn’t tell how far in or to where exactly but I knew it was coiled and knotted somewhere deep in me. 

Sunday arrived. My parents and I had made arrangements to meet at 1pm. My mother advices me to: “If possible have 4 items on your altar to represent the elements... Earth (Crystal, earth, sand, an herb), Fire (candle) Air (feather, bird painting) Water (small cup of water, Sea shell).”

I created a circle of stones and rose petals around my bed in a large enough pattern for myself to lay within. Candles north, seashells west, feathers east, a stone shaped like a heart and a painted on piece of driftwood south. My head laying due north, to my right the ocean, to my left the sunrise, at my feet goddess light, warmth and peace. 

My mother was laying with me in spirit in Seattle and my bonus father lead:

I was nowhere. It was creamy pink lit and hazy. My mother and step father with me. As we called in my brother he arrived. My father was invited and was there but at one point later in the inviting wanted to take over and was emotionally quarantined, to observe and heal and not partake in any aspect beyond that. We called in the archetypes of the four directions and they lovingly created a square around our triangle. Then in came my community, ancestors, energies of love and joy and support gathered in a circular fashion around us, hundreds or thousands strong. I’ve never been good at averages in numbers of people haha. Here we breathed and supported each other in accessing all that is good, clean and strong. 

I’m walking a forest path. There is a wide root separation at the base of a tree in front of me and off to the right a bit. The space is an opening wide enough to crawl into. It is dark, there is no light, I continue to crawl not really afraid, I trust where I’m going. I start to see a glow, I’m nearing my sanctuary, the path starts to lengthen and widen and I am able to stand. I come to a threshold on the other side of which is my garden. I call in the archetypes, the goddesses they line up in front of me. Artemis is asked to leave her weapons at the door and she does, placing them on the earth just outside the threshold. Quan Yin enters first and sits on the thrown as the other goddesses enter. White Buffalo Calf Woman bows and weeps at her feet. Artemis and Babayaga stand silent, soft and supportive. Quan Yin walks to me and stands about two feet away. The entity relaxes and falls off, tentacles lax and lifeless. The center tentacle is still within me but unraveling and slowly falling out, getting thinner with every foot length that falls out. Quan Yin picks it up and hold it like a baby. It turns gold in her arms and for a moment looks like a young child. Like a baby, and the word innocence crossed my mind. We are still connected by that final tentacle which I’ve realized is wrapped all throughout my intestines. It finally comes all the way out and drops tired to the floor. Quan Yin continues to hold it like a baby, looking to it with love and admiration, giving it an aura of purple and green. She stands tall and releases it up through the pillar ceiling boarder into the universe and it flies into space where it is reconnected to it’s own kind. It’s community and family. The goddesses each take a turn putting their hands on me. First Quan Yin with her golden light and warm hands. Then Artemis. Then Babayaga. Babayaga stuck her hands into me. Into my back where the center chords was and into my stomach, where it had been knotted and tied around my intestines. With open palms she shook her hands left to right and then folded them in a light grip. She did this for a while and it made me uncomfortable, now thinking back it was almost a washing motion, like cleaning out a rag.. kind of. In her grumpy way she completed and stepped to the side and White Buffalo Calf Woman placed her hands on my back and on my stomach where babayaga had just been and emanated a pure white healing light into me. She walked me over to a clawfoot tub and helped me into it. All the goddesses put their hands in the water and their respective colors sparkled out and filled the bath with color. It was then time to leave. Crawled back up through the earth and into the light. Danced in the day with the forest and mother earth and then got ear attacked by the insanely loud chime by bonus dad played ;) hahah 

[speakeasyinkiev-blog]

No Zero-Sum Game with Russia

Dear Casey,

First off, I do wish to state that I’m generally a fan of your reports on regional affairs within countries occupying the post-Soviet space, and I appreciate the amount of time and energy you put into compiling the data upon which you presumably meant to base this article. You’ve certainly brought together a thousand different elements in hopes of making your case, and I’m never one to shun creativity and the stretching of logical boundaries. That being said, I found your conclusion in which the Kremlin handed Donald Trump the 2016 US presidential election through planting seeds of doubt in viewers of alternative media rather ham-fisted and inadequate.

