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adultswim2021 · 1 year ago

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Delocated #1: “Pilot” | April 1, 2008 - 12:30AM | S01E01

I have to admit that I don’t really remember the lead-up to this series. It must’ve been reported somewhere, and I surely anticipated it. In this chronological watch-through for this blog, I’m mostly relying on records of what shows aired at what time, but as far as the ancillary things surrounding those shows (like how they were announced or promoted or audience reactions) I’m mostly relying on my own memories, if I have any. For this show I have a vague sense that I must’ve known about it beforehand. I posted on aspecialthing.com, where Jason Woliner also posted. He was the DP and editor of this episode. I have some inkling that I watched this episode knowing “a guy I know on a message board worked on this”. Oh yeah, this would’ve been post Human Giant. I don’t mean to damn anyone by giving their top credit as “associated with me online”.

The comedy pedigree doesn’t stop there. In fact, I’m only leading with the guy I know because he’s the guy I know. Yet another case to be made for me doing a bad job writing this blog. But, please, read this anyway: Jon Glaser stars as “Jon”, a guy who’s in the witness relocation program. He was primarily known as being part of Late Night with Conan O’Brien, doing hilarious characters in sketches and comedy pieces. His personal bodyguard, Mike, is Kevin Dorff, and his boss at Copy City is Brian Kiley, both of whom are also from Conan. Eugene Mirman plays a guy from the Russian mafia. I can’t recall him ever being on Conan, but he’s definitely from the same New York comedy scene. He must’ve done a few things on there (UPDATE: He did stand-up on Conan; can’t find any evidence of him being a sketch player and I don’t feel like clicking page 2 of google to find out).

I don’t recall if the show ever makes a point to fully lay out exactly what “Jon”’s involvement was in whatever mafia-related crime he witnessed, and I don’t think it really matters. What matters is that the Russian mafia wants him dead. He’s agreed to put himself and his family on camera because he’s also a buffoon who, like many other clout-chasing but unexceptional American dipshits, is absolutely enchanted with the idea of becoming famous. So the show-within-the-show exhibits a bit of tortured logic: put your anonymous witness and his family on camera for a reality series, BUT, outfit them with ski masks and micro titanium vocal harmonizers that have been surgically implanted onto their vocal cords so that they can’t be identified.

The premise of the show is that he’s moving his family to New York City to live in a bitchin’ loft. He’s taking on a job at a copy shop, “mak-in’ cop-ees” as us 90s kids refer to it. When they get to their new accommodations, they find out it’s a crappy little studio apartment, basically a hotel room. Jon gets on the phone with the producers to yell at them and thoughtlessly refers to the fact that he didn’t put his family in murder’s way for a rinky-dink studio apartment. His wife is aghast after overhearing this cold display. The fact that she and their son have become pawns in his opportunism motivates her to leave him, taking their son “David” with her. Eventually “Jon” begins a dating, and we see a montage of disastrous dates. He quotes a crass Billy Joel lyric to Julie Klausner, a disgusting crime. I was literally so enraged that I said “ma’am, is this fella bothering you?” to my TV.

A central scene in the pilot is one where “Jon” is out clothes shopping and he spots Paul Rudd. As he’s complimenting him for his work, we hear a gun with a silencer go off. Apparently the assassin was trying to kill “Jon”, but they shoot Paul Rudd instead. This is a tragic occurrence, causing “Jon” to loudly mourn the entertainment world’s loss by weepily listing Paul Rudd’s credits as he lay lifeless in his arms. Mike eventually joins in. Though tragic, This is a key bonding moment for the two of them. Later we see Mike also quote a crass Billy Joel lyric to “Jon”, strengthening their bond further.

The final scene is we see Eugene Mirman talking on the phone, discussing his botched assassination attempt. He makes a dramatic proclamation vowing to kill “Jon” if it’s the last thing he does. He eventually questions how reality TV cameras got into his apartment.

The pilot, in particular, plays with a lot of reality show tropes that are later dispensed with in the regular series. Talking-head confessionals and scene transitions with establishing-shot b-roll set to generic-sounding hip-hop beats are seen here, but not really seen afterwards. Jon Glaser notes this in the commentary. By the way, there’s DVD commentary on this episode. He also notes that the ski mask was, for the most part, mistakenly worn inside-out for this pilot, and if you really look closely at the seams you can tell that’s the case.

He also notes that the Paul Rudd scene is actually taken directly from a demo they shot for the series. The demo is actually called “Relocated”, and is rather short, and doesn’t include “Jon” having a family. It also makes a point to mention that Eugene’s character is an alternative comic, who performs in Russian. The demo ends with “Jon” performing with Yo La Tengo, and we get to see him sing a few bars of “Sugar Cube”. Way to not cheap out, Adult Swim.

Another thing to note is that there’s a doorman character in this who obviously has a fake mustache, which gets pointed out by “Jon”’s son “David”. This seems like a set-up for some kind of plot where we find out the doorman is a mole or something. This actor actually doesn’t come back for the series, and is replaced with Assy McGee’s own Larry Murphy. I forget how this thread plays out, but I’m pretty sure it’s just an ancillary bit of weirdness.

The thing about this show is that it’s in many ways a very typical Adult Swim show; it’s an intentionally stupid premise, and the writers could, if they felt like it, rest on their laurels and just be satisfied with the idea that the main joke of the show is that it exists at all and hope for the best. I’m talking about shows like Saul of the Mole Men, or Fat Guy Stuck in Internet. I feel like those shows sorta got away with something, even though time hasn’t been kind to either of those shows.

This show is so much better than that. In fact, the thing that strikes me about this show is that it has this uncanny ability to refresh itself and become something entirely different. The status quo on this show gets shaken up fairly frequently. Characters are killed off. Plot lines that could fuel material for an entire season are burned off in the span of a single episode. It’d be like if Twin Peaks solved Laura Palmer’s murder in episode 2 and somehow didn’t suffer for it. I haven’t watched it in a while, and I’m glad to have it in the mix.

EPHEMERA CORNER:

Superjail #2: “Superbar” (FINE CUT VERSION) | April 1, 2008 - 12:45AM | S01E01

Here’s another one I’m gonna save for later: Superjail’s first proper episode was presented in a mostly-finished state. I remember watching it and thinking it was great, though, for whatever that’s worth. I actually got a hold of a copy of the as-aired-on-April-Fools version of this, and the main thing I noticed is that it started off with a back title card that said “Waiting” on it for about 10 seconds, leading me to believe that this was some sort of internal Cartoon Network thing they were making fun of on Space Ghost. There’s also no theme song or credits; the opening has generic library music over it with a subtitle explaining that the real theme song hasn’t been cleared yet.

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #delocated

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cordria · 4 years ago

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Fixing Mistakes - DP

Danny groaned and curled up in a ball, very suddenly awake. His head hurt, his leg sparkled sharp and painful, and he felt oddly sticky. “Ow, ow, ow, ow,” he hissed, a few swear words working their way through his teeth as he kicked his brain into trying to think through what was going on.

His eyes crept open, studying his surroundings. Dark. Quiet. Bars.

Bars?

His eyes opened just a touch more, turning his head. Bars on all sides. He was in a cage.

Memory flooded back into his brain - of the school bell ringing, of walking through the park with Sam, of cold rushing down his back, of an unfortunately successful ambush by the ghost world’s most annoying hunter. “Damn it, Skulker,” he whispered.

Having determined himself to be alone in the room full of cages, Danny sat up and slowly pushed fingers through his hair, searching for the source of the pain. It was from right over his left ear, a dull throbbing that was definitely sore, but no blood. Head trauma. Something that would heal with time, nothing to be done about it for now.

He turned his attention to his leg, noting with a frown all the glowing blood smeared across the bottom of the cage. He poked and prodded at his leg, locating the worst of the damage: a huge slash down the side of his right leg. Almost as long as his fingers could spread, it was already mostly sealed over - thank Clockwork for not being knocked out until he was in ghost form. In human form, the blood loss would have killed him.

The fact that a slash that big was almost sealed over made him wrinkle his nose. That had to have taken hours and hours. Perhaps overnight. He’d been out a long time.

He sighed. “I was having such a good day, too.”

Although the cage wasn’t big enough to stand up in, he tried putting his foot on the ground and putting weight on his leg. Would he be able to stand once he’d gotten out of the cage? The pain sharpened, making him gasp and collapse. “Nope, nope, nope,” he whispered. “Ow, ow, ow, ow, don’t do that again.”

Blood started to ooze from the gash again. He’d broken open the scab.

With a scowl, he pushed and pulled himself, maneuvering until he was leaning up against the door. From the fizzy feeling against his skin, knew they wouldn’t be something he could phase through. He’d have to find a different way out. He reached a hand out through the bars to pull at the padlock, studying it. It was the same type of padlock Skulker always used for locking his cages closed. The tiniest of smiles curled the corner of Danny’s lips.

It wasn’t quite true that ghosts couldn’t learn. Skulker had learned new hunting techniques over the last eighteen months. Skulker had learned to keep Danny in human-proof cages. But ghosts learned so very slowly, and struggled with putting together facts they couldn’t see. Skulker knew Danny could get out of his cages - but, never having witnessed Danny perform the feat, couldn’t figure out how. And so he kept doing the same thing over and over.

Danny squirmed and moved around, digging a little box out of one of his pockets. Sam had gotten it for him for Christmas last year, along with lessons as to how to use it. Lock-picking was a skill Danny had assumed would be difficult, but it turned out to be hilariously easy, if a bit time consuming. Danny made sure he kept the kit with him.

It took longer than he’d hoped to open the lock. The pain from his leg kept distracting him and the hit he’d taken to his head was making it hard to focus. But he eventually placed all four of the tumblers, gave them a twist, and the lock fell open.

He grinned, short and sharp, and worked the lock back through the rings on the cage, catching it before it could hit the ground. “Screw you, Skulker,” he whispered, pushing open the cage door and floating himself out, putting the lock into his pocket. He was careful to keep his leg from hitting the ground - even the smallest movements sent sharp shards into his mind. “I’m keeping this as a souvenir.”

Just before he was going to leave, Danny heard a sound from the corner. He tensed, instantly assuming Skulker had been hiding. The glow around Danny kicked up a notch with his anxiety, and he twisted around.

Nothing?

His hands came back down, letting the tenseness fade away. He floated forwards a few steps, noticing a cage far into the darkest corner of the room. There was the faintest glow coming from inside - it was almost like the afterglow of looking at a bright light for a moment too long. Too faint to be a ghost in any reasonable shape. “Hello?” he whispered.

“Mind if I borrow your lock pick set? I lost mine.”

Danny hesitated. The voice was very… human? And didn’t sound at all in pain or sick. The scratchy voice was also not bothering to whisper. “Who are you?” Danny asked, floating closer.

“I’m me, obviously.”

“Helpful,” Danny muttered, drawing up just close enough that if something were to lunge and reach through the cage, it wouldn’t be able to grab him. An odd scent tinged the air, making Danny’s nose wrinkle. He held up a hand, palm towards the thing in the cage, and upped the power flowing through his hand. The glow kicked up and, like a flashlight, illuminated the contents of the cage.

It was a human male, raising a hand to block his eyes from the glow. Red-orange hair raggedly pulled back into a ponytail and a beard that looked hacked short with a knife. Perhaps in his twenties, skinny and tall, and dressed in layers of rags. He had a cloak-looking blanket wrapped around him, and calloused feet wrapped in cloth that left his toes hanging out. Dried, reddish-colored flowers dangled everywhere from his clothes. Danny blinked at the man, startled. “You’re human.”

Teeth glittered as the man smiled - an easy, pleasant smile. At least two of the teeth were missing. “Mostly, anyways.” The scar-covered hand lowered. Eyes that were too bright and green to belong to a human peered at him, blinking against the light. “Lock picks? I’d like to get out of here before the hunter comes back.”

“Skulker’s annoying with his cages,” Danny agreed, lowering his hand and the light. His brain wasn’t working quite right. This… human?... was something like him? ...How? “What happened?”

“I was just a tad too slow. Lock?”

Danny glanced over his shoulder, noted the still-quiet room, and settled his body gently back down at the ground. It took a moment for the world to stop spinning from the pain. Then he opened up the little box of picks and started to work on the lock. It was easier from this side, where he could see what he was doing.

“How did it come to be that a ghost knows how to pick a lock?” the human asked.

“This ghost gets hunted a lot. Not the first time I’ve seen the inside of Skulker’s cages,” Danny muttered. “Friend got me the lock pick set.”

“A human lock pit set.”

Danny hummed. “And how did it come to be a human in the ghost zone?” There was a soft click. He twisted and yanked the lock off.Danny floated back up in the air, fighting a wince of pain, and nodded.

“Very long story. Too long for telling inside this lair.” The human pulled himself out of the cage, unwinding his long limbs and stretching upright. From this close, Danny could see the young man was incredibly lean and tall. Too thin. Too tall. Even though Danny was floating, the man’s head was on level with his. Something was off with this human, and it made the hairs on the back of Danny’s neck raise.

This close, Danny could see the dried flowers hanging around his neck were blood blossoms. Before Danny could float backwards and out of the way, the man reached out and clapped Danny on the shoulder, still with that same easy grin. “Thank you for the rescue.”

“Do you…” Danny hesitated, thinking about the fact that the man was a human and they were on a floating island haunted by a hunting ghost, “need a lift? Like, to get somewhere?”

“Away from here would be nice.” The human’s smile faded just a bit. He was studying Danny. “I’m not a flyer. I’d appreciate a lift to… anywhere, really, that’s not right here.”

Danny held out his hand. “You got a name, human?”

The man grabbed his wrist, his fingers burning hot against Danny’s cold skin. “Flynn.”

The feel of the blood blossoms tingled down his arm, an interesting counterpoint to the drums beating against his brain and the stabbing pain in his leg. Danny lifted the human off the ground and took the shortcut through the window, back out into the glowing green of the ghost zone. “Nice to meet you, Flynn. I’m Danny.”

#Danny Phantom #fixing mistakes #I woke up this morning wanting to write #for once #I've had an incredibly sucky fall.#Very much sucks.#Quick writing.

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kotalefanzu · 4 years ago

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Pitch Pearl ATUS AU- Part 3

ahahaha. i finally came back to wite the finale. WOOOO. im still sorry about waiting so long oof.

where we last left off, danny had a dream about phantom, in which he tells him about the creation of the natural portals. he leaves danny, saying that he’ll come running back soon enough. when he wakes up, jazz tells him that sam and tucker have gone missing.

danny takes a second to process that information along with the dream and his brain just shuts down. he goes on autopilot, acting like he didn’t hear a word she just said. jazz tries to snap him out of it to get some sort of reaction but when she actually looks him in the eyes, filled with exhaustion, fear, and helplessness, she realizes that he doesn’t need any more things to worry about and goes to tell their parents not to bother him.

when she leaves, he blankly goes through the motions as he normally would. just like before this all happened. he checks his phone with slight hope that they may have tried to contact him, but after realizing he spent ten minutes just staring at it, he puts it away and doesn’t check it again. the walk to school is nothing but a stream of consciousness and he doesn’t even really feel awake anymore. everyone is just a blur while his brain refuses to process anything around him.

he gets to class, looks at his friends’ desks, and notices two cleanly carved DP symbols on them. it makes him start giggling a little, then laughing loudly, before he sinks to the ground crying out of frustration and overload.

a town meeting is called in the middle of school. the missing children line up with the new influx of ghost sightings and they want to check to see if any more kids have gone missing. someone points out the danny got taken last and the two missing children were his friends. others bring up the lunchroom incident and start pestering him with questions, seeking answers. danny waits for his family to quiet everything down before explaining everything from his first day in captivity all the way to last night’s dream. many people want to push the blame onto danny for painting a target on their heads and force him to deal with it on his own while others want to use danny as a bargaining tool to save their lives.

the fentons reject every suggestion and say that the most important thing here to do if to protect the children and find a way to defeat the ghosts now that blocking their way into the human realm is no longer an option. they explain that giving danny up might be a trap if phantom was able to kidnap sam and tucker but didn’t head straight for danny. he is told to safe and not try anything.

the GIW are called in to work on locating one of the portals and storming the ghost zone to rescue the missing children. danny is desperate to help and spends most of his time reliving unwanted memories just to give any form of information that might be helpful. after a while they send him away to try getting back to normal life as he needs a form of distraction.

at lunch, he is cornered by the other teens who ask if he is really just going to sit there and do nothing. danny is hesitant to lead more children into the ghost zone where they could be hurt, but they are determined and at this point, he is willing to risk it. after stealing a bunch of weapons from his parent's old weaponry vault, he finds a natural portal and opens it. they get sucked into it and arrive in the courtyards of phantom’s keep.

the ectoplasm flooding his system is mildly overwhelming but he pushes through it and begins guiding everyone to the dungeons where they would probably be kept. he notices while navigating that strangely everything is the same as it ws before he left, from to the decor to the guard rotations. when they reach the dungeons, sam and tucker aren’t there. it confuses him. he tries to think about where else phantom could have put them and a small voice whispers, ‘check your old wing’. its actually easier to sneak back to his old wing due to all the times he has snuck in and out of it. while the rest of the group aren’t so used to the routes, following him makes it a lot easier. waiting in the common room of the wing are sam and tucker, posed like lifeless dolls and dressed in clothing uncomfortably similar to what danny once wore, though less extravagant. their skin is pale and lifeless and their eyes are glowing

perched on their heads are silvery circlets. danny motions for the rest of the group to stand behind him. sam and tucker slowly turn to look at them and another battle breaks out.

its obvious from how they are fighting that while they wont strike to kill danny, they dont care about sparing the rest. the group slowly works out a system of one half distracting sam while the other go to hold down tucker and remove the circlet. as soon as it comes off, the glow from his eyes fades and he stills like they pushed his power button. with one less person constantly firing at them, its a lot easier to do the same for sam as she can’t fight them all off. dash and kwan take up carrying the limp, unconscious people and they make off with their battle spoils to the portal.

danny reopens the portal and makes sure everyone gets through, doing a headcount. when he is sure everyone is accounted for and out of the ghost zone. he thanks them and seals it, locking them in the human realm with him on the other side.

it takes a while for the group to finally tell someone what happened and they start fearing how to explain to the two dead to the world people who still haven’t woken up yet. they finally fess up when jazz drives by and asks where danny is. they silently just show her sam and tucker and watch the emotions flicker rapidly on he face. in the end she settles on heartache and gives a weak smile, telling them that she’s glad they are back but wishes they could have brought her brother back as well. she is more forgiving when they explain that it was his decision and they didnt have time to stop him before it was too late.

back in the ghost zone, danny stares blankly at the sealed portal, wondering if he should just step through now before its too late. just as he reaches out his hand, he gets pulled in a tight embrace as phantom laughs in his ear.

“What did I tell you, Starlight. You would come running back into my arms soon enough. Let’s go back home. You’ll find I didn’t change anything when you left. We can go right back to how it used to be before. Like you never ran away from me.”

he stays huddled up in his room for most of the time, only coming out when phantom wants him to accompany him on an errand or when he has to attend meetings with phantom. the faces are familiar. he made a few friends during his captivity and while the circumstances are grim, its pleasant to see them again.

for starters, clockwork was a common face when danny began getting incredibly homesick. phantom had requested danny be allowed to view the present of his ‘loved ones’ lives and he had spent every moment he could watching them throughout the day and making sure they were fine. clockwork also had hilariously awful puns, though they werent allowed to actually say them anymore after phantom got jealous and forbade them from speaking to danny. danny still carried the one-sided conversations and it seemed to cheer clockwork up from the decree. princess dora, now queen dora, was also a good friend of his, often discussing with him the pain of living with overbearing nobility. she had done a double-take when he approached her and sat him down to calmly ask what happened, though he could see the tension laced through her. after recounting she took a long sip of her tea and looked him in the eyes. she told a seemly random story of her exploring her kingdom and hearing a bard singing about how the mighty dragon princess stole the dragon king’s crown and the mighty dragon queen took her dear brother down. the piercing look in her eyes before she moved to a new topic told him more than enough.

the few moments of reprieve they offered was not enough to outdo the lappet treatment of phantom that allowed for no rejection, but it was something and it was all he could ask for.

sam and tucker wake up finally after being in a coma for two days. after scanning the room filled with their classmates, parents, and the fenton family, they quickly realize the only one not there that should be is danny. sam is the first one to speak, immediately yelling at them for trading them for danny and going off about how they need to go back for him as soon as possible. dash defends them by telling her that its not their fault danny closed the portal before any one of them could drag his skinny self sacrificing ass through it. they cant reopen it without him.

sam quiets down after that and tucker takes out asking all the questions he can think of to find a way to fix this. there has to be a way to reopen the portal.

(a cut back scene to danny interacting with phantom. im not good with writing abuse mixed with love very well so go ahead and use your imaginations okay uwu)

sam and tucker also end up secluding themselves and working nonstop on trying to figure out how to save danny. jazz stops by every day to check on them and pass on homework and anything she hears about the ghosts to them. while they start cleaning up the room to take a break and finish schoolwork, sam trips on a piece of paper and is about to fall. only she is caught in mid-air and surrounded by a neon lime green aura, one similar to danny’s though his is a bluish mint. the aura dissipates and she hits the ground with a soft thud but everything stops as tucker and her look at each other in shock.

“That was you!”

“That was me!”

homework gets pushed aside again for experimentation and documenting. they might be able to reopen the portal after all.

#im so nice to characters #look at my kindness #arent i so nice #i edited this #less typos this time around owo #sorry there is going to be another part.#there is so much #danny phantom au #Danny Phantom #danny fenton #pitch pearl au #pitch pearl #tw: toxic relationship #tw: brain washing #part 3 #part 4 coming soon promise

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ghostsray · 5 years ago

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You are my brother (boogie woogie)

(my first @phicphight 2020 fic! based on @dp-marvel94‘s prompt: “Vlad successfully clones Danny again. When Danny meets this new clone, the boy is nothing like he expects.”)

(word count: 2625) (AO3)

Danny sunk onto his bed, the soft matress feeling like heaven after a long day of school and ghost-fighting. He was so exhausted that he wished nothing would interrupt his brief moment of respite. Thus he released a deep groan when he heard his bedroom door creak open.

"Oh, don't groan at me," his sister said. She entered the room and sat next to him on the bed.

"What do you want, Jazz?" Danny's voice came muffled from where it was buried face down on his bedsheet.