You repeatedly conjured up “Alt-Right” and “Alt-Left” strawmen while offering insufficient information about what defines each apart from having the audacity to criticize Hillary Clinton in word or deed. Honestly, I’m still quite befuddled about the precise point you are actually seeking to make. However, your suggestion that international masterminds from an occasionally hostile government dupe well-meaning, but naïve liberal American journalists to drop hints about the ineffectiveness of American democracy to a small, but skeptical audience was enough to sway the election of our lifetimes is beyond absurd. Recognizing flaws and incongruences in how the status quo addresses the needs of the general public is not a step towards destabilization, but national advancement.

Before getting into specifics, perhaps you could indulge me by explaining how you came to define this so-called “far-left” in terms of a platform of ideas and public figures that represent it? Moreover, do you accept people who proudly call themselves “far-left” but don’t fit inside your well-defined parameters, and/or those who do not embrace the above title, but do fit into your matrix of qualifying beliefs?

Again, you’ve obviously put a seemingly gargantuan amount of time and effort into your research, and I in no means wish to dismiss it all. Still, I cannot be silent about the gaping holes in the very premise of your argument that the so-called “far-left” and “far-right” have conspired for some nefarious purpose at the expense of the “centrist” establishment, all with strong backing from covert Kremlin operatives.

Your mischaracterization of each cohort is problematic in its simplicity, and apparent disinterest in needs and priorities of each. The only thing the “far-right” and “far-left” had in common in the months leading up to the election was a willingness to admit that a need for substantive change was both eminent and imminent; the status quo wasn’t enough.

This “far-right” group had more than its fair share of racists, sexists, and other identity-based bigots—for sake of brevity, would you care to call them “Deplorables?” However, there’s nothing new or unique about them—xenophobia and bigotry is arguably the clavicle of American history. As much as I hate to consider it, there will always be a base of red-blooded American identity-based bigots. I find their rhetoric every bit as sickening and inflammatory as you, and would love to make it stop. However, silencing and punishing them won’t make them stop the hate—quite the opposite, really. Contrary as it sounds, you’ve got to listen. Millions and millions of people aren’t royally pissed off without a reason. Sure, there’s the sense of ennui that sets in upon realizing that you’re not destined to be a fairy princess after all, as well as a variety of other reasons to feel genuinely unhappy with the hand life dealt you. We each have our own unique paths to follow, but a desire for the ability to sustain one’s self and one’s own and a sense of worldly stability is pretty much universal.

Trump understood the importance of recognizing this desire and dissatisfaction on a PR/messaging level; Sanders embodied it at his core, with a lifetime of experience fighting for economic justice to back it up. Clinton’s campaign lagged behind both in that arena, which she had no excuse for doing. She had plenty of life experience helping underprivileged Americans to showcase in comparison to Trump, but her complicity in Bill’s globalization efforts in the 90s left her an easy target for Trump’s smearing, and she did nothing to fortify herself in that field, only hoping her opponent’s incompetence and repulsiveness would be enough to complete her coronation.

Your apparent disdain for what you conveniently call the “far-left” exposes the figurative rot in so-called “centrist” political thought, I do dare day. I use quotation marks with reckless abandon here specifically to demonstrate the general arbitrariness of the terms and how they are applied to people’s beliefs. What is your issue with demanding access to free healthcare and higher education, mocking it and calling it unrealistic, despite programs of both existing in nearly all other economically developed countries? What is so wildly unreasonable about requiring industry to make an immediate switch to clean, renewable energy, and not to drag out the process with so-called “intermediary” fossil fuel sources like fracking as a means of curbing greenhouse gas emissions and mitigating the worst effects of climate change? When you slam the “far-left”—which sounds an awful lot like anyone who expressed the slightest level of skepticism towards Hillary Clinton—those are also the ideas you’re slamming.