He lifted his head high enough from the bed to see Jazz staring at him with crossed arms. "You could have told me you went to Vlad's," Jazz said.

Danny scowled. "What are you talking about?"

Jazz faltered. "You mean...you didn't?"

"No, of course not. Why the hell would I go to that froot loop's place?" He sat up beside Jazz, who was busy fidgeting.

"I thought he looked like--nevermind. It was probably someone else."

"Who looked like me?"

Jazz pulled out her phone and opened it to a photograph. There was Vlad Masters standing in front of his mansion. By his side was a teenage boy who looked an awful lot like Danny.

"Someone took a photo of the mayor in front of his house with a child," she explained, then hesitated and added, "When someone asked him who it was, he said it was his son."

Danny's face darkened. He took the phone from Jazz and observed the boy in the picture. Although he was dressed more smartly than Danny normally would, there was no denying that they were related. On first glance, he looked identical to Danny: everything from his pale skin and short stature to the way his mouth sloped when he smiled. But after looking at him more closely, he could make out a few minor differences: his black hair was streaked with messy white stripes, his eyes were a shade darker blue than Danny's, and his face was just slightly slimmer. None of that fooled Danny, though. Danielle also looked somewhat different from him, and she was still his genetic clone.

Danny stood up, the day's exhaustion from a minute ago completely forgotten. "I think I need to pay our Uncle Vlad a little visit," he said grimly.

"Wait, now?" Jazz asked just as Danny transformed before her in a flash of light. She shielded her eyes as he changed into ghost form, and when she looked up again, he was already gone.

The way to the mayor's mansion was quick. As he flew in Phantom form, Danny kept thinking up insults he would throw at Vlad once he saw him. He slipped intangibly into the building and began to search for the man.

He didn't find Vlad, but he did run into his son.

He was sitting in the library, reading a copy of Dracula. On a regular occasion, Danny would have found it hilarious that the vampire-looking ghost would own the book in his library, but he wasn't feeling very festive at that moment. As he stared invisibly at the boy, Danny couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled in his stomach from looking at him. He had spent lots of time with his other clone, Danielle, but she was younger than him, so it didn't bother him that much. This clone in the library was much closer to Danny's age, and therefore, much more similar in appearance. Even with the darker eyes and streaked hair, Danny felt like he was looking in a mirror.

As similar as the clone was in physical appearance, though, Danny would never be caught dead(er) in his clothes. The dude reeked of Vlad's ill-gotten wealth. He wore the kind of polo shirt that only snobby rich kids wore, and his feet were in loafers that Danny could never afford. It was clear that the clone had tried to comb his hair into an orderly position, but just like Danny's hair, it was impossible to tame and was sticking out in various places. Danny thought he even saw him wearing some of Vlad's mascara, but that might have been his imagination.

Once he got over the shock of seeing a wealthier copy of him in person, Danny toughened his expression, floated in front of the clone, and dropped his invisibility. The clone jumped in his chair and nearly dropped his book in surprise.

"Let me guess," Danny drawled. "Daniel Masters?"

There were many different outcomes that Danny could have expected. The clone could have been like Danielle, held under Vlad's control against his will, and begged Danny to help him. Or he could have been the opposite, completely under his evil influence, and released an evil laugh and said something like Yes, it is I, now prepare to die and let me replace you. Or maybe Vlad could have decided not to risk another Danielle incident and hid the fact that he was a clone from him, thus making him deeply confused by the similar-looking ghost in front of him.

What happened was none of the above.

The teenager's eyes lit up, and he exclaimed in a voice full of excitement, "You're Danny! The original!"

Danny faltered for a moment, put off by the sudden admiration in the clone's voice and the smile that had plastered itself onto his face. "Um, yeah," he replied. "And you--"

The clone extended a hand and said, "I'm Daniel--but you already knew that. I also go by the name Niel!"

Danny was so flabbergasted that he shook the hand without thought. "Niel?" he asked.

"N-I-E-L. Daniel, Niel. It's a different pronunciation, but close enough to my written name. Plus, it's not like I want to go around using your name. Well, even though Dad still insists on calling me Daniel because he's boring like that."

"Dad," Danny echoed. "You mean Vlad."

That stupid grin was still on Niel's face as he said, "Yep. He created me, didn't he? By combining your DNA with some of his. Mostly yours, but he said he couldn't get your mid-morph DNA and had to use his own, which was hard because you two are really different and it took him a while to make me, but now I'm here. It makes sense for me to call him Dad. Or Father, but that's boring. I mean, who even uses that word anymore? Fa-ther."

He giggled, and Danny stared. The Fenton struggled to make sense of this clone. He was so...childish. Unlike neither Vlad nor Danny, except maybe for when Danny was six years old and still filled with childish glee. Now that he thought about it, he supposed Niel was technically even younger than that.

As soon as Danny remembered how to speak again, he said, "You're awfully calm about being a clone."

Niel shrugged. "Sure, I was cloned from you, but I like to think I'm still my own person. I mean, I know Dad probably made me to replace you, but that's dumb." His eyes sparkled, and he concluded, "I think we should be brothers."

"Brothers?" Danny asked, then a gear clicked in his brain and he responded, "Hold up, I am not going to live with you and Vlad. We're not brothers."

Niel seemed a little disappointed, but he pressed on. "Why not? We are brothers; our DNA is close enough. Unless you want to call me your son, but that's too weird." (Danny had to agree.) "Anyway, I know you're okay with calling your clones family because you call Danielle your cousin, even though she should be our sister. We should all live together--me, you, Dad, and Danielle, even though I don't know why she ran away exactly, but I'm sure she and Dad can make up."

He seemed so passionate about the idea of living as a family that Danny almost felt bad for bursting his bubble. "Sorry, but my answer is still no," he stated. "I don't know how nice Vlad is to you, but from my experience, he's a terrible dad. You were right about me calling Danielle my cousin, but that's because she didn't have a family after Vlad refused to accept her."

Niel's face scrunched up in confusion. "But...Dad said she left by herself because she was confused about being your clone."

"You must have mixed up confused with abused," Danny replied dryly. "Vlad tried to kill her. He wanted to melt her down to make you."

Niel looked like he was either constipated or in pain. "But--That's not--I mean, he wouldn't--" he stammered. "He's a good father to me!" He finally exclaimed, forgetting his previous statement that no one used the word father. "I'm sure he's changed!"

"Yeah, right," Danny said with a roll of his eyes. "That's about as likely as Mr. Lancer saying a real swear word."

"Who's Mr. Lancer?"

"Unimportant. What I'm saying is, your "Dad" majorly sucks. I'd say no offense, but I mean full offense to Vlad."

Niel gripped the copy of Dracula in his hands until his knuckles turned white. Danny half expected him to either start attacking Danny or to break down crying. However, after a few seconds passed, Niel took a deep breath until he calmed down, then he said, "He'd still be a better parent to you than those Fentons."

Danny snorted. "No doubt. Did Vlad tell you that? I bet he had a lot of words to say about my dad."

"He did," Niel confirmed, "but I don't really care about his petty grudge with Jack. I could tell the portal thing was an accident. It's silly to still hate him for something that happened twenty years ago."

Danny faltered. That wasn't what he expected Niel to say. "Then why..."

"Why?" Niel's dark blue eyes bore into Danny's light blue ones, and he said simply, "They hunt you."

Danny felt like he had been sucker punched in the gut. He swallowed down the lump that had formed in his throat. "Ah. That..."

"I watch the news," Niel pressed on, digging the metaphorical dagger deeper into Danny's hide. "They go after you every day. They want to kill you. They say they're going to tear Phantom apart molecule by molecule."

"That's because they don't know it's me," Danny argued weakly.

"Then why don't you tell them?" Before Danny could respond, Niel held up a hand and interrupted, "That was rhetorical. I know why you keep your ghost half a secret. You're scared of them."

Danny balled his hands into fists. "I'm not scared," he growled.

"Really? You seem pretty scared to me."

It was true. Sweat was pouring from his forehead. Danny wiped it away and pressed his lips into a thin line. "I'm not scared," he continued to lie, "and I know they're better parents than Vlad. They may hate Phantom now, but I'll get them to change their minds."

Niel laughed--a villainous laugh that reminded Danny heavily of Vlad. "Yeah, right. The Fentons becoming buddies with Danny Phantom?" He grinned at Danny and added, "What was it you said? That's about as likely as Mr. Lance saying fuck."

"Lancer," Danny corrected.

"Whatever."

Danny glared at Niel, who smiled pleasantly in return. "Join Vlad," Niel told him. "Be my brother. We can keep you away from them, and then you won't have to be scared anymore." Niel frowned slightly and amended, "Well...we'll keep you away from Jack, at least. Dad still has this dumb infatuation with Maddie...but I think he can be content with letting her go if he got you."

Danny's glare melted into something sadder. "Do you really believe that?"

"Yes," Niel answered with conviction. "I'll get Dad to take you away from them. We'll be brothers, and maybe Jazz and Danielle can be our sisters. We'll be a happy family."

Danny's gaze lingered on him a moment longer, then it wandered down to the book he still held with an iron grip. "Niel," Danny called the clone's name hesitantly, then he sighed. "You're too young."

Niel was puzzled by the sudden change in subject, but he told him, "Dad said I'm fourteen. The same age he got the DNA sample from you, even though you're sixteen now."

"Yes, but your literal age is, what, one?" Danny lifted his eyes again to look at Niel as he spoke. "You don't have a lot of experience."

"I have knowledge. I read."

"It's not enough. You haven't spent a lot of time with Vlad; you don't know him like I do. He'll never let go of my mom. Danielle and him will never make up. And I--and Jazz--will never join him because he's a horrible person."

Niel looked like he was one tick away from bursting. "Why not?" he challenged, but he sounded more desperate than mad. "What's so bad about him?"

"Let's see...he's a cheater, a liar, super creepy, and a huge jerk," Danny listed on his fingers. "He kidnapped me, like, twenty times, and he always sends deadly ghosts after me to either kidnap me again, or kill my dad. That's not someone I would ever want to be family with."

Niel's jaw was taut. "So you won't change your mind."

Danny shook his head.

Niel's hands shook as he breathed, but he was eerily calm as he placed his book on a table by his chair and stood up. "Dad told me you wouldn't listen, that you're too stubborn. I guess I should have believed him."

"Niel..."

Niel's face was relaxed as he looked at him, but his eyes burned with dark fire. Suddenly, twin rings of light flashed across his body, transforming him into a ghost.

Though Danny knew that Niel had some of Vlad's genes, that fact was made more obvious in his ghost form. He still looked like Danny and even wore the same black-and-white jumpsuit, but he had blue skin and red eyes like Plasmius. Streaks of black ran across his white hair where the opposite color had been in his human form. He must have inherited his dad's dramatic sense of fashion, because a high-collared, Dracula-esque cape draped over his jumpsuit, similar to the one Vlad wore.

As Danny stared at the ghost before him, he felt a cold spread through his body, and it wasn't his ice core. Niel's form reminded him too much of another ghost who was mostly Danny and a little Vlad. Suddenly, Danny felt less like he was looking in a mirror, and more like he was looking at a younger version of the alternate future self of his that killed his friends.

No, Danny sternly told himself, forcing the panic back down. Niel wasn't Dan. He wasn't a genocidal adult ghost with fiery hair and an icy heart. Niel was just a snobby little rich kid who thought Vlad was the balls and didn't know much about the world. He felt himself relax a bit as he successfully kept himself together, but his hands were still in fists by his sides in case Niel attacked.

"Calm down, brother. I'm not going to fight you," Niel assured him calmly. "At least, not today. Knowing Dad, he'll inevitably make us fight each other someday, unless you change your mind about joining him."

"In his dreams," Danny spat. "Tell him to shove a froot loop up his ass."

Niel sighed, like he was disappointed but not surprised. "Goodbye, Danny," Niel said, and he floated off the floor as he said it. "I'll see you soon."

He abruptly dropped through the floor below and out of sight. Danny turned intangible and followed him, but when he emerged in the mansion's lower floor, Niel was nowhere to be seen.

#Danny Phantom #Phic Phight #phic phight 20 #phic phight 2020 #danny fenton #daniel masters #fic #fanfiction #mine #clones #danny phantom clone #vlad masters #jazz fenton #writing

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johnhmcintosh · 4 years ago

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Programming the Planet

John McIntosh

The planet and all that seems to be on and in it, are aspects of a Grand Dream, as is the entire universe - its a projection on the screen of Consciousness another name for the ONE SELF. What follows is a brief synopsis of the dreams [programs] ‘within’ this Grand Dream that have recently manifested, which will help humanity SHIFT into its first level of Awakening.

….………………………………………………………………………………………

When you buy a new computer it comes with a basic ‘operating system’ on/in which many applications/APPS [programs] can be added according to a desired outcome. This is much like the ‘innate’ and unseen operating system that handles thousands of functions per second in your body - PERFECTLY, unless interfered with by ‘added programs’.

When the Real You [the slumbering God-SELF You Are] arrives in a ‘new’ body IT comes with baggage … a collection of unresolved programs called ‘conditioning’. This conditioning both designs the body you wear as well as the destiny you will experience [all of it]. New programs [‘conditioning’ made up of attachments, expectations and identifications tied to memory (past) and imagination (future)] are ‘added’ as this life experience unfolds, coloring every moment ‘of’ that experience.

This NEW conditioning can be easily ‘programmed’ into your operating system ‘without’ your permission or awareness by those [there really are no others] who ‘know how’ and have their own agenda’s [usually suspicious at best]. This has been the way the Grand Dream has played out ever since the original thought/belief in ‘separation’ that brought the dream world/universe into manifestation. Most of humanity has been and continues to be manipulated in this way and is largely ‘completely unaware’ of it.

In this last year of clock time [2020-21] a long standing ‘hidden and nefarious agenda’ has been increasingly exposed for all to witness. Some few saw it immediately, others joined gradually, but now hundreds of millions across the globe … ‘at the very least’ SUSPECT that there has been and is a grand-plan to control all of humanity through a concept called a One World Order. This plan is NOT benign in any way, rather it is insidious, calculated, self-centered and ultimately lethal for most of humanity since it includes the euthanization of most of the global population.

This plan has been seeping into the collective consciousness of humanity for well over 100 years. The programming agenda included a ‘herding principle’ that corralled vast numbers of unaware people into and through ‘programming’ systems that literally ‘molded minds’ to follow a specific direction. Principal among these systems were advertising, entertainment, mainstream media and education whose constant and repetitive messages added whatever ‘program’ into people’s operating systems that fostered their cause.

These systems first had to be taken over and then sculpted to fit the end objectives. To accomplish this, banking and finance had to be taken over completely and later authoritative systems such as law enforcement, intelligence, judiciary branches, politics and the countries they governed were added to eliminate any interference with plans that were being rolled out. The military was also key to the ultimate containment of a One World Order and for the most part, this was accomplished through the political systems they controlled.

**The American military was and is the exception, which was and is still headed by Donald Trump - the Real President who was elected by the greatest landslide in the history of the USA. The evidence of this is overwhelming.**

In 2016 this nefarious organization of elites referred to as the ‘deep state’ were ready to complete the ‘mass-programming’ of humanity when they miscalculated their rigging of that years American election with their choice for President [Hilary Clinton] being beaten by Donald Trump. That instigated a massive attack on the new and unforeseen adversarial administration using every means at their disposal from fraud, bribery, assassination attempts, impeachment, a smear campaign by the mainstream media that was unprecedented and finally a ‘beefed-up’ and highly coordinated election rigging scheme that soon became patently obvious to anyone paying attention.

This time the elaborate scheme was openly exposed as fraudulent but the evidence was ignored by the judiciary system and mainstream media who were and are both owned by this deep state organization. What they did not foresee was the ingenuity of the Trump administration’s foresight and resolve to eradicate the deep state from their usurped position as world-controllers.

The Trump Team allowed the ‘scam’ to play out and the puppet-president chosen to preside over the government after the stolen election, was illegally inaugurated in a ‘stage performance’, which could plainly be seen to be ‘prerecorded’ in several sessions with clothing switches by key participants showing up everywhere from moment to moment. The military turned their backs on the fake president and the Pentagon refused him entry into their building or access to critical military information. Trump retained the nuclear briefcase and AF1 leaving the puppet-president to fly transport planes, hire his own security and operate from a stage-set-oval-office as the While House was/is off limits to him.

Meanwhile, the puppet-president signed a blizzard of “executive orders” that are attempting to overturn for the deep state, the enormous accomplishments of the first 4 years of Trump’s administration [largely unknown by the world since the mainstream media did not report any of them]. As the countdown-clock ticks by, behind the scenes the military, which is the real power temporarily in charge of the country, executes its meticulous plans to ‘take-down’ the deep state, not just in America but globally. There are tens of thousands of arrests occurring as this rolls out, many of them household names known to all.

All this and much much more is part of the dawn of an Age of Peace and Light that begins with the Mass Awakening of humanity to the elaborate fantasy they have been living. But this is only the ‘first level’ of Awakening and will simply replace a very dark dream with a ‘happier’ dream. There are much deeper levels of Awakening still to come but the ‘question’ will now remain in most minds: “In what other ways might I have been fooled about reality?” … and that will lead many ‘inward’ where Truth is found.

AMAZON #1 New Release(s) in 45-Minute Self-Help Short Reads - by John McIntosh

“MASS AWAKENING - What’s Really Happening - 2020 - 30 minute Synopsis” https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08M62X743

“THE GREAT SHIFT ‘explained”- The World You Have Known Is Collapsing. Here Is Why It’s a GIFT https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08795Y7MT

#programming #planet #JOHNMCINTOSH

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dramaplustautology · 5 years ago

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Artemy and Nikolai Dragomirov

Some really messy notes from chats

The Dragomirov brothers, Artemy the older and Nikolai the younger, come from an intensely religious family that were amiable enough to their brood and cloth, but violent towards outsiders and other factions/interpretations of their faith. Not actually nobles themselves, they became rich through warmongering and pillaging in the name of their faith.

All of the blood thirsty, conquering tendencies funneled into Artemy, who has a deep sense of devotion to the church, and shame towards his ‘sinful’ urges. On the other hand, the baby faced Nikolai doesn’t feel much of a connection towards his family’s faith and is mostly in it for the perks of being rich. He’s got a smart mouth but would rather use it to chase cute nuns and alter boys.

Normally, their practices would alienate them from the rest of the church cause pillaging and taking prisoners for hard labour are bad no matter the reasons.

But they were in the right place at the right time when conflicts between countries intensified. The Dragomirovs were needed for the survival of their faith and the collection of kingdoms linked by it. As their victories grew, they were heralded as heroes by their church and lords.

Fearing that the flow of invaders would never end, the church decided to permanently keep the Dragomirovs as guardians. The archbishops came together and did a ritual sacrifice of a powerful demon/fallen angel to make the family extremely powerful (mega hornie) vampires.

This is kind of taking from when the middle ages catholic church said you could buy your way to heaven as long as you paid them enough, and did enough things in the name of the church. Then, you can pretty much drink wine out of duck pussy and still be guaranteed past the pearly gates.

As a reward for their deeds, and the feat of slaying that demon, they became immortal fanged monsters that could indulge in their bloodlust and regular lust as much as they wanted. Halos appeared around their pupils, glowing as a sign of their divinity, and their bites were addictive, forcing victims into complete loyal servitude. They are allowed to walk in daylight, and church relics can’t hurt them.

They’re weak to demonic things or people, though that’s relative to skill. Being demonic means having a chance at hurting them but their main profession is killing demons. They could be overpowered but there aren’t any countries or armies left to pose that much of a threat.

Despite being a kind of vampire, the family hates ‘evil’ vampires, and indiscriminately hunt them and other supernatural creatures. Witches and warlocks also get the torch, though that’s more of a formality since the family drinks them dry anyways.

That being said, the dragomirov’s own beneficiaries started to fear them cause they would go around turning people into their vampiric servants or gather a huge harem. That was mostly nikolai but Artemy periodically snaps and indulges in vice harder than his brother does.

It got worse after Artemy got antsy that conflicts were dying down, he wanted to do counter-invasions against the wishes of his parents. Keeping the borders strong was their priority, but Artemy’s bloodthirst was out of control. He killed them and went on to lead war campaigns that would soon earn him the title Warlord Saint. Countries he’s lead his armies through were know to burn for months, turning the sky gray with smoke, and turning the sun a ghastly red.

Nikolai, jealous little bastard, started getting jealous of all of Artemy’s fame. People feared him as much as they wanted to fuck him ajkgdldgds. The members of the church saw this growing resentment as an opportunity to end the chaos by supporting nikolai in his bid for power.

Getting the better of Artemy, nikolai defeated him in a duel but still cared about him enough to want to keep him alive. So artemy was pinned to the inside of a coffin with a sharpened demon’s rib. Nikolai had slashed his face during the duel, and the claw marks will never stop bleeding, which flows out of the locked coffin which got stuck under the alter of the family’s church building.

So, Nikolai didn’t go pillaging anymore or starting fights, but he went ham on his own brood and anyone that happened to wander into his territory. Became known as the Grand Hedonist by sticking his dicc in every priest and nun, indulged in the church’s riches which in turn cursed all of that shit.

The Kingdoms turned into a circus, with so much blood and nut spilling into the ground that it spoiled the soil and spread a horrible plague. What remained of the church members that gave the dragomirov’s their power couldn’t ask for help from their lord because the family had served him so well. They had to instead turn to the king of lies downstairs to seal Nikolai and his followers in his estate to be swallowed by the earth. All of this in exchange for forsaking their faith and becoming new demon lords.

That’s it, and peace gradually came back after much sacrifice but the next time conflict breaks out and fresh blood is spilled on their ancestral homeland, the brothers are prophesized to break out of their prison and spread their curse anew.

Side notes:

Dragomirov isn’t the last name of their parents. Their dad was named dragomirov and had a big ego so he gave his sons this surname. Drago means ‘precious’ and mir means ‘peace’ which is some added irony.