By placing RT in the position of chief media hub of America’s destabilization and demise, you give the network far too much credit. From my casual and cursory observation (reading, watching & some in-person conversations with staff over libations), at the very worst, they could be construed as “useful idiots” who occasionally engage in “whataboutism” (assuming we’re in the business of Cold War era vernacular). The vast majority of their TV-personalities at least, seem to have perplexingly little personal connection to Russia, today or at a time in the past. I am quite sympathetic to your concerns on how the network frames international news, particularly incidents and events in the geographical vicinity of Russia. I, personally took great issue with their coverage of the revolution at Maidan, and ongoing conflicts in eastern Ukraine, and have been quite vocal about these convictions. I feel little other than disgust when otherwise brilliantly savvy and culturally aware hosts courting the likes of thinly-veiled Kremlin shills (i.e. Thom Hartmann and Stephen F. Cohen, respectively). It’s beyond frustrating to hear someone with scant personal experience in Ukraine “culturally translate” events in a manner contrary to what I witnessed personally. I do commiserate. They do turn a convenient blind eye to Russia’s human rights infractions, by which I can simply not abide. That being said, their foreign policy suggestions are far from worthless: when push comes to shove, yeah, they do relay a slightly isolationist bent from my view. All told, I’m not entirely sure that’s the worst thing in the world, given our current track record of civilian casualties in the seven countries in which we’re currently engaged in military operations. With the distinct exception of Syria, in which countries is Russia closely poised to fill the power vacuum left by the departure of American forces?

I’m not here to defend RT, or anything the Russian and/or Soviet government has endeavored to accomplish: effectively all residents of the FSU have some bones to pick with Russia. Can you really blame them? I was face-to-face with one of the worst symbols of centralized Soviet imperialism when I attempted to visit the Aral Sea in the Karakalpak region of Uzbekistan in 2008, but lacked the funds to hire a military-grade jeep to traverse the hundreds of miles of sand dunes where a vast and bountiful sea stood less than half a century prior. An entire nation and populace saw the cornerstone of their fishing culture and economic livelihood eliminated, as well as their right to a clean environment and robust public health stripped away, all because Brezhnev had some really lucid dreams about growing a world’s worth of cotton in the desert. Of course, this is only one of many examples of Moscow assuming absolute dominance over the economic, social, and political endeavors of all post-Soviet republics, irrespective of the will of the people in each of these independent sovereign states. I can certainly appreciate the resentment many in the CIS feel towards Russia’s foreign policy based on historical precedent, even if I don’t always agree.

It’s ultimately about perspective, isn’t it? What you see depends to a shocking degree on whose eyes you are able to view reality from. The problem within is as follows: one whose only tool is a hammer sees the whole world as nothing but nails. Can we make this a weapons-free zone, please? Nobody exists in a vacuum—we are all influenced by our experiences in one way or another. Have you given much consideration to the idea of members of the media and congress most invested in pushing the narrative that the Kremlin was the primary actor in shifting the electoral college in favor of Trump (‘cause that’s all it was, essentially) may potentially have their own unique individual reasons for seeing the forest for the trees?

The list of players is long, but I’ll start with the easy A that is John McCain. As a decorated war hero who has spoken out against use of torture in Guantanamo, he deserves his due credit. Additionally, when Trump (Magic Bone Spurs-elect) mocked him for lacking the wherewithal to avoid capture by the Viet Kong, I was left with the singular desire to dust off those long-banished, bunion-causing stilettoes, and challenge Agent Orange’s claim that there were “no problems” where it counts…

But I’m getting well ahead of myself here. Morally speaking, there’s logical tracks a ’plenty with McCain’s [hypothetical] desire to serve a piping hot slab of personal justice to the imminent Vulgarian-in-Chief. You won’t find any arguments to the contrary here. I’m nearly apologetic, though, in saying that such logic isn’t sufficient grounds to stand as national recommendation for imminent security and/or military operations in this particular geographic sphere.

All thus far is strictly my opinion, but can also see through its share of peer review, if and when requested. This little bit of speculation comes from that spot you missed to wipe with some despondent child’s math homework oh-so-many-moons-ago:  McCain, who endured a life of torture for several years under a nominally communist regime, is less than okay with the idea of feeling deferential to an old KGB boss-man. Again, I’d be inclined to offer the man a bit of sympathy if he kept his personal misgivings just that: in the realm of the personal. In a curious sort of way, strictly at face value “goldenshowergate” is the perfect public revenge for Trump’s tasteless dismissal of his esteemed military record. If they were just two guys punking each other in the privacy of civilian lives, I might give them a pass.  That being said, these are not your average Joes on the street. Loose lips do sink ships when you’re high as a kite, after all.