Artemy is very devout, all about following the good word to the T, and sacrificing every bit of himself for it. but can't stop himself from getting violence boners and will get randy while he’s in his nasty blood soaked armor, but is likely to break his partners bones when he gets out of control

Tho he denies it, Artemy has a taste for people with green eyes and will make a beeline for them. Like, skips over entire areas cause he heard of someone with pretty green eyes. it's cause his combat teacher had green eyes but otherwise he likes gentle people cause even tho his parents were very strict, his teacher was fair and had a soft spot for him

Nikolai loves the polar opposite; fighters and people that take work to break down. Can’t keep his hands to himself when it comes to scars cause they tell him that he's got a fighter in a cage

Artemy uses his mind control powers a lot but Nikolai prefers not to cause he likes chasing and watching his prisoners try to escape

opposites going on where Artemy tries to be intense but gets very baby with his S/O, snuggling up to them and clinging to them even tho he's much bigger and bulkier. and Nikolai pretends to be a good boy on the clingy side but will bite down to make people do his bidding

The brothers both keep momentos/trophies from vampires or other creatures they’ve slain. Fangs, horns, and claws are stuff that Artemy likes to keep and wear for intimidation factor, but nikolai likes wet stuff which includes eyes, tongues, and organs for aesthetic decoration.

Nikolai loves keeping werewolves as pet dogsbut like, he'll fuck em too. his werewolves are trying to bite him through their mesh muzzles but he laughs and says that they're actually kissing him

usually, the brothers both zero in on the same person even if they’re jelly of each other but they'll DP if they're too horny to fight each other.

Artemy is covered in battle scars and in most settings, covers his face in bandages or a mask (with his eyes uncovered) to keep his permanently bleeding face gashes from getting everything wet all the time.

Nikolai doesn’t throw himself into harrowing fights as much as his brothers so he doesn’t have as many scars, but loves piercings. His parents didn’t tho so he couldn’t get face piercings or even ear piercings. Even after they had died, the compulsion still stuck. Instead he has tons of body piercings and is very proud of the ones on his dick.

Artemy is more of a classical gothic romantic where he takes his S/O to hilariously emo poetic dates, like picnics at the cemetery. Nikolai can barely stand wearing a tie the proper way and would rather eat pussy under a truck.

The brothers’ fangs are so sharp that it even cuts up their own mouths, and their partners’ tongues when they make out. Specifically Nikolai’s fangs are slightly too big for his mouth so they stick out a bit and make his lip bleed when he’s not careful

#Artemy #Nikolai

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klanced · 6 years ago

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here are all my dnd episode hot takes bc i love it so much

I’m guessing that, besides being the team’s mascot/furry, Lance also functions as a tracker of sorts.

His posture (squatting on the ground), the fact that he looks like he’s holding something (like mayhaps a scooped up bit of dirt), the way he’s looking over his shoulder as he gives the team his Opinion, the way they all seem decidedly unimpressed at his deductions considering he only sniffed dirt- Fantasy Tracker™, Babey!

Anyway, going off that, it looks like the party is trying to track something (a monster? Lotor’s character? Keith’s?).

I bet Pidge’s armor makes her super top-heavy. If she fell over, she’d look like a turtle on its back.

Also I can’t get over her CHICKEN ARMS and her BIGASS double-bladed axe like. She really is going all out huh.

I’m also digging the fact that Shiro is wearing a full-on black cloak in the middle of a somewhat sunny forest while hanging with his crew. King of wishing he stayed home! King of withdrawing from others!

I’m already in love with this episode like this is DEFINITELY going to be one of my top five favorite episodes. I feel it in my nerd loving bones.

I sincerely hope that whatever their riding is some big scary monster that scared the pants off everyone except for Allura, who immediately befriended it. Bonus points if there’s a scene where she rubs its tummy.

Maybe it’s some personification/manifestation of the White Lion? Idk, I never finished Season 5 so I don’t really know what’s up with Allura and the White Lion, but this could be a reference to that ep.

I saw a post where someone said that could be Keith’s character which is hilarious and I fully endorse.

... Y’know what? I bet whatever the team is tracking in the first pic ends up being the animal they’re riding in the second.

This is your daily reminder that I am a BIG lesbian who is in LOVE with Allura!

LIKE HELLO? THE PURPLE BODYSUIT? FLAWLESS. THE HAIR? CURLED AND FLOWING. HER EARS? POINTER THAN HER ARROWS, AND TWICE AS DEADLY. LEGOLAS SAW HER OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE AND IMMEDIATELY WENT HOME.

I love her.

But seriously, just LOOK at her. She woke up that morning and she decided that yes, actually, she IS going to be That Bitch™! She’s winning the award for best dressed, and she damn well knows it.

I’m also still not over that one curled bang like UGH. YES. And the purple theme she’s rocking?? The way they almost match her pastel glowing marks? Her arrow feathers???? Cupid lined up the shot at my heart, and Her aim was true!

Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t Allura’s eyes a bit bluer than normal??? Are these.... Fantasy Contacts™?

This is pure speculation, but in my opinion it looks like Allura’s character isn’t a princess. Her armory is fancy, but she lacks Allura’s usual “crown” (it’s not really a crown, but I can’t find the proper word for it lol). Which is interesting! And if true, would confirm some of my meta on Allura lol.

........... I just realized that Hunk isn’t actually bald at the top of his head, but is instead wearing a green hat. And you know what? I’ll take the Rock Lee look over the monk bowl cut any day.

He still looks like Doctor Strange took a vacation in the Earth Kingdom, but y’know what? We still stan. I mean, the beard alone is absolutely legendary, so quite frankly? Hunk’s outfit may be weird as hell, but he still looks good. Case closed! Legends only!

Hunk’s collar is popped because he’s too busy mmmmmmmmmmblockin out the haters.

His belly button is glowing. Absolute legends only.

Also what the hell, Hunk’s sideburns look so good??? His Fantasy Barber™ is a god????? Like OOF, that cut? That fade? Can he please call his barber and ask them to fix Kuron’s hair?? Lol.

Hunk lookes like he’s playing as some kind of monk/sage class, which really tickles my fancy because Hunk as a defensive magic user is (Allura voice) absolutely divine. I mean, just look at that staff! He could either heal you or hurt you with that borderline club, let’s leave it at that.

The longer I stare at his beard the more unbelievable it gets. How did he cultivate such a majestic lock of hair? He has absolutely no facial except for this single 1″ by 1″ square. Hunk is incredibly powerful.

Voltron really wants me dead, huh. Like, they want to loot my wallet from my cold dead corpse and spend my last two dollars at Starbucks. That’s the only explanation for... this.

He looks like if Kaden from Fire Emblem Fates had a baby with Odd from Code Lyoko and that baby raided the closet of Mako from Legend of Korra.

If he has a tail, I will go full on nuclear winter, mark my fucking words.

If his ears so much as TWITCH I will really lose it I am not joking. Voltron has gone TOO FAR, and I will be the one to end it.

Okay I might be imagining things but in the picture on the left, it looks like Lance still has a right earlobe/right ear, so uh. What’s up with that. Does Lance just have four goddamn ears. Are his furry ears fake? Oh my god, is Lance faking being furry kin?

If he has claws tho, I can accept that because that’s cool as hell. I’ll also tolerate Lance having sharp canines, but only if he’s constantly biting his tongue lol.

Lance is wearing quite a bit of jewelry for someone whose clothes look like shit which begs the question of how... he has them.

If Voltron makes Lance’s dnd character a thief we riot.

Also his facial markings look like Krolia’s which is either a funny coincidence, OR the dnd episode takes place after Keith reunites with the team and introduces them to Krolia, and Lance’s markings are inspired by hers. Which is cute.

I honestly cannot tell if she’s wearing a furry cape or if that’s just her hair, but either way I’m loving it. You go, you fierce little warrior you!

I JUST NOTICED THAT HER SHOULDERS ARE AS BROAD/BROADER THAN HUNK’S NOW GHSKDGHDJGSDGDS

I mentioned this in a different post but I genuinely thought Pidge was going to be a rogue or some sort of magic user, so DPS/Tank Pidge has completely blindsided me and I’m loving every second of it.

Pidge doesn’t roleplay based on her actual self and personality. No, she’s creating Fantasy Pidge™ for a Fantasy World™ which means living out every wild dream she’s ever had!!! She’s chaotic neutral bitch and LOVING it.

She has a DOUBLE-BLADED AXE and it it’s not at least 3/4 her size then what, pray tell, is the point. I want Pidge to heft her axe around like it’s nothing, and then when she puts it down it literally shakes the ground. That’s the ultimate power move.

Lance being a goddamn furry PROVES the existence of other Fantasy Races™ so fingers crossed that Pidge decides to play a dwarven character to explain why she’s so short ghdkjsghdkjs

Pidge looks so happy in the second pic. This really is the best day of her life.

(ZOOMS IN ON THE SECOND PICTURE) YO IS THAT A CROWN???? 👀👀

Okay but seriously, if Shiro’s character is a prince/king I will EXPLODE!!!! Let Shiro make a dnd character with an unnecessarily tragic and dramatic backstory!! Let Shiro roleplay as a prince on a mission to avenge his fallen kingdom and free his people!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That would also explain why Shiro is constantly wearing a black cloak and hiding his beautiful, perfect face. Because he’s on the run and has to stay undercover, bitch!

NGL, I’m a lesbian but I stared at the second picture of Shiro for a good ten seconds. Mostly because Shiro’s hair looks really, really good, and it’s a balm to my eyes after season 4 and 5.

Also, I just realized, his crown/coronet/WHATEVER is in the same place/represents his tuft of white hair! You can see this most clearly in the first pic :3c That’s so cute!

I’ll admit, I’m a little disappointed because at first, I thought Shiro was wielding a gigantic two-handed sword, which is absolutely badass and kickass. However, on closer examination I can see what looks to be a shield strapped to Shiro’s back (apparently over the cloak, which is weird lol), so Shiro most likely wields a so-called “one-handed” sword.

I won’t lie, for a hot second I thought Shiro might be wielding a club or something because I couldn’t see a sword hilt, but if you look at the left picture really closely, you can see what looks to be a black sword hilt. I did some googling, because swords are cool, and I’d guess Shiro’s sword is based off a knightly sword.

#voltron #allura #pidge #hunk #lance #shiro #voltron spoilers #long post #REALLY long post lol #image #shitpost #caps #header text #italics

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linoholic · 7 years ago

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poly!JJP

Requested:

Pairing: Got7 Park Jinyoung x Im Jaebum x gender neutral Reader

Genre: poly!au, normal/idolverse

Warnings: sexual themes, but nothing explicit

I must admit a lot of inspiration came from the Tomorrow Today music video. Also, sorry for the long wait 😬 first my laptop broke, then last night the radiator in my room broke and water was everywhere, even leaking down to the living room, and both my parents are out so I am the only adult in the house and have to sort it out with the plumber etc.

anyways

onto the au

get ready to be a parent to 5 kids

because if your dating the mum and dad of got7 that is what you automatically are

and you have been dating Jinyoung and JB since the ‘Bounce’ days

you were one of the lighting assistants working on the teaser photo shoot

during which you got to know them, as you were one of the few people actually close to their age

you quickly became closer to them both; and soon enough feelings started popping up

both of the boys gained crushes on you, and started competing for your affection, turning it into a competition of sorts

until it started affecting their relationship as JJP, at which point they sat down with each other and had a long chat

which……somehow ended up with them making out

yeah,,,they don’t know how it happened either

turns out as well as liking you, they both lowkey liked each other as a bit more than just friends

the next day, after this, 'revelation’ they approach you together

and it’s a little intimidating

both of them had their serious faces on, and they had cornered you at your apartment, so that you couldn’t avoid the conversation and run away like they thought you might

as it was though, they needn’t have worried as you had a feeling of what they wanted to talk about

I mean, they hadn’t exactly been discreet about the crushes they had on you, and being close to them had made you aware of this,,,'sexual tension’,,,between them

so it wasn’t exactly a surprise when five minutes after they approached you, you were all making out (during which Jinyoung comments “déjà vu” which leads to them explaining everything)

from that point on you three are officially together

you are their biggest supporter while they are JJ Project

and then when Got7 becomes a thing you hype them up during practices, and are their shoulder to lean on during the harder moments

you have also known the other boys from the start, and they have known about you

because despite how JB and Jinyoung are pretty private people, they love you to pieces and will talk about you forever if asked

and while you do become a sort of third parent to the boys, you are the first to join them when one of your boyfriends is getting teased

especially with Yugyeom

you team up and become JJPs biggest fans and annoyances

and when they have their 'Tomorrow, Today’ comeback, it gets even worse so they resort to shutting you up with kisses

(only you, Yuggie just gets hit)

the boys also tend to use you as a shield if Jinyoung or JB are annoyed at them or something, as you are good at distracting and calming them down

just as often as you can be found teasing your boyfriends, you can also been seen in the backgrounds judging Mark and the younger kids with them

you three know each other so well that talking isn’t needed between you

you just share a look and know what the other is thinking

it just so happens that usually those thoughts are “these people are weird”

(oh darlings, have you ever seen yourselves? you are just as weird. Just look at that one Just Right dp)

as you have probably noticed, kissing is mentioned a bit

and that is because our boys love it

I mean, when they have kissing punishments, have you seen how unabashedly Jinyoung carries them out?

also, his lips are perfect for kissing and he knows it, so he is often the one to make advances

not that youn or Jaebum mind,,who would?

and if it happens in front of the boys, any teasing is quickly shut up, either by bribing or scaring, it usually depends on the mood

cuddling doesn’t happen much in the relationship, but hugs do

Jaebum loves to give backhugs, wrapping his arms around you as you brushing your teeth in the morning after they spend the night during days off; or curling his arms around Jinyoungs waist as they rest during practice

Jinyoung can often be found laying down on his phone or reading with you or JB tucked under his shoulder or using him as a pillow

which happens a lot when they are at your place during time off

they basically live at your place by now, only still really living at the dorms for convenience, and because they don’t trust the boys on their own long term without someone dying quite yet

both of them have their own styles, and so you have a lot of fun raiding their closets for different outfits, stealing Jinyoungs button ups and Jaebums oversized t-shirts

and though they may complain they really don’t mind as much as they make it seem, because seeing you in their clothes is actually a little bit of a turn on

dates are usually just time alone indoors, as they will take any chance to relax from their busy schedules, and neither of them are particularly outgoing or energetic

sometimes you will watch a movie and eat takeaway

other times you do board games or complete jigsaw puzzles together

there are even times when you are just content with each others presence, not talking and reading your own books, with just the random giggles from reading a funny line, which never ceases to bring a soft smile to the faces of the other two

you do get out of the house for dates though

usually to a restaurant or Hongdae for street food

you and Jinyoung love it when JB gets drunk, as he gets so silly and it is hilarious, and also a good source of blackmail material which Jinyoung hoards, never knowing when he will need to use it against the leader

so when you do go out on dates, chicken and beer or Korean barbeque with soju all around are usually on the itinerary

matching couple items aren’t really a thing between you

but you do all have the same ring

which sends fan and shippers into a craze when they spot the boys wearing them (you being out of the medias eyes of course)

and you all have a picture of the three of you together as you phone backgrounds

it’s of you three huddled together in front of the Han River at sunset, taken by Jackson, during a night where ot7+1 went to the riverside for fried chicken after a gruelling practice

speaking of which, you often attend their practices which food and drinks in tow, and a positive attitude

because being with JJP for so long means you are very aware of what an idols life is like, all the ups and downs, because you have been there for your boys through every single one

so when you turn up to the JYP building (where you easily get in because everyone knows you by now) you often take on the leadership role, allowing Jaebum to take a break and just be one of the boys, even if for only 10 minutes

and they love you so much for doing things like this

because you allow them to be normal men in their twenties

with you they can just be,,,instead of having to show the best side of themselves constantly

so of course, they make sure to give you their everything, and try to do as much for you as you do for them

whenever you have work but they have days off they can be found at your place, cleaning and making food for when you return

though they often get distracted by each other, because being in an empty house, alone, with no distractions in the form of schedules or other men, is very tempting

so it isn’t unusual to return from work only to find them,,,busy,,,with each other

and when they notice you are there, all attention is turned to you

let’s just say they know how to get you to relax

basically, you three have a very calm and mature relationship, and might as well be married the way you act

because look at you being cute and domestic with JBs cats and five kids

and actual peace and quiet for once

Definitely not my best or longest thing I have written, but my mind is all over the place right now and I needed to get something out.

Requests are open!

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emergingnewworld · 4 years ago

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PROGRAMMING THE PLANET

JOHN MCINTOSH

….…………………………………………………………………………………………

AMAZON #1 New Release(s) in 45-Minute Self-Help Short Reads - by John McIntosh

“MASS AWAKENING - What’s Really Happening - 2020 - 30 minute Synopsis” https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08M62X743

“THE GREAT SHIFT ‘explained”- The World You Have Known Is Collapsing. Here Is Why It’s a GIFT https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08795Y7MT

#PROGRAMMINGTHEPLANET #JOHNMCINTOSH

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yostresswritinggirl · 4 years ago

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My first reaction to this was so fuckin hilarious ahahah: *receives notif* what? senpai tagged me? *clicks my name* *surprised gasp* it is me! I stalked senpai so much that I endednup becoming a mutual LMAO

Is it cheating if just say Albedo-//shot//

1. Okay lore-wise is easily Venti! His nation and contributions are so detailed and oriented enough to be easily understood, and my god, if you look deeper as in DEEPER he's freaking dripping with lore (example: sacrificial weapon set). Story-wise I'm gonna go with both Diluc and Xiao, they both have some really cheeky details in their stories that's easily passable like- wtf is that underground intelligence network? What weakness did the big mean god take hold of, is it a PERSON?!

2. I'm going with Childe first on this, mainly cuz he's my main dps and never leaves my team sksksks big damage boyo! In games, I love it when I can do consecutive strikes and his skill makes that all so easy. And then there's Bennett with that 50k heal go brrtt, he's also my only Pyro Claymore and he's just overall a good boyo. Venti's burst and utility is also very good for exploration, even tho I keep failing the timing ywy And Ayaka's coming soon, and Xiao owo

3. Oh gawd Visuals okay- so- I'm not biased but- First place goes to Scaramouche obviously. His Inazuma design is VERY unique in comparison to the other Inazuma characters that are coming soon, the details of his clothing and hat's flowy piece are easily neglected because of their minimal-ness. Otherwise it's a tie between Keqing (I thought her design was basic at first until I realized how detailed her whole aesthetic is, I'm obsessed with her layered skirt sksksk), Albedo (the only person in the game that ACTUALLY gets a decent coat?? what the actual fuck? The indigo under shirt is also such a good color combination I did not expect, but my god, that long short with THAT boots Albedo??), and XIAO (His design in comparison to the other Liyueans is a refreshing change, it's chaotic and uneven, yet detailed and blending. What I want to assess more is the DETAILS on the back! It's woven with so many intertwined materials, it's so cool to look at and analyze!) Cyno is an honorable mention here because his anubis motif, color scheme with the indigo and desert clothing are gonna be really cool i know it

4. Okay this is gonna sound pretty damn biased again, but I'm going with Albedo and Xiao here. Being a writer is a big factor here and I find Albedo's whole character so easy to read and predict despite how eccentric he acts in-game, almost otome-like, unpredictable yet as a psych student I perfectly understood his character. And for Xiao it's because his initial character is different from further assessment, yes I'm talking about the difference in his personality between English and Chinese translations too. His body language and interactions with other characters bring so many new things into light and I want to just learn more about his true nature?! My inner psychologist is showing eheh

Senpai thank you for giving me another opportunity to rant and flood my followers' dashboard lmao, and this has been so fun, I want to tag my homies too! Come here pspspsps @kookieyachi @frigatea @heiayen @dandelion-dreams @ellitx @archonistic

In Genshin, who are your favourite characters: 1) Lore and story wise, 2) Gameplay wise (how fun and useful they are) 3) Visual design wise and 4) Personality wise?

Ooohh interesting question!!

1. Hmm I'm a bit baised but I'd say Zhongli and probably the Traveller! I like history lore stuff and things about the Visions! I like Zhongli bc he's like lore central sksksksk he knows a lot of stuff and you could pick up lots of lore from him. I also love the Traveller's story!! I want to know what happened to them and where the game will lead them to!! It feels like the story just doesnt end with Teyvat.

2. Man, gotta be Diluc. Easy to use, noob friendly, swing and hack and burn all you want!!! Carried me through this game from the start and I don't really have to adjust to him. Also Barbara. I love how she heals, probably more than Jean skksksks

3. Dresses are nice in Genshin but I like Barbara's dress!! It's cute and has this piano keys pattern in her dress!! Not actually complicated compared to other characters ksksks also off shoulders!! CUTE!

For the guys, Zhongli has the best style. It's sleek, it's elegant, it's dapper and very very sexy. Not the "naked, his butt is really nice " sexy, but it's you know. SEXY.

Tbh, i like how the character designs in genshin isnt sexualized,, like you know, bouncy disproprotional tits or like half naked men and girls in skimpy outfits. YOU DONT HAVE TO SEXUALIZE IN ORDER TO HAVE GOOD CHARACTER DESIGNS!

4. Ooohh!! I like Keqing and Diluc the best,,, I guess bc I resonate with them a lot. I'm kind of that type of person irl. It's probably not obv here bc this is a space where I can take it easy, but man, when Diluc says the KoF need to be more efficient, I'm like "YOU TELL THEM BOI!! THEY CANT EVEN PUT DIPLOMATIC PRESSURE AGAINST THE FATUI!! LIKE MAN, I'D TEAM UP WITH LIYUE AND PUT SANCTIONS ON THEM FOR BEING BASTARDS. LET'S SEE HOW THEIR ECONOMY LIKES THAT!!!!"

I love Keqing's drive tbh!!! I just love those kinds of people who don't give up even if everything is pitted against them. She's confident, knows her power, and she's ELECTRO! you know who else is my anime kin who has electric powers?? Misaka Mikoto. Gosh I love electro tho sksksk

These are cool questions tho!! Bc of that, I'll tag my mutuals to answer these questions as well!!!! @yostresswritinggirl @dietwiceshy @llumberries @darkgirlygamer

#exile.feather #rants #reblogs #senpai #skskksksks #genshin impact

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deedgy · 4 years ago

Text

take too long to post untill 30 days so here i come, taking all the challenges

DAY 1:

independent, tough, potty mouth

DAY 2:

me time, being with my family, being with my friends, being content with everything, when i inspire someone

DAY 3:

i and my staffs joking around about physical distancing

DAY 4:

LBJ, i have paid the DP yadaaa, wondering when this pandemy will be over huuh

DAY 5:

from my mom's WA dp

DAY 6:

yuuup that's meh!