Despite my occasional misgivings, I’ve kept up with RT-America’s coverage of the 2016 election. From what I gathered, the universal candidate of choice was Bernie Sanders. I’m always befuddled by how mainstream Democrats consider that an automatic claim of sympathy towards Donald Trump. I’ll repeat myself, ad infinitum if necessary: pointing out Trump’s economic protectionist rhetoric in contrast to HRC’s tacit nod to the globalization her less polished other half made the mainstay of the US economy more than 20 years ago is far from an endorsement.

RT-affiliated shows weren’t explicitly more outspoken and ardent in their skepticism (which is what it always was—never hatred, per se) than the likes of domestically-funded alternative media sites, such as The Young Turks. It’s relevant to point out that TYT hosts a large spectrum of opinions, none of whom are suspected of treachery along the lines you’ve implied for RT & Sputnik-affiliated media. Sure, Jimmy Dore makes me shake my head at a rate that would give Linda Blair a run for her money when he’s not making me laugh my ass off with his blatant prescience.

I am rather perplexed by the degree of unmitigated ire you have personally stowed away for Jill Stein. Sure, she was a lousy candidate, and the Green Party should’ve put forward someone else with greater long term policy goals and plans for nationwide Party development. In my frustration with Hillary, I even contemplated voting for her (still registered in MA, the bluest of the blue, at least at the presidential level) until I read the protest letters from top environmental activists in Russia as well as Green Party leaders throughout Europe highlighting the hypocrisies of her candidacy, and decided it wasn’t worth doing my little part to bolster the Greens to the 5% needed for federal election funding if this was the person I had to support in order to do it.

I’m still not quite sure why you saw fit to mention Jill Stein and Nursultan Nazarbayev in the same sentence as if they share a single thing in common besides calling Euromaidan a “coup.” Is Stein worried about China picking her natural resource base clean like a carrion crow, and interested in rekindling an old, if perhaps ineffective partnership? Is her goal to indicate solidarity with said partner by assuming their lexicon on an issue unrelated to her? Peculiar.

Also, what is your personal issue with RT’s choice to host third party debates? I’ll go out on a limb and assume you didn’t actually take the time to watch them, which is a pity on an entertainment level alone. The Libertarians had me in stitches the whole time, and it was pretty clear that the hosts had a hard time taking them seriously as well. By the same token, as much as I appreciated many of the ideas and opinions to come out of the Greens’ debate, their lack of political finesse made me pity them slightly. Pray tell, how did these exercises in democratic discourse serve as a threat to national security? Ultimately, Gary Johnson siphoned off a far greater portion of potential Trump votes than Jill Stein did from Clinton, so arguing that third party voters hurt Clinton rings pretty hollow.

At times, RT’s motto of “Question More” comes across as richly hypocritical, but what grounds do you have for questioning it at face value? Do you stand on the side of ignorance? Hyperbole aside, your fear of alternative perspectives suggests a hint of doubt on your own viewpoint. Honestly, just grow a bloody spine! Prove that you’re right by defeating your opponent in free & open debate, not obfuscating and muffling their voice. Of course, this requires a degree of integrity many corporate Democrats do not properly have, but is that truly the fault of the electorate? Must we put aside all of our scruples and misgivings and throw all of our support behind candidates who don’t especially support us?

I write you this not from an adversarial position, but from one of concern from a potential ally urging you not to conflate those who seek to fundamentally transform the country for the benefit of all disenfranchised through efforts to uncouple corporate influences on government (your “alt-left”) with those who want to make sharp changes for the perceived benefit of those in their particular community and demographic (i.e. the “alt-right”). For millions of Americans in poverty, and many millions more struggling desperately to stay above the line, this country is not “already great.” One needn’t be a Kremlin hack to see that and admit it.  

>