DAY 7:

so maaaanyyy, it's like asking a favourite child to a mother, well let's pick end game because duh im a marvell team

DAY 8:

the power of music is great! adele is my queen! she can break my heart from the boy in my imagination

DAY 9:

happiness comes from our heart, it's not from your money your position or even someone else. Happiness is when you are fully content of what you have now

DAY 10:

not many, these are the list of my future bridesmaids: cempaka, sadwi, sarah, zeli, naran, dudu, and for the boys maybe i can think Buyung, Fandy, and Ridwan

DAY 11:

just regular siblings, my older brother, Mas Bhram, living his settled life in Tangsel, my older sisters: Winny and Finny, we argue a lot and gossip a lot!

DAY 12:

FRIENDS you havent lived if you havent watched it!

DAY 13:

sooo many! again like asking a favourite child to a mother, but let's say aroma karsa by Dee

DAY 14:

girly, casual with a twist, sometimes edgy

DAY 15:

to beautiful beaches in Indonesia

DAY 16:

my friends! damn corona sucks!

DAY 17:

deep conversation of course

DAY 18:

30?! omg sooo many okay lets try

1) i dont like my name, too long, too many consonants, spelling is too hard

2) cotton ink is my fave clothing brand

3) in the middle of a traumatic state of not dare enough to dream big

4) have my current cellphone since 2016

5) culinary is also my world, not really good at cooking but have a great palate

6) love seeing bridal world, really curious to learn about the culture from Sabang to Merauke

7) as bad as Indonesia can be, i dont want to live abroad, i love the weather and the food here

8) i want to have a bookshelf

9) got a bad accident in the fly over in 2018

10) i am currently learning arabic, damn this language is so hard!

11) after LBJ, i think im going to visit Banyuwangi ive just known that Banyuwangi has an airport haha

12) want to try a cruise holiday

13) have a promise with Sarah to visit Japan

14) have a culinary list in JKT and BDG in my phone, and also a holiday list

15) love teaching, currently have two students, aliy and rania, they both are great. teaching opens my eyes wider about the education world and somehow i have a little interest there

16) desperately in need of a job

17) kate spade purse and marc jacobs watch are my first splurge things

18) currently re-watching old hilarious disney series, like suite life of zack and cody, thats so raven, hannah montana

19) never like sports

20) my first date is a movie date

21) trying to highlight the beautiful verses in Quran, inspired by dian sastro

22) follow alice norin since the first day of signing in to instagram

23) cant sleep with lights on except if im very exhausted

24) an extrovert but love a me time, especially when i do the shopping

25) stay at home period makes me love cats

26) never use the same make up or skincare product because i like exploring

27) Solo is the best place to have a culinary holiday

28) there is one month when i worked my ass off i worked for 12 hours/day for almost every single day and after that they say i couldnt take my annual life, oooh yeaah boo you!

29) i remember that time when i became the "step daughter" in the office and i proved them wrong

30) very up to date! im all ears when it comes to talking, you can hit me up on my dm or any media, feel free!

DAY 19:

a fair-skinned guy in my kindergarten, monkey love is also a love right? i dont know haha

DAY 20:

Rio Dewanto, Nicholas Saputra, Vino G Bastian, Ryan Reinolds, soo manyyy

DAY 21:

Love is a strong word, it can not be wasted away for a wrong person. Be careful!

DAY 22:

today i got a death nap, gosh i dont feel fresh at all, i should get a job, pleaseee god

DAY 23:

Dear Future Me,

Youre doing great for deciding any decisions in your life. Thank you so much for surviving this far. I know that ure an independent tough girl. Are you in the best version of yourself right now? if not, it's totally okay. Keep going! better days are coming! always be grateful of what you have and yolo! you know the two meanings of yolo haha!

lol,

past yourself

DAY 24:

no matter how close your passion to your job is, working is working! it's not always rainbows and butterflies and it's not always thunderstorm too, so you gotta handle it! find the meaning from your job! take a deep breath and conquer the world! if you are tired, take a break, dont quit! result never betray effort! god bless you all!

DAY 25:

my kitten, Dulur! shes been adopted

DAY 26:

it was SD Priangan back then in 2001-2007, small school but really powerful, so glad to be alumni of this school

DAY 27:

my former area manager, Kak Meiliya, i really look up to her on becoming a business leader, she's such a lady boss, an alpha woman, very inspiring!

DAY 28:

loving someone can make your days brighter and also can make your days gloomier, be careful on choosing people you give energy to

DAY 29:

have a mon-fri 9-6 job, have time to pray, being healthy, can save some money

DAY 30:

i feel dizzy maybe because of the death nap, have a nice day everyone!

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magicmenageriestuff · 6 years ago

Text

3am Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) – The K.L.F.

( The Ancients of Mu Mu )

Alien 3 – Paranoia In Pinewood part 2

The six stages of Film Production : as seen carved into the wall in Pinewood, Studio Five, by someone presumably better-versed in the industry than I :

Wild enthusiasm

Disillusionment

Panic

Search For The Guilty

Punish The Innocent

Reward The Non-Involved

The above quote from the diary I kept in 1991 while filming Alien 3 in Pinewood Studios. I released it into the atmosphere as My Pop Life #171 – Praying For Time. I think it’s time for part 2, don’t you?

Somebody send me a clean version of this picture. thanks.

Things settled down a little after the heart-thumping and deeply paranoid first month recorded in the previous episode. No one was sacked. I don’t think. No one was re-cast. There was a terrible accident one day when Sigourney’s make-up lady Linda was standing in a doorway on set – one of those science fiction doorways with a sliding panel which goes up and down with a swish. It was a wooden contraption with a weighted pulley which failed, and it came down suddenly onto her face, right onto her nose. I wasn’t there but it was a nasty accident and she was rushed to hospital. We never saw Linda again. Later I learned that she didn’t want to claim the medical expenses from the company, but having had a facial reconstruction and various operations I think that she eventually did settle. Dangerous places film sets.

The cast of Alien 3 with David Fincher on set, 1991

My relationship with Sigourney had subsided into a kind of sulk, and although she would make the odd remark, the earlier fire and brimstone had calmed down a bit. Not that we’d made up at all. Sadly we weren’t friends. I’d confided in other cast members – Niall Buggy thought I was completely bonkers “What are you talking about Ralph, she’s lovely!” Pete Postlethwaite and Phil Davis felt the same way. Dhobi Oparei too. I was happy that they were enjoying working with her, but just as I started feeling cornered, there was Charles Dance asking me how it was all going as we waited for a set-up. I think I was tentative at first but eventually told him what had been going on. He confessed that he’d had the same kind of experience. “Is that how you’re going to say it?” and all of the paranoia about how clean he looked, other competitive nonsense. I felt relieved that I wasn’t going totally mad. It was only people she had scenes with where the behaviour occurred. Wait – was Charles Dutton also having this relationship with her? No. He was a friend already and he was not the enemy. Charlie and I have been firm friends ever since.

Charles Dance as Clemens

One day on set Sigourney and I had a scene on a balcony, after the fire. Men had died. The Alien was trapped, locked in a loading bay. Dutton and his men were praying below us. The scene wasn’t going well. But we got it at around 8.00pm and Fincher pulled me aside. “Dude. She vampired that scene. Don’t worry I can cut around what you did, we got it. But you’re letting her get to you.” I think I said that I was trying to stand my ground. “If you ever need to leave the set, take five minutes, regain your centre, just say it OK? I got your back.” It was another welcome acknowledgement that I wasn’t paranoid. I went home, cuddled my lady and gritted my teeth for the long haul. I had to try and protect my performance at the end of the day, that was what mattered.

the balcony scene is in the “director’s cut” on the DVD

As the weeks progressed, all of the actors were called in every day, in case we were needed. First thing – put through ‘the works’ – costume and make-up – and then sat in our dressing rooms to await the call, often all day. I often went into the next-door dressing room occupied by the Prison Governor, my boss the legend Brian Glover, who’d memorably played the gym teacher in Ken Loach‘s heartbreaking film Kes. Brian was from Barnsley and did the voice overs for Tetley Tea Bags : ‘Tetley. Make tea bags. Make Tea.‘

youtube

Brian Glover as Andrews

Brian regaled me with stories from his days as a professional wrestler, fighting on the circuit with Giant Haystacks, Big Daddy and Mick McManus. ‘There’s money in ugly Ralph‘ he would announce, his squashed ear a keepsake of his years playing rugby. Every 45 minutes the lovely 2nd AD Marcia Gay would knock and pop her head around the door – ‘Gentlemen. You won’t be required for the next 45 minutes. Just relax‘. This became alarmingly irritating until one day Brian swivelled his giant head in her direction and asked ‘Is the money the same?‘ Marcia was puzzled. ‘Yes‘ she said. ‘Well Fook Off Then!‘ shouted Brian. Rude and fucking funny.

Fincher on the camera with Alex Thomson alongside him who had taken over as DP when Jordan Cronenweth was too ill to continue

There were eventually four units running at the same time – 1st Unit with David Fincher directing and another legend Chris Carreras as 1st AD. The eye of any storm, the 1st AD basically runs the set, oversees all of the departments and keeps a keen eye on who is slowing the unit down. The 1st AD is basically making the film. Chris had an amazingly calm temperament but I saw him biting his tongue a couple of times. Years later in 1999 I would contact him and ask him to 1st AD my film New Year’s Day, which he graciously agreed to do. Without him it wouldn’t have got made. I was going to create a link there to the blog where I talk about the film that I wrote and which actually got made. So scarred am I from this experience that 220 blog posts later I haven’t even started to think about discussing it. Watch this space !

Paul McGann as Golic

Meanwhile back in Pinewood, the other 3 units which might or might not need actors for any given day were : 2nd Unit with Martin Brierly directing (and Nick Heckstall-Smith assisting, whom I would also work with later), Action Unit doing Alien Stuff and other SFX, and a Fire Unit which set fire to things and put them out while stunt guys ran around with falmes one their clothes. We were all required, at one point or another, on all of these units. But there were interminable days when nothing happened. Backgammon became institutionalised, with American actors Chris Fields and particularly Holt McCallany relieving us of our wages on a regular basis with ruthless use of the doubling dice. I soon saw the error of this form of time-wasting, likewise poker and other competitive pursuits.

Clive Mantle as William, Peter Guinness as Gregor

One day when it was clear once again that nothing was going to happen a group of us decided to wander around the studio lot and see what else was going on. Like a bunch of escaped prisoners escorted by a correction facility officer. That was me. We went into one of the bigger studio buildings (Alien 3 had the majority but some were still available for hire) – I can’t remember precisely who was in that gang but I think Peter Guinness, Paul Brennan, Clive Mantle and Danny Webb certainly were. Maybe Niall Buggy and Vincenzo Nicoli too. And there was a giant pyramid structure with lights on frames around it and people with cloaks wandering about. We’d asked permission to visit of course, and the producers knew who we were, what we were doing there. The band was The K.L.F. and they were shooting a video for their single 3am Eternal which had been at Number 1 in the charts that January. A video it turned out, for the US market. We watched a take with smoke and lights, bleeps and heavy metal guitar chords, acid house beats and rap, capes and cloaks. It was all a bit mental. Then they took a break.

We wandered into the next studio through a heavy door. And there was Kylie Minogue, dressed for the Shocked video. We were all introduced and I became suddenly aware of a tiny elfin Australian blonde woman being dwarfed by half a dozen dirty shaven-headed prisoners from outer space. She shook everyone’s hand then gently wandered away and asked one of her people if they could ask us politely to leave. Which we did. Poor love.

Kylie Minogue is Shocked at the power of love in 1991

There’s a curious link here because Bill Drummond, (who with Jimmy Cauty is The K.L.F.) had worked as an A&R man for WEA (now Warners) in London in the mid-80s and had apparently spent half a million pounds on a band called Brilliant who never quite took off. Stock Aitken & Waterman were writers & producers for Brilliant, and Jimmy Cauty was in the band along with Martin Glover aka Youth from Killing Joke. And Stock Aitken & Waterman were now writing and producing for Kylie, along with a vast stable of acts including Donna Summer, Mel & Kim and Jason Donovan. Kylie & Jason had starred together in Aussie soap Neighbours, and to continue the odd waltz between the 2 acts, the K.L.F. had made a single called ‘Kylie Said To Jason‘ which was a hilarious rip-off of ‘Left To My Own Devices‘ by The Pet Shop Boys. Confused Yet ??

Bill Drummond & Jimmy Cauty

I didn’t make any of these connections at the time. I was listening to George Michael, Public Enemy, The Breeders. Catching up with Bob Marley and Miles Davis. Discovering Wagner – again. Looming on the horizon was Massive Attack. The K.L.F. seemed to me a little like The Tubes, one of my favourite bands to be sure, or the Bonzo Dog Band (see My Pop Life #77), formed by musicians who wanted to lampoon the music and the industry and anything else they could gather into their fiendish net. Like everything was in quotes. I mean who sang along with the phrase “Ancients of MuMu” without a silly grin on their face?

And of course we were still recovering from the smiley-face rave culture moment from which the K.L.F. appeared to have emerged. In fact they were rather more like a situationist art project that wanted to burn the whole thing down. Anarchists. Their career was inspired partly by the theatre show The Illuminatus Trilogy, written and directed by mad genius Ken Campbell in Liverpool where Bill had been the set designer. He walked out one day to buy a sandwich and never came back. Later he formed his Pop Group who became The Timelords with big novelty hit Doctoring The Tardis, then The JAMS (Justified Ancients of MuMu) with the single What Time Is Love which got re-issued a number of times from 1988 onward, then The K.L.F. Their brilliant warped career peaked a year later in 1992 at the BRIT Awards when Drummond machine-gunned the audience of music industry execs from the stage, and a dead sheep was left at the door of the afterparty with the message “I died for you – bon appetit” attached. A few months later in May 1992 The K.L.F. announced that they had quit the music business and deleted their entire back catalogue. Other stunts followed such as the infamous burning of a million pounds, the Soup Line, the 17 Choir and other innovative ideas. Apparently Bill Drummond lived just down the hill from me when I was in Brighton but I never met him, I don’t think.

Niall Buggy as Eric, Danny Webb as Morse

Back on the Alien3 set a few days later it was Valentine’s Day. I had been sent a card and an AD delivered it to me as we relaxed between shots. It was of course from Jenny my beloved. We were not married at that point. And I could swear Sigourney was looking over my shoulder to see who it was from. Hahaha. Fincher was shooting a lot of footage. “I’m doing long pans & track so they can’t cut into my footage” he explained one day. It meant that when we had a group scene we could open a book on how many takes it would be. Anything under five was unpopular. Over twelve was possible, common even. I think we did a tenner per set-up. Someone wrote the names down and the number they’d chosen. Often no one would win because we went up to Take 17 and no one wanted to put ten of your earth pounds on that.

Here’s an idea…

In fact Sigourney and I had one of our scenes discussing plans regarding telling the company their was an Alien on the planet, and playing a fella who wanted to go home to his wife and kids, rather than perish in some millennial cult group suicide, Aaron ’85’ suggested a plan. Ripley’s response was tentatively ‘yes maybe‘. We did a couple of wide shots, then into my single. Can’t remember how many takes it was – probably around seven or eight. Then turned round onto Sigourney. David didn’t like her tone, which suggested that Ripley thought Aaron was a dick. He didn’t think that was right at that point in the story. So. One more. Turn over. Sound Speed. Scene 178 take 17. Mark it. And….Action! Blah blah blah. Cut. Same result. He’s not your enemy. Take 22. Don’t sneer. Take 29. You think it’s a good idea. Take 34. By which time we were all so exhausted and dizzy from the repetition that Sigourney said the line in a kind of dazed acquiescence and Fincher had the take he wanted.

About a year later in Los Angeles, after the re-shoots, I had two days of ADR in a West LA studio on Olympic Boulevard. David remembered the scene well, 34 takes. He’d never done ADR before though – Automated Dialogue Replacement – where you can change the inflexion, emphasis, tone, shade and meaning of a line just by using your voice and matching the lip movements on screen in front of you precisely. Movie magic. Some actors hate it, I made friends with the process very early on after I had to voice the whole of my performance as Danny in Withnail & I for the US market. The test screenings had indicated that audience members couldn’t understand what he was saying. Who could? I did that piece of work at Twickenham Studios in 1987 where the engineer consoled me having to re-do my entire performance at the same speed except more intelligibly by telling me that Michael Caine had done Alfie and Bob Hoskins had also done The Long Good Friday for America. And yet we were expected to understand Stallone’s mumbles or Pacino’s – hey that’s what it means to be an outlying part of The Empire right? I can’t remember if I’ve ever seen the US version of Withnail but I suspect it would be a bad idea. But having said that the experience toughened me up for future sessions. Especially the Alien 3 session which was two long days – the reason for that was the amount of atmospheric smoke and steam in the design of the film which was very noisy to produce. Often back in the day on big movies the Sound Department knew that they were recording a guide track only, to be completed and polished in ADR. So here we were down on W. Olympic and David says – if I’d known about ADR in Pinewood I would never have done 34 takes just for a vocal inflection…

It’s hard to recall now in 2019 how difficult that experience was. Jenny can remember quite clearly how I would come home every day, full of doubt, full of worry and anguish, just because I was trying to do my best work. What a fantastic opportunity for me, but you know I was running fast just to stand still. I remember a visual image I used to produce while trying to explain it to friends, as a learning curve which came from my chest, looped back over my head and stabbed me in the back. I wondered if, at some point, whether the fact that we were making a horror film in space meant that we had to have a horrible experience in space. I called Richard E. Grant one day who was shooting Hudson Hawk in Italy – another picnic – and he asked me how much I was getting. I told him. He said

“well – that’s the amount of shit you have to eat then.”

I could almost understand why Bill Drummond had formed The K.L.F.

youtube

My Pop Life #220 : 3am Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) – The K.L.F. 3am Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) - The K.L.F. ( The Ancients of Mu Mu )

#Alien 3 #Bill Drummond #Brian Glover #Charles Dance #Chris Carreras #Danny Webb #David Fincher #Jimmy Cauty #Kylie Minogue #Paul McGann #Sigourney Weaver #The Illuminatus Trilogy

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lorrainecparker · 7 years ago

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Filmtools Filmmaker Friday featuring Filmmaker Geenah Krisht

With hundreds of careers and opportunities, the filmmaking industry can be a unique experience for a filmmaker. Filmtools decided to take a deeper look into the world of a filmmaker. This week, we had the opportunity to speak to filmmaker Geenah Krisht about his work. This is what she said:

What is your name and where are you from?

Geenah Krisht: Geenah Krisht, Los Angeles, CA

Primary role on set?

Geenah Krisht: Producer, Line Producer, 1st AD

Person in the industry that is on the top of his or her game in your role:

Geenah Krisht: Jenni Konner

If you had to impress someone with your work, what would be the most “well-known” content that you’ve worked on?

Geenah Krisht: The last feature I worked on was 1985 directed by Yen Tan starring Cory Michael Smith, Jamie Chung, Virginia Madsen, and Michael Chiklis.

Best craft services food?

Geenah Krisht: Twizzlers

What’s the coolest project you’ve worked on before?

Geenah Krisht: I produced a comedic TV Pilot last year, Natherine: Future Experience, that was just accepted into ITVFest. It was definitely the most hilarious, crazy, fun, tiresome, perfect production I’ve poured my energy into as of late. I cannot wait to see where ITVFest takes it… hopefully finishing out production for all of Natherine Season 1.

When you arrive at set, what’s the first thing you do?

Geenah Krisht: If I’m producing, greet the homies, get my little production office nook all set up, then pour myself a cup of coffee. If I’m ADing, greet the homies, make sure everyone has sides, schedules, call sheets for the day, check in with my 2nd, then pour myself that cup of coffee.

How did you break into this industry?

Geenah Krisht: I interned at a film company during college where I was working under the producer and creating content on a talk show with the Dallas Cowboys.

What challenges have you faced?

Geenah Krisht: This industry is a challenge in and of itself, but finding and surrounding myself with respectful, genuine humans has been the most rewarding challenge of all.

Do you have a piece of essential gear that you don’t leave without?

Geenah Krisht: I always have my G2 pilot pen, my laptop, and my aluminum anything-proof clipboard— which can always be found at Filmtools.

Current TV obsession?

Geenah Krisht: Currently re-watching all of Parks and Rec and obsessing over Another Period on Comedy Central. Also, I’m currently impatiently waiting for Better Things on FX and Broad City on Comedy Central to return very, very soon (yay!).

Do you binge-watch new shows or pace them out?

Geenah Krisht: I am definitely a binge watcher. When I have time to watch shows, it means I’ve really got time to watch shows. And when I am super busy, I have no time to watch anything at all. There’s nothing better than wrapping production on a show and then binge watching yourself back to health (lol).

What piece of gear do you have your eye on?

Geenah Krisht: I’ve got my eyes peeled for an affordable light panel with adjustable color temperature and brightness. I’d love to add that to my gear closet.

Camera – Should you own or rent?

Geenah Krisht: Depends on what department you work in, where your career lies, what gigs you are working, but I lean toward renting almost always. Most times when you’ve got the budget to hire on a cinematographer, you’ve also got the budget to rent out whatever camera package is right for the project (a.k.a. whatever the director and DP decide on together after breaking down the script etc.)

Lenses – Should you own or rent?

Geenah Krisht: For me, rent. Like I said though, it truly depends on what department you work in, where your career lies, what gigs you are working.

What are you currently working on?

Geenah Krisht: I am developing a comedy series formatted for broadcast television at about 21-24 minutes each with my co-writer Zain Haidar. I’m also putting the finishing touches on a feature script with writer/director Rachel Wilson and writer Dave Van Dorselaer.

Rachel Wilson and I also co-founded the clothing brand More Feminist Comedy Please a couple of years back. We currently have t-shirts and stickers, but we are expanding to have sweatshirts, hats, pins, and magnets in the very near future.

What advice would you give to people interested in this industry?

Geenah Krisht: Be honest with yourself about what you fires you up, and then go for it. No time for safety nets because if you’ve got one, you’re going to use it.

Where can people follow you on social?

Geenah Krisht: Twitter and Instagram @geenahkrisht

Want to be featured as a Filmmaker?

Tell us your story to be featured as a Filmmaker online. Reach out to Filmtools via Instagram messages or tag us in your photos on Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook

The post Filmtools Filmmaker Friday featuring Filmmaker Geenah Krisht appeared first on ProVideo Coalition.

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